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Ripped & Corrected By mstoll
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Ooh! Stanley!
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I've got it.
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Ow!
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Oh, there's the pins. Give us one, Stanley.
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We've been looking for those.
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Hey, Stanley, you watch that box.
That was two-and-ninepence.
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- It wasn't?
- It was.
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The marbles I could have got for that!
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Couldn't hang them on the Christmas tree.
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- It's beginning to look all right.
- Yeah.
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You should have seen my old man's pub
at Christmas. It looked a real treat.
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- I never knew your old man kept a pub.
- Yeah.
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That explains a few things.
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And on Christmas Day, all the presents
would be under the tree
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and my old man would be sitting in the
armchair in his slippers, sucking at his pipe.
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We'd all be sitting round staring at 'em
and weren't allowed to touch them till teatime.
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- That don't sound much fun to me.
- No.
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- My dad was a miserable old sod, really.
- Geoff!
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- You should know better at your age, Geoff.
- Stanley.
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We'll have those drains flowing as sweetly
as Old Father Thames himself.
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I'm so grateful.
You see, it all comes up in the garden.
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Well, you know... yard.
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I promise you, if they're not clear
by Christmas, I'll clear 'em myself.
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- I can't say fairer than that, can I?
- Oh, you are good, Councillor Moon.
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And it's not often I get
my picture done as well.
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Thank you for letting me sketch.
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If ever you want a sitter,
I'm game for anything.
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Miss Gottlieb is a visiting Viennese artist.
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Ooh, I say! Are you really?
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Come on, Mrs Green. Out you go.
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See you the same time next week.
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- Now you look after. Bye.
- Okey-doke.
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Well, that's the lot, I hope.
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There's none of me.
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I can do you anytime.
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Do me now, if you like.
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No, Harvey, I'm saving you for the council
meeting. I want to do Harvey the orator.
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Councillor Moon?
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That's right. Reverend, er?
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Jones. Martin Jones.
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- Good evening, miss.
- Hello.
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- What can I do for you?
- I'm the new vicar at St Augustine's.
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Ah, got a roof on at last, have they?
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- Roof?
- Or are you round collecting for one?
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I'm sorry. I'm not a churchgoer myself.
I'm a bit short this week.
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I'm not collecting.
I've been at the appeal meeting in the hall.
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On my way out, I found this.
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- Where?
- In the corridor outside.
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I wondered if you know whose it is.
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J. Adams. Don't mean nothing to me.
Not been issued in this area. Take a seat.
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No, I can't stop.
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Well, seeing as I found it here,
perhaps you'd deal with it.
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Well, you'd better hand it in.
This J Adams will be going mad.
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I just have, haven't I?
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I mean, to the proper authority.
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What better authority than a councillor?
And a JP.
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- Hold on...
- Good evening.
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I must be going. I'm seeing some elderly
people and I'm late as it is. I'm late!
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Poor bugger. Just before Christmas an' all.
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What are you going to do with them?
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Do you want a profile?
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Oh, no, Harvey, that's not your best side.
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- I've got one, have I?
- No.
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Sorry I can't help you, Mags.
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I suppose you did it on purpose.
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No, I didn't.
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I was thinking of that Clark Gable film
we went to see last week.
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You remember the one. When they was both
in the boat going down the river.
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And he was gazing into her eyes
and then she was gazing into his eyes.
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And I forgot I had my thumb
in the sock, didn't I?
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- You're a soppy date.
- Sorry, Sis.
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Stanley, what have you been doing to this?
Wearing it on your feet?
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That weren't me. It was Roger Gilbert.
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Oh, no, it's never you, is it?
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Thinks he's the best centre-half ever.
I said, my tortoise is quicker than you.
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Tony said the Germans needed players like him,
so he hit him.
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Tony hit Roger?
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No, Roger hit Tony.
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- And I laughed so he hit me.
- Who?
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Roger hit me! Don't you listen?
I need that for tomorrow, so hurry up.
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Here, you ain't done none of these.
You said you'd do half.
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I got a shop to run, Mags. I'm in it all day.
The evenings are my only free time.
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And you're having a free time.
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Well, until we can afford servants,
it's all hands to the mast.
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It's a sailing expression. All hands to the mast.
It's what sailors say to each other.
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You short of money, Mrs Moon?
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What do they wanna say that to each other for?
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Don't sit on these. They're wet.
You'll get piles.
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We could go carol singing.
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No, I don't want to. I'm going dancing.
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Dancing? Wonderful, that is.
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Where is this dance? I can't remember going.
Have you been dancing, Veronica?
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Yeah, I've been dancing.
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If they're going dancing,
we can go carol singing.
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- Wanna come carol singing?
- No, thank you.
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Your mother and me are practising
for a competition. Where is Rita?
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- She's got a ladder.
- She's got the hump.
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- Sure you don't wanna come?
- Me? The idea is to make money.
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If we can't all go dancing,
maybe we could all go carol singing.
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I'm all behind, Leo. I got a ladder.
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Stanley, can't you have a go? I'm fed up.
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- That ain't a man's work.
- Well, you ain't a man.
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Could I show you how to make it easier?
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Hello, Son, Veronica, Mags.
A woman's work is never done, eh?
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Oh, sorry, Leo.
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I'm sorry I said sorry.
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- Reet, can I have a quick word?
- If it is quick.
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- All right for Christmas?
- Is what all right?
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- The kids coming to me.
- Mags ain't a kid.
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- But Stanley...
- Well, just say Stanley.
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Oh, bloody hell. Stanley.
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- I said he could, didn't I? No need to shout.
- I ain't shouting.
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- Don't want me for Christmas?
- Mags, I didn't mean that.
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Are we going out tonight or not?
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Come on, Leo, I'll do this in the car.
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So I'm left holding the fort again?
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I did it for years when you were young,
so if I wanna go dancing, I shall.
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I don't want to do the ironing.
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I did it for years whilst your father was
in India sunbathing his way to victory.
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Sunbathing?
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You were never here,
you were always over there.
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Now you are here, make up for lost time
and help your daughter with the ironing.
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- Does that satisfy you, young lady?
- We're off.
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It's a question of everyone chipping in.
All hands to the mast.
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Was you a sailor, Uncle Leo?
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No.
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♪ Good King Wenceslas
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There you are.
It's too late to go carol singing now, innit?
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And who manned the machines during the war?
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Women manned them, that's who.
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They worked as equals.
They deserve to be paid as equals.
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Did they stint themselves during the war?
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Your missus didn't!
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No, they did not.
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And they should not be short-changed
in their pay packets.
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You wouldn't say that
if you had to pay out wages every week.
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Hear hear!
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If women could spend more,
they might spend it in your shop.
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Not if the ration keeps going down.
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On a point of information,
there would be less need for rationing
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if certain people weren't robbing the nation
by the blatant use of stolen ration cards.
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- That's not a point of information.
- Isn't it, Councillor Moon?
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Councillor Baldock,
I shall have to rule you out of order.
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I think it is relevant.
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Certain people, supporters of a government
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whose socialist incompetence
prolongs the twilight world of rationing,
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dare stand up in this chamber and pontificate
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whilst lining their own pockets
with the proceeds of a ration card fiddle.
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This goes beyond hypocrisy.
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Are you accusing us?
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Not all of you.
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Well, what are you saying?
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I'm only saying, if the cap fits.
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- You come outside and say that!
- Order! Order! I shall clear the chamber!
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I demand an apology.
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If this continues,
I shall have to clear the chamber.
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- What was all that about, then?
- Perhaps the book was stolen.
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- What book?
- The book you kept.
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I handed it in.
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- What was all that about?
- Search me. He's fairly decent for a Tory.
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Surprised he had the strength
to stand up on his feet.
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Always thought he went out
with his bint on Fridays.
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- Nothing in what he said, then?
- Stolen ration books? I should be so lucky.
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With Christmas coming, I could do with some.
166
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There you are, Mr Harris. 100 beigels.
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Don't tell me there are 99,
cos I counted them twice.
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Yes, sir?
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Mr Gottlibe?
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No, Gottlieb. My name is Gottlieb.
171
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Sorry. I'm not very good with foreign names.
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- Morning, Mr G. Sorry. The bus was late.
- The bus.
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This young lady will help you.
I must get back to the ovens.
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- I don't want to buy anything.
- You want to sell me something?
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- I'll serve this gentleman. Ration book, please.
- I'm a health inspector.
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Everybody here is perfectly healthy.
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I've come to inspect your premises.
You were notified.
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Was I?
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Well, probably.
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- Can we get on?
- Why my bakery?
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I just do as I'm told.
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00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:07,198
Yes, I've heard that before.
183
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:09,629
- What do you mean by that?
- Nothing.
184
00:10:09,680 --> 00:10:11,193
Well, sir, may I inspect?
185
00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:14,949
- Inspect. You can eat off my floor.
- That shouldn't be necessary.
186
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If you knew about this,
you should have told me.
187
00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:20,400
I would have if I'd been here earlier.
188
00:10:20,440 --> 00:10:23,910
- But as the bus came, a taxi draws up...
- Is this a long story?
189
00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:30,672
There's a young woman in the back and
as I've had training in midwifery, I lent a hand.
190
00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:33,075
- Did she have it?
- Yeah, right outside Jack Cohen's.
191
00:10:33,120 --> 00:10:37,557
- Oh, wonderful! He's always wanted children.
- A boy or girl?
192
00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:41,070
- A little girl...
- Who cares? He's inspecting in there.
193
00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:43,634
Dust the counter and wipe down the trays.
194
00:10:43,680 --> 00:10:46,399
Suddenly after ten years,
I have a dirty bakery?
195
00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:50,079
- That was quick.
- I think I've seen enough.
196
00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:52,680
What did I tell you? Clean like a whistle.
197
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I'm sorry about your toilet.
198
00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:56,798
What have you done to my toilet?
199
00:10:56,840 --> 00:10:58,512
It opens into the kitchen.
200
00:10:58,560 --> 00:11:01,279
We work in the kitchen. Where should it open?
201
00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:04,551
A toilet in the same room where food
is prepared is against the law.
202
00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:08,078
It's been there since long before
I took over the bakery.
203
00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:10,270
I'll have to report it.
204
00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:12,595
Look, why report it?
205
00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:14,198
I'll close it down.
206
00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:16,997
And there's this.
207
00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:19,392
(Mutters)
208
00:11:23,680 --> 00:11:25,671
- Where's Mum?
- I dunno.
209
00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:29,079
- She in there with Uncle Leo?
- I don't know.
210
00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:31,998
- How did they get on last night?
- I don't know.
211
00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:33,553
Don't know much, do ya?
212
00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:35,830
- Do you want some cereal?
- No.
213
00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:38,189
Think I'll get some milk.
214
00:11:38,680 --> 00:11:40,796
Aw, look at that!
215
00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:44,268
Foxtrot. What's a foxtrot?
216
00:11:44,320 --> 00:11:45,639
Some sort of dance.
217
00:11:45,680 --> 00:11:47,955
- Will you teach us?
- No.
218
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:51,834
Why not? That Tom said
you was very light on your feet.
219
00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:54,189
Don't talk to me about him, please.
220
00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:56,117
- Packed you in, has he?
- No.
221
00:11:56,160 --> 00:11:57,832
Mind your own business.
222
00:11:57,880 --> 00:12:00,235
You don't look well, Sis.
223
00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:02,077
You ought to have some cereal.
224
00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:06,159
You won't get better if you don't eat your food.
That's what Nan says.
225
00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:08,236
Who put this on? Stanley?
226
00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:10,271
I wanted Maggie to teach me to dance.
227
00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:12,151
At ten-to-eight in the morning?
228
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:14,873
- Sorry, Mum.
- Didn't get in till half-one.
229
00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:17,150
Oh, yeah. The dance contest.
230
00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:18,553
How did you get on?
231
00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:21,433
You are looking at Ginger Rogers the second.
232
00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:23,198
You didn't come first, then?
233
00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:25,674
We're through to the semi-final.
234
00:12:25,720 --> 00:12:28,109
What, it's like the FA Cup?
235
00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:29,991
Yeah.
236
00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:31,792
We are.
237
00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:37,473
Well, this show of excitement's
very unlike you, Maggie.
238
00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:40,594
- What's the matter, love?
- It's Tom.
239
00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:41,993
You're not?
240
00:12:42,040 --> 00:12:43,758
Of course not.
241
00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:45,518
- He's gone.
- I thought so.
242
00:12:45,560 --> 00:12:47,073
What, he's dropped you?
243
00:12:47,520 --> 00:12:51,354
No, look... well...
I hadn't seen him for a few days.
244
00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:54,915
But I knew he was busy at work
with Christmas and that.
245
00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:58,111
So I went round his firm
to see if everything was all right.
246
00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:01,793
- They said they'd sent him home.
- What, ill?
247
00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:03,876
That's what I thought at first.
248
00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:06,912
So I went round his flat
but he weren't there neither.
249
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:09,554
The bloke next door said he'd gone home
a fortnight ago.
250
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:13,753
I thought you just said you went
round his home?
251
00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:17,076
No, home, as in Calcutta. India, home.
252
00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:19,958
Oh, Mags.
253
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:23,754
Ah, and you was just getting to like a curry,
weren't ya?
254
00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:28,398
Erich, what's wrong?
255
00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:29,998
Anti-Semites.
256
00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:31,553
Here, let me read it.
257
00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:37,113
I thought when we came to this country,
we'd got away from all that.
258
00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:39,799
People checking up on you night and day.
259
00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:42,479
I didn't think there was a secret police
in England.
260
00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:47,388
- The Public Health Department. It isn't secret.
- My lavatory is my business.
261
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:52,756
So, is it true? Does the lavatory door
open directly onto the kitchen?
262
00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:55,872
Well, does it or doesn't it?
263
00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:58,309
All right, it does. Just a bit.
264
00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:01,752
Did I put it there? I didn't build the place.
265
00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,677
It's always opened onto the kitchen.
266
00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:07,432
- And are there rats?
- No, we have no rats.
267
00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:08,954
Erich.
268
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:10,274
We have no rats.
269
00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:16,150
Look... is it my fault
if one rat visits from next door?
270
00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:19,636
♪ Where a mother laid her baby
271
00:14:19,680 --> 00:14:22,478
♪ In a manger for his bed
272
00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:25,035
♪ Mary was that mother mild...
273
00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:29,631
What's the point practising?
We should be out there making money.
274
00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:32,353
Yeah, get out now, cos we've gotta practise.
275
00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:34,550
Was that a record you were playing?
276
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:37,194
It was the King's Chapel Choir, wasn't it?
277
00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:38,753
Are you joking?
278
00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:42,873
I heard a wonderful boy soprano
singing Once In Royal David's City.
279
00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:44,751
It was Stanley.
280
00:14:45,120 --> 00:14:46,314
No!
281
00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:48,078
- Go on, Stan. Show him.
- All right.
282
00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:52,079
♪ Once in royal David's city...
283
00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:56,511
Stanley, my boy,
you could make a fortune carol singing.
284
00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:58,391
See? I told you, didn't I?
285
00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:01,432
- I'd certainly give you half-a-crown to go away.
- (Laughter)
286
00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:03,349
Shut up.
