ALLY: Previously on Ally McBeal:
Hey, hey, hey!
- No, it's not what you think. - What's going on?
I was going for the remote.
I don't think it's working out.
- Sorry. - Wait. Wait!
- Do we need to talk or are we done? - We're done.
- You're going to L.A.? - Just R and R.
Want to get in the same room as your dreams, Jane?
- Freeze! - Down on the floor!
She's a hooker?
We want to broaden ourselves culturally.
- I don't want to stop seeing you but... - I'm very monogamous.
When I'm in a relationship, I'm in the relationship.
If you're in a relationship with me, Elaine, you need to act like it.
No, now, who said anything about redecorating?
If we cohabitate, we co-decorate. End of discussion.
- I won't debate it. - Men cannot decorate.
- It's nature. It is genetic. - All right.
And men, by nature, need to mark their turf.
So tomorrow, I tell you, we're going to Sears to get a sofa.
Shush, I'm trying... There's Elaine and Mark.
Wait, that's not Mark.
- No, that's not Mark. - Wait, who is that guy?
- I don't like the looks of this. - Slow down.
It's probably a cousin or a friend. Can't women have friends?
Oops.
Oh.
See? She's not into it. She's being polite, she wants him to go away.
What the hell?
VONDA SINGS: I've been down this road
The Pursuit of Happiness
Walking the line That's painted by pride
And I have made mistakes in my life
That I just can 't hide
Oh, I believe I am ready
For what love has to bring
I got myself together
Yeah, now I'm ready to sing
I've been searching my soul tonight
I know there's so much more to life
Now I know I can shine a light
To find my way back home
Oh, baby, yeah
Oh, yeah
First up, welcome back John and me. L.A. Was great. We missed you all.
How was L.A.? You find what you were looking for?
Yes. Warm people. It was a culture shock, you snippy-assed Popsicle.
- John. JOHN: She started it.
- She called me an imbecile. - No, she didn't.
She implied it with her little "How was L.A.?" tone.
She disparaged the idea of us going there with tone.
Her putdowns are tonal.
I'm senior partner. Look at the damn firm resume.
Senior partners needn't tolerate snippy tones from platinum-dyed Popsicles.
- Move along, Richard. We're busy. - Okay.
Gilbert Breen, old client, getting married, coming in to update his will.
Jackson, you do trusts and estates. Meet with him.
Bride's beautiful. He's not. Did I mention he's fat, bald, rich?
Just to be safe, prenup.
- Thompson versus Thompson Shipping. - Mine.
- Share. - He runs a shipping company.
His son's declaring him incompetent because he's happy.
- Happy? - Yes.
What, being happy makes a person incompetent? Now, that's bloody rich.
Elaine? Can I speak to you for a second?
Oh, sure.
- How are you? - What's wrong?
I'm just curious. We haven't spoken in a while.
Everything okay? How are you and Mark?
We're doing fine. Why?
- Are you two still seeing each other? - Yes.
- Exclusively? - Ally, what are you getting at?
I walked by your place...
...and saw you kissing another man. Then I watched you drag him inside.
- Oh. - Oh.
That all you have to say? "Oh"?
Do I owe you an explanation?
No, you don't owe me. But I really want to know.
- I slipped. - You "slipped"?
It was a man. I was in a dating service a year ago.
We slept with each other on tape before he left town. Now, he's back.
We ran into each other and agreed to lunch.
Then we rescheduled for an evening. I had some wine.
I gave him a short kiss. Then I slipped.
Did you make love to him?
- A little. - "A little"?
Ally, I am extremely ashamed of myself.
You have no idea how it feels to see myself through your eyes.
Nelle? I just want to say I'm sorry for my hostility.
I think, truth be told, I'm just missing Melanie.
I understand, John.
And if I can help in any way...
Poop.
- So when is the wedding? - Well, May 5th. Cinco de Mayo.
Excellent. Anything specific in regards to the will?
Just, well, going from being a bachelor to a couple.
Ally?
Could you help? Julie, I need a list of beneficiaries:
Friends, family, people you bequeath to, names we need to add.
Could you sit with Ally, think of who you'd want to name?
Lt'll only take a second.
- Sure. - Okay.
My father built this company on his toughness.
I wouldn't call him ruthless, but many did.
- Then, after the accident... - Could you tell us about the accident?
He was at the docks and was hit on the head by loading equipment.
The doctors say the trauma caused a structural lesion on his brain.
Basically, it's a blood clot. It changed him.
- Changed him how? - Well, he became nice.
The clot releases a chemical that makes him euphoric.
- He's happy all the time now. - And this is a problem?
It is to run a company. He's lost his edge.
He doesn't care about getting the best deal...
...won't fire bad workers, caves in to union demands.
He spent $250,000 on a daycare center.
Our company stock's dropping. If this keeps up, we'll go bankrupt.
- He's become incompetent. - Can your father be cured, Kenneth?
Yes. They could drain the clot and he'd go back to normal.
But he doesn't want it. He likes feeling this way.
Can he manage his affairs?
- Can he change his underwear? - I don't know.
- Does he need live-in help? - No.
- He takes care of your mother? - He's incompetent to run a business.
- He's not crazy. He's just... - Too happy to be a good CEO.
Basically, yes. And we have shareholders.
He's destroying the company. We could all lose everything.
- A prenup? - They're actually common these days.
I understand that. But...
They seem so fatalistic.
A marriage is a leap of trust. It seems wrong to prepare for its demise.
Mr. Breen. Now, I don't know you. I don't know Julie.
And I'm definitely not passing judgment on your future.
But I gotta be honest with you.
Over half of all marriages bust up, and that's just a fact.
How do I say, "Honey, sign a prenup"? It seems so...
Easy. You let me do that. That's my job.
Again, Gilbert, I'm not commenting on the viability of your marriage.
But you have assets totaling over $ 11 million.
She's still paying off her school loans. Let your lawyer protect you.
You with me?
- So, Snow Bird? - Yeah. We both like to ski...
...so honeymoon on the slopes.
Would you mind if I put these in your office? They need light.
- Well, wow. Who sent them? - Nice flowers, Ally. Larry?
- Yes. - Did I hear my name?
You're making me look bad. Could you cut it out?
He means these beautiful flowers you sent Ally. Right, Ally?
And please, don't you deny it.
Uh-huh.
It hurts. I cut myself using your razor.
Julie? Ally?
- Do we have beneficiaries? - We do.
Excellent. Julie, I gotta be honest. It's my job to protect Gilbert.
I've hassled him about a prenup, and he keeps saying you two are forever...
...and I'm wasting his time.
So I'll draft a standard boilerplate provision and that'll be that.
- Okay. - It's a fifty-fifty split...
...if the marriage lasts five years. Provided you don't end the marriage...
...it stays fifty-fifty.
It's against my better judgment, but it's tough convincing a man in love.
ALLY: I hate to butt in...
...but we have two parties. Even though they're in agreement...
...technically, Julie should have a separate lawyer just to cover us.
- What are you doing? - Larry? Hey.
Julie, this is Larry Paul. He's a great lawyer.
- What are you...? - Just to cover us...
...could you represent Julie? - Excuse me?
ALLY: Just go over the prenups that Jackson drafted for Gilbert.
I think Julie should probably have separate council.
You know I'm a stickler for procedure.
- Well... - Please?
- Okay. ALLY: Great.
So we will be in touch.
- Okay. Thank you. - My pleasure.
- Oh, you too, Jackson. - Sure.
What the hell was that?
I was just trying to make sure that everything is on the up and up.
Isn't that the way you like to do things, Jackson?
What meeting?
Ally thought it'd be ethical if Julie got her own attorney.
- What's this I'm hearing? - Never mind.
RICHARD: Ethics have no place in a law firm!
Shouldn't you water those nice flowers that I got from Larry?
I called and thanked him, then told him I couldn't see him again.
See who?
Mark.
- The man you had dinner with? - What are you talking about?
I didn't have any dinner with any man.
- A buddy of mine saw you. - Oh, please. I mean, I was with Ally.
Cramps.
I'm late for a meeting.
It's because he doesn't like my decisions.
There's more to business than money.
Isn't the point of business to make money?
In time, the company may become more productive...
...because of the happy employees. No one considers that.
Your own son is trying to remove you. How does that make you feel?
- I'm devastated. - You don't seem devastated.
Yeah, no, well...
I should say that it is an awful thing.
But, I guess I'm still happy.
What about the charges you caused company stock to plunge?
I know what I'm doing. The wages of my workers are important.
And daycare is important. The quality of life is important.
- That's not what you used to say. - No, I was miserable before.
I was a penny-pinching curmudgeon.
If I were to go on feeling that way, maybe they should call me crazy.
- How long have you been married? - 37 years.
- Happily? - Oh, yes.
- Where's your wife? - She's home.
- Is she ill? - She has cancer.
How much money have you lost, personally, in the last year?
Almost a million dollars.
Your business is failing, you've lost money...
...your son is turning on you, your wife has cancer, but life is grand?
Yes. It is.
Basically, this prenup says she gets nothing...
...if the marriage ends within five years.
If she loves him as much as she claims, it's a non-issue.
Unless he turns out not to love her, which is...
Look, I'm just trying to protect a nice man, should anything...
You're asking Julie to give up what's legally hers for what?
I miss how she benefits from this lovely document.
- Larry. - Love that name.
Man to man here. We know what the law provides.
We also know how beautiful women can capitalize on it...
...with fat, rich, bald guys. - I won't let her sign it.
- Does she have a problem with it? - She will when her lawyer tells her to.
- Larry. - Jackson.
Should I tell him she wants him for his money?
Tell him you presume that, since he's fat, rich and bald.
- I like your style. - I hate yours.
Excuse me?
How can you put me in this position?
I panicked. Ally, I'm a terrible, terrible liar.
If I say it was with a friend, he'll ask questions.
But if you say we were together, it'll be the end of it.
- I just can't lie. - Why not?
Well, because.
I've spent my adult life without a boyfriend.
- Well, gee, I wonder why. - This isn't a mistake men forgive.
Elaine!
You're cheating. It isn't a mistake he should forgive.
- I made a mistake. - You made another by asking me to lie.
- Okay. - No, no, don't, don't, wait, wait!
- What'll you do? - Tell the truth.
If you tell him you slept with another man, that is it.
- So I should lie? - Yes.
- It's okay to lie? - In this situation, you must.
Then why can't you?
- I love him this way! - You do?
Yes. Before, all he thought about was money and competition.
Now he's loving and kind. Who needs to be cured from that?
Well, your own son is saying so.
That's because he was raised under the influence of the way Henry used to be.
He's also worried about stocks...
...and shareholders and profits.
He needs a dose of his father's sickness.
- Your Honor? May I approach? - Why?
I'd like to kiss my wife.
Denied.
You see that?
Before his head got bonked, he never thought of kissing me in public.
I'd be lucky to get a peck on the cheek in private.
But this is not the man you've known all your life. You admit that?
No, I don't admit that. He's the same man. He's just kinder.
But that doesn't mean he doesn't think the same thoughts or...
- He never thought to give away money. - That's because he's kinder.
What kind of a society are we living in...
...when charity is considered a disease?
Yes, he was ruthless.
I don't understand why we're not all celebrating.
- He isn't well, Mom. - By whose definition?
- He has a blood clot on his brain! - Are you well?
All right, that's enough.
- Kenny, sit down. - All right.
- Everybody's fighting. JUDGE: Quiet!
Quiet! Quiet!
That's enough!
[DOORBELL RINGS]
- Hey, sweetie. - Hey. Ready?
Two seconds.
Hurry up, girl.
JACKSON: Ally.
- Larry. - Jackson.
Okay. What am I missing?
Jackson's upset I didn't advise Julie to sign a ludicrous prenup.
What's ludicrous is that she cares. Marriage is about love.
A prenup is about money.
- Whose idea was the prenup, Jackson? - Okay.
You were a bit dicey, just trying to slide in...
- Excuse me, "dicey"? - Well, representing...
I'm not in the mood for your issues.
- What are my issues? - Look, lady.
- Ally. - Jackson.
- You kiss me. - Thinking it was him.
- You get in bed. - Thinking it was her.
- Your hands are on my privates. - Thinking it was the remote.
- You found the remote. - It felt like it. Hard, plastic.
- Don't flatter yourself. - Excuse me?
- You touched his remote? - Hard?
- Men have it when they sleep. - Remotes?
Erections. It had nothing to do with her thin hand.
Well, isn't that the remote calling the wrist skinny?
Come on.
So you kissed him, got into bed with him and grabbed his remote?
Why should he lose?
Despite happy workers and all...
...with shareholders, stock prices are all that matters.
I know it's bad. But things are gonna get better. I can tell.
Your son wants one last crack at settling.
We might as well try. Going to court? It's so boring.
Okay.
- I'll set a meeting for the morning. - Let's go home, honey, it's late.
May I take you to dinner?
Why, yes, you may.
See you tomorrow, Ling. I've got a date.
[TOILET FLUSHES]
Hello.
I'm a big, fat fool.
- Oh, well... - And I'm bald.
Yeah, well...
I see that you're not especially attractive.
Do you have a wife?
Oh, fine.
I suppose that cheap-ass, Popsicle toe Pop-Tart put you up to this.
Let me tell you, pup tent, I don't appreciate the putdowns.
Where is she, anyway?
When I was 7, my mother put me on a diet.
She said, "If you're fat, no girl will love you."
I told her, "You're wrong. There's a woman out there to love me."
I vowed, "I'll study hard, I'll become rich, successful...
...and women will want me. Just you wait.
Just you wait."
So, what do I do?
I become a millionaire.
And they want me.
But for my money.
Well, I'm sure that isn't true.
Well, I'll never know, will I?
If you have money, it's always a factor.
She's beautiful.
- Maybe it is for my money. - I'm sure it isn't...
Why else would she fall for that?
Well...
Excellent. Gilbert's a bit concerned, and so am I.
We have another meeting. They'll be coming in at...
- We'll need that room. - They'll be done soon.
I started to tell him the truth...
...but it didn't go well, so I stuck with the lie.
Including the part that I was with you last night.
It's not perfect, okay? Ally?
I should be in a soap opera. "As My Vagina Turns."
- Can you imagine being happy? - And kind.
It's rubbing off on me.
I dreamt I hit a guy in a wheelchair and pulled over to help.
Good luck.
We made any progress?
No. He still wants to take me down. My own son.
Dad!
We made what we thought was a good proposal.
He stays CEO, all decisions will be vested with the board.
- In other words, I'm a figurehead. - Take a look at these projections...
...and where we'll be in five years if this keeps up.
Son...
Like you testified, you're not crazy.
Read the balance sheet. As tickled as you are, face a fiscal reality.
The problem is, I don't agree with your analysis.
We'll be less profitable, perhaps.
But we'll be viable and healthy...
...and these figures don't take into account a surge in productivity.
- Because there's no basis. - A happy worker's an efficient worker.
- Isn't that what we say, Ling? - Yes.
There must be a way to divide power and avoid a wreck.
[PHONE RINGS]
Yeah, this is Thompson.
- What? MAN: She had heart failure.
- When? - This morning...
Oh, my God. I'm... where... what...
- I'm so sorry. - All right.
What is it, son?
Mom passed away.
She had acute heart failure.
Oh.
That's terrible.
Dad.
- Hey, Pops, how's the big case going? - I think I'm losing.
And my wife died.
- Isn't that awful? - Yes, it's terrible.
I lived for her.
Everything else, work, business...
...nothing really mattered at the end of the day.
- But, now she's dead. - Get a grip.
She was a wonderful, wonderful woman.
But, now...
- Done. - All gone.
- You never know when it's your turn. - I could be next.
There you go.
- Mr. Thompson? - Huh?
- Are you okay? - Yes.
Unfortunately, I am.
Ally? Got a second?
Well, I'm not... I'm not sure.
- You're free. - Great.
Yeah.
Great. Great. Sure, just... It's... Yeah, go on in. It's this way.
- What's up? - I'm getting this very odd feeling.
Well, thanks for sharing that with me, Mark.
But, I'm gonna take some time. Just, I'll...
Well, is it okay...
...if I give you a ring when I've processed it a little?
Well, I'd like to share with you what that odd feeling is.
Oh.
Oh, well...
...okay.
I don't believe Elaine was with you two nights ago. Was she?
Two nights ago.
Two nights ago?
- Let's back up. - Let's just cut through it.
Can we do that? I consider you and I friends.
Why does everybody think I'm a friend? I'm not even nice.
All right, I don't really want to get involved in Elaine's life...
...but two nights ago...
...we were together...
...having dinner with my college friend.
- You give me your word, as a friend? ELAINE: It's a lie.
I was with another man, Mark.
She's covering for me because I begged her to.
Who's the other man?
It's just an acquaintance. I'm not having an affair.
But I did sleep with him.
I'm totally ashamed that it happened, but I can't lie about it.
I'm really sorry.
It sounds hollow to say it'll never happen again, but it won't.
I apologize to you too.
I don't get it. I don't care about money.
- Your lawyer seems to think you do. - Jackson.
- Larry. GILBERT: Honey, I know you love me.
I want to share with you my life and my possessions.
What he's saying is, if for some reason it isn't meant to be...
...that we break up quickly, or you leave me for some other man...
- That would never happen. - Of course not.
But if it did, knowing what little I already do about you...
...do you really feel an entitlement to his possessions?
I suppose not. Larry?
Knowing you, you don't want to be taken advantage of.
If he leaves you inside five years...
...or he has an affair after five years and you leave, you lose all.
I have to ask, if Gilbert truly believes in this marriage...
...why would he ever concoct such an oppressive prenup?
Bottom line: If you can live up to your wedding vows...
...then this prenup likely never becomes an issue.
- Would you agree with that? - I would. If it weren't so untrue.
She could fulfill her vows. The marriage could fail because he didn't.
And she would still get hurt...
...under the language of his document.
Let's play with this language. I'm sure we can find some room to wiggle.
You're always poised to wiggle.
- Do you have a proposal? - I do.
If it ends within a year because of Julie's infidelity...
...or if she leaves without any breach committed by Gilbert...
...she takes one year's alimony.
If the marriage lasts over a year, normal alimony applies.
Absolutely unacceptable. I'm sorry...
...but this leads me to believe she's after money.
I am not.
I'm a little thrown to see you even making money an issue.
Could I have been deceiving myself?
- She could love someone big, fat... - Bald.
Can you go someplace and wiggle?
- Lf you'll excuse me. - Yeah.
- Where is he now? - He went for a walk somewhere.
Oh, bugger. Well, how can I help?
- I figure you've cheated a lot. - Done my share.
- What can I say to him to make amends? - Well, you got a pen?
May I?
Shoot.
Go right to anthropology. Nature. Man is conditioned to spread his seed.
By sleeping around, we do God's work. Fish-ism.
I'm not sure that's true for women, though.
Here we go.
Studies show that jealousy can result in more passion...
...and a more intense bond between partners.
You slept with this other man to cement your bond with Mark.
Let's turn to evolution now. Are you with me?
Yes.
Studies show that a man whose partner has been inseminated by another man...
...is at risk with respect to propagation.
Jealousy leads to passion. Passion to orgasm. Orgasm to sperm retention.
You schtupped this other man because you want to have Mark's child.
I doubt he'll go for that.
I've given you my wisdom. You choose what to do with it.
- How long has he been in there? - An hour maybe.
- The coronary connected to the cancer? - They think so.
You should check on him. See if he's okay.
[WHISTLES]
Oh.
Well, I need my office.
Oh. Hello, Ling.
- Are you okay? - Yes.
Do you think we could get a continuance on this lawsuit?
Of course.
I'm gonna go in for surgery.
Excuse me?
Four o'clock. I'm going to have the blood clot drained.
Why?
Just want to. That's all.
Henry...
...why?
I loved my wife more than anything else in the world.
And she's gone, and I can't cry.
All I feel is like whistling.
I need to grieve for her.
Okay.
But from everything I've heard about you...
...you were very unhappy before.
Yes. I was.
You want to go back to being miserable?
I want to cry for my wife.
Why does it have to be today, so fast?
The funeral's on Wednesday. I want to cry by then.
But... Are you sure, Henry?
I am, sweetheart. Thanks for being so concerned.
- All set, Henry? - Ready when you are.
Ling Woo, my attorney. Dr. Harrod's going to perform the procedure.
- It's nice to meet you. - How long will it take?
Not long. We're just draining a clot. He'll be up on his feet tonight.
- Ready? - Let's roll.
Bye-bye, honey.
- See you later. - Yeah.
Oh, there's a rainbow Around my shoulder
And a sky of blue above
[HUMS]
[KNOCKING]
Can I speak with you for a minute?
Okay, first:
I'm not here to excuse my infidelity. Only to try to explain it.
The reason I had dinner with him came out of an insecurity about us.
We're hardly the most solid couple. You still judge me.
I'm nervous about putting all my eggs in a leaky basket.
So you fertilize them elsewhere?
Once again, I'm not saying I had any excuse.
But in asking myself why...
...I realized that I don't have any confidence in us.
We're biding time with each other, Mark.
We both know it.
You're a great guy.
What I did the other night was despicable.
We should just quit while we're behind.
- The wedding is off? Why? - Because. She's a gold digger.
Oh, come on.
Gold digger?
- You won't marry me without a prenup. - You won't marry me until I sign one.
- What's up? - Too much of you is up.
You and Larry negotiated this breakup. You should be ashamed.
They're in love. You just brokered this...
You want to talk about love? Go someplace else, please.
This is a bathroom. If I hear more about love, I'll vomit.
Everybody breaks up. They're just ahead of the lousy game.
Congratulate them and set them on their way.
- I gotta go. - No. You are gonna stay right here.
Listen to me. Both of you. I just broke up with a woman.
I may never meet another one like her. I know things don't always work out.
But of all the things to come between you?
Lawyers are in the business of divorce.
Now, Gilbert, do you love this woman?
Of course I love her.
[ELAINE VOMITS]
Julie, do you love Gilbert?
More than anything.
[ELAINE VOMITS]
Gilbert, you were lamenting whether you'd find a woman to love you.
You found her. You gonna walk away because of something he said?
You looked at your reflection and called yourself a big, fat fool.
Are you determined to prove it?
- I do love you. - And I love you.
Then...
[ELAINE VOMITS]
[ELAINE BELCHES]
Okay. Then what God has joined together, let no lawyer tear asunder.
- I'm sorry. - Me too, baby.
GILBERT: Come here.
Should you and I hug?
- Hey. - Hey.
How's he doing?
Well, the operation was a success, depending on...
It's kind of hitting him now about my mom.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
You can go in. He's wide awake.
Hello.
Oh.
- How are you feeling? - My head hurts a little.
- You here to collect your fee? - No.
Well now, this is kind of a lousy time.
I don't really feel like visitors, thanks.
I'm sorry about Edith.
Well, she had cancer. It's no big shock.
Hi.
- Feel like getting up yet? - I look like I feel like getting up?
The sooner you walk, the faster you shake off the anesthesia.
The sooner I leave, you fill this bed. I'll walk when I want to.
Okay.
Is there anything I can get you?
No, thank you.
I think I'd really like to be alone now. Okay?
Sure.
Good night.
Yeah.
Someone's thinking of me
And loving me tonight
Somewhere out there
Care to dance with a litigious, little gnat?
- Where have you been? - Sears, for a new sofa.
For you to sleep on at night?
Or we could watch TV. You can work the remote.
Don't be gross.
- Larry. - Jackson.
OLD LADY: You Stinker.
Subtitles by SDI Media Group
[ENGLISH SDH]