1 00:00:01,520 --> 00:00:03,522 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 2 00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:49,245 (LIFT BELL DINGS) 3 00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:51,807 (BUZZING) 4 00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:53,211 LIFT: Lift coming, sir. 5 00:00:53,280 --> 00:00:54,327 (BUZZING) 6 00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:57,688 Come on! Come on! Why are you always so slow? 7 00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:00,770 I've seen snails with clubbed feet travel faster than you. 8 00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:02,763 The French Army after lunch move quicker! 9 00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:04,281 - LIFT: Not long now, sir. - (BEEPING) 10 00:01:04,560 --> 00:01:07,882 I'm picking up several strange energy signatures on B-Deck. 11 00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:09,804 I need a lift pronto to check them out. 12 00:01:09,960 --> 00:01:11,371 LIFT: Just a drop-off on the living quarters 13 00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:13,010 and I'll be with you in a flash, sir. 14 00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:14,081 Will you really? 15 00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:16,128 Or will you really be a really long time? 16 00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:17,730 LIFT: A really long time, sir. 17 00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:20,520 So why not tell me that in the first place, then? 18 00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:22,443 LIFT: I didn't want to lose your custom. 19 00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:24,409 Who could you lose my custom to? 20 00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:26,562 LIFT: Our main rival, sir. The stairs. 21 00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:30,324 I've heard they're doing really well this year. 22 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:31,561 Where are you now? 23 00:01:31,640 --> 00:01:34,007 LIFT: I've completed the drop-off at the Living Quarters Deck, sir. 24 00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:36,287 Now, I've just got a trip up to the stasis booths. 25 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:38,124 But I pressed first! 26 00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:39,965 Right, that's it, you are fired! 27 00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:41,531 LIFT: You can't fire a lift sir. 28 00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:42,601 I just have! 29 00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:44,045 LIFT: How are you going to replace me? 30 00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:46,088 With another lift from another shaft. 31 00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:48,162 I'll get the skutters to transfer and install. 32 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:49,561 Let me tell you, miladdo, 33 00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:52,405 there are plenty of young, thrusting lifts around here 34 00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:53,606 who would give their eye teeth 35 00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:56,809 to transport someone of my stature up and down their shaft. 36 00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:03,168 Tell all lifts we're interviewing for a new position in Shaft 14. 37 00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:05,249 All applicants must be prepared to travel. 38 00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:07,163 Only lifts need apply. 39 00:02:09,320 --> 00:02:10,560 Come on. 40 00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:13,326 (SKUTTER BEEPS) 41 00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:22,204 (LISTER SNORING) 42 00:02:25,640 --> 00:02:27,290 Lights! 43 00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:29,448 Lister, you've been in my bunk for two days now. 44 00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:31,045 Are you still hung-over? 45 00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:33,566 Oh, go away, Rimmer. Turn off the lights! 46 00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:36,451 Look, we've come across a space station tech-rich in Sector-3. 47 00:02:36,640 --> 00:02:37,971 There's an asteroid storm heading for it. 48 00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:39,485 It'll be toast in five hours! 49 00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:40,766 Let's go! 50 00:02:40,840 --> 00:02:43,684 Give me a break, Rimmer. I've been in bed for two days! 51 00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:45,120 I need to freshen up. 52 00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:49,122 All right. Good to go, come on! 53 00:02:58,480 --> 00:03:00,448 What kind of space station is it, Kryts? 54 00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:01,601 Any idea? 55 00:03:01,680 --> 00:03:03,330 Well, I don't recognise it, sir. 56 00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:04,401 But I must confess, 57 00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:07,165 I did delete some files off my hard drive this morning 58 00:03:07,240 --> 00:03:08,446 to create more memory. 59 00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:10,124 Really? Is that safe? 60 00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:11,361 Oh, have no fear, sir. 61 00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:14,523 I only trashed information I considered frivolous and idiotic. 62 00:03:14,640 --> 00:03:16,244 Without checking with me first? 63 00:03:16,880 --> 00:03:18,291 And you are? 64 00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:23,444 Go into your trash, you metal moron, and undelete the "Rimmer" folder. 65 00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:25,363 You must have dumped me in there by mistake. 66 00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:29,123 It's highly unlikely, whoever you are, but I'll check anyway. 67 00:03:29,200 --> 00:03:30,690 - (COMPUTER BEEPING) - Oh! 68 00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:34,048 There's a folder in here marked "Captain Bollocks". 69 00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:35,406 Could that be you? 70 00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:38,044 "Captain Bollocks"? 71 00:03:38,120 --> 00:03:39,884 Is that what you call me behind my back? 72 00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:41,962 To your face too, when you're snoozing! 73 00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:44,727 Just dragging it out of the bin and reinstalling. 74 00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:46,441 (BEEPING) 75 00:03:46,640 --> 00:03:49,530 Oh, sir, I'm so sorry! How could I possibly... 76 00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:51,284 Yes, all right, moving on. 77 00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:53,806 Calling you Captain Bollocks! 78 00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:57,289 Especially behind your back and probably sniggering about it, too. 79 00:03:57,360 --> 00:03:58,850 How could you not take offence? 