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_
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[Whirring]
[Title music]
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[Whirring]
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Man: It's alive!
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[Thunder rumbles]
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sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
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Narrator: Now back to Davenport,
the Drama Llama.
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The tempter or the tempted,
who sins most?
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[Spits] Tis not she ...
nor doth she tempt ...
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but it is I that...
lying by the virtue of the...
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sun does as the carrion and...
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not as the flower,
corrupt with virtuous...
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[Continuous spits]
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...beauty.
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[Cheers and applause]
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Thanks for inviting me, Penelope.
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Oh, I'm sorry ... Peppa-Mint.
So what's Chef Club about?
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- Chef Club is about friendship!
- Cool!
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All: And owning stuff!
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Like my new
Sparkle Clean dishwasher.
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[Laughing heartily] Hey, gals!
Why don't you slide
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those dirty plates in me,
like you're supposed to?
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I always let my husband
do the dishes. [Chuckles]
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[All gasp]
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She didn't mean it, Baby!
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Hey, do you guys want to take a
walk or something, like, outside?
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You haven't even tried out my
super rare Moonlight Dazzle Mop.
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[Laughing heartily]
Drag my face on the floor!
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Holy shit!
Okay, does he feel pain?
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- Who cares?
- Yea... [Gargling]
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Yeah, I think I might take off.
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Aw, come on, Sara.
Sit on my face some more.
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Oh, my God!
The chair talks, too?
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Mm-hmm.
Just like the locks on the doors,
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and the bars in the windows,
so we never,
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ever, ever have
to leave our stuff again!
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[All chanting] Stuff! Stuff!
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Hello? Jeff?
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I need you to come pick me up,
right now.
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I'm your husband now, Sara.
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Euuaaaggghhh!
Aah! Aah!
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[All chanting] Stuff! Stuff!
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[Screams]
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- Ready for our first patient, Doc?
- Achoo!
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I'd say he has a cold, Mom.
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You're right, Doc.
What do you recommend?
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Plenty of rest
and some chicken soup.
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And he'll be good as ...
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My baby!
She got hit by a car!
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Pupils fixed and dilated.
Possible subdural hematoma.
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[Gasps] We need to intubate.
Wind pipe is crushed.
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Trach her!
[Gasps]
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Her heart stopped!
I'm going in!
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- Maybe she just needs a pick-me-up song!
- Rib spreader!
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♪ A doctor's office
is a real nice place! ♪ [Grunting]
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♪ A lollipop puts a smile
on your face ♪
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[Exhales sharply]
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Come on, breathe, damn it, breathe!
[Retches]
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[Vomits, coughing]
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Phew!
All in a day's work, right, kiddo?
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I want to be an accountant.
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I can be anything I want!
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After all, we animals
overcame our baser instincts
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and now we're thinking,
caring, talking creatures.
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Wahhhh!
My insides are outside!
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[Whimpers]
What kind of world is this?!
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Eughh, bugs! Gross!
[Vipers whirring]
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[Chuckling] Whoops!
Almost forgot my life preserver.
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Oh, Jesus,
I just need to see this.
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Oswald, you know
you're an octopus, right?
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- You literally cannot drown.
- Safety first!
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- Oh fuck me.
- [Grunts] Oohh!
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Huh.
Um... Huh.
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[Heavy metal music]
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♪ Road Hawgs, Road Hawgs ♪
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♪ What, what ♪
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♪ Mutant teen
pig-people hogs are ♪
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♪ Road Hawgs, Road Hawgs ♪
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♪ Road Haaaaaawgs! ♪
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♪ Manpig, Pigman,
Flank, and Steve ♪
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♪ They're pigs on wheels
that honk and squeal ♪
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- # Road Hawgs
- Used to be human, no one fightin' #
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♪ But their dad accidentally
turned them into swines ♪
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♪ Road Hawgs, Road Hawgs ♪
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♪ Swallow porcine DNA ♪
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♪ Road Hawgs, Road Hawgs ♪
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♪ Now they're mutated
in a terrible way ♪
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- # Road Hawgs #
- Hawg-tacular!
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If we're ever gonna
find an antidote,
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we'll need to stop
Dr. Bovine from...
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- Hey, where's Flank?
- Saw him out back earlier.
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Steve, have you seen Flank?
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Uhh...
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[Dramatic music]
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- No.
- Steve?!
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Guys, uh, look...
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[Laughing] I just ...
I love bacon soooo much!
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- It's so good!
- Us too, buddy. Us too.
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- Then I guess... Let's eat, man!
- Trickin' awesome!
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♪ Road Hawgs! ♪
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Announcer: Brought to you by
the makers of "Cheese League."
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Narrator: And now, Taking A Guess
At Shows We Don't Watch.
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Nacho cheese!
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Nacho cheese!
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In... Seattle?
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_
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[Splashing water]
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_
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Cheese...
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Seattle...
in...?
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_
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Oh, my God. The time!
[Gulping]
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Ahh!
Shake it off!
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Fuckin' keys! Ruhh!
[Glass shatters]
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[Tires screech]
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Oh, my God!
I'm so sorry.
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- Smells like beer.
- Buddy, I just forgot.
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[Sighs]
You always forget.
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Son...
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Daddy's going through
a tough time, but...
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- I love you more than life ...
- Look out!
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[Screams, tires screeching]
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Please, God!
Someone help me!
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- My son needs a doctor! Please!
- I can help!
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- You can? Are you a doctor?!
- Yes, my friend.
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My name is Dr.
Sunjayvandanacandanapecarpecar.
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Huh?!
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_
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Welcome to Westworld,
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where you can you live out
your every fantasy.
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This better be good, Ford.
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I present to you our very first
host, Dolores, generation one.
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She's... so... lifelike!
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No, no, no. Not "she."
It.
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We must never forget that
the hosts are not real.
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I mean, I'll try, but...
Wow.
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[Clears throat] Dolores, take one.
Howdy, y'all!
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Can they, you know, uhhhh,
have... sex?
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Why don't you ask it?
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Hello, Dolores?
You look lovely.
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May we have
sexual intercourse?
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[Take recorder rewinding]
Yes ... to the thing you said!
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Whoo! Ow! All right!
Don't wait up!
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[Door opens, slams shut]
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Imagine a whole world
of these hosts.
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[Grunting]
Catering to your every ...
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[Moaning, air hissing]
I broke it.
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Also, the tape recorder gave me
a gash on my forehead.
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[Tape recorder rewinding]
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[Mumbling nonsensically]
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[Tape recorder rewinds]
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[Mumbling nonsensically]
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Huh.
That's a boner killer.
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Wow, I can't believe I'm
finally getting Lasik surgery!
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Wow, I can't believe they sold
a laser to a rabbit!
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Hi, we're the American Pickers,
cruising the country
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and learning about history
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while digging through
other people's junk.
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Mind if we come in
and have a look around?
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[Mumbling]
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- Whoa, Frankie, do you see that?
- Yeah, Mike. I do.
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1917 Goldstein Brothers
cast-iron stove.
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In the stove-picking game,
this is the holy grail.
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So what would you need
for the stove? $500?
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[Chain saw buzzing]
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- Wow!
- As usual, Frankie comes out
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the gate with a low-ball offer
and nearly blows the whole pick.
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What about these meat hooks?
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Would you take... $100 apiece?
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[Mumbling agreeably]
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I'm a meat-hook guy.
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Meat hooks are big sellers
in our Nashville store.
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I got Leatherface to
come down on the stove,
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and even though it cost me
an arm, it didn't cost me a leg.
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That's what I call a good pick!
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_
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__
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_
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Woman: What happens when
four best friends
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write each other letters
about how they really feel?
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[Music]
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The letters have been delivered.
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"We're best friends, and I love you."
Aw!
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"But I have to tell you
that you're weak.
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I mean, I've heard
of damsels in distress,
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but you make Princess Peach
look like Ronda Rousey"?
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What?
Okay, who wrote this?
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Can't wait for that letter.
[Chuckles heartily]
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"For the love of God,
get some fuckin' contacts."
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That's all they wrote?
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"I think you two have
a serious addiction problem."
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Like, oh, boy, Scoob.
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They're sayin' we gotta stop
eatin' Scooby Snacks!
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They rrha'?!
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[Chuckles] What do you
mean I don't have a letter?
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Man: Um, the show is only
about four best friends.
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[Chuckles nervously]
You're kidding, right?
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I didn't make the cut?
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00:09:24,420 --> 00:09:26,508
Did the dog make the cut?
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Woman: Each friend has one week
to improve themselves.
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I can't believe they called me
a damsel in distress.
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[Train whistle approaching]
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Wait a minute...
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[Chuckling]
This is not my yoga class.
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- Give us the mic!
- Give me my letter!
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00:09:40,491 --> 00:09:42,824
Like, dude, we can do it, old pal.
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00:09:42,826 --> 00:09:45,260
Just one week.
With nuh... with no ...
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00:09:45,262 --> 00:09:47,629
With no fuckin'
Scooby Snacks, man!
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Like, I'm freakin' out!
Fuck no!
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Woman: It's been a week since
the gang received their letters.
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00:09:54,110 --> 00:09:56,371
Let's see if they fixed their flaws.
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Like, man, I will sell you a
body part for one Scooby Snack!
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00:09:59,910 --> 00:10:04,009
I'd rrhuck your rrhick!
[Sobs]
214
00:10:05,049 --> 00:10:06,748
Guys... I got Lasik!
215
00:10:06,750 --> 00:10:09,084
- Rra'?!
- They're still healing.
216
00:10:09,086 --> 00:10:10,619
[Door bursts open]
217
00:10:10,621 --> 00:10:11,720
[Grunts]
218
00:10:11,722 --> 00:10:13,689
Enough sittin' around,
shit for brains!
219
00:10:13,691 --> 00:10:16,582
- Let's do this!! [Grunts]
- Ow!
220
00:10:16,727 --> 00:10:19,962
Hmm...
if the owner died a decade ago,
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00:10:19,963 --> 00:10:21,797
why start haunting now?
222
00:10:21,799 --> 00:10:24,876
Oh, I'm sorry.
Were you talking to me?
223
00:10:24,911 --> 00:10:27,969
- The fifth wheel? Because ...
- Let's get this son of a bitch!
224
00:10:27,971 --> 00:10:29,304
- Hey!
- Who's your mother?!
225
00:10:29,306 --> 00:10:30,639
- Ow!
- Yeah! Get over here!
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[Glass shatters]
[Grunting]
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Now let's see who
the "ghost" really is.
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[Grunting]
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00:10:40,417 --> 00:10:42,718
[All gasping]
[Vomits]
230
00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:46,288
Butler.
Called it.
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00:10:46,350 --> 00:10:47,282
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
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♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
233
00:10:48,619 --> 00:10:50,619
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
234
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♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
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00:10:51,789 --> 00:10:53,121
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
236
00:10:53,123 --> 00:10:54,957
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
237
00:10:54,959 --> 00:10:55,958
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
238
00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:57,292
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
239
00:10:57,294 --> 00:10:59,261
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
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- Ba-gawk!
- Bawk.
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sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~