How much does all this hurt?
Sometimes I can't get breath in my body.
What I feel for Bel... I've never known anything like it.
I promised myself I'd make it happen.
You've seen what I'm willing to do.
Did you get a glance at my fella?
I can't quite figure you out.
It's like we have this connection.
But despite that, I feel like there's something else.
Like we share this thing...
..I can't put my finger on.
Keep the change.
Mirror, mirror on the wall...
Who's the fairest of them all?
Age before beauty?
Pearls before swine?
Handsome Prince Charming.
Will you be mine?
Sync & corrections by emeline-whovian www.addic7ed.com
- You never say anything bad about Bel. - It's not a competition.
How could I even begin to...
- What? - Compare?
It's not a competition.
You know that dress? Nothing happened, did it?
No.
I've slept with my wife.
I don't know how I've ended up as the bit on the side.
That's not what you are to me.
Isn't it?
Oh. Hey, there!
- How's it going? - It's all good.
You?
Honestly, I've been going a little bit crazy.
- Oh. - Yeah. Can't help wondering...
What?
Why my boyfriend cheated on his wife.
Oh. Wow!
The Billion Dollar Question!
- Could be any number of reasons. - Like?
I dunno, maybe... he was bored or fancied a change
or maybe he was just ambushed?
So you don't think there's any way it could be her fault?
Maybe she'd took him for granted? Stopped trying?
I think maybe she assumed after all those years that she knew him.
That their relationship was bomb-proof.
- I guess she might have been a bit... - Arrogant?
Naive.
So why do you think he's still with her?
I really have no idea.
And so here, at the Keep Young And Beautiful Show,
we're going to show the world how to hold back the years
so that we can stay youthful and "worth it".
♪ Keep young and beautiful ♪
♪ It's your duty to be beautiful ♪
♪ Keep young and beautiful ♪
♪ If you want to be loved ♪
♪ Keep young and beautiful ♪
♪ It's your duty to be beautiful ♪
♪ Keep young and beautiful ♪
♪ If you want to be loved ♪
♪ If you're wise exercise all the fat off ♪
♪ Take it off, off of here, off of there. ♪
♪ If you're seen anywhere with you hat off ♪
♪ Wear a little wave in your hair ♪
♪ Take care of all those charms ♪
♪ And you'll always be in someone's arms ♪
♪ Keep young and beautiful ♪
♪ If you want to be... ♪
♪ Loved. ♪
..as long as we stick to the programme!
So join us this coming weekend
and let's turn back the clock!
Before you start, we're doing it. Why?
Because it's our chance to be at the launch of a brand-new venture,
to see what products are out there, scope out the competition,
see how we compare.
Yeah, go on, by all means, scupper it,
because, hey, my suggestion, so obviously can't be any good.
- It's a great idea. - What?
We should do it.
- What's the catch? - No catch.
Look at me? Who wouldn't?
What did I say when Ding-dong came back to the salon?
It would free me up for bigger, better things!
- And they don't come much bigger than this. - Yeah!
Great.
Really nice.
Lovely.
OK, shoulders back. Just tilt your head a bit...
Cheers, pop.
As of this weekend, you're no longer aspiring.
You're an actual model.
Helps to know the right people.
Well, like they say, you scratch my back.
Hey!
She said the S-word.
- The S-word! - Sex?
Stepmother!
And there's me thinking we're just making hay while the sun shines!
Well, aren't you?
Come on, mate, you're having a ball!
Cake, cookie, full biscuit box! What's not to like?
The fact that the longer this goes on,
the more chance there is someone's going to get hurt?
Bel? Her?
Fair.
Well, I guess if you're going to bail
you may as well go out in a blaze of fireworks.
- Like how? - Like the ultimate, absolute,
amaze-dog's bollocks of a weekend?
The end-it of end-it-alls!
Go on, mate, you've deserved it.
So's she.
And by Monday, it'll all be over.
We have got three days.
Three days?
Bel is on the brink and I'm loathe to rush it,
but Wes is getting cold feet
and if I don't move now, I'll miss the window.
And he'll creep back and she'll be none the wiser
and I'll go bad to being "Best Mate Ted".
So I need some sign from Bel before Wes bails.
Then there's no going back.
OK. Yeah, but it only works while Wes is still with the cookie.
- Lorelei. - Mm-hm.
Which is why you need to keep her in the game till Monday.
Capisce?
There you go.
Whatever happened to that PT?
The client who was doing you free sessions in exchange for a kitchen?
Have you stopped seeing her?
No!
Yeah, yeah, I let it slide.
- What sessions? - What PT?
Are you two welded to them phones?
Snore, Dad.
I mean, seriously? If aliens landed, what would they make of you?
Permanently gawping at poodle videos and...
..sending inane snaps of chicken salads?
You need to get out more, Dad.
I need to sleep. I need peace and quiet and no more ear ache.
So, you and Terry?
What was it like when you first got together?
You mean... what did we love about each other?
Exactly.
Everything!
Sex, talking, doing stuff.
Daft stuff, sporty stuff, arty stuff.
Galleries, plays, movies, dog shows, cocktails, running, dancing...
It's just what you do, in't it? When you're young and in love.
So far we've only spent the night together.
- Yeah? - Open it.
Go on.
It's a whole weekend.
Five-star hotel, cocktails, gallery opening, salsa session,
entry to the City Centre Canal Run,
two tickets to the Cheshire Dog Show.
I just thought, why can't we have it all?
Oh, er, for what it's worth,
I think you did the right thing backing Leanne.
With or without ulterior motive.
Kissing ass after last week's shoot-out.
It's water under the bridge, mate.
Everyone has secrets.
- There's no law against, is there? - Oh, Tina.
- Hiya. - Hey.
- Come through. - Thanking you.
- How are we? - Yeah, good. You?
- Hiya. - Hiya.
Waxing, eyebrows, manicure.
Come this way.
- Are you doing anything nice this weekend? - Modelling job.
Oh, lovely that, yeah.
I hate what he's turned her into.
She's hyper, pushy, won't take no for an answer.
Mitchell?
- Definitely him? - She even sounds like him!
Sorry. I swore I wouldn't go there.
Hey...
Do you ever blame yourself that she looked elsewhere?
I mean, if it happened to me, would I not think...
..where did I go wrong?
Did I get too complacent?
Would she be actually better off with someone else?
Well, if that ever happened...
..I'd hope you'd soon come to your senses.
And do what?
Find someone who deserves you.
This Saturday?
Shit.
I've just agreed to do a two day-er in, er, Preston.
Oh, that's a shame.
And it's a big deal for the salon, right?
Well, we'll be fine.
Kids'll help.
Would've been nice, all of us together.
Maybe I can rearrange.
- There'll be other weekends. - There will.
Definitely.
- I'm sorry. - Again.
I'm sorry.
For grassing about you, the window, what you did,
why you did it, who knew, who didn't...
..why we don't speak to Auntie Claire,
why we don't speak ABOUT Auntie Claire. I am sorry.
How many times do I need to say it?
Till I tell you I'm bored.
I'm sorry.
Bored.
OK, guys! Listen up.
Beauty show, OK.
All the prep, the set-up, the stand, will be handled by moi.
Your job is to show up on the day, hand out flyers, and get people in.
- Where will you be? - Enrolling people in our vision.
Which is?
Totally amazalicious hundy P.
Cool.
What time do you want us?
Don't feel bad.
- What? - For working away.
I do feel bad.
Have fun.
♪ There's one life and there's no return and no deposit ♪
♪ One life, so it's time to open up your closet... ♪
What do you think she's expecting?
A dog's breakfast?
She'll be gutted.
Oh, she will!
♪ And it's all my own work ♪
♪ And finally I'll get the credit I deserve. ♪
Whoo!
LOUD MUSIC PLAYING
Shit.
How could we even hope to compete?
Way to go, Lea.
How to undermine,
freak out and product-shame your sis in one fell swoop, eh?
Benefit of the doubt, guys. Come on.
WAITER: Any champagne, ladies?
So, le produit, as we say in France, is completely unique
and it comes in this unusual packaging.
It's the first time I've ever displayed it.
It's actually still in development,
but at the moment we are offering...
"Anti-ageing guru"?
What exactly is that?
I offer lifestyle advice, aesthetic consultations
and I'm developing my own unique product range.
Teddy's backing me and he thinks he can get further investment.
And when you say "developing," it's...?
I've chosen colours for bottles and logos for packaging.
- Lovely. - But no actual products?
That's just a detail.
The key is to create a buzz!
And this anti-ageing programme?
So, hints, tips, advice.
- Like...? - Erm...
Look, obviously I'm not going to be giving away and trade secrets
till you've coughed up a fee.
Oh!
Just a taster. More to come.
SHE GIGGLES
OK. Clock starts now!
What?
Come on, lazy.
We've got a schedule to keep!
_
Wow...
Wow?
Right. Next stop.
Five. Six. Seven. Eight.
Five and six, seven, eight.
- Isn't this awesome? - Totally.
- WATCH CHIMES - Uh-oh!
Now what?
Yeah, so I might have to slip off later.
- What? - I arranged to meet a client...
..flying in from Dubai.
- Sorry, it completely slipped my mind. - When?
2:30?
No problem!
- Ladies and gentlemen... - I'm aiming for a PB.
- Stick with me, you'll be fine. - ..if you would take your positions.
Are you ready? Get set...
STARTER PISTOL
Ooh...
Hello.
So how does this work, then?
You suck my blood, I'll suck yours?
- Lamb. - Slaughter.
So what's this week's Black Ops?
Operation "Show Wes What He's Got To Lose."
And how's it going?
It's only a matter of time before he's home.
OK, what do you really think?
That you are amazing for getting behind her, no matter what.
I know how much it means to her.
Wes not here?
- Working. - He must be gutted.
Yeah, well...
Oh, by the way... you thinking what I'm thinking?
Leanne's a shit guru?
MirrorBel Beauty's out of its league?
What are we going to do about that?
WOMAN: Ten minutes, everyone.
_
Oh, there you are! I have been looking all over for your stand.
Wow... Oh, wow. Tell me about this.
Well, les produits, as we say in France,
are at an early stage of development.
I really want to get the ingredients right,
but basically they're totes au naturel,
organique, full of vitamins, minerals, essential oils,
no carbs, gluten-free, low cholesterol...
Sounds good.
Leon!
Hey.
What do you think?
Can we get a picture? Celebrity endorsement?
Er, yeah, sure. OK.
- Diz, come away. - Come on. Come on.
There you go.
- You know I hate City? - Yep.
Disney!
But that goal against Stoke was a belter.
And how's your game, hmm? Are you still banging them in?
Hat-trick last week for Clarry Girls.
Get me scouted?
- Disney! - Disney what?
Disney Regan.
Well, I never forget a name or a face.
And this one. Lovely.
RINGTONE: ♪ I've had the time of my life ♪
♪ No, I've never... ♪
Great song.
- Did we get it? - Yeah, it's good.
Brilliant, thank you so much.
- Erm, babe, are you ready? - Yeah.
- Fancy him remembering. - What?
That I play football.
First time?
What gave you that idea?
Me? Five years back?
You'll boss it, mate.
Here you go. Well done. Keep going.
Keep hydrating.
There you go.
Take a drink. Come on.
Great race.
You look really good.
Have we got no leaflets for the salon?
I don't think Leanne brought any.
There's a shock!
It just seems a shame to waste the opportunity.
Got any at home? I could run you.
No, it's fine.
Actually, that... that would be good.
Can you manage, Heidi?
Time Of My Life.
- Yes? - You know, the last time I heard it...
One night, it was about nine years ago...
..outside Suede with a girl, in her car.
You know, looking back, I'm embarrassed to admit it.
I was young and daft. I thought I was God's Gift.
I didn't think about her feelings
or whether there might be consequences.
If there were...
..I would feel obligated to make things right.
There weren't.
Good song, though.
- Great song. - Yeah.
DOOR OPENING
Trying to think where they'd be.
You know, seeing you there today I couldn't help thinking...
What?
How amazing you look.
Oh, that's nice to hear.
Actually that might be your fault.
How?
Putting ideas into my head.
Get back to the salon, make a fresh start?
One way or another, you've been there for me.
These days, boy, do I appreciate it!
You know I'll always be there for you.
That's a promise.
There they are!
DOOR CLOSES
Ladies and gentlemen, please make your way over to the catwalk
- for the start of the fashion show. - Won't be a tic. Just seen a mate.
- Did that guy just wink at you? - Yep.
He's well hot.
Should I introduce you?
- Could you? - Sure.
Same time you introduce me to yours.
Why couldn't you just tell him the truth?
Cos it's too late?
Cos he's marrying Dayna.
Cos I'm ancient!
Why didn't he show up nine years ago
before I was minging and sagging and pumped full of fillers?
You're not minging.
Oh, look at me!
Is this the face of a WAG?
Besides, what am I supposed to tell Diz, eh?
That she's the upshot of some swift wham-bam in the back of a Beetle?
She thinks he got transferred to Senegal.
I hope I never set eyes on him again.
Oh, come here.
Boyfriend? But everyone thinks...
- That I'm a lezza? Yeah. - Yeah.
And long may it last.
You really think I want the Crazy Gang poking their snouts
- into my affairs? - What, so you want them all to think...?
That I'm a frustrated old dyke? You bet!
"Poor Tina, never met the right girl..."
Oh, well, she'll have to settle for Shaquille!
You do realise I'm going to have to kill you now?
Of course.
Hey, and if you've got any sense, you'll do the same.
What, not introduce Dante?
Two years I've been with Shaquille.
When he comes in the salon, it's bad enough,
exposing him to all the witter and garbage.
Lay low.
Till you've got no choice.
What's "no choice"?
The one I'm landed with.
Soft git wants to marry me.
Ah, Tina! That's bloody fantastic!
Get off me, you daft bladder!
And keep it zipped.
Ah, right, then...
Introductions.
Good afternoon, ladies. How are we today?
Can I interest you in the anti-ageing programme?
We're brand-new to the market.
Completely unique and developing for the moment.
Thank you very much.
Well, hello, pretty boy!
Are you looking to smooth away those frown lines?
You've come to the right place!
I see that!
You should see the response I've had. I am utterly overwhelmed.
Everybody's loving it.
They think it's fabulous.
You made it!
Yeah, I just wanted to show some support.
Hope the client wasn't too miffed?
- Wow, this is all... - It's amazing, in't it?
I think it's important to have a vision, you know?
Show people you mean business.
So what can I do? Hand out leaflets?
- The more the merrier. - OK.
Why's she being supportive, huh? Why is she not jealous?
- Isn't it good that she's not jealous? - I want her to be jealous.
I want her to be pig-sick with envy.
She thinks it won't work.
She thinks I'm not a threat.
I am so a threat.
- I am the mother of all threats. - You are.
I'll give her supportive!
- Thank you. See ya. - See ya.
So... have we dumped Cookie?
No.
But in case you hadn't noticed,
I have a wife and a family and they also mean something to me.
That's fair enough.
- Leanne wants photos. - Coming.
I'm not that tall. Guys, squish in!
You're not in it!
Would you like me to take it?
- Would you mind? - My pleasure.
OK. One minute, just hang on a second.
- Dad hold them. - Are you kidding?
That's it, turn it round. Other way.
Disney, smile!
- Big smiles, guys. - Seriously?
Smile!
OK. Three, two, one.
Cheese!
Yay!
Sorry, guys, I've gotta go.
- You're going? - Yeah, sorry.
Dad! We're getting pizza.
- Sweetheart, I would love to but... - No, no, it's fine.
We'll do something tomorrow.
Don't work too hard!
Dad, Dad, do you mind just waiting here just a sec?
Yeah, I suppose.
- See you later, man. - See you.
- Cheers, bruv. - See you.
Hey! Our Tina said I shouldn't do this,
but there's someone I want you to meet.
Tyler.
- Yeah? - Who's that?
Me dad.
Tina says keep you away from family,
but I think she meant don't overwhelm you,
so I thought if I introduce them one at a time...
You know what?
I think she's right.
WESLEY: Lorelei?
Lorelei?
VOICE MAIL: You've reached Teddy Roxton. Leave a message.
I think she's done one.
Which I'm kind of gutted about.
You know, that it's over?
Kind of relieved...
..you know, that it was her who did it.
Sorry to abandon you.
Just had to go after that PB.
- Did you get it? - I did. Yeah.
Then I met some mates for a protein shake, came back, had a spa session,
now I'm ready for Part Two.
Cocktails at the Ice Bar,
nibbles at Bar Negrito, followed by the dog show!
Ah...
What? Too much?
Yeah, a bit.
I just... wanted to make this weekend really special.
And it has been.
It really has.
But now...
..the thing is...
PHONE RINGS
Sorry, I need to get this.
Yeah?
What's happened? Has she gone?
Er, there was actually some confusion.
The, er, client changed her mind.
- Is she still there? - Yep.
Go for it, mate.
Who was that?
Look, I'm sorry.
- There's been a thing. - Thing?
Call from home. One of the kids... fainted.
Might be serious.
I've got to go.
You're leaving?
I'm sorry. Really sorry.
It's not the way I wanted it.
Sorry.
I'll call you.
DOORBELL RINGS
I'll get it.
Cheers, mucker. Keep the change.
LORELEI SOBS
PHONE VIBRATES
Someone's popular tonight.
_
You're early.
That's your fault.
I'm raring to go these days.
- Right. - Before we start...
..I'd like to say something.
Me too.
- This whole situation... - I know.
I'm sure you're a nice person who never meant to get into this mess.
Trust me it's the last thing I wanted.
And if I'm honest...
..I think you deserve better.
This infatuation of his it's...
It's so predictable.
I don't mean to be rude,
but all relationships go through sticky patches
and the grown-up thing to do is to hang in there,
not buy a new set of toys.
What he's done? He's bought a leather jacket? Gone clubbing?
Got his hair spiked? It's classic!
How would you know?
Well, that's a good question.
Because I have been there.
- What? - Terry's gone off the rails a few times.
- Seriously? - Guys do.
But he's always come back.
To be honest, I've not always been a saint.
What? You mean you've... cheated?
Couple of times.
But he never knew, so it never hurt him.
When was this?
Does it matter? I mean, we're still together.
I'm just really shocked.
- You're a romantic. - Aren't you?
No.
I'm a realist.
I don't expect perfection.
I focus on what works, shared history, things in common.
Family. Kids.
In the end, that's what holds a couple together.
That's why you're on a hiding to nothing.
He's got too much to lose.
What do you think he'd do?
Terry?
If he found out you'd cheated?
Well, how would he find out? Who's going to tell him?
- Besides... - What?
He'd never believe it.
Don't you get it? He's cheated.
She's cheated.
It's not this perfect marriage
so he can stop feeling guilty and end it.
Because the thing is, she's really not this saint.
OK, I haven't told you this,
but guess what she's been up to these last few weeks?
Seriously, guess.
Got to go. Bye.
Emergency over?
Sick child?
Oh, er, yeah.
I just don't think they eat enough.
Can I ask you something?
What a nice surprise.
- Can I come in? - Yeah.
Before me, had you ever cheated on your wife?
What?
No, never. Why would you think that?
What about her?
Has she's ever cheated on you?
Absolutely not. No way.
I've been thinking about what you said
about me always having your back
which is true, I have and always will.
But I'm wondering, is it enough?
And would you consider...
..ever taking it further?
Are you absolutely sure? If she had been unfaithful...
It would be like I never knew her,
like everything I believed about her was false.
If she could look me in the eye
when all the time she'd been living this massive lie...
Yeah, I know. Who am I to talk?
But would you end it?
Don't know.
Probably.
And obviously you'd need proof.
Obviously.
Why are we even having this conversation?
That would depend on what you mean by "further"?
LEXIE SINGING IN ANOTHER ROOM
Will you do something for me?
- Yes. - Ask me out.
- What? - For lunch, now.
My pleasure.
Can we meet up?
You and I have been mates a long time.
Besides Bel, you're the only one with any sense.
So what I wanted to ask was...
..do you think there's even the whiff of a chance
that Bel...
..Bel might be having an affair?
Why would you think that?
There's something.
I can't put my finger on it.
She's sort of... different these days.
Like there's some secret thing going on.
Do you know what I mean?
BEL: I miss being wined and dined!
Doesn't Wes ever?
Not any more.
- Guess he's got a lot on his plate. - Yeah.
- Relationships are tricky. - Oh...
..and how!
Though I sometimes think is it fair to expect our partners
to be all things to us, all of the time?
Guess not.
And if they can't deliver whatever we want, whenever we want it,
could we ever find what's missing... elsewhere?
I don't know.
- Do you trust me? - You know I do.
So will you let me do something Wes can't or won't do?
Yeah.
Will you let me invest in the business?
She's been sneaking off recently.
Clocking off early. Coming in late.
So you think Lex is right? There is someone else?
You were at the show.
You saw what you're up against.
To be able to compete with the big guys on their terms,
you need a total revamp.
And for that, you need capital.
I, er, I could never accept it.
You don't know my terms.
It's a sat nav.
It's Bel's.
I borrowed it.
And?
Use yer nous, Wesley.
I would buy into the business, loan it the funds to do what's required.
There's only one condition.
It goes no further.
Not to Leanne. Not to Wes.
- But... - Bel, I love this family.
I don't want to see them go under.
By investing in you, I'm investing in them.
And you...
..I would trust with my life.
SAT NAV: Calculating route.
I hope, back there, I wasn't confusing?
Not at all!
I just want to do what's best for the family.
I know.
But also, for what it's worth, I do think you're amazing.
Thank you.
SAT NAV: Turn left.
You have reached your destination.
Thank you...
..for being kind.
Is kindness what you want?
These last few months, I have been crying out for it.
I should go.
- Yeah, we'll speak. - Yeah.
FRONT DOOR OPENS
Fancy going out?
- What? Who? Me? - Yeah, you. And me.
OK.
Where shall we go?
What are you thinking?
Sorry?
Food?
Erm...
The mussels are good.
How do you know?
Oh, I come here sometimes, on the way to the suppliers.
Treat myself to lunch when I'm doing stock.
Oh, OK.
So, what else is good?
You know what, you order. Surprise me.
She's not having an affair.
Oh, hello? Finally come t'yer senses?
- Where did you try? - Revolution.
Where she goes for lunch when she's doing stock?
Yeah, we're here now, having dinner.
Anywhere else? Country park?
It's just a park, right?
It's just a park.
Have you any idea why she goes there?
Who she meets and what she does?
No.
Her personal trainer. Are you happy now?
Wes? Are you there? Wes?
Yeah, yeah, just, er... lost you for a sec.
So, you realise now?
She's probably trying to get fit and doesn't want anyone taking the piss.
Totally get that.
Ignore me. I'm a knob.
Are these all finished with?
Yeah. Thank you. Thank you.
Why did we stop doing this?
What, date night?
Why did we stop making the effort?
- We've had a lot on. - We've been sleepwalking.
Have we?
What were we thinking?
I guess we weren't thinking.
But it's OK, isn't it?
It's not the end of the world. We just took our eye off the ball.
Bel, sweetheart? Don't...
We can get it back. Can't we?
There's nothing we can't get back.
Isn't there?
I promise.
There's nothing we can't get back.
Hi, Sheila. Are we ready to suffer?
You bet!
- Ty? - Mmm?
You awake?
I need to say something.
Coffee?
Yeah.
Five! Four! Three! Two!
One!
You just don't surrender, do you?
SHE PANTS
Should I?
I want to show you something.
THEY LAUGH RAUCOUSLY
Let me have another look.
Until next time?
Absolutely.
What you up to later?
KNOCK AT DOOR
♪ Ooh-ooh ♪
♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh ♪
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
♪ Don't want this to be over ♪
♪ Please, time, go slow-mo ♪
♪ Don't want this to be over ♪
♪ Don't want this to be over. ♪