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00:00:02,813 --> 00:00:04,546
We got a new batch of holiday cards.
2
00:00:05,890 --> 00:00:08,191
Ugh, Christmas cards in this town
3
00:00:08,253 --> 00:00:10,353
are so over-the-top.
4
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Sweet Lord.
5
00:00:12,457 --> 00:00:14,890
This folds out
into a full nativity scene.
6
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Is that camel hair?
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Ooh, I'm saving this one.
8
00:00:17,262 --> 00:00:18,461
This is just another opportunity
9
00:00:18,529 --> 00:00:19,862
for people to show off.
10
00:00:19,931 --> 00:00:21,697
Look at these pictures!
11
00:00:21,766 --> 00:00:23,566
New house, new boobs,
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00:00:23,635 --> 00:00:25,334
old nanny who's now the new wife.
13
00:00:25,403 --> 00:00:26,769
Who are they trying to impress
with these things?
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Me!
15
00:00:27,839 --> 00:00:29,750
Check out this cardstock. Is this linen?
16
00:00:29,836 --> 00:00:31,107
- It's linen, Katie.
- Mm-hmm.
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This is softer than our sheets.
18
00:00:32,810 --> 00:00:35,811
Well, I did buy our sheets
from the grocery store, so...
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00:00:35,880 --> 00:00:38,124
Look, the Harpers went to Australia
and got to pet a whale.
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00:00:38,189 --> 00:00:39,521
Mnh-mnh.
21
00:00:40,351 --> 00:00:42,251
Why are you so mad at the whale?
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Sea mammals have nothing to do
with Christmas.
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That card is just a way of telling us
that they went on an expensive vacation.
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And I already know that
25
00:00:49,261 --> 00:00:51,527
because I hate-follow
Shelly Harper's Instagram.
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00:00:51,596 --> 00:00:53,329
Why do you let things like this
bother you so much?
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00:00:53,398 --> 00:00:54,697
Because I don't want our kids thinking
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00:00:54,766 --> 00:00:56,861
that this shallowness
is what Christmas is about.
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Christmas is about being cozy
and eating cookies from a tin,
30
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and then the kids arguing
over who gets the tin,
31
00:01:02,240 --> 00:01:04,473
and then me yelling, "All right!
Nobody gets the tin!"
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That's what Christmas is about.
33
00:01:07,912 --> 00:01:09,412
Add in a touch of Baby Jesus.
34
00:01:09,480 --> 00:01:11,514
Greg, your phone.
35
00:01:11,583 --> 00:01:13,783
Yeah, I was just checking to
make sure that it's working.
36
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Waiting to hear
if I got that speaking gig.
37
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I could use the money for a new laptop.
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The old one heats up
like a panini press.
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Burned the hairs straight off my thighs.
40
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Work better pick you
over that jerk Kidney Disease Carl.
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00:01:23,728 --> 00:01:25,361
I know my department has a lot of Carls,
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but you need to come up
with a nicer nickname.
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Merry Christmas, Ottos!
44
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- Oh, hey, Viv.
- Santa Viv!
45
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- Hi!
- Ohh.
46
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You just let yourself in now.
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Oh, you.
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That's not an answer.
49
00:01:36,107 --> 00:01:37,006
Ah.
50
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No, no, no, no, no!
51
00:01:38,443 --> 00:01:40,876
These quinoa muffins
are for Greg and the kids.
52
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I got you something even better...
53
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- The gift of potential.
- Oh.
54
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- A Fitbit.
- Right!
55
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That's a fresh, new way
of calling me fat.
56
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You're not fat, Katie.
You're on your way to thin.
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These muffins are pointy...
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which is a fun surprise.
59
00:02:00,265 --> 00:02:01,464
Oh, good.
60
00:02:01,532 --> 00:02:03,199
Hey, guys, so I'm guessing
61
00:02:03,268 --> 00:02:05,968
your Christmas-lighting designer
is non-existent.
62
00:02:06,037 --> 00:02:07,870
And since I have to look
at your house every day,
63
00:02:07,939 --> 00:02:09,972
I can just send over my guys,
Scott and Scott.
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The Two Scotts.
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00:02:11,309 --> 00:02:12,575
Mnh-mnh. We're good.
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00:02:12,644 --> 00:02:17,346
Our simple decorations are
perfect just the way they are.
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00:02:17,415 --> 00:02:18,781
No, they're not.
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00:02:18,850 --> 00:02:20,082
In other news,
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you are looking at the chairwoman
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00:02:22,687 --> 00:02:23,853
for the school concert tomorrow.
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00:02:23,921 --> 00:02:25,321
I need help setting up,
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so I assume you'll volunteer
your Katie skills.
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Actually, my Katie skills are what I use
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00:02:29,460 --> 00:02:30,860
to get out of volunteering for things.
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00:02:32,096 --> 00:02:33,562
Oh, Katie.
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00:02:33,631 --> 00:02:36,732
You know, if you're not careful,
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you're gonna wind up on my naughty list.
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00:02:39,304 --> 00:02:40,436
And watch out.
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I spank.
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Ho!
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Okay.
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- Ho, ho!
- Right.
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00:02:45,643 --> 00:02:46,475
Merry Christmas!
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00:02:46,544 --> 00:02:47,810
Bye, Viv!
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We have got to start locking this door.
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Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
87
00:03:01,359 --> 00:03:02,858
Why'd you throw that out?
88
00:03:02,927 --> 00:03:04,860
It's a computer that tells me
how little I exercise,
89
00:03:04,929 --> 00:03:05,728
which I already know.
