1
00:00:00,063 --> 00:00:02,881
And then this woman
tried to return soiled tights
2
00:00:02,906 --> 00:00:05,875
and I was just like, no way,
gotta shut this down real quick.
3
00:00:05,984 --> 00:00:07,007
Ugh, good for you.
4
00:00:07,032 --> 00:00:09,244
- That's disgusting.
- Mm-hm.
5
00:00:09,246 --> 00:00:11,213
Ooh.
6
00:00:11,215 --> 00:00:13,763
Oh, no, no, no, no.
7
00:00:13,788 --> 00:00:14,911
Who's that?
8
00:00:14,936 --> 00:00:17,830
Allo, bonsoir. Je suis Jean.
9
00:00:17,855 --> 00:00:19,535
It's Madison, my student loans officer.
10
00:00:19,560 --> 00:00:21,730
Whenever she calls, I just
hand the phone to Devin.
11
00:00:21,755 --> 00:00:23,125
She thinks it's like the wrong number.
12
00:00:23,127 --> 00:00:24,559
How many times I tell you this?
13
00:00:24,561 --> 00:00:26,762
You have zee wrong number at this end.
14
00:00:26,764 --> 00:00:28,530
Tout alors. Bonsoir.
15
00:00:28,532 --> 00:00:31,683
Jean's my favorite. He's so rude.
16
00:00:31,715 --> 00:00:33,549
- Mais oui.
- Mais oui.
17
00:00:33,574 --> 00:00:35,163
How long do you think
you can keep this up?
18
00:00:35,188 --> 00:00:36,215
I dunno.
19
00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:38,273
Doesn't it bother you
to owe all that money?
20
00:00:38,275 --> 00:00:39,517
Nah, I figure I'll
die under two things...
21
00:00:39,542 --> 00:00:40,976
an amount of debt and a Hemsworth.
22
00:00:40,978 --> 00:00:42,815
- You are so funny.
- Thank you.
23
00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:44,145
When are you going back to acting?
24
00:00:44,147 --> 00:00:47,549
Oh, my God, I am not. I have a job now.
25
00:00:47,551 --> 00:00:49,885
This is what I do now, even if it sucks.
26
00:00:49,887 --> 00:00:51,152
It doesn't suck.
27
00:00:51,154 --> 00:00:53,154
You're one month away
from health insurance.
28
00:00:53,156 --> 00:00:55,590
- That means free check-ups.
- You're right.
29
00:00:55,592 --> 00:00:57,756
It has been a while since
I've seen the pussy dentist.
30
00:00:57,781 --> 00:00:59,392
Last time I was there,
she let me take a selfie
31
00:00:59,417 --> 00:01:00,954
with that like headlight thingie.
32
00:01:00,979 --> 00:01:01,979
Got a lotta likes.
33
00:01:07,670 --> 00:01:10,410
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
34
00:01:12,209 --> 00:01:13,910
Goodbye.
35
00:01:15,112 --> 00:01:16,578
Okay, there's a woman here to see you.
36
00:01:16,580 --> 00:01:19,247
Oh, Jesus, who keeps
selling that lady tights?
37
00:01:19,249 --> 00:01:21,750
No, not her. It's a woman
in a business suit
38
00:01:21,752 --> 00:01:22,884
and she's real mean.
39
00:01:22,886 --> 00:01:25,186
- Oh, where is she?
- In the back.
40
00:01:25,188 --> 00:01:27,622
- All right.
- Yeah, have fun with that.
41
00:01:33,230 --> 00:01:36,331
- Hey, Madison.
- Hey, Nicole.
42
00:01:36,333 --> 00:01:38,400
Just wanted to
congratulate you in person
43
00:01:38,402 --> 00:01:40,869
on your first full-time job ever.
44
00:01:40,871 --> 00:01:43,438
Oh, thanks, Maddy-cakes.
45
00:01:43,440 --> 00:01:44,873
And I also wanted to let you know
46
00:01:44,875 --> 00:01:46,708
that your loan deferral
period is now over.
47
00:01:46,710 --> 00:01:48,176
- What?
- Mm-hm.
48
00:01:48,178 --> 00:01:49,577
You know, it's been a fun four years
49
00:01:49,579 --> 00:01:51,880
waiting for you to have
reportable income.
50
00:01:51,882 --> 00:01:53,548
- It wasn't easy.
- Mmmm...
51
00:01:53,550 --> 00:01:55,684
Well, now you can start paying back
52
00:01:55,686 --> 00:01:59,187
the $23,000 in student
loans that you owe.
53
00:01:59,189 --> 00:02:00,989
First payment is due in a week.
54
00:02:00,991 --> 00:02:02,290
What if I don't pay?
55
00:02:02,292 --> 00:02:04,326
Mm, we garnish your wages.
56
00:02:04,328 --> 00:02:05,841
I bet you're expecting me to make a joke
57
00:02:05,866 --> 00:02:09,297
about parsley right now, but...
I am better than that.
58
00:02:09,299 --> 00:02:10,799
See you soon, Nicole.
