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[CROW CAWS]
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Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com
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♪
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Do we even want to know?
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Oh, good, you're here.
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He's never said that before.
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Let me ask you something.
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You ever order a glass of wine
and think,
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"Hmm, I could really go for
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a nice thirst-quenching beer"?
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Or drinking a beer and think,
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"Hmm, wine would really add
some class to these nachos"?
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Well, now you don't have to choose,
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'cause I've solved
that age-old question.
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Allow me to introduce you
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to the latest in taste sensation...
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Bwine!
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- Bwine?
- That's right.
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Beer plus wine equals Bwine.
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It was either that or "Weer,"
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but that sounds a little
too much like "Weird,"
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and that is just not good marketing.
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Business major.
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Wait, you're actually planning
to sell this stuff?
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As a beverage? To people?
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Oh, not just this one.
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I have created
several varieties of Bwine.
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I have a Cabernet mixed with a stout,
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a Caber-stout,
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a pale ale mixed with a Chardonnay,
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a pale-ardonnay,
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and a fruity yet malty Merlot-enbrau.
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Hm.
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Ahh... What's worse than bad?
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Oh, I don't know,
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maybe it just needs more wine.
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Or less wine. Or more sugar.
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Sugar helps with everything.
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Yeah, I'm still fine-tuning my recipes.
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But once I lock them in,
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I'm taking these babies public.
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I'm telling you, Bwine is gonna bwow up!
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[SIGHS] Just don't go wasting my beer.
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Oh, come on, please.
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I'm creating a fine line of fine Bwines.
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I'm not gonna be using
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your Frugal Hoosier
"dented but drinkables."
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Okay, then.
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You're not gonna believe this.
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Today, in the hall
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between third and fourth period,
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I saw Cindy... hatless.
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Hatless.
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That's not a tic.
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I'm just repeating it for emphasis.
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[WHISPERS] Emphasis.
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Damn it.
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Wait. She's not wearing
her safari hat anymore?
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Nope. She's waltzing around school
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on those flamingo legs of hers,
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just parading her porcelain
ears for all to see.
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Yep, she's sending a very clear message.
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- That she's decided to be normal?
- No.
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That she's on the prowl, hot to trot,
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- open for business again.
- Okay, Brick, we get it.
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I just can't believe it.
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I'm the one who broke up with her.
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But she's the one
who looks like she's moved on.
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Why, why, why in the world
would you break up with her?
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No, I'm sure I made the right decision.
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The problem is
I haven't put myself out there.
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But that all changes right now.
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As of... 4:47 today,
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Brick Heck is officially
playing the field.
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That's a sports thing, right, Dad?
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Close enough.
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I knew it was either that or farming.
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Anyway, if I'm gonna be
entertaining the ladies,
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I'd best organize
my Planet Nowhere figurines.
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- Brick.
- Just let him go.
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[SIGHS]
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♪
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[SIGHS] Mike, listen to this.
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"The happiness you share
is a precious gift.
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May your blessed union
continue to bring you joy
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as you celebrate
your silver anniversary.
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Much love, the five D's, The Donahues."
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Oh, my God.
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A bit much, huh?
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Who's it for?
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- Us!
- Why?
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'Cause it's our anniversary.
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It is?
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Uh, yep, we forgot. Again.
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Well, it's not our...
silver anniversary.
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Who do you think would know better,
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you or Nancy?
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Really?
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We've been in this thing 25 years?
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[SCOFFS]
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Don't say it like that.
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Oh, well.
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Okay, so, what's the plan?
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Float it till there's
a good coupon in the paper
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for the Fountain Room at Fountains?
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Mike, it's 25 years.
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We can't float this.
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It's too important.
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But we're gonna have to work
around my mom.
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She's driving down Saturday
so we can go to the mall.
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The last three stores
are going out of business,
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and everything's 80% off.
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Hey, maybe you can get yourself
a present while you're there.
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I'm kidding!
No getting your own present.
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We're doing it up big.
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The whole shebang...
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dinner, gifts... showering day-of.
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Day-of? Ooh.
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25 years and he still wants
to shower day-of.
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Lucky me.
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Nothing's too good for my lady.
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Don't you worry.
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I'm gonna take care of everything.
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Sue, I need you
to take care of something.
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I have a lot of sweaters
with bells on them.
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What's up?
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Listen, this weekend
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is your mom and my 25th anniversary.
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[SQUEALS]
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Anyway, we're doing the whole shebang...
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dinner, flowers, gifts...
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Oh, my God. I love it!
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- So, what do you need my help with?
- All those things.
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Okay, well, she loves sunflowers,
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but those aren't in season right now,
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so let me think about it.
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And for a gift,
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maybe a chunky statement necklace
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or something silver
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or a photo puzzle with
your wedding picture on it
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- or...
- Yeah, yeah. I don't need to hear.
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♪
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- AXL: [SPITS]
- Hey, guys!
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Mom and Dad's 25th anniversary
is this weekend!
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- Wow, they're old.
- Mm.
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I know, right?
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This could be one of their last ones,
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so we got to make it good.
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Mm, that doesn't sound like us.
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What? No, no, no.
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We are going all out. The whole shebang.
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Okay, first things first,
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someone needs to make
a dinner reservation.
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You know, someplace nice
where there's ketchup
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on the table and not in a packet.
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All right, I'll take care of that one.
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Next, one of us needs to get flowers.
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We don't have a huge budget for this,
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but they've been madly in love
for 25 years
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and I think the flowers
should reflect that.
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You know what, I'll do that one, too.
162
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Okay, the third thing is the gift.
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Now, the good mall
is already out of business
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and the bad mall only has, like,
three stores open.
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I have a few thoughts,
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but I wanted to hear
what you guys were thinking
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before I jump in.
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You should probably just jump in.
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Okay, okay.
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So, what if we got them...
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We don't need to hear.
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♪
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FRANKIE: You know that expression,
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"Where there's a will, there's a way"?
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Well, Brick may have had
the will to play the field,
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but he didn't necessarily have the way.
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Hi, there. Brick Heck.
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I'm currently available
for a relationship.
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Here's my résumé.
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Take one, pass it down.
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Peruse at your leisure.
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I'm a sophomore.
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That's right, a sophomore.
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I'm looking forward
to the appropriate encounter.
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Hello.
186
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You seem alone and friendless.
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♪
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Hi, I noticed you were in there a while.
189
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Did you get your period in class,
190
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and you weren't prepared?
191
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I'm a good listener.
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[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
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♪
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- [ MAN SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY ON TV]
- [DOOR OPENS]
195
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Oh, wow. Look who it is...
family of naysayers.
196
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You said no one was gonna want Bwine.
197
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Well, yours truly did
a little market research.
198
00:06:13,006 --> 00:06:14,973
And before I got chased
out of The Frugal Hoosier,
199
00:06:15,042 --> 00:06:16,041
I got a lot of great data.
200
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Guess what?
201
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2 out of 10 people
were mildly interested.
202
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Therefore, we can safely assume
203
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that 20% of all people
in America love Bwine.
204
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Well, 100% of the people on the couch
205
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want you to move.
206
00:06:25,957 --> 00:06:27,423
[ MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ON TV]
207
00:06:27,525 --> 00:06:28,524
Good, you're here.
208
00:06:28,559 --> 00:06:30,092
There has been something on my mind,
209
00:06:30,194 --> 00:06:31,260
and I really feel like
210
00:06:31,285 --> 00:06:33,018
we need to have a family meeting
to discuss it.
211
00:06:33,131 --> 00:06:34,397
- Brick!
- Whoa. Wait, wait, wait.
212
00:06:34,465 --> 00:06:35,398
Can she call a family meeting?
213
00:06:35,466 --> 00:06:36,499
I thought only you guys could do that.
214
00:06:36,534 --> 00:06:38,367
Okay, well then, I move to add a motion
215
00:06:38,436 --> 00:06:40,269
that the kids can call a family meeting.
216
00:06:40,371 --> 00:06:41,704
Anyone second the motion?
217
00:06:41,739 --> 00:06:43,940
Fine, I'll second it.
I second my own motion.
218
00:06:43,994 --> 00:06:44,926
BRICK: What's going on?
219
00:06:44,961 --> 00:06:45,994
I'm calling a family meeting.
220
00:06:46,062 --> 00:06:47,295
Can she call a family meeting?
221
00:06:47,397 --> 00:06:48,763
AXL: She seems to think so.
222
00:06:48,832 --> 00:06:50,832
She also seems to think she can
second her own motions.
223
00:06:50,857 --> 00:06:52,423
Nice meeting, Sue.
It's already off the rails.
224
00:06:52,569 --> 00:06:54,235
What's the meeting about?
We're practically grown.
225
00:06:54,304 --> 00:06:56,004
I figured the next family
meeting we'd be having
226
00:06:56,072 --> 00:06:57,839
would be to decide whether
to pull the life support
227
00:06:57,864 --> 00:06:59,312
off of Mom or Dad.
228
00:06:59,670 --> 00:07:00,786
You can pull it right now.
229
00:07:00,811 --> 00:07:02,389
Hey, if Sue can call family meetings,
230
00:07:02,414 --> 00:07:03,446
then I can adjourn one.
231
00:07:03,471 --> 00:07:04,345
Meeting is over!
232
00:07:04,414 --> 00:07:05,480
Let the record show that Sue is lame.
233
00:07:05,549 --> 00:07:06,648
FRANKIE: Okay, Axl.
234
00:07:06,683 --> 00:07:07,749
We're already all here.
235
00:07:07,818 --> 00:07:08,950
Let's just do this thing.
236
00:07:09,019 --> 00:07:10,122
- Go on, Sue.
- [SIGHS]
237
00:07:10,889 --> 00:07:12,053
[CLEARS THROAT]
238
00:07:12,122 --> 00:07:14,155
Well, I've just been thinking
about something
239
00:07:14,180 --> 00:07:16,695
and, yeah, it's been
festering a little bit.
240
00:07:16,808 --> 00:07:17,826
It just seems like
241
00:07:17,895 --> 00:07:19,879
when anything needs doing
in this family,
242
00:07:19,904 --> 00:07:21,203
everyone comes to me.
243
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And I just smile
244
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and do everything for everybody, but...
245
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AXL: [IMITATES BUZZER]
246
00:07:25,432 --> 00:07:27,426
That is not family meeting-worthy.
Thanks for playing.
247
00:07:27,495 --> 00:07:29,311
Uh, as I recall at the last family
meeting,
248
00:07:29,413 --> 00:07:30,479
we voted four to one
249
00:07:30,548 --> 00:07:32,942
that you were not to make
buzzer noises at anyone.
250
00:07:33,044 --> 00:07:34,001
Continue.
251
00:07:34,104 --> 00:07:35,327
And the truth is,
252
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sometimes I like helping you guys,
253
00:07:37,229 --> 00:07:39,037
and I'm not saying
I never want to do it.
254
00:07:39,084 --> 00:07:40,484
I just don't want it to be assumed
255
00:07:40,553 --> 00:07:42,753
that I'm the one person who does it all.
256
00:07:42,822 --> 00:07:43,921
Like, Dad.
257
00:07:44,023 --> 00:07:45,355
When you came to me
258
00:07:45,391 --> 00:07:46,990
and wanted me to get everything
for your 25th anniversary,
259
00:07:47,059 --> 00:07:48,369
- normally I...
- MIKE: Axl, buzzer. Buzzer.
260
00:07:48,437 --> 00:07:49,393
SUE: ...wouldn't mind getting
a gift and card
261
00:07:49,462 --> 00:07:50,461
and making reservations,
262
00:07:50,529 --> 00:07:52,362
but this time, I just sort of thought,
263
00:07:52,431 --> 00:07:54,631
"Should I really be doing this?"
264
00:07:54,733 --> 00:07:55,632
And, Axl and Brick,
265
00:07:55,734 --> 00:07:57,167
when I came to you guys for help,
266
00:07:57,269 --> 00:07:58,735
you just sat there like statues.
