1
00:00:01,900 --> 00:00:03,966
[Crow caws]
2
00:00:03,968 --> 00:00:06,269
♪♪
3
00:00:09,899 --> 00:00:12,332
- Oh, God.
- Brick: Yes, it's my birthday.
4
00:00:12,334 --> 00:00:14,735
But don't worry.
I've taken care of everything.
5
00:00:14,737 --> 00:00:16,637
I got my cupcake, I sang to myself,
6
00:00:16,639 --> 00:00:18,239
and I opened the card from
Grandma with the $2 bill in it.
7
00:00:18,241 --> 00:00:19,539
I'm good.
8
00:00:19,541 --> 00:00:21,908
Okay, look, first of all,
we did not forget your birthday.
9
00:00:21,910 --> 00:00:23,531
- We were just...
- Don't even try.
10
00:00:24,513 --> 00:00:27,247
Look, I don't care about any
of the birthday accoutrements.
11
00:00:27,249 --> 00:00:31,117
I just got it out of the way,
so we could concentrate on this.
12
00:00:31,119 --> 00:00:33,186
I thought you had to be 15
to get a learner's permit.
13
00:00:33,188 --> 00:00:35,488
I am 15, and you signed
the permit last week.
14
00:00:35,490 --> 00:00:37,290
That's what that was? [Sighs]
15
00:00:37,292 --> 00:00:39,659
I thought you were gonna
learn how pizza gets made.
16
00:00:39,661 --> 00:00:42,361
Look, I've read all the manuals.
17
00:00:42,363 --> 00:00:43,930
I've got a phone book on the front seat,
18
00:00:43,932 --> 00:00:45,398
which, coincidentally, I've also read.
19
00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:46,666
I'm ready to go.
20
00:00:46,668 --> 00:00:48,601
Now, I know you both want to
share this iconic moment
21
00:00:48,603 --> 00:00:49,702
with your son,
22
00:00:49,704 --> 00:00:51,104
so I'm gonna leave you two
to fight it out,
23
00:00:51,106 --> 00:00:52,305
and I'll meet the winner in the car.
24
00:00:52,307 --> 00:00:53,339
[Keys clatter]
25
00:00:53,341 --> 00:00:57,276
♪♪
26
00:00:57,278 --> 00:01:01,046
Okay, now, before we start,
it is important to remember...
27
00:01:01,048 --> 00:01:04,983
[Tires screech, engine revs]
28
00:01:04,985 --> 00:01:06,185
You're up.
29
00:01:06,187 --> 00:01:08,687
- [Keys jingle]
- Wow, that was fast.
30
00:01:08,689 --> 00:01:09,721
Anything I should know?
31
00:01:10,555 --> 00:01:11,523
The Lord's Prayer.
32
00:01:14,962 --> 00:01:16,377
Frankie, wait.
33
00:01:17,295 --> 00:01:18,763
You're the best thing
that ever happened to me.
34
00:01:18,765 --> 00:01:22,935
♪♪
35
00:01:22,937 --> 00:01:24,803
Well, I don't know
what went wrong with your dad,
36
00:01:24,805 --> 00:01:26,237
but that's not gonna happen with me
37
00:01:26,239 --> 00:01:28,373
because I am much more laid-ba... Aah!
38
00:01:28,375 --> 00:01:31,376
[Tires screech, engine revs]
39
00:01:31,378 --> 00:01:33,845
It was 12 hours ago,
and I'm still sweating.
40
00:01:33,847 --> 00:01:36,180
It's like a high-speed heart attack.
41
00:01:36,182 --> 00:01:38,316
- [Door opens]
- Okay, people, I need your help.
42
00:01:38,318 --> 00:01:40,552
This is serious. All hands on deck.
43
00:01:40,554 --> 00:01:42,820
Sue, you can't just burst in here.
44
00:01:42,822 --> 00:01:44,388
We could have been...
45
00:01:44,390 --> 00:01:45,890
watching TV.
46
00:01:45,892 --> 00:01:47,925
I need to declare a major by Tuesday.
47
00:01:47,927 --> 00:01:49,593
I know I said I was all-in on theater,
48
00:01:49,595 --> 00:01:51,462
but I'm starting to have
second thoughts...
49
00:01:51,464 --> 00:01:53,731
and third thoughts and a few fourths.
50
00:01:53,733 --> 00:01:55,299
Well, the good news
is you have lots of...
51
00:01:55,301 --> 00:01:56,414
I'm thinking German.
52
00:01:56,439 --> 00:01:58,168
German? Where'd that come from?
53
00:01:58,170 --> 00:02:00,337
Well, I'm taking a German class
this semester.
54
00:02:00,339 --> 00:02:03,240
My professor said
I have a real ear for it.
55
00:02:03,242 --> 00:02:06,276
[Speaking German]
56
00:02:09,882 --> 00:02:11,782
Wow, Sue, I didn't know you could...
57
00:02:11,784 --> 00:02:13,384
But I still love acting,
58
00:02:13,386 --> 00:02:16,319
and so I'm considering a double
major of theater and German.
59
00:02:16,321 --> 00:02:17,620
Oh, I don't know. That could be...
60
00:02:17,622 --> 00:02:19,155
But I really love horses,
61
00:02:19,157 --> 00:02:21,992
so veterinary medicine is still
right there in the running.
62
00:02:21,994 --> 00:02:24,027
You've been running
with veterinary medicine?
63
00:02:24,029 --> 00:02:25,595
What happened to archeology?
64
00:02:25,597 --> 00:02:27,864
That was two majors ago. Keep up.
65
00:02:27,866 --> 00:02:28,899
Well, no, no, no, no, no.
66
00:02:28,901 --> 00:02:30,466
I haven't ruled out archeology yet,
67
00:02:30,468 --> 00:02:31,834
so here's what I'm thinking.
68
00:02:31,836 --> 00:02:33,969
A triple major with one minor.
69
00:02:33,971 --> 00:02:36,272
Or better yet... a quadruple major.
