1
00:00:03,100 --> 00:00:05,100
(shouts)
2
00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:08,450
(printers whirring)
3
00:00:10,540 --> 00:00:13,970
- Mmm. Jam.
- (printer beeping)
4
00:00:20,690 --> 00:00:21,490
(Homer yawns)
5
00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:23,580
(laughs)
6
00:00:23,620 --> 00:00:25,190
(footstep splashes)
7
00:00:25,230 --> 00:00:26,960
Okay, okay.
8
00:00:26,990 --> 00:00:29,290
The only explanation
is I'm still asleep,
9
00:00:29,330 --> 00:00:31,500
dreaming that
the house is flooded.
10
00:00:31,530 --> 00:00:34,260
What does it mean?
What does it mean?
11
00:00:34,300 --> 00:00:36,260
It probably means
you're under a lot of stress
12
00:00:36,300 --> 00:00:39,100
because this is not a dream
and the house is flooded.
13
00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:41,710
- D'oh!
- Cowabunga!
14
00:00:41,740 --> 00:00:43,870
(Marge humming)
15
00:00:43,910 --> 00:00:45,140
(gasps)
16
00:00:45,180 --> 00:00:46,950
MARGE: Oh, my God.
This is horrible!
17
00:00:46,980 --> 00:00:48,810
Although, I do like
the sofa better
18
00:00:48,850 --> 00:00:50,320
where the water's carrying it.
19
00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:57,830
How did this happen?
20
00:00:59,330 --> 00:01:01,300
Homie, I don't like
where the painting is.
21
00:01:01,330 --> 00:01:02,800
Maybe you're upset
about something else.
22
00:01:02,830 --> 00:01:03,830
Are you hungry?
23
00:01:03,860 --> 00:01:05,330
Why don't you make
some pork chops?
24
00:01:05,370 --> 00:01:06,500
Fine.
25
00:01:06,530 --> 00:01:09,400
Now can you hang the painting?
26
00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:11,540
Always with the painting.
27
00:01:13,770 --> 00:01:16,040
MARGE:
Perfect. Wait, no, no, it's not.
28
00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:18,650
Try again.
29
00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:21,550
Mm. No, split the difference.
30
00:01:23,180 --> 00:01:24,980
See?
31
00:01:25,020 --> 00:01:28,860
When you listen to me,
we make a great team.
32
00:01:28,890 --> 00:01:31,860
It's almost like
I can hear the ocean.
33
00:01:31,890 --> 00:01:33,990
I guess we're both at fault.
34
00:01:34,030 --> 00:01:35,830
In a way, that's refreshing.
35
00:01:35,860 --> 00:01:37,920
Do you want me
to apologize anyway?
36
00:01:37,960 --> 00:01:41,030
- I'd be happy to.
- Aw, no, thanks, sweetie.
37
00:01:41,070 --> 00:01:43,940
HOMER: Hmm.
Well, either way, I'm sorry.
38
00:01:43,970 --> 00:01:46,500
Okay, now, when we try
to sell the house,
39
00:01:46,540 --> 00:01:48,680
no one mention the water.
40
00:01:48,710 --> 00:01:50,680
Just tell me
you paid the insurance.
41
00:01:50,710 --> 00:01:52,540
You mean that bill
that's floating right there?
42
00:01:52,580 --> 00:01:55,450
(laughs) It's not due
till tomorrow, so relax.
43
00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:58,680
My origami project.
44
00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:02,130
Don't worry, sweetie.
We'll have a funeral for it.
45
00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:04,130
GIL:
All right.
46
00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:07,960
I-I'll just pull up your policy.
Alt-Control-F... Aw, damn it!
47
00:02:07,990 --> 00:02:10,190
Kate! Kate, can you get in here?
48
00:02:10,230 --> 00:02:13,560
It's a different generation that
knows how to work these things.
49
00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:18,710
- Enjoy.
- Eh, the kids, huh?
50
00:02:18,740 --> 00:02:21,380
They just know how to do it.
Now let's see here.
51
00:02:21,410 --> 00:02:23,050
(murmurs quietly)
52
00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:25,120
You're in luck!
The policy I sold you
53
00:02:25,150 --> 00:02:27,480
covers the full
replacement value of your house.
54
00:02:27,510 --> 00:02:28,710
(Homer whoops)
55
00:02:28,750 --> 00:02:31,920
We also pay for six months
temporary housing.