287
00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:07,518
But why? That's what I don't understand.
Why do they pick on me?
288
00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:11,792
- I never made any trouble.
- Erich, it's the health regulations.
289
00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:13,398
For heaven's sake, eat.
290
00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:16,750
And the health regulations
are made only for Erich Gottlieb?
291
00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:21,237
- Perhaps lots of shopkeepers got a letter.
- No. I ask about. Only me.
292
00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:22,554
Why only you?
293
00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:24,909
- I don't know. They won't tell me.
- Oh.
294
00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:29,795
- Still, if these are the regulations...
- You're taking their side now?
295
00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:32,035
Erich, I'm not taking their side.
296
00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:33,752
Hello, Erich.
297
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:37,839
- Hear you got a few problems.
- People spying on my lavatory.
298
00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:39,791
Erich, show him the letter.
299
00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:42,998
Here.
300
00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:51,916
Illumination, adequate and proper storage...
We did all this at night school.
301
00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:55,148
Does the lavatory open onto the kitchen?
302
00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:56,679
- Just a little.
- Yes.
303
00:15:56,720 --> 00:16:00,599
There's a health committee meeting tomorrow.
I got a mate on it.
304
00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:03,518
- He'll know how to play this.
- You'd do that for me?
305
00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:05,994
- Can I keep the letter?
- Please, yes.
306
00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:08,156
- You are very kind.
- Pleasure.
307
00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:12,399
Thank you, Harvey.
308
00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:15,354
- Do you want a cup of tea?
- Please.
309
00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:17,630
Cor, you've been churning them out.
310
00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:25,435
I don't believe this. I
was at school with him.
311
00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:27,869
Lanky Bartlett. He hasn't changed much.
312
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:29,592
Where did you do this?
313
00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:32,359
The transport cafe off the High Street.
314
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:34,231
- The Enterprise?
- Yeah.
315
00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:35,759
You get about, don't ya?
316
00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:37,597
I sure do.
317
00:16:37,640 --> 00:16:40,359
It's good that I recognised who it was.
318
00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:42,595
Well, I must be getting better.
319
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:46,470
We ought to put on an exhibition
at the town hall.
320
00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:50,354
- No, I suppose these are for up Bond Street.
- Oh, Harvey.
321
00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:53,517
- Show Adrian what working people look like.
- (Groans)
322
00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:58,389
Blimey, Vi. How many queues
have we stood in today?
323
00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:00,271
Oh, never mind.
324
00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:03,278
It was worth it to get
them nice fresh carrots.
325
00:17:03,320 --> 00:17:07,472
Pity those wireworm got all mine this year.
Ate the blinking lot.
326
00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:10,637
That was a shame.
Here, put some of these away.
327
00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:17,917
- Is this what we're having tonight?
- No, it's my Christmas stock.
328
00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:19,632
What are we having tonight?
329
00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:21,511
Scrag end.
330
00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:25,951
Great. That reminds me.
I hope Harvey's in a better mood tonight.
331
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:29,709
He's still upset about
what that fella said in the council.
332
00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:31,637
That was days ago. He must have forgotten.
333
00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:34,319
You don't know my Harvey. He smoulders.
334
00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:36,635
Anyway, he gave it in, didn't he?
335
00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:40,274
- What?
- That ration book.
336
00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:43,118
Here. He reckons that vicar was a bit...
you know.
337
00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:45,119
What, a man of the cloth?
338
00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:47,833
He might not have been a man of the cloth.
339
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:50,350
You mean that vicar was a crook?
340
00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:53,949
I can't believe that. Not this near Christmas.
341
00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:56,912
- He said he picked it up off the floor.
- Who?
342
00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:59,679
That vicar. If he was a vicar, not a crook.
343
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:01,957
(Sighs)
344
00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:04,673
Are you sure you got them carrots?
345
00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:08,872
Yeah, when you was talking to
Mrs... Steventon in the queue.
346
00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:12,595
The point is, Harvey didn't keep it, did he?
347
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:15,390
Of course he didn't. He wouldn't, would he?
348
00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:18,799
Pity he didn't.
Wouldn't have to have scrag end.
349
00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:22,116
Gossip spreads like rumour.
Harvey's got his enemies.
350
00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:25,789
- Some people think he's a spiv.
- But we know he's not.
351
00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:30,072
I know we know because we know
he's got good reasons.
352
00:18:30,120 --> 00:18:31,599
What reasons?
353
00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:34,359
Well... he's a member of the council.
354
00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:37,392
Oh, yeah. And a JP an' all.
355
00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:39,431
There you are, then.
356
00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:47,269
These carrots is parsnips.
357
00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:49,311
(Big Ben chimes)
358
00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:24,231
(Orchestra plays dance music)
359
00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:40,957
- They're good.
- Rita, they are professionals.
360
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:43,639
I'm glad we're not competing against them.
361
00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:46,114
You're as jumpy as a bag of fleas.
362
00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:47,957
I'm not!
363
00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:55,999
And now, would competitors in round one
please take the floor for the waltz.
364
00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:02,596
You take after your father.
365
00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:04,676
He ain't my father. She's my mother.
366
00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:05,869
Oh, I see.
367
00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:08,036
(Waltz)
368
00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:17,679
Why don't they use more of the floor?
369
00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:20,871
Cos they've only got a prefab to practise in.
370
00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:29,637
Bleedin' nora.
371
00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:32,672
You wanted to see me.
I hadn't realised it was that urgent.
372
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:37,635
Sorry. I caught someone snooping in the office.
I thought you was him again.
373
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:38,874
Did you call the law?
374
00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:41,115
No. I don't think he took anything.
375
00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:42,991
Well, what can I do for you?
376
00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:46,593
You asked to see me. Are you all right?
377
00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:49,712
Yeah. I wanted some advice on this letter.
378
00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:55,598
What was Baldock spouting about
t'other night?
379
00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:58,393
Don't ask me. He's been lying low ever since.
380
00:20:58,440 --> 00:20:59,998
What do you think?
381
00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:03,237
Works Department's short-handed.
Your pal's just unlucky.
382
00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:06,716
- He thinks they're onto him cos he's Jewish.
- Nah.
383
00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:09,558
Does the bog really open into the kitchen?
384
00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:10,715
'Fraid so.
385
00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:16,517
Have to sort that. Tell him to get an estimate,
bump it up with materials,
386
00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:19,074
then bung it in the Works Department.
387
00:21:19,120 --> 00:21:20,235
How does that work?
388
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:23,556
They're short of materials.
They'll turn him down.
389
00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:26,114
- Fancy a pint?
- Thought you'd never ask.
390
00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:28,549
(Music finale)
391
00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:38,828
- How did we do?
- You were terrific.
392
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:41,030
Least you didn't fall over.
393
00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:44,390
You should take this up, Mags.
It's the best thing I know.
394
00:21:44,440 --> 00:21:46,908
Well, not the best, but at least it's safe.
395
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:50,919
I now have the results
of tonight's semi-final heats.
396
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:53,793
So, in reverse order.
397
00:21:53,840 --> 00:21:59,278
In third place, and with their certificates
they win a bottle of vintage port.
398
00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:00,639
Very nice, too.
399
00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:03,956
From Edmonton, Mr and Mrs Geoff Baker.
400
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:14,398
In second place, with Christmas pudding
and... there's something in it.
401
00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:15,668
(Laughter)
402
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:18,996
From Tottenham, Mr Brandon and Mrs Moon.
403
00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:20,996
(Shrieks)
404
00:22:24,120 --> 00:22:26,429
- I wish we'd come third.
- Why?
405
00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:28,675
I've got a Christmas pudding.
406
00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:38,999
Stick 'em up!
407
00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:41,679
Throw your piece on the floor very slowly.
408
00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:43,711
Stanley, you made me jump.
409
00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:46,991
Dad, the place is crawling with cops.
It's surrounded.
410
00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:50,396
- You stopping the night?
- Yeah, Mum's gone dancing.
411
00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:53,113
You can hide out till the heat's off.
412
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:55,993
What you doing playing down 'ere? What?
413
00:22:56,680 --> 00:22:58,511
(Imitates machine-gun)
414
00:23:03,680 --> 00:23:05,193
(Imitates machine-gun)
415
00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:07,037
Psh! You're dead.
416
00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:11,596
I'm serious. There's two coppers upstairs
with Nan waiting for ya.
417
00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:15,838
- You better not be 'aving me on.
- Course I ain't. I'll go up first.
418
00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:19,599
More tea?
419
00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:21,519
No, thanks, ma'am.
420
00:23:28,520 --> 00:23:30,715
Right. You ready to blast 'em?
421
00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:32,478
That's enough, Stanley.
422
00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:36,710
Harvey, these gentlemen
were waiting hours for you.
423
00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:39,718
Sergeant Singer.
A few questions, if you don't mind, sir.
424
00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:42,479
I just wanna get these out of sight first...
425
00:23:42,520 --> 00:23:44,954
- I'll take that.
- Leave that alone.
426
00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:47,798
- All right, Moon.
- It's Councillor Moon.
427
00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:49,831
Oh, Harvey, they're lovely.
428
00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:52,952
- They were a surprise.
- Just what I needed.
429
00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:55,309
You spoiled my mum's Christmas present!
430
00:23:55,360 --> 00:24:00,912
We've had a tip-off that you are in possession
of stolen ration books.
431
00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:03,349
- Tip-off?
- He didn't know they were stolen.
432
00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:08,474
There was only one. I handed it in.
A vicar found it so whoever tipped you off...
433
00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:11,557
Also said we'd find other ration books
in your possession.
434
00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:13,955
Ooh, they fit lovely, Harvey.
435
00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:16,958
- 20 others.
- Thank you, Constable.
436
00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:20,117
20 others, in a filing cabinet in your office.
437
00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:24,278
- It's not just my office.
- But they were found in your drawer in this file.
438
00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:29,675
Would you like to make a statement now, sir,
or are there any other items?
439
00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:32,109
- Slippers?
- You've not 'aving these.
440
00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:36,676
No wonder nothing was nicked.
He wasn't nicking nothing, that's it.
441
00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:40,349
He was putting something in,
the bloke I caught in my surgery.
442
00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:42,709
- Is he a doctor an' all?
- You caught him?
443
00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:44,876
- No, he got away.
- Of course he did.
444
00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:46,399
- Who did?
- Too dark to see.
445
00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:48,396
Can we start again from the beginning?
446
00:24:48,440 --> 00:24:50,476
Don't jump to conclusions.
447
00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:55,116
Stanley, run downstairs, ask Auntie Frieda
to bring up the drawing of the vicar.
448
00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:58,277
It was 'im that lumbered
me with the ration book.
449
00:24:58,320 --> 00:24:59,514
So you say.
450
00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:02,358
Shall I take these off
so you can wrap them properly?
451
00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:04,399
(Groans)
452
00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:07,398
They nearly took Nan's slippers.
Hurry up cos they got the drop on 'im.
453
00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:08,793
Calm down, Stanley.
454
00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:11,991
They'll arrest 'im if you don't show 'em
your pictures.
455
00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:16,431
- My pictures?
- Something about a vicar who's a crook.
456
00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:20,268
- Hurry, cos the sergeant looks really mean.
- Stanley...
457
00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:23,551
Six years fighting against the Japs
counts for nothing?
458
00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:26,717
- Mum, I didn't do any fighting.
- But you would 'ave.
459
00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:28,079
I never saw a Jap.
460
00:25:28,120 --> 00:25:30,236
That's because you kept them at bay.
461
00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:32,919
Mum, I'm innocent.
I don't need mitigating circumstances.
462
00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:36,316
- What's all this about?
- They've come to arrest Harvey.
463
00:25:36,360 --> 00:25:37,793
Who are you?
464
00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:41,753
She's our landlady. You can trust her.
She's from downstairs.
465
00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:43,870
- Mrs Gottlieb.
- Yes.
466
00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:50,109
Can you verify Councillor Moon's story about
a vicar allegedly giving him a ration book?
467
00:25:50,160 --> 00:25:54,233
Yes, I can. I was in the room sketching.
And taking photographs.
468
00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:57,716
Of course you were.
You always alibi Mr Moon's little meetings?
469
00:25:57,760 --> 00:26:02,880
I don't like your tone, Sergeant.
I will answer questions but not be interrogated.
470
00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:07,277
Councillor Moon faces some very serious
allegations, madam.
471
00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:10,995
Now, can you remember the name of this vicar
by any chance?
472
00:26:11,840 --> 00:26:13,319
Yes, it was Jones.
473
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:15,189
Ah, Welsh, was he?
474
00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:16,468
I don't know.
475
00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:18,112
Sure it wasn't Smith?
476
00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:20,037
It was definitely Jones.
477
00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:24,835
Here, this is the sketch.
It's not finished. It's quite rough.
478
00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:27,633
I was next to him, only I'm off the page.
479
00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:30,069
He's the vicar of St Augustine's.
480
00:26:30,120 --> 00:26:33,192
St Augustine's? Oh, very interesting.
481
00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:38,678
There is no vicar, on account it was hit by a
bomb early in the war and the vicar was in it.
482
00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:40,438
He told us it'd been restored.
483
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:44,473
You'd have known he was lying
if you went to church more often.
484
00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:47,830
This picture, doesn't it
remind you of someone?
485
00:26:48,520 --> 00:26:50,590
It's our old chum, Dead Body Wilson.
486
00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:54,315
He's a known villain.
Hangs around with the Black Shirts.
487
00:26:54,360 --> 00:26:56,271
- Dead Body. He's a murderer?
- No.
488
00:26:56,920 --> 00:26:59,150
Then why is he called Dead Body?
489
00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:01,714
- On account of his pale complexion.
- Yes, he was pale.
490
00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:05,389
- Comes from spending so much time in jug.
- He was a Black Shirt?
491
00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:06,873
- Yes, sir.
- I see.
492
00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:09,150
Well, now you believe Harvey, no?
493
00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:12,078
That picture doesn't prove anything, madam.
494
00:27:12,120 --> 00:27:14,315
Wilson could say he's an accomplice.
495
00:27:14,360 --> 00:27:16,351
Or you was in it together.
496
00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:22,270
- So much for being innocent till proven guilty.
- Accusing a councillor and a JP!
497
00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:25,039
That's what makes it all the more serious.
498
00:27:25,080 --> 00:27:29,119
You had the stolen ration books.
There is the matter of possession.
499
00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:33,278
- So don't leave town.
- You've watched too many gangster films.
500
00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:35,880
Thanks for the tea, Mrs Moon. Councillor.
501
00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:37,797
Constable.
502
00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:47,353
Next time you come, bring your own sugar!
503
00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:49,038
Mum, it's not funny.
504
00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:52,914
I know. There's none left
for your cornflakes in the morning.
505
00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:56,953
Oh, don't worry. We all know you didn't do it.
506
00:27:57,000 --> 00:28:00,754
- You got away with it, then, Dad.
- Harvey, why is this happening?
507
00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:05,794
- Why are the Black Shirts starting this again?
- I dunno. But I've got a rough idea.
508
00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:07,478
Where's my coat?
509
00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:17,873
- You go on up, dear. I'll make the cocoa.
- (Knock on door)
510
00:28:17,920 --> 00:28:21,230
- You expecting someone at this time of night?
- No.
511
00:28:22,240 --> 00:28:23,753
No.
512
00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:28,310
- Mrs Baldock?
- Yes?
513
00:28:28,360 --> 00:28:30,749
- Councillor Moon.
- Oh. Come in.
514
00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:33,109
Sorry. We never stop, do we?
515
00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:35,435
- Is Reg in?
- Yes, he's in the kitchen.
516
00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:38,153
- Got him doing the washing up?
- Yes.
517
00:28:39,080 --> 00:28:41,389
Well, I think I'll go on up.
518
00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:42,953
Good night, dear.
519
00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:50,591
Hello, "dear".
520
00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:53,393
What do you want?
I've got nothing to say to you.
521
00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:57,513
Well, I have to you, sunshine.
If you don't do something about it sharpish,
522
00:28:57,560 --> 00:28:59,357
- I'll do a beans and rice job.
- What?
523
00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:02,198
I'll spill the beans to your old lady
about Linda Rice.
524
00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:05,555
- What are you talking about?
- Come on, Reg.
525
00:29:05,600 --> 00:29:08,831
Everyone knows about you and young Linda
except your old lady.
526
00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:10,799
What do you want?
527
00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:14,435
- Don't come the old soldier. You know well.
- Look, I can't help you.
528
00:29:14,480 --> 00:29:15,833
Well, you better!
529
00:29:15,880 --> 00:29:21,113
I've had stolen ration books planted in my
filing cabinet, Black Shirts in dog collars,
530
00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:25,551
coppers frightening my mum and you accusing
me of spivving in front of the whole council!
531
00:29:25,600 --> 00:29:28,353
- Who's behind all this?
- How should I know?
532
00:29:28,400 --> 00:29:29,833
You're in collusion.
533
00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:31,836
What I wanna know is why?
534
00:29:31,880 --> 00:29:36,635
Getting mixed up with that Black Shirt scum.
You're not a bad sort for a Tory.
535
00:29:38,160 --> 00:29:40,594
Silly me. I forgot my library book.
536
00:29:42,480 --> 00:29:46,075
Oh, Reginald, you haven't
even put the milk on.
537
00:29:46,120 --> 00:29:48,076
Oh, I was just about to.
538
00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:50,870
And do make Councillor Moon a drink.
539
00:29:50,920 --> 00:29:52,638
That's very kind.
540
00:29:52,680 --> 00:29:54,989
- You're a Labour councillor.
- Yes.
541
00:29:55,040 --> 00:29:57,679
But on some issues,
Reg and I are on the same side.
542
00:29:57,720 --> 00:30:00,154
- Like we were against Hitler.
- Exactly.
543
00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:03,590
Do you know a Miss Linda Rice, Mrs Baldock?
544
00:30:03,640 --> 00:30:07,030
- Don't think so.
- Pretty girl. Works for your husband.
545
00:30:07,080 --> 00:30:11,232
- Oh, I know. I've seen her in the shop.
- She is a constituent of mine.
546
00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:14,317
- She's come to me with a problem.
- That's right.
547
00:30:14,360 --> 00:30:20,071
- Girls on their own. Christmas...
- Well, I'll let you get on. Good night, Mr Moon.
548
00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:23,591
Don't stay up all night.
549
00:30:26,280 --> 00:30:29,431
- You bastard.
- I didn't tell her, though. I could have.
550
00:30:29,480 --> 00:30:31,436
They've got me over a barrel.
551
00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:33,835
We could have dealt with them together.
552
00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:36,314
My wife's a very possessive woman.
553
00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:39,474
There was another girl. During the war.
554
00:30:39,520 --> 00:30:43,672
We nearly split up then. She'd leave me
and take the children this time.
555
00:30:43,720 --> 00:30:47,349
- So that's why you dropped me in it.
- I had to. They forced me.
556
00:30:47,400 --> 00:30:50,836
They haven't forgiven you for that duffing up
your mob gave them last summer.
557
00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:55,078
They said you were definitely on the fiddle
and wouldn't do anything about it cos it's true.
558
00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:59,033
- So they've got us both now.
- They tell the wife, it'll destroy me.
559
00:30:59,080 --> 00:31:01,594
Make a public apology or I'll destroy you!
560
00:31:01,640 --> 00:31:05,349
Your wife will get a surprise Christmas
morning and it's not Jingle Bells.
561
00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:09,837
- What have you done to this loaf?
- Leave off, Sis. I've lost count now.
562
00:31:09,880 --> 00:31:12,713
We got some big mice around here!
What you doing?
563
00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:18,312
I'm trying to share out last night's carol money.
But three into two-and-four won't go.
564
00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:21,557
- But two into two-and-four would.
- What do you mean?
565
00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:25,639
Well, Veronica. Why bring her along?
Because it was her idea.
566
00:31:25,680 --> 00:31:28,990
- She only knows one carol.
- Well, she means well.
567
00:31:29,040 --> 00:31:30,792
She's losing us money.
568
00:31:30,840 --> 00:31:34,833
Would you give money to someone going,
"La, la, la, crisp and even"?
569
00:31:35,440 --> 00:31:40,070
I hope that kettle's on. I'm freezing.
I had to stand on the bus all the way.
570
00:31:40,120 --> 00:31:42,270
You ain't Ivor Novello yourself.
571
00:31:42,320 --> 00:31:45,357
Ooh, my feet are killing me.
572
00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:49,029
Well, you'd better put them up
cos you'll be needing them.
573
00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:51,594
- Ain't you seen Leo today?
- No.
574
00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:54,712
- Oh, so you don't know then, do ya?
- What?
575
00:31:54,760 --> 00:31:57,513
You're in the dancing final after all.
576
00:31:57,560 --> 00:31:59,152
No, we lost.
577
00:31:59,200 --> 00:32:02,397
But Leo says you're through by accident.
578
00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:05,238
This woman ran over her husband.
579
00:32:05,280 --> 00:32:06,918
What?
580
00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:11,715
Leo got this call dinnertime saying
Mr and Mrs Vaughan won't be in the final
581
00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:14,638
cos he can't walk, cos she ran him over
582
00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:17,353
whilst he was having an affair
outside Woolworth's.
583
00:32:17,960 --> 00:32:20,997
He was having an affair outside Woolworth's?
584
00:32:21,040 --> 00:32:22,519
This was in Chelmsford.
585
00:32:22,560 --> 00:32:23,959
Chelmsford?
586
00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:25,718
Yeah, Chelmsford.
587
00:32:25,760 --> 00:32:30,754
When she found out, she got in her car,
drove from Enfield to Chelmsford,
588
00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:34,031
saw them coming out
this fish and chip shop together,
589
00:32:34,080 --> 00:32:39,393
went up on the pavement, missed her,
straight over his foot. So you're through!
590
00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:41,192
- Never?
- Yes!
591
00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:43,356
- You're joking!
- No!
592
00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:46,198
Must be 30 miles, Chelmsford!
593
00:32:47,960 --> 00:32:49,518
(Chatter)
594
00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:55,315
Glad it's only once a year.
Seems to come round quicker.
595
00:32:55,360 --> 00:32:57,237
Sign of age, Harv.
596
00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:05,038
Didn't think he'd have the nerve
to show his face.
597
00:33:05,080 --> 00:33:08,072
I've had a word with him.
I think it cleared the air.
598
00:33:08,120 --> 00:33:09,917
Ladies and gentlemen.
599
00:33:09,960 --> 00:33:15,353
The purpose of this little gathering is for
everyone to relax and enjoy themselves.
600
00:33:15,400 --> 00:33:18,437
We don't want any long speeches,
even from me.
601
00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:23,755
Now I just want, on behalf of
the Lady Mayoress and myself,
602
00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:29,432
to thank both parties and our council
employees for all their efforts
603
00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:31,755
in the very difficult year of 1947.
604
00:33:31,800 --> 00:33:36,112
Regardless of parties,
we've all been working for Hackney.
605
00:33:36,160 --> 00:33:38,151
Sounds like a long speech to me.
606
00:33:38,200 --> 00:33:40,589
Thanks for coming to my cocktail party.
607
00:33:40,640 --> 00:33:45,111
Next year, maybe we'll be able to lay
our hands on some real cocktails.
608
00:33:45,160 --> 00:33:46,832
Thank you.
609
00:33:46,880 --> 00:33:49,599
Now, are you coming down The Bell for a pint?
610
00:33:49,640 --> 00:33:51,835
Hold on. Wait for the cabaret.
611
00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:55,873
Please. I-I-I would like to make a statement.
612
00:33:57,840 --> 00:34:02,630
I realise this is a Christmas party
and I don't wish to introduce a sour note,
613
00:34:02,680 --> 00:34:05,433
but there have been accusations made, by me,
614
00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:07,835
which may have been misunderstood.
615
00:34:07,880 --> 00:34:12,590
And since the Press are here it seems
a good opportunity to er... to clarify.
616
00:34:12,640 --> 00:34:14,073
What's he on about?
617
00:34:14,920 --> 00:34:17,798
It's been a difficult year, 1947,
as the Mayor said.
618
00:34:17,840 --> 00:34:20,354
He also said no long speeches.
619
00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:24,233
Some of us think it's been made harder
620
00:34:24,280 --> 00:34:27,397
by some grabbing more than their share
of what little is going.
621
00:34:28,640 --> 00:34:31,996
When some people help themselves
to stolen ration books...
622
00:34:32,040 --> 00:34:34,031
This don't sound like an apology.
623
00:34:34,080 --> 00:34:38,596
You know who I'm talking about, don't you,
Councillor Moon?
624
00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:45,353
Hackney Gazette. Have you anything to say
about Councillor Baldock's accusations?
625
00:34:45,400 --> 00:34:50,633
- If I get hold of him, I'll break his neck.
- Is that on the record, Councillor Moon?
626
00:34:50,680 --> 00:34:53,353
(Dance music)
627
00:34:53,400 --> 00:34:57,439
(Sighs) I knew I shouldn't have worn new shoes
for the final.
628
00:34:57,480 --> 00:35:00,392
Don't enter these no more.
Bad for your nerves.
629
00:35:00,440 --> 00:35:03,557
- Rita, you look quite beautiful.
- Oh, blimey, look!
630
00:35:03,600 --> 00:35:07,309
- They've started without you!
- It's a practice, Veronica.
631
00:35:07,360 --> 00:35:09,874
- Oh!
- Coo-ey!
632
00:35:10,480 --> 00:35:13,836
- Fancy meeting you all here.
- That's all I need.
633
00:35:13,880 --> 00:35:15,791
What a coincidence, eh?
634
00:35:15,840 --> 00:35:19,276
- Of all the dance halls...
- I invited them, Veronica.
635
00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:21,038
You invited them?
636
00:35:21,080 --> 00:35:25,631
We've come to cheer you on.
Rita has a touch of pre-fight nerves.
637
00:35:25,680 --> 00:35:29,798
Is there general dancing, you know,
for non-competitors?
638
00:35:29,840 --> 00:35:31,751
Afterwards, yes.
639
00:35:32,360 --> 00:35:34,635
- What's your number?
- Eh?
640
00:35:34,680 --> 00:35:36,432
They've all got numbers on.
641
00:35:36,480 --> 00:35:38,596
Oh, no, I'm not a competitor.
642
00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:41,552
Are those the new shoes
I've heard so much about?
643
00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:44,797
- Yeah. So?
- Ooh, very nice.
644
00:35:47,480 --> 00:35:51,109
Look a bit tight, mind.
Or have your feet swelled up?
645
00:35:51,160 --> 00:35:54,516
- If you're all here, where's Stan?
- Stan's with Dad.
646
00:35:54,560 --> 00:35:56,152
Relax, Rita.
647
00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:58,668
I'm like a cat on hot bricks.
648
00:35:58,720 --> 00:36:02,429
Should be light on your feet, then,
eh, Mrs Moon?
649
00:36:05,640 --> 00:36:09,633
Now, ladies and gentlemen,
the moment you've all been waiting for.
650
00:36:09,680 --> 00:36:14,310
The finals of this year's Lightest Feet
Ballroom Dancing Championships.
651
00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:16,191
Good luck.
652
00:36:16,240 --> 00:36:22,429
We have 12 couples who are going to show us
how light they are on their feet.
653
00:36:22,480 --> 00:36:26,519
Which is just as well
because it's a very old dance floor.
654
00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:29,916
But seriously, good luck
to all our competitors
655
00:36:29,960 --> 00:36:35,910
and may we, without further ado, have on the
floor, please, our first four couples for the waltz.
656
00:36:35,960 --> 00:36:38,110
(Applause)
657
00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:42,595
Break a leg, Mrs Moon.
658
00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:44,115
What?
659
00:36:44,160 --> 00:36:45,513
Ssh!
660
00:36:45,560 --> 00:36:49,439
It's what actors say to each other.
I saw it in a film once.
661
00:36:49,480 --> 00:36:51,198
Oh.
662
00:36:53,080 --> 00:36:54,832
(Orchestra starts playing)
663
00:36:54,880 --> 00:36:56,552
Smile.
664
00:36:57,120 --> 00:36:59,953
♪ IRVING BERLIN:
I'll Be Loving You Always
665
00:37:40,280 --> 00:37:41,872
Oh.
666
00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:44,354
Have they given up, then?
667
00:37:44,400 --> 00:37:47,551
- She's hurt.
- They can't win now they've walked off.
668
00:37:47,600 --> 00:37:50,034
I knew she'd have trouble with them feet.
669
00:37:50,080 --> 00:37:51,638
You did say, didn't ya?
670
00:37:53,280 --> 00:37:54,713
Ooh.
671
00:38:01,440 --> 00:38:03,112
Here they come.
672
00:38:03,160 --> 00:38:04,752
She ain't 'alf limping.
673
00:38:05,640 --> 00:38:07,358
Oh, what a shame.
674
00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:09,994
Thank you for saying what you said.
675
00:38:10,040 --> 00:38:12,235
- Well, I didn't mean it.
- Ow!
676
00:38:12,280 --> 00:38:14,032
- Was it the shoes?
- Yes.
677
00:38:14,080 --> 00:38:16,196
- Everyone keep calm.
- I am calm.
678
00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:20,639
I thought you lot was only at football matches.
679
00:38:20,680 --> 00:38:23,274
- No, love. Does it hurt?
- Yes.
680
00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:26,872
I've got a corn plaster in my handbag.
681
00:38:30,840 --> 00:38:33,513
- Where you going?
- See if Frieda wants a hand.
682
00:38:33,560 --> 00:38:36,199
- These stairs.
- Shouldn't run out of salt.
683
00:38:36,240 --> 00:38:40,631
- Is that all the sympathy I get?
- Don't have to do the veg upstairs.
684
00:38:40,680 --> 00:38:44,639
- Frieda's doing the bird, I'm trimmings.
- Why not do 'em together?
685
00:38:44,680 --> 00:38:47,513
- Not the same if I don't do it on my stove.
- Bonkers.
686
00:38:47,560 --> 00:38:50,393
Ask her if she's got some dripping.
687
00:38:50,440 --> 00:38:53,876
- You ask her.
- I've got my hand full with the salt.
688
00:38:53,920 --> 00:38:57,151
- Heavy, is it?
- I need one hand for the banister.
689
00:38:57,200 --> 00:39:00,397
I said you should share... Oh, never mind.
690
00:39:05,040 --> 00:39:07,713
- All right?
- I hope so.
691
00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:11,036
Stanley's looking forward
to his first kosher turkey.
692
00:39:11,080 --> 00:39:13,594
It doesn't taste that different.
693
00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:18,031
I hope he won't be disappointed.
No decorations or tree.
694
00:39:18,080 --> 00:39:21,789
- He knows about Erich and Christmas.
- Did he like his present?
695
00:39:21,840 --> 00:39:26,118
This is sad on its own. I would have
sent you one. Oh, it's from him.
696
00:39:26,160 --> 00:39:29,152
Dinner, New Year's Eve.
You won't be able to go.
697
00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:31,714
- Why not?
- I'm taking you out. The works.
698
00:39:31,760 --> 00:39:33,512
Really? Have you asked me?
699
00:39:33,560 --> 00:39:35,551
- I just told you.
- Told me?
700
00:39:35,600 --> 00:39:39,036
A wonderful invitation.
How do I choose between the two?
701
00:39:39,080 --> 00:39:41,878
- Don't you wanna go out with me?
- I would like to be asked!
702
00:39:41,920 --> 00:39:45,469
Well, go out with Adrian.
Bloody stupid name for a bloke.
703
00:39:45,520 --> 00:39:49,354
I've just come for the dripping.
For the spuds.
704
00:39:49,400 --> 00:39:52,472
- Yes, of course.
- It don't half smell good.
705
00:39:53,400 --> 00:39:55,436
Harvey. Just...
706
00:39:56,080 --> 00:39:58,150
- Is that enough?
- Yeah, fine.
707
00:39:58,200 --> 00:40:01,476
Fat lot you know about cooking.
(Chortles)
708
00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:07,279
Harvey, I'm warning you. I've had enough.
Adrian sells my paintings, nothing more.
709
00:40:07,320 --> 00:40:09,675
His mother probably wanted a girl.
710
00:40:09,720 --> 00:40:12,280
Oh, I didn't hear you come back.
711
00:40:12,320 --> 00:40:15,915
I had a shave. I was
changing into my slippers.
712
00:40:15,960 --> 00:40:21,239
Aw, never mind. Perhaps somebody
will buy you a new pair for Christmas.
713
00:40:21,280 --> 00:40:25,637
I must dash. Gotta get the taters in.
Harvey likes 'em crisp.
714
00:40:29,400 --> 00:40:32,198
- So say it.
- Promise.
715
00:40:36,920 --> 00:40:39,150
Hello. Can I wish you a merry Christmas?
716
00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:42,670
Thank you, Harvey. You may wish it.
For your mother.
717
00:40:42,720 --> 00:40:45,792
Oh, blimey, the kids'll be chuffed pink.
718
00:40:45,840 --> 00:40:49,150
Didn't think you'd have time
with the Christmas rush.
719
00:40:49,200 --> 00:40:53,034
The rush is my last worry.
I may not be open by the new year.
720
00:40:53,080 --> 00:40:54,718
Oh, Erich, cheer up.
721
00:40:54,760 --> 00:40:57,115
You'll ruin the day for everyone else.
722
00:40:57,160 --> 00:41:00,789
I'll pretend I'm not worried
that people are trying to ruin me.
723
00:41:00,840 --> 00:41:02,956
I got the veggies in.
724
00:41:04,040 --> 00:41:07,669
Oh, Erich, that's lovely.
725
00:41:07,720 --> 00:41:11,429
There you are.
You thought you'd forget that, didn't you?
726
00:41:11,480 --> 00:41:13,789
Oh, thank you.
727
00:41:13,840 --> 00:41:16,400
Is this what Frieda's always giving you?
728
00:41:16,440 --> 00:41:18,317
That camel?
729
00:41:19,800 --> 00:41:22,951
Ooh, I love them cra-a-a-a-ackers...
(Rasps)
730
00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:24,831
...crackers. (Coughs)
731
00:41:24,880 --> 00:41:26,791
No wonder they've got humps.
732
00:41:27,400 --> 00:41:29,391
Erich, I have something for you.
733
00:41:29,440 --> 00:41:33,035
- What do I want with a Christmas present?
- No, open it.
734
00:41:33,080 --> 00:41:35,958
Sure you don't need a prescription for this?
735
00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:38,389
- What is this?
- Ooh!
736
00:41:38,880 --> 00:41:41,758
Kitchens and lavvies. Ooh, that's nice.
737
00:41:41,800 --> 00:41:43,438
You gonna have them framed?
738
00:41:43,480 --> 00:41:46,756
No, Mrs Moon, this is evidence.
739
00:41:46,800 --> 00:41:50,554
To show there are plenty of kitchens
like Erich's in Hackney.
740
00:41:50,600 --> 00:41:52,158
Oh, yeah...
741
00:41:52,200 --> 00:41:55,033
That's very sweet of you, Frieda. Thank you.
742
00:41:55,480 --> 00:41:57,710
But the anti-Semites in
the Health Department...
743
00:41:57,760 --> 00:42:01,594
Erich, it's nothing to do with being Jewish.
It's just hard luck.
744
00:42:01,640 --> 00:42:04,950
- What, being Jewish?
- No, that they picked your shop.
745
00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:10,358
My mate on the committee,
he's written down here what you gotta do.
746
00:42:10,400 --> 00:42:12,960
As long as you go through the motions.
747
00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:17,630
- That's wonderful, Erich.
- Thank you, Harvey. I don't know what to say.
748
00:42:17,680 --> 00:42:22,515
- Don't say anything. We're mates.
- That's what we call a Christmas spirit.
749
00:42:22,560 --> 00:42:25,154
Keep your morals up. Have a camel.
750
00:42:25,200 --> 00:42:26,713
Kimmel.
751
00:42:26,760 --> 00:42:27,875
BOTH: Kümmel.
752
00:42:27,920 --> 00:42:30,480
No, I'll... I'll have what I had before.
753
00:42:34,360 --> 00:42:35,509
Here y'are.
754
00:42:35,560 --> 00:42:37,516
Oh, thanks, love.
755
00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:40,156
Ooh.
756
00:42:41,760 --> 00:42:43,512
I wish you was in plaster.
757
00:42:43,560 --> 00:42:46,950
- Why?
- I could write "Merry Christmas" on your ankle.
758
00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:48,399
Well, it ain't.
759
00:42:48,440 --> 00:42:50,112
- Does it hurt?
- Nah.
760
00:42:50,160 --> 00:42:52,116
Can you move it?
761
00:42:54,360 --> 00:42:56,351
Mum, can I open some presents?
762
00:42:56,400 --> 00:42:58,914
Wait till you get round your nan's.
763
00:42:58,960 --> 00:43:02,714
- Well, you did open your present from me.
- No, you opened it.
764
00:43:02,760 --> 00:43:07,880
- It's nice, though, innit?
- Yeah, it's lovely. Keeping my neck warm.
765
00:43:07,920 --> 00:43:10,559
Oh, all right, as I won't be round your nan's.
766
00:43:10,600 --> 00:43:14,036
- Weren't you invited?
- Yeah, but Leo invited me first.
767
00:43:14,080 --> 00:43:16,674
You can open my present to you.
768
00:43:16,720 --> 00:43:18,711
Oh, thanks, Mum.
769
00:43:18,760 --> 00:43:20,637
It's a bit small.
770
00:43:20,680 --> 00:43:23,638
Good things come in small packages.
(Knock on door)
771
00:43:23,680 --> 00:43:25,193
Hang on.
772
00:43:25,240 --> 00:43:29,233
- (Knock more persistent)
- Mags, would you answer that?
773
00:43:31,080 --> 00:43:33,389
(Gasps) Oh, it's a Biro!
774
00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:36,309
None of the other kids
have got this in my class.
775
00:43:38,400 --> 00:43:41,153
Mum, it's a telegram. Open it.
776
00:43:41,200 --> 00:43:42,679
Oh...
777
00:43:42,720 --> 00:43:45,632
- Give us it 'ere.
- It's addressed to me.
778
00:43:49,320 --> 00:43:52,118
- It's from Tom. He's in Cairo.
- That ain't India.
779
00:43:52,160 --> 00:43:53,479
Ssh!
780
00:43:53,520 --> 00:43:56,796
"Had to go home to sort out family problems.
Stop.
781
00:43:56,840 --> 00:43:59,798
Sorry but was unable to contact you. Stop.
782
00:43:59,840 --> 00:44:03,628
- Got first boat out. Stop..."
- What's he keep stopping for?
783
00:44:03,680 --> 00:44:09,152
"I hope we may meet again one day. Stop.
Merry Christmas. Stop. Love, Tom. Stop."
784
00:44:09,200 --> 00:44:13,591
Oh, there you are, love.
He didn't pack you in.
785
00:44:13,640 --> 00:44:17,633
You may never see him again
but he didn't pack you in.
786
00:44:18,640 --> 00:44:21,552
- Be careful now.
- They're really heavy.
787
00:44:21,600 --> 00:44:23,591
(All talk at once)
788
00:44:23,640 --> 00:44:25,915
This is all Nan's fault, going upstairs.
789
00:44:26,400 --> 00:44:29,073
I really hate Brussels sprouts.
790
00:44:29,120 --> 00:44:30,712
You don't have to eat 'em!
791
00:44:30,760 --> 00:44:32,671
- Glass of beer, Harvey?
- Why not?
792
00:44:32,720 --> 00:44:36,030
- Erich?
- No, I'll stick with the Kümmel.
793
00:44:36,080 --> 00:44:40,198
- Who's gonna make the gravy?
- I'll do it. I'm famished.
794
00:44:40,240 --> 00:44:42,470
(Phone rings)
795
00:44:43,400 --> 00:44:45,311
Hello. Merry Christmas.
796
00:44:45,360 --> 00:44:48,432
Who? Yeah, hang on, I'll get him for ya.
797
00:44:48,480 --> 00:44:52,189
- Harvey, would you carve the turkey?
- There's a phone call for ya.
798
00:44:52,240 --> 00:44:54,037
Erich should. It's his house.
799
00:44:54,080 --> 00:44:57,789
- I'm not very good with poultry.
- I don't mind carving it.
800
00:44:57,840 --> 00:45:00,877
- If somebody will hold it still.
- (Laughter)
801
00:45:04,080 --> 00:45:04,990
Hello?
802
00:45:06,880 --> 00:45:11,476
I just wanted to wish you... Merry Christmas,
Councillor Moon.
803
00:45:11,520 --> 00:45:14,080
Who is that? Baldock?
804
00:45:14,120 --> 00:45:15,997
Yeah, that's right.
805
00:45:16,040 --> 00:45:18,315
You got a bleedin' cheek!
806
00:45:19,400 --> 00:45:23,234
- I just wanted to say how sorry I am.
- I should think so after last night.
807
00:45:25,720 --> 00:45:28,075
- I told the wife.
- Eh?
808
00:45:29,520 --> 00:45:31,670
They found out you'd been round.
809
00:45:32,240 --> 00:45:35,869
They said unless I repeated the accusation,
they'd tell Mildred.
810
00:45:36,960 --> 00:45:38,951
Then they told her anyway.
811
00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:44,677
Oh, no. Reg, look, I'm sorry. I know I said
I'd tell her but I-I-I wouldn't have done.
812
00:45:44,720 --> 00:45:46,870
You drove me to it.
813
00:45:48,320 --> 00:45:50,197
- Is she there?
- Nah.
814
00:45:51,680 --> 00:45:54,353
She's gone. Taken the children.
815
00:45:54,400 --> 00:45:57,233
(Sighs) I told you to stand up to 'em.
816
00:45:57,280 --> 00:45:59,635
I know. (Sighs)
817
00:45:59,680 --> 00:46:04,708
Well, I just wanted to say I was sorry
and wish you a happy New Year.
818
00:46:04,760 --> 00:46:05,988
You all right?
819
00:46:07,360 --> 00:46:09,430
Nah. But it doesn't matter.
820
00:46:12,160 --> 00:46:14,151
What I did was stupid.
821
00:46:18,280 --> 00:46:21,477
Getting mixed up with Linda Rice was stupid.
822
00:46:24,720 --> 00:46:26,472
Last night...
823
00:46:28,120 --> 00:46:30,236
...I was really stupid.
824
00:46:33,880 --> 00:46:35,791
Now I'm gonna be sensible.
825
00:46:37,880 --> 00:46:39,472
Hello?
826
00:46:40,480 --> 00:46:41,879
Reg?
827
00:46:43,000 --> 00:46:45,798
♪ You'll find them all
828
00:46:45,840 --> 00:46:48,957
♪ Doing the Lambeth walk, oi!
829
00:46:49,000 --> 00:46:51,673
♪ Everything's free and easy
830
00:46:51,720 --> 00:46:54,393
♪ Do as you darn well pleasey
831
00:46:54,640 --> 00:46:57,234
♪ Why don't you make your way there?
832
00:46:57,280 --> 00:47:00,158
♪ Go there, stay there
833
00:47:00,200 --> 00:47:03,033
♪ Every little Lambeth gal
834
00:47:03,080 --> 00:47:05,992
♪ With a little Lambeth pal
835
00:47:06,040 --> 00:47:08,315
♪ You'll find them all
836
00:47:08,360 --> 00:47:11,318
♪ Doing the Lambeth walk, oi!
837
00:47:11,360 --> 00:47:12,679
(Knock on door)
838
00:47:12,720 --> 00:47:14,790
(Hissing)
839
00:47:47,920 --> 00:47:49,911
(Gasps)
840
00:47:51,680 --> 00:47:54,399
I just pulled one turkey out of the oven.
841
00:47:54,440 --> 00:47:56,635
I could have done without this.
842
00:48:15,440 --> 00:48:17,431
(Coughs)
843
00:48:20,600 --> 00:48:22,272
Hello.
844
00:48:22,320 --> 00:48:24,788
Yeah. I want an ambulance.
845
00:48:26,000 --> 00:48:30,198
There's a geezer dozed off...
with his head in the oven.
846
00:48:31,400 --> 00:48:35,598
27 Rossiter Road.
847
00:48:35,640 --> 00:48:38,279
Yeah. He's still breathing.
848
00:48:38,880 --> 00:48:40,279
Eh?
849
00:48:40,320 --> 00:48:42,629
Yeah. Course I'll wait.
850
00:48:59,720 --> 00:49:02,280
Hackney Gazette?
851
00:49:02,320 --> 00:49:04,117
Right.
852
00:49:05,080 --> 00:49:07,958
You're halfway through your Christmas dinner?
853
00:49:08,000 --> 00:49:10,389
You're halfway further than I got.
854
00:49:10,440 --> 00:49:14,991
Look, I got something for you.
What you lads call a scoop.
855
00:49:15,880 --> 00:49:17,279
Yeah?
856
00:49:17,320 --> 00:49:21,279
Look, make your way to the home
of Reginald Baldock
857
00:49:21,320 --> 00:49:26,348
and he'll have a very interesting statement
to make. Yeah.
858
00:49:31,400 --> 00:49:33,152
Reggie!
859
00:49:35,000 --> 00:49:39,000
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll