1
00:00:11,130 --> 00:00:14,532
Um, it's 2:00 A.M. What's
with all the balloons?

2
00:00:14,534 --> 00:00:16,667
You having some clowns over?

3
00:00:17,770 --> 00:00:20,271
No, it's for another dumb school thing

4
00:00:20,273 --> 00:00:22,239
in Emme's kindergarten class.

5
00:00:22,241 --> 00:00:24,504
Mrs. Rodriguez wants a
hundred balloons blown up.

6
00:00:24,529 --> 00:00:27,430
I've already blacked out three times.

7
00:00:28,381 --> 00:00:30,281
Well, um...

8
00:00:30,283 --> 00:00:32,883
why don't you just use the balloon pump?

9
00:00:35,136 --> 00:00:37,521
Because I didn't know what that was.

10
00:00:38,357 --> 00:00:39,400
I thought it was a...

11
00:00:39,425 --> 00:00:41,892
lady thing.

12
00:00:42,609 --> 00:00:44,940
Right. 'Cause I keep all my lady things

13
00:00:44,942 --> 00:00:47,610
in the kids' cubbies.

14
00:00:47,612 --> 00:00:51,781
What function did you think
this would perform exactly?

15
00:00:55,420 --> 00:00:58,254
Yeah, I don't think you
want me to answer that.

16
00:00:58,256 --> 00:00:59,755
Yeah. You're probably right.

17
00:00:59,757 --> 00:01:01,363
You know,

18
00:01:01,388 --> 00:01:03,726
when Rodriguez roped me
into being room parent,

19
00:01:03,728 --> 00:01:05,703
she never told me how
much work it would be.

20
00:01:05,728 --> 00:01:07,428
They celebrate everything.

21
00:01:08,304 --> 00:01:09,131
Well, Adam,

22
00:01:09,155 --> 00:01:10,961
- m-most people like parties. 
- Yeah.

23
00:01:10,962 --> 00:01:12,334
But it's never-ending.

24
00:01:12,336 --> 00:01:14,030
I've organized '80s Day,

25
00:01:14,055 --> 00:01:16,055
'90s Day, and you remember Future Day.

26
00:01:16,207 --> 00:01:18,741
I had to wear a tinfoil suit.

27
00:01:20,522 --> 00:01:23,109
I'm sorry, honey, but
look on the bright side.

28
00:01:23,134 --> 00:01:26,636
Now that I'm working, I
don't have to do it anymore.

29
00:01:27,844 --> 00:01:29,962
I lost my sense of
humor 30 balloons ago.

30
00:01:32,790 --> 00:01:35,391
Look, honey. I-I know it's a lot, but...

31
00:01:35,393 --> 00:01:38,064
you know, I would be freaking
out at work all the time

32
00:01:38,089 --> 00:01:39,519
if you weren't doing such a good job

33
00:01:39,544 --> 00:01:41,764
as captain of the parenting ship.

34
00:01:45,403 --> 00:01:47,303
I'm the captain?

35
00:01:47,305 --> 00:01:50,973
Yes. You're the captain.
From 7:45 to 5:15,

36
00:01:50,975 --> 00:01:53,175
- and then, when I get home... 
- We're co-captains.

37
00:01:53,177 --> 00:01:54,838
Okay, sure.

38
00:01:56,722 --> 00:01:57,921
Okay, Emme.

39
00:01:57,946 --> 00:01:59,929
You did such a good job helping,

40
00:01:59,954 --> 00:02:02,483
I'm gonna sneak a couple
extra cookies in your cubby.

41
00:02:02,508 --> 00:02:05,437
- Thanks, Daddy.
- Aww.

42
00:02:05,462 --> 00:02:07,663
Hey, it pays to know the right guy, huh?

43
00:02:07,688 --> 00:02:08,983
Hmm. Hi, sweetheart.

44
00:02:09,008 --> 00:02:11,642
You can catch up with the
other kids on the playground.

45
00:02:13,364 --> 00:02:17,166
Oh. Not bad. Look who
finally got it together.

46
00:02:17,546 --> 00:02:20,373
That's the kind of praise
that makes it all worthwhile.

47
00:02:21,489 --> 00:02:22,955
Okay, I'm out of here.

48
00:02:22,980 --> 00:02:24,312
Oh, Mr. Burns, one more thing.

49
00:02:24,346 --> 00:02:25,979
Teacher Appreciation Day is coming up,

50
00:02:25,981 --> 00:02:27,681
so there's gonna be a party.

51
00:02:27,706 --> 00:02:29,606
Of course there is.

52
00:02:30,577 --> 00:02:33,231
So, we're gonna need food,
decorations and games.

53
00:02:33,435 --> 00:02:36,268
This isn't a school,
it's a Chuck E. Cheese.

54
00:02:36,825 --> 00:02:38,813
Oh, but the most important thing

55
00:02:38,838 --> 00:02:40,394
is the Teacher Appreciation gift,

56
00:02:40,396 --> 00:02:43,063
which each room parent
organizes. This year,

57
00:02:43,065 --> 00:02:45,532
I'd like you to make me puppets.

58
00:02:46,635 --> 00:02:48,335
Kids like puppets.

59
00:02:48,337 --> 00:02:49,770
No, they don't.

60
00:02:50,539 --> 00:02:52,005
They haven't liked puppets since...

61
00:02:52,007 --> 00:02:54,374
anything else was invented.

62
00:02:54,376 --> 00:02:57,044
Mr. Burns, why do you
have to be so difficult?

63
00:02:57,046 --> 00:02:59,898
No other room parent has ever
caused me this much trouble.

64
00:02:59,923 --> 00:03:03,016
Well... it just seems like
you're crossing a line.

65
00:03:03,018 --> 00:03:04,618
You know, you're taking
advantage of me because

66
00:03:04,620 --> 00:03:06,697
my daughter's in your
class, and you know...

67
00:03:06,722 --> 00:03:08,289
I like her.

68
00:03:09,325 --> 00:03:11,325
I'm only being hard
on you because I know

69
00:03:11,327 --> 00:03:12,726
you're capable of better work.

70
00:03:12,728 --> 00:03:14,094
So, dig deep,

71
00:03:14,408 --> 00:03:15,976
and make me puppets.

72
00:03:17,333 --> 00:03:19,399
You know what? No.

73
00:03:19,401 --> 00:03:21,401
But they're for Teacher
Appreciation Day.

74
00:03:21,403 --> 00:03:23,870
I got to be honest. I
don't appreciate you.

75
00:03:24,906 --> 00:03:26,840
When Teacher Resentment Day comes along,

76
00:03:26,865 --> 00:03:28,431
I'm your man.

77
00:03:28,799 --> 00:03:31,546
Plus, I don't have time to make puppets.

78
00:03:31,571 --> 00:03:34,633
Mr. Burns, being a room
parent is a full-time job.

79
00:03:34,658 --> 00:03:37,918
No. No, my full-time
job is my full-time job.

80
00:03:38,410 --> 00:03:41,054
I have three construction
projects going on right now.

81
00:03:41,056 --> 00:03:44,224
Okay. Why don't you take
all this negative energy,

82
00:03:44,226 --> 00:03:46,960
and put it into making puppets.

83
00:03:47,410 --> 00:03:49,396
I got a better idea. I quit.

84
00:03:49,398 --> 00:03:52,517
Uh... no. You can't quit. As
long as Emme's in my class,

85
00:03:52,542 --> 00:03:54,304
you're the room parent.
And if you don't like it,

86
00:03:54,329 --> 00:03:55,969
you can transfer her to the other class.

87
00:03:55,971 --> 00:03:57,638
Hold on a second.

88
00:03:57,640 --> 00:03:59,139
That's an option?

89
00:03:59,567 --> 00:04:01,719
- Well, technically, yes.
- I could just...

90
00:04:01,744 --> 00:04:02,840
put her in the other class?

91
00:04:03,575 --> 00:04:04,876
They already have a room parent.

92
00:04:04,900 --> 00:04:05,719
Okay.

93
00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:07,814
- Trust me, you don't want to do that.
- Oh, I think I do.

94
00:04:07,816 --> 00:04:08,783
- No, you don't.
- Yes, I do.

95
00:04:08,808 --> 00:04:09,838
- No, you don't.
- Yes, I do.

96
00:04:09,863 --> 00:04:10,771
- No, you don't.
- See, this is

97
00:04:10,796 --> 00:04:11,962
one of the issues.

98
00:04:13,203 --> 00:04:14,177
No, it's not.

99
00:04:16,264 --> 00:04:17,127
All right, I've had enough.

100
00:04:17,152 --> 00:04:18,759
I'm transferring Emme out of this class.

101
00:04:18,761 --> 00:04:19,628
Fine.

102
00:04:21,502 --> 00:04:22,829
Here's the transfer form.

103
00:04:22,831 --> 00:04:25,332
- Now, we have a reason to party.
- Hmm.

104
00:04:25,909 --> 00:04:26,633
No, we don't.

105
00:04:26,635 --> 00:04:27,688
Yes, we do.

106
00:04:43,072 --> 00:04:45,290
So long, suckers. I'm transferring Emme

107
00:04:45,315 --> 00:04:47,018
out of Mrs. Rodriguez's class.

108
00:04:47,043 --> 00:04:48,178
So, who's gonna be our room parent?

109
00:04:48,203 --> 00:04:50,470
I can't do it. I got to
go home and sit around.

110
00:04:51,814 --> 00:04:54,404
But you can't just leave
me. You're my mentor.

111
00:04:55,388 --> 00:04:57,287
People our age don't
have mentors, Lowell,

112
00:04:57,312 --> 00:04:59,745
they've already... mented.

113
00:04:59,922 --> 00:05:03,263
Not me. After years of being a
stay-at-home dad to two girls,

114
00:05:03,288 --> 00:05:04,972
you're showing me how to be a man again.

115
00:05:05,082 --> 00:05:07,347
Thanks to you, I started
watching the sports report.

116
00:05:07,372 --> 00:05:09,618
“Boom,” says that one guy.

117
00:05:09,620 --> 00:05:11,586
Great job. I'm proud of you.

118
00:05:11,588 --> 00:05:14,456
Now all we got to do is get that
jazzercise sticker off your car.

119
00:05:16,427 --> 00:05:18,460
Over my dead body.

120
00:05:22,099 --> 00:05:24,933
Hold on. So, you just transferred Emme

121
00:05:24,935 --> 00:05:27,836
into another class, without asking Andi?

122
00:05:27,838 --> 00:05:30,072
I don't need to ask her permission.

123
00:05:30,074 --> 00:05:32,574
Ho, ho, ho, ho.

124
00:05:32,576 --> 00:05:35,877
Little brother. Do
you know what you are?

125
00:05:35,879 --> 00:05:37,913
Adorable.

126
00:05:39,278 --> 00:05:40,380
Let me tell you a little something

127
00:05:40,405 --> 00:05:42,526
about how things work in my house, okay?

128
00:05:42,551 --> 00:05:44,201
I steer the parenting boat.

129
00:05:44,226 --> 00:05:45,821
You know what Andi told me last night?

130
00:05:45,823 --> 00:05:47,522
I'm the captain.

131
00:05:47,717 --> 00:05:49,015
Oh, you are, huh?

132
00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:50,940
- That's right. 
- Uh-huh.

133
00:05:51,170 --> 00:05:52,410
You know how you give a little kid

134
00:05:52,435 --> 00:05:54,017
a fake steering wheel in the backseat

135
00:05:54,042 --> 00:05:55,708
so they can pretend they're driving?

136
00:05:55,733 --> 00:05:57,266
Might even have a little horn.

137
00:05:57,666 --> 00:06:00,368
That's the kind of captain you are.

138
00:06:00,627 --> 00:06:01,800
You don't know what
you're talking about.

139
00:06:01,825 --> 00:06:05,107
Oh. Okay, how about this? Call
Andi. Let's see if I'm right.

140
00:06:05,470 --> 00:06:07,709
Loser has to...

141
00:06:08,095 --> 00:06:10,132
- eat a ghost pepper.
- Ooh.

142
00:06:10,157 --> 00:06:12,491
That's right. The
world's hottest pepper.

143
00:06:12,516 --> 00:06:15,083
- Put your mouth where your mouth is.
- Fine.

144
00:06:15,085 --> 00:06:16,485
But you're gonna be eating that pepper,

145
00:06:16,487 --> 00:06:17,686
and if I know you,

146
00:06:17,688 --> 00:06:18,956
you'll forget and rub your eye.

147
00:06:18,981 --> 00:06:20,213
And if I know me,

148
00:06:20,650 --> 00:06:21,706
I'll be laughing at you.

149
00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:27,180
Hey, honey. What's up?

150
00:06:27,205 --> 00:06:27,759
Hey.

151
00:06:27,784 --> 00:06:29,050
I got a great idea.

152
00:06:29,119 --> 00:06:31,156
You know how Rodriguez has been on me?

153
00:06:31,181 --> 00:06:32,889
Well, I'm thinking
I'm gonna transfer Emme

154
00:06:32,914 --> 00:06:34,681
to the other class. How about that?

155
00:06:38,499 --> 00:06:39,995
Andi?

156
00:06:40,647 --> 00:06:42,531
Do I hear you smiling?

157
00:06:42,533 --> 00:06:44,264
No, I'm not smiling.

158
00:06:44,289 --> 00:06:45,667
That's a terrible idea!

159
00:06:45,669 --> 00:06:47,035
Look, there's only

160
00:06:47,037 --> 00:06:49,071
one good teacher in every grade.

161
00:06:49,073 --> 00:06:51,545
Okay? Y-You have no idea

162
00:06:51,570 --> 00:06:53,495
how much I had to kiss
Mrs. Rodriguez's butt

163
00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:54,659
to get Emme in that class.

164
00:06:54,684 --> 00:06:56,411
So, for you to even think

165
00:06:56,413 --> 00:06:59,014
about transferring her because
you have to work too hard,

166
00:06:59,016 --> 00:07:00,882
makes me so mad, that I'm yelling.

167
00:07:00,884 --> 00:07:02,851
I'm yelling now, and
everybody here's looking at me.

168
00:07:02,853 --> 00:07:04,953
What? This isn't a show, Markowitz.

169
00:07:05,865 --> 00:07:06,427
Good.

170
00:07:06,452 --> 00:07:08,953
Yeah. Take it out on
Markowitz. Bye, honey. Love you.

171
00:07:10,713 --> 00:07:12,961
Hello, ghost pepper store?

172
00:07:12,963 --> 00:07:14,329
I'd like to place an order.

173
00:07:18,226 --> 00:07:19,501
Look, Mrs. Rodriguez,

174
00:07:19,526 --> 00:07:21,280
I would really appreciate it

175
00:07:21,305 --> 00:07:23,672
if you would let Emme
back in your class.

176
00:07:23,674 --> 00:07:25,017
Why would I do that?

177
00:07:25,570 --> 00:07:28,002
Well... what better way to celebrate

178
00:07:28,027 --> 00:07:29,886
the birthday of this fine school

179
00:07:29,911 --> 00:07:33,248
than with the gift of forgetting
what I said this morning?

180
00:07:33,250 --> 00:07:35,057
Or you could apologize

181
00:07:35,082 --> 00:07:36,918
for everything you said this morning.

182
00:07:37,575 --> 00:07:38,526
Okay.

183
00:07:38,551 --> 00:07:40,388
Uh... apparently, you think that I...

184
00:07:40,390 --> 00:07:42,190
No.

185
00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:44,659
If I said something...

186
00:07:44,661 --> 00:07:46,328
No.

187
00:07:46,979 --> 00:07:47,729
If you weren't so...

188
00:07:47,754 --> 00:07:49,688
No!

189
00:07:50,986 --> 00:07:52,345
Fine.

190
00:08:00,952 --> 00:08:02,010
I'm sorry.

191
00:08:02,012 --> 00:08:03,464
Now we're making progress.

192
00:08:03,489 --> 00:08:04,699
Emme can come back to my class.

193
00:08:04,724 --> 00:08:06,715
Oh! Great. Thank you.

194
00:08:06,717 --> 00:08:08,815
Big win for the captain.

195
00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:10,306
Oh, this is gonna mean a lot to Andi.

196
00:08:10,331 --> 00:08:11,927
She's always saying how
you're the best teacher

197
00:08:11,952 --> 00:08:13,051
in the whole school.

198
00:08:13,076 --> 00:08:15,030
- Really?
- Yeah, yeah. She told me

199
00:08:15,055 --> 00:08:17,380
that to get Emme in this
class, she spent years

200
00:08:17,405 --> 00:08:19,672
kissing your butt.

201
00:08:21,344 --> 00:08:22,464
What was that?

202
00:08:27,124 --> 00:08:28,036
Uh...

203
00:08:28,038 --> 00:08:29,971
that... was a compliment.

204
00:08:29,973 --> 00:08:32,974
- No, it wasn't.
- Oh, sure. Sure it was.

205
00:08:33,048 --> 00:08:34,625
Yeah, you know how people are always

206
00:08:34,650 --> 00:08:37,364
joking around and saying crazy stuff?

207
00:08:37,389 --> 00:08:39,915
Like, “Hey, Bob.”
“Kiss my butt, Jim.”

208
00:08:40,486 --> 00:08:42,442
And then they're laughing,
'cause they're buddies.

209
00:08:42,467 --> 00:08:44,085
You know, j-just like us.

210
00:08:44,087 --> 00:08:46,060
- Oh, so we're buddies now?
- Definitely.

211
00:08:46,085 --> 00:08:47,084
- Really?
- Yeah.

212
00:08:47,153 --> 00:08:48,686
What's my first name?

213
00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:55,197
Uh...

214
00:09:03,482 --> 00:09:05,607
That's what I thought. I
think Emme would be better off

215
00:09:05,609 --> 00:09:06,675
staying in the other class.

216
00:09:06,677 --> 00:09:08,577
What? Oh, come on!

217
00:09:08,579 --> 00:09:10,593
It's not like you know my first name.

218
00:09:10,618 --> 00:09:11,657
Adam.

219
00:09:11,682 --> 00:09:13,991
Oh. Well, yeah. Anyone could guess that.

220
00:09:14,016 --> 00:09:15,250
It's like the first name ever.

221
00:09:28,445 --> 00:09:29,777
What's with the flowers?

222
00:09:29,779 --> 00:09:32,780
Is it the day after
Mom's birthday again?

223
00:09:33,850 --> 00:09:35,426
No.

224
00:09:35,451 --> 00:09:36,984
Wait...

225
00:09:38,236 --> 00:09:39,888
No. No.

226
00:09:39,890 --> 00:09:41,756
Don't scare me like that!

227
00:09:42,141 --> 00:09:43,924
Oh! I think I hear Mom's car.

228
00:09:43,949 --> 00:09:46,520
Okay, guys, go play outside,
and enjoy your childhood,

229
00:09:46,545 --> 00:09:49,112
'cause it only gets more complicated.

230
00:09:51,221 --> 00:09:53,935
Hey. There's my beautiful wife.

231
00:09:54,428 --> 00:09:56,453
Flowers? What for?

232
00:09:56,455 --> 00:09:58,621
Do I need a reason to buy you flowers?

233
00:09:58,623 --> 00:10:00,491
Historically, yes.

234
00:10:01,850 --> 00:10:04,551
Okay, fine. I know this is
gonna make you mad, but...

235
00:10:04,623 --> 00:10:07,340
I transferred Emme out
of Mrs. Rodriguez's class

236
00:10:07,365 --> 00:10:09,804
but look at the pretty flowers!

237
00:10:10,132 --> 00:10:11,178
What?

238
00:10:11,203 --> 00:10:12,875
I can't believe you did that,

239
00:10:12,900 --> 00:10:14,448
after we talked this morning!

240
00:10:14,473 --> 00:10:17,006
Well, not sure this is
gonna help me, but...

241
00:10:17,512 --> 00:10:19,242
I did it before we talked.

242
00:10:19,244 --> 00:10:20,276
Ooh!

243
00:10:20,278 --> 00:10:22,445
Ah!

244
00:10:23,328 --> 00:10:24,314
Oh...

245
00:10:24,316 --> 00:10:25,648
Huh?

246
00:10:26,467 --> 00:10:27,528
All right, look.

247
00:10:27,553 --> 00:10:29,349
Mrs. Rodriguez is impossible!

248
00:10:29,374 --> 00:10:30,720
It's too much work!

249
00:10:30,722 --> 00:10:33,152
Oh, so you did this for
your own selfish reasons.

250
00:10:33,177 --> 00:10:36,746
Well, a lot of great stuff
was done for selfish reasons.

251
00:10:37,774 --> 00:10:39,319
The guy who invented fire.

252
00:10:39,344 --> 00:10:41,811
Probably freezing his ass off.

253
00:10:42,087 --> 00:10:43,487
Oh, my God.

254
00:10:43,612 --> 00:10:45,470
Well, and, and...

255
00:10:45,495 --> 00:10:47,110
it's good for Emme, too.

256
00:10:47,135 --> 00:10:48,894
Her best friend is in the other class.

257
00:10:48,919 --> 00:10:50,619
Yeah, and you know why
the school separated them?

258
00:10:50,644 --> 00:10:51,943
Because they talk too much.

259
00:10:52,177 --> 00:10:54,354
No fair, that is new information.

260
00:10:54,969 --> 00:10:56,379
Well, everything's new information

261
00:10:56,381 --> 00:10:57,914
when you don't know anything.

262
00:10:59,899 --> 00:11:02,752
You know, maybe instead
of just criticizing me,

263
00:11:02,754 --> 00:11:04,759
you could try seeing my side of it.

264
00:11:04,784 --> 00:11:08,218
Yeah, but your side
of it is so... wrong.

265
00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:10,068
You know what?

266
00:11:10,235 --> 00:11:11,905
I'll go down there, I'll talk to her.

267
00:11:11,930 --> 00:11:13,162
She likes me.

268
00:11:13,949 --> 00:11:16,633
Yeah, about that.

269
00:11:18,044 --> 00:11:19,678
Oh, good, it gets worse.

270
00:11:19,703 --> 00:11:21,815
Well, just a little, and
then we're all caught up.

271
00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:22,939
So,

272
00:11:22,941 --> 00:11:24,557
when I went back to apologize,

273
00:11:24,582 --> 00:11:26,334
like I knew you would've wanted me to,

274
00:11:26,497 --> 00:11:29,398
I complimented her, and she got all mad.

275
00:11:30,415 --> 00:11:32,048
How did you compliment her?

276
00:11:32,534 --> 00:11:34,008
Is that really important?

277
00:11:36,086 --> 00:11:37,987
I told her that you kissed her butt

278
00:11:38,012 --> 00:11:39,866
to get Emme into her class,

279
00:11:39,891 --> 00:11:42,848
and, for some reason, she took offense.

280
00:11:42,873 --> 00:11:44,176
Oh. Pfft.

281
00:11:44,201 --> 00:11:45,745
Yeah, so what happened next?

282
00:11:45,770 --> 00:11:47,264
Did you punch her in the throat?

283
00:11:47,966 --> 00:11:48,781
I just...

284
00:11:48,806 --> 00:11:50,339
how could you say that to Alicia?

285
00:11:50,435 --> 00:11:51,469
Alicia!

286
00:11:51,494 --> 00:11:53,513
That's her name.

287
00:11:54,854 --> 00:11:55,766
Look, you know, anyway,

288
00:11:55,791 --> 00:11:58,084
I should be allowed to make
these kind of decisions.

289
00:11:58,109 --> 00:11:59,618
After all, I am the captain.

290
00:11:59,643 --> 00:12:01,121
Yeah, I only told you
that so you'd finish

291
00:12:01,146 --> 00:12:02,412
blowing up the balloons.

292
00:12:04,249 --> 00:12:06,249
Hold on a second.

293
00:12:06,251 --> 00:12:08,863
Are you saying that I'm not the captain?

294
00:12:08,888 --> 00:12:11,225
Well, you're the captain of balloons.

295
00:12:13,625 --> 00:12:15,620
Look, here's what's gonna happen.

296
00:12:15,745 --> 00:12:17,320
I'm gonna go down
there tomorrow with you

297
00:12:17,345 --> 00:12:19,005
and a box of chocolates,
and I'm gonna...

298
00:12:19,030 --> 00:12:20,263
kiss her butt some more,

299
00:12:20,584 --> 00:12:21,850
and I'm gonna fix this.

300
00:12:22,143 --> 00:12:23,331
I don't need you

301
00:12:23,356 --> 00:12:24,574
cleaning up my messes, okay?

302
00:12:24,599 --> 00:12:25,664
I can handle this.

303
00:12:26,076 --> 00:12:28,060
Adam, listen to me,

304
00:12:28,484 --> 00:12:30,505
I am the captain now.

305
00:12:39,181 --> 00:12:40,838
Okay, I don't know if this
is what you were going for,

306
00:12:40,863 --> 00:12:42,734
but I am really turned on right now.

307
00:12:46,232 --> 00:12:47,840
Look, you know what Adam's like.

308
00:12:47,864 --> 00:12:50,096
He-he just says stuff,
he doesn't think.

309
00:12:50,121 --> 00:12:51,920
I really don't.

310
00:12:52,163 --> 00:12:54,802
But to imply that currying
favor has any impact

311
00:12:54,827 --> 00:12:57,394
on how I run my classroom is insulting.

312
00:12:57,419 --> 00:12:59,512
Look, I'm well aware that
parents give me presents

313
00:12:59,537 --> 00:13:01,206
just because they
want something from me.

314
00:13:01,231 --> 00:13:03,539
Ugh. Yeah, those parents are the worst.

315
00:13:05,008 --> 00:13:07,050
- Although the presents are nice.
- Oh, yeah, I mean,

316
00:13:07,075 --> 00:13:08,931
who doesn't like a little
treat now and again?

317
00:13:10,081 --> 00:13:12,100
- But it doesn't change anything.
- No, of course not,

318
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:14,559
you're above all that.

319
00:13:14,653 --> 00:13:16,019
Just give me the chocolates.

320
00:13:19,442 --> 00:13:21,391
There's a little chart in there

321
00:13:21,393 --> 00:13:23,563
so you don't get surprised by anything.

322
00:13:23,588 --> 00:13:25,794
You wouldn't want to bite into
one of those cherry squirty ones

323
00:13:25,819 --> 00:13:26,939
when you're wearing a white blouse.

324
00:13:28,733 --> 00:13:30,464
Look, we didn't mean to insult you.

325
00:13:30,489 --> 00:13:32,614
You know, it's just how
we show appreciation.

326
00:13:32,639 --> 00:13:35,486
I mean, we kiss butt because we love.

327
00:13:35,511 --> 00:13:36,510
Yeah.

328
00:13:36,535 --> 00:13:37,697
Let's be honest,

329
00:13:37,722 --> 00:13:40,200
butt kissing makes the world go round.

330
00:13:40,537 --> 00:13:43,461
Everybody does it. I
kiss my clients' butts.

331
00:13:43,486 --> 00:13:45,230
My crew kisses my butt.

332
00:13:45,255 --> 00:13:47,259
Yeah, I mean, “World's
Greatest Teacher”"

333
00:13:47,284 --> 00:13:48,995
You didn't buy that for yourself, right?

334
00:13:49,020 --> 00:13:50,457
Good point, honey.

335
00:13:50,482 --> 00:13:52,596
See, I just kissed my
wife's butt, she's not mad.

336
00:13:52,621 --> 00:13:55,221
No, I rather enjoyed it, yeah.

337
00:13:55,326 --> 00:13:57,554
Now, he's a very good butt kisser.

338
00:13:57,579 --> 00:13:58,256
Aw.

339
00:13:58,281 --> 00:14:00,407
Uh, no, he's not, he's terrible.

340
00:14:00,432 --> 00:14:02,516
He quit because of
Teacher Appreciation Day.

341
00:14:02,541 --> 00:14:04,647
That's the Super Bowl of butt kissing.

342
00:14:04,882 --> 00:14:06,001
Look, there are plenty of ways

343
00:14:06,026 --> 00:14:08,560
to get on my good side,
if you cared enough to try.

344
00:14:08,585 --> 00:14:11,305
Oh, whoa, hold on, that's unfair.

345
00:14:11,417 --> 00:14:12,754
No, I think I'm being perfectly fair.

346
00:14:12,779 --> 00:14:14,788
He's been working like a dog for you.

347
00:14:14,813 --> 00:14:16,032
Stay on track.

348
00:14:16,057 --> 00:14:18,241
I mean, he's up in the
middle of the night,

349
00:14:18,266 --> 00:14:19,437
he's here every day...

350
00:14:19,462 --> 00:14:20,637
He complains all the time

351
00:14:20,662 --> 00:14:22,790
about every little
thing I ask him to do.

352
00:14:22,815 --> 00:14:25,202
Okay, all right, why is
everybody standing up?

353
00:14:28,592 --> 00:14:29,640
Yeah, well, I'm not gonna let you

354
00:14:29,665 --> 00:14:31,160
talk about my husband that way.

355
00:14:31,162 --> 00:14:33,344
- If anything, I'm being easy on him.
- No, you're not.

356
00:14:33,369 --> 00:14:34,824
You're asking him to do too much.

357
00:14:34,849 --> 00:14:36,701
Well, maybe it seems like a
lot because I have to ask him

358
00:14:36,726 --> 00:14:38,410
to do everything three times.

359
00:14:38,436 --> 00:14:40,627
- Which is fine.
- It's not fine.

360
00:14:40,652 --> 00:14:42,779
He does the bare minimum at best.

361
00:14:42,804 --> 00:14:45,038
I ask him to make puppets,
all I got was attitude.

362
00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:46,305
I don't see any commitment.

363
00:14:46,307 --> 00:14:48,074
You know what? I don't think anybody

364
00:14:48,076 --> 00:14:49,742
could live up to your standards.

365
00:14:49,744 --> 00:14:51,177
- 'Cause you know what? You're...
- Easy.

366
00:14:51,179 --> 00:14:52,704
- You're...
- Careful.

367
00:14:53,868 --> 00:14:55,567
You're high maintenance.

368
00:14:55,953 --> 00:14:58,051
Better than I thought it would be.

369
00:14:59,154 --> 00:15:00,989
How's it going? Are they
getting Emme back in the class?

370
00:15:01,014 --> 00:15:02,922
I don't know, you keep talking.

371
00:15:03,637 --> 00:15:05,425
Uh-oh, angry footsteps.

372
00:15:05,427 --> 00:15:06,959
Angry footsteps.

373
00:15:10,683 --> 00:15:12,945
So, Adam, you back? What happened?

374
00:15:12,970 --> 00:15:15,137
Lady fight, big step backwards.

375
00:15:16,871 --> 00:15:19,683
And that's why you never do
stuff without asking your wife.

376
00:15:20,183 --> 00:15:22,852
I once made a decision
without consulting my wife.

377
00:15:23,297 --> 00:15:25,078
But then we got married anyway.

378
00:15:31,419 --> 00:15:32,785
- Hi, Andi.
- Hey, Don.

379
00:15:33,199 --> 00:15:34,128
Hey, honey.

380
00:15:34,153 --> 00:15:35,633
How was the rest of your
day? You feeling better?

381
00:15:35,658 --> 00:15:38,034
No, I mean, because I lost my temper,

382
00:15:38,059 --> 00:15:41,060
Emme's stuck in the
crummy kindergarten class.

383
00:15:41,062 --> 00:15:42,898
I really don't think
it's that big of a deal.

384
00:15:42,923 --> 00:15:44,529
Or it could be the
difference between her being

385
00:15:44,554 --> 00:15:46,232
a Supreme Court justice, or a...

386
00:15:46,234 --> 00:15:48,401
cocktail waitress at an Indian casino.

387
00:15:49,070 --> 00:15:52,105
Hey, either way, she's
wearing a silly outfit.

388
00:15:52,609 --> 00:15:53,839
Well, I guess the good news is

389
00:15:53,864 --> 00:15:55,659
that you're not room
parent anymore, so...

390
00:15:55,684 --> 00:15:57,056
that's a win.

391
00:15:58,970 --> 00:16:01,681
Hey, you won.

392
00:16:03,118 --> 00:16:04,484
Savor this.

393
00:16:04,486 --> 00:16:05,877
I didn't win.

394
00:16:05,902 --> 00:16:07,268
Didn't you hear her tone?

395
00:16:07,355 --> 00:16:09,355
It's not how you say
it, it's what you say.

396
00:16:09,357 --> 00:16:13,726
Like, “Shania Twain wants
to take a bath with you.”

397
00:16:13,924 --> 00:16:16,295
Sing it, scream it, cry it, either way

398
00:16:16,297 --> 00:16:18,431
I'm clean and happy.

399
00:16:19,660 --> 00:16:20,953
Why the bath?

400
00:16:20,978 --> 00:16:22,777
You know what? I don't care.

401
00:16:25,306 --> 00:16:27,273
I started this whole thing.

402
00:16:27,275 --> 00:16:30,309
I got to find a way
to win Rodriguez over.

403
00:16:30,567 --> 00:16:32,153
What would a captain do?

404
00:16:32,695 --> 00:16:34,413
Which reminds me...

405
00:16:34,415 --> 00:16:37,617
I got you something
that I think might help.

406
00:16:37,619 --> 00:16:39,819
Here you go, Captain.

407
00:16:42,524 --> 00:16:44,281
Yeah, yeah, I deserve that.

408
00:16:44,466 --> 00:16:46,165
Happy sailing!

409
00:16:46,427 --> 00:16:48,161
And just remember... even if you get

410
00:16:48,163 --> 00:16:50,309
through the Straits of
Forgiveness, some day,

411
00:16:50,334 --> 00:16:53,402
there's a torpedo heading your
way from the S.S. Menopause.

412
00:16:56,580 --> 00:16:58,382
I'm gonna need a bigger boat.

413
00:17:02,849 --> 00:17:05,013
I think if you just
give Adam another chance,

414
00:17:05,038 --> 00:17:06,345
he won't disappoint you.

415
00:17:06,347 --> 00:17:08,564
He's already done a
lot personally for me.

416
00:17:08,589 --> 00:17:10,992
He's like... he's like my Phil Jackson.

417
00:17:11,017 --> 00:17:12,850
Sports reference. What's up?

418
00:17:13,675 --> 00:17:15,865
And I think the whole
class will miss him.

419
00:17:15,890 --> 00:17:17,290
Well, my decision hasn't changed

420
00:17:17,292 --> 00:17:19,392
since you asked me
through the bathroom door.

421
00:17:24,321 --> 00:17:25,403
What are you doing here?

422
00:17:25,428 --> 00:17:27,428
I bet I know exactly
what he's doing here.

423
00:17:34,611 --> 00:17:36,375
A puppet theater.

424
00:17:36,377 --> 00:17:38,778
Oh, I was way off.

425
00:17:40,041 --> 00:17:42,114
Oh, my God, it's beautiful.

426
00:17:42,139 --> 00:17:44,677
No other room parent has
ever done anything like this.

427
00:17:44,702 --> 00:17:45,651
Did you build this?

428
00:17:45,653 --> 00:17:48,583
Yup. Happy Teacher Appreciation Day.

429
00:17:49,177 --> 00:17:52,558
I hope you'll consider letting
Emme back into your class, and,

430
00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:54,360
as you're making your decision,

431
00:17:54,362 --> 00:17:57,129
I'll ask you to press the
button on that little remote.

432
00:18:03,130 --> 00:18:05,330
Not just the bare minimum, right?

433
00:18:05,511 --> 00:18:06,502
Oh, wait a minute.

434
00:18:06,794 --> 00:18:09,581
Is this just a sophisticated
way of kissing my butt?

435
00:18:09,995 --> 00:18:12,042
- Well, I wouldn't call it that.
- 'Cause it's working.

436
00:18:12,067 --> 00:18:15,818
Oh. So, can Emme come
back to your class?

437
00:18:15,843 --> 00:18:19,125
Well, of course she can.

438
00:18:19,150 --> 00:18:21,270
And I haven't been able
to find a replacement

439
00:18:21,302 --> 00:18:23,769
so, maybe you could, you know...

440
00:18:23,794 --> 00:18:24,636
Just...

441
00:18:27,238 --> 00:18:28,785
Come back as room parent.

442
00:18:28,810 --> 00:18:30,643
It's happening.

443
00:18:32,724 --> 00:18:33,699
Okay, okay.

444
00:18:33,701 --> 00:18:35,195
- But I have a few conditions.
- No.

445
00:18:35,220 --> 00:18:36,178
- Well, just hear me out.
- No.

446
00:18:36,203 --> 00:18:37,879
- If we could just...
- No!

447
00:18:39,731 --> 00:18:41,607
- Okay. Deal.
- Good!

448
00:18:46,698 --> 00:18:49,749
Are we just gonna stand
here, or are we gonna hug?

449
00:18:51,448 --> 00:18:52,585
- We're just gonna stand here.
- We're just gonna stand here.

450
00:18:52,587 --> 00:18:53,897
Yeah.

451
00:18:56,641 --> 00:18:58,724
Nice job on the puppet theater, babe.

452
00:18:58,726 --> 00:19:00,565
I bet you knocked her socks off.

453
00:19:00,590 --> 00:19:02,900
Yeah. I just feel bad for the kids.

454
00:19:03,384 --> 00:19:05,641
They have to sit through
a puppet show now.

455
00:19:07,430 --> 00:19:09,644
I mean, you crashed our
ship into an iceberg,

456
00:19:09,669 --> 00:19:11,776
and then I panicked and start
throwing passengers overboard,

457
00:19:11,801 --> 00:19:13,775
but you just hopped
into your little tugboat

458
00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:16,240
and you got us back
on course. Toot, toot!

459
00:19:20,467 --> 00:19:22,648
You don't have to talk
to me like I'm a child.

460
00:19:23,274 --> 00:19:25,084
- I did do that, though.
- Yeah, you did.

461
00:19:26,170 --> 00:19:28,116
You know, it doesn't surprise
me, the fires you start,

462
00:19:28,141 --> 00:19:30,876
but it always surprises
me how you put 'em out.

463
00:19:31,511 --> 00:19:34,627
Hey, it's my job to do the
best I can for our family.

464
00:19:34,629 --> 00:19:36,729
Huh? That way, if the kids turn out bad,

465
00:19:36,731 --> 00:19:38,470
they can't blame it on us.

466
00:19:39,915 --> 00:19:41,179
I know this isn't what you're going for,

467
00:19:41,204 --> 00:19:45,006
but... I am really turned on right now.

468
00:19:46,105 --> 00:19:48,207
Baby, that's always what I'm going for.

469
00:19:59,943 --> 00:20:02,573
The time has come. Bon app�tit, se�or.

470
00:20:03,237 --> 00:20:04,630
You know, I wasn't gonna make you

471
00:20:04,655 --> 00:20:06,651
really eat the ghost pepper if you lost.

472
00:20:06,676 --> 00:20:08,216
- Yes, you were.
- I know.

473
00:20:09,820 --> 00:20:10,623
Uh-huh.

474
00:20:10,648 --> 00:20:12,975
- How hot is this thing?
- It's pretty hot.

475
00:20:13,100 --> 00:20:14,655
They made me sign some
papers and watch a video

476
00:20:14,657 --> 00:20:16,257
before they let me take it.

477
00:20:17,175 --> 00:20:18,697
Okay, would you be willing
to exchange it for a spider?

478
00:20:18,722 --> 00:20:20,344
I'll munch a spider right now.

479
00:20:20,430 --> 00:20:21,606
I've already seen that.

480
00:20:23,429 --> 00:20:24,882
Okay, fine.

481
00:20:26,631 --> 00:20:28,428
Oh, you got a little
something on your eye there.

482
00:20:28,453 --> 00:20:31,272
- What?
- Yeah, right... yeah, right there, yeah.

483
00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:35,510
Aah! Okay. I knew you
were gonna do that!

484
00:20:35,959 --> 00:20:37,107
But then I forgot.

485
00:20:37,132 --> 00:20:39,666
Oh, God. Aah.

486
00:20:41,588 --> 00:20:46,588
Synced and corrected by Octavia 
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