1
00:00:02,742 --> 00:00:04,775
It feels like it
wasn't that long ago
2
00:00:04,777 --> 00:00:07,044
we were here doing
this for Halley.
3
00:00:07,046 --> 00:00:09,580
'Cause it wasn't.
4
00:00:09,582 --> 00:00:11,482
Which reminds me,
before we leave,
5
00:00:11,484 --> 00:00:13,617
let's get you a vasectomy.
6
00:00:13,619 --> 00:00:18,389
Oh, that's sweet, but
today is all about you.
7
00:00:20,092 --> 00:00:23,027
So, you two ready to find
out the sex of this baby?
8
00:00:23,029 --> 00:00:24,295
Yeah.
Absolutely.
9
00:00:24,297 --> 00:00:25,763
Is Halley hoping
10
00:00:25,765 --> 00:00:27,565
for a little brother
or a little sister?
11
00:00:27,567 --> 00:00:28,899
Well, she's nine months old,
12
00:00:28,901 --> 00:00:32,970
so unless it jingles or is
in my bra, she doesn't care.
13
00:00:32,972 --> 00:00:36,340
And how about you two?
14
00:00:36,342 --> 00:00:39,577
You know, for the first one,
we really wanted a girl,
15
00:00:39,579 --> 00:00:42,279
but this time around, we
don't have a preference.
16
00:00:42,281 --> 00:00:45,349
Yeah. Boy, girl,
as long as it's healthy.
17
00:00:45,351 --> 00:00:47,485
Well, it's a boy.
18
00:00:47,487 --> 00:00:49,253
(heartbeat pulsing)
19
00:00:49,255 --> 00:00:52,022
Oh.
Oh.
20
00:00:52,024 --> 00:00:55,593
Come on, you can't
really be disappointed.
21
00:00:55,595 --> 00:00:57,595
Hey, I barely know
how to be a man myself.
22
00:00:57,597 --> 00:00:59,597
Now I have
to teach someone?
23
00:00:59,599 --> 00:01:03,634
As the saying goes,
“Those who can't do, teach”"
24
00:01:04,670 --> 00:01:06,704
Don't you want a little
version of Howard?
25
00:01:06,706 --> 00:01:10,040
I already have a little
version of Howard.
26
00:01:10,977 --> 00:01:12,610
Now I'm having a son?
27
00:01:12,612 --> 00:01:15,412
I'll have to teach him
how to play sports,
28
00:01:15,414 --> 00:01:17,882
and-and watch sports
29
00:01:17,884 --> 00:01:20,851
and-and-and-and-and-and...
30
00:01:20,853 --> 00:01:24,021
He just ran out of man things.
He's in trouble.
31
00:01:26,125 --> 00:01:27,992
It's okay. We're
all here to help.
32
00:01:27,994 --> 00:01:31,562
Yes. And this baby will have
plenty of manly role models.
33
00:01:31,564 --> 00:01:33,898
Now, I'm certain that whatever
Bernadette can't teach him,
34
00:01:33,900 --> 00:01:35,165
Penny can.
35
00:01:36,502 --> 00:01:38,602
Uh, she can pee into a bottle.
36
00:01:38,604 --> 00:01:39,670
Mm-hmm.
37
00:01:39,672 --> 00:01:41,906
Anything with a neck
wider than a nickel.
38
00:01:43,843 --> 00:01:47,278
Howie, there's a lot of amazing
things you can teach a son.
39
00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:50,548
Yeah. You do always know how
to pick just the right antacid.
40
00:01:50,550 --> 00:01:53,551
I don't know if
I can teach that.
41
00:01:53,553 --> 00:01:56,020
It's just something
I was born with.
42
00:01:56,022 --> 00:01:58,055
Come on. You can build things.
43
00:01:58,057 --> 00:01:59,590
You were an astronaut.
44
00:01:59,592 --> 00:02:01,058
That's true.
45
00:02:01,060 --> 00:02:03,394
You know, as a kid,
I used to make model rockets.
46
00:02:03,396 --> 00:02:05,229
That'd be pretty cool
to do with a son.
47
00:02:05,231 --> 00:02:07,865
Model rockets. Finally,
something interesting.
48
00:02:07,867 --> 00:02:11,135
What is your preferred
mode of recovery?
49
00:02:11,137 --> 00:02:13,370
Sheldon, we're helping
our friends.
50
00:02:13,372 --> 00:02:16,607
And we got to model
rockets, yeah?
51
00:02:16,609 --> 00:02:19,810
It was a tedious road,
but well worth the effort.
52
00:02:19,812 --> 00:02:22,479
- So, have you thought of any names?
- Amy.
53
00:02:22,481 --> 00:02:23,647
We finally got
to model rockets.
54
00:02:23,649 --> 00:02:25,082
Why are you
turning back?
55
00:02:26,419 --> 00:02:29,820
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
56
00:02:29,822 --> 00:02:33,424
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
57
00:02:33,426 --> 00:02:34,959
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
58
00:02:34,961 --> 00:02:37,895
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
59
00:02:37,897 --> 00:02:40,197
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
60
00:02:40,199 --> 00:02:42,800
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
61
00:02:42,802 --> 00:02:44,735
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
62
00:02:44,737 --> 00:02:45,770
♪ Bang! ♪
63
00:02:45,771 --> 00:02:49,771
♪ The Big Bang Theory 11x04 ♪
The Explosion Implosion
Original Air Date
64
00:02:49,772 --> 00:02:55,572
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
65
00:02:55,669 --> 00:02:57,002
Hey, where are you going?
66
00:02:57,004 --> 00:02:58,770
Back to the dry cleaner.
Look at this.
67
00:02:58,772 --> 00:03:01,240
They didn't get the stain
out of my Starfleet uniform.
68
00:03:01,242 --> 00:03:04,276
Well, if you didn't make me wear
the green body paint in bed,
69
00:03:04,278 --> 00:03:07,279
you wouldn't have to get it
dry-cleaned so much.
70
00:03:07,281 --> 00:03:09,181
Nah, it's worth it.
71
00:03:10,551 --> 00:03:11,783
(Skype ringtone playing)
72
00:03:11,785 --> 00:03:13,151
Hey, wait, it's your mom.
73
00:03:13,153 --> 00:03:16,088
Oh, too bad.
She just missed me!
74
00:03:19,527 --> 00:03:20,859
Hey, Beverly.
75
00:03:20,861 --> 00:03:22,361
Oh, hello, Penny.
76
00:03:22,363 --> 00:03:23,562
Uh, Leonard just left.
77
00:03:23,564 --> 00:03:25,864
He's gonna be so upset
he missed your call.
78
00:03:25,866 --> 00:03:27,599
Why?
79
00:03:27,601 --> 00:03:29,468
Because he...
80
00:03:29,470 --> 00:03:30,802
Yeah, I don't know.
81
00:03:30,804 --> 00:03:32,838
How are you?
82
00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:35,274
Did you mean personally
or professionally?
83
00:03:35,276 --> 00:03:36,775
Um, personally?
84
00:03:36,777 --> 00:03:38,844
Like, what'd you do last night?
85
00:03:38,846 --> 00:03:41,113
I had Cuban food
at the home of a man
86
00:03:41,115 --> 00:03:45,117
with whom I shared
unsatisfying intercourse.
87
00:03:46,954 --> 00:03:49,521
Wow. Okay.
88
00:03:51,258 --> 00:03:53,659
And to anticipate
your next questions,
89
00:03:53,661 --> 00:03:56,929
roasted pork
and sideways missionary.
90
00:03:59,466 --> 00:04:02,935
Sure. Sure.
'Cause you were full.
91
00:04:05,039 --> 00:04:07,806
I haven't looked
at all this stuff in years.
92
00:04:07,808 --> 00:04:09,141
Had it.
93
00:04:09,143 --> 00:04:10,676
Had it.
94
00:04:10,678 --> 00:04:13,579
Burnt down my garage with it.
95
00:04:13,581 --> 00:04:15,647
I had three model rockets
as a kid,
96
00:04:15,649 --> 00:04:18,650
and that was the largest
space program in India.
97
00:04:18,652 --> 00:04:22,254
You have a replica Saturn V?
98
00:04:22,256 --> 00:04:25,257
Yeah. My dad bought it
before he, you know,
99
00:04:25,259 --> 00:04:27,192
abandoned our family.
100
00:04:27,194 --> 00:04:29,294
Lucky duck.
101
00:04:29,296 --> 00:04:34,099
Could never bring myself to
open it without him. (chuckles)
102
00:04:34,101 --> 00:04:35,701
It's silly.
103
00:04:35,703 --> 00:04:36,835
No, it's not silly.
104
00:04:36,837 --> 00:04:38,904
I always wanted my dad
to build rockets with me,
105
00:04:38,906 --> 00:04:41,239
but he wasn't interested.
106
00:04:41,241 --> 00:04:42,708
Ah, yes, disappointing
fathers.
107
00:04:42,710 --> 00:04:44,109
Tell me about it.
108
00:04:44,111 --> 00:04:47,179
I remember for my 16th birthday,
my dad bought me a Mercedes.
109
00:04:47,181 --> 00:04:50,382
Like, a little one,
like a starter Mercedes.
110
00:04:51,819 --> 00:04:52,985
He had barely handed me the keys
111
00:04:52,987 --> 00:04:54,720
before he had
to rush back to work.
112
00:04:54,722 --> 00:04:57,990
I didn't see him again till,
like, pretty late that night.
113
00:05:00,794 --> 00:05:02,661
Anyway...
114
00:05:04,064 --> 00:05:07,766
...as angry as I was
with him leaving,
115
00:05:07,768 --> 00:05:09,935
building this stuff
is probably what led me
116
00:05:09,937 --> 00:05:11,470
to become an engineer.
117
00:05:11,472 --> 00:05:13,705
I suppose, in his own way,
118
00:05:13,707 --> 00:05:15,707
my dad also encouraged me
to pursue science.
119
00:05:15,709 --> 00:05:17,542
I mean, he is the one
that taught me
120
00:05:17,544 --> 00:05:19,811
that flatulence
is combustible.
121
00:05:20,881 --> 00:05:24,816
And also, polyester
gym shorts don't burn.
122
00:05:24,818 --> 00:05:26,318
They melt.
123
00:05:28,022 --> 00:05:30,055
Yeah, I guess I'm an
astrophysicist because,
124
00:05:30,057 --> 00:05:32,524
as a kid, I said I like
to look at the stars,
125
00:05:32,526 --> 00:05:35,727
so my dad sent me to Hawaii
to visit the Keck telescope.
126
00:05:38,532 --> 00:05:40,699
Screw you. My pain is real.
127
00:05:44,405 --> 00:05:47,005
You know what?
Forget the past.
128
00:05:47,007 --> 00:05:50,275
What do you say you and
me build this rocket?
129
00:05:50,277 --> 00:05:52,010
That sounds like
it could be
130
00:05:52,012 --> 00:05:53,845
a real bonding
experience for us.
131
00:05:53,847 --> 00:05:54,880
Right?
132
00:05:54,882 --> 00:05:55,847
Oh, I see.
133
00:05:55,849 --> 00:05:58,050
Oh, you think
that's a positive.
134
00:06:02,189 --> 00:06:04,956
So, you don't want to hang out
with Sheldon and Howard?
135
00:06:04,958 --> 00:06:07,492
No, they were bonding
over their sad childhoods,
136
00:06:07,494 --> 00:06:11,363
and my stupid parents
were always there for me.
137
00:06:12,599 --> 00:06:13,932
What's all this?
138
00:06:13,934 --> 00:06:16,134
I'm just boxing up all
the clothes Halley's outgrown.
139
00:06:16,136 --> 00:06:18,103
Guess we won't
need them anymore.
140
00:06:18,105 --> 00:06:19,438
Oh, well, slow down.
141
00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:21,440
I'm sure there's some
you could reuse for a boy.
142
00:06:21,442 --> 00:06:24,609
“Daddy's little girl”?
143
00:06:24,611 --> 00:06:27,279
Okay, well, what if we, uh,
change it to say,
144
00:06:27,281 --> 00:06:29,748
“Daddy's little girl magnet”?
145
00:06:29,750 --> 00:06:31,550
Boom! Boy shirt.
146
00:06:33,420 --> 00:06:34,586
What about this?
147
00:06:34,588 --> 00:06:35,954
Uh, okay.
148
00:06:35,956 --> 00:06:38,457
Uh, pull off the skirt, slap
a lightning bolt on the front,
149
00:06:38,459 --> 00:06:40,192
and you got baby Flash.
150
00:06:40,194 --> 00:06:41,393
Ooh.
151
00:06:41,395 --> 00:06:42,594
Stick a long sleeve under it.
152
00:06:42,596 --> 00:06:44,963
Boom! Baby Sheldon.
153
00:06:46,500 --> 00:06:48,166
Wow, you're really good at this.
154
00:06:48,168 --> 00:06:49,301
Oh, please.
155
00:06:49,303 --> 00:06:50,535
This isn't my first time
156
00:06:50,537 --> 00:06:53,205
turning girl clothes
into boy clothes.
157
00:06:54,181 --> 00:06:57,115
Why? You got your sister's
hand-me-downs?
158
00:06:57,117 --> 00:07:00,452
Yeah, that.
159
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:06,725
Oh. I should've
brought peanuts.
160
00:07:06,727 --> 00:07:08,760
You can't eat peanuts.
You're allergic.
161
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:11,963
If you die, who's going
to drive me home?
162
00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:13,531
I'm not gonna eat them.
163
00:07:13,533 --> 00:07:15,066
It's a thing
they do at JPL.
