1
00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:06,489
(SINGING) The Simpsons
2
00:00:06,560 --> 00:00:07,641
(TIRES SCREECHING)
3
00:00:09,480 --> 00:00:10,720
D'oh!
4
00:00:10,800 --> 00:00:11,847
(SCREAMS)
5
00:00:11,920 --> 00:00:12,921
(BRAKES SCREECHING)
6
00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:16,883
(ALL SCREAMING)
7
00:00:17,120 --> 00:00:18,360
(GIANT FISH GULPS)
8
00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:30,603
LISA AND JANEY: (SINGING)
Miss Lucy had a steamboat
9
00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:32,284
The steamboat had a bell
10
00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:35,604
Miss Lucy went to heaven
And the steamboat went to...
11
00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:36,721
(GASPS)
12
00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:37,847
Hell-o operator
13
00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:38,921
(SIGHS)
14
00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:40,126
Get me number nine
15
00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:43,170
And if you disconnect me
I'll chop off your be...
16
00:00:43,240 --> 00:00:44,241
(LOUD GASP)
17
00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:45,367
...hind the 'frigerator...
18
00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:46,481
Phew.
19
00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:47,965
There was a piece of glass
20
00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:51,562
Miss Lucy sat upon it
And it cut her big fat...
21
00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:53,244
(GASPING)
22
00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:56,802
Ask me no more questions
I'll tell you no more...
23
00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:57,881
Ow!
24
00:01:00,680 --> 00:01:02,330
Spitball!
25
00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:12,005
I'm using your
unfinished novel.
26
00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:13,926
LISA: Oh!
27
00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:17,211
Mmm. (GRUNTING)
28
00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:21,401
No. (GASPS)
29
00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:27,444
(PANTING)
You're in big
trouble, mister!
30
00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:29,846
I'm bleeding!
31
00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:32,404
Huh, there's no
cut on your cheek.
32
00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:33,686
Where'd the blood
come from?
33
00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:37,049
Hey, I got a loose tooth!
34
00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:40,120
Ew!
35
00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:41,361
Gross!
36
00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:43,925
I bet you can't twist it.
37
00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:47,329
Of course I can twist it.
I'm great.
38
00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:50,130
(BART SCREAMING)
39
00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:53,727
This is my
last baby tooth.
40
00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:58,124
That's the money tooth.
I heard the Tooth Fairy
pays triple for it.
41
00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:00,441
Then let's hurry up
and rip it out of my head.
42
00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:10,010
Skinner! Your bus driver
just totaled my Camry!
43
00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:12,208
Can I offer you
the use of my Merkur?
44
00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:16,126
Filled with your Burger
King cups and wrappers?
No, thank you.
45
00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:18,600
(GRUNTS)
Lousy drawer.
46
00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:22,164
Potato masher's stuck
in small spoon slot.
47
00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:23,969
What kinda
madman would do that?
48
00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:26,043
(GRUNTING)
49
00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:27,721
(GRUNTS)
50
00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:30,841
(GASPS)
51
00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:33,486
Ooh. Bart!
Honey, I'm so sorry!
52
00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:34,561
No problem.
53
00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:38,401
Huh. No harm done.
54
00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:39,925
HOMER:
I wouldn't say that.
55
00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:42,686
Mmm-hmm.
56
00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:46,843
God, please give your
daughter, the Tooth Fairy,
the strength
57
00:02:46,920 --> 00:02:49,082
to carry my cash
and the integrity
58
00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:51,447
not to dip her
wand in the till.
59
00:02:58,360 --> 00:02:59,407
What the...
60
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:03,123
The Tooth Fairy
has made a donation
in my name to the United Way!
61
00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:04,964
That gossamer witch!
62
00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:08,402
Maybe when the Tooth Fairy saw
it was your last baby tooth,
63
00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:10,960
she realized you're not
a little boy anymore.
64
00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:13,122
So she gave you
a grownup gift.
65
00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:14,486
I'm not gonna grow up!
66
00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:16,330
(CHUCKLES)
Oh! Yes, you are.