59
00:02:10,801 --> 00:02:14,436
Or, more likely, see 25 percent
of your paycheck soon.
60
00:02:14,438 --> 00:02:16,304
Okay.
61
00:02:16,306 --> 00:02:17,469
Okay, you can go.
62
00:02:17,494 --> 00:02:20,308
I work here, so,
I mean, if you... you... yes.
63
00:02:20,310 --> 00:02:22,243
- Leave.
- Yes.
64
00:02:22,245 --> 00:02:24,679
- Quickly, please!
- Yes.
65
00:02:27,250 --> 00:02:29,017
These never show up on Craigslist.
66
00:02:29,019 --> 00:02:30,618
It's the perfect coffee table.
67
00:02:30,620 --> 00:02:33,154
And you're telling me this why?
68
00:02:33,156 --> 00:02:34,756
Because I need you to help me move it?
69
00:02:34,758 --> 00:02:36,624
Okay, ha-ha, bye-bye.
70
00:02:36,626 --> 00:02:38,893
Nicole has work.
Come on, it's not that heavy.
71
00:02:38,895 --> 00:02:40,362
I just need another body.
72
00:02:40,364 --> 00:02:41,429
I just got my nails gelled,
73
00:02:41,431 --> 00:02:42,764
and I'd rather get locked in a sauna
74
00:02:42,766 --> 00:02:45,266
than spend unnecessary time with you.
75
00:02:45,268 --> 00:02:46,634
Twenty bucks.
76
00:02:46,636 --> 00:02:48,403
Oh, you think a measly pouch of coins
77
00:02:48,405 --> 00:02:50,372
is gonna help you get your stupid table?
78
00:02:50,374 --> 00:02:51,806
How low do you think I've sunk?
79
00:02:51,808 --> 00:02:54,175
Twenty bucks and those mango
edibles that you like.
80
00:02:54,177 --> 00:02:56,244
Okay, fine, you have a deal.
81
00:02:56,246 --> 00:02:57,746
I have to go. The waiter's here.
82
00:02:57,748 --> 00:03:02,283
Hi, Samir, what can you tell
me about these hot dogs?
83
00:03:02,285 --> 00:03:03,818
Beef. Beef.
84
00:03:03,820 --> 00:03:06,354
Ground beef shaped like hot dog. Beef.
85
00:03:06,356 --> 00:03:07,549
And how are they prepared?
86
00:03:07,574 --> 00:03:10,942
- Frozen, then roller.
- What are my bun options?
87
00:03:11,595 --> 00:03:14,396
Lovely, now could you talk to me
about that topping station.
88
00:03:14,398 --> 00:03:18,266
Relish. Mustard. Cheese. Onion.
89
00:03:18,268 --> 00:03:20,035
- Ketchup is broken.
- That's perfect.
90
00:03:20,037 --> 00:03:23,204
Only children and savages put
ketchup on their hot dog.
91
00:03:23,206 --> 00:03:25,340
I'll take that one.
92
00:03:28,407 --> 00:03:30,679
- Ten thousand...
- ...green card.
93
00:03:33,517 --> 00:03:35,467
Excuse me, could you fill
in those non-English words
94
00:03:35,492 --> 00:03:37,366
of your conversation that
I was listening to?
95
00:03:37,391 --> 00:03:40,178
A girl I was supposed to marry
for a green card backed out.
96
00:03:40,203 --> 00:03:42,424
- Oh, really?
- I offered her ten thousand,
97
00:03:42,426 --> 00:03:44,741
but some Canadian guy paid her fifteen.
98
00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:46,335
Aw, stupid Canadians.
99
00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:47,812
So, you're telling me that
you're willing to pay
100
00:03:47,837 --> 00:03:49,992
$10,000 to any woman who'll marry you?
101
00:03:50,017 --> 00:03:51,204
Yeah.
102
00:03:52,836 --> 00:03:55,726
Finally. I've got some great news.
103
00:03:55,751 --> 00:03:58,884
You no longer have to go
back to the Mall of Sorrow.
104
00:03:58,909 --> 00:04:00,275
What are you talking about?
105
00:04:00,277 --> 00:04:02,210
I was at the gas station on Calvert
106
00:04:02,212 --> 00:04:03,852
and I entered an ethnic conversation.
107
00:04:03,877 --> 00:04:05,157
You've gotta stop doing that.
108
00:04:05,182 --> 00:04:06,962
No, no, it broadens my horizons.
109
00:04:06,987 --> 00:04:09,049
This is an ethnic conversation.
110
00:04:09,074 --> 00:04:11,686
- Oh, I guess so because I...
- That's not the point.
111
00:04:11,688 --> 00:04:14,974
A very elegant Pakistani
man named Hassan
112
00:04:14,999 --> 00:04:17,060
is looking to get married
so he can stay in the US.
113
00:04:17,085 --> 00:04:20,161
I'm not marrying a guy
you met at a gas station.
114
00:04:20,163 --> 00:04:21,544
He's offering ten grand.
115
00:04:21,569 --> 00:04:22,964
That's not even half of what I owe.
