Seriously, you idiots haven't figured this out by now?
It all started when we blew up the time pigs,
the Time Masters,
now history's all screwed up, and it's up to us
to unscrew it up.
Half the time, we screw things up even worse.
So don't call us heroes, we're something else.
We're legends.
Who writes this crap anyway?
Previously on “Legends of Tomorrow”...
Have either of you gentlemen heard of the Spear of Destiny?
Yes, it was the spear that was purportedly used
to penetrate the side of Christ after he died on the cross.
And now, it can be used to rewrite reality itself.
Then what would the Speedster need the Spear of Destiny for?
He could just go back and change history himself.
Changes to history cause timequakes and aberrations,
which we can undo.
Changes to reality, however, those are permanent.
Who's coming for you?
It's not a who. It's a...
It's a what.
He can sense the Speed Force.
And it's trying to kill me.
You created an interface between a mystical relic
from the first century and a 22nd-century supercomputer.
A deep scan reveals that Captain Hunter's
neural architecture has been reprogrammed
with a new identity.
It's a mnemonic archive, designed to store memories.
Rip Hunter's.
Including the locations of the other pieces
of the spear, I hope.
We would hardly be doing Captain Hunter any favors
if we just restored the memories without taking the liberty
to address some of his shortcomings.
Can I help you with something, soldier?
No, General Washington, I'm fine.
You, on the other hand...
Stand at ease.
Gentlemen, General Washington is dead.
Hooray!
Now, I know you would all like nothing more than to return home
from these godforsaken colonies,
but the rebellion is not yet quelled.
The fight is not yet finished.
But that doesn't mean we have to fight fair, now does it?
These Americans...
they call themselves patriots,
but they will die as traitors.
Grab yourselves a rifle, lads.
After all, it's Christmas.
You killed George Washington.
Yes, I know.
Well, that should get my former teammates' attention,
and when they travel back in time to save him,
I'll be there waiting for them with open arms.
Well, not too open, I hope.
No, have no fear, Mr. Thawne.
I have no lingering attachment.
Ah, in that case, kill them all,
collect their fragment of the Spear of Destiny,
and bring it to me.
Whoever knew time travel would be so much fun?
- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans - -- www.Addic7ed.com --
How long till Lily's interface tracks down another piece
of the Spear of Destiny?
I don't know. I'm beginning to think
our supercomputer is not so super.
I heard that.
You try processing 1.2 zettabytes of data.
Rip's probably being tortured by the Legion of Doom right now.
The sooner we can locate another piece of the spear,
the sooner we can set a trap and rescue him.
I could always reroute power to my sub-neural
processing unit by shutting off life support.
Oh, you're lippy this morning, Gideon.
I like it.
I wasn't joking.
Old buddy, old pal?
New news, I found rat droppings in my room.
And you're telling me this because?
'Cause rats follow crumbs. Crumbs you drop
any time you eat anything.
What would you have me do then,
use a knife and fork?
I would have you clean up after yourself.
We've been all over time.
That rat could have bubonic plague.
Ah!
I've overstepped. I see that now.
You know, I thought I was gonna hate Ray's chore wheel,
but breakfast duty's kind of fun.
And it tastes way better than a food fabricator.
- It feels almost normal. - Right?
I don't know what day of the week it is.
That I don't know how they got used to.
See, that's the problem with the Temporal Zone.
You don't know if it's Sunday. You don't know if it's Monday.
And Sunday should feel different than Monday.
I love what we do. I do.
It's just sometimes I just wish I could get off this ship.
- Yeah, exactly. - Yeah.
I just wanna breathe some fresh air and see some trees.
You know, when I first moved from Zambesi to D.C.,
I used go camping every weekend.
I just love being outside, under the stars.
That sounds terrible and cold and miserable.
I'm a city guy, and that does not work for me whatsoever.
What, is there something on my face?
A little.
Can you please get it off?
Okay.
- Um... I should go get the... - No, um...
Um, what was that?
Did you guys feel that timequake?
It must have been a monster aberration.
Gideon?
The shock wave's point of origin
was December 25th, 1776.
That's the night George Washington
led the Continental Army across the Delaware.
- Huh. - I'm afraid not.
General Washington was murdered that Christmas.
This is a trap.
It's Chicago all over again.
Thawne and his buddies are trying to lure us into 1776.
- Very effectively, I might add. - Yeah.
You wish to speak, Mr. Rory? I noticed the death
of our forefather hasn't diminished your appetite.
Mm, Washington's a punk.
He led America to independence and became its first President.
Well, without Washington, America wouldn't have democracy.
Or "Hamilton".
If Washington's so cool, why his he on the $1 bill
and Franklin's on the $100 bill?
Now he's cool.
He is cool, but he didn't lead the troops
across the Delaware in a sneak attack.
Washington did. And, if that offensive fails,
the American Revolution fails, and the United States
- ceases to exist. - Like I said, trap.
Well, surely you're not suggesting we do nothing.
No, we have to save Washington.
We just need to be careful about it.
Let's buckle up.
Wait, how do we even know where to find Washington?
The night before crossing the Delaware,
Washington was in Pennsylvania at the home of William Keith.
So we're just gonna break into someone's house
- on Christmas Eve? - Yep, just like Santa.
Keith would've thrown a Christmas banquet
for Washington and his men.
Ooh, secret mission on Christmas Eve.
Congratulations, Mick, you just became
a private in the U.S. Army.
Nate, Amaya, you two will pose as wealthy newlyweds
eager to make a contribution to the revolutionary cause.
Jax and Stein, quarterback the mission
from the ship. At the first sign of trouble,
you Firestorm up.
Ray, I need you to miniaturize down in the ATOM suit...
A toy in a Christmas stocking.
And run reconnaissance.
All right, let's go save America.
A Christmas banquet in 1776. This is so...
Stupid.
- Where's your Christmas spirit? - Ho-ho-ho.
- Ah, you're from Boston. - Mm-hmm.
Tell me, are you familiar with the Sons of Liberty?
Oh, intimately, my wife and I are avid...
We're... we're avid supporters.
This is your wife?
- Yes. - We're newlyweds, actually.
Brand new.
Ah, well, they, um, they certainly do things
differently up in Boston.
Could I interest you in a glass of eggnog, ma'am?
Thanks.
It's got a kick.
It's my wife Martha's recipe.
A little heavy on the rum, but, in these trying times,
I believe extra rum is warranted.
Martha...
You're George Washington.
At your service.
Now tell me, from which of our 13 fair colonies
do you hail from?
The first one.
Get him out of there, Sara.
General Washington, we have to go.
I don't have time to explain, but your life is in danger.
Hold position!
We need to go.
I will not retreat.
I insist.
Georgie, out the back, now.
You are a most unusual woman.
- Oh!
- Shall we dance? - What?
Dip.
Merry Christmas!
Oof!
What happened to the power?
How would I know?
You're supposed to be the engineer.
Ah, oof. Oh.
Guys, my suit just died.
Guys? Hello?
Whoa, hey! Ah!
Nate, Nate!
Hey, hey, look down here!
Ray?
- My gun, it's fried! - We should turn back.
Protecting you is our first priority.
Rip?
Rip.
- How did you get here? - I don't like this.
Rip.
Hello, Sara.
Good-bye, Sara.
Son of a bitch.
Mr. Rory, we meet again.
What the hell is wrong with you?
On the contrary, nothing has ever been
more right.
If anything, we're a bit more alike now, aren't we?
Take them away!
Come on, hang in there, Sara. Hang in there.
Don't worry, died once. Wasn't a fan.
We need Gideon's medical capabilities
to extract the bullet and repair any internal damage.
If we merge, we can use Firestorm's nuclear energy
to repair the time drive and get Gideon back online.
Brilliant.
What's happening?
Whatever fried the ship must've done the same thing
to our Quantum Splicer, like an EMP.
Which explains why Raymond is stuck
in a miniaturized state.
- Jax... - I'll find another way
to get Gideon online, you just...
You just hang in there.
Jax...
it was Rip.
What? No, no, no, that's not possible.
The Legion must've found some way to turn him.
No, they could never...
Well, apparently, they have, but our mission remains clear.
- We must save Washington. - And Rory.
That was implied.
Whatever the Legion's done to Rip, we gotta get him back.
Jax, I'm putting you in charge.
Well... me? But, I...
You got this.
Sara? Sara!
- Grey, do something. - She's still alive.
I'll try to stabilize her, but we need Gideon.
I don't know how to be a Captain, man.
Yes, you do, Jefferson.
Okay.
Sara's still hanging on, and Grey's taking care of her.
And she's put me in charge.
Me and mini Ray will work on restoring the ship's power.
You and Amaya need to rescue Washington
so he can cross the Delaware.
Saving a President, a nation, and Christmas.
- And Rory. - That was implied.
Listen, Rip's out there too, but his brain's been scrambled
by the Legion, so we need to bring him back.
I mean, if he's been brainwashed, then...
No, we gotta save him. No matter what it takes.
Okay.
I'm gonna find that skinny little Englishman
and strangle him to death.
You take the front, I take the rear.
If we face them now, they will surely kill us, Private.
They're gonna kill us anyway.
If the British wanted us dead, they'd have done it already.
When we reach camp, I will talk to their commanding officer
and arrange a prisoner exchange.
There are rules to war.
Yeah, kill or be killed.
British high command will treat us honorably,
just as I treat prisoners, with honor.
Now I know why Franklin's on the $100 bill.
I bet you 100 yous you're wrong.
Excuse me?
Oh, forget it.
I hate Christmas.
Wait, so Rip became Phil,
and now he's Rip again, but evil?
They went this way.
How do you know that? Are you using
your magical animal powers?
No, I figured that out by following
Rory's trail of trash.
Huh.
Smell that fresh air?
We're outside. Back on the ship,
you said you wanted to be outside.
It's kind of hard to appreciate the scenery
when you're tracking George Washington at the eve
of the American Revolution.
Good point.
We are not in Kansas anymore.
Wait, I know that one.
That's from a movie called "The Wizard of Oz".
Right, when I was a kid, I would run out of the room
any time the flying monkeys come on.
I do not care for flying monkeys.
I saw that with Bobby Padusky.
Wait a minute, so there was life before Rex?
What was dating like in 1939?
Dating?
You mean courting?
Okay, courting, yeah.
Well, Bobby was always the perfect gentleman.
I never got to see the end of "The Wizard of Oz" though.
He got freaked out by the flying monkeys too, huh?
No, Hitler invaded Poland,
and the JSA had to ship out to Europe.
Hitler ruins everything.
Okay, the Time Core's inside the engine room,
but with the power off, I can't get past
- the door security. - This is where I come in.
I'll go through the main duct, take a left at this L-bracket,
this vent opens into the engine room,
where I can flip the breaker.
I get that Rip is now somehow evil,
but does he really have to try to kill
Washington on Christmas?
Any progress?
No, we're working on it.
How's Sara?
I'm afraid she can't wait any longer.
We need to remove the bullet now.
Okay.
Uh, guys, what was that?
Someone's at the door.
Heave!
Put your backs into it! Heave!
It's Rip. He's trying to get in.
And thanks to his EMP, every weapon on this ship
has been rendered useless.
No doubt the Legion has tasked him with recovering
our fragment of the spear.
I'll handle Rip. You operate on Sara.
Damn it, Jefferson, I'm a physicist, not a doctor.
And I'm a mechanic, not a Captain.
So I guess we're both trying out new things today.
So what's dating like in 2017? You still go to the movies?
Uh, sure, but, you know, you gotta work up to it.
Two hours is a big-time commitment.
- It is? - Yeah, nowadays,
we got dating down to a science.
There's an app on your phone. If you like somebody,
you swipe right. If you don't, you swipe left.
And if you both swipe right, you send each other a message.
So you use a telephone to find a wife?
Wife? No, no wife.
People don't date for marriage.
They just date for, you know, fun.
Fun.
Okay, future history lesson.
Back in the 1960s, there was a social movement
called the sexual revolution where women
could have sex for pleasure.
Nowadays, relationships are just... chill.
- Chill? - Yeah.
We're being watched.
- You sure you heard someone? - Shh.
I mean, I hear the sound of rushing water,
but I don't think anyone else is out here.
Aah!
Hessians.
That's cool.
Nate?
The Hessians must've planned to camp here for the night.
Oh, I'm so cold. I've never been so cold.
- Why aren't you cold? - 'Cause I'm stronger than you.
And I summoned the ashe of a seal as I dove in.
Seals are cute.
You're suffering from hypothermia.
You're not thinking clearly.
You're not thinking clearly. You're the one
who doesn't think seals are cute.
Whatever, I'm tired of arguing with you.
I'm just gonna take a nap.
No, Nathaniel, stay awake.
I'm awake. I'm up.
No, I'm not.
You need skin on skin contact.
My body heat will keep you warm.
This isn't how I pictured getting you naked.
You pictured getting me naked?
Mm-hmm.
Nate? Nate?
Nate.
You're pretty.
And... and you're so warm.
You're so warm.
For England!
Come on, you bastards, heave!
And this is why I avoided medical school.
All right, Martin, hold it together.
You can do this.
You have to do this.
Whoa, the ship looks a lot different
when you're the size of an action figure.
Mm, it's good to be home.
Fan out.
Kill anyone you find.
Ooh, very clever.
Now, which one of my former teammates could possibly
be fighting back, hmm?
Well, I believe Ms. Lance is dead.
Professor Stein is a little over the hill
for these sort of shenanigans,
and Doctor Palmer is a trifle too small.
Give it up, Jax!
I taught you everything you know about the Waverider.
There's nowhere to hide, Jax.
I know every nook and cranny on this ship.
General Washington, as I live and breathe.
Lieutenant General Cornwallis.
I would've preferred to meet you on the field of battle.
I must give credit where credit is due.
I have a new colonel who's most impressive.
One might say he's ahead of his time.
If you two are done yapping, I'd like my last meal.
Take these men to my tent, and have them well fed.
You'll both be hung in the morning.
Sounds exciting. What'd I tell you, Georgie boy?
I am an officer in the Continental Army, sir.
You must treat me as a prisoner of war
in a manner which is befitting of my rank.
This is not a war. This is a rebellion.
And you will be hanged for treason
against King George III.
Wait, you mustn't punish him.
This man is only guilty of following orders.
I'm guilty of a lot more than that.
He will be returned to his regiment tomorrow
with news of your death.
Is my underwear out there?
You weren't wearing any.
That's embarrassing.
Just so you know, that water was very cold,
so if you happened to have sneaked a peek,
it's not a fair representation of...
Nate, I wasn't looking down there.
Because that would be unprofessional.
We'll wait for our clothes to dry and then continue
tracking Rory and Washington.
Wait.
You're gonna wait out there?
It's warm by the fire.
It's warmer in the tent.
If you're implying what I think you're implying,
you don't think that's a little fast?
Even by your modern standards?
No.
I suppose, after all we've been through,
a kiss would seem quaint.
It would seem old-fashioned.
Mr. Jackson!
Man, this guy's really starting to piss me off.
You can't run forever, Mr. Jackson.
Hmm, something tells me I'm getting warmer.
Nope, colder.
Man, the Legion really must've fried your brain.
I bet you couldn't even find your own ass
with both hands and a flashlight.
I don't want to hurt you, Jax.
Yeah, says the guy who shot Sara.
A small price to pay for the Spear of Destiny,
don't you think?
Imagine the power we would wield if we reunited the fragments.
You mean Eobard Thawne. You're just his errand boy.
It's a job that the Legion will reward me handsomely for,
as they would you.
You think you can bribe me?
I'm not a traitor like you.
There's nothing you could offer me.
What, not even your father's life?
Think about it, Jax.
The spear allows us to rewrite reality.
Now, if you were to help me, your father no longer
has to ship off to battle.
He would no longer have to die in that ambush.
Your mother would no longer be a widow, and you...
The only way you're getting that spear
is by prying it from my cold, dead hands.
Oh, well, that works too.
When they change shifts, I'm gonna bust us out of here.
Are you really so anxious to die?
I argued for your life, Mr. Rory.
That's why I'm taking you with me.
I'd rather die a gentleman
than return to Mount Vernon a scoundrel.
I trust that I may depend on you to deliver this
to my wife, Martha?
Consider it a last request.
Listen, you fop. You can give it to her yourself.
Or are you too much of a pansy?
I've been a soldier since I was 20 years old,
but our cause is the cause of all men:
to be treated equally, regardless
of hereditary privilege.
We must prove to the world that you don't need
a title to be a gentleman.
The British may be dishonorable, but I am not.
By my death, I will prove to the Crown
what it means to be an American.
You don't know the first thing about being an American.
We're misfits, outcasts, and we're proud of it.
If they attack in formation, we pop them off from the trees.
If they challenge you to a duel, you raid their camp at night.
And if they're gonna hang you, you fight dirty
and you never, ever give up.
That's the American way.
What's it gonna be, George?
- Hi. - Hi.
How long were we asleep?
Maybe an hour?
- An hour? - Yeah.
What about General Washington and Rory?
All right, slow down.
We have to go.
I'm up, just need to get dressed,
unless you think we have time for, you know...
We have a job to do.
Okay, please don't let this kill me.
Ah, you managed to turn on the auxiliary power,
Mr. Jackson. Well done.
Hey, come on, man.
You're Captain Rip Hunter.
The man who recruited a bunch of reject super heroes
to not save his family?
Don't tell me you miss that self-righteous idiot.
This isn't you.
Whatever the Legion's done to turn you
into their puppet, you...
Captain Rip Hunter was the puppet!
First of the Time Masters, and then to some misguided duty
to protect history.
Can't you see, Jax?
My new allies, they freed me.
Looks like this will be your last Christmas.
Wait, I know where the piece of the spear is.
Hmm. Smart play.
Show me.
Oh, rats.
You're a good man, Rip.
Even when you disappeared, we carried on
because that's what you wanted.
No, because the old Rip was a fool for believing
that time is worth saving, and you were even bigger fools
for believing him.
Now, my patience is wearing thin.
Where's the spear fragment?
In the same place you left it.
Humph.
I think I'll let you do the honors.
Oh, you.
I underestimated you, Jax.
And I won't make that mistake again.
Aw.
Well, I'm sorry to interrupt this tender moment.
- Get away from her. - Not another step.
Now, one last time, where's the piece of the spear?
Don't make me ask you again.
I'm not telling you nothing.
Very well.
There's no reason both of you have to die tonight.
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
The piece of the spear's inside your telescope.
Now just... just let her go.
Rip.
Rip, it's Sara.
Come on, it's Sara.
You say her name as if she's supposed to matter to me.
She doesn't.
No, no, no, no, no. Sara, Sara.
Honest to a fault, Jax.
Jefferson?
I told him.
I told him where to find the piece of the spear.
He just killed her anyway.
Where's Raymond?
It's too late.
Where are you going?
I'm gonna find Rip, and I'm gonna kill him.
No, Jefferson, wait.
Raymond, if you can hear me,
you must get the main power online.
Without Gideon, I can't save her.
This is why we have a chore wheel!
Whoa!
Whoa, that is a long way down,
but you weren't captain
of the varsity diving team for nothing.
Oh, man.
Three, two, one.
One! Come on.
Whoa! Aah!
Yes! Ha!
Hello, Professor, how can I be of assistance?
Gideon, thank God.
Ms. Lance is, uh, how shall I put this...
Dead?
Delicate, as always.
Luckily, her brain cells are still functioning.
Let's see what I can do, shall we?
Um, guys? A little help here?
Guys? Hello?
Any last words?
In fact, I've learned a new word from my Private.
Kaboom.
Take them down!
All right.
Come on, Georgie boy.
Whoa.
If you're expecting me to blink, it's gonna be a long day.
Oof!
A gentleman would stay and fight,
but as an American, I suggest we run.
Don't move!