80 00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:00,730 Kryten, please, let's move on. 81 00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:02,848 Captain Bollocks? Really? 82 00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:05,851 It's disrespectful and downright offensive, sir! 83 00:04:05,920 --> 00:04:08,605 Just reassure me I'm fully reinstalled. 84 00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:09,761 KRYTEN: Rest assured, sir. 85 00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:12,366 You now have pride of place in my "R" section. 86 00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:15,564 Alongside "ringworm" and "rim shot", sir. 87 00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:30,160 (RUMBLING) 88 00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:36,128 Now, remember, sirs, the asteroid storm will destroy the station in five hours. 89 00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:38,168 (RUMBLING) 90 00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:43,371 Look, let's split up into pairs. It'll make things a whole lot quicker. 91 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:47,482 As acting superior officer, I naturally get first choice. 92 00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:49,851 Don't want you. 93 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:51,525 Don't want you. 94 00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:54,882 Why is there no one good here? 95 00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:57,887 You get more choice in an Amish barber's. 96 00:04:58,000 --> 00:04:59,206 (RUMBLING) 97 00:04:59,280 --> 00:05:01,044 Kryten, you're with me. 98 00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:02,451 Let's move, people. 99 00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:06,400 If they ever decide to recognise services to toss pottery, 100 00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:08,562 He'll be a hall of famer. 101 00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:18,206 I wonder why it's called "Asclepius"? 102 00:05:18,280 --> 00:05:21,045 Well, presumably after the Greek god of medicine, sir. 103 00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:23,124 Well, there's that, obviously. 104 00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:24,884 Obviously that. Yes, obviously. 105 00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:26,371 You think it's that obvious? 106 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:37,761 Skeleton. 107 00:05:37,840 --> 00:05:39,490 - Check it out. - (DEVICE BEEPING) 108 00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:41,369 My bet, it's dead. 109 00:05:47,120 --> 00:05:49,521 Why do skeletons never wear any clothes? 110 00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:52,369 No wonder they all died. 111 00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:54,405 Probably pneumonia. 112 00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:57,843 Right. Male, Caucasian, 31. 113 00:05:58,080 --> 00:06:00,367 And according to this, he was a Colonel Club cardholder. 114 00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:02,522 One chicken stamp away from a free Family Fun Bucket. 115 00:06:03,680 --> 00:06:05,170 Man, that thing's accurate! 116 00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:06,760 (DEVICE BEEPING) 117 00:06:06,840 --> 00:06:08,126 LISTER: That's weird. 118 00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:13,001 The DNA on this knife handle 119 00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:16,962 is identical to the DNA in the body. 120 00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:19,767 Meaning this dude stabbed himself in the back? 121 00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:22,129 Why would anyone do that? 122 00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:26,770 Hey, there's some notes here. Might give us a clue. 123 00:06:26,840 --> 00:06:27,841 (COUGHING) 124 00:06:29,840 --> 00:06:31,001 If memory serves, sir, 125 00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:35,290 Asclepius was a medi-bot created in the late 23rd century, 126 00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:38,762 programmed to perform all procedures, both physical and mental, 127 00:06:38,840 --> 00:06:41,002 on all known living organisms. 128 00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:44,129 The cutting edge of droid technology. 129 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:50,207 It's like something out of an old sci-fi movie. 130 00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:53,165 It's going to be so much more advanced than me, sir. 131 00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:55,322 - It's got four buttons. - Precisely! 132 00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:58,925 (DROID BEEPING) 133 00:06:59,280 --> 00:07:01,567 DROID: Greetings. How can I be of service? 134 00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:08,011 I am Standing Acting Senior Commanding Officer Arnold J. Rimmer, 135 00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:10,128 of the JMC mining ship Red Dwarf. 136 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:13,570 - Perhaps you could... - Sir, you haven't introduced me. 137 00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:15,445 I beg your pardon. 138 00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:18,763 This is Kryten. He's a sanitation droid, mainly toilets. 139 00:07:18,840 --> 00:07:20,080 He can also unblock drains, 140 00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:23,004 and he's an absolute whizz when it comes to embarrassing stains. 141 00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:26,363 Sir, I merely asked you to introduce me. 142 00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:28,044 You didn't have to big me up. 143 00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:29,520 DROID: Arnold J. Rimmer? 144 00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:31,371 I do believe many years ago 145 00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:34,046 I had the honour of serving one of your old crewmates. 146 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:36,487 Flight Coordinator Ronald Littlewood. 147 00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:37,607 (RUMBLING) 148 00:07:37,680 --> 00:07:39,569 Sir, our quake timings are way out. 149 00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:41,449 We need to get back to Red Dwarf. 150 00:07:41,760 --> 00:07:43,888 I wonder, would you care to join us? 151 00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:48,522 We have nothing in our science room remotely as sophisticated as you. 152 00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:50,529 DROID: Why, I would be honoured, Kryten. 153 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:52,331 Follow me. 154 00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:55,811 (DROID BEEPING) 155 00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:06,125 Well, according to these notes, the guy's name was Romero G. Gonzalez, 156 00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:08,407 and he was a stasis booth engineer. 157 00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:14,160 ASCLEPIUS: Ah, Mrs Robertson. We're ready to start your procedure now. 158 00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:19,361 And this must be Mrs Johnson, the donor. 159 00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:22,004 No need to be frightened. 160 00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:28,283 There was a time I was a teensy, tiny, teeny, weeny bit mad! 161 00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:30,090 - (GASPS) - But not anymore. 162 00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:33,171 Look, there's my all-clear! 163 00:08:34,560 --> 00:08:35,686 We gotta go. 164 00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:37,762 We'll close the door behind us, as we pelt out. 165 00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:40,571 ASCLEPIUS: I can see you're both quite nervous. 166 00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:44,846 Perhaps you need a little something to help you relax? 167 00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:46,485 - (GUN POWERING UP) - BOTH: Bazookoids! 168 00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:48,530 - (DARTS STRIKING) - (BOTH GRUNTING) 169 00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:52,963 ASCLEPIUS: There, that wasn't so bad was it? 170 00:08:54,680 --> 00:08:56,967 RIMMER: Where are they? KRYTEN: Tracking them, sir. 171 00:08:57,040 --> 00:08:58,371 Down here. 172 00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:02,887 ASCLEPIUS: ♪ Slow, slow, slow your blood 173 00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,406 ♪ Gently as you breathe 174 00:09:05,480 --> 00:09:09,451 ♪ Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily 175 00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:12,685 ♪ Life is such a scream ♪ 176 00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:16,327 (MONITOR BEEPING) 177 00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:27,407 Ah, Mrs Bill. 178 00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:29,244 You're a little early. 179 00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:31,721 Take a seat in the waiting room. (CHUCKLES) 180 00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:33,848 I'll show you where it is. 181 00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:36,048 (GUN POWERING UP) 182 00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:37,760 (GUNS FIRING) 183 00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:44,929 (GLASS SHATTERING) 184 00:09:45,680 --> 00:09:47,444 (GUNS FIRING) 185 00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:50,600 (METAL CLANGING) 186 00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:55,880 Sir, let's fire them up and get them out of here! 187 00:09:58,040 --> 00:09:59,041 (CRASHING) 188 00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:02,250 (ALARM BLARING) 189 00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:04,641 (CRASHING) 190 00:10:05,680 --> 00:10:06,681 (CLATTERING) 191 00:10:07,520 --> 00:10:09,329 RIMMER: Move, Kryten. Go! 192 00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:11,723 Go, go, go, go, go! 193 00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:12,961 (CRASHING) 194 00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:19,166 (EXPLOSIONS) 195 00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:31,449 (EXPLOSIONS) 196 00:10:34,480 --> 00:10:35,766 (WHOOSHING) 197 00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:45,887 - (MONITOR BEEPING) - (GROANS) 198 00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:47,246 He's coming 'round, sir. 199 00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:48,727 Here he comes. 200 00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:50,451 Yes, he's coming 'round. 201 00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:54,130 I don't remember drinking anything. 202 00:10:54,680 --> 00:10:56,648 You were attacked, sir. Remember? 203 00:10:56,720 --> 00:10:59,121 Attacked? I didn't start it and I wasn't drunk. 204 00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:03,171 Well, I might have been drunk, but I didn't start it. 205 00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:05,129 Well, I might have started it. 206 00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:07,525 I remember now, how's the Cat? 207 00:11:07,760 --> 00:11:09,967 He's in Medi-Bay 4, sir. He's fine. 208 00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:11,565 - And me? - Ah, the Cat. 209 00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:13,529 He's 100% tippety-top, sir. 210 00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:15,321 Yeah, what about me? 211 00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:18,606 Prepare yourself for a bit of a shock, sir. 212 00:11:18,680 --> 00:11:19,761 What kind of a shock? 213 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:22,571 Well, if most shocks are about this size, 214 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:24,483 this shock is more this size. 215 00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:29,528 You have a problem with your kidneys, sir. 216 00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:30,767 What kind of problem? 217 00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:31,961 You don't have any. 218 00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:35,688 That crazy droid organ-nabbed them. 219 00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:38,366 And when we Marined our way in to save you, 220 00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:39,965 friendly fire took out the jar. 221 00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:43,564 And which particular friend caused this friendly fire. 222 00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:45,530 Put it there, pal of mine. 223 00:11:47,080 --> 00:11:51,449 Where am I going to get new kidneys three millions years into deep space! 224 00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:53,204 Didn't I tell you he'd say that? 225 00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:55,364 And hang on a minute, no kidneys? 226 00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:56,726 How come I'm not dead? 227 00:11:56,880 --> 00:12:00,885 Well, I've injected a home-made MTK chip into your blood stream, sir, 228 00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:02,166 which performs a function 229 00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:05,562 similar to the old dialysis machine of days gone by. 230 00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:07,842 All being well, you'll be fine for, erm... 231 00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:09,160 - Years? - Er... 232 00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:10,321 Months? 233 00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:11,401 Weeks? 234 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:13,608 Let's not get bogged down in detail, sir. 235 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,604 I'm totally smegged, aren't I? 236 00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:17,405 Didn't I tell you he'd say that? 237 00:12:18,560 --> 00:12:19,766 KRYTEN: All is not lost, sir. 238 00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:22,047 The perpetrator of this act of derangement 239 00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:25,249 was clearly some mentally unhinged droid patient, 240 00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:27,004 who managed to escape his shackles. 241 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:29,203 Mr Rimmer and I, however, 242 00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:34,081 managed to obtain the services of a state-of-the-art medi-bot. 243 00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:39,804 (SNACKY BEEPING) 244 00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:49,007 He's a state-of-the-art medi-bot? 245 00:12:49,640 --> 00:12:51,210 He's only got four buttons! 246 00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:54,451 He goes by the name of Asclepius. 247 00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:55,601 SNACKY: Asclepius? 248 00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:57,570 Kryten, can we talk? 249 00:12:57,640 --> 00:12:59,324 just one moment, Asclepius. 250 00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:01,482 (CHUCKLES) Or should that be, Mr Asclepius? 251 00:13:01,560 --> 00:13:03,085 SNACKY: Actually, neither. 252 00:13:03,560 --> 00:13:05,130 Pardon my faux pas, Professor. 253 00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:06,326 Now, where was I? 254 00:13:06,560 --> 00:13:10,804 One of Asclepius' many abilities is DNA rewriting. 255 00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:13,890 If Mr Cat were willing to donate one of his kidneys, 256 00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:17,971 Asclepius here could make his kidney compatible with your body. 257 00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:19,924 This is the Cat we're talking about. 258 00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:22,606 The one with the big, black bog brush on his head! 259 00:13:23,160 --> 00:13:25,766 You're expecting me to ask him for a kidney? 260 00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:28,127 He's never given anyone anything in his life. 261 00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:30,044 Well, when we explain the importance, 262 00:13:30,120 --> 00:13:32,646 the idea of him being a donor might appeal. 263 00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:34,849 Kryten, read the "Cat" dictionary. 264 00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:36,604 There's only one meaning for donor. 265 00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:38,285 A kind of kebab. 266 00:13:39,680 --> 00:13:41,523 He's a cat, he can't help himself. 267 00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:43,645 He has his selfish side, 268 00:13:43,720 --> 00:13:45,848 but if it wasn't for you, sir, he wouldn't exist. 269 00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:47,490 Neither would his species. 270 00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:50,325 Plus, sir, you're buds. He'll come through. 271 00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:51,447 Of course, he will. 272 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:55,048 Didn't I tell you he'd look like that? 273 00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:04,606 Oh yeah! 274 00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:06,126 Hey, hey, hey! 275 00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:07,321 How you doing, bud? 276 00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:08,447 They said you wanted to see me. 277 00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:10,045 Cat, take a seat, erm... 278 00:14:10,560 --> 00:14:12,642 - What have they told you? - What's to tell? 279 00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:14,085 We all got out in one piece, right? 280 00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:15,161 Right. 281 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:18,768 Erm, listen. I've got a really big favour to ask you. 282 00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:19,887 Go ahead, ask. 283 00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:22,725 Forgive the interruption, sir. I suddenly remembered you haven't eaten. 284 00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:25,844 Here you go. Soup, a roll and a vitamin booster. 285 00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:27,285 Great, I'm famished! 286 00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:30,644 - But that was for... - (SIGHING) 287 00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:32,166 I'll get some more, sir. 288 00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:33,401 I don't want any more! 289 00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:35,161 I just need a main course. 290 00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:37,761 And get me one of those drip things, like he's got. 291 00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:40,648 - Listen, Cat. As I was saying... - (SLURPS) 292 00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:43,204 And some Himalayan sea salt! 293 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:45,962 - Listen, Cat. - You wanted to ask me something. 294 00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:48,043 Yeah, look. I'm not gonna beat about the bush here. 295 00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:49,690 I'm just gonna come right out and say it. 296 00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:51,530 I'm just gonna come right out and say it. 297 00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:53,045 I'm not gonna beat about the bush. 298 00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:55,165 I'm just gonna come right out and say it. 299 00:14:56,440 --> 00:14:57,487 In a minute. 300 00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:01,042 I need you to 301 00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:04,449 give me 302 00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:06,645 one of your kidneys. 303 00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:08,166 Kidneys? 304 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:09,241 This is fish. 305 00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:13,208 Not the food, you doink. The organ. 306 00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:15,363 That crazy droid organ-nabbed mine. 307 00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:16,805 Then they got nuked in the gun fight. 308 00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:18,521 So, let me get this straight. 309 00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:21,001 I give you one of my kidneys, what do I get? 310 00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:22,326 A hole. 311 00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:27,366 Where your kidney used to be. 312 00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:31,201 So, I give you a kidney, you give me a hole? 313 00:15:31,280 --> 00:15:32,850 You keep the kidney, I keep the hole? 314 00:15:32,920 --> 00:15:34,001 MY gift to you. 315 00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:35,321 I'll tell you what. 316 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:37,243 It's not your kidneys that need replacing. 317 00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:38,321 It's your damn brain. 318 00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:40,489 Cat, if you don't give me your kidney and I die, 319 00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:41,800 think how you'll feel. 320 00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:43,041 Better than you! 321 00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:47,169 You know what, I think this is all front from you. 322 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,726 It's just all front. 'Cause I know you. I know you. 323 00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:52,684 And when push comes to shove, you'll do what's right. 324 00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:55,450 I won't do what's right. 325 00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:57,530 I hate doing what's right. 326 00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:02,408 All these years we've been together, you think someone knows you. 327 00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:04,809 But you don't know me at all! 328 00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:09,845 Where's that sea salt? 329 00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:14,567 Do I have to do everything myself around here! 330 00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:16,960 (SNACKY BEEPING) 331 00:16:17,480 --> 00:16:19,244 Ah, I thought you might be here. 332 00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:20,765 SNACKY: How can I be of service, sir? 333 00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:25,410 I'd quite like to see you with regard to your psychiatric skills. 334 00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:27,006 (SNACKY WHIRRING) 335 00:16:27,080 --> 00:16:31,642 I've got some issues with my father, who I discovered wasn't my father. 336 00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:34,047 Also, I've got some issues with my mother, 337 00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:36,168 who very sadly is my mother. 338 00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:38,844 Also, I've got brothers. 339 00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:40,331 I should probably sit down. 340 00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:43,921 But when I woke up in the morning, she was gone. 341 00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:45,570 And so was the lettuce. 342 00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:49,771 Why would anyone do that to my teddy bear? 343 00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:52,209 And she was shouting at me, 344 00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:54,881 "More talcum powder! More talcum powder!" 345 00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:57,008 But I didn't have any talcum powder! 346 00:16:57,320 --> 00:16:58,765 - (SNACKY WHIRRING) - (RIMMER SOBBING) 347 00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:02,491 Why did she get the green crayon? 348 00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:05,966 So, what do you think? 349 00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:07,845 You've said nothing all session. 350 00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:11,362 And if you don't say anything, how can I ever feel better about myself? 351 00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:12,846 (SNACKY BEEPING) 352 00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:16,525 Unless, of course, you're doing it deliberately. 353 00:17:17,120 --> 00:17:18,121 But Why? 354 00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:19,481 (SNACKY BEEPING) 355 00:17:20,360 --> 00:17:25,764 You want me to realise the only person who can help me is me! 356 00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:28,601 My God, that's just cut straight to the heart of it. 357 00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:30,409 No wonder they call you brilliant! 358 00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:32,370 I confess, I was sceptical at first. 359 00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:34,522 I think it was the egg flipper thing that rotates on your head, 360 00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:35,601 that put me off. 361 00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:37,609 But you are right, it's about me. 362 00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:41,651 I've got to look inside myself and find my own hero. 363 00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:42,767 (SNACKY DINGS) 364 00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:45,207 - Is that time up? - (BEEPING) 365 00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:47,491 Look, I'll see you next session. 366 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:52,604 Well, he said no. 367 00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:54,045 What are we going to do? 368 00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:56,446 Well, I've got an idea. 369 00:17:57,040 --> 00:17:58,644 How's your lie-mode these days? 370 00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:01,087 Do you still do that crazy, nervous stuttery thing? 371 00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:02,287 Please, sir. 372 00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:05,284 I am now fluent in all the deceptive arts. 373 00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:07,051 I could work for FIFA. 374 00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:19,406 Ah, there you are, sir. 375 00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:21,050 I've been looking everywhere for you. 376 00:18:21,120 --> 00:18:24,567 There's been the most (STUTTERING) terrible mix-up. 377 00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:27,041 With the (STUTTERING) medical results. 378 00:18:27,120 --> 00:18:28,610 - Mix-up? - Yes, sir. 379 00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:32,480 It's not (STUTTERING) Mr Lister who needs a new kidney, sir. 380 00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:34,164 - It's you. - Me? 381 00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:35,241 Yes, sir. You. 382 00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:36,726 I need a new kidney? 383 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:40,891 (STUTTERING) Yes, sir. 384 00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:44,567 I must go and tell Mr Lister. He will be so pleased. 385 00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:47,923 No, no, no! Wait, slow down! I need to see him first! 386 00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:55,446 Hey, there, buddy. I've come to tuck you in. 387 00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:57,886 Okay. 388 00:18:58,000 --> 00:18:59,126 Here I go. 389 00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:04,450 ♪ Tuck, tuck tuck, tuck Tucky, tucky, tuck 390 00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:07,524 ♪ Tucky, tucky, tucky, tucky Tuck, tuck, tuck ♪ 391 00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:08,971 Oh, by the way, 392 00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:11,486 I thought about what you said about the kidney thing. 393 00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:12,721 And I thought, 394 00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:15,804 "What would you do if this whole situation was reversed?" 395 00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:17,081 You know what I'd do. 396 00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:18,889 I'd give you a kidney in 10 seconds flat. 397 00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:20,610 That's why I'm gonna give you one of my kidneys. 398 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:22,161 No way! 399 00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:26,001 It's yours, bud. 400 00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:28,402 Just slice me open and haul it out. 401 00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:30,722 And while you're in there, if you take a shine to anything else, 402 00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:31,881 just grab that too! 403 00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:35,686 You want 20 yards of my lower intestine? 404 00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:36,881 Just unroll that sucker, 405 00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:39,042 throw it over your shoulder and stroll on out. 406 00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:41,646 What's mine is yours and what's yours is mine. 407 00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:45,242 Budskies till the day I get my first wrinkle, right? 408 00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:47,441 Right. 409 00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:48,521 What's this? 410 00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:51,204 Consent form, you need to sign it. 411 00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:53,248 Well, give me a pen. Let's get this done. 412 00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:54,880 'Cause like you said, 413 00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:56,883 if the roles were reversed you'd be there for me, right? 414 00:19:57,160 --> 00:19:58,241 Damn right. 415 00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:01,051 It's just one "T," right? 416 00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:04,086 I knew that! 417 00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:08,086 Oh, Mr Lister, sir. I scarcely know where to begin. 418 00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:10,085 CAT: Calm down, bud. 419 00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:11,491 Whatever's wrong? 420 00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:14,241 I got the kidney tests mixed up! 421 00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:15,881 No! 422 00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:18,921 He got the kidney tests mixed up! 423 00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:22,970 At first, I thought it was Mr Lister who had no kidneys, 424 00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:24,644 but when I checked the results again 425 00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:27,371 I discovered it was you who had no kidneys, sir! 426 00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:30,962 I'm going to have to get myself a kidney then, but where? 427 00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:35,651 But then, I thought to myself, 428 00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:38,769 "If you have no kidneys, how come you're not dead?" 429 00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:41,047 Yeah, how come you're not dead? 430 00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:43,647 Why is that? 431 00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:46,287 Well, then I went and looked at the medi-results again. 432 00:20:46,360 --> 00:20:51,207 And blow me, I discovered I hadn't made a mistake after all. 433 00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:54,566 I beg your pardon? 434 00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:58,042 Yeah, Mr Lister needs new kidneys. Not you, sir. 435 00:20:58,640 --> 00:20:59,880 I've got the form. 436 00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:00,961 I've got it signed. 437 00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:02,804 Let's get smocked up and do this. 438 00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:03,961 (BEEPING) 439 00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:06,007 What's that? 440 00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:08,242 Pre-op injection, sir. It'll help you relax. 441 00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:10,728 Oh, I very much doubt that! 442 00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:20,006 (MONITOR BEEPING) 443 00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:23,608 Asclepius, are you ready to re-write the DNA? 444 00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:25,161 SNACKY: Before we begin, 445 00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:26,605 what do you do when a bunch of people 446 00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:29,331 think you're some fancy-Dan DNA medi-computer, 447 00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:32,529 when, in fact, that's not what you do, at all. 448 00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:33,767 What do you do? 449 00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:35,207 SNACKY: Look on my back. 450 00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:36,967 "Snacky. 451 00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:38,883 "Automated Snack Dispenser. 452 00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:41,049 "For service, please call..." 453 00:21:41,120 --> 00:21:44,329 And there's a number with a Milton Keynes dialling code. 454 00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:55,006 So, where does this leave us? 455 00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:57,442 Well, without a state-of-the-art medi-bot, 456 00:21:57,520 --> 00:22:01,650 we can't re-write the Cat's DNA and his kidneys won't be compatible. 457 00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:05,486 It's like VHS and Betamax, or the Catholic Church and science. 458 00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:07,967 LISTER: Hang on. 459 00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:10,964 When we were on that space station, we came across this skeleton, right. 460 00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:15,568 It was weird 'cause the DNA on the knife was the same as the DNA in the body. 461 00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:16,801 Could this Romero guy 462 00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:19,565 have, somehow, been killed by his own clone? 463 00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:21,404 And if so, can we clone me? 464 00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:23,644 SNACKY: I hate to be the bearer of bad news, 465 00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:26,371 but Romero wasn't killed by his own clone. 466 00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:27,680 Well, who killed him then? 467 00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:29,006 SNACKY: He was a stasis engineer 468 00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:31,686 working on a project to hack stasis booths 469 00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:34,240 in order to create a portal back into the past. 470 00:22:34,360 --> 00:22:35,930 He used to talk about it with his colleagues, 471 00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:37,365 when they were ordering snacks. 472 00:22:37,680 --> 00:22:41,605 One day, his future self appeared, and told him to never go back in time 473 00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:43,330 or he'd be stabbed to death. 474 00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:45,409 The younger Romero refused to believe him 475 00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:46,561 and stabbed him to death. 476 00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:49,608 He realised what a terrible thing he'd done, 477 00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:52,001 so he went back in time to warn his younger self, 478 00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:53,764 but got stabbed to death. 479 00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:58,001 Could we use his research somehow? 480 00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:01,641 You mean use Romero's configuration to go back in time, 481 00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:05,726 and take the younger Mr Lister's kidneys and insert them into you, sir. 482 00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:07,968 But wouldn't his future self drop dead? 483 00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:10,611 Not if we insert an MTK chip in him, 484 00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:13,809 to keep him going until he turns from younger Mr Lister 485 00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:15,245 into present-day Mr Lister. 486 00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:18,490 How can you nick my internal organs with me not noticing? 487 00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:22,287 We'd chloroform you, swipe your kidneys and then you wake up feeling groggy, 488 00:23:22,360 --> 00:23:24,488 think you must have got black-out drunk, which you did. 489 00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:26,041 LISTER: You know, that's right. 490 00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:29,124 I blacked out and then spent two days in bed 491 00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:31,362 feeling like the living dead, no offence. 492 00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:34,208 And I couldn't understand it, 493 00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:36,123 'cause I could only remember having two drinks. 494 00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:38,562 But it wasn't that, it was 'cause I had no kidneys, 495 00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:41,166 and only had the MTK chip keeping me alive! 496 00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:43,403 Do you know, I believe we can do this, sir. 497 00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:44,481 SNACKY: How? 498 00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:47,565 No one knows how to reconfigure the stasis booths. 499 00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:48,841 What about you? 500 00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:50,684 SNACKY: I'm a snack machine. 501 00:23:52,360 --> 00:23:55,170 Did you overhear Romero when he was talking about the adjustments? 502 00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:58,164 SNACKY: But he only ever figured out how to go back 30 years. 503 00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:01,643 Going back just a few days needs precision accuracy. 504 00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:03,524 Well, you could build on his findings. 505 00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:05,250 SNACKY: I'm just a snack dispenser. 506 00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:07,004 I just dispense snacks. 507 00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:08,650 But when we had our therapy sessions, 508 00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:11,451 you taught me how to find the hero inside myself! 509 00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:13,602 SNACKY: No, I didn't. And you know why? 510 00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:15,762 I'm just a snack dispenser. 511 00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:17,810 Yes, you're just a snack dispenser, 512 00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:19,530 if you think you're just a snack dispenser. 513 00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:21,364 But you're not only a snack dispenser, 514 00:24:21,440 --> 00:24:24,011 you're something more if you decide you want to be something more. 515 00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:25,844 You taught me that in our first session! 516 00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:28,048 SNACKY: I didn't teach you anything! You know why? 517 00:24:28,120 --> 00:24:29,929 Me, me, me, me! I got this one! 518 00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:31,161 Is it 'cause you're a snack dispenser? 519 00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:32,571 SNACKY: I'm a snack dispenser. 520 00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:33,687 (EXCLAIMS) 521 00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:36,243 Let me ask you a few questions. 522 00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:38,926 How do you unify the triode valve? 523 00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:41,162 SNACKY: You reduce the transmogulator setting. 524 00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:42,321 Yes! 525 00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:43,447 Did you know that? 526 00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:45,682 No, it's just a long word. It's good enough for me. 527 00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:48,648 What does GFR stand for? 528 00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:50,570 SNACKY: "Gyrospectic Functioning Rate." 529 00:24:51,360 --> 00:24:52,771 You're right. 530 00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:54,126 Perhaps, I can do this. 531 00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:56,971 Okay, get me to the nearest stasis booth. 532 00:25:04,720 --> 00:25:06,051 (WHIRRING) 533 00:25:06,120 --> 00:25:07,201 SNACKY: There. 534 00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:08,406 That should do it. 535 00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:10,403 Right, then, let's do this. 536 00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:12,927 Oh, before we do. Can I have a bag of Twirly Whirlers? 537 00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:16,250 SNACKY: Please, I'm a stasis booth engineer! 538 00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:18,091 You've changed. 539 00:25:26,120 --> 00:25:27,690 It's Sunday. It worked! 540 00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:28,761 (GROANS) 541 00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:29,887 (DEVICE WHIRRING) 542 00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:33,043 The MTK chip is expiring, sir. We haven't got much time. 543 00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:35,449 (MUSIC PLAYING) 544 00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:44,241 (GRUNTS) 545 00:25:49,600 --> 00:25:50,886 Tough as old boots. 546 00:25:51,480 --> 00:25:53,164 (MONITOR BEEPING) 547 00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:02,926 What now? 548 00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:05,682 We've got to return that Lister to the sleeping quarters, 549 00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:07,444 and then get this Lister back to the present. 550 00:26:07,520 --> 00:26:09,284 Where he can recuperate in the science room 551 00:26:09,360 --> 00:26:10,521 and get back to full health. 552 00:26:10,720 --> 00:26:11,881 Someone's coming! 553 00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:14,042 It's crucial we're not discovered by our old selves. 554 00:26:14,120 --> 00:26:17,090 It could discombobulate the entire space-time continuum. 555 00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:18,366 Quick, in here! 556 00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:20,926 LIFT: Where to, sirs? 557 00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:23,122 RIMMER: Sleeping quarters and make it snappy. 558 00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:28,201 (LIFT BELL DINGS) 559 00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:29,681 (BUZZING) 560 00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:31,281 LIFT: Lift coming, sir. 561 00:26:31,360 --> 00:26:32,407 (BUZZING) 562 00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:35,802 Come on! Come on! Why are you always so slow? 563 00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:38,440 I've seen snails with clubbed feet travel faster than you. 564 00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:40,443 The French Army after lunch move quicker! 565 00:26:41,360 --> 00:26:43,567 LIFT: Sir, your past self is calling for the lift. 566 00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:45,848 Don't tell him anything. You'll blow the timeline. 567 00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:47,365 LIFT: He's getting really angry, sir. 568 00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:49,044 Ignore him, he's an idiot. 569 00:26:49,120 --> 00:26:50,121 But he's you! 570 00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:51,201 He's past me. 571 00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:53,089 Present me is a whole lot smarter. 572 00:26:53,160 --> 00:26:55,561 I understand now why you were so slow. 573 00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:57,927 You were transporting us, but you couldn't tell me. 574 00:26:58,000 --> 00:26:59,764 UH: He's threatening to fire me, sir. 575 00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:01,444 How can you fire a lift? 576 00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:03,761 What is wrong with him? He's a total gimboid. 577 00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:06,520 Look, I'll make it right when I'm back in the present. 578 00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:08,762 I'll unfire you, promote you even. 579 00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:11,923 Install you in that swanky glass shaft, over on the Officers' Deck. 580 00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:13,001 How does that sound? 581 00:27:13,120 --> 00:27:15,600 LIFT: Officers' Deck? That sounds marvellous, sir! 582 00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:17,047 (LIFT BELL DINGS) 583 00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:25,650 I'll get the other one! 584 00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:26,846 Lights! 585 00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:34,766 Wait for me! 586 00:27:40,840 --> 00:27:43,684 A couple of days recuperating in the science room, sir, 587 00:27:43,760 --> 00:27:45,046 and you'll be right as rain. 588 00:27:45,120 --> 00:27:46,121 So, I'm going to be okay? 589 00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:47,440 And so will the past you, 590 00:27:47,520 --> 00:27:49,966 whose kidneys you body-napped to give to yourself. 591 00:27:50,040 --> 00:27:51,769 Where would I be without me? 592 00:27:51,840 --> 00:27:53,410 Probably sat here without any kidneys! 593 00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:55,369 Whereas now, I'm sat there without any kidneys. 594 00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:56,601 Good old me, eh! 595 00:28:03,560 --> 00:28:05,005 (LIFT BELL DINGS) 596 00:28:08,040 --> 00:28:10,247 LIFT: Ah. Hello, Rimmer. Remember me? 597 00:28:10,360 --> 00:28:11,566 Of course! 598 00:28:11,840 --> 00:28:14,366 They moved you down to Shaft 6. 599 00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:17,211 LIFT: Three weeks I've been waiting for that promotion you promised me. 600 00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:19,642 Yes, that sort of slipped my mind. 601 00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:20,846 LIFT: I've got some news. 602 00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:22,689 Snacky's installed a nuclear power reactor 603 00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:24,091 to my counterbalance, 604 00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:25,969 which means I can now travel between floors 605 00:28:26,040 --> 00:28:27,485 at close to the speed of light. 606 00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:31,002 I haven't tested it yet though, I've been waiting for you, Rimmer. 607 00:28:31,200 --> 00:28:32,770 Close to the speed of light? 608 00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:35,611 LIFT: I'm going to take you on the ride of your life. 609 00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:36,681 Now, just hang on! 610 00:28:36,760 --> 00:28:38,603 LIFT: No, you hang on! 611 00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:39,886 (RIMMER SCREAMING) 612 00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:41,167 (THEME SONG PLAYING) 613 00:28:41,240 --> 00:28:44,722 ♪ It's cold outside There's no kind of atmosphere ♪ 614 00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:47,849 ♪ I'm all alone More or less ♪ 615 00:28:47,920 --> 00:28:51,481 ♪ Let me fly Far away from here ♪ 616 00:28:51,560 --> 00:28:56,964 ♪ Fun, fun, fun In the sun, sun, sun ♪ 617 00:28:58,120 --> 00:29:01,567 ♪ I want to lie Shipwrecked and comatose♪ 618 00:29:01,640 --> 00:29:04,610 ♪ Drinking fresh mango juice ♪ 619 00:29:04,680 --> 00:29:08,162 ♪ Goldfish shoals nibbling at my toes ♪ 620 00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:13,531 ♪ Fun, fun, fun In the sun, sun, sun ♪ 621 00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:20,165 ♪ Fun, fun, fun In the sun, sun, sun ♪