1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,569
When you think about it, aren't
we all special needs? I mean,
2
00:00:03,594 --> 00:00:05,963
we have this set of ways
we want to be treated, right?
3
00:00:05,995 --> 00:00:07,964
But the question is, is it real
4
00:00:07,998 --> 00:00:11,135
or is it just a reaction to life
constantly disappointing us?
5
00:00:11,167 --> 00:00:13,303
Of course, we blame
those who are closest to us
6
00:00:13,336 --> 00:00:15,973
for our misery,
instead of taking responsibility
7
00:00:16,005 --> 00:00:18,408
for being
unsatisfiable dick nuggets.
8
00:00:18,441 --> 00:00:21,177
We say,
"Hey there, person I love,
9
00:00:21,211 --> 00:00:23,513
I'm unhappy,
so clearly you're failing me."
10
00:00:23,547 --> 00:00:26,449
My wife is miserable,
11
00:00:26,483 --> 00:00:29,253
and instead of dealing
with her own malfunction,
12
00:00:29,285 --> 00:00:33,256
she fixates on some minor
financial trouble I had.
13
00:00:33,290 --> 00:00:36,460
So not only am I now not allowed
to spend more than 25 bucks
14
00:00:36,492 --> 00:00:39,797
on anything fun, she requires me
to haggle for everything.
15
00:00:39,830 --> 00:00:41,364
I'm a happy dude.
16
00:00:41,397 --> 00:00:42,967
But Bec,
she's this
17
00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:45,469
angry bee swarm. And instead
of actually pollinating
18
00:00:45,501 --> 00:00:49,138
some goddamn flowers,
she finds me enjoying life
19
00:00:49,172 --> 00:00:50,708
and knows she can't have that.
20
00:00:50,741 --> 00:00:52,309
So, buzz! Sting! Aah!
21
00:00:52,342 --> 00:00:54,278
Anyway, so how 'bout $40?
22
00:00:54,310 --> 00:00:55,479
It's $60.
23
00:00:55,512 --> 00:00:56,313
Had to try.
24
00:01:01,051 --> 00:01:03,988
You guys sure came
a long way for a bassinet.
25
00:01:04,021 --> 00:01:06,657
- My glasses!
- Oh, when Bec wants something...
26
00:01:06,690 --> 00:01:07,658
Doing good, bud!
27
00:01:07,691 --> 00:01:10,894
I broke my glasses!
28
00:01:10,928 --> 00:01:12,328
When's the baby due?
29
00:01:12,361 --> 00:01:14,330
I forget. Whenever.
30
00:01:14,363 --> 00:01:17,834
Hey, shoot me a text confirming
that I tried to haggle with you.
31
00:01:17,867 --> 00:01:19,169
Shotgun!
32
00:01:19,202 --> 00:01:20,571
I called shotgun!
33
00:01:20,604 --> 00:01:22,506
- I'm driving.
- So what?
34
00:01:22,539 --> 00:01:24,041
I still get shotgun!
35
00:01:39,522 --> 00:01:42,259
♪ I'm gonna leave you anyway ♪
36
00:01:42,292 --> 00:01:45,028
♪ I'm gonna leave you
anyway ♪
37
00:01:45,062 --> 00:01:48,366
♪ Gonna leave you anyway. ♪
38
00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:51,632
- sync and corrections by Caio -
- www.addic7ed.com -
39
00:01:52,694 --> 00:01:54,705
You're listening to Folio.
40
00:01:54,737 --> 00:01:56,072
I'm Steve Cornelia.
41
00:01:56,106 --> 00:01:57,541
Up next,
42
00:01:57,574 --> 00:02:00,376
we'll talk to the
ambrosial Jay Becanerny.
43
00:02:00,409 --> 00:02:03,046
I've known Jay since we were
both fact-checkers at the
44
00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:04,280
New Yorker.
45
00:02:04,314 --> 00:02:06,016
The year, I shall not reveal,
46
00:02:06,048 --> 00:02:09,052
but suffice it to say
that we each carried...
47
00:02:13,657 --> 00:02:15,225
Well, I have to say
48
00:02:15,257 --> 00:02:17,560
we've made good time.
49
00:02:17,594 --> 00:02:19,029
I believe we'll
beat my estimate home
50
00:02:19,062 --> 00:02:21,030
by 25 minutes or so.
51
00:02:21,064 --> 00:02:22,366
Road trip bonus time.
52
00:02:22,398 --> 00:02:23,600
Let's do a bunch of fun shit.
53
00:02:23,634 --> 00:02:25,268
First we got to get a Blizzard.
54
00:02:25,302 --> 00:02:27,304
You put some rum in it,
you call it a rizzard.
55
00:02:27,337 --> 00:02:29,473
If you put gin in it, gizzard.
56
00:02:29,505 --> 00:02:33,076
Put wine in it, it's a wizard.
57
00:02:33,110 --> 00:02:34,378
Yes! See?
58
00:02:34,410 --> 00:02:35,745
This is what it's all about,
59
00:02:35,779 --> 00:02:38,916
family hang, making mad jokes,
dicking around.
60
00:02:38,949 --> 00:02:41,084
So boss.
I love it, I really do.