267
00:07:59,525 --> 00:08:00,858
Exactly!
268
00:08:00,883 --> 00:08:01,979
Exactly like that!
269
00:08:02,004 --> 00:08:03,303
We help with stuff.
270
00:08:03,329 --> 00:08:05,146
I helped you clean your room once.
271
00:08:05,231 --> 00:08:07,331
You threw all my books out the window!
272
00:08:07,433 --> 00:08:08,766
[SNICKERS] Oh, yeah. Yeah.
273
00:08:08,834 --> 00:08:10,167
When Brick says he has homework,
274
00:08:10,236 --> 00:08:11,168
who feeds Doris for him?
275
00:08:11,270 --> 00:08:12,102
I do.
276
00:08:12,171 --> 00:08:13,537
Or, like when Axl says
277
00:08:13,606 --> 00:08:16,407
I should clean the bathroom
because I have the longest hair,
278
00:08:16,475 --> 00:08:18,709
which, by the way, is no longer true.
279
00:08:18,778 --> 00:08:21,378
I just feels like am Go-To-Sue,
280
00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:22,613
and I am wondering why?
281
00:08:22,682 --> 00:08:24,048
Why is that my role?
282
00:08:24,150 --> 00:08:25,216
Look, Sue, I get it.
283
00:08:25,284 --> 00:08:26,884
Unfortunately,
that's the thing with families.
284
00:08:26,953 --> 00:08:28,586
You kind of fall into certain patterns.
285
00:08:28,654 --> 00:08:30,842
- You mean like you never making dinner?
- [SCOFFS]
286
00:08:30,867 --> 00:08:32,459
Look, I'm just saying
287
00:08:32,484 --> 00:08:34,002
that based on who you are in the family,
288
00:08:34,027 --> 00:08:36,181
you might be expected
to do a few things.
289
00:08:36,279 --> 00:08:37,445
But you're not the only one with a role.
290
00:08:37,514 --> 00:08:38,580
I have a role, too.
291
00:08:38,648 --> 00:08:41,015
I'm stuck being the cheerleader
for everybody.
292
00:08:41,588 --> 00:08:43,130
- The cheerleader?
- Yes.
293
00:08:43,198 --> 00:08:44,619
I have to keep the whole family going,
294
00:08:44,654 --> 00:08:47,022
keep everybody positive
and in a good mood,
295
00:08:47,097 --> 00:08:48,497
'cause your dad's kind of a dud,
296
00:08:48,522 --> 00:08:49,387
and if I didn't,
297
00:08:49,456 --> 00:08:51,256
nothing would ever happen around here.
298
00:08:51,358 --> 00:08:52,357
Really?
299
00:08:52,426 --> 00:08:53,792
You guys like taking hot showers?
300
00:08:53,894 --> 00:08:55,694
'Cause who gets up
and lights the pilot light
301
00:08:55,762 --> 00:08:57,162
on the water heater every morning?
302
00:08:57,231 --> 00:08:59,097
Who warms up the cars when it snows?
303
00:08:59,199 --> 00:09:00,565
Who keeps the phones charged?
304
00:09:00,667 --> 00:09:02,567
Oh, big deal. You plug in stuff.
305
00:09:02,669 --> 00:09:05,036
You think that's all I do?
I'm the buffer in this family.
306
00:09:05,105 --> 00:09:07,405
I'm your first line of defense
between you and your mom.
307
00:09:07,474 --> 00:09:09,040
Do you know that she wanted everyone
308
00:09:09,109 --> 00:09:11,243
to wear ugly Christmas sweaters
in the family photo,
309
00:09:11,345 --> 00:09:12,711
and I got her down to red shirts?
310
00:09:12,813 --> 00:09:14,012
So, you're welcome.
311
00:09:14,081 --> 00:09:15,180
That reminds me.
312
00:09:15,215 --> 00:09:17,515
Who does all
the Christmas wrapping? I do!
313
00:09:17,584 --> 00:09:19,217
Speaking of wrapping, Sue,
you want to wrap this up?
314
00:09:19,319 --> 00:09:20,619
Shut up, Axl.
315
00:09:20,687 --> 00:09:22,220
You don't do a single thing
to contribute to this family.
316
00:09:22,289 --> 00:09:23,565
Oh, really?
317
00:09:23,634 --> 00:09:25,197
I am the face of this family.
318
00:09:25,299 --> 00:09:27,513
I am the shiny thing everyone looks at
319
00:09:27,538 --> 00:09:30,091
that distracts them from all
you people's mediocrity.
320
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:32,136
You're calling us mediocre?
321
00:09:32,171 --> 00:09:33,971
Hey, do you think it's fun
going through my life
322
00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:35,516
carrying all you people on my back?
323
00:09:35,541 --> 00:09:37,308
- [SCOFFS]
- We're talking about roles here.
324
00:09:37,376 --> 00:09:39,240
My role in the family is to be awesome
325
00:09:39,309 --> 00:09:40,511
and that comes with a lot of pressure!
326
00:09:40,546 --> 00:09:42,680
You don't think I'd like to be
a big nothing like Brick?
327
00:09:42,748 --> 00:09:45,082
You think my role in the family
is being nothing?
328
00:09:45,151 --> 00:09:47,449
Well... you are correct.
329
00:09:47,640 --> 00:09:48,788
Wait, what?
330
00:09:48,821 --> 00:09:49,789
That's right.
331
00:09:49,814 --> 00:09:50,538
I demand nothing.
332
00:09:50,607 --> 00:09:51,939
I'm the cactus that grows
333
00:09:52,041 --> 00:09:53,608
without the water of attention.
334
00:09:53,676 --> 00:09:54,675
I didn't need braces,
335
00:09:54,744 --> 00:09:56,288
I have no after-school activities
336
00:09:56,357 --> 00:09:57,508
that require your attendance,
337
00:09:57,577 --> 00:09:58,546
I don't burden you with worrying
338
00:09:58,615 --> 00:10:00,758
about me staying out too late
with "friends."
339
00:10:00,783 --> 00:10:01,883
He's got a point there.
340
00:10:01,918 --> 00:10:03,551
My role as the unnoticed is perhaps
341
00:10:03,620 --> 00:10:05,319
the most important one in the family.
342
00:10:05,388 --> 00:10:07,100
Because I ask for nothing,
343
00:10:07,169 --> 00:10:08,882
you guys don't have to do anything.
344
00:10:08,984 --> 00:10:10,197
You don't have to thank me.
345
00:10:10,266 --> 00:10:11,874
I just appreciate you hearing me out.
346
00:10:11,928 --> 00:10:13,061
I replace the toilet paper!
347
00:10:13,163 --> 00:10:14,295
Oh, please.
348
00:10:14,364 --> 00:10:15,897
Raise your hand if you've
invented a beverage
349
00:10:15,999 --> 00:10:18,233
that 20% of the country wants!
350
00:10:18,301 --> 00:10:20,168
Raise your hand if you've invented
a homemade catapult
351
00:10:20,237 --> 00:10:21,903
that shoots you into a wall!
352
00:10:21,972 --> 00:10:23,525
I am like a Renaissance man.
353
00:10:23,627 --> 00:10:25,291
The rest of you practically
live in a cave.
354
00:10:25,393 --> 00:10:26,970
You're like this painting
I saw in Europe.
355
00:10:27,044 --> 00:10:28,310
I can't even describe it to you,
356
00:10:28,378 --> 00:10:29,377
'cause I'm so far advanced.
357
00:10:29,479 --> 00:10:31,246
Hey, while we're airing dirty laundry,
358
00:10:31,348 --> 00:10:32,814
which I'm wearing, by the way,
359
00:10:32,839 --> 00:10:34,305
I've worn the same outfit
for three weeks.
360
00:10:34,418 --> 00:10:36,251
Hey, buzz, buzz!
You think you have it bad?
361
00:10:36,286 --> 00:10:38,253
I have to be the beacon of hope
for this family.
362
00:10:38,355 --> 00:10:39,354
I have to make sure
363
00:10:39,456 --> 00:10:40,889
everyone's emotional needs are met.
364
00:10:40,958 --> 00:10:43,429
And, by the way, if it weren't for me,
365
00:10:43,570 --> 00:10:44,836
we wouldn't even have a family
366
00:10:44,938 --> 00:10:46,171
to have a family meeting about,
367
00:10:46,211 --> 00:10:48,036
'cause I pushed every single
one of you out of my body!
368
00:10:48,104 --> 00:10:49,900
- [ALL GROAN]
- That's right. I gave you life!
369
00:10:49,969 --> 00:10:51,409
Yeah, you gave us this life!
370
00:10:51,511 --> 00:10:52,744
Not exactly something to brag about.
371
00:10:52,846 --> 00:10:54,112
Oh, wait till you have kids someday!
372
00:10:54,214 --> 00:10:56,114
Not only do I buy
all your gifts for you,
373
00:10:56,216 --> 00:10:57,606
- no one ever pays me back!
- It makes my job that much harder.
374
00:10:57,631 --> 00:10:59,720
No! You know what?
I'll make this easy for you.
375
00:10:59,823 --> 00:11:01,587
No more Go-To-Sue.
376
00:11:01,689 --> 00:11:02,620
From now on,
377
00:11:02,645 --> 00:11:04,712
I'm through doing things for you people.
378
00:11:04,713 --> 00:11:05,879
I'm out!
379
00:11:05,981 --> 00:11:08,749
♪
380
00:11:08,851 --> 00:11:11,818
Okay, well... see everybody
at pull-the-plug day.
381
00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:14,282
♪
382
00:11:15,244 --> 00:11:17,371
♪
383
00:11:17,440 --> 00:11:20,074
So, how's it coming with
the anniversary plans?
384
00:11:20,208 --> 00:11:21,307
What?
385
00:11:21,375 --> 00:11:22,975
You know, the dinner, flowers, gifts...
386
00:11:23,044 --> 00:11:24,476
the whole shebang we talked about.
387
00:11:24,545 --> 00:11:25,611
Did you not hear me?
388
00:11:25,680 --> 00:11:27,746
Do you not remember the family meeting?
389
00:11:27,849 --> 00:11:29,048
I said I'm not doing it.
390
00:11:30,273 --> 00:11:32,685
W-Well, yeah, I-I know you said that,
391
00:11:32,710 --> 00:11:34,477
but I thought you meant after this.
392
00:11:34,589 --> 00:11:37,167
Mm, no, Dad. I meant this.
393
00:11:37,192 --> 00:11:39,397
I feel like
I am being taken advantage of,
394
00:11:39,422 --> 00:11:40,759
and I can't let it go on any longer.
395
00:11:40,862 --> 00:11:41,994
Okay, okay.
396
00:11:42,063 --> 00:11:43,682
I know that in the past,
397
00:11:43,717 --> 00:11:46,022
I have not appreciated what you do,
398
00:11:46,091 --> 00:11:48,267
so I think I know what would help...
399
00:11:49,158 --> 00:11:50,090
Please.
400
00:11:51,170 --> 00:11:52,236
Sorry, Dad.
401
00:11:52,305 --> 00:11:54,851
I have been vulnerable
to "please" in the past,
402
00:11:54,851 --> 00:11:56,951
but this time, I am serious.
403
00:11:57,020 --> 00:11:59,954
I'm not performing that role
in the family anymore.
404
00:12:00,056 --> 00:12:07,495
♪
405
00:12:07,641 --> 00:12:09,116
Listen, how important is
406
00:12:09,141 --> 00:12:10,298
this whole anniversary thing
to you anyway?
407
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:12,927
Really?!
408
00:12:12,928 --> 00:12:15,496
I'm just saying,
it can't be that important.
409
00:12:15,531 --> 00:12:17,765
You didn't even remember it a week ago.
410
00:12:17,833 --> 00:12:19,833
Look, I know you want me
to say it's fine,
411
00:12:19,902 --> 00:12:21,301
and usually, I would just do
412
00:12:21,326 --> 00:12:22,959
the cheerleader thing that I do,
413
00:12:22,984 --> 00:12:23,916
and play my role
414
00:12:23,941 --> 00:12:25,707
and be cool with
whatever half-assed crap
415
00:12:25,732 --> 00:12:27,164
is easy for you,
416
00:12:27,510 --> 00:12:29,009
but it's our silver anniversary,
417
00:12:29,078 --> 00:12:30,733
so, yeah, it's important.
418
00:12:31,313 --> 00:12:33,213
- Okay, then.
- Okay.
419
00:12:35,484 --> 00:12:37,785
I just have one question.
420
00:12:37,887 --> 00:12:40,420
Why is it me with
the sole responsibility
421
00:12:40,445 --> 00:12:42,424
of doing something for you?
422
00:12:42,570 --> 00:12:43,857
Maybe it should be your job
423
00:12:43,926 --> 00:12:46,226
to be planning some big shebang for me.
424
00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:47,542
Fine, I get it.
425
00:12:47,610 --> 00:12:49,154
You don't want to do anything,
so forget it.
426
00:12:49,223 --> 00:12:50,489
No. Hey, I'm serious.
427
00:12:50,557 --> 00:12:52,858
Everyone's talking about, uh,
giving up roles around here.
428
00:12:52,926 --> 00:12:53,992
Well, I don't like this one.
429
00:12:54,094 --> 00:12:55,827
I don't like being
in charge of anniversaries
430
00:12:55,896 --> 00:12:58,010
that always end up
disappointing you anyway.
431
00:12:58,037 --> 00:12:59,269
I don't want to do it anymore!
432
00:12:59,338 --> 00:13:00,370
Oh, poor you.
433
00:13:00,439 --> 00:13:02,673
I know what a hardship
it's been all these years
434
00:13:02,741 --> 00:13:04,921
walking across the hall,
getting Sue to do it!
435
00:13:04,946 --> 00:13:06,145
Oh, you got me!
436
00:13:06,170 --> 00:13:07,744
I'm not a party planner.
437
00:13:07,846 --> 00:13:10,191
Well, I think I do plenty
of other things around here
438
00:13:10,216 --> 00:13:11,315
that more than make up for it.
439
00:13:11,383 --> 00:13:12,416
[CHUCKLES] Oh, do you? Yeah.
440
00:13:12,518 --> 00:13:13,584
A hell of a lot more than you.
441
00:13:13,686 --> 00:13:15,819
It's not a contest, Mike.
442
00:13:15,888 --> 00:13:17,087
That's what people always say
443
00:13:17,156 --> 00:13:18,388
when they know they're losing.
444
00:13:18,491 --> 00:13:19,256
Oh, I'm sorry!
445
00:13:19,325 --> 00:13:20,457
You do a lot of things around here.
446
00:13:20,526 --> 00:13:21,458
I forgot.
447
00:13:21,527 --> 00:13:22,793
You plug things in.
448
00:13:22,895 --> 00:13:24,528
So that leaves you plugging
449
00:13:24,597 --> 00:13:26,763
- and me... everything else!
- [LAUGHS]
450
00:13:26,799 --> 00:13:29,464
Your, uh, butt imprint
on the couch says otherwise.
451
00:13:29,533 --> 00:13:31,506
Yeah, your big imprint
is right next to it.
452
00:13:31,608 --> 00:13:33,123
Okay, well, I'll tell you what?
453
00:13:33,150 --> 00:13:34,049
That's fine.
454
00:13:34,118 --> 00:13:35,817
How about, since you don't appreciate
455
00:13:35,886 --> 00:13:36,952
what I do around here,
456
00:13:37,054 --> 00:13:38,286
I won't be doing it anymore!
457
00:13:38,389 --> 00:13:40,355
Oh, give me a break.
458
00:13:40,424 --> 00:13:41,590
Nope.
459
00:13:41,659 --> 00:13:43,425
I'm not plugging in your phone,
460
00:13:43,494 --> 00:13:45,934
I'm not worrying about your battery.
461
00:13:46,797 --> 00:13:47,863
Look at this ice scraper I got for you
462
00:13:47,965 --> 00:13:49,798
to put in your trunk
cause it's getting cold?
463
00:13:49,900 --> 00:13:51,333
Mine now!
464
00:13:51,402 --> 00:13:52,567
[IN DISTANCE] You see
this stuff I got for you?
465
00:13:52,670 --> 00:13:53,869
It's coming with me.
466
00:13:53,971 --> 00:13:55,983
Okay, guys, I'm calling
an emergency kid meeting.
467
00:13:56,030 --> 00:13:57,129
Wait, what's a kid meeting?
468
00:13:57,164 --> 00:13:58,630
It's an offshoot of a family meeting.
469
00:13:58,732 --> 00:14:00,165
Okay, clearly, we need to lock down
470
00:14:00,234 --> 00:14:01,879
some bylaws for these meeting,
471
00:14:01,915 --> 00:14:03,643
'cause Sue is drunk with power.
472
00:14:03,745 --> 00:14:05,037
Guys! This is important!
473
00:14:05,105 --> 00:14:06,538
Do you not hear Mom and Dad?
474
00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:07,506
They're fighting.
475
00:14:07,574 --> 00:14:09,041
On their silver anniversary!
476
00:14:09,109 --> 00:14:10,947
You two need to step in
and do something.
477
00:14:11,016 --> 00:14:12,002
- What?
- Huh?
478
00:14:12,070 --> 00:14:13,513
Well, I can't do it.
479
00:14:13,582 --> 00:14:16,326
It's not my role to be
peacemaker anymore.
480
00:14:16,351 --> 00:14:18,184
Oh, you're not playing
your role anymore, hmm?
481
00:14:18,253 --> 00:14:19,653
Well, maybe I shouldn't
play mine, either.
482
00:14:19,721 --> 00:14:20,854
Sure, I could go in there
483
00:14:20,922 --> 00:14:22,656
and lighten the mood with my levity
484
00:14:22,681 --> 00:14:24,217
and bring Mom and Dad back together,
485
00:14:24,242 --> 00:14:26,706
but, hey, maybe 25 years
is all they got in them.
486
00:14:26,731 --> 00:14:29,119
Why waste my charm on a lost cause?
487
00:14:29,319 --> 00:14:31,152
No, no, no. I know what you're doing.
488
00:14:31,177 --> 00:14:32,944
You think if you're stubborn enough,
489
00:14:33,012 --> 00:14:34,545
I'll crumble like I always do,
490
00:14:34,647 --> 00:14:36,080
but I mean it this time!
491
00:14:36,149 --> 00:14:38,082
- [GIGGLES]
- What are you laughing at?
492
00:14:38,184 --> 00:14:40,418
Oh, can't say, Sue,
493
00:14:40,453 --> 00:14:42,286
because I'm not playing
the entertainer anymore.
494
00:14:42,388 --> 00:14:43,955
It's too bad, too,
495
00:14:44,023 --> 00:14:45,823
'cause the thing I just thought
of that I'm not saying
496
00:14:45,892 --> 00:14:47,091
is the funniest sick burn on you ever.
497
00:14:47,193 --> 00:14:48,593
Grrr!
498
00:14:49,295 --> 00:14:51,395
Come on! Is it about my ugly face?
499
00:14:51,497 --> 00:14:53,431
Comparing me to an animal?
My greasy scalp?
500
00:14:53,499 --> 00:14:55,132
My unruly leg hair?
501
00:14:55,235 --> 00:14:57,358
Something that rhymes with dorkcheese?
502
00:14:57,427 --> 00:14:58,698
FRANKIE: Mayo... all mine!
503
00:14:58,767 --> 00:15:00,145
Sorry, to interrupt,
just need to grab a Sharpie.
504
00:15:00,247 --> 00:15:01,339
Gah!
505
00:15:01,374 --> 00:15:03,830
You guys, Axl won't tell me
what insults he has for me!
506
00:15:03,899 --> 00:15:06,316
Axl, stop torturing your sister
and tell her your insult!
507
00:15:06,418 --> 00:15:07,436
I am busy!
508
00:15:07,505 --> 00:15:09,266
I am changing Heck's brand Bwine
509
00:15:09,368 --> 00:15:11,210
to H-E-X.
510
00:15:11,312 --> 00:15:13,109
This family will no longer
511
00:15:13,178 --> 00:15:15,498
be associated with my success.
512
00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:17,081
You guys are done riding my coat tails.
513
00:15:17,149 --> 00:15:18,716
And besides, "Hex" looks like "sex"
514
00:15:18,741 --> 00:15:19,673
and sex sells.
515
00:15:19,819 --> 00:15:21,085
Business major. Can't turn it off.
516
00:15:21,153 --> 00:15:22,519
Well, you can sex it up all you want,
517
00:15:22,622 --> 00:15:23,887
but nobody's gonna buy that crap.
518
00:15:23,956 --> 00:15:24,989
I thought you liked it.
519
00:15:25,057 --> 00:15:27,558
Nope. Just being nice. Not anymore!
520
00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:28,492
Well, fine.
521
00:15:28,561 --> 00:15:29,560
Then enjoy weaning yourselves
522
00:15:29,629 --> 00:15:31,283
off the teat that is my awesomeness.
523
00:15:31,385 --> 00:15:33,202
'Cause from on,
your bright and shining star
524
00:15:33,227 --> 00:15:34,193
is gonna be plain and boring.
525
00:15:34,261 --> 00:15:35,594
You know, like Brick.
526
00:15:35,663 --> 00:15:37,262
- [BRICK PLAYS SOUR NOTE ON FRENCH HORN]
- [GASPS] Aah.
527
00:15:37,331 --> 00:15:39,724
MIKE: What the hell is that?
Brick, stop it!
528
00:15:39,793 --> 00:15:41,526
I'm sorry, I will not be stopping.
529
00:15:41,628 --> 00:15:42,818
From what I'm hearing,
530
00:15:42,887 --> 00:15:44,837
we're all gonna be unshackled
from our roles.
531
00:15:44,905 --> 00:15:46,839
Therefore, I am no longer content
532
00:15:46,864 --> 00:15:47,796
to sit in the shadows.
533
00:15:47,975 --> 00:15:50,609
I want attention... and a lot of it.
534
00:15:50,711 --> 00:15:52,277
[PLAYS SOUR NOTE ON FRENCH HORN]
535
00:15:52,346 --> 00:15:53,846
Where'd you get that thing?
536
00:15:53,914 --> 00:15:56,355
In my quest for female companionship,
537
00:15:56,380 --> 00:15:57,712
I joined the orchestra.
538
00:15:57,748 --> 00:15:59,681
I actually joined a week ago,
but no one bothered to ask
539
00:15:59,783 --> 00:16:01,216
why I've been staying late after school.
540
00:16:01,285 --> 00:16:02,851
But that's all about to change.
541
00:16:02,953 --> 00:16:04,820
I can't wait to share
542
00:16:04,888 --> 00:16:07,122
every fascinating detail of orchestra.
543
00:16:07,191 --> 00:16:08,992
And I have a...
544
00:16:09,045 --> 00:16:09,891
Don't say it!
545
00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:11,393
Oh, I'm saying it.
546
00:16:11,495 --> 00:16:13,164
A concert next week,
547
00:16:13,233 --> 00:16:14,796
and I expect you all to be there!
548
00:16:14,832 --> 00:16:17,532
I have a lot of needs,
and I expect them to be met.
549
00:16:17,634 --> 00:16:19,776
Tell me what song this sounds like.
550
00:16:19,854 --> 00:16:20,786
[PLAYS SOUR NOTE ON FRENCH HORN]
551
00:16:20,888 --> 00:16:22,287
Brick, sorry,
552
00:16:22,390 --> 00:16:23,641
but if you're looking for encouragement,
553
00:16:23,681 --> 00:16:26,358
you're gonna have to dig down
deep inside yourself
554
00:16:26,383 --> 00:16:27,916
to find the will to go on,
555
00:16:27,941 --> 00:16:29,941
'cause your mom is out of
the cheerleading business.
556
00:16:30,044 --> 00:16:31,744
Uh, Dad? You're interrupting me.
557
00:16:31,899 --> 00:16:33,799
- I don't think you should be interru...
- Okay, this is ridiculous.
558
00:16:33,868 --> 00:16:35,534
I'm calling another family meeting. No!
559
00:16:35,603 --> 00:16:37,046
You are forbidden from calling
any more meetings!
560
00:16:37,071 --> 00:16:37,860
[PLAYS SOUR NOTE]
561
00:16:37,938 --> 00:16:39,772
Besides, this whole thing is
your fault in the first place.
562
00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:42,040
Oh, excuse me
for standing up for myself!
563
00:16:42,143 --> 00:16:44,243
For not being a pushover middle child!
564
00:16:44,278 --> 00:16:46,765
For being selfish for once in my life!
565
00:16:46,867 --> 00:16:47,880
Once?
566
00:16:47,982 --> 00:16:50,070
Yes, Axl, I give and I give
567
00:16:50,095 --> 00:16:52,159
in ways that you don't even see!
568
00:16:52,184 --> 00:16:53,316
Like this.
569
00:16:53,351 --> 00:16:54,717
This is the last piece of fudgy cake!
570
00:16:54,742 --> 00:16:56,042
And I thought, "Hmm, maybe
I should leave it
571
00:16:56,067 --> 00:16:57,515
for someone else in the family."
572
00:16:57,540 --> 00:17:00,023
But no, not anymore! I'm eating it!
573
00:17:00,625 --> 00:17:01,858
Mmm! Mmm! Mmm!
574
00:17:01,927 --> 00:17:04,828
I should feel guilty, but I don't.
575
00:17:04,896 --> 00:17:08,798
I have tasted selfishness,
and it is delicious!
576
00:17:08,867 --> 00:17:10,867
Okay, okay, everybody, that's enough.
577
00:17:10,936 --> 00:17:12,902
I think we have all made our point.
578
00:17:12,971 --> 00:17:14,971
We're all very valuable and whatever.
579
00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:16,940
Well, good,
maybe you're finally starting
580
00:17:17,008 --> 00:17:19,275
to understand and appreciate
what I do around here.
581
00:17:19,377 --> 00:17:20,690
What? Complain?
582
00:17:20,759 --> 00:17:22,092
[MOCKINGLY] Keep it down in there.
583
00:17:22,194 --> 00:17:23,367
How long do we have to stay?
584
00:17:23,436 --> 00:17:24,862
No big drinks at the movies!
585
00:17:24,931 --> 00:17:26,371
Oh, we're doing each other now?
586
00:17:26,473 --> 00:17:27,817
[MOCKINGLY] Hey, everybody,
587
00:17:27,886 --> 00:17:30,396
it's time for some forced family fun.
588
00:17:30,498 --> 00:17:32,182
- Let's dance!
- [GASPS]
589
00:17:32,260 --> 00:17:33,425
[NORMAL VOICE] I can't believe you!
590
00:17:33,494 --> 00:17:34,894
After all these years of
trying to get you to dance,
591
00:17:34,996 --> 00:17:35,961
you're doing it now?
592
00:17:36,063 --> 00:17:38,697
Don't you dare dance to spite me!
593
00:17:38,766 --> 00:17:40,666
[MOCKINGLY] [GRUNTS] I'm Axl.
594
00:17:40,768 --> 00:17:43,135
I invent dumb things
but think I'm smart.
595
00:17:43,237 --> 00:17:45,271
Well, at least I'm not weird like Brick.
596
00:17:45,373 --> 00:17:47,373
[MOCKINGLY] Whoop! Whoop! French horn!
597
00:17:47,475 --> 00:17:48,974
[WHISPERS] French horn.
598
00:17:49,076 --> 00:17:50,342
Oh, are we imitating people?
599
00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:51,610
[HIGH-PITCHED] I'm Sue!
600
00:17:51,712 --> 00:17:53,779
I just love America so much!
601
00:17:53,881 --> 00:17:55,447
I also love Germany!
602
00:17:55,550 --> 00:17:57,383
But now, not the way it used to be.
603
00:17:57,485 --> 00:17:59,151
Hey, guys. I'm Mom. Join me!
604
00:17:59,253 --> 00:18:01,520
Then I'm gonna invite Nancy to come over
605
00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:02,788
and we're gonna talk too loud
606
00:18:02,890 --> 00:18:04,557
while other people are trying
to watch football!
607
00:18:04,582 --> 00:18:05,496
[CELLPHONE RINGS] I'm full, but I'm
608
00:18:05,521 --> 00:18:06,435
not gonna offer it to anybody else.
609
00:18:06,460 --> 00:18:08,127
FYI, I want every one
of my performances recorded,
610
00:18:08,152 --> 00:18:09,350
and we're gonna watch them repeatedly
611
00:18:09,375 --> 00:18:10,932
- as a family.
- No! I'm throwing it out!
612
00:18:11,010 --> 00:18:12,231
Grandma's in the hospital.
613
00:18:12,712 --> 00:18:13,811
Oh, I'm Mom.
614
00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:16,414
I say things like,
"Grandma's in the hospital."
615
00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:18,282
Ohh. Wait.
616
00:18:18,384 --> 00:18:20,751
♪
617
00:18:30,751 --> 00:18:31,650
[SIGHS]
618
00:18:31,719 --> 00:18:33,619
Well, they're taking Mom for an MRI.
619
00:18:33,688 --> 00:18:36,021
I mean, she's good...
she's stable and talking.
620
00:18:36,090 --> 00:18:37,223
Well, what happened?
621
00:18:37,325 --> 00:18:38,524
She was driving to the house
622
00:18:38,593 --> 00:18:40,159
and apparently, like 10 miles away,
623
00:18:40,228 --> 00:18:41,660
she got dizzy and disoriented,
624
00:18:41,729 --> 00:18:43,128
and she managed to pull over.
625
00:18:43,164 --> 00:18:45,097
And thank God someone
stopped and called 911.
626
00:18:45,199 --> 00:18:46,517
Do they know what it is?
627
00:18:46,586 --> 00:18:47,967
Uh, they're still trying
to figure it out,
628
00:18:48,035 --> 00:18:49,201
so they're doing some tests.
629
00:18:49,237 --> 00:18:51,003
There's a chance
it could've been a stroke.
630
00:18:51,072 --> 00:18:53,658
- Oh!
- No, I can't believe it.
631
00:18:54,422 --> 00:18:56,689
Oh, I have to call Dad.
Where's my phone?
632
00:18:56,714 --> 00:18:57,957
Oh, you were low on battery,
633
00:18:57,995 --> 00:18:58,952
so I plugged it in over there.
634
00:18:59,020 --> 00:19:00,117
I already called Tag.
635
00:19:00,186 --> 00:19:02,162
And, uh, Bill Norwood
is picking up Pat's car.
636
00:19:03,259 --> 00:19:04,243
Thank you.
637
00:19:05,046 --> 00:19:06,122
I'm sorry I was so selfish.
638
00:19:06,191 --> 00:19:07,757
The cake wasn't even that good.
639
00:19:07,826 --> 00:19:09,158
It's Frugal Hoosier bakery,
640
00:19:09,261 --> 00:19:11,694
so it's basically just
a frosted loaf of bread.
641
00:19:11,763 --> 00:19:13,563
Is there anything you need?
What can I do?
642
00:19:13,632 --> 00:19:14,897
No, I'm fine, honey.
643
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:16,332
WOMAN: Dr. Raymond.
644
00:19:16,434 --> 00:19:17,934
Dr. Raymond to the NICU.
645
00:19:18,036 --> 00:19:21,504
- Thanks. Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
646
00:19:21,891 --> 00:19:22,890
FRANKIE: [SIGHS]
647
00:19:22,915 --> 00:19:25,108
Jello, everybody!
648
00:19:25,176 --> 00:19:26,546
I thought you might be hungry,
649
00:19:26,649 --> 00:19:27,944
so I chatted up a nurse.
650
00:19:28,013 --> 00:19:29,479
I told her it was Brick's birthday
651
00:19:29,581 --> 00:19:31,796
and his favorite food
is lime green jello.
652
00:19:31,864 --> 00:19:34,532
What can I say? She liked my smile.
653
00:19:38,007 --> 00:19:39,540
So how's my cactus doing?
654
00:19:39,642 --> 00:19:40,875
Eh, I'm a little tired.
655
00:19:40,943 --> 00:19:43,010
Seeking attention is exhausting.
656
00:19:43,079 --> 00:19:44,542
Axl makes it look so easy.
657
00:19:45,381 --> 00:19:47,389
I'm sorry we didn't know
about orchestra, Brick.
658
00:19:47,414 --> 00:19:48,336
Oh, that's okay.
659
00:19:48,361 --> 00:19:49,383
I'm quitting anyway.
660
00:19:49,485 --> 00:19:50,618
It turns out, when you join the group
661
00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:51,619
late in the semester,
662
00:19:51,687 --> 00:19:53,020
everyone's already paired off.
663
00:19:53,122 --> 00:19:54,889
Even nerds need love.
664
00:19:55,068 --> 00:19:56,234
It's kind of sad,
665
00:19:56,259 --> 00:19:58,888
but in a way, kind of beautiful.
666
00:19:58,991 --> 00:20:00,160
Hmm.
667
00:20:00,229 --> 00:20:01,262
I'm starting to think
668
00:20:01,364 --> 00:20:03,097
when I decided to play the field,
669
00:20:03,199 --> 00:20:04,999
I may have overestimated the field.
670
00:20:05,101 --> 00:20:08,202
Breaking up with Cindy
might've been a huge mistake.
671
00:20:08,608 --> 00:20:10,371
MIKE: We all said that, Brick.
672
00:20:10,651 --> 00:20:12,606
- We all said that.
- [SIGHS]
673
00:20:12,708 --> 00:20:16,710
♪
674
00:20:16,856 --> 00:20:18,422
SUE: I'm just scared about Grandma.
675
00:20:19,118 --> 00:20:21,995
Hey, if there's one thing I know,
676
00:20:22,193 --> 00:20:23,322
it's how tough your grandma is.
677
00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:25,532
She's not gonna let
something like this stop her.
678
00:20:25,634 --> 00:20:26,899
She's gonna be fine.
679
00:20:27,001 --> 00:20:29,020
We just all have to stick together
680
00:20:29,123 --> 00:20:31,088
and think positive thoughts.
681
00:20:31,822 --> 00:20:33,053
♪
682
00:20:33,155 --> 00:20:35,076
A little Bwubbly for your anniversary?
683
00:20:35,101 --> 00:20:37,515
Ooh. I could use some Bwine.
684
00:20:37,694 --> 00:20:38,994
♪
685
00:20:39,019 --> 00:20:40,351
Happy anniversary, Frankie.
686
00:20:40,531 --> 00:20:45,267
♪
687
00:20:45,292 --> 00:20:47,772
Okay, this one isn't bad.
688
00:20:48,438 --> 00:20:50,872
It's kind of got the dryness of wine
689
00:20:50,897 --> 00:20:53,027
- with just the right amount of foam.
- Hmm.
690
00:20:54,076 --> 00:20:55,943
FRANKIE: The truth is, a family,
691
00:20:55,968 --> 00:20:56,900
when it's working right,
692
00:20:56,925 --> 00:20:58,391
is a lot like an orchestra.
693
00:20:58,614 --> 00:21:00,714
Everyone plays a certain part.
694
00:21:00,739 --> 00:21:02,905
But when it all comes together,
695
00:21:03,100 --> 00:21:05,133
it makes a beautiful symphony.
696
00:21:05,158 --> 00:21:10,027
♪
697
00:21:10,197 --> 00:21:16,413
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