(Woman reciting prayer)
WOMAN: Pro nobis peccatoribus, nunc et in hora mortis nostrae.
- I got here as fast as I could. - Amen.
Thank God you're here.
Let me look at you.
The sadness has deepened.
You said you have something?
The founder of our order, Father Francesco,
he brought it here in 1557.
Amazing.
Do you know what it is?
Yes.
Do you know what it is?
A page from the Sibylline book.
- The Sibylline book from er... - Rome.
Wow.
Some believe it has the power to predict the future.
If a page survives, perhaps the rest of the book does.
And it would be valuable.
If it's money you need, I'll get it for you.
- Don't sell your relics. - No. We must find it.
It's the Vatican symbol.
- Are they the buyers? - No.
We have a friend in Rome.
They will find a buyer.
Call them when you find it.
Anything for you, Sister.
Oh, Ulysses? Look after yourself.
Always.
(Nuns weeping)
(Mouths a prayer)
One word of warning to your friend
and I will make him watch us kill you all.
- Thank you. - Grazie.
We think it may have been the template
for the Jupitus Optimus Maximus.
It's stunning.
Wait until you see the floor.
WOMAN: Eh!
(She speaks Italian)
Look. Do you think the British Museum might be interested?
I should say so.
You have a week to take it up.
A week?
Sympathetic removal will take months.
We're in Rome, Alex.
Everywhere's a World Heritage site.
Nice for the tourists,
but what the people who live here need is decent transport.
The C-Line metro is 30 years late coming through here.
A week is all we have.
I see.
What is it?
Handwritten Guns N' Roses lyrics.
Let me see.
It's not your expertise, Maurice.
Stick to the drug smuggling
or whatever it is you do these days.
Everywhere you go...
opportunists.
(Low conversation)
Hey. Yankee-Doodle-Man!
Show me this paper. We all share.
Sure.
Seriously?
You're mugging me at 10,000 feet?
Aargh! Aargh!
All I wanted was a quick under-the-radar flight to Rome.
The page. Now.
No page. Land. Now.
Or we can keep talking, you know, whatever suits you.
Americano!
Hey, Tufty! Your airline's going to get a stinking review!
My lunch was inside that backpack.
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll
(Photographer speaks Italian)
(Hooten screaming)
Better late than never.
Was this on your wedding list?
♪ EZRA FURMAN: Restless Year
♪ Ooh-la-ooh
♪ Sing like a ooh-la, ooh-la, ooh-ooh
♪ I set up camp in the centre of town
♪ Ready for freedom
♪ When it all comes down
♪ Snapping my fingers
♪ Walking around
♪ I'm a dusty jewel in a thrown-out crown
♪ Got a bus pass to make my way
♪ From hideout to hideout in the heat of the day
♪ I got a talisman tote
♪ With the whole array
♪ And when you catch my coat-tails I'll be miles away
WOMAN: It's all rather dull, actually.
And we're in Rome looking for a dress.
I thought we'd have some time for some fun
but she's so busy with her work.
Follow your heart.
Surely you must know your sister's dream dress?
Oh, it's not my sister getting married. It's my daughter!
I'm gonna need a brandy, please. I'm in shock here.
What, you... you have a daughter?
You are a delight. I could listen to your shtick all night.
Well, lucky for you I'm an all-night kind of fella.
Just need to change, Mum. Ten minutes.
No rush, darling. Mr Hooten here is diverting company.
I needed to see you. I'm sorry!
I was messing. I knew it was your mother.
- What do you take me for? - An oaf.
A chancer. A dog.
I've have to say you don't look like your mother.
She's very elegant and refined.
For your information, I'm adopted.
Huh.
You did well, bagging a lord and a lady...
Two minutes and already I want to punch you in the face.
This is what I hoped. We can pick up just where we left off.
- What do you want, Hooten? - Your help.
I didn't expect to see you again.
I haven't heard from you since the Amazon.
I have to call regularly, do I?
Are you like this with your fiancé?
How would you like to know the future?
Swallow. And then speak.
I said, how would you like to know the future?
I already know it. You're crossing the street
right into the path of a truck.
I'm talking about the big things. Plagues.
Floods. Wars.
I'm talking about the book
that guided the kings and emperors of Rome.
The Sibylline book?
It was destroyed over 1600 years ago by General Stilicho.
'Scuse fingers.
It's authentic.
Where did you get this?
A nun.
I'm on a mission from God.
The Vatican mark.
Do you think the rest of the book might be there?
Now you know why I'm in Rome, my little accreditation fairy.
I need your access to the Vatican.
My mother is here to look at wedding dresses.
I've got the dig, and now you bring me this.
Do you really think I'm gonna just drop everything
to go treasure hunting with you?
Do I really need to answer that?
My wheels are over here.
I get first dibs on cataloguing and examination.
We should also discuss exploitation rights, too.
Let's find the thing first.
Er... this is us.
Won her in a game of scopa off a bridesmaid.
I call her Audrey.
It's an example of everyday sexism
to name vehicles after women.
♪ THE HEAVY: Turn Up
♪ Turn up!
♪ And make it something to believe in
♪ You know you got to turn up
♪ And make the heart go "whoa, whoa, whoa!"
♪ I said you got to turn up
♪ And put your hands where I can see them
♪ You know you've got to turn up
♪ To keep them begging for more, more, more...
♪ If you want it, baby, you can have it all
So you know a nun?
- I know a lot of nuns. - And how do you know this nun?
"Nun" of your business.
It's all lies, isn't it? I bet you're going to sell the book
to one of your dodgy contacts.
You've got that look about you.
That look would be God's hand guiding me.
We can start in the library.
Let's work backwards.
General Stilicho had the Sibylline book in 405AD.
He must have given it to the Church. Why?
Christians believe it prophesied the arrival of Christ.
It would have been a useful tool in the process of conversion.
So why doesn't the Sibylline book have pride of place?
Once people are converted
there's only one book the Church wants people reading.
The Bible.
So they hid it?
What did you say the...
the name of the founder of your nun's convent was?
Father Francesco.
And stop saying "nun" like I made her up.
I knew I'd seen his name somewhere.
Look, here's his diary.
Francesco tore out the stamped page
in protest at its censorship.
Then somebody named Simoni hid the rest of it.
I don't suppose it says where?
I don't completely understand.
It says... Francesco goes to the convent - to your convent -
and then Simoni stays in Rome.
He writes to Francesco.
He says, "It is hidden, Father.
The key is in my book."
Thanks, Simoni, big help.
Well, what he actually writes is "meo libro picto"
and then essentially writes "LOL".
"Meo libro picto?"
What does that mean?
"My painted book."
Huh!
For 1557 that is pretty funny.
What?
What? What... what... what's the joke?
Come on, spill the beans. What do you know?
What kind of clearance do you have?
- A2. - A2?
I thought you said you could get in anywhere.
I can. Within reason.
I don't have clearance to go in there, Hooten.
I need a day to sort it out.
You're either with me or you're not.
Pub quiz. When was the last Pope elected?
Pope Francis?
2013.
- More specific. - March, 2013.
Hurry.
Even more specific.
The 12th to the 13th of March, 2013.
White smoke was seen at six minutes past seven.
(Beeping and door unlocks)
Perfect.
Come on, cameras are down.
Slowly. These anchor points haven't been used in years.
What did you do to close down security?
It was this thing I read in the paper.
To prevent eavesdropping during the papal conclave
all security in the chapel was disabled.
I just told the system it was March 13th, 2013, again.
We're going to hell.
We already knew that.
Well, you can cross the Sistine Chapel off your bucket list.
Right. So Father Francesco receives a cryptic letter
reading: "The key is in my painted book"?
- The Erythraean Sibyl... - "Ery-thraean."
...one of five books on the ceiling.
Simoni was the surname of none other than Michelangelo.
He was in here around that time, bashing out the Last Judgement.
There was friction between him and the Pope, you see.
How do you know so much about the Sistine Chapel ceiling?
Can't I be knowledgeable about Renaissance art?
Where did you get your information from? Wikipedia?
I had root canal done last year.
The dentist's office had an annotated poster on the ceiling.
Hey. You learn wherever you can.
So you think this is the painted book?
Hey, there's a groove right there.
You can't go stabbing at Michelangelo's ceiling!
That is a crime against culture.
You take out your scalpel all the time and pick things up.
A scalpel is a precision instrument, not a dirty knife.
Get your scalpel out then, Doc.
There's definitely something behind there.
Oh, I can't do it. I can't do it. It's...
Give me yours.
And you can hold mine.
Careful, careful, careful.
Grab...
You were supposed to...
Get down. Slowly.
- Hooten! - My line's jammed.
- Hooten! - I can't get down.
- Cut your line. - I'll break my neck!
- Who cares about your neck? - I do. I love my neck.
I have a great neck.
You will bring down the Sistine Chapel ceiling, you heifer!
Heifer? You're the one
who looks like they haven't missed any "pah-sta".
- That's made this easy. - What has? Oh!
- Huh? Alex! - It's "pasta", Hooten.
- With an "a". - Argh!
(Bleeping)
(Groans)
I'm alive. It's a miracle.
- What fell out? - A ceiling over a human life.
- I've seen the real you. - Is it part of the book?
It's a chunk of wood.
(Alarm buzzing)
And have lost the connection.
We'd better get out of here.
I'm not going until I've sealed this ceiling back in place.
Alex, seriously, we're on Vati-cam. Come on.
Leave it! Come on!
ELLA: You're still working? At this time of night?
Hello, Ella. Sorry to bother you so late.
Would you mind checking something for me, please?
I'm sending photos of an artefact I've found.
So, the material is wood, ebony. It's part of a frieze.
It's circa 3rd century, but I don't recognise it.
You really are working.
HOOTEN: Actually we're drinking in a bar.
- Who's that? - The waiter.
Would you see if you can find anything,
and then give me a ring back. Thank you.
- (Phone rings) - Don't answer that.
- We're working. - It's my mum. Hello.
So I ate dinner alone. That was fun.
I looked like some terrible French widow.
Now I'm in the room.
The assistant's been standing here for 20 minutes.
Are you coming to view these dresses or not?
I'm sorry. I've been caught up in work.
But this is your wedding dress we're talking about, Alex.
I don't mind. You pick one.
I could have combat fatigues and a clown costume here.
No, you haven't. I know you will have chosen
the most beautiful dresses in the whole city.
Well, I have. I just wanted you to be here.
This is a big mother and daughter moment.
I'm sorry, this is really important.
I've got to go. Love you.
(Sighs)
- Did she mention me? - (Phone rings)
Oh. Hi.
Alex. How close are you to Capitoline Hill?
Two minutes.
Get yourself down there. This piece is truly astounding.
What did she say?
2,000 years ago the Sibylline books were kept in
an ebony chest under the Temple of Jupiter Optimus Maximus.
Ella's discovered that our chunk of wood
is likely a section from the base of that chest.
What does that have to do with Michelangelo?
During the Renaissance,
the Temple Maximus Capitolinus was renovated.
It became known as the Palazzo dei Conservatori.
- Guess who designed it? - Michelangelo Simoni.
Precisely. He would have known
the significance of that location.
It's the perfect, poetic place to hide the book,
back in its original home.
When you say "under the temple", do you mean...
...under, under?
HOOTEN: What's down here?
Subterranean Rome is like a labyrinth.
Let's hope we don't run into a minotaur.
No, they're Greek.
This way should take us right under the old temple.
(Gasps)
An oil lamp.
Second century.
That's just a... a thing.
Stop picking stuff up. We're in a sewer.
Your natural habitat, of course.
Ha, ha-ha!
GPS says that the basement should be just along here.
Amazing, it's all still intact.
Barely, that step looks like it's gonna break.
A catacomb.
Isn't Rome amazing?
There are miles and miles of these throughout the city.
People just brick them up and ignore them.
To think, we're following in the footsteps of Michelangelo.
- Is this it? - That's a sarcophagus.
We're looking for an ebony chest.
All I see are skulls and bones and more skulls and more bones.
It's like a serial killer's apartment.
See the way they're looking.
There seems to be a skull theme going on here.
Look.
It's a corner.
HOOTEN: One... two... three.
Oh, my God.
This is it.
Hey... uh-uh...
HOOTEN: We found it.
That's given me tingles.
You should probably get that looked at.
(Growling)
Is that you?
Hm?
(Growling)
People... dump these in the drains
every time they get too big.
What?
(Growling)
That's enormous.
Step back.
I never step back.
What do you mean you never step? Why? Since when?
Always. It's a rule I have.
What kind of rule is never step back? Why make a rule like that?
Step back! Step back.
(Growling)
OK, what do we do now?
Right... You walk left, I'll walk right.
- OK. - Move slowly.
That way he won't know which one of us to attack.
You're counting on it being an indecisive alligator?
That and you're younger, more tender on the jaws.
Well, you're far meatier. That's a lot longer meal.
HOOTEN: English lamb.
Melt-in-the-mouth good. Mmm.
Salted Texan jerky. All-you-can-eat buffet.
Help yourself.
Oh! Hooten! Please! Hooten, do something!
Here goes nothin'!
(Alex coughs)
- Are you OK? - Yeah.
Er... Hooten?
How do we get out?
We have water. We have alligator meat.
Somewhere.
Maybe we should consult this book?
At this point I'm willing to give anything a try.
How does it work?
You ask yourself your fundamental question.
The question you need the clearest guidance on.
You open the book, place your finger on a passage
and that is the way forward.
"The English lamb bleats loudly.
It's enough to drive the wolf crazy."
What do you think that means?
We may not believe, but we should still be respectful.
If you don't want to consult it, then don't.
All right, all right, all right.
What does it say?
Er... My Greek hexameter is a... bit rusty.
Yes...
I can only give you a... sketchy translation.
"Flowers of the east will be cut down by foreign foes.
There will be no light until the valley is at its darkest."
What a crock of shit.
You're never going to get a signal.
That's what you think.
(Rocks clatter)
Careful. Sorry.
(Men shouting in Italian)
(Alex laughs)
That place had been there for hundreds of years.
How did you know we could get out?
Well, if there was a way for my phone to get a signal
there was a way for us.
It's Rome. There's always another layer.
A bit like you, eh?
I'm a hundred per cent surface.
I think I should take the book.
It'll be safe and will help build relations
between the Museum and the Vatican.
I've made the call. I'm giving it to the guy.
"The guy?"
A priceless relic and you're going to give it to "a guy"?
He's not just "a guy". He's a friend of my nun.
That's what she wants and it's gonna happen.
- I bet it's the Mob. - You're in Italy,
you hear the word "friend",
and you assume it's the Mob. That's racist.
I'm just concerned with whom you are dealing.
I'm dealing with God, Alex.
I'm a man of faith. I'm not like you.
- What, organised and thorough? - Suspicious, cynical... racist.
Mr Hooten.
(Speaks Italian)
I can sense you're jumping to conclusions.
(Speaks Italian)
A mission from God.
- It was. - You're a liar, Hooten.
You found the Sibylline book?
- No. - Yes.
A nun?
She must have been acting under duress.
The next one is in your head.
(Bell chimes)
(Ringtone)
My name is Tramacca.
How did you get this number?
Don't press anything, don't alert anybody. Just listen.
We have the original Sibylline book.
That's not possible.
If the Vatican want it, it will pay a fee of five million euros.
I cannot sanction a payment of that magnitude.
But you can make a call to those who can pay.
You know the story of the book's origin?
The last king of Rome, he was offered nine books
by the Cumaean Sibyl, but considered the price too high.
So the Sibyl, she went away and she burned three books.
When she returned she offered the king
the six remaining books for the same price.
Again the king said no.
The Sibyl went away and burned three more books.
Finally the king purchased the three remaining books
for the original price.
And now...
...there is only one.
No!
That is the property of the people of Rome!
Indeed. It is a cornerstone in our city's foundation story.
Would you see it lost?
CARDINAL: Please.
Allow me to consult with the Holy Council.
One hour. Any contact with the police will see the book burned.
You were in the chapel. You set me up.
Your friend, Sister Maria, she did not want to co-operate.
She's family to me, you son of a bitch.
In the end, Mr Hooten, there is no family.
"Siamo lupi solitari." We are lone wolves.
I believe that is our true founding story.
Now...
...who can read this?
You have a family?
- Yes. - Hmm.
I had the greatest family.
But now I'm an outcast.
My brother was killed eight years ago and they blamed me.
I am a king in my world, Alex.
I am an emperor.
Yes, I want the money, but...
...I also want guidance.
I want to know if there is a way back to my family.
Hold the book.
Hold that question in your mind.
And allow yourself to find the truth within its pages.
"You are worn-out dead.
Your tomb is ill-starred.
It holds no pride or honour.
Your throne is lost."
That could mean anything.
No! No! Please! Don't! Look, I beg you, please.
There's no need for this!
I won't let you!
- Run! - Argh! Aargh!
- Argh! - Run!
- (Tramacca cries out)
(Gunshot)
Sorry!
Why did you tell him the truth?
I'm not a liar like you.
I'm just saying, sugar the pill a little next time.
(Shouts in Italian)
You burnt a Mafia man's face. We are so dead.
- He deserved it. - This isn't a joke, Alex.
We're going to the airport.
Ideally, we need a shuttle to Mars,
but we are leaving Europe.
We're not going anywhere until I've got my mum. I'll call her.
My bag. My bag, Hooten, I left it back at Tramacca's.
It's got the hotel key in it. My mum, Hooten.
Mum?
They've taken her.
No, don't even think about it.
They'll call us.
(Speaks Italian)
You have to let me talk to the police now.
Tramacca's gonna have people in there. They'll be tipped off.
They'll shoot your mother and dump her by a road.
I cannot just sit here and do nothing!
(Phone rings)
If you do anything to hurt her you will...
Mr Tramacca, I apologise.
The woman behaved badly.
Yes, she did. And so did you.
You threatened a friend of mine, a woman of the cloth.
Do you think I care?
You will bring the book to the Sant'Angelo bridge. Now.
What is he saying?
There will also need to be recompense, Mr Hooten.
I understand.
What did he say?
He erm...
he just wants the book.
OK, fine, so where are you meeting him?
- Sant'Angelo bridge. - OK, let's go.
No, I'm going alone. You need to get somewhere safe.
- Alex? - Forget that.
Oh...
There's protocol. Say the wrong thing, you'll get us all killed.
You're an expert on prisoner swaps now, are you?
If something happens to my mum, I don't want her to be alone.
You're not coming. It's just too dangerous.
Hey! Polizia!
Hey... He's trying to steal my bag!
What are you doing? No, no, no, she's goofing around.
English sense of humour. Inappropriate. Not funny.
- Dumb really. - (Speaks Italian)
What did you say?
I told him you think all police are bastards.
Scuse, Engleesh humouro failurini.
- (Speaks Italian) - (Electrical fizzing)
Argh!
(Bell chimes)
(Speaks Italian)
Where is Mr Hooten?
I got rid of him.
You have the book?
Where's my mum?
She will be delivered.
I want to see her now!
LADY LINDO-PARKER: Alex! - Mum!
Look, where is she? I want to see her.
This isn't a negotiation.
You don't hold any cards.
TRAMACCA: Oh.
(Whistles)
- Careful! - (Speaks Italian)
(Gasps and groans)
You drop that, I shoot you in the groin.
And then I shoot your mother in her face.
OK, you can let her go now.
You think that's it? I dust my hands and walk away?
Recompense must be paid.
No! Please!
(Siren approaching)
Picking on the weak.
Even for the Mafia that's pretty low.
I stole the bike by the way.
In five minutes, this place is gonna be swarming with cops.
Let them go and this will work out.
You have the book, you can do whatever you want with it.
LADY LINDO-PARKER: Run, Alex! - Listen to your mother.
There's no such thing as a lone wolf.
We all have packs, people who love us,
whether we like it or not.
- (Gunshot) - Ugh!
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
(Speaks Italian)
It's amazing.
I thought... you went to work...
catalogued items,
occasionally travelled abroad to authenticate things.
But I didn't know that you were running around
making deals with the Mafia!
Goodness knows what your father will say about this.
It was a one-off. It wasn't me. It was Hooten.
Who was this maniac?
He was... just a guy.
He was a jungle and tomb man.
Sorry to interrupt. Do you have a moment?
Come this way, please.
I understand you're getting married.
A gift from the Vatican. The Holy Father has blessed them.
May your marriage be strong and happy.
Thank you so much.
Can we go home now?
I think I need a session with my psychiatrist.
SISTER MARIA: It isn't the life we chose.
(Laughter)
HOOTEN: Listen, you keep buying, I'll keep drinking.
(Low chatter)
I'm not used to drinking drinks with umbrellas.
He let me think he was dead! You utter bastard!
I have been worried sick about you
and you're sat around drinking!
Alex, I'd like to introduce you to a dear friend of mine,
Sister Maria Riva.
Please join us. I've heard so much about you.
I'm... I'm so sorry.
Hooten, may I have a word with you?
You really did do all of this for a nun?
Yeah, why not?
Because you only ever think about yourself.
- I want you to think that. - That is what you think.
You're right. That is what I think.
Who are you, Hooten?
Where did you... come from?
I am Hooten. And I came from that bar stool right there.
Lady Lindo-Parker,
have you found this... charming one a dress?
Did you punch him in the face yet, Alex?
Because if you haven't, I certainly will.
- Forgive me, Sister. - That's quite all right.
Ulysses has that effect on people.
- Ulysses? - Mm.
Your name is Ulysses?
Do they know your Christian name?
I was saying to the Sister
how hard it was for me to make this escape.
It required a police bullet-proof vest
and some amazing swimming.
But fortunately for me I've been shot before.
(Clears throat) You can continue with your... story now.
I can't really, my jaw's...
Anyway, it all began when I made the horrible decision of...
coming to Rome.
Can I get some ice?
♪ Ooh-la-ooh
♪ Sing like
♪ A ooh-la ooh-la ooh-ooh
♪ I set up camp
♪ In the centre of town
♪ Ready for freedom
♪ When it all comes down
♪ Snapping my fingers
♪ Walking around
♪ I'm a dusty jewel
♪ In a thrown-out crown
♪ Got a bus pass to make my way
♪ From hideout to hideout
♪ In the heat of the day
♪ I got a talisman tote
♪ With the whole array
♪ When you catch my coat-tails
♪ I'll be miles away
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll