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00:00:00,373 --> 00:00:04,114
♪ It seems today that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,115 --> 00:00:07,648
♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:07,649 --> 00:00:10,985
♪ But where are those good
old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:10,986 --> 00:00:13,988
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
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(FOOD SIZZLING)
12
00:00:36,828 --> 00:00:38,115
Wow, you guys.
13
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I've never been to a
restaurant where they cook
14
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right in front of you.
15
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Ugh. You know, later we're
going to have to take
16
00:00:43,726 --> 00:00:45,894
one of those forced
happiness family photos
17
00:00:45,895 --> 00:00:48,596
that come in the
restaurant's tacky frame.
18
00:00:48,597 --> 00:00:51,800
Why are you so (BLEEP)
negative all the time?
19
00:00:51,801 --> 00:00:55,503
I... uh... wha... I don't... uh, what?
20
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Come on, you guys, relax.
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Let's have a fun night.
22
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We haven't done anything as a family
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since we sat courtside at that NBA game.
24
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(SNEAKERS SQUEAKING ON
COURT, CROWD GASPS)
25
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You okay? You guys, okay?
26
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Great seats.
27
00:01:08,617 --> 00:01:11,536
Yeah, it's a whole different
game when you sit down here.
28
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Huh, "samurai" or "geishas."
29
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Which one am I?
30
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I'll just wait till
somebody else goes in.
31
00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:25,567
Well, that wasn't helpful.
32
00:01:25,568 --> 00:01:27,836
Hmm, this one's holding a fan.
33
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That's usually what I need
when I'm done in a bathroom.
34
00:01:30,470 --> 00:01:32,207
Oop, no urinals.
35
00:01:32,208 --> 00:01:33,524
Must've guessed wrong.
36
00:01:35,995 --> 00:01:37,779
Wow, look at this place.
37
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There's candles, hand lotion.
38
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Whoa, there's not even any swastikas
39
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carved into the toilet seat.
40
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And it's so peaceful.
41
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I haven't heard a guy's booming fart
42
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the whole time I've been in here.
43
00:01:48,824 --> 00:01:51,526
I feel more relaxed than
a chick on Facebook
44
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with her legs in front of a pool.
45
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- (NOTIFICATIONS BEEPING)
- _
46
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_
47
00:01:59,153 --> 00:02:01,153
_
48
00:02:06,426 --> 00:02:08,109
All right, Lois, I'm off to the mall.
49
00:02:08,110 --> 00:02:09,544
I'll be back in about 20 minutes.
50
00:02:09,545 --> 00:02:10,845
Oh, what are you gonna buy?
51
00:02:10,846 --> 00:02:13,047
Nothing. After the other
night, I made a decision:
52
00:02:13,048 --> 00:02:15,817
from now on, I'm only
using women's restrooms.
53
00:02:15,818 --> 00:02:17,819
What? You can't do that. You're a man.
54
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You'll get in trouble.
55
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Oh, I got that covered.
56
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I'm going to Anthropologie.
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I'll just ask them for
something so ridiculous,
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they'll have to check
in the back for it.
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And then I'll sneak into
their ladies' room.
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Yes, I'd like a $4,000 ping-pong table
61
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that's shaped like Easter Island.
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We have one right over there.
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_
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Okay.
65
00:02:38,140 --> 00:02:40,575
How about a telephone that's
made of vintage phone book paper
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00:02:40,576 --> 00:02:43,678
and doesn't make or receive
phone calls or work in any way?
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00:02:43,679 --> 00:02:45,698
You mean like this one right here?
68
00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:47,663
_
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00:02:47,664 --> 00:02:49,817
- Right, but what if I wanted...
- Sir, sir?
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00:02:49,818 --> 00:02:51,286
There's nothing you can possibly imagine
71
00:02:51,287 --> 00:02:53,454
that's strange or useless
enough that we don't have it
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here at Anthropologie.
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I know one thing you don't
have, black customers.
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Ah! I'm melting!
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00:03:00,196 --> 00:03:02,346
Ha-ha! To the ladies' room!
76
00:03:10,884 --> 00:03:13,151
Wow, this is the nicest one yet.
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00:03:13,152 --> 00:03:14,514
_
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00:03:14,515 --> 00:03:16,908
Eh, what are the odds
she's gonna show up?
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(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
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(WOMAN CLEARS THROAT)
81
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Did you get your ass
kicked by Meryl Streep?
82
00:03:26,902 --> 00:03:29,070
No, it was just some
low-class cockney woman
83
00:03:29,071 --> 00:03:31,439
from the mid-1800s and... (GASPS)
84
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Bravo!
85
00:03:34,076 --> 00:03:36,369
She is amazing.
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(MERYL STREEP'S VOICE): Thank you.
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Stay out of my crapper.
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(APPLAUSE)
89
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And the Oscar goes to...
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00:03:45,087 --> 00:03:48,523
Meryl Streep, for Stay
Out of My Crapper.
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(TRIUMPHANT ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING)
92
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(APPLAUSE)
93
00:03:58,151 --> 00:04:00,568
Ah, the ladies' room at Wimbledon.
94
00:04:00,569 --> 00:04:03,304
This must be the fanciest
bathroom in the world.
95
00:04:03,305 --> 00:04:05,173
Uh-oh, looks like these are in use.
96
00:04:05,174 --> 00:04:07,892
(WOMEN GRUNTING BACK AND FORTH)
97
00:04:09,896 --> 00:04:11,179
(GRUNTS LOUDLY)
98
00:04:11,180 --> 00:04:12,513
(APPLAUSE)
99
00:04:13,112 --> 00:04:14,665
Deuce.
100
00:04:19,739 --> 00:04:23,608
Hey, uh, don't tell Mom that we
don't use car seats with me.
101
00:04:26,146 --> 00:04:27,929
Unhand me! What do you
think you're doing?!
102
00:04:27,930 --> 00:04:30,932
Okay, Stewie, you're gonna
help Daddy by holding his iPad
103
00:04:30,933 --> 00:04:34,435
while he watches season
one of House of Cards.
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00:04:34,436 --> 00:04:36,454
(HOUSE OF CARDS THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
105
00:04:39,025 --> 00:04:40,948
Wh... where was the house?
106
00:04:40,949 --> 00:04:42,477
Where was the house of cards?
107
00:04:42,478 --> 00:04:44,612
All right, Stewie, time to go.
108
00:04:44,613 --> 00:04:47,593
Whoa, whoa. (CHUCKLES) A little wobbly.
109
00:04:47,594 --> 00:04:49,017
Guess my legs fell asleep.
110
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(YELLS)
111
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Aah!
112
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Stewie, Daddy can't feel
his legs. Go get help!
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I'm hanging from a door, you idiot!
114
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(YELLS)
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(GRUNTS)
116
00:05:00,229 --> 00:05:03,198
By the way, you're down
to five percent battery.
117
00:05:03,199 --> 00:05:05,833
Oh, damn it, my head.
118
00:05:05,834 --> 00:05:08,203
Well, no wonder... you're
running all the apps at once.
119
00:05:08,204 --> 00:05:09,604
(GROANS)
120
00:05:09,605 --> 00:05:12,523
MAN: Sir? Sir, can you hear me?
121
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There he is.
122
00:05:16,011 --> 00:05:17,579
Welcome back, buddy.
123
00:05:17,580 --> 00:05:19,681
- Who are you?
- I'm a paramedic.
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Name's Stryker Foxx.
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00:05:21,150 --> 00:05:22,283
(BELL CHIMES)
126
00:05:22,284 --> 00:05:23,751
Oh, Lois just texted.
127
00:05:23,752 --> 00:05:25,968
"Burgers or meatballs for dinner?"
128
00:05:25,969 --> 00:05:27,487
I'll text back for you.
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00:05:27,488 --> 00:05:31,426
"Same thing, bitch.
Just different shapes."
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(IPAD CHIMING RAPIDLY)
131
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(CHUCKLES): Oh, this is gonna be fun.
132
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Oh, battery died.
133
00:05:36,332 --> 00:05:38,266
Sir, you've sustained a head injury.
134
00:05:38,267 --> 00:05:41,269
How many chicken fingers am I
holding up, and do you want one?
135
00:05:41,270 --> 00:05:43,705
Three, and hell yeah!
136
00:05:43,706 --> 00:05:46,107
Mmm. Aw. These are amazing!
137
00:05:46,108 --> 00:05:47,775
Did I die and go to heaven?
138
00:05:47,776 --> 00:05:49,666
Well, you didn't die,
'cause I saved you.
139
00:05:49,667 --> 00:05:51,813
And you're not in heaven 'cause
you're not holding a margarita.
140
00:05:51,814 --> 00:05:53,887
Oh, wait a minute, yes, you are.
141
00:05:53,888 --> 00:05:55,955
You brought a lot of
food in the bathroom.
142
00:05:55,956 --> 00:05:57,475
I always do.
143
00:05:58,671 --> 00:06:00,154
Oh, my God.
144
00:06:00,155 --> 00:06:02,123
Are you the coolest guy ever?
145
00:06:02,124 --> 00:06:04,158
Ah, that's just a silly
title they gave me
146
00:06:04,159 --> 00:06:06,027
down at the Karate
Paintball Dirt Bike Club.
147
00:06:06,028 --> 00:06:07,128
Awesome!
148
00:06:07,129 --> 00:06:08,696
Okay, well, bandaged you up.
149
00:06:08,697 --> 00:06:10,431
You should be good to go.
150
00:06:10,432 --> 00:06:12,567
But just be more careful next time.
151
00:06:12,568 --> 00:06:14,102
I know. What a stupid injury, huh?
152
00:06:14,103 --> 00:06:15,436
I haven't been this embarrassed
153
00:06:15,437 --> 00:06:17,572
since I was a rookie firefighter.
154
00:06:17,573 --> 00:06:19,590
(ALARM RINGING)
155
00:06:22,629 --> 00:06:25,163
PETER: Sorry, first day. Still learning.
156
00:06:29,669 --> 00:06:31,152
Hey, Stryker, wait!
157
00:06:31,153 --> 00:06:33,121
Hey, listen, I just wanted
to say thanks again
158
00:06:33,122 --> 00:06:34,318
for patching me up.
159
00:06:34,319 --> 00:06:35,356
No problem, buddy.
160
00:06:35,357 --> 00:06:37,925
Hey, that's an interesting
necklace you got there.
161
00:06:37,926 --> 00:06:39,794
Oh, this? It's from when I was a kid.
162
00:06:39,795 --> 00:06:41,596
It's half of a "best friend" coin.
163
00:06:41,597 --> 00:06:43,097
I always had this crazy dream
164
00:06:43,098 --> 00:06:45,816
that one day I'd run into the
guy with the other half.
165
00:06:50,156 --> 00:06:52,700
Oh, my God. Cody?
166
00:06:52,701 --> 00:06:56,040
Oh, that must be the name of the
dead surfer I found this on.
167
00:07:00,609 --> 00:07:02,426
TV ANNOUNCER: We now
return to the Olympics.
168
00:07:02,427 --> 00:07:03,794
Ugh, it's so annoying.
169
00:07:03,795 --> 00:07:05,229
They always use football announcers
170
00:07:05,230 --> 00:07:07,331
for events they know nothing about.
171
00:07:07,332 --> 00:07:09,433
ANNOUNCER: The players are ready
to take the swimming field.
172
00:07:09,434 --> 00:07:10,434
(ALARM BUZZES)
173
00:07:10,435 --> 00:07:11,835
And they're swimming!
174
00:07:11,836 --> 00:07:13,537
They appear to be doing
the forward stroke.
175
00:07:13,538 --> 00:07:14,872
My neighbor has a pool.
176
00:07:14,873 --> 00:07:17,374
I'll take a dip if I know
they're on vacation.
177
00:07:17,375 --> 00:07:19,810
It's neck-and-neck, and
it looks like Canada won!
178
00:07:19,811 --> 00:07:21,995
Uh, no, they're going
back the other way.
179
00:07:23,032 --> 00:07:24,782
What do you think? How do I look?
180
00:07:24,783 --> 00:07:26,383
Like a gas station energy drink.
181
00:07:26,384 --> 00:07:28,619
But you put that on to go to the Clam?
182
00:07:28,620 --> 00:07:30,888
Aren't the guys gonna think
you're a little overdressed?
183
00:07:30,889 --> 00:07:32,511
Oh, I'm not hanging out with the guys.
184
00:07:32,512 --> 00:07:33,831
I met someone new.
185
00:07:33,832 --> 00:07:36,260
His name's Stryker and he's really cool.
186
00:07:36,261 --> 00:07:38,629
Like, he's one of those
guys whose forearm hair
187
00:07:38,630 --> 00:07:40,664
makes his watch look even cooler.
188
00:07:40,665 --> 00:07:41,999
(PHONE RINGING)
189
00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:43,333
(GASPS) It's Stryker!
190
00:07:43,334 --> 00:07:46,070
I want him to think I was
listening to a cool song.
191
00:07:46,071 --> 00:07:47,538
♪ Pump up the jam... ♪
192
00:07:47,539 --> 00:07:48,672
Yeah, who dis?
193
00:07:48,673 --> 00:07:49,807
Oh, hey, man.
194
00:07:49,808 --> 00:07:51,675
Oh, nothing much. Just getting slurped.
195
00:07:51,676 --> 00:07:53,577
- Ew.
- Oh, you're almost here?
196
00:07:53,578 --> 00:07:55,379
Okay, just, uh, just give me a second
197
00:07:55,380 --> 00:07:57,681
so I can put away all my guitars.
198
00:07:57,682 --> 00:07:59,349
Okay, Seacrest out. Bye.
199
00:07:59,350 --> 00:08:00,350
(MUSIC STOPS)
200
00:08:00,351 --> 00:08:01,718
What the hell was that?
201
00:08:01,719 --> 00:08:03,053
Lay off. Nothing.
202
00:08:03,054 --> 00:08:04,471
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
203
00:08:05,466 --> 00:08:06,583
Hey, Peter.
204
00:08:06,584 --> 00:08:08,071
Hey, man.
205
00:08:08,072 --> 00:08:09,758
Hola, cha-cha, hi-hi.
206
00:08:09,759 --> 00:08:11,662
- Peter!
- I don't know. It's-it's this house.
207
00:08:11,663 --> 00:08:13,797
I-I got to get out of this house.
208
00:08:13,798 --> 00:08:15,899
Boy, Dad sure seems excited.
209
00:08:15,900 --> 00:08:17,601
I know. I haven't seen him this giddy
210
00:08:17,602 --> 00:08:20,771
since he discovered that
single-loop roller coaster.
211
00:08:20,772 --> 00:08:21,772
(GIGGLES)
212
00:08:21,773 --> 00:08:23,807
Ah...
213
00:08:23,808 --> 00:08:24,808
(GIGGLES)
214
00:08:24,809 --> 00:08:26,877
Ah...
215
00:08:26,878 --> 00:08:27,878
(GIGGLES)
216
00:08:27,879 --> 00:08:29,213
Ah...
217
00:08:29,214 --> 00:08:30,414
Uh, don't feel so good.
218
00:08:30,415 --> 00:08:31,915
(RETCHES) Ew!
219
00:08:31,916 --> 00:08:33,717
Ah...
220
00:08:33,718 --> 00:08:34,985
(RETCHES) Ew!
221
00:08:34,986 --> 00:08:36,687
Ah...
222
00:08:36,688 --> 00:08:38,572
(RETCHES) Ew!
223
00:08:43,045 --> 00:08:45,596
♪ ♪
224
00:08:45,597 --> 00:08:47,498
Wow, what a cool loft.
225
00:08:47,499 --> 00:08:50,701
I bet it cost a ton to make
this place look unfinished.
226
00:08:50,702 --> 00:08:52,336
Hey, come over here.
There's someone I want
227
00:08:52,337 --> 00:08:55,873
to introduce you to,
1997 George Clooney.
228
00:08:55,874 --> 00:08:58,842
Wow! That's the coolest
George Clooney there is!
229
00:08:58,843 --> 00:09:01,578
Hi, George Clooney, second worst Batman.
230
00:09:01,579 --> 00:09:03,113
Peter Griffin, second best Homer.
231
00:09:03,114 --> 00:09:04,882
You may have heard, I'm also known
232
00:09:04,883 --> 00:09:06,884
for my practical jokes on the set.
233
00:09:06,885 --> 00:09:09,887
One time, I nailed Nora Dunn
in the head with an apple.
234
00:09:09,888 --> 00:09:12,422
(LAUGHS): That-that's hilarious
'cause you're handsome.
235
00:09:12,423 --> 00:09:15,192
Otherwise, you're just
some dick who hit a lady.
236
00:09:15,193 --> 00:09:16,960
Aw, thanks for bringing
me here, Stryker.
237
00:09:16,961 --> 00:09:18,328
I'm having the best time ever.
238
00:09:18,329 --> 00:09:20,747
Even better than when
I lived in Santa Fe.
239
00:09:22,518 --> 00:09:24,902
Have you ever seen a prettier sunset?
240
00:09:24,903 --> 00:09:25,903
Never.
241
00:09:25,904 --> 00:09:27,804
It's just so peaceful here.
242
00:09:27,805 --> 00:09:29,106
It sure is.
243
00:09:29,107 --> 00:09:31,041
Mm. Sure is.
244
00:09:31,042 --> 00:09:34,683
Did you also have a very public
meltdown in another city?
245
00:09:34,684 --> 00:09:37,863
- I did.
- Yeah. Yeah.
246
00:09:42,571 --> 00:09:44,638
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
247
00:09:47,509 --> 00:09:48,892
Ugh, it's the guys.
248
00:09:48,893 --> 00:09:50,327
What do those losers want?
249
00:09:50,328 --> 00:09:52,396
Losers? Those are your friends.
250
00:09:52,397 --> 00:09:53,530
Nah, they're lame.
251
00:09:53,531 --> 00:09:56,266
Not one of them has ever
vaped at a funeral.
252
00:09:56,267 --> 00:09:58,368
Hey, Peter. Hey, what
are you doing tonight?
253
00:09:58,369 --> 00:09:59,603
We're gonna watch Cleveland
254
00:09:59,604 --> 00:10:02,105
put a garbage can full
of coins in a Coinstar.
255
00:10:02,106 --> 00:10:04,541
Sometimes it takes my buttons.
256
00:10:04,542 --> 00:10:06,610
Eh, thanks, guys, but I-I can't make it.
257
00:10:06,611 --> 00:10:08,912
I'm, um, I'm getting re-circumcised.
258
00:10:08,913 --> 00:10:10,497
Got a wedding next week.
259
00:10:10,498 --> 00:10:12,049
I just want to clean it up a bit.
260
00:10:12,050 --> 00:10:13,784
Oh, well, that's too bad.
Yeah, maybe next time.
261
00:10:13,785 --> 00:10:15,358
That sounds horrible.
262
00:10:15,954 --> 00:10:18,055
Peter, why did you just lie to the guys?
263
00:10:18,056 --> 00:10:19,878
'Cause I got plans with Stryker.
264
00:10:19,879 --> 00:10:21,325
I don't want them to embarrass me.
265
00:10:21,326 --> 00:10:22,893
Eh, I get where he's coming from.
266
00:10:22,894 --> 00:10:25,062
That's why I never introduce
you to my friends.
267
00:10:25,063 --> 00:10:26,163
What friends?
268
00:10:26,164 --> 00:10:28,632
Like the guys in my photography club.
269
00:10:28,633 --> 00:10:31,001
"Dear Gary Glitter, Jeffrey Jones
270
00:10:31,002 --> 00:10:32,703
and Jared from Subway,
271
00:10:32,704 --> 00:10:35,305
I feel like I'm the
only one sending pics.
272
00:10:35,306 --> 00:10:37,307
I love all the positive feedback,
273
00:10:37,308 --> 00:10:39,243
but maybe you guys send a pic?
274
00:10:39,244 --> 00:10:41,161
Anyway, here's more pics."
275
00:10:45,167 --> 00:10:46,766
♪ ♪
276
00:10:48,770 --> 00:10:50,854
Hey, you ever try that? Wingsuiting?
277
00:10:50,855 --> 00:10:52,289
I mean, basically, yeah.
278
00:10:52,290 --> 00:10:54,057
One time, I jumped off a top bunk
279
00:10:54,058 --> 00:10:56,126
with a towel around my neck like a cape.
280
00:10:56,127 --> 00:10:57,761
It was inside the IKEA.
281
00:10:57,762 --> 00:10:59,529
I landed on a cardboard computer.
282
00:10:59,530 --> 00:11:01,531
We should totally do that sometime.
283
00:11:01,532 --> 00:11:02,933
Nah, I can't go back there.
284
00:11:02,934 --> 00:11:04,517
They got my picture by the door.
285
00:11:06,388 --> 00:11:07,871
Hey, he is in here.
286
00:11:07,872 --> 00:11:10,040
What the hell are you guys doing here?
287
00:11:10,041 --> 00:11:11,708
We were coming back from the Coinstar
288
00:11:11,709 --> 00:11:13,343
and saw your car out front.
289
00:11:13,344 --> 00:11:16,146
Rough night. Turns out
the can was all buttons.
290
00:11:16,147 --> 00:11:18,109
We're not gonna make our mortgage.
291
00:11:18,110 --> 00:11:19,342
What are you doing here?
292
00:11:19,343 --> 00:11:20,984
I thought you were too
busy to go out tonight.
293
00:11:20,985 --> 00:11:22,386
Peter, who are your friends?
294
00:11:22,387 --> 00:11:27,291
Oh, um... Stryker, this is
Quagmire, Joe and Cleveland.
295
00:11:27,292 --> 00:11:28,692
How do you two know each other?
296
00:11:28,693 --> 00:11:30,494
Did you meet at the Harry Potter store?
297
00:11:30,495 --> 00:11:31,928
Peter loves that place.
298
00:11:31,929 --> 00:11:34,698
It was one wand and I was
using a gift certificate.
299
00:11:34,699 --> 00:11:37,267
No, we actually met when I was
administering first aid to him.
300
00:11:37,268 --> 00:11:39,269
- I'm a paramedic.
- For real?
301
00:11:39,270 --> 00:11:41,905
Hey, can I show you seven
or eight things on my body
302
00:11:41,906 --> 00:11:44,107
and ask for medical diagnosises?
303
00:11:44,108 --> 00:11:46,209
This thing here that looks
like a second elbow,
304
00:11:46,210 --> 00:11:47,678
I don't know what it is.
305
00:11:47,679 --> 00:11:49,212
Feels like it's filled with liquid.
306
00:11:49,213 --> 00:11:51,114
Well, I could take a look at it.
307
00:11:51,115 --> 00:11:53,083
No, no, no, guys, guys,
it's his night off.
308
00:11:53,084 --> 00:11:54,217
I have two pee holes.
309
00:11:54,218 --> 00:11:56,219
Stop it! Stop it. Guys,
can I talk to you?
310
00:11:56,220 --> 00:11:58,597
Look, this, this right here
311
00:11:58,598 --> 00:12:00,223
is exactly why I've been avoiding you.
312
00:12:00,224 --> 00:12:02,359
I knew you'd embarrass
me in front of Stryker.
313
00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:03,960
Who cares? He's just some dude.
314
00:12:03,961 --> 00:12:05,919
He's not "just some dude."
315
00:12:05,920 --> 00:12:07,608
He happens to be the
first really cool friend
316
00:12:07,609 --> 00:12:08,810
I've ever had.
317
00:12:08,811 --> 00:12:10,641
What are you talking about? We're cool.
318
00:12:10,642 --> 00:12:12,244
You are absolutely not cool.
319
00:12:12,245 --> 00:12:13,613
Oh, yeah?
320
00:12:13,614 --> 00:12:15,882
Well, then why did those
teenagers on the way in say,
321
00:12:15,883 --> 00:12:17,383
"Cool wheelchair, dick"?
322
00:12:17,384 --> 00:12:19,185
Hey, look, Peter, if you're
so embarrassed by us
323
00:12:19,186 --> 00:12:20,553
and you think we're losers,
324
00:12:20,554 --> 00:12:22,355
well, then we don't want to
hang out with you, either.
325
00:12:22,356 --> 00:12:24,591
Good. Who needs you bums? I got Stryker.
326
00:12:24,592 --> 00:12:25,758
Oh, yeah?
327
00:12:25,759 --> 00:12:28,928
Well, I hope you two are
happy together, you jerk.
328
00:12:28,929 --> 00:12:30,964
BOY: Cool wheelchair, dick.
329
00:12:30,965 --> 00:12:33,236
JOE: Thanks. Did you see the
backpack hanging off it?
330
00:12:46,264 --> 00:12:47,480
Wow, you know,
331
00:12:47,481 --> 00:12:49,215
I never thought I could be
talked into wingsuiting.
332
00:12:49,216 --> 00:12:50,368
You're gonna love it.
333
00:12:50,369 --> 00:12:52,452
It's just a short hike
from here to the summit.
334
00:12:52,453 --> 00:12:54,554
A hike? It's no problem.
335
00:12:54,555 --> 00:12:57,056
Shouldn't affect my old football injury.
336
00:12:57,057 --> 00:12:58,791
I spilled hot chili on my nuts.
337
00:12:58,792 --> 00:13:00,493
You're a riot, Peter.
338
00:13:00,494 --> 00:13:02,729
Hey, you sure you're up for this?
339
00:13:02,730 --> 00:13:05,899
Oh, hell yeah. When I commit to
something, I go all the way,
340
00:13:05,900 --> 00:13:08,401
like when I had Kathleen Turner's voice.
341
00:13:08,402 --> 00:13:10,703
(KATHLEEN TURNER'S VOICE):
Good morning, guys.
342
00:13:10,704 --> 00:13:12,438
Peter, what's wrong with your voice?
343
00:13:12,439 --> 00:13:14,841
I got punched in the throat
at the Clam last night.
344
00:13:14,842 --> 00:13:17,577
Now I sound exactly
like Kathleen Turner.
345
00:13:17,578 --> 00:13:19,712
I'm just gonna get my stromboli.
346
00:13:19,713 --> 00:13:22,515
Hey! Get away from my
stromboli, Kathleen Turner!
347
00:13:22,516 --> 00:13:23,800
(SHOUTS)
348
00:13:23,801 --> 00:13:26,902
_
349
00:13:26,903 --> 00:13:30,003
_
350
00:13:34,846 --> 00:13:38,197
Wow, that's, uh... that's some view.
351
00:13:38,198 --> 00:13:39,299
I know, isn't it?
352
00:13:39,300 --> 00:13:41,100
You see that rock formation over there?
353
00:13:41,101 --> 00:13:43,503
We're gonna fly right
through the center of it.
354
00:13:43,504 --> 00:13:45,138
It's called threading the needle.
355
00:13:45,139 --> 00:13:46,639
Totally intense.
356
00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:49,108
Uh-huh, uh-huh, yeah.
Or-or how about this?
357
00:13:49,109 --> 00:13:51,044
Maybe you jump off this cliff
358
00:13:51,045 --> 00:13:54,047
and I spin around over there
and sing Sound of Music.
359
00:13:54,048 --> 00:13:56,482
Or-or we could just go home
and watch Sound of Music.
360
00:13:56,483 --> 00:13:58,184
I can see you're a
little nervous, Peter,
361
00:13:58,185 --> 00:14:00,320
but I'm telling you, it
is easier than you think.
362
00:14:00,321 --> 00:14:02,071
Watch.
363
00:14:03,074 --> 00:14:04,874
♪ ♪
364
00:14:15,353 --> 00:14:17,570
Wow, look at him go.
365
00:14:17,571 --> 00:14:18,905
You know, just when I thought
366
00:14:18,906 --> 00:14:21,841
he couldn't get any cooler,
he goes... (BLEEP)
367
00:14:21,842 --> 00:14:23,776
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
368
00:14:23,777 --> 00:14:26,779
Oh! What-what just... There's
almost nothing left of him!
369
00:14:26,780 --> 00:14:29,015
And I just know I'm gonna be the one
370
00:14:29,016 --> 00:14:30,733
to have to identify the body.
371
00:14:32,770 --> 00:14:36,022
(CRYING): That's him. Poor guy.
372
00:14:36,023 --> 00:14:38,024
He looks like a bowl of tomato soup.
373
00:14:38,025 --> 00:14:39,926
Guy next to him died in a fire.
374
00:14:39,927 --> 00:14:42,862
He looks like a grilled cheese sandwich.
375
00:14:42,863 --> 00:14:46,432
Oh, these two poor souls
are the best combination
376
00:14:46,433 --> 00:14:47,717
for a rainy Saturday.
377
00:14:53,737 --> 00:14:55,771
So, hey, guys.
378
00:14:55,772 --> 00:14:57,871
What are we drinking? Beer?
379
00:14:57,872 --> 00:15:01,007
Hey, Quagmire, how about one
of your famous sexual stories?
380
00:15:01,008 --> 00:15:02,242
Take a hike, Peter.
381
00:15:02,243 --> 00:15:04,411
Ah, oh, you-you mean
something Joe can't do?
382
00:15:04,412 --> 00:15:05,479
(LAUGHS)
383
00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:07,581
Friendly jokes indicating closeness.
384
00:15:07,582 --> 00:15:09,282
We heard about Stryker dying.
385
00:15:09,283 --> 00:15:10,384
Ah, craps.
386
00:15:10,385 --> 00:15:11,585
Yeah, give it up.
387
00:15:11,586 --> 00:15:13,286
We know the only reason you're here
388
00:15:13,287 --> 00:15:15,389
is 'cause your cool friend is gone.
389
00:15:15,390 --> 00:15:17,624
That's right. We're not
your floppy seconds, Peter.
390
00:15:17,625 --> 00:15:18,692
It's actually "sloppy."
391
00:15:18,693 --> 00:15:19,993
Well, for me, it's both.
392
00:15:19,994 --> 00:15:21,561
But listen, you really
hurt our feelings.
393
00:15:21,562 --> 00:15:23,730
You can't just treat us like
garbage and then expect us
394
00:15:23,731 --> 00:15:25,532
to take you back like nothing happened.
395
00:15:25,533 --> 00:15:28,368
Okay, that's-that's too bad
'cause that was kind of my plan.
396
00:15:28,369 --> 00:15:29,736
Well, you can go to hell, Peter.
397
00:15:29,737 --> 00:15:31,638
We're tired of you
taking us for granted.
398
00:15:31,639 --> 00:15:33,140
Yeah, and this isn't even the first time
399
00:15:33,141 --> 00:15:34,708
you ditched us for someone else.
400
00:15:34,709 --> 00:15:35,942
Remember when you blew us off
401
00:15:35,943 --> 00:15:37,927
to hang out with Jerry Seinfeld?
402
00:15:40,031 --> 00:15:42,816
Julia Louis-Dreyfus has
a lot of Emmys now.
403
00:15:42,817 --> 00:15:44,834
Yeah.
404
00:15:47,645 --> 00:15:50,229
Why did your wife steal that cookbook?
405
00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:58,098
Peter, I'm sorry about
your friend Stryker.
406
00:15:58,099 --> 00:16:00,600
I know it's got to be hard
to watch a man explode
407
00:16:00,601 --> 00:16:02,235
like a bug on a windshield.
408
00:16:02,236 --> 00:16:03,537
No, it's not that...
409
00:16:03,538 --> 00:16:06,006
I mean, I do see that every
time I close my eyes...
410
00:16:06,007 --> 00:16:07,574
But it's the guys.
411
00:16:07,575 --> 00:16:09,443
They're really mad at
me, and I'm-I'm afraid
412
00:16:09,444 --> 00:16:11,478
they don't want to be
friends with me anymore.
413
00:16:11,479 --> 00:16:13,079
Well, it's hard to blame them.
414
00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:15,649
You treated them like you
don't even care about them.
415
00:16:15,650 --> 00:16:17,584
I do care about them.
416
00:16:17,585 --> 00:16:20,454
It's just, when I hung
around with Stryker,
417
00:16:20,455 --> 00:16:23,523
people thought I was cool,
and it-it felt good.
418
00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:25,692
No one ever thinks I'm cool.
419
00:16:25,693 --> 00:16:29,196
Your friends thought you were
cool, until you dumped them.
420
00:16:29,197 --> 00:16:32,065
Oh, wow, I guess you're right.
421
00:16:32,066 --> 00:16:34,534
I treated them like crap.
422
00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:37,170
I just got to find a way
to make it up to them.
423
00:16:37,171 --> 00:16:38,371
You got any ideas?
424
00:16:38,372 --> 00:16:41,341
Mom? Dad? Can Gary
Glitter, Jeffrey Jones
425
00:16:41,342 --> 00:16:43,526
and Jared from Subway spend the night?
426
00:16:45,363 --> 00:16:46,546
I don't know, Peter,
427
00:16:46,547 --> 00:16:48,348
but it's got to be something
really meaningful,
428
00:16:48,349 --> 00:16:50,016
because imagine how they feel.
429
00:16:50,017 --> 00:16:53,286
After all, you were willing to
jump off a cliff for Stryker.
430
00:16:53,287 --> 00:16:55,689
Well, they didn't say yes,
but they didn't say no.
431
00:16:55,690 --> 00:16:57,257
You're right.
432
00:16:57,258 --> 00:16:58,558
Thanks, Lois.
433
00:16:58,559 --> 00:17:02,145
And now I know exactly
what I have to do.
434
00:17:03,982 --> 00:17:05,499
Uh, where the hell are you going?
435
00:17:05,500 --> 00:17:07,434
Lois told me to go jump off a cliff
436
00:17:07,435 --> 00:17:09,069
to prove my friendship to the guys.
437
00:17:09,070 --> 00:17:11,738
Are-are you, are you sure
that's what she said?
438
00:17:11,739 --> 00:17:13,740
I-I don't know, Brian. Her
shirt was kind of open.
439
00:17:13,741 --> 00:17:15,408
I was trying to get a peek down there.
440
00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:17,527
Anyway, I got to go jump off a cliff.
441
00:17:21,500 --> 00:17:23,804
Peter, wait. H-Hold on. This is crazy!
442
00:17:24,519 --> 00:17:25,519
Damn it.
443
00:17:25,520 --> 00:17:27,020
Where's Peter going?
444
00:17:27,021 --> 00:17:28,244
Huh?
445
00:17:28,856 --> 00:17:31,040
Oh, for God's sake.
446
00:17:37,916 --> 00:17:40,467
Hey, Quagmire, Cleveland and Joe.
447
00:17:40,468 --> 00:17:43,904
It's your buddy, Peter, and I'm
about to thread the needle
448
00:17:43,905 --> 00:17:46,172
to prove to you guys how sorry I am
449
00:17:46,173 --> 00:17:48,542
and that I'd do anything
to win you back.
450
00:17:48,543 --> 00:17:50,810
And if something goes wrong
and I don't survive,
451
00:17:50,811 --> 00:17:52,178
you can go ahead and delete
452
00:17:52,179 --> 00:17:54,281
the Kennedy Center Honors from my DVR.
453
00:17:54,282 --> 00:17:55,782
I'm-I'm never gonna watch that.
454
00:17:55,783 --> 00:17:58,151
Okay, here goes nothing.
455
00:17:58,152 --> 00:18:01,538
I just wish the sponsor on
my suit was a little cooler.
456
00:18:03,475 --> 00:18:05,375
♪ ♪
457
00:18:09,481 --> 00:18:10,830
CLEVELAND: Peter, stop!
458
00:18:10,831 --> 00:18:12,065
Don't jump!
459
00:18:12,066 --> 00:18:13,300
Brian told us you were gonna...
460
00:18:13,301 --> 00:18:14,801
Why are you wearing a douche suit?
461
00:18:14,802 --> 00:18:16,136
They also make wipes!
462
00:18:16,137 --> 00:18:17,637
They're not known for their wipes.
463
00:18:17,638 --> 00:18:19,406
Peter, you don't have
to jump off a cliff
464
00:18:19,407 --> 00:18:20,640
to prove you're sorry.
465
00:18:20,641 --> 00:18:22,809
Not all of us believe
that, but we took a vote
466
00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:24,744
and I agreed I'd respect the majority.
467
00:18:24,745 --> 00:18:26,346
Look, you really treated us badly,
468
00:18:26,347 --> 00:18:27,847
but the fact that you'd be willing
469
00:18:27,848 --> 00:18:31,184
to literally risk your life just
to show us how much you care,
470
00:18:31,185 --> 00:18:33,420
well, that says a lot.
471
00:18:33,421 --> 00:18:36,089
Listen, I'm so sorry.
472
00:18:36,090 --> 00:18:39,426
If being cool means don't get
to hang out with you guys,
473
00:18:39,427 --> 00:18:41,761
then I don't ever want to be cool.
474
00:18:41,762 --> 00:18:45,098
What do you say? Can we just
go back to being friends?
475
00:18:45,099 --> 00:18:46,933
- Of course.
- You bet.
476
00:18:46,934 --> 00:18:48,168
Totes McGoats.
477
00:18:48,169 --> 00:18:50,236
(LAUGHS) "Totes McGoats"?
478
00:18:50,237 --> 00:18:52,439
Maybe you guys are cool. Fist bump.
479
00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:54,172
Ah, crap! (SCREAMS)
480
00:18:54,173 --> 00:18:55,509
- Oh, my God!
- Peter!
481
00:18:55,510 --> 00:18:57,310
Should I shoot him, make it go quicker?
482
00:18:57,311 --> 00:18:58,578
I got a shot.
483
00:18:58,579 --> 00:19:00,680
Too late. You didn't
answer quick enough.
484
00:19:00,681 --> 00:19:02,165
(SCREAMING)
485
00:19:10,642 --> 00:19:12,425
PETER: Hey, I'm doing it.
486
00:19:12,426 --> 00:19:14,294
This ain't so hard.
487
00:19:14,295 --> 00:19:16,296
Guys, I'm gonna do it!
488
00:19:16,297 --> 00:19:18,031
I'm gonna thread the needle!
489
00:19:18,032 --> 00:19:20,033
QUAGMIRE: What? We can't hear you!
490
00:19:20,034 --> 00:19:21,851
We're very far away!
491
00:19:26,558 --> 00:19:28,441
Oh, my God, I did it!
492
00:19:28,442 --> 00:19:30,010
I was actually able to thread the...
493
00:19:30,011 --> 00:19:31,645
Oh, crap, Canadian goose.
494
00:19:31,646 --> 00:19:32,679
Look out, eh?
495
00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:34,147
(SCREAMING)
496
00:19:34,148 --> 00:19:35,548
(BIRDS SQUAWKING)
497
00:19:35,549 --> 00:19:37,951
Oh! Damn it! Ah! Son of a bitch!
498
00:19:37,952 --> 00:19:38,985
(SCREAMING)
499
00:19:38,986 --> 00:19:41,304
(GRUNTING)
500
00:19:42,907 --> 00:19:45,158
(GROANS)
501
00:19:45,159 --> 00:19:46,893
I think I'm okay.
502
00:19:46,894 --> 00:19:48,693
Ah, nickels!
503
00:19:52,684 --> 00:19:54,701
Well, it's good to be back, you guys.
504
00:19:54,702 --> 00:19:57,404
A-And I'm sorry again I
dumped you for Stryker.
505
00:19:57,405 --> 00:19:59,673
Who the hell is this Stryker
guy you keep talking about?
506
00:19:59,674 --> 00:20:00,907
What do you mean?
507
00:20:00,908 --> 00:20:02,842
He's that cool, handsome
guy I was friends with.
508
00:20:02,843 --> 00:20:05,578
He's the whole reason I went
wingsuiting and hurt my head.
509
00:20:05,579 --> 00:20:06,913
Wingsuiting?
510
00:20:06,914 --> 00:20:09,382
Peter, you hurt your head
in a ladies' bathroom.
511
00:20:09,383 --> 00:20:11,885
Yeah, your legs fell asleep and
you bashed it against a sink.
512
00:20:11,886 --> 00:20:13,753
You were in a coma for two weeks.
513
00:20:13,754 --> 00:20:16,556
You must've dreamed about
this Stryker or something.
514
00:20:16,557 --> 00:20:17,857
No, we were buddies.
515
00:20:17,858 --> 00:20:19,526
We rode on his motorcycle.
516
00:20:19,527 --> 00:20:22,495
And he introduced me to
1997 George Clooney.
517
00:20:22,496 --> 00:20:24,998
Okay, well, right there you
should've known it wasn't real.
518
00:20:24,999 --> 00:20:26,332
Huh.
519
00:20:26,333 --> 00:20:28,134
Well, whether it was real or not,
520
00:20:28,135 --> 00:20:32,005
I want you to know you are the
best friends I've ever had.
521
00:20:32,006 --> 00:20:33,573
Of course we know that, Peter.
522
00:20:33,574 --> 00:20:35,341
Yeah, and we feel the same way.
523
00:20:35,342 --> 00:20:37,477
Hey, this is a really weird question,
524
00:20:37,478 --> 00:20:39,847
but do you boys want to go out dancing?
525
00:20:40,514 --> 00:20:41,642
PETER: That night,
526
00:20:41,643 --> 00:20:43,883
we danced until the sun came up.
527
00:20:43,884 --> 00:20:45,752
We forgot all about my coma
528
00:20:45,753 --> 00:20:47,887
and my crazy dream about a cool guy.
529
00:20:47,888 --> 00:20:50,123
We were just four middle-aged men
530
00:20:50,124 --> 00:20:52,692
doing Ecstasy at a Mexican prom.
531
00:20:52,693 --> 00:20:54,944
I'm Peter Griffin, and
these are my stories.
532
00:20:54,945 --> 00:20:56,193
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com