- I'm Bel, and I'm... - Back and kicking ass.
Back and answerable to me.
"Fancy helping out in the salon?" For no money and zero thanks.
Bel's going to helping us out from now on.
Dogsbody work. It's a personal affront to me.
It suggests that I was useless and she's better.
Loser.
Lorelei.
Wesley. Client in town, we're doing a deal.
But you don't get enough exercise.
Dante, it's over.
- She don't do married men. - Sort it.
Why would you want your best mate to cheat on your other best mate?
She's the woman I would have married if he hadn't got there first.
Hi, I'd like to book a taster session.
Mirror, mirror on the wall...
Who's the fairest of them all?
Age before beauty.
Pearls before swine.
Handsome Prince Charming.
Will you be mine?
Sync & corrections by emeline-whovian www.addic7ed.com
MUSIC: Needle in a Haystack by Dusty Springfield
♪ Well, well, I once believed ♪
♪ All fellas were nice ♪
♪ But, girls, listen to me ♪
♪ Take my advice ♪
♪ Girls, you better get yourselves ♪
♪ On the right track ♪
♪ Cos finding a good man, girls ♪
♪ Is like finding a needle in a haystack ♪
- ♪ What did I say, girls? ♪ - ♪ Needle in a haystack ♪
♪ Shoo doo ♪
♪ Shoo doo wa dah ♪
♪ Shoo doo ♪
♪ Shoo doo wa dah ♪
♪ Girls, those fellas are sly, slick and shy, yeah ♪
♪ So don't you ever let them catch you looking starry-eyed ♪
♪ They'll tell you that their love is true ♪
♪ And they'll walk right over you ♪
♪ Now, girls, you'd better know these things ♪
♪ Right off the bat ♪
♪ Cos finding a good man, girls ♪
♪ Is like finding a needle in a haystack ♪
♪ What did I say, girls? ♪
♪ Needle in a haystack... ♪
MUSIC CONTINUES IN BACKGROUND
You couldn't, like, use a nose or a wig?
I could probably use me 'ead tested,
but what I've got is a pay-as-you-go phone, fake ID,
so say hello to...
Sheila Gruff?
Goff!
- She's new, and she's sounds... - Petrified?
Should be, you're scary!
Only to you. Real clients think I'm a pussycat.
Stay. Tonight.
It's tricky. If Bel comes home and I'm not there...
You said she's at her dad's.
- Can't we chance it? - Soon.
Promise.
Go work your magic on Sheila Gruff.
You can do this, Bel. You can do it.
Hi.
I'm Sheila.
Great to meet you.
Leanne and I don't have kids.
_
One of the benefits of that is not having to deal with shit like this.
Sorry. Didn't know where else to go.
- These will look good for work. - What, three grand a month good?
- What does your mother say? - She won't help me.
She's into that tough love shit.
So you came to me for bailout.
It's not my first game.
Look.
I'll do whatever you want, even though...
What?
- Lorelei's a mate. - I feel like I've stitched her up.
For the guy of her dreams.
If I'd not come looking for you, would any of this have happened?
All of it.
Always the plan.
You just came along at the right time.
Just keep doing what you're doing.
Then we can all get a result.
Is it Sheila?
Hi! Great to meet you.
You're so...
Fit.
Oh!
- That's my job. - No, I mean you're
so, erm, how could I even begin to...?
- What? - Compare.
It's not a competition.
I'm here to help you be the best version of you.
What if there is no best version?
There will be. And I promise you we'll find her.
Sorry, I don't think I can do this.
Sheila?
Would it surprise you to hear I know exactly how you're feeling?
Yeah, it would surprise me.
Give me a chance.
Please.
Hey! Ha-ha, great.
All my life I wait for a woman like you.
You are my soulmate, my little northern soulmate.
So you keep saying.
Just keep practising.
I want to win this competition.
SHE HUMS
If Mum had a soulmate, would I still have to be a pageant queen?
Hello-o!
Talk to me.
Snore!
- When can you? - When you're 30.
When can you be a proper nan?
When you stop confusing me.
- With what? - Someone who gives a shit.
UPBEAT GUITAR MUSIC
Be proactive and take ownership of our roles.
In other words, take turns opening
up while she gets to loz about in bed.
Which, by the way,
she has plenty of time for now the brats have left home.
Which, by the way, is good riddance.
Thank you, teddy bear.
- For what, baby bear? - Respecting my choice not to breed.
It takes guts to make a stand against overpopulation.
Plus, who needs stretch marks and tits down to the floor when you can
have toned abs and a tight Virginia?
You said it!
So, you said on the phone you're
a teacher, married, three grown-up kids.
Your husband's a chef, you have a fat cat called Tinker
and it's been 20 years since you did any exercise.
Anything else?
Sorry, what?
To add.
I just can't think straight.
Don't worry. Getting fit after a long lay-off,
everyone finds it daunting.
But you're here. You did the hard bit.
What finally pushed you over the edge?
Suppose I just had enough.
Feeling under par. Not in control.
Sheila, what if I told you the person who was 100% on it 100% of
- the time doesn't exist? - You exist.
Tell you what, let's take this really slowly.
Shall we try a little warm-up?
Far be it from me to be negative,
but this place is on a one-way ticket to Doomsville.
That Bel says bookings are up.
Hello? Yes, because she's done
a shedload of deals to bribe new clients in.
AKA promotions.
AKA idle curiosity.
Which won't last, once people get
wind of the fact that nothing's changed.
Except for a total refurb.
Except, where's the new technology?
- Why have we not invested? - With what?
Well, if madam can afford to offer staff bonuses...
Well, maybe if you'd have offered some we wouldn't be up Dog Doo Alley
without a scoop!
No, trust me.
Before the end of the month we will be haemorrhaging clients.
- How? - Just a feeling I have.
Oh, lovely, that.
Yeah.
Ooh, snow alert.
Dreary Dayna! Hiya!
Dayna, how are we?!
Oh, dear, don't we look tired?
Three, two, one, yes!
We're done. You survived.
- Now we know what we're up against. - Do we?
Oh, yeah. That's the point of this session, see if we can work together.
Hopefully you can see I'm not a monster.
How much do I owe you?
It's a taster session.
No charge. Sheila, honestly,
I think we can get you to where you want to be.
So I hope you'll come back for more.
I know what you're thinking.
- What? - You hate the refurb.
Gaudy, tacky.
- Dodgy colours. - Oh, no, it's...
It's the special offers.
Mm. Yeah, they lower the tone, make you feel ever so slightly cheap.
Oh, no, I think they're a great idea.
Mm.
It's the treatments, right?
They're dated. There's no variety.
You're probably thinking of going elsewhere.
Oh, well...
Hello!
Rock alert!
Who's the mug?
- Oh, he's, erm... - Mr Shrinking Violet!
Why have we never met him? Has he got three heads?
No, he's just...
Well, bring him in. We'll vet him, make sure he's up to scratch.
Right, then, Dana, shall we say a little prayer?
- Sorry? - Your face is now in our hands.
Time, time, time.
What the hell are you doing, lad?
Guard down, head down.
Back foot dragging like a rat-arsed slug.
Come on, you're wasting your time, you're wasting my time.
Don't come back till you're ready to work.
Alfie, you get in, lad, have a go.
- How was it? - I'm never going back there again.
So, Prince Charming's got a big works do next week.
- Lovely, that. - And there will be photographs,
so I just want to make sure that I don't...
You don't let him down.
It's easily done.
So, what would you recommend?
- Botox. - Renuvaline.
- GlycoPeel. - High-Def brows.
LVL lashes.
- Spray tan. - Full body wax.
- PDO thread lift. - Collagen stimulation.
So, basically, everything?
Oh, erm, that pep talk you gave us.
- Which? - Be proactive, take ownership.
The cunning plan to make Leanne feel more involved,
to stop her wreaking havoc.
- Yeah. - Didn't work.
Goodness. What's happened here?
Well, she signed a disclaimer.
It does say there might be bruising and puncture wounds.
Er, yeah.
Would you excuse us?
Why?
I'll book you in for a Renuvaline.
Brows, lashes and laser lipo.
