1
00:00:01,627 --> 00:00:03,729
["O Christmas Tree" plays]
2
00:00:06,302 --> 00:00:07,135
You did what?
3
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I married April!
4
00:00:09,172 --> 00:00:11,238
I'm sorry? You carried April?
5
00:00:11,240 --> 00:00:12,506
No. I married her.
6
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My brain cannot even process
the fact that you just said
7
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"married," so I'm assuming
you said "carried,"
8
00:00:17,947 --> 00:00:19,380
like over a big puddle.
9
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Yeah, I did carry her...
10
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Oh.
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...into the 'Bago after I married her.
12
00:00:23,419 --> 00:00:25,519
Why?! Why? Why? Why? Why?
13
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Why? Why? Why?!
14
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To piss off Mom!
15
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W-W-Wait! You got married
just to make Mom mad?
16
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Yeah.
17
00:00:32,393 --> 00:00:34,261
Well, what did she
say when you told her?
18
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I didn't tell her yet,
'cause she's gonna be mad.
19
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Yeah. [Chuckles]
20
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Getting married to make Mom mad
makes sense.
21
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Look, it just happened, okay?
22
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April and I were in the Winnebago,
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talking about how her parents
don't like me
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and my parents don't like her,
and I don't know.
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We just started feeling like,
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"Hey, we don't need anybody.
We got each other."
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So, the more we talked about it,
the more upset we got,
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and next thing I know,
we're at the courthouse
29
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in this really long line.
30
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And it was around then I started
to have second thoughts,
31
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but if we got out of line,
we'd lose our place,
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and everyone else in line
was so happy for us,
33
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'cause we're really young
and hot, and they're all so old.
34
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That's because you're too young
to get married!
35
00:01:06,662 --> 00:01:09,230
You were supposed to date
for 2 1/2 years, graduate,
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00:01:09,232 --> 00:01:11,665
get a job, and then get married
in a small church,
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surrounded by God
and your friends and family
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and even the cousins
you don't know very well,
39
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and I am a bridesmaid!
40
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Now, I'll just have to be
a bridesmaid for Cindy
41
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and wear a formal dress
and a safari hat!
42
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It's not about you guys.
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It's about me and April, and I love her.
44
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Enough to be married
to her forever, like
45
00:01:28,918 --> 00:01:31,318
"till death do you part" love her?
46
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- I don't know.
- You don't know?
47
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You don't know?!
48
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I don't know, Sue.
Stop nagging me. I got a wife.
49
00:01:41,631 --> 00:01:43,597
Oh, my God! I've got a wife.
50
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Okay. All right.
51
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Let's just take it down for a second.
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[Exhales sharply] Okay. Where is April?
53
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Uh, well, after we got married,
54
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we hit a taco truck,
55
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and then I drove her back
to Orson and dropped her off,
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'cause she had to work,
57
00:01:57,647 --> 00:01:59,480
but I don't know where she is right now.
58
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Oh, my God. I have a wife
and I have no idea where she is!
59
00:02:03,386 --> 00:02:05,953
Shouldn't I know
where my wife is at all times?
60
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Seriously, Axl, how is this gonna work?
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Where are you guys gonna live?
62
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Are you moving in with her?
63
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Is she moving in to the 'Bago?
64
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You guys getting your own place?
65
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Is she gonna take your name?
66
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Are you gonna make her be a Heck?
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Oh.
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00:02:20,936 --> 00:02:23,337
You have to talk to Mom and Dad.
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I can't, Sue. I just can't.
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Well, you have to. They will understand.
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They love you.
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A-And, obviously, you're very confused
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and conflicted,
because you're hugging me,
74
00:02:34,450 --> 00:02:36,688
and you're not
making any barfing sounds.
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Talk to them, Axl.
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Ohh.
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Oh, hi. Hi. Hi.
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00:02:46,129 --> 00:02:47,394
Is your mom home?
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Um, she didn't say anything
about calling in work
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and faking a cold,
so I would go with no.
81
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[Children shouting]
How about your sister?
82
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- Anyone else home?
- No.
83
00:02:54,331 --> 00:02:55,405
Watch me, Mommy!
84
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- No, watch me!
- Over here, watch me!
85
00:02:56,172 --> 00:02:57,538
No, no. I'm not watching you right now.
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I'm talking to this boy.
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- [Children shouting]
- Hi. How old are you?
88
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15.
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You'll do.
90
00:03:03,112 --> 00:03:04,645
I have to take the baby to the doctor.
91
00:03:04,647 --> 00:03:06,614
Would you mind watching the kids
while I'm away?
92
00:03:06,616 --> 00:03:08,182
If I bring them
to the pediatrician's office,
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they will tear it to shreds.
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I mean, we replaced the fish,
but they're still mad.
95
00:03:11,921 --> 00:03:14,188
But why would they keep cup toys
next to a fish tank?
96
00:03:14,190 --> 00:03:16,357
- Look, Mom, watch me!
- Watch me!
97
00:03:16,359 --> 00:03:18,025
Yeah, I'm watching you!
98
00:03:18,027 --> 00:03:20,094
Uh, I don't think I'm your guy.
99
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- I'm not even allowed to have a hamster.
- Oh, it's fine.
100
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I don't even know where my dog is.
101
00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:27,635
It's fine. It's okay.
It's great. It's fine.
102
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I-I've never babysat before in my life!
103
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It's good. Watch me!
104
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No. The... The boy
is gonna watch you now.
105
00:03:33,843 --> 00:03:35,509
Hey, boy. Hey, boy, look at me!
106
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You might want to watch them.
107
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I'm right here, boy!
108
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Come on!
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[Children shouting]
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[Knock on door]
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Hey, buddy, Merry Christmas.
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Merry Christmas.
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Ah, I got something for you.
114
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Oh. Is this from Paula for Frankie?
115
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No. It's for you.
116
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From who?
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Me.
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- Why?
- I was at the mall,
119
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and I saw this and thought of you.
120
00:04:02,037 --> 00:04:03,370
Why are you thinking of me?
121
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Come on. Open it.
122
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Sunglasses!
123
00:04:10,580 --> 00:04:11,912
Uh-huh.
124
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You know, I've never seen you
with sunglasses on,
125
00:04:13,349 --> 00:04:15,210
and you're always
kind of squinting, so...
126
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thought you could use them.
127
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Oh. These are nice.
128
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- Yeah.
- Thanks.
129
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Put 'em on.
130
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Nah. It's not that bright out.
131
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You're kind of squinting
a little bit right now.
132
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Come on. Put them on.
133
00:04:30,132 --> 00:04:31,732
I want to see how they look on you.
134
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Nah. I'm fine.
135
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Oh.
136
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[Clears throat] All right, then.
137
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Yeah. I'll, uh, I'll see you around.
138
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♪
139
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All right. Sergeant MacKenzie
won the battle,
140
00:04:54,991 --> 00:04:57,157
but the volcano erupted, and now,
141
00:04:57,159 --> 00:04:58,425
there's hot lava everywhere.
142
00:04:58,427 --> 00:04:59,727
Quick! To safety!
143
00:04:59,729 --> 00:05:01,128
Aah! - Aah! - Aah!
144
00:05:01,130 --> 00:05:03,130
- [Laughter]
- [Cellphone chiming]
145
00:05:05,233 --> 00:05:08,702
Aw, Mom's back, and she wants us
to come home.
146
00:05:08,704 --> 00:05:09,903
- No!
- Grr!
147
00:05:09,905 --> 00:05:12,806
Tell Mom the lava's hot
and we can't leave.
148
00:05:12,808 --> 00:05:14,875
Yeah! - Yeah! - Yeah!
149
00:05:14,877 --> 00:05:16,877
Oh, you don't want to keep
your mom waiting.
150
00:05:16,879 --> 00:05:18,679
You probably should go.
151
00:05:18,681 --> 00:05:20,933
Okay. Come on, guys.
152
00:05:21,717 --> 00:05:23,784
I had a lot of fun, Brick.
153
00:05:23,786 --> 00:05:26,587
You must be the most popular kid
in school.
154
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Well, I am in school.
155
00:05:33,461 --> 00:05:35,529
I love you, Brick.
156
00:05:42,237 --> 00:05:45,239
Frankie: So Brick was feeling
pretty good about himself.
157
00:05:45,241 --> 00:05:48,008
Unfortunately, I hadn't seen
Axl in three weeks,
158
00:05:48,010 --> 00:05:51,345
so I was feeling pretty sorry
for myself.
159
00:05:51,347 --> 00:05:52,780
♪
160
00:05:52,782 --> 00:05:54,648
[Door opens]
161
00:05:54,650 --> 00:05:56,150
Oh, good. You're here.
162
00:05:56,152 --> 00:05:57,518
I need help decorating the tree.
163
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I've been so depressed,
164
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I'm eating the popcorn off the garland.
165
00:06:00,723 --> 00:06:03,290
Uh, there's someone on the porch
who wants to see you.
166
00:06:03,292 --> 00:06:04,892
I told that tuba-player kid,
167
00:06:04,894 --> 00:06:06,627
I am not buying his cheese and sausage.
168
00:06:06,629 --> 00:06:09,330
He's gonna have to find another
way to get to the Rose Parade.
169
00:06:18,006 --> 00:06:19,239
[Voice breaking] Oh, my God!
170
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[Sniffles] You're home!
171
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[Crying]
172
00:06:22,178 --> 00:06:25,079
This is the best Christmas present ever!
173
00:06:25,081 --> 00:06:27,614
Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!
174
00:06:27,616 --> 00:06:29,149
Oh!
175
00:06:29,151 --> 00:06:31,719
Mom, I need to tell
you something, so, listen.
176
00:06:31,721 --> 00:06:33,287
No! I don't want to hear it.
177
00:06:33,289 --> 00:06:35,356
You said things. I said things.
178
00:06:35,358 --> 00:06:37,124
Let's just put it behind us.
179
00:06:37,126 --> 00:06:39,693
You're home, and that is
all I care about. Mwah!
180
00:06:39,695 --> 00:06:41,695
Yeah, well, the reason I'm home is...
181
00:06:41,697 --> 00:06:43,230
The reasons don't matter.
182
00:06:43,232 --> 00:06:45,499
One might. From here
on out, fresh start.
183
00:06:45,501 --> 00:06:46,900
Let's just move forward.
184
00:06:46,902 --> 00:06:48,402
Nothing could ruin this moment.
185
00:06:48,404 --> 00:06:49,703
Oh, it's Christmas,
186
00:06:49,705 --> 00:06:51,505
and Christmas is all about families,
187
00:06:51,507 --> 00:06:54,608
and our family is together again.
188
00:06:54,610 --> 00:06:55,809
[Whispers] You're my favorite.
189
00:06:55,811 --> 00:06:59,012
Oh, Mike! Mike! Our son is back.
190
00:06:59,014 --> 00:07:00,714
Our son is home.
191
00:07:00,716 --> 00:07:01,815
Whoa!
192
00:07:02,751 --> 00:07:04,184
That's okay. I'm all right.
193
00:07:07,605 --> 00:07:11,073
Okay, Mom, which piece
of the Christmas village
194
00:07:11,122 --> 00:07:12,347
do you want to set up next?
195
00:07:12,380 --> 00:07:14,114
Let's do the church, and then
we'll build out from there.
196
00:07:14,116 --> 00:07:15,515
Oh, that's genius!
197
00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:17,952
Oh, thanks for helping me, Axl.
198
00:07:17,954 --> 00:07:19,620
Yeah. You know, I thought
you just wanted to do this
199
00:07:19,622 --> 00:07:20,855
'cause you wanted to put the townspeople
200
00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:22,289
in compromising positions.
201
00:07:22,291 --> 00:07:24,525
Oh, Mom, you know
I've grown out of that.
202
00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:26,827
But, if I hadn't, I'd go with
the baker and the librarian.
203
00:07:26,829 --> 00:07:28,829
- She is long overdue.
- [Laughs]
204
00:07:28,831 --> 00:07:32,633
That's terrible. Hey, what are these?
205
00:07:32,635 --> 00:07:33,868
- They're mine.
- What?
206
00:07:33,870 --> 00:07:36,237
I've never seen
you wear sunglasses before.
207
00:07:36,239 --> 00:07:38,773
Yeah. Bill got them for me...
for Christmas.
208
00:07:38,775 --> 00:07:40,708
Said he was at the mall
thinking about me.
209
00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:42,510
- Oh, that's nice.
- [Refrigerator door opens]
210
00:07:42,512 --> 00:07:43,577
Is it, though?
211
00:07:43,579 --> 00:07:45,880
It's turning into this whole thing.
212
00:07:45,882 --> 00:07:47,481
Now I got to get something
for Bill, right?
213
00:07:47,483 --> 00:07:48,516
That's the way it works?
214
00:07:48,518 --> 00:07:49,850
That's not necessarily true.
215
00:07:49,852 --> 00:07:50,951
He may have gotten you something
216
00:07:50,953 --> 00:07:52,319
just 'cause he's a kind person.
217
00:07:52,321 --> 00:07:53,687
No. You weren't there.
218
00:07:53,689 --> 00:07:55,156
Got really awkward at the door.
219
00:07:55,158 --> 00:07:56,724
He was just standing there.
220
00:07:56,726 --> 00:07:57,925
Didn't you invite him in?
221
00:07:57,927 --> 00:07:59,927
- No. I was thrown.
- [Sighs]
222
00:07:59,929 --> 00:08:01,762
Well, these are really cool.
223
00:08:01,764 --> 00:08:02,730
Have you tried them on?
224
00:08:02,732 --> 00:08:04,632
No. I'm not playing his game.
225
00:08:04,634 --> 00:08:05,733
And I'll tell you something else...
226
00:08:05,735 --> 00:08:07,835
I'm not getting him anything. I'm out.
227
00:08:07,837 --> 00:08:09,970
[Sighs]
228
00:08:09,972 --> 00:08:11,672
Don't ever get married.
229
00:08:11,674 --> 00:08:12,807
Ha!
230
00:08:12,809 --> 00:08:15,376
♪
231
00:08:15,378 --> 00:08:16,343
[Pounding on door]
232
00:08:16,345 --> 00:08:17,745
- Hey!
- Brick, Brick!
233
00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:18,913
- Can you come out and play?!
- Hey, Brick!
234
00:08:18,915 --> 00:08:20,047
- Hi, Brick!
- Hi, Brick!
235
00:08:20,049 --> 00:08:22,349
Brick, can you come out and play?
236
00:08:22,351 --> 00:08:24,451
I'm kind of in the middle of a book.
237
00:08:24,453 --> 00:08:25,986
Can we come in and play?
238
00:08:25,988 --> 00:08:28,155
Again, in the middle
of the aforementioned book,
239
00:08:28,157 --> 00:08:30,257
in which the protagonist
is in quite a pickle.
240
00:08:30,259 --> 00:08:32,793
Can we come in and eat a pickle?
241
00:08:32,795 --> 00:08:35,663
Look, guys, I know I was on fire
the other day.
242
00:08:35,665 --> 00:08:37,064
I gave you a magical experience,
243
00:08:37,066 --> 00:08:38,899
but I just can't do that all the time,
244
00:08:38,901 --> 00:08:40,434
nor do I want to.
245
00:08:40,436 --> 00:08:43,504
Are you too busy doing something
with the popular kids?
246
00:08:46,474 --> 00:08:47,541
Come in.
247
00:08:47,543 --> 00:08:49,777
Together: Yay!
248
00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:53,119
Don't need to know.
249
00:08:54,150 --> 00:08:56,283
What do you think about this for Bill?
250
00:08:56,285 --> 00:08:59,053
It's a bottle opener that plays
the I.U. fight song.
251
00:08:59,055 --> 00:09:00,387
Oh, did Bill go to I.U.?
252
00:09:00,389 --> 00:09:02,189
I don't know. Damn it!
253
00:09:02,191 --> 00:09:04,158
Now I got to find out
where Bill went to college?
254
00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:06,460
He's got me right where he wants
me... thinking about him.
255
00:09:06,462 --> 00:09:08,495
Wait. I didn't think you were
gonna get him a present.
256
00:09:08,497 --> 00:09:10,364
Oh, I'm getting him a present.
I want this debt paid.
257
00:09:10,366 --> 00:09:12,366
I'm settling the score,
once and for all.
258
00:09:12,368 --> 00:09:15,035
[Scoffs] Okay, you're buying
him a Christmas gift,
259
00:09:15,037 --> 00:09:16,303
not avenging the death of your father.
260
00:09:16,305 --> 00:09:17,905
[Chuckles] Okay. What about this?
261
00:09:17,907 --> 00:09:19,139
A popcorn tin
262
00:09:19,141 --> 00:09:20,908
with cheese-, butter-
and caramel-flavored popcorn?
263
00:09:20,910 --> 00:09:23,410
Uh, I don't know.
It doesn't seem very personal.
264
00:09:23,412 --> 00:09:25,351
I don't want it to be personal.
265
00:09:25,815 --> 00:09:27,181
Bill's already got everything.
266
00:09:27,183 --> 00:09:28,682
It's so hard to buy for a man.
267
00:09:28,684 --> 00:09:30,484
There's a million things
you can buy for a woman.
268
00:09:30,486 --> 00:09:32,519
Which makes your choice
of inflatable foot bath
269
00:09:32,521 --> 00:09:33,854
that much more baffling.
270
00:09:33,856 --> 00:09:35,768
[Sighs] Don't ever get married.
271
00:09:38,727 --> 00:09:40,761
Axl, can I talk to you for a second?
272
00:09:40,763 --> 00:09:42,396
I'm sorry, Sue. We're busy.
273
00:09:42,398 --> 00:09:43,931
And after this, Mom and I
274
00:09:43,933 --> 00:09:45,766
have to snow the Christmas village.
275
00:09:45,768 --> 00:09:47,134
[Laughs]
276
00:09:47,136 --> 00:09:49,570
♪
277
00:09:51,373 --> 00:09:52,806
[Door closes]
278
00:09:52,808 --> 00:09:54,808
When are you gonna tell Mom
about getting married?
279
00:09:54,810 --> 00:09:56,644
Look, Mom and I are in
a great place right now.
280
00:09:56,646 --> 00:09:59,013
- She's happy.
- You have to do this, Axl.
281
00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:00,147
I can't enjoy Christmas
282
00:10:00,149 --> 00:10:02,516
with this black cloud hanging over it.
283
00:10:02,518 --> 00:10:04,752
It's like "Downton Abbey"
meets "Homeland."
284
00:10:04,754 --> 00:10:06,253
There's a big secret, and eventually,
285
00:10:06,255 --> 00:10:08,155
a bomb is gonna go off.
286
00:10:08,157 --> 00:10:09,924
We're all sitting on a powder keg here!
287
00:10:09,926 --> 00:10:11,392
Oh, get a grip, Sue.
288
00:10:11,394 --> 00:10:12,593
You get a grip!
289
00:10:12,595 --> 00:10:14,929
I can't look Mom in the eye right now.
290
00:10:14,931 --> 00:10:16,563
I'm horrible at keeping secrets.
291
00:10:16,565 --> 00:10:17,898
You know that.
292
00:10:17,900 --> 00:10:19,700
Mom and Dad are fixing
your transmission for Christmas.
293
00:10:19,702 --> 00:10:22,803
Aw, I wanted that Japanese robot dog.
294
00:10:22,805 --> 00:10:24,571
Said the married man.
295
00:10:24,573 --> 00:10:26,807
Look, you need to talk to Mom and Dad.
296
00:10:26,809 --> 00:10:28,809
You need a plan, Axl,
297
00:10:28,811 --> 00:10:30,544
unless you have it all figured out.
298
00:10:30,546 --> 00:10:32,046
Are you gonna stay married?
299
00:10:32,048 --> 00:10:33,781
Have you talked to April?
What is she thinking?
300
00:10:33,783 --> 00:10:35,249
What are you gonna do about Christmas?
301
00:10:35,251 --> 00:10:37,551
Are you going over to April's
place, or is she coming here?
302
00:10:37,553 --> 00:10:39,820
As I have said before,
I do not currently know
303
00:10:39,822 --> 00:10:41,634
the location of my wife.
304
00:10:41,791 --> 00:10:43,410
Frankie: The cocoa's ready!
305
00:10:43,759 --> 00:10:45,359
[Groans]
306
00:10:45,361 --> 00:10:47,861
Talk... to... her.
307
00:10:47,863 --> 00:10:49,697
I will, okay? I will.
308
00:10:49,699 --> 00:10:51,298
Just not while she's holding hot cocoa.
309
00:10:51,300 --> 00:10:54,068
♪
310
00:10:58,306 --> 00:11:00,074
- [Pounding on door]
- Children: Brick!
311
00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:01,342
- Brick!
- Brick!
312
00:11:01,344 --> 00:11:02,776
- Brick!
- Brick!
313
00:11:02,778 --> 00:11:04,445
- Brick!
- Brick!
314
00:11:04,447 --> 00:11:05,879
- Brick!
- Brick!
315
00:11:05,881 --> 00:11:08,248
Mike: How much do you think
something like this would cost?
316
00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:09,416
$40.45?
317
00:11:09,418 --> 00:11:10,651
Really? That much?
318
00:11:10,653 --> 00:11:13,220
Well, the case said that
it has titanium nose pads
319
00:11:13,222 --> 00:11:15,990
and full-spectrum UVA/UVB protection.
320
00:11:15,992 --> 00:11:18,158
That bastard.
321
00:11:22,464 --> 00:11:24,665
[Children screaming]
322
00:11:24,667 --> 00:11:25,667
♪
323
00:11:30,495 --> 00:11:33,564
And this is the ornament
you made me in the 5th grade.
324
00:11:33,566 --> 00:11:36,066
Well, actually,
I came to volunteer that day,
325
00:11:36,068 --> 00:11:37,368
and you just ran around, and I made it.
326
00:11:37,370 --> 00:11:38,869
- Oh, yeah.
- [Laughs]
327
00:11:38,871 --> 00:11:40,237
This is so great, Axl.
328
00:11:40,239 --> 00:11:41,505
But, seriously, I know there must
329
00:11:41,507 --> 00:11:42,773
be other things you want to do.
330
00:11:42,775 --> 00:11:44,008
What? Are you kidding me?
331
00:11:44,010 --> 00:11:45,309
I love decorating the tree.
332
00:11:45,311 --> 00:11:47,111
I don't know why
I ever thought this was lame.
333
00:11:47,113 --> 00:11:48,679
- It's great. [Chuckles]
- Aww.
334
00:11:48,681 --> 00:11:51,782
Well, you were a teenager,
and teenagers do dumb things.
335
00:11:51,784 --> 00:11:54,781
Yeah, well, even people over 21
do dumb things.
336
00:11:54,783 --> 00:11:55,519
[Chuckling] Tell me about it.
337
00:11:55,521 --> 00:11:57,087
Like the time I bought the glue-on nails
338
00:11:57,089 --> 00:11:58,155
at the gas station.
339
00:11:58,157 --> 00:11:59,890
Luckily, the numbness
stopped at the elbows.
340
00:11:59,892 --> 00:12:01,525
[Laughing] Oh, right.
341
00:12:02,927 --> 00:12:04,728
Hey, Sue, come on! Look at the tree!
342
00:12:04,730 --> 00:12:07,331
[Laughs nervously] Oh, it's amazing!
343
00:12:07,333 --> 00:12:09,633
You two must be really proud of
everything you've accomplished
344
00:12:09,635 --> 00:12:10,968
what with all the other things
345
00:12:10,970 --> 00:12:12,495
that need to get done around here.
346
00:12:13,172 --> 00:12:14,938
Well, you've got to come around
and look at the whole thing.
347
00:12:14,940 --> 00:12:16,907
No, no, no. I-I can picture it.
348
00:12:16,909 --> 00:12:18,642
[Laughs nervously] I am just glad
349
00:12:18,644 --> 00:12:21,545
everyone is having
a very merry Christmas.
350
00:12:21,547 --> 00:12:23,580
Nobody's having heartburn,
351
00:12:23,582 --> 00:12:25,282
no random vomiting
352
00:12:25,284 --> 00:12:26,917
or twisting your hair till it
falls right out of your head.
353
00:12:26,919 --> 00:12:28,786
[Laughs] That is awesome!
354
00:12:28,788 --> 00:12:31,789
I am thrilled that you two
355
00:12:31,791 --> 00:12:34,024
are free to enjoy
the wonders of the season.
356
00:12:34,026 --> 00:12:35,192
[Chuckles]
357
00:12:37,262 --> 00:12:38,595
[Sighs]
358
00:12:38,597 --> 00:12:40,331
- Hmm.
- Still a teenager.
359
00:12:40,333 --> 00:12:42,433
[Chuckles nervously]
360
00:12:42,435 --> 00:12:43,667
[Rapid knocking on door]
361
00:12:44,602 --> 00:12:46,470
- [Whispering] Code blue! Code blue!
- [Children shouting]
362
00:12:46,472 --> 00:12:48,605
- Gracie: Try the door!
- [Door opens]
363
00:12:48,607 --> 00:12:50,007
- Hi, Brick!
- Let's make a fort!
364
00:12:50,009 --> 00:12:51,308
Gracie: Let's go through your stuff!
365
00:12:51,310 --> 00:12:53,510
Children: Yay!
366
00:12:53,512 --> 00:12:55,746
[Children shouting]
367
00:12:57,415 --> 00:12:58,515
Knock, knock.
368
00:12:58,517 --> 00:13:00,851
[Gasps] Oh, Sue. Were you praying?
369
00:13:00,853 --> 00:13:02,019
No. No.
370
00:13:02,021 --> 00:13:03,787
I'm just looking for something
under my bed.
371
00:13:03,789 --> 00:13:04,955
Nope, not there.
372
00:13:04,957 --> 00:13:07,598
Hey, um, can I talk to you for a minute?
373
00:13:08,127 --> 00:13:09,574
Sure.
374
00:13:10,162 --> 00:13:12,275
Hey, is that poster crooked?
375
00:13:12,698 --> 00:13:15,444
[Sighs] Sue, honey...
376
00:13:15,835 --> 00:13:17,368
I know what's going on here.
377
00:13:17,370 --> 00:13:18,669
- You do?
- Yeah.
378
00:13:18,671 --> 00:13:20,003
Don't worry.
379
00:13:20,005 --> 00:13:21,438
It's perfectly natural
380
00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:23,688
for you to be jealous of your brother.
381
00:13:24,310 --> 00:13:26,877
I know I've been spending
a lot of time with Axl,
382
00:13:26,879 --> 00:13:29,346
but it's only because
our relationship was so strained
383
00:13:29,348 --> 00:13:30,981
and we are both so happy to be able
384
00:13:30,983 --> 00:13:32,082
to put that all behind us.
385
00:13:32,084 --> 00:13:33,250
[Laughs nervously]
386
00:13:33,252 --> 00:13:35,919
Sue, would you look at me
when I'm talking to you?
387
00:13:35,921 --> 00:13:37,221
I thought I was.
388
00:13:37,223 --> 00:13:39,189
Look, the point is, no matter what,
389
00:13:39,191 --> 00:13:41,558
you're my only daughter,
390
00:13:41,560 --> 00:13:44,628
and we will always share
a very special bond.
391
00:13:44,630 --> 00:13:47,931
Axl: Mom! The reindeer cookies
are ready for frosting!
392
00:13:47,933 --> 00:13:49,099
Axl needs me.
393
00:13:50,268 --> 00:13:51,402
Coming!
394
00:13:51,404 --> 00:13:52,903
Ugh! Ohh.
395
00:13:52,905 --> 00:13:55,172
So, in order to get away
from the Peterson kids,
396
00:13:55,174 --> 00:13:57,641
Brick took refuge at the library.
397
00:13:57,643 --> 00:13:59,943
- The tricky part was coming back home.
- [Children shouting]
398
00:13:59,945 --> 00:14:01,478
Oh, no.
399
00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:04,148
[Shouting continues]
400
00:14:04,150 --> 00:14:06,683
♪
401
00:14:08,386 --> 00:14:09,653
Oh, sorry.
402
00:14:09,655 --> 00:14:12,089
[Gasps] Wait. Were you
trying on the sunglasses?
403
00:14:12,091 --> 00:14:13,457
- No.
- Yes, you were.
404
00:14:13,459 --> 00:14:14,625
Put them back on so I can see.
405
00:14:14,627 --> 00:14:15,859
Eh, that's okay.
406
00:14:15,861 --> 00:14:18,262
Come on. I had to pick
that weird thing off your back.
407
00:14:18,264 --> 00:14:20,063
We have no secrets.
408
00:14:20,065 --> 00:14:21,632
[Sighs]
409
00:14:21,634 --> 00:14:24,234
[Gasps] Ooh, I like them.
410
00:14:24,236 --> 00:14:27,171
- They make you look like a sexy cop.
- Oh, really?
411
00:14:27,173 --> 00:14:29,206
'Cause I was thinking more
of an Italian racecar driver.
412
00:14:29,208 --> 00:14:31,275
Mm-hmm. Or maybe an airline pilot.
413
00:14:31,277 --> 00:14:33,811
How long is your layover, Captain Heck?
414
00:14:33,813 --> 00:14:36,346
Wow, I can't believe you've
never worn sunglasses before.
415
00:14:36,348 --> 00:14:37,581
You look great in them.
416
00:14:37,583 --> 00:14:39,917
I know. It sucks.
I do look great in them.
417
00:14:39,919 --> 00:14:42,052
This whole thing is pissing me off.
418
00:14:42,054 --> 00:14:44,455
Bill got me the best gift. He nailed it.
419
00:14:44,457 --> 00:14:45,789
Now I got to do something just as good
420
00:14:45,791 --> 00:14:47,024
or I look like a jerk.
421
00:14:47,026 --> 00:14:49,159
[Sighs] What are you gonna do?
422
00:14:49,161 --> 00:14:52,629
I don't know! I saw this
dispenser thing for a shower.
423
00:14:52,631 --> 00:14:53,864
It's got compartments
424
00:14:53,866 --> 00:14:55,933
for shampoo, conditioner, and body wash.
425
00:14:55,935 --> 00:14:57,201
I don't know, but Bill seems like
426
00:14:57,203 --> 00:14:59,303
he might be a body wash go... Damn it!
427
00:14:59,305 --> 00:15:00,904
I've never said "body wash" in my life,
428
00:15:00,906 --> 00:15:02,105
and now I've said it twice.
429
00:15:02,107 --> 00:15:04,141
This ends now.
430
00:15:04,143 --> 00:15:05,108
[Sighs]
431
00:15:05,110 --> 00:15:06,944
[Sighs]
432
00:15:06,946 --> 00:15:08,612
How much were they?
433
00:15:08,614 --> 00:15:10,147
- What?
- The sunglasses.
434
00:15:10,149 --> 00:15:11,482
I tried to get you a good present,
435
00:15:11,484 --> 00:15:13,283
I couldn't find anything,
so I'm just gonna give you cash.
436
00:15:13,285 --> 00:15:15,085
- How much?
- No, Mike, they were a present.
437
00:15:15,087 --> 00:15:17,654
- You don't have to...
- Let's not belabor it, okay?
438
00:15:17,656 --> 00:15:19,490
How much?
439
00:15:19,492 --> 00:15:21,458
- 42 bucks.
- That include tax?
440
00:15:21,460 --> 00:15:22,960
[Scoffs] Really, Mike?
441
00:15:22,962 --> 00:15:23,861
Yeah, really.
442
00:15:23,863 --> 00:15:24,962
Just give me the grand total
443
00:15:24,964 --> 00:15:26,841
and this whole nightmare can be over.
444
00:15:27,733 --> 00:15:29,399
[Exhales deeply] $42.50.
445
00:15:29,401 --> 00:15:31,134
No, $44.32.
446
00:15:31,136 --> 00:15:32,503
Okay.
447
00:15:32,505 --> 00:15:35,105
$45. Keep the change.
448
00:15:36,608 --> 00:15:38,175
[Scoffs]
449
00:15:38,177 --> 00:15:40,110
["Deck the Halls" plays]
450
00:15:40,112 --> 00:15:43,080
Hey, Mike, you never told me...
451
00:15:43,082 --> 00:15:44,314
do you like them?
452
00:15:45,817 --> 00:15:47,484
I love 'em.
453
00:15:47,486 --> 00:15:48,819
[Engine starts]
454
00:15:53,691 --> 00:15:56,126
Just when I thought Christmas
couldn't get any better,
455
00:15:56,128 --> 00:15:58,962
out of the blue,
Axl suggested we drive around
456
00:15:58,964 --> 00:16:01,231
and see the Christmas lights
in Orson Heights.
457
00:16:01,233 --> 00:16:03,433
We hadn't done that
since the kids were little.
458
00:16:03,435 --> 00:16:05,469
I was beside myself.
459
00:16:05,471 --> 00:16:07,004
Mom, look at the penguins
460
00:16:07,006 --> 00:16:09,273
- on that Ferris wheel!
- Oh, I love that.
461
00:16:09,275 --> 00:16:10,974
We should try to do something
like that next year.
462
00:16:10,976 --> 00:16:12,109
Yeah, we're not doing that.
463
00:16:12,111 --> 00:16:13,710
Oh, and look at those reindeer!
464
00:16:13,712 --> 00:16:15,746
They've got their heads moving
like they're grazing!
465
00:16:15,748 --> 00:16:16,914
We're not doing that.
466
00:16:16,916 --> 00:16:18,916
Now, those people
have the Colts logo lit up.
467
00:16:18,918 --> 00:16:20,551
- That we can do.
- [Chuckling] Yeah.
468
00:16:20,553 --> 00:16:23,320
Well, this is nice...
everybody in the car, together.
469
00:16:23,322 --> 00:16:24,488
How about we play a game?
470
00:16:24,490 --> 00:16:26,990
We'll call it "What's new in your life?"
471
00:16:26,992 --> 00:16:29,426
I reversed my reversible comforter.
472
00:16:29,428 --> 00:16:30,594
Next.
473
00:16:30,596 --> 00:16:31,461
I got new sunglasses.
474
00:16:31,463 --> 00:16:32,529
Dad, it's not your turn.
475
00:16:32,531 --> 00:16:34,031
Any recent changes in your life, Axl?
476
00:16:34,033 --> 00:16:36,033
I have a newfound appreciation
477
00:16:36,035 --> 00:16:38,502
- for the holidays and my mother.
- [Cellphone chimes]
478
00:16:40,605 --> 00:16:41,638
Oh, no.
479
00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:42,873
Gracie Peterson texted me
480
00:16:42,875 --> 00:16:44,508
asking me what time we'll be home.
481
00:16:44,510 --> 00:16:46,109
That's it. We got to move.
482
00:16:46,111 --> 00:16:48,812
Come on, Brick.
They like you, and they're cute.
483
00:16:48,814 --> 00:16:50,847
They're cute until
they won't leave you alone.
484
00:16:50,849 --> 00:16:52,516
I was in the snowbank for five hours
485
00:16:52,518 --> 00:16:54,551
and got frostbite
on my page-turning finger.
486
00:16:54,553 --> 00:16:55,986
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah,
whatever, whatever.
487
00:16:55,988 --> 00:16:57,454
Okay, new game.
488
00:16:57,456 --> 00:16:59,690
Everyone say something nobody else knows
489
00:16:59,692 --> 00:17:00,958
that you feel bad about
490
00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:03,410
but you'll feel better after you say it.
491
00:17:03,629 --> 00:17:05,295
I used Dad's toothbrush.
492
00:17:05,297 --> 00:17:06,196
What?
493
00:17:06,198 --> 00:17:08,031
Not in my mouth.
494
00:17:08,033 --> 00:17:09,032
Boy, that's a load off.
495
00:17:09,034 --> 00:17:10,934
Not your turn! Axl!
496
00:17:10,936 --> 00:17:12,269
Can't think of a thing.
497
00:17:12,271 --> 00:17:13,704
Okay, I got one. [Laughs]
498
00:17:13,706 --> 00:17:15,706
When there were free refills,
I got root beer
499
00:17:15,708 --> 00:17:17,474
even though my original pop was orange.
500
00:17:17,476 --> 00:17:19,242
Axl, did you think of anything?
Anything at all?
501
00:17:19,244 --> 00:17:20,978
I don't like this game, Sue.
502
00:17:20,980 --> 00:17:22,579
Well, we can play something else.
503
00:17:22,581 --> 00:17:24,247
[Whispering] I'm not married to it.
504
00:17:24,249 --> 00:17:25,716
Frankie: You know what?
505
00:17:25,718 --> 00:17:28,085
I've just got to to say,
with my family all together,
506
00:17:28,087 --> 00:17:31,388
I'm just so filled
with a sense of joy and peace.
507
00:17:31,390 --> 00:17:33,724
This may be the best Christmas ever.
508
00:17:33,726 --> 00:17:34,658
[Laughs nervously]
509
00:17:34,660 --> 00:17:35,792
- [Cellphone rings]
- Oh, no!
510
00:17:35,794 --> 00:17:38,128
If that's Gracie, tell her I'm not here.
511
00:17:38,130 --> 00:17:40,163
Hello?
512
00:17:40,165 --> 00:17:41,999
Oh, hi!
513
00:17:42,001 --> 00:17:45,102
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
514
00:17:45,104 --> 00:17:46,970
I did not know that.
515
00:17:46,972 --> 00:17:48,905
Yeah, of course we'll be there.
516
00:17:48,907 --> 00:17:51,642
Thank you. Merry Christmas to you, too.
517
00:17:51,644 --> 00:17:52,843
[Cellphone clicks]
518
00:17:52,845 --> 00:17:54,378
- You got married?!
- Whoa.
519
00:17:54,380 --> 00:17:55,946
- You idiot!
- Wait. What?!
520
00:17:55,948 --> 00:17:57,514
- Uh-oh.
- He married her, Mike.
521
00:17:57,516 --> 00:17:58,882
He married April!
522
00:17:58,884 --> 00:17:59,950
- Yeah.
- Damn it, Axl!
523
00:17:59,952 --> 00:18:01,284
- Ow!
- I am gonna kill you!
524
00:18:01,286 --> 00:18:02,386
- That was April's mom on the phone.
- Stop, please, ow.
525
00:18:02,388 --> 00:18:03,754
- Stop her!
- I had to hear it from her!
526
00:18:03,756 --> 00:18:05,255
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God,
oh, God, oh, God, oh, God!
527
00:18:05,257 --> 00:18:06,923
- Oh, God, oh, God!
- [Car horn blaring]
528
00:18:06,925 --> 00:18:08,659
What the hell were you thinking?!
529
00:18:08,661 --> 00:18:10,460
I wasn't thinking...
you should know that!
530
00:18:10,462 --> 00:18:11,728
I'm very vulnerable!
531
00:18:11,730 --> 00:18:14,398
Well, I sent you that dirty
carrot, and you ignored it!
532
00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:17,000
Hey, hold on! Hold on, hold on.
533
00:18:17,002 --> 00:18:18,502
Did you have to marry her?
534
00:18:18,504 --> 00:18:20,737
- No.
- That makes it worse!
535
00:18:20,739 --> 00:18:21,838
- [Grunts]
- Hey!
536
00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:23,440
Sue: I told him to tell you!
537
00:18:23,442 --> 00:18:26,043
I was the only one who knew!
It was killing me!
538
00:18:26,045 --> 00:18:29,646
I stress-chewed my cheeks
till they're hamburger!
539
00:18:30,114 --> 00:18:31,615
Mike: No! You get away
from those Wise Men!
540
00:18:31,617 --> 00:18:33,750
You've got no business
being around Wise Men.
541
00:18:33,752 --> 00:18:34,951
I wanted to tell you guys,
542
00:18:34,953 --> 00:18:36,520
but I didn't want
to ruin your Christmas.
543
00:18:36,522 --> 00:18:37,888
That ship has sailed.
544
00:18:37,890 --> 00:18:39,556
Frankie: I can't believe you did this!
545
00:18:39,558 --> 00:18:41,258
You got married
and you didn't even tell me?
546
00:18:41,260 --> 00:18:42,659
You didn't even invite me!
547
00:18:42,661 --> 00:18:44,628
I know I would've been stuck
wearing a stupid yellow dress
548
00:18:44,630 --> 00:18:46,363
'cause that's what
always happens to boy moms.
549
00:18:46,365 --> 00:18:47,998
We always are the last to find out!
550
00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:50,467
But I didn't think I would be
the very last to find out!
551
00:18:50,469 --> 00:18:52,803
Okay, if you'll just let me
talk, I can explain.
552
00:18:52,805 --> 00:18:54,271
Great. Talk.
553
00:18:54,872 --> 00:18:56,406
I... Uunnngh!
554
00:18:56,408 --> 00:18:57,641
Get him, Brick!
555
00:18:57,643 --> 00:18:59,409
[Rock version of
"The Little Drummer Boy" plays]
556
00:18:59,411 --> 00:19:00,477
Frankie: Sue!
557
00:19:01,279 --> 00:19:02,679
Oh, gee!
558
00:19:02,681 --> 00:19:04,381
[Gasps] Mike: [Laughs]
559
00:19:04,383 --> 00:19:06,283
- Where you going, Axl, huh, huh?
- Get up, fool.
560
00:19:06,285 --> 00:19:08,719
- Sue: I told him to tell you!
- No, please, listen, I can explain!
561
00:19:08,721 --> 00:19:11,888
You kids are not going over
to that boy's house ever again.
562
00:19:11,890 --> 00:19:13,623
- Hey, come on!
- [Indistinct shouting]
563
00:19:16,448 --> 00:19:18,114
[Sighs] All right.
564
00:19:18,139 --> 00:19:20,239
So, what do you want to do, Axl?
565
00:19:20,241 --> 00:19:22,074
- I don't know.
- What do you mean you don't know?
566
00:19:22,076 --> 00:19:23,342
Do you love April?
567
00:19:23,344 --> 00:19:24,744
Yeah, I love her.
568
00:19:24,746 --> 00:19:27,046
I just don't know if I wife love her.
569
00:19:27,048 --> 00:19:28,848
Well, if you don't love her now,
570
00:19:28,850 --> 00:19:31,484
there is no way in hell
you're gonna love her later.
571
00:19:31,486 --> 00:19:33,181
[Sighs] Look, I'm just dumb, all right?
572
00:19:33,183 --> 00:19:34,153
I'm really dumb.
573
00:19:34,155 --> 00:19:35,488
I got swept up in the moment,
574
00:19:35,490 --> 00:19:37,823
but I am still in college...
I've got to graduate.
575
00:19:37,825 --> 00:19:39,725
I mean, April picks up
golf balls for a living,
576
00:19:39,727 --> 00:19:40,993
and my house is a Winnebago.
577
00:19:40,995 --> 00:19:42,461
[Chuckling] Oh, God.
578
00:19:42,463 --> 00:19:44,430
I'm starting to think
I did not think this through.
579
00:19:44,432 --> 00:19:46,532
But, on the other hand,
she is kind of amazing.
580
00:19:46,534 --> 00:19:48,334
I mean, she makes me laugh,
and she looks like...
581
00:19:48,336 --> 00:19:51,103
well, you've seen her...
an angel, right?
582
00:19:51,105 --> 00:19:53,206
Oh, God, I don't know! I don't know.
583
00:19:53,208 --> 00:19:55,775
I just... I need you guys
to tell me what to do.
584
00:19:55,777 --> 00:19:57,710
[Sighs] I'd say that if you
need to ask your parents
585
00:19:57,712 --> 00:19:59,011
if you should be married,
586
00:19:59,013 --> 00:20:00,546
you probably shouldn't be married.
587
00:20:01,682 --> 00:20:03,816
Okay, I've researched
grounds for annulment
588
00:20:03,818 --> 00:20:05,184
in the state of Indiana.
589
00:20:05,186 --> 00:20:09,455
There's not being of legal age,
suspicion of fraud,
590
00:20:09,457 --> 00:20:11,657
if one or both of the parties
are mentally unstable...
591
00:20:11,659 --> 00:20:12,858
- Bingo!
- That one.
592
00:20:12,860 --> 00:20:14,327
["Deck the Halls" plays]
593
00:20:17,397 --> 00:20:18,731
I'm gonna kill her.
594
00:20:18,733 --> 00:20:20,132
She's such an idiot.
595
00:20:20,134 --> 00:20:23,035
He's got her beat
at being an idiot all day long.
596
00:20:23,037 --> 00:20:24,203
But we love Axl.
597
00:20:24,205 --> 00:20:27,139
Oh, and we love April. She's a delight.
598
00:20:27,808 --> 00:20:29,875
Okay, done.
599
00:20:29,877 --> 00:20:33,279
Well, I seem to find myself
recently single.
600
00:20:33,281 --> 00:20:35,815
You want to maybe, uh, go on a date?
601
00:20:35,817 --> 00:20:38,451
You know, grab a slice of pizza
or something?
602
00:20:38,453 --> 00:20:39,752
I do.
603
00:20:39,754 --> 00:20:42,521
I mean, I'd like that. [Laughs]
604
00:20:44,758 --> 00:20:46,158
So, that Christmas,
605
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:48,194
instead of getting Axl
a new transmission,
606
00:20:48,196 --> 00:20:50,229
we got him an annulment.
607
00:20:50,231 --> 00:20:52,498
Sue got her family back,
608
00:20:52,500 --> 00:20:54,500
Brick got a little peace,
609
00:20:54,502 --> 00:20:57,837
and I got pulled over by a cop...
610
00:20:57,839 --> 00:20:59,171
if you know what I mean.
611
00:20:59,173 --> 00:21:00,740
[Door locks]
612
00:21:00,742 --> 00:21:04,443
["We Wish You a Merry Christmas" plays]
613
00:21:04,510 --> 00:21:10,390
_
614
00:21:10,817 --> 00:21:17,633
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