116
00:04:22,989 --> 00:04:23,922
It's not about the debt,
117
00:04:23,947 --> 00:04:26,078
it's so you can quit your job
and get back to acting, okay?
118
00:04:26,103 --> 00:04:27,469
Our dream is alive.
119
00:04:27,494 --> 00:04:29,491
Devin, I don't know how many
times I can tell you this...
120
00:04:29,516 --> 00:04:31,436
I don't wanna go back to acting.
121
00:04:31,461 --> 00:04:33,274
I'm a month away from getting
health insurance,
122
00:04:33,276 --> 00:04:34,787
and I'm not walking away from that.
123
00:04:34,812 --> 00:04:36,244
But I will walk away from you.
124
00:04:36,246 --> 00:04:38,446
You stupid, ignorant, pretty bitch!
125
00:04:39,616 --> 00:04:41,816
Don't you know how talented you are?
126
00:04:42,433 --> 00:04:45,963
...and lacquered burled
walnut made in Virginia,
127
00:04:45,988 --> 00:04:49,591
kiln-dried, original retail price $1300.
128
00:04:49,593 --> 00:04:51,426
- Guess what I paid?
- Shut up!
129
00:04:51,428 --> 00:04:53,936
- Four hundred bucks.
- You're unbelievable.
130
00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:56,202
How can you talk about furniture
at a time like this?
131
00:04:56,227 --> 00:04:57,233
We're picking up furniture.
132
00:04:57,258 --> 00:04:58,799
It's like the perfect time
to talk about furniture.
133
00:04:58,824 --> 00:05:01,184
Our best friend is going through
the biggest crisis of her life,
134
00:05:01,209 --> 00:05:02,918
and all you care about
is a chunk of wood.
135
00:05:02,943 --> 00:05:05,406
- What friend? Nicole?
- We share no other friend.
136
00:05:05,408 --> 00:05:07,675
She's a star and
you're crushing her dreams.
137
00:05:07,677 --> 00:05:10,247
- I'm supporting her.
- No, you're enabling her.
138
00:05:10,272 --> 00:05:11,871
If anything, I'm enabling
her into becoming
139
00:05:11,896 --> 00:05:13,160
a functional human being.
140
00:05:13,185 --> 00:05:17,485
No, you're enabling her into becoming
a soulless corporate demon like you.
141
00:05:17,487 --> 00:05:20,321
Hi, we're here for the table.
142
00:05:24,861 --> 00:05:28,054
So, what they're going
to do is take $225
143
00:05:28,079 --> 00:05:30,098
out of each paycheck.
144
00:05:30,100 --> 00:05:32,664
No, you actually have a pretty
dope interest rate here.
145
00:05:32,689 --> 00:05:35,139
- I don't know what that is.
- Don't worry about it.
146
00:05:35,164 --> 00:05:37,890
So, basically, in five years...
147
00:05:37,915 --> 00:05:39,741
...stay with me,
you'll be half way there.
148
00:05:41,086 --> 00:05:42,314
It's really not that bad.
149
00:05:42,315 --> 00:05:43,930
Look at this payment schedule.
150
00:05:44,673 --> 00:05:47,908
Well... I guess it's
good to have a plan.
151
00:05:49,930 --> 00:05:52,545
Yes, Hassan, I will marry you!
152
00:05:52,570 --> 00:05:55,577
Wait, which one of you is Hassan?
153
00:05:57,398 --> 00:05:59,748
- What if he's scamming you?
- What do you mean?
154
00:05:59,773 --> 00:06:01,308
I don't know. What if
he tries to open like
155
00:06:01,333 --> 00:06:02,746
a bunch of credit cards in your name?
156
00:06:02,771 --> 00:06:04,604
I can't open credit cards in my name.
157
00:06:04,606 --> 00:06:07,231
- Mm-hm. It just seems shady.
- It's not shady.
158
00:06:07,256 --> 00:06:10,715
I need $10,000 to pay back my loan,
he needs to stay in the country.
159
00:06:10,740 --> 00:06:12,345
Ooh, can I have a vodka soda, please?
160
00:06:12,347 --> 00:06:13,413
Me, too.
161
00:06:13,438 --> 00:06:15,048
Wait, you're using it
to pay back your loan?
162
00:06:15,050 --> 00:06:16,716
Yeah, why do you sound so surprised?
163
00:06:16,741 --> 00:06:19,386
I just thought you would use the money
to take another shot at acting.
164
00:06:19,388 --> 00:06:21,279
Ah, no, I am done with that.
165
00:06:21,304 --> 00:06:22,779
All that rejection
was making me feel like
166
00:06:22,804 --> 00:06:24,342
I'm not a wonderful, funny person...
167
00:06:24,367 --> 00:06:26,626
- which I very much am.
- You very much are.
168
00:06:26,628 --> 00:06:28,991
Show business can suck on these nuts!
169
00:06:29,016 --> 00:06:32,990
- Oh. That was very emphatic.
- Thank you. You know...
170
00:06:33,015 --> 00:06:34,763
That's a good word. What's that mean?
171
00:06:34,788 --> 00:06:35,869
Ooh, never mind.
172
00:06:39,708 --> 00:06:42,909
- You have a lovely home.
- Thank you.
173
00:06:42,911 --> 00:06:45,946
We got it cheap 'cause
it was zoned for a kennel.
174
00:06:46,479 --> 00:06:49,683
Would you like some cheese?
Can... can you have cheese?
175
00:06:49,685 --> 00:06:51,785
Is it forbidden? Does
someone need to bless it?
176
00:06:51,787 --> 00:06:54,754
Oh, I can have cheese. Thank you.
177
00:06:57,875 --> 00:06:59,211
Great idea.
178
00:06:59,236 --> 00:07:00,656
We're gonna need pictures to prove
179
00:07:00,681 --> 00:07:02,312
our marriage is real,
during the interview.
180
00:07:02,337 --> 00:07:04,631
Yes, I knew that.
That was not for Snapchat.
181
00:07:04,633 --> 00:07:06,199
What am I? Some sort of child?
182
00:07:06,201 --> 00:07:09,202
- So, the wedding?
- Oh, yes, yes, yes.
183
00:07:09,204 --> 00:07:12,559
Okay, I'm thinking wedding
in Paris, Vera Wang dress,
184
00:07:12,584 --> 00:07:14,007
honeymoon in Fiji.
185
00:07:14,009 --> 00:07:16,943
I've never been, but that water
bottle is very tropical.
186
00:07:16,945 --> 00:07:19,813
I was thinking we could get
married here in the Valley.
187
00:07:19,815 --> 00:07:22,949
Okay. Disappointing, but, okay.
188
00:07:22,951 --> 00:07:25,907
Now, there is the issue of sex.
189
00:07:25,932 --> 00:07:28,265
Mmm, yes, intercourse.
190
00:07:28,290 --> 00:07:29,868
I would never impose that upon you,
191
00:07:29,893 --> 00:07:32,884
but during the interview,
they may ask some intimate questions,
192
00:07:32,909 --> 00:07:34,894
and we should have a unified answer.
193
00:07:34,896 --> 00:07:36,630
Mm-hm, yeah, you're right. Okay.
194
00:07:36,632 --> 00:07:40,061
In my mind, you're a freaky little dude
who's into butt stuff... your butt.
195
00:07:40,086 --> 00:07:43,103
You start out with a finger,
then you graduate it to a moderate plug.
196
00:07:43,105 --> 00:07:45,872
Now you wanna keep that bad
boy in there all day long.
197
00:07:45,874 --> 00:07:49,676
Or we could just have regular-style
sex three times a week?
198
00:07:49,678 --> 00:07:51,414
- Missionary?
- Yeah.
199
00:07:51,439 --> 00:07:53,146
Unh-unh, no.
200
00:07:53,148 --> 00:07:55,148
They're never gonna buy
that I'd settle for that.
201
00:07:55,150 --> 00:07:57,817
Let's throw in a "69"
every third Tuesday.
202
00:07:57,819 --> 00:08:01,121
- O... kay.
- Ooh, yes!
203
00:08:01,123 --> 00:08:04,691
Wait till these immigration
idiots get a load of this!
204
00:08:07,550 --> 00:08:10,706
Marcia Clark, I want you to
meet your new best friend...
205
00:08:10,731 --> 00:08:12,312
Madeleine All-light,
206
00:08:13,735 --> 00:08:16,169
and, of course, Amelia Chairhart.
207
00:08:16,171 --> 00:08:18,164
I wish I could give you a feminist name,
208
00:08:18,189 --> 00:08:20,884
but I ran dry after Chillory Clinton...
209
00:08:21,476 --> 00:08:23,080
the fridge.
210
00:08:24,413 --> 00:08:27,080
Goodnight, Marcia, I love you.
211
00:08:31,606 --> 00:08:33,174
I'm a lunatic.
212
00:08:53,297 --> 00:08:54,577
What the f...
213
00:08:54,796 --> 00:08:56,304
What is that?
214
00:08:57,202 --> 00:08:58,858
Ow!
215
00:08:58,883 --> 00:09:00,549
No!
216
00:09:15,128 --> 00:09:16,761
Marcia Clark...
217
00:09:17,433 --> 00:09:19,199
did you do this to me?
218
00:09:30,268 --> 00:09:32,178
- It's not funny!
- Yeah, it is.
219
00:09:32,180 --> 00:09:33,960
You were so excited about that table,
220
00:09:33,985 --> 00:09:36,546
you thought you were getting
the deal of the century,
221
00:09:36,571 --> 00:09:38,587
and then it was full of spiders.
222
00:09:38,612 --> 00:09:40,251
Well, I need you to
take me to the hospital.
223
00:09:40,276 --> 00:09:41,721
- Nicole's busy.
- Fine.
224
00:09:41,723 --> 00:09:44,424
But only because I wanna see how
bad your face looks in person.
225
00:09:44,426 --> 00:09:46,559
Yeah, okay, ha-ha!
226
00:09:48,897 --> 00:09:51,135
Yeah. Eight pairs later, we got it.
