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00:00:07,348 --> 00:00:09,332
"As Malcolm bent the 17-year-old Sally
2
00:00:09,401 --> 00:00:12,502
over the lip of his tanker desk,
he thought back to her baptism."
3
00:00:12,571 --> 00:00:13,703
What the shit?!
4
00:00:13,772 --> 00:00:15,505
"That summer day in '73, every car radio
5
00:00:15,674 --> 00:00:17,440
"blaring 'Search and Destroy,'
6
00:00:17,509 --> 00:00:19,342
"a warm rain lashing down
7
00:00:19,411 --> 00:00:22,612
like sweat flinging off a
groupie's bouncing tits."
8
00:00:22,681 --> 00:00:25,949
It's like being molested by
an audio book. What is this?
9
00:00:26,017 --> 00:00:27,951
"The Width of a Peach." My masterpiece
10
00:00:28,019 --> 00:00:30,186
of multi-generational
sexploitative literature.
11
00:00:30,255 --> 00:00:31,421
Why the hell
12
00:00:31,490 --> 00:00:33,289
would you read me literature?
13
00:00:33,358 --> 00:00:35,225
You know I don't like good things.
14
00:00:35,293 --> 00:00:37,961
Last night, you said that
I would never be successful.
15
00:00:38,029 --> 00:00:39,996
Well, I stayed up all night
16
00:00:40,065 --> 00:00:44,200
and wrote 35 amazing
pages just to spite you.
17
00:00:44,269 --> 00:00:47,470
So, ha! Consider yourself
thoroughly spited.
18
00:00:47,539 --> 00:00:48,571
Ha!
19
00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:50,006
Cool.
20
00:00:50,075 --> 00:00:52,375
Okay, I take back the thing I said.
21
00:00:52,444 --> 00:00:54,110
You will be successful.
22
00:00:54,179 --> 00:00:55,478
Thank you!
23
00:00:58,349 --> 00:00:59,916
Now it's your turn.
24
00:00:59,984 --> 00:01:02,218
I'm proud of me, too.
25
00:01:02,287 --> 00:01:04,353
No, Jimmy! It's your turn to take back
26
00:01:04,422 --> 00:01:05,955
the mega-harsh thing you said to me.
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00:01:06,024 --> 00:01:08,191
And then, voila, everything
goes back to Normal Town,
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00:01:08,259 --> 00:01:10,693
et cetera, et cetera...
a little makeup boneage.
29
00:01:10,762 --> 00:01:12,462
Maybe some titty massages for Jimmy.
30
00:01:14,099 --> 00:01:15,965
Wait, what exactly am
I meant to take back?
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00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:18,000
I can't see myself having kids with her.
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00:01:18,069 --> 00:01:19,102
Oh, that.
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00:01:19,170 --> 00:01:21,304
No, I'm 100% sticking by that.
34
00:01:21,372 --> 00:01:23,473
Hey, can we do this titty
massage on the patio?
35
00:01:23,541 --> 00:01:25,741
I just want to keep an eye
on the hummingbird feeder.
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00:01:25,841 --> 00:01:27,110
- Jimmy!
- You have dropped
37
00:01:27,178 --> 00:01:29,979
eight iPhones in the last year,
38
00:01:30,048 --> 00:01:32,482
one into a vat of
ranch at Souplantation.
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00:01:32,550 --> 00:01:33,783
Child-rearing
40
00:01:33,852 --> 00:01:35,351
requires skill.
41
00:01:35,420 --> 00:01:36,986
It's not the same as binge-watching
42
00:01:37,055 --> 00:01:43,426
a season of Exemplify.
43
00:01:43,495 --> 00:01:45,628
You a Gamergater? Am I
living with a Gamergater?
44
00:01:45,697 --> 00:01:48,397
Quiet, already!
45
00:01:48,466 --> 00:01:49,799
Why is Lindsay here?
46
00:01:49,868 --> 00:01:51,868
She dumped Paul hard.
I said she could crash.
47
00:01:51,936 --> 00:01:53,736
Mmm...
48
00:01:53,805 --> 00:01:56,472
- Oh, my...
49
00:01:56,541 --> 00:01:58,775
Ah...
50
00:02:00,011 --> 00:02:01,577
What?
51
00:02:01,646 --> 00:02:03,346
I'm supposed to wear
pajamas like an old?
52
00:02:05,150 --> 00:02:07,150
Mmm...
53
00:02:20,098 --> 00:02:24,098
- synced and corrected by DaddyBear -
- www.addic7ed.com -
54
00:02:25,837 --> 00:02:27,804
Wakey-wakey.
55
00:02:27,872 --> 00:02:29,605
I just wrapped up an
early-morning shift
56
00:02:29,674 --> 00:02:31,741
cleaning a frat house
after a "Colonial Bros
57
00:02:31,810 --> 00:02:33,342
and Nava-hos" party.
58
00:02:33,411 --> 00:02:34,744
Got the puke cleaned up,
59
00:02:34,813 --> 00:02:36,212
but the racism and
cultural appropriation
60
00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:38,347
are gonna leave a stain.
Hey, I brought pastries.
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00:02:38,416 --> 00:02:41,884
Okay, but do you want
to talk about last night?
62
00:02:41,953 --> 00:02:43,686
Oh, my God. I was so drunk.