56
00:02:31,950 --> 00:02:34,750
Now the bad news: your policy
is the only one I've sold.
57
00:02:34,790 --> 00:02:36,330
It just cost
the company a bundle,
58
00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:38,090
and I'm gonna lose my job.
59
00:02:38,120 --> 00:02:40,050
Gee, sorry, ol' Gil.
60
00:02:40,090 --> 00:02:43,220
That's okay, I got options:
unemployment, suicide.
61
00:02:43,260 --> 00:02:45,560
When one door closes,
a coffin opens.
62
00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:48,410
Eh, what am I saying?
I don't make coffin money.
63
00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:50,740
But now I got something
to work towards!
64
00:02:50,770 --> 00:02:52,230
That's right.
65
00:02:52,270 --> 00:02:55,200
Kate, can you tell me
how to charge a cell phone?
66
00:02:57,040 --> 00:03:00,070
Whoa, whoa, whoa, so wall holes
make things charge?
67
00:03:00,110 --> 00:03:01,810
(laughs) What's next?
68
00:03:04,620 --> 00:03:07,460
There are some nice Airbnb
options on the Westside.
69
00:03:07,490 --> 00:03:10,190
Ooh. Huh? Huh?
70
00:03:10,220 --> 00:03:11,750
Mm, I'd feel kind of weird
71
00:03:11,790 --> 00:03:15,760
sleeping in the bedroom
of someone I know.
72
00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:18,100
Everything okay with the room?
73
00:03:18,130 --> 00:03:19,930
(shouts) You're not
supposed to be back
74
00:03:19,970 --> 00:03:21,770
from your vacation
for three weeks.
75
00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:23,460
It's not a vacation.
76
00:03:23,500 --> 00:03:25,600
My dad is doing
seasonal fruit picking.
77
00:03:25,640 --> 00:03:27,280
Come on, Milhouse.
78
00:03:27,310 --> 00:03:30,610
I need you on my shoulders
to reach the high apples.
79
00:03:30,640 --> 00:03:32,610
And I don't want to be in a room
80
00:03:32,650 --> 00:03:36,050
where guys walked around
with their dinguses out.
81
00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:38,780
No! No, don't imagine that!
82
00:03:38,820 --> 00:03:43,790
So, son, uh, word on the street
is you've come into some money.
83
00:03:43,820 --> 00:03:45,320
Yeah?
84
00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:48,570
I was wondering, you know, uh...
Just hear me out...
85
00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:51,170
I've always considered you
a friend, and...
86
00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:53,170
Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
87
00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:55,840
This is the most precious kind
of money there is:
88
00:03:55,870 --> 00:03:57,840
unearned, and it's mine.
89
00:03:57,870 --> 00:04:00,000
And you're not getting at it
just because you need
90
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,410
a bigger TV or a room
with a window or...
91
00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:03,900
An operation.
92
00:04:03,940 --> 00:04:06,640
You need an operation?
What's the matter?
93
00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:08,420
If it's all the same,
it's embarrassing,
94
00:04:08,450 --> 00:04:10,490
and I'd rather not
discuss it publicly.
95
00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:11,990
Really? What could it be?
96
00:04:12,020 --> 00:04:14,920
Look, it's important to me
and pricey.
97
00:04:14,950 --> 00:04:16,720
What could it be?
98
00:04:19,460 --> 00:04:21,430
"Pane in the ass"?
99
00:04:21,460 --> 00:04:23,190
(buzzing)
100
00:04:23,230 --> 00:04:24,670
(imitates buzzer)
Hands off!
101
00:04:24,700 --> 00:04:26,340
I need professional help!
102
00:04:26,370 --> 00:04:28,870
Not to worry.
This is the United States.
103
00:04:28,900 --> 00:04:31,260
We have the third best
health care system
104
00:04:31,300 --> 00:04:32,670
in North America.
105
00:04:32,710 --> 00:04:34,280
Hi, Medicare!
106
00:04:34,310 --> 00:04:36,510
I mean, hi, every-money.
107
00:04:36,540 --> 00:04:38,770
Can I speak
with the doctor alone?
108
00:04:38,810 --> 00:04:41,170
Of course.
109
00:04:41,210 --> 00:04:43,340
Oh, wait, I'm the doctor.
110
00:04:43,380 --> 00:04:46,510
That's why I wear
the heart listening tube.