67
00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:19,722
Why in the right light,
you're starting to
get your own muzzle.
68
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,131
I thought it was
chocolate milk.
69
00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:22,964
Yeah. That's how it starts.
70
00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:24,929
No!
71
00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:30,211
I'm still a kid.
And what do kids love?
Kid stuff, like this!
72
00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:31,645
(GRUNTING)
73
00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:37,642
Vroom-vroom, vroom,
vroom, vroom, vroom.
74
00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:39,001
(MOANS)
75
00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:41,489
Whatcha realizing,
jerk?
76
00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:43,245
That I'm not a kid anymore.
77
00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:44,367
That's harsh.
78
00:03:44,440 --> 00:03:46,886
I knew I was an adult
the day the judge said,
79
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,928
"We're trying
you as an adult."
80
00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:51,881
Well, there's one thing
no one can take away,
81
00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:53,923
My childlike imagination.
82
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:56,128
Sergeant Activity,
your mission is
83
00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:58,368
to scale the icy
walls of Mount Bloodkill.
84
00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:04,449
Must defeat Doctor Blizzard
85
00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:06,205
and the Avalanchoids.
86
00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:08,720
(GRUNTS)
87
00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:12,845
Lieutenant Adventure,
what are you doing here?
88
00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:15,526
You're quite
the daredevil,
Sergeant Activity.
89
00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:17,648
It's high time you
protected yourself
90
00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:19,808
with supplemental
disability insurance.
91
00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:22,400
At my age?
Can I qualify?
92
00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:23,681
You'd be surprised.
93
00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:27,049
If you're a non-smoker,
it can costjust
a few dollars a month.
94
00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:31,765
What's happening to me?
Maybe I'm not a kid anymore.
95
00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:35,731
Goodbye, Spirogram.
Goodbye, Sketch N Etch.
96
00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:40,050
Goodbye,
Ravenous Ravenous Rhinos,
Duopoly, Parchoosey,
97
00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:42,691
Humor Putty
and Sock 'Em
Knock 'Em Cyborgs.
98
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:44,361
Goodbye, childhood.
99
00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:48,290
Dust in the wind
100
00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:54,050
All we are is dust in the wind
101
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:58,882
Goodbye, friends.
102
00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:09,888
OLD SEA CAPTAIN:
"So Eden sank to grief.
103
00:05:10,280 --> 00:05:15,286
"So dawn goes down today.
Nothing gold can stay."
104
00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:17,120
Yarr.
105
00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:18,201
Hey, Sea Captain.
106
00:05:18,280 --> 00:05:21,250
Giving your toys
a Viking funeral, eh?
107
00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:23,129
I really don't
want to talk about it.
108
00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:26,568
If you change your mind,
I won't be far.
109
00:05:26,840 --> 00:05:27,841
Thanks, but...
110
00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:29,729
I've been told
I'm a good listener.
111
00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:31,325
But when you're a captain,
112
00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:35,246
you never know when
people are just flattering ya.
Yarr.
113
00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:37,922
He's gone.
Darn it!
114
00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:41,527
I just want a friend
who isn't a work friend.
115
00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:48,970
Bart, if you don't get up now,
good luck getting a pancake.
116
00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:51,287
Dad's pulled his chair
right up to the stove.
117
00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:53,681
Lise, I think I'm
having a midlife crisis.
118
00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:57,327
If you're feeling
depressed, do what I do
and write something.
119
00:05:57,400 --> 00:05:59,004
A novel, a play...
120
00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:01,128
Or I could write
something that's not gay.
121
00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:04,047
(GASPS)
122
00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:07,124
Bart, someone wrote
something cynical
on your shirt!
123
00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:08,561
Mmm-hmm.
124
00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:09,886
Let me wash it off.
125
00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:12,440
Leave me alone.
This expresses my
rage at the machine.
126
00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:17,242
Well, I like
T-shirts with a nice joke
like, "Support our troops."
127
00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:21,006
Bart's shirt is
a classic, Marge. Just
like "Keep on truckin'."
128
00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:23,924
As if I would ever
want to stop truckin'.
129
00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:28,006
Whoa!
(EXCITED CHATTER)
130
00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:29,047
KID 1: Check it out!
131
00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:30,201
KID 2: Whoa, look at that!
132
00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:32,405
Ahh... l wish I had
that shirt.
133
00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:35,609
It's clever, funny,
and would cover my
boy boobs nicely.
134
00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:38,566
I'm too sexy for my shirt
135
00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:40,484
Too sexy for my shirt
136
00:06:40,640 --> 00:06:43,484
So sexy it hurts
137
00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:46,247
And I'm too sexy for Milan
138
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:48,490
Too sexy for Milan
139
00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:50,568
Bart, I need
that shirt.
140
00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:52,842
I'll trade you
Puppy Goo Goo for it.
141
00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:56,567
She still has a lot
of her original
strawberry scent.
142
00:06:56,680 --> 00:06:59,001
Forget it. My attitude
isn't for sale.
143
00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:01,925
What am I saying?
Of course it is.
144
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:05,049
T-shirts!
Get your sassy T-shirts!
145
00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:08,130
50% cotton, 100% awesome!
146
00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:10,004
Daddy, can I buy this one?
147
00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:12,048
Let's see. "Get bent."
148
00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:15,728
Well, the only thing
that could mean
is kneel down and pray.
149
00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:16,801
We'll take the whole box.
150
00:07:17,280 --> 00:07:18,441
"Get bent," everyone!
151
00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:21,330
This could get me out
of a lot of sticky situations.
152
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:22,845
I'll take a dozen.
(CHUCKLES)
153
00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:26,281
Do you have a T-shirt
with Calvin peeing on Hobbes?
154
00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:27,646
Sorry.
155
00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:29,290
Ah. Well, what do you
got him peeing on?
156
00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:31,966
(SIREN BLARES)
157
00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:35,763
Well, well, well.
Selling T-shirts
without a permit.
158
00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:38,844
And it looks like
one of the lights
in your sneakers is out.
159
00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:40,280
(CLANCY GRUNTS)
160
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:43,762
Come on, Chief. I can't
afford to pay protection
to you and Nelson.
161
00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:45,126
Mmm-hmm.
162
00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:47,009
Well, then you're
out of business, boy.
163
00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:50,050
Let's go, boys.
Confiscate his merchandise.
164
00:07:51,280 --> 00:07:53,408
Are any of those
my size?
165
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:57,121
Extra-extra-extra-extra-extra,
(IN HALES) extra-extra large?
166
00:07:57,200 --> 00:07:58,611
Here you go, Chief.
167
00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:02,247
"Proud Nubian Princess."
Score!
168
00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:05,401
(MOANS)
169
00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:08,531
It's no fair.
I just started and
I'm out of business.
170
00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:12,002
Why don't you go legit
and sell your
shirts in stores?
171
00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:13,923
But I'm just a kid.
172
00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:17,807
You're a kid no
longer, Bart. You've
become a man.
173
00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:20,360
Hey, you're right. lam.
174
00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:24,206
And as an adult,
you'll be needing
comprehensive insurance.
175
00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:26,648
I'll just leave
these brochures.
176
00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:29,888
So how can I get
my shirts in stores?
177
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:31,843
I bet you could
find a distributor
178
00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:33,849
at the Springfield
Novelty Expo.
179
00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:35,605
That's right!
It's tomorrow!
180
00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:49,568
Oh, my God.
It's a small retailer.
He could make or break us.
181
00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:52,011
Mr. Retailer! Over here!
182
00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:55,004
Your customers will love
these mood lollipops.
183
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:57,481
Every lick
reveals your mood.
184
00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:02,722
It works. If blue is
the color for unimpressed.
185
00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:05,963
T-shirts! Come order
my homemade T-shirts!
186
00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:08,648
My mom thinks they're good!
187
00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:09,961
Y'all ready for this?
188
00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:12,407
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
189
00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:15,721
Hey!
190
00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:20,727
Hey, hey! Krusty Show T-shirts
are made for kids by kids!
