1 00:00:06,913 --> 00:00:08,112 It's just so strange. 2 00:00:08,114 --> 00:00:09,781 I've never seen anything like it. 3 00:00:09,783 --> 00:00:11,549 Hey, guys. What are you looking at? 4 00:00:11,551 --> 00:00:12,448 Whoa. 5 00:00:15,353 --> 00:00:17,087 What is Axl doing? 6 00:00:17,089 --> 00:00:19,923 I think he's frolicking. 7 00:00:19,925 --> 00:00:21,124 Oh, my God! 8 00:00:21,126 --> 00:00:23,193 Is that what love looks like? 9 00:00:23,195 --> 00:00:24,705 Why you asking us? 10 00:00:25,764 --> 00:00:27,497 Hey, Brick, got a haircut. 11 00:00:27,499 --> 00:00:29,832 Ah, it's not my choice. I did it for Cindy. 12 00:00:29,834 --> 00:00:31,200 The heart wants what it wants, 13 00:00:31,202 --> 00:00:32,735 and apparently it wants vintage Brick. 14 00:00:33,357 --> 00:00:35,971 So, what's up, honey? 15 00:00:35,973 --> 00:00:39,341 You escaping your gross dorm room for the comforts of home? 16 00:00:39,343 --> 00:00:40,810 That's a sad state of affairs. 17 00:00:40,812 --> 00:00:43,879 Yeah. We have a bit of a mold issue. 18 00:00:43,881 --> 00:00:46,280 Lexie's dad flew her to Barbados for the weekend. 19 00:00:46,282 --> 00:00:48,149 Plus I'm still 20% scared of ghosts. 20 00:00:49,485 --> 00:00:52,020 I'll be right back, babe! I ache when I'm not with you. 21 00:00:53,456 --> 00:00:55,023 Knit hats, let's go. 22 00:00:55,025 --> 00:00:56,858 April thinks it'd be cute if we're both wearing them. 23 00:00:56,860 --> 00:00:59,460 Um, I'll have to check if I have any. 24 00:00:59,462 --> 00:01:01,395 How do you not know if you have knit hats? 25 00:01:01,397 --> 00:01:03,030 Oh, God, you are so unorganized! 26 00:01:03,032 --> 00:01:05,232 Dad, you got to stop being so scared of Mom 27 00:01:05,234 --> 00:01:06,874 and tell her to get a basket of knit hats. 28 00:01:07,446 --> 00:01:09,002 What are you looking at, Frodo? 29 00:01:11,874 --> 00:01:13,806 That seemed harsher than normal. 30 00:01:14,509 --> 00:01:17,044 Now, look, Brick, Halloween is right around the corner. 31 00:01:17,046 --> 00:01:19,713 So if there's anything you need fashioned out of feathers, 32 00:01:19,715 --> 00:01:22,681 tell me now so I can give Nancy Donahue some lead time. 33 00:01:22,683 --> 00:01:24,516 Actually, now that I'm in high school, 34 00:01:24,518 --> 00:01:26,452 it's more about parties than trick-or-treating. 35 00:01:26,454 --> 00:01:28,755 Oh, you're going to a party, huh? 36 00:01:28,757 --> 00:01:30,356 Negative, but Troy, Cindy, and I 37 00:01:30,358 --> 00:01:32,725 are planning on standing on the periphery of one 38 00:01:32,727 --> 00:01:34,393 and hoping to be invited in by a parent. 39 00:01:36,064 --> 00:01:38,230 Hi, I'm April. 40 00:01:38,232 --> 00:01:40,632 Yeah, we know. 41 00:01:40,634 --> 00:01:42,600 Looks like you guys were having fun out there. 42 00:01:42,602 --> 00:01:45,336 This is my favorite time of year. 43 00:01:45,338 --> 00:01:48,073 The end of fall, right before autumn begins. 44 00:01:48,075 --> 00:01:49,340 Mm. 45 00:01:49,342 --> 00:01:51,542 Oh, babe, the little girls' room is right down the hall. 46 00:01:51,544 --> 00:01:52,510 Okay. 47 00:01:52,512 --> 00:01:53,844 First door on the left. 48 00:01:53,846 --> 00:01:55,412 Don't be gone too long now. 49 00:01:56,783 --> 00:01:58,615 Do we not have any cocoa? God. 50 00:01:58,617 --> 00:02:00,284 Ooh, I would love a cup of cocoa. 51 00:02:00,286 --> 00:02:01,752 Dogs can't eat chocolate! 52 00:02:01,754 --> 00:02:03,487 Oh, my God. 53 00:02:03,489 --> 00:02:05,756 Is this you when you were little? 54 00:02:05,758 --> 00:02:06,791 Way to go, Mom. 55 00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:08,492 Thanks for leaving photos on the wall! 56 00:02:08,494 --> 00:02:09,494 Who does that?! 57 00:02:11,062 --> 00:02:13,296 Okay, it's not fair that he's so nice to her 58 00:02:13,298 --> 00:02:14,931 and so mean to us. 59 00:02:14,933 --> 00:02:16,632 Yeah, what is going on? 60 00:02:16,634 --> 00:02:18,001 He was getting nicer. 61 00:02:18,003 --> 00:02:19,235 He let me stay in his room. 62 00:02:19,237 --> 00:02:21,104 He was inviting me to parties. 63 00:02:21,106 --> 00:02:23,773 And now he's all, "Dogs can't have chocolate!" 64 00:02:23,775 --> 00:02:26,676 And yesterday he called me a horse, 65 00:02:26,678 --> 00:02:29,783 which isn't the worst thing, except he also did this. 66 00:02:32,082 --> 00:02:33,628 I know what's going on. 67 00:02:34,084 --> 00:02:36,685 The kid's got a certain amount of snark that's got to come out, 68 00:02:36,687 --> 00:02:40,055 and since he's with April 24/7, it's got nowhere to go. 69 00:02:40,057 --> 00:02:41,589 It's... It's like a plugged-up hose. 70 00:02:41,591 --> 00:02:43,158 The water's gonna come out somewhere. 71 00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:45,426 So what, we're just supposed to sit back and get bullied? 72 00:02:45,428 --> 00:02:46,861 Well, that's what I usually do, 73 00:02:46,863 --> 00:02:48,930 but I thought you guys would have other options. 74 00:02:48,932 --> 00:02:51,098 The guy's in love. Let's give it a couple weeks. 75 00:02:51,100 --> 00:02:53,835 If he starts saying that I'm scared of Mom again, 76 00:02:53,837 --> 00:02:55,303 I'll put the hammer down. 77 00:02:59,042 --> 00:03:00,208 Hey, Brick. 78 00:03:00,210 --> 00:03:01,975 Just kind of looking for a quiet place to study. 79 00:03:02,777 --> 00:03:03,844 Hmm. 80 00:03:03,846 --> 00:03:06,412 You know, it's funny. 81 00:03:06,414 --> 00:03:08,681 I gave you my room for the summer. 82 00:03:08,683 --> 00:03:10,583 Poof! Summer's gone. 83 00:03:10,585 --> 00:03:11,885 Where does the time go? 84 00:03:11,887 --> 00:03:14,120 Well, it's always summer somewhere. 85 00:03:14,122 --> 00:03:16,957 I guess, but summer in Orson... definitely over. 86 00:03:16,959 --> 00:03:18,191 Is it, though? 87 00:03:18,193 --> 00:03:19,658 'Cause we're kind of having an Indian summer. 88 00:03:19,660 --> 00:03:22,261 According to Axl's girlfriend, it's fall and almost autumn. 89 00:03:22,263 --> 00:03:23,562 But you're only here for the weekend. 90 00:03:23,564 --> 00:03:25,630 True, but I'll be needing my room at Thanksgiving, 91 00:03:25,632 --> 00:03:27,132 and that is right around the corner. 92 00:03:27,134 --> 00:03:29,801 Not "right around" the corner, and Thanksgiving 93 00:03:29,803 --> 00:03:32,071 is really more about being together with family. 94 00:03:32,073 --> 00:03:34,473 It's also about me spending time in my room. 95 00:03:34,475 --> 00:03:36,374 Plus, turkey has a lot of tryptophan, 96 00:03:36,376 --> 00:03:37,675 so that's gonna make me tired 97 00:03:37,677 --> 00:03:39,277 and I'm gonna want to sleep in my bed, 98 00:03:39,279 --> 00:03:41,746 which is in my room. 99 00:03:41,748 --> 00:03:44,082 Have they really proven the tryptophan thing? 100 00:03:44,084 --> 00:03:45,716 Yeah, Brick. It's pretty proven. 101 00:03:45,718 --> 00:03:50,388 Well, we can go back and forth on this all day. 102 00:03:50,390 --> 00:03:51,756 It's my room, Brick. 103 00:03:51,758 --> 00:03:54,157 You've made some very excellent points. 104 00:03:54,159 --> 00:03:55,658 It's a lot to chew on. 105 00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:04,768 What are you doing? 106 00:04:04,770 --> 00:04:07,304 Axl. Axl! A... 107 00:04:17,115 --> 00:04:18,915 Oh! Babe! 108 00:04:20,618 --> 00:04:22,184 Got that for you. 109 00:04:22,186 --> 00:04:24,253 Oh, you guys gonna carve pumpkins? 110 00:04:24,255 --> 00:04:26,522 How'd you connect those dots? 111 00:04:26,524 --> 00:04:27,889 It's just that you never really seemed 112 00:04:27,891 --> 00:04:29,524 interested in doing that before. 113 00:04:29,526 --> 00:04:31,692 When have you ever asked me to carve pumpkins? 114 00:04:31,694 --> 00:04:32,928 Hmm, let me think. 115 00:04:32,930 --> 00:04:34,729 Uh, every Halloween since you were 5, 116 00:04:34,731 --> 00:04:35,997 and a couple of Christmases 117 00:04:35,999 --> 00:04:37,933 when we still had pumpkins lying around. 118 00:04:37,935 --> 00:04:39,700 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Are those my magazines? 119 00:04:39,702 --> 00:04:40,802 Oh, no, no, no! 120 00:04:40,804 --> 00:04:43,138 Don't wreck anything with a royal on the cover. 121 00:04:43,140 --> 00:04:44,871 Those are collector's items. 122 00:04:44,873 --> 00:04:46,240 Oh, and look. 123 00:04:46,242 --> 00:04:48,842 It's the special Shakeups and Breakups issue. 124 00:04:48,844 --> 00:04:51,412 I never got to read this 'cause it was right when Brick was born 125 00:04:51,414 --> 00:04:52,947 and he was colicky. 126 00:04:52,949 --> 00:04:55,615 I believe that was the Ferguson baby who was colicky. 127 00:04:55,617 --> 00:04:57,952 Brad Pitt was married to Jennifer Aniston? 