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00:03:05,797 --> 00:03:07,229
Viv is just like Santa.
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00:03:07,298 --> 00:03:09,165
She gives gifts, she volunteers,
92
00:03:09,233 --> 00:03:10,933
she even wears the hat.
93
00:03:11,002 --> 00:03:13,002
No, I'm like Santa.
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00:03:13,071 --> 00:03:14,770
We both have the same body-type,
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00:03:14,839 --> 00:03:17,273
and we make lists of people
who've pissed us off.
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00:03:17,342 --> 00:03:18,774
You're more like Krampus.
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00:03:18,843 --> 00:03:19,942
Who's Krampus?
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That's you... Krampus.
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00:03:25,683 --> 00:03:28,117
I can't believe you think
Mama is a monster.
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00:03:28,186 --> 00:03:29,985
Krampus isn't a monster, Mama.
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He's just a half-goat, half-demon
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00:03:32,156 --> 00:03:34,390
who punishes children
during the holidays,
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and sometimes eats
their hands and butts.
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See, it's not so bad.
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He's far and away my favorite
of the anti-Santa villains.
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- Name two others.
- Von Krispin...
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00:03:42,533 --> 00:03:45,234
- Oh, Greg.
- Mama, not in front of the Elf.
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The Elf on the Mantle.
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00:03:46,637 --> 00:03:49,205
The little narc who reports
everything we do back to Santa.
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00:03:49,291 --> 00:03:52,041
And he's always staring at me
like a grade-A perv.
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00:03:52,110 --> 00:03:54,343
It's half the price
of the one you're thinking of.
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I don't want him telling Santa
that you're acting like Krampus.
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Then none of us will get any gifts.
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I'm pretty sure the rest of us
will still get gifts.
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00:04:01,552 --> 00:04:03,886
Unh-unh! The Elf is getting all of this,
116
00:04:03,955 --> 00:04:05,955
and he's gonna run it
right up the ladder!
117
00:04:06,023 --> 00:04:08,090
Don't worry. The Elf loves Mama.
118
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I love this little fella.
119
00:04:10,661 --> 00:04:12,928
I'll even turn the light on
so he can watch us
120
00:04:12,997 --> 00:04:14,830
- all night long.
- Okay.
121
00:04:14,899 --> 00:04:18,634
Now I have to go practice for
the holiday concert tomorrow.
122
00:04:18,703 --> 00:04:20,436
But you practiced all morning.
123
00:04:20,505 --> 00:04:23,773
Mr. Brannagan gets mad
if we don't sing right.
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Anna-Kat.
125
00:04:25,042 --> 00:04:26,542
I can't make a mistake!
126
00:04:26,611 --> 00:04:28,544
What's wrong with that music teacher?
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00:04:28,613 --> 00:04:29,945
It's a little kids' school concert.
128
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The whole thing is a mistake!
129
00:04:31,883 --> 00:04:35,217
I bet it's hard for him to get
kids to focus this time of year.
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00:04:35,286 --> 00:04:36,519
Why do you always do that?
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Okay, this seems
like one of those things
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00:04:38,122 --> 00:04:40,089
where you feel like we've talked
about it a hundred times,
133
00:04:40,158 --> 00:04:41,424
and it's completely new to me.
134
00:04:41,492 --> 00:04:42,792
You never lose your temper.
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00:04:42,860 --> 00:04:45,027
You are always trying to put
a positive spin on things.
136
00:04:45,096 --> 00:04:46,529
- How do you live with it?
- No, really!
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00:04:46,597 --> 00:04:48,264
You defended those
obnoxious Christmas cards,
138
00:04:48,332 --> 00:04:49,532
you defended your co-worker,
139
00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:51,133
even Anna-Kat's horrible music teacher.
140
00:04:51,202 --> 00:04:52,435
Also in there, I defended you.
141
00:04:52,503 --> 00:04:54,003
Don't cloud my anger with love.
142
00:04:54,071 --> 00:04:55,371
Stop acting like nothing bothers you,
143
00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:57,306
when I know it does.
144
00:04:57,375 --> 00:04:58,874
Things bother me.
145
00:04:58,943 --> 00:05:01,143
The ending of the space program.
146
00:05:01,212 --> 00:05:02,011
That's pretty much it.
147
00:05:02,079 --> 00:05:03,779
If we can't hate together,
148
00:05:03,848 --> 00:05:06,182
then I end up looking like a
fire-breathing Christmas dragon.
149
00:05:06,250 --> 00:05:07,683
Again, Krampus is half-goat, half-demon.
150
00:05:07,752 --> 00:05:09,118
Dragons are a whole-different milieu.
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00:05:11,823 --> 00:05:14,356
We bumped into some gifts
on the top shelf of your closet
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00:05:14,425 --> 00:05:16,025
that we can only assume are ours.
153
00:05:16,093 --> 00:05:18,327
Books, pajamas. Really, Mom?
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If you had confusion
about our wish lists,
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00:05:19,931 --> 00:05:21,063
you could have come to us.
156
00:05:21,132 --> 00:05:22,665
We try to make ourselves available
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00:05:22,733 --> 00:05:23,833
for these types of things.
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00:05:23,901 --> 00:05:24,834
Greg!
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00:05:24,902 --> 00:05:26,035
What's a positive spin
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00:05:26,103 --> 00:05:27,970
on your kids acting like
entitled Westport...
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00:05:28,039 --> 00:05:28,838
Language!
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...apple holes?
163
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Okay, obviously,
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you guys are completely out of line.
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00:05:33,945 --> 00:05:37,546
But this is a good opportunity
for a Christmas lesson.
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00:05:37,615 --> 00:05:38,948
Right!
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00:05:39,016 --> 00:05:41,050
Now I'm Krampus Katie and
you're jolly, old Saint Greg!
168
00:05:41,118 --> 00:05:42,451
Honey, the Elf on the Mantle.
169
00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:44,487
I don't care about the Elf!
It doesn't have feet!
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Doesn't that freak anyone else out?
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00:05:46,390 --> 00:05:47,756
No, Mom, seriously, the Elf.
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Oh!
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00:05:54,532 --> 00:05:55,498
Agh!
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00:05:55,566 --> 00:05:56,332
Augh!
175
00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:57,266
Aah!
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00:05:57,335 --> 00:06:00,169
Okay.
177
00:06:00,238 --> 00:06:03,005
Whew! Crisis averted!
178
00:06:03,074 --> 00:06:04,740
You murdered our Elf.
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00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:11,313
Krampus.
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00:06:17,866 --> 00:06:19,432
I've got a PR problem, Greg.
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00:06:19,501 --> 00:06:20,734
Anna-Kat muttered "Krampus"
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00:06:20,802 --> 00:06:22,869
as she passed me in the hallway
this morning.
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00:06:22,938 --> 00:06:24,671
Am I really that bad?
184
00:06:24,740 --> 00:06:26,306
Well, you say things out loud
185
00:06:26,382 --> 00:06:28,615
that polite society frowns upon...
186
00:06:28,677 --> 00:06:30,110
and impolite society.
187
00:06:30,178 --> 00:06:31,644
Really, all society.
188
00:06:31,713 --> 00:06:33,813
Don't worry about it.
She'll get over it.
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Besides, the Christmas Elf's
pretty much back to normal.
190
00:06:36,184 --> 00:06:37,784
Okay, I have to fix this.
191
00:06:37,853 --> 00:06:39,586
I have to figure out
a way to show Anna-Kat
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00:06:39,654 --> 00:06:40,887
that I have Christmas spirit.
193
00:06:40,956 --> 00:06:43,256
I am not Krampus. I can be nice.
194
00:06:43,325 --> 00:06:45,558
But that means you have
to punish Oliver and Taylor
195
00:06:45,627 --> 00:06:46,626
for being spoiled jerks.
196
00:06:46,651 --> 00:06:47,761
Way ahead of you.
197
00:06:47,829 --> 00:06:49,796
I've got a great punishment
lined up for them today.
198
00:06:49,865 --> 00:06:51,898
Good will towards men...
they're gonna hate it.
199
00:06:52,067 --> 00:06:54,100
Their pain brings me Christmas joy!
200
00:06:56,671 --> 00:06:58,571
- Hey!
- Santa Viv is back!
201
00:06:58,640 --> 00:07:00,140
Hey!
202
00:07:00,208 --> 00:07:01,374
I bought you a wreath
203
00:07:01,443 --> 00:07:03,209
just so your house
doesn't look abandoned.
204
00:07:03,278 --> 00:07:05,545
How nice.
205
00:07:05,614 --> 00:07:07,847
We're having a nice time.
206
00:07:07,916 --> 00:07:09,849
And I'm being nice to you.
207
00:07:09,918 --> 00:07:11,084
You know what else would be nice?
208
00:07:11,153 --> 00:07:13,319
If you came down to the school
to help me decorate.
209
00:07:13,388 --> 00:07:14,821
We want things to be perfect
210
00:07:14,890 --> 00:07:16,756
for Anna Banana's big concert tonight.
211
00:07:16,825 --> 00:07:18,958
Mama, you'd be like
Santa's little helper.
212
00:07:19,027 --> 00:07:20,593
Huh. Helping out at the school.
213
00:07:20,662 --> 00:07:21,928
Excuse the pun, but this seems
214
00:07:21,997 --> 00:07:23,663
like a gift-wrapped opportunity
for Christmas cheer.
215
00:07:25,534 --> 00:07:28,968
Would that make you happy,
if Mama made the school festive?
216
00:07:29,037 --> 00:07:30,703
Would that fix things with the Elf?
217
00:07:30,772 --> 00:07:31,838
It would.
218
00:07:31,907 --> 00:07:33,865
- Then that's what we'll do.
- Yay.
219
00:07:33,928 --> 00:07:35,678
They should make a movie about me...
220
00:07:35,748 --> 00:07:36,834
"The Greatest Mother Ever."
221
00:07:36,889 --> 00:07:38,623
And I want to be played
by Jennifer Lawrence.
222
00:07:38,686 --> 00:07:40,246
And I want Greg to be Latin.
223
00:07:40,315 --> 00:07:42,515
Well, then, let's... let's go, okay?
224
00:07:42,584 --> 00:07:44,684
Oh, wait, don't forget your Fitbit.
225
00:07:44,753 --> 00:07:46,619
You don't want to miss a great
opportunity to count steps.
226
00:07:46,688 --> 00:07:48,988
Sure.
227
00:07:49,057 --> 00:07:50,857
My Fitbit.
228
00:07:50,926 --> 00:07:52,292
Where did that go to?
229
00:07:54,729 --> 00:07:55,895
Oh.
230
00:07:55,964 --> 00:07:57,764
Must've fallen in there
231
00:07:57,832 --> 00:08:00,633
when we were fighting over
your pointy muffins.
232
00:08:00,702 --> 00:08:02,035
We're gonna have so much fun!
233
00:08:02,103 --> 00:08:03,303
I know.
234
00:08:03,371 --> 00:08:06,139
I'm finally getting my hands on you.
235
00:08:07,876 --> 00:08:10,743
Elf, Mama's going to decorate with Viv.
236
00:08:10,812 --> 00:08:13,913
I'm telling him what's going on
because his eyes got burned off
237
00:08:17,395 --> 00:08:20,135
This is what Christmas is all about...
bringing joy to others.
238
00:08:20,188 --> 00:08:21,221
And that's your Christmas lesson.
239
00:08:21,289 --> 00:08:22,789
Ugh, it smells sad in here.
240
00:08:22,858 --> 00:08:24,224
That's part of the lesson.
241
00:08:24,292 --> 00:08:26,593
Uh, how about that lady over there?
242
00:08:26,661 --> 00:08:27,894
She looks super depressing.
243
00:08:27,963 --> 00:08:29,562
Go. Go on.
244
00:08:29,631 --> 00:08:31,498
Go.
245
00:08:33,969 --> 00:08:36,169
Brought the kids in, huh?
246
00:08:36,238 --> 00:08:38,304
Some sort of Christmas lesson?
247
00:08:38,373 --> 00:08:39,739
Yeah, that's right. How'd you know?
248
00:08:39,808 --> 00:08:42,075
Oh, we get a lot of that crap
this time of year.
249
00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:46,412
How's my wrapping station?
250
00:08:46,481 --> 00:08:48,648
Ooh!
251
00:08:48,736 --> 00:08:51,284
I reached my 10,000 steps for the day.
252
00:08:51,353 --> 00:08:53,213
Your Fitbit is synched to my phone,
253
00:08:53,260 --> 00:08:55,088
so I can track your step count, too.
254
00:08:55,156 --> 00:08:57,590
Which is currently...
255
00:08:57,659 --> 00:08:59,058
70?
256
00:08:59,127 --> 00:09:01,928
I'm guessing from your tone that
that's not an impressive number.
257
00:09:01,997 --> 00:09:06,599
It's kind of the... wild west
of wrapping.
258
00:09:06,668 --> 00:09:09,402
Kind of the wild west of comments, Viv.
259
00:09:10,438 --> 00:09:11,771
As volunteer chairwoman,
260
00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:14,374
I want this Christmas concert
to be perfect.
261
00:09:14,442 --> 00:09:15,975
You know, when you move
to a place like this,
262
00:09:16,044 --> 00:09:17,877
it's hard to make your mark.
263
00:09:17,946 --> 00:09:19,679
One of the only ways to become popular
264
00:09:19,748 --> 00:09:21,881
is to volunteer for
a high-profile event like this
265
00:09:21,950 --> 00:09:23,583
and make it magical and spectacular,
266
00:09:23,652 --> 00:09:26,552
and then everyone will think
I'm magical and spectacular.
267
00:09:26,621 --> 00:09:28,655
And it all starts with these gifts,
268
00:09:28,723 --> 00:09:30,256
so re-wrap those packages!
269
00:09:30,325 --> 00:09:32,525
I want tight creases and invisible tape!
270
00:09:32,594 --> 00:09:34,360
Tight creases and invisible tape!
271
00:09:34,429 --> 00:09:36,496
I love it! Bye!
272
00:09:36,564 --> 00:09:38,093
Trying to be nice for Anna-Kat
273
00:09:38,155 --> 00:09:40,389
makes me want to go home and
hang myself in the garage...
274
00:09:40,639 --> 00:09:42,435
no, Greg's office.
275
00:09:42,504 --> 00:09:43,804
I want him to find me.
276
00:09:43,829 --> 00:09:45,896
Let's see him put
a positive spin on that.
277
00:09:46,408 --> 00:09:48,274
So, it's between me and Carl
for the job,
278
00:09:48,343 --> 00:09:50,109
and I could really use the extra money.
279
00:09:50,178 --> 00:09:52,278
So you're just gonna sit there
and wait for the phone to ring?
280
00:09:52,347 --> 00:09:54,647
Get down there and pester your boss
281
00:09:54,716 --> 00:09:55,848
till he gives you the job.
282
00:09:55,917 --> 00:09:56,916
That's not really my style.
283
00:09:56,985 --> 00:09:58,818
Look, I learned one thing...
284
00:09:58,887 --> 00:10:00,720
You have to be aggressive in life.
285
00:10:00,789 --> 00:10:02,288
Did you ever see that show "Mad Men"?
286
00:10:02,357 --> 00:10:03,456
Oh, are you in advertising?
287
00:10:03,525 --> 00:10:05,258
No, no, no.
I-I was an extra on the show.
288
00:10:05,327 --> 00:10:08,761
And I always pushed up front
so the camera could see me.
289
00:10:08,830 --> 00:10:10,330
Mm, ruined a lot of shots,
290
00:10:10,398 --> 00:10:12,365
but you got to take what's yours.
291
00:10:12,434 --> 00:10:14,200
That's all I'm saying.
292
00:10:14,269 --> 00:10:16,369
No, I get your point.
293
00:10:16,438 --> 00:10:18,271
But the best restaurants are in Paris.
294
00:10:18,340 --> 00:10:19,405
Have you been to Paris?
295
00:10:19,474 --> 00:10:20,573
Me neither.
296
00:10:20,642 --> 00:10:21,908
But it's just like Brussels.
