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00:00:00,086 --> 00:00:02,687
(ringtone playing) _
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00:00:12,931 --> 00:00:16,132
♪ ♪
3
00:00:17,432 --> 00:00:19,198
(whistling breath)
4
00:00:20,879 --> 00:00:22,257
"George Bernard Shaw."
5
00:00:22,292 --> 00:00:24,935
♪ Let me see the future ♪
6
00:00:24,968 --> 00:00:26,269
(sighs)
7
00:00:26,303 --> 00:00:31,271
♪ Before I'm gone, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
8
00:00:31,304 --> 00:00:36,072
♪ Let my friends all die ♪
9
00:00:36,106 --> 00:00:40,039
♪ Before I go, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
10
00:00:40,073 --> 00:00:41,941
(gagging)
11
00:00:44,375 --> 00:00:49,810
♪ 'Cause I'm too old to die young ♪
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00:00:52,044 --> 00:00:57,713
♪ I can't even remember being young ♪
13
00:00:57,747 --> 00:01:01,381
♪ I can't even remember being young. ♪
14
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Oh!
15
00:01:04,239 --> 00:01:06,578
Jimbo, you made me breakfast in bed?
16
00:01:06,613 --> 00:01:09,267
Yeah, right. What have you
done to merit breakfast?
17
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Well, at least you brought me a mimosa.
18
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Uh, no, that's my backup. It's stronger.
19
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You might observe,
20
00:01:15,461 --> 00:01:18,459
"Jimmy, how zoetic and
vital you seem today."
21
00:01:18,494 --> 00:01:20,938
"How observant, G-dog," I might respond.
22
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For today, I build my tree house!
23
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You see, during Vernon's podcast...
24
00:01:25,264 --> 00:01:27,688
- During what now?
- I learned that my father's voice
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00:01:27,743 --> 00:01:29,392
has been in my head my entire life.
26
00:01:29,427 --> 00:01:31,978
Dude, I have the same thing,
but with my mom's voice.
27
00:01:32,013 --> 00:01:33,606
- It's like she's constant...
- Yeah, as I was saying about myself,
28
00:01:33,653 --> 00:01:37,254
ever since the funeral, that
voice has been slowly subsiding.
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It is my hope that the final nail
30
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in that tree house will be
the final nail in the coffin
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that is my father's influence.
32
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R.I.P., dickhead.
33
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I'm telling you, Gretchen,
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now that I have been de-fathered,
35
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my world is positively
pregnant with possibilities.
36
00:01:52,842 --> 00:01:55,540
Great, but isn't it your
job to finish your book?
37
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Is it?
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I don't know anymore.
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Oy.
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I guess I can't talk.
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I'm reading goddamn self-help.
42
00:02:03,755 --> 00:02:06,971
Oh, yes, that's sure to
solve your myriad problems.
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00:02:07,092 --> 00:02:09,204
My therapist recommended it.
44
00:02:09,278 --> 00:02:11,147
It's about mindfulness,
45
00:02:11,210 --> 00:02:12,869
- which is about being completely...
- No!
46
00:02:12,904 --> 00:02:14,812
I think you'd actually like therapy.
47
00:02:14,867 --> 00:02:18,081
It's really helpful to look at your
life from a different perspective.
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00:02:18,155 --> 00:02:20,675
Like when they stood on the desks
in Dead Poets Society.
49
00:02:20,710 --> 00:02:21,975
Didn't that one kid shoot himself?
50
00:02:22,010 --> 00:02:23,900
Like I'm learning how because of my mom's
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00:02:23,961 --> 00:02:27,375
impossibly high expectations,
I can never turn my brain off.
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I am really opening the trunk
and seeing what's inside.
53
00:02:30,839 --> 00:02:31,944
Don't you mean the hood?
54
00:02:31,979 --> 00:02:34,877
Your trunk's just cartons
of Mexican cigarettes,
55
00:02:34,916 --> 00:02:39,436
old Halloween wigs and five bags of
clothes you never donated to Goodwill.
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00:02:39,496 --> 00:02:42,599
I really need to get a handle
on this mindfulness shit.
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I am doing the work.
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00:02:44,628 --> 00:02:46,622
I'm evolving, Jimmy.
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00:02:46,685 --> 00:02:48,431
I just don't want you to get left behind.
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I think I'll manage. Anyway, look.
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(sing-songy): Blueprints!
62
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Do not touch with your syrup
63
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and-God-knows-what-else-since
you-don't-wash-your-legs hands.
64
00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:00,075
Look at us!
65
00:03:00,110 --> 00:03:02,713
You're changing careers
to building tree houses.
66
00:03:02,748 --> 00:03:05,839
I'm exploring the roots
of my mental illness.
67
00:03:05,874 --> 00:03:09,591
Hey, before we change too
much, you want to knock one out?
68
00:03:09,709 --> 00:03:10,676
Sure.
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00:03:16,049 --> 00:03:18,792
Eh, you can start. I'll catch up.
70
00:03:22,763 --> 00:03:25,999
(moaning)
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♪ I'm gonna leave you anyway ♪
72
00:03:33,768 --> 00:03:36,470
♪ I'm gonna leave you anyway ♪
73
00:03:36,503 --> 00:03:39,804
♪ Gonna leave you anyway. ♪
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Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com
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(muffled moaning and thumping)
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Let's do this.
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- (phone buzzing)
- Nothing can slow me down,
78
00:03:56,315 --> 00:03:58,324
but who says that eating on the run...
79
00:03:59,402 --> 00:04:02,057
What is going on? You have
been blowing up all morning.
80
00:04:02,096 --> 00:04:03,875
High Times
tweeted my Dr. Weed video,
81
00:04:03,922 --> 00:04:08,058
and now I'm getting all these
annoying tweets from stoners.
82
00:04:08,112 --> 00:04:10,374
I don't want to be a pot person.
83
00:04:10,429 --> 00:04:13,040
You make videos with a
character called "Dr. Weed,"
84
00:04:13,095 --> 00:04:15,541
and you smoke all day, every day.
85
00:04:16,604 --> 00:04:18,348
Listen, Dorothy,
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I stopped taking my meds.
87
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What? You went off your
meds and you didn't tell me?
88
00:04:23,567 --> 00:04:26,279
Yeah. I didn't want to,
you know, declare anything
89
00:04:26,314 --> 00:04:28,689
until I saw how it worked, and listen,
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a lot of vets are using
weed to help with their PTSD.
91
00:04:32,119 --> 00:04:34,457
I mean, sure, I might take a
little longer to do some things.
92
00:04:34,492 --> 00:04:36,423
Like this morning, I laughed for 15 minutes
93
00:04:36,487 --> 00:04:38,928
because the bathroom faucet
kind of looks like a face.
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(laughter)
95
00:04:40,424 --> 00:04:42,705
But I feel...
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really good.
97
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Better than I have in...
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forever.
99
00:04:50,330 --> 00:04:51,467
Okay, well, then good.
100
00:04:51,502 --> 00:04:54,062
I am so glad that you finally
found something that works.
101
00:04:54,117 --> 00:04:56,009
And if you do turn into a lazy pothead,
102
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then you can always be my house husband.
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Speaking of which, let's do this.
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00:05:03,629 --> 00:05:05,028
Nothing can slow me down,
105
00:05:05,063 --> 00:05:07,471
but who says that eating
on the run has to be boring?
106
00:05:07,506 --> 00:05:09,222
With Snack Hacker snacker boxes,
107
00:05:09,276 --> 00:05:12,286
I get my daily recommended
allowance of fun.
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00:05:15,010 --> 00:05:16,577
(birds singing)
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♪ A wintery evening and vein
33 takes me back to the heart ♪
110
00:05:29,928 --> 00:05:33,062
- (indistinct voice on video)
- ♪ The show's going to start! ♪
111
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♪ Dodging the crux of
a highway stampede ♪
112
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♪ I make a break for Liver Street ♪
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♪ Soon I'll be out of the noose ♪
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♪ And forgetting the life I lead ♪
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♪ Honey, I'm home, hug
applied, kisses blown ♪
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♪ And I conquer the den ♪
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♪ Mine to defend ♪
118
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♪ Traces of happier days in the air ♪
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♪ A photograph, a maiden fair ♪
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♪ Reach for the button and nothing ♪
121
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- ♪ But memories disappear ♪
- (gasps)
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(whimpers)
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(grunting)
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(sighs)
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♪ ♪
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(humming)
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♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah. ♪
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(munching food)
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Mmm! Mm-hmm.
130
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Mmm!
131
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- Mmm!
- Will you knock it off
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and eat your goddamn nachos like a person!
133
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What's wrong with you?
134
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My therapist said I have
to practice mindfulness,
135
00:07:00,313 --> 00:07:04,057
so I am focusing on the flavor of the food,
136
00:07:04,092 --> 00:07:07,795
the mouth feel, the swallowing,
137
00:07:08,191 --> 00:07:12,073
the reflecting... on my swallowing.
138
00:07:12,108 --> 00:07:14,825
Jesus Christ, it's like
trying to eat an area rug.
139
00:07:14,860 --> 00:07:16,398
Eating slow?
140
00:07:16,431 --> 00:07:18,817
But less food in mouth.
141
00:07:18,852 --> 00:07:20,599
Did you know that things your parents did
142
00:07:20,647 --> 00:07:24,103
when you were a kid can
affect you as an adult?
143
00:07:24,138 --> 00:07:26,501
What?! You mean time travel?
144
00:07:26,536 --> 00:07:28,793
Everything was a competition with my mom...
145
00:07:28,828 --> 00:07:32,325
grades, tennis, who had a
lower BMI, even television.
146
00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:36,154
During Wheel, she'd make me
solve the puzzle before the contestants.
147
00:07:36,302 --> 00:07:39,542
All this time, I thought
my mom was scary but dope.
148
00:07:39,581 --> 00:07:41,364
Turns out she wasn't dope at all.
149
00:07:41,399 --> 00:07:43,159
- So she's not dope.
- This morning
150
00:07:43,197 --> 00:07:47,112
I realized my entire life, I've had
my mom's judgey voice in my head.
151
00:07:47,151 --> 00:07:51,385
If I don't learn to replace it with
something else mo' better, I am screwed.
152
00:07:54,127 --> 00:07:56,315
(groans) Oh!
153
00:07:56,350 --> 00:07:57,785
Hot! Hot!
154
00:07:57,855 --> 00:07:58,595
(softly): Hot.
155
00:07:58,628 --> 00:07:59,595
(blows)
156
00:08:00,054 --> 00:08:01,181
Wait.
157
00:08:01,259 --> 00:08:02,930
No, no, no, no!
158
00:08:02,964 --> 00:08:06,348
That's what you get for
disrespecting nachos.
159
00:08:06,394 --> 00:08:08,383
Okay, so here's your pie flight,
160
00:08:08,429 --> 00:08:12,132
double cream lemon, Kahlúa
cream cheese and chocolate satin.
161
00:08:12,337 --> 00:08:15,693
Aw, I'm eating for two for the last time.
162
00:08:15,728 --> 00:08:17,639
Well, you had a good run.
163
00:08:18,454 --> 00:08:20,502
- You ready, lady?
- Yup.
164
00:08:21,798 --> 00:08:23,689
Let's go get this abobo.
165
00:08:23,724 --> 00:08:26,638
♪ ♪
166
00:08:26,672 --> 00:08:28,672
(breathing heavily)
167
00:08:37,254 --> 00:08:38,372
Dad?
168
00:08:42,129 --> 00:08:43,173
Dad?
169
00:08:49,814 --> 00:08:51,071
(whispers): He's gone.
170
00:08:52,716 --> 00:08:54,046
Yes!
171
00:08:55,831 --> 00:08:58,251
A toast to my triumph,
172
00:08:58,286 --> 00:09:02,193
my creation completed after
an honest day of manual labor,
173
00:09:02,232 --> 00:09:03,951
like the people.
174
00:09:04,147 --> 00:09:05,627
Like men.
175
00:09:09,194 --> 00:09:11,212
Thank you Herr Hammer.
176
00:09:11,247 --> 00:09:12,920
I could not have done it without you.
177
00:09:12,955 --> 00:09:16,124
I'll meet you below for a
celebratory Pilsner shortly.
178
00:09:19,884 --> 00:09:21,704
Madame Level,
179
00:09:21,774 --> 00:09:23,770
you have been integral to my success,
180
00:09:23,805 --> 00:09:26,529
from your green liquid to your bubble.
181
00:09:26,584 --> 00:09:27,794
A bientot.
182
00:09:27,828 --> 00:09:30,728
(level clatters on ground)
183
00:09:31,161 --> 00:09:33,963
Señor... Drilly.
184
00:09:33,997 --> 00:09:37,271
(chuckles) I counted on you most of all.
185
00:09:37,306 --> 00:09:37,982
Go.
186
00:09:38,027 --> 00:09:40,872
Enjoy a Campari on me.
187
00:09:40,950 --> 00:09:42,465
Ciao, amigo.
188
00:09:42,498 --> 00:09:43,700
(screams)
189
00:09:43,733 --> 00:09:47,233
(yells)
190
00:09:49,002 --> 00:09:53,670
(indistinct conversations)
191
00:09:54,269 --> 00:09:56,371
Oh, man, so many of the
girls that I coach are here.
192
00:09:56,403 --> 00:09:58,127
It's like if you dig the
student, you're really
193
00:09:58,189 --> 00:09:59,537
gonna love the master, right?
194
00:09:59,608 --> 00:10:01,200
You're gonna kill it.
195
00:10:01,235 --> 00:10:03,317
- Hey, Dorothy.
- Oh, hey.
196
00:10:03,352 --> 00:10:03,868
(quietly): Hi.
197
00:10:03,903 --> 00:10:05,589
You signed in for "Cute Yoga Girl,"
198
00:10:05,624 --> 00:10:07,667
but I think we got our wires
crossed with your agent.
199
00:10:07,729 --> 00:10:10,564
We were actually excited to
see you for "Overworked Mom."
200
00:10:10,627 --> 00:10:12,489
Oh, okay. Great.
201
00:10:12,524 --> 00:10:15,012
Awesome. We have a bathrobe
you can just put on.
202
00:10:15,086 --> 00:10:16,460
- Yeah.
- Excellent.
203
00:10:18,272 --> 00:10:18,899
Uh...
204
00:10:18,954 --> 00:10:21,651
Hey, are you sure this is okay?
You practiced the other one.
205
00:10:21,686 --> 00:10:23,719
Edgar, this kind of stuff
happens all the time.
206
00:10:23,782 --> 00:10:24,962
It's part of the biz.
207
00:10:25,003 --> 00:10:27,698
Okay, I'm gonna go in the bathroom and
rub off some of this under eye concealer
208
00:10:27,733 --> 00:10:29,393
so I look super beat.
209
00:10:35,237 --> 00:10:36,717
MAN: Hey.
210
00:10:36,853 --> 00:10:38,997
Do you need more weed?
211
00:10:39,032 --> 00:10:40,881
- You're Dr. Weed, right?
- Yeah.
212
00:10:40,916 --> 00:10:42,141
I'm Doug Benson.
213
00:10:42,176 --> 00:10:45,072
Oh, yeah, the, uh... the pot comedy guy.
214
00:10:45,142 --> 00:10:47,138
Among other things, but
sure, that's the brand.
215
00:10:47,193 --> 00:10:50,170
- Edgar Quintero.
- Super funny vids, man.
216
00:10:50,205 --> 00:10:52,836
Hey, you should swing
by my "office" sometime.
217
00:10:52,898 --> 00:10:55,903
I've got a project I think
you might be interested in.
218
00:10:55,938 --> 00:10:59,426
Wow, uh, yeah. That... that would be great.
219
00:11:00,179 --> 00:11:01,953
So, what are you auditioning for?
220
00:11:01,988 --> 00:11:04,746
Oh, I just nailed the role of "Sleepy Dad."
221
00:11:04,817 --> 00:11:07,372
Hey, do you have a
diagnosis for my character?
222
00:11:07,407 --> 00:11:10,233
(Dr. Weed voice): Hmm, my diagnosis is...
223
00:11:10,295 --> 00:11:14,039
you need more sleep.
224
00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:15,360
Just kidding.
225
00:11:15,399 --> 00:11:16,971
You need more weed!
226
00:11:17,006 --> 00:11:20,707
(laughs) Yeah, I thought that
was going to be the diagnosis.
227
00:11:25,587 --> 00:11:28,660
Why do cats get to have
all the good tongues?
228
00:11:28,695 --> 00:11:30,738
You sure you're okay if
I don't go in with you?
229
00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:32,718
- I really have to do this meditation app.
- Sure.
230
00:11:32,765 --> 00:11:33,756
I'll go in alone. They know me.
231
00:11:33,791 --> 00:11:35,042
Great, so, you'll be out in
232
00:11:35,077 --> 00:11:36,992
- 40, 45 minutes.
- 40, 45 minutes.
233
00:11:41,434 --> 00:11:42,669
(phone dings)
234
00:11:45,028 --> 00:11:46,740
_
235
00:11:47,469 --> 00:11:48,703
(phone dings)
236
00:11:52,453 --> 00:11:57,165
_
237
00:11:57,230 --> 00:11:59,524
(phone continues dinging) _
238
00:11:59,559 --> 00:12:02,693
- _
- (chuckles)
239
00:12:04,123 --> 00:12:08,484
_
240
00:12:08,557 --> 00:12:11,270
_
241
00:12:16,096 --> 00:12:17,986
PAUL'S BOSS: And another
thing, Jillian, you are...
242
00:12:18,048 --> 00:12:19,361
- Who are you texting?
- PAUL: Can you hear him?
243
00:12:19,396 --> 00:12:21,137
He's yelling at me right now.
244
00:12:21,199 --> 00:12:24,577
Why can't I stop texting? I
guess I just miss you so much.
245
00:12:24,634 --> 00:12:26,295
- Bye!
- Give me that phone. Give...
246
00:12:26,330 --> 00:12:29,006
(recording stops)
247
00:12:29,079 --> 00:12:31,079
_
248
00:12:34,363 --> 00:12:36,269
Difficult decision, huh?
249
00:12:38,059 --> 00:12:39,251
Yeah.
250
00:12:39,693 --> 00:12:41,339
Would you like to chat?
251
00:12:41,401 --> 00:12:43,527
Maybe I can help you figure
out some of your troubles.
252
00:12:43,614 --> 00:12:45,048
Thanks.
253
00:12:48,535 --> 00:12:50,833
So, what's bothering you?
254
00:12:51,883 --> 00:12:53,285
- LINDSAY: Well...
- _
255
00:12:53,528 --> 00:12:55,032
it started when...
256
00:12:55,088 --> 00:12:56,651
All right.
257
00:12:56,685 --> 00:12:59,152
- Let's do this shit.
- (soothing music plays)
258
00:12:59,553 --> 00:13:01,912
WOMAN (soothing voice):
During this meditation
259
00:13:01,947 --> 00:13:04,484
- we will focus on being...
- Mindful.
260
00:13:04,548 --> 00:13:05,849
...mindful,
261
00:13:05,903 --> 00:13:08,465
where you are not in the past,
262
00:13:08,509 --> 00:13:10,538
not in the future,
263
00:13:10,573 --> 00:13:11,552
- but in...
- Present.
264
00:13:11,607 --> 00:13:13,217
- ...the present.
- Easy. Next.
265
00:13:13,252 --> 00:13:16,866
Clear your mind and focus on your...
266
00:13:16,929 --> 00:13:17,984
Breathing.
267
00:13:18,019 --> 00:13:19,727
- surroundings.
- Shit.
268
00:13:19,761 --> 00:13:21,481
And your breathing.
269
00:13:21,543 --> 00:13:22,290
Yes! Suck it, lady.
270
00:13:22,325 --> 00:13:27,465
(slowly): Notice the rise and fall
271
00:13:27,536 --> 00:13:29,830
of your chest.
272
00:13:29,864 --> 00:13:32,517
Notice the rise...
273
00:13:32,579 --> 00:13:36,715
Oh, God, so boring, I want to kill myself.
274
00:13:36,750 --> 00:13:39,117
- Eject, eject, eject.
- (recording stops)
275
00:13:45,035 --> 00:13:46,702
(seductive music plays, woman moaning)
276
00:13:50,071 --> 00:13:51,339
(buzzing)
277
00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:52,573
Edgar?
278
00:13:52,963 --> 00:13:53,935
Edgar!
279
00:13:53,998 --> 00:13:55,297
Where the hell is he?
280
00:13:55,367 --> 00:13:56,494
Sure, when I'm trying to have sex
281
00:13:56,529 --> 00:13:59,756
in my kitchen, he's constantly
underfoot, but now...
282
00:14:03,361 --> 00:14:04,986
Trees.
283
00:14:06,276 --> 00:14:07,844
Trees.
284
00:14:08,119 --> 00:14:10,159
What if Pauline Two...
285
00:14:10,194 --> 00:14:12,104
no, I am not writing today.
286
00:14:12,143 --> 00:14:14,617
No, no, Malcolm! Shut up!
287
00:14:14,676 --> 00:14:16,948
Characters, stop speaking through me.
288
00:14:20,874 --> 00:14:23,073
Oh, my God, chapter 12. I could have Simon
289
00:14:23,136 --> 00:14:25,814
jump up on the speakers at
the Oasis set at Glastonbury.
290
00:14:25,888 --> 00:14:28,667
No, I am.... not-not doing this!
291
00:14:43,916 --> 00:14:48,486
Oh, Simon, you brilliant, horny bastard.
292
00:14:48,549 --> 00:14:51,604
Suck it, Dad, I'm still a writer.
293
00:14:52,610 --> 00:14:54,377
(buzzing)
294
00:14:54,410 --> 00:14:57,944
(buzzing stops)
295
00:14:57,979 --> 00:15:00,781
(sighs)
296
00:15:04,185 --> 00:15:06,481
Oh, no, not today.
297
00:15:06,514 --> 00:15:09,472
So then I heated up the
condom in the microwave
298
00:15:09,526 --> 00:15:12,072
- and I got a turkey baster.
- Wait, I need you to back up.
299
00:15:12,116 --> 00:15:14,112
Okay, so I wanted a popsicle...
300
00:15:14,147 --> 00:15:16,734
Lindsay, do not let
those pro-life assholes
301
00:15:16,797 --> 00:15:18,095
talk you out of your legal right!
302
00:15:18,169 --> 00:15:19,596
It's okay.
303
00:15:19,631 --> 00:15:23,311
I was already having second thoughts
before this nice lady came over.
304
00:15:23,346 --> 00:15:26,154
- What, why?
- If Paul and I get divorced,
305
00:15:26,620 --> 00:15:29,222
I'm not gonna have a family anymore.
306
00:15:29,635 --> 00:15:30,799
Family.
307
00:15:30,877 --> 00:15:33,186
Name one family that's just one person.
308
00:15:33,221 --> 00:15:34,758
Suddenly Susan.
309
00:15:35,053 --> 00:15:37,653
Listen, I know
310
00:15:37,688 --> 00:15:41,924
that becoming a real human
being is a scary thing,
311
00:15:41,970 --> 00:15:44,894
but I'll help you.
312
00:15:45,003 --> 00:15:47,672
I got your back always.
313
00:15:48,711 --> 00:15:50,434
Thanks, Gretch.
314
00:15:50,519 --> 00:15:51,820
All right.
315
00:15:53,173 --> 00:15:54,775
I'm ready.
316
00:15:57,441 --> 00:15:58,904
Bam, nice try, terrorists.
317
00:15:58,954 --> 00:16:01,234
Another victory for women's rights.
318
00:16:02,375 --> 00:16:04,293
Actually, I was gonna tell her to do it.
319
00:16:04,371 --> 00:16:06,637
In my book, there are
extenuating circumstances...
320
00:16:06,669 --> 00:16:08,836
rape, incest and...
321
00:16:08,932 --> 00:16:10,508
whatever this is.
322
00:16:14,922 --> 00:16:17,356
(indistinct chatter)
323
00:16:25,841 --> 00:16:28,476
Mr. Benson will see you now.
324
00:16:31,007 --> 00:16:32,826
No, no.
325
00:16:32,886 --> 00:16:34,320
Uh-uh. No.
326
00:16:34,359 --> 00:16:36,196
I'm walking away from the table.
327
00:16:36,678 --> 00:16:38,247
I'll call you from the chopper.
328
00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:41,884
Sorry, I had to handle that
before the European markets closed.
329
00:16:41,934 --> 00:16:44,794
This, um... this place
isn't what I was expecting.
330
00:16:44,829 --> 00:16:47,313
Listen, I was looking at my
third quarter staffing budget
331
00:16:47,380 --> 00:16:50,641
and I'd like to offer you a few days
punch up on a show I'm doing for Waze.
332
00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:53,379
The GPS app? Isn't that dangerous?
333
00:16:53,418 --> 00:16:55,287
You'd think so, but no,
the show's only gonna play
334
00:16:55,322 --> 00:16:57,180
at stop lights and in traffic.
335
00:16:57,215 --> 00:16:59,917
So, what do you think you should be paid?
336
00:16:59,952 --> 00:17:01,117
Uh...
337
00:17:02,992 --> 00:17:04,623
$300?
338
00:17:05,439 --> 00:17:07,207
- Done.
- Yes!
339
00:17:07,293 --> 00:17:07,864
(softly): Yes.
340
00:17:07,910 --> 00:17:09,869
Hey, you want to, uh...
341
00:17:11,348 --> 00:17:13,126
light up and celebrate?
342
00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:16,181
Edgar, this is a place of business.
343
00:17:18,121 --> 00:17:19,332
Thank you.
344
00:17:31,468 --> 00:17:32,901
You okay?
345
00:17:33,092 --> 00:17:34,671
What are you thinking about?
346
00:17:34,741 --> 00:17:36,013
Pie.
347
00:17:37,091 --> 00:17:39,179
You're thinking about what
you're eating right now?
348
00:17:39,250 --> 00:17:42,249
Of course. If I'm eating
pie, I'm thinking pie.
349
00:17:42,319 --> 00:17:44,155
If I have a fork in my mouth,
350
00:17:44,225 --> 00:17:45,892
I'm thinking fork.
351
00:17:45,932 --> 00:17:47,566
You just had an abortion,
352
00:17:47,648 --> 00:17:48,874
you're divorcing your husband,
353
00:17:48,936 --> 00:17:52,523
and you're literally only thinking
about what's happening in this moment?
354
00:17:52,608 --> 00:17:53,909
Guess so.
355
00:17:54,277 --> 00:17:55,567
Strawtini.
356
00:17:55,610 --> 00:17:59,710
You might be some kind of
secret mindfulness guru.
357
00:18:00,181 --> 00:18:01,145
I'm gonna take notes.
358
00:18:01,178 --> 00:18:04,539
Just, uh, speak your thoughts out, okay?
359
00:18:04,627 --> 00:18:06,237
Strawtini.
360
00:18:07,745 --> 00:18:09,861
Chew, chew,
361
00:18:09,896 --> 00:18:11,353
chew, little fart.
362
00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:12,932
Waitress is coming over.
363
00:18:13,026 --> 00:18:14,804
Here she is. Hi.
364
00:18:14,858 --> 00:18:16,216
- Can I get you anything else?
- Talking to me.
365
00:18:16,251 --> 00:18:17,373
Talking to me.
366
00:18:17,436 --> 00:18:18,596
My turn to talk.
367
00:18:18,631 --> 00:18:19,634
Neck mole,
368
00:18:19,669 --> 00:18:21,139
boobs.
369
00:18:22,438 --> 00:18:24,083
Bye, waitress.
370
00:18:24,118 --> 00:18:25,719
I miss her.
371
00:18:25,953 --> 00:18:27,316
Gretchen's still here.
372
00:18:27,362 --> 00:18:29,071
Hi, Gretchen. (chuckles)
373
00:18:29,106 --> 00:18:30,398
Baby ears.
374
00:18:30,433 --> 00:18:31,087
Ooh,
375
00:18:31,122 --> 00:18:33,223
a hang nail.
376
00:18:33,583 --> 00:18:35,216
Pie again.
377
00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:42,501
(laughing)
378
00:18:42,534 --> 00:18:44,434
Oh!
379
00:18:44,467 --> 00:18:46,835
- Sto...
- Hey.
380
00:18:47,002 --> 00:18:48,488
I had such a productive day.
381
00:18:48,523 --> 00:18:50,269
I just made $80 cleaning out
382
00:18:50,303 --> 00:18:52,803
this rich old lady's
closet in Beverly Hills.
383
00:18:52,838 --> 00:18:54,529
- Awesome.
- It is.
384
00:18:54,564 --> 00:18:55,990
I have good news, too.
385
00:18:56,025 --> 00:18:57,646
Ooh, did Jimmy make you buy more of those
386
00:18:57,701 --> 00:18:59,018
disgusting candies that I like?
387
00:18:59,053 --> 00:19:00,841
Rum Christophers? (groans)
388
00:19:00,873 --> 00:19:02,240
No.
389
00:19:02,278 --> 00:19:04,377
I got offered a job,
390
00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:07,742
writing for Doug Benson's new show.
391
00:19:08,646 --> 00:19:09,331
Wait, what?
392
00:19:09,366 --> 00:19:10,719
- Really?
- Yeah.
393
00:19:10,797 --> 00:19:12,997
You got a job writing comedy for a TV show?
394
00:19:13,068 --> 00:19:14,913
Yeah. I mean, it's a short-term gig
395
00:19:14,949 --> 00:19:16,716
a-and there are a ton of liability waivers
396
00:19:16,805 --> 00:19:18,533
I have to sign, but still.
397
00:19:18,611 --> 00:19:19,829
Wow, wow.
398
00:19:19,881 --> 00:19:22,445
That's... you know that I know Doug, right?
399
00:19:22,500 --> 00:19:23,880
Did you tell him that we're dating?
400
00:19:23,942 --> 00:19:25,470
No, I didn't know you knew him.
401
00:19:25,505 --> 00:19:27,516
Oh, yeah, for years.
402
00:19:27,576 --> 00:19:29,272
Like, way back when he was
doing his show at the theater,
403
00:19:29,307 --> 00:19:30,824
I used to bring him waters.
404
00:19:30,891 --> 00:19:33,143
I can't believe that you
didn't know that I know Doug.
405
00:19:33,205 --> 00:19:34,333
You totally should've told him.
406
00:19:34,368 --> 00:19:36,967
He would have lost his mind.
407
00:19:37,002 --> 00:19:38,487
Anyway, congratulations.
408
00:19:38,548 --> 00:19:42,520
That is so cool that he's
giving you this opportunity.
409
00:19:42,554 --> 00:19:44,421
I... I mean,
410
00:19:44,456 --> 00:19:45,871
I thought you didn't want to be a pot guy.
411
00:19:45,921 --> 00:19:46,556
I don't.
412
00:19:46,591 --> 00:19:50,143
But now I'm a pot
guy with a J-O-B.
413
00:19:50,229 --> 00:19:51,493
Can you believe it?
414
00:19:51,556 --> 00:19:54,005
I'm a comedy writer!
415
00:19:54,645 --> 00:19:57,196
- I totally can't.
- And...
416
00:19:57,231 --> 00:19:58,244
I couldn't...
417
00:19:58,279 --> 00:20:00,327
have ever done it...
418
00:20:00,735 --> 00:20:02,458
without you, teach.
419
00:20:02,505 --> 00:20:05,096
How about I go upstairs
420
00:20:05,130 --> 00:20:07,497
and I... (kisses)
421
00:20:07,531 --> 00:20:12,026
whip us up some of my famous
breakfast soup dumplings?
422
00:20:12,061 --> 00:20:14,245
Ooh, I love that.
423
00:20:15,013 --> 00:20:17,356
- Ah!
- I'll be right up.
424
00:20:25,803 --> 00:20:28,205
♪ ♪
425
00:20:55,490 --> 00:20:57,491
(sighs)
426
00:21:01,879 --> 00:21:04,683
Everything looks so different from up here.
427
00:21:12,295 --> 00:21:14,663
(dog panting)
428
00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:25,936
(crickets chirping)
429
00:21:31,669 --> 00:21:34,604
♪ ♪
430
00:21:57,672 --> 00:21:59,036
Walk.
431
00:21:59,279 --> 00:22:01,647
(exhales)
432
00:22:01,959 --> 00:22:03,284
Couch.
433
00:22:08,783 --> 00:22:09,906
Remote.
434
00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:14,099
PAT SAJAK: Uh-huh, there is a "J." If
you can solve the puzzle right now...
435
00:22:14,141 --> 00:22:14,781
Wheel.
436
00:22:14,816 --> 00:22:18,672
There is a jackpot of nearly $10,000
in addition to the money you have.
437
00:22:18,707 --> 00:22:21,338
If not, you have to either
buy a vowel or spin the wheel.
438
00:22:21,393 --> 00:22:23,041
- I'll solve the puzzle.
- Go ahead.
439
00:22:23,076 --> 00:22:24,978
"I Have The Wine" by Johnny Cash.
440
00:22:25,033 --> 00:22:26,188
Oh, my God, you are so...
441
00:22:26,223 --> 00:22:27,652
- That is not correct.
- (buzzer sounds)
442
00:22:27,743 --> 00:22:30,192
Nope, just watch.
443
00:22:30,239 --> 00:22:31,344
Jason.
444
00:22:32,202 --> 00:22:34,222
- Wheel. B.
- (wheel spinning)
445
00:22:35,303 --> 00:22:36,658
Breathe.
446
00:22:36,693 --> 00:22:39,738
- (applause)
- JASON: "L," please.
447
00:22:39,801 --> 00:22:41,139
- SAJAK: Yes, two "L's."
- (ding)
448
00:22:41,174 --> 00:22:42,768
Pick up that gift tag...
449
00:22:46,966 --> 00:22:48,796
CALM FEMALE VOICE: Notice...
450
00:22:49,015 --> 00:22:51,186
the rise...
451
00:22:51,221 --> 00:22:55,190
and fall of your chest.
452
00:22:56,332 --> 00:22:57,300
(door opens)
453
00:22:58,441 --> 00:22:59,727
Hey.
454
00:23:00,160 --> 00:23:01,377
Good news.
455
00:23:01,438 --> 00:23:03,222
I'm hella mindful now.
456
00:23:04,343 --> 00:23:05,920
Why are you covered in yard?
457
00:23:05,955 --> 00:23:08,104
I did what you said.
458
00:23:08,230 --> 00:23:11,312
I looked at my life from
an outside perspective.
459
00:23:11,347 --> 00:23:12,072
Yeah.
460
00:23:12,105 --> 00:23:13,196
Doesn't it feel great?
461
00:23:13,258 --> 00:23:16,098
No, it was terrifying.
462
00:23:16,176 --> 00:23:17,885
I didn't recognize any of it.
463
00:23:17,947 --> 00:23:18,625
What?
464
00:23:18,695 --> 00:23:20,742
I don't recognize my life.
465
00:23:20,839 --> 00:23:24,393
I don't know whether I made
any of the right decisions.
466
00:23:26,676 --> 00:23:30,117
Everything could be wrong.
467
00:23:30,434 --> 00:23:31,668
Everything?
468
00:23:35,513 --> 00:23:37,000
Everything.
469
00:23:48,151 --> 00:23:50,017
- (applause)
- (wheel spinning)
470
00:23:50,935 --> 00:23:53,541
It's "I Walk the Line."
471
00:23:53,646 --> 00:23:55,067
SAJAK: What do you want to do?
472
00:23:55,147 --> 00:23:58,036
♪ All I want is ♪
473
00:23:58,090 --> 00:24:00,992
♪ A pair of wings to fly ♪
474
00:24:02,002 --> 00:24:05,046
♪ Into the blue of ♪
475
00:24:05,101 --> 00:24:07,120
♪ The wide open s... ♪
476
00:24:07,191 --> 00:24:12,191
Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com
477
00:24:22,561 --> 00:24:27,276
♪ On clouds I'll sing and dance ♪
478
00:24:29,185 --> 00:24:30,412
(dog barks)