1
00:00:02,287 --> 00:00:03,890
I ate the corn and the biscuit,
2
00:00:03,915 --> 00:00:06,288
but there's still chicken in here
that you can eat.
3
00:00:06,289 --> 00:00:09,051
And then you can eat "this" biscuit.
4
00:00:09,076 --> 00:00:10,395
I'm not really hungry.
5
00:00:10,420 --> 00:00:12,620
Oh, baby, you wanna skip dinner?
6
00:00:12,929 --> 00:00:14,137
Okay...
7
00:00:14,162 --> 00:00:17,799
- All right, what's wrong?
- I just... we should talk.
8
00:00:17,801 --> 00:00:19,834
After... sex?
9
00:00:19,836 --> 00:00:21,220
I'm seeing someone...
10
00:00:21,245 --> 00:00:23,871
like... a girl.
11
00:00:23,873 --> 00:00:25,689
Oh. Okay.
12
00:00:25,714 --> 00:00:27,939
So, I know we had a thing,
13
00:00:27,964 --> 00:00:29,799
but the thing I had with
her is so much bigger
14
00:00:29,824 --> 00:00:31,080
than the thing that I have with you,
15
00:00:31,105 --> 00:00:32,775
so, now I can't really
be in the thing with you,
16
00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:35,249
and we can't pursue that thing,
you know what I'm saying?
17
00:00:35,251 --> 00:00:37,452
Okay, um...
18
00:00:37,454 --> 00:00:40,639
So... so, you have...
you have a girlfriend?
19
00:00:40,664 --> 00:00:41,976
Ach, you know, I really don't wanna
20
00:00:42,001 --> 00:00:43,724
put a label on it just yet.
21
00:00:43,726 --> 00:00:46,527
- But it's definitely a thing.
- Okay, so...
22
00:00:46,529 --> 00:00:48,329
- who's the lucky girl?
- Jenny.
23
00:00:48,331 --> 00:00:49,378
Jenny what?
24
00:00:49,403 --> 00:00:50,675
I don't know her last name yet.
25
00:00:50,700 --> 00:00:52,993
But it starts with a "K,"
she designs jewelry,
26
00:00:53,018 --> 00:00:56,156
roasts her own beans,
she bikes... a lot... and it shows.
27
00:00:56,181 --> 00:00:58,506
Oooh, well...
28
00:00:58,508 --> 00:01:01,173
Lucky Jenny K.
29
00:01:02,173 --> 00:01:05,446
- I'd like to say goodbye.
- Sure.
30
00:01:05,471 --> 00:01:07,995
Not to you... to him.
31
00:01:08,949 --> 00:01:11,142
I can't. I just... I... I can't.
32
00:01:11,167 --> 00:01:13,407
Okay, fine, fine. I should go.
33
00:01:13,432 --> 00:01:14,494
Is any of my stuff here?
34
00:01:14,519 --> 00:01:16,190
You brought some OJ,
but you didn't label it,
35
00:01:16,192 --> 00:01:18,226
so, it's kind of for everybody.
36
00:01:18,228 --> 00:01:19,594
Drink it with Jenny K.
37
00:01:19,596 --> 00:01:21,462
That's really awesome of you.
38
00:01:21,464 --> 00:01:23,965
Buh! Buh! Buh! Buh! Buh!
39
00:01:23,967 --> 00:01:25,900
Not that.
40
00:01:25,902 --> 00:01:27,188
Can I keep the chicken?
41
00:01:27,213 --> 00:01:30,738
Oh, we both know there was
never any chicken in that box.
42
00:01:32,642 --> 00:01:36,344
Yep, I ate all of it...
bones and everything.
43
00:01:43,242 --> 00:01:45,908
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
44
00:01:49,616 --> 00:01:51,582
Did you sleep at all last night?
45
00:01:51,607 --> 00:01:54,375
No. Every ethnicity starts with a "K."
46
00:01:54,377 --> 00:01:55,909
I've narrowed her down
to Jewish, Korean,
47
00:01:55,911 --> 00:01:57,444
Armenian or just like regular-ass White.
48
00:01:57,446 --> 00:01:58,746
Okay, know what? We're done.
49
00:01:58,748 --> 00:02:00,848
No, you need to stop
looking for this woman, okay,
50
00:02:00,850 --> 00:02:02,683
and you're starting to act crazy.
51
00:02:02,685 --> 00:02:05,019
I just wanna figure out
if she's prettier than me,
52
00:02:05,021 --> 00:02:07,221
or thinner, or smarter,
or has bigger tits.
53
00:02:07,223 --> 00:02:09,623
I've never met this woman,
but you and I both know
54
00:02:09,625 --> 00:02:11,425
she has you beat in
all of those categories.
55
00:02:11,427 --> 00:02:13,894
Oh! Why are you being so mean?
56
00:02:13,896 --> 00:02:15,529
Because no matter who this bitch is,
57
00:02:15,531 --> 00:02:16,764
you're gonna think
she's better than you.
58
00:02:16,766 --> 00:02:18,565
I'm helping you come to grips with that.
59
00:02:18,567 --> 00:02:19,900
He's right.
60
00:02:19,902 --> 00:02:22,002
Those words sound so good in your mouth.
61
00:02:22,004 --> 00:02:23,804
Okay, no, back to me.
What am I gonna do?
62
00:02:23,806 --> 00:02:25,172
You're gonna cry it out,
63
00:02:25,174 --> 00:02:26,740
and then you're gonna
get over it a little bit,
64
00:02:26,742 --> 00:02:28,342
and then you're gonna cry it out again,
65
00:02:28,344 --> 00:02:30,010
and get over it a little bit more.
66
00:02:30,012 --> 00:02:32,146
There's plenty of
dicks out there, Nicole.
67
00:02:32,148 --> 00:02:34,648
No, not like "Chico."
68
00:02:34,650 --> 00:02:37,084
Of course, Derrick named his dick.
69
00:02:37,086 --> 00:02:38,752
No, I named his dick.
70
00:02:38,754 --> 00:02:40,421
I don't know why I went Latin.
71
00:02:40,423 --> 00:02:41,889
It seemed appropriate.
72
00:02:41,891 --> 00:02:43,724
He just like pulled down
his pants and I was like,
73
00:02:43,726 --> 00:02:45,826
ooh, that's a fiesta.
74
00:02:45,828 --> 00:02:48,896
Right, I've gotta go scrub my apartment
75
00:02:48,898 --> 00:02:50,864
- before my mom gets here.
- I love Sandy.
76
00:02:50,866 --> 00:02:53,801
She used to let us watch those
R-rated lady lawyer movies,
77
00:02:53,803 --> 00:02:55,903
you know, the ones where like
the boobs are all out.
78
00:02:55,905 --> 00:02:58,972
- Ooh, very fun.
- No, not fun.
79
00:02:58,974 --> 00:03:01,275
After you left, she would
always just quiz me
80
00:03:01,277 --> 00:03:02,676
on the legal inaccuracies.
81
00:03:02,678 --> 00:03:04,111
Oh, come on, she's gotten better.
82
00:03:04,113 --> 00:03:05,412
No, she hasn't.
83
00:03:05,414 --> 00:03:07,815
It's just a non-stop stream of judgment
84
00:03:07,817 --> 00:03:09,483
about me not being a lawyer.
85
00:03:09,485 --> 00:03:11,285
So, Sandy just criticizes you
86
00:03:11,287 --> 00:03:12,619
for all your poor life decisions?
87
00:03:12,621 --> 00:03:15,122
- Yeah.
- I love her. Yeah.
88
00:03:15,124 --> 00:03:17,324
This is what the disciples
must have felt like
89
00:03:17,326 --> 00:03:18,826
when they heard about Jesus.
90
00:03:21,597 --> 00:03:23,530
Mom, can you just relax? I can do that.
91
00:03:23,532 --> 00:03:24,965
No, honey, I don't mind.
92
00:03:24,967 --> 00:03:26,800
I can't really relax in
a filthy, dirty house.
93
00:03:26,802 --> 00:03:29,036
But it's just nice to be here with you.
94
00:03:29,038 --> 00:03:31,805
- How about some wine?
- Is there any left?
95
00:03:31,807 --> 00:03:34,074
I saw six bottles in the recycling bin.
96
00:03:34,076 --> 00:03:35,709
It's cheaper when
you buy it by the case.
97
00:03:35,711 --> 00:03:38,312
I would be happy to buy
you some quality wine.
98
00:03:38,314 --> 00:03:41,315
It's still quality wine.
It's just made in Sacramento.
99
00:03:41,317 --> 00:03:43,283
- Is that in Napa?
- Close to Napa.
100
00:03:43,285 --> 00:03:45,886
You know what they say...
close is a cop-out.
101
00:03:45,888 --> 00:03:47,588
Who says that? Reruns
of "Cagney and Lacey"?
102
00:03:47,590 --> 00:03:50,087
Oh, that was a show.
103
00:03:51,850 --> 00:03:53,383
Hi, hi, hi.
104
00:03:53,408 --> 00:03:55,572
- What are you doing here?
- Do you have a crock pot?
105
00:03:55,574 --> 00:03:57,787
Oh, I got her
one for Christmas last year.
106
00:03:57,812 --> 00:03:59,144
Hello, there.
107
00:03:59,169 --> 00:04:00,968
I'm Veronica's mother, Sandy Lindstrom.
108
00:04:00,970 --> 00:04:03,003
Hi, I'm Devin. So nice to meet you.
109
00:04:03,005 --> 00:04:04,624
I've heard so much about you.
110
00:04:04,649 --> 00:04:06,913
- I love that chunky necklace.
- Thank you!
111
00:04:06,938 --> 00:04:08,093
Do you love slow cooking?
112
00:04:08,118 --> 00:04:09,257
Yeah, I've got a Cathy Mitchell
113
00:04:09,282 --> 00:04:10,955
dump meal book. Oh, I'm so excited.
114
00:04:10,980 --> 00:04:12,790
And I bought it un-ironically.
115
00:04:12,815 --> 00:04:14,581
Well, from the looks of this pot,
116
00:04:14,583 --> 00:04:16,016
I don't think my Veronica
does much cooking.
117
00:04:16,018 --> 00:04:18,088
- I cook.
- I know what you can make.
118
00:04:18,113 --> 00:04:20,846
Reservations.
119
00:04:23,626 --> 00:04:26,198
- Zing!
- I can also make spaghetti.
120
00:04:26,223 --> 00:04:27,434
Would you like some wine, Devin?
121
00:04:27,459 --> 00:04:29,199
- Yeah, absolutely.
- Yes, let's sit.
122
00:04:29,224 --> 00:04:30,523
One for me, too, Ronnie.
123
00:04:30,548 --> 00:04:33,363
That'll be two glasses
of wine, "Ronnie."
124
00:04:33,388 --> 00:04:35,355
Can I get an extra-heavy pour, please?
125
00:04:39,939 --> 00:04:42,991
Ah, I gotcha, Jenny K, ya bitch.
126
00:04:43,016 --> 00:04:46,123
Mmmm, getting coffee from a truck.
127
00:04:46,148 --> 00:04:52,038
Ah, too good for restaurants,
ya big-tittied skanky bitch.
128
00:04:52,063 --> 00:04:54,600
They're so round. How?
129
00:04:54,625 --> 00:04:56,100
Hi.
130
00:04:56,125 --> 00:04:57,506
Nicole?
131
00:04:57,531 --> 00:04:58,802
April Calibretta,
132
00:04:58,804 --> 00:05:00,458
Middle Town High School
South, from Jersey?
133
00:05:00,483 --> 00:05:02,669
Oh, my God! How are you?
134
00:05:02,694 --> 00:05:05,032
I haven't seen you in,
what, like six years?
135
00:05:05,034 --> 00:05:07,634
Yeah. Oh, man, so how are you?
136
00:05:07,636 --> 00:05:10,237
- Are you still acting?
- Yep, still acting.
137
00:05:10,239 --> 00:05:13,340
You were the most talented
person in our class.
138
00:05:13,342 --> 00:05:15,209
Oh, and so funny, too.
139
00:05:15,211 --> 00:05:18,078
So, tell me about all
the cool things you're in.
140
00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:20,447
Well, I... uh, I was in a commercial,
141
00:05:20,449 --> 00:05:23,717
and I was a featured extra
in an episode of "CSI."
142
00:05:23,719 --> 00:05:25,953
I'm such a fan of "CSI." Who were you?
143
00:05:25,955 --> 00:05:28,689
I was a carnival-goer
144
00:05:28,691 --> 00:05:31,058
that gathered around
to look at a dead body.
145
00:05:31,060 --> 00:05:34,728
Listen, it takes time to get,
you know, like the bigger parts.
146
00:05:34,730 --> 00:05:37,531
Sure. Sure. Yeah.
How long have you been at it?
147
00:05:37,533 --> 00:05:39,967
Uh, on and off for like two years.
148
00:05:39,969 --> 00:05:44,037
Two years? Gosh, I would never
have the patience for that.
149
00:05:44,039 --> 00:05:47,841
Well, it's not for everyone.
You've gotta have grit.
150
00:05:47,843 --> 00:05:49,243
Oh, yeah, I guess so.
151
00:05:49,245 --> 00:05:51,111
I mean, I've been at the
insurance company for two years
152
00:05:51,113 --> 00:05:53,447
and I went from receptionist
to account manager.
153
00:05:53,449 --> 00:05:56,383
I mean, I'm sure insurance
is different than acting.
154
00:05:56,385 --> 00:05:57,584
Yeah, yeah, guess it is.
155
00:05:57,586 --> 00:05:59,086
What were you doing in that bush?
156
00:05:59,088 --> 00:06:02,222
I'm stalking this bitch, Jenny K,
157
00:06:02,224 --> 00:06:04,224
who is now dating my ex-non-boyfriend
158
00:06:04,226 --> 00:06:06,193
who broke up with me, but didn't
really break up with me
159
00:06:06,195 --> 00:06:08,295
because we weren't in
a relationship to begin with.
160
00:06:10,566 --> 00:06:15,102
God, you are just as funny
as I remember... maybe more.
161
00:06:15,104 --> 00:06:18,005
- So good to see you again.
- Yeah. Mm-hm.
162
00:06:18,007 --> 00:06:20,207
Oh, I'm gonna tell
everybody that I ran into
163
00:06:20,209 --> 00:06:22,709
the soon-to-be famous Nicole Byer.
164
00:06:22,711 --> 00:06:24,912
You don't have to.
165
00:06:27,601 --> 00:06:30,502
Oh, hi, Avi. You look pretty today.
166
00:06:30,527 --> 00:06:34,262
Ooh, is that a Zen garden?
I need some Zen.
167
00:06:34,264 --> 00:06:35,730
- Can you hand that to me?
- Here.
168
00:06:35,732 --> 00:06:37,832
I hate my hair today. Don't look.
169
00:06:37,834 --> 00:06:39,367
So, what brings you in?
170
00:06:39,369 --> 00:06:41,769
Oh, I just need a really big acting job.
171
00:06:41,771 --> 00:06:43,538
Like I've told you a million times...
172
00:06:43,540 --> 00:06:47,442
a career in acting
is a marathon, not a sprint.
173
00:06:47,444 --> 00:06:50,651
Ugh. I don't like
either of those things.
174
00:06:50,676 --> 00:06:53,204
You're antsy. Let me see
if I can find you something
175
00:06:53,229 --> 00:06:56,451
- with a little more meat.
- Oh, thank you.
176
00:06:56,453 --> 00:06:58,820
- Now what is that?
- It's for you.
177
00:06:59,940 --> 00:07:02,940
It is... gorgeous.
178
00:07:04,127 --> 00:07:05,993
I just can't stop thinking about
179
00:07:05,995 --> 00:07:07,161
what your life would be like
180
00:07:07,163 --> 00:07:10,531
if you hadn't done
so poorly on the LSATs.
181
00:07:10,533 --> 00:07:12,867
- Yeah, me, too, Mom.
- What are the LSATs?
182
00:07:12,869 --> 00:07:14,335
An SAT for law school.
183
00:07:14,337 --> 00:07:15,970
It's no surprise Veronica did poorly.
184
00:07:15,972 --> 00:07:17,505
She's not very analytical.
185
00:07:17,507 --> 00:07:20,308
She's good at other things.
186
00:07:20,310 --> 00:07:23,110
- Oh, our car is here.
- Like calling car services.
187
00:07:24,981 --> 00:07:26,367
Well, this has been great,
188
00:07:26,392 --> 00:07:27,711
but we've gotta get to the artwalk.
189
00:07:27,736 --> 00:07:29,266
- Devin looks like an art lover.
- No.
190
00:07:29,291 --> 00:07:31,391
- Yes. Indeed, I am.
- You should join us.
191
00:07:31,416 --> 00:07:34,222
- There's a Jeff Klibas lithograph show.
- Oh, my God, Klibas?
192
00:07:34,224 --> 00:07:35,890
That's a once in a lifetime show.
193
00:07:35,892 --> 00:07:37,641
I guess my dump recipe
will have to wait.
194
00:07:37,666 --> 00:07:39,818
- Super!
- You know what, Mom?
195
00:07:39,843 --> 00:07:41,560
Can you tell the car
to wait for one sec.
196
00:07:41,585 --> 00:07:43,966
- I just need to talk to Devin.
- I'll be inside the car.
197
00:07:43,991 --> 00:07:46,370
This neighborhood still
feels very iffy to me.
198
00:07:46,395 --> 00:07:47,752
We have a Whole Foods.
199
00:07:47,777 --> 00:07:50,823
- What the hell are you doing?
- I'm watching a master at work, okay,
200
00:07:50,848 --> 00:07:53,268
the way she gets under your skin,
and the way she picks at you.
201
00:07:53,293 --> 00:07:54,220
She's an artist.
202
00:07:54,245 --> 00:07:55,991
She's like Klebas...
in one of his linographs.
203
00:07:56,016 --> 00:07:57,538
It's Klibas, it's lithographs,
204
00:07:57,563 --> 00:07:58,866
and I knew that you
had no idea who he was.
205
00:07:58,891 --> 00:08:00,445
Okay, so, I don't know, but can we go,
206
00:08:00,470 --> 00:08:01,591
because I'm missing the show...
207
00:08:01,616 --> 00:08:03,416
and by show, I mean,
you and your mother.
208
00:08:07,768 --> 00:08:09,366
Hi, Avi.
209
00:08:09,368 --> 00:08:10,568
Can you sing?
210
00:08:10,570 --> 00:08:12,470
I think I found you a part in a musical.
211
00:08:12,472 --> 00:08:15,406
Of course, I can sing.
I'm big and Black.
212
00:08:15,408 --> 00:08:17,541
Only you can say that.
213
00:08:17,543 --> 00:08:18,876
Why didn't you mention it to me earlier?
214
00:08:18,901 --> 00:08:20,993
I would've put you up
for so many other roles.
215
00:08:21,018 --> 00:08:24,002
I guess my singing is just like so good,
I like to keep it a secret.
216
00:08:24,027 --> 00:08:25,166
So, what's the part?
217
00:08:25,191 --> 00:08:26,817
It's a decent-sized role
218
00:08:26,819 --> 00:08:29,887
in a musical adaptation
of "Dawson's Creek,"
219
00:08:29,889 --> 00:08:32,331
and the audition's in Santa
Monica in an hour and a half.
220
00:08:32,356 --> 00:08:34,715
- Don't be late.
- Oh, Santa Monica!
221
00:08:34,740 --> 00:08:38,422
That's like 15 minutes away!
I am leaving now!
222
00:08:38,447 --> 00:08:39,497
Ohhhhh!
223
00:08:41,863 --> 00:08:45,012
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Ohhhh!
224
00:08:45,037 --> 00:08:47,478
Crackhead Kenneth, what
are you doing to my car?
225
00:08:47,503 --> 00:08:51,242
- Nicole. I'm the Candy Man.
- Those are balloons.
226
00:08:51,244 --> 00:08:52,315
There you go.
227
00:08:52,340 --> 00:08:53,761
Girl, you get yourself a dog?
228
00:08:53,786 --> 00:08:57,815
No. Oh, damn. Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn!