164
00:07:15,068 --> 00:07:17,135
When the Ranger mission finally
had a successful launch,
165
00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:18,436
there were peanuts
in the room.
166
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:21,206
Ever since then,
they have them at every launch.
167
00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:23,808
That sounds like
a silly superstition.
168
00:07:23,810 --> 00:07:26,277
It's more of a tradition.
169
00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:28,713
Oh! I do love a tradition.
170
00:07:28,715 --> 00:07:32,383
Could you pull over
at the next peanut store?
171
00:07:32,385 --> 00:07:35,353
I don't think
that's a real thing.
172
00:07:35,355 --> 00:07:36,721
Oh, don't be pedantic.
173
00:07:36,723 --> 00:07:38,356
Any nut store will do.
174
00:07:38,358 --> 00:07:42,794
I-I don't think we can
get peanuts out here.
175
00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:46,131
Ah, well, then
this whole day's ruined.
176
00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:50,135
Now that I think about it, maybe
it is more of a superstition.
177
00:07:50,137 --> 00:07:51,870
Whew! That was close.
178
00:07:56,510 --> 00:07:58,643
(ringtone playing)
179
00:08:00,447 --> 00:08:03,414
Oh, uh, hey, Beverly, you called
my phone, not Leonard's.
180
00:08:03,416 --> 00:08:06,484
Actually, I was hoping
to speak with you.
181
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,119
Is this a good time?
182
00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:09,954
Uh, that depends.
183
00:08:09,956 --> 00:08:11,656
What time is it where you are?
184
00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:12,824
Uh, just after 5:00.
185
00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:15,126
(clears throat)
Yeah, that counts.
186
00:08:15,128 --> 00:08:17,662
What's up?
187
00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:20,999
Well, I enjoyed our conversation
the other day,
188
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:23,067
and I was hoping to continue it.
189
00:08:23,069 --> 00:08:24,269
Really?
190
00:08:24,271 --> 00:08:26,571
Uh, yes. You may
find this surprising,
191
00:08:26,573 --> 00:08:29,841
but I don't have a lot of
what you would call girlfriends.
192
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:33,711
(exaggerated):
What?
193
00:08:33,713 --> 00:08:37,115
Of course, there are
my female colleagues,
194
00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:39,050
but, uh, they're all Freudians,
195
00:08:39,052 --> 00:08:42,554
so the only boy that I can
dish about is my father.
196
00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:44,856
(laughs)
197
00:08:48,762 --> 00:08:50,024
Uh, well, you know,
I'm here for you.
198
00:08:50,025 --> 00:08:51,424
What do you want to talk about?
199
00:08:51,426 --> 00:08:54,627
Well, last time,
we focused on my life.
200
00:08:54,629 --> 00:08:56,496
If we're going to be
real girlfriends,
201
00:08:56,498 --> 00:08:58,197
we should talk about you
as well.
202
00:08:58,199 --> 00:08:59,632
Well, you know,
if we're gonna be
203
00:08:59,634 --> 00:09:01,668
real girlfriends,
we should get a third girl
204
00:09:01,670 --> 00:09:04,470
we can trash behind her back.
205
00:09:04,472 --> 00:09:07,307
Oh, so we'd be catty.
206
00:09:07,309 --> 00:09:10,043
Oh, I like it.
207
00:09:10,045 --> 00:09:12,111
What about Sheldon's fiancée?
208
00:09:12,113 --> 00:09:15,081
She seems a bit dour.
209
00:09:15,083 --> 00:09:17,784
Ooh, “dour.”
210
00:09:17,786 --> 00:09:19,485
Meow.
211
00:09:23,625 --> 00:09:24,924
All right.
212
00:09:24,926 --> 00:09:26,292
Here we go.
213
00:09:26,294 --> 00:09:28,561
L-minus ten, nine...
214
00:09:28,563 --> 00:09:30,797
Wait, what are you doing?
It's “T-minus”"
215
00:09:30,799 --> 00:09:33,366
I was an astronaut.
We used L-minus.
216
00:09:33,368 --> 00:09:35,368
But this is a Saturn V,
217
00:09:35,370 --> 00:09:36,903
and when they launched those,
they said “T-minus”"
218
00:09:36,905 --> 00:09:40,173
It's my rocket!
We're doing it my way.
219
00:09:40,175 --> 00:09:42,675
Fine.
220
00:09:44,112 --> 00:09:46,012
I'm not saying
I know why your dad left,
221
00:09:46,014 --> 00:09:48,314
but I think I'm getting an idea.
222
00:09:50,185 --> 00:09:51,284
L-minus
223
00:09:51,286 --> 00:09:53,219
ten, nine, eight,
224
00:09:53,221 --> 00:09:54,487
seven, six...
225
00:09:54,489 --> 00:09:58,191
'Cause you're
kind of bossy.
226
00:09:58,193 --> 00:10:01,227
...five, four, three, two,
227
00:10:01,229 --> 00:10:02,695
one...
228
00:10:06,701 --> 00:10:09,836
I remember them
going up higher.
229
00:10:18,177 --> 00:10:19,243
Well, that's perfect.
230
00:10:19,245 --> 00:10:21,211
I mean, the one thing
I thought I could
231
00:10:21,213 --> 00:10:23,948
do with my son,
I can't even do that right.
232
00:10:23,950 --> 00:10:27,418
Well, if you want to see it
again, I got it on video.
233
00:10:27,420 --> 00:10:30,254
Looks pretty cool
in slow motion.
234
00:10:30,256 --> 00:10:31,956
Thank you for
your support.
235
00:10:31,958 --> 00:10:34,224
You're welcome.
I was being sarcastic.
236
00:10:34,226 --> 00:10:35,859
How dare you!
237
00:10:37,930 --> 00:10:40,197
Sheldon, what am I
gonna do?
238
00:10:40,199 --> 00:10:44,268
I mean, what do I know
about raising a boy?
239
00:10:44,270 --> 00:10:48,205
What do you know
about raising a girl?
240
00:10:49,542 --> 00:10:52,309
Oh, my God, you're right.
241
00:10:52,311 --> 00:10:55,512
Well, I don't know if
that was sarcasm or not.
242
00:10:55,514 --> 00:10:58,949
So, either you're welcome,
or hey!
243
00:11:03,589 --> 00:11:05,723
(phone chimes)
244
00:11:07,493 --> 00:11:09,293
Leonard, did you really
just text me from the couch
245
00:11:09,295 --> 00:11:11,895
to put extra mustard
on your sandwich?
246
00:11:11,897 --> 00:11:15,032
I was worried you might not
check your e-mail.
247
00:11:17,536 --> 00:11:18,535
(phone chimes)
248
00:11:18,537 --> 00:11:20,671
I swear to God,
I will throw this out.
249
00:11:20,673 --> 00:11:22,406
That one was not me.
250
00:11:22,408 --> 00:11:24,241
Oh, wait, it was just your mom.
251
00:11:24,243 --> 00:11:25,876
My mother's texting you?
252
00:11:25,878 --> 00:11:27,978
Yeah. We've been talking
a lot lately.
253
00:11:27,980 --> 00:11:30,047
Why?
254
00:11:30,049 --> 00:11:33,951
She sick of talking to
the magic mirror on the wall?
255
00:11:33,953 --> 00:11:36,320
No, I think she's lonely.
256
00:11:36,322 --> 00:11:37,955
She's been reaching out.
257
00:11:37,957 --> 00:11:41,392
Okay, just be careful.
258
00:11:41,394 --> 00:11:42,993
You think you're
getting close to her,
259
00:11:42,995 --> 00:11:45,429
and the next thing you know,
you're featured in a book
260
00:11:45,431 --> 00:11:50,067
called He's Doing It On Purpose:
Raising a Teenage Bed-Wetter.
261
00:11:50,069 --> 00:11:52,002
No, it's not like that.
262
00:11:52,004 --> 00:11:54,204
You know, she's been
opening up about her life,
263
00:11:54,206 --> 00:11:56,807
and she's actually been
really supportive about mine.
264
00:11:56,809 --> 00:11:58,208
Really?
Yeah.
265
00:11:58,210 --> 00:11:59,443
I've been telling her
about my job,
266
00:11:59,445 --> 00:12:01,512
and she said
she was proud of me.
267
00:12:01,514 --> 00:12:04,882
Well, that's great.
268
00:12:05,951 --> 00:12:08,952
Never told me
she was proud of me.
269
00:12:10,489 --> 00:12:14,124
Even when I stayed dry
for a whole month.
270
00:12:14,126 --> 00:12:17,261
Do you not want me
to be friends with your mom?
271
00:12:17,263 --> 00:12:18,896
Well, let's be clear.
272
00:12:18,898 --> 00:12:21,965
I-I married you to hurt her.
273
00:12:24,603 --> 00:12:26,904
You're kind of ruining it.
274
00:12:29,275 --> 00:12:32,676
Reason number 13
to feel good:
275
00:12:32,678 --> 00:12:34,912
as a launch, it was bad,
276
00:12:34,914 --> 00:12:37,815
but as an explosion,
it was glorious.
277
00:12:39,452 --> 00:12:40,884
Reason 14:
278
00:12:40,886 --> 00:12:43,620
you still have
all your fingers,
279
00:12:43,622 --> 00:12:46,723
and boys prefer
a dad with fingers.
280
00:12:46,725 --> 00:12:48,125
Thanks for trying,
281
00:12:48,127 --> 00:12:50,427
but you're not gonna be able
to cheer me up.
282
00:12:50,429 --> 00:12:52,496
Well, how about
this, then?
283
00:12:52,498 --> 00:12:54,231
You quit your whining
before I give you
284
00:12:54,233 --> 00:12:56,300
something to cry
about, young man.
285
00:12:56,302 --> 00:12:58,435
What?
286
00:12:58,437 --> 00:13:02,406
Those are comforting words
my father would often say.
287
00:13:02,408 --> 00:13:04,241
Did it help?
288
00:13:04,243 --> 00:13:06,176
I turned out great.
289
00:13:06,178 --> 00:13:07,678
You tell me.
290
00:13:07,680 --> 00:13:10,280
Let's get going.
291
00:13:10,282 --> 00:13:13,150
Are you gonna be this
mopey all the way home?
292
00:13:13,152 --> 00:13:14,685
I don't know, maybe.
293
00:13:14,687 --> 00:13:16,353
There any chance
you'd be cheered up
294
00:13:16,355 --> 00:13:18,622
by an amazing
trigonometry riddle?
295
00:13:20,259 --> 00:13:21,925
Well, if you can't
answer that,
296
00:13:21,927 --> 00:13:24,027
there's no way you're
gonna get this riddle.
297
00:13:30,936 --> 00:13:33,770
Oh, hey, hey,
what do you think?
298
00:13:33,772 --> 00:13:36,140
Just because it's a boy,
I don't think you need to
299
00:13:36,142 --> 00:13:38,609
put a picture of
genitals on his shirt.
300
00:13:38,611 --> 00:13:42,379
But that's a baseball bat
with two little baseballs.
301
00:13:42,381 --> 00:13:45,149
Okay, and now I see it.
302
00:13:46,886 --> 00:13:49,286
So, you know,
I understand why
303
00:13:49,288 --> 00:13:51,255
Howard is nervous
about having a son,
304
00:13:51,257 --> 00:13:53,223
but are you really
upset about it?
305
00:13:53,225 --> 00:13:54,858
No, I'm fine.
306
00:13:54,860 --> 00:13:56,827
It's just, I grew up
with a bunch of brothers,
307
00:13:56,829 --> 00:13:59,496
so I thought it'd be nice
for Halley to have a sister.
308
00:13:59,498 --> 00:14:00,631
Is that wrong?
309
00:14:00,633 --> 00:14:02,566
Of course it's wrong.
310
00:14:02,568 --> 00:14:04,101
You don't know what this
little boy's gonna be like.
311
00:14:04,103 --> 00:14:06,503
Maybe he'll be rough and tumble,
312
00:14:06,505 --> 00:14:08,805
or maybe he'll be sweet
and sensitive,
313
00:14:08,807 --> 00:14:12,409
or maybe he'll be
all those things, like me.
314
00:14:14,513 --> 00:14:16,480
You're rough
and tumble?
315
00:14:18,083 --> 00:14:21,151
You bet I am, bitch.
316
00:14:22,288 --> 00:14:26,823
But I'm also sensitive
and regret saying that.
317
00:14:29,695 --> 00:14:31,128
(knock on door)
318
00:14:31,130 --> 00:14:33,263
Hey.
Hello.
319
00:14:33,265 --> 00:14:35,732
You got a sec?
320
00:14:35,734 --> 00:14:36,700
Sure. What's up?
321
00:14:36,702 --> 00:14:39,036
Penny's been talking
to my mother
322
00:14:39,038 --> 00:14:42,172
like they're best friends, and
it's kind of freaking me out.
323
00:14:42,174 --> 00:14:44,775
Okay...
324
00:14:44,777 --> 00:14:48,946
I'm pretty sure
they're not best friends.
325
00:14:51,317 --> 00:14:54,451
'Cause you can only have
one best friend.
326
00:14:56,021 --> 00:14:59,389
And Penny has that,
and (clicks tongue) it's me.
327
00:15:01,060 --> 00:15:03,493
Oh, really? Is she FaceTiming
with you right now?
328
00:15:03,495 --> 00:15:05,429
Because she's FaceTiming
with my mom, and believe me,
329
00:15:05,431 --> 00:15:08,899
that is not a face
you want to spend time with.
330
00:15:08,901 --> 00:15:12,569
Hmm. Well, I have been
pretty busy lately.
331
00:15:12,571 --> 00:15:14,638
Maybe I've been
neglecting our friendship.
332
00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:16,106
Penny knows I have
a complicated relationship
333
00:15:16,108 --> 00:15:17,874
with my mother;
it's like she doesn't even care.
334
00:15:17,876 --> 00:15:19,443
And with everything
going on at the lab
335
00:15:19,445 --> 00:15:20,711
and planning the wedding,
336
00:15:20,713 --> 00:15:23,547
I just, I have
so little free time.
337
00:15:23,549 --> 00:15:26,350
Penny doesn't know how
manipulative my mother can be.
338
00:15:26,352 --> 00:15:27,651
Did you know
there's such a thing as
339
00:15:27,653 --> 00:15:29,519
reverse, reverse,
reverse psychology?
340
00:15:29,521 --> 00:15:32,856
Because... there is.
341
00:15:32,858 --> 00:15:34,358
I mean, she must feel
so abandoned.
342
00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:36,226
She's used to me
being there all the time,
343
00:15:36,228 --> 00:15:37,628
but now I have my own life,
344
00:15:37,630 --> 00:15:39,696
and she's just gonna
have to accept it.
345
00:15:39,698 --> 00:15:42,499
And why is my mom
proud of Penny and not me?
346
00:15:42,501 --> 00:15:44,568
I mean, the real question is:
why is Penny so afraid of me
347
00:15:44,570 --> 00:15:45,669
growing as a person?
348
00:15:45,671 --> 00:15:46,870
I'm good at stuff, too!
349
00:15:46,872 --> 00:15:49,339
I deserve my own life!
350
00:15:51,510 --> 00:15:53,076
Okay, well, thanks.
351
00:15:53,078 --> 00:15:54,645
Good talk.
352
00:16:00,619 --> 00:16:02,452
You know,
studies have shown
353
00:16:02,454 --> 00:16:05,589
that people distracted
by emotional issues
354
00:16:05,591 --> 00:16:07,557
are poor drivers.
355
00:16:07,559 --> 00:16:12,362
What about people distracted
by irritating passengers?
356
00:16:13,299 --> 00:16:14,798
That would be hard to test,
357
00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:17,968
because irritating is
a subjective quality.
358
00:16:17,970 --> 00:16:20,837
Strongly disagree.
359
00:16:25,711 --> 00:16:27,010
Can I drive?
360
00:16:27,012 --> 00:16:28,612
No. (chuckles)
361
00:16:28,614 --> 00:16:29,746
You can't drive.
362
00:16:29,748 --> 00:16:31,815
You don't even have a license.
363
00:16:31,817 --> 00:16:33,016
Actually, I do.
364
00:16:33,018 --> 00:16:36,286
Really? Since when?
365
00:16:36,288 --> 00:16:37,721
Three years ago.
366
00:16:37,723 --> 00:16:40,324
I went on a bit
of a license kick.
367
00:16:40,326 --> 00:16:43,293
I'm also
a commercial fisherman.
368
00:16:44,196 --> 00:16:46,863
Then why don't you ever
drive yourself?
369
00:16:46,865 --> 00:16:48,732
Honestly, I barely
passed my test.
370
00:16:48,734 --> 00:16:50,634
And the one time
I drove on my own,
371
00:16:50,636 --> 00:16:55,205
I made a U-turn, got dizzy,
threw up and walked home.
372
00:16:56,442 --> 00:16:58,342
You really want to drive?
373
00:16:58,344 --> 00:17:00,477
It seems like
the perfect time.
374
00:17:00,479 --> 00:17:03,213
The roads are straight,
there's no one around,
375
00:17:03,215 --> 00:17:06,483
and you don't seem to care
if you live or die.
376
00:17:06,485 --> 00:17:10,020
Live, Sheldon.
I want to live.
377
00:17:10,022 --> 00:17:11,688
That makes things
a little trickier,
378
00:17:11,690 --> 00:17:13,323
but I'll do my best.
379
00:17:15,661 --> 00:17:17,361
(line ringing)
380
00:17:17,363 --> 00:17:18,395
BEVERLY:
Hi, Pen...
381
00:17:18,397 --> 00:17:21,164
Oh, hello, Leonard.
382
00:17:22,835 --> 00:17:24,167
Hello, Mother. How are you?
383
00:17:24,169 --> 00:17:26,303
Fine. And you?
I'm great.
384
00:17:26,305 --> 00:17:28,472
Well, it's been lovely
catching up.
385
00:17:28,474 --> 00:17:31,108
Wait. Hang on.
We need to talk.
386
00:17:31,110 --> 00:17:33,877
Oh, brother.
387
00:17:33,879 --> 00:17:37,614
I want to know,
why aren't you proud of me?
388
00:17:37,616 --> 00:17:39,816
Well, isn't the real question,
389
00:17:39,818 --> 00:17:41,985
“Why aren't you proud
of yourself?”
390
00:17:41,987 --> 00:17:47,557
No, that is a question--
and I ask it a lot--
391
00:17:47,559 --> 00:17:49,860
but let's stick
with the one I asked you.
392
00:17:49,862 --> 00:17:52,629
But why do you think
I'm not proud of you?
393
00:17:52,631 --> 00:17:55,065
Because you never say it.
394
00:17:55,067 --> 00:17:56,767
But two days into
chatting with Penny,
395
00:17:56,769 --> 00:17:59,136
and you can't stop
telling her how great she is.
396
00:17:59,138 --> 00:18:00,370
She is great.
397
00:18:00,372 --> 00:18:03,440
Honestly, of all
of my children's spouses,
398
00:18:03,442 --> 00:18:05,942
she's the one
that I'm most impressed by.
399
00:18:05,944 --> 00:18:07,944
Seriously?
400
00:18:07,946 --> 00:18:09,045
Yes.
401
00:18:09,047 --> 00:18:11,448
She's confident,
she's thoughtful,
402
00:18:11,450 --> 00:18:13,650
and she never complained
about you once.
403
00:18:13,652 --> 00:18:16,987
I know what kind of strength
that takes.
404
00:18:16,989 --> 00:18:20,424
So, Penny's your favorite?
405
00:18:20,426 --> 00:18:22,893
I suppose she is.
406
00:18:22,895 --> 00:18:27,297
You married well, Leonard,
and for that I am proud of you.
407
00:18:29,968 --> 00:18:32,536
I don't... I don't...
I don't know what to say.
408
00:18:32,538 --> 00:18:36,506
I'm also proud of how hard
you're trying not to cry.
409
00:18:38,343 --> 00:18:39,676
(choked up):
Thank you.
410
00:18:39,678 --> 00:18:41,478
Would you like to hang up now?
411
00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:43,180
Yeah, here it comes.
412
00:18:50,456 --> 00:18:52,622
Your hands are at
10:00 and 2:00.
413
00:18:52,624 --> 00:18:55,559
Good.
Steady on the gas.
414
00:18:55,561 --> 00:18:57,360
Okay.
415
00:18:57,362 --> 00:19:01,031
Now you're gonna want
to slowly switch lanes.
416
00:19:01,033 --> 00:19:02,032
Why?
417
00:19:02,034 --> 00:19:03,900
Because there are only two,
418
00:19:03,902 --> 00:19:06,336
and you're not
in either of them.
419
00:19:10,542 --> 00:19:12,642
Attaboy. Well done!
420
00:19:12,644 --> 00:19:13,944
Thank you.
421
00:19:13,946 --> 00:19:16,446
The last time I drove,
I was terrified,
422
00:19:16,448 --> 00:19:18,048
but this is fun.
423
00:19:18,050 --> 00:19:19,916
You're doing great.
424
00:19:19,918 --> 00:19:22,085
You're a good teacher.
425
00:19:24,623 --> 00:19:28,358
Your son is going to be lucky
to have you as a father.
426
00:19:28,360 --> 00:19:30,594
Thanks.
427
00:19:33,398 --> 00:19:37,267
Do you think I could try
going a little faster?
428
00:19:37,269 --> 00:19:38,768
Go for it, champ.
429
00:19:38,770 --> 00:19:40,837
Ow.
430
00:19:40,839 --> 00:19:42,272
Sorry.
431
00:19:42,274 --> 00:19:44,441
Just ease on the gas, and...
432
00:19:44,443 --> 00:19:45,909
(engine revving)
Oh, too much! Too much!
433
00:19:45,911 --> 00:19:48,578
Why was I scared of this?
This is exhilarating!
434
00:19:48,580 --> 00:19:49,946
No, it's not! Slow down!
435
00:19:49,948 --> 00:19:51,848
Don't tell me what to do!
You're not my father!
436
00:20:05,455 --> 00:20:07,488
Do you know how fast
you were going?
437
00:20:07,490 --> 00:20:09,924
112.
438
00:20:11,361 --> 00:20:13,294
Let me see your license.
439
00:20:14,864 --> 00:20:17,331
- Okay, here's the plan.
- No.
440
00:20:19,035 --> 00:20:20,034
Fine.
441
00:20:20,036 --> 00:20:22,103
There you go.
442
00:20:24,441 --> 00:20:27,074
You know what,
you can just keep it.
443
00:20:29,314 --> 00:20:36,214
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man