297
00:10:21,976 --> 00:10:22,909
Have you been to Brussels?
298
00:10:22,977 --> 00:10:25,078
Me neither, but...
299
00:10:25,146 --> 00:10:28,281
Listen, this has been a real
roller coaster of a conversation,
300
00:10:28,350 --> 00:10:29,716
but we've got a thing, so...
301
00:10:29,784 --> 00:10:31,184
Oh, of course.
302
00:10:31,252 --> 00:10:32,719
Well, thank you for coming.
303
00:10:32,787 --> 00:10:36,055
I can't believe my two favorite
grandchildren came all this way.
304
00:10:36,124 --> 00:10:37,390
- Oh, no, we're...
- Hold.
305
00:10:37,459 --> 00:10:38,558
Let's see how this plays out.
306
00:10:38,626 --> 00:10:41,494
Here's $100 for you two.
307
00:10:41,563 --> 00:10:43,663
Get yourselves something for Christmas.
308
00:10:45,967 --> 00:10:47,600
- We love you, Grandma!
- Thank you, Grandma!
309
00:10:52,507 --> 00:10:54,374
Oh! Good.
310
00:10:54,442 --> 00:10:56,709
Put that in the VIP section,
close to the stage.
311
00:10:56,778 --> 00:10:59,049
Wait. There's a VIP section?
312
00:10:59,135 --> 00:11:00,413
For a children's Christmas concert?
313
00:11:00,482 --> 00:11:02,815
Yeah, they donate a little money
so they don't have to wait in line
314
00:11:02,884 --> 00:11:04,684
and can get the best video
of their kiddies.
315
00:11:04,753 --> 00:11:06,619
I'm lying. It's a lot of money.
316
00:11:06,688 --> 00:11:08,388
Doesn't that bother anyone?
317
00:11:08,456 --> 00:11:09,622
Doesn't seem to!
318
00:11:11,326 --> 00:11:14,193
None of these people are ever
bothered by anything.
319
00:11:14,262 --> 00:11:15,795
Huh.
320
00:11:15,864 --> 00:11:18,398
Could their fake happiness
actually be real happiness?
321
00:11:18,466 --> 00:11:19,899
Am I missing something?
322
00:11:19,968 --> 00:11:22,520
Could they have the secret to life?
323
00:11:22,545 --> 00:11:25,271
I feel like Carrie Bradshaw right now.
324
00:11:25,340 --> 00:11:27,507
Meanwhile, across town
at the retirement home,
325
00:11:27,575 --> 00:11:30,109
Greg was experiencing
some fake happiness of his own.
326
00:11:32,680 --> 00:11:36,115
Okay, Grammy, it's time for us to go.
327
00:11:36,184 --> 00:11:38,618
Well, thank you for visiting.
328
00:11:38,686 --> 00:11:40,686
Goodbye, Brad.
329
00:11:40,755 --> 00:11:42,989
Bye, Bethany.
330
00:11:43,057 --> 00:11:44,924
This has been the best Christmas gift
331
00:11:44,993 --> 00:11:46,159
I could have imagined.
332
00:11:46,227 --> 00:11:47,794
Yep! Come on... Brad.
333
00:11:47,862 --> 00:11:50,329
Got to run!
334
00:11:50,398 --> 00:11:51,397
Ooh, ooh, ooh, what's the rush?
335
00:11:51,466 --> 00:11:52,498
I'd love to meet your new friend.
336
00:11:52,567 --> 00:11:53,833
What? No.
337
00:11:53,902 --> 00:11:55,535
We already said goodbye.
338
00:11:55,603 --> 00:11:57,003
Is that the Christmas lesson...
339
00:11:57,071 --> 00:11:58,571
to thumb our noses at social norms?
340
00:11:58,640 --> 00:11:59,639
Let's go!
341
00:11:59,707 --> 00:12:00,973
We learned plenty today.
342
00:12:01,042 --> 00:12:02,442
All right.
343
00:12:02,510 --> 00:12:06,779
Merry Christmas, kids!
Grandma loves you!
344
00:12:06,848 --> 00:12:09,048
Grandma?
345
00:12:09,117 --> 00:12:11,884
Don't spend all that money in one place!
346
00:12:12,854 --> 00:12:15,087
You took money from her?
347
00:12:15,156 --> 00:12:17,723
Is it our fault she thought we were
her grandkids and gave us money?
348
00:12:17,792 --> 00:12:19,025
Yes!
349
00:12:19,093 --> 00:12:21,527
I brought you here to learn a lesson,
and you conned an old lady?
350
00:12:21,596 --> 00:12:23,296
No way. You're giving the money back.
351
00:12:24,966 --> 00:12:26,432
Do you really want her to find out
352
00:12:26,501 --> 00:12:29,802
that her real grandkids didn't
visit her for Christmas?
353
00:12:29,871 --> 00:12:31,938
Is that the Christmas lesson...
354
00:12:32,006 --> 00:12:33,806
to break an elderly woman's heart?
355
00:12:33,875 --> 00:12:35,808
Great. I'll go give her her money back
356
00:12:35,877 --> 00:12:38,244
and tell her she spelled "home"
wrong on her needlepoint.
357
00:12:38,313 --> 00:12:39,412
That is not the lesson.
358
00:12:39,481 --> 00:12:41,080
But a lesson will come...
359
00:12:42,350 --> 00:12:44,050
...right after I get this job.
360
00:12:44,118 --> 00:12:45,585
Hello? Professor Otto.
361
00:12:47,455 --> 00:12:49,422
No, I'm completely satisfied
with my cable service.
362
00:12:50,758 --> 00:12:52,725
Actually, it's pretty expensive.
363
00:12:52,794 --> 00:12:53,593
Come on. Let's go.
364
00:12:56,397 --> 00:12:57,663
See?
365
00:12:57,732 --> 00:12:59,665
This is what I'm talking about.
366
00:12:59,734 --> 00:13:01,334
They're having the time of their lives,
367
00:13:01,402 --> 00:13:02,635
not questioning a thing.
368
00:13:02,704 --> 00:13:05,771
That woman is wearing
antlers made for a cat,
369
00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:07,507
and she's happier
than I was at my wedding.
370
00:13:07,575 --> 00:13:10,209
They do seem genuinely happy.
371
00:13:10,278 --> 00:13:11,511
It's creepy.
372
00:13:11,579 --> 00:13:14,247
Why can't I just relax
and let things go?
373
00:13:14,315 --> 00:13:15,481
Because it's against your nature.
374
00:13:15,550 --> 00:13:16,682
Like me and monogamy.
375
00:13:16,751 --> 00:13:18,451
It's not natural.
376
00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:19,285
Okay.
377
00:13:19,354 --> 00:13:20,553
Maybe I can pull it off.
378
00:13:20,622 --> 00:13:22,688
I've been acting happy
for Anna-Kat all day.
379
00:13:22,757 --> 00:13:24,123
It's gone pretty well.
380
00:13:24,192 --> 00:13:26,492
What if I just commit to it full-time?
381
00:13:26,561 --> 00:13:28,327
Cheerful Katie.
382
00:13:28,396 --> 00:13:30,196
Positive Katie.
383
00:13:30,265 --> 00:13:31,297
Here come Viv.
384
00:13:31,366 --> 00:13:33,533
Hey! It's my girls!
385
00:13:33,601 --> 00:13:34,667
Hi!
386
00:13:34,736 --> 00:13:36,669
I found this little scamp running around
387
00:13:36,738 --> 00:13:38,437
putting extra steps on your Fitbit.
388
00:13:38,506 --> 00:13:39,805
That's weird.
389
00:13:39,874 --> 00:13:42,275
I certainly didn't pay her to do that.
390
00:13:42,343 --> 00:13:45,177
We have so many good things
to catch the Elf up on.
391
00:13:45,246 --> 00:13:48,581
So, Viv, is there anything else
that I can do
392
00:13:48,650 --> 00:13:51,484
to be helpful and nice?
393
00:13:51,553 --> 00:13:53,152
Well, you know, you could
drop off some gifts
394
00:13:53,221 --> 00:13:54,620
I bought for a family in need.
395
00:13:54,689 --> 00:13:56,188
It would really lift their spirits.
396
00:13:56,257 --> 00:13:57,757
Absolutely.
397
00:13:57,825 --> 00:13:59,650
I'll call Daddy to come pick us up.
398
00:13:59,729 --> 00:14:01,861
You can wear my Santa hat!
399
00:14:01,930 --> 00:14:03,229
- Hmm.
- Ah!
400
00:14:03,298 --> 00:14:05,464
Oh, good.
401
00:14:05,533 --> 00:14:07,266
It's still warm.
402
00:14:09,537 --> 00:14:12,060
All right. Bringing gifts to the poor.
403
00:14:12,122 --> 00:14:13,539
Doesn't get more Christmasy than that.
404
00:14:13,608 --> 00:14:15,341
You kids are finally gonna
learn something.
405
00:14:15,410 --> 00:14:16,742
What about their lesson
at the retirement home?
406
00:14:16,811 --> 00:14:18,244
That one got away from me.
407
00:14:18,313 --> 00:14:19,779
Did work call yet?
408
00:14:19,847 --> 00:14:21,814
Nothing yet, but staying positive.
409
00:14:21,883 --> 00:14:23,149
You should.
410
00:14:23,217 --> 00:14:25,084
I'm sure it's going to work out.
411
00:14:25,153 --> 00:14:26,953
Super sure.
412
00:14:27,021 --> 00:14:28,421
I love the new Christmas Katie.
413
00:14:28,489 --> 00:14:30,056
Mm-hmm. Oh!
414
00:14:30,124 --> 00:14:31,958
Here's number 17. Turn here.
415
00:14:32,026 --> 00:14:33,192
All right, kids.
416
00:14:33,261 --> 00:14:36,180
Get ready to see
what real need looks like.
417
00:14:45,039 --> 00:14:49,609
Wait, are we all aware of what
the word "need" means?
418
00:14:55,984 --> 00:14:57,500
There must be some confusion.
419
00:14:57,525 --> 00:14:59,418
We're looking for a poor-type family.
420
00:14:59,487 --> 00:15:00,619
Do you have a maid,
421
00:15:00,688 --> 00:15:02,554
or perhaps a vagrant
that's passing through?
422
00:15:02,623 --> 00:15:04,256
No, I'm afraid that's us.
423
00:15:04,325 --> 00:15:06,458
It was so nice of Viv to help us out
424
00:15:06,527 --> 00:15:08,027
in this difficult time.
425
00:15:08,095 --> 00:15:10,462
Oh, yeah. Viv is the best.
426
00:15:10,531 --> 00:15:11,463
Yeah.
427
00:15:11,532 --> 00:15:12,464
Shrimp cocktail?
428
00:15:12,533 --> 00:15:13,632
- No, thank you.
- See, Mom?
429
00:15:13,701 --> 00:15:15,467
It comes other ways besides popcorned.
430
00:15:15,536 --> 00:15:16,335
Hmm.
431
00:15:16,404 --> 00:15:17,803
Oh, Oliver.
432
00:15:17,872 --> 00:15:19,271
You little rascal.
433
00:15:20,408 --> 00:15:22,141
Apologies for the decorations.
434
00:15:22,209 --> 00:15:24,209
We can only afford one Scott this year.
435
00:15:24,278 --> 00:15:25,411
Yes.
436
00:15:25,479 --> 00:15:27,279
You see, our assets
in the Caymans got frozen.
437
00:15:27,348 --> 00:15:28,947
It's been a real bear.
438
00:15:29,016 --> 00:15:30,482
We can't afford a vacation.
439
00:15:30,551 --> 00:15:33,619
We're just going to... Hawaii.
440
00:15:33,688 --> 00:15:35,788
Mama, is it time for the presents?
441
00:15:35,856 --> 00:15:38,157
Sure. Time for presents!
442
00:15:38,225 --> 00:15:39,572
Presents for the rich people.
443
00:15:39,597 --> 00:15:41,460
Oh, uh, wow.
444
00:15:41,529 --> 00:15:42,561
Oh!
445
00:15:42,630 --> 00:15:43,562
- Thank you.
- Wow.
446
00:15:43,631 --> 00:15:45,364
Thank you. Wonderful.
447
00:15:45,433 --> 00:15:47,733
Well, I learned
an important Christmas lesson.
448
00:15:47,802 --> 00:15:49,168
No matter how rich you are,
449
00:15:49,236 --> 00:15:51,103
expensive gifts still make a difference.
450
00:15:51,172 --> 00:15:54,073
Wow, I felt that,
but I didn't know how to say it.
451
00:15:54,141 --> 00:15:55,441
Not the lesson.
452
00:15:55,509 --> 00:15:59,478
Oh, and guys, Viv wanted me
to give you one last thing...
453
00:15:59,547 --> 00:16:01,313
the gift of potential.
454
00:16:01,382 --> 00:16:04,049
Pre-loaded with 118 free steps.
455
00:16:04,118 --> 00:16:05,451
Merry Christmas, rich people!
456
00:16:09,523 --> 00:16:10,923
Oh! Ottos!
457
00:16:10,991 --> 00:16:12,991
I saved you seats! Merry Christmas.
458
00:16:14,095 --> 00:16:16,095
How does it look?
459
00:16:16,163 --> 00:16:17,796
Is it magical? Are you transported?
460
00:16:17,865 --> 00:16:19,698
Is there too much cinnamon in the air?
461
00:16:19,767 --> 00:16:22,267
Viv, you got to cut those pills in half.
462
00:16:22,336 --> 00:16:23,736
There's too much cinnamon in the air.
463
00:16:23,804 --> 00:16:25,804
So stupid, Viv.
464
00:16:28,075 --> 00:16:29,808
Here it is.
465
00:16:29,877 --> 00:16:31,810
Go get 'em, honey.
466
00:16:31,879 --> 00:16:33,379
Hello?
467
00:16:33,447 --> 00:16:35,647
Oh, hi.
468
00:16:35,716 --> 00:16:37,883
Oh.
469
00:16:37,952 --> 00:16:39,418
Oh.
470
00:16:39,487 --> 00:16:41,653
Yeah, no, of course. I understand.
471
00:16:41,722 --> 00:16:44,056
Yes, uh, happy holidays.
472
00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:47,292
They gave it to Carl.
473
00:16:47,361 --> 00:16:48,794
That jerk!
474
00:16:48,863 --> 00:16:50,863
There's no way
I'm changing his nickname now.
475
00:16:50,931 --> 00:16:53,031
Oh, hon, I'm so sorry. It'll...
476
00:16:53,100 --> 00:16:54,299
It's fine. I'm fine.
477
00:16:54,368 --> 00:16:55,801
I'm so lucky.
478
00:16:55,870 --> 00:16:57,603
Think of poor Carl,
always needing a kidney.
479
00:16:57,671 --> 00:16:59,772
I don't need a kidney.
480
00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:01,840
I've got great kidneys.
481
00:17:01,909 --> 00:17:02,808
The best.
482
00:17:02,877 --> 00:17:04,143
Thanks.
483
00:17:19,860 --> 00:17:24,514
♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪
484
00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:26,198
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la ♪
485
00:17:26,267 --> 00:17:28,367
No, stop. Stop.
486
00:17:28,444 --> 00:17:30,076
We're a bit flat.
487
00:17:30,333 --> 00:17:31,933
Again, from the top.
488
00:17:32,966 --> 00:17:37,476
♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪
489
00:17:37,545 --> 00:17:38,677
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la ♪
490
00:17:38,746 --> 00:17:40,879
Stop. Stop, Chad. Jtt!
491
00:17:40,948 --> 00:17:41,980
You're off-rhythm.
492
00:17:42,049 --> 00:17:44,049
From now on, you're just mouthing.
493
00:17:44,118 --> 00:17:46,585
All right. Once more.
494
00:17:46,654 --> 00:17:48,520
Impress me.
495
00:17:50,491 --> 00:17:56,361
♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪
496
00:17:56,430 --> 00:17:57,663
- No, no. Stop, stop.
- ♪ Fa-la-la-la-la ♪
497
00:17:57,731 --> 00:17:59,731
What is happening, huh?
498
00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:01,133
We've been working on this for months!
499
00:18:01,202 --> 00:18:03,635
Okay, I tried to be Santa.
500
00:18:03,704 --> 00:18:05,804
But sometimes you got to be Krampus.
501
00:18:05,829 --> 00:18:07,855
Because when it comes to raising
these children in Westport...
502
00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:09,558
Hey! Brannagan!
503
00:18:09,661 --> 00:18:11,109
Who the hell do you think you are?
504
00:18:11,178 --> 00:18:12,909
This is supposed to be fun!
505
00:18:12,934 --> 00:18:14,413
We all know the holidays are stressful
506
00:18:14,482 --> 00:18:15,747
and we don't always get what we want!
507
00:18:15,816 --> 00:18:17,683
It sucks, but it's life!
508
00:18:17,751 --> 00:18:19,685
So don't take it out on our kids!
509
00:18:19,753 --> 00:18:22,821
I'm sorry this is where your
music career has spit you out,
510
00:18:22,890 --> 00:18:24,623
but it's not their fault!
511
00:18:24,692 --> 00:18:26,391
So turn around, shut up,
512
00:18:26,460 --> 00:18:29,495
and let our adorable children
mangle these Christmas classics!
513
00:18:40,274 --> 00:18:42,341
That was amazing.
514
00:18:42,409 --> 00:18:43,742
That felt amazing.
515
00:18:43,811 --> 00:18:44,776
I'm so pumped.
516
00:18:44,845 --> 00:18:47,045
- This is how you feel all the time?
- Pretty much.
517
00:18:47,114 --> 00:18:49,248
Nothing better than just
letting your anger out.
518
00:18:49,316 --> 00:18:51,183
Who knew that that was
the Christmas lesson...
519
00:18:51,252 --> 00:18:53,018
identify morons and then yell at them.
520
00:18:53,087 --> 00:18:54,753
Oh, Greg, this makes me so happy.
521
00:18:54,822 --> 00:18:56,955
We can finally start hating together.
522
00:18:59,460 --> 00:19:02,528
♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪
523
00:19:02,596 --> 00:19:04,296
I have yelling to do, as well!
524
00:19:04,365 --> 00:19:06,598
This is the best Christmas
concert I've ever been to.
525
00:19:06,667 --> 00:19:08,500
I have worked so hard
526
00:19:08,569 --> 00:19:10,602
to make this night nice for all of you.
527
00:19:10,671 --> 00:19:12,571
And not a thank you from anybody!
528
00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:14,873
This used to be a cafeteria!
529
00:19:14,942 --> 00:19:18,677
And now it's Santa's workshop...
Santa's workshop!
530
00:19:18,746 --> 00:19:20,245
Any my husband and step-sons
531
00:19:20,314 --> 00:19:21,947
don't even show up to support me!
532
00:19:22,016 --> 00:19:23,148
And you know what?!
533
00:19:23,217 --> 00:19:25,317
None of you have accepted
my friend request!
534
00:19:25,386 --> 00:19:27,019
That's rude! You can just friend me
535
00:19:27,087 --> 00:19:28,353
and then unfollow my feed!
536
00:19:28,422 --> 00:19:29,788
I won't know!
537
00:19:29,857 --> 00:19:33,492
God, it feels so good
to finally get it all out!
538
00:19:33,561 --> 00:19:34,993
Who's next?
539
00:19:35,062 --> 00:19:36,695
Who's with me?
540
00:19:47,942 --> 00:19:49,307
Don't do it, Katie.
541
00:19:49,332 --> 00:19:50,783
You just taught Greg to be mean.
542
00:19:50,808 --> 00:19:52,475
Don't send him mixed signals now.
543
00:19:53,767 --> 00:19:56,181
You want to come over
to our place after the show?
544
00:19:56,250 --> 00:19:57,783
I'd love to.
545
00:19:57,851 --> 00:20:00,552
I'll bring decorations
and save your Christmas.
546
00:20:00,621 --> 00:20:05,157
♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪
547
00:20:05,225 --> 00:20:08,594
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la ♪
548
00:20:08,662 --> 00:20:12,064
♪ 'Tis the season to be jolly ♪
549
00:20:12,132 --> 00:20:15,200
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la ♪
550
00:20:15,269 --> 00:20:17,336
I told the Elf you invited Viv over.
551
00:20:17,404 --> 00:20:19,371
He was really impressed.
552
00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:21,239
Thanks, Mama.
553
00:20:21,308 --> 00:20:22,507
You're the best.
554
00:20:24,878 --> 00:20:27,410
I guess being nice isn't so bad.
555
00:20:27,435 --> 00:20:29,369
Looks like Christmas
worked out for everybody.
556
00:20:31,552 --> 00:20:34,086
Well, not everybody.
557
00:20:37,022 --> 00:20:40,393
Hi. Is Nora here?
My kids got her a gift.
558
00:20:40,462 --> 00:20:42,696
Aww, that's so sweet. May I see?
559
00:20:45,004 --> 00:20:46,432
She'll love it. Go on in.
560
00:20:49,271 --> 00:20:50,704
Taught them a Christmas lesson...
561
00:20:50,773 --> 00:20:52,706
importance of family, et cetera.
562
00:20:52,775 --> 00:20:54,341
- Cost them $100.
- Really?
563
00:20:54,410 --> 00:20:56,209
They make them at the mall for 20 bucks.
564
00:20:56,278 --> 00:20:57,311
Hmm.
565
00:20:57,379 --> 00:20:59,062
That's a discussion for later.