1
00:00:29,732 --> 00:00:30,797
- Boss man!
- Mike!
2
00:00:30,799 --> 00:00:32,165
Mike, you okay?
3
00:00:32,167 --> 00:00:34,093
I got it, I got it. I'm fine.
4
00:00:34,095 --> 00:00:35,669
That was a big fall!
5
00:00:35,671 --> 00:00:37,137
Oh, no, you're bleeding.
6
00:00:37,139 --> 00:00:39,573
You want me to get you
some ointment for that?
7
00:00:39,575 --> 00:00:41,274
Dude, you really ate gravel.
8
00:00:41,276 --> 00:00:42,876
What did you trip on?
9
00:00:42,878 --> 00:00:44,377
I mean, physically.
10
00:00:44,379 --> 00:00:46,046
Well, I didn't trip. It's...
11
00:00:46,048 --> 00:00:48,181
There's something wrong
with the step, or...
12
00:00:48,183 --> 00:00:49,582
maybe it was a rock.
13
00:00:49,584 --> 00:00:51,617
It just seemed like you forgot
how to walk for a second.
14
00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:53,619
That happens to my mom sometimes.
15
00:00:53,621 --> 00:00:54,720
She's 78.
16
00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:55,984
Do you have a concussion?!
17
00:00:55,986 --> 00:00:58,591
I got one when I dived
into that dry pool!
18
00:00:58,593 --> 00:01:00,491
Yeah, somebody should really
drive you home.
19
00:01:00,516 --> 00:01:02,128
I got room on my dirt bike.
20
00:01:02,130 --> 00:01:05,165
No, I can take him.
Then I can sew up those pants.
21
00:01:05,167 --> 00:01:07,067
No one's getting near my pants.
Just go back to work.
22
00:01:07,069 --> 00:01:08,501
But it's the end of the day!
23
00:01:08,503 --> 00:01:09,936
Then just go home.
24
00:01:14,576 --> 00:01:17,081
It's hard to see your heroes fall.
25
00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:21,646
Nope, Axl wasn't there, either.
26
00:01:21,648 --> 00:01:23,248
Sorry it took so long.
27
00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:24,583
Gamma Phi was having a Casino Night,
28
00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:26,751
and I was on fire at the craps table.
29
00:01:26,753 --> 00:01:28,620
I've always been a good dice roller.
30
00:01:28,622 --> 00:01:30,089
Okay.
31
00:01:30,091 --> 00:01:32,591
Next stop, there's a party at
the Foreign Student Center...
32
00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:34,059
a "mutual understanding mixer."
33
00:01:34,061 --> 00:01:35,594
I think they're serving shawarma.
34
00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:36,595
All right, let's do it.
35
00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:37,762
I don't know what shawarma is,
36
00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:39,264
but I'm ready to mutually understand it.
37
00:01:40,501 --> 00:01:42,367
So, why are you so desperate
to find your brother?
38
00:01:42,369 --> 00:01:43,602
Mm, it's awful.
39
00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:45,237
He and my mom are estranged.
40
00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:48,106
Actually, he's not really
talking to any of the family.
41
00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:49,707
Yikes. What happened?
42
00:01:49,709 --> 00:01:51,275
He's dating this girl nobody likes,
43
00:01:51,277 --> 00:01:53,344
and my mom blurted out
that she doesn't like her,
44
00:01:53,346 --> 00:01:55,613
so he got mad and he didn't
come home for Thanksgiving.
45
00:01:55,615 --> 00:01:57,348
And now Christmas
is right around the corner,
46
00:01:57,350 --> 00:01:59,071
and I'm worried he won't
come home for that, either.
47
00:01:59,073 --> 00:02:00,457
Oh, he's got to come home for Christmas.
48
00:02:00,459 --> 00:02:02,886
I mean, Santa goes through all
that trouble to bring presents.
49
00:02:02,888 --> 00:02:04,222
Uhoh, got to stop.
50
00:02:04,224 --> 00:02:06,290
Tipsy Kappa Lambda at 10:00.
51
00:02:06,292 --> 00:02:08,759
Sorry.
52
00:02:10,296 --> 00:02:11,895
Dad, are you walking funny?
53
00:02:11,897 --> 00:02:14,132
Brick, are you eating funny?
Go to school.
54
00:02:15,419 --> 00:02:17,535
Hey, Brick.
55
00:02:17,537 --> 00:02:19,069
How does this sound?
56
00:02:19,071 --> 00:02:20,738
I'm about to call in sick.
57
00:02:20,740 --> 00:02:22,372
You know, with this whole Axl thing,
58
00:02:22,374 --> 00:02:24,341
I just really need a mental-health day.
59
00:02:25,410 --> 00:02:26,744
I want to make sure it sounds real.
60
00:02:26,746 --> 00:02:28,145
Would you tell me not to come in?
61
00:02:28,759 --> 00:02:30,050
You're burying the cough.
62
00:02:30,052 --> 00:02:32,215
If you want it to land,
you got to put it at the end.
63
00:02:32,217 --> 00:02:35,252
Nice. I like the way you think.
64
00:02:36,588 --> 00:02:39,089
Rita! What a surprise.
65
00:02:39,091 --> 00:02:40,590
Just so you know, it wasn't me
66
00:02:40,592 --> 00:02:42,259
who called in
that noise complaint last week.
67
00:02:42,261 --> 00:02:44,662
Who doesn't love AC/DC at 2:00 a.m.?
68
00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:46,563
I need you to drive me someplace.
69
00:02:46,565 --> 00:02:48,198
Oh. I would love to,
70
00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:50,400
but I'm actually really sick.
71
00:02:50,402 --> 00:02:52,369
You didn't sound sick a second ago.
72
00:02:52,371 --> 00:02:54,737
Okay, I'm not sick,
but I have to get to work.
73
00:02:54,739 --> 00:02:56,706
No, you don't.
Just sleep with your boss.
74
00:02:56,708 --> 00:02:58,175
Then you can come and go as you please.