70
00:02:36,274 --> 00:02:38,508
My adviser says no one
has ever quadruple majored,
71
00:02:38,510 --> 00:02:42,278
but no one had landed on
the moon before someone did it.
72
00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:43,979
[Gasps] Astronomy!
73
00:02:43,981 --> 00:02:46,749
[Door opens, keys jingle]
74
00:02:46,751 --> 00:02:49,651
Mom? Dad?
75
00:02:53,791 --> 00:02:55,724
Anybody here to take me driving?
76
00:02:55,726 --> 00:02:59,861
♪♪
77
00:02:59,863 --> 00:03:01,496
- Hello?
- [Keys jingling]
78
00:03:05,469 --> 00:03:06,635
Where are you guys?
79
00:03:10,340 --> 00:03:11,434
Hm.
80
00:03:19,950 --> 00:03:21,582
[Sighs]
81
00:03:23,987 --> 00:03:24,986
[Door opens]
82
00:03:24,988 --> 00:03:28,756
Watch your head, dude. Whoo!
83
00:03:28,758 --> 00:03:32,160
All right. Laundry done.
84
00:03:32,162 --> 00:03:33,261
So, how's it going?
85
00:03:33,263 --> 00:03:35,163
That one of Mom's nightstand cookies?
86
00:03:35,165 --> 00:03:36,431
I want to practice my driving,
87
00:03:36,433 --> 00:03:37,765
but Mom and Dad are never around.
88
00:03:37,767 --> 00:03:38,866
Driving?
89
00:03:38,868 --> 00:03:40,200
Got to be 15 to get your permit.
90
00:03:40,202 --> 00:03:41,502
I am 15.
91
00:03:43,038 --> 00:03:44,137
Thought you were 12.
92
00:03:45,508 --> 00:03:48,609
Are you sure about this?
I'm about to drive your house.
93
00:03:48,611 --> 00:03:51,411
Hey, if you can handle the
'Bago, you can handle anything.
94
00:03:51,413 --> 00:03:53,046
It's like my theory on math.
95
00:03:53,048 --> 00:03:55,248
If you start with calculus,
then the rest of it...
96
00:03:55,250 --> 00:03:57,484
like adding and subtracting...
will come easy.
97
00:03:57,486 --> 00:03:59,252
I didn't know that you knew calculus.
98
00:03:59,254 --> 00:04:01,588
I don't 'cause
they didn't start with it.
99
00:04:01,590 --> 00:04:02,504
- [Engine starts]
- All right,
100
00:04:02,529 --> 00:04:04,091
we'll just strap in and then...
101
00:04:04,093 --> 00:04:06,393
Whoa!
102
00:04:06,395 --> 00:04:07,627
Easy there, Earnhardt.
103
00:04:07,629 --> 00:04:09,829
I got some meatballs cooking
back there in a Crock-Pot.
104
00:04:09,831 --> 00:04:12,131
[Horn honks]
105
00:04:12,133 --> 00:04:14,601
Um, where's the turn signal on this?
106
00:04:14,603 --> 00:04:16,503
Who cares?
That's the beauty of the 'Bago.
107
00:04:16,505 --> 00:04:18,170
People just get out of your way.
108
00:04:18,172 --> 00:04:20,206
[Horn honks]
109
00:04:20,208 --> 00:04:22,274
Mike, the dryer's
doing that thing again!
110
00:04:22,276 --> 00:04:24,110
Come in here and I'll show you!
111
00:04:24,112 --> 00:04:27,013
♪♪
112
00:04:27,015 --> 00:04:28,481
- [Whispering] Come here.
- [Whispering] What?
113
00:04:28,483 --> 00:04:31,583
Okay, I just brought you in here
to get out of earshot.
114
00:04:31,585 --> 00:04:33,352
Oh, so the dryer's not really broken?
115
00:04:33,354 --> 00:04:34,586
Oh, it's definitely broken.
116
00:04:34,588 --> 00:04:36,455
- I just didn't want Sue to overhear us.
- Oh.
117
00:04:36,457 --> 00:04:38,957
Should we be concerned about
how much we hide from our kids?
118
00:04:38,959 --> 00:04:40,759
It's just I'm worried about her, Mike.
119
00:04:40,761 --> 00:04:42,661
She's got two days to pick a major,
120
00:04:42,663 --> 00:04:44,496
and she's being so unrealistic.
121
00:04:44,498 --> 00:04:47,465
She is all over the place.
German? Theater?
122
00:04:47,467 --> 00:04:49,434
Where's the future in that?
She's not good.
123
00:04:49,436 --> 00:04:50,736
God, no, she's terrible.
124
00:04:50,738 --> 00:04:51,870
And even the majors
125
00:04:51,872 --> 00:04:53,872
that are a little bit more
practical are a reach.
126
00:04:53,874 --> 00:04:55,206
I mean, veterinary school?
127
00:04:55,208 --> 00:04:57,208
That's harder to get into
than med school.
128
00:04:57,210 --> 00:04:59,310
Remember the time that Doris got her
head stuck in the recycling bin?
129
00:04:59,312 --> 00:05:00,711
Sue panicked.
130
00:05:00,713 --> 00:05:02,447
She ran to the fire department
in her underwear.
131
00:05:02,449 --> 00:05:03,915
Nobody wants a vet like that.
132
00:05:03,917 --> 00:05:05,316
I think we got to talk to her.
133
00:05:05,318 --> 00:05:07,785
I-I mean, I want her to do
something that she loves
134
00:05:07,787 --> 00:05:09,454
but still practical, you know?
135
00:05:09,456 --> 00:05:12,090
When did people decide
they got to like what they do?
136
00:05:12,092 --> 00:05:13,991
- Work is work.
- I know.
137
00:05:13,993 --> 00:05:16,260
There's only four fun jobs
in the world anyway.
138
00:05:16,262 --> 00:05:18,629
Baseball player, football
player, basketball player,
139
00:05:18,631 --> 00:05:19,463
bounty hunter.
140
00:05:19,465 --> 00:05:20,731
Bounty hunter?
141
00:05:20,733 --> 00:05:21,933
Yeah, it's cool.
142
00:05:21,935 --> 00:05:23,568
All right, so, we're agreed.
143
00:05:23,570 --> 00:05:26,170
We can't let her choose
from four insane majors.
144
00:05:26,172 --> 00:05:27,236
[Gasps]
145
00:05:27,941 --> 00:05:29,774
I thought I heard keys.
146
00:05:29,776 --> 00:05:31,141
Okay, I'll handle it.
147
00:05:31,143 --> 00:05:32,276
Mm-hmm.
148
00:05:32,278 --> 00:05:34,678
- ["Jammin'" plays]
- ♪ We're drivin' ♪
149
00:05:37,183 --> 00:05:40,551
♪ I want to drive it with you ♪
150
00:05:40,553 --> 00:05:42,553
♪ We're drivin' ♪
151
00:05:42,555 --> 00:05:44,354
♪ Drivin' ♪
152
00:05:44,356 --> 00:05:47,657
♪ And you're gonna
take a right up here ♪
153
00:05:47,659 --> 00:05:50,526
- [Timer dings]
- Oh, meatballs are done.
154
00:05:50,528 --> 00:05:51,628
Ha-ha!
155
00:05:51,630 --> 00:05:53,329
Oh!
156
00:05:53,331 --> 00:05:55,398
Oh, and, uh, just keep going straight.
157
00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:57,000
Mm-hmm.
158
00:05:57,002 --> 00:05:58,902
Okay, let's see.
159
00:05:58,904 --> 00:06:00,637
- [Thud]
- Still straight?
160
00:06:00,639 --> 00:06:02,505
Yeah.
161
00:06:02,507 --> 00:06:04,407
- A-Axl.
- Whoo!
162
00:06:04,409 --> 00:06:05,541
- Axl!
- [Thud]
163
00:06:05,543 --> 00:06:06,609
Okay.
164
00:06:06,611 --> 00:06:08,344
Whoa, Brick! Brick, stop!
165
00:06:08,346 --> 00:06:09,778
Stop, stop, stop!
166
00:06:12,550 --> 00:06:14,283
♪ We're jammin', we're jammin' ♪
167
00:06:18,055 --> 00:06:20,723
♪ We're jammin', jammin' ♪
168
00:06:20,725 --> 00:06:21,924
[Music shuts off]
169
00:06:24,057 --> 00:06:26,410
[Sighs] I can't sleep.
170
00:06:26,497 --> 00:06:29,331
Every time I shut my eyes,
I see that cow.
171
00:06:29,333 --> 00:06:31,933
Oh, now you see it.
172
00:06:31,935 --> 00:06:33,902
Hey, this is your fault.
173
00:06:33,904 --> 00:06:35,436
You're the one that kept
telling me to go straight.
174
00:06:35,438 --> 00:06:37,906
[Sighs] Yeah, you're right.
It is my fault.
175
00:06:37,908 --> 00:06:39,607
I didn't think I had to tell you to stop
176
00:06:39,609 --> 00:06:42,677
when you got to
the giant polyurethane cow.
177
00:06:42,679 --> 00:06:44,646
Neither of us is innocent here, Axl.
178
00:06:44,648 --> 00:06:47,082
There's cow on both our hands.
179
00:06:47,084 --> 00:06:49,450
[Sighs] I can't go on like this.
180
00:06:49,452 --> 00:06:52,186
I think we have to just come
clean and turn ourselves in.
181
00:06:52,188 --> 00:06:53,288
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
182
00:06:53,290 --> 00:06:55,490
Okay, when we have a nerd emergency,
183
00:06:55,492 --> 00:06:57,992
like where to put a bookmark,
we'll be taking your advice.
184
00:06:57,994 --> 00:06:59,994
But everything else, we'll listen to me.
185
00:06:59,996 --> 00:07:01,929
Okay, pranks like this
happen all the time.
186
00:07:01,931 --> 00:07:05,232
We just got to lay low, and
eventually, it'll all blow over.
187
00:07:05,234 --> 00:07:09,336
Frankie: Unfortunately,
Axl wasn't even close.
188
00:07:09,338 --> 00:07:13,073
Bill: That cow's been there
for 70 years, Frankie.
189
00:07:13,075 --> 00:07:15,943
70 years. Never seen anything like it.
190
00:07:15,945 --> 00:07:18,712
I'm telling you...
Orson is under attack.
191
00:07:18,714 --> 00:07:21,381
- Wait. What?
- Frankie: - Oh, my God. Didn't you hear?
192
00:07:21,383 --> 00:07:22,982
Somebody targeted the Orson cow,
193
00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:24,685
knocked it right off its pedestal.
194
00:07:24,687 --> 00:07:26,119
They found it just lying on the ground.
195
00:07:26,121 --> 00:07:27,354
- Wow.
- Weird.
196
00:07:27,356 --> 00:07:29,423
I'm telling you,
it's the beginning of the end.
197
00:07:29,425 --> 00:07:31,224
You heard about the trouble
they had in Jasper, right?
198
00:07:31,226 --> 00:07:33,727
Watch out 'cause Orson,
yeah, it could be next.
199
00:07:33,729 --> 00:07:35,253
Next for what?
200
00:07:35,278 --> 00:07:37,263
Exactly, Mike. We don't know.
201
00:07:37,265 --> 00:07:39,632
I mean, this was clearly
a coordinated operation
202
00:07:39,634 --> 00:07:42,368
planned and executed
in the dark of night.
203
00:07:42,370 --> 00:07:43,736
Who would want to attack Orson?
204
00:07:43,738 --> 00:07:46,172
Just last week, I saw a guy
with a dirty backpack
205
00:07:46,174 --> 00:07:48,107
hanging outside the Tastee-Freez, yeah.
206
00:07:48,132 --> 00:07:48,802
Oh.
207
00:07:48,827 --> 00:07:51,277
Now, could be just a guy walking
across America for charity,
208
00:07:51,279 --> 00:07:53,531
or could be a bad element.
209
00:07:53,533 --> 00:07:54,853
We don't know.
210
00:07:54,878 --> 00:07:56,915
Well, the Orson Patch
put their best reporter on it.
211
00:07:56,917 --> 00:07:59,652
Pulled him off the leaf-blower
exposé to go full time on this.
212
00:07:59,654 --> 00:08:00,953
That's 15 hours a week.
213
00:08:00,955 --> 00:08:03,789
I don't know. Cow tipping?
214
00:08:03,791 --> 00:08:06,091
Sounds to me like this
whole thing is just a prank.
215
00:08:06,093 --> 00:08:09,127
An easily forgettable prank.
Kids will be kids.
216
00:08:09,129 --> 00:08:11,163
Let's not encourage them
by giving them press.
217
00:08:11,165 --> 00:08:12,764
I heard Nancy Donahue's organizing
218
00:08:12,766 --> 00:08:14,733
a community task force.
219
00:08:14,735 --> 00:08:17,469
Whoever those vandals are,
they are in trouble now
220
00:08:17,471 --> 00:08:19,471
'cause that woman gets stuff done.
221
00:08:19,473 --> 00:08:21,106
Oh, she's on it all right.
222
00:08:21,108 --> 00:08:23,641
Operation Protect Our Orson
is well under way.
223
00:08:23,643 --> 00:08:25,410
They're gonna bring
these tippers to justice.
224
00:08:25,412 --> 00:08:27,879
You know, the sheriff
was quoted in the Patch saying
225
00:08:27,881 --> 00:08:30,648
he wasn't gonna rest until
somebody's head was on a spike.
226
00:08:30,650 --> 00:08:32,984
All right, I'm gonna go
to the hardware store
227
00:08:32,986 --> 00:08:35,186
to get some padlocks
and an American flag.
228
00:08:35,188 --> 00:08:36,954
Can I get you guys one?
229
00:08:36,956 --> 00:08:38,990
No, we're all set. I got to get to work.
230
00:08:38,992 --> 00:08:40,564
Hey, uh...
231
00:08:42,161 --> 00:08:44,195
be careful out there.
232
00:08:44,197 --> 00:08:46,931
♪♪
233
00:08:51,971 --> 00:08:53,637
I told you we got to turn ourselves in.
234
00:08:53,639 --> 00:08:54,738
What? Why?
235
00:08:54,740 --> 00:08:55,806
You heard them...
236
00:08:55,808 --> 00:08:57,375
they're putting people's on spikes.
237
00:08:57,377 --> 00:08:58,675
I don't know.
238
00:08:58,677 --> 00:09:00,077
I think my head would look
pretty good on a spike.
239
00:09:00,079 --> 00:09:01,845
Your head doesn't even look good
on your body.
240
00:09:01,847 --> 00:09:03,747
How are you not more worried about this?
241
00:09:03,749 --> 00:09:05,181
'Cause, dude, they got no evidence.
242
00:09:05,183 --> 00:09:06,884
There's nothing that links us
to the crime.
243
00:09:07,812 --> 00:09:09,453
That's not entirely accurate.
244
00:09:11,457 --> 00:09:13,023
Aw, is that the cow horn?
245
00:09:13,025 --> 00:09:15,726
Dude, why did you bring this here?
246
00:09:15,728 --> 00:09:16,927
I didn't mean to.
247
00:09:16,929 --> 00:09:19,362
When we got out of the Winnebago
to check the damage,
248
00:09:19,364 --> 00:09:20,420
I picked it up.
249
00:09:20,422 --> 00:09:22,865
Then realized my fingerprints
were on it, so I just took it.
250
00:09:22,867 --> 00:09:25,635
So you brought home the one
thing that incriminates us.
251
00:09:25,637 --> 00:09:28,238
I panicked, and for good reason.
252
00:09:28,240 --> 00:09:30,073
There's no way
we're getting out of this.
253
00:09:30,075 --> 00:09:31,908
In books, they always catch the culprit.
254
00:09:31,910 --> 00:09:33,276
[Sighs] What books?
255
00:09:33,278 --> 00:09:35,411
How about any Sherlock Holmes novel?
256
00:09:35,413 --> 00:09:36,244
Have you read
257
00:09:36,269 --> 00:09:38,380
- "The Hound of the Baskervilles"?
- No.
258
00:09:38,382 --> 00:09:39,816
- "A Study in Scarlet"?
- No.
259
00:09:39,818 --> 00:09:41,250
- "The Valley of Fear"?
- No!
260
00:09:41,252 --> 00:09:43,052
But I have seen "Captain America."
261
00:09:43,054 --> 00:09:44,219
What happens in that?
262
00:09:44,221 --> 00:09:46,702
I don't know. I kind of lost the plot.
263
00:09:47,209 --> 00:09:49,659
Seriously, Axl, what are going to do?
264
00:09:49,661 --> 00:09:51,693
[Groans] Just give me
a second. I need to think.
265
00:09:51,695 --> 00:09:55,197
[Exhales deeply]
266
00:09:55,199 --> 00:09:57,066
What did happen in "Captain America"?
267
00:09:57,068 --> 00:09:59,935
♪♪
268
00:09:59,937 --> 00:10:01,937
- [Keyboard keys clacking]
- Hey, Sue. You busy?
269
00:10:01,939 --> 00:10:04,173
Just donating $10 to Protect Our Orson.
270
00:10:04,175 --> 00:10:05,874
Oh, and I e-mailed Reverend Timtom,
271
00:10:05,876 --> 00:10:07,609
and he's racing back from Waukesha.
272
00:10:07,611 --> 00:10:09,678
We need his songs now more than ever.
273
00:10:09,680 --> 00:10:11,847
Oh, and I'm thinking of adding
criminal justice
274
00:10:11,849 --> 00:10:13,014
as one of my majors.
275
00:10:13,016 --> 00:10:17,486
Yeah, um, about that.
I've been thinking.
276
00:10:17,488 --> 00:10:19,788
And all those majors sound great,
277
00:10:19,790 --> 00:10:21,690
but four seems like a lot.
278
00:10:21,692 --> 00:10:23,424
Plus, every credit costs money,
279
00:10:23,426 --> 00:10:25,759
so you might want to
narrow it down a little.
280
00:10:25,761 --> 00:10:29,563
Oh. So... just theater then?
281
00:10:29,565 --> 00:10:31,632
That might be a little too narrow.
282
00:10:31,634 --> 00:10:34,535
I mean, what if theater doesn't
turn out to be your thing?
283
00:10:34,537 --> 00:10:37,605
- Ah. German.
- Mm, maybe.
284
00:10:37,607 --> 00:10:39,073
Maybe, although I don't know
285
00:10:39,075 --> 00:10:41,509
if I'd want to put all my eggs
in [German accent] dat basket.
286
00:10:41,511 --> 00:10:43,911
Fine. Large-animal vet it is.
287
00:10:43,913 --> 00:10:45,579
Okay, Sue, I'm just gonna
break it to you.
288
00:10:45,581 --> 00:10:48,983
There's no inheritance, so you
need a job that pays well.
289
00:10:48,985 --> 00:10:50,384
[Scoffs] Vet pays well.
290
00:10:50,386 --> 00:10:51,852
Yeah, but it takes a lot of time.
291
00:10:51,854 --> 00:10:54,722
Wait, wait, wait.
Do you not think I can do it?
292
00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:57,157
Mom, I know
when Doris got her head stuck,
293
00:10:57,159 --> 00:10:59,959
I freaked and ran into
the street in my underwear,
294
00:10:59,961 --> 00:11:02,095
but that is the kind of thing
they teach you to handle
295
00:11:02,097 --> 00:11:03,063
in veterinary school.
296
00:11:03,065 --> 00:11:04,831
I'm not saying that you can't.
297
00:11:04,833 --> 00:11:06,866
I'm saying you have to be practical.
298
00:11:06,868 --> 00:11:09,602
You can't just sign up
for everything that looks fun.
299
00:11:09,604 --> 00:11:12,139
- I...
- You need to, you know, focus.
300
00:11:12,141 --> 00:11:14,507
Right now you seem
a little all over the place.
301
00:11:14,509 --> 00:11:16,308
All over the place?
302
00:11:16,310 --> 00:11:19,412
[Speaks German]
303
00:11:19,414 --> 00:11:20,914
Okay, look, Sue.
304
00:11:20,916 --> 00:11:23,883
A lot of people sacrificed
so you could go to college.
305
00:11:23,885 --> 00:11:25,217
And you got four years,
306
00:11:25,219 --> 00:11:27,820
so you got to take
those four years seriously.
307
00:11:27,822 --> 00:11:30,289
I am quadruple majoring, Mom.
308
00:11:30,291 --> 00:11:31,823
What is more serious than that?
309
00:11:31,825 --> 00:11:33,225
Okay, look.
310
00:11:33,227 --> 00:11:35,928
Mom, no offense, but you didn't
even graduate from college.
311
00:11:35,930 --> 00:11:38,464
Hey, I may not have graduated
from college,
312
00:11:38,466 --> 00:11:42,000
but that just makes me an expert
in knowing how important it is.
313
00:11:42,002 --> 00:11:44,002
I mean, the only reason
you're still in school
314
00:11:44,004 --> 00:11:45,837
is that your dad
sold his diaper business.
315
00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:46,939
- So, you...
- Wait. What?
316
00:11:48,508 --> 00:11:50,809
Crap. [Sighs]
317
00:11:50,811 --> 00:11:52,945
All right, yep.
318
00:11:53,427 --> 00:11:55,581
When that whole financial-aid
thing got screwed up,
319
00:11:55,583 --> 00:11:58,316
he didn't want you to miss
an entire year of school,
320
00:11:58,318 --> 00:12:01,086
so your dad sold his business.
321
00:12:02,456 --> 00:12:04,155
Axl: Hey, I got a question.
322
00:12:04,157 --> 00:12:06,691
Have either of you guys
seen "Captain America"?
323
00:12:07,787 --> 00:12:08,945
What?
324
00:12:08,947 --> 00:12:10,828
♪♪
325
00:12:10,830 --> 00:12:12,564
All right.
326
00:12:12,566 --> 00:12:15,100
That should be deep enough. Drop it in.
327
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:18,669
I don't know about this, Axl.
328
00:12:18,671 --> 00:12:20,771
Brick, I am sure
of two things in my life.
329
00:12:20,773 --> 00:12:22,940
One... my head
would look good on anything.
330
00:12:22,942 --> 00:12:24,809
And two... if you want
a problem to go away,
331
00:12:24,811 --> 00:12:26,243
you dig a whole and you bury it.
332
00:12:26,245 --> 00:12:27,211
Really?
333
00:12:27,213 --> 00:12:28,312
Oh, yeah.
334
00:12:28,314 --> 00:12:29,747
If you start digging around this yard,
335
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:31,215
in five minutes, you'd hit report card.
336
00:12:31,217 --> 00:12:34,251
♪♪
337
00:12:42,728 --> 00:12:44,194
You gonna hug me again?
338
00:12:44,196 --> 00:12:45,395
No.
339
00:12:45,397 --> 00:12:48,165
I mean, I want to, but I can wait.
340
00:12:48,167 --> 00:12:50,367
I've been thinking a lot
about everything Mom said,
341
00:12:50,369 --> 00:12:52,002
and you guys are right.
342
00:12:52,004 --> 00:12:54,004
I need to just pick one major.
343
00:12:54,006 --> 00:12:57,073
So just tell me what you want me
to do, and I will do it.
344
00:12:58,064 --> 00:13:00,243
What? I'm not gonna do that.
345
00:13:00,245 --> 00:13:02,512
Why not? You told Axl what to major in.
346
00:13:02,514 --> 00:13:05,715
Axl needed to be told to close his
mouth when he takes a shower.
347
00:13:05,717 --> 00:13:07,617
But you gave up everything for me.
348
00:13:07,619 --> 00:13:10,119
I don't want to disappoint you
or make another mistake.
349
00:13:10,121 --> 00:13:13,786
Tell me what you want me to do.
You have to. Please?
350
00:13:17,962 --> 00:13:19,624
Look, you were never supposed to know
351
00:13:19,626 --> 00:13:20,957
what happened with the business.
352
00:13:20,959 --> 00:13:21,864
That was my choice.
353
00:13:21,866 --> 00:13:23,899
And maybe I didn't do you any
favors trying to protect you,
354
00:13:23,901 --> 00:13:26,935
but I just didn't think you
should have to worry about that.
355
00:13:28,039 --> 00:13:30,471
You're asking me what I want for you.
356
00:13:31,175 --> 00:13:32,440
I don't know.
357
00:13:32,442 --> 00:13:34,043
I-I'll tell you
what I don't want for you.
358
00:13:34,045 --> 00:13:35,744
I don't want you to be
on a first-name basis
359
00:13:35,746 --> 00:13:37,245
with the operator from the gas company,
360
00:13:37,247 --> 00:13:38,781
even though Joyce is very nice
361
00:13:38,783 --> 00:13:41,216
and lets us spread the bill
over three credit cards.
362
00:13:41,679 --> 00:13:43,618
I don't want you
to have to share a battery
363
00:13:43,620 --> 00:13:45,220
between both your cars.
364
00:13:45,222 --> 00:13:47,055
I don't want you
to have to hope for a tornado
365
00:13:47,057 --> 00:13:48,356
to bring your next appliance.
366
00:13:50,427 --> 00:13:52,093
I'm not trying to scare you, kid,
367
00:13:52,095 --> 00:13:55,630
but... it's hard sometimes
living like we do.
368
00:13:57,167 --> 00:13:58,901
And, uh...
369
00:13:59,635 --> 00:14:01,758
what I hope for you
370
00:14:02,305 --> 00:14:03,869
is just that it can be different.
371
00:14:05,333 --> 00:14:06,941
Okay.
372
00:14:06,943 --> 00:14:08,275
Okay?
373
00:14:08,501 --> 00:14:09,901
Okay.
374
00:14:11,538 --> 00:14:13,280
Okay.
375
00:14:13,282 --> 00:14:15,782
♪♪
376
00:14:15,784 --> 00:14:16,950
Okay.
377
00:14:18,505 --> 00:14:21,039
♪♪
378
00:14:21,041 --> 00:14:23,141
[Indistinct conversations]
379
00:14:27,245 --> 00:14:31,113
Axl! Brick!
I've been looking for you boys.
380
00:14:33,251 --> 00:14:35,884
I'm not getting enough outreach
to the young people in town.
381
00:14:35,886 --> 00:14:37,786
Can you two pass out some fliers?
382
00:14:37,788 --> 00:14:41,056
Oh-ho, of course. Anything to help.
383
00:14:41,058 --> 00:14:42,523
- It's a terrible situation.
- [Dog barking]
384
00:14:42,525 --> 00:14:44,359
I mean, we've been up all night
thinking about it.
385
00:14:44,361 --> 00:14:45,393
That is the truth.
386
00:14:45,395 --> 00:14:47,428
These fliers
have to go to the teen center,
387
00:14:47,430 --> 00:14:49,430
but make sure
they don't go to kids under 10.
388
00:14:49,432 --> 00:14:51,032
I don't want to scare anyone.
389
00:14:51,034 --> 00:14:52,734
Oh.
390
00:14:52,736 --> 00:14:55,002
I see you went with Franklin Gothic,
391
00:14:55,004 --> 00:14:56,371
the most serious of fonts.
392
00:14:56,373 --> 00:14:58,740
So, did you boys hear?
393
00:14:58,742 --> 00:15:00,408
Because of where the cow was hit,
394
00:15:00,410 --> 00:15:02,744
the police have determined
that the perps were driving
395
00:15:02,746 --> 00:15:04,879
a large white or off-white vehicle.
396
00:15:04,881 --> 00:15:06,844
- [Coughs]
- Bill: Nancy.
397
00:15:07,651 --> 00:15:09,383
Hey, Paula, just texted me.
398
00:15:09,385 --> 00:15:10,985
There's a car parked at the Panera Bread
399
00:15:10,987 --> 00:15:12,419
with an out-of-state license plate.
400
00:15:12,421 --> 00:15:15,022
Yeah, so, she's gonna send a picture.
401
00:15:15,024 --> 00:15:16,056
Okay.
402
00:15:16,058 --> 00:15:17,691
Okay, you heard him, people!
403
00:15:17,693 --> 00:15:20,394
There's a suspicious vehicle
at the Panera Bread.
404
00:15:20,396 --> 00:15:21,495
Let's move!
405
00:15:21,497 --> 00:15:24,098
And see what the soups are.
406
00:15:24,100 --> 00:15:25,332
Oh, my God.
407
00:15:25,334 --> 00:15:27,434
They've I.D.'d the paint color
of the vehicle now.
408
00:15:27,436 --> 00:15:29,035
Why would you park the 'Bago out front?
409
00:15:29,037 --> 00:15:31,438
Duh, it's called hiding in plain sight.
410
00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:33,507
Don't do anything different
to attract suspicion.
411
00:15:33,509 --> 00:15:36,242
G-Get your nose out of a book
and watch some TV.
412
00:15:36,244 --> 00:15:38,244
I'm telling you, they're gonna
find out it was me.
413
00:15:38,246 --> 00:15:39,446
I mean, who else could it be?
414
00:15:39,448 --> 00:15:41,915
I'm the one who lost
the town slogan contest.
415
00:15:41,917 --> 00:15:43,850
"Orson, the heartland's hidden gem."
416
00:15:43,852 --> 00:15:45,185
It goes right to motive.
417
00:15:45,187 --> 00:15:46,953
Okay, I'll tell you what we're gonna do.
418
00:15:46,955 --> 00:15:49,488
No one's offered up a reward
yet, so we're gonna be the kids
419
00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:51,257
who volunteer
their hard-earned allowance
420
00:15:51,259 --> 00:15:52,591
to help catch the criminals, huh?
421
00:15:52,593 --> 00:15:54,160
We can't afford that.
422
00:15:54,162 --> 00:15:55,695
Oh, my God, Brick,
how can you be so smart
423
00:15:55,697 --> 00:15:56,863
and so dumb at the same time?
424
00:15:56,865 --> 00:15:57,863
It doesn't matter.
425
00:15:57,865 --> 00:15:59,097
No one's gonna collect the reward
426
00:15:59,099 --> 00:16:00,368
'cause we're the ones who did it.
427
00:16:01,246 --> 00:16:03,569
I don't like this, Axl.
I don't like it at all.
428
00:16:03,571 --> 00:16:05,404
We're getting in too deep on this thing.
429
00:16:05,406 --> 00:16:06,706
I think it's too risky.
430
00:16:07,150 --> 00:16:08,140
Wait.
431
00:16:08,142 --> 00:16:09,937
- I think I got it.
- A plan?
432
00:16:09,939 --> 00:16:11,444
No, the plot to "Captain America."
433
00:16:11,446 --> 00:16:14,146
A small bunny cop and a
con-artist fox work together...
434
00:16:14,148 --> 00:16:16,281
Okay, people,
435
00:16:16,283 --> 00:16:18,783
I have been thinking about
everything you've said,
436
00:16:18,785 --> 00:16:21,320
and I know what I want my major to be.
437
00:16:21,322 --> 00:16:23,714
[Clears throat]
I think it's a good decision.
438
00:16:24,291 --> 00:16:26,524
I am going to major in...
439
00:16:27,734 --> 00:16:30,562
...hospitality and hotel management.
440
00:16:33,132 --> 00:16:35,700
Is that a real thing?
Is that something people can do?
441
00:16:35,702 --> 00:16:36,901
Yeah, I just found it.
442
00:16:36,903 --> 00:16:38,670
I was researching other majors,
443
00:16:38,672 --> 00:16:41,406
and it turns out the school
is known for this program.
444
00:16:41,580 --> 00:16:42,841
Listen to this.
445
00:16:42,843 --> 00:16:46,411
92% of graduates find employment
within six months,
446
00:16:46,413 --> 00:16:47,811
and there's tons of benefits.
447
00:16:47,813 --> 00:16:50,514
I mean, I had never really heard
of this as a major before,
448
00:16:50,516 --> 00:16:52,750
but it makes complete sense for me.
449
00:16:52,752 --> 00:16:55,786
It's people-driven, so I could
use my Dollywood experience.
450
00:16:55,788 --> 00:16:57,621
If I'm working abroad...
451
00:16:57,623 --> 00:16:59,590
[Speaks German]
452
00:16:59,592 --> 00:17:01,325
And if it's a pet-friendly hotel,
453
00:17:01,327 --> 00:17:02,760
I'll get to be around animals.
454
00:17:02,762 --> 00:17:05,429
Plus, think of
all the binders I would have.
455
00:17:05,431 --> 00:17:06,997
You know how I feel about binders.
456
00:17:06,999 --> 00:17:10,667
Oh, Sue, hotels... that's awesome.
457
00:17:10,669 --> 00:17:13,537
Yeah. Dad, what do you think?
458
00:17:14,676 --> 00:17:16,139
I think we got a winner.
459
00:17:16,141 --> 00:17:18,041
[Squeals] Okay!
460
00:17:18,043 --> 00:17:21,778
Okay. My major is...
461
00:17:21,780 --> 00:17:22,979
- [Computer chimes]
- ...declared.
462
00:17:22,981 --> 00:17:25,282
- Ah!
- [Laughter]
463
00:17:25,284 --> 00:17:27,951
Yay!
464
00:17:27,953 --> 00:17:29,852
♪♪
465
00:17:29,854 --> 00:17:32,422
Yeah!
466
00:17:35,127 --> 00:17:36,192
♪♪
467
00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:41,480
Rev. Timtom: ♪ You know, the
same God made both cow and man ♪
468
00:17:41,505 --> 00:17:43,776
♪ From similar
but utterly different plans ♪
469
00:17:43,801 --> 00:17:47,170
♪ But cows don't turn on
each other when one says boo ♪
470
00:17:47,172 --> 00:17:50,339
♪ They share the field and
make methane while they moo ♪
471
00:17:50,341 --> 00:17:52,741
♪ We can learn a lot
from our bovine friends ♪
472
00:17:52,743 --> 00:17:54,743
♪ Our spots might be different,
but our future depends ♪
473
00:17:54,745 --> 00:17:57,312
♪ On herding together
and getting along ♪
474
00:17:57,314 --> 00:17:59,748
♪ That's what makes us Orson strong ♪
475
00:17:59,750 --> 00:18:02,651
- [Cheers and applause]
- That's right. Orson strong.
476
00:18:02,653 --> 00:18:05,487
Nancy: Thank you, Reverend Timtom.
477
00:18:05,489 --> 00:18:07,355
Now, let's get down to business.
478
00:18:07,357 --> 00:18:10,225
We're here to talk about
this horrific vandalism
479
00:18:10,227 --> 00:18:12,561
that has besmirched our beloved Orson.
480
00:18:12,563 --> 00:18:14,529
They can knock down our cow,
481
00:18:14,531 --> 00:18:16,565
but they can't knock down our spirit!
482
00:18:16,567 --> 00:18:19,301
[Cheers and applause]
483
00:18:19,303 --> 00:18:21,369
Now, as an example of Orson pride,
484
00:18:21,371 --> 00:18:23,305
there are two special individuals
485
00:18:23,307 --> 00:18:24,606
I'd like to bring up.
486
00:18:24,608 --> 00:18:29,944
They've offered a reward
from their own money of $500.
