1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,367
NICOLE: I never get tired

2
00:00:01,369 --> 00:00:04,537
of watching that booty
flippity-flop as you walk away.

3
00:00:04,539 --> 00:00:05,771
If I paid for it,

4
00:00:05,773 --> 00:00:08,240
would you get my face
tattooed on there?

5
00:00:08,242 --> 00:00:09,842
Maybe.

6
00:00:09,844 --> 00:00:10,909
NICOLE: [laughs]

7
00:00:10,911 --> 00:00:13,813
Ah, that booty, booty, booty.

8
00:00:13,815 --> 00:00:15,183
[urinating]

9
00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:20,051
Ow!

10
00:00:20,053 --> 00:00:21,487
Oh no, is your pee-pee hurt?

11
00:00:21,489 --> 00:00:24,823
No, I burned myself on
your hair squisher.

12
00:00:24,825 --> 00:00:26,426
My tool hurt your tool.

13
00:00:26,428 --> 00:00:28,393
[laughs] Hey.

14
00:00:28,395 --> 00:00:32,097
If you're taking a dump, can
you use the hall bathroom?

15
00:00:32,099 --> 00:00:33,466
Why didn't you tell me?

16
00:00:33,468 --> 00:00:34,566
I'm not ready for this!

17
00:00:34,568 --> 00:00:37,603
Oh relax, I'm not pregnant.

18
00:00:37,605 --> 00:00:38,637
Wait. Then whose is this?

19
00:00:38,639 --> 00:00:40,539
It was a gift from Crackhead Kenneth.

20
00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:41,874
I was sick last week.

21
00:00:41,876 --> 00:00:43,642
He thought it was a thermometer,
he found it in the dumpster.

22
00:00:43,644 --> 00:00:44,544
Oh my God!

23
00:00:44,546 --> 00:00:45,545
Hey!

24
00:00:45,547 --> 00:00:46,813
I'm saving that.

25
00:00:46,815 --> 00:00:47,813
For what?

26
00:00:47,815 --> 00:00:49,447
Lots of things.

27
00:00:49,449 --> 00:00:50,682
You bring that into work,

28
00:00:50,684 --> 00:00:52,551
and everyone is so excited for you.

29
00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:55,755
You come in three months
later, very sad, crying,

30
00:00:55,757 --> 00:00:57,491
saying, "I don't wanna talk about it."

31
00:00:57,493 --> 00:01:00,092
You get the rest of the
week off and free cupcakes.

32
00:01:00,094 --> 00:01:01,261
That's not just a pregnancy test.

33
00:01:01,263 --> 00:01:03,128
That's a Goddamn golden ticket.

34
00:01:03,130 --> 00:01:04,597
But someone peed on it.

35
00:01:04,599 --> 00:01:05,898
Here. Gimme, gimme.

36
00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:08,500
Just give it to me. [sighs]

37
00:01:08,502 --> 00:01:10,369
It's a small price to pay.

38
00:01:10,882 --> 00:01:14,649
Synced and corrected by MasterCookie
- www.addic7ed.com -

39
00:01:16,322 --> 00:01:19,321
♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪♪

40
00:01:19,323 --> 00:01:21,490
NICOLE: Hey, you wanna go to
one of those Korean day spas?

41
00:01:21,492 --> 00:01:23,993
Devin said he found this
really great one last week.

42
00:01:23,995 --> 00:01:25,528
And he says he hooked up with this guy,

43
00:01:25,530 --> 00:01:26,629
but like I don't believe him.

44
00:01:26,631 --> 00:01:27,864
Aren't those things like 20 bucks?

45
00:01:27,866 --> 00:01:29,299
Yeah, but you get to
stay for the whole day.

46
00:01:29,301 --> 00:01:32,269
Yeah, but... 20 bucks.

47
00:01:32,271 --> 00:01:34,140
I mean, if... if you're
paying, you know?

48
00:01:39,510 --> 00:01:40,978
Just go home.

49
00:01:40,980 --> 00:01:42,848
♪

50
00:01:45,417 --> 00:01:46,619
Excuse me, Raymond?

51
00:01:48,754 --> 00:01:51,154
Thank you for helping me
get these invoices in.

52
00:01:51,156 --> 00:01:52,489
It's no problem.

53
00:01:52,491 --> 00:01:54,189
No, it's not officially
part of your job.

54
00:01:54,191 --> 00:01:55,492
I really appreciate it.

55
00:01:55,494 --> 00:01:57,829
Okay. Then I guess you owe me.

56
00:01:59,431 --> 00:02:00,499
Okay.

57
00:02:04,635 --> 00:02:09,172
Uh, you... you wanna...
go out for a drink?

58
00:02:09,174 --> 00:02:10,139
You're paying, right?

59
00:02:10,141 --> 00:02:11,474
Yeah, sure.

60
00:02:11,476 --> 00:02:13,542
'Cause you make more money than me.

61
00:02:13,544 --> 00:02:16,213
And also, it's a date?

62
00:02:16,215 --> 00:02:18,415
Wh... yes.

63
00:02:18,417 --> 00:02:20,382
♪ It's you and me in different ways ♪

64
00:02:20,384 --> 00:02:21,917
Okay, so this concert opens,

65
00:02:21,919 --> 00:02:24,287
and they're throwing
yellow lights on a ballad.

66
00:02:24,289 --> 00:02:27,023
And I'm like, "No, you gotta
go with blues and greens."

67
00:02:27,025 --> 00:02:28,424
But everyone, they're just dancing,

68
00:02:28,426 --> 00:02:29,758
they're into it.

69
00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:31,594
And I'm like, "Come on,
does no one else see this?"

70
00:02:31,596 --> 00:02:33,197
You know a lot about stage lighting.

71
00:02:33,199 --> 00:02:34,663
Yeah, uh...

72
00:02:34,665 --> 00:02:36,833
'cause I was in AV Club in high school.

73
00:02:36,835 --> 00:02:38,067
Yeah, yeah.

74
00:02:38,069 --> 00:02:39,903
I did all the lighting for
the plays, the assemblies.

75
00:02:39,905 --> 00:02:40,970
You impressed?

76
00:02:40,972 --> 00:02:42,471
- No.
- Yeah.

77
00:02:42,473 --> 00:02:43,572
Our AV guys were gross.

78
00:02:43,574 --> 00:02:44,841
They always smelled
like barbeque chips.

79
00:02:44,843 --> 00:02:47,511
Not me. I was the one
cool AV guy in America.

80
00:02:47,513 --> 00:02:50,312
[laughs] And I was the
one popular theater girl

81
00:02:50,314 --> 00:02:52,082
with braces and lice.

82
00:02:52,084 --> 00:02:54,417
Neon green rubber bands
on those braces?

83
00:02:54,419 --> 00:02:56,219
Uh, my brands were seasonal, thank you.

84
00:02:56,221 --> 00:02:57,186
How long did you have braces?

85
00:02:57,188 --> 00:02:58,421
Six years.

86
00:02:58,423 --> 00:02:59,522
And then the second they took them off,

87
00:02:59,524 --> 00:03:00,923
this tooth popped out again.

88
00:03:00,925 --> 00:03:02,392
- See?
- Oh.

89
00:03:02,394 --> 00:03:03,896
[mumbling]

90
00:03:07,299 --> 00:03:09,232
♪

91
00:03:09,234 --> 00:03:11,435
So, who is this guy?

92
00:03:11,437 --> 00:03:12,401
Raymond.

93
00:03:12,403 --> 00:03:13,636
He's really cute.

94
00:03:13,638 --> 00:03:14,970
He works in accounting.

95
00:03:14,972 --> 00:03:15,939
He's a manager.

96
00:03:15,941 --> 00:03:17,040
People like him.

97
00:03:17,042 --> 00:03:18,709
He seems really fair.

98
00:03:18,711 --> 00:03:20,209
I like his taste in shoes.

99
00:03:20,211 --> 00:03:21,143
That's good.

100
00:03:21,145 --> 00:03:22,013
Let me see a pic.

101
00:03:24,849 --> 00:03:27,917
Oooh, yes, yes, yes, yes.

102
00:03:27,919 --> 00:03:30,487
He's cute.

103
00:03:30,489 --> 00:03:32,589
Most importantly, does
he have a big one?

104
00:03:32,591 --> 00:03:33,790
It's fine.

105
00:03:33,792 --> 00:03:34,625
Is it?

106
00:03:34,627 --> 00:03:35,726
It's a good size.

107
00:03:35,728 --> 00:03:38,227
Mm, I think you're lying to yourself.

108
00:03:38,229 --> 00:03:41,064
Okay, it's not one of those
ones where you like...

109
00:03:41,066 --> 00:03:43,466
you know, he takes it out,
and you're just like, "Uhh!"

110
00:03:43,468 --> 00:03:45,201
I have never been like, "Uhh!,"

111
00:03:45,203 --> 00:03:46,536
when I see a big, old penis.

112
00:03:46,538 --> 00:03:47,571
A huge one?

113
00:03:47,573 --> 00:03:49,005
A huge one, I'm always like,

114
00:03:49,007 --> 00:03:51,506
"Yes, Daddy! Yes!

115
00:03:51,508 --> 00:03:54,043
Jesus has blessed me tonight!"

116
00:03:54,045 --> 00:03:55,211
[laughing]

117
00:03:55,213 --> 00:03:57,613
So, when's the next time
you're gonna see him?

118
00:03:57,615 --> 00:03:58,982
- Tonight.
- NICOLE: Oh.

119
00:03:58,984 --> 00:04:00,449
- At the quarterly party.
- NICOLE: Oh.

120
00:04:00,451 --> 00:04:02,518
Which you are also going to come to.

121
00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:03,887
W-w-what?

122
00:04:03,889 --> 00:04:05,120
I need him to see that I have friends,

123
00:04:05,122 --> 00:04:07,157
so he doesn't think I'm
like this weird loner lady.

124
00:04:07,159 --> 00:04:08,424
I am so sorry.

125
00:04:08,426 --> 00:04:10,492
I have so much business to do.

126
00:04:10,494 --> 00:04:12,828
- Open bar.
- Yes, please.

127
00:04:12,830 --> 00:04:14,564
♪ I'm just kicking cans ♪

128
00:04:14,566 --> 00:04:15,931
♪ Kicking cans ♪

129
00:04:15,933 --> 00:04:18,035
♪ Kicking cans, all right ♪

130
00:04:18,037 --> 00:04:18,934
Wait a minute.

131
00:04:18,936 --> 00:04:20,703
So the party's at your office?

132
00:04:20,705 --> 00:04:22,571
It was either a fancy
restaurant with no booze

133
00:04:22,573 --> 00:04:24,340
or here with an open bar.

134
00:04:24,342 --> 00:04:25,508
It was a unanimous decision.

135
00:04:25,510 --> 00:04:26,475
I'm gonna go to the bar.

136
00:04:26,477 --> 00:04:28,210
No! Nicole, wait. Nicole!

137
00:04:28,212 --> 00:04:30,313
- Hey.
- Hey.

138
00:04:30,315 --> 00:04:31,881
Hey. Um.

139
00:04:31,883 --> 00:04:32,915
Um.

140
00:04:32,917 --> 00:04:33,950
Hey.

141
00:04:33,952 --> 00:04:35,518
Uh, yeah.

142
00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:36,886
[laughs]

143
00:04:36,888 --> 00:04:38,422
Is that like our secret handshake now?

144
00:04:38,424 --> 00:04:39,790
[laughing] No,

145
00:04:39,792 --> 00:04:42,958
because I already forgot
what we just did.

146
00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:47,631
Veronica, Raymond...
I got dessert first.

147
00:04:47,633 --> 00:04:49,135
I'm nasty.

148
00:04:51,436 --> 00:04:52,367
Hi.

149
00:04:52,369 --> 00:04:53,772
One cup of vodka, please.

150
00:04:56,207 --> 00:04:57,643
Come on, buddy.

151
00:05:04,349 --> 00:05:06,081
I'll have one of those, too.

152
00:05:06,083 --> 00:05:07,049
Do you work here?

153
00:05:07,051 --> 00:05:08,052
No, do you?

154
00:05:10,255 --> 00:05:12,321
Oooh, Jake Vander.

155
00:05:12,323 --> 00:05:13,355
What are you?

156
00:05:13,357 --> 00:05:14,624
Like Employee of the
Month or something?

157
00:05:14,626 --> 00:05:15,691
Yeah, something like that.

158
00:05:15,693 --> 00:05:16,826
Well, if you're connected,

159
00:05:16,828 --> 00:05:18,362
can you like do something
about this music?

160
00:05:18,364 --> 00:05:19,362
And the food?

161
00:05:19,364 --> 00:05:20,496
I'll see what I can do.

162
00:05:20,498 --> 00:05:22,064
You have until the
bottom of this vodka.

163
00:05:22,066 --> 00:05:22,965
[chuckles]

164
00:05:22,967 --> 00:05:24,299
All right, I like a challenge.

165
00:05:24,301 --> 00:05:25,201
Ooh.

166
00:05:25,203 --> 00:05:26,271
Mm.

167
00:05:30,542 --> 00:05:31,540
Pretty great spread, huh?

168
00:05:31,542 --> 00:05:33,275
Yeah. Yeah, it's not bad.

169
00:05:33,277 --> 00:05:35,278
So, how long have you and
Veronica been banging?

170
00:05:35,280 --> 00:05:36,612
[coughing]

171
00:05:36,614 --> 00:05:37,614
I knew it.

172
00:05:37,616 --> 00:05:38,581
No, no, no.

173
00:05:38,583 --> 00:05:40,583
It's not... true. It's not.

174
00:05:40,585 --> 00:05:43,386
Relax, I'm not trying to keep
you two from getting it on.

175
00:05:43,388 --> 00:05:45,987
I just need a declaration
of relationship form.

176
00:05:45,989 --> 00:05:47,157
What?

177
00:05:47,159 --> 00:05:49,359
A signed declaration of
relationship form means

178
00:05:49,361 --> 00:05:53,095
the company's not liable for any...
freaky shenanigans.

179
00:05:53,097 --> 00:05:54,664
You know, harassments and whatnot.

180
00:05:54,666 --> 00:05:56,665
Okay, um... I wanna follow the rules.

181
00:05:56,667 --> 00:05:57,700
Get that on my desk,

182
00:05:57,702 --> 00:06:00,003
and you two can keep on keeping on.

183
00:06:00,005 --> 00:06:04,508
But if someone finds out
before I get the form,

184
00:06:04,510 --> 00:06:08,110
oooh, you could get fired, boo.

185
00:06:08,112 --> 00:06:10,381
♪

186
00:06:15,119 --> 00:06:16,119
[laughing]

187
00:06:16,121 --> 00:06:17,287
You're good.

188
00:06:17,289 --> 00:06:18,354
You wanna dance?

189
00:06:18,356 --> 00:06:19,321
Can I eat the burger
while we're dancing?

190
00:06:19,323 --> 00:06:20,657
Only if I can have these nuggets.

191
00:06:20,659 --> 00:06:22,059
[laughing]

192
00:06:22,061 --> 00:06:23,259
Yes.

193
00:06:23,261 --> 00:06:25,294
♪

194
00:06:25,296 --> 00:06:29,131
♪ 1 Imagine she came here to get away ♪

195
00:06:29,133 --> 00:06:31,468
♪ Well she don't want nobody ♪

196
00:06:31,470 --> 00:06:33,068
♪ Nobody to stay ♪

197
00:06:33,070 --> 00:06:35,441
♪

198
00:06:37,409 --> 00:06:39,542
♪ Oh, yeah ♪

199
00:06:39,544 --> 00:06:41,410
♪

200
00:06:41,412 --> 00:06:42,912
♪ She was up ♪

201
00:06:42,914 --> 00:06:45,749
♪

202
00:06:45,751 --> 00:06:47,953
BOTH: [moaning]

203
00:06:52,123 --> 00:06:53,657
I tell you, Gary, you
gotta start moving

204
00:06:53,659 --> 00:06:55,124
those three-quarter-inch catheters.

205
00:06:55,126 --> 00:06:56,693
And you gotta do it quick,
because they start to yellow

206
00:06:56,695 --> 00:06:57,727
in the warehouse.

207
00:06:57,729 --> 00:06:59,028
Not that matters, but...

208
00:06:59,030 --> 00:07:00,862
Beat it, Gary, beat it.

209
00:07:00,864 --> 00:07:02,898
Come on, get out of here.

210
00:07:02,900 --> 00:07:04,566
You're not gonna believe
what I just did.

211
00:07:04,568 --> 00:07:05,768
We all heard you making out.

212
00:07:05,770 --> 00:07:06,837
I know, you were supposed to.

213
00:07:06,839 --> 00:07:08,274
I'm fun at a party!

214
00:07:11,475 --> 00:07:13,809
Ooh, I really like him.

215
00:07:13,811 --> 00:07:15,044
Sweetie, he's married.

216
00:07:15,046 --> 00:07:16,212
- To his job?
- No.

217
00:07:16,214 --> 00:07:16,912
- To God?
- No.

218
00:07:16,914 --> 00:07:17,847
- To the sea?
- No.

219
00:07:17,849 --> 00:07:19,116
To a monkey?

220
00:07:19,118 --> 00:07:20,016
Are you done guessing
the least likely things

221
00:07:20,018 --> 00:07:21,049
that he would be married to?

222
00:07:21,051 --> 00:07:22,451
Yes.

223
00:07:22,453 --> 00:07:24,520
Oh boy, this isn't good.

224
00:07:24,522 --> 00:07:25,424
♪

225
00:07:27,973 --> 00:07:29,272
You know he does this
all the time, right?

226
00:07:29,274 --> 00:07:30,940
- What?
- Has affairs.

227
00:07:30,942 --> 00:07:33,711
They won't even let him hire
a female assistants anymore.

228
00:07:33,713 --> 00:07:35,044
Oh, relax.

229
00:07:35,046 --> 00:07:36,779
I'm just gonna let him take me
on a very expensive dinner,

230
00:07:36,781 --> 00:07:38,582
and then we'll just
go our separate ways.

231
00:07:38,584 --> 00:07:39,884
That's actually a pretty good plan.

232
00:07:39,886 --> 00:07:40,784
Where's he taking you?

233
00:07:40,786 --> 00:07:42,252
Well, I suggested Red Lobster.

234
00:07:42,254 --> 00:07:43,521
But then he was like,

235
00:07:43,523 --> 00:07:44,889
"I'll take you somewhere
fancier than Red Lobster."

236
00:07:44,891 --> 00:07:47,156
And I was like, "Ha, ha, impossible."

237
00:07:47,158 --> 00:07:48,257
Ooh, cheddar biscuits.

238
00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:49,793
Yum.

239
00:07:49,795 --> 00:07:52,762
BOTH: Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum,
yum, yum, yum, yum, yumm.

240
00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:53,729
[laughs]

241
00:07:53,731 --> 00:07:54,697
I know.

242
00:07:54,699 --> 00:07:55,800
Where's Raymond taking you tonight?

243
00:07:55,802 --> 00:07:57,801
He is actually cooking
for me at my place.

244
00:07:57,803 --> 00:08:00,137
Ooooh, he gonna pull that puddin'!

245
00:08:00,139 --> 00:08:01,238
I hope so.

246
00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:03,339
I hope he pulls my pudding.

247
00:08:03,341 --> 00:08:04,741
You know, the first time was fine.

248
00:08:04,743 --> 00:08:07,411
But it was kind of like that
first pancake that you make

249
00:08:07,413 --> 00:08:09,180
before the skillet gets to
be the right temperature.

250
00:08:09,182 --> 00:08:10,313
It's a throwaway.

251
00:08:10,315 --> 00:08:11,882
The second pancake, that's a good one.

252
00:08:11,884 --> 00:08:14,118
Oh my God, look at us.

253
00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:17,454
Two grown-ass women doing
grown-ass women things.

254
00:08:17,456 --> 00:08:19,425
BOTH: Yeees!

255
00:08:21,294 --> 00:08:22,927
Hey, B-boy.

256
00:08:22,929 --> 00:08:23,961
[laughs]

257
00:08:23,963 --> 00:08:24,928
Wow.

258
00:08:24,930 --> 00:08:28,032
Uh, ballad, blue lights.

259
00:08:28,034 --> 00:08:29,499
Yep, you get it.

260
00:08:29,501 --> 00:08:31,067
Yeah, I'm pretty great.

261
00:08:31,069 --> 00:08:32,504
[giggles]

262
00:08:35,208 --> 00:08:36,539
Uh, uh, wow.

263
00:08:36,541 --> 00:08:38,742
Uh, that was a nice welcome.

264
00:08:38,744 --> 00:08:41,645
Uh, so I had an interesting
conversation with Bernice.

265
00:08:41,647 --> 00:08:43,279
Did she show you her FUPA tattoo?

266
00:08:43,281 --> 00:08:45,215
No. No, she offered,

267
00:08:45,217 --> 00:08:47,550
but I politely said no.

268
00:08:47,552 --> 00:08:50,253
Uh, so the problem, um...
it's not really a problem,

269
00:08:50,255 --> 00:08:51,856
it's more of a concern.

270
00:08:51,858 --> 00:08:54,625
Um... Bernice kinda guessed
that we've been hooking up.

271
00:08:54,627 --> 00:08:55,893
Yeah, no surprise.

272
00:08:55,895 --> 00:08:56,827
I mean, we're the two

273
00:08:56,829 --> 00:08:57,827
best-looking people in the office.

274
00:08:57,829 --> 00:08:59,362
I mean, Jasmine used to be kinda hot,

275
00:08:59,364 --> 00:09:02,133
- but she's really let herself go.
- Yeah.

276
00:09:02,135 --> 00:09:03,399
- Wait, are we in trouble?
- No!

277
00:09:03,401 --> 00:09:04,800
No, we just have to fill out

278
00:09:04,802 --> 00:09:06,904
a declaration of relationship form.

279
00:09:06,906 --> 00:09:09,807
You know, just your standard,
run-of-the-mill DORF.

280
00:09:09,809 --> 00:09:11,241
Boom.

281
00:09:11,243 --> 00:09:13,210
What is a DORF?

282
00:09:13,212 --> 00:09:14,245
Well, it just protects the company

283
00:09:14,247 --> 00:09:15,846
against sexual harassment.

284
00:09:15,848 --> 00:09:19,183
Just says we're in a
consensual, um, thing.

285
00:09:19,185 --> 00:09:21,250
It's for liability purposes.

286
00:09:21,252 --> 00:09:24,521
You know, this is very unsexy,

287
00:09:24,523 --> 00:09:27,423
so... bye-bye.

288
00:09:27,425 --> 00:09:29,525
- Let's make some pancakes.
- Huh?

289
00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:31,361
That's what I call sex.

290
00:09:31,363 --> 00:09:32,464
- Okay.
- Mm-hmm.

291
00:09:33,565 --> 00:09:34,932
This biscuit is pretty good.

292
00:09:34,934 --> 00:09:37,735
On a scale of one to Red
Lobster, it's an eight.

293
00:09:37,737 --> 00:09:39,303
Actually amazed they made it for you.

294
00:09:39,305 --> 00:09:42,239
Well, I am very charming.

295
00:09:42,241 --> 00:09:43,273
Yes, you are.

296
00:09:43,275 --> 00:09:44,475
I'm glad you came out.

297
00:09:44,477 --> 00:09:45,808
You know, a lot of women
aren't comfortable

298
00:09:45,810 --> 00:09:47,277
with this kind of arrangement.

299
00:09:47,279 --> 00:09:48,278
Oh boy.

300
00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:49,580
Am I gonna have to pay for half?

301
00:09:49,582 --> 00:09:50,648
No, no, no, no.

302
00:09:50,650 --> 00:09:52,749
I mean in an arrangement between us.

303
00:09:52,751 --> 00:09:53,549
Oooh.

304
00:09:53,551 --> 00:09:54,851
A sexual arrangement?

305
00:09:54,853 --> 00:09:55,753
Yes.

306
00:09:55,755 --> 00:09:57,453
And what are the details exactly?

307
00:09:57,455 --> 00:10:00,157
Be very explicit with your words.

308
00:10:00,159 --> 00:10:01,591
Well, twice a week,

309
00:10:01,593 --> 00:10:03,559
my wife thinks I'm out playing squash.

310
00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:07,497
So, I'd like to spend
that time with you.

311
00:10:07,499 --> 00:10:09,433
So what do you think?

312
00:10:09,435 --> 00:10:11,601
Oh, um, I don't know.

313
00:10:11,603 --> 00:10:13,437
Is that a no?

314
00:10:13,439 --> 00:10:15,039
It's... it's a maybe.

315
00:10:15,041 --> 00:10:16,439
Okay. Well...

316
00:10:16,441 --> 00:10:20,244
if that maybe turns into
a yes, meet me tomorrow

317
00:10:20,246 --> 00:10:23,779
at the Belmonta Hotel, Suite 301,

318
00:10:23,781 --> 00:10:25,381
in the Ventura Towers at noon.

319
00:10:25,383 --> 00:10:26,518
Okay.

320
00:10:28,453 --> 00:10:29,419
[sighs]

321
00:10:29,421 --> 00:10:30,419
Hope to see ya there.

322
00:10:30,421 --> 00:10:31,824
Okay.

323
00:10:34,126 --> 00:10:35,525
Excuse me.

324
00:10:35,527 --> 00:10:38,596
I have enough money for
another cheddar biscuit.

325
00:10:38,598 --> 00:10:40,931
Uh, the gentleman's already
ordered one for you.

326
00:10:40,933 --> 00:10:42,598
Oooh, he's good.

327
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:45,467
HBO, panoramic views of Sherman Oaks,

328
00:10:45,469 --> 00:10:47,938
fitness room, two treadmills.

329
00:10:47,940 --> 00:10:49,939
Oh, is he a Belmonta Rewards member?

330
00:10:49,941 --> 00:10:51,975
'Cause if he is, you get
two free bottles of water

331
00:10:51,977 --> 00:10:54,278
and a fresh baked cookie
when you check in.

332
00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:55,312
Oh, wait a minute.

333
00:10:55,314 --> 00:10:56,679
Do you get to choose which cookie?

334
00:10:56,681 --> 00:10:58,948
Nicole, are you seriously
considering having an affair

335
00:10:58,950 --> 00:10:59,949
for the cookie?

336
00:10:59,951 --> 00:11:02,519
First of all, he's having an affair.

337
00:11:02,521 --> 00:11:04,388
Second of all, depends
on what kind of cookie.

338
00:11:04,390 --> 00:11:06,723
These things just always get
so complicated and messy.

339
00:11:06,725 --> 00:11:08,725
Oh, come on, let me just do it once.

340
00:11:08,727 --> 00:11:10,693
And if I actually feel
bad, and it's bad,

341
00:11:10,695 --> 00:11:12,129
I won't do it anymore.

342
00:11:12,131 --> 00:11:15,332
And if I feel okay about it,
then I'm just like, "Okay."

343
00:11:15,334 --> 00:11:17,902
You just took a very complicated
emotional situation

344
00:11:17,904 --> 00:11:20,270
and put it into words
that I can understand.

345
00:11:20,272 --> 00:11:21,471
I support you 100%.

346
00:11:21,473 --> 00:11:22,639
Oh, thanks, Boo-boo.

347
00:11:22,641 --> 00:11:25,208
And why is there no
popcorn on the tables?

348
00:11:25,210 --> 00:11:26,476
People eat at tables.

349
00:11:26,478 --> 00:11:28,111
It's unbelievable.

350
00:11:28,113 --> 00:11:29,779
I just don't want you to get hurt.

351
00:11:29,781 --> 00:11:30,981
I'm not gonna hurt.

352
00:11:30,983 --> 00:11:33,317
This is like the same thing as Derrick,

353
00:11:33,319 --> 00:11:35,218
except in more expensive locations.

354
00:11:35,220 --> 00:11:37,386
This is exciting!

355
00:11:37,388 --> 00:11:38,955
Okay.

356
00:11:38,957 --> 00:11:41,324
Weird how there are so many men
who don't want to commit to you

357
00:11:41,326 --> 00:11:42,793
and just wanna have sex with you.

358
00:11:42,795 --> 00:11:44,296
[giggles] I know, it's great, right?

359
00:11:46,699 --> 00:11:48,598
That's me and Nicole's popcorn.

360
00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:50,634
You are literally the rudest.

361
00:11:50,636 --> 00:11:51,668
I'm leaving anyway.

362
00:11:51,670 --> 00:11:54,203
Oh, no, bye.

363
00:11:54,205 --> 00:11:55,237
And I'm taking this.

364
00:11:55,239 --> 00:11:56,774
DEVIN: Oh.

365
00:11:56,776 --> 00:11:58,710
♪

366
00:12:11,824 --> 00:12:13,026
Hello!

367
00:12:16,362 --> 00:12:17,528
Oh.

368
00:12:17,530 --> 00:12:18,928
Mr. Vander regrets to inform you

369
00:12:18,930 --> 00:12:21,631
that he will not be
arriving until 6 p.m.

370
00:12:21,633 --> 00:12:23,232
You are free to order
whatever you like.

371
00:12:23,234 --> 00:12:25,535
But, please, start your
stay here with pleasure

372
00:12:25,537 --> 00:12:28,572
and enjoy das fruit
and da wine for you.

373
00:12:28,574 --> 00:12:29,706
You wanna take a peak?

374
00:12:29,708 --> 00:12:30,943
Just for a second?

375
00:12:34,345 --> 00:12:35,412
Thank you.

376
00:12:35,414 --> 00:12:37,581
[phone buzzing]

377
00:12:37,583 --> 00:12:39,316
Hello?

378
00:12:39,318 --> 00:12:40,384
Hey, Vander's late.

379
00:12:40,386 --> 00:12:41,750
Get your ass to the hotel.

380
00:12:41,752 --> 00:12:44,154
DEVIN: [panting]

381
00:12:44,156 --> 00:12:45,455
Are you okay?

382
00:12:45,457 --> 00:12:46,657
I'm ten minutes away!

383
00:12:46,659 --> 00:12:48,259
I'm ten minutes away!

384
00:12:48,261 --> 00:12:50,163
♪

385
00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:53,362
♪ I just wanna party ♪

386
00:12:53,364 --> 00:12:55,465
♪ P-party, p-party hardy ♪

387
00:12:55,467 --> 00:12:56,732
♪ I just wanna party ♪

388
00:12:56,734 --> 00:12:58,736
♪ P-party, p-party hardy ♪

389
00:12:58,738 --> 00:13:00,437
♪ Shake my hair, bite my lip ♪

390
00:13:00,439 --> 00:13:02,206
♪ Shake my hair, bite my lip ♪

391
00:13:02,208 --> 00:13:04,640
♪ Shake, shake, shake, shake, shake ♪

392
00:13:04,642 --> 00:13:06,376
♪ The last call ♪

393
00:13:06,378 --> 00:13:08,379
♪ Rumba, rumba, rumba, rumba ♪

394
00:13:08,381 --> 00:13:09,913
♪ Tell the clerk we on our way ♪

395
00:13:09,915 --> 00:13:11,881
♪ We [unintelligible] ♪

396
00:13:11,883 --> 00:13:13,750
♪ And a bottle of some
gonna make me say ♪

397
00:13:13,752 --> 00:13:15,653
♪ I am in the building ♪

398
00:13:15,655 --> 00:13:17,520
♪ I'm in the building ♪

399
00:13:17,522 --> 00:13:19,822
♪ I'm in the building ♪

400
00:13:19,824 --> 00:13:21,792
NICOLE: [laughing]

401
00:13:21,794 --> 00:13:23,894
DEVIN: [laughing]

402
00:13:23,896 --> 00:13:25,062
♪

403
00:13:25,064 --> 00:13:28,566
If these walls could talk,
what would they say?

404
00:13:28,568 --> 00:13:29,699
Welcome home, Devin.

405
00:13:29,701 --> 00:13:31,769
Stay as long as you'd like.

406
00:13:31,771 --> 00:13:34,837
Oooh, yes, Queen, even
I would bed that.

407
00:13:34,839 --> 00:13:36,307
- Get out!
- Right away.

408
00:13:36,309 --> 00:13:38,107
♪

409
00:13:38,109 --> 00:13:39,876
- NICOLE: Come on!
- I'm going.

410
00:13:39,878 --> 00:13:41,144
Come on, hurry up.

411
00:13:41,146 --> 00:13:43,081
♪

412
00:13:46,017 --> 00:13:47,885
I am so glad you decided to come.

413
00:13:47,887 --> 00:13:49,653
[giggles] Me, too.

414
00:13:49,655 --> 00:13:51,554
Also, you're very cute.

415
00:13:51,556 --> 00:13:54,591
And I am truly very excited
to have hotel sex with you.

416
00:13:54,593 --> 00:13:56,492
I hope you ordered room service.

417
00:13:56,494 --> 00:13:57,726
I did not know that was real.

418
00:13:57,728 --> 00:13:58,962
I thought it was only in movies.

419
00:13:58,964 --> 00:14:00,699
[chuckles] You're funny.

420
00:14:05,570 --> 00:14:06,906
[giggling]

421
00:14:08,507 --> 00:14:09,341
There you are.

422
00:14:10,910 --> 00:14:12,076
Oh my God, Erica.

423
00:14:12,078 --> 00:14:13,809
Ah, help me, I'm making bad choices!

424
00:14:13,811 --> 00:14:15,078
Relax, sweetie,

425
00:14:15,080 --> 00:14:16,245
I don't care what you're
doing with my husband.

426
00:14:16,247 --> 00:14:18,314
I just need him to sign this tax form.

427
00:14:18,316 --> 00:14:19,115
Erica, I can explain.

428
00:14:19,117 --> 00:14:20,316
I don't need an explanation.

429
00:14:20,318 --> 00:14:21,684
I know you've been
cheating on me for years,

430
00:14:21,686 --> 00:14:23,386
and I'm fine with it.

431
00:14:23,388 --> 00:14:25,188
Sex with you is a chore.

432
00:14:25,190 --> 00:14:26,624
Now, could you please sign this form

433
00:14:26,626 --> 00:14:28,361
before we get a penalty from the IRS?

434
00:14:31,029 --> 00:14:32,298
Um...

435
00:14:36,167 --> 00:14:36,899
Thank you.

436
00:14:36,901 --> 00:14:38,000
Oh, before I forget,

437
00:14:38,002 --> 00:14:39,269
eat something before you come home.

438
00:14:39,271 --> 00:14:42,005
I'm having Ethiopian
food with Samantha.

439
00:14:42,007 --> 00:14:42,972
Bye.

440
00:14:42,974 --> 00:14:44,674
Bye.

441
00:14:44,676 --> 00:14:46,143
She seems nice.

442
00:14:46,145 --> 00:14:47,880
♪

443
00:14:50,482 --> 00:14:51,918
I'm a mistress!

444
00:14:54,302 --> 00:14:55,635
Okay, the weird part about it is,

445
00:14:55,637 --> 00:14:57,236
I think I have feelings for him.

446
00:14:57,239 --> 00:14:58,906
I didn't think that was gonna happen.

447
00:14:58,908 --> 00:15:00,242
Wow!

448
00:15:00,244 --> 00:15:01,775
You're the first person
in the history of affairs

449
00:15:01,777 --> 00:15:02,910
to catch feelings.

450
00:15:02,912 --> 00:15:05,679
Oh, shut up!

451
00:15:05,681 --> 00:15:06,982
Ooooh.

452
00:15:06,984 --> 00:15:09,418
So how did round two go with Raymond?

453
00:15:09,420 --> 00:15:11,719
It was good, until it was over,

454
00:15:11,721 --> 00:15:14,088
and I had to think about
signing that dumb contract.

455
00:15:14,090 --> 00:15:16,692
Wait. Why were you thinking
about work after sex?

456
00:15:16,694 --> 00:15:17,892
It's not work.

457
00:15:17,894 --> 00:15:19,227
It's this thing I have to sign for work

458
00:15:19,229 --> 00:15:21,963
if I want to keep working and
having sex with Raymond.

459
00:15:21,965 --> 00:15:23,865
Oooh, a DORF!

460
00:15:23,867 --> 00:15:24,899
Oh, that's no big deal.

461
00:15:24,901 --> 00:15:26,601
Who cares? Just sign it.

462
00:15:26,603 --> 00:15:28,236
I sign everything people
put in front of me.

463
00:15:28,238 --> 00:15:29,670
We've only had sex twice,

464
00:15:29,672 --> 00:15:31,540
and now I have to sign this form
that just commits me to him?

465
00:15:31,542 --> 00:15:33,841
I can't make a decision like
that after only two bones.

466
00:15:33,843 --> 00:15:35,077
You know I'm a four-bone girl.

467
00:15:35,079 --> 00:15:36,044
Yeah, you are.

468
00:15:36,046 --> 00:15:37,913
And what if I sign it,

469
00:15:37,915 --> 00:15:39,380
and then we have some messy breakup?

470
00:15:39,382 --> 00:15:41,583
Then do I have to sign another form?

471
00:15:41,585 --> 00:15:43,117
And what if we have to
split the office in half?

472
00:15:43,119 --> 00:15:44,285
I know Bernice will be Team Veronica,

473
00:15:44,287 --> 00:15:45,786
but I can't get a read on anybody else.

474
00:15:45,788 --> 00:15:47,789
Girl... you think too much.

475
00:15:47,791 --> 00:15:51,660
Sometimes you need to just like
jump in and see what happens.

476
00:15:51,662 --> 00:15:53,364
♪

477
00:15:56,332 --> 00:15:58,199
Hey, Bernice, you got a second?

478
00:15:58,201 --> 00:15:59,534
You got that DORF?

479
00:15:59,536 --> 00:16:03,070
You got that one-way
ticket to pound town?

480
00:16:03,072 --> 00:16:07,041
About that, what happens
if I don't sign it?

481
00:16:07,043 --> 00:16:08,678
Oh, you do need to sign the form.

482
00:16:09,745 --> 00:16:11,746
If you keep hitting
the skins without it,

483
00:16:11,748 --> 00:16:13,381
baby boy could get fired.

484
00:16:13,383 --> 00:16:17,352
Or he could end up in
a big old lawsuit.

485
00:16:17,354 --> 00:16:18,487
Ooh.

486
00:16:18,489 --> 00:16:21,122
Wow, I always thought
it would be Jasmine

487
00:16:21,124 --> 00:16:22,924
that would end up with the first DORF.

488
00:16:22,926 --> 00:16:24,726
[giggles]

489
00:16:24,728 --> 00:16:26,294
What's that?

490
00:16:26,296 --> 00:16:28,195
[sniffs]

491
00:16:28,197 --> 00:16:30,531
Scented necklace?

492
00:16:30,533 --> 00:16:32,333
Ooh, I've never seen one of those.

493
00:16:32,335 --> 00:16:34,069
No, I'm just wearing perfume.

494
00:16:34,071 --> 00:16:35,437
Come on.

495
00:16:35,439 --> 00:16:37,271
[sniffing]

496
00:16:37,273 --> 00:16:38,274
Mm.

497
00:16:40,909 --> 00:16:42,644
Yessss!

498
00:16:42,646 --> 00:16:44,215
Do a little twirl.

499
00:16:45,281 --> 00:16:47,516
Where's Daddy Warbucks
taking you tonight?

500
00:16:47,518 --> 00:16:48,549
Le Pepe Muse.

501
00:16:48,551 --> 00:16:50,051
Why does that sound so familiar?

502
00:16:50,053 --> 00:16:51,319
Oh, because it was on "Laguna Beach."

503
00:16:51,321 --> 00:16:52,587
Steven would take LC there

504
00:16:52,589 --> 00:16:54,222
every time they had something
serious to talk about.

505
00:16:54,224 --> 00:16:55,623
Of course, of course.

506
00:16:55,625 --> 00:16:58,859
Very elegant, but California casual.

507
00:16:58,861 --> 00:17:00,163
- [doorbell rings]
- Oooh!

508
00:17:01,497 --> 00:17:02,797
Hi, hi, hi.

509
00:17:02,799 --> 00:17:03,998
So excited for dinner.

510
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:05,899
Bad news. No go on the
restaurant tonight.

511
00:17:05,901 --> 00:17:07,167
Mmm.

512
00:17:07,169 --> 00:17:10,704
So... we'll just go
straight to the hotel?

513
00:17:10,706 --> 00:17:12,441
Actually, that's not
gonna happen either.

514
00:17:12,443 --> 00:17:13,709
Why not?

515
00:17:13,711 --> 00:17:15,376
Well, wifey found out about
our little arrangement,

516
00:17:15,378 --> 00:17:17,779
and she... you know, she's kinda
tightening the purse strings.

517
00:17:17,781 --> 00:17:18,782
No more fancy stuff.

518
00:17:20,215 --> 00:17:21,883
But I like fancy stuff.

519
00:17:21,885 --> 00:17:24,185
Well, you know that that
was just a garnish, right?

520
00:17:24,187 --> 00:17:26,053
But I'm so hungry.

521
00:17:26,055 --> 00:17:27,188
Well, we can order in.

522
00:17:27,190 --> 00:17:28,822
I guess that's like room service.

523
00:17:28,824 --> 00:17:29,890
Yeah.

524
00:17:29,892 --> 00:17:32,193
Let's, uh... let's go to your room.

525
00:17:32,195 --> 00:17:34,530
NICOLE: Okay.

526
00:17:34,532 --> 00:17:35,664
Hey, Sport.

527
00:17:35,666 --> 00:17:36,697
Is this happening?

528
00:17:36,699 --> 00:17:37,567
NICOLE: Mm-hmm.

529
00:17:39,735 --> 00:17:40,702
Hey, hey!

530
00:17:40,704 --> 00:17:42,936
Uh, I talked to Bernice.

531
00:17:42,938 --> 00:17:44,071
Hmm.

532
00:17:44,073 --> 00:17:45,339
How come you didn't sign the form?

533
00:17:45,341 --> 00:17:46,574
God, I feel like I'm in a movie

534
00:17:46,576 --> 00:17:48,175
where everybody wants me sign the form.

535
00:17:48,177 --> 00:17:49,476
- [laughs]
- [chuckles]

536
00:17:49,478 --> 00:17:52,547
So, you're not gonna sign it?

537
00:17:52,549 --> 00:17:53,647
No.

538
00:17:53,649 --> 00:17:55,149
So what's different?

539
00:17:55,151 --> 00:17:56,684
Do you not like me anymore? Or...

540
00:17:56,686 --> 00:17:57,684
No, I do.

541
00:17:57,686 --> 00:17:59,320
It's just, you know, once I sign it,

542
00:17:59,322 --> 00:18:02,023
we're kinda officially in a thing.

543
00:18:02,025 --> 00:18:03,724
Yeah, yeah, kinda.

544
00:18:03,726 --> 00:18:04,959
Start of a thing.

545
00:18:04,961 --> 00:18:08,230
Once this officially starts,
if it ends, you know,

546
00:18:08,232 --> 00:18:09,731
the whole office is gonna know.

547
00:18:09,733 --> 00:18:11,031
It'll be really messy.

548
00:18:11,033 --> 00:18:12,099
And I don't wanna have to quit.

549
00:18:12,101 --> 00:18:13,166
I like this job.

550
00:18:13,168 --> 00:18:14,234
What if it doesn't end?

551
00:18:14,236 --> 00:18:15,235
Did you just propose to me?

552
00:18:15,237 --> 00:18:16,570
[laughing]

553
00:18:16,572 --> 00:18:18,508
No, I just wanna keep seeing you.

554
00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:25,346
So, if I sign this,

555
00:18:25,348 --> 00:18:28,081
it is just for pancake purposes.

556
00:18:28,083 --> 00:18:29,517
I really do like making
pancakes with you.

557
00:18:29,519 --> 00:18:31,052
Oh, it's not good when you say it.

558
00:18:31,054 --> 00:18:32,753
I know. I regretted it instantly.

559
00:18:32,755 --> 00:18:33,821
I did.

560
00:18:33,823 --> 00:18:34,755
And if we break up?

561
00:18:34,757 --> 00:18:36,389
Then we will handle it like adults.

562
00:18:36,391 --> 00:18:37,759
Because that's what we are.

563
00:18:37,761 --> 00:18:39,260
Two mature adults

564
00:18:39,262 --> 00:18:41,328
in an official sexual relationship.

565
00:18:41,330 --> 00:18:43,999
- Oh, a relationship?
- Uh-huh.

566
00:18:44,001 --> 00:18:45,000
- Okay.
- Yeah.

567
00:18:45,002 --> 00:18:46,270
I like that.

568
00:18:47,971 --> 00:18:50,605
Oh yeah, get it, sister!

569
00:18:50,607 --> 00:18:51,906
♪

570
00:18:51,908 --> 00:18:53,707
[tires squeal]

571
00:18:53,709 --> 00:18:54,809
Man.

572
00:18:54,811 --> 00:18:56,510
Tonight was great.

573
00:18:56,512 --> 00:18:58,646
Erica never lets me order pizza.

574
00:18:58,648 --> 00:18:59,880
Yeah, okay.

575
00:18:59,882 --> 00:19:01,281
Actually, she never lets
me do a lot of the stuff

576
00:19:01,283 --> 00:19:02,783
we just did.

577
00:19:02,785 --> 00:19:03,917
Yeah, okay.

578
00:19:03,919 --> 00:19:05,221
Oh, I gotta go.

579
00:19:06,822 --> 00:19:08,290
We still on for Thursday?

580
00:19:08,292 --> 00:19:09,290
Yeah, okay.

581
00:19:09,292 --> 00:19:11,861
Man, this is... dope.

582
00:19:13,495 --> 00:19:15,763
- Am I saying that right?
- No.

583
00:19:15,765 --> 00:19:16,932
♪

584
00:19:16,934 --> 00:19:18,399
NICOLE: Bye.

585
00:19:18,401 --> 00:19:19,934
[vibrator buzzing]

586
00:19:19,936 --> 00:19:21,770
Oh, this is so much better.

587
00:19:21,772 --> 00:19:23,171
♪

588
00:19:23,173 --> 00:19:24,441
Mm.

589
00:19:26,206 --> 00:19:27,638
Ugh, if you take away the
restaurants and the hotels,

590
00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:30,074
it's just having sex with an old dude.

591
00:19:30,076 --> 00:19:31,042
How old is he?

592
00:19:31,044 --> 00:19:32,642
Forty-three.

593
00:19:32,644 --> 00:19:34,344
Ugh, I thought he was like 35.

594
00:19:34,346 --> 00:19:36,346
Ugh! No, he's way old.

595
00:19:36,348 --> 00:19:37,547
Well, you need to something.

596
00:19:37,549 --> 00:19:38,882
On his way out, he came
into the living room,

597
00:19:38,884 --> 00:19:40,784
he watched "Drag Race"
with me for an hour.

598
00:19:40,786 --> 00:19:43,321
- Well, maybe...
- A full hour!

599
00:19:43,323 --> 00:19:44,421
Okay, I'm sorry.

600
00:19:44,423 --> 00:19:45,488
Maybe if I act like I'm bad in bed,

601
00:19:45,490 --> 00:19:46,557
he'll break up with me.

602
00:19:46,559 --> 00:19:48,625
We both know that won't happen.

603
00:19:48,627 --> 00:19:50,928
Even my bad is good.

604
00:19:50,930 --> 00:19:52,496
[sipping]

605
00:19:52,498 --> 00:19:55,033
Uh, man, affairs are messy.

606
00:19:55,035 --> 00:19:56,000
Veronica was right.

607
00:19:56,002 --> 00:19:57,101
Don't you ever say that!

608
00:19:57,103 --> 00:19:58,503
Don't your lips ever say that!

609
00:19:58,505 --> 00:20:00,304
Okay, fine, how do I get out of this?

610
00:20:00,306 --> 00:20:02,207
I think it's time we turn it up to 11.

611
00:20:02,209 --> 00:20:04,143
♪

612
00:20:10,749 --> 00:20:11,916
[giggles]

613
00:20:11,918 --> 00:20:15,018
Jake, I need to talk to
you about something.

614
00:20:15,020 --> 00:20:16,754
What? What is it?

615
00:20:16,756 --> 00:20:18,089
You're not trying to end this, are you?

616
00:20:18,091 --> 00:20:19,489
Far from it.

617
00:20:19,491 --> 00:20:22,293
I want you to leave your wife for me.

618
00:20:22,295 --> 00:20:23,961
♪

619
00:20:23,963 --> 00:20:26,397
[door slams]

620
00:20:26,399 --> 00:20:27,966
I'm not a mistress!

621
00:20:27,968 --> 00:20:29,602
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