63
00:02:43,755 --> 00:02:45,855
I think I might have hit
up a Del Taco drive-through.
64
00:02:45,924 --> 00:02:48,891
I'm missing my side mirror, and
my fingers smell like hot sauce.
65
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:50,793
- Wait. You drove yourself home?
- Sure.
66
00:02:50,862 --> 00:02:52,361
Drunk driving is easy.
67
00:02:52,430 --> 00:02:53,529
It's just like playing a video game.
68
00:02:53,598 --> 00:02:56,132
You totally freaked
out on me last night.
69
00:02:56,201 --> 00:02:58,201
Well, you took me to a
wedding, and then you ditched me
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00:02:58,269 --> 00:02:59,702
to work on sketch ideas.
71
00:02:59,771 --> 00:03:01,170
Who are you, Will Sasso?
72
00:03:01,239 --> 00:03:02,905
This is my first writing job.
73
00:03:02,974 --> 00:03:04,640
I didn't know anybody,
and you abandoned me.
74
00:03:04,709 --> 00:03:07,643
Yeah. Well, okay, I can see how that...
75
00:03:07,712 --> 00:03:12,281
oh, was really sucky of me.
76
00:03:12,350 --> 00:03:14,851
It was. Thank you.
77
00:03:22,060 --> 00:03:24,460
You know, I'm happy for you.
78
00:03:24,529 --> 00:03:26,329
I mean, shit, I'm a liberal.
79
00:03:26,397 --> 00:03:27,830
God knows I should applaud
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00:03:27,899 --> 00:03:30,533
when an underrepresented
voice gets heard.
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00:03:30,602 --> 00:03:32,869
You mean veterans?
82
00:03:34,439 --> 00:03:36,272
Yeah. That, too.
83
00:03:36,341 --> 00:03:37,874
Hey, you want a pastry?
84
00:03:37,942 --> 00:03:40,476
I-I just want to make sure
that you aren't implying
85
00:03:40,545 --> 00:03:43,312
that I was hired just
I'm Latino.
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00:03:43,381 --> 00:03:46,115
What? Of course not.
I don't even see race.
87
00:03:51,556 --> 00:03:52,922
Hey, when did they
put this awesome eagle
88
00:03:52,991 --> 00:03:54,557
on the Italian flag?
89
00:04:13,077 --> 00:04:13,910
Paul?
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00:04:15,313 --> 00:04:18,381
What you did was unspeakable!
91
00:04:18,449 --> 00:04:20,650
Unconscionable!
92
00:04:20,718 --> 00:04:23,519
- Indefensible!
- Indedibble-dobble!
93
00:04:23,588 --> 00:04:25,354
How could you abort that
baby without telling me?
94
00:04:25,423 --> 00:04:27,924
It wasn't a baby, Paul. It
was just a bunch of cells.
95
00:04:27,992 --> 00:04:29,358
You destroyed our family!
96
00:04:29,427 --> 00:04:31,527
Name one family that's
just a bunch of cells.
97
00:04:31,596 --> 00:04:33,162
Osmosis Jones.
98
00:04:33,231 --> 00:04:35,398
Why does everyone keep doing that?
99
00:04:35,466 --> 00:04:37,366
What made you think you had the right
100
00:04:37,435 --> 00:04:39,068
to make that decision for us?
101
00:04:39,137 --> 00:04:40,703
My body, my choice.
102
00:04:40,772 --> 00:04:43,105
It's not that cut-and-dried
when you're married.
103
00:04:43,174 --> 00:04:44,407
My body, my choice.
104
00:04:44,475 --> 00:04:45,808
There's a difference between
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00:04:45,877 --> 00:04:47,209
claiming your reproductive rights
106
00:04:47,278 --> 00:04:48,711
and behaving like a complete...
107
00:04:48,780 --> 00:04:50,813
- My body, my choice.
- Stop saying that!
108
00:04:50,882 --> 00:04:52,181
No, Paul. You stop.
109
00:04:52,250 --> 00:04:53,449
Me and my sisters,
110
00:04:53,518 --> 00:04:55,051
we fought for this
right for millenniums.
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00:04:55,119 --> 00:04:57,119
This is why Margaret
Thatcher went to prison.
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00:04:58,256 --> 00:04:59,555
Can you please put on some clothes
113
00:04:59,624 --> 00:05:00,656
while we have this conversation?
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00:05:00,725 --> 00:05:02,358
No, Paul. My body, my choice.
115
00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:04,060
And now,
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00:05:04,128 --> 00:05:08,197
I choose to go outside and smoke.
117
00:05:08,266 --> 00:05:11,867
Because it's my body.
118
00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:17,106
My choice.
119
00:05:17,175 --> 00:05:18,741
That's right, sucka.
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00:05:34,288 --> 00:05:36,088
Look, I admit it is a
good thing, okay, yes.
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00:05:36,157 --> 00:05:38,057
Sometimes minorities get
jobs over white people,
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00:05:38,125 --> 00:05:40,192
even when they're
both equally qualified,
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00:05:40,261 --> 00:05:42,261
or maybe the minority is
slightly less qualified.
