1 00:00:00,067 --> 00:00:03,369 You can't assume too much about anything from the outside. 2 00:00:03,501 --> 00:00:06,090 Like a house... you have to get inside and explore. 3 00:00:06,538 --> 00:00:08,352 You never know what you might find. 4 00:00:08,688 --> 00:00:09,743 Hey, mom, I think that this might be 5 00:00:10,006 --> 00:00:11,359 one of our more successful showings ever. 6 00:00:11,662 --> 00:00:14,337 I found ham and that mustard that I love so much. 7 00:00:17,059 --> 00:00:18,534 And as usual, I'm doing all the work. 8 00:00:19,957 --> 00:00:21,285 You know, I should have just left you in the car 9 00:00:21,541 --> 00:00:23,309 with some water and cracked a window. 10 00:00:23,789 --> 00:00:25,190 Well, I'm starving, okay? 11 00:00:25,509 --> 00:00:27,853 We have been here all day. We've been here 20 minutes! 12 00:00:28,301 --> 00:00:30,957 I am just trying to build a business 13 00:00:31,860 --> 00:00:32,741 that we can be proud of. 14 00:00:33,277 --> 00:00:35,776 But you know, I'm not angry. I... I'm just disappointed. 15 00:00:36,357 --> 00:00:38,285 Okay. I am not 5 years old. 16 00:00:38,789 --> 00:00:40,110 Do you really think that that's gonna work? 17 00:00:42,253 --> 00:00:43,831 Because it's... it's not gonna work. 18 00:00:45,688 --> 00:00:48,058 Okay, fine. I'll try harder. God! 19 00:00:48,537 --> 00:00:49,594 You got mustard on your face. 20 00:00:51,193 --> 00:00:52,090 Go away from me! 21 00:00:55,609 --> 00:00:56,113 Okay. 22 00:00:58,697 --> 00:01:00,705 Hello. Welcome. I'm Samantha. 23 00:01:01,433 --> 00:01:03,035 Would you please sign in? Lindsey. 24 00:01:04,666 --> 00:01:05,282 We really like the house. 25 00:01:05,657 --> 00:01:07,449 Oh, good, good. Let's see what we have here. 26 00:01:08,027 --> 00:01:10,521 It's nice. It's, uh, very much like one we're interested 27 00:01:10,786 --> 00:01:13,827 over in Elk Ridge. Elk Ridge? 28 00:01:14,260 --> 00:01:15,364 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 29 00:01:15,660 --> 00:01:18,300 You do not want to live in Elk Ridge. Why? What's wrong with Elk Ridge? 30 00:01:18,620 --> 00:01:19,780 What isn't wrong with Elk Ridge? 31 00:01:21,413 --> 00:01:23,356 Look, Lindsey, you seem a lot like me, 32 00:01:23,724 --> 00:01:27,548 and Walnut Valley is really the place for people like us. 33 00:01:28,173 --> 00:01:28,853 People like us? 34 00:01:29,189 --> 00:01:31,612 You mean because Elk Ridge is a black neighborhood? 35 00:01:31,940 --> 00:01:33,164 What? Wait. It is? 36 00:01:33,573 --> 00:01:34,969 As if you didn't know. No. I... 37 00:01:35,289 --> 00:01:36,988 people like you make me sick. No, I don't! 38 00:01:37,429 --> 00:01:38,700 What did... what did I do? 39 00:01:39,069 --> 00:01:40,889 Roger? I don't understand what you're... 40 00:01:41,217 --> 00:01:42,234 This is my husband. 41 00:01:43,361 --> 00:01:46,579 Oh. Hi. Hello. Look, I... I really... 42 00:01:46,963 --> 00:01:48,643 I didn't know about Elk Ridge. I've never even been there. 43 00:01:49,043 --> 00:01:50,547 Okay? Not that I wouldn't go there. It's just that... 44 00:01:50,890 --> 00:01:53,234 Look, I'm just trying to sell you a house, okay? 45 00:01:53,682 --> 00:01:58,307 I mean, I love black... african... american... 46 00:01:59,114 --> 00:02:00,187 black people. 47 00:02:01,747 --> 00:02:04,042 You want a ham sandwich? Wait a minute. 48 00:02:04,419 --> 00:02:06,354 Ham... that's not offensive, is it? Right? Mom! 49 00:02:07,218 --> 00:02:08,218 I don't even want to be doing this! 50 00:02:17,067 --> 00:02:19,333 They called me a racist. 51 00:02:19,334 --> 00:02:22,532 I am not racist. I voted Obama, you know? 52 00:02:22,533 --> 00:02:26,633 I... I watch "Oprah." My life is full of black people. 53 00:02:26,634 --> 00:02:28,833 Mrs. Butterworth... she's technically black. 54 00:02:28,834 --> 00:02:31,100 Do you actually know any black people? 55 00:02:31,101 --> 00:02:34,333 I feel like I know Oprah. 56 00:02:34,334 --> 00:02:37,399 So what? What, if I don't know any black people, 57 00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:39,432 then I'm automatically a racist? 58 00:02:39,433 --> 00:02:42,833 It's not like you have any black friends, right? Uh, five. No, four now. 59 00:02:42,834 --> 00:02:44,866 Shondra and I had a falling out 60 00:02:44,867 --> 00:02:47,367 when I didn't invite her to my kwanzaa party, but... 61 00:02:47,368 --> 00:02:50,666 don't look at me. I'm dating Tony Dane... black and gay. 62 00:02:50,667 --> 00:02:52,566 Two birds. Wait a minute. 63 00:02:52,567 --> 00:02:55,499 Before the accident, did I do anything that was racist? 64 00:02:55,500 --> 00:02:58,300 No. A black guy, a white guy and two asians 65 00:02:58,301 --> 00:03:00,866 were in the mailroom one day. Okay. 66 00:03:00,867 --> 00:03:03,133 You fired them all. 67 00:03:03,134 --> 00:03:06,866 Oh. I'm sorry. I thought you were telling me a joke. 68 00:03:06,867 --> 00:03:09,532 Ooh! Andrea, your boyfriend's on tv! 69 00:03:09,533 --> 00:03:12,200 Oh! Oh, turn it up, turn it up. Maybe he'll mention me. 70 00:03:12,201 --> 00:03:15,033 Well, it looks like pro basketballer tony dane 71 00:03:15,034 --> 00:03:17,833 is giving new meaning to the term "swish. " 72 00:03:17,834 --> 00:03:19,933 Caught here by paparazzi, the great dane 73 00:03:19,934 --> 00:03:22,367 is making a full-court press 74 00:03:22,368 --> 00:03:25,033 on an unidentified male companion. 75 00:03:25,034 --> 00:03:28,432 Representatives for dane could not be reached for comment, 76 00:03:28,433 --> 00:03:31,100 but an unnamed source within the organization 77 00:03:31,101 --> 00:03:34,466 did confirm that thatho was taken last night. Oh, my God. It's all over... 78 00:03:34,467 --> 00:03:38,200 the private jets, the parties, the club openings. 79 00:03:38,201 --> 00:03:40,200 Oh, sweetie, it's gonna be okay. 80 00:03:40,201 --> 00:03:43,933 I... I'm sure you'll find another gay guy to pretend to love you. 81 00:03:43,934 --> 00:03:46,133 Not like this one. 82 00:03:46,134 --> 00:03:47,699 Hey. 83 00:03:47,700 --> 00:03:49,033 Ms. Newly. 84 00:03:49,034 --> 00:03:51,333 Frank. 85 00:03:51,334 --> 00:03:53,432 Frank! You're black! 86 00:03:53,433 --> 00:03:56,432 Shh! Keep it quiet. I'm trying to get off for passover. 87 00:03:56,433 --> 00:04:00,033 No! No, I thought I didn't have any black friends, 88 00:04:00,034 --> 00:04:03,033 but you're black, and we're friends. 89 00:04:03,034 --> 00:04:04,933 No, ma'am. 90 00:04:04,934 --> 00:04:07,633 No? 'Cause you... you seem kind of black. 91 00:04:07,634 --> 00:04:09,466 I mean we are not friends. 92 00:04:09,467 --> 00:04:12,432 Of course we are. W... we see each other every day. 93 00:04:12,433 --> 00:04:14,432 We talk. We're friends. 94 00:04:14,433 --> 00:04:18,200 What's my last name? 95 00:04:18,201 --> 00:04:20,566 It's, um... 96 00:04:20,567 --> 00:04:23,333 Where am I from? What's my wife's name? 97 00:04:23,334 --> 00:04:25,532 What's my son's name? 98 00:04:25,533 --> 00:04:28,200 Marcello. Close. I don't have a son. 99 00:04:28,201 --> 00:04:32,699 Fine. I'm not sure what it is you're doing, Miss Newly, but don't. 100 00:04:32,700 --> 00:04:36,000 Friendships grow through time and shared experiences. 101 00:04:36,001 --> 00:04:38,166 You carry my groceries. 102 00:04:38,167 --> 00:04:40,100 You sign for my packages. 103 00:04:40,101 --> 00:04:43,300 I mean, if those aren't shared experiences, then I... good night, Ms. Newly. 104 00:04:43,301 --> 00:04:45,966 Samantha. Ms. Newly. 105 00:04:45,967 --> 00:04:48,599 Frank, seriously, you don't think we're friends? 106 00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:51,367 Because that's just not okay with me. 107 00:04:51,368 --> 00:04:52,966 You know what? 108 00:04:52,967 --> 00:04:57,599 I'm not gonna stop until you and I are true-blue, 109 00:04:57,600 --> 00:04:59,633 pick-me-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night, 110 00:04:59,634 --> 00:05:01,833 drive-me-to-the-airport, 111 00:05:01,834 --> 00:05:04,866 hold-my-hair-back-when-I-puke kind of friends. 112 00:05:04,867 --> 00:05:07,432 But I've already done all those things for you. 113 00:05:07,433 --> 00:05:10,900 Not as friends. 114 00:05:12,833 --> 00:05:13,932 Hey. 115 00:05:13,933 --> 00:05:16,300 Oh, hey. Look at that on your lip. 116 00:05:16,301 --> 00:05:19,400 That's, uh, it's, uh... oh, shoot, what is that called? 117 00:05:19,401 --> 00:05:22,266 It's, um, it's like a mustache but not one. 118 00:05:22,267 --> 00:05:25,500 Joke all you want, but you don't have a say in it. 119 00:05:25,501 --> 00:05:32,899 You're not my girlfriend. And apparently, you don't plan on having one. 120 00:05:32,900 --> 00:05:35,133 Hi, frank. Wassup? 121 00:05:35,134 --> 00:05:38,667 Hey, todd, it's my friend Frank. 122 00:05:38,668 --> 00:05:41,400 Is there any reason why you wouldn't come down 123 00:05:41,401 --> 00:05:43,966 and sign for this? Because all the fun is up here. 124 00:05:43,967 --> 00:05:46,133 Come on. Join us. We've got food, 125 00:05:46,134 --> 00:05:49,099 and we have fun. We got Frank. It's "F" day. 126 00:05:49,100 --> 00:05:52,999 I can think of many other words that begin with "F," 127 00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:55,700 but i'd get fired. "Fired"... there's another "F." 128 00:05:55,701 --> 00:05:57,400 Sam? Yeah? 129 00:05:57,401 --> 00:06:00,667 You didn't order my black bean sauce again. I'm sorry. 130 00:06:00,668 --> 00:06:02,667 You always make sure your order's right, 131 00:06:02,668 --> 00:06:05,133 but you never think of me. I always think of you. 132 00:06:05,134 --> 00:06:08,799 Mm. I just think of myself first. Some people find that adorable. 133 00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:11,366 Well, Frank doesn't. He'll come around. 134 00:06:11,367 --> 00:06:13,999 He won't come around. He doesn't want to be your friend. Yeah, well, you know what? 135 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:16,700 He also didn't want to drag out our dead Christmas tree, 136 00:06:16,701 --> 00:06:19,832 but he did that. I'll wear him down. Why is this your project? 137 00:06:19,833 --> 00:06:21,832 Because for the last two years, 138 00:06:21,833 --> 00:06:23,832 I have been walking past that man, 139 00:06:23,833 --> 00:06:26,300 and I know nothing about him. What does that say about me? 140 00:06:26,301 --> 00:06:28,633 Exactly. About you. 141 00:06:28,634 --> 00:06:31,033 You want more friends? 142 00:06:31,034 --> 00:06:34,400 Maybe think of their needs, what they want. You know what? You're right. 143 00:06:34,401 --> 00:06:36,767 And what Frank wants is to be left alone. 144 00:06:36,768 --> 00:06:43,533 I'm gonna bake him a pie. 145 00:06:53,434 --> 00:06:57,199 Oh, hi. Can you please hold this for a second, please? Give me the purse. 146 00:06:57,200 --> 00:07:00,899 No, I've got the purse fine. Just... can you hold the pie? Give me the purse. Hurry up. 147 00:07:00,900 --> 00:07:02,767 What? Oh, no. Come on. No. 148 00:07:02,768 --> 00:07:05,333 I can't have you do this right now. Oh, when would be a good time for you? 149 00:07:05,334 --> 00:07:07,500 No, you don't understand what I'm going through, 150 00:07:07,501 --> 00:07:10,333 and I really... I cannot have you reinforcing 151 00:07:10,334 --> 00:07:12,433 a racial stereotype, okay? I'm really sorry. 152 00:07:12,434 --> 00:07:14,700 You know, if you can't look past the color of my skin 153 00:07:14,701 --> 00:07:16,700 and see me as a man stealing your purse, 154 00:07:16,701 --> 00:07:19,266 I feel sorry for you. How about this... give me your address, 155 00:07:19,267 --> 00:07:23,366 and then i'll send you something later? Okay, uh, it's 4-2-2... give me the damn purse! 156 00:07:23,367 --> 00:07:25,366 What? No! I just got the... but I... 157 00:07:25,367 --> 00:07:28,700 there's a card in there for Fra... for Frank. 158 00:07:28,701 --> 00:07:30,767 Hello, Andrea. 159 00:07:30,768 --> 00:07:32,633 Hello, Gin. 160 00:07:32,634 --> 00:07:35,099 Andrea, it's me. Heard about Tony. 161 00:07:35,100 --> 00:07:37,133 You passed on a relationship with me 162 00:07:37,134 --> 00:07:38,999 to be with a gay guy. 163 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:41,966 Believe me, that's the least of the reasons I passed on you. 164 00:07:41,967 --> 00:07:44,966 Wow, it must be rough knowing you turned a guy gay. 165 00:07:44,967 --> 00:07:47,966 I didn't turn anyone gay. Hey, I'm not judging, okay? 166 00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:51,700 In fact, I'm willing to let you try it out on me. Tony was already gay. 167 00:07:51,701 --> 00:07:54,199 He asked me to pretend to be his girlfriend. 168 00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:57,700 Okay, so what was in it for you? What do you think? 169 00:07:57,701 --> 00:08:00,166 The limos, the parties, 170 00:08:00,167 --> 00:08:02,533 photographs in "US weekly." 171 00:08:02,534 --> 00:08:05,199 I was so airbrushed and pretty... 172 00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:07,033 and happy. 173 00:08:07,034 --> 00:08:08,700 And now it's all gone. 174 00:08:08,701 --> 00:08:10,667 I'm meeting with his people tomorrow 175 00:08:10,668 --> 00:08:12,667 so they can give me the big kiss-off. 176 00:08:12,668 --> 00:08:15,166 I think I'm gonna miss the airbrushing the most. 177 00:08:15,167 --> 00:08:17,333 Man, you are so afraid to be with someone. 178 00:08:17,334 --> 00:08:19,866 What are you talkin' about... afraid? 179 00:08:19,867 --> 00:08:23,099 Of being seen by someone who sees what you need 180 00:08:23,100 --> 00:08:25,033 and can really give it to you... 181 00:08:25,034 --> 00:08:27,366 to take you in his arms 182 00:08:27,367 --> 00:08:48,733 and really, truly love you. 183 00:08:48,734 --> 00:08:51,866 You want your olive back? 184 00:08:51,867 --> 00:08:53,932 Frank, you didn't have to call the police. 185 00:08:53,933 --> 00:08:55,866 I only told you that I got mugged 186 00:08:55,867 --> 00:08:58,199 because I needed a ride home. I want this guy caught. 187 00:08:58,200 --> 00:09:00,600 My family lives in this neighborhood. 188 00:09:00,601 --> 00:09:02,600 You do not live in this neighborhood. 189 00:09:02,601 --> 00:09:06,199 What are you doing in this neighborhood? You're welcome for the lovely pie, Frank. 190 00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:09,199 What a nice friend. I did not ask you for pie. 191 00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:12,533 I did not ask you for balloons. I did not ask to be your friend. 192 00:09:12,534 --> 00:09:15,033 You're talking like a Dr. Seuss character. 193 00:09:15,034 --> 00:09:19,033 Just a little bit. Look, why don't we both just admit what this is all about? 194 00:09:19,034 --> 00:09:21,533 What? You're only pursuing this so you can ease your guilt 195 00:09:21,534 --> 00:09:24,300 about not having a black friend. No, that is not true! 196 00:09:24,301 --> 00:09:27,300 I just want to be your friend, frank. Period. 197 00:09:27,301 --> 00:09:29,166 It's not about color. 198 00:09:29,167 --> 00:09:31,966 That is everybody else's hang-up. I have no guilt. 199 00:09:31,967 --> 00:09:35,366 Okay? Thank you for coming, officers. 200 00:09:35,367 --> 00:09:38,099 This here is Ms. Newly, the victim. Yeah. 201 00:09:38,100 --> 00:09:41,600 Hello, ma'am. Hi. Can you tell us what your attacker looked like? 202 00:09:41,601 --> 00:09:49,066 Yeah. He... he, um... 203 00:09:49,067 --> 00:09:51,566 white guy. 204 00:09:51,567 --> 00:09:53,700 Very white. 205 00:09:53,701 --> 00:09:57,832 Blindingly so. Yeah. 206 00:10:01,465 --> 00:10:01,465 Morning, Frank. 207 00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:05,966 Uh, could you... could you call me a cab to my mom's house? 208 00:10:05,967 --> 00:10:10,166 I'm sorry. Todd is still picking up my car at your house. 209 00:10:10,167 --> 00:10:12,200 And he's just taking forever. 210 00:10:12,201 --> 00:10:14,200 He thinks it's really funny 211 00:10:14,201 --> 00:10:17,499 to change all my radio stations to gospel. 212 00:10:20,634 --> 00:10:22,599 Sorry. 213 00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:26,166 Thank you for the pie. 214 00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:28,100 Oh. You're welcome. 215 00:10:28,101 --> 00:10:29,866 Was it good? 216 00:10:29,867 --> 00:10:32,866 The important thing is you were reaching out, 217 00:10:32,867 --> 00:10:34,666 and I'm sorry. 218 00:10:34,667 --> 00:10:36,833 I've become accustomed to shutting people out. 219 00:10:36,834 --> 00:10:39,566 To your offer of kindness, 220 00:10:39,567 --> 00:10:42,000 then you wouldn't have needed to go to my home, 221 00:10:42,001 --> 00:10:44,333 and you wouldn't have been attacked. 222 00:10:44,334 --> 00:10:46,432 Did you try the pie? 223 00:10:46,433 --> 00:10:49,000 The important thing is... 224 00:10:49,634 --> 00:10:51,432 if you still want to be friends, 225 00:10:51,433 --> 00:10:54,300 I suppose that would be okay, Ms. Newly. 226 00:10:54,301 --> 00:10:57,367 That would be okay... 227 00:10:57,368 --> 00:10:59,100 what? 228 00:10:59,101 --> 00:11:01,100 Samantha. 229 00:11:01,101 --> 00:11:03,699 Yay! Oh! No, no. Get off of me. No. Come on. 230 00:11:03,700 --> 00:11:05,499 Oh, yes. I'm gonna grab... 231 00:11:05,500 --> 00:11:10,133 So... Mr. Tony Dane couldn't be bothered to show up, huh? 232 00:11:10,134 --> 00:11:12,766 Fine. Let's do this. 233 00:11:12,767 --> 00:11:15,133 First, I get to keep all the gifts. 234 00:11:15,134 --> 00:11:17,333 Second, I still want to go to the Grammys. 235 00:11:17,334 --> 00:11:20,699 I was looking forward to that. And I don't care how 236 00:11:20,700 --> 00:11:22,966 you arrange it, but I want to meet Tiger Woods, 237 00:11:22,967 --> 00:11:25,966 James Gandolfini and captain Jack Sparrow. Are you finished? 238 00:11:25,967 --> 00:11:28,466 And I want to carry the olympic torch. Okay, now. 239 00:11:28,467 --> 00:11:30,432 Here's our counteroffer. 240 00:11:30,433 --> 00:11:33,100 Andrea Belladonna, 241 00:11:33,101 --> 00:11:41,532 will you marry Tony Dane? 242 00:11:41,533 --> 00:11:44,666 Hey. Hey! Where's your hideous red coat? 243 00:11:44,667 --> 00:11:47,333 If i have to wear the hideous red coat, so do you. 244 00:11:47,334 --> 00:11:50,466 The showing has been cancelled. The sellers fired us. What? Why? 245 00:11:50,467 --> 00:11:53,233 Remember the potential buyers... that couple you insulted? 246 00:11:53,234 --> 00:11:55,233 Well, they apparently own the hottest 247 00:11:55,234 --> 00:11:57,233 new steak house in town, and they're telling 248 00:11:57,234 --> 00:12:00,000 all their customers that we're a racist company. What? 249 00:12:00,001 --> 00:12:01,532 Oh, and two other clients have fired us. 250 00:12:01,533 --> 00:12:03,900 Okay, well, you know what? You can't blame that on me, 251 00:12:03,901 --> 00:12:07,766 'cause there could be a million reasons why they fired us. 252 00:12:07,767 --> 00:12:13,166 First of all, you know, we're not very good. You are going to convince that couple you are not a racist... 253 00:12:13,167 --> 00:12:15,200 unless, I don't know, maybe you really are. 254 00:12:15,201 --> 00:12:17,566 No. I mean, when you were a baby, 255 00:12:17,567 --> 00:12:20,066 you cried all the way through "the Jeffersons." Mom! 256 00:12:20,067 --> 00:12:23,432 And you don't have any black friends. Uh, yes, I do. 257 00:12:23,433 --> 00:12:28,000 I have Frank. If they could see that, then... 258 00:12:28,001 --> 00:12:30,100 This is a real nice steak house. Mm-hmm 259 00:12:30,101 --> 00:12:33,432 Thank you for inviting me. Yeah. Yeah, sure. You know, when you do real estate, 260 00:12:33,433 --> 00:12:35,267 you don't just know about houses. 261 00:12:35,268 --> 00:12:37,300 You know about steak houses, you know? 262 00:12:37,301 --> 00:12:40,766 Oh, excuse me, miss. Um, hi. Can I please talk to the owners? 263 00:12:40,767 --> 00:12:44,166 I, um, I don't like my steak, so... I'm sorry. I can get you another one. 264 00:12:44,167 --> 00:12:48,033 No. I'll eat it. I just need to... just need to tell someone. Okay, I'll get the chef. 265 00:12:48,034 --> 00:12:51,066 Oh, no. No, no, no. 266 00:12:51,067 --> 00:12:53,866 I need to talk to the owners. Okay, I'll see what I can do. 267 00:12:53,867 --> 00:12:55,666 No. Skirt. 268 00:12:55,667 --> 00:12:57,666 All right, thanks. 269 00:12:57,667 --> 00:13:00,200 This is fun, huh? It is. 270 00:13:00,201 --> 00:13:02,866 I'll admit as a rule I try to avoid being 271 00:13:02,867 --> 00:13:05,699 someone's first black friend. They try too hard. 272 00:13:05,700 --> 00:13:07,766 They start talking about Halle Berry, 273 00:13:07,767 --> 00:13:10,799 how they voted for Obama, how much they love Oprah. 274 00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:13,333 Yeah. Where are those owners? 275 00:13:13,334 --> 00:13:16,799 Hello. I understand someone wanted to speak with the o... 276 00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:18,566 You. 277 00:13:18,567 --> 00:13:20,367 You own this place? 278 00:13:20,368 --> 00:13:23,233 I didn't know that. I love it. I love it. 279 00:13:23,234 --> 00:13:26,633 So does my friend Frank here. This is Frank. 280 00:13:26,634 --> 00:13:29,233 Ah. Your friend Frank. Yeah. 281 00:13:29,234 --> 00:13:32,900 Yeah. So now I guess we can just stop all that jibber-jabbering 282 00:13:32,901 --> 00:13:36,466 about who my friends are. Oh, right, because you thought showing up 283 00:13:36,467 --> 00:13:38,966 with a black friend would stop us from reporting 284 00:13:38,967 --> 00:13:41,333 your racist company to the real estate board? 285 00:13:41,334 --> 00:13:42,833 Pardon me? 286 00:13:42,834 --> 00:13:44,100 Whoa, whoa. Hey. 287 00:13:44,101 --> 00:13:46,566 Just because Frank here might be black... 288 00:13:46,567 --> 00:13:49,432 I mean, is he? I don't know. Are you black? 289 00:13:49,433 --> 00:13:51,933 'Cause I don't even see color at all... 290 00:13:51,934 --> 00:13:54,733 does not mean that he is not my actual friend. 291 00:13:54,734 --> 00:13:56,300 Okay? 292 00:13:56,301 --> 00:13:58,766 Please, Frank, tell her. 293 00:13:58,767 --> 00:14:01,300 Yes, ma'am! 294 00:14:01,301 --> 00:14:04,399 Why, Miss Samantha here... she been real good to me. 295 00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:07,666 See what I'm talk... what? Oh, yes, yes! 296 00:14:07,667 --> 00:14:09,666 You see, lots of people, 297 00:14:09,667 --> 00:14:12,367 they don't take they doorman out for no fancy meal. 298 00:14:12,368 --> 00:14:15,933 But miss Samantha here... she don't mind eatin' with the help! 299 00:14:15,934 --> 00:14:18,866 He's your doorman? No! 300 00:14:18,867 --> 00:14:22,367 He... he's not just my doorman. 301 00:14:22,368 --> 00:14:24,367 Oh, no! No, ma'am! 302 00:14:24,368 --> 00:14:26,933 Why, I also carry her thangs to and fro. 303 00:14:26,934 --> 00:14:31,766 Why, she a real nice lady. 304 00:14:31,767 --> 00:14:37,300 You should be ashamed of yourself. 305 00:14:37,301 --> 00:14:41,399 First of all, dinner's on me. 306 00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:43,666 I... Frank, come on. 307 00:14:43,667 --> 00:14:45,666 Frank, please come back! 308 00:14:45,667 --> 00:14:49,183 Look, we... we've preordered the soufflé! 309 00:14:49,218 --> 00:14:52,699 So now Frank thinks that I was using him 310 00:14:52,700 --> 00:14:55,333 just to prove that I had... a black friend. Which you were. 311 00:14:55,334 --> 00:14:57,733 No, I was not! 312 00:14:57,734 --> 00:15:01,333 I only used him after we had already become friends, okay? 313 00:15:01,334 --> 00:15:03,766 And then, yes, I behaved very badly. 314 00:15:03,767 --> 00:15:06,733 You know, I don't think he's a good influence on me. 315 00:15:06,734 --> 00:15:09,599 I might have to cut him out of my life. So that's it? 316 00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:12,466 You're not gonna even try to be friends with him? What am I supposed to do? 317 00:15:12,467 --> 00:15:15,300 Quitter. He doesn't want it. 318 00:15:15,301 --> 00:15:17,966 He hasn't even filed a restraining order yet. 319 00:15:17,967 --> 00:15:20,133 I mean, I waited 20 years to be your friend. 320 00:15:20,134 --> 00:15:22,699 You put up a fight, but look where we are w. 321 00:15:22,700 --> 00:15:25,367 Yep, here we are. 322 00:15:25,368 --> 00:15:27,866 I mean, you'd be amazed at the beautiful friendships 323 00:15:27,867 --> 00:15:30,566 you can force on people. Wow. 324 00:15:30,567 --> 00:15:33,833 Hi! So what are you two losers doing in three months? 325 00:15:33,834 --> 00:15:36,333 Because I'm... getting married! 326 00:15:36,334 --> 00:15:39,066 What? Oh, my God! Married to whom? 327 00:15:39,067 --> 00:15:42,066 To... to whom. Tony Dane. What do you think? 328 00:15:42,067 --> 00:15:45,699 What do i think? I think he's gay. He's really gay, Andrea. 329 00:15:45,700 --> 00:15:48,532 And I think I've waited my entire life to tell my friends 330 00:15:48,533 --> 00:15:50,900 that I'm engaged. So if you would just put aside 331 00:15:50,901 --> 00:15:56,200 the pesky details for one night and just get on board, okay? 332 00:15:56,201 --> 00:15:58,733 Yay! Yay! 333 00:15:58,734 --> 00:16:02,133 Oh, my God. Let me see that. It is stunning. It's so pretty! 334 00:16:02,134 --> 00:16:04,432 See, Tony's entering a contract year, 335 00:16:04,433 --> 00:16:06,532 and they don't want any bad press. 336 00:16:06,533 --> 00:16:08,699 So they're gonna announce the engagement, 337 00:16:08,700 --> 00:16:11,566 and then all the designers are gonna bid to see who's gonna 338 00:16:11,567 --> 00:16:14,666 make my dress, and the wedding photos are already presold 339 00:16:14,667 --> 00:16:17,267 to "People" magazine, and they're paying gwen stefani 340 00:16:17,268 --> 00:16:20,766 100 grand to show up and be my best friend. It's like a fairy tale. 341 00:16:20,767 --> 00:16:23,233 I know. I'll get us some champagne. Oh. Good. Okay. 342 00:16:23,234 --> 00:16:26,900 Se she called me a friend. That didn't happen overnight. 343 00:16:26,901 --> 00:16:29,133 Yeah, well, she's also marrying a gay dude, 344 00:16:29,134 --> 00:16:31,233 so she might not be in her right mind. 345 00:16:31,234 --> 00:16:34,300 Three champagnes. I'm engaged. 346 00:16:34,301 --> 00:16:38,799 What about the other night? 347 00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:41,300 Did you not just hear what I said? I'm engaged. 348 00:16:41,301 --> 00:16:44,233 You felt something between us, 349 00:16:44,234 --> 00:16:46,966 and I know you weren't that drunk. 350 00:16:46,967 --> 00:16:58,833 Little tip... don't ever underestimate how drunk I am. 351 00:16:58,834 --> 00:17:07,367 You don't fool me. 352 00:17:07,368 --> 00:17:09,866 I think I know the answer to this. 353 00:17:09,867 --> 00:17:12,833 But do you care that I have a little girl in here 354 00:17:12,834 --> 00:17:16,300 who's trying to sleep? She'll be fine. "Marceo" will take care of her. 355 00:17:16,301 --> 00:17:18,399 If you came here to apologize... 356 00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:21,333 No. For wanting to be your friend? No. 357 00:17:21,334 --> 00:17:23,300 Am I perfect, Frank? No. 358 00:17:23,301 --> 00:17:25,399 But we don't get to choose our friends. 359 00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:28,733 I mean, do you really think that I chose Dena and Andrea? 360 00:17:28,734 --> 00:17:30,833 But there we are. 361 00:17:30,834 --> 00:17:33,799 It's late, Ms. Newly. Samantha. 362 00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:36,799 Ms. Newly. We're going back to the way things were before. 363 00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:38,766 Before dinner? 364 00:17:38,767 --> 00:17:41,333 Before your accident, when you were as mean as a snake 365 00:17:41,334 --> 00:17:44,499 and never gave me a glance. I didn't have to know you. 366 00:17:44,500 --> 00:17:46,666 I didn't have to care about you. 367 00:17:46,667 --> 00:17:50,133 Aha! You said "care. " I heard it, Frank. You said "care. " 368 00:17:50,134 --> 00:17:52,233 Let's go. Give me the money. 369 00:17:52,234 --> 00:17:55,333 Oh, this is ridiculous. Seriously, guy, branch out. 370 00:17:55,334 --> 00:17:58,267 Meet new people. Oh, damn. 371 00:17:58,268 --> 00:18:00,966 It's the chatty white lady with no money in her purse 372 00:18:00,967 --> 00:18:04,933 is this the man who mugged you? How can you have $5 and 10 lipsticks? 373 00:18:04,934 --> 00:18:07,633 You lied to the police. 374 00:18:07,634 --> 00:18:09,633 Maybe. But hey, you know what? 375 00:18:09,634 --> 00:18:11,633 If I had told them who my real mugger was, 376 00:18:11,634 --> 00:18:14,367 we wouldn't be sharing this right now. Yeah, I'm aware of that. 377 00:18:14,368 --> 00:18:16,367 Shared experiences, Frank. Remember? 378 00:18:16,368 --> 00:18:19,166 Plus you care about me. You know what? 379 00:18:19,167 --> 00:18:22,532 If this guy shot me right here and now, 380 00:18:22,533 --> 00:18:27,066 you would miss me. Hey, oh. Well, hey, who's got a gun? Not me. 381 00:18:27,067 --> 00:18:29,300 That's... that's armed robbery... whole different thing. 382 00:18:29,301 --> 00:18:31,333 Just say it, Frank. 383 00:18:31,334 --> 00:18:33,499 Tell you what. I'll close my eyes right now. 384 00:18:33,500 --> 00:18:35,367 You kidnap my friend... 385 00:18:35,368 --> 00:18:38,599 and if anybody asks, I'll say it was a white guy. 386 00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:41,367 Now why are you talkin' about kidnappin'? 387 00:18:41,368 --> 00:18:43,966 Excuse me. Hello? 388 00:18:43,967 --> 00:18:47,499 Oh! It's the police. 389 00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:49,900 They found my mugger. 390 00:18:49,901 --> 00:18:52,866 Hey, forget this. I'd rather just get a job. 391 00:18:52,867 --> 00:18:55,766 Um, are you... are you sure it's... it's him? 392 00:18:55,767 --> 00:18:57,833 'Cause my description was sort of vague... 393 00:18:57,834 --> 00:19:01,300 and useless. 394 00:19:01,301 --> 00:19:04,933 So, ma'am, just tell us if the man who robbed you 395 00:19:04,934 --> 00:19:17,532 is inside this room. Mm. Yeah, okay. 396 00:19:17,533 --> 00:19:19,666 Wait a minute. 397 00:19:19,667 --> 00:19:22,699 They can't... they can't really see me, right? Why, do you see... do you see the guy? 398 00:19:22,700 --> 00:19:24,799 'Cause we caught one of them breaking into your car 399 00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:26,766 with your keys. 400 00:19:26,767 --> 00:19:29,933 Hey, Todd, seriously, I am so sorry. All right? 401 00:19:29,934 --> 00:19:32,933 Look, I... I'll bet you soon we'll... we'll tell this story, 402 00:19:32,934 --> 00:19:37,466 and we'll just laugh and laugh. Yeah. What was your favorite part? 403 00:19:37,467 --> 00:19:39,733 Huh? Mine was the delousing. 404 00:19:39,734 --> 00:19:42,933 Look, I'm sorry, okay? I... I had to come up with 405 00:19:42,934 --> 00:19:45,933 something really quickly, and I guess I just described 406 00:19:45,934 --> 00:19:48,100 the first guy I thought of. Really? 407 00:19:48,101 --> 00:19:51,267 Yeah. What? 408 00:19:51,268 --> 00:19:53,432 I was the first guy you thought of. 409 00:19:53,433 --> 00:19:55,900 Oh, don't get all cocky. 410 00:19:55,901 --> 00:19:58,267 Am I always the first guy you think of... 411 00:19:58,268 --> 00:20:00,066 like in the morning, when you wake up? 412 00:20:00,067 --> 00:20:02,432 This... you know what? Shut up. 413 00:20:02,433 --> 00:20:05,066 It was probably just that stupid little ratty "mustache. " 414 00:20:05,067 --> 00:20:08,133 Well, I'll grow it in some more if you like it so much. 415 00:20:08,134 --> 00:20:12,166 Yeah, okay, you do that. I'll see you in six months. You can't even look me in the eye. 416 00:20:12,167 --> 00:20:15,300 Should have had them put you away. 417 00:20:15,301 --> 00:20:20,367 Ohh. That was almost worth getting tasered. 418 00:20:20,368 --> 00:20:23,399 Okay, so anyway, here's how to cure racism, 419 00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:25,233 and I want credit. 420 00:20:25,234 --> 00:20:27,466 If everyone on earth just looks into the eyes 421 00:20:27,467 --> 00:20:29,799 of every other person, we'll all be friends, 422 00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:32,000 and there will be no racism. 423 00:20:32,001 --> 00:20:34,666 Of course, the logistics will be a nightmare 424 00:20:34,667 --> 00:20:37,166 and require exceptional organizational skills. 425 00:20:37,167 --> 00:20:39,666 Maybe the chinese can do it. 426 00:20:39,667 --> 00:20:42,200 Hey! Hey. 427 00:20:42,201 --> 00:20:45,466 We're friends now, right? Yes, absolutely! 428 00:20:45,467 --> 00:20:48,233 Good. What? 429 00:20:48,234 --> 00:20:52,766 I need you to cover for me. My band has a gig tonight. Oh! 430 00:20:55,368 --> 00:20:57,300 Can you call me a cab?