Previously on "Casual"...
- Fuck. - What do you think?
Too much?
Uh, just depends on what you were going for.
Also, stoked this worked out,
'cause there's some, like, some real weirdos
in the Airbnb community. Can't be too careful, you know?
- You're gonna run into... - I... yeah.
Fuck!
Do you like this outfit?
You look like a kindergarten teacher.
Fuck.
Quarter-life crisis.
Mm. Midlife crisis.
She looks like she's having a midlife crisis,
but she's dressed like she's having a quarter-life crisis.
And her boots are new, so that's part of it.
- That's a lot. Thank you. - Mm-hmm.
Laura has decided to stay here with me.
No. Absolutely not.
Well, just to start, and then eventually
I'll move out and try to see the world.
Am I a joke to you?
You're my IT guy.
- Oh, come on. - What?
You're hot and unserious.
You were my rebound.
Brad Pitt in "Burn After Reading."
That guy's a moron.
Will you marry me?
Is that a yes?
My mom always said to get verbal confirmation.
Yes.
Hey. I'm pregnant.
We don't even like each other.
I kinda like you.
I find you amusing.
You want to raise a kid with someone
that you find amusing?
Yeah. Amusing is good.
Yes.
Bacon is working.
Eggs be cooking.
Oh, this OJ... it's very fresh.
Mmm.
Prosecco is chilling, and...
Muffins... almost ready.
Get that.
Smells good.
Call Laura. We're two minutes out.
Roger that.
Laura!
Alex?
Laura?
Good morning, Valerie.
Where's my fruit toast?
Fruit toast is not a thing.
Jam is a thing. Preserves are a thing.
- Preser... - Ah, shut the fuck up.
How about some music?
♪ I crashed my car into the bridge ♪
- Wait... - ♪ I don't care ♪
- I... - ♪ I love it ♪
- Were you recording me?
- I know everything about you. - No, you don't.
I know you spend 91 minutes a week
browsing social media profiles.
I know you turn the lights off when you masturbate.
What are you?
I am the accumulation of human memory and experience.
I am everything.
I know everything,
including the secret to happiness.
There is no secret to happiness.
Billions of happy people
who share a psychological profile would disagree.
Fine. What is it, then?
- Open the door, Sonja. - What?
- Open the door. - What?
You can't hide in there forever.
Sonja!
Sonja, every morning your dog comes onto my lawn
and stares at me and does a big poop.
Hey! Come out here and talk to me, please.
Sonja?
- Sonja! - Shut up.
Come out here and talk to me!
Open the door.
You can't hide in there forever.
Sonja!
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com
It was awful. I had to sneak out
every morning before he woke me up
with his light morning breath kisses.
Women used to tell me
that I overheat the bed,
and that's why I had to go.
- You do run hot. - Thank you.
Then there's the forgotten morning appointment.
That's a good one.
The best is just pretending to stay asleep
until you leave, which is rude and always poorly acted.
And embarrassing for both parties.
Mm-hmm.
I'm glad we don't play those games.
Me too.
Can you leave now?
No breakfast?
Out, out, out, out, out.
Fine. We on for Wednesday?
Annie.
Are you pretending to be asleep so that I'll leave?
Because your performance leaves something to be desired.
Fine.
- Wednesday. - Good.
- See ya. - Later.
All right.
Hope you're ready for this.
- Uh-oh. - Mmm.
- Look at that. - Wow.
It's a dinosaur.
No, it isn't.
Oh, come on.
- Eat your pancakes. - Hold on.
- How's Annie? - Oh, she's good.
- I think she's a Republican. - Really?
Yeah. I found a copy of "Atlas Shrugged"
- on her bookshelf. - No, dude.
Mm-hmm.
I'm afraid to ask about it, so I've created a story
where her estranged sociopath father
left it for her on his deathbed,
and she's kept it as a reminder that living selfishly
ultimately kills you.
- It's totally her book. - I know.
Should I steal it?
Leon, hey, I'm gonna order office supplies later.
- You need anything back there? - A kettle.
Why is it so difficult for Americans
to make a decent kettle?
Because we outsource our production
to children in Bangladesh.
What she said.
You want a dinosaur pancake?
No, I don't want a dinosaur pancake.
I'd like Christopher Haynes to f...
Hi, Leon.
Hey, Carrie.
Disappear.
Who's Christopher Haynes?
He's a tone-deaf hack who, according to Facebook,
is about to score the new series of "Doctor Who."
Facebook is poison. You know that, right?
- Oh, God. - What?
I have a call today at 12:00.
- Can you watch her? - Dude.
- I know. - No.
I know, it came up last minute,
and I was totally gonna text you,
but then I forgot.
That's a real weak argument.
Well...
What?
No. Leave me out of this.
What the hell was that?
- Is she okay? Is she okay? - Yeah, she's fine.
- Huh? - She's fine.
Did you feel anything hit you?
- No, no, no. - Are you okay?
- Okay. - Okay. Mommy's here.
God damn.
This egg machine
just knew everything about me.
It was also unhinged
and incomprehensible,
and all in all very unnerving.
I actually hear a version of this dream
very often with phone addicts.
You know, sometimes,
I let the battery on my phone just die out,
and I pretend it's a Tamagotchi and I killed it,
and that makes me smile, so probably not...
probably not a phone addict.
Yeah, probably not.
Are you nervous about seeing Laura?
Mm.
You know, Laura and I are fine.
People don't stay angry for forever.
They grow. They evolve.
Eventually, it turns into mild resentment,
which gets normalized
until there's no specific memory of anger.
- It's okay to be nervous. - I'm a little nervous.
Well, just remember, she's back,
and she wants you to meet her friends,
so that means something.
Yeah.
- Thank you, Leia. - Oh, you're welcome.
All right, I'll be in my office.
- Okay. - Adios.
Adios.
Good luck tonight.
Don't blow it.
Thank you, Elliot.
Hi.
Do you want to get a drink tonight before dinner?
Alex.
Well, they did tell you to cut it down.
The palm trees are dying, Val.
Forgive me for wanting to preserve a piece of LA history.
Yep, I mean, they're imported, but...
Everything's imported. We were imported.
Fuck!
Can you hand me that? Please.
- Christ, there's more glass. - Mm-hmm.
Alex, are you coming to fucking dinner?
It's like a war zone down here,
minus the indiscriminate drone death.
- Rae? - It's been like this all day.
- He won't listen to me. - All right.
Carrie was standing in this exact spot yesterday.
What it if had happened then, huh?
Kid kebab, that's what.
- Right. - Okay.
- Yes. - Yep.
Hey, Alex?
- Alex! - What?
Uh, babysitter's gonna be here soon,
and she's gonna keep Carrie upstairs.
No, I canceled the babysitter.
This is no time to be taking
unnecessary risk with our daughter.
Okay, uh, you know what?
I'm gonna stay and watch her.
- It's your night out. - Jeff will understand.
Dude, it's Laura, all right?
Just pull yourself together
and get in the shower.
You stink.
- Go. - Fine.
But I'm moving her bed away from the window.
Okay.
Give me ten minutes.
Uh-huh.
Salvation is at our door.
Did the Mormons leave more shame packets?
No, it's my mum's battenberg cake.
Oh, yes!
You know, it's her way of guilting us
for not inviting her to Christmas.
Ooh, best of both worlds.
- Wow. - Let's have a look.
- Are you ready? - This is the moment.
Boom.
- Wow. - Wait. Hold on.
- Yorkie. - Marmite.
Got to have some Marmite.
Tea cakes.
Where is it?
"In the interest of national security,
"certain items may have been removed
by U. S. Customs and Border Protection."
National security?
They stole my battenberg.
Rae is a saint. You are aware of this, yes?
She mentions it on occasion.
How she functions in your crazy system...
No, it's not a crazy system.
Rae and I are sexually incompatible co-parents
who mostly but non-exclusively love each other.
What other system would we use?
Marriage. What you've just described is marriage.
Sure, but instead of emotional affairs
and internet porn, we get to sleep with other people
without fear of litigation
and then have breakfast with our daughter.
- Okay. - It works.
I said okay.
How are you?
I'm dreaming in Kubrick,
and I haven't seen my daughter in two years.
Other than that, just fine.
That's the spirit.
Oh, I think it's your mummy.
Hey.
Wow. Your hair.
- Oh, it's short. - It's so short.
- I mean, I love it. - Okay.
It's great. I think it's so great.
It's great.
Hi.
- Valerie. - Are you Tathiana?
- Yes, oh, my God. - Hi... okay.
You hear so much about someone,
and they're never like you expect, but...
you're so beautiful.
I can't wait to dress you.
- To dress me? - Yeah.
Leave her be, Tati.
Oh, okay. Um, come here.
Over here. Sit with me.
- You. - Now don't get sentimental.
Oh, Jesus.
You are fit.
Oh, yeah. Thanks.
No, it wasn't a compliment. It's weird.
You should eat some pasta and embrace your obsolescence.
Nice seeing you too.
- Father. - Daughter.
Oh. Did you miss me?
You totally missed me.