61
00:02:43,487 --> 00:02:44,955
♪ At a tombstone bar ♪
62
00:02:44,987 --> 00:02:46,489
♪ In a juke joint car ♪
63
00:02:46,523 --> 00:02:47,758
♪ He made a stop ♪
64
00:02:47,790 --> 00:02:49,792
♪ Stop ♪
65
00:02:49,826 --> 00:02:52,229
♪ Just long enough ♪
66
00:02:52,261 --> 00:02:57,000
♪ To grab a handle off the top ♪
67
00:02:57,034 --> 00:02:59,136
♪ Next stop Chi Town ♪
68
00:02:59,169 --> 00:03:00,803
♪ Lido, put the money down ♪
69
00:03:00,837 --> 00:03:02,206
♪ Let it roll ♪
70
00:03:04,440 --> 00:03:06,176
♪ He said one more hit ♪
71
00:03:06,208 --> 00:03:07,243
♪ Ought to do it ♪
72
00:03:07,277 --> 00:03:08,479
♪ This joint ♪
73
00:03:08,511 --> 00:03:10,947
♪ Ain't nothing to it ♪
74
00:03:13,517 --> 00:03:18,122
- ♪ One for the road ♪
- Stop.
75
00:03:18,154 --> 00:03:20,423
♪ Lido ♪
76
00:03:20,457 --> 00:03:22,092
♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh ♪
77
00:03:22,124 --> 00:03:23,693
♪ Oh, oh ♪
78
00:03:23,726 --> 00:03:26,330
♪ He said one more ♪
79
00:03:26,362 --> 00:03:28,431
♪ For ♪
80
00:03:28,464 --> 00:03:33,302
♪ The road ♪
81
00:03:33,336 --> 00:03:34,538
Scaggs, check it.
82
00:03:42,312 --> 00:03:44,714
I did a list of
cool road trip stuff.
83
00:03:44,748 --> 00:03:46,183
Check it.
84
00:03:46,215 --> 00:03:47,784
Strawberry patch,
Pea Soup Andersens.
85
00:03:47,818 --> 00:03:49,185
You got to get some pea soup.
86
00:03:49,219 --> 00:03:51,622
Michael Penn is playing
at the Morongo.
87
00:03:51,654 --> 00:03:55,058
I promised Lindsay I'd be home
in two hours and 12 minutes.
88
00:03:56,259 --> 00:03:58,796
Fine.
89
00:03:58,829 --> 00:04:00,030
I'll get the gas.
90
00:04:00,063 --> 00:04:02,065
Thanks.
I'll get provisions.
91
00:04:02,099 --> 00:04:05,034
Get some Mambas
and some Red Vines.
92
00:04:05,068 --> 00:04:06,904
And some Blammos,
whatever flavor.
93
00:04:06,936 --> 00:04:08,938
But make sure it's something
really messed up.
94
00:04:14,844 --> 00:04:18,381
Oh snap, free blue paper towels.
95
00:04:23,185 --> 00:04:24,755
Cool look, Corey Hart,
96
00:04:24,787 --> 00:04:26,889
singer of "I Wear
My Sunglasses at Night."
97
00:04:26,923 --> 00:04:28,524
They're prescription.
98
00:04:28,558 --> 00:04:30,060
Shh.
99
00:04:30,092 --> 00:04:30,893
What?
100
00:04:30,926 --> 00:04:32,161
Hello, my love.
101
00:04:32,195 --> 00:04:34,064
You're on speaker phone.
102
00:04:34,096 --> 00:04:35,498
No, I'm not,
my ear's on the thing.
103
00:04:37,099 --> 00:04:38,701
We've successfully
picked up the bassinet.
104
00:04:38,734 --> 00:04:41,237
We should be home in
the next two hours or so.
105
00:04:41,270 --> 00:04:43,940
You're not here?
106
00:04:43,974 --> 00:04:45,875
What?
107
00:04:45,909 --> 00:04:47,243
No.
108
00:04:47,277 --> 00:04:49,212
Don't forget,
Raul is coming at 7:00.
109
00:04:49,245 --> 00:04:52,015
That's tonight?
110
00:04:52,048 --> 00:04:53,183
Can you postpone?
111
00:04:53,216 --> 00:04:54,184
Can you pick up some lube,
112
00:04:54,217 --> 00:04:56,419
- diet sun...
- Lindsay?
113
00:04:56,452 --> 00:04:58,789
Call Lindsay.
114
00:04:58,822 --> 00:05:00,757
I found Lind Ski Resort nearby.
115
00:05:00,791 --> 00:05:01,892
Ugh.
116
00:05:01,924 --> 00:05:04,227
Call Lindsay.
117
00:05:04,260 --> 00:05:06,362
Dang it.
Damn, damn!
118
00:05:06,395 --> 00:05:08,265
What?
119
00:05:08,298 --> 00:05:11,935
- Don't! No.
- Stop it.
120
00:05:11,967 --> 00:05:16,372
- Cut it out.
- Vernon, it's stalling.
121
00:05:16,406 --> 00:05:18,108
Oh.
122
00:05:19,409 --> 00:05:21,712
Great.
Nice job, fa...
123
00:05:23,813 --> 00:05:26,549
I swear you can taste
each individual flavor
124
00:05:26,582 --> 00:05:28,719
in these
seven-layer dip Blammos.
125
00:05:28,752 --> 00:05:30,154
How do they do that?
126
00:05:32,955 --> 00:05:34,157
One, beans.
127
00:05:34,190 --> 00:05:35,558
Two, cheese.
128
00:05:35,592 --> 00:05:36,794
Three, guac.
129
00:05:36,827 --> 00:05:38,262
Four, sour cream.
130
00:05:38,294 --> 00:05:39,495
Five, salsa.
131
00:05:39,529 --> 00:05:41,765
Six, black olives.
132
00:05:41,798 --> 00:05:43,065
You sure you
don't have a signal?
133
00:05:43,099 --> 00:05:44,301
What's the seventh layer
134
00:05:44,334 --> 00:05:45,569
in a seven-layer dip?
135
00:05:45,601 --> 00:05:46,736
Why can't I remember?
136
00:05:46,769 --> 00:05:48,005
Come on, brain.
137
00:05:49,039 --> 00:05:50,974
Aw, man.
138
00:05:51,007 --> 00:05:53,277
Now I'll never figure out
what the seventh layer is.
139
00:05:53,310 --> 00:05:55,012
What's the seventh?
140
00:05:55,044 --> 00:05:56,946
This is a disaster.
141
00:05:59,181 --> 00:06:01,984
All right, if you could live
anywhere in the world,
142
00:06:02,017 --> 00:06:03,320
where would it be? Go.
143
00:06:03,353 --> 00:06:04,620
Where would you live?
144
00:06:04,654 --> 00:06:05,856
Go.
145
00:06:05,889 --> 00:06:07,257
Paul, go.
146
00:06:07,289 --> 00:06:09,292
I don't feel like
playing games right now.
147
00:06:11,861 --> 00:06:13,296
What are you doing anyway?
148
00:06:13,330 --> 00:06:15,365
What's it look like, idiot?
149
00:06:15,397 --> 00:06:16,700
I'm messing with these ants.
150
00:06:16,733 --> 00:06:18,135
Would you help me?
151
00:06:18,168 --> 00:06:19,336
With what?
152
00:06:19,368 --> 00:06:20,604
We have no cell.
153
00:06:20,637 --> 00:06:22,105
No one's coming by.
154
00:06:22,137 --> 00:06:24,842
You're not doing jack.
155
00:06:24,875 --> 00:06:26,375
No, man.
156
00:06:26,409 --> 00:06:27,978
I'm thirsty.
157
00:06:28,010 --> 00:06:30,947
I ate too many Blammos and I
spat on these ants too much.
158
00:06:30,981 --> 00:06:32,449
You got any water?
I drank all my sodas.
159
00:06:32,481 --> 00:06:34,318
No.
160
00:06:34,351 --> 00:06:36,185
I hear a creek.
161
00:06:36,219 --> 00:06:38,889
You can't drink creek water.
It's not safe.
162
00:06:38,921 --> 00:06:41,524
Nah, I can't get sick.
To build my immune system,
163
00:06:41,558 --> 00:06:43,459
I lick weird stuff
at the hospital
164
00:06:43,493 --> 00:06:45,062
all the time.
In surg,
165
00:06:45,094 --> 00:06:47,897
they say scrub up, I just
fake go through the motions.
166
00:06:47,931 --> 00:06:49,166
Come on.
167
00:06:49,198 --> 00:06:51,068
That's to protect the patients.
168
00:06:51,101 --> 00:06:53,904
Agree to disagree.
169
00:07:03,266 --> 00:07:05,268
How'd they get so mean?
170
00:07:05,302 --> 00:07:06,638
Both of them.
171
00:07:06,670 --> 00:07:07,938
Mean-ass sisters.
172
00:07:07,972 --> 00:07:09,273
We goofed, Paul.
173
00:07:09,306 --> 00:07:11,743
We married a couple
of straight meanies.
174
00:07:11,775 --> 00:07:14,811
My family growing up
was problematic too.
175
00:07:14,845 --> 00:07:16,513
Is that right?
176
00:07:16,547 --> 00:07:17,814
I just said it was.
177
00:07:17,847 --> 00:07:20,484
Yeah, my parents
never bonded with me
178
00:07:20,518 --> 00:07:21,953
on account I was born dead.
179
00:07:21,985 --> 00:07:24,921
So, emotionally, they already
buried their son,
180
00:07:24,955 --> 00:07:26,924
but then oh, shit, dude's alive.
181
00:07:26,956 --> 00:07:28,525
Your parents suck too?
182
00:07:28,559 --> 00:07:29,826
No.
183
00:07:29,859 --> 00:07:31,028
They were quite
advanced in years
184
00:07:31,061 --> 00:07:32,996
by the time I came around.
185
00:07:33,030 --> 00:07:34,631
My siblings were
already out of college.
186
00:07:34,665 --> 00:07:37,535
My nephew though, he's
six years older than me.
187
00:07:37,568 --> 00:07:39,170
He was like a father to me.
188
00:07:39,203 --> 00:07:42,840
He taught me a love
of the natural world.
189
00:07:42,872 --> 00:07:45,375
My nephew gave me my first beer.
190
00:07:45,408 --> 00:07:46,643
Can you imagine that?
191
00:07:46,677 --> 00:07:49,647
Ah.
192
00:07:49,679 --> 00:07:51,281
Father was a kind soul,
193
00:07:51,314 --> 00:07:53,184
but he just
wanted to sit quietly
194
00:07:53,217 --> 00:07:55,453
and rest his eyes.
195
00:07:55,485 --> 00:08:00,123
Anyway, that's why I'm so
excited to be a young father.
196
00:08:00,157 --> 00:08:01,459
What? You're like 50.
197
00:08:01,492 --> 00:08:03,361
I'm 35.
198
00:08:03,393 --> 00:08:05,896
No. No way you're
younger than me.
199
00:08:05,929 --> 00:08:07,165
But I am.
200
00:08:07,198 --> 00:08:09,500
No way. That's insane.
201
00:08:09,533 --> 00:08:10,734
Ask anyone. That is crazy.
202
00:08:10,768 --> 00:08:12,170
Look at you. You're insane.
203
00:08:12,202 --> 00:08:14,337
I'm five years younger
than you are.
204
00:08:14,370 --> 00:08:15,706
Yeah, okay. Whatever.
205
00:08:15,739 --> 00:08:17,841
Impossible.
206
00:08:17,874 --> 00:08:19,277
Yes!
207
00:08:20,377 --> 00:08:22,180
Water skeeters,
208
00:08:22,212 --> 00:08:25,148
I'm-a spit at you!
209
00:08:26,550 --> 00:08:29,186
Oh, my.
210
00:08:29,220 --> 00:08:30,588
I think...
211
00:08:30,620 --> 00:08:31,855
Yes!
212
00:08:31,888 --> 00:08:33,356
Vernon,
213
00:08:33,389 --> 00:08:34,826
it's a Squant-Billed Bushtit!
214
00:08:34,859 --> 00:08:35,692
A what?
215
00:08:35,725 --> 00:08:36,893
A Squant-Billed Bushtit!
216
00:08:36,927 --> 00:08:39,029
Oh, man. I can't even.
217
00:08:39,062 --> 00:08:40,997
Oh, look at him.
218
00:08:41,031 --> 00:08:43,835
It's rare to see a male calling
out of mating season.
219
00:08:43,868 --> 00:08:46,436
You see, once a male mates,
he falls silent.
220
00:08:46,470 --> 00:08:49,706
He spends all his time tending
to his mate and her chicks.
221
00:08:49,739 --> 00:08:52,275
Eventually, mute and unneeded,
222
00:08:52,308 --> 00:08:55,112
he jumps from the tree
and does not fly.
223
00:08:55,146 --> 00:08:56,547
You're harshing my swim.
224
00:08:56,580 --> 00:09:00,350
Boy, he would've been
a good find.
225
00:09:00,383 --> 00:09:02,954
Except I gave up my big year
226
00:09:02,986 --> 00:09:04,755
because of my unfortunate
knife accident.
227
00:09:05,956 --> 00:09:07,859
Are you done?
228
00:09:07,892 --> 00:09:10,795
Yeah, I guess so.
I'm pretty full.
229
00:09:10,827 --> 00:09:12,797
Which way back?
230
00:09:15,999 --> 00:09:17,634
That way.
231
00:09:21,272 --> 00:09:22,974
Don't throw pinecones at me.
232
00:09:23,007 --> 00:09:24,776
You got us lost.
233
00:09:24,808 --> 00:09:27,244
You're lucky I'm only throwing
pinecones, shitlord.
234
00:09:35,318 --> 00:09:38,155
Can you just admit that we've
been walking around in circles?
235
00:09:38,188 --> 00:09:41,491
I've become too reliant on apps
in recent years.
236
00:09:41,524 --> 00:09:43,994
Uncle Nephew taught me
solar location.
237
00:09:44,028 --> 00:09:46,397
He'd put me on his lap
238
00:09:46,430 --> 00:09:47,832
and point to the sun and say,
239
00:09:47,864 --> 00:09:50,066
"That's the only tool
you'll ever need
240
00:09:50,100 --> 00:09:51,502
to get where you want to go."
241
00:09:51,534 --> 00:09:53,570
Normally, I'd slap
the shit out of you
242
00:09:53,604 --> 00:09:55,071
for talking like that, but
243
00:09:55,105 --> 00:09:57,274
I am having fun.
244
00:10:01,879 --> 00:10:03,247
Come on!
245
00:10:03,279 --> 00:10:04,481
- We're men...
- Hey.
246
00:10:04,514 --> 00:10:05,783
...out in nature,
247
00:10:05,816 --> 00:10:08,619
away from the sisters
Cottumaccio.
248
00:10:08,652 --> 00:10:09,987
Ugh.
249
00:10:10,019 --> 00:10:12,656
What a sonically displeasing
last name.
250
00:10:12,690 --> 00:10:14,926
Isn't it? They're lucky to
take our dope-ass names.
251
00:10:14,959 --> 00:10:16,761
Now, shh.
252
00:10:16,793 --> 00:10:18,595
I have to concentrate.
253
00:10:18,629 --> 00:10:20,364
As it is, I'm going to be
terribly late
254
00:10:20,397 --> 00:10:21,632
to get home to Lindsay.
255
00:10:21,664 --> 00:10:22,933
And Raul.
256
00:10:22,966 --> 00:10:24,302
What?
257
00:10:24,335 --> 00:10:25,369
She said Raul was coming over.
258
00:10:25,402 --> 00:10:26,369
Who's Raul?
259
00:10:26,403 --> 00:10:29,039
No one.
260
00:10:29,072 --> 00:10:30,707
TV repairman.
261
00:10:30,740 --> 00:10:32,609
Now, come on.
262
00:10:32,643 --> 00:10:34,512
This way.
263
00:10:35,879 --> 00:10:39,216
Is the seventh layer corn chips?
264
00:10:39,249 --> 00:10:40,884
Nah, that doesn't count,
damn it.
265
00:10:47,957 --> 00:10:49,821
We should bunker down
for the night.
266
00:10:49,833 --> 00:10:51,235
No, we can make it.
267
00:10:51,267 --> 00:10:53,170
Even if we knew which
direction to go in,
268
00:10:53,203 --> 00:10:54,405
which we don't,
269
00:10:54,438 --> 00:10:56,374
'cause your gross adult nephew
270
00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:57,907
clearly just put you on his lap
271
00:10:57,940 --> 00:10:59,676
so he could rub his dick
on your butt,
272
00:10:59,709 --> 00:11:01,511
it's gonna be dark soon.
273
00:11:01,545 --> 00:11:02,684
We have to make it!
274
00:11:02,817 --> 00:11:04,453
We have to build a fire, Paul.
275
00:11:04,486 --> 00:11:05,755
I saw The Grey.
276
00:11:05,788 --> 00:11:07,490
I'm not bottle-fighting
no woofs.
277
00:11:13,562 --> 00:11:15,465
Ah!
278
00:11:21,203 --> 00:11:23,272
Now I'm not gonna
be there for...
279
00:11:23,306 --> 00:11:25,041
Oh...
280
00:11:25,073 --> 00:11:26,608
this is bad.
281
00:11:26,641 --> 00:11:29,078
This is very, very bad.
282
00:11:32,248 --> 00:11:33,550
Okay.
283
00:11:36,218 --> 00:11:37,819
We got a lot of work to do.
284
00:11:37,852 --> 00:11:39,888
I'm gonna build a pit trap
and catch some varmints.
285
00:11:39,922 --> 00:11:41,658
Whatever.
286
00:11:41,691 --> 00:11:43,726
I'll build a fire.
287
00:11:43,759 --> 00:11:45,028
Shoot.
288
00:11:45,061 --> 00:11:46,995
This ground is pretty moist.
289
00:11:47,029 --> 00:11:50,033
It's going to make
finding accelerant difficult.
290
00:11:50,066 --> 00:11:52,101
Booyah!
291
00:12:00,509 --> 00:12:02,345
♪ I am a doctor ♪
292
00:12:03,879 --> 00:12:06,082
♪ I go snip snip ♪
293
00:12:07,883 --> 00:12:09,485
♪ I rock that body ♪
294
00:12:11,287 --> 00:12:13,356
♪ Or replace that hip. ♪
295
00:12:14,756 --> 00:12:16,658
Now your turn.
296
00:12:16,692 --> 00:12:18,227
Come on, it's easy. Just...
297
00:12:18,260 --> 00:12:19,562
just sing your truth.
298
00:12:21,264 --> 00:12:23,499
Uh...
299
00:12:25,533 --> 00:12:27,202
♪ My name is Paul ♪
300
00:12:28,770 --> 00:12:30,673
♪ I am a human ♪
301
00:12:31,874 --> 00:12:32,841
♪ I'm Vice President ♪
302
00:12:32,875 --> 00:12:33,942
♪ Of Wealth Management ♪
303
00:12:33,976 --> 00:12:35,211
♪ and Investment Strategies ♪
304
00:12:36,544 --> 00:12:40,250
♪ Again my name's Paul. ♪
305
00:12:46,554 --> 00:12:47,689
See, the blues is easy.
306
00:12:47,722 --> 00:12:49,591
I am so hungry.
307
00:12:49,625 --> 00:12:51,394
We got to get some food.
I think I'm gonna die.
308
00:12:52,428 --> 00:12:54,731
Ooh...
309
00:12:54,764 --> 00:12:56,566
Oh, great.
310
00:12:56,599 --> 00:12:58,268
My IBS is flaring up.
311
00:12:58,301 --> 00:13:01,738
Oh, okay, this is quite dire.
312
00:13:01,770 --> 00:13:03,372
I bet you're regretting
making me burn
313
00:13:03,405 --> 00:13:04,873
- all those sweet paper towels.
- Oh...
314
00:13:04,907 --> 00:13:07,110
Here. It's a receipt for gas.
315
00:13:07,143 --> 00:13:08,610
Hope your poop's small.
316
00:13:08,644 --> 00:13:10,046
Stay away from
my pit trap.
317
00:13:10,078 --> 00:13:11,780
Don't want you scaring
any future food.
318
00:13:14,149 --> 00:13:16,052
♪ Paul's going to poop ♪
319
00:13:17,653 --> 00:13:19,656
♪ That cough could be croup ♪
320
00:13:21,090 --> 00:13:22,925
♪ Salt and pepper same shoe ♪
321
00:13:24,192 --> 00:13:26,095
♪ My wife Bec is a stu ♪
322
00:13:37,340 --> 00:13:40,276
You sabotaged my car!
323
00:13:41,876 --> 00:13:43,111
No!
324
00:13:43,144 --> 00:13:44,346
I'm saying
325
00:13:44,380 --> 00:13:45,682
you sabotaged my car!
326
00:13:45,715 --> 00:13:48,017
You put diesel in the tank!
327
00:13:50,819 --> 00:13:52,921
What's funny?
328
00:13:52,955 --> 00:13:54,324
You didn't wipe your butt.
329
00:13:54,356 --> 00:13:56,024
Gas was $3.27.
330
00:13:56,058 --> 00:13:58,961
My car takes 18 gallons, max.
331
00:13:58,994 --> 00:14:02,632
Total price should be, at most,
$58.86.
332
00:14:02,664 --> 00:14:05,967
Your total was $64.39!
333
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:08,971
The only way that's
mathematically possible
334
00:14:09,004 --> 00:14:11,173
is if you put diesel
in the tank!
335
00:14:11,207 --> 00:14:12,508
Fine!
336
00:14:12,540 --> 00:14:14,609
Yeah, I put diesel
in your dumb tank!
337
00:14:14,643 --> 00:14:15,778
So what?
I panicked.
338
00:14:15,811 --> 00:14:17,447
I don't want to go home.
339
00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:19,782
This is, like, my last chance
to get out of my house
340
00:14:19,814 --> 00:14:21,550
and you're trying to end it.
341
00:14:21,583 --> 00:14:24,654
Why did I agree
to come help you?
342
00:14:24,687 --> 00:14:26,556
You and Becca are bad people.
343
00:14:26,588 --> 00:14:27,823
We're bad people?
344
00:14:27,856 --> 00:14:29,058
Your wife stabbed you.
345
00:14:29,091 --> 00:14:31,860
I backed into the knife.
346
00:14:31,894 --> 00:14:35,130
Why was she holding it
directly at you, then, huh?
347
00:14:35,163 --> 00:14:36,665
Face it, she tried
to murder you.
348
00:14:36,698 --> 00:14:38,967
You shut up, Vernon!
349
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:40,470
You shut up right now!
350
00:14:40,503 --> 00:14:42,004
You shut up,
Rumpleforeskin!
351
00:14:42,037 --> 00:14:43,406
I hate you!
Your sunglasses
352
00:14:43,438 --> 00:14:44,673
look so stupid!
353
00:14:44,707 --> 00:14:46,008
You're not cool at all!
354
00:14:49,711 --> 00:14:52,148
- You're going to die out here, Vernon!
- You're worthless!
355
00:14:52,181 --> 00:14:54,550
- I will see to that!
- You suck at everything! You're gonna die!
356
00:14:54,582 --> 00:14:56,251
I'm strong!
I'm a strong man!
357
00:14:56,284 --> 00:14:57,252
I've killed so many people,
Paul!
358
00:14:57,285 --> 00:14:58,553
I'm not afraid of it!
359
00:14:58,586 --> 00:15:00,756
I am going to throw you
off this mountain!
360
00:15:00,789 --> 00:15:02,692
I'm going to feed you to a bear!
361
00:15:02,725 --> 00:15:04,060
- Ah! Not my hands!
- Ah!
362
00:15:10,016 --> 00:15:11,584
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
363
00:15:11,617 --> 00:15:13,887
- Mmm, mmm.
- Mmm.
364
00:15:18,219 --> 00:15:20,335
Never thought squirrel
could be so delicious.
365
00:15:20,367 --> 00:15:22,035
Nuts are high in
protein and fat.
366
00:15:22,067 --> 00:15:24,403
Makes for tender flesh.
367
00:15:24,436 --> 00:15:27,173
People forget I'm a doctor
and I know shit.
368
00:15:27,206 --> 00:15:28,441
- Hey.
- Mmm?
369
00:15:28,475 --> 00:15:29,710
Check out his little
squirrel dick.
370
00:15:29,743 --> 00:15:30,944
You dare me to flick it?
371
00:15:30,976 --> 00:15:32,879
Ugh...
372
00:15:35,447 --> 00:15:37,350
I didn't know
we'd get lost.
373
00:15:37,383 --> 00:15:38,752
I was just trying
to buy more time.
374
00:15:38,784 --> 00:15:40,019
You don't understand.
375
00:15:40,052 --> 00:15:41,253
It's a nightmare over there.
376
00:15:41,287 --> 00:15:42,755
Becca makes me wear
377
00:15:42,788 --> 00:15:44,725
full pajamas
so our skins don't touch.
378
00:15:44,758 --> 00:15:47,594
Lindsay may have stabbed me
intentionally.
379
00:15:47,627 --> 00:15:49,229
I only get 20% of the TiVo.
380
00:15:49,262 --> 00:15:51,598
And Becca's always erasing
my shows "accidentally."
381
00:15:51,630 --> 00:15:53,766
I missed all last season
of The Librarians.
382
00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:55,435
Lindsay order takeout for one.
383
00:15:55,468 --> 00:15:56,737
One time I took a French fry
384
00:15:56,769 --> 00:15:58,237
and she made me
give her a dollar
385
00:15:58,271 --> 00:15:59,873
even though it was
on my credit card.
386
00:15:59,906 --> 00:16:02,075
Becca once held my head
in the toilet for a minute
387
00:16:02,108 --> 00:16:03,643
when I forgot
to flush a duke.
388
00:16:03,677 --> 00:16:06,113
- Lindsey's cucking me.
- Yeah, no kidding.
389
00:16:06,146 --> 00:16:07,247
No, seriously.
390
00:16:07,279 --> 00:16:10,316
That guy I mentioned
earlier, Raul,
391
00:16:10,350 --> 00:16:11,884
he's her bull.
392
00:16:11,917 --> 00:16:15,388
What? Whoa.
393
00:16:15,422 --> 00:16:17,391
What? So he porks her
and you have to watch?
394
00:16:17,423 --> 00:16:20,059
What?
395
00:16:20,093 --> 00:16:22,396
Damn, that's crazy!
396
00:16:22,428 --> 00:16:25,298
Jesus, why doesn't anything
cool ever happen to me?
397
00:16:25,331 --> 00:16:29,101
I was trying to be
a good husband.
398
00:16:29,134 --> 00:16:30,736
This is going
to sound bonkers,
399
00:16:30,769 --> 00:16:32,471
but why are we
even going home?
400
00:16:32,504 --> 00:16:34,340
We should drive
straight to Mexico.
401
00:16:34,374 --> 00:16:36,609
- There's a thought.
- No, I'm serious.
402
00:16:36,642 --> 00:16:38,277
We could just disappear,
start a new life.
403
00:16:38,311 --> 00:16:39,780
Things are cheaper down there,
404
00:16:39,812 --> 00:16:41,747
and I can find out
what the seventh layer is.
405
00:16:41,781 --> 00:16:44,417
Seriously! We're both
clearly miserable.
406
00:16:44,450 --> 00:16:45,651
What's stopping us?
407
00:16:45,685 --> 00:16:47,454
The impending children.