111
00:04:46,550 --> 00:04:48,550
Ba-boom, ba-boom.
112
00:04:48,590 --> 00:04:50,560
That never gets old.
113
00:04:50,590 --> 00:04:53,550
What's taking Grampa
so long in there?
114
00:04:53,590 --> 00:04:56,460
It's crazy that medical costs
are so high here.
115
00:04:56,500 --> 00:05:00,870
In Denmark... to pick a country
at random... health care is free.
116
00:05:00,900 --> 00:05:04,530
Free? Honey, nothing
is free but Splendas.
117
00:05:04,570 --> 00:05:07,600
In Denmark, they make everyone
pay high taxes.
118
00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:09,140
Even rich people.
119
00:05:09,180 --> 00:05:11,480
Yes, and they get
free health care.
120
00:05:11,510 --> 00:05:13,540
It's called socialism.
121
00:05:13,580 --> 00:05:17,310
Socialism? But all my radio
loudmouths tell me to hate that.
122
00:05:17,350 --> 00:05:19,480
That doc can't do
nothing for me.
123
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:23,090
You know, if Grampa was in
Denmark and he had an accident,
124
00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:25,920
he'd get medical care for free!
125
00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:27,930
I can't go to Denmark by myself.
126
00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:30,390
I get lost in the middle
of a sentence,
127
00:05:30,430 --> 00:05:34,390
and that was the best pie
I ever had.
128
00:05:34,430 --> 00:05:36,900
Wait a minute. What if we used
our insurance money
129
00:05:36,940 --> 00:05:39,280
to take a family trip
to Denmark?
130
00:05:39,310 --> 00:05:40,940
Why would we want
to go to Denmark?
131
00:05:40,970 --> 00:05:44,100
It is the happiest country
on Earth, in poll after poll.
132
00:05:44,140 --> 00:05:47,740
I got your poll right here.
133
00:05:47,780 --> 00:05:49,080
Hey, you're right.
134
00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:51,290
Homer, you've got
the vacation coming.
135
00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:53,420
We've got the money.
It's settled.
136
00:05:53,450 --> 00:05:57,180
We're going to Denmark,
and Grampa will get fixed.
137
00:05:57,220 --> 00:06:00,620
Well, Homer, looks like
Marge is the boss in your house.
138
00:06:00,660 --> 00:06:02,460
Well, I say we don't go!
139
00:06:02,500 --> 00:06:04,330
But we need to go.
I'm desperate!
140
00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:05,790
Fine, we'll go.
141
00:06:05,830 --> 00:06:08,900
(laughs) That woman's got you
right under her thumb.
142
00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:18,210
DANISH MAN:
None of these were chosen
143
00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:20,540
as the name of our airline.
Danish Air.
144
00:06:20,580 --> 00:06:25,110
Excuse me, sir, the "no smoking"
sign has been illuminated.
145
00:06:25,150 --> 00:06:27,710
(electronic chiming)
146
00:06:27,750 --> 00:06:29,820
Sorry.
147
00:06:29,860 --> 00:06:32,630
The flight attendants
are so sweet.
148
00:06:32,660 --> 00:06:35,400
We will be landing
in Copenhagen shortly.
149
00:06:35,430 --> 00:06:37,900
If you have been designing
and building furniture
150
00:06:37,930 --> 00:06:41,760
during the flight, please apply
your final coat of varnish now.
151
00:06:43,700 --> 00:06:45,970
Hey, I got things done, too.
152
00:06:46,010 --> 00:06:47,980
GRAMPA:
What the...?!
153
00:06:48,010 --> 00:06:50,550
SOREN: Denmark,
the jewel of the Baltic.
154
00:06:50,580 --> 00:06:53,150
First-class schools,
sleek furniture design,
155
00:06:53,180 --> 00:06:54,520
energy independence,
156
00:06:54,550 --> 00:06:58,660
and brooding TV dramas
about teenagers getting killed.
157
00:06:58,690 --> 00:07:01,260
Thank you so much
for renting my apartment.
158
00:07:01,290 --> 00:07:03,060
It's so efficient.
159
00:07:07,030 --> 00:07:09,830
Please allow me to give you
a tour of Copenhagen.
160
00:07:09,860 --> 00:07:13,330
Wonderful. But first, a nap.
161
00:07:13,370 --> 00:07:16,610
No, Homer.
You slept on the plane.
162
00:07:16,640 --> 00:07:19,410
You slept through customs.
You slept on the bus.
163
00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:21,340
How can you sleep now?
164
00:07:21,370 --> 00:07:24,100
Don't you hear
Copenhagen calling?
165
00:07:24,140 --> 00:07:26,140
Take a message.
166
00:07:29,580 --> 00:07:31,580
♪ ♪
167
00:07:35,890 --> 00:07:38,230
The people here are
so openly affectionate.
168
00:07:38,260 --> 00:07:39,800
Why don't we all hold hands?
169
00:07:39,830 --> 00:07:41,970
Are we supposed to
interlock fingers or not?
170
00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:43,430
Cramp! Cramp!
171
00:07:43,460 --> 00:07:44,960
Dad's hands
are covered with jam.
172
00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:47,400
- I can't get it off!
- Grampa's hands are too rough.
173
00:07:47,430 --> 00:07:49,700
- Lisa's hands are too soft.
- Just keep holding.
174
00:07:49,740 --> 00:07:51,640
Oh, don't worry,
the government will pay you
175
00:07:51,670 --> 00:07:53,200
to learn this social skill.
176
00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:55,480
Uh, Homer, you are
holding your own hand.
177
00:07:55,510 --> 00:07:59,320
They're fighting over a Danish.
178
00:07:59,350 --> 00:08:01,650
SOREN: Created in 1913,
The Little Mermaid
179
00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:04,040
is a world-famous icon
of Denmark.
180
00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:06,280
No, The Little Mermaid
was created by Disney,
181
00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:08,990
right before he created
Spider-Man and Star Wars.
182
00:08:09,020 --> 00:08:10,720
This is the real little mermaid.
183
00:08:10,760 --> 00:08:12,660
And she was
a very tragic figure.
184
00:08:12,690 --> 00:08:14,720
- What about her buddy, the crab?
- There was no crab!
185
00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:16,490
He was the only
funny thing in it.
186
00:08:16,530 --> 00:08:17,670
Got that right.
187
00:08:17,700 --> 00:08:19,500
Oh, my God, it's wonderful.
188
00:08:19,530 --> 00:08:21,890
More people biking
than driving cars.
189
00:08:21,930 --> 00:08:23,430
Yes, it's rush hour,
190
00:08:23,470 --> 00:08:26,080
so people are taking
the bicycle superhighways home.
191
00:08:26,110 --> 00:08:27,780
Uh, how crowded are
your bicycle superhighways?
192
00:08:27,810 --> 00:08:29,280
(chuckles):
Well...
193
00:08:29,310 --> 00:08:30,780
We don't have any.
194
00:08:30,810 --> 00:08:32,970
But how many people
ride bikes in your town?
195
00:08:33,010 --> 00:08:34,670
The paperboy, till Dad hit him.
196
00:08:34,710 --> 00:08:36,910
Sadly, the one headline
he couldn't deliver.
197
00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:39,290
Wait a minute, wait a minute,
stop the car!
198
00:08:40,850 --> 00:08:42,920
(Homer and Bart laugh)
199
00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:45,090
What? It's Danish for
"speed check."
200
00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:47,620
- Fart kontrol.
- (Homer and Bart laughing)
201
00:08:47,660 --> 00:08:49,360
(blows raspberries)
202
00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:50,870
(giggles)
203
00:08:50,900 --> 00:08:52,700
I apologize for my husband.
204
00:08:52,730 --> 00:08:54,930
In our language,
that sign means something else.
205
00:08:54,970 --> 00:08:56,440
Yes, I know.
206
00:08:56,470 --> 00:08:58,210
I'm speaking to you
in your language.
207
00:09:01,370 --> 00:09:04,800
"Non-Danes do not qualify
for the free health care.
208
00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:07,310
"But if you injure yourself
in Denmark,
209
00:09:07,350 --> 00:09:10,720
a Danish hospital
will treat you for free."
210
00:09:10,750 --> 00:09:14,450
(chuckles) I can't believe
the government puts this out.
211
00:09:14,490 --> 00:09:15,890
For free!
212
00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:17,650
(Homer and Grampa laugh)
213
00:09:17,690 --> 00:09:19,950
Excuse me, you dropped this.
214
00:09:19,990 --> 00:09:23,460
Lisa, this is Prince Christian,
second in line to the throne.
215
00:09:23,500 --> 00:09:26,470
♪ ♪
216
00:09:26,500 --> 00:09:28,500
I play the tenor sax.
217
00:09:28,530 --> 00:09:30,560
Oh, no, here it comes.
218
00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:33,000
The fantasy about
becoming a princess
219
00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:35,140
that no girl can resist.
220
00:09:35,170 --> 00:09:37,170
♪ ♪
221
00:09:52,630 --> 00:09:55,230
(trumpets playing fanfare)
222
00:09:55,260 --> 00:09:57,920
(dramatic soundtrack music
playing)
223
00:10:01,970 --> 00:10:04,110
Bart, get out of my fantasy!
224
00:10:04,140 --> 00:10:07,140
Ah, geez, I saved your life.
How about a "you're welcome"?
225
00:10:09,210 --> 00:10:11,050
Can you imagine
how exciting it would be
226
00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:12,620
to live in this city?
227
00:10:12,650 --> 00:10:15,050
Ooh, Mom, we could try it
for a semester.
228
00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:18,380
Do you know how long I've wanted
to live in a Celsius country?
229
00:10:18,420 --> 00:10:20,220
There's boobs on the billboards!
230
00:10:20,250 --> 00:10:23,520
And we're here in the world's
most perfect amusement park.
231
00:10:23,560 --> 00:10:26,230
(fireworks whistling, popping)
232
00:10:26,260 --> 00:10:27,530
(both gasp)
233
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:29,560
(choir singing in Danish)
234
00:10:32,730 --> 00:10:35,700
Their national anthem
is so beautiful,
235
00:10:35,740 --> 00:10:38,370
and they don't get to war
until the second verse.
236
00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:42,030
And it's in a range
you can actually sing.
237
00:10:42,070 --> 00:10:47,470
♪ There is a lovely land ♪
238
00:10:47,510 --> 00:10:52,710
♪ With spreading
shady beech-trees ♪
239
00:10:52,750 --> 00:10:56,750
♪ Near salty eastern shore ♪
240
00:10:56,790 --> 00:11:03,500
♪ Near salty
eastern shore. ♪
241
00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:09,760
Bart and Lisa are getting along!
This country is calling to us.
242
00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:12,570
Homer, can you take
the daring step
243
00:11:12,610 --> 00:11:14,780
of doing nothing
and staying here?
244
00:11:14,810 --> 00:11:16,950
There are big reasons
why we can't live here.
245
00:11:16,980 --> 00:11:19,520
I'm okay with nuclear power,
but wind power?
246
00:11:19,550 --> 00:11:23,290
- Frankly, it sounds dangerous.
- Excuse me, white trash.
247
00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:25,790
Is this the kind of country
you want to live in?
248
00:11:25,820 --> 00:11:29,030
No, sir. I meant we separate
our trash by colors.
249
00:11:29,060 --> 00:11:34,630
♪ This country is still lovely ♪
250
00:11:34,660 --> 00:11:38,460
♪ Because blue is
the lake wind... ♪
251
00:11:38,500 --> 00:11:41,940
I can't believe you're talking
about leaving Springfield.
252
00:11:41,970 --> 00:11:44,140
That's where all my friends are.
253
00:11:47,810 --> 00:11:50,710
Look, everyone, we came here
to rip this country off,
254
00:11:50,740 --> 00:11:53,810
and that's what we're gonna do
and then go home.
255
00:11:53,850 --> 00:11:57,120
Fine. Let's find a place
that has good smorrebrod,
256
00:11:57,150 --> 00:12:01,460
or maybe some morbradbof
or flaeskesteg.
257
00:12:01,490 --> 00:12:03,130
Women do love this country.
258
00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:04,890
Homer, do you think
I'm handsome?
259
00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:07,290
Well, yes.
I was gonna mention it.
260
00:12:07,330 --> 00:12:10,470
- I am a Danish four.
- I'm an American nine.
261
00:12:10,500 --> 00:12:13,140
("America the Beautiful"
playing)
262
00:12:13,170 --> 00:12:15,670
How could my family
want to stay here?
263
00:12:15,700 --> 00:12:19,570
In America, we have great
TV channels, like BBC America,
264
00:12:19,610 --> 00:12:23,310
and a factory for cheesecakes...
A factory!
265
00:12:23,340 --> 00:12:26,240
Your enthusiasm makes me
want to follow you there.
266
00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:28,050
Foreigners are
no longer welcome.
267
00:12:29,680 --> 00:12:31,640
All right, Dad,
no more fooling around.
268
00:12:31,680 --> 00:12:34,650
Time to get you in the hospital,
so we can go home.
269
00:12:34,690 --> 00:12:36,690
♪ ♪
270
00:12:56,540 --> 00:12:59,210
♪ ♪
271
00:13:16,260 --> 00:13:18,960
Hello. How was your day?
272
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:21,240
Eh. This country sure is safe.
273
00:13:21,270 --> 00:13:23,640
Well, last week,
an older tourist
274
00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:25,710
had a bad fall
at Kronborg Castle.
275
00:13:25,740 --> 00:13:29,550
Of course, Kronborg Castle.
Why didn't I think of it?
276
00:13:29,580 --> 00:13:31,880
Probably because
I never heard of it.
277
00:13:31,910 --> 00:13:33,910
TOUR GUIDE: Dating back
to the 15th century,
278
00:13:33,950 --> 00:13:36,650
Kronborg was immortalized
as Elsinore
279
00:13:36,680 --> 00:13:38,240
in Shakespeare's Hamlet.
280
00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:39,810
Isn't it beautiful?
281
00:13:39,850 --> 00:13:42,580
Yeah, the castle's okay,
but the keep is, like, meh.
282
00:13:42,620 --> 00:13:44,880
And I'll tell you something else
great about here.
283
00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:47,550
You've been walking so much,
you've lost weight.
284
00:13:47,590 --> 00:13:50,260
(gasps) I'm down to
my pre-pregnancy weight!
285
00:13:50,300 --> 00:13:53,240
Homer, in this most beautiful
spot on Earth,
286
00:13:53,270 --> 00:13:57,910
I have to admit to you,
I really don't want to go home.
287
00:13:57,940 --> 00:14:00,010
- I don't either.
- Let's stay.
288
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,410
Think about how happy
we'd be here.
289
00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:06,940
It's healthy, it's clean,
it's incredibly civilized,
290
00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:09,790
and everything is done
in moderation.
291
00:14:09,820 --> 00:14:11,920
You're not describing a country.
292
00:14:11,950 --> 00:14:14,780
You're describing everything
that's the opposite of me.
293
00:14:14,820 --> 00:14:16,780
Everyone here speaks
perfect English.
294
00:14:16,820 --> 00:14:18,750
Probably gonna be around
in five years.
295
00:14:18,790 --> 00:14:21,790
It's just a nice place
and we like it.
296
00:14:21,830 --> 00:14:25,340
All I ask is that
you think about it.
297
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:31,460
Maybe she's right.
Maybe we should move here.
298
00:14:33,310 --> 00:14:36,550
Tubby or not tubby,
that is the question.
299
00:14:36,580 --> 00:14:38,280
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind
300
00:14:38,310 --> 00:14:41,440
to gobble the wings and nachos
of outrageous portions,
301
00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:43,480
or just eat fish and end them.
302
00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:47,660
Ay, there's the rub...
Brisket rub, Memphis rub.
303
00:14:47,690 --> 00:14:52,130
Oh, the rubs I'll miss when I
have shuffled off from Buffalo.
304
00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:53,960
Mozzarella... No.
305
00:14:53,990 --> 00:14:56,790
I'm an American, and we've got
to get back to America,
306
00:14:56,830 --> 00:15:00,670
the greatest country on Earth,
1917 to 2016.
307
00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:06,640
This is the famous Holger
Danish, our sleeping king.
308
00:15:06,670 --> 00:15:08,130
All right, Dad, here we go.
309
00:15:08,170 --> 00:15:11,000
There's nothing more American
than a slip and fall.
310
00:15:12,510 --> 00:15:13,970
- (grunts)
- Whoa!
311
00:15:14,010 --> 00:15:15,470
Hold on, son.
312
00:15:15,510 --> 00:15:18,410
Before you push me down these
stairs, I have a confession.
313
00:15:18,450 --> 00:15:21,080
The procedure I need
isn't a surgery.
314
00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:24,020
I just need to remove
an old tattoo.
315
00:15:24,060 --> 00:15:27,000
You made us come here
because of a stupid tattoo?
316
00:15:27,030 --> 00:15:29,800
It's not just any tattoo.
317
00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:33,530
(gasps) Mom?
318
00:15:33,570 --> 00:15:38,170
No! Mona Malloy,
who used to iron my shirts.
319
00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:40,200
Of course it's your mother.
320
00:15:42,810 --> 00:15:45,880
I can't go to my grave
with this hanging over my heart.
321
00:15:45,910 --> 00:15:47,510
Why is it guys like us
322
00:15:47,550 --> 00:15:50,020
are always disappointing
the women we love?
323
00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:53,390
I would ask Mona, but she's
spending eternity hating me,
324
00:15:53,420 --> 00:15:55,020
from her pit in hell.
325
00:15:55,050 --> 00:15:56,720
I miss her, too.
326
00:15:56,760 --> 00:15:59,630
Her greatest skill was
making people miss her.
327
00:15:59,660 --> 00:16:01,530
(sobbing)
328
00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:04,120
- Hello.
- She's talking to you.
329
00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:06,860
Mm, I'll talk to someone my age.
330
00:16:06,900 --> 00:16:08,370
(chuckles)
331
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:11,200
Excuse me.
I felt compelled to meet you.
332
00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:14,240
I've never met a man
with empathy so deep
333
00:16:14,270 --> 00:16:15,900
he weeps in public.
334
00:16:15,940 --> 00:16:18,040
Oh, yeah, I cry, I blubber.
335
00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:20,080
Sometimes stuff
comes out of my nose.
336
00:16:20,110 --> 00:16:22,070
Well... (sighs)
337
00:16:22,110 --> 00:16:24,880
Danish men never reveal
such emotion.
338
00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:27,260
They're like
cold, flawless gods.
339
00:16:27,290 --> 00:16:29,590
Look, lady, I'm a married man.
340
00:16:29,620 --> 00:16:32,220
- I'm a married man.
- Shh.
341
00:16:32,260 --> 00:16:33,900
(muffled):
I'm a married man.
342
00:16:33,930 --> 00:16:37,670
Here, marriage is not
such a sacred institution.
343
00:16:37,700 --> 00:16:40,240
Danes are very free sexually.
344
00:16:40,270 --> 00:16:44,440
Perhaps it's because we are more
sensitive to each other's needs,
345
00:16:44,470 --> 00:16:46,900
or just because
we're all so freaking hot.
346
00:16:46,940 --> 00:16:51,080
Now let us dance our
traditional dance of passion.
347
00:16:51,110 --> 00:16:52,470
Okay.
348
00:16:52,510 --> 00:16:54,510
- (lively Danish music playing)
- (excited shouting)
349
00:17:03,790 --> 00:17:07,930
Do you know the Danes eat more
ice cream than any other people?
350
00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:09,960
Yet their rate
of heart disease is...
351
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:12,200
Oh, it's their number one
cause of death.
352
00:17:12,230 --> 00:17:13,890
Well, look where we got it.
353
00:17:15,470 --> 00:17:17,540
Well, that never
stopped your father.
354
00:17:17,570 --> 00:17:20,630
I'll just text a picture of you
right now, eating the ice...
355
00:17:20,670 --> 00:17:21,970
Oh, my God.
356
00:17:22,010 --> 00:17:24,180
(gasps) Marge.
357
00:17:26,180 --> 00:17:27,480
Where are you going?
358
00:17:27,510 --> 00:17:29,880
Where will I ever find
another man like you?
359
00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:32,960
Hi, we're the Kiwanis Club
of Cheeseburg, Ohio.
360
00:17:32,990 --> 00:17:36,490
(sighs):
Oh... hio.
361
00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:39,160
I must confess to you now,
362
00:17:39,190 --> 00:17:42,820
every couple that has Airbnb'd
my apartment has broken up.
363
00:17:42,860 --> 00:17:45,220
Then how did it get
so many good reviews?
364
00:17:45,260 --> 00:17:46,960
They like the big apartment cat.
365
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:49,910
Oh, I do like it.
Ooh, let me scratch your chin!
366
00:17:49,940 --> 00:17:51,310
(purring)
367
00:17:51,340 --> 00:17:53,310
He's so chubby,
I just can't take it!
368
00:17:53,340 --> 00:17:55,180
Marge, honey, I'm so sorry.
369
00:17:55,210 --> 00:17:57,680
We shared a dance and a fish,
but that's it.
370
00:17:57,710 --> 00:18:00,670
- I understand. It's fine.
- So you're coming home?
371
00:18:00,710 --> 00:18:03,410
No, I'm not. I want to stay.
372
00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:07,160
I don't know for how long,
but I feel so alive and free.
373
00:18:07,190 --> 00:18:08,820
I've stopped wearing a bra.
374
00:18:08,850 --> 00:18:11,420
(gasps) That means
they're just one fabric away
375
00:18:11,460 --> 00:18:13,360
from the cool Scandinavian air.
376
00:18:13,390 --> 00:18:15,990
Sorry, Homie. We're not leaving.
377
00:18:16,030 --> 00:18:18,870
Well, the kids
can't just replace me.
378
00:18:18,900 --> 00:18:22,170
He's so cozy.
He can sleep with Mom.
379
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:24,200
Can I get you a beer?
380
00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:26,280
(purring)
381
00:18:26,310 --> 00:18:28,380
(Homer groans)
382
00:18:31,210 --> 00:18:33,210
- Dad, wait.
- (gasps)
383
00:18:33,250 --> 00:18:36,390
Mom says you can take these home
with you. It's a bag of bras.
384
00:18:36,420 --> 00:18:40,160
And I just learned
how to unhook these.
385
00:18:42,220 --> 00:18:43,680
Oh, my God. What am I doing?
386
00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:45,680
I should be having
the time of my life
387
00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:49,020
in this airport security line,
but it's nothing without Marge.
388
00:18:49,060 --> 00:18:51,060
Son, I got
to tell you something.
389
00:18:51,100 --> 00:18:53,370
- You're making a huge mistake.
- I know.
390
00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:55,540
I let stubbornness
ruin my marriage,
391
00:18:55,570 --> 00:18:58,710
and all I have to show for it
is an old tattoo.
392
00:18:58,740 --> 00:19:01,810
- Go back to your woman.
- You mean the one in the bar?
393
00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:04,070
First the one in the bar,
then Marge.
394
00:19:04,110 --> 00:19:05,710
No! Just Marge.
395
00:19:05,740 --> 00:19:07,470
♪ ♪
396
00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:16,160
- Marge!
- (gasps) You missed the flight.
397
00:19:16,190 --> 00:19:18,890
Marge, baby,
wherever you are is home.
398
00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:20,490
I'm staying in Copenhagen.
399
00:19:20,530 --> 00:19:22,160
I'm glad you came back,
400
00:19:22,190 --> 00:19:25,560
but I was kind of rethinking
living here.
401
00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:27,240
Why?
402
00:19:27,270 --> 00:19:29,170
The toilet's in the shower.
403
00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:30,760
The washing machine
won't even hold
404
00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:32,430
one pair of your underpants.
405
00:19:34,970 --> 00:19:38,270
And you see how dark it is?
406
00:19:38,310 --> 00:19:40,370
It's 11:00 in the morning.
407
00:19:42,780 --> 00:19:44,180
(yawns)
408
00:19:44,220 --> 00:19:47,120
Well, that was a nice day.
409
00:19:47,150 --> 00:19:49,520
I think I'm ready to go home.
410
00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:50,960
You got it, baby.
411
00:19:50,990 --> 00:19:52,930
We'll ditch this paradise
and never come back.
412
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:54,260
What about the kids?
413
00:19:54,290 --> 00:19:56,660
I heard the schools are
really great here. I'm out.
414
00:19:56,700 --> 00:19:59,500
I want to stay,
but no one ever listens to me.
415
00:19:59,530 --> 00:20:01,130
So we're all united.
416
00:20:01,170 --> 00:20:02,770
- Yay!
- All right! -Whoo!
417
00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:06,130
But I can't help thinking
I'm forgetting something.
418
00:20:08,410 --> 00:20:11,050
Sir, those birds were
already fed by the state.
419
00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:14,150
You are overfeeding them,
which will kill them.
420
00:20:14,180 --> 00:20:15,520
(Grampa grunts)
421
00:20:20,420 --> 00:20:24,560
When life gives you lemons,
you make lemonade.
422
00:20:24,590 --> 00:20:27,290
OTHERS:
Aw.
423
00:20:27,330 --> 00:20:29,130
So how much do we owe you?
424
00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:32,120
Nothing. In Denmark,
we have socialized tattooing.
425
00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:35,700
And with that, our country
is out of money. Good-bye.
426
00:20:42,170 --> 00:20:43,770
(panting)
427
00:21:29,220 --> 00:21:30,720
Shh!