You haven't got it in you.
You didn't have to kill her.
Sara wasn't supposed to die, not like that, not by you.
There's no rhyme nor reason to any of this, Jax.
History is war and slavery
and holding your dead son in your arms.
There's no point in protecting history,
so we might as well just burn it all down.
I haven't got all day for this.
If you're gonna shoot me, then, please, get on with it.
I will make it easier for you.
No?
Well, it's just as I thought.
You're weak.
Just like your old Captain.
Don't.
Sara?
What?
Gideon and Stein saved me.
It looks like Rip put together a pretty good team.
Will you put the gun down, Jax?
No.
I think you should listen to your friend.
Shut up!
He's with the Legion now.
The Rip we know is gone.
You know what day it is, Jax?
It's December 25th.
It's Christmas.
It's when we remember to be our best selves.
Why are you protecting him?
I'm not protecting him.
I'm protecting you.
Gah.
Speaking of Christmas miracles,
the British are coming.
To fighting like an American.
I always do.
Ah, it's not bad.
Listen, Georgie,
I got some thoughts on the criminal justice system...
This is last of them.
You should be back to a fair fight now.
Your troops are waiting for you outside, General Washington.
I don't understand much of what I've seen,
but the world is changing.
And you are no small part of that.
Sir.
Well, Georgie, it's... It's been a pleasure.
But, uh...
Mm.
Oh, uh, you can deliver this love letter yourself.
This is no love letter.
It's a battle strategy.
I wanted to ensure my men would receive it
in the event of my death.
The Hessians will be receiving
a Christmas surprise this evening.
Ah, you sneaky bastard.
You're not such a gentleman after all.
Your rebel spirit, your steadfastness,
your crass yet effective use of language,
you, Mr. Rory, represent the best
of what our new nation can be.
Yes, yes, I do.
All right.
Gideon, is the American Revolution
back on track?
Yes, history has been restored.
Though there is now
a statue in the nation's capital
that bears a striking resemblance
to Mr. Rory.
So, how you feeling, Captain?
Good, considering.
Well, it's good to have you back.
And I think I'm just about done being in charge for a while.
Oh, I don't know.
I think you did a pretty good job.
I told Rip where to find the piece of the spear.
I...
How do you do it?
How do you make the right choice even when there isn't one?
You remember the mission.
And what you're fighting for.
And you try to hold on to your humanity.
And surround yourself with people
who remind you of that,
even in your darkest hour.
- Gah! - Whoa!
Whoo!
Well, would you care to do the honors?
You certainly know your way around a knife.
Well, the League never covered poultry,
but I'll give it a shot.
Ouch!
Whoa!
I'm certainly glad to be human sized again.
Man, it's good to have you back.
This Christmas dinner idea? It might be your best one yet.
It makes it feel kind of like home.
Yeah, right down to the drunk uncle.
Careful, Haircut. I'm your forefather now.
- That's true. - Hey, I got you a gift.
Ah.
Dude, the hell?
A rat.
We made friends.
- I got you something too. - No, no, no, no, no.
If that's a mouse, then I'm good, homie.
Hey, I had the Fabrication Room
- working overtime on this. - Nathaniel...
What? Can't one teammate get another
a perfectly meaningless gift?
Is this meaningless?
I don't know, maybe, maybe not.
Look, I'm glad last night happened.
- It was fun. - It was a lot of fun.
But I still think teammates shouldn't fraternize.
I totally agree.
This is what you wanted, right?
I mean, you said the future was "chill."
Me, I am the ambassador of chill.
Merry Christmas, Amaya.
Yeah.
All right, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays,
and whatever people say who exist outside the timeline.
Now, I know that it may seem like
we don't have anything to celebrate.
Rip's been brainwashed and took our piece
of the Spear of Destiny.
There's a monument in Washington D.C. to Rory.
But... we saved America,
and we're gonna save Rip
and get back the rest of the spear,
because as powerful as the Legion may be,
they don't have this.
Family.
And we all know nobody fights like family.
Here, here.
Cheers.
To family.
- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans - -- www.Addic7ed.com --