_
[Whirring] [Theme music plays]
[Whirring]
Man: It's alive!
[Thunder rumbles]
sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~
It's hard to find a great-tasting breakfast
that won't raise my cholesterol.
Did somebody ask for a tasty breakfast?!
- Wow! - Ohh!
Nothing beats the taste of oats and honey!
It's gr-r-r-r-r-eat!
- What the [bleep]... - Aah!
No! No! Oh, my God, no! This can't be happening!
It'll be okay, bee. You'll be okay.
Yeah, yeah. I'll be okay. I'll just... [Groans]
[Groans, screams] [Riiiiiiiiip!]
- Whoa! Ohh! - Ohh!
- Oh, man! - It's so cold.
Oh, my heart ... I can feel it slowing down.
Oh. Oh, it stopped. I'm ... I'm so scared.
[Both crying]
Honey Nut Cheerios has oats that'll help lower cholesterol ...
part of this nutritious breakfast.
[Music]
Mmm! Mmm!
- Ohh. - Ohh. Sorry, babe.
Damn. That is creepy.
The way our neighbor's ex-wife spies on us every day?
[Gulping]
No. I mean, that ... that freakin' thing!
[British accent] Don't mind me. Ah-la-la-la-la!
[Laughs]
Adam can't defeat Count Marzo, but He-Man can.
And maybe He-Man can ... can do it himself this time?
Oh, Cringer, always so afraid.
By the power of Grayskull!
I never consented to this. I'm literally pissing myself!
- Is this what you wanted? Is it?! - I have the power!
And I have no power!
What kind of hero forces his best friend
into violent adventures without permission?!
[Splurt!] Oh, great.
Now I'm shitting myself in addition to the piss.
- Ha ha! - [Crying] No!
[Sobs] Oh, don't point that sword at me! No!
[Warble! Twinkle! Zap!]
Feeling better, Battle Cat?
Yes, of course I do! I'm Battle Cat now!
I'm standing in a pool of piss, shit, and vomit,
but otherwise great.
♪ On the Magic School Bus ♪
[Children cheering]
Today we're going to be learning about the geology of mountains!
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
[Children screaming]
- Goin' down! - Oh, my God!
[Screaming continues]
Aaaaaah!
A mountain! Ohh!
Stay calm, children.
This... is... a learning experience.
I knew I should have stayed home today and cut myself.
We're stuck in the mountains!
What are we gonna do, you dried-up hippie?!
There's only one thing we can do ... cannibalism!
What?!
Whoever picks the shortest straw will get eaten.
- Eat this, you psycho! - Don't be silly, Ralphie.
Your penis wouldn't feed a fly.
In fact, the buttocks are the most nutritious.
Thanks for the tip. [Grunts]
[All munching]
Miss Frizzle takes just like chicken!
I just remembered ... we all brought food!
Ew! Bologna?!
Now, that's what I call eating ass.
And that sucker was flying all over the place.
- Now, stop me if you've heard this. - I will, 'cause I've heard
every one of your Quidditch stories, Harry.
It was zigging around. Oh, those things can move, man!
And I was the best seeker ever to play the game.
Bartender, Accio another round!
[Whoosh! Splash!]
Jesus! That's enough butterbeer for one night, all right?
Oh, my God, Ginny. I didn't realize you were here.
Didn't realize I was having a beer with my wife, Ginny.
Come on, Harry...
I love your new snakeskin jacket, Ginny.
Agh! Hogwarts!
Best years of my life, man.
Now my freakin' kid's there, having all the fun,
while I get stuck with the tuition bill.
Do you know what, mate? I'm done.
This conversation died at exactly 19 minutes past 9:00 tonight.
Oh, you don't like talking to me?
Well, good luck finding another wizard who can speak parseltongue. [Hissing]
I can talk to other snakes, you [bleep] narcissist.
Me, too! I'm gonna go find the other snakes
and tell them what a butthole you are.
♪ All the snakes gonna know you're the biggest butthole of all! ♪
Dude, you are in no condition to fly.
Oh, is that you, Mum? Oh, no, it can't be my mum.
My mum is dead! Heigh-ho, Firebolt!
[Crashing, thudding] Aaaah! Ugh! Ugh! Aaah!
Man: Iceberg, dead ahead!
[Music]
Hard astern! This is the end, lads.
- Save the women and children. - Belay that order, captain.
Who dares?!
There's only one order that matters here ... ride or die!
[Music]
Jesus [bleep] Christ!
[Squeak! Pop! Pop!]
Oh, it's all about family.
[Music]
- Mr. Toretto, you've saved the Titanic. - My work here is done.
Here are two tickets to the premiere of my new "xXx" movie.
Uh, no, thank you.
Oh, being naughty is the best! [Laughs]
We are the bad kids!
[Music]
Ew! Are you in costume, or do you really look like that?
I have been sent to help especially rude and naughty children.
I am Nanny McPhee. Now get down from there.
[Twinkle! Pop!]
Nanny McPhee, your wart!
- The more you behave, the prettier I become. - Is that right?
♪ Penis, vagina, penis, vagina ♪
♪ Penis, vagina, penis in your vagina ♪
♪ Penis, vagina, penis, vagina ♪
♪ Penis... ♪
Ooh. Perhaps we took it too far.
No, ugly people are worthless. She said it herself.
That would be a terrible message, say, in a movie.
Doc, it hurts when I bend my arm like this.
Then don't bend your arm like that.
Oh, excellent diagnosis! [Laughing]
[Mourning music]
Mr. President, they've reached the Bin Laden compound.
Send in SEAL Team 5.
[Music]
Oh, oh! Aah!
Ooh! Cha!
Ohh! Hah!
What is happening?
Hee! Cha! Ho! Ahhhh.
Okay... I have no idea what's going on right now.
Hoo! Cha!
Someone remind me what they're doing.
It's an act of faith made physical through the beauty of dance.
Okay [bleep] it. Initiate plan "B."
[Whooch!]
I'm ready to make a comeback. [Music]
Great, Jem! Great! Very exciting.
And how many Instagram followers do you have?
- What's Instagram? - Okay, get the hell out of my office.
There are children here somewhere. I can smell them.
Come out, my kiddie-winkies.
Come out, come out for candy!
Hello! Little children!
Is there a child in here somewhere?
- Hmm? - Hello. I'm Chris Hansen.
God damn it! Ugh!
Okay, I've seen the show. I'll take a seat.
It says here your given legal name is Child Catcher.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I don't have sex with children.
I want to make that absolutely clear!
I use them as slave labor in underground mines.
That's no so bad, is it?
Okay. You're free to go.
Oh-ho-ho-ho! I know what this means.
[Laughs] Oh, yes!
Indeed, as soon as you exit the front door,
- you will be tackled and arrested. - Oh, brother, what a show!
[Laughing]
[Laughing] Yeah! Yeah!
[Bones crack] Ohh! Ohh! Ugh!
Ohh! Oww!
[Wham!] Ugh! [Whimpers]
We've searched far and wide [Music]
to find the most eligible bachelor on earth.
This season, 25 women will compete to win the hand of...
James Bond.
To me, a beautiful woman is like a beautiful flower. [Chuckles]
I can't wait to fertilize it.
He seems a little retro to me. I bet he smells like my dad.
But that's cool. Guys who smell like my dad
and take my car away and [bleep] my mom are my weakness.
Romaine: Yeah, a spray-tan date just sounded like the perfect way
for James and I to bond.
[Laughs]
I just made that up. I did, really.
[Laughs] Turn to camera and smile.
I prefer to get my tans the old-fashioned way ...
from the glowing cancer ball in the sky.
But I must say, this shade looks fantastic on me.
Romaine, come see!
So sorry, Mr. Bond, but there was an accident,
and Romaine's spray-tan went on a little too thick.
Oh, that's so tragic...
yet sexy.
At the moment of death, her bowels released.
Like I said, sexy.
[Music]
You're eating a bowl of red meat,
- and your chopsticks are lit cigars! - It's an art.
Ow! Shit! Burned my [bleep] face!
I'm not crazy about the way you eat.
Oh, well, I'm not crazy about the name Sienna Johnson.
My girls usually have more playful names.
How'd you feel if I called you
- "Sienna Thingyoulike"? - Please don't.
- How about "Wanda Handjob"? - No, thank you.
Platter O'Labia.
Yeah! Point break, bitches! [Music]
James and the contestants went on many dates
and attended the boom guy's funeral. [Grunts]
Now it's time for the rose ceremony.
Chris, beautiful women are like snowflakes ...
completely interchangeable.
So I guess I'll give this rose to the babe with the hoots ...
Bendover Von Assex.
Yeah, it's Amy, and you already gave me a gift, James ... chlamydia.
You gave her chlamydia? You gave me chlamydia!
I got chlamydia!
Who in this room didn't get chlamydia from James Bond?
[Crickets chirping]
It burns really bad, huh?
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪
- Ba-gawk! - Bawk.
sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~