1
00:00:00,139 --> 00:00:03,511
- I'm Xavier. With an "X."
- Your life is so much fun.
2
00:00:03,541 --> 00:00:05,541
- Got to live life while I can.
- What does that mean?
3
00:00:05,543 --> 00:00:07,476
Humankind only has eight months
4
00:00:07,478 --> 00:00:10,045
- and 12 days left on Earth.
- You're serious?
5
00:00:10,047 --> 00:00:12,615
Yeah, the apocalypse is, um, nigh.
6
00:00:12,617 --> 00:00:14,288
(Sirens blaring)
7
00:00:14,318 --> 00:00:15,317
This is my apocalyst.
8
00:00:15,319 --> 00:00:16,518
This is every last thing
9
00:00:16,520 --> 00:00:18,587
I want to do before things go kaput.
10
00:00:18,589 --> 00:00:20,222
(Screaming)
11
00:00:23,227 --> 00:00:24,092
You in?
12
00:00:24,094 --> 00:00:25,561
Previously on No Tomorrow...
13
00:00:25,563 --> 00:00:29,665
XAVIER: You think I'm nuts
about asteroid WX 2000 354.
14
00:00:29,667 --> 00:00:30,566
There's gonna be an impact.
15
00:00:30,568 --> 00:00:31,733
EVIE: If this is all true,
16
00:00:31,735 --> 00:00:32,901
why aren't you telling people?
17
00:00:32,903 --> 00:00:34,903
Trust me, I've tried.
I've called everyone.
18
00:00:34,905 --> 00:00:36,457
I will require your assistance
19
00:00:36,487 --> 00:00:38,240
to win his affections.
20
00:00:38,242 --> 00:00:42,077
DEIRDRE: Operation Hanky Panky
is officially underway.
21
00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:45,347
♪♪
22
00:00:50,020 --> 00:00:50,953
(Evie whoops)
23
00:00:50,955 --> 00:00:53,155
- Oh!
- Holy cow!
24
00:00:53,157 --> 00:00:55,591
(Shrieks)
25
00:00:55,593 --> 00:00:57,125
Ladies and gentlemen...
26
00:00:57,127 --> 00:00:59,328
(Gasps, laughs)
27
00:00:59,330 --> 00:01:02,030
That was... crazy!
28
00:01:02,032 --> 00:01:04,586
- (Laughs)
- _
29
00:01:04,616 --> 00:01:06,758
_
30
00:01:07,071 --> 00:01:08,071
Wow!
31
00:01:08,101 --> 00:01:09,325
(Laughs)
32
00:01:09,618 --> 00:01:10,719
♪♪
33
00:01:10,749 --> 00:01:17,451
= synced and corrected by Shahrazade =
... www.addic7ed.com ...
34
00:01:17,481 --> 00:01:20,482
Oh, he's just so fun. Crazy fun!
35
00:01:20,484 --> 00:01:22,251
It's like, in the last couple weeks,
36
00:01:22,253 --> 00:01:25,454
I feel like my whole world
is opening up, you know?
37
00:01:25,456 --> 00:01:27,122
How was your weekend?
38
00:01:27,124 --> 00:01:29,791
No flaming arrows, but
I did spend five hours
39
00:01:29,793 --> 00:01:31,393
making giant bubbles in the plaza.
40
00:01:31,395 --> 00:01:33,362
- Five hours?
- I did 'shrooms,
41
00:01:33,364 --> 00:01:35,264
and I just couldn't
bring myself to leave.
42
00:01:38,335 --> 00:01:39,701
Making bubbles on 'shrooms.
43
00:01:39,703 --> 00:01:40,936
Maybe we should put that on the list.
44
00:01:40,938 --> 00:01:42,504
- What list?
- Oh, well,
45
00:01:42,506 --> 00:01:45,641
Xavier has a list of all the
things he wants to do before...
46
00:01:45,643 --> 00:01:47,409
You know, he's just...
he's just super aware
47
00:01:47,411 --> 00:01:49,044
of the passage of time, and I figure
48
00:01:49,046 --> 00:01:50,712
anything that makes you
live every day to the fullest
49
00:01:50,714 --> 00:01:52,581
has got to be a good thing, right?
50
00:01:52,583 --> 00:01:54,216
So when are we gonna meet
51
00:01:54,218 --> 00:01:55,951
this extremely time-conscious guy?
52
00:01:55,953 --> 00:01:58,520
Maybe tomorrow? We could
do birthday drinks for you.
53
00:01:58,522 --> 00:02:00,342
That sounds fun.
54
00:02:00,652 --> 00:02:02,221
Hello.
55
00:02:03,460 --> 00:02:04,626
For your new chair.
56
00:02:05,241 --> 00:02:06,529
Oh!
57
00:02:06,559 --> 00:02:08,297
Oh...
58
00:02:08,299 --> 00:02:10,098
You... you shouldn't have.
59
00:02:10,100 --> 00:02:13,135
And yet I did.
60
00:02:13,137 --> 00:02:14,603
Try it out.
61
00:02:14,605 --> 00:02:16,939
Okay. Uh...
62
00:02:17,705 --> 00:02:19,441
Sit down and try this.
63
00:02:19,443 --> 00:02:22,900
(Pained groan)
64
00:02:22,930 --> 00:02:25,130
Oh, the fan and the light.
65
00:02:25,132 --> 00:02:27,966
I trust the cup holder is of
66
00:02:27,968 --> 00:02:31,570
sufficient diameter for
a man of your thirst.
67
00:02:33,707 --> 00:02:35,459
Mm-hmm.
68
00:02:36,062 --> 00:02:37,312
(Snaps fingers)
69
00:02:40,147 --> 00:02:43,182
The chair gifts are no longer working.
70
00:02:43,184 --> 00:02:45,317
Oh... shoot.
71
00:02:45,319 --> 00:02:48,353
How else am I supposed
to express my affection
72
00:02:48,355 --> 00:02:49,955
to an administrative assistant
73
00:02:49,957 --> 00:02:52,891
under the confines of such
restrictive HR guidelines?
74
00:02:52,893 --> 00:02:54,560
You just have to have
faith that eventually
75
00:02:54,562 --> 00:02:56,829
your attentiveness
will pay off, somehow.
76
00:02:56,831 --> 00:03:00,132
Well, I did order him
a graphite foot rest.
77
00:03:00,897 --> 00:03:03,574
Feet are often the
most ignored appendage
78
00:03:03,604 --> 00:03:04,937
in an office setting.
79
00:03:04,939 --> 00:03:07,539
- Oh?
- Maybe that'll push him over the edge.
80
00:03:07,541 --> 00:03:09,842
One more thing. We have a problem.
81
00:03:09,844 --> 00:03:11,944
A quality-control problem.
82
00:03:11,946 --> 00:03:13,812
Your problem.
83
00:03:13,814 --> 00:03:15,581
EVIE: Someone here is
84
00:03:15,583 --> 00:03:16,582
screwing up orders.
85
00:03:16,584 --> 00:03:17,950
Wrong things going in the wrong boxes.
86
00:03:17,952 --> 00:03:21,687
Deirdre wants me to find
out who it is and fire them.
87
00:03:21,689 --> 00:03:23,889
So I'm thinking of setting
up a security camera.
88
00:03:23,891 --> 00:03:25,691
Uh-uh! Veto!
89
00:03:25,693 --> 00:03:27,244
I do not support a surveillance state.
90
00:03:27,274 --> 00:03:29,361
Why? Because you have something to hide?
91
00:03:29,363 --> 00:03:32,331
No. Because as a union rep,
it is my duty to protect
92
00:03:32,333 --> 00:03:34,833
the rights and privacy of my coworkers.
93
00:03:34,835 --> 00:03:36,235
(Sighs) Fine.
94
00:03:36,237 --> 00:03:38,686
Well, just do me a favor
and keep your eyes peeled.
95
00:03:38,716 --> 00:03:40,505
I'm gonna go get my sleuth on.
96
00:03:40,507 --> 00:03:42,574
Go get 'em, Inspector Gidget.
97
00:03:46,057 --> 00:03:48,107
T-Bone is still hung up on her.
98
00:03:49,049 --> 00:03:50,549
Dude is spiraling.
99
00:03:50,551 --> 00:03:52,751
(Printer humming)
100
00:03:56,479 --> 00:03:59,599
_
101
00:04:05,910 --> 00:04:07,766
Hello, Darkness.
102
00:04:09,303 --> 00:04:11,904
(Ringtone playing)
103
00:04:13,707 --> 00:04:15,240
HANK: What's up, T-Rex?
104
00:04:15,242 --> 00:04:16,708
Can you place an order for me?
105
00:04:16,710 --> 00:04:18,176
Just do it online.
106
00:04:18,178 --> 00:04:20,679
I can't. My computer...
107
00:04:21,673 --> 00:04:23,875
is too far away.
108
00:04:23,905 --> 00:04:25,050
Fine. What do you want?
109
00:04:25,052 --> 00:04:27,252
Every book you have on writer's block.
110
00:04:27,254 --> 00:04:28,287
All righty.
111
00:04:28,289 --> 00:04:30,255
And four bottles of chardonnay.
112
00:04:30,257 --> 00:04:31,690
And an electric wine opener.
113
00:04:31,692 --> 00:04:33,992
And a fresh linen-scented candle.
114
00:04:33,994 --> 00:04:35,560
Seriously?
115
00:04:35,562 --> 00:04:38,330
Don't judge me; I'm very sad.
116
00:04:39,699 --> 00:04:41,166
T-Bone has lost his way.
117
00:04:41,168 --> 00:04:43,468
EVIE: It's a left at the light
and then your second right.
118
00:04:43,470 --> 00:04:45,678
The Seattle Astronomy Center.
119
00:04:45,708 --> 00:04:47,105
So what's the plan for your birthday?
120
00:04:47,107 --> 00:04:49,830
- Well, I don't have one.
- What?
121
00:04:49,860 --> 00:04:51,476
Yeah, I'm trying to take
a page out of your book
122
00:04:51,478 --> 00:04:52,878
and just live in the moment.
123
00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:54,279
You can't decide, can you?
124
00:04:54,281 --> 00:04:56,281
Sure can't. And I'll
be 31, so I was thinking
125
00:04:56,283 --> 00:04:58,917
try every single flavor
of ice cream at 31 Licks.
126
00:04:58,919 --> 00:05:01,153
- That seems...
- Or have a food fight,
127
00:05:01,155 --> 00:05:02,621
a water-balloon fight or a pie fight...
128
00:05:02,623 --> 00:05:04,356
some sort of weird fight, I don't know.
129
00:05:04,358 --> 00:05:06,083
Or a New Orleans-style "second line".
130
00:05:06,113 --> 00:05:07,395
Maybe fireworks, petting zoo...
131
00:05:07,425 --> 00:05:08,793
Am I too old for that though?
132
00:05:08,795 --> 00:05:10,862
- It's quite the list.
- Well, I think some of
133
00:05:10,864 --> 00:05:12,497
your "what the fig" attitude
134
00:05:12,499 --> 00:05:13,498
is rubbing off on me.
135
00:05:13,500 --> 00:05:15,107
This year, I just want
it to be crazy fun.
136
00:05:15,137 --> 00:05:17,069
- Oh, and Kareema wants to...
- (Tires screech)
137
00:05:17,071 --> 00:05:19,471
Whoa! What the fig?!
138
00:05:19,473 --> 00:05:22,276
Sorry. What?
139
00:05:22,306 --> 00:05:25,143
What? So you're just
gonna leave it here?
140
00:05:25,145 --> 00:05:26,979
Come on, the reading's already started!
141
00:05:26,981 --> 00:05:28,580
Okay, you're just gonna leave it here.
142
00:05:28,582 --> 00:05:31,482
So, when you look up
at the sky tonight...
143
00:05:31,512 --> 00:05:33,457
- (Whispers): Can you move over, please?
- FIELDS: please ask yourself,
144
00:05:33,487 --> 00:05:35,830
what do I really see,
145
00:05:35,860 --> 00:05:38,490
and what is happening beyond that?
146
00:05:38,492 --> 00:05:40,859
This is the most amazing opportunity.
147
00:05:40,861 --> 00:05:43,962
Tyra DeNeil Fields is the
most popular astrophysicist
148
00:05:43,964 --> 00:05:45,464
in the world, and she's an expert
149
00:05:45,466 --> 00:05:47,032
at translating science for laypeople.
150
00:05:47,034 --> 00:05:48,333
She's just the sort of person
151
00:05:48,335 --> 00:05:50,429
who could not only validate my theory,
152
00:05:50,459 --> 00:05:51,570
but alert the general public.
153
00:05:51,572 --> 00:05:53,105
FIELDS: ... are what continue
to push us forward...
154
00:05:53,107 --> 00:05:55,640
I, um... I thought we were
just here to listen to her read.
155
00:05:55,642 --> 00:05:57,676
People need to know the truth, Evie.
156
00:05:57,678 --> 00:05:59,511
Xavier, you're not actually gonna do...
157
00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:05,389
FIELDS: Thank you all
for coming tonight.
158
00:06:05,419 --> 00:06:06,785
And now, if you have any questions...
159
00:06:06,787 --> 00:06:07,886
XAVIER: Professor?
160
00:06:07,888 --> 00:06:09,663
Yeah, Ty... Profess...
161
00:06:09,693 --> 00:06:10,961
Can I just ask one question?
162
00:06:10,991 --> 00:06:11,956
No, no. Not you again.
163
00:06:11,958 --> 00:06:13,124
- No, no, no.
- Please?
164
00:06:13,126 --> 00:06:14,041
- Not you again.
- I just...
165
00:06:14,071 --> 00:06:15,512
- No, no, no!
- What are you doing?
166
00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:16,728
Wh-What are you doing?
167
00:06:16,730 --> 00:06:18,596
Guys, guys. Hey, hey, guys!
168
00:06:18,598 --> 00:06:20,398
This is... this is really
important, all right?
169
00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:21,977
This is about the asteroid!
170
00:06:22,007 --> 00:06:23,134
It's about the ast...
171
00:06:23,136 --> 00:06:26,171
(Taser crackling, Xavier grunting)
172
00:06:26,807 --> 00:06:29,074
Oh, my gosh!
173
00:06:29,540 --> 00:06:30,833
Are you okay?
174
00:06:30,863 --> 00:06:33,750
Relax, Evie, this isn't the
first time I've been Tased.
175
00:06:33,780 --> 00:06:35,747
I-It isn't?
176
00:06:41,264 --> 00:06:42,729
_
177
00:06:42,759 --> 00:06:45,551
Ah... sweet freedom!
178
00:06:45,581 --> 00:06:47,252
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, fine.
179
00:06:47,282 --> 00:06:48,549
A little hungry.
180
00:06:48,551 --> 00:06:50,651
Got a court date I can
move to a little bit later.
181
00:06:50,653 --> 00:06:52,152
Wait, so you're just totally unfazed
182
00:06:52,154 --> 00:06:54,555
by this whole... rigmarole.
183
00:06:54,557 --> 00:06:56,380
- "Rigmarole"?
- Yeah.
184
00:06:56,410 --> 00:06:57,897
I like that you really thought about
185
00:06:57,927 --> 00:06:59,660
your word choice there, and then
you went with "rigmarole".
186
00:06:59,662 --> 00:07:01,595
Well, I guess I was looking
for a nicer way to say
187
00:07:01,597 --> 00:07:03,096
"Kind of weird how
you made a huge scene,
188
00:07:03,098 --> 00:07:04,865
got Tased, arrested and jailed!"
189
00:07:04,867 --> 00:07:06,466
If making a huge scene spreads the word
190
00:07:06,468 --> 00:07:07,868
to even one more person, it's worth it.
191
00:07:07,870 --> 00:07:09,403
I thought the two of us were just going
192
00:07:09,405 --> 00:07:10,637
to a fun book reading, okay?
193
00:07:10,639 --> 00:07:12,506
The whole thing just made you look...
194
00:07:12,508 --> 00:07:13,674
well, nuts, honestly.
195
00:07:13,676 --> 00:07:14,841
I don't care how it made me look.
196
00:07:14,843 --> 00:07:16,109
People have got to know the truth
197
00:07:16,111 --> 00:07:17,711
so they can change their lives.
198
00:07:17,713 --> 00:07:20,013
Professor Fields is only
in town for two more days.
199
00:07:20,015 --> 00:07:23,283
I've got to get my
research to her another way.
200
00:07:29,191 --> 00:07:30,646
EVIE: Hank, I need a favor.
201
00:07:30,676 --> 00:07:31,920
What's up, Evie?
202
00:07:32,144 --> 00:07:33,577
Can you hop on the...
203
00:07:33,579 --> 00:07:35,267
the Dark Web, or whatever,
204
00:07:35,297 --> 00:07:37,798
and see what you can dig up on Xavier?
205
00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:39,197
Sure. Why?
206
00:07:39,227 --> 00:07:41,290
You know how I've been telling
you how crazy fun he is?
207
00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:43,020
- Yeah.
- I'm starting to worry
208
00:07:43,022 --> 00:07:45,413
he might just be crazy... crazy.
209
00:07:45,443 --> 00:07:48,294
Oh. I dated a girl once
who was crazy crazy.
210
00:07:48,324 --> 00:07:50,700
She wanted me to put
honey all over my...
211
00:07:51,343 --> 00:07:52,301
Never mind.
212
00:07:52,331 --> 00:07:54,264
You know, it's not... not relevant.
213
00:07:54,266 --> 00:07:55,766
He's great, mostly.
214
00:07:55,768 --> 00:07:57,167
It's just, you know, if he's...
215
00:07:57,169 --> 00:07:59,351
if he's really, truly out of his mind,
216
00:07:59,381 --> 00:08:01,981
I don't think I should be with him.
217
00:08:02,011 --> 00:08:03,507
Stand back, Evie; I'm diving deep,
218
00:08:03,509 --> 00:08:06,410
and you don't want to get
hit with the back-splash.
219
00:08:07,246 --> 00:08:08,545
KAREEMA: Hey, birthday drinks tonight.
220
00:08:08,547 --> 00:08:09,856
We said 8:30. Let's make it 9:00.
221
00:08:09,886 --> 00:08:10,881
I... I don't know.
222
00:08:10,883 --> 00:08:12,483
I might just spend a quiet night in.
223
00:08:12,485 --> 00:08:14,251
Okay, it's adorable you
think this is a negotiation.
224
00:08:14,253 --> 00:08:15,906
We're having birthday
drinks, and I'm not indulging
225
00:08:15,936 --> 00:08:17,886
any further discussion on the matter.
226
00:08:17,916 --> 00:08:19,823
It's not about you.
227
00:08:22,399 --> 00:08:23,627
Right.
228
00:08:23,657 --> 00:08:25,487
_
229
00:08:28,349 --> 00:08:30,435
_
230
00:08:32,866 --> 00:08:34,521
_
231
00:08:35,774 --> 00:08:37,374
HANK: Evie!
232
00:08:37,376 --> 00:08:39,776
- So, what did you find?
- Nothing!
233
00:08:39,778 --> 00:08:40,944
Well, that's great!
234
00:08:40,946 --> 00:08:41,979
No, it's not great.
235
00:08:41,981 --> 00:08:43,747
Look, everyone has a digital footprint.
236
00:08:43,749 --> 00:08:45,616
But your guy has nothing. He's a...
237
00:08:45,618 --> 00:08:47,384
a cyber-ghost.
238
00:08:47,386 --> 00:08:51,522
Oh, I think I got a
great idea for a TV show!
239
00:08:51,524 --> 00:08:54,157
Uh, the point is, I need to sit down
240
00:08:54,159 --> 00:08:56,193
with this guy, mano a mano.
241
00:08:57,496 --> 00:08:58,977
This is fun.
242
00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:04,854
Oh, man, ooh. Deirdre's
really on my junk
243
00:09:04,884 --> 00:09:07,076
about this order snafu
thing, so I have to go.
244
00:09:07,106 --> 00:09:08,539
Um, you two have fun.
245
00:09:08,541 --> 00:09:11,861
Talk about, you know,
whatever you want.
246
00:09:11,891 --> 00:09:13,361
(Chuckles)
247
00:09:25,941 --> 00:09:27,307
Was that Morse code?
248
00:09:27,887 --> 00:09:29,810
Maybe it was...
249
00:09:29,812 --> 00:09:31,578
maybe it wasn't.
250
00:09:31,894 --> 00:09:33,430
Well, I mean, if it wasn't,
251
00:09:33,432 --> 00:09:35,198
then you just accidentally asked me
252
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:36,900
if I was in the CIA.
253
00:09:36,902 --> 00:09:38,368
Which, uh,
254
00:09:38,370 --> 00:09:41,038
I'm not, by the way.
255
00:09:46,566 --> 00:09:48,497
_
256
00:09:51,621 --> 00:09:53,789
(Laughing)
257
00:09:54,611 --> 00:09:57,955
Hey, uh, two cream sodas
for me and the gentleman?
258
00:09:57,957 --> 00:09:59,245
- (Chuckles): Yeah.
- Yeah.
259
00:09:59,275 --> 00:10:00,469
Yes, sir.
260
00:10:10,349 --> 00:10:12,124
(Sniffing)
261
00:10:22,281 --> 00:10:24,748
(Phone ringing)
262
00:10:27,211 --> 00:10:29,186
Customer service. What's your problem?
263
00:10:29,188 --> 00:10:30,792
Hey, Kareema.
264
00:10:30,822 --> 00:10:32,055
It's Timothy Finger.
265
00:10:32,057 --> 00:10:34,691
Evie's old boyfriend. Remember?
266
00:10:34,693 --> 00:10:36,226
Not ringing any bells.
267
00:10:36,228 --> 00:10:37,694
We met a bunch of times.
268
00:10:37,696 --> 00:10:38,929
I was your Secret Santa last year.
269
00:10:38,931 --> 00:10:40,330
Got you those gold earrings.
270
00:10:40,332 --> 00:10:43,433
You know, the ones that are
those little dangling triangles.
271
00:10:43,435 --> 00:10:45,669
Could you be more specific?
272
00:10:47,256 --> 00:10:49,306
Um, I got something in my Cybermart box
273
00:10:49,308 --> 00:10:50,941
that I didn't order.
274
00:10:50,943 --> 00:10:53,055
(Groans) Another
screwed-up order... fab.
275
00:10:53,085 --> 00:10:54,544
What is it this time?
276
00:10:54,546 --> 00:10:56,575
A Zap Strap?
277
00:10:56,605 --> 00:10:58,120
I don't even know what that is.
278
00:10:58,150 --> 00:10:59,516
The Zap Strap by FitMart?
279
00:10:59,518 --> 00:11:01,251
It's a fitness revolution.
The device that challenges you
280
00:11:01,253 --> 00:11:02,886
to keep active through
the day, play the game,
281
00:11:02,888 --> 00:11:04,855
beat the lightning rounds,
level up, but don't stop
282
00:11:04,857 --> 00:11:07,190
or you'll feel the zap... Zap Strap!
283
00:11:07,220 --> 00:11:08,959
♪ The strap that zaps you into shape! ♪
284
00:11:08,961 --> 00:11:10,193
That Zap Strap?
285
00:11:10,195 --> 00:11:12,462
Wow, sounds... painful.
286
00:11:12,464 --> 00:11:13,497
Anyway, how do I return it?
287
00:11:13,499 --> 00:11:16,472
I can e-mail you a return
shipping label for $6.99.
288
00:11:16,502 --> 00:11:17,901
Wait, I have to pay for shipping?
289
00:11:17,903 --> 00:11:19,403
Plus a restocking fee.
290
00:11:19,405 --> 00:11:21,104
On something I didn't order?
291
00:11:21,106 --> 00:11:23,806
Company policy. Or you
could keep the item.
292
00:11:24,109 --> 00:11:25,520
If you are satisfied with your service,
293
00:11:25,550 --> 00:11:27,444
you may now terminate your call.
294
00:11:28,747 --> 00:11:31,782
(Dial tone humming)
295
00:11:31,784 --> 00:11:34,470
I can't believe all of these returns.
296
00:11:34,500 --> 00:11:37,451
Who is Inspector 41?
297
00:11:37,481 --> 00:11:39,389
Don't tell anyone I told
you, but they'll be right next
298
00:11:39,391 --> 00:11:41,725
to Inspector 42 in fulfillment.
299
00:11:41,727 --> 00:11:43,026
HANK: We need to talk about Xavier.
300
00:11:43,028 --> 00:11:45,162
Oh, no. Okay, what did you find out?
301
00:11:45,164 --> 00:11:47,497
He is awesome!
302
00:11:47,499 --> 00:11:48,865
- (Laughs): Wha...?
- Seriously!
303
00:11:48,867 --> 00:11:50,047
The dude's a sweetheart.
304
00:11:50,077 --> 00:11:52,308
He bought lunch, he drinks cream sodas,
305
00:11:52,338 --> 00:11:55,688
and his asteroid theory
totally lines up with Jade Helm.
306
00:11:56,228 --> 00:11:57,652
- What?
- Oh.
307
00:11:57,682 --> 00:12:00,110
He's got Armageddon coming exactly
308
00:12:00,112 --> 00:12:02,946
one day after the Jade Helm exercise
309
00:12:02,948 --> 00:12:06,067
drops the government elite into
their deep underground bunkers,
310
00:12:06,097 --> 00:12:07,985
while the rest of us turn
into human glow sticks
311
00:12:07,987 --> 00:12:10,287
thanks to the Russians'
nuclear holocaust.
312
00:12:10,289 --> 00:12:14,708
I mean, he's got the right date,
but the wrong apocalyptic event.
313
00:12:14,738 --> 00:12:17,327
So, relax. I mean, did you hear me?
314
00:12:19,898 --> 00:12:21,303
KAREEMA: Let's really unpack this.
315
00:12:21,333 --> 00:12:22,999
What's in the "crazy" column?
316
00:12:23,001 --> 00:12:24,573
- Hank thinks he's sane.
- Oh, that's not good.
317
00:12:24,603 --> 00:12:26,136
And there's nothing about him online.
318
00:12:26,138 --> 00:12:28,104
He's been Tased, like, six times.
319
00:12:28,106 --> 00:12:29,539
He's been arrested.
320
00:12:29,541 --> 00:12:30,907
I've been arrested. Don't judge.
321
00:12:30,909 --> 00:12:32,375
Ooh, little piece of
advice, never have sex
322
00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:33,910
in the back of a car you just stole.
323
00:12:33,912 --> 00:12:35,579
Well, I'm just afraid of
letting him even deeper
324
00:12:35,581 --> 00:12:37,848
into my life than he already
is if it's just gonna end.
325
00:12:37,850 --> 00:12:39,850
For now, maybe I should
just kind of keep him
326
00:12:39,852 --> 00:12:42,786
separate from the other
parts and people in my life.
327
00:12:42,788 --> 00:12:44,354
Like the highlighters that get
328
00:12:44,356 --> 00:12:46,122
their own compartment
in your pen drawer?
329
00:12:46,124 --> 00:12:48,158
- Right!
- Honey, that's weird.
330
00:12:48,160 --> 00:12:50,293
- No, it's perfect.
- It's impulsive.
331
00:12:50,295 --> 00:12:51,895
♪♪
332
00:12:52,221 --> 00:12:54,064
ALL: Surprise!
333
00:12:54,066 --> 00:12:55,398
(Shrieks)
334
00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:57,567
Oh, my God, you guys!
335
00:12:57,569 --> 00:12:59,555
Oh, my gosh, everybody's here.
336
00:12:59,585 --> 00:13:02,172
My parents, my sister.
337
00:13:02,174 --> 00:13:04,390
(Laughs)
338
00:13:04,420 --> 00:13:06,009
Happy birthday!
339
00:13:06,011 --> 00:13:07,911
EVIE: Oh.
340
00:13:18,189 --> 00:13:19,622
♪♪
341
00:13:19,624 --> 00:13:21,090
(Laughs)
342
00:13:21,092 --> 00:13:22,391
- Hi.
- So... (Chuckles)
343
00:13:22,393 --> 00:13:24,460
- Oh.
- Oh, so...
344
00:13:24,462 --> 00:13:26,529
This is crazy that you're even here.
345
00:13:26,531 --> 00:13:27,964
Do you know, it's just dumb luck.
346
00:13:27,966 --> 00:13:29,432
Hank mentioned it today at lunch.
347
00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:30,905
Oh, good old Hank.
348
00:13:30,935 --> 00:13:33,248
So happy I get to meet all
the people that make Evie Evie.
349
00:13:33,278 --> 00:13:35,204
You know what? You can do that anytime.
350
00:13:35,206 --> 00:13:37,240
Tonight is about dancing!
351
00:13:37,242 --> 00:13:39,575
- (Laughs)
- You okay? You seem a little tense.
352
00:13:39,577 --> 00:13:41,143
No, I'm good!
353
00:13:41,145 --> 00:13:43,012
I just want to dance with you all night.
354
00:13:43,014 --> 00:13:44,881
That's lovely, but you're sort of
355
00:13:44,883 --> 00:13:47,049
shoving your knee,
right, right into my...
356
00:13:47,051 --> 00:13:49,051
GARY: High capacity turbo washers!
357
00:13:49,081 --> 00:13:50,686
- Nine of 'em!
- (Laughter)
358
00:13:51,496 --> 00:13:53,030
- I thought I recognized you,
- What are you...
359
00:13:53,060 --> 00:13:54,860
but I-I couldn't place it.
360
00:13:54,926 --> 00:13:58,361
You're the fella that took
me over the top at work.
361
00:13:58,363 --> 00:14:01,697
I finally won Salesman of
the Year, because of you!
362
00:14:01,699 --> 00:14:03,900
No, you're ki... Congratulations.
363
00:14:03,902 --> 00:14:04,901
Yeah.
364
00:14:04,903 --> 00:14:06,402
EVIE: Oh, uh, Xavier,
365
00:14:06,404 --> 00:14:07,770
this is my dad Gary.
366
00:14:07,772 --> 00:14:08,971
Xavier. With an "X."
367
00:14:08,973 --> 00:14:10,273
Ah, X-avier.
368
00:14:10,275 --> 00:14:11,407
- Good.
- Never mind.
369
00:14:11,409 --> 00:14:12,875
What, so, uh, what's next?
370
00:14:12,877 --> 00:14:15,250
Well, thought I'd check
out the appetizers.
371
00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:17,819
No, I mean, like, uh, you
know, what's your next big goal
372
00:14:17,849 --> 00:14:20,449
now that you've won
Salesman of the Year?
373
00:14:20,789 --> 00:14:21,956
Win it again next year?
374
00:14:21,986 --> 00:14:24,625
I'm afraid there's zero
percent chance of that, mate.
375
00:14:24,655 --> 00:14:25,854
Oh, what Xavier means
376
00:14:25,856 --> 00:14:27,382
is there must be some other
377
00:14:27,412 --> 00:14:29,625
things you want to accomplish, right?
378
00:14:29,627 --> 00:14:30,565
XAVIER: Right.
379
00:14:30,595 --> 00:14:31,994
Like, if you knew
380
00:14:31,996 --> 00:14:33,563
you only had a year left to live,
381
00:14:33,565 --> 00:14:35,479
how would you spend your time?
382
00:14:36,186 --> 00:14:38,301
I... don't know.
383
00:14:38,303 --> 00:14:42,004
I've... I've never th... I've
never thought about that before.
384
00:14:42,006 --> 00:14:43,205
Got to steal this one.
385
00:14:43,207 --> 00:14:44,540
- I owe her a drink.
- Oh, maybe later.
386
00:14:44,542 --> 00:14:45,942
No, it'll be good for you. Come on.
387
00:14:45,944 --> 00:14:48,444
- Wait...
- Now.
388
00:14:48,446 --> 00:14:49,545
KAREEMA: Come on.
389
00:14:49,547 --> 00:14:50,846
Carpe diem.
390
00:14:52,257 --> 00:14:53,726
Feel better?
391
00:14:53,756 --> 00:14:54,850
No.
392
00:14:54,852 --> 00:14:55,985
I have to find Xavier.
393
00:14:55,987 --> 00:14:58,037
Before he does something crazy?
394
00:14:59,157 --> 00:15:00,323
(Laughs)
395
00:15:02,126 --> 00:15:03,359
(Gasps)
396
00:15:03,361 --> 00:15:06,262
Little sister, your new guy is cute.
397
00:15:06,264 --> 00:15:07,763
(Laughs): Yeah.
398
00:15:07,765 --> 00:15:09,799
Now, what did you say
he does for a living?
399
00:15:09,801 --> 00:15:13,269
Oh, he's sort of in
between gigs right now.
400
00:15:13,271 --> 00:15:15,204
Okay, so he's unemployed?
401
00:15:15,234 --> 00:15:16,491
Mm-hmm.
402
00:15:16,521 --> 00:15:17,974
Guess it's not the end of the world.
403
00:15:17,976 --> 00:15:19,141
- No, not yet.
- Hi!
404
00:15:19,143 --> 00:15:20,715
Ah, there he is!
405
00:15:20,745 --> 00:15:21,991
I am dying...
406
00:15:22,021 --> 00:15:24,201
- We all are.
- ... to talk to you.
407
00:15:24,231 --> 00:15:25,681
- Get over here!
- Tell me all about you.
408
00:15:25,711 --> 00:15:27,620
- No...
- Everything!
409
00:15:27,650 --> 00:15:29,658
- What?!
- Why did you invite Deirdre?
410
00:15:29,688 --> 00:15:31,921
She just keeps staring at me!
411
00:15:31,923 --> 00:15:34,637
♪ I can't hide... ♪
412
00:15:34,925 --> 00:15:36,225
I didn't invite anyone here.
413
00:15:36,227 --> 00:15:37,498
It's a surprise party for me.
414
00:15:37,528 --> 00:15:38,828
Either way, I don't like it.
415
00:15:38,830 --> 00:15:40,396
She keeps asking me if like my office
416
00:15:40,398 --> 00:15:42,064
and if I'm happy at work.
417
00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:43,413
I think she's gonna fire me.
418
00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:45,368
She's not gonna fire you.
419
00:15:45,370 --> 00:15:49,171
Maybe you should just, you know,
be friendly, connect with her.
420
00:15:49,173 --> 00:15:50,206
"Connect"?
421
00:15:50,208 --> 00:15:52,241
With D-monic?
422
00:15:56,500 --> 00:15:58,280
Counterintuitive.
423
00:15:58,282 --> 00:16:00,850
Puts her off her balance. I like it.
424
00:16:00,852 --> 00:16:03,974
♪ In your eyes or in your heart... ♪
425
00:16:04,199 --> 00:16:05,354
So...
426
00:16:05,356 --> 00:16:07,456
did you two get acquainted?
427
00:16:07,458 --> 00:16:10,893
Uh... yes, yes.
428
00:16:10,895 --> 00:16:14,517
He said something though that
really threw me for a loop.
429
00:16:14,966 --> 00:16:17,733
I was telling him about the
kids' playdate schedules,
430
00:16:17,735 --> 00:16:20,569
you know, and Chris's bursitis
flare-ups and blah, blah, blah,
431
00:16:20,571 --> 00:16:22,872
mommy stress, and he said
432
00:16:22,874 --> 00:16:25,608
maybe it's time that I did something
433
00:16:25,610 --> 00:16:29,845
for myself for once
before it's too late.
434
00:16:29,847 --> 00:16:32,715
Oh, I'm sure he didn't
mean anything bad exactly.
435
00:16:32,717 --> 00:16:36,118
No, something about the way he said it
436
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:40,222
made it sound... hopeful.
437
00:16:42,093 --> 00:16:44,293
And I've inquired as to
whether he likes his office
438
00:16:44,295 --> 00:16:46,095
and whether he's happy at work.
439
00:16:46,097 --> 00:16:49,298
He stares at me as though I'm
going to fire him or something.
440
00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:50,800
Hmm.
441
00:16:50,802 --> 00:16:52,702
What do you really want to say?
442
00:16:52,704 --> 00:16:54,770
What I really want to say
443
00:16:54,772 --> 00:16:57,606
runs counter to corporate guidelines.
444
00:16:57,608 --> 00:17:00,242
Well, then screw the
corporate guidelines.
445
00:17:00,244 --> 00:17:03,193
There are no guidelines
when it comes to love.
446
00:17:03,223 --> 00:17:05,381
It's as I always say.
447
00:17:05,697 --> 00:17:07,507
It's now or never.
448
00:17:12,356 --> 00:17:14,523
- Um...
- GLORIA: Evie?
449
00:17:14,525 --> 00:17:15,963
Oh, hi!
450
00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:18,360
Met your new guy a few minutes ago.
451
00:17:18,362 --> 00:17:19,528
You did?
452
00:17:19,530 --> 00:17:20,629
Yes, I did!
453
00:17:20,631 --> 00:17:22,097
And I think you should know
454
00:17:22,099 --> 00:17:25,100
he's very much into psychic phenomena.
455
00:17:25,102 --> 00:17:26,635
Now, I know you're always telling me
456
00:17:26,637 --> 00:17:27,834
not to talk about my sessions
457
00:17:27,864 --> 00:17:30,306
with Madame Rosa, but I
just happened to mention
458
00:17:30,308 --> 00:17:33,242
my last reading, and
he was very intrigued.
459
00:17:33,244 --> 00:17:35,377
Oh, what happened at your last reading?
460
00:17:35,379 --> 00:17:36,812
She told me
461
00:17:36,814 --> 00:17:39,648
that a life-changing event was coming
462
00:17:39,650 --> 00:17:41,984
in seven to nine months.
463
00:17:41,986 --> 00:17:43,719
Uh... oh...
464
00:17:43,721 --> 00:17:45,487
It's your cousin Amy!
465
00:17:45,489 --> 00:17:46,855
She's expecting!
466
00:17:46,857 --> 00:17:47,857
Oh!
467
00:17:47,887 --> 00:17:49,314
(Laughs)
468
00:17:50,061 --> 00:17:51,694
(Silverware tapping on glass)
469
00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:53,801
(Gasps) That's Morse code.
470
00:17:53,831 --> 00:17:55,331
It means he wants us
all to listen to him.
471
00:17:55,333 --> 00:17:57,833
If I could just, uh,
have your attention.
472
00:17:57,835 --> 00:17:59,402
I've got something
very important to say.
473
00:17:59,404 --> 00:18:01,971
I've got a bit of an extra surprise
474
00:18:01,973 --> 00:18:03,806
for you tonight.
475
00:18:03,808 --> 00:18:06,352
And this New Orleans second line
476
00:18:06,382 --> 00:18:08,577
- will take us to it at my house!
- (Band playing)
477
00:18:08,579 --> 00:18:09,912
So I would love if
you could all follow me
478
00:18:09,914 --> 00:18:11,504
so I can show it to you.
479
00:18:11,534 --> 00:18:13,479
Please come along and follow me.
480
00:18:13,509 --> 00:18:15,198
(Crowd cheering)
481
00:18:15,646 --> 00:18:17,426
Come on, guys! What are you waiting for?
482
00:18:17,456 --> 00:18:19,006
Let's join the party!
483
00:18:19,036 --> 00:18:22,995
(Band playing “When the
Saints Go Marching In”)
484
00:18:23,962 --> 00:18:26,228
♪♪
485
00:18:38,943 --> 00:18:40,509
- (Zap Strap buzzes)
- Aah!
486
00:18:40,511 --> 00:18:41,844
AUTOMATED FEMALE VOICE: Lightning round.
487
00:18:41,846 --> 00:18:44,046
Backwards jog.
488
00:18:47,208 --> 00:18:48,689
So, uh, hey.
489
00:18:48,719 --> 00:18:51,020
So, what is this big
surprise at your house?
490
00:18:51,022 --> 00:18:53,219
(Singsongy): You'll have to find out.
491
00:18:53,249 --> 00:18:55,057
(Laughs)
492
00:18:57,495 --> 00:18:59,895
(Vocalizing)
493
00:19:00,542 --> 00:19:02,431
Yeah, come on!
494
00:19:03,234 --> 00:19:05,501
♪♪
495
00:19:08,419 --> 00:19:10,606
EVIE: Oh my gosh! What is this?
496
00:19:10,608 --> 00:19:13,442
A cake for every birthday?
497
00:19:33,900 --> 00:19:35,853
XAVIER: Ladies and gentlemen,
498
00:19:35,883 --> 00:19:38,222
because our lovely Evie
499
00:19:38,252 --> 00:19:43,010
is so special to us, I decided
why celebrate only one birthday,
500
00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:44,640
when we should celebrate all of them?
501
00:19:45,227 --> 00:19:47,693
(Laughs): This is amazing!
502
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:49,387
That's not all.
503
00:19:49,417 --> 00:19:50,962
This is for you.
504
00:19:53,903 --> 00:19:55,213
Goggles?
505
00:19:55,653 --> 00:19:56,986
You're gonna need them for the...
506
00:19:56,988 --> 00:19:58,690
(All gasp)
507
00:19:58,720 --> 00:20:00,798
- ... food fight!
- (Screams)
508
00:20:00,828 --> 00:20:03,366
- ♪ Talk to me, baby ♪
- (All shouting)
509
00:20:03,396 --> 00:20:05,280
♪ I'm going blind from this ♪
510
00:20:05,310 --> 00:20:07,429
♪ Sweet, sweet craving, whoa ♪
511
00:20:07,459 --> 00:20:10,802
♪ Let's lose our minds
and go crazy, crazy ♪
512
00:20:10,832 --> 00:20:14,325
♪ Ah, ya, ya, ya, ya, I keep on hoping ♪
513
00:20:14,355 --> 00:20:17,120
♪ We'll eat cake by the ocean... ♪
514
00:20:17,709 --> 00:20:18,608
(Grunts)
515
00:20:18,610 --> 00:20:19,809
(Screaming)
516
00:20:19,811 --> 00:20:22,445
(Shouting, laughter)
517
00:20:22,447 --> 00:20:26,207
♪ I keep on hoping we'll
eat cake by the ocean, huh. ♪
518
00:20:26,237 --> 00:20:27,537
XAVIER: To Evie!
519
00:20:28,006 --> 00:20:29,429
I truly hope
520
00:20:29,459 --> 00:20:31,297
that this, your final birthday,
521
00:20:31,327 --> 00:20:34,880
before asteroid 2000 WX
354 collides with Earth
522
00:20:34,910 --> 00:20:37,809
and wipes out every
last living thing on it,
523
00:20:37,839 --> 00:20:40,028
was the best one ever.
524
00:20:45,537 --> 00:20:47,666
(Quiet murmuring)
525
00:20:47,980 --> 00:20:51,107
Oh, he is completely insane.
526
00:20:52,099 --> 00:20:53,168
I like it.
527
00:20:54,461 --> 00:20:56,099
♪♪
528
00:20:59,547 --> 00:21:01,156
I mean, what's that guy's deal?
529
00:21:01,158 --> 00:21:03,125
Are you in a doomsday cult?
530
00:21:03,127 --> 00:21:04,526
You guys!
531
00:21:04,528 --> 00:21:06,862
You're taking him way too seriously.
532
00:21:06,864 --> 00:21:08,831
I mean, he was obviously joking.
533
00:21:08,833 --> 00:21:10,828
(Laughs) That's just... just who he is.
534
00:21:10,858 --> 00:21:11,859
He's, like...
535
00:21:11,889 --> 00:21:13,936
crazy, fun Xavier.
536
00:21:13,938 --> 00:21:15,170
Yeah, well, if he ever tells you
537
00:21:15,172 --> 00:21:18,011
to shave your head, you call us.
538
00:21:18,041 --> 00:21:19,441
Let's go.
539
00:21:19,443 --> 00:21:21,043
MARY-ANNE: Yeah.
540
00:21:23,933 --> 00:21:26,081
It's not a joke.
541
00:21:26,083 --> 00:21:28,193
Okay, well, what was I supposed to say?
542
00:21:28,223 --> 00:21:30,176
- They were upset.
- The truth is upsetting.
543
00:21:30,206 --> 00:21:31,820
Maybe an asteroid's gonna hit the Earth,
544
00:21:31,822 --> 00:21:32,788
- maybe it isn't.
- It is!
545
00:21:32,818 --> 00:21:35,733
But you can't keep harping on every
single person you meet!
546
00:21:35,763 --> 00:21:38,341
- It makes you sound crazy!
- (Sighs)
547
00:21:38,371 --> 00:21:40,903
Would you think I was
crazy if I said I believed a man
548
00:21:40,933 --> 00:21:42,564
could turn water into wine?
549
00:21:42,566 --> 00:21:44,633
- That isn't the same.
- Oh. Isn't it?
550
00:21:44,663 --> 00:21:46,902
No. An asteroid is not a religion.
551
00:21:46,932 --> 00:21:50,510
It doesn't matter whether
you believe my theory or not.
552
00:21:50,540 --> 00:21:53,097
It's a fundamental part of my identity.
553
00:21:53,127 --> 00:21:55,327
Now, you wouldn't ask
someone to hide their faith
554
00:21:55,329 --> 00:21:57,062
or their sexuality.
555
00:21:58,165 --> 00:21:59,064
You're a bigot.
556
00:21:59,066 --> 00:22:00,432
- What?
- You're a bigot.
557
00:22:00,434 --> 00:22:02,234
- I am not.
- Yeah, you are.
558
00:22:02,236 --> 00:22:04,136
It's all very well
when we're having fun,
559
00:22:04,138 --> 00:22:06,400
but the minute someone asks
why we're having all this fun,
560
00:22:06,430 --> 00:22:08,507
you want me to shut up.
561
00:22:08,833 --> 00:22:10,709
But it's all part of the package.
562
00:22:10,711 --> 00:22:13,433
You don't get to cherry-pick.
563
00:22:27,586 --> 00:22:30,229
Would you stop being so quiet?
564
00:22:30,231 --> 00:22:33,631
You depressed is so much more
distracting than you perky.
565
00:22:34,107 --> 00:22:35,734
Do you think Xavier's crazy?
566
00:22:35,736 --> 00:22:37,202
Probably.
567
00:22:37,412 --> 00:22:40,138
Oh, but life is crazy.
568
00:22:40,140 --> 00:22:42,741
Personally, I say embrace the chaos.
569
00:22:42,743 --> 00:22:44,943
Add a little of your
own, while you're at it.
570
00:22:44,945 --> 00:22:48,545
Wait, so you weren't freaked
out at all by his asteroid talk?
571
00:22:48,637 --> 00:22:50,916
Everyone's trying to make
sense of an illogical world.
572
00:22:50,918 --> 00:22:52,351
That's just his way.
573
00:22:52,353 --> 00:22:53,953
It's not the only way.
574
00:22:54,132 --> 00:22:55,954
You know what? You're right.
575
00:22:55,956 --> 00:22:58,456
I mean, Xavier's way isn't the only way.
576
00:22:58,648 --> 00:23:00,759
I-I don't need an asteroid to
live my life to the fullest,
577
00:23:00,761 --> 00:23:02,665
and I don't need him.
578
00:23:02,695 --> 00:23:04,842
I can have my own fun.
579
00:23:04,872 --> 00:23:08,033
You know, I'll just keep
living my life, doing my...
580
00:23:08,035 --> 00:23:09,329
Don't say it.
581
00:23:09,674 --> 00:23:10,728
... thing.
582
00:23:11,935 --> 00:23:13,902
- (Quietly): Thang.
- I heard that.
583
00:23:13,932 --> 00:23:15,887
(Computer chimes)
584
00:23:18,819 --> 00:23:21,750
_
585
00:23:23,094 --> 00:23:24,416
(Sighs)
586
00:23:24,418 --> 00:23:26,385
Listen up, everyone.
We have a serious issue
587
00:23:26,387 --> 00:23:27,719
in your department, and I...
588
00:23:27,721 --> 00:23:28,987
MAN: It was me.
589
00:23:29,367 --> 00:23:30,568
I am the one who ate
590
00:23:30,598 --> 00:23:33,492
Ingrid's black bean
bisque out of the fridge.
591
00:23:33,494 --> 00:23:35,193
Oh, no, this isn't about the bisque.
592
00:23:35,195 --> 00:23:37,296
Okay, never mind. (Chuckles)
593
00:23:37,298 --> 00:23:39,737
Okay, I, uh, broke the vending machine
594
00:23:39,767 --> 00:23:41,288
trying to pay with a coat button.
595
00:23:41,318 --> 00:23:43,452
I didn't have my glasses,
thought it was a nickel.
596
00:23:43,454 --> 00:23:44,820
That's fine, Peggy.
597
00:23:44,822 --> 00:23:48,057
I have a second family in Sarasota.
598
00:23:48,059 --> 00:23:50,292
Oh... whoa, my.
599
00:23:50,294 --> 00:23:51,383
(Gasps)
600
00:23:51,413 --> 00:23:54,126
I've been holding that
in for about 25 years.
601
00:23:54,156 --> 00:23:57,032
It feels really good to
finally get that off my chest.
602
00:23:57,034 --> 00:23:58,233
Thank you all.
603
00:23:58,235 --> 00:23:59,735
EVIE: No, wait a second. Time-out.
604
00:23:59,737 --> 00:24:01,270
Okay, all I need to know is...
605
00:24:01,272 --> 00:24:04,127
are any of you mixing
up orders on purpose?
606
00:24:06,423 --> 00:24:07,502
WOMAN: Okay, guys.
607
00:24:07,532 --> 00:24:09,812
Here comes the next question.
608
00:24:09,814 --> 00:24:11,680
I really appreciate you inviting me
609
00:24:11,682 --> 00:24:13,616
to this trivial event, Hank.
610
00:24:13,646 --> 00:24:15,979
Supposed to be counterintuitive.
611
00:24:16,459 --> 00:24:19,755
(Sighs) This Zap Strap is amazing!
612
00:24:19,757 --> 00:24:20,989
HANK: T-Leaf, sit down and join us.
613
00:24:20,991 --> 00:24:22,691
No, I can't. I'm already on round nine,
614
00:24:22,693 --> 00:24:23,826
about to level up.
615
00:24:23,828 --> 00:24:25,594
I haven't thought about Evie
616
00:24:25,596 --> 00:24:28,230
for 31,207 steps.
617
00:24:29,166 --> 00:24:30,599
I just did.
618
00:24:30,900 --> 00:24:32,267
I got to start over.
619
00:24:33,314 --> 00:24:37,506
May I say that of all the
men who have served under me
620
00:24:37,508 --> 00:24:40,876
as assistant, you have, by far...
621
00:24:40,878 --> 00:24:42,244
WOMAN: ... the highest flow rate
622
00:24:42,246 --> 00:24:44,279
of any American waterfall?
623
00:24:44,281 --> 00:24:46,715
BOTH: Niagara Falls!
624
00:24:47,815 --> 00:24:49,017
HANK: Look...
625
00:24:49,019 --> 00:24:51,553
Deirdre, I appreciate the chair...
626
00:24:51,555 --> 00:24:52,654
and the cup holder
627
00:24:52,656 --> 00:24:53,893
and the fan
628
00:24:53,923 --> 00:24:55,246
and the air purifier,
629
00:24:55,276 --> 00:24:56,809
and as of today, the graphite footrest,
630
00:24:56,811 --> 00:24:59,937
but my office is
starting to feel like a...
631
00:24:59,967 --> 00:25:01,285
WOMAN: ... steamy, erotic
632
00:25:01,315 --> 00:25:03,696
sex drama from 1986?
633
00:25:03,726 --> 00:25:05,818
- 9 ½...
- 9 ½ Weeks...
634
00:25:09,082 --> 00:25:13,792
Because of corporate
policy, I have been forced
635
00:25:13,794 --> 00:25:15,727
to express myself
through office supplies,
636
00:25:15,729 --> 00:25:18,096
but what I really want to do is...
637
00:25:18,098 --> 00:25:21,306
WOMAN: ... the Sanskrit word for "blow"?
638
00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:23,535
HANK and DEIRDRE: Nirvana.
639
00:25:25,206 --> 00:25:26,271
(Whispers)
640
00:25:26,273 --> 00:25:27,673
(Breathes heavily)
641
00:25:28,976 --> 00:25:31,810
I have an Internet girlfriend!
642
00:25:31,812 --> 00:25:33,679
♪ You turn around, you turn around ♪
643
00:25:33,681 --> 00:25:35,080
♪ She's running out on you... ♪
644
00:25:35,082 --> 00:25:38,951
Oh, I can't believe Evie's missing this.
645
00:25:38,953 --> 00:25:40,085
♪ Look at her eyes ♪
646
00:25:40,087 --> 00:25:41,987
- ♪ Look at her eyes, look at her eyes ♪
- _
647
00:25:41,989 --> 00:25:43,856
♪ Look at her eyes ♪
648
00:25:47,993 --> 00:25:49,892
♪ You turn around, you turn around ♪
649
00:25:49,894 --> 00:25:52,161
♪ She's running out on you ♪
650
00:25:52,163 --> 00:25:55,002
♪ Can't stop me, won't
stop me, can't stop me ♪
651
00:25:55,032 --> 00:25:56,165
♪ Look at her eyes ♪
652
00:25:56,167 --> 00:25:57,834
♪ Look at her eyes, look at her eyes ♪
653
00:25:57,864 --> 00:25:59,414
♪ Look at her eyes. ♪
654
00:26:00,974 --> 00:26:02,524
Oh!
655
00:26:04,024 --> 00:26:06,250
_
656
00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:08,480
(Sighs loudly)
657
00:26:10,718 --> 00:26:13,085
(Groans loudly)
658
00:26:13,087 --> 00:26:15,888
Aw, what's wrong?
659
00:26:16,472 --> 00:26:18,123
Mom...
660
00:26:18,125 --> 00:26:20,693
do you think I'm a bigot?
661
00:26:20,695 --> 00:26:21,994
Oh, honey...
662
00:26:21,996 --> 00:26:24,634
just because you don't like Thai food...
663
00:26:24,664 --> 00:26:26,265
No, I mean it.
664
00:26:26,267 --> 00:26:28,567
Am I intolerant of
other people's beliefs?
665
00:26:28,569 --> 00:26:29,735
Because...
666
00:26:29,737 --> 00:26:32,071
Today's special, coming through.
667
00:26:32,073 --> 00:26:33,839
Blueberry-pineapple.
668
00:26:33,841 --> 00:26:34,840
First one's free.
669
00:26:34,842 --> 00:26:37,263
That's how we hook you.
670
00:26:37,293 --> 00:26:38,572
Oh, my gosh.
671
00:26:38,602 --> 00:26:39,934
Dad, these are amazing.
672
00:26:39,964 --> 00:26:43,182
Yep. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.
673
00:26:43,184 --> 00:26:45,384
That's my Al from Happy Days impression.
674
00:26:45,386 --> 00:26:47,886
The finest fictional chef in TV history.
675
00:26:47,888 --> 00:26:49,321
Well, you have the magic touch
676
00:26:49,323 --> 00:26:50,889
in the kitchen, I'll give you that.
677
00:26:50,891 --> 00:26:52,991
Not just the kitchen.
678
00:26:52,993 --> 00:26:55,027
(Chuckles)
679
00:26:55,029 --> 00:26:56,969
Oh, how do you do it?
680
00:26:58,176 --> 00:26:59,098
Two extra yolks
681
00:26:59,100 --> 00:27:01,407
and a teaspoon of cinnamon.
682
00:27:01,437 --> 00:27:03,936
It's not magic, it's math.
683
00:27:04,562 --> 00:27:06,739
♪♪
684
00:27:06,741 --> 00:27:09,441
Wait a second, you're right.
685
00:27:09,443 --> 00:27:11,176
It's not magic.
686
00:27:11,178 --> 00:27:12,841
And it's not religion.
687
00:27:13,082 --> 00:27:14,935
It's math!
688
00:27:14,965 --> 00:27:17,120
Dad! Mwah!
689
00:27:17,994 --> 00:27:20,786
- GLORIA: What about your stilts?!
- Keep 'em!
690
00:27:23,591 --> 00:27:25,691
All right, all right, all right.
691
00:27:25,693 --> 00:27:26,925
- Okay.
- Yeah.
692
00:27:26,927 --> 00:27:29,194
First thing, walking alone on stilts
693
00:27:29,196 --> 00:27:31,597
over the age of 14 looks
really sad and weird.
694
00:27:31,599 --> 00:27:33,132
Also...
695
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:35,070
I want to apologize for being a bigot,
696
00:27:35,100 --> 00:27:36,843
even though I think that it's way
697
00:27:36,873 --> 00:27:39,343
too harsh of a word, but still.
698
00:27:39,373 --> 00:27:40,872
Apology accepted?
699
00:27:40,874 --> 00:27:42,774
Okay, here's the main thing.
700
00:27:42,776 --> 00:27:44,242
Your theory isn't
701
00:27:44,244 --> 00:27:45,310
a religion.
702
00:27:45,312 --> 00:27:46,650
It's science.
703
00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:48,024
You've got it all worked out on paper.
704
00:27:48,054 --> 00:27:50,048
So, I don't have to take it
on faith; you can prove it.
705
00:27:50,050 --> 00:27:52,084
Exactly. That's what I've
been trying to do, prove it
706
00:27:52,086 --> 00:27:53,485
to you and the rest of the world.
707
00:27:53,487 --> 00:27:55,159
Wait.
708
00:27:55,668 --> 00:27:57,389
Does this mean you want
to see my slide show?
709
00:27:57,391 --> 00:27:58,757
Oh, God, no.
710
00:27:58,759 --> 00:28:01,260
No, what I mean is, anyone
can make a slide show.
711
00:28:01,262 --> 00:28:03,929
Which is why, in 1971,
712
00:28:03,931 --> 00:28:05,530
the Delawhere Group
713
00:28:05,532 --> 00:28:10,302
was founded to answer
this one vexing question,
714
00:28:10,304 --> 00:28:14,306
does the state of
Delaware actually exist?
715
00:28:15,509 --> 00:28:17,277
Yes, Timothy.
716
00:28:17,811 --> 00:28:19,511
I was born in Delaware.
717
00:28:19,513 --> 00:28:21,013
What? Psh.
718
00:28:21,015 --> 00:28:24,116
My point is, when people come
up with scientific theories,
719
00:28:24,118 --> 00:28:26,189
they get corroborated and confirmed
720
00:28:26,219 --> 00:28:28,206
- in journals and things.
- Yeah, exactly, peer review.
721
00:28:28,236 --> 00:28:30,277
That's what I've been trying
to get Tyra DeNeil Fields to do.
722
00:28:30,307 --> 00:28:31,573
She's an expert at explaining
723
00:28:31,575 --> 00:28:33,075
difficult scientific
concepts to the public.
724
00:28:33,077 --> 00:28:35,644
Which is why I want her
to look me in the eye
725
00:28:35,646 --> 00:28:38,246
and tell me you're
actually onto something.
726
00:28:38,248 --> 00:28:39,281
(Inhales sharply)
727
00:28:39,283 --> 00:28:41,188
Mm, one thing.
728
00:28:41,611 --> 00:28:44,719
I... can't get within 300 feet of her.
729
00:28:45,426 --> 00:28:47,189
But I can.
730
00:28:58,776 --> 00:29:00,375
(Chuckling)
731
00:29:02,279 --> 00:29:03,612
Are you Professor Fields?
732
00:29:03,614 --> 00:29:04,613
Well, now, that depends.
733
00:29:04,615 --> 00:29:06,448
Are you enjoying the book or...?
734
00:29:06,450 --> 00:29:07,949
(Laughs) Um, sir,
735
00:29:07,951 --> 00:29:09,961
can I get another round
for Professor Fields on me?
736
00:29:09,991 --> 00:29:11,250
Sure thing.
737
00:29:11,280 --> 00:29:13,155
May I... Can I join you?
738
00:29:13,157 --> 00:29:14,556
Sure.
739
00:29:15,759 --> 00:29:17,359
TIMOTHY: You're acting strange.
740
00:29:17,361 --> 00:29:18,960
I'm acting strange?
741
00:29:18,962 --> 00:29:21,296
Yeah. Yeah, you left trivia last night
742
00:29:21,298 --> 00:29:22,631
before the final question.
743
00:29:22,633 --> 00:29:25,300
The subject was canning and pickling.
744
00:29:25,302 --> 00:29:26,768
We really could've used you.
745
00:29:26,770 --> 00:29:28,970
I know, look... something... popped up.
746
00:29:28,972 --> 00:29:30,272
- (Zap Strap buzzes)
- (Groans)
747
00:29:30,274 --> 00:29:31,473
AUTOMATED FEMALE VOICE:
Lightning challenge.
748
00:29:31,475 --> 00:29:32,641
Ten pull-ups.
749
00:29:32,643 --> 00:29:34,309
- All right, watch this.
- Watch what?
750
00:29:34,311 --> 00:29:35,416
I thought we were going to lunch.
751
00:29:35,446 --> 00:29:36,512
Ooh.
752
00:29:36,514 --> 00:29:39,014
I can't eat until I level up.
753
00:29:39,016 --> 00:29:40,816
The bracelet will punish me.
754
00:29:40,818 --> 00:29:43,118
You can take that thing
off, you know, right?
755
00:29:43,120 --> 00:29:45,354
Eight... nine...
756
00:29:45,356 --> 00:29:47,155
ten! Oh!
757
00:29:47,157 --> 00:29:49,758
Oh! Oh! Oh!
758
00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:51,426
You okay, T-Spoon?
759
00:29:51,428 --> 00:29:52,661
I'm not great.
760
00:29:52,663 --> 00:29:55,297
(Groans)
761
00:29:58,435 --> 00:30:01,436
I think I just had an idea.
762
00:30:01,821 --> 00:30:03,171
Biomimicry.
763
00:30:03,173 --> 00:30:05,407
EVIE: Well, and that's
what I love about science.
764
00:30:05,409 --> 00:30:06,454
You know, it has rules
765
00:30:06,484 --> 00:30:07,815
- that make sense.
- Yes and no.
766
00:30:07,845 --> 00:30:10,345
Are you familiar with
quantum entanglement?
767
00:30:10,347 --> 00:30:13,313
Oh. Yeah, sure. It's
just been a-a while.
768
00:30:13,343 --> 00:30:14,316
All right. Okay.
769
00:30:14,318 --> 00:30:16,209
- Two subatomic particles, right?
- Mm-hmm.
770
00:30:16,239 --> 00:30:19,059
They get paired up and
they become identical.
771
00:30:19,089 --> 00:30:20,889
They begin spinning the same direction
772
00:30:20,891 --> 00:30:22,696
because they have the
same electrical charge.
773
00:30:22,726 --> 00:30:24,226
- All right.
- And from now on,
774
00:30:24,228 --> 00:30:27,763
no matter where they
go, they're connected.
775
00:30:27,765 --> 00:30:30,165
And they can instantly communicate
776
00:30:30,167 --> 00:30:33,969
across time and space, even
if they're light-years away.
777
00:30:33,971 --> 00:30:35,847
We don't know how, we don't know why.
778
00:30:35,877 --> 00:30:36,886
Whoa.
779
00:30:36,916 --> 00:30:39,968
So there's a lot in science
that doesn't make sense.
780
00:30:39,998 --> 00:30:41,749
Well, cheers to that.
781
00:30:41,779 --> 00:30:42,811
These are delicious.
782
00:30:42,813 --> 00:30:44,379
So refreshing.
783
00:30:44,381 --> 00:30:45,552
Another Bechdel, ladies?
784
00:30:45,582 --> 00:30:46,681
- Mm.
- Mm-mm.
785
00:30:46,683 --> 00:30:47,938
No, thank you.
786
00:30:47,968 --> 00:30:49,601
Okay, so I'm dating this guy...
787
00:30:49,603 --> 00:30:51,169
- Mm!
- ... and he comes across
788
00:30:51,171 --> 00:30:53,763
a little crazy, but he's
passionate and smart.
789
00:30:53,793 --> 00:30:56,046
- I know the type. I know the type.
- And he has a theory
790
00:30:56,076 --> 00:30:58,043
we were hoping you could peer review.
791
00:30:58,045 --> 00:30:59,277
Hi. Hello, again.
792
00:30:59,279 --> 00:31:00,338
- Oh, hell no!
- Please!
793
00:31:00,368 --> 00:31:02,113
No, Professor, we just want
five minutes of your time.
794
00:31:02,143 --> 00:31:04,830
Nope, nope. Do you understand
how a restraining order works?
795
00:31:04,860 --> 00:31:05,901
Yes, I do.
796
00:31:05,931 --> 00:31:08,895
Please. Okay, he might
seem nuts, but I'm not.
797
00:31:08,925 --> 00:31:10,446
You have my word we
won't bother you again
798
00:31:10,476 --> 00:31:13,564
if you just hear him out. Five minutes.
799
00:31:14,791 --> 00:31:15,980
Five minutes.
800
00:31:16,010 --> 00:31:17,195
AUTOMATED FEMALE VOICE:
... of sumo squats!
801
00:31:17,197 --> 00:31:18,263
Lightning challenge!
802
00:31:18,265 --> 00:31:19,431
(Zap Strap buzzes)
803
00:31:19,433 --> 00:31:20,433
Ah!
804
00:31:22,450 --> 00:31:23,869
AUTOMATED FEMALE VOICE:
Straighten your back!
805
00:31:23,871 --> 00:31:26,371
- (Zap Strap buzzes)
- Ugh!
806
00:31:31,414 --> 00:31:33,776
_
807
00:31:36,550 --> 00:31:37,783
When you account for the force
808
00:31:37,785 --> 00:31:39,629
of unbalanced thermal radiation...
809
00:31:39,659 --> 00:31:41,465
- Yes, the Yarkovsky effect. Go on.
- Precisely.
810
00:31:41,495 --> 00:31:43,655
Then by my calculations,
the asteroid's actually
811
00:31:43,657 --> 00:31:45,056
altering its orbital pattern
812
00:31:45,058 --> 00:31:47,502
- toward Earth.
- No. Surely NEOWISE or IRTF
813
00:31:47,532 --> 00:31:48,560
would have detected it by now.
814
00:31:48,562 --> 00:31:50,795
The chalk value is too low.
815
00:31:50,825 --> 00:31:52,664
Look, I-I know you're really
busy, and we've already
816
00:31:52,666 --> 00:31:54,299
taken up five minutes
of your time, but...
817
00:31:54,301 --> 00:31:56,510
please, will you just
818
00:31:56,540 --> 00:31:58,240
read this?
819
00:31:58,499 --> 00:32:00,836
I've run the numbers. Again and again.
820
00:32:00,866 --> 00:32:02,927
It checks out. All I want to do
821
00:32:02,957 --> 00:32:04,376
is-is tell people the truth,
822
00:32:04,378 --> 00:32:07,078
so they can make the most
of the time we have left.
823
00:32:07,080 --> 00:32:08,313
And I'm hoping
824
00:32:08,315 --> 00:32:09,881
you can help me tell them.
825
00:32:09,883 --> 00:32:11,724
My lunch date's here.
826
00:32:11,754 --> 00:32:13,952
Please.
827
00:32:20,160 --> 00:32:21,493
Thank...
828
00:32:22,344 --> 00:32:24,262
(Exhales)
829
00:32:24,264 --> 00:32:26,097
(Exhaling)
830
00:32:26,099 --> 00:32:27,999
(Laughter)
831
00:32:28,001 --> 00:32:29,734
I can't believe it! You did it!
832
00:32:29,736 --> 00:32:31,269
We did it!
833
00:32:31,271 --> 00:32:33,205
Ah!
834
00:32:33,207 --> 00:32:34,439
Oh, wait. Balls!
835
00:32:34,441 --> 00:32:35,974
I forgot my purse.
836
00:32:35,976 --> 00:32:38,424
One second.
837
00:32:38,454 --> 00:32:40,234
TYRA: Excuse me. Can you
toss this for me, please?
838
00:32:40,264 --> 00:32:41,466
Yeah, sure.
839
00:32:41,496 --> 00:32:43,532
I get at least two crackpots
comin' at me a week.
840
00:32:43,534 --> 00:32:45,133
They're smart, but they're nuts.
841
00:32:45,135 --> 00:32:47,402
♪♪
842
00:32:51,699 --> 00:32:53,131
You do you realize that
as we speak, the great
843
00:32:53,133 --> 00:32:55,905
Tyra DeNeil Fields is
going over my calculations.
844
00:32:55,935 --> 00:32:57,940
The truth is finally
going to get out there!
845
00:32:57,970 --> 00:32:59,503
The world is gonna finally know.
846
00:32:59,505 --> 00:33:01,638
Yeah. It's... it's exciting.
847
00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:03,340
And I owe it all to you. Thank you.
848
00:33:03,342 --> 00:33:05,347
You know, you don't
have to keep saying that.
849
00:33:05,377 --> 00:33:08,745
Yep. You're right.
Show don't tell. Sorry.
850
00:33:08,747 --> 00:33:11,248
Mm. Mm.
851
00:33:11,250 --> 00:33:12,683
Ah!
852
00:33:16,352 --> 00:33:18,755
Evie? I'm glad I caught
you before I left.
853
00:33:18,757 --> 00:33:20,557
- Where you going?
- Sarasota.
854
00:33:20,559 --> 00:33:22,631
To be with my second family.
855
00:33:22,661 --> 00:33:25,062
I spent ten years in
fulfillment without realizing
856
00:33:25,064 --> 00:33:27,197
that I wasn't fulfilled. So I quit.
857
00:33:27,199 --> 00:33:29,132
I know it might sound crazy,
858
00:33:29,134 --> 00:33:32,836
but nothing ever felt more right.
859
00:33:33,224 --> 00:33:36,052
Could you tell Deirdre?
I'm too scared to.
860
00:33:38,293 --> 00:33:40,043
EVIE: Hey, Hank.
861
00:33:40,045 --> 00:33:41,545
Hank.
862
00:33:41,575 --> 00:33:42,494
Hank!
863
00:33:42,524 --> 00:33:43,536
- Aah! Jiminy!
- Oh!
864
00:33:43,566 --> 00:33:45,261
Don't sneak up on me like that.
865
00:33:45,291 --> 00:33:47,201
What? I called your name several times.
866
00:33:47,203 --> 00:33:48,517
What?
867
00:33:48,547 --> 00:33:50,601
Hey, hold on a sec.
868
00:33:51,463 --> 00:33:53,345
- Ugh.
- Ew, why are you wearing those?
869
00:33:53,375 --> 00:33:54,875
The other night at trivia,
870
00:33:54,877 --> 00:33:57,844
Deirdre whispered in my
ear, and something happened.
871
00:33:57,846 --> 00:33:59,446
What did she say?
872
00:33:59,448 --> 00:34:01,153
She said,
873
00:34:01,183 --> 00:34:03,783
"Excuse me, I need to go
874
00:34:03,785 --> 00:34:05,791
to the ladies room."
875
00:34:06,592 --> 00:34:08,054
I don't get it.
876
00:34:08,056 --> 00:34:10,824
It's not what she said,
it's how she said it.
877
00:34:10,826 --> 00:34:14,327
Her voice is just so husky,
878
00:34:14,329 --> 00:34:16,162
and erotic.
879
00:34:16,164 --> 00:34:18,003
And it did something to me.
880
00:34:18,033 --> 00:34:20,701
What did it, uh...
what did it do to you?
881
00:34:23,272 --> 00:34:27,174
(Whispers): I had what can only
be described as a full-blown...
882
00:34:27,176 --> 00:34:28,408
eargasm.
883
00:34:28,410 --> 00:34:29,476
(Laughs)
884
00:34:29,478 --> 00:34:31,037
- (Groans)
- (Snorts)
885
00:34:31,067 --> 00:34:32,212
Are you...
886
00:34:32,214 --> 00:34:34,181
are you into Deirdre?
887
00:34:34,183 --> 00:34:35,782
(Snorts) No!
888
00:34:35,784 --> 00:34:38,352
(Scoffing)
889
00:34:43,759 --> 00:34:44,991
She's the worst.
890
00:34:44,993 --> 00:34:46,398
And I have an Internet girlfriend.
891
00:34:46,428 --> 00:34:47,894
Yeah. Who you've never actually met.
892
00:34:47,896 --> 00:34:50,998
@WinnieCooper534 is real! Believe me.
893
00:34:51,000 --> 00:34:52,666
The ear, it just wants
894
00:34:52,668 --> 00:34:53,711
- what it wants...
- Okay, you know what?
895
00:34:53,741 --> 00:34:54,849
- You know what? You're bumped down
- (Laughs)
896
00:34:54,879 --> 00:34:56,670
to friend number two. You're
bumped down to friend number two,
897
00:34:56,672 --> 00:34:57,671
and Timothy's friend number one,
898
00:34:57,673 --> 00:34:59,744
- now that he's human again.
- (Chuckles)
899
00:34:59,774 --> 00:35:01,441
He accidentally got
a Zap Strap from here.
900
00:35:01,443 --> 00:35:02,943
Got him out of the house and...
901
00:35:02,945 --> 00:35:04,578
broke through his writer's block.
902
00:35:04,580 --> 00:35:06,446
Wait, Timothy got a
screwed-up order too?
903
00:35:06,448 --> 00:35:08,758
Yup, and Kareema told him to keep it.
904
00:35:08,788 --> 00:35:10,138
Total serendipity.
905
00:35:10,168 --> 00:35:13,520
It wasn't serendipity.
906
00:35:13,966 --> 00:35:15,826
It was... you!
907
00:35:16,025 --> 00:35:17,624
All along it was you.
908
00:35:17,626 --> 00:35:20,046
You're the glitch in the system!
909
00:35:20,425 --> 00:35:21,828
I have no idea what
you're talking about,
910
00:35:21,830 --> 00:35:24,438
but you're interrupting my
very important work.
911
00:35:24,468 --> 00:35:26,369
It all makes sense!
912
00:35:26,399 --> 00:35:27,408
(Sighs) Nothing makes sense.
913
00:35:27,438 --> 00:35:29,169
We're at the mercy of a random,
and unfeeling universe...
914
00:35:29,171 --> 00:35:31,705
Oh, stop it. You heard about
Timothy's writer's block,
915
00:35:31,707 --> 00:35:33,674
then he mysteriously
got that ZipZap thing.
916
00:35:33,676 --> 00:35:35,846
You talked about adding
chaos to the world...
917
00:35:35,876 --> 00:35:37,210
Fine.
918
00:35:37,212 --> 00:35:38,755
Oh!
919
00:35:39,238 --> 00:35:42,949
A few months ago, I started
switching orders around because I got...
920
00:35:42,979 --> 00:35:44,346
bored.
921
00:35:44,376 --> 00:35:45,619
You know, small stuff, like
922
00:35:45,621 --> 00:35:48,272
putting a vibrator in
an old lady's crockpot.
923
00:35:48,302 --> 00:35:52,259
Switching books: Analyst
for Anal Lust.
924
00:35:53,495 --> 00:35:54,795
But then you started talking to me
925
00:35:54,797 --> 00:35:56,229
about Xavier's philosophy,
926
00:35:56,231 --> 00:35:59,321
and making time count,
and I decided to make
927
00:35:59,351 --> 00:36:01,768
a little list of things I wanted to try.
928
00:36:06,176 --> 00:36:07,507
"Naked knitting circle...
929
00:36:07,509 --> 00:36:10,844
"Book club orgies...
sex on a ski lift...
930
00:36:12,201 --> 00:36:14,147
helping people"?
931
00:36:15,651 --> 00:36:17,584
So Xavier inspired you.
932
00:36:17,586 --> 00:36:18,852
(Exhales)
933
00:36:18,854 --> 00:36:20,420
Look, maybe he's crazy.
934
00:36:21,039 --> 00:36:23,657
Maybe what I'm doing
is crazy, too, but...
935
00:36:24,903 --> 00:36:27,327
Maybe sometimes crazy's worth it.
936
00:36:29,023 --> 00:36:31,652
I have to tell Deirdre something...
937
00:36:31,682 --> 00:36:33,266
Do your thing.
938
00:36:34,203 --> 00:36:36,532
Did you hear how I said that? "Thing?"
939
00:36:36,562 --> 00:36:39,182
Soft "I." "Thing."
940
00:36:39,212 --> 00:36:40,793
Soft "I."
941
00:36:40,823 --> 00:36:44,284
Well, mystery solved!
942
00:36:44,543 --> 00:36:47,052
It was Robert in Fulfillment. Ha!
943
00:36:47,082 --> 00:36:49,082
He totally fell down on the job.
944
00:36:49,084 --> 00:36:52,886
But I took care of it, and
you won't be seeing him...
945
00:36:53,304 --> 00:36:55,407
round here again.
946
00:36:55,437 --> 00:36:56,437
Great.
947
00:36:58,433 --> 00:36:59,592
Are you okay?
948
00:36:59,594 --> 00:37:01,995
Sensory deprivation
helps me with stress.
949
00:37:01,997 --> 00:37:04,297
Hank is avoiding me.
950
00:37:04,299 --> 00:37:07,200
Oh! I... Well... I hadn't noticed.
951
00:37:07,202 --> 00:37:08,568
Your friend, that
952
00:37:08,570 --> 00:37:11,671
Xaviar fellow? He convinced me
953
00:37:11,673 --> 00:37:14,507
that if I defied the corporate
guidelines and made a move,
954
00:37:14,509 --> 00:37:16,576
that I could finally
break through to Hank.
955
00:37:16,578 --> 00:37:18,688
Maybe you did.
956
00:37:18,718 --> 00:37:20,680
He ran away from me.
957
00:37:20,682 --> 00:37:22,015
Literally.
958
00:37:22,017 --> 00:37:23,455
Full sprint.
959
00:37:23,485 --> 00:37:26,275
Maybe he's just not ready
to face his feelings.
960
00:37:26,568 --> 00:37:28,016
Feelings?
961
00:37:28,573 --> 00:37:31,546
When you smile like that,
you look like a prairie dog.
962
00:37:32,098 --> 00:37:34,963
Just... don't give up on him yet.
963
00:37:34,993 --> 00:37:36,630
He might still come around. Have faith.
964
00:37:36,632 --> 00:37:39,091
I'm not sure it's in the cards...
965
00:37:39,121 --> 00:37:40,567
Hmm.
966
00:37:41,116 --> 00:37:43,008
GLORIA: Five of Wands.
967
00:37:43,038 --> 00:37:45,472
Are you feeling
conflicted about something?
968
00:37:45,474 --> 00:37:48,378
Yeah. Xavier.
969
00:37:48,878 --> 00:37:51,478
Tyra just tossed his research, and I...
970
00:37:51,480 --> 00:37:52,812
I didn't tell him.
971
00:37:52,814 --> 00:37:54,681
I didn't want to burst his bubble.
972
00:37:54,683 --> 00:37:56,349
But you know what? I don't even know
973
00:37:56,379 --> 00:37:58,084
if his theory's based in reality
974
00:37:58,086 --> 00:38:00,322
or nuts, but Mom...
975
00:38:00,352 --> 00:38:01,955
listening to him talk about it...
976
00:38:01,957 --> 00:38:03,523
he sounded smart.
977
00:38:03,525 --> 00:38:05,191
And insightful.
978
00:38:05,193 --> 00:38:06,626
And passionate.
979
00:38:06,628 --> 00:38:08,599
Well, maybe that's enough.
980
00:38:08,629 --> 00:38:11,197
Let me tell you something.
981
00:38:12,753 --> 00:38:15,168
I don't love your dad's muffins.
982
00:38:15,709 --> 00:38:17,837
I mean, I love that he bakes for me.
983
00:38:17,839 --> 00:38:19,606
Makes me feel good,
it makes him feel good,
984
00:38:19,608 --> 00:38:20,840
and that's enough.
985
00:38:20,842 --> 00:38:22,409
But see, telling him
986
00:38:22,411 --> 00:38:25,612
that he uses way too much cinnamon...
987
00:38:25,614 --> 00:38:26,552
(Chuckles)
988
00:38:26,582 --> 00:38:29,834
... oh, it'd just suck
the joy right out of it.
989
00:38:30,265 --> 00:38:31,151
So if you like
990
00:38:31,153 --> 00:38:32,585
who Xavier is,
991
00:38:32,587 --> 00:38:34,554
what's a scientist got to do with it?
992
00:38:34,556 --> 00:38:36,289
You know, love is all about teaming up
993
00:38:36,291 --> 00:38:38,024
with someone, and then having their back
994
00:38:38,026 --> 00:38:39,627
no matter what.
995
00:38:40,109 --> 00:38:42,128
GARY: Gentlewomen,
996
00:38:42,130 --> 00:38:44,269
your attention please.
997
00:38:44,299 --> 00:38:46,166
I have an announcement to make.
998
00:38:46,637 --> 00:38:47,968
I just quit my job!
999
00:38:48,224 --> 00:38:49,513
- What?
- Why?
1000
00:38:49,543 --> 00:38:51,977
- What happened?
- Your crazy boyfriend
1001
00:38:52,007 --> 00:38:53,273
made a very valid point
1002
00:38:53,275 --> 00:38:54,607
the other night.
1003
00:38:54,609 --> 00:38:56,643
Time is precious,
1004
00:38:56,645 --> 00:38:59,846
and I need to start pursuing...
1005
00:38:59,848 --> 00:39:01,319
my passions.
1006
00:39:01,349 --> 00:39:03,550
So, I'm going to become...
1007
00:39:05,454 --> 00:39:08,288
an actor.
1008
00:39:10,826 --> 00:39:13,159
Honey!
1009
00:39:13,161 --> 00:39:15,395
That's great!
1010
00:39:16,548 --> 00:39:18,982
I'm so proud of you.
1011
00:39:19,384 --> 00:39:20,683
Are you lookin' at me?
1012
00:39:20,685 --> 00:39:23,731
Are you lookin' at me? 'Cause
I think you're lookin' at me. Hey.
1013
00:39:23,761 --> 00:39:26,122
You gotta ask yourself...
1014
00:39:27,018 --> 00:39:29,826
You feel lucky, punk?
1015
00:39:31,996 --> 00:39:33,206
EVIE: I have something
important to tell you
1016
00:39:33,236 --> 00:39:34,237
about last night...
1017
00:39:34,267 --> 00:39:37,122
I admire you for living
by your convictions.
1018
00:39:37,657 --> 00:39:40,290
And I don't need Tyra DeNeil
Fields's approval to know
1019
00:39:40,320 --> 00:39:43,562
that your way of life is positive
1020
00:39:43,592 --> 00:39:45,008
and contagious,
1021
00:39:45,010 --> 00:39:48,000
and has real value for people.
1022
00:39:48,030 --> 00:39:50,046
I've seen it happen.
1023
00:39:50,076 --> 00:39:51,848
I mean, it happened to me.
1024
00:39:51,850 --> 00:39:53,950
And to people around me.
1025
00:39:53,952 --> 00:39:55,457
I realized it doesn't actually
matter if I believe
1026
00:39:55,487 --> 00:39:57,220
if the apocalypse is coming or not...
1027
00:39:57,222 --> 00:39:58,889
- (Sighs) It is...
- No, because
1028
00:39:58,891 --> 00:40:00,523
we can still be
together, even if we don't
1029
00:40:00,525 --> 00:40:02,525
believe all the same things.
1030
00:40:03,098 --> 00:40:04,549
No matter what,
1031
00:40:04,579 --> 00:40:06,112
I've got your back...
1032
00:40:06,114 --> 00:40:07,647
And I've got yours, too.
1033
00:40:07,649 --> 00:40:08,866
♪♪
1034
00:40:09,323 --> 00:40:11,251
- What are you...
- (Chuckling): Okay, so...
1035
00:40:11,253 --> 00:40:12,786
Um...
1036
00:40:13,192 --> 00:40:15,321
Let's shout it...
1037
00:40:15,323 --> 00:40:17,123
from the rooftops.
1038
00:40:18,745 --> 00:40:21,127
You made these?
1039
00:40:21,129 --> 00:40:22,395
Evie.
1040
00:40:22,397 --> 00:40:24,330
- Mm-hmm?
- You are...
1041
00:40:24,332 --> 00:40:26,833
the sexiest ex-bigot I have ever seen.
1042
00:40:26,835 --> 00:40:29,736
(Evie laughs)
1043
00:40:29,738 --> 00:40:31,604
Listen up, people!
1044
00:40:31,606 --> 00:40:33,473
XAVIER (Shouts): The end is nigh!
1045
00:40:33,475 --> 00:40:38,177
- The asteroid is coming!
- EVIE: And don't waste a single day!
1046
00:40:41,315 --> 00:40:43,683
♪ Love is enough at
the end of the tracks ♪
1047
00:40:43,685 --> 00:40:46,134
♪ When the car wrecks,
heart attacks... ♪
1048
00:40:46,164 --> 00:40:49,237
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