487
00:18:29,946 --> 00:18:34,182
Come on up here, Axl and Brick Heck.
488
00:18:34,184 --> 00:18:36,250
- Oh, crap.
- They did it.
489
00:18:36,252 --> 00:18:38,152
[Cheers and applause]
490
00:18:42,725 --> 00:18:45,680
Uh, shucks.
We just wanted to do our part.
491
00:18:46,529 --> 00:18:50,385
After all Orson is
the heartland's hidden gem.
492
00:18:54,670 --> 00:18:56,403
You know, as a town,
493
00:18:56,405 --> 00:18:58,371
we're probably gonna have to
accept the fact
494
00:18:58,373 --> 00:19:00,774
that we'll never actually
find out who did this, but...
495
00:19:00,776 --> 00:19:02,175
Derrick: I know who did it.
496
00:19:04,646 --> 00:19:05,879
Derrick Glossner?
497
00:19:05,881 --> 00:19:07,848
I'm gonna tell you who did it right now.
498
00:19:09,618 --> 00:19:11,099
Donald Wayne Glossner.
499
00:19:12,087 --> 00:19:14,530
Glossners. I knew it.
500
00:19:14,956 --> 00:19:16,856
Yep, he stole the ice-cream truck again
501
00:19:16,858 --> 00:19:18,324
and rammed into the cow.
502
00:19:18,326 --> 00:19:19,925
Why'd you do it, Donald?
503
00:19:19,927 --> 00:19:21,461
None of your damn business.
504
00:19:21,890 --> 00:19:23,963
Okay, then, I want my money.
505
00:19:23,965 --> 00:19:25,498
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.
506
00:19:25,500 --> 00:19:26,866
We can't just hand out money
507
00:19:26,868 --> 00:19:28,601
without a proper investigation, right?
508
00:19:28,603 --> 00:19:30,670
And since when is it legal
to give a reward
509
00:19:30,672 --> 00:19:33,005
to one relative
for turning in their brother?
510
00:19:33,007 --> 00:19:34,606
'Cause if that's a possibility...
511
00:19:34,608 --> 00:19:37,309
I've actually got a great song
for just such an occasion...
512
00:19:37,311 --> 00:19:39,278
about two little scamps
called Cain and Abel.
513
00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:40,946
♪ Oh, Cain and Abel ♪
514
00:19:40,948 --> 00:19:41,981
Not now.
515
00:19:41,983 --> 00:19:42,915
Sheriff.
516
00:19:42,917 --> 00:19:44,349
Well, I don't know.
517
00:19:44,351 --> 00:19:46,752
If says that Donald did
what he's accused of,
518
00:19:46,754 --> 00:19:47,952
then a reward might...
519
00:19:47,954 --> 00:19:50,188
I'm telling you I know he didn't do it.
520
00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:51,390
How do you know that?
521
00:19:56,196 --> 00:19:57,829
[Gasps]
522
00:19:59,667 --> 00:20:02,133
Okay, in light of new information,
we're gonna wrap this up.
523
00:20:02,135 --> 00:20:03,368
Thanks for coming, everyone.
524
00:20:03,370 --> 00:20:04,635
Play us out. Play us out.
525
00:20:04,637 --> 00:20:06,104
♪ Cain and Abel fought terribly ♪
526
00:20:06,106 --> 00:20:07,505
What's going on?
527
00:20:07,507 --> 00:20:09,307
♪ In fact, they needed
anger-management therapy ♪
528
00:20:09,309 --> 00:20:11,676
♪ 'Cause when Abel said,
"Just you wait till God gets home" ♪
529
00:20:11,678 --> 00:20:13,978
♪ Cain hit him in the head
with a great big stone ♪
530
00:20:13,980 --> 00:20:15,113
♪ Not cool ♪
531
00:20:15,115 --> 00:20:16,815
♪ They should've just talked it out ♪
532
00:20:16,817 --> 00:20:19,483
♪ Brothers and sisters,
just talking it out ♪
533
00:20:19,485 --> 00:20:20,818
Yep, in a small town,
534
00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:23,053
things sure can get blown
out of proportion.
535
00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:25,489
But the nice thing about a small town
536
00:20:25,491 --> 00:20:28,793
is folks are also willing
to give you a second chance.
537
00:20:28,795 --> 00:20:30,093
Look, boys.
538
00:20:30,095 --> 00:20:33,297
I reckon all of us make a
mistake at one time or another.
539
00:20:33,299 --> 00:20:37,868
I once put a king snake
in my neighbor's pool.
540
00:20:38,242 --> 00:20:40,737
But we're willing to let this one slide
541
00:20:40,739 --> 00:20:43,172
as long as you two
do a little community service.
542
00:20:44,443 --> 00:20:45,775
And in the spirit of service,
543
00:20:45,777 --> 00:20:47,477
I've taken the liberty of signing you up
544
00:20:47,479 --> 00:20:51,013
for my intensive Laboring
for the Lord good work squad.
545
00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:52,915
And, you...
546
00:20:53,201 --> 00:20:54,951
it's gonna be at least a year
547
00:20:54,953 --> 00:20:57,019
before we let you
get behind the wheel again.
548
00:20:57,631 --> 00:20:59,055
I'm sorry, son.
549
00:20:59,057 --> 00:21:01,645
But that license
is just gonna have to wait.
550
00:21:05,029 --> 00:21:06,795
["Jammin'" plays]
551
00:21:12,303 --> 00:21:13,302
♪ Ooh, yeah ♪
552
00:21:13,304 --> 00:21:14,603
Every week, huh?
553
00:21:14,605 --> 00:21:16,405
Every week.
554
00:21:16,407 --> 00:21:17,573
A year will go fast.
555
00:21:17,575 --> 00:21:18,640
♪ We're jammin' ♪
556
00:21:18,642 --> 00:21:21,810
♪ Jammin', jammin', jammin' ♪
557
00:21:21,812 --> 00:21:24,713
♪ I want to jam it with you ♪
558
00:21:25,389 --> 00:21:31,673
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