227
00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:52,593
Beautiful shoes.
228
00:09:52,618 --> 00:09:54,834
- Hobbit feet.
- Oh.
229
00:09:54,836 --> 00:09:57,193
Hey, what are you doing here?
You're not supposed to be at work.
230
00:09:57,218 --> 00:09:59,351
I'm shopping for a wedding dress!
231
00:09:59,376 --> 00:10:03,676
- I'm getting married!
- No! Oh! Oh...
232
00:10:03,678 --> 00:10:06,579
I've got the perfect dress...
simple, elegant,
233
00:10:06,581 --> 00:10:08,509
- really hugs the curves.
- Ooh.
234
00:10:08,534 --> 00:10:09,916
- I'ma go get it.
- No, hold up, hold up.
235
00:10:09,918 --> 00:10:12,195
He gave me $500,
but I'm only spending $50
236
00:10:12,220 --> 00:10:14,387
'cause I wanna spend the rest
on a tiny little trampoline.
237
00:10:14,389 --> 00:10:17,423
- Doof! Doof! Doof!
- No. No. No, stop doofing.
238
00:10:17,425 --> 00:10:20,126
You don't need to lose weight.
Who told you that?
239
00:10:20,151 --> 00:10:22,060
"Society"? Let me tell you something.
240
00:10:22,085 --> 00:10:24,622
You are beautiful exactly how you are,
241
00:10:24,647 --> 00:10:26,800
and real men, they appreciate a woman
242
00:10:26,825 --> 00:10:28,612
with curves and some stuff.
243
00:10:28,637 --> 00:10:29,702
Damn it!
244
00:10:29,704 --> 00:10:30,870
Sorry.
245
00:10:30,872 --> 00:10:33,072
Donny, the trampoline's just about fun.
246
00:10:33,074 --> 00:10:36,276
Oh! Man, I'd actually
like to watch that.
247
00:10:36,278 --> 00:10:37,596
Oh, yeah, I'll bounce for you any time.
248
00:10:37,621 --> 00:10:39,791
- Oh, and I'll film it.
- Oh, great!
249
00:10:39,816 --> 00:10:41,414
♪ And we'll put it up on YouTube ♪
250
00:10:41,439 --> 00:10:43,525
- ♪ And then I'll watch it with my dress off ♪
- DONNY: A million hits.
251
00:10:43,814 --> 00:10:45,455
♪ If you want my love ♪
252
00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:48,822
- Oh, yeah, lovely.
- Unh, too itchy.
253
00:10:50,659 --> 00:10:53,561
Oh! That first one... terrible.
254
00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:56,830
- But this!
- Aw, Jesus, Donny, no.
255
00:10:56,855 --> 00:10:58,959
Yeah, you're right.
256
00:11:00,787 --> 00:11:03,606
Oh... my... God!
257
00:11:03,631 --> 00:11:06,193
- How much?
- Well, with your employee discount...
258
00:11:06,908 --> 00:11:10,310
- $49.99.
- Oh, perfect!
259
00:11:10,312 --> 00:11:12,244
I'm just gonna wear it out.
260
00:11:13,748 --> 00:11:16,282
Donny!
261
00:11:16,284 --> 00:11:18,418
Ooh, I'm really taxin' these khakis.
262
00:11:23,592 --> 00:11:25,742
Is the Dumper's Combo
enough for two people?
263
00:11:25,767 --> 00:11:28,261
Oh, the mozz sticks are real filling.
264
00:11:28,263 --> 00:11:29,829
I'm getting married today.
265
00:11:29,831 --> 00:11:31,437
Aw, thank you for making Dumper's
266
00:11:31,462 --> 00:11:33,499
part of your special day.
267
00:11:37,439 --> 00:11:39,072
No!
268
00:11:39,074 --> 00:11:40,540
Am I gonna get my money today?
269
00:11:40,542 --> 00:11:43,743
- You'll have it on Monday.
- Make sure that I do.
270
00:11:43,745 --> 00:11:45,909
I will.
271
00:11:50,218 --> 00:11:51,951
She was here when we opened.
272
00:11:51,953 --> 00:11:53,987
Why couldn't you have just
parked at Urgent Care?
273
00:11:53,989 --> 00:11:57,023
Because it's $1.25
every 15 minutes, Ron.
274
00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:00,598
There's like ten people ahead of us.
275
00:12:00,623 --> 00:12:04,030
I'm such a saint today.
I'm saving everybody's lives.
276
00:12:04,032 --> 00:12:05,231
What are you talking about?
277
00:12:05,233 --> 00:12:06,904
I'm saving you from a most-certain death
278
00:12:06,929 --> 00:12:09,535
and I found a way for Nicole
to get back to the stage.
279
00:12:09,537 --> 00:12:11,905
Oh, yeah, back to acting.
280
00:12:11,907 --> 00:12:13,539
What was that?
281
00:12:13,541 --> 00:12:14,908
Nothing.
282
00:12:14,910 --> 00:12:16,242
Spit it out.