408
00:16:47,486 --> 00:16:48,754
No, that's bullshit.
409
00:16:48,788 --> 00:16:49,990
If a dad is miserable,
410
00:16:50,023 --> 00:16:51,425
he's no good for his kid.
411
00:16:51,457 --> 00:16:54,194
Look at Jimmy.
He hated his dad so much,
412
00:16:54,226 --> 00:16:56,162
he's actually happier
now that he's dead.
413
00:16:56,196 --> 00:16:59,965
Jimmy's dad did seem to be
quite a miserable person.
414
00:16:59,998 --> 00:17:02,302
Picture it...
Casa Vernon y Paul.
415
00:17:02,334 --> 00:17:04,837
Just the two of us
eating shellfish
416
00:17:04,870 --> 00:17:07,440
and drinking margaritas
and wizards.
417
00:17:07,474 --> 00:17:10,543
I could take bullets out of
cartel members on the DL.
418
00:17:10,577 --> 00:17:11,845
You can be their
accountant or whatever.
419
00:17:11,878 --> 00:17:14,648
We only get one shot
at this life, man.
420
00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:17,149
She is killing my spirit.
421
00:17:17,183 --> 00:17:18,984
This is our only chance.
422
00:17:19,017 --> 00:17:20,386
If we wait, it's going
to be too late.
423
00:17:20,419 --> 00:17:21,487
I'm in.
424
00:17:21,521 --> 00:17:22,789
Seriously?
425
00:17:22,821 --> 00:17:24,190
Seriously.
426
00:17:24,224 --> 00:17:26,126
I can't go back to that house.
427
00:17:26,158 --> 00:17:28,661
She doesn't even let me
self-stimulate anymore.
428
00:17:28,695 --> 00:17:31,465
I don't get to jack off
either, not since Cassia.
429
00:17:31,497 --> 00:17:32,798
Let's reclaim it.
430
00:17:32,831 --> 00:17:34,400
Let's jack off
into the fire!
431
00:17:34,434 --> 00:17:36,203
What? No.
432
00:17:36,235 --> 00:17:37,536
We have to.
433
00:17:37,570 --> 00:17:39,638
We're not allowed to masturbate!
434
00:17:39,671 --> 00:17:42,541
Come on, we gotta take back
domain over ourselves!
435
00:17:42,574 --> 00:17:45,077
And into the fire?
That is so manly.
436
00:17:45,110 --> 00:17:47,046
Okay.
437
00:17:48,715 --> 00:17:50,216
But don't look at me.
438
00:17:56,622 --> 00:17:59,492
Hell yeah! I bet no one's
ever done this before.
439
00:17:59,525 --> 00:18:00,593
Hush.
440
00:18:00,627 --> 00:18:01,595
What if it explodes?
441
00:18:01,628 --> 00:18:03,297
Shh.
442
00:18:04,531 --> 00:18:06,666
Yeah.
443
00:18:06,698 --> 00:18:09,369
Yeah. Yeah...
444
00:18:11,471 --> 00:18:13,540
Oh there it is.
445
00:18:22,815 --> 00:18:25,050
Yeah!
446
00:18:25,083 --> 00:18:26,285
Oh, God.
447
00:18:26,319 --> 00:18:28,789
- Oh...
- Holy...
448
00:18:28,821 --> 00:18:30,756
We just killed, like,
a million of our babies.
449
00:18:43,936 --> 00:18:46,939
I've been stuck!
450
00:19:07,418 --> 00:19:08,620
Wake up.
451
00:19:13,369 --> 00:19:16,238
My wound opened up.
452
00:19:16,272 --> 00:19:18,075
I have trouble clotting
453
00:19:18,108 --> 00:19:20,977
because of my
oblong platelets.
454
00:19:21,011 --> 00:19:23,413
Uncle Nephew had
the same ailment.
455
00:19:23,446 --> 00:19:25,682
I could close it with
some sap and a hot stick.
456
00:19:25,715 --> 00:19:28,452
We'll get you hella painkillers
when we get to Tijuana.
457
00:19:28,484 --> 00:19:30,186
I can't go with you.
458
00:19:30,219 --> 00:19:31,487
What?
459
00:19:31,521 --> 00:19:33,090
But Casa Vernon y Paul!
460
00:19:33,122 --> 00:19:35,424
I want to be a father.
461
00:19:35,457 --> 00:19:37,494
Last night, when
I thought I was dying,
462
00:19:37,526 --> 00:19:38,761
all I thought about was
463
00:19:38,794 --> 00:19:41,031
how I'd never
meet my child.
464
00:19:41,063 --> 00:19:43,367
Watching how
Jimmy's father squandered
465
00:19:43,399 --> 00:19:47,603
his opportunity and left Jimmy
such a miserable person...
466
00:19:47,637 --> 00:19:49,638
I can't do that to my offspring.
467
00:19:49,671 --> 00:19:52,675
Goddamn you, Paul.
468
00:19:52,708 --> 00:19:57,013
Regardless of what we do,
we're in a pretty tight bind.
469
00:19:57,046 --> 00:20:00,282
I can't see anything.
470
00:20:00,315 --> 00:20:01,851
How do we get out of here?
471
00:20:01,885 --> 00:20:03,119
I don't know.
472
00:20:05,855 --> 00:20:08,191
Wait.
473
00:20:08,224 --> 00:20:09,559
Keep playing.
474
00:20:11,694 --> 00:20:14,196
It's the Squat-Billed Bushtit.
475
00:20:14,230 --> 00:20:18,001
- So?
- He'll lead us back to his nesting ground.
