Previously on "Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce"...
I have it. You should write a romance novel.
As in soft porn?
Why is the coach so tightly wound?
He's going through some divorce stuff.
Oh, come on, Jo. Just because I'm not
in the mood for one meeting
does not mean I'm going out on a bender.
I just don't understand what happened.
- I need help. - You don't need Gemma.
You just think you do.
Cultural attaché... That's a real job.
There's an opening. It's yours.
I am going to give you that Viking.
And maybe we can get a drink or something.
- What's happening here? - I'm quitting.
Are you sure you want to compete for jobs
with people half your age?
I thought you got nailed for drunk cycling.
I miss this... you and me swapping war stories.
Peace.
I was just calling to schedule my hours this week.
Yes, I know that my requirement has been lifted.
Why are you interested in this work?
- I'm an asshole. - The Tao of Rex is all about
using the body to help get out all that aggression.
Bald Eagle, right?
- We cannot just leave. - Yes, we can!
And I have to, and I really hope
you decide to come with me.
- And you can't not go through... - Abby,
don't do this, don't spook.
What you and I have is good.
It's rare.
And that's why we should stop.
Abby, what are you doing here?
Two words:
lady parts.
- [upbeat music] - _
All right, who's having this one?
[laughter and chatter]
Look at this. Right?
- Oh... - That's good inspo.
No, I know. Isn't that so, like...
Got one now.
Okay. You ready?
Yes. Are you?
Okay, can I have your attention, please?
We are so excited to welcome you to the launch of...
[together] Lady Parts!
[all cheering]
In a second, you will finally see
what we have been up to all these months.
And not just us. We've had the help
of our fabulous investors,
Greg and Ellen from Ten Four Capital...
- Thank you. - [cheers and applause]
Our wizard of web-craft, Parker...
And our mega-helpful interns,
Kimmy and Granger.
- Keep Snapchattin', babies. - Please.
Lady Parts has been such a passion project for us.
Ever since this one showed up on my doorstep
and basically demanded that I drop everything and do this.
Some of you know how persuasive I can be sometimes.
- Little bit. - I didn't need much persuading.
- Thank you. - I got Abby's vision
of a place where real women could go
and find an online community of friends,
share ideas, and tell the truth...
Hard truth, sometimes...
About being middle-aged and female.
Our latest election really showed us
how challenging it is to be a PPWP.
[together] A Powerful Person With Pussy.
- Whoo! - [cheers and applause]
We have managed to assemble a really incredible group
of writers and artists and thinkers.
- All the parts. - Ah, Lady Parts!
So everybody refresh your drinks.
- Yes. - We're about to get started
- and get ready for our final countdown. - [cheers and applause]
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -- -- www.addic7ed.com --
♪ Give it to me, da-da-da ♪
♪ G-g-g-give it to me ♪
- Thank you so, so much. - Wow. They've just been
killing themselves getting this stuff together.
But you know what? Once it's live, they'll be good.
It's like giving birth, minus the pooing and the stitches.
Ew! And I hope she has the baby soon.
I need to be at Legal Aid by 11:00.
- You still in that? - Yeah. I'm actually liking it.
I feel like Erin Brockovich.
Good for you. And the boss man... is he cool?
Albert? He's been amazing.
Yeah, I keep waiting for the old prick to emerge,
but... [sighs] so far, so good.
- Okay, whatever. - Abs! Jefas!
- Oh! The site is fantastic! - So proud of you.
- Oh, thank you! - We're like proud mamas.
Thank you guys.
Where is Phoebe? She said she was gonna be back by now.
I texted her, but nada.
I guess they extended their trip.
- Mm-hmm. - Well, maybe, but she knew
this thing was today.
At least Darrell sent flowers.
Hey, where's he this week?
He's working with some billionaire
doing his pool house at his French chateau.
- Wow! - I mean, hardship assignment.
- Work, work, work. - No champagne? Who are you?
Uh, egg yolk, protein powder, and ice.
This is Rex's formula to maintain balance,
and it's disgusting, but with my kid
not being here, not much balance.
You know what? Me too,
since the kids went to go visit Jake. I feel so off.
Is Zooey digging her semester at the Mountain School?
Ugh. Oh, she's digging it.
Literally. Organic farming and mathematics.
She's happier than a pig in mud.
She was actually supposed to be here,
but she's with her dad,
visiting him in booze jail.
Well, at least he's staying in rehab.
Yeah. And with me, in order to maintain my sanity,
it's all about the boxing.
So it's all about discipline and willpower.
No junk, no booze, no bad shit inside or out.
Mm-hmm. And a certain someone to pound on.
Oh, your super sexy sparring partner.
- He was until he won. - Oh!
Because losing dredges up just a lot of...
rage stuff.
But Rex says it's very healthy, so I will be pounding him.
Metaphorically.
And keep drinking that toxic waste.
[speaking Spanish] Ladies...
All: Cheers.
Hey, bosses. We're ready.
- Oh, my God! - [all cheering]
We're going live, everybody!
Keep your eyes on the screen for our countdown.
- [together] Five, four, - _
three, two, one!
_
- Yes! - Whoo!
[cheers and applause]
Okay, well, we're not making instant soup.
- No. - [laughs]
Remember Rome. Remember the aqueducts, so...
Okay. We're not that old.
Hey, y'all, get to clickin'.
- Yeah, yeah! - Yes, clicking!
- Yes, yes. - It's good. It's good.
♪ ♪
[sighs]
Oh, man, I think I forgot my sandals.
Oh, no, I put them in my tote.
You're a goddess. Thank you.
Oh, good. The shipping company is meeting the plane
to pick up the church doors.
Oh, I'm so excited about those.
That extra stop in San Cristóbal was genius, P.
- Again? - What?
It's the only way that I can deal with the jet-lag.
- [laughs] - [phone chimes]
_
Oh, no. It's my friend Abby.
I forgot about her website launch.
Hey, San Cristóbal was a necessity.
I know. I just feel terrible.
And... is it horrible that I'm dreading seeing my friends?
- 'Cause I am. - It's not great.
They're just gonna grill me
about my status with JD.
Okay, no dwelling. Listen.
I have a distraction for you.
- Okay. - I want to have a party...
- Yes. - This Saturday.
I need you to art direct it.
I am in. What is the occasion?
My friends Tabitha and Rasahk were nominated for a BAFTA,
and I want to have something fun for all the nominees.
- At your place? - Can't. I'm renovating.
How about your place?
Sure. Yeah. Why not?
Cool. And I want to shake it up.
I don't want this Cristal with spicy tuna on crispy rice.
- Ugh. - Gag.
Yeah. What about... Moroccan theme?
Everyone can lounge on Moroccan cushions
and smoke some hookahs.
That is perfect.
What would I do without you?
I don't know.
[woman speaking Spanish]
_
[coughing]
_
Muchas gracias, señorita.
- De nada. - Muchas gracias.
[inhales deeply]
Ugh.
♪ ♪
- Barbara... - Abby...
Where's our traffic?
Calm yourself. First day.
No need to freak out.
Yet.
[ringtone trills]
Lilly! Hi, sweet beans. How are ya?
Hi. Hey, Barbara. How was the launch?
It was great. It was a very inspiring day.
Um, are you on your way to the airport?
Soon. I'm still on set.
I'm just waiting for transpo to come pick me up.
I'm so relieved. Vancouver's such a drag.
All it does is rain.
Aw. Is Daddy bummed that you want to leave?
Yeah, but he's working,
and he's got his hands full with Charlie, so...
- Yeah. - Look, um,
my battery's dying, but I'll text you when I land.
Okay. All right. I love you. Fly safe.
Bye!
You know she's coming back to see the boy.
She is a teenager, and she misses her boyfriend.
I get that.
Really?
You don't think this is a cause for concern? 68?
It is a little bit under our projections, but...
We are supposed to be increasing
by 200 unique views per day.
If we don't hit those marks,
bye-bye, second round of financing.
Okay, fine. You want to have that conversation...
No. The whole influencer thing is gross.
It is way too expensive,
it's a waste of money, and it's tacky.
It's effective, and there's no shame
in paying a celebrity to tweet for you.
That's how you get the word out.
Unless...
We already have a celeb on the payroll.
Who?
- Hello, Team Abby McCarthy. - _
When did you get so tech savvy?
Parker showed me a few things.
- And I can feel you bristling. - I'm not bristling.
I still have a lot of followers,
despite my many missteps, and we should use that.
I can up my social media game.
I can just tap into that fan base.
Just till we get some momentum, just till we get some traction.
Come on! You cool with that?
Ha-ha! Yeah, I'm cool as a cuke.
[mouths word]
♪ ♪
- Hey, Paul, you got a minute? - What now?
I was doing some digging in the Moran case.
You know, the lady whose landlord's been letting mold
just grow all over the walls.
Let me guess. He wants to raise the rent,
she can't afford it, so he's trying to smoke her out.
Well, I've got, like, 20 cases like that.
The building is owned by the Christede family.
[sighs] Leo Christede?
No. His son. Philip.
This asshole.
- Oh. Real American hero. - Yeah.
Daddy gave him a company that owns
tons of buildings in Boyle Heights.
Half of them should be condemned.
I want to go to the source,
hit them where it hurts.
We could file criminal charges.
Who knows what else we could find.
Okay. I like your enthusiasm.
Okay, first, I want to bring him in and depose him.
What process server do we use?
Ha! We're the process servers, Duchess.
And I'm assuming you never served a subpoena in your life.
Yeah. I'll help you with that.
Thank you. I think I can handle it.
No, you can't.
Yes, I can.
[sighs] Yi-yi-yi...
Maybe I... could use your help.
Oh!
Sit down.
♪ ♪
Is there a limit to how many times
you could post in one day?
I don't think there's a technical limit,
but there are, you know, normal societal boundaries.
So is, like, 50 too much? 60?
- Oh, maybe I should stop at 60. - Jesus! You're like the Tasmanian Tweeter!
I know. Isn't it awesome?
And it's like a full-on social media assault.
I got my Twitter going. I got my Snapchat going.
Feel the energy building.
We hit 150 unique views today.
- Ooh, wow! - Finally.
- Where's Babs? - Oh, she's at my house.
She's, you know, editing content and tying up loose ends.
Thrilling.
Oh, my God, I can't even watch you drink that sludge.
- That stuff smells. - It's like sulfur,
- but I need it. - Is this all for Bald Eagle?
That guy really got under your skin.
- What's his deal? - No idea.
All I know is, he's an asshole like me.
And he's not getting under my skin.
I just like to win.
That rhymes. Can I... can I tweet that?
[gasps] Yes! Got you, Paul!
- Speaking of competitive... - Sorry.
I just found Philip Christede's current LA address.
Oh, he is a hard one to pin down.
My self-righteous Legal Aid supervisor
didn't think I would, but I did.
There's so much anger in this area.
Hola, muchachas bonitas.
- Oh, my God! - Mijita!
[speaking Spanish]
- Good. How are you? - You look amazing!
- Thank you! - Welcome back.
Ugh, I am so sorry I missed your launch party.
Will you please... [kissing]
Send my apologies to... mwah! Babs?
Yeah. It's no big deal. We get it.
I know that Gemma's travel schedule is very demanding.
- Did you have fun? - Oh, my God, it was so magical.
We went to San Cristóbal to check out these doors
from this medieval church, which was so breathtaking,
and then of course Gemma knows Ferran Adrià
so we had this totally glorious dinner with him
out on his farm.
[sighs] Anyways, I'm on Spanish time, so I'm exhausted,
but it was so worth it.
Wow, that sounds amazing.
What does that mean?
Nothing. Just, the trip sounds... amazing.
Sweetie,
have you even tried to talk to JD since you got back?
I was wondering how long it would take before that came up.
We're just worried about you, you know?
It just doesn't feel like you're dealing with your situation.
You just keep spending all your time
running around the world with Gemma.
I mean, what is this? Your fourth trip
- in the last few months? - My third.
Okay, well, he is still your husband.
And not talking to him or seeing him,
some would say that's a very healthy approach to marriage.
What is there to deal with? He made me choose
between him and my career, which we all know is ridiculous.
What is this? A formal separation?
I don't know, okay? Can we just drop it?
- Yeah. - Great.
Great. Thank you.
Anyways, I can't really think about this right now
because I need to shop for Moroccan pillows.
Oh. As one does.
Gemma's friends got a BAFTA nomination,
so I am throwing a huge party for her at my house
on Saturday night to celebrate.
All of Hollywood is gonna be there.
Ooh, celebrity elbow-rubbing. Love.
- [all speaking at once] - Ohh, I-you guys...
I... I'm so sorry.
Um, I actually... I wish I could invite you,
but Gemma wants to keep it private.
You know how celebrities can be. It's gonna be boring
- and hobnobby and networky, and... - [phone rings]
Hold on one second. Hey, Gemma, what's up?
There goes my chance to meet Oscar Isaac.
You really had a shot with him too.
♪ Just give it to me ♪
♪ Ohh ♪
All right, that's it. Come on. Jab. Jab.
Puma, can I borrow some tape?
Get your own tape, Baldy.
Ooh! It's gonna be like that, huh?
Uh-huh. What? Your wings are shaking, there, Eagle?
You afraid to fight me?
Why would I be? I won last time.
Uh-huh. Today we even the score.
No can do. I'm pummeling Badger today.
[laughs] Badger?
You're kidding me, right?
Nope. Mixing it up.
Or running scared. Is that what you're doing?
Hey. Hi. Could you tell Bald Eagle
he has to fight me?
Please. Sensei. Sir.
I told you, we don't do "has to" here.
Well, didn't you say that rivalry is healthy
and I have to work on my anger issues?
I want more work on your "you" issues right now.
He's very wise, our Sensei.
[grunts]
Hello, hello!
Look who made it to work.
I have been working. I've been tweeting
and snapping.
You know, you just got to build up steam.
You know, Rome.
Aqueducts. I know. I know.
Listen, Abby, Greg and Ellen called.
Oh, my God. What did they say?
They're upset about the traffic, aren't they?
No. Not upset.
Um, they are a little...
They thought there would be more traffic by now.
And they're worried, which makes me worried.
We should've seen exponential growth at this point,
and so far it's just been geometric.
Right.
They want us to hire an influencer.
An influencer, huh?
- They want it, or... - I didn't even bring it up.
It was their idea. They called me.
They called you?
I have a phone.
Abby, take a breath.
This is not a conspiracy.
They knew I'd be more receptive, and so they reached out.
We are all on the same team. We all have the same goal.
I just feel that
the whole influencer thing is tacky.
Abby, you've been heard.
Greg, Ellen, and I think it's the way to go,
so we're gonna try it.
Okay?
Okay.
Kourtney Kardashian...
She's my favorite, and the mommy mafia loves her.
Gisele, 4.3 million. Luann de Lesseps...
No. That's not a real person's name.
Uh, that's a "Real Housewife."
No "Real Housewives."
They wield extraordinary power on social media.
But fine. Who's on your list?
Okay. Michelle Dockery.
- She's Lady Mary on "Downton Abbey." - I know who Michelle Dockery is.
How many followers does she have?
A bunch.
- Geena Davis. She is an archer. - _
Need I say more?
Madeleine Albright, obviously.
Well, I have more. Do you want me to go on?
I do not. Abby, that's a nice list,
but... that's not what this is about.
We need people who are noisy.
No. We need people who will appeal
to the audience that we want.
I do not want Kourtney Kardashian.
She spells Kourtney with a K.
Admit it, you don't like this idea because it's mine,
and now you're pissed because everyone else loves it,
so now you're taking it out on me
by making a list like that.
No. These are my actual ideas,
and I think you just called me a snob.
I'm just saying, "Downton Abby,"
that we don't have advertisers.
So let's get to the point where we can afford to be picky.
- I'm just trying to protect the brand. - So am I.
♪ ♪
Is that him?
Mm, nope.
[chewing loudly]
Wow. Talk about "animal style."
That's the way I like it. Sue me.
You know, a car says a lot about a man.
You want to go after my car now?
- [sighs] - I got it from CarMax
and it was a good deal, okay?
I'm not saying the car itself.
I'm talking about the way he takes care of it. Or doesn't.
Mm, I'm sorry
that it's not a spotless town car
with real estate porn and bottled water in the back seat
just like you're used to.
Okay, you don't know anything about me, Paul Cordero.
You can make all the assumptions that you want...
Is that him?
Nope.
This is a huge waste of time.
He's probably spending the family fortune in Monaco.
- Be patient. - We have been here for hours.
Mm, I know.
I know.
And that swirling sound that you hear?
That's your hourly rate going down the drain.
- [chuckles] - [mock chuckling]
Okay, you know what? I've had just about enough
of your commentary.
What? Wait, wait, wait. Where are you going?
I'm getting a town car.
- And I'm not apologizing... - Come on!
for getting a town car! Dick.
Okay, so this is our list.
Jessica Alba, Martha Stewart, Andy Cohen, Kamala Harris.
Each one the perfect combination of class act
and shameless publicity magnet.
Ooh!
Okay, so I'm gonna call my friend at PMK and find
- out how to get the ball rolling. - [doorbell rings]
Okay. I'm gonna go answer the door!
Teamwork!
- Coming! - Hey, girl. It's me.
- Ethan, hi! - Hey, Mrs. M.
Oh, for the love of God, please call me Abby.
- How are you? - I'm good. How are you?
- I'm good. - Ethan.
- Hey. - What are you guys doing today?
- Uh, going to the pier. - Nothing.
Okay, well, do you need money?
Uh, no. I got this, Mrs. M... uh, Abby!
Well, come back before curfew!
Okay. Minor problem.
Getting an influencer is going to take some time.
Just to put in the request and hear back...
weeks, a month, who knows.
Even for Madeleine Albright.
Barbara, shit.
It's okay. Relax.
We'll just stick with
the Abby McCarthy out-front strategy for a bit longer.
No. That strategy is not even nudging the needle.
This cannot go down the tubes.
I have put too much into this...
My career, my life!
My career's on the line here too.
Can I just say something?
I feel like you're about to.
I wouldn't want to do this with anyone but you.
Me either.
Okay. We're gonna... we're gonna game-plan this.
We're gonna Blue Sky it.
We... need... celebs,
and there are layers and layers of people keeping us from them.
Right. So, we need to go directly to the source
without having to slay all these dragons.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
- Great minds. - Yes.
[chatter]
Phoebe, Phoebe.
I'm sorry. I need you to meet Tabitha and Rasahk.
Tabitha and Rasahk.
This is Tabitha, Rasahk, Mimi.
Amazing, wonderful, beautiful people.
- Yes, so nice to meet you. - My friends, obviously.
- Um, I... - They have a new...
I will be right back. I'm so sorry.
- Excuse me. - Absolutely.
- Hi. - Hi.
- What are you guys doing here? - We're crashing.
We know it's a work thing for you.
Yes, but this is a work thing for us too.
We need to persuade a celebrity
- to tweet about Lady Parts. - We're desperate.
Okay, well, um, Gemma's people
are really nutty about privacy.
Well, we'll be completely unobtrusive.
Totally. We will not embarrass you.
- Not at all. - We know this is
a big, big ask, but can you do us a solid here?
Please? Pretty please?
Cherry on top.
Fine! But be discreet.
- Of course. - Yeah.
- Discreet, Abby. - Yes. You bet.
Okay.
All right. 3 o'clock,
Anderson Cooper, Judith Light.
11 o'clock, Minnie Driver, Rob Lowe.
My God, that man does not age.
All right, meet you back here in a half hour?
- Done. Work it, Babs. - You too, Abs.
Puma.
Whoa, good form.
You giving me the silent treatment?
No. Just focused.
Ah. Don't take it personally.
I just like having the upper hand.
You don't have to explain yourself.
Our rivalry is done. That's all.
Puma, today I want you to fight the Lioness.
Seriously? The Lioness? Again?
I beat her every single time. That's not a challenge.
But you're a challenge for her.
Sometimes in this class, we have to subvert our own journey,
help another fighter.
I'm here because I need this.
- As does everyone else. - Screw everyone else, okay?
My kid's been gone for six weeks.
Last time she went away, I went on a bender.
- That cannot happen again, okay? - I'll fight her.
Okay.
Careful what you wish for, kitty cat.
I will pound you into dust, Eagle.
My name is Delia Banai.
I have a key to this house,
and my best friend lives here.
I understand what you're saying. I'm sorry.
This is not personal. It's at capacity...
Here she is.
I am so sorry. She is with me.
Thank you.
- Ah, you look great! - What are you doing here?
What? I texted Abby. She said she was on her way.
I thought we were all invited.
Oh, my God, is that Georgina Chapman?
- Oh, God, keep it together. - Phoebe!
- I've been looking for you. - Yes.
- Hey. - Hi!
- Delia, this is Gemma. - Gemma Sacco,
oh, I'm thrilled to meet you.
I have heard so much about you.
I am so sorry to show up like this.
I know you wanted to keep this exclusive.
Oh, no. I mean, any friend of Phoebe's is a friend of...
Lena!
I thought you were still in New York!
- Huh. - That Gemma. She's, uh...
- she's charmingly unpredictable. - Yeah.
She changes her mind on a whim.
- Well, she seems pretty chilled. - Yeah.
You sure you don't want me to go?
- No. - No?
No. Stay. Why don't we get you a drink?
- Champagne. Yes - Yes.
[chatter and overlapping shouts]
[sultry rock music]
♪ ♪
[crowd cheering]
Go, go, go, go!
[scattered shouts]
- ♪ There is a crescent key ♪ - Come on.
♪ That locks a hole in the door ♪
♪ Into the pit of your heart ♪
♪ The future is the reward ♪
♪ White light my time has come ♪
♪ ♪
Looks like someone's about to be two down.
Don't get cocky.
[grunting]
♪ Bla-ah-ah-ack ♪
♪ Black magic ♪
[groans]
Puma for the win!
- Good match. - You too.
Now we're even, huh?
I guess so.
[both grunting and moaning]
♪ Of all the billions of stars ♪
♪ That are the dreams of your friends ♪
♪ How could anybody feel the same ♪
♪ ♪
♪ How could anybody feel the same ♪
♪ Black magic ♪
♪ Bla-ah-ah-ack ♪
♪ Black magic ♪
[indistinct conversations]
Anyway, I just love your show.
It's got such a great feminist message.
It's so empowering, and...
Thank you. I've had to fight really hard for that.
- Yeah. - The network's always like,
"More boobs, please!"
[laughing] Boobs. Yeah. Networks.
- Okay, I like you. You're cool. - Thanks.
Thanks. Sorry.
What's your name again?
Abby McCarthy.
I wrote "The Girlfriends' Guide" book series.
Aw, cute. Nice to meet you, Abby.
Um, yeah, speaking of rad feminist role models,
I actually just launched a new website for women.
It's part literary journal, part forum,
and, um, I would love to show it to you if you have a second.
I just... sorry, this zipper is really, um...
Excuse me.
[gentle music]
♪ ♪
[upbeat music playing]
- Abby McCarthy. - Will.
It's been a while. [chuckles]
It... it actually feels trite to ask you this, but how are you?
- Good. - Yeah?
Good. Yeah. You?
Um, no, I'm good. I'm so, so good.
- Thank you. - Thanks.
Mm. I feel terrible about how things ended with us,
and, um, my behavior was...
Hey, I knew what I was getting myself into.
Really?
- Kind of. - Yeah. [laughs]
There's no need.
Probably not the time or the place, anyway.
Oh, yeah.
So how are the kids?
Um, great. They're visiting Jake in Vancouver.
He is... well, Charlie is. Lilly actually came home
'cause she missed her boyfriend.
Can you believe she has a boyfriend?
I'm reeling. [laughs]
- So Jake's up in Vancouver? - Um, yeah,
he's directing a show up there. We're not together.
Yeah. That was not a great plan, so... shocker!
But, um, after all that,
you were right about us.
Ah, I take no pleasure in that.
- Maybe just a little bit. - Maybe a little bit.
Yeah. [laughing] Yeah.
- You okay? - I'm good. Yeah.
Closing that door was actually very good for me.
And you?
You're here, hobnobbing and fancy-pants.
[both laugh]
How... things are going well?
Yeah. Um, you know, I mean,
my fancy-pants are a plus-one here tonight,
but, yeah, also great.
My book's about to go to print in French and Russian.
- Mm. - And Focus bought the film rights.
- Wow! - Yeah.
Yeah. Well, I always knew things would happen for you.
Ooh, no, you didn't.
Ah, yes, I deserve that.
Once I read you, I knew things were gonna happen for you.
You're a natural.
Thank you. And what about you, work-wise?
Exciting. Yes.
I just launched a website with my friend:
Lady Parts.
- Lady Parts. - Yeah. [laughing]
- Sounds... - It sounds dirty.
- Very dirty. - Yeah, it's...
It's actually a lifestyle website
for women in midlife.
Clearly, you are our target demo.
[chuckles] Well, I'm happy for you, Abby.
Yeah. It's good. So, so good. Strong launch.
- Wow. - Yeah.
You know who's a charm to chat up?
Julie Chen.
I just pitched her Lady Parts, and she was all...
these lights are on, but nobody's home.
Babs, I love you, but I think this is just...
I know. I know. This may have been a misguided idea.
- Yeah. - But thanks
for letting us try, Pheebs.
Yeah, I'm gonna find Abby.
Yeah, well, let me know when you do.
I'm gonna peace out with you ladies
and let Phoebe get back to Gemma... [gasps] Work.
I told you you could stay, Delia.
Just stay. It's fine.
Wow, you really know how to make a girl feel welcome.
Wow. I love it.
You guys show up uninvited, and I'm the bitch.
Nobody called you a bitch, Phoebe.
You didn't have to. It's in your tone.
- My tone? - Yes.
- Ladies, please. - Let's just stop pretending
like you didn't invite us because of work.
This is work, but obviously,
you have zero respect for it.
Okay. Babs, let's roll out. Abby can catch up.
And if you didn't ask about the state of my marriage
every time that I walked...
Did I ask you about JD one time tonight?
It's your marriage, Phoebe. You can ignore it all you want.
Wow.
Thank you.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way.
We're just worried about you.
That's why we hit you with the questions.
We haven't even seen you. And we miss you.
We care about you, okay?
[sighs]
I just thought he would come to his senses by now
and fight for me, but...
He hasn't, so I guess he doesn't want to.
- Maybe he needs more time. - Maybe he's just waiting
for you to make the first move.
What do you want?
I have to get back. I'm sorry.
But you guys can stay, or... or not.
It's whatever you want to do.
Well, we should bounce.
Yeah, definitely. I'm gonna get the car.
[gasps]
- Oh, my God. - What did I miss?
- [gasps] - _
It's Philip Christede.
Of course he's here.
Dickwad among dickwads.
Go serve his ass, girl.
[phone keyboard clicking]
We're doing this series of first-person narratives
about sex and estrogen replacement therapy.
- I would read that. - You should.
You should get up in that vagina research.
- Ugh, save me! - Hey.
I cannot listen to that woman one more second.
"Blah, blah, blah. 1.2 billion per episode."
Has to spend all day opening residual checks.
Get over yourself.
Yeah, that's my least favorite "Law & Order."
I mean, it's so rape-y.
- Right? - Yes.
Uh, Temple, this is... this is Abby.
And, Abby, this is...
No introduction necessary.
Temple Hampton, I'm a big fan.
It's really nice to meet you.
Thank you. Are you nominated?
For a BAFTA? Oh, my God, no.
[chuckles] I'm a writer.
I mean, I'm a real writer, not a TV writer.
Abby just started this very cool website.
- Is this the right drink? - Oh.
It's called Lady Parts. The website.
And we're just starting to plug it on Twitter, and...
I should, uh, go find my friends.
- It was really good seeing you. - You too.
- Nice to meet you, Abby. - Nice to meet you too.
Can you taste this, please?
Does it have sugar in it? Because I told them no sugar.
I can't have sugar.
So, we may have overstayed our welcome.
- Any luck? - Ugh!
Yeah, I know. Ooh, is that Temple Hampton?
I love her. Did you target her?
I tried, but that guy that she's with...
- Cute. - Is my ex.
Shut up. Abby. Oh, my God.
That's our in.
Uh, yeah, no, I don't think so.
Did you ask her? Work that contact.
He is not a contact. He is my ex.
It's all too embarrassing.
Embarrassing? Have you seen our unique viewer count?
Let it go.
My ex. My choice.
This is an opportunity, and we're gonna miss it
because you're too proud?
I made a decision. That's it. It's final.
I'm not your employee, Abby.
Did I say that? No. This is one decision.
It's every decision.
You never just trust me unless I force your hand.
I didn't agree to take this risk with you
so you could boss me around.
Is that how you feel? That I'm bossing you around?
- Yeah. - I see us as equals,
and I'm sorry that I don't want to talk to Will.
I get that whatever happened with this guy was painful.
But that's in the past. This website is our future.
And as your partner and your equal,
my gut is saying, swallow your damn pride.
[music and chatter]
Here you go.
Excuse me. Hi.
Are you Philip Christede?
Depends who's asking.
I think we met in St. Barts.
It was a really wild night.
- That sounds about right. - Mm-hmm.
Oh, this is for you. It's a gift.
Mm-hmm. Enjoy.
Hey... what the hell is this?
- Here we go. - Gemma!
Gemma!
- Phil, what's going on? - That woman...
- He just point at me? - She just subpoenaed me.
- I didn't come here to be accosted. - I know.
Could we have these two escorted out?
Okay. You ready?
Would you follow me, please?
[concerned chatter]
[mouthing words]
Hey.
Um, so I wasn't entirely honest with you before.
My site... it is my chance to do something important,
and it is not easy launching something new,
and we are struggling.
That is why we are here crashing this party tonight.
Crashed?
How very Abby of you.
That's right. My fancy-pants are fraudulent.
[laughs] We just need a celeb to, you know,
tweet or whatever about our site,
and so far, we've struck out.
So you need a holler on social media.
Someone meaningful.
Yes, and since my idea
to approach Madeleine Albright was vetoed,
I thought I would ask your girlfriend.
- Temple? - Yeah.
Oh, God, uh, no, she's not my girlfriend.
- Oh. - She's not my girlfriend.
- Sorry. I thought that... - No, no, no.
We're just... hanging out.
- Oh, you're hanging out. - Yeah.
Oh. Um...
Uh, well, she has a lot of followers, so...
Yeah. I think she has a person that tweets for her.
Oh, yeah, of course. Of course.
- She has a lot of people. - I bet.
However, I happen to have her phone right here.
Oh, yes, those are too big to fit in the clutch.
More importantly, I know the pass code.
Really?
Without even asking?
I asked you for help once.
- You helped me. - Why, yes, I did.
Plus she has no idea what she tweets, anyway.
Uh, what's the website?
[upbeat Latin music]
I can't remember the last time I slept with someone
where I could look just directly into their eyes.
I'm short but powerful.
[laughs] Yeah, that you are, my feathered friend.
I'm gonna get some water,
- because Sensei says... - "Stay hydrated."
- Yes. - Yes, I know.
- Get me one? - Yeah.
[clears throat]
[sighs]
♪ ♪
Oh, shit.
♪ ♪
You leaving?
Hey. Yeah, I got to go.
I got a work thing.
You're working this late?
My work often...
happens... late.
What are you? A vampire?
[laughs]
[both laughing]
Okay, well,
that was fun.
Yeah.
See you.
Here's to our wild success
as process servers.
To a lucky break.
Mm-mm. Luck is when preparation meets opportunity.
Sounds like something Oprah would say.
Roman philosopher Seneca said it first, actually.
Oh, I'm full of surprises.
So, where are you from?
Local boy. San Dimas.
- Oh. - My dad owned a bar.
Law school was a ticket out.
Where'd you go?
- Harvard. - Uh-uh.
- [laughs] - [scoffs] What?
- Wow. I didn't know that. - Yeah.
Do you ever think about working for a law firm?
Yeah. I got offers from O'Melveny,
Arnold & Porter.
But I just couldn't do it.
Why not?
Who wants money and power when you can have all this?
[sultry pop music]
I had no idea that Delia, first of all, was even...
No, hey, it's water under the bridge, P.
Thank you so much for hosting this.
You're welcome.
What is this? Why have I never seen it before?
- This thing? - Yeah! It's cute.
Really? Just... I don't know. It doesn't really go with much.
JD got it for me at a bod...
I don't know. This little bodega in Venice.
Yeah. It's an impulse buy. Whatever.
Well, I love it.
Can I have it?
Um...
Yeah, I...
Yeah, why not?
♪ ♪
Perfect. Anyway, I should probably roll.
Jen and Justin are doing this late-night party thing.
- Oh. - They just texted
- a little while ago. - Okay, well, I'll get us a car.
Oh, sweetie, I think they want it to be small and private.
- Right. - But thank you.
For everything.
You're the best.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
♪ I never needed love ♪
♪ I never needed love anyway ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ Anyway, hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
- ♪ I never needed love ♪ - _
♪ I never needed love anyway ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ Anyway, hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ ♪
- ♪ I never needed love ♪ - _
♪ I never needed love anyway ♪
[thump]
♪ Anyway, hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
Uh, Lilly... oh, my God!
- Mom, get out! - Mrs. M! Uh, Abby!
- Mom, get out! - Oh, my God.