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♪ It seems today that all you see ♪
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♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
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♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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- Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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ANNOUNCER: Previously, on Family Guy...
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Hey, who wants to play "Drink the Beer"?
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- Right here.
- Heh. You win!
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- All right! What do I win?
- Another beer!
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More recently, and better,
on Family Guy...
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PETER: All right, you ready?
All right, one, two, three.
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- (GRUNTING)
- Okay, all right.
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- Uh, okay. All right.
- Easy, easy, easy, easy.
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Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa, stop, stop, stop,
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- stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
- What? What? What?
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00:00:52,222 --> 00:00:53,923
- No, no, no, no. Twist it.
- What? I am.
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- No. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no.
- I... I...
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Other way, other way,
you're twisting it the wrong way.
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Even more recently, and not
quite as good, on Family Guy...
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Jess is going to live!
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♪
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(FARTING)
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Brian, did you hear that?
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Mm-hmm.
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Stewie, I've got to get out of this.
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And now, the current,
better-than-the-pilot-
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but-not-as-good- as-Star-Wars-episode
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of Family Guy.
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Sorry it took us so long
to have dinner together.
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Oh, that's okay. You were busy...
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being dead.
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- (HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER)
- (BRIAN FAKE-LAUGHING)
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Did you warn this guy
when he married you
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he also married your friends?
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- (HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER)
- (BRIAN FAKE-LAUGHING)
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I love his laugh!
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- (HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER)
- Ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha!
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Ah-ha-ha-ha!
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Oh, Meg, you have to babysit
for Stewie Saturday.
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- Nope.
- Okay. Chris, you have to do it.
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What? That's not fair.
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- I have a party to go to.
- Sorry, Meg found pictures
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on your father's computer,
and she's blackmailing us.
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She can do what she wants
till we get some dirt on her.
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I didn't know it was supposed to be hard
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before I took the picture.
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(WHISTLING A TUNE)
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Oh, hey, Peter. Be with you in a sec.
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- I'm burning the place down.
- You got the bedbugs?
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That don't make sense. This
isn't the Red Rock Motor Lodge
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in Montgomery, Alabama.
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Please send the lawsuit to our lawyer,
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whose address is below.
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That's right, she's also a lawyer.
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The mystery deepens.
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I don't have bedbugs.
I'm burning it down
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so I can fake my own death.
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Can you throw me that white fur coat
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- filled with HoneyBaked hams?
- What?
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(SOBBING): I just...
I can't take it, Peter.
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I thought I could marry Jess,
but it's awful!
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I can't live this way!
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Hey, relax. You're married now.
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You don't have to worry about nothin'.
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Everything's done for you.
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I mean, I literally don't know
where socks come from.
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No idea. Do they come from trees?
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From bushes? I don't know.
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Get a hole in one, new pair shows up
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in my drawer, just like that.
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Food, too. I chucked the mustard
onto the front lawn last week.
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That night, back in the fridge.
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That would be kind of nice.
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Listen, stick with me.
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We're gonna have a great adventure,
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like the astronaut who thinks
the lowest number is three.
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MAN (OVER SPEAKERS):
And liftoff in five, four,
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- three...
- ASTRONAUT: Whoa!
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- two, one...
- Oh.
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- liftoff.
- Whoa!
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This is our spot, Brian.
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A place just for married guys
like you and me.
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Husbands Restaurant?
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I've never seen this place before.
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- Is it new?
- Nope. Been here for 30 years.
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You just can't see it
until you get married.
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Watch. Take your ring off.
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- Wow!
- Wearing the ring
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also makes you wear giant khaki shorts
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with a belt and a lot of keys
rattling around in the pockets.
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- (KEYS JANGLE)
- You're right!
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What are all these keys for?
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A series of sheds.
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I got a lot of sheds back home.
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00:04:03,747 --> 00:04:05,714
Oh. You have more than one shed?
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00:04:05,749 --> 00:04:07,349
'Course. You always need an extra shed.
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I even got one shed that
just has an extra shed in it.
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- You guys talking about sheds?
- Hell yes. I love my sheds.
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- Me, too.
- High five on sheds.
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Sheds!
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(BLEATING LIKE SHEEP): Sheds...
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sheds... sheds... sheds...
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Are those really Tom Arnold's
sweatpants in that frame?
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Yep. That's the Husbands wall of heroes.
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There are a lot of fat guys here.
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Well, yeah, Brian.