These...
These treatments, they're not for the faint-hearted.
Perhaps you should wait before you get anything else done.
No, I can't, it's urgent.
It's my fiance, it's his job, you see.
He gets a lot of attention.
And like your sister said, he could have his pick.
And he picked you.
Yeah, but now I really need to up my game,
because otherwise...
He'll find a better model.
- Wow. - Are guys seriously that shallow?
Yeah.
Do I need a makeover?
- Well, obvi. - Can't hurt.
- Why? - It's just a thought.
I mean, the salon's had one, and in the spirit of talk the talk,
walk the walk...
Go for it, boss.
MUSIC: Passing Through by Leonard Cohen
No!
Ow!
Tell her she looks gorgeous.
Least I still recognise her.
Every time you have work I think
the clinic's sent back the wrong person.
Go on!
Right. Pageant practice.
- Oh, Mum! - Now!
She'll thank me when she's crowned Miss Junior Rosebud UK.
Bel?
You look gorgeous.
Anyone at home?
I've just come to grab some clothes.
Hey, sweetheart!
I didn't know you'd be back.
Why have you left Dad?
What?
Why have you moved in with Chizz and left Dad to fend for himself?
I think you'll find that your dad's quite capable of looking after...
Mum... What the F?
Caterpillars, Fake Bake, a skirt!
What's going on?!
- Fancied a change. - But you never change.
Oh, my God. Don't tell me.
Oh, shit the bed, Mum, I know what this is!
What?
- You're having an affair! - What?!
Why would you think that?
Oh, my God, you SO are!
How could you do this?
Dad... trusts you.
WE trust you!
It's just...
How old are you? Look in the mirror - cringe!
Mum, I...
I can't even look at you.
Bel, what is it?
You've not heard?
Someone's having an affair.
Who told you...?
See?
- How does she know? - No idea, but according to her,
I'm cheating on you.
YOU'RE...?
Jesus Christ.
That's crazy. Why would she even...?
Because of this. The brows, the skirt and, yeah, I look like shit.
I'm mutton, lamb, pathetic.
- It's not pathetic. - It is, actually.
I wanted to do something different.
And it didn't work.
She had every right.
No, she didn't. She's well offside.
She's 19, it's her first term at uni, she's trying to find her feet.
She comes home and her mum's like a tangerine.
It'll fade.
Glass of vino?
Come on. I think you've earned it.
I look ridiculous!
We all need a little citrus in our life.
SINGING
So, no-one's arsed, then, that Mum's having an affair.
- Excuse me? - She'd never do that.
Wouldn't she? Ask her. I asked her.
Deny it? Did she hell.
I think before you jump to conclusions...
How can you not see the signs?
Make-up, tan, ludicrous outfit.
It's classic. Moves out, gets a makeover, starts dressing like a ho...
Do you mind? That's my skirt!
- Lex, I seriously doubt... - Guys! What's wrong with you?
Are you really that senile you can't see what's going on?
OK. Guys, this stops right here.
We are not going to dignify this piffle by taking it seriously.
Yeah, agreed.
So, done.
So you don't think there's the least chance Bel...?
Teddy Bear. An affair requires two people.
Mm? Like anyone without a guide dog would fancy Bel.
♪ Better get yourself on the right track ♪
♪ Because finding a good man ♪
♪ Is like finding a needle in a haystack. ♪
Where did that go?
Hey, where does any of it go?
Turn around, blink, you miss it, kids grow up, life moves on,
what happened? Where are you?
What are you?
And welcome to the magical world of Wesley Finch talks
broken biscuits.
- He does. - So, Wesley,
when did you first fall for the beautiful and talented
Isabel Reagan?
Was it when she put me in a liplock on Swinton Fields?
Or was it when your best mate Ted gave her a Christmas kiss?
Not that I'm competitive.
- Who was best? - The kisser?
Hmmm, that is tricky.
Oh, come on, no contest!
- Prove it. - Peasy.
Hmm.
Mm!
Oh, yeah. It's getting there.
♪ At last my dream's come true ♪
♪ Today he said I do ♪
♪ Friends said it couldn't be done ♪
♪ But all his love, I know I've won ♪
♪ Cos third finger, left hand ♪
♪ That's where he placed the wedding band. ♪
Six years you've been together?
How did we not know this?
Oh, he's a very private person.
- Thank you. - What does he do?
Just... something in sport.
Lovely, that.
And he likes it?
He used to, but now there's just so much pressure.
And you don't want to add to it.
No, that's it, I really don't.
Any thoughts about different salons?
Not really.
I recommend Shameem's.
It's in Alderley Edge. State of the art, all the latest techniques.
The thing is, I really like it here.
But we only do a fraction of what they offer.
Plus, what if I told you we might soon have to close?
What can I say? Bel Finch kicks ass!
I knew if I let it play out he'd come to his senses.
Uh-huh?
So, I take it you'll be moving back home?
Do you mind?
I'll survive. Besides, it's the dance-off tomorrow.
- Once that's over... - Curtains for Hector.
Yeah.
You know the routine.
Right, lads, you fit?
I know she's my sister.
And I love her to bits
but, between you and me, she's a bit behind the times.
And if we can't provide what you need,
I think for your sake and your fiance's...
..you should go elsewhere.
- Hi! - Whoa!
So the rumours are true.
There's a new girl in town.
- Do you like her? - I quite liked the old one.
- What's it all about? - Wouldn't you like to know?
Guess who just lost us a client?
- Why would you do that? - Hello?
Customer service.
Put the client first.
By sending them elsewhere?
I know this might be hard to hear, but since you took over,
she really thinks things have gone downhill.
- And what do you think? - Is it my job to think?
It's your job to support the family business.
- Says who? - Do you actually want us to succeed?
Since when was it "us"?
Since when was it anything except the Bel Finch Me-Me-Me Show?
Know it all, have it all...
What the hell are you on about?
You really don't have a clue.
Honestly?
- I really don't. - Don't you turn your back on me!
Don't you even dare!
I will not be ignored.
And it's Lingard to Mata.
Mata to Rashford. Rashford beats one, and...
♪ Some day my prince will come ♪
♪ Some day I'll find my love ♪
♪ And how thrilling that moment will be ♪
♪ When the Prince of my dreams comes to me ♪
♪ He'll whisper "I love you" ♪
♪ And steal a kiss or two ♪
♪ Though he's far away ♪
♪ I'll find my love some day ♪
♪ Some day when my dreams come true. ♪
APPLAUSE
Well done!
What is it?
Last night...
..I slept with my wife.
It was only the once.
I don't really know how it happened.
How did it happen?
So, I just felt, after she'd gone to all that effort...
It would be rude not to.
Kind of.
Look, I feel bad for her.
And guilty?
Cheating on her with me.
- Of course. - Then you still love her.
I just... I don't want to rock the boat.
She's got masses on her plate.
And you and I, we're not totally sure where this is going.
It's already gone where I never wanted it to go.
I'm a nice person.
I don't know how I've ended up as the bit on the side.
That's not what you are to me.
Isn't it?
You pick me up, drop me, bang me and then leg it back to your wife.
Is this cos I won't stay the night?
You won't stay the night because you don't really give a shit.
It's not true.
- Not true. - Then stay with me.
Your wife's still at her dad's. She'll never know.
OK.
I'll stay.
SHE SOBS
♪ Heaven in your arms ♪
♪ It's the sweetness of your charms ♪
♪ Makes me love you more each day ♪
♪ In your arms I want to stay. ♪
And after we win tonight, how about we enter the national heats?
- We could go all the way. - We'll see.
♪ Tonight with you for the first time ♪
♪ I have learned what my lips are... ♪
Hop it, Fido. Get to your basket.
Ugh!
Oh!
Did you ever let your kids do stuff that they want?
Never knew what they wanted.
- Didn't they tell you? - Couldn't be arsed listening.
Christ almighty.
Could you telegraph that more?
Stevie Wonder seen that coming.
No, no, no, no, no.
Timing. It's all about timing.
He didn't come home.
I've played it all wrong.
Sheila Grove calling.
Tell her I'll ring her back.
Hello, Sheila.
Hello, Sheila. Are you there, love?
Bastard.
I'm not having this.
_
Confidentially, what really alarms me,
my sister's started using cheapo products.
Oh, yeah, so our clients aren't getting the same level of service now.
Do you think that's fair?
If I'm honest, I think you should feel free to take your custom elsewhere.
No, I'd do exactly the same.
Dana.
- You're back again. - Can I...
Can I speak to Bel, please?
Shameem's is scary.
Everyone's so shiny and smooth and just perfect.
And they're all looking at me like, "Who's this freak?"
So, I came back to you, because...
We're all freaks here?
No, no, you're just...
You're not stressed about it.
- I mean, look at you. - Me?
You got lines and wrinkles, but you're not fussed.
And you wear what you like and you do what you want.
It's more about confidence, isn't it?
It is about confidence.
Of course, you'd have to ask who you're doing it for.
You know what? Let's sack the fillers.
We'll give you a simple skin brightening peel,
which freshens you up, but leaves you looking like you.
- OK. - And if your fiance isn't happy...
Then he won't be my fiance much longer.
MACHINERY STARTS UP
Ted, my head's gone AWOL.
I slept with Bel. And I just thought,
what am I doing playing away?
I love my wife.
What was I thinking?
ARGH!
AHH!
Ted.
Yeah, sorry, mate, lost you there for a second.
Let me buy you a pint.
What the hell's Ma done to herself?
Ah, you spoke to your sis.
Look, there is absolutely no proof that she's up to no good.
OK, Mr Dog With Two Dicks.
- How did it happen? - Ted, if I knew that...
It's like I'm two different people.
Away from her, I'm steady, middle-aged family man Wes.
And then I see her again and my head goes woof.
But if you had to choose...
..now.
Could go either way.
- Seriously? - Lorelei...
She makes me feel 20, and that's...
It's intoxicating.
No, I mean, in the end, it's got to be Bel, right?
Always.
- Pint? - Cheers.
Dante, plan B.
I think you should end it.
He's just stringing you along.
- He did stay the night. - What has he promised you?
- Yeah, nothing. - Nothing.
- I know I should end it, I just... - Don't know if you want to.
But if I did, I'd want to make it easy on her.
It's fair enough. What if she ended it?
- Why would she? - What is she, 27?
29.
That age?
It's all about image.
Selfies, Instagram, style, taste.
Show her you've got none,
- she'll run a mile. - Really?
- Trust me. - Right, so I'll end it.
Absolutely.
- Unless... - What?
He ups his game?
- How? - Makes some radical gesture,
which proves he's planning a future with you.
- What sort of gesture? - And this is...
The ultimate turn-off.
Here you go. Still you, but brighter.
I like it. It gives me a glow.
Oh, my God.
Look who it is.
- Who? - ***
Blues just signed him.
This can't be happening.
Yeah, it can.
They're wadded.
He's early. I told him not to come before 12.
- Why are you hiding? - He's never seen me without make up.
What, even in bed?
No, I get up, I put my make-up on at five, and when he wakes up,
he thinks that's what I look like, but I don't - I look like this.
Help me.
Can I help you?
Yes, I've come to collect my fiancee, Dana Gifford.
Yeah, of course. Dana.
She seems to have disappeared.
Heidi, could you see if you could locate Dana?
- Heidi... - Hi, Leon.
Er, hello.
Is Dana around?
Heidi, could you check the cubicles?
Heidi...
You bastard.
- Who? - Arsehole.
- The Leon guy? - That's him.
- Who? - Oh, the one-night stand.
Don't call it that.
The very short liaison that resulted in your offspring, Disney?
Did you see the way he looked at me?
Well, he hadn't got a clue who you are.
Why would he do that?
- Baby, what's up? - She was feeling a bit faint,
so I told her to get close to the floor.
What?
If she's coming down with something, you don't want to catch it.
OK, well, baby, let's get you home. Yeah?
Yeah, so, now you know.
- This is me. - Yes.
- Without make-up. - And?
Well, obviously you're horrified.
Mr Kawasaki... Leon, sorry.
Can I say what a lucky girl Dana is to be your fiancee?
And now we all want to make her look her best for you.
I will personally guarantee to get her paparazzi-ready
by agreeing to be her personal make-up artist.
Is that what she wants?
I think we can all agree it's what she needs.
You want this?
No. No, I don't...
I don't want any of it.
Getting judged and slagged off.
"Oh, my God, he could so do better."
"Have you seen those eye bags and the size of that arse?"
I'm not a lingerie model, I'm a...
I'm a dental nurse.
You are right, I am horrified...
That you think so little of me.
That you care so much what other think.
Don't you care what others think?
I care what you think.
He picked that
when he could've had me.
Well, he did have you.
For five minutes in the back of a Beetle,
after you flashed your foof at him in Suede.
What is she doing?
Sign this for us, please?
- Oh, it's a pleasure. - I'm a footballer.
- Where do you play? - Upfront.
Oh, that's a tough place to be.
- It's in the blood. Because of my dad. - What, he plays football?
Used to, don't know if he still does.
- Never met him. - Oh, that's a shame.
He don't care.
Hey, he doesn't know what he's missing, OK?
- Can I have a photo? - Of course you can.
Come on, let's go.
- Cheese! - Cheese!
What did you think would happen?
That he'd feel the same,
that he'd come looking for me and I would tell him about Diz
and he'd say we should be together.
It was one night.
Five minutes.
But it meant the world to me.
Have you got any idea what it's like?
To believe in something...
..to have absolute faith...
..and then find out everything you thought was real...
..was a bazzin' great lie?
Could I borrow your sat-nav?
Mine's bust. I was going to get a new one at the weekend.
- Yeah, sure. - Cheers.
Got your message.
What's up?
Sweet.
Her car's here.
Shit.
Right, where is she?
And who's she with?
Come on.
_
Snapchatting the boyfriend?
- How did you guess? - Well, I've got teenage kids.
So how are we?
I'm really glad you decided to come back.
At my age you need all the help you can get.
Shall we stretch?
My hub thinks I'm a lost cause.
Childhood sweethearts, see? Thinks he knows me inside out.
Cheek of it!
How about you? You been together long?
Oh, no, not really.
We're actually quite new.
Are you the marrying kind?
I guess so.
- Is he? - Well...
What, he's asked you?
SHE LAUGHS
That'd be a bit premature.
Because he's cautious?
No. Cos he's married already.
- Oh. - Which I feel totally bad about.
I've never in my life gone after a married man.
I didn't go after this one.
I didn't know he was married until after we...
Well, presumably the marriage is over.
I thought so. Then he went and slept with his wife.
- Mum wears glasses? - And trackies?
He admitted it?
He said it was just the once.
She'd made a real effort and he felt so bad for her he just...
Poked her out of pity?
Wow.
Is he going to leave her?
He says so, but he wants to let her down gently.
- Oh, that's kind of him. - He is kind.
He doesn't want to hurt her any more than I do.
And, obviously, if I thought there was anything still between them...
- But there isn't? - If he's saying he wants to be with me?
But he's going to have to make some real commitment.
Because it's a big concession,
me agreeing to forgive him after he'd slept with her.
- Does she have a name? - I don't want to think about her.
If I do, she's real.
So Mum wants to get fit and she don't want you guys takin' the piss.
I don't blame her.
Ted, you said satin, right?
Fibre-optic?
Total turn-off, yeah?
Right.
- Are you DG? - Are you Manc Gold?
PHONE RINGS
Hi.
Yeah, I'll be right there.
- Watch it! - Sorry.
Right, what have you found out?
Four, three, two, one.
Way to go, Sheila! You looked like you wanted to murder those pads.
I was picturing someone's head.
Motivation is the key.
And I think you'll agree,
these sessions are already starting to pay dividends.
- I should go. - Shall I book you in for next week?
I have to go.
I really think we can take this further.
If I were her, I'd be mega jel.
Of me.
Most people are, babe.
♪ Just holding my pillow tight ♪
♪ Then you came into my lonely days ♪
♪ With a tender love and sweet ways ♪
♪ Now I don't know where you come from, baby ♪
♪ Don't know where you've been to, baby... ♪
- Here you go. - Ta.
♪ Heaven must have sent you ♪
♪ Into my arms ♪
♪ Now in the morning when I awake ♪
♪ There's a smile upon my face... ♪
No Wes?
Perhaps he's come to his senses and done one.
Two tickets to the Clitheroe Antiques Fair
and a weekend at the Smuggler's Elbow, Prestatyn.
How gutting must it be, eh?
Knowing Wes only married her because he couldn't have me?
- Gutting. - Perhaps I should clone myself.
Perhaps you should.
Least then he'd have a shoulder to cry on.
Yes! Oh, yes!
To all of it.
MUSIC: Tainted Love by Gloria Jones
Can I ask you something?
Are you cheating on Wes?
God, Ted.
If you only knew...
Of course I'm not.
You have no idea how much that means to me.
What is it? Why are you...?
If I tell you, do you promise not to breathe a word to anyone?
Of course.
Leanne's cheating on me.
- Oh. - Hello.
Remember the tenth commandment -
thou shalt not covet thy sister's piece of ass?
So that's the results of the heats.
So now, without further ado,
let's kick off with the final of the over-50s section!
MUSIC: Do I Love You By Frank Wilson
- She loved it. - Even Prestatyn?
Even the fibre-optic rose bush!
So now what?
Guess she's going nowhere for the time being.
Don't tell me you're not just a little bit chuffed?
- Drink? - Half.
- You remembered. - Why wouldn't I?
Well, aren't you the better man turning up to support the family?
Least some of us appreciate you.
Give that man an Oscar!
Is that how it's done?
Play away, delete conscience?
- Ask your ma. - I'm asking you.
It's been a while now.
As far as I remember, it's all about boxes.
Pack away your finer feelings and let the beast come out to play.
Once upon a time, he wouldn't have gone near her.
Has he now?
Close, but no cigar.
What can I do?
I don't want advice, I don't want questions, I don't want anything...
..except for you to listen.
I'm hoping it's a flash in the pan,
that she'll come to her senses and realise what she's throwing away.
I don't want to say anything now...
..because I don't want to make her choose.
Because if she chooses now, I think she'll choose him.
So all I'm asking is for you to be there, whenever I need you.
Can you do that for me?
Of course, Ted.
Any time.
You were brilliant. Beautiful! Thank you, thanks a lot.
Mum, Mum, smile!
Yay!
Let me in.
That's your lot, amigo.
Ta for the work-out.
I don't understand.
Adios?
But you are my little northern soulmate.
Keep the faith, cock.
Let's go home.
Nobody warn you? She always comes home.
Good back-flips, though.
So you're back now?
That a problem?
Not for me.
- Glass? - I'm up early.
Sleep well.
And you.
Nice to see you without all that slap on.
What was I thinking? That I wasn't thin, smooth,
buffed and fluffed enough for him?
- Screw him. - Screw them both.
Hi, this is Lorelei Bailey, PT.
Please leave me a message.
Hi there, it's Sheila.
Coming back for more.
I'll try again later.
You do know you're playing with fire?
What I know is, I'm going to make them wish that
they'd never set eyes on each other.
Everything's going according to plan.
Cheers, Daddy-O.
What did we agree?
That I shouldn't call you that?
Mm.
Sweet, though, having someone say it.
When you couldn't have kids with your wife?
Not couldn't, didn't.
Never wanted one with her...
..and luckily she's so vain it never took much to convince her
not to wreck her figure.
I had the snip.
- Get out! - Mm.
I would've had it reversed if I'd got with Bel.
But now it's too late.
Still, small price to pay if I get her in the end.
Has it always been her?
Nobody's even come close.
But you married her sister.
How else could I stay in her life?
You find the one, you don't just give up
because they marry someone else.
You bide your time.
And when that day comes...
Has the day come?
She's right on the edge.
All she needs is a little push.
♪ Don't want us to be over ♪
♪ Don't want us to be over, please ♪
♪ Time goes slow-mo ♪
♪ Don't want us to be over ♪
♪ Don't want us to be over. ♪