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_
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"George Bernard Shaw."
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Oh!
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Jimbo, you made me breakfast in bed?
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Yeah, right. What have you
done to merit breakfast?
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Well, at least you brought me a mimosa.
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Uh, no, that's my backup. It's stronger.
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You might observe,
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"Jimmy, how zoetic and
vital you seem today."
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"How observant, G-dog," I might respond.
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For today, I build my tree house!
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You see, during Vernon's podcast...
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- During what now?
- I learned that my father's voice
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has been in my head my entire life.
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Dude, I have the same thing,
but with my mom's voice.
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- It's like she's constant...
- Yeah, as I was saying about myself,
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ever since the funeral, that
voice has been slowly subsiding.
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It is my hope that the final nail
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in that tree house will be
the final nail in the coffin
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that is my father's influence.
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R.I.P., dickhead.
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I'm telling you, Gretchen,
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now that I have been de-fathered,
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my world is positively
pregnant with possibilities.
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Great, but isn't it your
job to finish your book?
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Is it?
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I don't know anymore.
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Oy.
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I guess I can't talk.
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I'm reading goddamn self-help.
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Oh, yes, that's sure to
solve your myriad problems.
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My therapist recommended it.
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It's about mindfulness,
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- which is about being completely...
- No!
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I think you'd actually like therapy.
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It's really helpful to look at your
life from a different perspective.
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Like when they stood on the desks
in Dead Poets Society.
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Didn't that one kid shoot himself?
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Like I'm learning how because of my mom's
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impossibly high expectations,
I can never turn my brain off.
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I am really opening the trunk
and seeing what's inside.
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Don't you mean the hood?
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Your trunk's just cartons
of Mexican cigarettes,
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old Halloween wigs and five bags of
clothes you never donated to Goodwill.
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I really need to get a handle
on this mindfulness shit.
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I am doing the work.
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I'm evolving, Jimmy.
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I just don't want you to get left behind.
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I think I'll manage. Anyway, look.
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Blueprints!
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Do not touch with your syrup
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and-God-knows-what-else-since
you-don't-wash-your-legs hands.
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Look at us!
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You're changing careers
to building tree houses.
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I'm exploring the roots
of my mental illness.
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Hey, before we change too
much, you want to knock one out?
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Sure.
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Eh, you can start. I'll catch up.
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Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com
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Let's do this.
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Nothing can slow me down,
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but who says that eating on the run...
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What is going on? You have
been blowing up all morning.
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High Times
tweeted my Dr. Weed video,
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and now I'm getting all these
annoying tweets from stoners.
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I don't want to be a pot person.
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You make videos with a
character called "Dr. Weed,"
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and you smoke all day, every day.
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Listen, Dorothy,
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I stopped taking my meds.
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What? You went off your
meds and you didn't tell me?
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Yeah. I didn't want to,
you know, declare anything
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until I saw how it worked, and listen,
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a lot of vets are using
weed to help with their PTSD.
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I mean, sure, I might take a
little longer to do some things.
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Like this morning, I laughed for 15 minutes
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because the bathroom faucet
kind of looks like a face.
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But I feel...
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really good.
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Better than I have in...
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forever.
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Okay, well, then good.
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I am so glad that you finally
found something that works.
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And if you do turn into a lazy pothead,
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then you can always be my house husband.
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Speaking of which, let's do this.
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Nothing can slow me down,
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but who says that eating
on the run has to be boring?
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With Snack Hacker snacker boxes,
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I get my daily recommended
allowance of fun.
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Mmm! Mm-hmm.
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Mmm!
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- Mmm!
- Will you knock it off
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and eat your goddamn nachos like a person!
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What's wrong with you?
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My therapist said I have
to practice mindfulness,
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so I am focusing on the flavor of the food,
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the mouth feel, the swallowing,
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the reflecting... on my swallowing.
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Jesus Christ, it's like
trying to eat an area rug.
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Eating slow?
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But less food in mouth.
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Did you know that things your parents did
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when you were a kid can
affect you as an adult?
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What?! You mean time travel?
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Everything was a competition with my mom...
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grades, tennis, who had a
lower BMI, even television.
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During Wheel, she'd make me
solve the puzzle before the contestants.
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All this time, I thought
my mom was scary but dope.
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Turns out she wasn't dope at all.
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I realized my entire life, I've had
my mom's judgey voice in my head.
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If I don't learn to replace it with
something else mo' better, I am screwed.
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Oh!
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Hot! Hot!
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Hot.
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Wait.
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No, no, no, no!
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That's what you get for
disrespecting nachos.
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Okay, so here's your pie flight,
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double cream lemon, Kahlúa
cream cheese and chocolate satin.
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Aw, I'm eating for two for the last time.
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Well, you had a good run.
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- You ready, lady?
- Yup.
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Let's go get this abobo.
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Dad?
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Dad?
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He's gone.
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Yes!
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A toast to my triumph,
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my creation completed after
an honest day of manual labor,
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like the people.
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Like men.
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Thank you Herr Hammer.
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I could not have done it without you.
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I'll meet you below for a
celebratory Pilsner shortly.
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Madame Level,
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you have been integral to my success,
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from your green liquid to your bubble.
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A bientot.
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Señor... Drilly.
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I counted on you most of all.
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Go.
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Enjoy a Campari on me.
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Ciao, amigo.
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Oh, man, so many of the
girls that I coach are here.
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It's like if you dig the
student, you're really
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gonna love the master, right?
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You're gonna kill it.
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00:10:01,235 --> 00:10:03,317
- Hey, Dorothy.
- Oh, hey.
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00:10:03,352 --> 00:10:03,868
Hi.
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00:10:03,903 --> 00:10:05,589
You signed in for "Cute Yoga Girl,"
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00:10:05,624 --> 00:10:07,667
but I think we got our wires
crossed with your agent.
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00:10:07,729 --> 00:10:10,564
We were actually excited to
see you for "Overworked Mom."
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Oh, okay. Great.
156
00:10:12,524 --> 00:10:15,012
Awesome. We have a bathrobe
you can just put on.
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- Yeah.
- Excellent.
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00:10:18,272 --> 00:10:18,899
Uh...
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00:10:18,954 --> 00:10:21,651
Hey, are you sure this is okay?
You practiced the other one.
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00:10:21,686 --> 00:10:23,719
Edgar, this kind of stuff
happens all the time.
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It's part of the biz.
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Okay, I'm gonna go in the bathroom and
rub off some of this under eye concealer
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00:10:27,733 --> 00:10:29,393
so I look super beat.
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Hey.
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Do you need more weed?
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- You're Dr. Weed, right?
- Yeah.
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00:10:40,916 --> 00:10:42,141
I'm Doug Benson.
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Oh, yeah, the, uh... the pot comedy guy.
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Among other things, but
sure, that's the brand.
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- Edgar Quintero.
- Super funny vids, man.
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Hey, you should swing
by my "office" sometime.
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I've got a project I think
you might be interested in.
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Wow, uh, yeah. That... that would be great.
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00:11:00,179 --> 00:11:01,953
So, what are you auditioning for?
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00:11:01,988 --> 00:11:04,746
Oh, I just nailed the role of "Sleepy Dad."
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00:11:04,817 --> 00:11:07,372
Hey, do you have a
diagnosis for my character?
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00:11:07,407 --> 00:11:10,233
Hmm, my diagnosis is...
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you need more sleep.
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00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:15,360
Just kidding.
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You need more weed!
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Yeah, I thought that was
going to be the diagnosis.
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Why do cats get to have
all the good tongues?
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00:11:28,695 --> 00:11:30,738
You sure you're okay if
I don't go in with you?
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00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:32,718
- I really have to do this meditation app.
- Sure.
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00:11:32,765 --> 00:11:33,756
I'll go in alone. They know me.
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Great, so, you'll be out in
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- 40, 45 minutes.
- 40, 45 minutes.
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_
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00:11:52,453 --> 00:11:57,165
_
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00:11:57,230 --> 00:11:59,524
_
191
00:11:59,559 --> 00:12:02,693
_
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00:12:04,123 --> 00:12:08,484
_
193
00:12:08,557 --> 00:12:11,270
_
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00:12:16,096 --> 00:12:17,986
And another thing, Jillian, you are...
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00:12:18,048 --> 00:12:19,361
- Who are you texting?
- Can you hear him?
196
00:12:19,396 --> 00:12:21,137
He's yelling at me right now.
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00:12:21,199 --> 00:12:24,577
Why can't I stop texting? I
guess I just miss you so much.
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00:12:24,634 --> 00:12:26,295
- Bye!
- Give me that phone. Give...
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00:12:29,079 --> 00:12:31,079
_
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00:12:34,363 --> 00:12:36,269
Difficult decision, huh?
201
00:12:38,059 --> 00:12:39,251
Yeah.
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00:12:39,693 --> 00:12:41,339
Would you like to chat?
203
00:12:41,401 --> 00:12:43,527
Maybe I can help you figure
out some of your troubles.
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00:12:43,614 --> 00:12:45,048
Thanks.
205
00:12:48,535 --> 00:12:50,833
So, what's bothering you?
206
00:12:51,883 --> 00:12:53,285
- Well...
- _
207
00:12:53,528 --> 00:12:55,032
it started when...
208
00:12:55,088 --> 00:12:56,651
All right.
209
00:12:56,685 --> 00:12:59,152
Let's do this shit.
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00:12:59,553 --> 00:13:01,912
During this meditation
211
00:13:01,947 --> 00:13:04,484
- we will focus on being...
- Mindful.
212
00:13:04,548 --> 00:13:05,849
...mindful,
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00:13:05,903 --> 00:13:08,465
where you are not in the past,
214
00:13:08,509 --> 00:13:10,538
not in the future,
215
00:13:10,573 --> 00:13:11,552
- but in...
- Present.
216
00:13:11,607 --> 00:13:13,217
- ...the present.
- Easy. Next.
217
00:13:13,252 --> 00:13:16,866
Clear your mind and focus on your...
218
00:13:16,929 --> 00:13:17,984
Breathing.
219
00:13:18,019 --> 00:13:19,727
- surroundings.
- Shit.
220
00:13:19,761 --> 00:13:21,481
And your breathing.
221
00:13:21,543 --> 00:13:22,290
Yes! Suck it, lady.
222
00:13:22,325 --> 00:13:27,465
Notice the rise and fall
223
00:13:27,536 --> 00:13:29,830
of your chest.
224
00:13:29,864 --> 00:13:32,517
Notice the rise...
225
00:13:32,579 --> 00:13:36,715
Oh, God, so boring, I want to kill myself.
226
00:13:36,750 --> 00:13:39,117
Eject, eject, eject.
227
00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:52,573
Edgar?
228
00:13:52,963 --> 00:13:53,935
Edgar!
229
00:13:53,998 --> 00:13:55,297
Where the hell is he?
230
00:13:55,367 --> 00:13:56,494
Sure, when I'm trying to have sex
231
00:13:56,529 --> 00:13:59,756
in my kitchen, he's constantly
underfoot, but now...
232
00:14:03,361 --> 00:14:04,986
Trees.
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00:14:06,276 --> 00:14:07,844
Trees.
234
00:14:08,119 --> 00:14:10,159
What if Pauline Two...
235
00:14:10,194 --> 00:14:12,104
no, I am not writing today.
236
00:14:12,143 --> 00:14:14,617
No, no, Malcolm! Shut up!
237
00:14:14,676 --> 00:14:16,948
Characters, stop speaking through me.
238
00:14:20,874 --> 00:14:23,073
Oh, my God, chapter 12. I could have Simon
239
00:14:23,136 --> 00:14:25,814
jump up on the speakers at
the Oasis set at Glastonbury.
240
00:14:25,888 --> 00:14:28,667
No, I am.... not-not doing this!
241
00:14:43,916 --> 00:14:48,486
Oh, Simon, you brilliant, horny bastard.
242
00:14:48,549 --> 00:14:51,604
Suck it, Dad, I'm still a writer.
243
00:15:04,185 --> 00:15:06,481
Oh, no, not today.
244
00:15:06,514 --> 00:15:09,472
So then I heated up the
condom in the microwave
245
00:15:09,526 --> 00:15:12,072
- and I got a turkey baster.
- Wait, I need you to back up.
246
00:15:12,116 --> 00:15:14,112
Okay, so I wanted a popsicle...
247
00:15:14,147 --> 00:15:16,734
Lindsay, do not let
those pro-life assholes
248
00:15:16,797 --> 00:15:18,095
talk you out of your legal right!
249
00:15:18,169 --> 00:15:19,596
It's okay.
250
00:15:19,631 --> 00:15:23,311
I was already having second thoughts
before this nice lady came over.
251
00:15:23,346 --> 00:15:26,154
- What, why?
- If Paul and I get divorced,
252
00:15:26,620 --> 00:15:29,222
I'm not gonna have a family anymore.
253
00:15:29,635 --> 00:15:30,799
Family.
254
00:15:30,877 --> 00:15:33,186
Name one family that's just one person.
255
00:15:33,221 --> 00:15:34,758
Suddenly Susan.
256
00:15:35,053 --> 00:15:37,653
Listen, I know
257
00:15:37,688 --> 00:15:41,924
that becoming a real human
being is a scary thing,
258
00:15:41,970 --> 00:15:44,894
but I'll help you.
259
00:15:45,003 --> 00:15:47,672
I got your back always.
260
00:15:48,711 --> 00:15:50,434
Thanks, Gretch.
261
00:15:50,519 --> 00:15:51,820
All right.
262
00:15:53,173 --> 00:15:54,775
I'm ready.
263
00:15:57,441 --> 00:15:58,904
Bam, nice try, terrorists.
264
00:15:58,954 --> 00:16:01,234
Another victory for women's rights.
265
00:16:02,375 --> 00:16:04,293
Actually, I was gonna tell her to do it.
266
00:16:04,371 --> 00:16:06,637
In my book, there are
extenuating circumstances...
267
00:16:06,669 --> 00:16:08,836
rape, incest and...
268
00:16:08,932 --> 00:16:10,508
whatever this is.
269
00:16:25,841 --> 00:16:28,476
Mr. Benson will see you now.
270
00:16:31,007 --> 00:16:32,826
No, no.
271
00:16:32,886 --> 00:16:34,320
Uh-uh. No.
272
00:16:34,359 --> 00:16:36,196
I'm walking away from the table.
273
00:16:36,678 --> 00:16:38,247
I'll call you from the chopper.
274
00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:41,884
Sorry, I had to handle that
before the European markets closed.
275
00:16:41,934 --> 00:16:44,794
This, um... this place
isn't what I was expecting.
276
00:16:44,829 --> 00:16:47,313
Listen, I was looking at my
third quarter staffing budget
277
00:16:47,380 --> 00:16:50,641
and I'd like to offer you a few days
punch up on a show I'm doing for Waze.
278
00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:53,379
The GPS app? Isn't that dangerous?
279
00:16:53,418 --> 00:16:55,287
You'd think so, but no,
the show's only gonna play
280
00:16:55,322 --> 00:16:57,180
at stop lights and in traffic.
281
00:16:57,215 --> 00:16:59,917
So, what do you think you should be paid?
282
00:16:59,952 --> 00:17:01,117
Uh...
283
00:17:02,992 --> 00:17:04,623
$300?
284
00:17:05,439 --> 00:17:07,207
- Done.
- Yes!
285
00:17:07,293 --> 00:17:07,864
Yes.
286
00:17:07,910 --> 00:17:09,869
Hey, you want to, uh...
287
00:17:11,348 --> 00:17:13,126
light up and celebrate?
288
00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:16,181
Edgar, this is a place of business.
289
00:17:18,121 --> 00:17:19,332
Thank you.
290
00:17:31,468 --> 00:17:32,901
You okay?
291
00:17:33,092 --> 00:17:34,671
What are you thinking about?
292
00:17:34,741 --> 00:17:36,013
Pie.
293
00:17:37,091 --> 00:17:39,179
You're thinking about what
you're eating right now?
294
00:17:39,250 --> 00:17:42,249
Of course. If I'm eating
pie, I'm thinking pie.
295
00:17:42,319 --> 00:17:44,155
If I have a fork in my mouth,
296
00:17:44,225 --> 00:17:45,892
I'm thinking fork.
297
00:17:45,932 --> 00:17:47,566
You just had an abortion,
298
00:17:47,648 --> 00:17:48,874
you're divorcing your husband,
299
00:17:48,936 --> 00:17:52,523
and you're literally only thinking
about what's happening in this moment?
300
00:17:52,608 --> 00:17:53,909
Guess so.
301
00:17:54,277 --> 00:17:55,567
Strawtini.
302
00:17:55,610 --> 00:17:59,710
You might be some kind of
secret mindfulness guru.
303
00:18:00,181 --> 00:18:01,145
I'm gonna take notes.
304
00:18:01,178 --> 00:18:04,539
Just, uh, speak your thoughts out, okay?
305
00:18:04,627 --> 00:18:06,237
Strawtini.
306
00:18:07,745 --> 00:18:09,861
Chew, chew,
307
00:18:09,896 --> 00:18:11,353
chew, little fart.
308
00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:12,932
Waitress is coming over.
309
00:18:13,026 --> 00:18:14,804
Here she is. Hi.
310
00:18:14,858 --> 00:18:16,216
- Can I get you anything else?
- Talking to me.
311
00:18:16,251 --> 00:18:17,373
Talking to me.
312
00:18:17,436 --> 00:18:18,596
My turn to talk.
313
00:18:18,631 --> 00:18:19,634
Neck mole,
314
00:18:19,669 --> 00:18:21,139
boobs.
315
00:18:22,438 --> 00:18:24,083
Bye, waitress.
316
00:18:24,118 --> 00:18:25,719
I miss her.
317
00:18:25,953 --> 00:18:27,316
Gretchen's still here.
318
00:18:27,362 --> 00:18:29,071
Hi, Gretchen.
319
00:18:29,106 --> 00:18:30,398
Baby ears.
320
00:18:30,433 --> 00:18:31,087
Ooh,
321
00:18:31,122 --> 00:18:33,223
a hang nail.
322
00:18:33,583 --> 00:18:35,216
Pie again.
323
00:18:42,534 --> 00:18:44,434
Oh!
324
00:18:44,467 --> 00:18:46,835
- Sto...
- Hey.
325
00:18:47,002 --> 00:18:48,488
I had such a productive day.
326
00:18:48,523 --> 00:18:50,269
I just made $80 cleaning out
327
00:18:50,303 --> 00:18:52,803
this rich old lady's
closet in Beverly Hills.
328
00:18:52,838 --> 00:18:54,529
- Awesome.
- It is.
329
00:18:54,564 --> 00:18:55,990
I have good news, too.
330
00:18:56,025 --> 00:18:57,646
Ooh, did Jimmy make you buy more of those
331
00:18:57,701 --> 00:18:59,018
disgusting candies that I like?
332
00:18:59,053 --> 00:19:00,841
Rum Christophers?
333
00:19:00,873 --> 00:19:02,240
No.
334
00:19:02,278 --> 00:19:04,377
I got offered a job,
335
00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:07,742
writing for Doug Benson's new show.
336
00:19:08,646 --> 00:19:09,331
Wait, what?
337
00:19:09,366 --> 00:19:10,719
- Really?
- Yeah.
338
00:19:10,797 --> 00:19:12,997
You got a job writing comedy for a TV show?
339
00:19:13,068 --> 00:19:14,913
Yeah. I mean, it's a short-term gig
340
00:19:14,949 --> 00:19:16,716
a-and there are a ton of liability waivers
341
00:19:16,805 --> 00:19:18,533
I have to sign, but still.
342
00:19:18,611 --> 00:19:19,829
Wow, wow.
343
00:19:19,881 --> 00:19:22,445
That's... you know that I know Doug, right?
344
00:19:22,500 --> 00:19:23,880
Did you tell him that we're dating?
345
00:19:23,942 --> 00:19:25,470
No, I didn't know you knew him.
346
00:19:25,505 --> 00:19:27,516
Oh, yeah, for years.
347
00:19:27,576 --> 00:19:29,272
Like, way back when he was
doing his show at the theater,
348
00:19:29,307 --> 00:19:30,824
I used to bring him waters.
349
00:19:30,891 --> 00:19:33,143
I can't believe that you
didn't know that I know Doug.
350
00:19:33,205 --> 00:19:34,333
You totally should've told him.
351
00:19:34,368 --> 00:19:36,967
He would have lost his mind.
352
00:19:37,002 --> 00:19:38,487
Anyway, congratulations.
353
00:19:38,548 --> 00:19:42,520
That is so cool that he's
giving you this opportunity.
354
00:19:42,554 --> 00:19:44,421
I... I mean,
355
00:19:44,456 --> 00:19:45,871
I thought you didn't want to be a pot guy.
356
00:19:45,921 --> 00:19:46,556
I don't.
357
00:19:46,591 --> 00:19:50,143
But now I'm a pot
guy with a J-O-B.
358
00:19:50,229 --> 00:19:51,493
Can you believe it?
359
00:19:51,556 --> 00:19:54,005
I'm a comedy writer!
360
00:19:54,645 --> 00:19:57,196
- I totally can't.
- And...
361
00:19:57,231 --> 00:19:58,244
I couldn't...
362
00:19:58,279 --> 00:20:00,327
have ever done it...
363
00:20:00,735 --> 00:20:02,458
without you, teach.
364
00:20:02,505 --> 00:20:05,096
How about I go upstairs
365
00:20:05,130 --> 00:20:07,497
and I...
366
00:20:07,531 --> 00:20:12,026
whip us up some of my famous
breakfast soup dumplings?
367
00:20:12,061 --> 00:20:14,245
Ooh, I love that.
368
00:20:15,013 --> 00:20:17,356
- Ah!
- I'll be right up.
369
00:21:01,879 --> 00:21:04,683
Everything looks so different from up here.
370
00:21:57,672 --> 00:21:59,036
Walk.
371
00:22:01,959 --> 00:22:03,284
Couch.
372
00:22:08,783 --> 00:22:09,906
Remote.
373
00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:14,099
Uh-huh, there is a "J." If you
can solve the puzzle right now...
374
00:22:14,141 --> 00:22:14,781
Wheel.
375
00:22:14,816 --> 00:22:18,672
There is a jackpot of nearly $10,000
in addition to the money you have.
376
00:22:18,707 --> 00:22:21,338
If not, you have to either
buy a vowel or spin the wheel.
377
00:22:21,393 --> 00:22:23,041
- I'll solve the puzzle.
- Go ahead.
378
00:22:23,076 --> 00:22:24,978
"I Have The Wine" by Johnny Cash.
379
00:22:25,033 --> 00:22:26,188
Oh, my God, you are so...
380
00:22:26,223 --> 00:22:27,652
That is not correct.
381
00:22:27,743 --> 00:22:30,192
Nope, just watch.
382
00:22:30,239 --> 00:22:31,344
Jason.
383
00:22:32,202 --> 00:22:34,222
Wheel. B.
384
00:22:35,303 --> 00:22:36,658
Breathe.
385
00:22:36,693 --> 00:22:39,738
"L," please.
386
00:22:39,801 --> 00:22:41,139
Yes, two "L's."
387
00:22:41,174 --> 00:22:42,768
Pick up that gift tag...
388
00:22:46,966 --> 00:22:48,796
Notice...
389
00:22:49,015 --> 00:22:51,186
the rise...
390
00:22:51,221 --> 00:22:55,190
and fall of your chest.
391
00:22:58,441 --> 00:22:59,727
Hey.
392
00:23:00,160 --> 00:23:01,377
Good news.
393
00:23:01,438 --> 00:23:03,222
I'm hella mindful now.
394
00:23:04,343 --> 00:23:05,920
Why are you covered in yard?
395
00:23:05,955 --> 00:23:08,104
I did what you said.
396
00:23:08,230 --> 00:23:11,312
I looked at my life from
an outside perspective.
397
00:23:11,347 --> 00:23:12,072
Yeah.
398
00:23:12,105 --> 00:23:13,196
Doesn't it feel great?
399
00:23:13,258 --> 00:23:16,098
No, it was terrifying.
400
00:23:16,176 --> 00:23:17,885
I didn't recognize any of it.
401
00:23:17,947 --> 00:23:18,625
What?
402
00:23:18,695 --> 00:23:20,742
I don't recognize my life.
403
00:23:20,839 --> 00:23:24,393
I don't know whether I made
any of the right decisions.
404
00:23:26,676 --> 00:23:30,117
Everything could be wrong.
405
00:23:30,434 --> 00:23:31,668
Everything?
406
00:23:35,513 --> 00:23:37,000
Everything.
407
00:23:50,935 --> 00:23:53,541
It's "I Walk the Line."
408
00:23:53,646 --> 00:23:55,067
What do you want to do?
409
00:24:07,191 --> 00:24:12,191
Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com