124
00:05:42,829 --> 00:05:44,629
But I think that that
is good for the world,
125
00:05:44,698 --> 00:05:47,432
and I simply got you these
cool and funky pastries
126
00:05:47,501 --> 00:05:49,100
'cause they're cool and funky,
127
00:05:49,169 --> 00:05:51,970
not because they're Latino, or whatever.
128
00:05:52,039 --> 00:05:53,638
Here, try one. They're "pan dulthes."
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00:05:53,707 --> 00:05:56,207
Wait. What are you saying?
130
00:05:56,276 --> 00:05:57,809
"Pan dulthes."
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00:05:57,878 --> 00:05:59,544
Edgar, they're "pan dulthes."
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00:06:00,914 --> 00:06:02,314
I pronounce everything
with a Castilian "S,"
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00:06:02,382 --> 00:06:04,149
because I studied
abroad in "Barthelona."
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00:06:04,217 --> 00:06:06,818
For you to say that I have
the advantage is insulting.
135
00:06:08,188 --> 00:06:11,123
I mean, if anyone has
the advantage, it's you.
136
00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:14,793
How do I have the advantage?
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00:06:14,862 --> 00:06:16,962
You're a white girl.
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00:06:17,031 --> 00:06:19,231
There's literally a part
for you in every script
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00:06:19,300 --> 00:06:21,166
that's ever been written.
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00:06:21,235 --> 00:06:22,834
Not Glengarry Glen Ross
or 700 Sundays.
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00:06:22,903 --> 00:06:25,170
Besides, don't you read?
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00:06:25,239 --> 00:06:26,605
People just, like, they hate women now.
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00:06:26,674 --> 00:06:28,240
You don't even have to hide it anymore.
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00:06:28,309 --> 00:06:29,708
Yeah, well, you never read,
145
00:06:29,777 --> 00:06:31,777
"Cut to funny brown guy
with perfect features."
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00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:35,047
- You have the advantage.
- Yeah.
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00:06:35,115 --> 00:06:36,281
Because it's such an advantage to be
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00:06:36,350 --> 00:06:37,582
constantly sexually harassed.
149
00:06:37,651 --> 00:06:39,484
And it's so advantageous to only be cast
150
00:06:39,553 --> 00:06:41,753
as "Pretty Girl Number
3" or "Overworked Mom."
151
00:06:41,822 --> 00:06:43,689
I thought you didn't
book "Overworked Mom."
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00:06:43,757 --> 00:06:46,391
And it's such an advantage to
be slut-shamed for six years
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00:06:46,460 --> 00:06:48,727
because I accidentally
sucked Brian Dunkleman's dick
154
00:06:48,796 --> 00:06:50,462
'cause I thought he was Chris Hardwick.
155
00:06:50,531 --> 00:06:52,230
Look, can we at least agree that
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00:06:52,299 --> 00:06:53,999
the true enemy here is the white male?
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00:06:54,068 --> 00:06:55,033
Whoa!
158
00:06:55,102 --> 00:06:57,369
Not me. I'm an immigrant.
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00:06:57,438 --> 00:06:58,370
Our story
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00:06:58,439 --> 00:07:00,138
is so tragic.
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00:07:00,207 --> 00:07:03,342
Do you know how many
of us drown every day
162
00:07:03,410 --> 00:07:04,810
trying to get over here?
163
00:07:04,878 --> 00:07:08,146
And the true villain is
the white American male.
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00:07:08,215 --> 00:07:11,717
Bad things happen to
white American men, too.
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00:07:11,785 --> 00:07:13,852
Real bad things.
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00:07:13,921 --> 00:07:17,255
You know, why don't
I let you white people
167
00:07:17,324 --> 00:07:20,058
tell me how bad you all have it.
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00:07:20,861 --> 00:07:21,960
Jesus!
169
00:07:27,134 --> 00:07:29,101
Oh, look, wife.
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00:07:29,169 --> 00:07:31,737
I'm about to rip my lung tissue asunder
171
00:07:31,805 --> 00:07:33,338
with the devil's tobacco
172
00:07:33,407 --> 00:07:37,542
because my life has been
destroyed by the woman I love!
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00:07:37,611 --> 00:07:39,745
Your body, your choice.
174
00:07:40,981 --> 00:07:42,481
You know, I almost left you.
175
00:07:42,549 --> 00:07:44,416
When Vernon and I were
176
00:07:44,485 --> 00:07:45,617
lost in the woods,
177
00:07:45,686 --> 00:07:47,552
he wanted to bail and go live in Mexico.
178
00:07:47,621 --> 00:07:49,021
I should have gone
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00:07:49,089 --> 00:07:50,856
and started my life anew,
180
00:07:50,924 --> 00:07:54,026
like John McAfee, software millionaire!
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00:07:54,094 --> 00:07:55,727
- Shoulda-woulda-coulda!
- Right.
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00:07:55,796 --> 00:07:58,563
Can you two idiots
do this at your place?
183
00:07:58,632 --> 00:08:01,299
No! If you send them
home, her wishy-washy ass
184
00:08:01,368 --> 00:08:04,036
will be lured back into that
suck-butt marriage by lunch.
185
00:08:04,104 --> 00:08:05,537
Shut up, Gretchen!
186
00:08:05,606 --> 00:08:07,773
- You shut up!
- Aw, shit!
187
00:08:07,841 --> 00:08:10,542
Fine. Then just go and
fight in my room. Our room.
188
00:08:10,611 --> 00:08:12,544
But don't touch anything, don't sit,
189
00:08:12,613 --> 00:08:14,012
and hands off the bed booze.
190
00:08:31,498 --> 00:08:32,864
What?!
191
00:08:32,933 --> 00:08:35,434
Nothing. I just...
192
00:08:35,502 --> 00:08:38,170
Sometimes I look at you and I think,
193
00:08:38,238 --> 00:08:41,073
"How did this person get in my house?"
194
00:08:41,141 --> 00:08:42,874
It's like I've lost
the thread of a novel,
195
00:08:42,943 --> 00:08:44,509
and all of a sudden, there's this
196
00:08:44,578 --> 00:08:46,411
messy short woman
197
00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:48,814
who's clearly important to the story.
198
00:08:48,882 --> 00:08:51,116
So, I'm flipping back, thinking,
199
00:08:51,185 --> 00:08:54,152
"I don't remember that
character being introduced."
200
00:08:54,221 --> 00:08:56,755
Tell me about it! Some days
it's like I un-blacked out
201
00:08:56,824 --> 00:08:59,858
from a week-long bender, and
now I'm in this weird-ass house
202
00:08:59,927 --> 00:09:01,693
with sharp corners.
203
00:09:01,762 --> 00:09:04,830
My mate was supposed to be so different.
204
00:09:04,898 --> 00:09:07,499
Classy, unbruised,
205
00:09:07,568 --> 00:09:09,034
a first-chair violinist
206
00:09:09,103 --> 00:09:11,002
for the Philharmonic.
207
00:09:11,071 --> 00:09:12,737
God, can you imagine it?
208
00:09:12,806 --> 00:09:15,974
Me in the wings of Disney Hall.
209
00:09:16,043 --> 00:09:18,477
And we wave good-bye
to the other musicians,
210
00:09:18,545 --> 00:09:20,045
and I joke about
211
00:09:20,114 --> 00:09:21,480
what a drag it must be
212
00:09:21,548 --> 00:09:24,950
for Igor to haul that double bass home.
213
00:09:25,018 --> 00:09:26,885
And then Dudamel does
a champagne spit-take
214
00:09:26,954 --> 00:09:29,020
and shakes his head at me like,
215
00:09:29,089 --> 00:09:31,957
Oh, Jimmy, you are too much.
216
00:09:32,025 --> 00:09:33,825
How am I not
217
00:09:33,894 --> 00:09:37,796
arm candy for some international
movie star with a giant dong?
218
00:09:37,865 --> 00:09:39,197
- Yeah.
- He's part owner of
219
00:09:39,266 --> 00:09:40,832
a cool tech company
220
00:09:40,901 --> 00:09:43,635
and invents apps when he's not
dick-punching Peter Sarsgaard
221
00:09:43,704 --> 00:09:45,370
in his latest movie. Sometimes,
222
00:09:45,439 --> 00:09:48,874
we talk about adopting a kid
from a third-world country,
223
00:09:48,942 --> 00:09:50,275
but we never do it.
224
00:09:51,378 --> 00:09:53,311
And we live in a legit-ass castle
225
00:09:53,380 --> 00:09:56,181
in Malibu with one of
those big modern art pieces
226
00:09:56,250 --> 00:09:58,783
by the guy who does the big dots.
227
00:09:58,852 --> 00:10:00,018
What? Lichtenstein?
228
00:10:00,087 --> 00:10:02,487
- Yeah. A big old Lichtenstein.
- Wow.
229
00:10:02,556 --> 00:10:05,991
How very sophomore year
art history of you.
230
00:10:06,059 --> 00:10:08,894
You definitely shouldn't
decorate your own house.
231
00:10:16,912 --> 00:10:17,912
Knock, knock.
232
00:10:18,681 --> 00:10:24,018
White lady visiting from the
Aryan zone. You still mad?
233
00:10:27,256 --> 00:10:29,390
- You think that I want you to struggle?
- Think about it.
234
00:10:29,459 --> 00:10:32,359
When we first met, I was
your insecure student.
235
00:10:32,428 --> 00:10:35,129
Then I was your vet boyfriend with PTSD.
236
00:10:35,198 --> 00:10:37,565
Then I was a stoner with no future.
237
00:10:37,633 --> 00:10:40,634
But the second I get
a tiny bit of success,
238
00:10:40,703 --> 00:10:42,036
you freak out.
239
00:10:42,105 --> 00:10:46,040
You forced me to engage
in acts of sexual deviance.
240
00:10:46,109 --> 00:10:47,775
But you started this!
241
00:10:47,844 --> 00:10:50,912
You threw your bike onto the street,
242
00:10:50,980 --> 00:10:53,548
and said we were new
people, and I put on
243
00:10:53,616 --> 00:10:55,750
that whole Napron-wearing,
good wifey act,
244
00:10:55,819 --> 00:10:58,019
even though I was dying on the inside.
245
00:10:58,087 --> 00:11:00,688
You went along with it for 20 minutes.
246
00:11:00,757 --> 00:11:02,156
And then you stabbed me!
247
00:11:02,225 --> 00:11:04,325
You want me to hide
my bees under a bushel.
248
00:11:04,394 --> 00:11:06,627
You use your niceness to stifle me,
249
00:11:06,696 --> 00:11:08,496
and then you make me feel guilty.
250
00:11:08,565 --> 00:11:09,864
You stabbed me!
251
00:11:09,933 --> 00:11:11,499
We both did things we regret.
252
00:11:11,568 --> 00:11:13,601
Relationships are messy.
253
00:11:13,670 --> 00:11:16,204
You're actually tearing
apart my hypothetical fantasy.
254
00:11:16,272 --> 00:11:17,672
Now you want to tell me
255
00:11:17,740 --> 00:11:19,874
what I can and can't imagine?
256
00:11:19,943 --> 00:11:21,843
You admitted that you
don't like good things.
257
00:11:21,911 --> 00:11:23,444
I'm just confirming that.
258
00:11:23,513 --> 00:11:25,480
You should seriously shut up
259
00:11:25,548 --> 00:11:27,982
sometimes, Jimmy. Just
shut all the way up.
260
00:11:28,051 --> 00:11:31,619
I mean, what if I did make
something of myself? Hmm?
261
00:11:31,688 --> 00:11:36,824
If I did rise up there
to your level, why?
262
00:11:36,848 --> 00:11:38,460
Why would that be so bad ?
263
00:11:38,461 --> 00:11:42,029
Because I am not up there!
264
00:11:42,098 --> 00:11:43,130
Okay?
265
00:11:43,199 --> 00:11:44,599
I am down!
266
00:11:44,667 --> 00:11:47,435
I am the downest that I have ever been.
267
00:11:47,504 --> 00:11:48,970
You want messy?!
268
00:11:49,038 --> 00:11:51,305
I'll show you messy!
269
00:11:54,477 --> 00:11:56,077
Oh, no, Paul!
270
00:11:56,145 --> 00:11:57,478
Now you're going to have bad luck.
271
00:11:57,547 --> 00:12:00,114
I have bad luck!
272
00:12:00,183 --> 00:12:02,049
You're my bad luck!
273
00:12:02,118 --> 00:12:04,685
God! You're so selfish.
274
00:12:04,754 --> 00:12:08,022
There is something
seriously wrong with you.
275
00:12:08,091 --> 00:12:10,558
Why did I marry you?
276
00:12:10,627 --> 00:12:11,726
Why?!
277
00:12:13,630 --> 00:12:15,429
- Look, if your fantasy is so fragile...
- Picking, pick, pick.
278
00:12:15,498 --> 00:12:17,298
- ... that I'm able to dismantle it...
- Pick at everything I say and do.
279
00:12:17,367 --> 00:12:19,200
- ... then maybe it wasn't so great to begin with.
- I'm sick of living
280
00:12:19,269 --> 00:12:20,935
underneath your highfalutin
surveillance state.
281
00:12:21,004 --> 00:12:22,336
Plus, "hypothetical
fantasy" is redundant.
282
00:12:22,405 --> 00:12:23,671
I just silenced the judgy
mom voice in my head.
283
00:12:23,740 --> 00:12:25,506
I don't need another one from you.
284
00:12:25,575 --> 00:12:27,408
LINDSAY: Stop using
your big voice at me!
285
00:12:27,477 --> 00:12:29,343
DOROTHY: Don't hug
me. Just let me be sad!
286
00:12:29,412 --> 00:12:33,281
PAUL: I'll use my big voice
at you whenever I want!
287
00:12:33,349 --> 00:12:36,350
I'm only using my big
voice with you now!
288
00:12:49,299 --> 00:12:51,165
You... Come on.
289
00:12:53,570 --> 00:12:55,036
You had a rough month.
290
00:12:56,773 --> 00:12:58,205
You'll bounce back.
291
00:12:58,274 --> 00:13:00,241
I'm a 30-something failed actress
292
00:13:00,310 --> 00:13:04,579
living in a disgusting K-Town studio.
293
00:13:04,647 --> 00:13:07,148
I haven't been to the dentist in years.
294
00:13:07,216 --> 00:13:09,517
My agent told me to gain 20 pounds
295
00:13:09,586 --> 00:13:12,086
so that I could at least
audition to be the kooky aunt.
296
00:13:15,291 --> 00:13:17,291
Oh, God!
297
00:13:22,699 --> 00:13:25,232
Oh, God. You ruined my life!
298
00:13:25,301 --> 00:13:28,235
Why?! Why did you do it?!
299
00:13:28,304 --> 00:13:30,204
- Paul.
300
00:13:30,273 --> 00:13:32,173
Look at me.
301
00:13:32,241 --> 00:13:35,042
Paul.
302
00:13:35,111 --> 00:13:38,579
You knew it was a snake
when you picked it up.
303
00:13:39,983 --> 00:13:41,649
What?
304
00:13:41,718 --> 00:13:43,751
You knew who I was.
305
00:13:45,421 --> 00:13:48,222
You don't get to act surprised now.
306
00:14:05,274 --> 00:14:08,242
Becca and Vernon had their baby.
307
00:14:08,311 --> 00:14:10,578
It's a girl.
308
00:14:13,016 --> 00:14:14,482
Tallulah.
309
00:14:15,818 --> 00:14:17,752
Ew.
310
00:14:20,790 --> 00:14:22,590
Becca had her baby.
311
00:14:34,704 --> 00:14:37,872
Dorothy's crying. It's very mucous-y.
312
00:14:37,940 --> 00:14:40,741
Lindsay's just reciting the
spoken word parts of "Lemonade."
313
00:14:42,178 --> 00:14:44,045
Such idiots.
314
00:14:44,113 --> 00:14:46,447
We're no better than them.
315
00:14:46,516 --> 00:14:48,416
Oh, speak for yourself.
316
00:14:48,484 --> 00:14:50,351
I'm not the one who flung my sandwich
317
00:14:50,420 --> 00:14:52,887
like a upset chimp at the zoo.
318
00:14:52,955 --> 00:14:54,822
I threw it because I
realized I was living
319
00:14:54,891 --> 00:14:56,490
with an uptight dildo
320
00:14:56,559 --> 00:14:58,059
whose personality unmakes itself
321
00:14:58,127 --> 00:15:00,061
anytime something bad happens.
322
00:15:00,129 --> 00:15:04,065
Says the woman who spent
weeks catatonic on the couch
323
00:15:04,133 --> 00:15:06,033
in crusty yoga pants.
324
00:15:06,102 --> 00:15:08,703
- I have a clinical goddamn illness!
- Oh, right.
325
00:15:08,771 --> 00:15:12,540
So you just win because your
condition is listed in the DSM?
326
00:15:12,608 --> 00:15:14,975
No! I win because I am
doing something about it.
327
00:15:15,044 --> 00:15:16,844
You're just lashing out
328
00:15:16,913 --> 00:15:18,179
and putting me under a microscope!
329
00:15:18,247 --> 00:15:19,880
It just happened!
330
00:15:21,184 --> 00:15:22,950
He just died.
331
00:15:23,019 --> 00:15:24,819
Right, I am still grieving, Gretchen.
332
00:15:24,887 --> 00:15:26,053
Jesus Christ!
333
00:15:26,122 --> 00:15:27,922
- But I was there first!
- Where?!
334
00:15:27,990 --> 00:15:29,924
Here! In shit, miserable!
335
00:15:29,992 --> 00:15:32,359
There just isn't room
336
00:15:32,428 --> 00:15:35,362
for you to be broken right now, too.
337
00:15:35,431 --> 00:15:37,932
Oh, that...
338
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:39,667
that is complete...
339
00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:45,206
How is that okay?
340
00:15:45,274 --> 00:15:46,440
It's not.
341
00:15:46,509 --> 00:15:48,843
It is completely unfair.
342
00:15:48,911 --> 00:15:51,479
No. This is not supposed to...
343
00:15:51,547 --> 00:15:54,348
One person is supposed
to be in the hospital bed.
344
00:15:54,417 --> 00:15:57,151
And then the other uncomfortably
sleeping on that little couch,
345
00:15:57,220 --> 00:15:59,053
just sneaking home to shower and...
346
00:15:59,122 --> 00:16:00,621
and walk the dog.
347
00:16:00,690 --> 00:16:02,123
Right?
348
00:16:02,191 --> 00:16:05,693
Right, Jimmy.
349
00:16:05,762 --> 00:16:06,694
And yet...
350
00:16:16,916 --> 00:16:19,382
I said don't touch anything!
351
00:16:19,611 --> 00:16:21,578
I knew it was a snake.
352
00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:22,879
Get out!
353
00:16:31,923 --> 00:16:34,157
You told me we could leave any time.
354
00:16:34,225 --> 00:16:36,092
- Right.
- So why didn't you?
355
00:16:36,161 --> 00:16:37,927
I've been mean. I have been angry.
356
00:16:37,996 --> 00:16:39,996
I've been judging you.
357
00:16:40,064 --> 00:16:42,465
Which was our one promise,
from the beginning.
358
00:16:42,534 --> 00:16:44,066
If you were serious about leaving,
359
00:16:44,135 --> 00:16:45,768
then you would have gone by now.
360
00:16:45,837 --> 00:16:47,403
- You didn't leave, either.
- I know.
361
00:16:47,472 --> 00:16:48,438
I don't know why.
362
00:16:48,506 --> 00:16:51,307
I think this may be impossible.
363
00:17:00,385 --> 00:17:03,953
But can't that be okay?
364
00:17:04,022 --> 00:17:09,559
I mean, the-the vast
majority of all human effort,
365
00:17:09,627 --> 00:17:12,895
however great or
miniscule, ends in failure.
366
00:17:12,964 --> 00:17:14,764
So, what are your options?
367
00:17:16,301 --> 00:17:18,734
You just ad-admit pre-defeat
368
00:17:18,803 --> 00:17:21,604
because the odds are that
you're gonna be right?
369
00:17:21,673 --> 00:17:23,706
Or you do it anyway?
370
00:17:31,082 --> 00:17:32,482
Maybe we're a success...
371
00:17:34,018 --> 00:17:35,518
... regardless of the outcome,
372
00:17:35,587 --> 00:17:38,554
because... we tried.
373
00:17:40,792 --> 00:17:42,558
Maybe there's beauty in the struggle
374
00:17:42,627 --> 00:17:44,694
against near certain failure.
375
00:17:44,762 --> 00:17:45,962
Is that enough?
376
00:17:46,030 --> 00:17:47,897
A beautiful struggle?