Every man's true weight
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is at least 20 pounds heavier
than how they look.
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You know how much energy
it takes to hold all that in?
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You can finally let go.
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Just relax. Exhale for once.
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Exhale like you never have to attract
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a pretty woman ever again.
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(INHALES)
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(EXHALES)
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Wow, that feels amazing.
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Now, let's order some food.
I'm starving.
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Nice to meet you, Starving. I'm Brian.
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(ELECTRONIC BEEPING)
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(PAGER VIBRATES)
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Oh, looks like they really
want me to come to that party.
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- We're gonna have to go.
- You... you have a pager?
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- Yeah.
- You get paged?
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Yeah, that's how a pager works.
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Why don't you just get a phone?
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Um, you mean one of your
government tracking devices?
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No, thanks. I'm using a pager.
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"Oh, you're looking at your steps?"
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No, the government's
watching where you're going.
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It's not nap time, Stewie. Wake up.
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All right, we're out of here.
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Okay, Stewie's going to the party.
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- Yeah, but where's Chris going?
- I have no idea!
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He's completely off the grid!
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Damn it! He can't hide forever.
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(BEEPING)
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Where are you?
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Boy, this really is a high school party.
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Complete with the popular kid
who's clearly going to die
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in a car accident tonight.
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Hey, Jagger, can you
help out at the soup kitchen
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- tomorrow at noon?
- Sure. I should be alive then.
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Yeah, he gone.
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I see we're smoking.
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We're not smoking. We're vaping.
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- What's the difference?
- Smoking is for losers.
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Vaping is for douchebags.
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Aw. I want to be a douchebag.
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Do you own 19 hats?
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I only have one, but it's a
Stussy hat with a flat brim.
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Have a seat.
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(INHALES)
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Whoo-hoo, it's delightful!
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Chris! Chris, isn't this cool?
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Stewie, don't say my name!
There's an Alexa in here!
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Sir, we have eyes on Chris.
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He's at a douchebag vaping party.
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Sooner or later, they all get sloppy.
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(CRUNCHING)
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I got to say, Bri, the guys at Husbands
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are a little worried about you.
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They said you had four
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00:07:06,129 --> 00:07:08,130
Scott Peterson
fish sandwiches yesterday.
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Fireball?
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No, because I'm not a Skidmore freshman
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at a Lake George share-house.
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Or am I?
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Man, Skidmore's the best!
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You said it, Pete. Race you to the raft?
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- (LAUGHS)
- You're on!
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Yeah, let's go!
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PETER: But the water was too shallow.
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Bryce broke his neck
and never walked again.
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This put an end to off-campus drinking
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and lake house rentals.
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I was just fine.
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I landed on Bryce.
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♪
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JESS'S MOM: He's starting to smell.
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He needs a bath.
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00:07:43,466 --> 00:07:45,367
JESS: He doesn't like baths.
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JESS'S MOM: And I see
you lost the alcohol argument.
187
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Can't you hear them talking about you?
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Yeah. I'm a dog, I can hear everything.
189
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By the way, the Stranger Things
monster just farted.
190
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Whew! Must have been
that fat chick I ate.
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- Time for dinner, guys.
- Awesome. I'm starving.
192
00:08:02,518 --> 00:08:04,319
- (LOUD CRACK)
- Oh!
193
00:08:04,354 --> 00:08:05,654
Oh...
194
00:08:05,688 --> 00:08:07,356
Holy crap! Brian, you okay?
195
00:08:07,390 --> 00:08:09,391
(GRUNTING LOUDLY)
196
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Keep it down up there!
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00:08:14,263 --> 00:08:15,831
(GRUNTING STOPS)
198
00:08:15,865 --> 00:08:17,933
Holy crap, Hal, what's wrong with you?
199
00:08:17,967 --> 00:08:20,202
(CHUCKLES) You love it.
200
00:08:26,701 --> 00:08:27,881
How does it look, Doc?
201
00:08:27,883 --> 00:08:30,151
I'm sorry to say you have hip dysplasia.
202
00:08:30,185 --> 00:08:31,652
What's that?
203
00:08:31,687 --> 00:08:33,754
I'm not re what dysplasia is,
but I do know
204
00:08:33,789 --> 00:08:36,324
you don't often see a "Y"
that far up in a word.
205
00:08:36,358 --> 00:08:38,259
I took the liberty
of X-raying my own hip
206
00:08:38,293 --> 00:08:40,494
to show you what
a normal one looks like.