191
00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:23,810
And we pass
the "slavings" on to you!
(CHUCKLING)
192
00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:27,083
We've got all your
favorite characters,
193
00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:30,130
Itchy, Scratchy, Poochie,
Austin Powers Itchy,
194
00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:33,568
Itchy Poochie,
Scratchbob Itchpants,
Confederate Itchy
195
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:36,291
and Osama Bin Scratchy.
196
00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:38,966
(IMPRESSED MURMURS)
197
00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:43,242
Thatsucked.
Well, at least I've
still got my health...
198
00:09:43,320 --> 00:09:45,129
(GRUNTS)
(HONNNG)
199
00:09:46,680 --> 00:09:50,002
Oh, my golly
graciousness! Bad car!
200
00:09:50,080 --> 00:09:52,208
Apologize to
the poor little boy.
201
00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:53,401
(SORROWFUL HONK)
202
00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:54,606
(CHUCKLES)
203
00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:58,004
This shirt is humor-larious.
204
00:09:58,200 --> 00:09:59,531
Let's see what
else you've got.
205
00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:02,683
Amazing,
trailblazing,
insightful,
206
00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:05,923
Delightful,
hysterical, a miracle!
207
00:10:06,080 --> 00:10:07,969
The kids'll go
cuckoo for these!
208
00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:10,049
(CUCKOOS)
(CHUCKLES)
209
00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:11,645
My name's Goose Gladwell.
210
00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:13,324
Of Goose's Gags and Gifts?
211
00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:16,722
That's right. I've got
20 stores in 30 states.
212
00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:19,690
And I want to sell
your shirts in most of them.
213
00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:21,450
You really think
my shirts will sell?
214
00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:24,205
Absotively!
Here, take my card.
215
00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:31,168
Sorry, that's my old number.
Let me give you the new one.
(CHUCKLES)
216
00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:32,571
Darn. It's out of ink.
217
00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:34,529
But my phone
number's on the pen!
218
00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:37,251
Oh, but it's my
old phone number.
219
00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:38,321
I'll call you.
220
00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:50,927
I've been reading
this magazine for years.
221
00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:54,925
But I never dreamed my son
would be on the cover. Hmm.
222
00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:57,242
(CAR HONKING)
223
00:10:57,480 --> 00:10:58,481
It's Goose!
224
00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:01,567
What the...
Huh?
225
00:11:01,680 --> 00:11:03,125
Hello, Simpsons.
226
00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:07,011
ALL: Ooh.
227
00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:08,411
You broke in!
228
00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:10,807
We're big fans,
Mr. Gladwell.
229
00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:13,042
Yeah. Nothing makes
parents happier
230
00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:15,009
than when
an eccentric single man
231
00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:17,043
takes an interest
in their child.
232
00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:21,447
Bart, that's your share
of the T-shirt profits so far.
233
00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:23,561
ALL: Ooh.
234
00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:24,880
Look at all that cash!
235
00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:28,931
And now it's time
for me to leave!
236
00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:37,042
What a delightful sprite!
237
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:38,805
(SNORING)
238
00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:46,282
Smithers! There seems
to be some sort
239
00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:48,368
of communiqué on
that man's blouse.
240
00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:50,522
I believe it says,
"Don't wake me,
I'm working."
241
00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:55,201
Bolshevism! Sheer bolshevism!
Ripe for the quashing!
242
00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:57,010
(GRUNTING)
243
00:11:57,120 --> 00:12:01,011
You're suspended
without pay. Take your
clacking balls and go.
244
00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:05,920
And on your way out,
245
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:09,482
remove all
the fillings you got
under our dental plan.
246
00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:12,644
You know what, Mr. Burns?
I'm never coming back!
247
00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:15,690
My son's making so much
cash in the T-shirt game
248
00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:18,604
that I don't have
to work another
day in my life,
249
00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:22,367
assuming my health does
not deteriorate as I age.
250
00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:24,329
Good riddance
to bad blubber.
251
00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:26,721
Smithers, want to go
get a cup of coffee?
252
00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:27,801
I just had one, sir.
253
00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:28,881
What the...
254
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:31,207
Why is everyone
so insolent today?
255
00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:33,249
Well, today
is Christmas, sir.
256
00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:35,449
I say when it's Christmas.
257
00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:40,327
TELEVISION ANNOUNCER:
Too much change around
the house got you down?
258
00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:44,364
Help me,
Ronco Change Magician!
259
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:50,483
ANNOUNCER: The Change
Magician will change
your life for the better.
260
00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:52,682
(ANNOUNCER READING)
261
00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:53,881
Order today.
262
00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:56,611
(GASPS) Bart, can I ask you
an important question?
263
00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:57,966
How much?
264
00:12:58,080 --> 00:12:59,241
$29.99.
265
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:00,731
(SIGHS) Here's fifty.
Woo-hoo.
266
00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:03,565
That's your donut
money, too, mister.
(MOANING)
267
00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:08,409
Lenny, Carl, how
you doing?
268
00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:10,807
Hey, Homer.
How's retirement?
269
00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:13,406
It's awesome.
You know what
I've gotten into?
270
00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:15,045
Sleeping till noon.
271
00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:16,805
Yeah, well,
we better get going.
272
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:19,247
Some of us have
to get up for work tomorrow.
273
00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:21,044
Hey, just because
I'm not working
274
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:22,964
doesn't mean I can't
gripe like you guys.
275
00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:24,565
Don't you hate it
when people steal
276
00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:26,290
your lunch out of
the break room fridge?
277
00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:28,801
Actually, that stopped
after you left, Homer.
278
00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:32,407
Yeah. Well, enjoy
the autumn of your
years, jerk!
279
00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:35,367
Oh, I see what's going on!
280
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:37,408
You can't stand
to be around a guy
281
00:13:37,560 --> 00:13:39,483
who's got total
financial independence.
282
00:13:39,560 --> 00:13:41,244
Your bill, sir.
283
00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:43,281
(EXCLAIMS)
284
00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:46,210
No problem.
Bart, I need $200.
285
00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:48,328
Dad, the bill's
only a hundred.
286
00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:50,687
I broke some
bathroom fixtures.
287
00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:51,966
Oh!
288
00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:53,687
Pathetic.
289
00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:54,761
I'm pathetic?
290
00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:57,161
Because I take money
from my 10-year-old son?
291
00:13:57,320 --> 00:13:59,607
Well, let me
tell you something!
292
00:13:59,680 --> 00:14:02,126
I still call
the shots around here!
293
00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:04,561
Homer, use your
inside voice.
294
00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:07,086
I don't have
an inside voice!
295
00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:12,524
DECLAN DESMOND:
The wild Serengeti.
296
00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:17,607
Home of Africa's equivalent
to the mountain lion,
the regular lion.
297
00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:22,370
These toothy Tarzan-munchers
have a rigid hierarchy
298
00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:25,523
With a single alpha
male ruling the pride.
299
00:14:25,760 --> 00:14:27,569
(ROARING)
300
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:30,087
(BIG LION-LIKE YAWN)
301
00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:36,009
Until a younger,
more aggressive
lion challenges his power.
302
00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:37,806
(WHIMPERS)
303
00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:39,206
(WHIMPERS)
304
00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:41,044
(GRUNTS)
Oh.
305
00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:43,088
The couch is like that tree!
306
00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:46,165
The displaced
male has two choices.
307
00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:48,647
Either spend
the rest of his days among
308
00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:51,161
The other
broken-down old lions...
309
00:14:52,520 --> 00:14:54,488
All the good graves are taken.
310
00:14:54,720 --> 00:15:00,170
Or find inclusion in
the tribe by caring
for vulnerable young cubs.
311
00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:01,841
Hmm.
312
00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:06,050
Lisa, basic cable said
I should nurture you.
313
00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:08,766
Great! Will you play
Malibu Stacy with me?
314
00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:12,447
Okay. You be the girl
and I'll be the car.
315
00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:16,570
(HUMS) I'm going to
the organic market.
316
00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:18,290
(MIMICS CAR ENGINE RUNNING)
317
00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:24,691
Screw the market!
We're going to Mexico!
(LAUGHS)
318
00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:26,771
LISA: Wheel
319
00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:28,171
(BOTH LAUGHING)
320
00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:30,681
HOMER: It's El Flanderito!
Run him down!
321
00:15:31,320 --> 00:15:33,448
I can't run.
I'm wearing flip-flops!
322
00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:35,887
(BOTH LAUGHING)
323
00:15:38,320 --> 00:15:39,765
Hey, what's that dealie?
324
00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:42,127
It's my entry
for the all-school
science fair.
325
00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:45,926
It shows the history of
nuclear physics from
Marie Curie's laboratory
326
00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:48,685
to a scale model
of the first nuclear reactor.
327
00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:50,290
Oh, you'll win
for sure.
328
00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:53,250
You and science go together
like Lenny and Carl.
329
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:54,810
The science is Carl.
330
00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:56,848
MARTIN: Oh, Lisa!
331
00:15:57,320 --> 00:16:01,041
I'd like to introduce you
to the next winner
of the science fair!
332
00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:03,806
Behold, my project!
333
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:06,970
Childlike Humanoid
Urban Muchacho!
334
00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:08,929
Or CHUM!
335
00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:11,884
Don't hold my hand.
It's creepy.
336
00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:17,321
Hush, my pet.
Now let us gather
our rosebuds while we may.
337
00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:18,971
(SHUDDERS)
338
00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:20,486
A robot?
339
00:16:20,720 --> 00:16:23,530
Last year the winner was
a jar of owl pellets.
340
00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:26,524
Oh, I don't have
a chance now.
341
00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:29,530
Honey, all you need's
a little help from your dad.
342
00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:32,524
Remember,
I did use to work
at a science factory.
343
00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:35,649
Well, we're supposed to do
this without parental help.
344
00:16:35,880 --> 00:16:38,042
Sweetie, that's orphan talk.
345
00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:40,248
(GRUNTING)
346
00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:44,242
Stupid atomic pile.
How hard could it be
to build a reactor?
347
00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:48,081
Korea did it. And look
at the quality of
their animation.
348
00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:49,321
Hmm.
349
00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:51,448
What to do?
What to do?
350
00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:55,089
Hey, maybe the Internet
has the information I need.
351
00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:58,966
It certainly answered
a lot of my questions
about wang enhancement.
352
00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:03,529
www.nuclearsecrets.com
353
00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:06,288
"Are you a terrorist?" No.
354
00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:08,488
"Would you like to
meet someone special
355
00:17:08,600 --> 00:17:10,568
"but are tired
of the bar scene?"
356
00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:13,883
No! I will never
tire of the bar scene!
357
00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:16,964
Let's see. I can make that.
358
00:17:17,120 --> 00:17:19,726
You can get that
by smashing open a golf ball.
359
00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:22,371
That you can find
in any player piano.
360
00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:24,205
All I need is some plutonium.
361
00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:27,844
And I know just
the place to get it!
362
00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:50,928
(CHUCKLES) Mmm.
363
00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:54,327
Dad?
364
00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:55,561
Hub-bub-bub-bub-bub.
Don't look!
365
00:17:56,840 --> 00:17:58,888
Dad, what did you do?
366
00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:02,248
Sweetie,
your daddy's gonna show you
just how much he loves you.
367
00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:05,403
You know that non-functioning
nuclear reactor you built?
368
00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:06,681
Yes...
369
00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:08,603
ljuiced it up a little.
(GIGGLES)
370
00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:10,969
Dad, that could explode!
371
00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:12,565
Oh, that's ridiculous.
372
00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:14,885
(BEEPING)
373
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:18,282
KRUSTY:
That thing's gonna blow!
Drop this toy and run!
374
00:18:18,360 --> 00:18:22,410
Mom! Dad built a device
that would be deadly
in the wrong hands!
375
00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:24,130
And he's holding it!
376
00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:29,048
Homer, I want you to get
that gamma-radiating
whatsit out of my home.
377
00:18:29,120 --> 00:18:30,281
(WHINING) on...
(SNORTS)
378
00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:33,330
I never complain
about your frilly pillows.
379
00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:39,010
How many T-shirts
do you have here?
380
00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:40,526
Just one.
381
00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:43,524
It takes a Marine
honor guard to fold it.
382
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:45,729
It used to be a dust
cover for a Hummer.
383
00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:47,962
I could go on and on.
384
00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:51,971
Gravies and Lentilmen,
I have an exciting
announcement.
385
00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:55,482
I have sold the rights
to the Bart Simpson
T-shirt line...
386
00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:56,641
(GASPING)
387
00:18:56,720 --> 00:19:00,645
...to the Disney Company,
which will turn
each one into a movie!
388
00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:02,484
Really?
How much money do I get?
389
00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:03,607
You get nothing.
390
00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:07,207
In fact, thanks to my team
of loopy lawyers...
391
00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:08,731
(CLEARS THROAT)
392
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:11,566
...I never have to
give you another penny.
393
00:19:11,720 --> 00:19:14,485
All you get is
a very valuable lesson.
394
00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:16,528
Never trust a weirdo!
395
00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:17,926
Azoot!
396
00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:21,404
I'm stuck on a nail!
397
00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:23,045
(CHUCKUNG)
398
00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:24,849
Oh, God, that's painful.
399
00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:26,046
(GROANS)
400
00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:27,690
I can't feel my...
401
00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:28,761
(WHISTLE)
402
00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:30,601
What's the matter, boy?
403
00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:34,241
Goose Gladwell ripped me off.
And there's nothing
I can do about it.
404
00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:37,723
I'm just a stupid kid!
(SOBBING)
405
00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:40,406
Son, when you
grew up, I grew down.
406
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:43,006
Now I can see you need
your dad more than ever.
407
00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:46,687
And Homer, I can see
you need me more than ever.
408
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:48,364
Get back in the
garage, old man.
409
00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:50,886
But there's
spiders in the boxes.
410
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:52,286
Stay out of my boxes!
411
00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:54,204
You give my son
what he deserves
412
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:56,851
or I'll knock you
on your delightfully
offbeat ass.
413
00:19:57,000 --> 00:20:02,131
(CHUCKLES) Oh, I must
warn you, sir, I was a
Green Beret in Vietnam.
414
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:07,881
The things I saw there
are what made me crazy!
415
00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:12,330
Sir, this is a class two
plutonium fissure reactor.
416
00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:14,442
If I turn this dial,
417
00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:18,525
the resulting
blast would destroy
the entire tri-city area,
418
00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:22,321
Including that guy
who sells those
Blu-Blocker sunglasses
419
00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:24,402
people sometimes wear.
420
00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:27,730
Damn him to hell.
421
00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:29,211
You can't be serious.
422
00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:31,448
Are you prepared
to take that chance?
423
00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:38,481
Okay, okay. Here's
all the money I've got.
424
00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:41,564
Not so fast. I also want
425
00:20:41,680 --> 00:20:45,480
some dribble glasses,
fake boobs,
two of Bart's T-shirts
426
00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:46,926
and that rapping
toilet seat.
427
00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:49,407
Yo, yo, yo
Keep it on the low flow
428
00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:50,721
(CHUCKUNG)
429
00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:52,290
I'm hanging this
over the mantle.
430
00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:53,801
Thanks, Dad.
431
00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:56,770
Well, I'm just glad
we're back to me
being the father
432
00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:58,683
and you being the son.
433
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:01,604
Are you sure that thing
could really explode?
434
00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:02,806
Oh, I doubt it.
435
00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:05,924
But we'll let the seagulls
at the dump figure it out.
436
00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:08,327
(BOTH LAUGHING)
437
00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:15,011
There's more than one
way to lose a tooth.
438
00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:19,487
Hey, idiot, you're fat.
And your mom's
naked on the Internet.
439
00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:21,210
You also smell.
440
00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:23,641
Hmm.
441
00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:26,491
You've given me
a lot to think about.