377
00:17:47,966 --> 00:17:49,832
Maybe. It's all gonna suck one day,
378
00:17:49,901 --> 00:17:51,801
so enjoy it now, stop rocking the boat,
379
00:17:51,870 --> 00:17:53,703
and that is goddamn it?!
380
00:18:01,412 --> 00:18:02,979
It's like in my book.
381
00:18:03,047 --> 00:18:04,647
Ugh, no more book.
382
00:18:04,716 --> 00:18:05,848
Gretchen tired.
383
00:18:05,917 --> 00:18:07,149
In chapter 12,
384
00:18:07,218 --> 00:18:09,018
Kitty is headed to Lisbon
385
00:18:09,087 --> 00:18:10,586
to follow Take That on tour,
386
00:18:10,655 --> 00:18:13,322
but instead she stays with Simon,
387
00:18:13,391 --> 00:18:16,859
though they have no possible future.
388
00:18:16,928 --> 00:18:18,794
Oh, my God! That's makes perfect sense.
389
00:18:18,863 --> 00:18:21,063
That's why they stay together.
390
00:18:21,132 --> 00:18:23,132
They are mirrors of you and I.
391
00:18:23,201 --> 00:18:25,001
Theirs is a love forbidden,
392
00:18:25,069 --> 00:18:27,737
thus... doomed.
393
00:18:27,805 --> 00:18:28,905
Why is it forbidden?
394
00:18:28,973 --> 00:18:30,273
Well, because they're half-siblings.
395
00:18:30,341 --> 00:18:31,274
Wait, what?!
396
00:18:31,342 --> 00:18:32,475
Jimmy, we talking incest?
397
00:18:32,544 --> 00:18:34,176
How did you miss that?
398
00:18:34,245 --> 00:18:35,478
I wasn't listening that good.
399
00:18:35,547 --> 00:18:36,879
Look, when I came up with this story,
400
00:18:36,948 --> 00:18:38,648
I was, I was falling in love with you...
401
00:18:38,716 --> 00:18:40,116
e-even though it was,
402
00:18:40,184 --> 00:18:42,184
it was scary and-and wrong.
403
00:18:42,253 --> 00:18:45,087
I thought that I was
avoiding my feelings
404
00:18:45,156 --> 00:18:47,023
by writing my book, but it was you
405
00:18:47,091 --> 00:18:48,891
who was fueling me
406
00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:50,326
this whole time.
407
00:18:50,395 --> 00:18:53,229
Fueling you to write about
a couple of horny sibs?
408
00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:54,430
Give me.
409
00:18:57,735 --> 00:18:59,468
Show me the part you
cranked out last night
410
00:18:59,537 --> 00:19:00,603
when you were all upset.
411
00:19:00,672 --> 00:19:02,171
Oh, no way.
412
00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:05,308
If you're experiencing
the sweeping psychodrama
413
00:19:05,376 --> 00:19:07,276
of The Width of a Peach,
414
00:19:07,345 --> 00:19:08,477
you're starting at the beginning.
415
00:19:10,114 --> 00:19:11,380
Chapter one.
416
00:19:11,449 --> 00:19:13,449
"A deep, orgasmic moaning
417
00:19:13,518 --> 00:19:15,952
"came from behind the
undersized attic door,
418
00:19:16,020 --> 00:19:17,486
"while far above,
419
00:19:17,555 --> 00:19:20,122
"a German Sprengbombe Cylindrisch 1000
420
00:19:20,191 --> 00:19:22,592
"was falling towards
Catherine Wheel Alley,
421
00:19:22,660 --> 00:19:26,629
City of London, Post Code EC2N4RQ."
422
00:19:26,698 --> 00:19:27,930
Why do we need the post...
423
00:19:27,999 --> 00:19:30,299
Good writing is detailed.
424
00:19:30,368 --> 00:19:31,968
Shh.
425
00:19:33,771 --> 00:19:37,440
Oh, I've been so jealous and awful.
426
00:19:37,508 --> 00:19:39,108
I've been trying to
get a job for so long,
427
00:19:39,177 --> 00:19:40,676
and then when it happened
for you so quickly,
428
00:19:40,745 --> 00:19:42,645
I just... couldn't handle it.
429
00:19:42,714 --> 00:19:44,113
Hey...
430
00:19:44,182 --> 00:19:47,450
I was so intimidated by
you in our first class.
431
00:19:47,518 --> 00:19:50,686
You did the whole intro in
that fake Norwegian accent.
432
00:19:51,856 --> 00:19:53,556
My insecure vampire character.
433
00:19:53,625 --> 00:19:54,523
Mm-hmm.
434
00:19:54,592 --> 00:19:55,691
"Velcome to class.
435
00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:57,193
"I vant to suck your blood...
436
00:19:57,261 --> 00:19:58,861
"because I suck.
437
00:19:58,930 --> 00:20:01,897
Does this cape make my fangs look fat?"
438
00:20:05,036 --> 00:20:06,502
God, I was funny, huh?
439
00:20:06,571 --> 00:20:08,270
You still are.
440
00:20:12,377 --> 00:20:13,609
I'll be right back.
441
00:20:15,980 --> 00:20:18,381
Edgar. Doug Benson, DB Industries.
442
00:20:18,449 --> 00:20:20,216
Listen, I love your sketch ideas.
443
00:20:20,284 --> 00:20:22,163
Still chuckling over
"Lying Lawyer is a Liar."
444
00:20:22,286 --> 00:20:25,187
I'm putting together a writers'
room for three months and I need
445
00:20:25,256 --> 00:20:26,555
you in it, starting Monday.
446
00:20:26,624 --> 00:20:28,791
Uh, y-yes.
447
00:20:28,860 --> 00:20:30,493
Y-Yes, Mr. Benson, of course.
448
00:20:30,561 --> 00:20:31,560
Okay, I got to go.
449
00:20:31,629 --> 00:20:32,995
I'm eating sushi
450
00:20:33,064 --> 00:20:34,296
off this Israeli model's naked bod
451
00:20:34,365 --> 00:20:35,865
and the toro is getting warm.
452
00:20:37,568 --> 00:20:38,401
Oh.
453
00:20:40,571 --> 00:20:41,771
DOUG: Say hi, Tova.
454
00:20:43,708 --> 00:20:45,374
Hmm. Who was that?
455
00:20:45,443 --> 00:20:47,610
Uh...
456
00:20:47,679 --> 00:20:48,811
my job.
457
00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:50,179
I-I have to go in Monday,
458
00:20:50,248 --> 00:20:51,614
uh, to the gym.
459
00:20:51,683 --> 00:20:53,683
Uh, someone knocked a door
460
00:20:53,751 --> 00:20:55,818
off of the shower stall...
461
00:20:55,887 --> 00:20:57,887
- in the men's locker room.
- Colby and Travis?
462
00:20:57,955 --> 00:21:00,389
We'll never know.
463
00:21:00,458 --> 00:21:01,791
But, yeah, obviously.
464
00:21:07,699 --> 00:21:08,831
Yes.
465
00:21:15,526 --> 00:21:18,961
You thought you could master
me, but I'm a person, Paul.
466
00:21:19,029 --> 00:21:20,696
I'm not one of your hobbies.
467
00:21:20,764 --> 00:21:22,197
You're right.
468
00:21:22,266 --> 00:21:25,534
I wanted a family so badly,
I was willing to look past
469
00:21:25,603 --> 00:21:28,904
the septendecillion pieces
of evidence that screamed,
470
00:21:28,973 --> 00:21:31,039
"We are wrong for each other."
471
00:21:31,108 --> 00:21:34,034
Think you can stay here
a little bit longer?
472
00:21:34,111 --> 00:21:35,978
Just until we get our affairs in order?
473
00:21:36,046 --> 00:21:37,713
Of course.
474
00:21:42,453 --> 00:21:44,753
I guess... in the end,
475
00:21:44,822 --> 00:21:47,656
we were just two stars
born light-years apart.
476
00:21:47,716 --> 00:21:49,116
You need to find someone
477
00:21:49,185 --> 00:21:50,817
in your own constellation, Lindsay.
478
00:21:50,886 --> 00:21:53,453
Oh, Bear.
479
00:21:53,522 --> 00:21:55,355
Mm.
480
00:21:58,661 --> 00:22:01,495
So you'll throw away the prenup?
481
00:22:04,166 --> 00:22:06,133
You stabbed me.
482
00:22:06,202 --> 00:22:09,503
You cuckolded me.
483
00:22:09,572 --> 00:22:12,206
You ruined my life.
484
00:22:16,545 --> 00:22:18,212
Better lawyer up, bitch.
485
00:22:35,998 --> 00:22:38,398
"Simon watched
the man exit the motel,
486
00:22:38,467 --> 00:22:40,567
"and they were alone again.
487
00:22:40,636 --> 00:22:42,469
"He, gazing at her,
488
00:22:42,538 --> 00:22:45,005
"she, staring at her own reflection.
489
00:22:45,074 --> 00:22:47,841
"Both of them were
watching the same thing,
490
00:22:47,910 --> 00:22:50,644
the tears filling Kitty's eyes."
491
00:22:54,016 --> 00:22:56,216
Dude, keep going!
492
00:22:56,285 --> 00:22:59,019
I need to know what happens
with Kitty and Simon and Bug.
493
00:22:59,088 --> 00:23:00,721
I'm so worried about Bug.
494
00:23:00,789 --> 00:23:01,855
Well, that's all I wrote.
495
00:23:01,924 --> 00:23:03,690
Well, go finish it.
496
00:23:03,759 --> 00:23:05,058
You know how it ends, right?
497
00:23:05,127 --> 00:23:07,027
I do now.
498
00:23:08,230 --> 00:23:10,764
But first...
499
00:23:10,833 --> 00:23:12,933
I need to rest my eyes.
500
00:23:13,002 --> 00:23:15,502
I've been up for two days.
501
00:23:16,705 --> 00:23:18,538
Come here.
502
00:23:27,950 --> 00:23:30,150
We didn't solve anything.
503
00:23:32,521 --> 00:23:34,388
I know.
504
00:23:35,858 --> 00:23:37,724
Okay.
505
00:23:48,170 --> 00:23:50,170
Shit.
506
00:23:50,239 --> 00:23:51,471
That's nine.
507
00:23:58,900 --> 00:24:01,231
- Synced and corrected by DaddyBear -
- www.addic7ed.com -