1
00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:06,996
(rhythmic stomping, whooshing)
2
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:22,011
(stomping, whooshing continue)
3
00:00:30,163 --> 00:00:32,859
(scattered audience laughter)
4
00:00:35,435 --> 00:00:37,903
(audience laughter)
5
00:00:43,076 --> 00:00:49,037
(motor chugging)
6
00:00:49,082 --> 00:00:54,076
(motor humming)
7
00:01:00,493 --> 00:01:01,551
(thud)
8
00:01:01,594 --> 00:01:02,959
(laughter)
9
00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:09,000
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll
10
00:01:16,676 --> 00:01:19,201
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING
COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.
11
00:01:19,245 --> 00:01:20,803
IT'S...
12
00:01:20,847 --> 00:01:25,011
(Sousa's "Liberty Bell March"
playing)
13
00:01:25,051 --> 00:01:28,748
MONTY PYTHON'S FLYING CIRCUS.
14
00:01:33,726 --> 00:01:37,423
[Captioning sponsored by THE
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
15
00:01:37,464 --> 00:01:41,230
and A&E TELEVISION NETWORKS]
16
00:01:51,678 --> 00:01:53,168
(music ends with squish)
17
00:02:10,697 --> 00:02:11,686
(knock at door)
18
00:02:11,731 --> 00:02:12,720
COME IN.
19
00:02:14,834 --> 00:02:15,823
TROUBLE AT MILL.
20
00:02:15,869 --> 00:02:17,632
OH, NO... WHAT
SORT OF TROUBLE?
21
00:02:17,670 --> 00:02:20,161
ONE ON'T CROSSBEAMS GONE
OWT ASKEW ON TREDDLE.
22
00:02:20,206 --> 00:02:21,605
PARDON?
23
00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:23,632
ONE ON'T CROSSBEAMS GONE OWT
ASKEW ON TREDDLE.
24
00:02:23,676 --> 00:02:25,906
I DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
25
00:02:26,012 --> 00:02:29,175
ONE OF THE CROSSBEAMS HAS GONE
OUT OF SKEW ON THE TREDDLE.
26
00:02:29,215 --> 00:02:30,705
BUT WHAT ON EARTH
DOES THAT MEAN?
27
00:02:30,750 --> 00:02:31,739
I DON'T KNOW.
28
00:02:31,784 --> 00:02:33,115
MR. WENTWORTH
JUST TOLD ME
29
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:34,347
TO COME IN HERE
AND SAY
30
00:02:34,387 --> 00:02:36,514
THERE WAS TROUBLE
AT THE MILL, THAT'S ALL.
31
00:02:36,556 --> 00:02:38,922
I DIDN'T EXPECT A KIND
OF SPANISH INQUISITION.
32
00:02:39,025 --> 00:02:41,585
(jarring chord plays)
33
00:02:41,628 --> 00:02:44,620
NOBODY EXPECTS
THE SPANISH INQUISITION.
34
00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:46,632
OUR CHIEF WEAPON
IS SURPRISE.
35
00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:48,566
SURPRISE AND FEAR,
FEAR AND SURPRISE.
36
00:02:48,601 --> 00:02:50,569
OUR TWO WEAPONS ARE
FEAR AND SURPRISE
37
00:02:50,603 --> 00:02:52,264
AND RUTHLESS EFFICIENCY.
38
00:02:52,305 --> 00:02:55,672
OUR THREE WEAPONS ARE FEAR AND
SURPRISE AND RUTHLESS EFFICIENCY
39
00:02:55,708 --> 00:02:58,108
AND AN ALMOST FANATICAL
DEVOTION TO THE POPE.
40
00:02:58,144 --> 00:03:00,112
OUR FOUR... NO...
41
00:03:00,146 --> 00:03:01,738
AMONGST OUR WEAPONS...
42
00:03:03,917 --> 00:03:05,817
AMONGST OUR
WEAPONRY ARE
43
00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:07,376
SUCH ELEMENTS AS FEAR...
44
00:03:07,420 --> 00:03:08,648
I'LL COME IN AGAIN.
45
00:03:08,688 --> 00:03:10,485
(laughter)
46
00:03:11,591 --> 00:03:13,286
(door shuts)
47
00:03:13,326 --> 00:03:16,295
I DIDN'T EXPECT A KIND
OF SPANISH INQUISITION.
48
00:03:16,329 --> 00:03:19,696
(jarring chord plays)
49
00:03:19,732 --> 00:03:22,166
NOBODY EXPECTS
THE SPANISH INQUISITION!
50
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:25,638
AMONGST OUR WEAPONRY ARE
SUCH DIVERSE ELEMENTS AS FEAR
51
00:03:25,672 --> 00:03:27,697
SURPRISE, RUTHLESS EFFICIENCY
52
00:03:27,740 --> 00:03:30,265
AN ALMOST FANATICAL DEVOTION
TO THE POPE
53
00:03:30,310 --> 00:03:32,073
AND NICE RED UNIFORM...
OH, DAMN!
54
00:03:32,111 --> 00:03:33,510
I... I CAN'T SAY IT.
55
00:03:33,546 --> 00:03:35,138
YOU'LL HAVE TO SAY IT.
56
00:03:35,181 --> 00:03:36,170
WHAT?
57
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:37,581
YOU'LL HAVE
TO SAY THE BIT
58
00:03:37,617 --> 00:03:39,380
ABOUT "OUR CHIEF
WEAPONS ARE..."
59
00:03:39,419 --> 00:03:40,579
I COULDN'T
DO THAT.
60
00:03:45,391 --> 00:03:48,087
I DIDN'T EXPECT A KIND
OF SPANISH INQUISITION.
61
00:03:48,127 --> 00:03:51,756
(jarring chord plays)
62
00:03:51,798 --> 00:03:53,891
UH... UH...
NOBODY... UM...
63
00:03:53,933 --> 00:03:54,900
(between teeth):
EXPECTS.
64
00:03:54,934 --> 00:03:56,094
EXPECTS.
65
00:03:56,135 --> 00:03:58,501
NOBODY EXPECTS
THE, UM... SPANISH...
66
00:03:58,538 --> 00:03:59,937
(between teeth):
INQUISITION.
67
00:03:59,973 --> 00:04:01,338
I KNOW, I KNOW.
68
00:04:01,374 --> 00:04:03,035
NOBODY EXPECTS
THE SPANISH INQUISITION.
69
00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:04,407
IN FACT, THOSE
WHO DO EXPECT...
70
00:04:04,444 --> 00:04:06,173
(between teeth):
OUR CHIEF WEAPONS ARE...
71
00:04:06,212 --> 00:04:08,806
OUR CHIEF WEAPONS
ARE... UM...
72
00:04:08,848 --> 00:04:09,815
SURPRISE.
73
00:04:09,849 --> 00:04:10,816
SURPRISE.
74
00:04:10,850 --> 00:04:11,817
GOOD, STOP, STOP...
75
00:04:11,851 --> 00:04:12,818
STOP THERE.
76
00:04:12,852 --> 00:04:13,876
WHEW!
77
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,478
OUR CHIEF WEAPON
IS SURPRISE.
78
00:04:15,521 --> 00:04:17,079
BLAH, BLAH,
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.
79
00:04:17,123 --> 00:04:19,853
CARDINAL, READ
THE CHARGES.
80
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:22,853
YOU ARE
HEREBY CHARGED
81
00:04:22,895 --> 00:04:24,886
THAT YOU DID
ON DIVERSE DATES
82
00:04:24,998 --> 00:04:27,728
COMMIT HERESY AGAINST
THE HOLY CHURCH.
83
00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:28,995
MY OLD MAN
SAID...
84
00:04:29,035 --> 00:04:30,400
THAT'S ENOUGH.
85
00:04:34,207 --> 00:04:37,233
NOW... HOW
DO YOU PLEAD?
86
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:38,744
WE'RE INNOCENT.
87
00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:39,802
HA!
88
00:04:43,416 --> 00:04:46,715
WE'LL SOON CHANGE
YOUR MIND ABOUT THAT!
89
00:04:46,753 --> 00:04:48,550
(laughter)
90
00:04:48,588 --> 00:04:50,647
FEAR, SURPRISE AND
A MOST RUTHLESS...
91
00:04:50,690 --> 00:04:52,089
OOH!
92
00:04:53,159 --> 00:04:56,595
NOW... CARDINAL...
93
00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:58,062
THE RACK!
94
00:05:02,235 --> 00:05:04,226
(laughter)
95
00:05:08,908 --> 00:05:09,897
YOU...
96
00:05:11,678 --> 00:05:13,043
RIGHT.
97
00:05:14,447 --> 00:05:16,506
TIE HER DOWN.
98
00:05:20,787 --> 00:05:23,483
(laughing diabolically)
99
00:05:37,704 --> 00:05:38,932
RIGHT.
100
00:05:40,273 --> 00:05:42,264
HOW DO YOU PLEAD?
101
00:05:42,308 --> 00:05:43,366
INNOCENT.
102
00:05:43,409 --> 00:05:44,433
HA!
103
00:05:44,477 --> 00:05:45,444
RIGHT!
104
00:05:45,478 --> 00:05:46,467
CARDINAL...
105
00:05:46,512 --> 00:05:47,809
GIVE THE RACK...
106
00:05:47,847 --> 00:05:48,905
OH, DEAR.
107
00:05:50,083 --> 00:05:52,813
GIVE THE RACK...
A TURN.
108
00:05:52,852 --> 00:05:53,910
I...
109
00:05:53,953 --> 00:05:55,352
I KNOW... I KNOW
YOU CAN'T.
110
00:05:55,388 --> 00:05:56,912
I DIDN'T WANT
TO SAY ANYTHING.
111
00:05:56,989 --> 00:05:58,616
I JUST WANTED
TO TRY AND IGNORE
112
00:05:58,658 --> 00:05:59,625
YOUR CRASS
MISTAKE.
113
00:05:59,659 --> 00:06:01,524
MAKES IT ALL
SEEM SO STUPID.
114
00:06:01,561 --> 00:06:02,653
SHALL I...
115
00:06:02,695 --> 00:06:05,630
OH, GOD, JUST PRETEND,
FOR GOD'S SAKE!
116
00:06:05,665 --> 00:06:07,633
(laughing diabolically)
117
00:06:07,667 --> 00:06:10,067
(laughter)
118
00:06:12,004 --> 00:06:13,904
(doorbell rings)
119
00:06:18,978 --> 00:06:20,445
AH, HELLO, YOU
DON'T KNOW ME
120
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:21,708
BUT I'M FROM THE B.B.C.
121
00:06:21,748 --> 00:06:22,737
WE WERE WONDERING
122
00:06:22,782 --> 00:06:24,477
IF YOU'D COME
AND ANSWER THE DOOR
123
00:06:24,517 --> 00:06:25,677
IN A SKETCH OVER THERE
124
00:06:25,718 --> 00:06:27,015
IN THAT SORT
OF DIRECTION.
125
00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:28,816
YOU WOULDN'T HAVE
TO DO ANYTHING...
126
00:06:28,855 --> 00:06:30,550
JUST OPEN THE DOOR
AND THAT'S IT.
127
00:06:30,590 --> 00:06:31,784
OH, WELL,
ALL RIGHT, YES.
128
00:06:31,824 --> 00:06:33,018
JOLLY GOOD,
COME THIS WAY.
129
00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:34,151
FINE.
130
00:06:35,328 --> 00:06:36,556
YES, WE'RE ON FILM
131
00:06:36,596 --> 00:06:38,086
AT THE MOMENT,
YOU SEE?
132
00:06:38,131 --> 00:06:39,462
IT'S A LINK, IS IT?
133
00:06:39,499 --> 00:06:41,524
YES, THAT'S RIGHT,
THAT SORT OF THING.
134
00:06:41,567 --> 00:06:42,534
YES, A LINK.
135
00:06:42,568 --> 00:06:44,058
IT'S ALL A BIT
ZANY, YOU KNOW
136
00:06:44,103 --> 00:06:45,263
A BIT MADCAP FUNSTER.
137
00:06:45,304 --> 00:06:47,602
FRANKLY, I DON'T FULLY
UNDERSTAND IT MYSELF.
138
00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:49,267
THE KIDS SEEM TO LIKE IT.
139
00:06:49,308 --> 00:06:51,674
I MUCH PREFER
DES O'CONNOR, OF COURSE
140
00:06:51,711 --> 00:06:53,804
ROLF HARRIS,
TOM JONES, YOU KNOW.
141
00:06:53,846 --> 00:06:58,783
(continues making small talk)
142
00:06:58,818 --> 00:07:01,218
(motor starts)
143
00:07:19,672 --> 00:07:20,866
(laughter)
144
00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:23,238
YOU DO A LOT OF THIS
SORT OF THING, DO YOU?
145
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:24,868
QUITE A LOT, YES,
QUITE A LOT.
146
00:07:24,911 --> 00:07:26,208
I'M MAINLY IN COMEDY.
147
00:07:26,245 --> 00:07:29,009
I'D LIKE TO BE IN PROGRAM
PLANNING, ACTUALLY, BUT...
148
00:07:29,048 --> 00:07:30,777
UNFORTUNATELY,
I'VE GOT A DEGREE.
149
00:07:30,817 --> 00:07:33,081
(laughter)
150
00:07:56,776 --> 00:07:58,767
(doorbell rings)
151
00:07:58,811 --> 00:07:59,778
JOKE, SIR?
152
00:07:59,812 --> 00:08:00,972
GUARANTEED AMUSING.
153
00:08:01,013 --> 00:08:03,413
AS USED BY THE CROWNED
HEADS OF EUROPE.
154
00:08:03,449 --> 00:08:05,781
HAS BROUGHT TEARS
TO THE EYES OF ROYALTY.
155
00:08:05,818 --> 00:08:07,615
"DENMARK HAS NEVER
LAUGHED SO MUCH"
156
00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:08,847
"THE STAGE."
157
00:08:08,955 --> 00:08:11,515
NICE LITTLE NOVELTY NUMBER,
A "NAUGHTY HUMPHREY."
158
00:08:11,557 --> 00:08:13,149
BREAKS THE ICE AT PARTIES.
159
00:08:13,192 --> 00:08:16,286
PUT IT ON THE TABLE, PRESS
THE BUTTON... IT VOMITS.
160
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:17,455
(laughter)
161
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:19,727
ABSOLUTELY GUARANTEED,
WITH REFILLS.
162
00:08:19,765 --> 00:08:20,732
"BLACK SOAP."
163
00:08:20,766 --> 00:08:22,131
LEAVE IT IN THE BATHROOM
164
00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:24,966
THEY WASH THEIR HANDS, REAL
FUNGUS GROWS ON THE FINGERS.
165
00:08:25,004 --> 00:08:26,335
CAN'T GET IT OFF
FOR HOURS.
166
00:08:26,372 --> 00:08:28,636
GUARANTEED TO BREAK
THE ICE AT PARTIES.
167
00:08:28,674 --> 00:08:30,699
FRIGHTEN THE ELDERLY...
REAL SNAKES.
168
00:08:30,743 --> 00:08:31,801
COMEDY HERNIA KIT.
169
00:08:31,844 --> 00:08:33,106
PLASTIC FLESH WOUNDS.
170
00:08:33,145 --> 00:08:35,079
JUST KEEP YOUR FRIENDS
IN STITCHES.
171
00:08:35,114 --> 00:08:37,344
GUARANTEED TO BREAK
THE ICE AT PARTIES.
172
00:08:37,383 --> 00:08:39,613
HOURS OF FUN WITH
"HONEYMOON DELIGHT."
173
00:08:39,652 --> 00:08:41,882
EMPTY INTO THEIR BEDS
REAL SKUNK JUICE.
174
00:08:41,988 --> 00:08:44,218
THEY WON'T FORGET
THEIR WEDDING NIGHT.
175
00:08:44,257 --> 00:08:45,417
STICKS TO THE SKIN.
176
00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:46,755
ABSOLUTELY WATERPROOF.
177
00:08:46,792 --> 00:08:49,124
GUARANTEED TO BREAK
THE ICE AT PARTIES.
178
00:08:49,161 --> 00:08:50,321
AMUSE YOUR FRIENDS.
179
00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:53,059
C.S. GAS CANISTERS...
SMELLS, TASTES AND ACTS
180
00:08:53,099 --> 00:08:56,227
JUST LIKE THE REAL THING;
CAN BLIND, MAIM OR KILL.
181
00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:58,897
OR FOR DRINKS, WHY NOT
BUY A "WICKED WILLY"
182
00:08:58,971 --> 00:09:00,461
WITH A LIFE-SIZE WINKLE?
183
00:09:00,506 --> 00:09:01,666
SERVES WARM BEER.
184
00:09:01,707 --> 00:09:03,174
MAKES REAL COCKTAILS.
185
00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:04,301
HOURS OF AMUSEMENT.
186
00:09:04,343 --> 00:09:06,243
OR GET THE NEW
POOH-POOH MACHINE.
187
00:09:06,279 --> 00:09:07,644
EMBARRASS YOUR GUESTS...
188
00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:09,147
COMPLETELY
AUTHENTIC SOUND.
189
00:09:09,181 --> 00:09:11,445
OR WHY NOT TRY A NEW
"NAUGHTY NIGHTIE"?
190
00:09:11,484 --> 00:09:12,849
PUT IT ON AND IT MELTS.
191
00:09:12,885 --> 00:09:14,182
JUST WATCH THEIR FACES.
192
00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:17,087
GUARANTEED TO BREAK THE ICE
AT NAUGHTY PARTIES.
193
00:09:20,993 --> 00:09:22,585
GO ON, GO ON.
194
00:09:22,628 --> 00:09:23,595
WHAT?
195
00:09:23,629 --> 00:09:25,119
DO THE PUNCH LINE.
196
00:09:25,164 --> 00:09:26,495
WHAT PUNCH LINE?
197
00:09:26,532 --> 00:09:28,625
THE PUNCH LINE
FOR THIS BIT.
198
00:09:28,668 --> 00:09:29,862
I DON'T KNOW IT.
199
00:09:29,969 --> 00:09:31,436
THEY DIDN'T
SAY ANYTHING
200
00:09:31,470 --> 00:09:32,698
ABOUT A PUNCH LINE.
201
00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:34,035
OH!
202
00:09:34,073 --> 00:09:35,870
OH, WELL, IN THAT CASE
203
00:09:35,942 --> 00:09:38,809
I'LL BE SAYING
GOOD-BYE THEN, SIR.
204
00:09:38,844 --> 00:09:40,744
GOOD-BYE THEN, SIR.
205
00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:43,408
(scattered laughter)
206
00:09:45,785 --> 00:09:49,551
(muttering as truck idles)
207
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:50,749
WHAT'S THE PUNCH LINE?
208
00:09:50,790 --> 00:09:52,189
PUNCH LINE?
209
00:09:52,224 --> 00:09:54,454
I DON'T THINK THERE'S
A PUNCH LINE SCHEDULED
210
00:09:54,493 --> 00:09:55,482
IS THERE?
211
00:09:55,528 --> 00:09:56,552
WHERE ARE WE?
212
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:57,620
UH... WEEK 39.4...
213
00:09:57,663 --> 00:09:58,994
NO, IT'S FRIDAY,
ISN'T IT?
214
00:09:59,031 --> 00:10:00,259
39.7...
215
00:10:00,299 --> 00:10:03,496
UH... HERE WE ARE.
216
00:10:03,536 --> 00:10:05,197
OH!
217
00:10:05,237 --> 00:10:08,468
(laughing)
218
00:10:11,344 --> 00:10:12,402
VERY GOOD.
219
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:13,776
(laughing)
220
00:10:13,813 --> 00:10:15,110
VERY GOOD.
221
00:10:15,147 --> 00:10:16,375
WHAT A GOOD
PUNCH LINE.
222
00:10:16,415 --> 00:10:17,541
PITY WE MISSED THAT.
223
00:10:17,583 --> 00:10:18,607
STILL, NEVER MIND.
224
00:10:18,651 --> 00:10:20,084
WE CAN ALWAYS
DO IT AGAIN.
225
00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:21,416
MAKE A SERIES
OUT OF IT.
226
00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:23,285
NOW, IF YOU WOULD
JUST SIGN THERE
227
00:10:23,322 --> 00:10:24,516
I'LL PUT THIS THROUGH
228
00:10:24,557 --> 00:10:26,047
TO OUR CONTRACTS
DEPARTMENT
229
00:10:26,092 --> 00:10:28,060
AND YOU SHOULD BE
HEARING FROM THEM
230
00:10:28,094 --> 00:10:29,322
IN A YEAR OR TWO.
231
00:10:29,362 --> 00:10:31,330
CAN YOU GIVE ME
A LIFT BACK?
232
00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:33,457
AH, CAN DO... BUT WON'T.
233
00:10:33,499 --> 00:10:34,523
WE WERE WONDERING
234
00:10:34,567 --> 00:10:36,398
IF WE COULD POSSIBLY
BORROW YOUR HEAD
235
00:10:36,435 --> 00:10:37,663
FOR A PIECE
OF ANIMATION.
236
00:10:37,703 --> 00:10:38,670
WHAT?
237
00:10:38,704 --> 00:10:39,728
OH, JOLLY GOOD.
238
00:10:39,772 --> 00:10:40,830
THANKS VERY, VERY MUCH.
239
00:10:40,873 --> 00:10:41,897
(yells)
240
00:10:41,941 --> 00:10:43,841
YOU WILL GET EXPENSES.
241
00:10:43,876 --> 00:10:45,503
(yelling)
242
00:10:47,747 --> 00:10:49,408
(sawing)
243
00:10:49,448 --> 00:10:51,541
(muffled screaming)
244
00:10:51,584 --> 00:10:55,315
(motor putt-putting)
245
00:10:55,354 --> 00:10:56,946
(ratcheting)
246
00:10:56,989 --> 00:10:59,423
(motor putt-putting)
247
00:10:59,458 --> 00:11:01,983
(whispering)
248
00:11:02,028 --> 00:11:03,052
Man:
SERGEANT, SOMEHOW
249
00:11:03,095 --> 00:11:04,722
WE'VE GOT TO GET
IN THERE AND GET IT.
250
00:11:04,764 --> 00:11:07,198
Sergeant: I KNOW, SIR, BUT
IT'S GOING TO BE DIFFICULT.
251
00:11:07,233 --> 00:11:08,757
Man: YOU'LL NEED SOME
SORT OF DIVERSION.
252
00:11:08,801 --> 00:11:09,995
Sergeant:
YES, SIR, BUT WHAT?
253
00:11:10,036 --> 00:11:11,003
WELL, WE COULD...
254
00:11:11,037 --> 00:11:12,265
NO, NO, IT'S
GOT TO BE...
255
00:11:12,304 --> 00:11:13,362
NO, NOT RIGHT!
256
00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:14,373
WAIT!
257
00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:15,874
I'VE GOT IT!
258
00:11:15,908 --> 00:11:19,969
(cancan music playing)
259
00:11:27,019 --> 00:11:28,486
(suction breaking)
260
00:11:31,557 --> 00:11:33,115
WELL DONE,
SOLDIER.
261
00:11:33,159 --> 00:11:34,319
LOAD AND FIRE.
262
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:35,452
YES, SIR.
263
00:11:36,762 --> 00:11:37,751
FIRE!
264
00:11:39,799 --> 00:11:41,198
(man yells)
265
00:11:41,233 --> 00:11:43,428
READY, AIM, FIRE!
266
00:11:43,469 --> 00:11:46,734
WE ARE NOT AMUSED.
267
00:11:46,772 --> 00:11:49,036
(laughter)
268
00:11:49,075 --> 00:11:50,633
(horn toots)
269
00:11:50,676 --> 00:11:51,870
(horn toots)
270
00:11:51,911 --> 00:11:54,505
Man:
HM...
271
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:56,674
HMM...
272
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:58,240
HMMM...
273
00:11:58,284 --> 00:12:02,186
(man expressing
increasing surprise)
274
00:12:04,623 --> 00:12:07,183
(man clearing throat)
275
00:12:07,226 --> 00:12:09,387
(clears throat again)
276
00:12:09,428 --> 00:12:11,259
GENTLEMEN...
277
00:12:11,297 --> 00:12:13,060
OUR M.P. SAW THE P.M. THIS A.M.
278
00:12:13,099 --> 00:12:15,727
AND THE P.M. WANTS MORE L.S.D.
FROM THE P.I.B.
279
00:12:15,768 --> 00:12:17,895
BY TOMORROW A.M. OR P.M.
AT THE LATEST.
280
00:12:18,003 --> 00:12:20,563
I TOLD THE P.M.'S P.P.S.
THAT A.M. WAS N.B.G.
281
00:12:20,606 --> 00:12:23,200
SO TOMORROW P.M. IT IS
FOR THE P.M. NEM. CON.
282
00:12:24,443 --> 00:12:26,536
GIVE US A FAG
OR I'LL GO SPARE.
283
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:27,910
NOW...
284
00:12:28,013 --> 00:12:31,244
THE FISCAL DEFICIT WITH REGARD
TO THE MONETARY BALANCE
285
00:12:31,283 --> 00:12:34,616
THE CURRENT FINANCIAL YEAR,
EXCLUDING INVISIBLE EXPORTS
286
00:12:34,653 --> 00:12:36,587
BUT ADJUSTED OF COURSE
FOR SEASONAL VARIATIONS
287
00:12:36,622 --> 00:12:37,919
AND THE INCREMENTAL STATISTICS
288
00:12:37,957 --> 00:12:39,584
OF THE FISCAL AND
REVENUE ARRANGEMENTS
289
00:12:39,625 --> 00:12:42,116
FOR THE FORTHCOMING
ANNUAL BUDGETARY PERIOD
290
00:12:42,161 --> 00:12:43,423
TERMINATING IN APRIL.
291
00:12:43,462 --> 00:12:46,590
I THINK HE'S TALKING
ABOUT TAXATION.
292
00:12:47,733 --> 00:12:48,722
BRAVO, MADGE.
293
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:49,928
WELL DONE.
294
00:12:50,002 --> 00:12:53,529
TAXATION IS INDEED
THE VERY NUB OF MY GIST.
295
00:12:53,572 --> 00:12:57,474
GENTLEMEN, WE HAVE TO FIND
SOMETHING NEW TO TAX.
296
00:12:57,510 --> 00:12:58,772
I UNDERSTOOD THAT.
297
00:12:58,811 --> 00:13:01,245
IF I MIGHT PUT MY HEAD
ON THE CHOPPING BLOCK
298
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,475
SO YOU CAN KICK IT
AROUND A BIT, SIR...
299
00:13:03,516 --> 00:13:04,312
MM-HMM.
300
00:13:04,350 --> 00:13:05,817
WELL, MOST
THINGS WE DO
301
00:13:05,851 --> 00:13:07,876
FOR PLEASURE
NOWADAYS ARE TAXED
302
00:13:07,953 --> 00:13:09,944
EXCEPT... ONE.
303
00:13:11,190 --> 00:13:12,214
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
304
00:13:12,258 --> 00:13:14,886
WELL, SMOKING'S
BEEN TAXED
305
00:13:14,994 --> 00:13:17,485
DRINKING'S
BEEN TAXED...
306
00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:19,498
BUT NOT... UH...
307
00:13:19,532 --> 00:13:20,863
THINGY.
308
00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:24,199
(laughter)
309
00:13:24,236 --> 00:13:25,635
GOOD LORD.
310
00:13:25,671 --> 00:13:28,435
YOU'RE NOT SUGGESTING
WE SHOULD TAX...
311
00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:31,534
THINGY.
312
00:13:31,577 --> 00:13:33,340
POO POOS?
313
00:13:33,379 --> 00:13:34,903
NO!
314
00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:36,413
THANK GOD FOR THAT.
315
00:13:36,448 --> 00:13:38,177
EXCUSE ME
FOR A MOMENT.
316
00:13:38,217 --> 00:13:39,343
(laughter)
317
00:13:39,385 --> 00:13:41,683
NO, NO, NO,
THINGY!
318
00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:43,278
NUMBER ONES?
319
00:13:43,322 --> 00:13:45,688
NO... THINGY!
320
00:13:45,724 --> 00:13:47,385
THINGY!
321
00:13:47,426 --> 00:13:49,917
OH!
322
00:13:50,029 --> 00:13:51,724
THINGY!
323
00:13:51,764 --> 00:13:54,232
WELL, IT'D CERTAINLY MAKE
CHARTERED ACCOUNTANCY
324
00:13:54,266 --> 00:13:55,756
A MUCH MORE INTERESTING JOB.
325
00:13:55,801 --> 00:13:59,032
I WOULD PUT A TAX...
326
00:13:59,071 --> 00:14:01,801
ON ALL PEOPLE...
327
00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:04,537
WHO STAND IN WATER.
328
00:14:09,782 --> 00:14:11,443
OH!
329
00:14:11,483 --> 00:14:13,474
(laughter)
330
00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:15,487
TO BOOST THE BRITISH ECONOMY
331
00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:18,115
I'D TAX ALL FOREIGNERS
LIVING ABROAD.
332
00:14:18,157 --> 00:14:19,488
(laughter)
333
00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:23,723
I WOULD TAX THE NUDE IN MY BED.
334
00:14:23,762 --> 00:14:26,230
NO, NOT TAX...
335
00:14:26,265 --> 00:14:27,732
WHAT IS THE WORD?
336
00:14:27,766 --> 00:14:28,733
(laughter)
337
00:14:28,767 --> 00:14:29,893
WELCOME.
338
00:14:30,002 --> 00:14:34,632
I WOULD TAX RAQUEL WELCH
339
00:14:34,673 --> 00:14:36,766
AND I'VE A FEELING SHE'D TAX ME.
340
00:14:36,809 --> 00:14:40,905
I WOULD BRING BACK HANGING
AND GO INTO ROPE.
341
00:14:40,980 --> 00:14:43,915
I WOULD CUT OFF THE MORE
DISREPUTABLE PARTS OF THE BODY
342
00:14:44,016 --> 00:14:46,007
AND USE THE SPACE
FOR PLAYING FIELDS.
343
00:14:46,051 --> 00:14:49,179
I WOULD TAX HOLIDAY SNAPS.
344
00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:51,052
(camera shutter clicks)
345
00:14:51,090 --> 00:14:56,255
THIS IS UNCLE TED
IN FRONT OF THE HOUSE.
346
00:14:56,295 --> 00:14:57,626
THIS IS UNCLE TED
347
00:14:57,663 --> 00:14:59,563
AT THE BACK
OF THE HOUSE.
348
00:14:59,598 --> 00:15:00,826
THIS IS UNCLE TED
349
00:15:00,866 --> 00:15:02,697
AT THE SIDE
OF THE HOUSE.
350
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:04,600
THIS IS UNCLE TED
BACK AGAIN
351
00:15:04,637 --> 00:15:06,332
AT THE FRONT
OF THE HOUSE
352
00:15:06,372 --> 00:15:09,000
BUT YOU CAN SEE
THE SIDE OF THE HOUSE.
353
00:15:09,041 --> 00:15:10,508
AND THIS IS UNCLE TED
354
00:15:10,542 --> 00:15:12,806
EVEN NEARER
THE SIDE OF THE HOUSE
355
00:15:12,845 --> 00:15:15,040
BUT YOU CAN
STILL SEE THE FRONT.
356
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:17,514
THIS IS THE BACK
OF THE HOUSE
357
00:15:17,549 --> 00:15:20,609
WITH UNCLE TED
COMING ROUND THE SIDE
358
00:15:20,653 --> 00:15:21,779
TO THE FRONT.
359
00:15:21,820 --> 00:15:24,380
AND THIS IS THE
SPANISH INQUISITION
360
00:15:24,423 --> 00:15:26,482
HIDING BEHIND
THE COAL SHED.
361
00:15:26,525 --> 00:15:29,892
OH, I DIDN'T EXPECT
THE SPANISH INQUISITION.
362
00:15:29,995 --> 00:15:32,555
(jarring chord plays)
363
00:15:32,598 --> 00:15:35,431
NOBODY EXPECTS
THE SPANISH INQUISITION!
364
00:15:35,467 --> 00:15:40,166
(dramatic music plays)
365
00:16:16,675 --> 00:16:20,338
(chuckling
diabolically)
366
00:16:20,379 --> 00:16:22,404
(laughter)
367
00:16:25,050 --> 00:16:26,483
HA!
368
00:16:26,518 --> 00:16:28,281
NOW, OLD WOMAN,
YOU ARE ACCUSED
369
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:29,844
OF HERESY
ON THREE COUNTS:
370
00:16:29,888 --> 00:16:31,856
HERESY BY THOUGHT,
HERESY BY WORD
371
00:16:31,890 --> 00:16:34,154
HERESY BY DEED
AND HERESY BY ACTION.
372
00:16:34,193 --> 00:16:35,888
FOUR COUNTS.
373
00:16:35,928 --> 00:16:37,122
(laughter)
374
00:16:37,162 --> 00:16:38,356
DO YOU CONFESS?
375
00:16:38,397 --> 00:16:40,558
I DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHAT I'M ACCUSED OF.
376
00:16:40,599 --> 00:16:41,566
HA!
377
00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:42,658
HA! HA!
378
00:16:42,701 --> 00:16:45,261
THEN WE SHALL MAKE
YOU UNDERSTAND!
379
00:16:45,304 --> 00:16:46,862
BIGGLES...
380
00:16:46,905 --> 00:16:50,238
(laughter)
381
00:16:50,275 --> 00:16:53,142
FETCH THE CUSHIONS!
382
00:16:53,178 --> 00:16:55,510
(jarring chord plays)
383
00:16:55,547 --> 00:16:57,344
HERE THEY
ARE, LORD.
384
00:16:57,383 --> 00:16:59,476
NOW, OLD LADY, YOU
HAVE ONE LAST CHANCE.
385
00:16:59,518 --> 00:17:01,452
CONFESS TO THE
HEINOUS SIN OF HERESY
386
00:17:01,487 --> 00:17:02,818
REJECT
THE WORKS OF THE...
387
00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:05,016
TWO LAST CHANCES...
AND YOU SHALL BE FREE.
388
00:17:05,057 --> 00:17:07,651
THREE LAST CHANCES... YOU
HAVE THREE LAST CHANCES...
389
00:17:07,693 --> 00:17:09,524
THE NATURE OF WHICH
I HAVE DIVULGED
390
00:17:09,561 --> 00:17:10,858
IN MY PREVIOUS
UTTERANCE.
391
00:17:10,896 --> 00:17:12,693
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
392
00:17:12,731 --> 00:17:14,221
RIGHT!
393
00:17:14,266 --> 00:17:16,564
IF THAT'S
THE WAY YOU WANT IT!
394
00:17:16,602 --> 00:17:18,661
CARDINAL...
395
00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:21,571
POKE HER WITH THE SOFT CUSHIONS!
396
00:17:21,607 --> 00:17:24,735
CONFESS!
397
00:17:24,777 --> 00:17:25,869
CONFESS!
398
00:17:25,978 --> 00:17:27,275
CONFESS!
399
00:17:27,312 --> 00:17:29,371
IT DOESN'T SEEM TO
BE HURTING HER, MY LORD.
400
00:17:29,415 --> 00:17:32,282
HAVE YOU GOT ALL THE
STUFFING UP ONE END?
401
00:17:32,317 --> 00:17:33,784
YES, LORD.
402
00:17:33,819 --> 00:17:37,084
HMM, SHE IS MADE
OF HARDER STUFF.
403
00:17:37,122 --> 00:17:38,749
CARDINAL FANG...
404
00:17:38,791 --> 00:17:41,385
FETCH...
405
00:17:41,427 --> 00:17:43,622
THE COMFY CHAIR.
406
00:17:43,662 --> 00:17:47,723
(jarring chord plays)
407
00:17:47,766 --> 00:17:49,893
THE COMFY CHAIR?
408
00:17:49,935 --> 00:17:53,166
YES.
409
00:17:53,205 --> 00:17:59,633
(inquisitors laughing
diabolically)
410
00:17:59,678 --> 00:18:01,509
SO, YOU THINK
YOU ARE STRONG
411
00:18:01,547 --> 00:18:04,277
BECAUSE YOU
CAN SURVIVE
THE SOFT CUSHIONS!
412
00:18:04,316 --> 00:18:06,841
WELL, WE SHALL SEE!
413
00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:12,255
BIGGLES, PUT HER
IN THE COMFY CHAIR!
414
00:18:12,291 --> 00:18:13,781
NOW...
415
00:18:13,826 --> 00:18:16,317
YOU WILL STAY IN THE COMFY
CHAIR UNTIL LUNCH TIME
416
00:18:16,361 --> 00:18:18,158
WITH ONLY A CUP
OF COFFEE AT 11:00.
417
00:18:18,197 --> 00:18:19,459
IS THAT REALLY
ALL IT IS?
418
00:18:19,498 --> 00:18:21,398
YES, LORD.
419
00:18:21,433 --> 00:18:22,661
I SEE.
420
00:18:22,701 --> 00:18:24,532
I SUPPOSE
WE MAKE IT WORSE
421
00:18:24,570 --> 00:18:26,367
BY SHOUTING
A LOT, DO WE?
422
00:18:26,405 --> 00:18:28,703
(laughter)
423
00:18:28,740 --> 00:18:30,537
(softly):
CONFESS, WOMAN.
424
00:18:30,576 --> 00:18:31,873
(louder):
CONFESS!
425
00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:33,343
(still louder):
CONFESS!
426
00:18:33,378 --> 00:18:35,710
(shouting): CONFESS! CONFESS!
427
00:18:35,747 --> 00:18:37,237
I CONFESS!
428
00:18:37,282 --> 00:18:38,442
NOT YOU!
429
00:18:38,484 --> 00:18:39,678
I CONFESS.
430
00:18:39,718 --> 00:18:41,515
WHO WAS THAT?
431
00:18:41,553 --> 00:18:42,815
I CONFESS.
432
00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:44,288
(buzzer)
433
00:18:44,323 --> 00:18:49,192
("God Save the Queen" playing)
434
00:18:49,228 --> 00:18:50,217
I CONFESS.
435
00:18:50,262 --> 00:18:52,787
(buzzer)
436
00:18:52,831 --> 00:18:57,666
("God Save the Queen" playing)
437
00:18:57,703 --> 00:18:58,795
I CONFESS.
438
00:18:58,837 --> 00:19:00,805
(buzzer)
439
00:19:00,839 --> 00:19:02,500
I CONFESS.
440
00:19:04,510 --> 00:19:06,000
I CONFESS.
441
00:19:09,014 --> 00:19:10,504
I CONFESS.
442
00:19:13,018 --> 00:19:14,815
I CONFESS.
443
00:19:14,853 --> 00:19:17,321
WELL, MADAM, I'M GLAD
YOU'VE COME TO SEE ME.
444
00:19:17,356 --> 00:19:19,756
AS A DOCTOR, I SHALL
BE TRYING TO HELP YOU
445
00:19:19,791 --> 00:19:21,088
AND DO EVERYTHING I CAN
446
00:19:21,126 --> 00:19:22,855
TO ASSIST YOU
IN ANY WAY I CAN.
447
00:19:22,895 --> 00:19:24,590
OF COURSE, ANY...
448
00:19:24,630 --> 00:19:26,063
(laughter)
449
00:19:26,098 --> 00:19:28,259
VERY HIGH STATE...
450
00:19:28,300 --> 00:19:29,767
(laughter)
451
00:19:29,801 --> 00:19:31,268
COULD YOU
REPEAT THAT?
452
00:19:31,303 --> 00:19:32,361
I'M A BIT DEAF.
453
00:19:32,404 --> 00:19:34,065
NOW, THE B.M.A.
454
00:19:34,106 --> 00:19:36,336
THE BRITISH
MEDICAL ASSOCIATION...
455
00:19:36,375 --> 00:19:38,673
LOUDER, PLEASE,
I STILL CAN'T HEAR!
456
00:19:38,710 --> 00:19:40,109
I CONFESS!
457
00:19:40,145 --> 00:19:41,874
SPEAK UP,
I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
458
00:19:41,980 --> 00:19:44,881
(all talking at once)
459
00:19:44,917 --> 00:19:49,854
Man (with American accent): NOW, FOR THE
VERY FIRST TIME ON THE SILVER SCREEN
460
00:19:49,888 --> 00:19:53,756
COMES THE FILM FROM TWO BOOKS
THAT ONCE SHOCKED A GENERATION.
461
00:19:53,792 --> 00:19:56,192
FROM EMILY BRONTE'S
WUTHERING HEIGHTS
462
00:19:56,228 --> 00:19:59,527
AND FROM THE INTERNATIONAL GUIDE
TO SEMAPHORE CODE
463
00:19:59,565 --> 00:20:01,863
20th CENTURY VOLE PRESENTS
464
00:20:01,900 --> 00:20:05,563
THE SEMAPHORE VERSION
OF WUTHERING HEIGHTS.
465
00:20:05,604 --> 00:20:07,765
(laughter)
466
00:20:09,775 --> 00:20:11,743
(dramatic music playing)
467
00:20:31,296 --> 00:20:33,958
(laughter)
468
00:21:12,804 --> 00:21:13,964
(laughter)
469
00:21:44,436 --> 00:21:47,269
Man (with American accent): FROM
THE PULSATING PAGES OF HISTORY
470
00:21:47,306 --> 00:21:49,365
FROM THE DARK AND FURIOUS DAYS
OF IMPERIAL ROME
471
00:21:49,408 --> 00:21:52,036
WE BRING YOU A STORY
THAT SHATTERED THE WORLD
472
00:21:52,077 --> 00:21:55,376
A TALE SO GRIPPING THAT THEY
SAID IT COULD NOT BE FILMED
473
00:21:55,414 --> 00:21:57,348
A UNIQUE EVENT
IN CINEMA HISTORY:
474
00:21:57,382 --> 00:22:00,476
JULIUS CAESAR ON AN ALDIS LAMP.
475
00:22:00,519 --> 00:22:02,783
(laughter)
476
00:22:09,127 --> 00:22:11,152
(laughter)
477
00:22:21,973 --> 00:22:24,874
(laughter)
478
00:22:28,547 --> 00:22:34,918
FROM THE MAKERS OF GUNFIGHT
AT O.K. CORRAL IN MORSE CODE...
479
00:22:34,986 --> 00:22:37,352
(laughter)
480
00:22:37,389 --> 00:22:41,485
AND THE SMOKE-SIGNAL VERSION
OF GENTLEMEN PREFER BLONDES.
481
00:22:41,526 --> 00:22:43,517
(laughter)
482
00:22:49,034 --> 00:22:51,559
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
OF THE JURY
483
00:22:51,603 --> 00:22:53,730
HAVE YOU REACHED
A VERDICT?
484
00:22:53,772 --> 00:22:55,171
WE HAVE, MY LORD.
485
00:22:55,207 --> 00:22:57,072
AND HOW DO YOU FIND
THE DEFENDANT?
486
00:22:57,109 --> 00:22:59,407
(laughter)
487
00:22:59,444 --> 00:23:01,173
TWO WORDS?
488
00:23:01,213 --> 00:23:03,078
FIRST WORD.
489
00:23:03,115 --> 00:23:04,309
(laughter)
490
00:23:05,884 --> 00:23:07,283
ROPE, STRING...
491
00:23:09,054 --> 00:23:10,419
POINT.
492
00:23:10,455 --> 00:23:12,889
BELT.
493
00:23:12,924 --> 00:23:13,891
TIE.
494
00:23:13,925 --> 00:23:14,983
CRAVAT.
495
00:23:15,026 --> 00:23:16,220
SILK SQUARE.
496
00:23:18,296 --> 00:23:19,263
KNOT.
497
00:23:19,297 --> 00:23:21,822
(courtroom applauds)
498
00:23:23,301 --> 00:23:24,495
SECOND WORD.
499
00:23:24,536 --> 00:23:26,868
TWO SYLLABLES.
500
00:23:26,905 --> 00:23:29,533
FIRST SYLLABLE.
501
00:23:29,574 --> 00:23:31,804
(laughter)
502
00:23:31,843 --> 00:23:34,107
BIRD?
503
00:23:34,146 --> 00:23:35,875
SWIMMER.
504
00:23:35,914 --> 00:23:37,006
BREASTSTROKE.
505
00:23:37,048 --> 00:23:38,140
BRIAN PHELPS.
506
00:23:38,183 --> 00:23:39,616
NO, NO, NO,
HE WAS A DIVER!
507
00:23:39,651 --> 00:23:40,777
ESTHER WILLIAMS, THEN.
508
00:23:40,819 --> 00:23:42,013
NO, NO,
DON'T BE SILLY!
509
00:23:42,053 --> 00:23:44,317
HOW CAN YOU FIND SOMEONE
"NOT ESTHER WILLIAMS"?
510
00:23:44,356 --> 00:23:45,687
FISH!
511
00:23:45,724 --> 00:23:46,691
FISH...
512
00:23:46,725 --> 00:23:48,454
(gasping)
WHEEZE...
513
00:23:48,493 --> 00:23:50,791
FISH WHEEZE...
514
00:23:50,829 --> 00:23:51,853
FISH BREATHE.
515
00:23:51,897 --> 00:23:53,865
FISH BREATHE THROAT.
516
00:23:53,899 --> 00:23:56,834
FISH BREATHE THROAT... GILL!
517
00:23:56,868 --> 00:24:00,429
(applause)
518
00:24:00,472 --> 00:24:02,167
KNOT GILL...
519
00:24:02,207 --> 00:24:05,199
SECOND SYLLABLE.
520
00:24:06,378 --> 00:24:08,676
KNOT GILL...
521
00:24:09,915 --> 00:24:10,882
DRINK.
522
00:24:10,916 --> 00:24:12,213
SIP...
523
00:24:12,250 --> 00:24:13,774
IMBIBE.
524
00:24:13,819 --> 00:24:15,650
KNOT GILL...
525
00:24:15,687 --> 00:24:16,745
CUP!
526
00:24:16,788 --> 00:24:18,187
KNOT GILLCUP!
527
00:24:18,223 --> 00:24:19,190
(laughter)
528
00:24:19,224 --> 00:24:21,124
YOU'VE BEEN FOUND
KNOT GILLCUP
529
00:24:21,159 --> 00:24:23,354
OF THE CHARGES
BROUGHT AGAINST YOU
530
00:24:23,395 --> 00:24:26,023
AND YOU MAY LEAVE
THIS COURT A FREE MAN.
531
00:24:26,064 --> 00:24:30,091
RIGHT, MY TURN.
532
00:24:30,135 --> 00:24:31,067
FOUR WORDS.
533
00:24:34,105 --> 00:24:35,402
FIRST WORD, SHOUT!
534
00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:36,372
BELLOW!
535
00:24:36,408 --> 00:24:37,739
CALL.
536
00:24:37,776 --> 00:24:40,768
(applause)
537
00:24:40,812 --> 00:24:42,609
SECOND WORD...
538
00:24:42,647 --> 00:24:44,342
IS VERY SMALL.
539
00:24:44,382 --> 00:24:45,610
UM, "A."
540
00:24:45,650 --> 00:24:46,344
AN?
541
00:24:46,384 --> 00:24:47,442
UP.
542
00:24:47,486 --> 00:24:48,384
THE.
543
00:24:48,420 --> 00:24:49,648
(applause)
544
00:24:49,688 --> 00:24:51,417
CALL THE.
545
00:24:51,456 --> 00:24:53,583
THIRD WORD.
546
00:24:53,625 --> 00:24:55,456
GILL?
547
00:24:55,494 --> 00:24:56,586
FISH!
548
00:24:56,628 --> 00:24:58,459
ADAM'S APPLE!
549
00:24:58,497 --> 00:24:59,293
NECK!
550
00:24:59,331 --> 00:25:00,593
SOUNDS LIKE NECK!
551
00:25:00,632 --> 00:25:01,963
NEXT!
552
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:03,262
CALL THE NEXT!
553
00:25:03,301 --> 00:25:06,099
(applause)
554
00:25:06,137 --> 00:25:09,129
FOURTH WORD,
THREE SYLLABLES.
555
00:25:09,174 --> 00:25:10,801
FIRST SYLLABLE.
556
00:25:10,842 --> 00:25:12,469
EAR.
557
00:25:12,511 --> 00:25:13,637
HEAR, CAN'T HEAR.
558
00:25:13,678 --> 00:25:15,475
DEAF.
559
00:25:15,514 --> 00:25:17,311
DEAF!
560
00:25:17,349 --> 00:25:20,375
CALL THE NEXT DEAF.
561
00:25:20,418 --> 00:25:21,282
BOTTOM?
562
00:25:21,319 --> 00:25:23,719
SEAT.
563
00:25:23,755 --> 00:25:24,722
TROUSER.
564
00:25:24,756 --> 00:25:25,723
CHEEK.
565
00:25:25,757 --> 00:25:28,385
END! CALL THE NEXT DEAF-END.
566
00:25:30,195 --> 00:25:31,423
All:
ANT!
567
00:25:34,165 --> 00:25:36,429
CALL THE NEXT
DEFENDANT!
568
00:25:36,468 --> 00:25:38,060
CALL THE NEXT DEFENDANT
569
00:25:38,103 --> 00:25:40,765
THE HONORABLE
MR. JUSTICE KILBRAKEN.
570
00:25:45,911 --> 00:25:47,606
IF I MAY CHARGE YOU,
MY LORD
571
00:25:47,646 --> 00:25:49,170
YOU ARE CHARGED, MY LORD
572
00:25:49,214 --> 00:25:51,307
THAT ON THE 14th DAY
OF JUNE, 1970
573
00:25:51,349 --> 00:25:53,146
AT THE CENTRAL
CRIMINAL COURT
574
00:25:53,184 --> 00:25:54,378
YOU DID COMMIT ACTS
575
00:25:54,419 --> 00:25:56,785
LIKELY TO CAUSE
A BREACH OF THE PEACE.
576
00:25:56,821 --> 00:25:59,654
HOW PLEAD YOU, MY LORD,
GUILTY OR NOT GUILTY?
577
00:25:59,691 --> 00:26:00,988
NOT GUILTY.
578
00:26:01,026 --> 00:26:02,994
CASE NOT PROVEN,
COURT ADJOURNED.
579
00:26:03,028 --> 00:26:04,825
(laughter)
580
00:26:04,863 --> 00:26:07,764
Judge: NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!
581
00:26:07,799 --> 00:26:08,857
NO, NO, NO!
582
00:26:08,967 --> 00:26:10,832
NO, YOU'RE IN THE DOCK, MY LORD.
583
00:26:10,869 --> 00:26:12,131
I AM A JUDGE, MY LORD.
584
00:26:12,170 --> 00:26:14,502
SO AM I, MY LORD, SO WATCH IT.
585
00:26:14,539 --> 00:26:16,097
CALL THIS A COURT!
586
00:26:16,141 --> 00:26:17,039
CALL THIS
A COURT!
587
00:26:17,075 --> 00:26:18,042
CALL THIS A COURT!
588
00:26:18,076 --> 00:26:19,043
CALL THIS
A COURT!
589
00:26:19,077 --> 00:26:20,135
SHUT UP!
590
00:26:20,178 --> 00:26:21,873
RIGHT, NOW GET ON
WITH THE SPIEL.
591
00:26:21,947 --> 00:26:23,471
MY LORD,
AND MY OTHER LORD
592
00:26:23,515 --> 00:26:27,144
THE PROSECUTION WILL ENDEAVOR
TO SHOW, MY LORD, THAT MY LORD...
593
00:26:27,185 --> 00:26:29,176
NOT YOU, MY LORD,
THAT MY LORD, MY LORD...
594
00:26:29,220 --> 00:26:32,121
WHILE PASSING SENTENCE
AT THE CENTRAL CRIMINAL COURT
595
00:26:32,157 --> 00:26:33,886
BLOTTED HIS COPY BOOK.
596
00:26:33,992 --> 00:26:35,323
CALL EXHIBIT "Q."
597
00:26:35,360 --> 00:26:36,190
"Q"?
598
00:26:36,227 --> 00:26:38,388
SORRY, DID I SAY "Q"?
599
00:26:38,430 --> 00:26:39,658
I MEANT "A."
600
00:26:39,698 --> 00:26:41,461
CALL EXHIBIT "A."
601
00:26:41,499 --> 00:26:43,592
CALL
EXHIBIT "A"!
602
00:26:50,408 --> 00:26:52,376
EXHIBIT "A," MY LORD,
MISS RITA THANG
603
00:26:52,410 --> 00:26:57,211
AN ARTIST'S MODEL,
SWEDISH ACCORDION TEACHER
604
00:26:57,248 --> 00:26:59,808
AND CANE CHAIR
SALESLADY
605
00:26:59,851 --> 00:27:02,342
WAS FOUND GUILTY UNDER
THE RUDE BEHAVIOR ACT
606
00:27:02,387 --> 00:27:03,684
IN THE ACCUSED'S COURT.
607
00:27:03,722 --> 00:27:05,713
THE ACCUSED, MY LORD,
SENTENCED HER
608
00:27:05,757 --> 00:27:07,315
"TO BE TAKEN
FROM THIS PLACE
609
00:27:07,359 --> 00:27:09,156
AND BROUGHT ROUND
TO HIS PLACE."
610
00:27:09,194 --> 00:27:10,161
(laughter)
611
00:27:10,195 --> 00:27:11,219
OBJECTION, MY LORD!
612
00:27:11,262 --> 00:27:12,229
OBJECTION SUSTAINED.
613
00:27:12,263 --> 00:27:13,992
YOU SHUT UP!
OBJECTION OVERRULED.
614
00:27:14,032 --> 00:27:15,727
THE ACCUSED
THEN COMMENTED
615
00:27:15,767 --> 00:27:17,860
ON MISS THANG'S
BODILY STRUCTURE
616
00:27:17,969 --> 00:27:20,460
MADE SEVERAL
NOT-AT-ALL LEGAL REMARKS
617
00:27:20,505 --> 00:27:21,972
ON THE SUBJECT OF FUN
618
00:27:22,007 --> 00:27:24,635
AND THEN PLACED
HIS ROBES OVER HIS HEAD
619
00:27:24,676 --> 00:27:26,541
AND BEGAN
TO EMIT LOW MOANS.
620
00:27:26,578 --> 00:27:29,411
HAVE YOU ANYTHING TO SAY
IN YOUR DEFENSE?
621
00:27:29,447 --> 00:27:31,210
WELL, I HAVEN'T
HAD ANY FOR WEEKS.
622
00:27:31,249 --> 00:27:33,012
OH, NO? WHAT ABOUT
THAT LITTLE NUMBER
623
00:27:33,051 --> 00:27:35,019
YOU'VE GOT TUCKED AWAY
IN BELSIZE PARK?
624
00:27:35,053 --> 00:27:36,077
OH, I NEVER!
625
00:27:36,121 --> 00:27:37,713
OH, NO!
626
00:27:37,756 --> 00:27:39,883
ALL RIGHT, THEN,
WHAT ABOUT 8-A WOODFORD SQUARE?
627
00:27:39,958 --> 00:27:42,586
YOU SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THAT
AND I'LL DO YOU FOR TREASON.
628
00:27:42,627 --> 00:27:44,322
UH, MY LORD,
IF WE COULD CONTINUE.
629
00:27:44,362 --> 00:27:45,829
HE'S GOT
A CHINESE BIT THERE.
630
00:27:45,864 --> 00:27:47,525
NO, THAT'S CONTEMPT OF COURT!
631
00:27:47,565 --> 00:27:48,623
OH, IT'S
ONLY A JOKE!
632
00:27:48,667 --> 00:27:49,691
CONTEMPT
OF COURT!
633
00:27:49,734 --> 00:27:51,565
HOWEVER, I'M NOT
GOING TO PUNISH YOU
634
00:27:51,603 --> 00:27:53,901
BECAUSE WE'RE SO SHORT
OF JUDGES AT THE MOMENT
635
00:27:54,005 --> 00:27:56,530
WHAT WITH ALL OF THEM
EMIGRATING TO SOUTH AFRICA.
636
00:27:56,574 --> 00:27:58,599
I'M GOING TOMORROW,
I'VE GOT MY TICKET.
637
00:27:58,643 --> 00:28:01,237
GET OUT THERE AND GET
SOME DECENT SENTENCING DONE.
638
00:28:01,279 --> 00:28:03,042
OH, ENGLAND MAKES YOU SICK.
639
00:28:03,081 --> 00:28:05,845
BEST I CAN MANAGE HERE
IS LIFE IMPRISONMENT.
640
00:28:05,950 --> 00:28:08,384
HARDLY WORTH COMING IN
IN THE MORNING.
641
00:28:08,420 --> 00:28:10,388
NOW, SOUTH AFRICA
642
00:28:10,422 --> 00:28:12,151
YOU'VE GOT YOUR CAT-O-NINE TAILS
643
00:28:12,190 --> 00:28:14,181
YOU'VE GOT FOUR
DEATH SENTENCES A WEEK
644
00:28:14,225 --> 00:28:16,125
YOU'VE GOT CHEAP DRINKS,
SLAVE LABOR
645
00:28:16,161 --> 00:28:17,628
AND A BOOMING STOCK MARKET.
646
00:28:17,662 --> 00:28:18,788
I'M OFF, I TELL YOU.
647
00:28:18,830 --> 00:28:21,560
YES, I'M UP TO HERE
WITH PROBATION
648
00:28:21,599 --> 00:28:24,261
AND BLEEDING
PSYCHIATRIC REPORTS.
649
00:28:24,302 --> 00:28:25,428
THAT'S IT, I'M OFF.
650
00:28:25,470 --> 00:28:27,028
THAT'S IT.
651
00:28:27,072 --> 00:28:30,735
RIGHT, WELL, I'M GOING TO HAVE
ONE FINAL FLING BEFORE I LEAVE
652
00:28:30,775 --> 00:28:33,403
SO I SENTENCE YOU
TO BE BURNT AT THE STAKE.
653
00:28:33,445 --> 00:28:36,744
BLIMEY, I DIDN'T EXPECT
THE SPANISH INQUISITION.
654
00:28:39,317 --> 00:28:40,716
(laughter)
655
00:28:40,752 --> 00:28:43,983
(dramatic music plays)
656
00:28:57,969 --> 00:29:01,769
TWO... UH, THREE TO
THE OLD BAILEY, PLEASE.
657
00:29:01,806 --> 00:29:03,433
LOOK, THEY'VE STARTED
THE CREDITS!
658
00:29:03,475 --> 00:29:04,772
HURRY, HURRY, HURRY!
659
00:29:04,809 --> 00:29:06,299
COME ON, HURRY!
660
00:29:17,989 --> 00:29:19,354
THERE'S
THE LIGHTING CREDIT!
661
00:29:19,390 --> 00:29:20,379
ONLY FIVE LEFT!
662
00:29:25,563 --> 00:29:27,497
HELL, IT'S
THE PRODUCER, QUICK!
663
00:29:50,355 --> 00:29:51,583
NOBODY EXPECTS THE...
664
00:29:51,623 --> 00:29:53,614
OH, BUGGER!
665
00:29:53,658 --> 00:29:58,118
(laughter and applause)
666
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:04,000
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll