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- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
-- www.Addic7ed.com --
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Oh... yeah, that's nice.
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MICKEY: Oh.
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Oh...
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Good morning, everybody.
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Shh!
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Who the hell is this clown?
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Hi. I'm Kai.
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SABRINA: He's my boyfriend.
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Who are you?
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Well, I'm...
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- Mmm.
- Mmm.
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(Chip groans)
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I'm Jimmy.
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- (moaning)
- My goodness.
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They are really going for it, huh?
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♪ ♪
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- (bed frame banging)
- (Sabrina moaning)
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SABRINA: Yeah!
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(Sabrina and Kai laughing)
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Oh, my God, are you really allowing this?
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What do you want me to do about it?
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Something, it's disgusting.
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Just turn the TV up.
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Probably tire themselves out pretty soon.
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Nah, I don't know, Mick.
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It kind of feels like
it's your department now.
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Are you giving me parenting advice?
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Yeah, why are you even here?
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ALBA: Yeah, true, you contribute nothing.
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Oh, what the hell are
you guys talking about?
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I'm the father figure.
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Do you like my turtle?
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Uh...
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no, not really.
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Good job, Dad.
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Well, I'm not gonna lie to the kid.
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(furniture crashing upstairs)
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Oh, there we go.
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Problem solved.
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- (bed frame banging)
- Oh...
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- Oh, my God!
- (Mickey and Ben yelling)
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(door opens)
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Knock, knock. Can I come in?
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Mm-hmm. You could also actually knock.
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Yeah. How's it going?
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- Everything good?
- Yep.
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Just chillin'.
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Yeah, yeah.
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So, Kai, huh?
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- He seems cool.
- Yeah.
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What's his deal? Is he like a...
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- a fireman or a model or something?
- No.
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No, he builds furniture
out of found wood.
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(laughing): Found wood.
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Found wood's a thing. Oh.
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So, I guess you guys are having sex, huh?
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Oh, God, are we having the talk?
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No, I don't want to have the talk, at all.
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Listen, I just wanted to let you know that
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I totally get it and
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you picked a good one,
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that guy is a hall of fame piece of ass.
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(chuckling) Oh, man,
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I'd let him do things to me...
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Please stop! Just stop it.
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All right, the point is, uh,
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you're a woman with needs and I get it,
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so as long as you're using
condoms, I'm cool.
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We're not.
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Oh, okay. Well, that's cool.
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Your body, your choice.
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I am more of a pill person myself.
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Do you have any idea how
poisonous that stuff is?
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How is birth control poison, Sabrina?
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It destroys your body and
causes crazy mood swings.
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So do babies!
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Why do you all of a sudden care what...?
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Oh...
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I get it. (laughs)
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Get what?
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You're jealous.
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I'm jealous?
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- Yeah.
- What, of you?
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Why would I be jealous of you?
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Maybe because I have a beautiful
hunk of beef and you don't.
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- I got beef.
- Who, Jimmy?
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That packaged lunch meat?
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I'm over here feasting on filet mignon.
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All right, you know what?
I don't want to have
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this conversation.
I just don't want you to get
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pregnant, so why don't you just take
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some of my pills, until you go
fill a prescription of your own.
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(chuckling): You keep your
birth control in a plastic bag?
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Well, I buy it in bulk online.
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I find it more cost effective.
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I don't want them, okay?
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Why are you so resistant to the pill?
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It's a modern miracle!
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The pill revolutionized
everything for women.
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We were able to join the workforce.
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- It allowed us to...
- You never worked a day
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- in your life.
- (door opening)
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But I could if I wanted to,
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thanks to this magic little pill.
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Those pills are magic?
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Oh, here we go.
Ben, let me ask you something.
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If there was a pill that
gave you the freedom
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to be anything in the whole world,
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- would you take it?
- Definitely.
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There you go. This kid
gets it and he's, like, three.
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Great, then he can
take 'em. How 'bout that?
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Okay, come back here.
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Come on, Sabrina.
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What do you care what I do with my body?
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You're not my mom.
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Honey, as far as I'm concerned,
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as long as I'm here, I have two jobs:
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make sure nobody dies
or winds up pregnant.
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No deaths, no births.
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Is what you're doing even legal?
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You're 17!
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What is he, like 30?
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Actually, the age of consent
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in Connecticut is 16.
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What?
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It's cool to have sex with a 16-year-old
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in the state of Connecticut.
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Well, not cool like "awesome."
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Cool like "acceptable."
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Gross, how do you know that?
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I know what I know.
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12 in Oaxaca.
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MICKEY: Pull your head out of your ass!
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Come on, this is the kind of mistake
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that could ruin your life.
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- I'm not gonna get pregnant.
- (Chip chuckles)
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God, I'm so stoked I'm not a girl.
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- Babies freakin' suck.
- Hey,
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it's a two-way street, pal.
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Women have trapped men
since the dawn of time
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by getting "accidentally" knocked up.
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And you, my friend, are a prime target.
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If I were a chick, I would take you down.
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(groans)
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Hey, babe.
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Hey.
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(both moaning)
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(moaning continues)
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Um?
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Jimmy, can I have a word with
you in the bedroom for a second?
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- Why?
- (moaning continues)
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Oh. Oh, yeah.
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Yeah, yeah, yep.
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Hey, guys.
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Kai, can you give us a
little privacy, please?
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- Oh, yeah, absolutely.
- Thanks.
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Babe, do you need anything?
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I'm fine.
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Oh, yeah, you are.
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Okay. Scooch over.