283
00:12:16,244 --> 00:12:17,507
She's not going back to acting,
284
00:12:17,532 --> 00:12:19,779
she's using the money
to pay back her debt.
285
00:12:19,781 --> 00:12:21,507
Oh...
286
00:12:21,532 --> 00:12:23,166
It was Nicole's decision.
287
00:12:23,191 --> 00:12:24,417
She's cutting her debt in half.
288
00:12:24,419 --> 00:12:26,353
- It is the right choice.
- No, it's not.
289
00:12:26,378 --> 00:12:27,488
You're the one that filled her head
290
00:12:27,513 --> 00:12:30,044
with the nonsense about
fiscal responsibility,
291
00:12:30,069 --> 00:12:32,292
and jobs, and pussy dentists.
292
00:12:32,294 --> 00:12:34,360
All of that is just stuff
that you're supposed to do
293
00:12:34,362 --> 00:12:36,466
and, for the last time,
it's not a dentist.
294
00:12:36,491 --> 00:12:40,083
Look, this money is Nicole's one shot
at getting a second chance at her dream.
295
00:12:41,703 --> 00:12:44,537
Look, this is gonna sound harsh,
but she took her shot,
296
00:12:44,539 --> 00:12:47,640
and she didn't make it,
so, let her move on.
297
00:12:47,642 --> 00:12:49,329
Never.
298
00:12:51,943 --> 00:12:54,243
I think my face is leaking.
299
00:12:54,268 --> 00:12:56,001
Yeah.
300
00:13:03,158 --> 00:13:04,390
Are we doing this or what?
301
00:13:04,392 --> 00:13:06,125
Yeah, he'll be here in a minute.
302
00:13:07,778 --> 00:13:10,799
Just, uh, give me... give me one sec.
303
00:13:11,299 --> 00:13:12,632
You look great, by the way.
304
00:13:12,634 --> 00:13:14,400
- Fat Girls?
- Mm-hm.
305
00:13:14,402 --> 00:13:15,690
Nice.
306
00:13:16,004 --> 00:13:17,303
Hello.
307
00:13:17,305 --> 00:13:19,138
Hey, where are you guys?
308
00:13:19,140 --> 00:13:21,505
You know that table
Veronica loves so much?
309
00:13:21,530 --> 00:13:24,800
- Yeah.
- Full of spiders.
310
00:13:24,825 --> 00:13:27,761
Ooh, that is horrifying.
Funny, but horrifying.
311
00:13:27,786 --> 00:13:29,708
I know. Anyways,
one of those little heroes
312
00:13:29,733 --> 00:13:32,067
crawled out, bit Veronica in the face,
and now she looks like
313
00:13:32,092 --> 00:13:35,131
a half-inflated bounce
house at a quinceañera.
314
00:13:35,739 --> 00:13:37,123
It that really what I look like?
315
00:13:37,148 --> 00:13:39,594
Yeah, one hundred percent.
So, we're at the hospital.
316
00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:41,024
Wait, you took her to the hospital?
317
00:13:41,049 --> 00:13:42,962
I mean, it's not a nice one.
It's Van Nuys Urgent Care.
318
00:13:42,987 --> 00:13:45,198
- It's disgusting.
- Yeah, but it's so very nice of you
319
00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:46,399
to take her to the hospital.
320
00:13:46,401 --> 00:13:48,420
Tell Veronica that I hope that spider
321
00:13:48,445 --> 00:13:51,170
didn't lay eggs in her face
like that lady in Guatemala.
322
00:13:51,172 --> 00:13:53,573
- What lady in Guatemala?
- Bye!
323
00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:01,611
- Hassan not coming.
- What? Why?
324
00:14:01,636 --> 00:14:03,716
- No.
- Where is he?
325
00:14:03,718 --> 00:14:04,728
Gas station.
326
00:14:05,182 --> 00:14:06,886
Bye.
327
00:14:11,364 --> 00:14:13,598
Now I know how Julia Roberts felt.
328
00:14:13,623 --> 00:14:15,839
No, she's the runaway bride.
329
00:14:15,864 --> 00:14:17,328
I've never seen the movie.
330
00:14:19,533 --> 00:14:21,611
Uh-oh.
331
00:14:21,627 --> 00:14:22,713
How could you do this to us?
332
00:14:22,738 --> 00:14:25,416
- I'm so sorry, Nicole.
- What is your deal?
333
00:14:25,441 --> 00:14:26,882
Listen, I talked to a lawyer.
334
00:14:26,907 --> 00:14:29,718
If we get caught, I will get
banned from the US for life.
335
00:14:29,743 --> 00:14:31,134
What happens to me?
336
00:14:31,136 --> 00:14:33,081
- Nothing.
- Then what is the problem?
337
00:14:33,106 --> 00:14:34,471
I have family here.
338
00:14:34,496 --> 00:14:36,573
Not being able to see
them would be devastating.
339
00:14:36,575 --> 00:14:39,242
So, you'd rather go back to India?
340
00:14:39,244 --> 00:14:42,279
- I am from Pakistan.
- Okay, I'm sorry.
341
00:14:42,281 --> 00:14:45,248
So, you came from Pakistan
to here with a dream,
342
00:14:45,250 --> 00:14:46,616
a dream of what?
343
00:14:46,618 --> 00:14:49,352
To own my own industrial
adhesive company.
344
00:14:49,354 --> 00:14:51,321
Adhesive is cool.
345
00:14:51,323 --> 00:14:54,324
Any dream including, you know, adhesive,
346
00:14:54,326 --> 00:14:57,371
if it's worth dreaming about,
it's worth taking a risk for.
347
00:14:57,396 --> 00:15:00,507
- That's very insightful.
- Ha-ha. Thank you.
348
00:15:00,532 --> 00:15:01,965
I got it from this Snapple cap,
349
00:15:01,967 --> 00:15:03,700
and I stole it from this gas station.
350
00:15:03,702 --> 00:15:06,603
Not this one. No, thank you. What?
351
00:15:06,605 --> 00:15:09,673
You're right. I can't give up now.
352
00:15:09,675 --> 00:15:12,476
So, you wanna make
an honest woman outta me?
353
00:15:12,478 --> 00:15:14,430
I'm not sure that's possible.
354
00:15:14,455 --> 00:15:15,779
But I can try.
355
00:15:15,781 --> 00:15:17,798
Where do you see Nicole in five years?
356
00:15:17,823 --> 00:15:19,157
Can we talk about this later?
357
00:15:19,182 --> 00:15:20,283
Where do you see her?
358
00:15:20,285 --> 00:15:22,423
I haven't really thought about it.
359
00:15:22,448 --> 00:15:23,720
You know, when I first moved out here,
360
00:15:23,745 --> 00:15:25,847
I washed dishes at
the Cheesecake Factory,
361
00:15:25,872 --> 00:15:30,536
and all of the waiters
were aspiring actors, as was I.
362
00:15:31,063 --> 00:15:32,796
- Are you paying attention?
- Uh-huh.
363
00:15:32,798 --> 00:15:34,464
Well, we all had one thing in common...
364
00:15:34,466 --> 00:15:36,233
That you worked at
the Cheesecake Factory?
365
00:15:36,235 --> 00:15:38,101
Fine, we had two things in common.
366
00:15:38,103 --> 00:15:39,903
We worked at the Cheesecake Factory
367
00:15:39,905 --> 00:15:41,917
and we were all talentless.
368
00:15:42,474 --> 00:15:43,907
That's right, I said it,
369
00:15:43,909 --> 00:15:46,309
and you know it's not
easy for me to say that.
370
00:15:46,334 --> 00:15:47,444
Okay.
371
00:15:47,446 --> 00:15:48,622
But when I met Nicole,
372
00:15:48,647 --> 00:15:51,381
I knew right away she was
something special.
373
00:15:51,383 --> 00:15:54,775
Yeah, she's talented, but
a lot of people are talented.
374
00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:56,486
Not like her.
375
00:15:56,488 --> 00:15:58,655
Why don't you want her
to have a second chance?
376
00:15:59,179 --> 00:16:01,679
Why don't you believe
in her the way that I do?
377
00:16:08,267 --> 00:16:10,205
Ma'am, are we done with
all of these juices?
378
00:16:10,230 --> 00:16:11,627
We have a wedding to go to.
379
00:16:11,652 --> 00:16:13,325
- Let's go!
- What?
380
00:16:13,350 --> 00:16:15,161
Wedding's back!
381
00:16:19,011 --> 00:16:20,644
Do you, Nicole...
382
00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:23,171
Our little girl's finally grown up.
383
00:16:23,196 --> 00:16:27,132
Yep, seems like just yesterday
she was making bong out of a watermelon.
384
00:16:27,827 --> 00:16:29,886
This is all just so beautiful.
385
00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:35,625
I now pronounce you man and wife.
386
00:16:35,627 --> 00:16:36,864
You may now kiss the bride.
387
00:16:36,889 --> 00:16:39,896
Yes, gimme some of that Pakistani sugar!
388
00:16:42,652 --> 00:16:44,152
Of course.
389
00:16:44,543 --> 00:16:46,902
- Get in the picture.
- Absolutely not.
390
00:16:46,927 --> 00:16:49,058
Get in the picture! It's my wedding!
391
00:16:49,975 --> 00:16:51,592
Fine.
392
00:16:52,092 --> 00:16:54,545
Uh, sorry, accidental selfie.
393
00:16:54,570 --> 00:16:55,693
You can keep that one.
394
00:16:55,718 --> 00:16:59,652
Camera's turned around. Okay,
everyone say "cheese!"
395
00:16:59,677 --> 00:17:01,730
DEVIN, NICOLE, HASSAN: Cheese!
396
00:17:01,755 --> 00:17:03,230
Perfect.
397
00:17:03,255 --> 00:17:04,576
Now a silly one.
398
00:17:05,361 --> 00:17:06,474
Wonderful.
399
00:17:07,154 --> 00:17:08,937
Seriously, that was the best wedding
400
00:17:08,962 --> 00:17:11,596
I've ever been to because
it only took nine minutes.
401
00:17:12,016 --> 00:17:15,384
This is lovely. Oh, dear...
402
00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:17,407
I woulda had so much fun
at the mall with you.
403
00:17:17,432 --> 00:17:19,111
I'm gonna miss you.
404
00:17:19,113 --> 00:17:20,836
Oh, crap, I got lipstick on it.
405
00:17:20,861 --> 00:17:22,813
Hey, Devin, can you
give me and Nicole a minute?
406
00:17:22,838 --> 00:17:23,982
Why?
407
00:17:23,984 --> 00:17:26,031
Because I wanna talk
to her about something.
408
00:17:26,056 --> 00:17:28,887
- No.
- Oh, my God...
409
00:17:28,889 --> 00:17:31,089
I think you should take
another shot at acting.
410
00:17:31,091 --> 00:17:32,290
Really?
411
00:17:32,292 --> 00:17:34,967
But, like, what about my debt
and my health insurance?
412
00:17:34,992 --> 00:17:36,155
it.
413
00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:37,866
You're too talented to
be caged up in retail.
414
00:17:37,891 --> 00:17:39,928
You're a star. You can't
quit on your dreams.
415
00:17:39,953 --> 00:17:42,441
It's what you were born to do.
It's who you are.
416
00:17:42,466 --> 00:17:44,699
And, for the record,
I felt this way the entire time,
417
00:17:44,724 --> 00:17:46,300
and she's just now jumping on board.
418
00:17:46,325 --> 00:17:50,242
Oh, my God, I love you guys.
I just wanna smoosh your faces.
419
00:17:50,244 --> 00:17:55,355
Ew, well, not yours,
because of the spiders.
420
00:17:55,380 --> 00:17:56,205
Yeah.
421
00:17:56,230 --> 00:17:58,182
Oh, screw it. We're not in Guatemala.
422
00:17:58,207 --> 00:17:59,775
Come in here! Gimme a hug!
423
00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:01,753
- Yeah.
- Yay!
424
00:18:01,755 --> 00:18:06,555
Oh, no, Devin, you squeezed me too hard.
425
00:18:06,580 --> 00:18:08,422
- A little bit of pee came out.
- Oh, no.
426
00:18:08,447 --> 00:18:10,861
Okay, I've gotta go clean up.
Can you hold everything?
427
00:18:10,886 --> 00:18:12,515
- Yeah, I'm sorry, sweetie.
- Oh, Lord.
428
00:18:12,540 --> 00:18:16,219
Oh, I don't wanna move too much.
It's a mess down there.
429
00:18:16,243 --> 00:18:17,522
Oh, boy...
430
00:18:17,523 --> 00:18:20,323
Hey, it takes a lot to
admit that you're wrong.
431
00:18:20,348 --> 00:18:21,948
I don't think I ever actually was wrong.
432
00:18:24,590 --> 00:18:26,760
My point is Nicole and I are very happy
433
00:18:26,762 --> 00:18:28,321
that you're on our side of things now.
434
00:18:28,346 --> 00:18:29,385
Oh, whatever.
435
00:18:29,410 --> 00:18:32,818
By the way, you owe me $25
for that hospital ride.
436
00:18:32,820 --> 00:18:34,349
Okay, ha-ha.
437
00:18:38,325 --> 00:18:39,857
Cash.
438
00:19:05,097 --> 00:19:06,510
Oh.
439
00:19:06,894 --> 00:19:08,535
That's my girl.
440
00:19:16,773 --> 00:19:18,085
"Dear Madison,
441
00:19:18,116 --> 00:19:21,133
I owe you repayment of one
crippling student loan debt.
442
00:19:21,328 --> 00:19:23,352
Sorry, bye!"
443
00:19:29,258 --> 00:19:30,774
Next.
444
00:19:31,158 --> 00:19:34,166
- Who's that?
- Oh, that's Amy Mclafferty.
445
00:19:34,190 --> 00:19:37,724
She had a four episode run
on Perfect Strangers in 1989.
446
00:19:37,748 --> 00:19:39,791
- Uh, you don't say.
- Mm-mh.
447
00:19:39,816 --> 00:19:41,772
- Cool.
- Yeah.
448
00:19:44,858 --> 00:19:48,346
So, do you wanna sign up
for acting class or what?
449
00:19:48,370 --> 00:19:50,838
Oh, yeah. Here is the application.
450
00:19:51,094 --> 00:19:55,118
And... I was wondering
if I could sign a check over
451
00:19:55,142 --> 00:19:56,891
from a Pakistani man.
452
00:19:58,055 --> 00:20:01,759
Oh? Uh, let me check with Steve.
453
00:20:01,783 --> 00:20:03,259
Steve.
454
00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:14,319
- All right. Steve says it's cool.
- Yay!
455
00:20:14,344 --> 00:20:15,788
- Well, I'll be seeing you soon.
- Yeah.
456
00:20:15,813 --> 00:20:17,413
Pa-pa-pow!
457
00:20:17,437 --> 00:20:21,576
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com