128 00:04:57,954 --> 00:05:00,020 Oh, yes, they were Hollywood's golden couple, 129 00:05:00,022 --> 00:05:01,120 and they just couldn't make it work. 130 00:05:01,122 --> 00:05:02,355 Oh. 131 00:05:02,357 --> 00:05:04,623 Yeah, says here he wanted kids and she didn't. 132 00:05:04,625 --> 00:05:06,826 Yep. Probably a good thing they didn't have kids. 133 00:05:06,828 --> 00:05:08,995 How would they decide which parent to go with? 134 00:05:08,997 --> 00:05:10,296 You got to go with Pitt. 135 00:05:10,298 --> 00:05:12,165 I mean, he was Thor. 136 00:05:12,167 --> 00:05:13,833 Mm, that was Chris Hemsworth. 137 00:05:13,835 --> 00:05:15,335 He's dreamy. 138 00:05:15,337 --> 00:05:17,603 What if Mom and Dad got a divorce? 139 00:05:17,605 --> 00:05:18,736 Who would we go with? 140 00:05:18,738 --> 00:05:19,804 - Dad. - Dad. 141 00:05:19,806 --> 00:05:21,106 Dad. 142 00:05:22,176 --> 00:05:24,542 Okay, it's not so much that you all said Dad. 143 00:05:24,544 --> 00:05:26,778 It's the swiftness with which you said it. 144 00:05:26,780 --> 00:05:28,146 Why don't you just take a minute 145 00:05:28,148 --> 00:05:30,815 and think about it before you answer? 146 00:05:32,119 --> 00:05:33,085 - Dad. - Dad. 147 00:05:33,087 --> 00:05:34,087 Dad. 148 00:05:34,721 --> 00:05:35,619 Okay, then. 149 00:05:35,621 --> 00:05:36,687 It's nothing personal. 150 00:05:36,689 --> 00:05:39,156 I just think Dad would need me more. 151 00:05:39,158 --> 00:05:41,592 I don't think he could survive without a woman in his life. 152 00:05:41,594 --> 00:05:43,961 Actually, now that I think about it, I wouldn't go with Dad. 153 00:05:43,963 --> 00:05:45,262 Thank you, Brick. 154 00:05:45,264 --> 00:05:48,032 I'd go with Axl and April. She smells really nice. 155 00:05:48,034 --> 00:05:50,809 I just finished a Life Saver. 156 00:05:52,404 --> 00:05:54,604 Well, listen, it's okay. I get it. 157 00:05:54,606 --> 00:05:57,673 Nobody wants to live with the big mean mom monster. 158 00:05:57,675 --> 00:06:00,210 'Cause we're always like, "Brush your teeth! 159 00:06:00,212 --> 00:06:02,945 Do your homework! Flush!" 160 00:06:02,947 --> 00:06:04,114 Yeah. 161 00:06:04,116 --> 00:06:05,815 I guess that's just the way it's always been. 162 00:06:05,817 --> 00:06:08,485 Moms always get the raw end of the deal, right, April? 163 00:06:08,487 --> 00:06:10,552 I'd definitely go with my mom. 164 00:06:10,554 --> 00:06:11,620 We're best friends. 165 00:06:11,622 --> 00:06:12,754 Aww. 166 00:06:14,225 --> 00:06:16,758 Well, this is a fun conversation. 167 00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:18,593 No, that's what I love about my family. 168 00:06:18,595 --> 00:06:21,530 We can just be who we are and razz each other. 169 00:06:21,532 --> 00:06:23,298 We're a family of razzers. 170 00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:25,901 It's funny, 'cause we'd never get divorced anyway. 171 00:06:25,903 --> 00:06:27,868 I mean, neither of us would have an affair. 172 00:06:27,870 --> 00:06:29,637 We're too tired. Am I right? 173 00:06:31,574 --> 00:06:34,208 No, seriously, I'm fine. 174 00:06:34,210 --> 00:06:35,643 It's not like we're asking you guys to say 175 00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:37,245 which one of us you love more. 176 00:06:37,247 --> 00:06:38,679 You don't have to answer that! 177 00:06:45,998 --> 00:06:49,025 No, no, no. I miss you more. 178 00:06:49,466 --> 00:06:52,733 Well, I was dreaming about you and I woke up missing you. 179 00:06:52,735 --> 00:06:54,435 Ugh. Oh. 180 00:06:54,437 --> 00:06:56,604 Babe, I got to go. My service animal's awake. 181 00:07:01,343 --> 00:07:02,476 Aah! 182 00:07:02,699 --> 00:07:05,466 Okay, you know what? No! 183 00:07:05,468 --> 00:07:08,102 I do not care if you are a plugged-up hose. 184 00:07:08,104 --> 00:07:11,171 You cannot treat me this way, and neither can Brick! 185 00:07:14,444 --> 00:07:17,243 I want my room back! 186 00:07:20,449 --> 00:07:21,448 May I help you? 187 00:07:21,450 --> 00:07:23,249 W-What is this? 188 00:07:23,251 --> 00:07:24,651 I've added some new security measures. 189 00:07:24,653 --> 00:07:26,620 Santiago and I didn't feel safe. 190 00:07:26,622 --> 00:07:28,522 Tina. I don't know who that is. 191 00:07:28,524 --> 00:07:31,558 Tina is the name I gave my bedroom, and I want her back! 192 00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:33,292 There's no need for you to raise your voice. 193 00:07:33,294 --> 00:07:35,461 Here's the dealio, Brick. 194 00:07:35,463 --> 00:07:38,030 My room at school stinks. Axl's room stinks. 195 00:07:38,032 --> 00:07:39,965 I need a sanctuary. 196 00:07:39,967 --> 00:07:41,099 When I am a working actress 197 00:07:41,101 --> 00:07:42,601 living half the year in Hollywood 198 00:07:42,603 --> 00:07:43,903 and the other half on Broadway, 199 00:07:43,905 --> 00:07:45,805 then you can have it, but not until then. 200 00:07:45,807 --> 00:07:48,774 I was maybe gonna let you use it if I do a semester abroad in Houston, 201 00:07:48,776 --> 00:07:50,575 but now we'll have to see. 202 00:07:50,577 --> 00:07:53,429 - Sue, here's the thing about Santiago. - Tina. 203 00:07:53,454 --> 00:07:55,580 I didn't expect Santiago and I to get so close. 204 00:07:55,582 --> 00:07:56,714 Ugh! 205 00:07:56,716 --> 00:07:59,584 I gave you my room as a Not Mother's Day gift 206 00:07:59,586 --> 00:08:01,519 out of the goodness of my heart, 207 00:08:01,521 --> 00:08:03,621 but now I want it back. 208 00:08:03,623 --> 00:08:05,490 No. I need it back. 209 00:08:05,492 --> 00:08:06,957 And I would hope that as my brother, 210 00:08:06,959 --> 00:08:08,091 you would understand that. 211 00:08:10,863 --> 00:08:12,095 Your words are moving. 212 00:08:13,098 --> 00:08:14,397 But I'm not. 213 00:08:15,968 --> 00:08:17,200 Okay, fine, Brick. 214 00:08:17,202 --> 00:08:20,537 I don't need a sanctuary. I have a sanctuary in here. 215 00:08:20,539 --> 00:08:22,806 And just so you know, you are not gonna be visiting me 216 00:08:22,808 --> 00:08:24,974 on Broadway or in Hollywood. 217 00:08:24,976 --> 00:08:26,108 Maybe Houston. 218 00:08:26,110 --> 00:08:27,877 I'd really like the whole family to see that 219 00:08:27,879 --> 00:08:30,780 because they have a nice harbor area. 220 00:08:34,151 --> 00:08:38,788 So, I'm gonna stop and pick up some toilet paper at CVS, 221 00:08:38,790 --> 00:08:40,522 unless you're gonna grab some from work. 222 00:08:40,524 --> 00:08:41,823 No, I think they're onto me, 223 00:08:41,825 --> 00:08:43,692 so I'm gonna lay low for a while. 224 00:08:43,694 --> 00:08:45,494 Oh, and I'm still mad at you 225 00:08:45,496 --> 00:08:47,516 about that whole divorce thing the other day. 226 00:08:48,098 --> 00:08:49,498 Where did that come from? 227 00:08:49,500 --> 00:08:50,832 You said we needed toilet paper, 228 00:08:50,834 --> 00:08:52,266 which reminded me of the bathroom, 229 00:08:52,268 --> 00:08:53,635 which reminded me of my magazine, 230 00:08:53,637 --> 00:08:55,236 which reminded me how mad I am. 231 00:08:55,238 --> 00:08:56,972 What are you mad at me for? I didn't say anything. 232 00:08:56,974 --> 00:08:59,006 Yeah, exactly. You didn't say anything. 233 00:08:59,008 --> 00:09:02,042 You just sat there quietly soaking up all our kids' love. 234 00:09:02,044 --> 00:09:04,111 Come on. That was like two days ago. 235 00:09:04,113 --> 00:09:06,580 Yeah, I know, but I couldn't get mad in front of April. 236 00:09:06,582 --> 00:09:09,082 I don't want her to see our dirty laundry. 237 00:09:09,084 --> 00:09:11,719 Our actual dirty laundry was on the counter. 238 00:09:11,721 --> 00:09:15,021 Whatever. I wanted to tell you how mad I was, but I forgot. 239 00:09:15,023 --> 00:09:16,055 Come on, Frankie. 240 00:09:16,057 --> 00:09:17,724 There's not enough to be mad about now? 241 00:09:17,726 --> 00:09:19,058 You got to go digging in the past? 242 00:09:19,060 --> 00:09:20,994 It was a stupid little argument. 243 00:09:22,898 --> 00:09:25,164 I'm not mad, I'm hurt. 244 00:09:25,166 --> 00:09:27,199 Kind of hard to tell the difference. 245 00:09:27,201 --> 00:09:29,636 Okay, fine. I'm mad. 246 00:09:29,638 --> 00:09:31,103 And I know everybody was kidding 247 00:09:31,105 --> 00:09:32,638 about not wanting to live with me. 248 00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:34,706 - I wasn't. - Axl, that's mean. 249 00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:36,875 Mom, if it makes you feel any better, I'd live with you. 250 00:09:36,877 --> 00:09:38,577 No, it doesn't make me feel any better. 251 00:09:38,579 --> 00:09:40,012 I don't want your pity vote. 252 00:09:40,014 --> 00:09:41,713 If I'm not your first choice, forget it. 253 00:09:41,715 --> 00:09:43,448 Conversation over. 254 00:09:43,450 --> 00:09:46,484 Although I'd love to know what's so great about this guy. 255 00:09:46,486 --> 00:09:48,653 Well, he's not yelling at us at 9:30 in the morning. 256 00:09:48,655 --> 00:09:50,487 I think what A... 257 00:09:50,489 --> 00:09:54,792 Axl is trying to say is you can get a little excitable. 258 00:09:54,794 --> 00:09:55,960 What do you mean I get excitable? 259 00:09:55,962 --> 00:09:58,228 I don't get excitable. Am I excitable now? 260 00:09:58,230 --> 00:09:59,530 How can I put this? 261 00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:01,032 You're a strong cup of coffee. 262 00:10:01,034 --> 00:10:03,200 So, you want to live with him? 263 00:10:03,202 --> 00:10:04,635 He's boring! 264 00:10:04,637 --> 00:10:07,070 I bring vim and verve to this family. 265 00:10:07,072 --> 00:10:10,006 I'm like a three-ring circus compared to this guy. 266 00:10:10,008 --> 00:10:12,341 He's like watching a Jerry Lewis movie 267 00:10:12,343 --> 00:10:14,277 and skipping through all the Jerry Lewis parts. 268 00:10:14,279 --> 00:10:15,579 Who? Who? Who? 269 00:10:16,582 --> 00:10:18,414 Forget it. Geez. 270 00:10:19,918 --> 00:10:21,718 Although I want to know why all of you guys think 271 00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:23,819 it would be so hard to live with me. 272 00:10:23,821 --> 00:10:25,253 I don't know. You honk a lot. 273 00:10:25,255 --> 00:10:27,056 You're always saying, "What's the haps?" 274 00:10:27,058 --> 00:10:28,557 And then there's your clapping. 275 00:10:28,559 --> 00:10:29,725 Oh, yeah. Totally. 276 00:10:29,727 --> 00:10:32,027 My clapping? What's wrong with my clapping? 277 00:10:32,029 --> 00:10:33,862 It's got this really weird pitch to it, 278 00:10:33,864 --> 00:10:35,130 and it's really... Loud. 279 00:10:35,132 --> 00:10:36,565 Yeah, it's like you hate your hands. - Mm-hmm. 280 00:10:36,567 --> 00:10:37,766 That's why I didn't want to watch the finale 281 00:10:37,768 --> 00:10:39,267 of "The Bachelor" with you. 282 00:10:39,269 --> 00:10:40,468 So, I'm just the annoying mom 283 00:10:40,470 --> 00:10:41,903 who claps too loud and is excitable. 284 00:10:41,905 --> 00:10:43,304 Why don't you start making a list 285 00:10:43,306 --> 00:10:44,973 of all the things you don't like about me? 286 00:10:44,975 --> 00:10:46,373 Don't start a list. 287 00:10:46,375 --> 00:10:49,310 Okay, you guys, maybe we should all just live with Mom. 288 00:10:49,312 --> 00:10:50,812 I got to stay with Dad. 289 00:10:50,814 --> 00:10:51,980 He's the one who would keep the house 290 00:10:51,982 --> 00:10:53,280 and I'm really starting to like your room. 291 00:10:53,282 --> 00:10:55,282 Why does Dad get to keep the house? 292 00:10:55,284 --> 00:10:56,883 - Well, he's got all the kids. - Mm-hmm. 293 00:10:56,885 --> 00:10:58,752 Look, this whole conversation is pointless 294 00:10:58,754 --> 00:11:00,353 because nobody's getting divorced. 295 00:11:00,355 --> 00:11:01,922 Don't be so sure. 296 00:11:01,924 --> 00:11:03,156 You know why they want to live with you. 297 00:11:03,158 --> 00:11:05,425 'Cause they know nothing about you. 298 00:11:05,427 --> 00:11:07,060 Huh. No, I'm serious. 299 00:11:07,062 --> 00:11:09,896 What do we really know about him? Hmm? 300 00:11:09,898 --> 00:11:13,333 Once a week he eats sardines on crackers and he likes the Colts. 301 00:11:13,335 --> 00:11:16,235 Don't you see what's happening here? 302 00:11:16,237 --> 00:11:18,203 He's winning because he's silent. 303 00:11:18,205 --> 00:11:19,538 He's a statue. 304 00:11:19,540 --> 00:11:22,307 I'm the one who tells him, "Go talk to your son. 305 00:11:22,309 --> 00:11:24,076 See how your daughter likes college." 306 00:11:24,078 --> 00:11:25,410 He's a puppet. 307 00:11:25,412 --> 00:11:27,747 I'm just sticking my hand up there and making him talk. 308 00:11:27,749 --> 00:11:30,549 I'm Wayland Flowers and he's Madame. 309 00:11:30,551 --> 00:11:31,816 - Who? - Who? Who? 310 00:11:31,818 --> 00:11:33,618 The ventriloquist on the "Hollywood Squares." 311 00:11:33,620 --> 00:11:35,120 - What's "Hollywood Squares"? - What's a ventriloquist? 312 00:11:35,122 --> 00:11:38,089 Okay, I'm the one who's always done everything for you. 313 00:11:38,091 --> 00:11:40,324 I wiped your noses. I wiped your butts. 314 00:11:40,326 --> 00:11:42,560 You know what? Go ahead. 315 00:11:42,562 --> 00:11:44,963 You want to live with your dad, live with your dad. 316 00:11:44,965 --> 00:11:46,064 But guess what. 317 00:11:46,066 --> 00:11:47,265 He doesn't like to shop, 318 00:11:47,267 --> 00:11:49,399 so all that stuff you're eating right there, 319 00:11:49,401 --> 00:11:50,901 I'm just gonna take it away. 320 00:11:50,903 --> 00:11:52,836 Yep. That's right. 321 00:11:52,838 --> 00:11:54,638 This is what it's like living with your dad. 322 00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:56,439 Sardines and silence. 323 00:11:56,441 --> 00:11:59,777 So, that's what you guys want, well, then you can be... 324 00:11:59,779 --> 00:12:02,345 April. Hey. 325 00:12:02,347 --> 00:12:03,847 Just serving the family breakfast. 326 00:12:03,849 --> 00:12:06,282 Kind of a Monday morning tradition. 327 00:12:06,284 --> 00:12:08,851 Here you go. 328 00:12:08,853 --> 00:12:10,419 Here you go, sweetheart. 329 00:12:16,027 --> 00:12:18,795 So, yeah, you know, moms are abused. 330 00:12:18,797 --> 00:12:21,330 But the best that you can do is role-model good behavior 331 00:12:21,332 --> 00:12:22,998 and just kill them with kindness. 332 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:25,500 Hey, Axl. Nice costume. 333 00:12:25,502 --> 00:12:27,769 What are you, an oldtimey army captain? 334 00:12:27,771 --> 00:12:29,805 I'm Prince Charming. God. 335 00:12:29,807 --> 00:12:31,707 Or I could just kill 'em. 336 00:12:31,709 --> 00:12:34,142 So, you and April going to a party or something? 337 00:12:34,144 --> 00:12:37,145 Well, I wanted to go to a party, but April thought it'd be fun 338 00:12:37,147 --> 00:12:38,913 to dress up and hand out candy to kids, 339 00:12:38,915 --> 00:12:41,615 so I'm doing that 'cause when you love someone, 340 00:12:41,617 --> 00:12:42,683 you're nice to them. 341 00:12:45,955 --> 00:12:48,055 God. Move, Mom! 342 00:12:54,797 --> 00:12:57,330 Hey, Brick. Going out tonight, huh? 343 00:12:57,332 --> 00:12:59,766 Are you gonna be out, like, the whole night? 344 00:12:59,768 --> 00:13:02,635 Uh... no. 345 00:13:02,637 --> 00:13:04,003 Actually, I'm not. 346 00:13:04,005 --> 00:13:05,038 Really? 347 00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:06,773 You're not going trick-or-treating? 348 00:13:06,775 --> 00:13:08,174 No, ma'am. 349 00:13:08,176 --> 00:13:10,844 Then why are you dressed like a bowling pin? 350 00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:13,011 No reason. 351 00:13:18,719 --> 00:13:23,455 Huh. Seems like an odd choice of wardrobe just for hanging out. 352 00:13:23,457 --> 00:13:26,024 Well, the rest of my clothes are in the laundry. 353 00:13:26,026 --> 00:13:28,894 That is a very plausible story. 354 00:13:29,112 --> 00:13:30,594 It's why I said it. 355 00:13:30,596 --> 00:13:32,096 Okay, then. 356 00:13:32,098 --> 00:13:34,165 I am going to take out the trash 357 00:13:34,167 --> 00:13:36,400 because everything makes sense here. 358 00:14:10,668 --> 00:14:11,834 Yeah. 359 00:14:25,882 --> 00:14:27,615 Aah! 360 00:14:55,977 --> 00:14:57,844 Open this door! 361 00:15:02,984 --> 00:15:05,051 What the hell is going on in here? 362 00:15:05,053 --> 00:15:05,750 Brick stole Tina. 363 00:15:05,775 --> 00:15:07,353 - He won't give it back... - She's going back to college anyway. 364 00:15:07,355 --> 00:15:08,654 ...and he said the summer's not over and he's wrong! 365 00:15:08,656 --> 00:15:10,422 Hey! That's it. 366 00:15:10,424 --> 00:15:12,090 Everyone's going back to their original rooms. 367 00:15:12,092 --> 00:15:14,759 And no more naming things that shouldn't have names. 368 00:15:14,761 --> 00:15:17,428 The name of this room is room! 369 00:15:19,766 --> 00:15:21,052 Frankie! 370 00:15:21,101 --> 00:15:23,473 You're not gonna believe what these numbnuts did. 371 00:15:23,498 --> 00:15:24,411 Dad, if you'll just listen to me, 372 00:15:24,436 --> 00:15:25,737 - it is not my fault! - She knocked me over with a basketball! 373 00:15:25,739 --> 00:15:26,838 I don't want to hear it! 374 00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:28,573 Mom, it is not fair. 375 00:15:28,575 --> 00:15:32,209 I gave Brick my room, and now I have a broken door 376 00:15:32,211 --> 00:15:33,710 and a hole in the wall! 377 00:15:33,712 --> 00:15:35,045 I'm sorry I did that, Sue, 378 00:15:35,047 --> 00:15:37,214 and maybe I held onto your room too long. 379 00:15:37,216 --> 00:15:39,649 But you know what? At least you have a room. 380 00:15:39,651 --> 00:15:41,418 I don't have anything of my own. 381 00:15:41,420 --> 00:15:43,988 No baby pictures, clothes from the cousin box. 382 00:15:43,990 --> 00:15:46,655 I don't even have a chair at the dinner table. 383 00:15:46,657 --> 00:15:48,191 None of you have walked in my shoes. 384 00:15:48,193 --> 00:15:49,625 I don't even walk in my shoes! 385 00:15:49,627 --> 00:15:51,995 I walk in Cousin Jared's shoes. 386 00:15:53,932 --> 00:15:55,798 I don't know why you guys are telling me this. 387 00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:57,901 You should tell the guy you chose to live with. 388 00:15:57,903 --> 00:15:59,235 What? 389 00:15:59,237 --> 00:16:01,037 I'm just saying, you're only gonna see me 390 00:16:01,039 --> 00:16:02,571 on weekends and every other Christmas, 391 00:16:02,573 --> 00:16:04,004 so you better get used to it. 392 00:16:04,006 --> 00:16:05,206 Oh, my God. 393 00:16:05,208 --> 00:16:07,842 Is she really still talking about this hypothetical divorce? 394 00:16:07,844 --> 00:16:09,878 Yes, she is. 395 00:16:11,715 --> 00:16:13,615 I was really hurt. 396 00:16:13,617 --> 00:16:15,183 You know, when your kids are teenagers, 397 00:16:15,185 --> 00:16:16,518 everyone says, "Oh, don't worry. 398 00:16:16,520 --> 00:16:18,253 When they get older, they will appreciate you 399 00:16:18,255 --> 00:16:20,554 and be thankful for everything that you do for them." 400 00:16:20,556 --> 00:16:22,756 Well, you are older. 401 00:16:22,758 --> 00:16:24,858 And it just hit me that that's never gonna happen. 402 00:16:24,860 --> 00:16:26,560 You know, that divorce might've been hypothetical, 403 00:16:26,562 --> 00:16:29,096 but my feelings are very real, 404 00:16:29,098 --> 00:16:31,532 and if hurting my feelings was what you were trying to do, 405 00:16:31,534 --> 00:16:34,268 well, congratulations on a job well done. 406 00:16:35,939 --> 00:16:37,170 Ooh. 407 00:16:37,172 --> 00:16:38,305 Aah. 408 00:16:39,207 --> 00:16:40,974 Are you freaking kidding me?! 409 00:16:40,976 --> 00:16:42,242 You people are gonna sit there 410 00:16:42,244 --> 00:16:44,377 and try to make me feel crappy about myself?! 411 00:16:44,379 --> 00:16:46,746 - Hi! - Hey, April! 412 00:16:47,782 --> 00:16:50,338 We're just doing our Halloween thang. 413 00:16:51,219 --> 00:16:53,019 No, you know what? If you're gonna be hanging around here, 414 00:16:53,021 --> 00:16:55,454 you should hear this, too, because I am through 415 00:16:55,456 --> 00:16:58,290 being this family's punching bag! 416 00:16:58,292 --> 00:17:00,625 And I am sorry if I have an annoying clap, 417 00:17:00,627 --> 00:17:01,994 and I am sorry that I like dancing 418 00:17:01,996 --> 00:17:03,329 to the "Law & Order" theme, 419 00:17:03,331 --> 00:17:05,965 or that I'm not good at fast-forwarding with the remote. 420 00:17:05,967 --> 00:17:08,667 But guess what. I am done defending myself. 421 00:17:08,669 --> 00:17:10,836 If you're all so perfect, you can have each other. 422 00:17:10,838 --> 00:17:13,771 Take a last look at this annoying, clapping mom 423 00:17:13,773 --> 00:17:17,308 that nobody wants to live with, 'cause I am storming out! 424 00:17:19,612 --> 00:17:22,080 Trick or treat! 425 00:17:22,082 --> 00:17:24,115 Ooh, aren't you cute. 426 00:17:24,117 --> 00:17:26,784 Oh, look a pirate. 427 00:17:26,786 --> 00:17:28,718 Shiver me timbers. 428 00:17:30,522 --> 00:17:34,024 Storming out! 429 00:17:38,102 --> 00:17:39,334 As far as storming out goes, 430 00:17:39,336 --> 00:17:41,569 I picked a pretty good night to do it. 431 00:17:42,814 --> 00:17:46,141 I followed a kid with a hole in his candy sack. 432 00:17:47,744 --> 00:17:50,045 I was able to prevent some wayward teens 433 00:17:50,047 --> 00:17:52,915 from going down the wrong path. 434 00:17:54,284 --> 00:17:57,451 And to cap it all off, I popped by Nancy Donahue's 435 00:17:57,453 --> 00:17:59,153 Bible-themed haunted house. 436 00:17:59,155 --> 00:18:02,323 Oh, that apple does look good. 437 00:18:02,325 --> 00:18:04,292 But I just don't know. 438 00:18:04,852 --> 00:18:07,161 All ye! 439 00:18:07,163 --> 00:18:09,296 Ignore the temptation. 440 00:18:09,298 --> 00:18:12,699 Come, walk on the water with me. 441 00:18:12,701 --> 00:18:15,368 Frankie, there's caramel apples and Halloween-themed doughnuts 442 00:18:15,370 --> 00:18:17,770 in the backyard next to the pits of hellfire pit. 443 00:18:17,772 --> 00:18:19,272 Oh, great. 444 00:18:23,120 --> 00:18:25,687 But all good things must come to an end, 445 00:18:25,689 --> 00:18:30,157 and it was time to go home to my actual haunted house. 446 00:18:30,158 --> 00:18:32,525 Crap. 447 00:18:32,527 --> 00:18:34,094 Hey, April. 448 00:18:34,096 --> 00:18:35,528 You hitting the road? 449 00:18:35,530 --> 00:18:36,862 No, I'm just going home. 450 00:18:36,864 --> 00:18:39,432 Oh. 451 00:18:40,335 --> 00:18:41,701 Are you okay? 452 00:18:42,534 --> 00:18:44,670 Oh. Yeah. 453 00:18:44,671 --> 00:18:46,572 Just another night at the Heck house. 