207
00:08:40,529 --> 00:08:42,963
Why does it look like there's
a Batmobile in your colon?
208
00:08:42,998 --> 00:08:44,465
Just keep your eyes on the hips.
209
00:08:44,499 --> 00:08:45,866
So, what's the next step?
210
00:08:45,901 --> 00:08:48,803
I was hoping, whenever the
Bat-Signal goes up in the sky,
211
00:08:48,837 --> 00:08:51,305
- this thing will just drive out.
- Uh, no. For Brian.
212
00:08:51,340 --> 00:08:53,507
Ah. Well, wouldn't hurt
to lose some weight.
213
00:08:53,542 --> 00:08:56,344
And he won't be able to walk
until his hip heals.
214
00:08:56,378 --> 00:08:58,512
He'll need someone to take care of him.
215
00:08:58,547 --> 00:08:59,947
I'll take care of him.
216
00:08:59,981 --> 00:09:02,683
Like you took care of me
when I was sick.
217
00:09:02,718 --> 00:09:04,819
Come back in a week,
we can check your pfft-pfft.
218
00:09:04,853 --> 00:09:05,986
What is that?
219
00:09:06,021 --> 00:09:07,788
That's the sound
a blood pressure machine makes.
220
00:09:07,823 --> 00:09:09,857
I do impressions
for the doctor talent show.
221
00:09:09,891 --> 00:09:11,659
Do you know what this is?
222
00:09:11,693 --> 00:09:13,794
Braaap! Braaap!
223
00:09:13,829 --> 00:09:15,529
An MRI?
224
00:09:15,564 --> 00:09:18,132
Yes! Adding that to my set.
225
00:09:21,169 --> 00:09:22,937
(TOILET FLUSHING)
226
00:09:22,971 --> 00:09:24,505
Oh, my God.
227
00:09:24,539 --> 00:09:26,674
- Where there's smoke, there's...
- Just me vaping.
228
00:09:26,708 --> 00:09:28,809
Stewie, if Mom and Dad
see you with that thing,
229
00:09:28,844 --> 00:09:29,977
they'll kill me.
230
00:09:30,011 --> 00:09:31,212
Get rid of it!
231
00:09:31,246 --> 00:09:33,047
No way. It's awesome. Watch this.
232
00:09:33,081 --> 00:09:34,215
(INHALES)
233
00:09:39,588 --> 00:09:41,555
I'm not good at the football part.
234
00:09:41,590 --> 00:09:43,557
(SNIFFS) It smells like raspberry.
235
00:09:43,592 --> 00:09:45,860
Yeah. It's basically the same
as eating fruit.
236
00:09:45,894 --> 00:09:48,929
- Vaping isn't bad for you?
- It can't be bad for you
237
00:09:48,964 --> 00:09:50,998
if Stephen Dorff gave up acting for it.
238
00:09:51,032 --> 00:09:53,567
It does seem like they're
making it for kids.
239
00:09:53,602 --> 00:09:56,337
This flavor is... "baby formula."
240
00:09:56,371 --> 00:09:58,038
Let me try.
241
00:09:58,073 --> 00:09:59,073
(INHALES)
242
00:10:00,075 --> 00:10:01,409
Yummy.
243
00:10:01,443 --> 00:10:02,843
Watch this.
244
00:10:02,878 --> 00:10:03,944
(INHALES)
245
00:10:06,081 --> 00:10:07,114
(LAUGHS)
246
00:10:07,149 --> 00:10:09,183
Like the movie The Ring.
247
00:10:09,217 --> 00:10:10,551
Awesome!
248
00:10:13,054 --> 00:10:14,221
(BOTH SCREAM)
249
00:10:14,256 --> 00:10:15,589
Come back here, you.
250
00:10:15,624 --> 00:10:16,724
(SCREAMS)
251
00:10:16,758 --> 00:10:19,226
Giggity, giggity, crabbity, giggity.
252
00:10:19,261 --> 00:10:21,729
("STUCK IN THE MIDDLE WITH YOU"
BY STEALERS WHEEL PLAYING)
253
00:10:21,763 --> 00:10:26,200
♪ Yes, I'm stuck
in the middle with you ♪
254
00:10:26,234 --> 00:10:29,904
♪ And I'm wondering
what it is I should do ♪
255
00:10:29,938 --> 00:10:33,841
♪ It's so hard to keep
this smile from my face ♪
256
00:10:33,875 --> 00:10:36,777
♪ Losing control, yeah,
I'm all over the place ♪
257
00:10:38,113 --> 00:10:40,080
♪ Clowns to the left of me ♪
258
00:10:40,115 --> 00:10:41,348
♪ Jokers to the right ♪
259
00:10:41,383 --> 00:10:42,550
♪ Here I am ♪
260
00:10:42,584 --> 00:10:45,419
♪ Stuck in the middle with you ♪
261
00:10:45,454 --> 00:10:47,455
♪ Well, you started out with nothing ♪
262
00:10:47,489 --> 00:10:50,257
♪ And you're proud
that you're a self-made man ♪
263
00:10:50,292 --> 00:10:53,561
♪
264
00:10:53,595 --> 00:10:55,429
♪ And your friends,
they all come crawling ♪
265
00:10:55,464 --> 00:10:57,765
♪ Slap you on the back and say ♪
266
00:10:57,799 --> 00:11:00,167
♪ Ple-e-e-e-e-ease ♪
267
00:11:00,202 --> 00:11:02,169
♪
268
00:11:02,204 --> 00:11:05,139
♪ Ple-e-e-e-e-ease ♪
269
00:11:05,173 --> 00:11:07,174
♪
270
00:11:13,181 --> 00:11:16,984
♪ Yes, I'm stuck in the middle
with you ♪
271
00:11:17,018 --> 00:11:20,688
♪ And I'm wondering what it is
I should do ♪
272
00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:24,492
♪ It's so hard to keep
this smile from my face ♪
273
00:11:24,526 --> 00:11:28,996
♪ Losing control, yeah,
I'm all over the place. ♪
274
00:11:35,637 --> 00:11:37,137
E-liquid, please.
275
00:11:37,172 --> 00:11:39,073
Anything that tastes like
a Fruit Roll-Up.
276
00:11:39,107 --> 00:11:40,274
Good, all good.
277
00:11:40,308 --> 00:11:41,342
- Good.
- All good.
278
00:11:41,376 --> 00:11:42,643
No worries, all good?
279
00:11:42,677 --> 00:11:44,311
- We're good.
- Good, all good.
280
00:11:44,346 --> 00:11:45,346
Here you go.
281
00:11:45,380 --> 00:11:46,480
You good? You all good?
282
00:11:46,515 --> 00:11:47,982
- All good here.
- Yep, we're good.
283
00:11:48,016 --> 00:11:49,950
Good, all good.
284
00:11:49,985 --> 00:11:52,653
This whole vaping thing
was a very smart move.
285
00:11:52,687 --> 00:11:54,955
It tastes great
and I don't feel violently ill
286
00:11:54,990 --> 00:11:57,191
as long as some of this vapor
is in my lungs.
287
00:11:57,225 --> 00:11:59,260
Plus, when you wake at night shaking
288
00:11:59,294 --> 00:12:01,128
because you haven't had any
in three hours,
289
00:12:01,162 --> 00:12:03,230
it's so easy to vape more.
290
00:12:03,265 --> 00:12:05,199
Let's face it, this is
the most fun we've had
291
00:12:05,233 --> 00:12:08,702
since Mom got hooked on coffee
and bought that Alpuccino maker.
292
00:12:08,737 --> 00:12:12,239
(COFFEE MACHINE, AS AL PACINO): Hoo-ah!
293
00:12:15,844 --> 00:12:18,345
Thank you for having us over for dinner.
294
00:12:18,380 --> 00:12:21,482
Sometimes it's been difficult to cook
295
00:12:21,516 --> 00:12:23,884
with all the other things
I have to do for Brian.
296
00:12:23,919 --> 00:12:26,086
Oh, don't listen to her, I'm so easy.
297
00:12:26,121 --> 00:12:28,022
I do have to go to the bathroom, though.
298
00:12:30,392 --> 00:12:32,192
Jess really has been amazing.
299
00:12:32,227 --> 00:12:33,661
(URINATING)
300
00:12:33,695 --> 00:12:36,230
She even set up surgery for me
to have my hip fixed.
301
00:12:36,264 --> 00:12:38,232
(URINATING CONTINUES, STOPS)
302
00:12:38,266 --> 00:12:40,134
Uhp, don't get fooled.
303
00:12:40,168 --> 00:12:41,368
(URINATING RESUMES)
304
00:12:41,403 --> 00:12:42,870
I don't know what I'd do without her.
305
00:12:42,904 --> 00:12:45,039
I think I've really found true love.
306
00:12:45,073 --> 00:12:47,541
- (URINATING CONTINUES)
- Well, that's lovely.
307
00:12:47,576 --> 00:12:49,677
You know, I don't think
we've said grace yet.
308
00:12:49,711 --> 00:12:51,211
- BRIAN: Oh, yeah.
- Bless us, oh Lord,
309
00:12:51,246 --> 00:12:52,880
for these thy gifts,
which we are about to receive.
310
00:12:52,914 --> 00:12:54,748
BRIAN: Get out of there, Mountain Dew.
311
00:12:58,753 --> 00:13:00,554
I'm here for Brian Griffin.
312
00:13:00,589 --> 00:13:01,755
Well, this is it, Jess.
313
00:13:01,790 --> 00:13:03,557
See you after my hip surgery.
314
00:13:03,592 --> 00:13:05,559
He won't be needing this anymore.
315
00:13:05,594 --> 00:13:06,694
Thanks.
316
00:13:06,728 --> 00:13:08,162
Good-bye, Brian.
317
00:13:08,196 --> 00:13:09,930
You mean "see you soon," right?
318
00:13:09,965 --> 00:13:11,565
Wait, why won't I need my collar?
319
00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:14,602
(DOGS WHINING)
320
00:13:14,636 --> 00:13:16,604
So, what's this?
321
00:13:16,638 --> 00:13:18,238
Kind of like a pre-op?
322
00:13:18,273 --> 00:13:20,107
Are all these dogs having hip surgery?
323
00:13:21,142 --> 00:13:22,576
Where do you think you are?
324
00:13:22,611 --> 00:13:25,212
This isn't a doctor's office,
this is the pound.
325
00:13:25,246 --> 00:13:26,747
You're being euthanized.
326
00:13:26,781 --> 00:13:29,383
What? Jess is having me put down?
327
00:13:29,417 --> 00:13:31,752
Oh, my God, this can't be happening!
328
00:13:31,786 --> 00:13:34,355
Did you also eat a kid?
329
00:13:42,521 --> 00:13:44,255
Look, there's been a horrible mistake.
330
00:13:44,290 --> 00:13:45,657
You've got the wrong dog.
331
00:13:45,691 --> 00:13:48,359
Says right here I got
to euthanize Brian Griffin,
332
00:13:48,394 --> 00:13:50,161
and you're him.
333
00:13:50,195 --> 00:13:52,397
You wouldn't kill
a singing dog, would you?
334
00:13:52,431 --> 00:13:54,666
♪ Hello, my baby, hello, my honey ♪
335
00:13:54,700 --> 00:13:57,001
♪ Hello, my ragtime gal. ♪
336
00:13:57,036 --> 00:13:59,504
- ♪
- (CASH REGISTER RINGS)
337
00:13:59,538 --> 00:14:01,539
♪
338
00:14:08,447 --> 00:14:11,349
(CROAKS LIKE MICHIGAN J. FROG)
339
00:14:11,383 --> 00:14:15,086
WORKER: Oh, now you're getting
euthanized for sure.
340
00:14:19,091 --> 00:14:20,892
(INHALES)
341
00:14:20,926 --> 00:14:22,827
(EXHALES)
342
00:14:22,861 --> 00:14:24,262
Hi, honey.
343
00:14:24,296 --> 00:14:26,364
Mommy needs money for scratchers.
344
00:14:26,398 --> 00:14:29,767
What the... what kind
of brazen thievery is this?
345
00:14:31,470 --> 00:14:33,371
Where'd you get this?
346
00:14:33,405 --> 00:14:35,373
Chris Griffin! You get in here!
347
00:14:36,475 --> 00:14:37,709
What is this?
348
00:14:37,743 --> 00:14:39,610
Um... robot penis?
349
00:14:39,645 --> 00:14:41,546
Seriously, I'm absolutely
jonesing right now,
350
00:14:41,580 --> 00:14:42,780
so give it back.
351
00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:44,082
I know what this is. I watch Bravo.
352
00:14:44,116 --> 00:14:45,450
- I'm not doing it.
- You are too young
353
00:14:45,484 --> 00:14:46,884
- to be doing this.
- Maybe it's his and he's just
354
00:14:46,919 --> 00:14:48,252
- too dumb to hide it.
- And if that's not bad enough,
355
00:14:48,287 --> 00:14:49,787
you leave it out for Stewie
to get his hands on it?
