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♪ It seems today that all you see ♪
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00:00:04,853 --> 00:00:08,157
♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
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♪ But where are those good
old-fashioned values ♪
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♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
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00:00:32,639 --> 00:00:34,942
JEFF PROBST: Previously on Family Guy...
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00:00:34,943 --> 00:00:37,033
Certain of his own wit and intellect,
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Brian opened up a Twitter account.
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If you ask me, Twitter is the
perfect place for that guy,
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because he's a twit.
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PROBST: But an off-color
tweet suddenly made Brian
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a pariah to all of Quahog,
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forcing the family to
make the difficult choice
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of sending him to a crappy apartment
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on the other side of town.
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Brian, the family has spoken.
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You know, you're the only man in America
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who looks good in sandals
and cargo shorts.
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Good luck, everyone. I'll miss you.
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00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:06,162
Uhp, something's comin'!
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♪ ♪
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MAN: Brian. Brian!
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I said you're a week late on your rent.
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Well, I can get you the
money. Hang-hang on.
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- Let me just make a call.
- (LINE RINGING)
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LOIS (RECORDED): Hello.
You've reached...
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- LOIS/PETER/MEG/STEWIE: The Griffins!
- CHRIS: Chris!
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STEWIE: See that? I told you
we should've rehearsed this.
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- PETER: Lois, can we do it over?
- LOIS: No, that's eight times.
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- Just leave a message.
- CHRIS: I'm sorry.
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- (BEEP)
- Hey, guys.
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It's me again. Brian.
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We haven't talked since I moved out,
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so I figured, you know, 10:00,
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you're probably on the
couch watching Pawn Stars.
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So, uh, pick up.
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Pick up?
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Uh, da, da, da, da, da, da.
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Maybe you went out.
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Da, da, da, da, da, da.
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Da, da, da...
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Ooh-wa, ooh...
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Okay. Well, again, it's Brian.
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Um, guys, really, really, call me back.
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- It's Brian. Bye.
- (BEEP)
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So, what do you think?
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Is your family gonna give
you money for the rent?
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Yeah, I'm thinking no.
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Well, you got to do something, Brian.
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- You're a week behind.
- Okay, okay.
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Look, I'll get a job, okay?
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There's got to be something I can do.
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It's not like I'm Ringo.
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Well, lads, what do you think
of the new album cover?
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Great, but it won't look good
when it's shrunk down for a CD.
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CD? What's a CD?
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A digital compact disc.
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Ringo, are you from the future?
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Yeah. And I outlive two of you.
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- Which two?
- Yeah, come on, Ringo. Tell us.
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Okay, but you all have to agree
to do my song about the octopus.
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Hey, before you tell us,
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I'm gonna go and smoke
a thousand cigarettes.
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And I'm gonna move to New York City
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and walk in and out of my building.
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Okay, everybody, time to go to
Grandma and Grandpa's house.
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- They're dead.
- Not your grandparents, Peter.
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I'm talking about my parents.
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I hate going there.
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I'm not allowed to touch
anything in their house.
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And, besides, today's Dolph
Lundgren's birthday,
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and me and the guys always celebrate it
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by watching Rocky IV.
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Fine, we're probably
better off without you.
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You always find a way to
embarrass us at my parents'.
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(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
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Please pass the All Fruit.
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Pass the Polaner All Fruit.
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LOIS: Pass the Polaner All Fruit.
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(SOUTHERN ACCENT): Would
you please pass the jelly?
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- (TRAY CLANGS)
- (BABS GROANS)
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Hi. We're concerned that many
of you Family Guy fans under 40
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didn't get that reference,
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00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:39,093
so I'm gonna take you through
the actual commercial.
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Okay, typical '80s stuffy brunch.
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Please pass the All Fruit.
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Clearly the matriarch.
She's got the most pearls.
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Pass the Polaner All Fruit.
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Weird sexual tension there.
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WOMAN: Pass the Polaner All Fruit.
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Okay, okay, watch. Here's
where it all goes to hell.
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(SOUTHERN ACCENT): Would
you please pass the jelly?
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- (CRASHING)
- (GROANS)
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See? He called it jelly.
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See... All right, now,
what I don't get is,
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if they know this guy,
why are they surprised
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by the way he talks? Right?
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And if they don't know him,
why is he at the table?
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Okay, now you have the information
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that would've made that funny
had you had it going in.
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All right, you ready to watch Rocky IV?
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- Let's do it!
- Yeah!
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Happy Dolph Lundgren Day!
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(STATIC)
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What the... what the hell?
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Try blowing on it.
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(BLOWING)
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- (STATIC)
- Crap! It doesn't work!
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Well, we got to watch the
movie. It's our tradition.
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We could just stream
it on your Apple TV.
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Is that what that is? I
thought it was a coaster.
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I've been putting cold, wet
things on it for a month.
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Turn it on. I'm sure we can
find Rocky IV on there.
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I don't know how to turn it on.
It doesn't have any buttons.
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Well, maybe it's voice-activated.
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Rocky IV! Rocky IV!
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Let's just go to the damn store.
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Hold on, hold on, let me try
screaming at the PlayStation.
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Hey, you guys, why the long faces?
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Eh, we were trying to watch Rocky IV
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and our DVD didn't work.
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And that's just Scottie Pippen.
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When I was a baby,
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they pulled me out of my moms real slow.
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We got a bin of old movies.
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Rocky IV might be in there.
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Let's see.
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Talladega Nights, everywhere.
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Ladybugs, classic Rodney.
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A Million Ways to Die in
the West, no, thank you.
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Here it is! Rocky IV!
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Aw, nuts, this one's
written in terrorism.
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That's, uh, Cyrillic.
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It's a Russian bootleg.
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All right, we'll take it.
It's better than nothing.
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NOTHING: Hey!
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Welcome aboard, Brian. This
is your coworker, Martha.
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Pleased to meet you, Brian.
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Pleasure's all mine. So, any advice?
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Well, there's a script you
can go off of, if you want.
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00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:05,665
Ah, script. Now you're
talking my language.
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(CHUCKLES) Writer.
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So, watch out, or you might
end up in one of my scripts.
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"Martha, gorgeous, headstrong,
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00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:14,473
legs as long as spaghetti
noodles, enters."
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(PHONE RINGS)
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Why don't you just take your first call?
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Suicide hotline.
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STEWIE: Hey, I'm a pathetic dog
whose family kicked him out,
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and I want to kill myself.
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- Stewie?
- Hey, Brian!
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How's the new job going?
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♪ ♪
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All right, here comes the fight.
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Get ready to eat it, Drago!
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(BELL DINGS)
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RUSSIAN ANNOUNCER: And Balboa is down!
163
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Drago wins!
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(CROWD CHEERING)
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- What the hell?
- Son of a bitch!
166
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Those Ruski bastards changed
the movie so Drago wins!
167
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Yeah! Rocky gets up!
168
00:06:50,178 --> 00:06:51,877
Not only does he not get up,
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he's holding a sign that says,
"Workers of the world, unite!"
170
00:06:55,382 --> 00:06:57,384
Well, that-that seems
like a logical idea,
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00:06:57,385 --> 00:06:59,185
but this aggression will not stand!
172
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I'm writing Vladimir
Putin an angry e-mail.
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"Dear Vladimir..."
174
00:07:03,657 --> 00:07:05,224
Ho-ho! That's telling him.
175
00:07:05,225 --> 00:07:07,326
"I hope this e-mail finds you well."
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Oh, man, I wish I could see his face.
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"I'll get right to the point.
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My friends and I were aghast
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when we saw what you did
to the end of Rocky IV.
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Everyone knows that any American
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can beat up any Russian
on any day of the week.
182
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Other than that, all
is well on this end.
183
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:26,345
Chris continues to hit
the books as best he can,
184
00:07:26,346 --> 00:07:28,881
and his grades have
shown some improvement.
185
00:07:28,882 --> 00:07:30,884
Stewie is growing like a weed.
186
00:07:30,885 --> 00:07:34,220
And Meg has become a woman
in front of our very eyes."
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And... send.
188
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I think we lost a little
steam there at the end.
189
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ANNOUNCER: We now return to
Captain America: Civil Union.
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All right, Captain America,
we have to get ready
191
00:07:50,137 --> 00:07:51,771
for the big fight with the other heroes.
192
00:07:51,772 --> 00:07:54,240
- Who do we have on our side?
- Well, Hawkeye, we've got you,
193
00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:57,243
Scarlet Witch, the Falcon,
and, of course, Randy.
194
00:07:57,244 --> 00:07:59,445
- Who's Randy?
- You know Randy.
195
00:07:59,446 --> 00:08:00,780
Lives in my guesthouse.
196
00:08:00,781 --> 00:08:02,047
We've been friends since college.
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00:08:02,048 --> 00:08:03,249
He's... my pal.
198
00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:04,917
He's the guy I went to Paris with.
199
00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:06,619
You are such a coward!
200
00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:07,953
Randy!
201
00:08:07,954 --> 00:08:09,340
(DOORBELL RINGS)
202
00:08:12,675 --> 00:08:14,293
Vladimir Putin?!
203
00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:16,062
Da. Where is bathroom?
204
00:08:16,063 --> 00:08:18,344
I George Brett myself on plane.
205
00:08:18,345 --> 00:08:19,465
Gross!
206
00:08:19,466 --> 00:08:21,151
You can Google that
during the commercial.
207
00:08:26,436 --> 00:08:28,588
Oh, my God. President Putin?
208
00:08:28,589 --> 00:08:30,448
What-what are you doing here?
209
00:08:30,449 --> 00:08:32,454
Husband write me impertinent e-mail.
210
00:08:32,455 --> 00:08:35,023
Says any American can
beat up any Russian.
211
00:08:35,024 --> 00:08:36,858
I am here to prove him wrong.
212
00:08:36,859 --> 00:08:38,994
You're gonna beat up my husband?
213
00:08:38,995 --> 00:08:41,363
Unless he American chicken.
214
00:08:41,364 --> 00:08:42,665
♪ ♪
215
00:08:42,666 --> 00:08:44,866
Did you just call me chicken?
216
00:08:44,867 --> 00:08:45,866
Yes. Chicken.
217
00:08:45,867 --> 00:08:47,702
Fi-cray! Fi-cray! Fi-cray!
218
00:08:47,703 --> 00:08:49,671
Sound different in Russia.
219
00:08:49,672 --> 00:08:52,841
Nobody calls me... chicken.
220
00:08:52,842 --> 00:08:54,776
Outside, now.
221
00:08:54,777 --> 00:08:57,212
Hi, we're from Publishers
Clearing House.
222
00:08:57,213 --> 00:09:01,116
I have a million-dollar check
for someone named Chicken.
223
00:09:01,117 --> 00:09:03,537
(GASPS) A conflict!
224
00:09:05,071 --> 00:09:06,555
You're going down!
225
00:09:06,556 --> 00:09:08,689
- Kick his ass, Peter!
- Yeah, kick his ass!
226
00:09:08,690 --> 00:09:10,409
Punch his ass, Peter!
227
00:09:12,912 --> 00:09:14,896
(GRUNTING)
228
00:09:14,897 --> 00:09:16,731
Oh, pretty quick, huh?
229
00:09:16,732 --> 00:09:18,733
Well, how about this? (GRUNTS)
230
00:09:18,734 --> 00:09:20,367
(GROANING)
231
00:09:20,368 --> 00:09:22,036
Here comes the haymaker!
232
00:09:22,037 --> 00:09:23,356
(GRUNTING)
233
00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:28,809
(STRAINED): You had enough?
234
00:09:28,810 --> 00:09:31,346
(GROANING)
235
00:09:31,347 --> 00:09:32,981
He gone.
236
00:09:32,982 --> 00:09:34,583
- Peter!
- (PHONE VIBRATING)
237
00:09:34,584 --> 00:09:37,004
Oh, looks like Putin's phone is buzzing.
238
00:09:46,511 --> 00:09:48,829
- (KEYS CLACKING)
- Brian?
239
00:09:48,830 --> 00:09:51,265
Oh, hey, Marth... a.
240
00:09:51,266 --> 00:09:53,501
- What are you doing here?
- I'm always here.
241
00:09:53,502 --> 00:09:56,170
Suicide is not a nine-to-five problem.
242
00:09:56,171 --> 00:09:57,172
(PHONE RINGS)
243
00:09:57,173 --> 00:09:58,840
Yeah, so I was thinking,
244
00:09:58,841 --> 00:10:00,942
maybe we could Netflix and grill.
245
00:10:00,943 --> 00:10:03,044
I think it's "Netflix and chill."
246
00:10:03,045 --> 00:10:05,713
Oh. Good, 'cause I don't have a grill.
247
00:10:05,714 --> 00:10:07,281
Hey, do you have Netflix?
248
00:10:07,282 --> 00:10:08,916
The credit card numbers
I've been guessing
249
00:10:08,917 --> 00:10:09,951
keep getting rejected.
250
00:10:09,952 --> 00:10:11,536
Good night, Brian.
251
00:10:12,688 --> 00:10:16,057
Well, nothing says I
can't date her up here.
252
00:10:16,058 --> 00:10:20,028
Let's see what kind of Facebook
account we got for this Martha.
253
00:10:20,029 --> 00:10:21,529
Uhp, private account.
254
00:10:21,530 --> 00:10:23,431
But... sister.
255
00:10:23,432 --> 00:10:26,534
Similar age. Few parties
they went to together.
256
00:10:26,535 --> 00:10:28,602
Ooh, "Grandpa's Funeral."
257
00:10:28,603 --> 00:10:31,106
Baby look good in black.
258
00:10:31,107 --> 00:10:32,974
That's her mom?
259
00:10:32,975 --> 00:10:35,661
Damn. I can work with this.
260
00:10:40,566 --> 00:10:43,600
You know, this is exactly what
Dr. Fishbein was talking about.
261
00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:45,339
I never go for it.
262
00:10:47,472 --> 00:10:49,124
♪ Martha ♪
263
00:10:49,125 --> 00:10:51,960
♪ You're playing hide and seek ♪
264
00:10:51,961 --> 00:10:54,228
♪ With love ♪
265
00:10:54,229 --> 00:10:55,563
♪ Martha ♪
266
00:10:55,564 --> 00:10:57,732
♪ This is what Dr. Fishbein ♪
267
00:10:57,733 --> 00:11:00,602
♪ Was talking about ♪
268
00:11:00,603 --> 00:11:02,437
♪ Martha ♪
269
00:11:02,438 --> 00:11:04,105
♪ With a little bit of love ♪
270
00:11:04,106 --> 00:11:06,107
♪ And a whole lot of sass... ♪
271
00:11:06,108 --> 00:11:07,509
You know what, Brian, I will...
272
00:11:07,510 --> 00:11:09,196
(GASPS) Oh, my God!
273
00:11:12,365 --> 00:11:14,849
Gross! You scumbag!
274
00:11:14,850 --> 00:11:18,453
♪ Dr. Fishbein predicted it'd
be three years of treatment ♪
275
00:11:18,454 --> 00:11:21,622
♪ And Martha's only six months in... ♪
276
00:11:21,623 --> 00:11:24,025
Come on, Marth... a.
277
00:11:24,026 --> 00:11:26,628
♪ Martha ♪
278
00:11:26,629 --> 00:11:28,649
♪ It's gonna work out. ♪
279
00:11:33,318 --> 00:11:35,469
I'll tell you something,
if he were here right now,
280
00:11:35,470 --> 00:11:36,538
I'd kick his ass.
281
00:11:36,539 --> 00:11:38,173
Just like hundreds of dead journalists,
282
00:11:38,174 --> 00:11:40,308
I'm not afraid of Vladimir Putin.
283
00:11:40,309 --> 00:11:43,562
Hello? Is it me you're looking for?
284
00:11:45,465 --> 00:11:46,514
Yes!
285
00:11:46,515 --> 00:11:50,452
(WHISTLES "WE'RE IN THE MONEY")
286
00:11:50,453 --> 00:11:52,320
Peter, you not coward I thought.
287
00:11:52,321 --> 00:11:54,054
You put up impressive fight.
288
00:11:54,055 --> 00:11:55,622
Thanks, Vladimir.
289
00:11:55,623 --> 00:11:57,525
You know, as someone who
doesn't read the paper
290
00:11:57,526 --> 00:12:00,061
or listen to the news,
you're not such a bad guy.
291
00:12:00,062 --> 00:12:01,228
Well, thank you.
292
00:12:01,229 --> 00:12:03,063
To show there are no hard feelings,
293
00:12:03,064 --> 00:12:04,999
anyone want to go to strip club
294
00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:07,335
and look at some cat emojis with me?
295
00:12:07,336 --> 00:12:09,536
- Hell yeah.
- I'm up for the strip club.
296
00:12:09,537 --> 00:12:11,305
Great. Who's driving?
297
00:12:11,306 --> 00:12:14,041
You know, you're gonna think I'm
crazy, but it's such a nice day,
298
00:12:14,042 --> 00:12:16,243
I was kind of thinking
of taking my shirt off
299
00:12:16,244 --> 00:12:17,411
and riding a horse there.
300
00:12:17,412 --> 00:12:18,847
Get out.
301
00:12:18,848 --> 00:12:20,881
That's totally my thing!
302
00:12:20,882 --> 00:12:23,885
- (HORNS HONKING)
- (ANGRY CLAMORING)
303
00:12:23,886 --> 00:12:27,155
Ah, the sun feels good
on my drunk chest.
304
00:12:27,156 --> 00:12:29,424
You know what, you're a good guy, Peter.
305
00:12:29,425 --> 00:12:30,592
Friend?
306
00:12:30,593 --> 00:12:32,527
How do you say "friend" in Russian?
307
00:12:32,528 --> 00:12:34,094
There is no Russian word for it.
308
00:12:34,095 --> 00:12:36,731
Well, you're my friend now.
Funny how this worked out.
309
00:12:36,732 --> 00:12:38,066
Who would have thought, huh?
310
00:12:38,067 --> 00:12:40,602
I guess things not
always what they seem.
311
00:12:40,603 --> 00:12:43,938
Yeah. I mean, except for
Ronan Farrow, who is clearly
312
00:12:43,939 --> 00:12:47,342
Woody Allen's son and
absolutely not Frank Sinatra's.
313
00:12:47,343 --> 00:12:49,744
I.. You know, I-I'm glad
you could make it home
314
00:12:49,745 --> 00:12:51,212
for the family dinner, Ronan.
315
00:12:51,213 --> 00:12:53,448
You got it, four eyes.
Wouldn't miss a dinner
316
00:12:53,449 --> 00:12:55,784
with my cuckoo dad for the world.
317
00:12:55,785 --> 00:12:58,119
Hey, Anna May Wong, no
tickie, no shirtie.
318
00:12:58,120 --> 00:13:00,954
I'm just kidding around,
rice bowl. Geez, lighten up.
319
00:13:00,955 --> 00:13:03,558
This room is tighter than
Ava Gardner's caboose.
320
00:13:03,559 --> 00:13:04,926
Us, right?
321
00:13:04,927 --> 00:13:07,202
It's like lookin' in a mirror.
322
00:13:11,583 --> 00:13:14,034
Well, Peter, thank you
for showing me Quahog.
323
00:13:14,035 --> 00:13:15,303
Ah, it was fun.
324
00:13:15,304 --> 00:13:16,971
I'm gonna miss you, Vladimir.
325
00:13:16,972 --> 00:13:18,740
So come with me back to Russia.
326
00:13:18,741 --> 00:13:19,974
I need friend.
327
00:13:19,975 --> 00:13:22,544
Ah, I'm flattered, but my home is here.
328
00:13:22,545 --> 00:13:24,279
And besides, I can't go to Russia.
329
00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:26,147
I'm scared of Brigitte Nielsen.
330
00:13:26,148 --> 00:13:27,982
She is here with you in your country.
331
00:13:27,983 --> 00:13:29,150
She-she's here now? Is she...
332
00:13:29,151 --> 00:13:30,784
O... All ri... Okay, okay, let's go.
333
00:13:30,785 --> 00:13:33,173
Let's go, let's go, let's
go, wheels up, let's go!
334
00:13:35,942 --> 00:13:38,426
Oh, my God, she can smell
the tiny bottles of booze.
335
00:13:38,427 --> 00:13:40,679
We got to go! We got to go now!
336
00:13:47,519 --> 00:13:48,937
(SCREAMS)
337
00:13:48,938 --> 00:13:52,340
Dear Lord, please send me a
six-foot-seven blonde woman
338
00:13:52,341 --> 00:13:55,209
who likes to drink until she blacks out.
339
00:13:55,210 --> 00:13:56,377
(CRASH)
340
00:13:56,378 --> 00:13:58,720
HERBERT: I think we got
our prayers crossed.
341
00:14:02,534 --> 00:14:04,538
♪ ♪
342
00:14:09,916 --> 00:14:11,773
Welcome to Russia, Peter.
343
00:14:11,774 --> 00:14:15,478
Man, Russia has the hottest and
ugliest women in the world.
344
00:14:15,479 --> 00:14:17,080
All tens and ones.
345
00:14:17,081 --> 00:14:19,249
Wow! Whoa.
346
00:14:19,250 --> 00:14:20,682
Wow! Whoa.
347
00:14:20,683 --> 00:14:23,653
- Wow! Whoa.
- Whoa.
348
00:14:23,654 --> 00:14:25,754
Aw, I'm a "whoa."
349
00:14:25,755 --> 00:14:27,356
I know what'll cheer you up.
350
00:14:27,357 --> 00:14:30,092
We listen to funny morning zoo on radio.
351
00:14:30,093 --> 00:14:32,995
DJ: You're listening to backwards-K-FMB.
352
00:14:32,996 --> 00:14:35,598
I am The Penis, here with Buttocks.
353
00:14:35,599 --> 00:14:37,667
- Hello, Buttocks.
- (FARTING SOUNDS)
354
00:14:37,668 --> 00:14:39,435
Ha. Humor.
355
00:14:39,436 --> 00:14:42,539
Now time for government-approved
prank phone call.
356
00:14:42,540 --> 00:14:46,109
(DIALING)
357
00:14:46,110 --> 00:14:48,478
(LINE RINGING)
358
00:14:48,479 --> 00:14:49,946
MAN: What?
359
00:14:49,947 --> 00:14:51,647
DJ: Is your refrigerator running?
360
00:14:51,648 --> 00:14:52,681
MAN: Yes.
361
00:14:52,682 --> 00:14:54,617
DJ: You are very fortunate.
362
00:14:58,372 --> 00:15:01,291
I've tried everything, Lou.
I told her I was sorry.
363
00:15:01,292 --> 00:15:02,859
I even sent flowers.
364
00:15:02,860 --> 00:15:04,661
She's gonna report me,
and I'm gonna get fired.
365
00:15:04,662 --> 00:15:05,895
Wh-What can I do?
366
00:15:05,896 --> 00:15:08,130
Do what I do when people
don't pay their rent:
367
00:15:08,131 --> 00:15:10,133
plant drugs and call the cops.
368
00:15:10,134 --> 00:15:11,801
I don't know, I-I may be broke,
369
00:15:11,802 --> 00:15:14,470
but that seems like a crappy
thing to do to somebody.
370
00:15:14,471 --> 00:15:16,004
Well, then you're evicted.
371
00:15:16,005 --> 00:15:17,706
(SIGHS) Okay, fine.
372
00:15:17,707 --> 00:15:19,374
But where am I gonna get drugs?
373
00:15:19,375 --> 00:15:22,096
Walk me to my car. My
trunk is full of coke.
374
00:15:26,733 --> 00:15:28,084
Brian Griffin?
375
00:15:28,085 --> 00:15:30,105
Your life's about to change.
376
00:15:32,073 --> 00:15:33,489
Brian Griffin?
377
00:15:33,490 --> 00:15:35,771
We're not having a lot of luck today.
378
00:15:41,515 --> 00:15:42,999
So, what do you do for fun around here?
379
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:44,867
- You got DirecTV?
- We have Time Warner.
380
00:15:44,868 --> 00:15:46,502
- You got HBO?
- We have Starz.
381
00:15:46,503 --> 00:15:48,705
- You got ESPN?
- We have Fox Sports 1.
382
00:15:48,706 --> 00:15:50,875
- Does that come in HD?
- 420P.
383
00:15:50,876 --> 00:15:51,907
You got...
384
00:15:51,908 --> 00:15:55,110
Everything you say, I say
something little bit worse.
385
00:15:55,111 --> 00:15:57,446
- You got Simpsons?
- We have Family Guy.
386
00:15:57,447 --> 00:15:59,150
Ah, I did it to myself.
387
00:16:02,936 --> 00:16:04,854
Well, just shoot her first.
388
00:16:04,855 --> 00:16:06,356
It's not called "suicide-murder,"
389
00:16:06,357 --> 00:16:08,090
it's called "murder-suicide."
390
00:16:08,091 --> 00:16:10,292
Brian, can I talk to you for a second?
391
00:16:10,293 --> 00:16:12,528
- Yeah, sure.
- I wanted to tell you,
392
00:16:12,529 --> 00:16:15,031
I thought a lot about what
happened, and I guess...
393
00:16:15,032 --> 00:16:18,568
In your own weird way...
you were complimenting me.
394
00:16:18,569 --> 00:16:21,055
Um, w... w-what?
395
00:16:24,866 --> 00:16:27,518
I just wanted to let you know
I'm not going to tell anyone
396
00:16:27,519 --> 00:16:29,220
about what happened, and...
397
00:16:29,221 --> 00:16:32,110
maybe we could get that drink tomorrow.
398
00:16:34,602 --> 00:16:36,486
Tell 'em you have no idea
how your hair strands
399
00:16:36,487 --> 00:16:38,321
got in that baggie. Hello, Officer!
400
00:16:38,322 --> 00:16:41,257
- Is this your desk, ma'am?
- Yeah. Why, Officer?
401
00:16:41,258 --> 00:16:42,492
Found it.
402
00:16:42,493 --> 00:16:44,760
- What is that?
- Like you don't know.
403
00:16:44,761 --> 00:16:47,830
Cocaine. Glorious cocaine.
404
00:16:47,831 --> 00:16:49,632
Best thing ever.
405
00:16:49,633 --> 00:16:51,401
You're gonna have to come with us.
406
00:16:51,402 --> 00:16:53,735
And, Jeff, you might want
to call your sponsor.
407
00:16:53,736 --> 00:16:55,138
You did this, didn't you?
408
00:16:55,139 --> 00:16:57,674
I knew you were a little
twerp as soon as I met you.
409
00:16:57,675 --> 00:16:59,475
He did this! He planted that!
410
00:16:59,476 --> 00:17:00,843
Martha, I'm so sorr...
411
00:17:00,844 --> 00:17:02,412
You bastard!
412
00:17:02,413 --> 00:17:03,764
(GRUNTING)
413
00:17:04,764 --> 00:17:06,648
Aah! My leg is broken!
414
00:17:06,649 --> 00:17:09,670
Only thing I can possibly
do is lick it repeatedly.
415
00:17:13,601 --> 00:17:15,604
There we go. That's fixing it.
416
00:17:20,348 --> 00:17:22,832
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
417
00:17:22,833 --> 00:17:24,852
Please pass the aspic.
418
00:17:27,088 --> 00:17:28,982
I'll have the aspic.
419
00:17:30,123 --> 00:17:33,209
I, too, will have the aspic.
420
00:17:33,210 --> 00:17:35,444
(SOUTHERN ACCENT): Could you
please pass the beef jelly?
421
00:17:35,445 --> 00:17:36,697
(DISHES CRASH)
422
00:17:38,031 --> 00:17:39,716
Huh? See?
423
00:17:39,717 --> 00:17:42,151
Now aren't you glad we did
all that work earlier?
424
00:17:42,152 --> 00:17:44,020
Peter, come.
425
00:17:44,021 --> 00:17:47,424
Over here is where we rig
every American election.
426
00:17:47,425 --> 00:17:48,491
Eh.
427
00:17:48,492 --> 00:17:50,517
Also, American football.
428
00:17:50,518 --> 00:17:51,961
What?! No!
429
00:17:51,962 --> 00:17:54,965
Is true. Meet my best
friend, Roger Goodell.
430
00:17:54,966 --> 00:17:57,316
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell?
431
00:17:57,317 --> 00:17:58,884
You're a Russian spy?
432
00:17:58,885 --> 00:18:00,503
I don't know, Peter.
433
00:18:00,504 --> 00:18:02,372
(RUSSIAN ACCENT): Why don't you tell me?
434
00:18:02,373 --> 00:18:05,041
Today we decide which
New England Patriot
435
00:18:05,042 --> 00:18:06,543
to suspend, eh?
436
00:18:06,544 --> 00:18:09,679
Da. Tom Brady or Tom Brady?
437
00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:12,367
(BOTH LAUGH)
438
00:18:17,405 --> 00:18:20,157
You leave that gorgeous
piece of ass alone.
439
00:18:20,158 --> 00:18:22,357
I was right about you
from the start, Putin.
440
00:18:22,358 --> 00:18:24,193
You can't just do whatever
you want in the world
441
00:18:24,194 --> 00:18:25,396
and get away with it.
442
00:18:25,397 --> 00:18:27,764
It's time someone stood up to you.
443
00:18:27,765 --> 00:18:29,226
And survived.
444
00:18:29,227 --> 00:18:32,663
♪ ♪
445
00:18:32,664 --> 00:18:35,546
(CROWD CHEERING)
446
00:18:35,547 --> 00:18:38,541
Ladies and gentlemens,
447
00:18:38,542 --> 00:18:41,110
tonight we are here to see the fight
448
00:18:41,111 --> 00:18:44,180
to determine East/West superiority.
449
00:18:44,181 --> 00:18:46,048
Fighting for Russia,
450
00:18:46,049 --> 00:18:48,451
President Vladimir Putin!
451
00:18:48,452 --> 00:18:50,753
(CROWD CHEERING)
452
00:18:50,754 --> 00:18:52,755
Fighting for America,
453
00:18:52,756 --> 00:18:55,636
Kevin James!
454
00:18:56,247 --> 00:18:58,137
Everybody here thinks I'm Kevin James.
455
00:18:58,602 --> 00:19:00,781
- (BELL DINGS)
- ♪
♪
456
00:19:16,096 --> 00:19:17,413
(BELL DINGS)
457
00:19:17,414 --> 00:19:19,401
♪ ♪
458
00:19:36,617 --> 00:19:38,501
(GROANS)
459
00:19:38,502 --> 00:19:41,505
CROWD (CHANTING): Kevin
James! Kevin James!
460
00:19:41,506 --> 00:19:42,939
- Kevin James!
- ANNOUNCER: I can't believe it,
461
00:19:42,940 --> 00:19:44,440
but it sounds like the audience
462
00:19:44,441 --> 00:19:47,243
is starting to cheer for the American!
463
00:19:47,244 --> 00:19:49,931
- Kevin James! Kevin James!
- (BELL DINGS)
464
00:19:54,268 --> 00:19:55,628
LOIS: Enough!
465
00:19:58,638 --> 00:20:00,857
Lois? What are you doing here?
466
00:20:00,858 --> 00:20:02,592
I'm not really here, Peter.
467
00:20:02,593 --> 00:20:04,293
You've been hit several
times in the head
468
00:20:04,294 --> 00:20:06,762
and sustained severe brain trauma.
469
00:20:06,763 --> 00:20:09,265
She's right. This has gone too far.
470
00:20:09,266 --> 00:20:11,634
There are other ways to
settle our differences.
471
00:20:11,635 --> 00:20:12,835
Say you.
472
00:20:12,836 --> 00:20:14,871
Yes. Say me.
473
00:20:14,872 --> 00:20:16,372
("SAY YOU, SAY ME" BY
LIONEL RICHIE PLAYING)
474
00:20:16,373 --> 00:20:19,960
♪ Say you, say me ♪
475
00:20:21,794 --> 00:20:23,797
♪ Say it for always ♪
476
00:20:25,965 --> 00:20:28,150
♪ That's the way it should be ♪
477
00:20:28,151 --> 00:20:30,119
♪ So you think you know the answers... ♪
478
00:20:30,120 --> 00:20:32,121
PETER: Vlad and I finished our dance,
479
00:20:32,122 --> 00:20:34,123
then spent the rest
of the night talking.
480
00:20:34,124 --> 00:20:37,293
The next day, he poisoned me on
the limo ride to the airport
481
00:20:37,294 --> 00:20:38,794
with radioactive tea.
482
00:20:38,795 --> 00:20:42,231
♪ Believing who you are ♪
483
00:20:42,232 --> 00:20:46,003
♪ You are a shining star... ♪
484
00:20:46,004 --> 00:20:48,237
PETER: I lost half my
body weight, all my hair,
485
00:20:48,238 --> 00:20:50,640
and I have lesions that'll never heal.
486
00:20:50,641 --> 00:20:53,476
That's our president's best friend.
487
00:20:53,477 --> 00:20:56,930
♪ Say you, say me. ♪
488
00:20:56,931 --> 00:20:58,931
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com