454 00:18:46,574 --> 00:18:48,273 It's what we do. 455 00:18:48,599 --> 00:18:50,232 Well, I felt really bad for you, 456 00:18:50,234 --> 00:18:52,768 so I told Axl he should be nicer. 457 00:18:52,770 --> 00:18:56,204 I mean, we only have one mom, and moms are pretty great. 458 00:18:56,206 --> 00:18:57,706 Aww. 459 00:18:57,708 --> 00:18:59,775 Thank you, April. 460 00:18:59,777 --> 00:19:01,543 Don't tell Axl I said that. 461 00:19:01,545 --> 00:19:04,534 I mean, he knows the part that I told him 462 00:19:04,536 --> 00:19:06,780 because I said it to him, but he doesn't know 463 00:19:06,782 --> 00:19:09,565 that I'm telling you about the part that I told him. 464 00:19:09,853 --> 00:19:10,985 Got it. 465 00:19:13,050 --> 00:19:14,348 Okay, I should get going. 466 00:19:14,350 --> 00:19:15,884 Yeah, you better get home by midnight 467 00:19:15,886 --> 00:19:18,152 or your car might turn into a pumpkin. 468 00:19:18,154 --> 00:19:19,519 Oh, my gosh, why? 469 00:19:19,521 --> 00:19:21,755 It's just that you're wearing the... 470 00:19:24,293 --> 00:19:26,459 You know what? It's late. 471 00:19:26,461 --> 00:19:27,695 Good night, April. 472 00:19:34,170 --> 00:19:35,802 Look what the cat dragged in. 473 00:19:35,804 --> 00:19:38,637 Ha, ha. 474 00:19:38,639 --> 00:19:41,074 Just for the record, I did go out looking for you. 475 00:19:41,076 --> 00:19:43,242 I was following a trail of Tootsie Roll wrappers, 476 00:19:43,244 --> 00:19:45,444 but I lost you in some high grass. 477 00:19:46,835 --> 00:19:48,701 What am I doing wrong? 478 00:19:48,703 --> 00:19:50,896 That sounds like a morning question. 479 00:19:50,898 --> 00:19:53,505 No, seriously. Why do all the kids want to go with you? 480 00:19:54,675 --> 00:19:56,474 Frankie, it doesn't matter. Here's the thing. 481 00:19:56,476 --> 00:19:58,102 I wouldn't take them anyway. 482 00:19:59,112 --> 00:20:01,079 I guess when it comes right down to it, 483 00:20:01,081 --> 00:20:03,148 we're not like celebrities. 484 00:20:03,150 --> 00:20:06,384 We can't leave each other. We don't have enough options. 485 00:20:06,386 --> 00:20:11,656 Besides, it's so much easier to split up $50 million than $50. 486 00:20:11,658 --> 00:20:14,491 And then, of course, there's the whole love thing. 487 00:20:18,902 --> 00:20:19,967 All right. Right this way. 488 00:20:19,969 --> 00:20:22,611 Then you're gonna take a sharp right. 489 00:20:23,625 --> 00:20:25,514 And a sharp left. 490 00:20:26,528 --> 00:20:28,328 Couple more paces. 491 00:20:28,330 --> 00:20:30,363 All right, so we've all been talking, 492 00:20:30,365 --> 00:20:33,165 and we decided you deserved this. 493 00:20:35,169 --> 00:20:37,002 My own chair? 494 00:20:37,004 --> 00:20:38,904 And it's just like everyone else's! 495 00:20:38,906 --> 00:20:40,406 Welcome to the family! 496 00:20:40,408 --> 00:20:42,541 I've been waiting 14 years to hear that. 497 00:20:44,045 --> 00:20:45,644 How'd you get the exact same one? 498 00:20:45,646 --> 00:20:46,878 I was looking for the receipt 499 00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:48,479 to see where we bought the other chairs, 500 00:20:48,481 --> 00:20:50,681 and I found that one under a pile of crap in the basement. 501 00:20:50,683 --> 00:20:52,350 Oh. Aww, see? 502 00:20:52,352 --> 00:20:53,918 This is why we stay together. 503 00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:55,753 Hey, I would never leave you. 504 00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:57,655 What do you mean you wouldn't leave me? 505 00:20:57,657 --> 00:20:59,958 If anybody's doing anything leaving, I'm leaving you. 506 00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:02,560 I don't know. I don't really see Mom leaving Dad. 507 00:21:02,562 --> 00:21:04,762 Hey, if the woman wants to leave me, let her leave me. 508 00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:06,496 Okay, see, that's not nice. 509 00:21:06,498 --> 00:21:09,232 I bet Mom would probably never say something like that. 510 00:21:09,234 --> 00:21:10,834 I think we should reconsider moving in with Mom. 511 00:21:10,836 --> 00:21:12,869 No, we all have to stay together. 512 00:21:12,871 --> 00:21:14,071 I have a chair. 513 00:21:14,073 --> 00:21:15,305 - Aww. - That's a good point. 514 00:21:15,307 --> 00:21:16,906 Mm-hmm. 515 00:21:16,908 --> 00:21:18,442 Thank you, guys. 516 00:21:18,444 --> 00:21:20,410 That looks good. 517 00:21:22,646 --> 00:21:24,613 Say "chair". 518 00:21:24,786 --> 00:21:32,273 Synced and corrected by -robtor- www.addic7ed.com