1
00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:07,339
Greg, you're cooking.
2
00:00:07,408 --> 00:00:08,674
Don't do something nice for me
3
00:00:08,742 --> 00:00:10,042
that will take me an hour to clean up.
4
00:00:10,110 --> 00:00:12,044
No, I'm researching
a historical dish to drop off
5
00:00:12,112 --> 00:00:15,047
with my application for the
Westport Historical Guild.
6
00:00:15,115 --> 00:00:16,415
Colonial onion pie?
7
00:00:16,483 --> 00:00:17,583
It's an homage to Westport's past
8
00:00:17,651 --> 00:00:19,218
as a leading onion producer in America.
9
00:00:19,286 --> 00:00:21,220
I think it'll help my application
stand out from the crowd.
10
00:00:21,288 --> 00:00:22,788
Crowd? What crowd?
11
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,723
It's eight guys talking about
preserving dirt roads.
12
00:00:24,792 --> 00:00:26,158
I'm aware the stakes are high.
13
00:00:26,227 --> 00:00:28,427
You don't need to make me any
more nervous than I already am.
14
00:00:28,495 --> 00:00:29,561
Okay.
15
00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:31,597
My apologies for being late.
16
00:00:31,665 --> 00:00:33,232
But you have to dress
for the life you want,
17
00:00:33,300 --> 00:00:34,399
not the life you have.
18
00:00:34,468 --> 00:00:35,534
Where did you get the money to buy
19
00:00:35,603 --> 00:00:37,603
that ridiculously expensive shirt?
20
00:00:37,671 --> 00:00:39,204
I dipped into my save jar.
21
00:00:39,273 --> 00:00:41,073
And who are you dressing up for, Oliver?
22
00:00:41,141 --> 00:00:42,574
Your girlfriend?
23
00:00:42,643 --> 00:00:44,076
Her I have to answer.
24
00:00:44,144 --> 00:00:45,744
You I owe nothing.
25
00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:50,082
I'm finished. Can I go play?
26
00:00:50,150 --> 00:00:51,583
Sweetie, you didn't wash
your hands four times.
27
00:00:51,652 --> 00:00:52,684
Is something wrong?
28
00:00:52,753 --> 00:00:55,420
Nope. I just don't feel like it today.
29
00:00:57,725 --> 00:00:59,358
She just doesn't feel like it today.
30
00:00:59,426 --> 00:01:00,659
Yeah, but she could wash them once.
31
00:01:00,728 --> 00:01:02,060
Her hands are covered in egg.
32
00:01:02,129 --> 00:01:04,763
Ah, Dr. Ellie's really helping
Anna-Kat with her OCD.
33
00:01:04,832 --> 00:01:06,898
She might be on her way
to becoming a typical kid.
34
00:01:16,043 --> 00:01:17,576
Well, two steps forward,
four steps back.
35
00:01:17,645 --> 00:01:19,578
But still, it's a victory.
We should celebrate.
36
00:01:19,647 --> 00:01:21,079
Let's go out tonight
for dinner and drinks.
37
00:01:21,148 --> 00:01:23,048
That sounds so tiring.
38
00:01:23,117 --> 00:01:25,083
Agreed. I regretted it
the moment I said it.
39
00:01:25,152 --> 00:01:26,485
Yeah.
40
00:01:26,553 --> 00:01:29,421
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
41
00:01:32,826 --> 00:01:35,127
What are you doing?
We have to pay for those.
42
00:01:35,195 --> 00:01:37,929
Greg, you're always taking
the high road.
43
00:01:37,998 --> 00:01:40,132
We're paying for them
by buying all this other stuff.
44
00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:41,922
- It's part of the deal.
- It's stealing.
45
00:01:41,947 --> 00:01:43,393
- Or sampling.
- Or stealing.
46
00:01:43,503 --> 00:01:45,303
Look, we could go 'round
and 'round about this for hours.
47
00:01:45,372 --> 00:01:47,439
Let's just agree that it's
sampling and call it a day.
48
00:01:47,507 --> 00:01:49,341
Oh, onions.
49
00:01:49,409 --> 00:01:50,709
Recipe calls for two bushels.
50
00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:52,377
Mm.
51
00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:54,713
Mama, Dad, Penny just invited me
52
00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:56,481
to her house for a playdate.
53
00:01:56,550 --> 00:01:57,983
Can I go?
54
00:01:58,885 --> 00:02:01,853
Well, Penny, depends on where you live.
55
00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:04,322
Is your house a castle?
56
00:02:04,391 --> 00:02:07,025
Mama, don't be weird.
57
00:02:07,094 --> 00:02:08,627
Penny's in the grade above me.
58
00:02:08,695 --> 00:02:10,061
She's right over there.
59
00:02:12,032 --> 00:02:14,566
Oh. Sure.
60
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:18,737
First, she skips
her hand-washing routine.
61
00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:20,138
Now she's telling me I'm weird.
62
00:02:20,207 --> 00:02:21,539
This is typical kid stuff.
63
00:02:21,608 --> 00:02:23,742
Except for the hygiene part,
this is wildly encouraging.
64
00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:24,843
Right?!
65
00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:26,911
Katie.
66
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:29,080
Sampling.
67
00:02:32,886 --> 00:02:35,720
She didn't even wash her hands
after she used the bathroom.
68
00:02:35,789 --> 00:02:36,888
We couldn't be happier.
69
00:02:36,957 --> 00:02:38,490
Low bar in the Otto household.
70
00:02:38,558 --> 00:02:40,302
And she made a playdate
with a second-grader.
71
00:02:40,461 --> 00:02:41,660
A human second-grader?
72
00:02:41,728 --> 00:02:43,195
- Mm-hmm.
- Who's the other mom?
73
00:02:43,263 --> 00:02:45,130
Chloe Brown Mueller.
74
00:02:47,534 --> 00:02:51,470
You're going on a playdate
at Chloe Brown Mueller's house?
75
00:02:51,538 --> 00:02:53,171
- Yeah.
- Wait a minute. Hold up.
76
00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:54,775
Chloe Brown Mueller?
77
00:02:54,842 --> 00:02:57,008
Why do you guys insist
on saying her full name?
78
00:02:57,077 --> 00:02:58,076
Because...
79
00:02:58,145 --> 00:02:59,578
She's Chloe Brown Mueller.
80
00:02:59,646 --> 00:03:00,812
When you meet her, you'll understand.
81
00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:02,080
She's a local celebrity.
82
00:03:02,149 --> 00:03:03,982
She has thousands
of Instagram followers,
83
00:03:04,051 --> 00:03:06,385
and all of her posts are about
what a perfect mommy she is.
84
00:03:06,453 --> 00:03:09,221
How do you not know and despise
Chloe Brown Mueller already?
85
00:03:09,289 --> 00:03:10,756
I'm not big into social media,
86
00:03:10,824 --> 00:03:12,557
and I actively avoid people
with three names.
87
00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:14,426
Plus, I've never seen her at drop-off.
88
00:03:14,495 --> 00:03:16,561
That's because her housekeeper
brings Penny to school.
89
00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:17,796
That is terrible mothering.
90
00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:19,431
My housekeeper brings my kids to school.
91
00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:20,665
Yeah, but I'm friends with you.
92
00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:22,701
In a town full of gossips,
she's the worst.
93
00:03:22,770 --> 00:03:24,536
She texted everyone about my divorce
94
00:03:24,605 --> 00:03:25,771
before I even knew about it...
95
00:03:25,839 --> 00:03:28,273
and implied that it was my fault.
96
00:03:28,342 --> 00:03:30,742
It was your fault.
You cheated multiple times.
97
00:03:30,811 --> 00:03:31,977
That's on her.
98
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,478
All of her friends
are just so attractive.
99
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,113
So she's a little gossipy.
100
00:03:35,182 --> 00:03:36,248
I can handle that.
101
00:03:36,316 --> 00:03:37,883
She's also super judgmental.
102
00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:40,252
She mommy-shamed me once
by Instagraming my dirty car.
103
00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:41,653
Ugh!
104
00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:43,321
I've been waiting
for the perfect opportunity
105
00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:45,390
to mommy-shame her back,
but the best that I found
106
00:03:45,459 --> 00:03:47,559
was that she doesn't recycle
her yogurt containers.
107
00:03:47,628 --> 00:03:49,261
The way to deal with Chloe Brown Mueller
108
00:03:49,329 --> 00:03:51,229
is to shut up, get in, get out.
109
00:03:51,298 --> 00:03:53,832
Mm-hmm. Hang on, back up.
110
00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:55,267
You went through her garbage?
111
00:03:55,335 --> 00:03:58,103
Mm-hmm, I made a huge mess so
she would think it was raccoons.
112
00:03:58,172 --> 00:03:59,438
I even tore some stuff with my teeth.
113
00:04:03,844 --> 00:04:06,445
Uh-huh. Uh-huh, totally.
114
00:04:06,513 --> 00:04:08,280
Hang on one sec.
115
00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:11,616
And I'm back.
116
00:04:11,685 --> 00:04:14,386
I totally agree, but the thing is...
117
00:04:14,455 --> 00:04:16,087
Hang on one sec.
118
00:04:16,156 --> 00:04:18,957
I'm sorry. There's like zero
privacy in this house.
119
00:04:19,026 --> 00:04:20,292
Hang on one sec.
120
00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:21,560
Who the hell are you talking to?
121
00:04:21,628 --> 00:04:23,261
Who I talk to is none of your business.
122
00:04:23,330 --> 00:04:25,263
You really do have
a girlfriend, don't you?
123
00:04:25,332 --> 00:04:27,766
Taylor, I swear on my robust IRA
124
00:04:27,835 --> 00:04:29,234
that I do not have a girlfriend.
125
00:04:29,303 --> 00:04:30,902
Fine, don't tell me the truth.
126
00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:32,204
I'll find out by myself.
127
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,572
You're not going to find anything.
128
00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:35,474
You couldn't even find
your way home yesterday.
129
00:04:35,542 --> 00:04:37,676
I left school from the soccer field.
130
00:04:37,744 --> 00:04:38,777
I was all confused.
131
00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:42,414
Important family announcement.
132
00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:44,182
Stay the hell away from the minivan.
133
00:04:44,251 --> 00:04:45,584
I just got it washed.
134
00:04:45,652 --> 00:04:47,486
I thought you said the only way
you'd wash that car
135
00:04:47,554 --> 00:04:49,120
is if you drove us all into a lake.
136
00:04:49,189 --> 00:04:50,489
That is true.
137
00:04:50,557 --> 00:04:52,858
But Anna-Kat has a playdate at the house
138
00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:54,493
of Westport's most judgy mom.
139
00:04:54,561 --> 00:04:58,263
I'm not risking her social life
by having a dusty whip.
140
00:04:58,332 --> 00:04:59,364
Nice slang, Mom.
141
00:04:59,433 --> 00:05:00,298
Yeah, girl.
142
00:05:00,367 --> 00:05:01,500
And you ruined it.
143
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,804
These pies... They look like pies.
144
00:05:05,873 --> 00:05:07,873
- I did it!
- Great job, Greg.
145
00:05:07,941 --> 00:05:09,207
And you didn't even hurt yourself.
146
00:05:09,276 --> 00:05:11,610
Actually, I sustained some burns
that aren't visible,
147
00:05:11,678 --> 00:05:13,044
but it'll all be worth it.
148
00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:14,613
Can I get you to taste one
and tell me what you think?
149
00:05:14,681 --> 00:05:16,581
I'd be happy to.
150
00:05:19,553 --> 00:05:21,486
Ugh!
151
00:05:21,555 --> 00:05:25,357
That... is the worst thing
I have ever smelled.
152
00:05:25,425 --> 00:05:27,292
I'm turtling up.
153
00:05:27,361 --> 00:05:28,560
- Ohh.
- It's perfect.
154
00:05:28,629 --> 00:05:30,495
- I was going for historical accuracy.
- Ugh!
155
00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:32,165
Colonial onion pie
is supposed to be awful.
156
00:05:32,228 --> 00:05:33,332
Ugh!
157
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:34,611
- Come on, Anna-Kat.
- Oh, God.
158
00:05:34,635 --> 00:05:36,009
It's time for you playdate.
159
00:05:36,034 --> 00:05:37,096
- Ohh! Greg,
- Oh!
160
00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:38,905
you've given our house permanent B.O.
161
00:05:38,906 --> 00:05:41,172
Put it outside and Febreze
the hell out of this place
162
00:05:41,241 --> 00:05:42,374
while I'm gone.
163
00:05:42,442 --> 00:05:44,142
- Ugh.
- I...
164
00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:50,982
Remember to say "please,"
"excuse me," and "thank you."
165
00:05:51,051 --> 00:05:52,684
And don't use any of the words
Mama screams
166
00:05:52,753 --> 00:05:54,319
while she's driving.
167
00:05:55,289 --> 00:05:57,422
Mama, come here.
168
00:05:59,726 --> 00:06:01,159
I got this.
169
00:06:11,505 --> 00:06:12,871
Oh, Anna-Kat.
170
00:06:12,940 --> 00:06:14,005
Roberta.
171
00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:15,640
I'm so glad you and Penny
172
00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:17,576
finally get to play ponies together.
173
00:06:17,644 --> 00:06:19,644
Come on, I'll show you to her room.
174
00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:21,980
Katie. Chloe Brown Mueller.
175
00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:24,349
So nice to meet you.
176
00:06:24,418 --> 00:06:25,984
Did you...
177
00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:27,586
Did we just take a picture together?
178
00:06:27,654 --> 00:06:29,955
Your daughter is adorable.
179
00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:32,524
So much better than the last
girl Penny brought over.
180
00:06:32,593 --> 00:06:34,793
I gave that playdate
one and a half stars.
181
00:06:34,861 --> 00:06:36,695
Snooze.
182
00:06:36,763 --> 00:06:38,630
I'm just going to smile and nod
183
00:06:38,699 --> 00:06:40,265
because I can't tell if she's kidding.
184
00:06:40,334 --> 00:06:42,968
Hey, would you like to come in
for a glass of Sancerre?
185
00:06:43,036 --> 00:06:45,503
Chloe, I'd love to learn what that is.
186
00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:47,205
But I got some errands to run.
187
00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:49,174
I'll be back in two to pick up Anna-Kat.
188
00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:50,842
Hey, how is your friend Angela doing?
189
00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:52,110
I hear she's dating again.
190
00:06:52,179 --> 00:06:53,545
Is that true?
191
00:06:57,117 --> 00:06:59,117
All right, I'm just gonna say it true.
192
00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:07,559
Oh, hey. How'd the playdate go?
193
00:07:07,628 --> 00:07:08,994
It went awesome.
194
00:07:09,062 --> 00:07:10,629
Aw, that's great, sweetie.
195
00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:12,931
Yay!
196
00:07:15,469 --> 00:07:17,302
Okay, how'd it really go?
Awkward? A disaster?
197
00:07:17,371 --> 00:07:18,336
An awkward disaster?
198
00:07:18,405 --> 00:07:19,771
The playdate went so well
199
00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:22,507
with Chloe Brown Mueller
that she even posted about it.
200
00:07:22,576 --> 00:07:25,243
She gave it four stars.
201
00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:26,978
"Life is an adventure."
202
00:07:27,047 --> 00:07:28,279
What does that mean in this context?
203
00:07:28,348 --> 00:07:29,848
Something dumb, Greg. But I don't care.
204
00:07:29,916 --> 00:07:31,883
My baby has a cool older friend.
205
00:07:36,657 --> 00:07:39,457
Weird question, but does
our daughter always walk around
206
00:07:39,526 --> 00:07:41,192
with a candlestick in her jacket?
207
00:07:41,261 --> 00:07:43,161
What the hell is that?
208
00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:46,898
Oh, no.
209
00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:49,801
Oh, God. Look on the mantel.
210
00:07:49,870 --> 00:07:50,969
It's from her playdate.
211
00:07:51,038 --> 00:07:52,137
She stole it?
212
00:07:52,205 --> 00:07:54,005
- This is bad.
- This is very bad.
213
00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:55,774
Our daughter's a thief.
How did this happen?
214
00:07:55,842 --> 00:07:57,208
How did this happen?
215
00:07:57,277 --> 00:07:59,744
This is not my fault.
216
00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:01,279
I steal pretzels.
217
00:08:01,348 --> 00:08:02,614
It's more of a Robin Hood thing.
218
00:08:02,683 --> 00:08:03,882
I take from the rich
and give to the poor.
219
00:08:03,950 --> 00:08:04,916
We're the poor.
220
00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:06,551
Yes, you're a complex antihero.
221
00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:08,653
Ugh, of all people,
why did she have to steal
222
00:08:08,722 --> 00:08:10,573
from Chloe Brown Mueller?
223
00:08:10,667 --> 00:08:11,856
Why do you say all three names?
224
00:08:11,925 --> 00:08:14,426
I used to be you. Yeah.
225
00:08:19,318 --> 00:08:21,818
Do you think Anna-Kat stealing
is related to her OCD?
226
00:08:21,887 --> 00:08:24,654
No, I think it's just regular
bad-kid behavior.
227
00:08:24,723 --> 00:08:27,190
We could look at it
as another step forward.
228
00:08:27,259 --> 00:08:28,625
So we should be proud?
229
00:08:28,694 --> 00:08:30,727
Well, not openly.
230
00:08:30,796 --> 00:08:32,896
But when we look in each other's eyes,
231
00:08:32,965 --> 00:08:34,765
let's know it's there.
232
00:08:38,804 --> 00:08:40,337
Sweetie, Mama and Daddy
233
00:08:40,406 --> 00:08:42,172
have something important to ask you,
234
00:08:42,241 --> 00:08:43,607
and you have to be honest.
235
00:08:43,675 --> 00:08:45,208
Okay.
236
00:08:45,277 --> 00:08:46,710
Whose candlestick is this?
237
00:08:46,779 --> 00:08:48,245
It's mine.
238
00:08:48,313 --> 00:08:49,446
Are you sure?
239
00:08:49,515 --> 00:08:51,448
- Yep.
- Are you really sure?
240
00:08:51,517 --> 00:08:52,616
Yep.
241
00:08:52,684 --> 00:08:54,418
Well, okay, then.
242
00:08:55,687 --> 00:08:57,954
That usually works.
I don't know how to proceed.
243
00:08:58,023 --> 00:08:59,489
Anna-Kat, we know that you're lying.
244
00:08:59,558 --> 00:09:01,691
You stole this
from Penny's house, didn't you?
245
00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:03,860
- Yep.
- Why did you do that?
246
00:09:03,929 --> 00:09:05,262
'Cause I wanted it.
247
00:09:05,330 --> 00:09:06,530
And are you sorry?
248
00:09:06,598 --> 00:09:07,864
Sure.
249
00:09:15,974 --> 00:09:17,908
Did you hear her voice?
250
00:09:17,976 --> 00:09:19,342
It was so calm and icy.
251
00:09:19,411 --> 00:09:21,711
And those eyes... I don't think
she blinked the entire time.
252
00:09:21,780 --> 00:09:23,613
- We have to do something.
- I agree.
253
00:09:23,682 --> 00:09:24,915
I believe the simplest solution
254
00:09:24,983 --> 00:09:27,350
is obviously an
"Ocean's Eleven"-style con.
255
00:09:27,419 --> 00:09:29,019
We sneak the candlestick back
into the house...
256
00:09:29,087 --> 00:09:30,487
no harm, no foul.
257
00:09:30,556 --> 00:09:32,522
Katie, you always plan these
"Ocean's Eleven"-style cons,
258
00:09:32,591 --> 00:09:34,224
and they always end up
more like "Ocean's Twelve."
259
00:09:34,293 --> 00:09:36,493
- Well, then what do you suggest?
- I say we take the high road.
260
00:09:36,562 --> 00:09:37,761
We go to Chloe's house
and tell the truth.
261
00:09:37,830 --> 00:09:39,930
If Chloe Brown Mueller
finds out Anna-Kat's a thief,
262
00:09:39,998 --> 00:09:41,264
she will tell all the other moms,
263
00:09:41,333 --> 00:09:43,433
and then Anna-Kat will never
have another playdate again.
264
00:09:43,502 --> 00:09:45,335
Teaching Anna-Kat morals
is way more important.
265
00:09:45,404 --> 00:09:46,803
She needs to apologize in person.
266
00:09:46,872 --> 00:09:48,238
She'll be embarrassed
and never do it again.
267
00:09:48,307 --> 00:09:50,373
And Anna-Kat will not only
be the weird kid,
268
00:09:50,442 --> 00:09:52,375
she'll be the weird kid that steals.
269
00:09:52,444 --> 00:09:54,010
She doesn't even come
from a good family, Greg.
270
00:09:54,079 --> 00:09:56,413
She's got nothing going for her.
271
00:09:56,482 --> 00:09:59,616
You see this?
This is me putting my foot down.
272
00:09:59,685 --> 00:10:01,117
Ha!
273
00:10:01,186 --> 00:10:03,119
Was that my knee?
274
00:10:04,289 --> 00:10:05,889
Fine.
275
00:10:05,958 --> 00:10:07,491
You're right.
276
00:10:08,527 --> 00:10:09,893
Wait, did I just win a fight?
277
00:10:09,962 --> 00:10:11,394
Greg, don't be so surprised.
278
00:10:11,463 --> 00:10:13,697
You've won almost three fights
in our marriage now.
279
00:10:15,467 --> 00:10:17,400
Yep, 3:00 works.
280
00:10:17,469 --> 00:10:19,035
I'll meet you there.
281
00:10:48,066 --> 00:10:50,066
Mystery solved.
282
00:10:55,707 --> 00:10:56,940
Oliver!
283
00:10:57,009 --> 00:10:58,575
¿Cómo estás?
284
00:10:58,644 --> 00:10:59,843
Muy bien. ¿Y tú?
285
00:10:59,912 --> 00:11:01,845
What the hell is this?
286
00:11:10,722 --> 00:11:12,355
Do we have to tell the truth?
287
00:11:12,424 --> 00:11:14,591
- Yeah, do we?
- Guys, we're telling the truth.
288
00:11:14,660 --> 00:11:15,525
Ugh.
289
00:11:15,594 --> 00:11:16,927
It's the right thing to do.
290
00:11:19,498 --> 00:11:20,897
Katie!
291
00:11:20,966 --> 00:11:22,732
What a pleasant surprise.
292
00:11:22,801 --> 00:11:23,967
Hi, Anna-Kat.
293
00:11:24,036 --> 00:11:25,969
Oh. Chloe Brown Mueller.
294
00:11:26,038 --> 00:11:29,072
Hi, Chloe... Brown Mueller.
295
00:11:30,208 --> 00:11:31,942
- I had to say all three.
- Right.
296
00:11:32,010 --> 00:11:33,743
Sorry to pop by like this,
but my husband and I
297
00:11:33,812 --> 00:11:36,179
came here to talk to you about
something a little awkward.
298
00:11:36,248 --> 00:11:37,480
Can we come in?
299
00:11:37,549 --> 00:11:39,950
Of course. Come on in.
Make yourself at home.
300
00:11:40,018 --> 00:11:42,586
I'm live on Facebook,
and I need to wrap up.
301
00:11:42,654 --> 00:11:44,220
Hey, guys, I'm back.
302
00:11:44,289 --> 00:11:47,457
Now, in my opinion, what's
the biggest joy of motherhood?
303
00:11:47,526 --> 00:11:48,525
Everything.
304
00:11:50,195 --> 00:11:52,395
Hey, look at that.
305
00:11:52,464 --> 00:11:55,999
Someone else in Westport
baked a colonial onion pie.
306
00:11:56,068 --> 00:12:00,003
Hello. Hey. It's the pie guy.
307
00:12:00,072 --> 00:12:02,172
- Greg.
- Greg, that's right.
308
00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:03,406
Folks down at the Historical Guild
309
00:12:03,475 --> 00:12:05,642
call you "Pie Guy," so now
that's stuck in my head.
310
00:12:05,711 --> 00:12:08,545
- Pie Guy. That's a cool nickname.
- Yeah.
311
00:12:08,614 --> 00:12:11,181
Oh, Katie, Anna-Kat,
this is Stan Lawton.
312
00:12:11,249 --> 00:12:13,249
He's the recording secretary of
the Westport Historical Guild.
313
00:12:13,318 --> 00:12:16,319
Pleasure. And you must be
Penny's new friend.
314
00:12:16,388 --> 00:12:17,587
That's actually why we're here.
315
00:12:17,656 --> 00:12:19,956
You see, Anna-Kat and Penny
had a playdate.
316
00:12:20,025 --> 00:12:21,024
And on the playdate...
317
00:12:21,093 --> 00:12:22,525
She just had the best time ever.
318
00:12:22,594 --> 00:12:25,095
Oh, excuse me one second.
319
00:12:25,163 --> 00:12:27,097
I'm so sorry. I have to take this.
320
00:12:27,165 --> 00:12:29,065
A business owner wants to modify a sign
321
00:12:29,134 --> 00:12:31,368
- down in the historic district.
- Ha.
322
00:12:31,436 --> 00:12:33,651
You listen to me, you son of a bitch.
323
00:12:33,846 --> 00:12:35,049
What are you doing?
324
00:12:35,143 --> 00:12:36,260
- Mission abort.
- Why?
325
00:12:36,362 --> 00:12:38,073
Stan is in charge of membership
of the Historical Guild.
326
00:12:38,183 --> 00:12:39,549
If we tell the truth,
I'm never getting in.
327
00:12:39,611 --> 00:12:41,044
What about apologizing?
328
00:12:41,112 --> 00:12:42,212
You'll learn your lesson later.
329
00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:43,446
Now, go find Penny and play.
330
00:12:43,515 --> 00:12:45,048
You had this awesome idea earlier...
331
00:12:45,116 --> 00:12:46,282
something about "Ocean's Eleven."
332
00:12:46,351 --> 00:12:48,484
I can't do that.
I don't have any of the stuff.
333
00:12:48,553 --> 00:12:51,187
No crickets, no dry ice,
no firecrackers.
334
00:12:53,425 --> 00:12:54,891
I'm gonna put it back now.
335
00:12:55,694 --> 00:12:58,094
Footsteps, footsteps!
Sorry to have you wait,
336
00:12:58,163 --> 00:13:01,764
but if I don't get 100 likes
a day, I can't sleep.
337
00:13:01,833 --> 00:13:03,299
So, you wanted to talk to me about
338
00:13:03,368 --> 00:13:04,434
something a little awkward?
339
00:13:04,502 --> 00:13:06,102
It's awfully embarrassing.
340
00:13:06,171 --> 00:13:07,904
I completely forgot
to write a thank-you note
341
00:13:07,973 --> 00:13:09,973
for Anna-Kat's playdate this morning.
342
00:13:10,041 --> 00:13:11,774
We are so sorry.
343
00:13:11,843 --> 00:13:14,777
I did notice, but I didn't want
to say anything.
344
00:13:14,846 --> 00:13:16,579
Apology accepted.
345
00:13:16,648 --> 00:13:17,947
Chloe Brown Mueller,
346
00:13:18,016 --> 00:13:19,682
you are a forgiving woman.
347
00:13:19,751 --> 00:13:20,950
Oh.
348
00:13:21,019 --> 00:13:22,752
Shall we sit?
349
00:13:22,821 --> 00:13:23,920
Even he says all three names.
350
00:13:23,989 --> 00:13:25,622
I know.
351
00:13:27,058 --> 00:13:29,626
We got to get them out of the room.
352
00:13:29,694 --> 00:13:31,327
I don't mean to impose,
353
00:13:31,396 --> 00:13:33,229
but do you have anything to drink?
354
00:13:33,298 --> 00:13:35,331
Of course. Where are my manners?
355
00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:37,400
And, Stan, I remember you saying
that you had actual cannonballs
356
00:13:37,469 --> 00:13:38,935
used against the British at Compo Beach.
357
00:13:39,004 --> 00:13:40,803
- I'd love to see those.
- Refreshments and cannonballs
358
00:13:40,872 --> 00:13:42,605
coming right up.
359
00:13:42,674 --> 00:13:44,440
Roberta, we're thirsty!
360
00:13:44,509 --> 00:13:45,508
Here's the cannonball.
361
00:13:45,577 --> 00:13:46,609
Okay.
362
00:13:46,678 --> 00:13:48,311
Cool.
363
00:13:48,380 --> 00:13:49,812
They're more round than I thought.
364
00:13:49,881 --> 00:13:51,714
Yes, yes, very round.
365
00:13:51,783 --> 00:13:54,817
I said the exact same thing
first time I saw them.
366
00:13:54,886 --> 00:13:57,053
- Remember that, honey?
- It was our wedding night.
367
00:13:57,122 --> 00:13:58,955
We were making love.
368
00:13:59,024 --> 00:14:01,791
What do we do now?
369
00:14:01,860 --> 00:14:04,093
You know what goes great with iced tea?
370
00:14:04,162 --> 00:14:05,995
Greg's colonial onion pie.
371
00:14:06,064 --> 00:14:07,797
We should all have a slice.
372
00:14:07,866 --> 00:14:09,732
You know what? Why not?
373
00:14:09,801 --> 00:14:11,601
- Okay.
- Let's keep Westport's history
374
00:14:11,670 --> 00:14:13,903
as a leading onion producer alive, huh?
375
00:14:13,972 --> 00:14:15,171
Oh, you got the reference.
376
00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:17,073
Okay, here we are.
377
00:14:17,142 --> 00:14:18,641
Ta-da!
378
00:14:18,710 --> 00:14:21,010
Ohh, that smell is...
379
00:14:21,079 --> 00:14:23,279
Historically accurate.
380
00:14:23,348 --> 00:14:25,648
- Thank you.
- Say, I have a fun idea.
381
00:14:25,717 --> 00:14:28,952
What if instead of eating
this gross pie, we went outside?
382
00:14:29,020 --> 00:14:31,554
That's a fantastic idea.
383
00:14:33,091 --> 00:14:34,257
Ohh!
384
00:14:34,326 --> 00:14:35,725
- Oh, that stinks.
- Whoo!
385
00:14:38,497 --> 00:14:41,064
Dry ice would have made this
so much sexier.
386
00:14:49,407 --> 00:14:50,840
Even though the pie literally made Stan
387
00:14:50,909 --> 00:14:52,742
throw up in the birdbath,
I think he really appreciated
388
00:14:52,811 --> 00:14:55,678
- what I was going for.
- You see? The low road works.
389
00:14:55,747 --> 00:14:58,114
You're just one step closer
to joining the Historical Guild,
390
00:14:58,183 --> 00:14:59,916
and Anna-Kat's reputation is safe.
391
00:14:59,985 --> 00:15:01,684
We still have to deal with you,
young lady.
392
00:15:01,753 --> 00:15:05,088
But for now, cheers. To the low road.
393
00:15:05,157 --> 00:15:06,456
It worked, and no one got hurt.
394
00:15:06,525 --> 00:15:08,124
Actually, somebody did get hurt.
395
00:15:08,193 --> 00:15:10,498
Chloe Brown Mueller fired
her housekeeper for stealing.
396
00:15:10,562 --> 00:15:12,328
- What?
- Chloe knew the candlestick
397
00:15:12,397 --> 00:15:14,264
was missing and suspected Roberta.
398
00:15:14,332 --> 00:15:17,233
She told her if she returned it,
there'd be no consequences.
399
00:15:17,302 --> 00:15:18,501
But Chloe lied.
400
00:15:18,570 --> 00:15:20,270
And when you two
put the candlestick back,
401
00:15:20,338 --> 00:15:23,406
Chloe took it as proof
that Roberta stole
402
00:15:23,475 --> 00:15:24,707
and fired her.
403
00:15:25,644 --> 00:15:27,510
Pass the salt.
404
00:15:28,013 --> 00:15:29,779
How do you know all this?
405
00:15:29,848 --> 00:15:31,681
It's my business to know things.
406
00:15:31,750 --> 00:15:34,751
Plus, the real headline here is
you got an innocent woman fired.
407
00:15:34,819 --> 00:15:36,586
Let's focus on that.
408
00:15:36,655 --> 00:15:39,088
I retract my cheers.
The low road stinks.
409
00:15:39,157 --> 00:15:41,186
Just like a colonial onion pie.
410
00:15:41,256 --> 00:15:43,092
Hello! Salt, please.
411
00:15:43,170 --> 00:15:45,595
This meatloaf is bland.
412
00:15:50,894 --> 00:15:54,311
We can't let an innocent woman
lose her job because of our lie.
413
00:15:54,514 --> 00:15:55,717
Can we?
414
00:15:55,795 --> 00:15:57,433
We have to come clean
and tell the truth.
415
00:15:57,506 --> 00:15:59,133
Even though it means Chloe
will tell everyone
416
00:15:59,202 --> 00:16:00,435
Anna-Kat's a criminal
417
00:16:00,503 --> 00:16:02,303
and Stan won't let you
into the Historical Guild?
418
00:16:02,372 --> 00:16:04,205
Yeah, sometimes taking
the high road isn't enjoyable.
419
00:16:04,274 --> 00:16:05,540
It's never enjoyable.
420
00:16:05,608 --> 00:16:07,241
That's why I don't take it.
421
00:16:08,178 --> 00:16:09,711
There is another way.
422
00:16:09,779 --> 00:16:11,245
I have certain information that can help
423
00:16:11,314 --> 00:16:12,780
everyone walk away a winner.
424
00:16:12,849 --> 00:16:14,115
Who are you?
425
00:16:14,184 --> 00:16:16,417
And where are you getting
your information?
426
00:16:16,486 --> 00:16:18,920
I know where.
427
00:16:18,988 --> 00:16:20,922
Why is everyone dramatically entering.
428
00:16:20,990 --> 00:16:22,490
Mom, Dad,
429
00:16:22,559 --> 00:16:25,159
Oliver's dating an old Mexican lady.
430
00:16:26,363 --> 00:16:28,863
I told you I'd find out the truth.
431
00:16:28,932 --> 00:16:31,299
- Yeah, that's not it.
- Taylor.
432
00:16:31,368 --> 00:16:33,401
Will somebody please put
the pieces together for me
433
00:16:33,470 --> 00:16:34,836
like you guys do at movie night?
434
00:16:34,904 --> 00:16:36,738
I'll tell you everything if you promise
435
00:16:36,806 --> 00:16:38,606
not to punish me for anything I say.
436
00:16:38,675 --> 00:16:39,941
Here's my counter.
437
00:16:40,009 --> 00:16:41,676
If you want to continue to live
under this roof
438
00:16:41,745 --> 00:16:45,046
or actually on the planet,
you will talk now.
439
00:16:45,115 --> 00:16:47,482
Okay. Here's my counter to your counter.
440
00:16:48,818 --> 00:16:50,218
I'll tell you everything.
441
00:16:50,286 --> 00:16:52,286
It all started a few months ago
when you bought me
442
00:16:52,355 --> 00:16:53,988
a defective shirt from the outlet mall.
443
00:16:54,057 --> 00:16:55,656
There was nothing wrong with that shirt.
444
00:16:55,725 --> 00:16:57,058
I'm telling a story here.
445
00:16:57,127 --> 00:16:58,326
I was going to throw it away
446
00:16:58,395 --> 00:17:00,595
until I met Viv's housekeeper, Luz.
447
00:17:00,663 --> 00:17:02,063
Throwing away a good shirt?
448
00:17:02,132 --> 00:17:03,598
See, the bat is askew.
449
00:17:03,666 --> 00:17:06,300
I can re-stitch this in two
minutes, make it good as new.
450
00:17:06,369 --> 00:17:09,804
And ever since then, Luz and I
have been business partners.
451
00:17:09,873 --> 00:17:12,907
We buy defective shirts
at the outlet mall,
452
00:17:12,976 --> 00:17:17,645
fix them, and sell them
to kids in Norwalk for a profit.
453
00:17:21,618 --> 00:17:23,418
Easy money.
454
00:17:23,486 --> 00:17:25,686
Luz.
455
00:17:29,392 --> 00:17:31,492
All the housekeepers in town
are friends.
456
00:17:31,561 --> 00:17:33,194
They hear everything
that goes in the houses
457
00:17:33,263 --> 00:17:35,176
they work in, including Chloe's.
458
00:17:35,298 --> 00:17:36,952
That's how I knew Roberta got fired.
459
00:17:37,033 --> 00:17:39,167
Luz gives me all the dirt.
460
00:17:40,103 --> 00:17:41,769
That's his evil smile, Greg.
461
00:17:42,872 --> 00:17:44,706
This is gonna be good.
462
00:17:48,378 --> 00:17:51,245
Your housekeeper didn't steal
the candlestick.
463
00:17:51,314 --> 00:17:52,814
Anna-Kat did.
464
00:17:52,882 --> 00:17:56,084
And we are so sorry that we let
the lie go on for this long.
465
00:17:56,152 --> 00:17:58,353
Thank you.
466
00:17:58,421 --> 00:17:59,954
And mother to mother, I promise you
467
00:18:00,023 --> 00:18:02,890
that Anna-Kat stealing
will stay our little secret.
468
00:18:02,959 --> 00:18:04,525
I appreciate that.
469
00:18:04,594 --> 00:18:07,895
But we both know the second
that we leave here,
470
00:18:07,964 --> 00:18:09,397
you're going to pick up that phone
471
00:18:09,466 --> 00:18:10,665
and start texting all of Westport
472
00:18:10,734 --> 00:18:12,066
that my daughter's a thief.
473
00:18:12,135 --> 00:18:14,001
Katie, it's called freedom of the press.
474
00:18:14,070 --> 00:18:15,169
Let's make a deal.
475
00:18:15,238 --> 00:18:16,838
You keep your mouth shut about Anna-Kat
476
00:18:16,906 --> 00:18:19,674
and rehire your housekeeper,
and I won't tell anyone
477
00:18:19,743 --> 00:18:20,975
about your dirty secrets.
478
00:18:21,044 --> 00:18:22,977
What secrets? My life is an open book.
479
00:18:23,046 --> 00:18:25,179
Does the name Natalie Ryan ring a bell?
480
00:18:25,248 --> 00:18:26,647
Oh, yeah.
481
00:18:26,716 --> 00:18:29,384
I know that you were not the one
who decorated this perfect home.
482
00:18:29,452 --> 00:18:32,320
You hired an interior designer.
483
00:18:32,389 --> 00:18:33,521
You bitch.
484
00:18:33,590 --> 00:18:35,289
Your mommy blog is ghost-written
485
00:18:35,358 --> 00:18:37,798
- by a general studies major at UConn.
- Stop it.
486
00:18:37,853 --> 00:18:40,094
And your legal name
isn't Chloe Brown Mueller.
487
00:18:40,163 --> 00:18:41,429
It's Wanda Wiggly.
488
00:18:41,498 --> 00:18:43,164
- Wigglé.
- For God sakes,
489
00:18:43,233 --> 00:18:44,565
look what you're doing to her.
490
00:18:44,634 --> 00:18:47,101
All right, fine. Fine, you win, okay?
491
00:18:47,170 --> 00:18:49,203
I promise I won't gossip about Anna-Kat
492
00:18:49,272 --> 00:18:51,172
if you'll keep those lies to yourself.
493
00:18:52,842 --> 00:18:55,109
Oh. Yeah.
494
00:18:55,178 --> 00:18:58,636
And Greg wants to join
the stupid Historical Guild.
495
00:18:58,824 --> 00:19:00,548
Is that all right with you,
496
00:19:00,617 --> 00:19:04,585
Stan Lawton from Norwalk, Connecticut?
497
00:19:07,690 --> 00:19:10,725
At least now I can stop suppressing
my thick Norwalk accent.
498
00:19:10,794 --> 00:19:13,166
There, that's better.
499
00:19:13,229 --> 00:19:15,119
- Ugh.
- Greg, you are officially invited
500
00:19:15,198 --> 00:19:16,697
to join the Historical Guild.
501
00:19:16,766 --> 00:19:18,800
Yahoo-hoo-hoo!
502
00:19:18,868 --> 00:19:20,902
It was the pie that put me over the top.
503
00:19:23,339 --> 00:19:25,844
Oh, and Anna-Kat and Penny
still get to play together,
504
00:19:25,914 --> 00:19:28,476
or else I am going to tell everyone...
505
00:19:30,814 --> 00:19:31,879
I'm out of secrets.
506
00:19:33,316 --> 00:19:35,817
Just think it'd be nice
to get the kids together.
507
00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:40,133
If you stick to it,
the low road works. Just does.
508
00:19:40,213 --> 00:19:41,977
Don't touch me. It's all right, darling.
509
00:19:48,176 --> 00:19:50,142
Someone stole my ponies.
510
00:19:50,211 --> 00:19:52,945
Actually, sweetie, Mommy
and Daddy stole your ponies.
511
00:19:53,014 --> 00:19:54,446
Why would you do that?!
512
00:19:54,515 --> 00:19:56,215
We wanted to show you how it
feels when someone
513
00:19:56,284 --> 00:19:58,450
takes something away from you
that's important.
514
00:19:58,519 --> 00:20:00,986
- How do you feel?
- It feels awful.
515
00:20:01,055 --> 00:20:02,188
It sure does.
516
00:20:02,256 --> 00:20:04,790
I'm never stealing again.
517
00:20:06,836 --> 00:20:08,726
Now I want to return everything.
518
00:20:09,538 --> 00:20:10,663
Everything?
519
00:20:22,009 --> 00:20:23,681
Pretend we never saw this
and throw everything
520
00:20:23,751 --> 00:20:24,681
- into the garbage.
- Yeah.
521
00:20:24,705 --> 00:20:26,705
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
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