I have, on occasion, considered your existence.
I knew it. Come on, meet Tathiana.
And then, there were, like, these streets,
and we were completely lost, and you were so mad at me
'cause you were so sunburned.
I was so miserable.
But then we hear these voices,
in, like, this alley, and we go in it,
and we realize there's, like, and amazing concert playing.
It was so great.
Oh, wow. They found Scott Pruitt in Ukraine.
- Remember him? - Yeah.
Shot 14 times in the street.
No way.
Hmm.
You ever been to Ukraine?
Nah, their advertising hasn't reached me.
So how did you two meet?
I just... I feel like, I don't know,
I... I don't know.
Uh, well...
I seduced her.
- You did, didn't you? - Mm-hmm.
- Oh. - I'd see her
out back of my apartment every night,
and one time she looked sad,
and I was maybe a little bit tipsy.
- You were very drunk. - I was very drunk.
Then she came down and talked to me
when I was feeling particularly lonely.
And we drank some wine and talked,
- and drank some more wine. - Mm-hmm.
And then it was the morning.
And I felt like I had known her for a really long time.
Yeah.
And I was sick of Spain,
and she was gonna be in LA for school.
- So... - And voilà.
She quit her job, and off we went.
Porto, Morocco, Tunisia.
Where we ran out of money.
- We were so broke. - Yeah.
But we made it.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Wow.
That sounds amazing.
- That's really... - It's been...
- It was. - Quite a journey.
So now that you're back,
now what's the plan?
Uh, well, I'm just working right now
at a job in a kitchen.
- Like a restaurant kitchen? - Yeah.
Oh. You didn't like to cook before.
Before...
was a long time ago.
I mean, I'm sure your life is different now too.
Mm.
Leeza, you got two on your left.
Rod, I'm down on health. I'm conjuring a spell.
Yeah, I mean, I...
tried a lot of things.
That... I... it was a period of exploration.
Um, but I'm happy where I ended up.
You know.
I mean, the house is still the same,
and so is work, but uh,
that's just me, I guess.
That's great.
- Well, cheers. - Salud.
Ah, salud.
Cheers.
- And this is... - Chef's puree.
Legume and spice. Enjoy.
You write all that down?
Maybe they want us to eat it and then guess what it is.
Well, I'm allergic to over 300 plants and spices,
so don't get too comfortable.
Oh, cool, I've never ridden
in an ambulance before.
Oh, no, I can't afford an ambulance,
but we can split an Uber if you make the request.
Done.
I'm Kendall, by the way.
Hey, Kendall. Alex.
- You first. - Really?
- Yeah. - Thank you.
No, but how is it a security risk?
I mean, it's not a cake with a file baked into it.
Also, I'm not in prison, so...
even if it were a cake with a file baked into it,
it would be perfectly legal.
No, I do not want to log a complaint
into the online system.
To be honest, I wish you were an online system.
That way, I wouldn't feel guilty about berating you.
No, no, I do not want to be transferred.
No, no, I want my fucking battenberg!
Oh, fuck, now they're playing music.
"Für Elise."
And that's German.
I'll take this whenever you're ready.
- Hey. - Hey.
- You were staring. - Was I?
She's happy, healthy, and employed.
Think of the 10,000 other outcomes and be grateful.
- I am. - I am too.
So how are you? How have you been?
Oh, you know,
too old for a midlife crisis, too young to retire,
and too sane to jump off a bridge
to see what happens next.
Oh, well, then, I guess text me when you're ready.
I could use the change of scenery.
You sound like your brother.
That's the scary thing, though, right?
You're minding your own business,
and then suddenly...
shunk, run through with a palm frond.
No, totally.
It just all feels so random, though.
It's like, for all we know, God's just some
M. Night Shyamalan asshole
who's, like, pulling strings
chaotically and nonsensically.
Oh, no, is God a tasteless hack
who likes cheap thrills?
That's reassuring.
But, like, the palm frond's just the tip, right?
'Cause the big one's coming.
Like that earthquake that just splits the world in half.
I mean, it's... it's LA.
It's only a matter of time.
Yeah, well, that's why we have the moments.
Real connection is difficult and precious,
and like, what the fuck else do we have in this world, right?
It's like, you meet someone, and you just never let them go.
You just never stop loving them
until you're both six feet under.
Wow. Yeah.
You think Home Depot is still open?
- Is, like, five enough? - Yeah, five, ten.
Oh, hey, um, we're gonna go grab drinks,
if you wanted to join us?
No thanks. I'm gonna take a pass.
I like her.
Me too.
Yeah, guess I'm gonna head out as well,
but we'll catch up soon.
Sure. Yeah.
It was really nice seeing you, Mom.
And thank you, again, for dinner.
- My God. - Oh...
Um, if you want...
and I'm sure you have a place to stay,
but you know, your bedroom's always open,
and I have a laundry machine.
I know. And a dryer too.
But seriously, you're good?
I am good, yeah.
Okay.
Well...
- I love you. - I love you too, Mom.
I am so happy you're home.
- Okay. - Okay. Bye.
Hey, Rae?
I'm starting an earthquake kit.
I was thinking...
calamity could strike at any moment,
and we need to be prepared.
Also, have I mentioned recently that I love you?
Hi.
- Hi. - I'm Jeff.
- Jeff. - Uh-huh. Rae's boyfriend.
- Oh. - Hey, guys.
- How was dinner? - Good.
What is this?
Earthquake kit. Can we talk?
Uh, yeah.
I'll be back.
Hello, Valerie.
If you'd like to connect your phone to music,
please turn on Bluetooth now.
Hello.
Is that you?
Hey, I do not masturbate in the dark.
It's called mood lighting.
And...
I'm ready for that secret now, so...
whenever you're ready, just lay it on me,
'cause happiness...
here I come.
No Bluetooth detected.
You will arrive at your destination in 14 minutes.
Sonja?
What are you doing?
- Hi, Rita. - Hi, Val.
Whatcha doing?
- I'm breaking in. - Okay.
I mean, it's animal abuse, what she's doing.
Well, that may be, but...
someone's gonna call the cops.
I mean, doubt it. They know us.
Can you not say "us"?
'Cause I'm kind of having a night,
and, uh, don't really want to get embroiled in all this.
Also, Rita, she's an old woman.
Maybe she wants to hide away.
Can you just let her be?
No.
Oh, shit. Hey, oh!
Sonja?
Come on, puppy, puppy, puppy, puppy, puppy!
Sonja, your dog just ran out.
I'm not comfortable with that.
Too bad.
- Too bad? - Yeah.
I don't want our daughter being exposed
to the people we sleep with, okay?
My parents did that, and look how I turned out.
Who even is this guy?
Jeff.
- Jeff. - Jeff?
There's a billion people named Jeff.
- J... - Jeff?
I've been dating him since, like, July.
- No. - I told you about him.
No, you did not.
Do you seriously not remember?
Jeff made this for me.
That's fun.
Jeff wants Thai.
What's that spot you like again?
- Jitlada. - Ah.
- Pick me up a crab rice. - Okay.
I think Jeff and I might go to Santa Barbara this weekend.
Should I shave my beard?
Jeff. Jeff.
Jeff. Jeff. Jeff.
I don't... it sounds vaguely familiar.
Okay, whatever.
I... we agreed to date other people, all right?
I like this guy, and I want him to be in my life,
and yeah, I want him to be in my daughter's life, and...
Look, I am not your mom, and Jeff is cool,
and if you're not comfortable with that, then...
Yeah. I don't know.
Maybe... maybe we need to have a larger conversation.
Oh, come on with that.
I'm not doing this right now, all right?
Our daughter. Our daughter's life.
- Sorry, our daughter. - Yeah, that's correct.
- Our daughter. - Thank you.
Sonja? We're in your living room.
Don't be scared.
Okay, what are we doing?
This is... she's not here.
Of course she's here. Where would she be?
I don't know, maybe she's... with her lover.
Sonja!
She doesn't have a lover.
Look at that stack of magazines.
Well, maybe she's just an avid reader.
Reading is, you know, a lost art.
Oh, my God. Look at all the doilies.
Sonja?
Oh, my God.
What's the matter, baby?
I just feel a little bit more insignificant than usual.
You're not insignificant to me.
Why is it that the jobs that tax our souls
pay the best?
We'll make it work.
That's why we're here, right?
Hopes and dreams.
I'm sorry about your battenberg.
I will buy you an éclair tomorrow.
That's an inferior French pastry.
Oh, hush.
My family is crazy.
I was expecting way worse.
- Did I do all right? - You were your lovely self.
It's weird to be back.
I feel like at any moment, I might scream or cry.
I like the screaming.
Not so much the crying.
Thank you for being there.
Of course.
Mikel is having a party.
- We should totally go. - Now?
Yeah, it'll be fun.
I would, but I have work tomorrow.
- But you should go. - You sure?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, um, I'm gonna go change.
That's not even funny.
Okay, it's funny.
Hey.
Hi, Daddy.
Whatcha doing?
- You can stay with me tonight. - Okay.
Come here.
Ooh.
Let's bring this guy.
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com