229
00:08:57,817 --> 00:09:00,951
Oh! Mr. Barbooey, can you take
me to my audition, please?
230
00:09:00,953 --> 00:09:02,441
- Yes. Yes.
- Oh!
231
00:09:02,466 --> 00:09:05,870
Get in, beautiful Nicole.
Hurry. I will get you there.
232
00:09:05,895 --> 00:09:06,748
Oh!
233
00:09:19,398 --> 00:09:21,264
- What are you singing?
- See for yourself.
234
00:09:21,266 --> 00:09:22,974
Ooh, "Burn" from "Hamilton"?
235
00:09:22,999 --> 00:09:24,948
I didn't know the sheet
music was out yet.
236
00:09:24,973 --> 00:09:26,269
- What about you?
- Oh.
237
00:09:26,271 --> 00:09:28,222
Oh, "Defying Gravity" from "Wicked."
238
00:09:28,247 --> 00:09:29,487
Oldie but a goodie.
239
00:09:29,512 --> 00:09:31,389
- What about you?
- Mmmmm, excuse me?
240
00:09:31,414 --> 00:09:33,443
- What are you singing?
- Oh, well...
241
00:09:33,445 --> 00:09:37,356
Uh, lots of good stuff in here.
242
00:09:37,381 --> 00:09:39,282
I'll probably decide
when I get in there.
243
00:09:39,284 --> 00:09:40,984
I like to surprise myself.
244
00:09:42,714 --> 00:09:45,555
You can taste the difference
between this and your wine, right?
245
00:09:45,557 --> 00:09:47,090
No, not at all.
246
00:09:47,092 --> 00:09:49,509
In fact, I actually think this
tastes way junkier than mine.
247
00:09:49,534 --> 00:09:51,267
Now you're just acting silly
'cause your friend is here.
248
00:09:51,292 --> 00:09:52,851
You know, there's really
a breathtaking nose
249
00:09:52,876 --> 00:09:54,030
on this vintage.
250
00:09:54,032 --> 00:09:55,298
Robust bouquet.
251
00:09:55,300 --> 00:09:58,229
So, Mom, I'm up for
a performance review at my job,
252
00:09:58,254 --> 00:09:59,987
and I think I'm in line for a promotion.
253
00:10:00,012 --> 00:10:01,198
Oh, I didn't know that.
254
00:10:01,223 --> 00:10:03,673
That's wonderful, sweetie, just...
255
00:10:03,675 --> 00:10:05,742
- Uh-oh.
- Never mind.
256
00:10:05,744 --> 00:10:07,644
- What?
- Yeah, what is it, Sandy?
257
00:10:07,646 --> 00:10:09,438
Oh, God, I just can't keep pretending
258
00:10:09,463 --> 00:10:11,744
- to be okay with your life.
- Here we go.
259
00:10:11,769 --> 00:10:14,945
You are throwing your life away.
You would make such a great lawyer.
260
00:10:14,970 --> 00:10:16,050
No, I wouldn't.
261
00:10:16,075 --> 00:10:17,808
The only reason why
you got a bad LSAT score
262
00:10:17,810 --> 00:10:18,965
is that you got stressed out.
263
00:10:18,990 --> 00:10:21,179
No, Mom, I got a bad score
because I wrote a bad test,
264
00:10:21,204 --> 00:10:22,749
and I don't know how many times
I have to tell you this...
265
00:10:22,774 --> 00:10:24,235
I never wanted to be a lawyer.
266
00:10:24,260 --> 00:10:25,805
No, you wanted to be an actress.
267
00:10:25,830 --> 00:10:27,396
Well, how well did that work out?
268
00:10:27,398 --> 00:10:28,898
Well, it moved me
3,000 miles away from you,
269
00:10:28,900 --> 00:10:30,800
so, I feel like it worked
out pretty great.
270
00:10:38,209 --> 00:10:40,276
Feel good about yourself?
271
00:10:40,278 --> 00:10:41,878
No.
272
00:10:43,548 --> 00:10:47,016
Ladies, we are starting.
First up is Nicole Byer?
273
00:10:47,018 --> 00:10:49,518
That's me. I'ma kill it.
274
00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:52,288
- Break a leg.
- Thanks.
275
00:10:59,163 --> 00:11:04,233
Hm, no resume. Keeping us in the dark.
276
00:11:04,235 --> 00:11:07,870
Well, you're already
an exciting little mystery.
277
00:11:07,872 --> 00:11:09,772
A real "Murder She Wrote."
278
00:11:09,774 --> 00:11:13,442
Or a real "Sherlock Holmes." No one?
279
00:11:13,444 --> 00:11:15,811
Please hand Mr. Martin your sheet music.
280
00:11:15,813 --> 00:11:17,848
Um, I didn't bring sheet music.
281
00:11:17,873 --> 00:11:19,942
Do you know what you're auditioning for?
282
00:11:19,967 --> 00:11:22,116
- A musical.
- And what does a musical have in it?
283
00:11:22,141 --> 00:11:23,131
Music?
284
00:11:23,156 --> 00:11:25,722
So, why wouldn't you bring
music to a musical audition,
285
00:11:25,747 --> 00:11:30,359
- you little dumpster bitch?