476
00:20:18,033 --> 00:20:20,003
We'll follow
the creek this time,
477
00:20:20,035 --> 00:20:23,806
and we'll find a campground
or something for sure.
478
00:20:32,081 --> 00:20:34,251
Push me up!
479
00:20:34,283 --> 00:20:35,518
But keep playing.
480
00:20:42,058 --> 00:20:45,395
Give me your hand.
481
00:20:47,930 --> 00:20:50,766
Um, Vernon?
482
00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:52,436
What happened
back at the campsite....
483
00:20:52,468 --> 00:20:53,703
I don't know what
you're talking about.
484
00:21:03,545 --> 00:21:06,415
Okay.
485
00:21:06,448 --> 00:21:08,185
Thank you so much.
486
00:21:08,217 --> 00:21:10,387
No problem. You really should
sue the gas station guy
487
00:21:10,419 --> 00:21:12,388
for putting diesel in your tank.
488
00:21:12,421 --> 00:21:17,259
I would, but I think he was
severely mentally handicapped.
489
00:21:17,292 --> 00:21:19,463
Where y'all headed?
490
00:21:19,495 --> 00:21:20,729
San Diego.
491
00:21:20,763 --> 00:21:24,400
Can I pay you for a ride?
492
00:21:24,434 --> 00:21:27,537
Yeah, sure.
493
00:21:27,570 --> 00:21:28,772
All right,
get in there.
494
00:21:28,804 --> 00:21:30,407
I know I mess around a lot,
495
00:21:30,439 --> 00:21:32,609
and I like to have fun,
and Becca thinks I'm a baby,
496
00:21:32,641 --> 00:21:35,946
but I'm really a good person
with a good heart.
497
00:21:35,978 --> 00:21:38,614
- I know you are.
- And I believe there is someone out there
498
00:21:38,648 --> 00:21:40,050
who will love me.
499
00:21:40,082 --> 00:21:42,319
Hopefully a Mexican hottie
with big naturals.
500
00:21:44,486 --> 00:21:45,955
I'll miss you.
501
00:21:45,988 --> 00:21:47,523
Yeah?
502
00:21:49,525 --> 00:21:50,793
Me too.
503
00:21:57,667 --> 00:21:59,602
Where the hell is the bassinet?
504
00:22:01,004 --> 00:22:02,505
It's not here.
505
00:22:02,539 --> 00:22:04,474
Goddamn it!
506
00:22:04,506 --> 00:22:07,244
That was my baby's bassinet.
507
00:22:07,276 --> 00:22:09,278
Someone stole my baby's crib.
She could've been in there.
508
00:22:09,311 --> 00:22:13,649
I will murder whoever did this!
509
00:22:18,454 --> 00:22:20,791
I can't let a blind fool
like you drive home.
510
00:22:23,359 --> 00:22:24,593
Oh, yeah.
511
00:22:24,627 --> 00:22:26,863
That might be dangerous.
512
00:22:26,896 --> 00:22:28,465
Thanks, anyway.
513
00:22:28,497 --> 00:22:31,834
All right, get in.
514
00:22:31,868 --> 00:22:33,703
I'm glad you're staying.
515
00:22:33,735 --> 00:22:36,639
Oh, I just realized I can't
leave everything hanging yet.
516
00:22:36,673 --> 00:22:39,643
Plus I need cash and passports,
517
00:22:39,676 --> 00:22:40,944
and I should grab some
medical-grade condoms
518
00:22:40,976 --> 00:22:42,545
from the hospital.
519
00:22:42,579 --> 00:22:45,648
They got some viruses down there
that will eat up your junk
520
00:22:45,682 --> 00:22:48,818
- like a pig tearing into a corn cob.
- Ugh.
521
00:22:48,850 --> 00:22:50,553
Don't worry, I will
give you a signal
522
00:22:50,587 --> 00:22:53,455
before I leave
in case you change your mind.
523
00:22:53,488 --> 00:22:54,725
Okay.
524
00:22:56,825 --> 00:23:00,563
By the way, traditionally the
seventh layer can be anything.
525
00:23:00,597 --> 00:23:02,065
It can be ground beef,
526
00:23:02,098 --> 00:23:04,533
shredded lettuce, green onion,
527
00:23:04,567 --> 00:23:05,802
jalapeños.
528
00:23:05,834 --> 00:23:07,369
It's up to whoever makes it.
529
00:23:07,402 --> 00:23:09,805
Whatever makes them happy.
530
00:23:09,839 --> 00:23:11,374
You knew this all along
and you didn't tell me?
531
00:23:11,407 --> 00:23:13,076
You dick.
532
00:23:16,512 --> 00:23:18,148
Mind if we stop
at the baby store?
533
00:23:18,180 --> 00:23:20,382
I got to get my baby a place
to sleep before I bail.
534
00:23:20,416 --> 00:23:22,085
- Sure.
- And we got to stop
535
00:23:22,118 --> 00:23:23,552
at the toilet paper store,
I haven't forgotten
536
00:23:23,586 --> 00:23:25,855
you didn't wipe
your ass, you cuck.
537
00:23:25,888 --> 00:23:26,723
Hmm.
538
00:23:30,693 --> 00:23:34,097
♪ One more job ought to get it ♪
539
00:23:34,129 --> 00:23:36,899
♪ One last shot 'for I quit it ♪
540
00:23:36,933 --> 00:23:38,167
♪ One more for ♪
541
00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:39,902
♪ The road ♪
542
00:23:41,188 --> 00:23:43,290
- sync and corrections by Caio -
- www.addic7ed.com -