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- Here we go. Whoopsie daisy.
- Um...
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So, listen,
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I was thinking about our
conversation yesterday
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and I feel like I came
across kind of naggy.
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And I'm really sorry about that.
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Because I get it, condoms suck.
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Remember how I felt about
this conversation before?
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- Mm-hmm.
- Nothing's changed.
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All right, well, just hear me out, okay?
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I went down to the free clinic
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and I took full advantage of the
"free" part for you.
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Turns out, you kids have all
sorts of options these days.
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- What?
- I mean, are you kidding me?
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Look at this.
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For instance,
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what's this little guy?
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(humming) Cute little silver package.
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A ring!
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It's like a little piece of calamari.
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That's cool.
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I don't know what you're supposed...
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Does this go around the...
184
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Oh, no, no. Nope, you squish it,
185
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and you actually stick it up your...
186
00:05:44,899 --> 00:05:46,198
and you are, uh...
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You're open for business.
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Oh, yeah? Okay, cool, well,
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uh, it has the exact
same hormones as the pill
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and it causes blood clots.
191
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Okay, try not to be a pain in the ass,
192
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we have a lot more here.
193
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Now, what is this gizmo?
194
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That's an IUD.
195
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(groaning): Boy, it's off-putting.
196
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- Very long.
- Yeah.
197
00:06:01,849 --> 00:06:03,682
Oh, but you know what I see here?
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00:06:03,684 --> 00:06:06,084
No chemicals, no hormones.
199
00:06:06,086 --> 00:06:07,119
Looks like we've
200
00:06:07,121 --> 00:06:08,528
- got a winner!
- Nope.
201
00:06:08,553 --> 00:06:09,553
- Open wide.
- Don't even...
202
00:06:09,577 --> 00:06:11,300
Yeah, here comes the airplane.
203
00:06:11,325 --> 00:06:13,325
- Come on.
- I'm gonna shove it all...
204
00:06:13,327 --> 00:06:14,760
- I'm just kidding.
- I don't want it!
205
00:06:14,762 --> 00:06:16,562
- I won't, you got pants on.
- Oh, my God.
206
00:06:16,564 --> 00:06:18,197
That thing is filled with copper.
207
00:06:18,199 --> 00:06:19,364
Come on, do you have any other toxins
208
00:06:19,366 --> 00:06:20,499
you want to fill me up with?
209
00:06:20,501 --> 00:06:22,467
Oh, my God, you are the
dumbest smart person
210
00:06:22,469 --> 00:06:23,535
I have ever met in my life.
211
00:06:23,537 --> 00:06:25,103
Fine, you don't want to use condoms,
212
00:06:25,105 --> 00:06:26,572
I guess I'll have to be the condom.
213
00:06:26,574 --> 00:06:27,673
Gross, what does that even mean?
214
00:06:27,675 --> 00:06:29,308
It means I will see to it that you and Kai
215
00:06:29,310 --> 00:06:30,843
never have unprotected sex.
216
00:06:30,845 --> 00:06:32,282
- How?
- I don't have a job
217
00:06:32,307 --> 00:06:33,956
or any hobbies,
I'll figure something out.
218
00:06:33,981 --> 00:06:34,780
CHIP: Hey, Mickey.
219
00:06:34,782 --> 00:06:35,881
I need your signature.
220
00:06:35,883 --> 00:06:37,216
(groaning): Yeah,
221
00:06:37,218 --> 00:06:38,317
I'm not big on paper trails.
222
00:06:38,319 --> 00:06:39,318
What's it for?
223
00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:40,352
Well, I thought about what Jimmy said
224
00:06:40,354 --> 00:06:42,421
and I'm gonna get a vasectomy.
225
00:06:44,619 --> 00:06:47,468
A vasectomy? What the
hell are you talking about?
226
00:06:47,470 --> 00:06:48,536
Jimmy's right, I got
227
00:06:48,538 --> 00:06:50,471
- a big-ass target on my back.
- Jimmy!
228
00:06:50,473 --> 00:06:52,006
Think about it: I'm rich,
229
00:06:52,008 --> 00:06:54,375
I'm smart, I look
like a freakin' movie star,
230
00:06:54,377 --> 00:06:55,676
I'm kind,
231
00:06:55,678 --> 00:06:57,044
and I'd make a great dad.
232
00:06:57,046 --> 00:06:58,412
It's only a matter of time
233
00:06:58,414 --> 00:06:59,580
until some gold-digging whore
234
00:06:59,582 --> 00:07:00,781
lures me into her honey trap.
235
00:07:00,783 --> 00:07:02,650
- JIMMY: What's up?
- Chip here
236
00:07:02,652 --> 00:07:04,118
is thinking about getting a vasectomy.
237
00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:05,853
Oh, right on. You want
me to drive him or something?
238
00:07:05,855 --> 00:07:07,888
No, I don't, because
he's not getting one.
239
00:07:07,890 --> 00:07:09,256
Hey, this is my body.
240
00:07:09,258 --> 00:07:11,392
I should be able to do whatever
the hell I want with it!
241
00:07:11,394 --> 00:07:13,694
- He's got a point.
Nah, don't you... don't start.
242
00:07:13,696 --> 00:07:16,030
He's not getting his balls
chopped off, Jimmy, okay?
243
00:07:16,032 --> 00:07:17,231
Okay, that's not how it works.
244
00:07:17,233 --> 00:07:18,566
It's actually a pretty simple procedure.
245
00:07:18,568 --> 00:07:20,301
They clamp it, snip it, seal it.
246
00:07:20,303 --> 00:07:22,503
I've had it done a couple times
and reversed, so...
247
00:07:22,505 --> 00:07:24,271
Okay, he hasn't even kissed a girl yet.
248
00:07:24,273 --> 00:07:26,807
I've kissed girls, okay?
I kiss... I kiss mad girls!
249
00:07:26,809 --> 00:07:27,775
All right, prove it.
250
00:07:27,777 --> 00:07:28,843
Kiss your hand, show me how
251
00:07:28,845 --> 00:07:30,144
you kiss all these girls.
252
00:07:30,146 --> 00:07:32,279
Okay...
253
00:07:32,281 --> 00:07:33,781
(sighs)
254
00:07:35,518 --> 00:07:39,420
(moaning)
255
00:07:39,422 --> 00:07:42,056
(moaning continues)
256
00:07:42,058 --> 00:07:45,192
(laughing)
257
00:07:45,194 --> 00:07:47,928
Stop laughing, it's not funny!
258
00:07:47,930 --> 00:07:49,630
- I'm sorry.
- What's going on?
259
00:07:49,632 --> 00:07:50,798
Oh, nothing,
260
00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:52,299
we're just, um, making fun of Chip
261
00:07:52,301 --> 00:07:53,501
'cause he's never kissed a girl.
262
00:07:53,503 --> 00:07:55,402
Ah, don't sweat it, little man.
263
00:07:55,404 --> 00:07:57,738
I didn't have my first
kiss till the third grade.
264
00:07:57,740 --> 00:07:58,739
Well, I'm 13.
265
00:07:58,741 --> 00:08:00,474
Hmm. Well,
266
00:08:00,476 --> 00:08:01,642
there's nothing to it.
267
00:08:01,644 --> 00:08:03,444
All you got to do is just close your eyes,
268
00:08:03,446 --> 00:08:05,880
just let the wave wash over you.
269
00:08:07,583 --> 00:08:10,451
(both moaning)
270
00:08:10,453 --> 00:08:12,286
No, no, okay, all right, all right,
271
00:08:12,288 --> 00:08:14,555
hold on. H-Hey. Hang on a second. Wait!
272
00:08:14,557 --> 00:08:16,290
Just stop. Stop! Stop it!
273
00:08:16,292 --> 00:08:17,558
- I mean...
- Stop!
274
00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:20,795
Get out. Good, good.
275
00:08:20,797 --> 00:08:22,296
Good, really good.
276
00:08:22,298 --> 00:08:26,400
Healthy. Healthy as a horse. (laughing)
277
00:08:27,970 --> 00:08:29,303
Jimmy, a word.
278
00:08:29,305 --> 00:08:31,939
What? Oh.
279
00:08:31,941 --> 00:08:34,475
♪ Bounce, come on, bounce, bounce ♪
280
00:08:34,477 --> 00:08:37,211
♪ Come on, bounce... ♪
281
00:08:37,213 --> 00:08:39,547
Oh, my God!
282
00:08:39,549 --> 00:08:41,048
♪ 'Cause I'm the king of the castle ♪
283
00:08:41,050 --> 00:08:42,983
- ♪ Na, na, na ♪
- ♪ Turn me on, turn me loose ♪
284
00:08:42,985 --> 00:08:44,051
♪ Come on, come on ♪
285
00:08:44,053 --> 00:08:45,152
♪ Try to hit it, it's a hassle ♪
286
00:08:45,154 --> 00:08:46,153
♪ Come get some of this... ♪
287
00:08:46,155 --> 00:08:48,122
(gasps, groans)
288
00:08:48,124 --> 00:08:49,657
♪ Play me like Nintendo,
never, ever let go ♪
289
00:08:49,659 --> 00:08:52,159
♪ Keep it so loud,
you'll be hittin' the crescendo ♪
290
00:08:52,161 --> 00:08:53,761
♪ Do Re Mi Fa Sol La Ti Do ♪
291
00:08:53,763 --> 00:08:55,596
♪ Come, baby, come ♪
292
00:08:55,598 --> 00:08:56,931
♪ Baby, baby, come, come ♪
293
00:08:56,933 --> 00:08:58,933
♪ Come, baby, come, baby,
baby, come, come ♪
294
00:08:58,935 --> 00:08:59,867
♪ When you got to give me lovin' ♪
295
00:08:59,869 --> 00:09:01,068
♪ And you got to give me some ♪
296
00:09:01,070 --> 00:09:02,069
♪ You got to give me lovin' ♪
297
00:09:02,071 --> 00:09:03,070
♪ And you got to give me some ♪
298
00:09:03,072 --> 00:09:04,972
(Sabrina yelling)
299
00:09:04,974 --> 00:09:06,774
What are you doing?
300
00:09:06,776 --> 00:09:08,776
(coughing): Oh, come on.
301
00:09:08,778 --> 00:09:10,611
♪ Then you got to give me some ♪
302
00:09:10,613 --> 00:09:12,613
♪ You got to give me lovin',
then you got to give me some ♪
303
00:09:12,615 --> 00:09:15,382
♪ Come on, come on ♪
304
00:09:15,384 --> 00:09:17,952
♪ Come on, come on ♪
305
00:09:17,954 --> 00:09:19,253
♪ Come on, come on ♪
306
00:09:19,255 --> 00:09:21,055
♪ Come on, come on... ♪
307
00:09:21,057 --> 00:09:22,389
Oh!
308
00:09:22,391 --> 00:09:24,158
(laughing)
309
00:09:25,628 --> 00:09:28,596
(whimpering)
310
00:09:29,828 --> 00:09:31,465
- ♪ Well, I can hear the ♪
- ♪ Ring, ring, ring ♪
311
00:09:31,467 --> 00:09:32,800
♪ The telephone goes ring ♪
312
00:09:32,802 --> 00:09:33,834
♪ Hello, hello ♪
313
00:09:33,836 --> 00:09:35,669
♪ But we're still gettin' busy. ♪
314
00:09:35,671 --> 00:09:37,605
Yeah! There we go.
315
00:09:37,607 --> 00:09:39,440
Ooh, stinks in here.
316
00:09:39,442 --> 00:09:40,641
Get a little air flow going.
317
00:09:40,643 --> 00:09:41,909
What are you, insane?
318
00:09:41,911 --> 00:09:43,544
You have nothing better
to do than to stalk me?
319
00:09:43,546 --> 00:09:45,679
You guys just say the word.
320
00:09:45,681 --> 00:09:48,015
Just give 'em to me,
we'll try 'em, you maniac.
321
00:09:48,017 --> 00:09:49,917
Now we're talking.
322
00:09:49,919 --> 00:09:51,051
- (sighing)
- (whirring)
323
00:09:51,053 --> 00:09:52,987
- You kids go nuts.
- (groaning)
324
00:09:54,123 --> 00:09:56,257
(yells)
325
00:09:56,259 --> 00:09:58,659
Whoa...
326
00:09:58,661 --> 00:10:00,561
What is the problem, slugger?
327
00:10:00,563 --> 00:10:03,230
All the girls at my
school are stupid trolls!
328
00:10:03,232 --> 00:10:06,000
Oh, well, you were smart to come to me.
329
00:10:06,002 --> 00:10:07,468
I didn't, you walked into my room.
330
00:10:07,470 --> 00:10:09,136
Yeah, either way.
331
00:10:09,138 --> 00:10:11,238
Tell me about these trolls, pal.
332
00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:13,007
(sighs) They're...
333
00:10:13,009 --> 00:10:15,743
They're not trolls, okay, they just...
334
00:10:15,745 --> 00:10:18,479
they won't... (sighs)
335
00:10:18,481 --> 00:10:19,947
Okay, if I tell you,
336
00:10:19,949 --> 00:10:21,582
you have to promise not to tell anybody.
337
00:10:21,584 --> 00:10:22,750
Yeah, of course.
338
00:10:22,752 --> 00:10:24,852
Mickey's right, I never...
339
00:10:24,854 --> 00:10:27,154
kissed a girl, ever.
340
00:10:27,156 --> 00:10:28,422
Uh-huh.
341
00:10:28,424 --> 00:10:29,657
I tried to do it like Kai,
342
00:10:29,659 --> 00:10:32,159
but they all treated me like
I had freakin' AIDS.
343
00:10:32,161 --> 00:10:34,428
Okay, that's ignorant and insensitive,
344
00:10:34,430 --> 00:10:36,964
but I get how it feels to be rejected.
345
00:10:36,966 --> 00:10:38,599
Trust me, uh...
346
00:10:38,601 --> 00:10:40,434
All right, and Kai,
347
00:10:40,436 --> 00:10:43,316
he's so good looking, it's...
348
00:10:43,341 --> 00:10:45,074
I wouldn't mind taking
a run at him myself.
349
00:10:46,340 --> 00:10:48,509
And he is really giving your aunt and I
350
00:10:48,511 --> 00:10:49,877
a jump-start in the bedroom.
351
00:10:49,879 --> 00:10:51,278
Oh, gross, dude. Know your audience.
352
00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:53,380
I'm sorry. Look, all I'm saying is
353
00:10:53,382 --> 00:10:55,249
you got to be yourself, okay.
354
00:10:55,251 --> 00:10:57,351
Forget Kai and his looks.
355
00:10:57,353 --> 00:10:59,453
You've got things that he
doesn't have, right?
356
00:10:59,455 --> 00:11:01,755
You got to play to those,
play to your strengths.
357
00:11:01,757 --> 00:11:03,691
Right, play to my strengths.
358
00:11:03,693 --> 00:11:05,859
- Thank you, Jimmy.
- Yeah.
359
00:11:05,861 --> 00:11:07,928
(bed frame banging upstairs)
360
00:11:07,930 --> 00:11:10,798
Ugh. What the heck is going on up there?
361
00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:16,503
Your sister's getting fu...
rniture... delivered.
362
00:11:16,505 --> 00:11:18,472
- Huh?
- Pretty cool drawing.
363
00:11:18,474 --> 00:11:20,074
No, it's not. It's terrible.
364
00:11:20,076 --> 00:11:22,876
And how am I supposed
to make anything good
365
00:11:22,878 --> 00:11:25,579
when you won't stop
breathing down my neck?!
366
00:11:25,581 --> 00:11:29,450
Whoa, Benny, what is
going on with you, bud?
367
00:11:29,452 --> 00:11:32,286
You're so moody these days.
368
00:11:32,288 --> 00:11:36,623
Ms. Mickey? Look, I found
these in Sabrina's trash.
369
00:11:36,625 --> 00:11:38,325
Are you serious?
370
00:11:38,327 --> 00:11:39,893
You have to promise me
you will not let her
371
00:11:39,895 --> 00:11:41,929
get pregnant, okay... Prométame.
372
00:11:41,931 --> 00:11:43,964
I prometa. Okay?
373
00:11:43,966 --> 00:11:46,233
I already raised Sabrina, Chip, and Ben.
374
00:11:46,235 --> 00:11:48,569
I cannot do another,
not with all the crying and the...
375
00:11:48,571 --> 00:11:50,304
- And the no sleeping and the diapers.
- I get it. Hey, hey, yes...
376
00:11:50,306 --> 00:11:52,606
- There are just so many diapers.
- I understand, okay.
377
00:11:52,608 --> 00:11:55,209
No, no, no, you don't understand.
378
00:11:55,211 --> 00:11:56,977
I breastfed all three of them.
379
00:11:56,979 --> 00:11:59,246
My nipples are like old chewing gum.
380
00:11:59,248 --> 00:12:02,483
No, no, no, but come on,
good God, that's enough.
381
00:12:02,485 --> 00:12:03,884
I'll figure it out, okay.
382
00:12:03,886 --> 00:12:06,086
I don't want to hear about
your nipples anymore.
383
00:12:06,088 --> 00:12:08,522
- Are we cool on that?
- Yeah, we're good. We're good.
384
00:12:08,524 --> 00:12:11,592
- Okay, good.
- But we got to keep her from seeing him.
385
00:12:11,594 --> 00:12:13,460
No, that's the classic thing.
If we forbid her to see him,
386
00:12:13,462 --> 00:12:14,962
she's just going to want him more.
387
00:12:14,964 --> 00:12:17,564
We got to make her break up with him.
388
00:12:17,566 --> 00:12:20,501
- (gasps) Oh!
- What?
389
00:12:20,503 --> 00:12:22,703
I'm going to bang his
beautiful brains out.
390
00:12:22,705 --> 00:12:25,820
- Oh... yeah.
- Oh... yeah.
391
00:12:26,392 --> 00:12:28,984
Mickey, I got a bad feeling about this.
392
00:12:29,009 --> 00:12:30,950
Sabrina is going to do the murder to you
393
00:12:30,952 --> 00:12:32,418
if you sleep with Kai.
394
00:12:32,420 --> 00:12:34,287
Yeah, well, she'll get over it.
395
00:12:34,289 --> 00:12:37,957
I think it should be me who
carries out this despicable act.
396
00:12:37,959 --> 00:12:41,060
Oh, Alba, that is very generous of you,
397
00:12:41,062 --> 00:12:42,595
but not necessary.
398
00:12:42,597 --> 00:12:44,330
You already do so much for this family.
399
00:12:44,332 --> 00:12:48,034
Oh, well, I really don't do a lot,
400
00:12:48,036 --> 00:12:50,069
and I've been slacking off.
401
00:12:50,071 --> 00:12:52,138
Yeah, it's okay. I... I do this.
402
00:12:52,163 --> 00:12:54,641
Yeah, super thoughtful,
but you know what?
403
00:12:54,643 --> 00:12:56,175
Here's the thing.
404
00:12:56,177 --> 00:12:58,344
Kai's a thoroughbred,
right, and we really need
405
00:12:58,346 --> 00:13:00,847
an experienced jockey riding that horse.
406
00:13:00,849 --> 00:13:02,148
Yeah, but if I could just take a...
407
00:13:02,150 --> 00:13:05,084
Back off, Alba, okay? I'm doing my plan.
408
00:13:05,086 --> 00:13:07,120
KAI (calling out): Hello? Ma'am?
409
00:13:07,122 --> 00:13:08,888
Just be grateful you get to listen.
410
00:13:11,393 --> 00:13:13,927
- Hello?
- Oh, hey, you.
411
00:13:13,929 --> 00:13:15,028
Hey. I got your message.
412
00:13:15,030 --> 00:13:16,029
There's something wrong with your bed?
413
00:13:16,031 --> 00:13:17,630
Jumping right into it, huh?
414
00:13:17,632 --> 00:13:19,499
I like that. Want to have a drink first?
415
00:13:19,501 --> 00:13:23,002
Oh, no, I'm okay. You know,
booze and power tools.
416
00:13:23,004 --> 00:13:25,204
All right, I'll take yours.
417
00:13:25,206 --> 00:13:26,139
Oh.
418
00:13:29,711 --> 00:13:33,713
So, um, what seems to
be the problem over here?
419
00:13:33,715 --> 00:13:36,182
Oh, man, she's creaking like a barn door.
420
00:13:36,184 --> 00:13:38,051
- Oh, yeah?
- Yep.
421
00:13:38,053 --> 00:13:40,353
Hmm, well, I guess
I could tighten a few screws,
422
00:13:40,355 --> 00:13:43,056
but it looks good to me.
423
00:13:43,058 --> 00:13:44,591
It looks good to me, too.
424
00:13:44,593 --> 00:13:48,861
Yeah, okay. Um, let's see.
425
00:13:50,498 --> 00:13:52,165
Yeah, you know, I'm still
not really hearing anything.
426
00:13:52,167 --> 00:13:53,733
You're not hearing it? Yeah.
427
00:13:53,735 --> 00:13:55,301
Oh, I think I know what the problem is.
428
00:13:55,303 --> 00:13:58,905
Normally I'm, huh, on top of it
429
00:13:58,907 --> 00:14:01,007
when I'm hearing the noises,
you know what I mean?
430
00:14:01,009 --> 00:14:03,309
It's, kind of, like... (grunting)
431
00:14:03,311 --> 00:14:06,813
squeak... squeak... squeak, squeak.
432
00:14:06,815 --> 00:14:08,047
You hearing it at all?
433
00:14:08,049 --> 00:14:10,249
Yeah, you know, I'm not hearing it.
434
00:14:10,251 --> 00:14:13,086
Oh, okay. Well, then
I guess let's just start over.
435
00:14:13,088 --> 00:14:14,721
We don't have to overthink it.
436
00:14:14,723 --> 00:14:16,923
Let's go under the bed and
we'll figure out sort of a...
437
00:14:16,925 --> 00:14:19,659
I just want to get out of this here.
438
00:14:19,661 --> 00:14:22,061
You know what, maybe I should... okay.
439
00:14:22,063 --> 00:14:23,863
- Well, hold on. Hang on a second.
- Okay.
440
00:14:23,865 --> 00:14:25,598
I think if we... you just gave
me a second, we could...
441
00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:26,833
Oh!
442
00:14:26,835 --> 00:14:28,601
My goodness, what a launch.
443
00:14:28,603 --> 00:14:31,871
Are you... are you leaving?
Leave. Get out of here.
444
00:14:31,873 --> 00:14:33,673
Get out of my room. Get out of my room
445
00:14:33,675 --> 00:14:35,775
and do not come back.
446
00:14:35,777 --> 00:14:37,644
I could've closed the deal.
447
00:14:37,646 --> 00:14:39,579
Not now, Alba, okay? Not now.
448
00:14:39,581 --> 00:14:42,749
Oh, that bitch, if she wants
to get pregnant, fine, fine.
449
00:14:42,751 --> 00:14:45,218
We're going to help her get pregnant.
450
00:14:45,220 --> 00:14:46,519
Hmm?
451
00:14:53,461 --> 00:14:55,328
Hey, Steffi.
452
00:14:55,330 --> 00:14:56,629
Hey, Chip.
453
00:14:56,631 --> 00:14:59,666
So, uh, did you take that math test?
454
00:14:59,668 --> 00:15:01,534
Oh, my God, it was so hard.
455
00:15:01,536 --> 00:15:04,037
Right? It's like, are we in algebra or,
456
00:15:04,039 --> 00:15:07,073
like, the freakin' space program?
457
00:15:07,075 --> 00:15:09,375
Like, "Earth to algebra,
nobody likes you."
458
00:15:09,377 --> 00:15:13,479
So cool, cool... chill.
459
00:15:13,481 --> 00:15:16,282
Um, well, I just, like,
think you're really,
460
00:15:16,284 --> 00:15:18,117
really pretty and, like, super cool,
461
00:15:18,119 --> 00:15:19,552
and I like hanging out
with you and stuff.
462
00:15:19,554 --> 00:15:22,121
And, like, you're super
freakin' chill and, like,
463
00:15:22,123 --> 00:15:23,356
all that good stuff.
464
00:15:23,358 --> 00:15:24,624
Chip, you don't have to be so nervous.
465
00:15:24,626 --> 00:15:25,792
You can just ask.
466
00:15:25,794 --> 00:15:28,761
Okay. Whew.
467
00:15:28,763 --> 00:15:32,331
Well, I was just wondering if I...
468
00:15:32,333 --> 00:15:35,435
- I could pay you $500 to make out with me?
- What?
469
00:15:35,437 --> 00:15:37,336
Um, you're better than that. $1,000.
470
00:15:37,338 --> 00:15:39,178
- Oh!
- You jerk.
471
00:15:44,412 --> 00:15:46,846
(Sabrina retching)
472
00:15:46,848 --> 00:15:51,284
Damn, Alba, how much ipecac
did you put in that smoothie?
473
00:15:51,286 --> 00:15:52,552
I'm just trying to fake morning sickness,
474
00:15:52,554 --> 00:15:53,853
not blow her guts out.
475
00:15:53,855 --> 00:15:56,389
I'm sorry I'm not the
expert drugger like you.
476
00:15:56,391 --> 00:15:58,057
No, you're not. You guys
are lucky to have me here.
477
00:15:58,059 --> 00:16:01,060
Look what I got online,
a bunch of fake pregnancy tests.
478
00:16:01,062 --> 00:16:03,496
I replaced them with all the
ones under Poodle's sink.
479
00:16:03,498 --> 00:16:04,831
You hand a guy something like this,
480
00:16:04,833 --> 00:16:07,266
he just starts throwing cash at
you, no questions asked.
481
00:16:07,268 --> 00:16:09,702
I like to call it the $600 shuffle.
482
00:16:09,704 --> 00:16:11,904
Yeah, now I just feel depressed.
483
00:16:11,906 --> 00:16:13,106
What are you two doing?
484
00:16:13,108 --> 00:16:14,974
Oh, us? Nothing. We're... we're just,
485
00:16:14,976 --> 00:16:16,709
- you know, we're hanging out.
- Yeah.
486
00:16:16,711 --> 00:16:18,644
No, you're acting weird.
487
00:16:18,646 --> 00:16:19,946
No, we are not.
488
00:16:19,948 --> 00:16:21,714
We are acting as regular as can be.
489
00:16:21,716 --> 00:16:22,715
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
490
00:16:22,717 --> 00:16:24,717
Yes, you are, and I know why.
491
00:16:24,719 --> 00:16:27,420
You don't want to tell me
that you hate my drawing.
492
00:16:27,422 --> 00:16:29,789
You think I don't have
control of the marker,
493
00:16:29,791 --> 00:16:32,125
and this whole art thing
is a waste of my time.
494
00:16:32,127 --> 00:16:34,894
Well, you don't have to tell
me because I already know.
495
00:16:36,898 --> 00:16:38,598
Whoa, what a dick.
496
00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:40,133
What's wrong with him?
497
00:16:40,135 --> 00:16:41,501
I don't know. What's wrong with you?
498
00:16:41,503 --> 00:16:43,236
- You look horrible.
- Oh, yeah.
499
00:16:43,238 --> 00:16:44,871
Well, I've been sick
all day. I don't know.
500
00:16:44,873 --> 00:16:47,440
I think I got to stop drinking
on school nights, you know?
501
00:16:47,442 --> 00:16:51,377
- Or maybe you have a baby inside you.
- Oh, okay.
502
00:16:51,379 --> 00:16:53,479
Well, that's not possible
503
00:16:53,481 --> 00:16:54,781
'cause she's using condoms, right?
504
00:16:54,783 --> 00:16:56,682
- Right. Yeah, of course.
- Yeah, I'm just saying,
505
00:16:56,684 --> 00:16:58,618
maybe you want to take
one of the pregnancy tests
506
00:16:58,620 --> 00:17:00,887
in Poodle's bathroom,
you know, just to be sure.
507
00:17:00,889 --> 00:17:03,222
She's got a good point. It couldn't hurt.
508
00:17:03,224 --> 00:17:04,757
Well, I... I mean, I don't...
509
00:17:04,759 --> 00:17:07,193
(gagging)
510
00:17:07,195 --> 00:17:08,394
Oh, uh-oh.
511
00:17:08,396 --> 00:17:09,595
- Oh, no.
- Get it out.
512
00:17:09,597 --> 00:17:12,665
- Oh, no, no.
- Eh.
513
00:17:12,667 --> 00:17:13,666
(door slams)
514
00:17:13,668 --> 00:17:15,268
She's a tiny person.
515
00:17:15,270 --> 00:17:17,069
Just a little drip, you know what I mean?
516
00:17:17,071 --> 00:17:19,305
(groaning)
517
00:17:19,307 --> 00:17:22,775
Hey, buddy, I'm glad you called.
518
00:17:22,777 --> 00:17:25,378
- I called Mickey.
- Yeah, well, I'm here.
519
00:17:25,380 --> 00:17:27,880
- What's the problem?
- You're the problem.
520
00:17:27,882 --> 00:17:30,183
I-I did what you said.
I played to my strengths,
521
00:17:30,185 --> 00:17:33,052
and Steffi booted my nuts into my throat.
522
00:17:33,054 --> 00:17:36,289
Yeah. Well, don't worry,
they'll drop back down.
523
00:17:36,291 --> 00:17:38,357
- I freakin' hate girls.
- Hey, come on.
524
00:17:38,359 --> 00:17:40,793
You're a young man. This is just beginning.
525
00:17:40,795 --> 00:17:42,395
All right? And to tell you the truth,
526
00:17:42,397 --> 00:17:46,098
I miss the days girls were
blasting me in the junk.
527
00:17:46,100 --> 00:17:47,800
Are you the father?
528
00:17:47,825 --> 00:17:51,881
Uh... I am today.
529
00:17:51,906 --> 00:17:54,073
Well, his scans look okay.
530
00:17:54,075 --> 00:17:55,675
Hopefully the pain
and swelling will subside
531
00:17:55,677 --> 00:17:57,577
in the next few days, but if not,
532
00:17:57,579 --> 00:18:00,213
that could mean something more
serious, maybe even infertility.
533
00:18:00,215 --> 00:18:02,014
What does... what does that mean?
534
00:18:02,016 --> 00:18:04,650
- Well, his...
- I...
535
00:18:04,652 --> 00:18:06,853
I think it means you got your wish.
536
00:18:06,855 --> 00:18:09,322
Congrats on your first vasectomy.
537
00:18:09,324 --> 00:18:10,426
Oh...
538
00:18:12,137 --> 00:18:14,519
And the more that I think about it,
it's not the worst thing
539
00:18:14,544 --> 00:18:16,462
I can't have kids... I can always adopt.
540
00:18:16,464 --> 00:18:17,796
I would not wish that on any
541
00:18:17,798 --> 00:18:19,164
abandoned child in the world.
542
00:18:19,166 --> 00:18:21,233
Psst, Mickey. She's coming.
543
00:18:21,235 --> 00:18:22,434
- Yeah?
- She's coming, she's coming.
544
00:18:22,436 --> 00:18:24,169
Okay, okay. Shh.
Keep a straight face, okay.
545
00:18:24,171 --> 00:18:25,604
All right, play it cool.
We're going to make her look
546
00:18:25,606 --> 00:18:27,039
like a real scumbag.
547
00:18:27,041 --> 00:18:29,508
- She is going to freak.
- Yeah.
548
00:18:29,510 --> 00:18:32,378
- Hi, everybody.
- Hey.
549
00:18:32,380 --> 00:18:35,080
Uh, so, Kai and I, we have some news.
550
00:18:35,082 --> 00:18:36,648
What? What is this news?
I don't know what it could be.
551
00:18:36,650 --> 00:18:38,684
Okay, what is the news?
552
00:18:38,686 --> 00:18:41,487
I don't really know how to say this,
so I'm just gonna...
553
00:18:41,489 --> 00:18:44,123
- put it out there.
- MICKEY: Go for it.
554
00:18:44,125 --> 00:18:45,124
I'm pregnant.
555
00:18:45,126 --> 00:18:46,225
(gasps)
556
00:18:46,227 --> 00:18:48,127
There we go. The first dilution
557
00:18:48,129 --> 00:18:49,528
of the Pemberton bloodline.
558
00:18:49,530 --> 00:18:50,896
Well, this is shocking.
559
00:18:50,898 --> 00:18:52,631
I had zero ideas about this.
560
00:18:52,633 --> 00:18:55,100
Who would ever know this to
be true? Shame, shame.
561
00:18:55,102 --> 00:18:57,736
As you can see, we are shocked, okay,
562
00:18:57,738 --> 00:19:00,172
and you are a moron, Sabrina.
563
00:19:00,174 --> 00:19:02,508
How could you do this?
I told you this was going to happen.
564
00:19:02,510 --> 00:19:06,945
You were right. I'm a big stupid idiot.
565
00:19:06,947 --> 00:19:08,914
My whole life is ruined.
566
00:19:08,916 --> 00:19:10,649
(Sabrina sobbing)
567
00:19:10,651 --> 00:19:12,151
What did you do to our little girl,
you son of...?
568
00:19:12,153 --> 00:19:14,386
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Stop it. No, no, no.
569
00:19:14,388 --> 00:19:16,922
It's a... sorry. You guys, I'm sorry.
570
00:19:16,924 --> 00:19:18,657
This is a big misunderstanding.
571
00:19:18,659 --> 00:19:22,094
Ma'am, ma'am,
with all due respect, I got this.
572
00:19:22,096 --> 00:19:25,397
Babe, babe, look at me, okay.
Listen to me, I love you.
573
00:19:25,399 --> 00:19:27,032
And we're going to have a baby.
574
00:19:27,034 --> 00:19:29,968
- Yeah, well, that's the thing.
- Ma'am!
575
00:19:29,970 --> 00:19:32,171
How cool is that? Hmm?
576
00:19:32,173 --> 00:19:36,175
I get to build him a
crib and a rocking horse,
577
00:19:36,177 --> 00:19:37,943
and a whole friggin'
house to put it all in.
578
00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:41,980
I mean...
579
00:19:41,982 --> 00:19:44,716
you know what?
580
00:19:44,718 --> 00:19:46,085
Screw it.
581
00:19:46,087 --> 00:19:49,855
- What the hell is happening?
- Ma'am!
582
00:19:49,857 --> 00:19:51,356
Sabrina Pemberton,
583
00:19:51,358 --> 00:19:53,625
- I love you.
- Mm...
584
00:19:53,627 --> 00:19:54,626
Will you marry me, baby?
585
00:19:54,628 --> 00:19:57,096
Yes, I will marry you.
586
00:19:57,098 --> 00:19:59,298
Okay, great. Yeah, that's
the thing I was going to say
587
00:19:59,300 --> 00:20:01,133
is that she's not pregnant.
588
00:20:01,135 --> 00:20:02,534
- That's good.
- What?
589
00:20:02,536 --> 00:20:03,702
She's not pregnant. You're not pregnant.
590
00:20:03,704 --> 00:20:06,538
- What do you mean?
- Alba and I...
591
00:20:06,540 --> 00:20:12,010
Well, we wanted to teach you a
lesson, you know, so we...
592
00:20:12,012 --> 00:20:15,681
So I-I hope you learned.
593
00:20:15,683 --> 00:20:18,016
I can't... it's gone off the rails a bit.
594
00:20:18,018 --> 00:20:19,017
I'm not really sure...
595
00:20:19,019 --> 00:20:23,555
Okay. Well, thank you.
596
00:20:23,557 --> 00:20:26,692
Yes, you're welcome.
597
00:20:26,694 --> 00:20:28,096
Wait, for what?
598
00:20:28,121 --> 00:20:30,073
Well, if you didn't do that,
I never would've found out
599
00:20:30,097 --> 00:20:33,065
what an amazing man Kai is.
600
00:20:33,067 --> 00:20:34,433
Oh, my God, do you
still want to marry me?
601
00:20:34,435 --> 00:20:36,101
- What?
- More than anything.
602
00:20:36,103 --> 00:20:37,870
- No.
- No baby, fake baby.
603
00:20:37,872 --> 00:20:39,338
Yeah, that's the same thing, though.
604
00:20:39,340 --> 00:20:40,639
You hear that? It's
kind of the same thing.
605
00:20:40,641 --> 00:20:42,508
♪ Sabrina's getting married ♪
606
00:20:42,510 --> 00:20:45,144
Wait...
607
00:20:45,146 --> 00:20:49,615
Sabrina's getting married? (crying)
608
00:20:49,617 --> 00:20:51,083
Okay, what the hell's
going on with this one?
609
00:20:51,085 --> 00:20:56,855
Huh? I'm happy and sad...
610
00:20:56,857 --> 00:20:58,657
and mad.
611
00:20:58,659 --> 00:21:01,059
Come on, Ben,
what's going on with you, buddy?
612
00:21:01,061 --> 00:21:03,829
I'm just a big, fat, no-talent loser.
613
00:21:03,831 --> 00:21:07,065
Even your magic pills couldn't help.
614
00:21:07,067 --> 00:21:09,727
- What magic pills?
- The ones in your purse.
615
00:21:09,752 --> 00:21:13,531
I filled it with other pills
so I wouldn't get in trouble.
616
00:21:13,532 --> 00:21:15,704
Are you talking about
my birth control?
617
00:21:15,729 --> 00:21:19,757
That's not good, because Jimmy
and I have been... a lot.
618
00:21:19,782 --> 00:21:22,445
- Uh...
- I'm gonna be a dad.
619
00:21:22,470 --> 00:21:25,050
- No, no, no.
- I'm gonna be a da...