- Mr. Martin! Blood sugar.
286
00:11:30,361 --> 00:11:34,130
- Um, I'll just go.
- Oh, no, I wanna hear her sing.
287
00:11:34,132 --> 00:11:35,771
What do you wanna sing, sweetheart?
288
00:11:35,796 --> 00:11:36,951
Uh, "Rockin' Robin."
289
00:11:36,976 --> 00:11:39,676
Oh, what a bummer.
I don't think I know that one.
290
00:11:39,701 --> 00:11:41,638
Okay, so, I could just go.
291
00:11:44,114 --> 00:11:45,908
It's in the key of "C."
I hope that's okay.
292
00:11:45,933 --> 00:11:47,169
Mm-hm.
293
00:11:47,946 --> 00:11:50,497
Wait for it to come back around.
294
00:11:51,082 --> 00:11:52,681
♪ He rocks in the treetops ♪
295
00:11:52,706 --> 00:11:53,946
♪ All day long ♪
296
00:11:53,971 --> 00:11:56,519
♪ Hoppin' and a-boppin'
and singin' his song ♪
297
00:11:56,521 --> 00:11:59,218
♪ All the little birdies
down on Jaybird Street ♪
298
00:11:59,243 --> 00:12:01,223
♪ Love to hear the robin
go tweet tweet tweet ♪
299
00:12:01,225 --> 00:12:03,759
♪ Rockin' robin, oh, tweet tweet ♪
300
00:12:03,761 --> 00:12:05,094
♪ Rockin' robin ♪
301
00:12:05,096 --> 00:12:06,283
♪ Blow rockin' robin ♪
302
00:12:06,308 --> 00:12:09,945
♪ 'Cause you're really
gonna rock tonight ♪
303
00:12:11,936 --> 00:12:16,966
Hey. Well, that was... something.
304
00:12:16,991 --> 00:12:19,342
Wrong. Wrong.
305
00:12:19,367 --> 00:12:21,864
You're the meanest man I've ever met.
306
00:12:23,948 --> 00:12:27,397
It's okay. Everybody has bad auditions.
307
00:12:27,986 --> 00:12:30,420
Do you wanna draw a dick
in the sand garden?
308
00:12:30,445 --> 00:12:33,265
- I just tilled it.
- Okay.
309
00:12:33,945 --> 00:12:36,810
You've gotta hold your head
up, go out there,
310
00:12:36,835 --> 00:12:39,810
- and keep on trying.
- For how long?
311
00:12:39,835 --> 00:12:42,193
I've spent the last
two years on and off,
312
00:12:42,218 --> 00:12:44,600
I mean, get real, mostly off,
313
00:12:44,602 --> 00:12:46,151
with auditions I don't get,
314
00:12:46,176 --> 00:12:48,237
getting rejected
from parts I don't want.
315
00:12:48,239 --> 00:12:50,575
- When does it end?
- Hard to say.
316
00:12:51,376 --> 00:12:54,442
I had garlic at lunch. Do I stink?
317
00:12:55,346 --> 00:12:56,812
No.
318
00:12:56,814 --> 00:12:58,314
I'm gonna make it.
319
00:12:58,316 --> 00:13:01,150
I mean, all of your clients
eventually make it, right?
320
00:13:01,152 --> 00:13:05,421
Yes, although "make it"
is a subjective term.
321
00:13:05,423 --> 00:13:07,623
We all define success in different ways.
322
00:13:07,625 --> 00:13:09,629
So, I could be doing this
for another ten years
323
00:13:09,654 --> 00:13:10,998
and nothing's gonna happen?
324
00:13:11,023 --> 00:13:12,709
No, ten years from now,
325
00:13:12,734 --> 00:13:15,765
I will be sending you
out for "Mom" roles...
326
00:13:15,767 --> 00:13:19,168
and good news... most actors
have given up by then.
327
00:13:19,170 --> 00:13:20,536
Less competition.
328
00:13:20,538 --> 00:13:22,954
I don't wanna play a "Mom". I don't.
329
00:13:22,979 --> 00:13:25,073
You can't play 25 forever.
330
00:13:26,110 --> 00:13:27,511
I'm gonna go.
331
00:13:28,961 --> 00:13:31,370
- Keep your head up, kiddo.
- Yeah.
332
00:13:36,015 --> 00:13:40,039
Oh, it's a little sad guy.
333
00:13:42,527 --> 00:13:45,818
Hm, you guys always make me feel better.
334
00:13:47,185 --> 00:13:48,279
Chucks, huh?
335
00:13:48,304 --> 00:13:50,396
I've been wearing these babies
since freshman year of high school.
336
00:13:50,421 --> 00:13:51,474
They're my favorites, forever.
337
00:13:51,499 --> 00:13:53,474
I'm glad you have an emotional
connection with shoes.
338
00:13:53,499 --> 00:13:56,541
- That'll be $45.
- No way. What? No.
339
00:13:56,566 --> 00:13:58,274
They're always 35 bucks.
340
00:13:58,276 --> 00:14:01,811
Must have increased the price,
so, that'll be $45.
341
00:14:01,813 --> 00:14:05,714
Well, I only have $37.
Can you just like cut me a deal?
342
00:14:05,716 --> 00:14:06,916
I don't set the prices.
343
00:14:06,918 --> 00:14:08,550
Come on, man, I'd do the same for you.
344
00:14:09,487 --> 00:14:11,253
Can I help you with anything else?
345
00:14:11,255 --> 00:14:15,858
No, no one can help me.
I need these shoes.
346
00:14:15,860 --> 00:14:17,560
They're all that I have.
347
00:14:17,562 --> 00:14:20,062
My ex-boyfriend, non-boyfriend,
is dating the perfect woman,
348
00:14:20,087 --> 00:14:21,239
I can't get an acting job,
349
00:14:21,264 --> 00:14:23,466
and no one's ever gonna
hire me as an actress.
350
00:14:23,468 --> 00:14:26,335
Please! Why won't you just
give me these shoes?
351
00:14:26,337 --> 00:14:28,898
I need them.
352
00:14:31,943 --> 00:14:34,643
- Are you okay?
- No-o-o-o.
353
00:14:44,013 --> 00:14:46,674
- I got you another one.
- Thank you.
354
00:14:53,545 --> 00:14:55,612
You were right. This is good wine.
355
00:14:55,614 --> 00:14:56,769
Mm.
356
00:14:59,084 --> 00:15:00,584
This is pretty cool, right?
357
00:15:00,586 --> 00:15:02,117
It's a true disappointment.
358
00:15:02,142 --> 00:15:04,995
I really like Klibas' earlier works.
359
00:15:05,020 --> 00:15:06,656
I'm sorry about what I said before.
360
00:15:06,658 --> 00:15:09,675
It's okay. Oh, honey,
it's my fault, really.
361
00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:14,087
Do you know why I wanted
you to be a lawyer so badly?
362
00:15:15,267 --> 00:15:19,017
Because that's what every parent wants
for a kid who's bad at math?
363
00:15:19,042 --> 00:15:21,891
No, it had always been
my dream to be a lawyer.
364
00:15:22,563 --> 00:15:25,780
- Life got in the way.
- When you got pregnant with me.
365
00:15:25,805 --> 00:15:28,647
No! I got super drunk my senior year
366
00:15:28,672 --> 00:15:29,921
and got kicked out of college.
367
00:15:29,946 --> 00:15:32,782
- What did you do?
- I honestly can't remember.
368
00:15:32,784 --> 00:15:34,584
But I met your dad a year later,
369
00:15:34,586 --> 00:15:38,054
and I'm just sorry I put
so much pressure on you.
370
00:15:38,056 --> 00:15:39,456
It's okay.
371
00:15:39,458 --> 00:15:42,198
It was just hard to not
live up to what you wanted.
372
00:15:42,223 --> 00:15:44,020
Oh, sweetie...
373
00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:46,683
Are you crying?
374
00:15:46,708 --> 00:15:48,782
No. I'm trying, though.
375
00:15:48,807 --> 00:15:50,593
Yeah, me, too. Why isn't it happening?
376
00:15:50,618 --> 00:15:52,702
We Lindstroms are terrible criers.
377
00:15:52,704 --> 00:15:54,557
Curse this Swedish blood.
378
00:15:54,582 --> 00:15:56,707
Maybe, uh, maybe if I just
stare into the sun.
379
00:15:56,732 --> 00:15:58,265
Yeah, try that.
380
00:15:59,971 --> 00:16:01,604
No, that's not happening.
How about a hug?
381
00:16:01,629 --> 00:16:02,738
Yeah.
382
00:16:05,113 --> 00:16:07,221
I'm not happy living so far from you.
383
00:16:07,246 --> 00:16:08,285
I do actually miss you.
384
00:16:08,287 --> 00:16:09,819
Does that mean you're gonna
move back to New Jersey?
385
00:16:09,821 --> 00:16:11,899
Oh, my God, no, no. Never. Never.
386
00:16:11,924 --> 00:16:13,235
Literally, never.
387
00:16:13,260 --> 00:16:15,565
But that's because of Jersey, not you.
388
00:16:20,832 --> 00:16:23,300
Your resume is fascinating.
389
00:16:23,302 --> 00:16:25,468
That's just one big paragraph.
390
00:16:25,470 --> 00:16:27,003
Thank you.
391
00:16:27,005 --> 00:16:30,640
So, why do you want
to work at Fat Girls?
392
00:16:30,642 --> 00:16:33,143
Well, I am a hard work...
393
00:16:33,216 --> 00:16:35,616
Can I just be honest
with you, Mr. Rathmore?
394
00:16:35,641 --> 00:16:37,847
Please and call me Donny.
395
00:16:37,849 --> 00:16:41,131
Okay, well, Donny,
I'm just looking for a job
396
00:16:41,156 --> 00:16:43,086
until I can figure out
what I'm gonna do next.
397
00:16:43,111 --> 00:16:46,275
Right, because the last job... wow.
398
00:16:46,791 --> 00:16:49,063
It says here you got nine jobs.
399
00:16:49,088 --> 00:16:51,328
Yeah, I was trying to
make it as an actress.