75
00:02:58,177 --> 00:03:00,143
I'm at work right now. So, let's go.
76
00:03:00,145 --> 00:03:01,211
Ticktock, princess.
77
00:03:01,213 --> 00:03:02,879
Come on. I don't got all day.
78
00:03:02,881 --> 00:03:05,114
- Can't one of your boys take you?
- They're all lazy.
79
00:03:05,116 --> 00:03:07,484
I thought they'd grow up
and chip in, but no.
80
00:03:07,486 --> 00:03:09,018
I'm the only one out there
81
00:03:09,020 --> 00:03:11,221
stripping copper
out of abandoned houses.
82
00:03:11,223 --> 00:03:14,057
I told them, cereal don't grow on trees.
83
00:03:14,059 --> 00:03:17,093
Look, my boss is a real jerk
if I'm late, so...
84
00:03:17,095 --> 00:03:20,163
You know, I'm still emotionally
and somewhat physically scarred
85
00:03:20,165 --> 00:03:22,298
from when you attacked me
last Halloween.
86
00:03:22,300 --> 00:03:24,600
Now, I didn't press charges,
but I could.
87
00:03:24,602 --> 00:03:27,070
You know why I didn't?
'Cause I'm a good neighbor.
88
00:03:27,072 --> 00:03:31,040
I assume you'd want to
recip-i-cate my good intentions.
89
00:03:31,042 --> 00:03:34,376
Or you can just give me
the keys to your car.
90
00:03:36,047 --> 00:03:37,747
Okay, here we go.
91
00:03:38,850 --> 00:03:40,016
So, where to?
92
00:03:40,018 --> 00:03:41,084
Just drive.
93
00:03:41,086 --> 00:03:43,619
I'll tell you which way to go.
94
00:03:43,621 --> 00:03:45,254
Hey!
95
00:03:45,256 --> 00:03:46,288
Trust me.
96
00:03:46,290 --> 00:03:49,125
You want to be real careful with that.
97
00:03:49,127 --> 00:03:51,127
Oh. Uh, wwhat... what's in there?
98
00:03:51,129 --> 00:03:52,995
None of your damn business.
99
00:03:52,997 --> 00:03:54,563
Cheez-It?
100
00:03:54,565 --> 00:03:56,898
Oh.
101
00:03:56,900 --> 00:04:02,904
I said one.
102
00:04:05,642 --> 00:04:07,375
Mike, you're here.
103
00:04:07,377 --> 00:04:08,710
How's your foot?
104
00:04:08,712 --> 00:04:11,179
How's your foot? Mine's great.
105
00:04:11,181 --> 00:04:12,881
Am I missing something?
What are you guys talking about?
106
00:04:12,883 --> 00:04:14,182
Mike fell so bad!
107
00:04:14,184 --> 00:04:15,283
I didn't fall.
108
00:04:15,285 --> 00:04:17,485
I just misstepped. It's not a big deal.
109
00:04:17,487 --> 00:04:19,320
Wait. It happened here?
110
00:04:19,322 --> 00:04:21,189
What is this?
A place we sit around gossiping
111
00:04:21,191 --> 00:04:22,657
or a place where we blow stuff up?
112
00:04:22,659 --> 00:04:23,658
Get out there.
113
00:04:23,660 --> 00:04:24,960
I'm the safety officer.
114
00:04:24,962 --> 00:04:27,428
If there's an accident
that happens at the quarry,
115
00:04:27,430 --> 00:04:28,663
I got to report it.
116
00:04:28,665 --> 00:04:30,798
Got to follow the rules.
117
00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:32,133
Rules, man.
118
00:04:32,135 --> 00:04:34,702
Oh, now the government
wants to control our falling.
119
00:04:34,704 --> 00:04:36,771
You fall all you want, boss man.
120
00:04:36,773 --> 00:04:39,440
'Course, you'll never be able
to top a fall like that again.
121
00:04:39,442 --> 00:04:40,608
That was pretty epic.
122
00:04:40,610 --> 00:04:42,443
It was like he was swimming in the air.
123
00:04:42,445 --> 00:04:43,878
It seemed to go on forever.
124
00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:44,879
I kept thinking,
125
00:04:44,881 --> 00:04:46,547
"Shouldn't he be on the ground by now?"
126
00:04:46,549 --> 00:04:47,848
And then he was!
127
00:04:47,850 --> 00:04:50,351
Sorry, Mike, I got no choice.
I got to report it.
128
00:04:50,353 --> 00:04:52,520
Well, maybe I'll report you
for standing around bugging me
129
00:04:52,522 --> 00:04:53,988
when you should be out there working.
130
00:04:53,990 --> 00:04:56,991
I'm gonna have to report
that attitude, too.
131
00:04:56,993 --> 00:04:58,225
Get out of here.
132
00:05:01,397 --> 00:05:03,397
'Kay, turn right up ahead.
133
00:05:03,399 --> 00:05:05,599
But that takes us onto the highway.
134
00:05:05,601 --> 00:05:07,134
No duh. That's how we get there.
135
00:05:07,136 --> 00:05:08,936
O-O-Okay, look, I'm sorry, but I thought
136
00:05:08,938 --> 00:05:11,338
I was just dropping you off
at the store or the doctor's
137
00:05:11,340 --> 00:05:12,840
or the courthouse or something.
138
00:05:12,842 --> 00:05:13,841
You're gonna miss it!
139
00:05:17,905 --> 00:05:19,584
I'm not sure
what Axl's class schedule is,
140
00:05:19,609 --> 00:05:21,609
but he's a business major,
so let's try Hubbard Hall.
141
00:05:21,611 --> 00:05:22,809
- On it.
- Excuse me.
142
00:05:22,811 --> 00:05:25,025
You're also going by
the journalism building
143
00:05:25,065 --> 00:05:26,064
to drop me off, right?
144
00:05:26,066 --> 00:05:27,333
He doesn't look drunk.
145
00:05:27,335 --> 00:05:29,168
Oh, during the day,
we give rides to injured people.
146
00:05:29,170 --> 00:05:30,569
This happened when I was drunk.
147
00:05:30,571 --> 00:05:31,737
Oh.
148
00:05:31,739 --> 00:05:33,572
I accidentally one time
had a sip of hard lemonade
149
00:05:33,574 --> 00:05:37,243
and I twerked, so I understand
the dangers of alcohol.
150
00:05:37,719 --> 00:05:38,884
I think the thing you want to do is...
151
00:05:38,886 --> 00:05:39,884
Axl!
152
00:05:39,886 --> 00:05:41,385
Axl, stop! Wait.
153
00:05:41,387 --> 00:05:43,989
That's him! That's him! Follow him!
154
00:05:43,991 --> 00:05:45,724
Go, go, go, go, go! Floor it!
155
00:05:45,726 --> 00:05:46,891
Axl, stop!
156
00:05:46,893 --> 00:05:48,392
I just want to talk to you!
157
00:05:48,394 --> 00:05:50,095
Um, excuse me, journalism class?
158
00:05:50,097 --> 00:05:52,263
Journalism's dead! Start a blog!
159
00:05:52,265 --> 00:05:54,165
Axl!
160
00:05:54,167 --> 00:05:55,967
Axl!
161
00:05:55,969 --> 00:05:59,638
Ax-l-l-l-l-l!
162
00:06:00,674 --> 00:06:03,108
What the hell's going on?
163
00:06:03,110 --> 00:06:05,043
Oh, Mike, this is Tom Hanson,
164
00:06:05,045 --> 00:06:06,945
our OSHA compliance officer.
165
00:06:06,947 --> 00:06:09,080
Hello, Mr. Heck.
Are you the injured party?
166
00:06:09,082 --> 00:06:10,515
There is no injured party.
167
00:06:10,517 --> 00:06:11,650
I'm not injured.
168
00:06:11,652 --> 00:06:12,984
What about your ankle?
169
00:06:12,986 --> 00:06:14,051
It's nothing.
170
00:06:14,053 --> 00:06:16,220
As I told my soonto-be-former employee,
171
00:06:16,222 --> 00:06:17,888
my foot just landed wrong.
172
00:06:17,890 --> 00:06:20,158
- It stretched in the back.
- Ah, yes.
173
00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:22,126
Yeah, we call that one
the "high heel" injury.
174
00:06:22,128 --> 00:06:24,395
Uh, no, I think
it's an old football injury.
175
00:06:24,397 --> 00:06:26,764
And just to be clear,
I was wearing work boots.
176
00:06:26,766 --> 00:06:27,765
Uh-huh.
177
00:06:27,767 --> 00:06:28,932
Attention, Team B.
178
00:06:28,934 --> 00:06:31,269
Please report
to the administrative trailer.
179
00:06:31,271 --> 00:06:33,923
Look, this was just a dumb thing.
180
00:06:33,925 --> 00:06:35,187
It's not a big deal.
181
00:06:35,189 --> 00:06:36,807
We just have to stop talking about it.
182
00:06:36,809 --> 00:06:37,975
With all due respect,
183
00:06:37,977 --> 00:06:39,930
you should never
stop talking about safety.
184
00:06:40,580 --> 00:06:41,646
Hello, everyone.
185
00:06:41,648 --> 00:06:43,781
Due to Mr. Heck's recent incident,
186
00:06:43,783 --> 00:06:47,017
we're gonna take time right now
to do a safe-stair drill.
187
00:06:47,019 --> 00:06:48,318
Aw, come on!
188
00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:50,467
- He can do that?
- Mr. Heck, could you come here?
189
00:06:50,469 --> 00:06:51,627
You're gonna help me demonstrate.
190
00:06:54,452 --> 00:06:56,160
The most important thing to remember...
191
00:06:56,162 --> 00:06:59,296
always use the handrails.
192
00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:01,965
Now, for your first step,
193
00:07:01,967 --> 00:07:04,902
you're gonna want to use
your dominant foot.
194
00:07:06,371 --> 00:07:10,140
And do not... I repeat,
do not ever skip a step.
195
00:07:10,142 --> 00:07:13,077
Okay, Mr. Heck, let's see you
go up those stairs.
196
00:07:13,713 --> 00:07:15,245
Whoa, whoa!
197
00:07:15,247 --> 00:07:16,680
Slow down.
198
00:07:16,682 --> 00:07:18,582
Nothing is ever so urgent
199
00:07:18,584 --> 00:07:21,351
that you can't take the time to be safe.
200
00:07:21,353 --> 00:07:24,421
Now let's see you do it
the correct way coming down.
201
00:07:24,423 --> 00:07:25,522
Good.
202
00:07:25,524 --> 00:07:26,723
Very good.
203
00:07:26,725 --> 00:07:29,058
And you used the handrail
for the descent, also.
204
00:07:29,060 --> 00:07:30,059
I like that.
205
00:07:30,061 --> 00:07:31,552
- Done here?
- Nope.
206
00:07:31,554 --> 00:07:32,562
Not till everyone takes a turn.
207
00:07:32,564 --> 00:07:33,896
Let's line it up, boys.
208
00:07:37,969 --> 00:07:39,736
Hey, hey, hey, hot-dogger!
209
00:07:39,738 --> 00:07:42,071
Whole foot on the step.
210
00:07:44,909 --> 00:07:46,175
Oh!
211
00:07:46,177 --> 00:07:48,378
You can't tell the Chuck
what to do, government man!
212
00:07:49,514 --> 00:07:51,814
Fight the power! Unh!
213
00:07:52,884 --> 00:07:54,718
Get off me! Help!
214
00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:56,219
Axl, you listen to me!
215
00:07:56,221 --> 00:07:58,186
This conversation is happening,
216
00:07:58,188 --> 00:08:00,723
whether it happens now
or it happens later!
217
00:08:00,725 --> 00:08:02,758
I pick later! Now leave me alone!
218
00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:04,860
I didn't want to have to do this.
219
00:08:04,862 --> 00:08:05,861
Ow! Ow! Ow!
220
00:08:05,863 --> 00:08:07,195
Not the hair! Not the hair!
221
00:08:07,197 --> 00:08:08,697
That's my ticket to YouTube stardom!
222
00:08:08,699 --> 00:08:09,698
Come on! Okay, okay.
223
00:08:09,700 --> 00:08:11,367
I'm listening. I'm listening. Ah.
224
00:08:11,369 --> 00:08:12,668
Okay, look, Axl,
225
00:08:12,670 --> 00:08:16,338
I know Mom said some stuff
about April she shouldn't have,
226
00:08:16,340 --> 00:08:18,540
but our family is not so great
227
00:08:18,542 --> 00:08:21,543
that we can just afford to be
losing members left and right.
228
00:08:21,545 --> 00:08:23,514
Thanksgiving sucked,
229
00:08:23,516 --> 00:08:26,848
so please just promise me
you'll come home for Christmas.
230
00:08:27,705 --> 00:08:29,285
I can't make that promise.
231
00:08:29,287 --> 00:08:30,846
But you have to!
232
00:08:30,848 --> 00:08:33,420
We can't have our
family traditions without you.
233
00:08:33,615 --> 00:08:36,182
When we sing Christmas carols,
you're the one
234
00:08:36,184 --> 00:08:37,805
who tries to climb
out the window and ditch us.
235
00:08:37,830 --> 00:08:39,103
When I bake gingerbread men,
236
00:08:39,105 --> 00:08:41,138
you're the one
who bites all the heads off.
237
00:08:41,445 --> 00:08:43,145
So, what, are the Christmas villagers
238
00:08:43,147 --> 00:08:45,014
just not gonna
hump each other this year?
239
00:08:45,016 --> 00:08:46,557
If you're not there,
240
00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:48,851
Christmas is just gonna go smoothly.
241
00:08:48,853 --> 00:08:51,286
And that may be
some other family's Christmas,
242
00:08:51,288 --> 00:08:53,228
but it sure isn't ours.
243
00:08:53,230 --> 00:08:54,757
Well, you're gonna have to
find someone else
244
00:08:54,759 --> 00:08:56,125
to put boobs on the snowman,
245
00:08:56,127 --> 00:08:58,661
'cause I can't be with people
who hate my girlfriend.
246
00:08:58,663 --> 00:09:00,496
Okay, to be fair, Axl,
247
00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:03,533
we have been
nothing but nice to her face.
248
00:09:03,535 --> 00:09:05,902
Maybe we just need to get
to know her better,
249
00:09:05,904 --> 00:09:07,102
have a do-over.
250
00:09:07,104 --> 00:09:08,670
Sue, I'm 22.
251
00:09:08,672 --> 00:09:10,705
Maybe I just don't need
the family as much as you do.
252
00:09:10,707 --> 00:09:12,641
Maybe I just need a break from you guys.
253
00:09:13,710 --> 00:09:16,608
I don't think you're allowed to do that!
254
00:09:19,016 --> 00:09:20,249
Okay.
255
00:09:20,251 --> 00:09:22,851
Well, once everyone has signed
their Safe Stair Pledge,
256
00:09:22,853 --> 00:09:24,521
I'll have everything I need.
257
00:09:24,523 --> 00:09:25,639
Thank God.
258
00:09:25,641 --> 00:09:27,689
Hey, I found footage of Mike's fall
259
00:09:27,691 --> 00:09:29,229
from the security camera.
260
00:09:29,231 --> 00:09:31,226
It'll show us exactly what happened.
261
00:09:31,228 --> 00:09:32,428
No! No, it won't.
262
00:09:32,430 --> 00:09:33,929
Hey, why don't you shove
one of those doughnuts
263
00:09:33,931 --> 00:09:36,265
into your chatty mouth, Dave?
264
00:09:36,267 --> 00:09:37,732
Hold on a second.
265
00:09:38,415 --> 00:09:40,436
You fell yesterday, right?
266
00:09:40,438 --> 00:09:41,670
Yeah.
267
00:09:41,672 --> 00:09:43,304
Well, then, this number's wrong.
268
00:09:43,306 --> 00:09:46,074
Yeah, but that wasn't really
a w-workplace injury.
269
00:09:46,076 --> 00:09:47,641
That was just my own dumb thing.
270
00:09:47,643 --> 00:09:48,776
No, no, no.
271
00:09:48,778 --> 00:09:52,051
If we make it 365 days
without an injury,
272
00:09:52,053 --> 00:09:54,315
corporate gives us a cupcake party.
273
00:09:54,317 --> 00:09:57,251
They send us cupcakes
from a fancy bakery in a box
274
00:09:57,253 --> 00:09:59,353
with a card that says, "Good job."
275
00:09:59,355 --> 00:10:00,654
Sorry, guys.
276
00:10:00,656 --> 00:10:02,156
Maybe next year.
277
00:10:02,855 --> 00:10:04,425
And we were so close.
278
00:10:04,427 --> 00:10:05,793
They take your picture
279
00:10:05,795 --> 00:10:07,595
and put it in the corporate
newsletter and everything.
280
00:10:07,597 --> 00:10:08,963
I was hoping to use that picture
281
00:10:08,965 --> 00:10:11,199
for my Farmers Only dating profile.
282
00:10:11,546 --> 00:10:13,253
Nice going, Mike.
283
00:10:13,255 --> 00:10:15,303
Hey, there's more important
things in life
284
00:10:15,305 --> 00:10:17,004
than a cupcake party.
285
00:10:18,140 --> 00:10:20,039
And eventually, we'll think of one.
286
00:10:24,045 --> 00:10:25,745
Beautiful day for a drive.
287
00:10:25,747 --> 00:10:27,481
- Relaxing, ain't it?
- Uh-huh.
288
00:10:27,483 --> 00:10:29,849
You know, this seems like
it's turning into a whole thing,
289
00:10:29,851 --> 00:10:31,985
and I really should get back
for dinner and my life
290
00:10:31,987 --> 00:10:34,154
and to the people who know where I am.
291
00:10:34,156 --> 00:10:36,189
There's nothing like the open road.
292
00:10:36,191 --> 00:10:39,259
I just feel so trapped in
that fishbowl of a neighborhood,
293
00:10:39,261 --> 00:10:40,994
everybody always judging you.
294
00:10:40,996 --> 00:10:42,662
You know what neighbor
I really don't like?
295
00:10:42,664 --> 00:10:44,498
That Nancy Donahue.
296
00:10:44,500 --> 00:10:45,665
Oh.
297
00:10:45,667 --> 00:10:47,700
I don't know. She's nice.
298
00:10:47,702 --> 00:10:49,569
What don't you like about her?
299
00:10:49,571 --> 00:10:51,204
Well, she thinks she's all that,
300
00:10:51,206 --> 00:10:53,739
that her house is all that,
that her kids are all that.
301
00:10:53,741 --> 00:10:54,740
Like them girls,
302
00:10:54,742 --> 00:10:56,416
and that boy at that fancy college,
303
00:10:56,418 --> 00:10:58,144
and that weird one who reads.
304
00:10:58,146 --> 00:10:59,595
Uh, that one's mine.
305
00:10:59,597 --> 00:11:01,280
And she thinks she's better
than everybody else
306
00:11:01,282 --> 00:11:03,315
'cause her teenagers are potty-trained.
307
00:11:03,317 --> 00:11:05,251
That's what I like about me and you.
308
00:11:05,253 --> 00:11:06,952
We don't care about our yards.
309
00:11:06,954 --> 00:11:09,455
Well, I... I care a little.
310
00:11:09,457 --> 00:11:10,856
But... But... But I hear you.
311
00:11:10,858 --> 00:11:12,791
I mean, it's like,
people who make you jam.
312
00:11:12,793 --> 00:11:14,660
They don't want you to have jam.
313
00:11:14,662 --> 00:11:15,994
They want to show you they made jam.
314
00:11:15,996 --> 00:11:17,229
I know.
315
00:11:17,231 --> 00:11:19,798
It's like, what dark hole
are you fillin' in your life
316
00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:21,974
that you need to foist jam
on your neighbors?
317
00:11:23,638 --> 00:11:25,337
Exactly.
318
00:11:25,339 --> 00:11:27,939
You know, maybe Rita was okay.
319
00:11:27,941 --> 00:11:30,290
Maybe we weren't so different after all.
320
00:11:30,292 --> 00:11:32,978
She might even be a little... fun.
321
00:11:32,980 --> 00:11:34,813
What was I worried about?
322
00:11:35,816 --> 00:11:37,049
Aw, damn it.
323
00:11:37,051 --> 00:11:38,616
I'm out of range.
324
00:11:43,356 --> 00:11:46,624
Um, I-I-I don't think you're
supposed to be doing that.
325
00:11:46,626 --> 00:11:48,293
Oh, please. It happens all the time.
326
00:11:48,295 --> 00:11:50,662
If I didn't take this thing off,
I'd never go anywhere.
327
00:11:51,865 --> 00:11:55,834
Good luck findin' that one, Barney Fife!
328
00:12:00,372 --> 00:12:01,405
Hey, Dad.
329
00:12:01,407 --> 00:12:02,506
Hey.
330
00:12:02,508 --> 00:12:03,774
Where's Mom?
331
00:12:03,776 --> 00:12:04,775
I don't know.
332
00:12:04,777 --> 00:12:06,010
She sent a text
333
00:12:06,012 --> 00:12:08,779
about running some errand
with Rita Glossner.
334
00:12:08,781 --> 00:12:10,380
You know anything about baking cupcakes?
335
00:12:10,382 --> 00:12:11,949
I know Mom uses a box.
336
00:12:11,951 --> 00:12:13,283
Yeah, I got that.
337
00:12:13,285 --> 00:12:15,953
But where are the measuring cups
and mixing bowl?
338
00:12:15,955 --> 00:12:18,155
Measuring cups are in the junk drawer,
339
00:12:18,157 --> 00:12:20,457
and the mixing bowl is holding our mail.
340
00:12:20,459 --> 00:12:22,893
Aha!
341
00:12:23,963 --> 00:12:25,696
Oh, and I think you're supposed to have
342
00:12:25,698 --> 00:12:27,998
those little pink and green
papers that go around them.
343
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:29,734
What do you mean, "Go around them"?
344
00:12:29,736 --> 00:12:31,368
You know, when you finish the cupcake,
345
00:12:31,370 --> 00:12:32,369
you eat the paper?
346
00:12:32,371 --> 00:12:33,670
Eh. Do we really need those?
347
00:12:33,672 --> 00:12:34,871
I don't know.
348
00:12:34,873 --> 00:12:36,405
If they don't have the paper,
they might be muffins.
349
00:12:36,407 --> 00:12:37,406
But if you need it,
350
00:12:37,408 --> 00:12:38,842
I've got some leftover graph paper.
351
00:12:38,844 --> 00:12:40,643
Okay. Paper's paper.
352
00:12:43,070 --> 00:12:44,901
Why are you making cupcakes, anyway?
353
00:12:44,903 --> 00:12:48,084
Well, the guys at work were
supposed to have a cupcake party
354
00:12:48,086 --> 00:12:50,987
for going 365 days
without a workrelated injury,
355
00:12:50,989 --> 00:12:53,857
but then somebody fell.
356
00:12:53,859 --> 00:12:54,858
Was it funny?
357
00:12:54,860 --> 00:12:56,893
No. It wasn't funny at all.
358
00:12:56,895 --> 00:12:58,795
Ah. It was you, wasn't it?
359
00:13:00,331 --> 00:13:02,325
Yes, fine. I fell at work.
360
00:13:02,350 --> 00:13:03,599
Congratulations. You cracked the case.
361
00:13:03,601 --> 00:13:04,768
You happy?
362
00:13:04,770 --> 00:13:06,702
That explains the cupcakes.
You hit your head.
363
00:13:06,704 --> 00:13:08,271
Now you're having a behavior change.
364
00:13:08,273 --> 00:13:09,272
Follow my finger.
365
00:13:09,274 --> 00:13:10,373
No. I'm fine.
366
00:13:10,375 --> 00:13:11,874
It's just, you know,
367
00:13:11,876 --> 00:13:14,543
not great that it happened at work.
368
00:13:14,958 --> 00:13:17,179
Oh, you're embarrassed.
369
00:13:17,512 --> 00:13:18,881
Did I say I'm embarrassed?
370
00:13:18,883 --> 00:13:20,182
I'm not embarrassed.
371
00:13:20,184 --> 00:13:23,286
All right, I'm just saying,
if you are, you shouldn't be.
372
00:13:23,288 --> 00:13:25,053
Trust me, you're in my wheelhouse now.
373
00:13:25,055 --> 00:13:26,922
The problem isn't you being embarrassed.
374
00:13:26,924 --> 00:13:29,191
The problem is you don't
embarrass yourself enough.
375
00:13:29,193 --> 00:13:30,861
I embarrass myself all the time.
376
00:13:30,863 --> 00:13:33,296
Like today,
I started eating a girl's hair.
377
00:13:33,298 --> 00:13:35,431
It was on her head and in my sandwich.
378
00:13:35,433 --> 00:13:36,565
But if you ask me
379
00:13:36,567 --> 00:13:37,966
what embarrassing thing
happened yesterday,
380
00:13:37,968 --> 00:13:39,368
I couldn't even tell you.
381
00:13:39,370 --> 00:13:40,569
I don't remember.
382
00:13:40,571 --> 00:13:42,316
It just becomes
part of the fabric of your life.
383
00:13:42,318 --> 00:13:44,071
Well, that's not gonna happen
384
00:13:44,073 --> 00:13:46,174
'cause I'm not gonna
embarrass myself again.
385
00:13:46,176 --> 00:13:47,975
Now, pass me those rainbow sprinkles.
386
00:13:47,977 --> 00:13:49,877
It says if you add those to the batter,
387
00:13:49,879 --> 00:13:51,379
you get a more festive look.
388
00:13:51,381 --> 00:13:53,080
I think the guys will enjoy that.
389
00:13:54,117 --> 00:13:56,618
Dad, if you're that worried
about being embarrassed...
390
00:13:56,620 --> 00:13:59,086
You work in a quarry, right?
391
00:13:59,088 --> 00:14:00,822
Is there a cave or something
you can go down to
392
00:14:00,824 --> 00:14:01,956
and have a good cry?
393
00:14:02,467 --> 00:14:04,392
Brick, it's not that bad.
394
00:14:04,394 --> 00:14:07,295
Well, if it's not bad enough
you need to go cry in a cave,
395
00:14:07,297 --> 00:14:08,830
what are you worried about?
396
00:14:13,865 --> 00:14:17,271
Oh, I think you're supposed to
preheat the oven to 375.
397
00:14:17,273 --> 00:14:18,739
Got it. Did it.
398
00:14:18,741 --> 00:14:20,107
Way ahead of you.
399
00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:21,976
Quilt!
400
00:14:29,194 --> 00:14:30,484
You stay here and watch the bag.
401
00:14:30,486 --> 00:14:31,485
I'll get snacks.
402
00:14:31,487 --> 00:14:32,920
You got a jerky preference?
403
00:14:32,922 --> 00:14:35,656
Okay, look, this is already
taking longer than I thought,
404
00:14:35,658 --> 00:14:37,624
and I really need to get back to my...
405
00:14:37,626 --> 00:14:38,861
Beef!
406
00:14:43,699 --> 00:14:45,099
Officers?
407
00:14:45,101 --> 00:14:46,968
Excuse me, hi.
408
00:14:46,970 --> 00:14:48,135
Sorry to bother you.
409
00:14:48,137 --> 00:14:49,470
Can I ask you a quick question?
410
00:14:49,472 --> 00:14:50,504
Yes, ma'am.
411
00:14:50,506 --> 00:14:53,474
So, you probably get this a lot, but...
412
00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:54,575
"accomplice."
413
00:14:54,577 --> 00:14:56,810
What does that really mean?
414
00:14:56,812 --> 00:14:59,380
Is it like when you're
planning something with someone
415
00:14:59,382 --> 00:15:01,382
or more along for the ride, so to speak?
416
00:15:01,384 --> 00:15:02,983
- Is something the matter?
- N-No.
417
00:15:02,985 --> 00:15:04,251
No, no, no.
418
00:15:04,253 --> 00:15:06,420
It's just something I was
wondering about, you know?
419
00:15:06,422 --> 00:15:09,590
Just saw you here and thought,
"Hey, why not ask the experts?"
420
00:15:09,592 --> 00:15:10,758
Oh!
421
00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:12,325
Here's another one...
aiding and abetting.
422
00:15:12,327 --> 00:15:14,160
Is that the same thing or different?
423
00:15:14,162 --> 00:15:15,729
Can you aid without abetting?
424
00:15:15,731 --> 00:15:17,831
And can someone force you
to aid and abet?
425
00:15:17,833 --> 00:15:19,600
Are you in some sort of trouble?
426
00:15:19,602 --> 00:15:21,301
Uh, no, I... I don't think so.
427
00:15:21,303 --> 00:15:23,270
Because if you'd be more comfortable
428
00:15:23,272 --> 00:15:24,505
talking at the station, we could...
429
00:15:24,507 --> 00:15:26,072
No, no, no, no.
430
00:15:26,074 --> 00:15:27,274
Gosh, no.
431
00:15:27,276 --> 00:15:28,908
These are just some
of the things I think about.
432
00:15:28,910 --> 00:15:30,510
You know, some people scrapbook.
433
00:15:30,512 --> 00:15:33,679
I think about criminal intent
and jurisprudence, so...
434
00:15:34,916 --> 00:15:37,450
Oh, hey, there's my friend,
Rita Glossner,
435
00:15:37,452 --> 00:15:40,620
who lives at
418 Birchwood Avenue in Orson.
436
00:15:40,622 --> 00:15:42,221
Just in case. Bye!
437
00:15:45,192 --> 00:15:47,359
Seriously, do you see any bald spots?
438
00:15:47,361 --> 00:15:49,261
I think she took out a chunk of my hair.
439
00:15:49,263 --> 00:15:50,296
Not cool!
440
00:15:50,298 --> 00:15:52,097
She wants everything to be like it was.
441
00:15:52,099 --> 00:15:53,733
Well, guess what... I'm not doing that.
442
00:15:53,735 --> 00:15:55,067
They insulted something I love.
443
00:15:55,069 --> 00:15:56,402
That's so mean.
444
00:15:56,404 --> 00:15:58,170
What did they insult?
445
00:15:58,172 --> 00:15:59,271
Oh, uh...
446
00:15:59,273 --> 00:16:00,472
corn dogs.
447
00:16:00,474 --> 00:16:02,040
They hate them.
448
00:16:02,042 --> 00:16:03,842
Anyway, they can't tell me
how to run my life.
449
00:16:03,844 --> 00:16:05,376
I'm an adult man now.
450
00:16:05,378 --> 00:16:07,345
That tickles.
451
00:16:07,347 --> 00:16:09,748
I think I get what you mean.
My family hates you.
452
00:16:09,750 --> 00:16:11,215
What?
453
00:16:11,217 --> 00:16:13,452
Yeah, they think
I could do a lot better.
454
00:16:13,454 --> 00:16:14,586
A lot?
455
00:16:14,588 --> 00:16:16,588
I mean, you're great...
don't get me wrong.
456
00:16:16,590 --> 00:16:17,956
And you deserve somebody great,
457
00:16:17,958 --> 00:16:19,458
but I thought that somebody was me.
458
00:16:19,460 --> 00:16:21,493
They really liked Doug Dixon.
459
00:16:21,495 --> 00:16:22,694
He had a pontoon.
460
00:16:22,696 --> 00:16:24,228
Doug Dixo... See, this is what I mean.
461
00:16:24,230 --> 00:16:26,097
Our families think they know
what's best for us,
462
00:16:26,099 --> 00:16:27,432
but they don't know.
463
00:16:27,434 --> 00:16:29,568
We know! Even Grandma Tee-Tee?
464
00:16:29,570 --> 00:16:31,703
Oh, especially Grandma Tee-Tee.
465
00:16:31,885 --> 00:16:32,883
You know what?
466
00:16:32,885 --> 00:16:35,052
Who cares what anybody else thinks?
467
00:16:35,054 --> 00:16:36,787
We know our love is real.
468
00:16:36,789 --> 00:16:39,123
We don't need people telling us
how to live our lives.
469
00:16:39,125 --> 00:16:40,324
Yeah!
470
00:16:40,326 --> 00:16:42,260
The important thing
is that we have each other.
471
00:16:42,262 --> 00:16:44,762
And your family loves me.
472
00:16:44,764 --> 00:16:48,166
A-A-A-nd we have each other.
473
00:16:55,266 --> 00:16:57,308
Oh, boy.
474
00:16:57,310 --> 00:16:58,490
How long have I been asleep?
475
00:16:58,697 --> 00:17:00,230
About three states.
476
00:17:00,232 --> 00:17:01,231
What?
477
00:17:01,233 --> 00:17:03,633
I only closed my eyes for a second!
478
00:17:03,635 --> 00:17:05,701
Okay, that's it, Rita.
I demand an answer.
479
00:17:05,703 --> 00:17:07,036
Where are you taking me?
480
00:17:07,038 --> 00:17:08,404
Already took you.
481
00:17:08,406 --> 00:17:09,805
We're in Georgia.
482
00:17:15,066 --> 00:17:19,723
After 537 terrifying miles,
I finally realized
483
00:17:19,748 --> 00:17:21,981
maybe I should've just
handed Rita my car keys
484
00:17:21,983 --> 00:17:22,982
in the first place.
485
00:17:22,984 --> 00:17:24,183
We're here.
486
00:17:25,721 --> 00:17:30,357
Look, Rita, whatever it is,
don't make me go in.
487
00:17:30,359 --> 00:17:32,024
I have not seen anything
or heard anything.
488
00:17:32,026 --> 00:17:33,360
I won't tell anybody.
489
00:17:33,362 --> 00:17:35,662
I am not aiding, nor am I abetting.
490
00:17:35,664 --> 00:17:37,264
What the hell are you talkin' about?
491
00:17:37,266 --> 00:17:38,732
You get weird when you're tired.
492
00:17:38,734 --> 00:17:39,866
Let's go. Grab the bag.
493
00:17:39,868 --> 00:17:41,233
You told me not to touch the bag.
494
00:17:41,235 --> 00:17:42,601
Bring the damn bag, woman.
495
00:17:42,603 --> 00:17:44,770
If things here go smoothly,
we'll get you home.
496
00:17:44,772 --> 00:17:46,672
I've waited a long time for this moment.
497
00:17:46,674 --> 00:17:47,873
Don't spoil it.
498
00:17:49,710 --> 00:17:52,010
Listen, my guys work hard all year long
499
00:17:52,012 --> 00:17:55,046
and cupcakes are important
to them, and rightfully so.
500
00:17:55,048 --> 00:17:57,516
Take it from me,
they're not easy to make.
501
00:17:57,518 --> 00:17:59,251
Those little papers are important.
502
00:17:59,253 --> 00:18:01,219
You want to get those
at a cupcake store.
503
00:18:01,221 --> 00:18:03,355
Mike, we appreciate you
calling us down here
504
00:18:03,357 --> 00:18:04,690
and pleading your case,
505
00:18:04,692 --> 00:18:07,259
and your devotion to your
employees is admirable, but...
506
00:18:07,261 --> 00:18:09,060
cupcake parties have to be earned.
507
00:18:09,062 --> 00:18:10,429
Exactly.
508
00:18:10,431 --> 00:18:12,331
I mean, if we just started
handing out cupcake parties
509
00:18:12,333 --> 00:18:13,965
Willy-nilly, they'd lose their meaning.
510
00:18:13,967 --> 00:18:15,033
All right.
511
00:18:15,035 --> 00:18:17,335
I didn't want to have to do this, but...
512
00:18:17,337 --> 00:18:19,870
So Mike realized
if Brick could get through
513
00:18:19,872 --> 00:18:22,139
all those embarrassments and be fine,
514
00:18:22,141 --> 00:18:25,276
he certainly could get through one.
515
00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:29,013
Ohh! Ohh!
516
00:18:29,982 --> 00:18:31,081
Yeah...
517
00:18:31,083 --> 00:18:33,851
Yeah, I know, it's funny.
518
00:18:36,323 --> 00:18:37,522
Okay.
519
00:18:37,524 --> 00:18:40,458
If you'll notice,
the time stamp says 5:03 p.m.
520
00:18:40,460 --> 00:18:43,528
Our work day ends at 5:00,
so, technically,
521
00:18:43,530 --> 00:18:47,432
the fall happened after we'd
already made it to 365 days.
522
00:18:47,434 --> 00:18:49,667
I'm not trying to play hardball
with you guys.
523
00:18:49,669 --> 00:18:52,870
I'm just saying, my men
deserve their cupcake party.
524
00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:56,006
Looks like you're right.
525
00:18:56,928 --> 00:18:59,453
You obviously care about your guys.
526
00:18:59,455 --> 00:19:02,112
Because if you're willing
to show that tape...
527
00:19:02,114 --> 00:19:04,081
I'm sorry.
528
00:19:04,083 --> 00:19:05,615
Can... Can we watch it again?
529
00:19:05,617 --> 00:19:07,584
It's not that funny.
530
00:19:19,198 --> 00:19:24,134
Say hey to my grandbaby,
Vernon James Glossner.
531
00:19:24,136 --> 00:19:25,568
He was born three days ago,
532
00:19:25,570 --> 00:19:27,871
and I just had to find a way
to come and see him.
533
00:19:29,274 --> 00:19:31,975
Mrs. Heck, thanks for bringing
Mom all the way down here.
534
00:19:31,977 --> 00:19:34,410
It's my pleasure.
535
00:19:34,412 --> 00:19:37,347
And look at you, Rodney, all grown up.
536
00:19:37,349 --> 00:19:39,048
Yeah, I know I caused a lot
of trouble when I was a kid,
537
00:19:39,050 --> 00:19:40,383
but I got my life together now,
538
00:19:40,385 --> 00:19:43,709
with my fiancée and... and Little Vern.
539
00:19:43,711 --> 00:19:46,655
Even got a job waiting for me
at the Lumber Liquidators,
540
00:19:46,657 --> 00:19:48,858
just as soon as I get this off.
541
00:19:48,860 --> 00:19:51,831
Oh. Well, congratulations.
542
00:19:51,833 --> 00:19:54,964
Hey, Frankie, open up
that bag there, and be gentle.
543
00:19:58,503 --> 00:20:00,102
Oh.
544
00:20:00,104 --> 00:20:03,338
"Baby's First Christmas" ornament.
545
00:20:03,340 --> 00:20:04,673
It's got a little boy angel on it.
546
00:20:04,675 --> 00:20:06,241
Just like I got right here.
547
00:20:06,243 --> 00:20:08,511
I ordered it special
to get it person-ized.
548
00:20:08,513 --> 00:20:11,046
They don't make any
with "Vernon" already on 'em.
549
00:20:11,814 --> 00:20:14,683
Seeing that baby in Rita's arms
made me realize
550
00:20:14,685 --> 00:20:17,052
moments go by so fast.
551
00:20:17,054 --> 00:20:20,088
It hadn't been that long
since Axl was a baby.
552
00:20:20,090 --> 00:20:23,091
That's when I knew I had to
make things right with Axl.
553
00:20:23,093 --> 00:20:26,361
There was nothing he could say
or do that would upset me now.
554
00:20:26,363 --> 00:20:27,996
Sue, I need to talk to you right now!
555
00:20:27,998 --> 00:20:30,232
I did something stupid!
I did something really stupid!
556
00:20:30,234 --> 00:20:31,500
W-W-What? What is it?
557
00:20:32,703 --> 00:20:34,903
I married April!
558
00:20:44,255 --> 00:20:46,222
Safety, safety! One at a time!
559
00:20:46,224 --> 00:20:47,656
I got a red velvet.
560
00:20:47,658 --> 00:20:49,058
I got a red velvet!
561
00:20:49,060 --> 00:20:53,061
And look, a note... "Good job, guys."
562
00:20:53,063 --> 00:20:55,134
You know, we're not just
sharing cupcakes right now.
563
00:20:55,136 --> 00:20:56,392
We're sharing love.
564
00:20:56,394 --> 00:20:58,667
And this man right here's a love-maker.
565
00:20:58,669 --> 00:20:59,935
I've never been happier
566
00:20:59,937 --> 00:21:01,799
that I left my job
driving that school bus
567
00:21:01,801 --> 00:21:04,640
to spend my days here
in a hole with you people.
568
00:21:04,642 --> 00:21:06,174
Thanks, boss man.
569
00:21:06,176 --> 00:21:07,309
To Mike! To Mike! To Mike! To Mike!
570
00:21:07,311 --> 00:21:08,310
Mike!
571
00:21:08,312 --> 00:21:09,411
Hey, I know.
572
00:21:09,413 --> 00:21:11,279
Let's all talk about
our favorite Mike moment.
573
00:21:11,281 --> 00:21:12,140
Mine is...
574
00:21:12,142 --> 00:21:13,151
All right, all right.
575
00:21:13,153 --> 00:21:14,374
Everybody back to work.
576
00:21:25,954 --> 00:21:27,954
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