Got ya, ya little bugger.
Big news!
Dude, are you still tweezing your legs?
You know I'm not allowed to shave.
Ma says it'll grow back thicker.
She also says that migraines are a byproduct
of laziness and premarital sex.
You had big news?
My parents are moving back to the Philippines.
Jen, I would never leave you...
not even for 7000 tropical islands.
That's why we're moving in together.
What? The what?
Do you remember in 10th grade
when you showed me your tits?
Mo, look, check out my tits!
Don't remind me.
I've been taking these black market
boob pills like candy, and so far nothing.
No! T-T-I-T-T-S:
The Things I'm Totally Trying Someday.
"Get first apartment with Mo after university."
Give controversial valedictorian speech
outing the injustices of our administration,
and kiss a boy at my sweet 16.
But, Jen, today is your birthday.
I know... that is why I kissed Todd
behind the portable.
Um, I hope it was a butterfly kiss,
'cause Todd fully has mouth herpes.
He said it was a zit.
We made a pact and pacts last forever...
like Todd's mouth herpes.
See, I was thinking, maybe I take
a little bit more time and save up to buy a place.
If I live with my parents,
I'll have enough for a down payment
in Toronto by the time I'm 40.
Jen, I'm pre-homeless,
so, either you're in now or never.
Jen, dinner!
I should go.
Ma says Mo can stay!
I could eat.
- Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -
Jenny, eat more. So skinny.
Mo, when your parents abandoning you?
My Lolain the Philippines needs help,
so at the end of the month.
Then I'm gonna finally get my own apartment.
- Right, Jen? - Mm-hm.
Jenny good child... not move out until married.
Then, Mommy and Daddy live in Jenny's basement.
Works for me.
Ma, I think I need a change.
I know.
No career, no boyfriend, now no Mo.
That's why I sign Jenny up for Mommy-Daughter Zumba!
Mo and I are getting our own apartment!
What?!
What did Mommy ever do but love you...
even though you too skinny
and don't put bath towels back right.
Oh, can I have some money for new shoelaces?
Yes, later.
Ma, I just need some space.
And, again, there is no proper way to hang a bath towel.
Your standards are completely arbitrary.
You hate Mommy's rule, I kick you out.
You can't kick me out. I'm leaving!
Daddy, may I be excused?
This is so good.
I keep fantasizing about sticking it
to my mom with the perfect couch.
- How's this one? - Uh, that couch is $2,000...
so I hate it.
My parents are leaving us their couch, so we're covered.
Oh, good news.
I found us really cheap movers online.
Oh, bad news.
All our rental applications were rejected,
so we have nowhere to move to.
How can they all reject us?
I have a degree in commerce.
In this economy... good luck.
You have a steady job.
Part-time at a video game store.
Oh, look.
We haven't applied to that one yet...
"cozy home in eclectic area."
Codename: over-crowded rooming house
next to a fish plant and DJ training academy.
I can't do this.
I'm not ready.
Got panties on sale for Jenny's time-of-the-month.
You can have Jen's hand-me-downs,
because parents abandoned you.
- You ready yet? - Uh-huh.
_
... accepting...
_
... application.
Move day! Yay!
I know we're a little over-dressed, but we hired movers.
_
Mm-hm. Mm-hm. What did he say?
Yeah, I think he likes us.
_
Yeah, he just says go in.
Did he just say "meth dealer"?
No. No. No, he didn't. No.
This is really...
- ... all ours! Ohhh! - Yes!
Wall squirrels.
You'll get used to it.
The rent is due on the 1st of the month...
not the 2nd.
Well, now he speaks English.
_
Nate! Oh, good!
Take those clothes off.
Lewis, we discussed this... under no circumstance
will I let you spray tan my bathing suit area.
What? I thought you said you like that.
Now, today's the day our new lady neighbours move in.
So, I'll tell you what, why don't you go into my closet
and you pick out anything you want, all right?
And remember, patterns can go with patterns
as long as you keep your accessories solid.
What I'm wearing is fine.
Nate, do you remember when I was your RA back at Queens,
and you were this freaky little freshman that everybody ignored?
I wasn't ignored. I was study...
All you needed was like just like
a little push, from me, you know?
Now look at you, huh, big guy.
You're this awesome, amazing, super-successful...
What? I always forget this. What exactly do you do again?
I'm a stats intern for a minor league hockey team.
Do not touch, thank you.
Right, I guess that makes sense
why you're always borrowing my clothes.
So, listen...
assuming these new lady neighbours of ours are hot,
I say we invite them out on a late night pub-crawl tonight
that ends up in four consenting adults
in various states of undress, huh?
As much fun as that sounds, I have work to do.
You're gonna choose work over me,
and by association, fun?
Your version of fun leaves me shoeless.
You need new shoes anyway.
- Hold on. - Wait!
Let me go first. You're all wound up right now.
We'll do a good cop, bad cop scenario.
Okay, I like that. Good call, good call.
- Okay, just move it to the left. - I'm trying.
No, the left.
Jen, that's the wall.
Are you doing this on purpose?
I don't know. Maybe subconsciously.
Hello!
Are you talking to us?
Yeah, you're our new neighbours, right,
moving in?
So, I thought I'd come over and say hello.
So, hello.
Hi, I... I'm Jen.
Nate, they hot?
Um, I'm Jen, too.
Oh, two Jens? Neat.
Oh, you can just call her "Mo."
- Are they hot? - Hey, Mo.
- Hey, no? - No! Hey, Mo.
- Oh, so they are hot! - Yes!
I don't know if I'd agree with your vehement "yes".
I mean, maybe with some softer lighting or something...
Golly, Jen, fantasies do come true.
It's fine, it's fine.
Hey! Who's down for an early morning pub-crawl? Huh? Huh?
It's barely noon.
Oh, yeah. No, for sure, we should get started.
You're right. You guys down?
Oh God, kill me now.
_
Okay, now. Hang on though, I haven't... I haven't stretched yet.
- Have you stretched? - No, I haven't stretched.
You gotta stretch first... lower back stretch.
Limber up? That's what you wanna do? You wanna limber up?
Yeah, it's like breakfast...
the most important meal of the day.
I would like to call our first official
Jen and Mo roommate meeting to order.
- Any new business? - Yes.
I purpose this be our last official roommate meeting.
Mo, we need to get on top of the issues
we're soon gonna be facing.
Like me murdering you for having roommate meetings.
Fine, we'll skip the opening remarks,
and go straight to the first thing on our agenda...
lighting design.
Now we're gonna need about 100 Watts per 50-square-foot area.
Oh, just remembered, haven't had my first official apartment pee.
Great idea.
I was kinda thinking I'd go alone.
Yeah. Of course.
Yes, Shwarma Hut.
Sorry, I must have the wrong number.
I'm looking for a moving company.
Ah, not again. Listen, you were scammed, okay?
But during this difficult time,
I can offer you 10% off a falafel, all right?
Scammed?
Scammed? What the...
- You know, let's take a break. You're right. - This is... oh!
Let's just sit down for a second, can't we?
Oh, my God, we've been scammed!
Oh, my God, my tweezers were on that truck!
Yeah, and all of our stuff and the rest of my parents' furniture.
I... I need to get my mom.
And kick her in the metaphorical box with how independent you are?
Okay. You're right. It's you and me now.
We can handle these movers.
Let's make 'em pay.
Vigilante justice time.
You want scissors or my crossbow?
Actually, I was thinking we'd just call the police.
Obviously, I was joking. Crossbow's on the truck.
Mm-hm. Mm-hm. Okay, copy that.
So, the police don't care.
Has any of our stuff been posted online yet?
I don't know, but I did find
some excellent deals on VCRs and troll dolls.
Which one looks more like my mom?
Are you really comparing your mom to a troll?
Not just my mom... my entire family.
Round noses, big eyes, frizzy hair.
We have very troll-like features.
I think I'm gonna try calling the police again.
Mom...
Mommy busy.
Jenny prove herself so independent,
we turning old room into exercise studio.
_
Mommy have to go.
Daddy moving all of Jenny's old things into basement.
No, no, no, Mom, wait!
Occupied?
_
Yeah.
Where do you think you're going?
I was gonna go wax my neck strip for tonight so I look good.
You can wax your neck later.
You have to guard the couch with me.
Guard the couch? What... ?
Would you calm down, Nate.
You know what's happening right now, right?
Yeah, yeah, you're turning back into
that little paranoid lonely kid
that I had to pull out of his room in first semester.
Well, stop pulling me anywhere.
I can pull myself just fine.
Yeah, I know you can. You know why?
Because my room is right next to yours.
So, that's right, me and the wall squirrels...
we hear everything.
It's nasty. You should be ashamed of yourself.
Wall squirrels?
So, they're turning my room into a gym.
Jen, you have a new room now,
with windows and carpet.
And nothing in it, because we were scammed!
We need help. Let me get my mom.
Oh, no, no, no!
You have the most messed up maternal relationship
since Oedipus,
and he literally stabbed his eyes out over his mother.
At least my mom didn't move to Asia to get away from me.
What's that supposed to mean?
Actually, you know what?
I don't care!
No, no, no. I'm leaving.
- Fine! - Fine!
- Text me if you hear anything. - Fine!
_
Oh!
Damn, Mo has some serious upper-body strength.
Of course... you'd replace me with a treadmill.
It's way easier... you just stand in one place
and it keeps making sure you're moving forward.
Well, bravo.
I know it was my decision.
But living out in the real world is way harder.
I mean, I feel like I could have used
a little more training from you and Ma.
Or should I be laying track with Mo as I go?
Dad, what the hell am I doing?
Thanks for the talk, Dad.
Howdy, neighbour. How's moving day going?
I'm thinking of moving home.
What?
Is it because of Lewis? Or the wall squirrels?
Because I can promise that they are both harmless,
and any social diseases that they carry are not contagious.
Sorry, you look busy.
No, I'm just trying to determine the future
of this hockey prospect that I'm scouting.
How do you do that?
Well, you look at the numbers, analyze the data.
But, really, it doesn't matter how impressive the numbers look...
you won't know how you really feel
about someone until you first meet them.
So, you kinda have to go with your gut.
Thanks, Nate. That was really helpful.
Yeah? Well, my pleasure.
You know, if you ever wanna talk some more,
you know where I love... live.
You gotta love to live.
You know what? I, uh...
I'm glad I could help.
Go with your gut.
_
I had a thought.
I've been thinking about all this fighting
we've been doing and our friendship's so important,
and I don't want anything to change,
and you don't want anything to change.
So, I think I should move back home.
What do you think?
Oh!
We'll talk more about it later.
Don't let me stop you from getting dressed,
or undressed if you want to... that's cool, too.
Just came by to, uh, see where you put the couch.
Where is it?
Uh, outside... where you left it.
- No. - What?
What the hell is this?
Look, do not turn my room into a gym.
You want room back? Move back home.
Honey, you clearly not ready.
Look so stressed and damp.
I know. I should just...
Just give me some time
to clear some things up with Mo first, okay?
'Til tomorrow, then you can all come by
and we can talk about our feelings... like a white family.
I'll feed you.
Fine. We visit tomorrow.
Then we take you back home. Come, Eric.
Help me make delicious dinner for people who live here.
I can't believe my couch is gone.
That's life in the big city, okay?
It's nobody's fault.
You said it would be fine.
I figured you moved it yourself.
You seem to have tremendous upper-body strength.
I do bench 80 pounds.
- Good for you. - That's a lot.
It's like for any body builder.
Hey, you guys got the couch...
No, Jen, it was stolen.
Mo, it was a crappy couch anyway.
- It's not a big deal. - It's not a big deal to you,
because you're moving back home.
Didn't you leave already?
Uh, like, why are you back?
Hey! Hey, would you guys stop it.
Just stop it right now. You guys are friends.
It's all gonna be okay.
Come on, Nate and I will help you find the couch, okay?
It'll be like a... like a couch surfing,
slash, uh, crazy action sequence,
and then we'll come back here and we'll enjoy
some of Nate's good, good baking.
It is kind of a hobby of mine.
Lewis is right.
We are going to find that freaking couch,
even if we have to kick down every door.
And then I will shin-kick the slimeball who stole it.
There we go! Let's do this!
Gimme a sec.
- Lewis? - Mmm! Oh.
Looks like your couch had a pretty wild night.
No!!
Mo, I'll help you buy a new one.
This is a pretty beat-up crappy couch anyway.
You don't get it. It's my parents' couch.
It's the last thing I have left of them.
Now, I have no stuff, no couch, no family.
I'm basically hot Asian Bambi.
Mo, you're the strongest person I know.
You started working when you were 14,
saved up enough money to move out,
and then decided to live with me...
despite my "mommy" issues.
The only person who would do anything
that self-destructive, is family.
And...
I'm staying.
And... these legs detach?
Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.
We can probably get it into the apartment this way.
All right, so, let's get this bad boy home then.
And, then, maybe an early night pub-crawl?
Okay, I'm down.
Do you feel something moving?
Couch squirrels.
Hello?
Police?
You found our stuff.
Yeah, yeah, we can come pick it up.
Or you can pretend this call never happened
and I can file this really big insurance claim.
Thank you, Officer.
You're no fun.
Mo, they found our stuff.
This is a sign of positive things to come.
Jenny, Mommy has car to take you home,
and treadmill in room to help diet.
Mo can sleep on floor.
Did I mention that my family was coming for dinner?
For more "Second Jen," visit citytv.com.
- Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -