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_
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It's alive!
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sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
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Okay, quickly now!
No hesitations!
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One, two, three!
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No!
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The senseless slaughter must end.
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Each day, we put the lives
of our children at risk.
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Each day, we lose
more and more ...
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00:01:06,849 --> 00:01:09,216
We could just take
the long way around.
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Spencer, would you
shut the [bleep] up?
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Yeah, shut up, Spencer!
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Now, today,
we take back our lives!
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Hold! Hold!
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Now!
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For our fallen comrades
and our children!
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It does not move another inch!
Do not let go!
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Oh, come on,
why won't this open?!
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Welcome to the Johto Gym, Ash.
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Let's see if you got what it takes.
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- Pikachu, I choose you!
- Pika, pika!
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Henry Kissinger, I choose you!
23
00:01:48,724 --> 00:01:50,858
We should take advantage
of the Sino-Soviet split
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and open relations with China.
25
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That's...
Uh, wai... what?
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Uh, uh, Pikachu,
thunderbolt attack!
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Pika-chu!
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00:02:00,436 --> 00:02:01,503
Oh!
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00:02:01,504 --> 00:02:04,572
Henry Kissinger, war crime attack!
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00:02:04,574 --> 00:02:08,008
We should bomb Cambodia and Laos
without telling Congress!
31
00:02:09,745 --> 00:02:11,712
Pika! Pika!
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00:02:11,714 --> 00:02:15,686
- Ha-ha!
- W-What just happened?
33
00:02:15,751 --> 00:02:18,219
Did I just learn something?
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00:02:19,522 --> 00:02:22,423
Hey, I'm here for the sex party.
35
00:02:22,425 --> 00:02:23,625
Um...
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I've got an everlasting
gobstopper for you.
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It changes color ... mostly
between red and purple.
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- Uh, no, thanks.
- Well, maybe this will change your mind.
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Oh, now we're talking.
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_
Oh! Snozzberriiiiiiiiies!
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I want people to stop
asking me if I skip leg day!
42
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I love being a spy!
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Harriet, you promised
you'd stop spying on people!
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Oh, Sport, you're my best friend,
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but you're such a chapped butthole.
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Spying is fun as hell!
47
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_
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Spying is hard as hell.
49
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Oh, nobody planning
another 9/11, Welsch?
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Bummer for you. Come on.
Let me show you something fun.
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Give me a name ...
any name.
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My best friend, Sport, from
grade school ... Simon Rock.
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Another day,
another sob and dump.
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Oh, poor Sport.
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- Why would he post this online?
- Post it? Nope.
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- I tapped into his laptop camera.
- Is this legal?
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Aww, you're so cute.
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I've got to get proof
that the U.S. government
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is illegally spying on its own people.
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And, if I have time,
the proof that Taylor Swift
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swallowed a live, human baby.
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Now for the moment of truth.
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Evening, Harriet. Not trying to
smuggle out any data, are you?
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Noper, doper.
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00:04:01,390 --> 00:04:03,157
Hey, ever played
with one of these?
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Yeah!
I had one as a kid.
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It drove me [bleep] insane!
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What the hell?!
Secrets!
69
00:04:12,435 --> 00:04:14,668
Hey, you ever played
"Minions Monopoly"?
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"Monopoly" with Minions?
Yes, please!
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_
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Harriet Welsch, thank you
for joining us today,
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live from your exile in Moscow.
How are things there?
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Well, I have been a little...
"snowed in."
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That was weird.
Now, you've committed
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the largest data theft in U.S. history.
Was it all worth it?
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I believe all citizens
have a right to privacy.
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Well, what about charges that
WikiLeaks is a Russian front,
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- led by an alleged sex criminal?
- Hey.
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Just because the Russkis
gave me this baller apartment,
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doesn't mean I was tricked in
to undermining
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American democracy or anything.
That's crazy.
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That was funny.
But I like it, it's beautifull.
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Thank you, Harriet the Spy.
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00:05:00,583 --> 00:05:04,318
Well, it's time for
my daily "sob and dump".
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Uh, Harriet, your webcam is still ...
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The webcam is still ...
Harriet?
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Hey, happy Monday, right?
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00:05:17,166 --> 00:05:20,367
- How was your weekend?
- Ugh, I'm calling H.R.
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00:05:20,369 --> 00:05:23,971
Okay, up next, we have Stacy.
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What are you going
to do for us today?
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Well, I'm a sky dancer,
so I'll be sky dancing.
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Oh, my God!
I don't want to die!
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Aah!
95
00:05:38,454 --> 00:05:40,754
I mean, talk about "jungle fever".
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00:05:40,756 --> 00:05:45,460
Every time I jerk off,
it's an interracial love scene. Oh!
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- What'll it be?
- Braiiiiiins!
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I'm sorry, we're out of brains.
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Mac and cheese.
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Atreyu, down there is the first
gate you must pass through.
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Most people do not make it.
102
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Because they don't feel
their own self-worth?
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No. Because
they can't stop staring
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at the sphinxes awesome boobies!
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I don't understand.
106
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Can't they just take a quick
look and then keep walking?
107
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Are you even seeing
how perfect they are?
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Round and smooth,
huge, yet, impossibly firm.
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It's my turn now.
Let me see!
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But I'm still looking.
Why is this telescope sticky?
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It's from t-t-the price tag!
Now get going!
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And don't die until I finish.
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- Uh, finish what?
- Just go, damn it!
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Aah!
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I'm coming to see you, Margaret!
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What?
Oh, hell.
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That tickles!
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Now lick my nipples!
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- What?
- What?
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Only you...
can prevent climate change!
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Guh.
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Oh, we're Trolls.
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- Mmm.
- Our hair's intertwined.
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Hey, can I ask you
to do something?
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Oh, of course.
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Put it in me.
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♪ No, no, no, no, no, no ♪
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Boys, have I got news for ...
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Alvin!
Put some clothes on!
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Technically, Dave,
fur is our clothes.
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And it's not a shirt.
It's a [bleep] nightgown!
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Oh, shut up, boys!
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I just booked you
for this year's Coachella.
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- Are we on the main stage?
- Uh, no.
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Ooh, the Gobi Tent?
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- Eh, no.
- Mojave Tent?
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- No, boys.
- The "butthole packed with sand" tent?
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Alvin!
That's not a real tent!
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- Guess the joke's on me.
- This is an outrage!
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I'm going to complain
to the promoter right now!
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Okay, I'm off on poon patrol.
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"10-4, good buddy.
I got an APB on poon,
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preferably a trust-fund baby
with an appropriated
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Native American headdress,
over". Krrrk!
145
00:08:06,068 --> 00:08:09,770
No, damn it! The band's
supposed to be onstage right now!
146
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- Gorillaz ... with a "Z"!
- Wait. Then who's onstage right now?
147
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Gorillas, with an "S"!
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- And their rider was bananas!
- Well, they are gorillas.
149
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Stick with my "B" story for
more laughs just like that one.
150
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Oh, chipmunks.
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Wow, I can't believe I'm making out
with Selena Gomez!
152
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Wow, I can't believe
I'm making out with Alvin!
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I'm not Alvin.
154
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You know I'm not Selena
Gomez, the singer, right?
155
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I might have racial face blindness.
156
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I always feel so creatively stifled.
157
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Do you have any advice on how to be
"the cute one" in the band?
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Buddy, I've got bad news for you.
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You're the biggest
Ringo I've ever seen!
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Paul is supposed to be dead!
Again!
161
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Excuse me, have you seen
three giant chipmunks
162
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- wearing nightgowns... "Thom"?
- It's pronounced "Tom".
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- "Yorkie".
- Yorke.
164
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- Listen, are you okay, man?
- Either I'm on LSD,
165
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or those Dippin' Dots
were seriously expired.
166
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Two things can be true at once.
167
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This sucks!
Nobody's paying attention!
168
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Don't worry, fellas.
I have an ace up my sleeve!
169
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Holograms are so in right now.
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Ladies and gentlemen,
presenting the newest member
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of "The Chipmunks",
here's Beat-munk!
172
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Yeah, Beat-munk,
here to bop, bop, bop!
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Bop that! Bop that!
174
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Yeah!
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Boys, you might have
played the smallest tent,
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but you're social media is
blowing up! You're a hit!
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And Beat-munk
even got signed to ... T-Tidal?
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And most importantly,
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I tore through a metric ton
of freaky music festival trim.
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Alvin, I'm afraid
I have some bad news.
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You have gonorrhea of
the ear, nose, and throat.
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Alvin!
Ugh, you know what?
183
00:10:03,352 --> 00:10:05,987
This festival has taught me
a great lesson about loosening up.
184
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From now on, just call me
"Good Time Dave."
185
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Okay, "Good Time Dave",
gonorrhea is fatal in chipmunks.
186
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Too bad it wasn't fatal in "Monkees".
187
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Ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-kow!
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Do you get it?
They were a rival band of ours.
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sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~