1
00:00:02,745 --> 00:00:03,924
No!

2
00:00:03,993 --> 00:00:07,322
Is there an e-mail from
the Event Committee?!

3
00:00:07,347 --> 00:00:08,529
I can't answer that.

4
00:00:08,598 --> 00:00:10,498
You can't or you won't?

5
00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:12,566
You and Siri fighting again?

6
00:00:12,635 --> 00:00:14,101
I get it.

7
00:00:14,412 --> 00:00:16,912
Yeah, my Roomba and
I fight all the time.

8
00:00:19,675 --> 00:00:22,042
Guys, the Welltopia
banquet is this weekend,

9
00:00:22,111 --> 00:00:23,677
and the Event Committee
still hasn't called

10
00:00:23,746 --> 00:00:25,179
to ask me to emcee.

11
00:00:25,661 --> 00:00:26,247
You know, I'm gonna check

12
00:00:26,315 --> 00:00:28,082
to make sure the phones are working.

13
00:00:29,051 --> 00:00:31,252
They're working.

14
00:00:31,320 --> 00:00:33,615
I've hosted five years running,

15
00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:35,542
and that was before my
legendary performance

16
00:00:35,567 --> 00:00:38,492
at the legendary Laugh Factory.

17
00:00:38,561 --> 00:00:39,827
Okay, to be clear,

18
00:00:39,896 --> 00:00:42,329
you did a five-minute
set for friends and family

19
00:00:42,398 --> 00:00:44,532
on a Tuesday at sundown.

20
00:00:44,600 --> 00:00:46,500
Yeah, and you're still talking about it.

21
00:00:47,778 --> 00:00:51,646
How many psychiatrists does
it take to change a light bulb?

22
00:00:51,700 --> 00:00:54,100
None, unless it's ready to change.

23
00:00:59,482 --> 00:01:00,648
That's just a little taste

24
00:01:00,716 --> 00:01:03,484
of what you'll be getting
when I host the banquet.

25
00:01:03,553 --> 00:01:05,352
Good crowd.

26
00:01:05,421 --> 00:01:07,087
Good crowd.

27
00:01:07,156 --> 00:01:08,222
You?!

28
00:01:08,291 --> 00:01:10,024
They asked you to host the banquet?

29
00:01:10,092 --> 00:01:11,400
- Mm-hmm.
- Why?

30
00:01:11,425 --> 00:01:12,626
I don't know, I guess maybe they wanted

31
00:01:12,695 --> 00:01:14,128
more thinking man's comedy

32
00:01:14,196 --> 00:01:16,063
and less desperate man's comedy.

33
00:01:17,133 --> 00:01:18,632
You know, more cerebral humor

34
00:01:18,701 --> 00:01:21,569
and less of the rubber-faced
clowning that is your trademark.

35
00:01:31,480 --> 00:01:32,680
Did you guys know about this?

36
00:01:35,551 --> 00:01:38,619
A little bit, we did.

37
00:01:38,688 --> 00:01:41,989
But we were maybe scared to tell you.

38
00:01:42,374 --> 00:01:44,191
Because

39
00:01:44,260 --> 00:01:46,827
we thought you would go crazy.

40
00:01:48,448 --> 00:01:49,830
P.S. I wanted to tell you.

41
00:01:49,899 --> 00:01:52,132
I like a little crazy
to break up my work day.

42
00:02:00,876 --> 00:02:03,410
Thank you...

43
00:02:03,479 --> 00:02:06,435
for being honest with me, but I'm fine.

44
00:02:06,770 --> 00:02:09,681
And I'll actually be able to
enjoy the banquet for once.

45
00:02:10,553 --> 00:02:12,052
You never get to eat when you emcee.

46
00:02:15,317 --> 00:02:16,883
Have a great morning.

47
00:02:27,378 --> 00:02:28,577
It was in the way.

48
00:02:34,327 --> 00:02:36,220
Why would they ask Pat to host?

49
00:02:36,245 --> 00:02:37,978
Maybe they want to give
someone else a turn.

50
00:02:38,047 --> 00:02:40,114
You don't ask Mark
Zuckerberg to step down

51
00:02:40,182 --> 00:02:42,349
to give someone else a turn.

52
00:02:42,418 --> 00:02:45,919
You're the Mark Zuckerberg
of hosting HMO banquets?

53
00:02:45,988 --> 00:02:49,256
I was until the Event
Committee Winklevossed me.

54
00:02:50,059 --> 00:02:52,243
Forget it. You're not a comedy person.

55
00:02:52,268 --> 00:02:54,261
Hey, I'm the funniest
person in my book club.

56
00:02:55,197 --> 00:02:56,497
Book club funny?

57
00:02:56,565 --> 00:02:59,767
That's like saying I'm
the smartest guy at my gym.

58
00:03:00,970 --> 00:03:02,069
When did you join a gym?

59
00:03:02,138 --> 00:03:03,370
The point is...

60
00:03:04,710 --> 00:03:06,740
you know how much this
banquet means to me.

61
00:03:06,809 --> 00:03:07,808
Okay, look.

62
00:03:07,833 --> 00:03:10,121
Instead of stewing and brooding,

63
00:03:10,146 --> 00:03:12,179
maybe you'd feel better
if you took the high road.

64
00:03:12,248 --> 00:03:15,249
Oh, yeah. I'll consider that never.

65
00:03:15,317 --> 00:03:19,453
The low road's easier,
it's faster, it's on brand.

66
00:03:19,522 --> 00:03:22,623
Ken, you've gotten a lot of
validation for your comedy.

67
00:03:22,692 --> 00:03:25,592
You can afford to be
emotionally generous with Pat.

68
00:03:27,630 --> 00:03:28,829
You're right.

69
00:03:28,898 --> 00:03:29,830
I am?

70
00:03:31,500 --> 00:03:34,764
This lame HMO banquet is beneath me now.

71
00:03:35,850 --> 00:03:40,007
But it's the only kind of
garbage gig Pat can get.

72
00:03:40,076 --> 00:03:45,646
I can throw Pat a bone
because I am made of bones.

73
00:03:45,715 --> 00:03:48,549
You know what? I'll go
get Pat a bottle of scotch

74
00:03:48,617 --> 00:03:52,252
and say, "Congratulations,
it isn't easy stealing a job

75
00:03:52,321 --> 00:03:54,621
from a more deserving candidate."

76
00:03:54,883 --> 00:03:57,896
Ohh... I'm sort of proud of you.

77
00:03:57,921 --> 00:04:00,255
Thank you, Allison.
I'm a very good person.

78
00:04:00,463 --> 00:04:02,329
Humble, too.

79
00:04:02,398 --> 00:04:04,598
Humble, too.

80
00:04:21,650 --> 00:04:23,550
Uh... why is the neighbor girl

81
00:04:23,619 --> 00:04:26,820
standing outside the kitchen
window creepy-staring at you?

82
00:04:26,889 --> 00:04:29,757
Emily? She likes me.

83
00:04:39,749 --> 00:04:41,415
How long does she just stand there?

84
00:04:41,484 --> 00:04:43,417
Depends. Sometimes she
takes a break to eat.

85
00:04:43,486 --> 00:04:45,953
Sometimes she just powers through.

86
00:04:49,358 --> 00:04:52,193
Uh, Dave, you have a stalker.

87
00:04:53,563 --> 00:04:56,197
I don't like to put labels on things.

88
00:04:56,265 --> 00:04:58,859
Well, I do, and I would label this

89
00:04:58,884 --> 00:05:01,051
with a "W" for "weird."

90
00:05:04,741 --> 00:05:06,974
Don't encourage her. You
want to get rid of her.

91
00:05:07,043 --> 00:05:07,908
How do I do that?

92
00:05:07,977 --> 00:05:09,777
Aah! She's still here?

93
00:05:14,851 --> 00:05:17,651
And don't come back!

94
00:05:21,491 --> 00:05:22,990
Eric, I don't work hard all day

95
00:05:23,059 --> 00:05:25,559
to come home and eat leftovers
out of a damn doggy ba...

96
00:05:25,628 --> 00:05:28,562
Excu... 'scuse me, 'scuse
me? What you call me?

97
00:05:28,631 --> 00:05:30,664
Uh-huh, that's what I thought!

98
00:05:31,563 --> 00:05:33,985
Oh, my God, is everything
okay with you and Eric?

99
00:05:34,174 --> 00:05:35,640
Yeah, why?

100
00:05:37,173 --> 00:05:39,206
Speaking of Eric...

101
00:05:39,275 --> 00:05:40,574
Always eavesdropping.

102
00:05:41,268 --> 00:05:44,002
Will he be attending the
banquet as your guest?

103
00:05:44,220 --> 00:05:47,325
Yes, Pat, just like I told you
yesterday and the day before.

104
00:05:47,350 --> 00:05:48,656
Well, relationships are volatile,

105
00:05:48,681 --> 00:05:50,384
and I'm in charge of the plus-ones.

106
00:05:50,453 --> 00:05:52,987
So sue me for being thorough!

107
00:05:53,055 --> 00:05:54,789
Oh, uh, Connor is coming, too.

108
00:05:54,857 --> 00:05:56,123
Yeah, whatever.

109
00:05:57,260 --> 00:06:00,394
Okay. So, are you bringing anyone, Pat?

110
00:06:00,419 --> 00:06:02,018
Well, it would hardly seem appropriate

111
00:06:02,068 --> 00:06:04,368
to bring a date to a work event
where you know an ex-lover...

112
00:06:04,500 --> 00:06:06,200
mmm!... is going to be.

113
00:06:07,870 --> 00:06:09,737
Would it, hmm?

114
00:06:10,029 --> 00:06:11,615
Would it?

115
00:06:12,441 --> 00:06:16,043
Listen, I am so glad
that Eric is my plus-one.

116
00:06:16,068 --> 00:06:17,708
This is easily the best relationship

117
00:06:17,733 --> 00:06:19,117
I've been in in a long time...

118
00:06:19,148 --> 00:06:22,449
Some people are still eavesdropping!

119
00:06:24,587 --> 00:06:26,654
You're leaving early, Mr. Dr. Ken.

120
00:06:26,722 --> 00:06:27,788
You get fired?

121
00:06:28,224 --> 00:06:31,199
No. No, I'm just heading
to the liquor store.

122
00:06:31,260 --> 00:06:32,560
Oh, 'cause I was gonna
give your parking spot

123
00:06:32,628 --> 00:06:35,529
to the new Ears, Noses, and Throats guy.

124
00:06:35,598 --> 00:06:36,497
Super cool.

125
00:06:37,104 --> 00:06:38,870
Real people person.

126
00:06:38,956 --> 00:06:41,302
Already remembered my birthday.

127
00:06:41,812 --> 00:06:44,038
Sorry, Juan-Julio. Not fired.

128
00:06:44,262 --> 00:06:45,862
I'm sorry, too.

129
00:06:51,881 --> 00:06:53,781
Ahh.

130
00:06:53,850 --> 00:06:55,883
Find the nearest liquor store.

131
00:06:55,952 --> 00:06:57,351
Licorice store.

132
00:06:57,420 --> 00:07:00,287
Not licorice store!

133
00:07:00,356 --> 00:07:03,090
Liquor... store!

134
00:07:03,159 --> 00:07:04,407
Livermore, California.

135
00:07:04,432 --> 00:07:05,526
Aah! I hate you!

136
00:07:05,595 --> 00:07:06,560
I hate you!

137
00:07:06,629 --> 00:07:07,361
I hate you!!

138
00:07:18,875 --> 00:07:20,207
You hit your boss's car.

139
00:07:23,679 --> 00:07:25,800
I can't wait to tell the
Ears, Noses, and Throats guy

140
00:07:25,825 --> 00:07:27,692
the good news.

141
00:07:27,717 --> 00:07:30,618
Mr. Dr. Gary!

142
00:07:40,367 --> 00:07:42,609
- Pat.
- Mm?

143
00:07:42,670 --> 00:07:45,470
Did you park in your spot today?

144
00:07:45,539 --> 00:07:46,605
Why wouldn't I?

145
00:07:46,674 --> 00:07:50,108
So, your license plate says "Boyy Toyy"?

146
00:07:50,177 --> 00:07:53,478
I'm a boy, and it's my toy.

147
00:07:53,547 --> 00:07:57,361
I feel terrible because I
backed into your boy toy.

148
00:08:01,155 --> 00:08:02,254
You did... you did what?

149
00:08:02,322 --> 00:08:03,588
Don't... don't... don't worry.

150
00:08:03,657 --> 00:08:05,490
No, my insurance will
pay for everything,

151
00:08:05,559 --> 00:08:07,811
and... oh, and... here.

152
00:08:11,900 --> 00:08:12,896
Well, well, well.

153
00:08:13,739 --> 00:08:15,767
I guess it wasn't enough
to wallow in jealousy

154
00:08:15,836 --> 00:08:17,903
over my hosting the banquet, no.

155
00:08:18,314 --> 00:08:20,581
You had to take it out on my boy toy.

156
00:08:22,995 --> 00:08:23,961
No, no, Pat!

157
00:08:23,986 --> 00:08:25,944
It was an accident.

158
00:08:27,003 --> 00:08:29,040
Damona, you believe me, don't you?

159
00:08:30,784 --> 00:08:31,516
Clark.

160
00:08:31,897 --> 00:08:33,385
Sweet, sweet Clark.

161
00:08:34,291 --> 00:08:36,054
You believe me, don't you?

162
00:08:36,660 --> 00:08:38,924
I believe it's what you believe.

163
00:08:38,992 --> 00:08:40,158
Clark, what the...?

164
00:08:40,227 --> 00:08:42,324
Oh, Juan-Julio. You were there.

165
00:08:42,349 --> 00:08:43,577
Thank God.

166
00:08:43,882 --> 00:08:45,186
Can you find the security footage?

167
00:08:45,211 --> 00:08:46,810
You bet I might be able to.

168
00:08:51,470 --> 00:08:54,805
Okay, uh, just have
to type in my password.

169
00:09:00,100 --> 00:09:01,351
A little privacies?

170
00:09:06,457 --> 00:09:08,683
Okay.

171
00:09:08,722 --> 00:09:10,145
Oh, it's running kind of slow.

172
00:09:10,170 --> 00:09:11,323
Damona, can I close out these windows?

173
00:09:11,391 --> 00:09:12,778
Oh, yeah, just keep my e-mail open.

174
00:09:12,803 --> 00:09:13,944
Oh, wait, is that that Groupon
you were telling me about?

175
00:09:13,969 --> 00:09:16,020
- Yeah, honey. Raglin Brothers... we going.
- Oh, we are going.

176
00:09:16,045 --> 00:09:18,178
Just show the tape already!

177
00:09:20,734 --> 00:09:21,991
I hate you!!

178
00:09:25,005 --> 00:09:27,205
I wasn't yelling at Pat.
I was yelling at Siri.

179
00:09:27,274 --> 00:09:28,373
It was her fault!

180
00:09:28,442 --> 00:09:30,942
Oh, sure. Blame the woman.

181
00:09:31,813 --> 00:09:33,879
No! I was taking the high road!

182
00:09:33,947 --> 00:09:35,380
Ken, you wouldn't know the high road

183
00:09:35,449 --> 00:09:37,983
if you were driving in the Alps.

184
00:09:38,386 --> 00:09:40,987
And those are clearly high roads!

185
00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:49,787
Are you looking for neighbor girl?

186
00:09:49,937 --> 00:09:50,917
She was here before.

187
00:09:50,942 --> 00:09:51,807
She was?

188
00:09:52,112 --> 00:09:53,912
I turn on sprinklers.

189
00:09:56,336 --> 00:09:58,475
Dave, if you miss Emily,

190
00:09:58,500 --> 00:10:00,505
maybe she was more than just a stalker.

191
00:10:00,798 --> 00:10:01,921
You think so?

192
00:10:01,946 --> 00:10:02,885
I mean, it's a little weird,

193
00:10:02,910 --> 00:10:05,305
but you do a lot of weird things,

194
00:10:05,330 --> 00:10:07,946
like get dressed for
school the night before

195
00:10:08,015 --> 00:10:10,816
and then sleep in your clothes.

196
00:10:10,884 --> 00:10:13,434
It's called a power wake-up.

197
00:10:13,459 --> 00:10:15,106
Warren Buffett does it.

198
00:10:16,757 --> 00:10:20,559
The point is, maybe
there's more going on here.

199
00:10:20,627 --> 00:10:22,689
Maybe you like like Emily.

200
00:10:22,753 --> 00:10:26,349
Ha! Me like like her? That's crazy.

201
00:10:29,865 --> 00:10:31,469
Or is it?

202
00:10:31,855 --> 00:10:33,038
It is crazy.

203
00:10:33,308 --> 00:10:36,009
She was standing in sprinklers
for a good 10 minutes!

204
00:10:37,385 --> 00:10:39,018
Not normal!

205
00:10:44,493 --> 00:10:48,630
Hey...

206
00:10:48,655 --> 00:10:50,876
Yep, I told Eric it was black tie,

207
00:10:50,901 --> 00:10:52,123
but he wanted to do his own thing.

208
00:10:52,192 --> 00:10:53,625
You said it was black tie optional.

209
00:10:53,694 --> 00:10:56,442
Everything is technically
optional, Eric.

210
00:10:56,467 --> 00:11:00,115
But most of us opted not
to dress for a damn rodeo!

211
00:11:01,459 --> 00:11:03,301
Look, if you gonna be on me
all night about my outfit,

212
00:11:03,370 --> 00:11:05,056
I'm gonna find someone
who appreciates me

213
00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:06,738
and my nice jeans.

214
00:11:06,807 --> 00:11:08,106
Well, fine!

215
00:11:08,175 --> 00:11:10,054
And while you're at
it, check the buffet!

216
00:11:10,079 --> 00:11:12,801
I like to know how to
plan my plate, you yokel!

217
00:11:14,047 --> 00:11:16,081
Isn't this fun?

218
00:11:16,149 --> 00:11:17,749
Like, us out with our guys.

219
00:11:18,652 --> 00:11:20,218
It's so much fun.

220
00:11:20,287 --> 00:11:23,855
It's just you, me,
Connor, and the Yokel.

221
00:11:23,924 --> 00:11:25,622
- What? Is there something wrong?
- Okay, listen.

222
00:11:25,647 --> 00:11:26,902
I'm your friend, so I'm just
gonna give this to you...

223
00:11:26,927 --> 00:11:27,769
What? No.

224
00:11:27,794 --> 00:11:29,594
Yeah, I'll come to you.

225
00:11:32,183 --> 00:11:35,207
You guys are always fighting.
It's super uncomfortable.

226
00:11:35,232 --> 00:11:36,274
I mean, Connor is over there

227
00:11:36,299 --> 00:11:38,433
having a conversation with himself.

228
00:11:44,378 --> 00:11:47,112
Oh, please! That's just the way we are.

229
00:11:47,180 --> 00:11:48,780
We are just totally
honest with each other.

230
00:11:48,849 --> 00:11:50,363
What, you and Connor never fight?

231
00:11:50,388 --> 00:11:51,501
Of course not.

232
00:11:51,526 --> 00:11:53,994
So, what do you do when he
does something that bothers you?

233
00:11:54,019 --> 00:11:55,385
Nothing he does bothers me.

234
00:11:58,225 --> 00:12:01,162
Okay, occasionally when he is eating,

235
00:12:01,187 --> 00:12:04,856
he makes this, like, "Mmm
mmm mmm-mmm-mmm" sound.

236
00:12:06,566 --> 00:12:10,669
Kind of makes me okay with
the idea of dying alone.

237
00:12:13,156 --> 00:12:14,188
And you don't say anything?

238
00:12:14,246 --> 00:12:15,987
And risk having a fight? No, no.

239
00:12:16,012 --> 00:12:17,509
I just sit there and take it,

240
00:12:17,577 --> 00:12:20,745
like when you have a politically
incorrect Uber driver.

241
00:12:22,616 --> 00:12:24,349
Well, every relationship I ever had,

242
00:12:24,418 --> 00:12:26,213
I got that kind of stuff out.

243
00:12:26,238 --> 00:12:28,720
I argued from the first
day to the last day,

244
00:12:28,789 --> 00:12:31,823
and sometimes that's the same day.

245
00:12:33,722 --> 00:12:35,520
I really want it to work with Eric.

246
00:12:35,545 --> 00:12:37,028
I really want it to work with Connor.

247
00:12:37,284 --> 00:12:38,928
Well, maybe we should
just trust our instincts.

248
00:12:38,953 --> 00:12:39,658
Yeah.

249
00:12:39,734 --> 00:12:41,289
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah. Yeah.

250
00:12:41,314 --> 00:12:44,169
Although, historically,
you and I have spent

251
00:12:44,237 --> 00:12:47,105
many evenings alone with our instincts.

252
00:12:50,073 --> 00:12:51,076
Ugh!

253
00:12:51,308 --> 00:12:53,991
"Enjoy the comic stylings of Pat Hein"?

254
00:12:54,016 --> 00:12:54,946
No, thank you.

255
00:12:56,183 --> 00:12:58,623
Just try to enjoy yourself.

256
00:12:58,780 --> 00:13:00,652
Hey, watch it.

257
00:13:00,973 --> 00:13:04,689
Oh, no. I'm sorry.
Don't smash my car in.

258
00:13:11,798 --> 00:13:13,898
Why are there no trash cans here?!

259
00:13:21,403 --> 00:13:23,904
Hey. Do you think we fight too much?

260
00:13:23,972 --> 00:13:25,272
I don't know.

261
00:13:25,340 --> 00:13:26,980
The real question is why
you keep stepping on me

262
00:13:27,005 --> 00:13:29,005
with them big-ass
biscuits you call feet.

263
00:13:33,015 --> 00:13:35,080
Um, thank you, Eric,

264
00:13:35,105 --> 00:13:37,745
for your... constructive criticism.

265
00:13:37,770 --> 00:13:41,838
I will try to be a better dancer.

266
00:13:42,057 --> 00:13:44,157
You feeling okay?

267
00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:46,059
Never better.

268
00:13:46,390 --> 00:13:49,089
Because you dance like a drunk ox.

269
00:13:49,114 --> 00:13:50,830
Oh. You.

270
00:13:50,899 --> 00:13:53,069
You, oh, you are...

271
00:13:53,094 --> 00:13:55,809
oh, you a funny man with some...

272
00:13:55,896 --> 00:13:58,290
nice, appropriate jeans on.

273
00:13:58,493 --> 00:14:00,159
That's what you are.

274
00:14:03,174 --> 00:14:06,242
Mmm mmm mmm-mmm-mmm.

275
00:14:12,871 --> 00:14:14,287
Hey.

276
00:14:14,512 --> 00:14:19,659
Could I just ask you about the
"Mmm mmm mmm-mmm-mmm" sound?

277
00:14:19,728 --> 00:14:20,722
What are you talking about?

278
00:14:20,747 --> 00:14:21,962
Just whenever you take
a bite of something,

279
00:14:21,987 --> 00:14:25,555
you just make this... noise.

280
00:14:27,085 --> 00:14:28,368
Which I gather bothers you.

281
00:14:28,437 --> 00:14:32,639
It is the soundtrack to my nightmares.

282
00:14:32,708 --> 00:14:35,575
Are you fighting with me?

283
00:14:35,984 --> 00:14:37,610
I don't know.

284
00:14:37,968 --> 00:14:39,088
Maybe a little.

285
00:14:39,113 --> 00:14:40,123
Okay, all right.

286
00:14:40,148 --> 00:14:42,135
Well, I guess I can
tell you what bothers me.

287
00:14:42,159 --> 00:14:42,744
Like what?

288
00:14:42,745 --> 00:14:44,551
The fact that you tend
to wildly overreact.

289
00:14:53,099 --> 00:14:54,496
Pat's 15 minutes late.

290
00:14:54,521 --> 00:14:56,082
That's how bad his comic timing is.

291
00:14:56,107 --> 00:14:58,832
How am I not hosting this?!

292
00:14:58,900 --> 00:14:59,995
You know what? Enough.

293
00:15:00,020 --> 00:15:01,386
Pat's been through a lot.

294
00:15:01,547 --> 00:15:03,580
I think he took the
Damona thing pretty hard.

295
00:15:03,876 --> 00:15:04,875
Someone hit his car.

296
00:15:06,308 --> 00:15:07,963
Just be a friend, okay?

297
00:15:08,401 --> 00:15:10,076
Pat's stranded on the
side of the freeway.

298
00:15:10,145 --> 00:15:12,746
- Would you consider...
- Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes!

299
00:15:12,814 --> 00:15:14,547
Oh! You don't have to ask me twice.

300
00:15:14,779 --> 00:15:16,399
She didn't even ask you once.

301
00:15:18,269 --> 00:15:22,204
So, Pat Hein won't be
able to make it tonight.

302
00:15:22,351 --> 00:15:25,694
His bumper somehow fell off on the 405.

303
00:15:27,662 --> 00:15:30,753
He says he's not in the greatest
of neighborhoods, but so far,

304
00:15:30,778 --> 00:15:32,418
no one's been able to
jimmy his doors open

305
00:15:32,443 --> 00:15:33,419
and get at him.

306
00:15:35,137 --> 00:15:38,738
Anyway, here's Dr. Ken Parks!

307
00:15:47,146 --> 00:15:48,754
You were right, Allison.

308
00:15:48,779 --> 00:15:51,184
Sorry, I can't be funny right now.

309
00:15:51,253 --> 00:15:52,919
Didn't stop you last year.

310
00:16:01,482 --> 00:16:03,630
So, guess who has a girlfriend.

311
00:16:03,804 --> 00:16:05,070
You talked to Emily?

312
00:16:05,095 --> 00:16:06,866
Go, Dave.

313
00:16:07,110 --> 00:16:08,222
So, are you gonna, like,

314
00:16:08,247 --> 00:16:10,637
take her on one of your learning walks?

315
00:16:10,705 --> 00:16:13,173
No, we're really more homebodies.

316
00:16:13,498 --> 00:16:14,798
Aah!

317
00:16:20,348 --> 00:16:24,237
Wow, you have a really unique
ability to go unnoticed.

318
00:16:25,587 --> 00:16:28,321
I love that about her.
She's like a superhero.

319
00:16:30,553 --> 00:16:32,492
Aah! She got in the house?!

320
00:16:37,365 --> 00:16:39,432
Grandpa. No.

321
00:16:39,501 --> 00:16:43,392
Every relationship is different,
and if this works for them...

322
00:16:43,417 --> 00:16:44,404
Okay.

323
00:16:44,604 --> 00:16:46,252
But I'm not making her a snack.

324
00:16:46,277 --> 00:16:48,878
You feed them, and
they keep coming back.

325
00:17:04,434 --> 00:17:06,734
Well, you're the last person I expected

326
00:17:06,803 --> 00:17:09,203
to pick me up on the
side of the freeway.

327
00:17:09,272 --> 00:17:12,540
I thought for sure you'd be
up there hosting in my place.

328
00:17:12,608 --> 00:17:13,541
I was.

329
00:17:13,609 --> 00:17:14,799
The crowd begged me to stay.

330
00:17:14,824 --> 00:17:17,058
They were chanting my
name, pulling at my clothes.

331
00:17:18,815 --> 00:17:21,716
But I couldn't go through with it.

332
00:17:21,784 --> 00:17:23,350
I was up there thinking about you

333
00:17:23,375 --> 00:17:27,010
and your imminent mugging
and... your situation.

334
00:17:27,035 --> 00:17:29,297
Whether you believed it
was an accident or not,

335
00:17:29,750 --> 00:17:31,759
it was still my fault.

336
00:17:31,977 --> 00:17:33,704
Well, thanks.

337
00:17:33,729 --> 00:17:35,504
And I'm sorry I wasn't more gracious

338
00:17:35,529 --> 00:17:37,896
about you being asked
to bomb... I mean host.

339
00:17:41,904 --> 00:17:46,474
You know, the car is a great
place for awkward conversations.

340
00:17:46,542 --> 00:17:49,810
You don't have to make eye contact.

341
00:17:50,175 --> 00:17:54,015
It's where my dad told me
about the birds and the bees.

342
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:56,173
And about his other family.

343
00:17:58,755 --> 00:18:01,455
My point is...

344
00:18:01,524 --> 00:18:02,523
the only reason the Event Committee

345
00:18:02,592 --> 00:18:06,861
asked me to emcee is... I made them.

346
00:18:06,929 --> 00:18:10,398
- What?!
- Hmm? Hmm.

347
00:18:10,466 --> 00:18:11,532
Why?

348
00:18:11,808 --> 00:18:16,170
Well, even though Damona
and I are no longer,

349
00:18:16,441 --> 00:18:20,685
I wanted her new beau to think
that her ex was a somebody.

350
00:18:20,797 --> 00:18:22,743
I took the low road.

351
00:18:22,941 --> 00:18:24,645
Yeah, you wouldn't guess
it to look at me, Ken,

352
00:18:24,714 --> 00:18:28,376
but I can be small... and petty.

353
00:18:28,401 --> 00:18:29,889
Me, too.

354
00:18:29,914 --> 00:18:32,015
Oh, man, I do stuff
like that all the time.

355
00:18:33,186 --> 00:18:34,842
Low road's so much easier.

356
00:18:34,867 --> 00:18:36,300
Oh, yeah.

357
00:18:36,368 --> 00:18:38,335
Oh, if they had a Fast
Pass, I would own it.

358
00:18:41,874 --> 00:18:44,841
Ahh, I wonder who they
got to host the banquet.

359
00:18:45,443 --> 00:18:47,611
Eh, probably pulled some
hack out of the crowd.

360
00:18:52,251 --> 00:18:56,987
So, I have three
children... 11, 17, and 46.

361
00:18:58,701 --> 00:19:00,601
I'm not saying my husband is a child.

362
00:19:00,823 --> 00:19:02,659
I don't want to insult children.

363
00:19:03,662 --> 00:19:05,696
No, Ken's great.

364
00:19:05,904 --> 00:19:07,496
Just ask him.

365
00:19:09,433 --> 00:19:10,334
What the...?

366
00:19:10,402 --> 00:19:12,202
You guys have been
such a great audience.

367
00:19:12,271 --> 00:19:13,785
So much better than my husband.

368
00:19:15,741 --> 00:19:17,374
He doesn't even think I'm funny!

369
00:19:17,597 --> 00:19:19,309
But then again, he thinks he's funny,

370
00:19:19,378 --> 00:19:20,944
so maybe he's not the best judge.

371
00:19:24,450 --> 00:19:26,883
Thank you, Radisson Ballroom B!

372
00:19:26,952 --> 00:19:28,752
Thank you!

373
00:19:31,854 --> 00:19:35,396
So, Eric and I didn't
fight for two whole hours.

374
00:19:35,421 --> 00:19:37,427
It was hell.

375
00:19:37,496 --> 00:19:41,932
But we did have a blowout in
the lobby over some toothpicks.

376
00:19:42,073 --> 00:19:44,101
We're all good now.

377
00:19:44,300 --> 00:19:45,333
Well, we did fight,

378
00:19:45,358 --> 00:19:47,137
and it turns out we are not good at it.

379
00:19:47,350 --> 00:19:50,040
Yeah, we had no idea what to
do or how to get out of it.

380
00:19:50,211 --> 00:19:53,043
Finally, I had to agree to
start watching "Stranger Things."

381
00:19:53,112 --> 00:19:54,678
Ugh.

382
00:19:55,911 --> 00:19:57,447
Hey, I gave the valet our ticket.

383
00:19:57,516 --> 00:19:58,815
Our car is waiting for us.

384
00:19:59,135 --> 00:20:00,189
Aww.

385
00:20:00,214 --> 00:20:01,880
Brought your raincoat so you
wouldn't have to wait in line.

386
00:20:02,054 --> 00:20:03,453
Aww.

387
00:20:03,804 --> 00:20:06,957
That's not my raincoat, genius.

388
00:20:07,025 --> 00:20:09,826
You want to wait longer?
A raincoat is a raincoat.

389
00:20:12,164 --> 00:20:15,098
That's my girl. Looks good.

390
00:20:16,645 --> 00:20:19,116
That was my coat, but I'll
get another one. It's fine.

391
00:20:22,508 --> 00:20:24,066
Did you see any of it? How did I do?

392
00:20:24,091 --> 00:20:25,709
You were so funny.

393
00:20:25,778 --> 00:20:29,379
And not just book club
funny... HMO banquet funny.

394
00:20:33,452 --> 00:20:35,852
So, you made things right with Pat?

395
00:20:35,921 --> 00:20:37,020
Yep, we're good.

396
00:20:37,089 --> 00:20:38,453
You're right about the high road.

397
00:20:38,478 --> 00:20:39,523
It does feel better.

398
00:20:39,591 --> 00:20:41,841
Really? You're a high road guy now?

399
00:20:41,866 --> 00:20:42,970
Mm, not sure it'll stick,

400
00:20:42,995 --> 00:20:44,066
but let's just enjoy the moment.

401
00:20:46,228 --> 00:20:48,666
So, were all your jokes about me?

402
00:20:48,691 --> 00:20:51,034
Oh, no. Most of them had
nothing to do with you.

403
00:20:51,562 --> 00:20:54,805
Aww. Thanks for lying.

404
00:20:54,873 --> 00:20:55,772
High road.

405
00:20:56,686 --> 00:21:00,186
Synced and corrected by Octavia 
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