400
00:16:51,353 --> 00:16:52,992
Of course, you're an actress.
401
00:16:52,994 --> 00:16:54,321
- Look at you.
- Oh.
402
00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:56,204
Oh, your style. It's impeccable.
403
00:16:56,229 --> 00:16:58,268
Well, apparently, it takes
more than great personal style
404
00:16:58,270 --> 00:17:01,356
- to make it as an actress.
- Aw, but are you sure you're done?
405
00:17:01,381 --> 00:17:03,498
Because I would just hate it
if you quit after two weeks,
406
00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:07,344
because you got an audition
to play a spicy judge.
407
00:17:07,346 --> 00:17:08,912
No, no, no, that won't happen.
408
00:17:09,203 --> 00:17:12,070
Well, I think I've
seen all I need to see.
409
00:17:12,095 --> 00:17:15,701
- Welcome to Fat Girls.
- Ahhh, thanks!
410
00:17:15,726 --> 00:17:18,888
Oh, I forgot to mention
this is a full-time job.
411
00:17:18,890 --> 00:17:20,633
- Is that okay?
- That's perfect.
412
00:17:20,658 --> 00:17:22,141
- When do I start?
- Tomorrow.
413
00:17:22,166 --> 00:17:23,393
- Hey!
- Yeah!
414
00:17:23,395 --> 00:17:24,985
Let's go get you fitted for an outfit.
415
00:17:25,010 --> 00:17:26,854
- I get an outfit?
- You get an outfit.
416
00:17:27,768 --> 00:17:29,962
Honestly, it's the best
visit she's ever had.
417
00:17:29,987 --> 00:17:31,301
Well, you're welcome.
418
00:17:31,303 --> 00:17:32,378
For what?
419
00:17:32,403 --> 00:17:34,074
You've been nothing but horrible to me.
420
00:17:34,099 --> 00:17:36,806
No, I created the situation
that allowed you to heal.
421
00:17:36,808 --> 00:17:38,869
I can't wait to see
what kind of situations
422
00:17:38,894 --> 00:17:41,244
you and I get into at Thanksgiving.
423
00:17:41,246 --> 00:17:42,873
- What?
- You didn't hear?
424
00:17:42,898 --> 00:17:44,640
Sandy invited me and I said yes.
425
00:17:44,665 --> 00:17:46,049
It was a hard yes.
426
00:17:46,051 --> 00:17:49,219
You know, you and your father
have a lot to work on.
427
00:17:49,221 --> 00:17:50,987
Hey, how was your audition?
428
00:17:50,989 --> 00:17:53,775
Bad. Very bad.
Worst audition of my life.
429
00:17:55,267 --> 00:17:57,093
You don't seem upset.
430
00:17:57,564 --> 00:18:00,292
It truly doesn't matter. I quit acting.
431
00:18:00,751 --> 00:18:02,251
Excuse me?
432
00:18:02,276 --> 00:18:04,259
Just like that? You're just done?
433
00:18:04,284 --> 00:18:06,345
Yes, it was time.
434
00:18:06,370 --> 00:18:09,397
I can't waste my life chasing
a dream that's not gonna happen.
435
00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:11,207
- Guys, I'm okay.
- Are you serious?
436
00:18:11,209 --> 00:18:12,742
- Yeah.
- I can't.
437
00:18:12,744 --> 00:18:14,832
I can't with you right now.
438
00:18:19,618 --> 00:18:20,950
Are you sure about this?
439
00:18:20,952 --> 00:18:23,162
You've wanted to be
an actress since we were kids.
440
00:18:23,187 --> 00:18:25,822
I think it's the best
decision I have ever made.
441
00:18:28,894 --> 00:18:31,913
You know, women come
in here and they say
442
00:18:31,938 --> 00:18:33,548
they wear a smaller size than our brand.
443
00:18:33,573 --> 00:18:35,134
But I'll let you in on a little secret.
444
00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:37,359
We make our jeans
just a little bit bigger.
445
00:18:37,384 --> 00:18:38,765
Oh, why would you do that?
446
00:18:38,790 --> 00:18:40,966
Ah, to make 'em feel
good about themselves,
447
00:18:40,991 --> 00:18:43,194
and when you fold them like that,
look how small they get.
448
00:18:43,219 --> 00:18:46,321
- "Look how little my butt is."
- Oh, yeah, it's a teeny butt.
449
00:18:46,346 --> 00:18:49,867
Wow, nice job on the jeans.
450
00:18:49,891 --> 00:18:51,590
I'm so glad you're here.
451
00:18:51,591 --> 00:18:55,652
If there's ever anything
you need, you let Donny know.
452
00:18:55,654 --> 00:18:57,273
- Okay?
- Yeah, okay.
453
00:18:57,298 --> 00:19:00,851
Okay. Hey, Marcy, shall we go back
454
00:19:00,876 --> 00:19:03,622
and reprice the cardigans
for the semi-annual sale?
455
00:19:03,647 --> 00:19:05,063
Good.
456
00:19:07,509 --> 00:19:09,603
- Pew-pew!
- Pew-pew!
457
00:19:13,805 --> 00:19:15,728
Oh, God...