356
00:14:49,822 --> 00:14:51,923
I don't know, Mom,
I'm not my brother's keeper.
357
00:14:51,957 --> 00:14:54,158
- He's just a baby.
- Babies are stupid like that!
358
00:14:54,193 --> 00:14:55,426
- I'm taking it...
- (GRUNTS)
359
00:14:55,461 --> 00:14:57,762
and you are grounded, mister.
360
00:14:57,796 --> 00:15:00,398
Now look what you did,
you little son of a bitch.
361
00:15:00,432 --> 00:15:01,466
She has my vaporizer.
362
00:15:01,500 --> 00:15:02,734
You have to get it back.
363
00:15:02,768 --> 00:15:04,235
That's your problem.
364
00:15:04,269 --> 00:15:06,938
You lost your vape pen,
I didn't lose mine.
365
00:15:06,972 --> 00:15:09,674
Well, I guess you win.
366
00:15:09,708 --> 00:15:11,409
- (GRUNTS)
- (GRUNTS, CRIES)
367
00:15:12,644 --> 00:15:14,645
- (GRUNTS)
- (GROANS)
368
00:15:16,014 --> 00:15:18,883
- (GRUNTS)
- (GROANS)
369
00:15:18,917 --> 00:15:20,651
(GRUNTS)
370
00:15:20,686 --> 00:15:22,987
Hey. (GRUNTS)
371
00:15:27,292 --> 00:15:29,293
(BOTH GRUNTING)
372
00:15:31,096 --> 00:15:33,097
(BOTH SUCKING)
373
00:15:36,168 --> 00:15:38,403
Oh, tastes so good, like skin berries.
374
00:15:38,437 --> 00:15:40,371
I'm alive with pleasure.
375
00:15:40,406 --> 00:15:42,373
(BOTH SUCKING)
376
00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:52,550
It's possible we've taken this too far.
377
00:15:52,584 --> 00:15:55,353
I'll just go down and get yours back.
378
00:15:56,955 --> 00:16:00,024
I will never forget this day.
379
00:16:03,061 --> 00:16:05,229
Mom, I need to talk to you.
380
00:16:05,264 --> 00:16:07,598
Technically, that was not my vape pen,
381
00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:10,701
but I do need it back because
it belongs to a friend of mine.
382
00:16:10,736 --> 00:16:12,537
We accidentally switched jackets,
383
00:16:12,571 --> 00:16:15,106
not unlike that episode
of The Brady Bunch when Greg...
384
00:16:15,140 --> 00:16:17,108
(COUGHS)
385
00:16:17,142 --> 00:16:20,445
Oh, damn it, Chris, why do your
lies have to take so damn long?
386
00:16:20,479 --> 00:16:22,380
You're smoking the vape pen?
387
00:16:22,414 --> 00:16:24,182
No, I'm sneaking a real cigarette
388
00:16:24,216 --> 00:16:26,284
like frustrated mothers
are supposed to do.
389
00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:28,352
You're such a hypocrite!
390
00:16:28,387 --> 00:16:29,954
At least vaping is healthy.
391
00:16:29,988 --> 00:16:31,522
Oh, don't be an idiot.
392
00:16:31,557 --> 00:16:34,025
Vaping is just as bad,
and you look like a douchebag.
393
00:16:34,059 --> 00:16:36,327
No, I don't. I look cool.
394
00:16:36,361 --> 00:16:37,962
Go ahead.
395
00:16:37,996 --> 00:16:39,530
Hold it to your mouth.
396
00:16:42,468 --> 00:16:45,603
Oh, my God, I'm a douchebag.
397
00:16:45,637 --> 00:16:48,739
(INHALES SHARPLY, CRIES)
398
00:16:48,774 --> 00:16:50,007
It's okay, Chris.
399
00:16:50,042 --> 00:16:51,876
Your secret's safe with me.
400
00:16:56,715 --> 00:16:58,716
(PHONE CHIMES)
401
00:17:03,522 --> 00:17:04,522
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
402
00:17:05,924 --> 00:17:07,191
Hey, what's up, Jess?
403
00:17:07,226 --> 00:17:08,693
I came to see how Brian's...
404
00:17:08,727 --> 00:17:10,094
ALPUCCINO MAKER: Hoo-ah!
405
00:17:10,128 --> 00:17:12,129
Sorry, I'm just making an Alpuccino.
406
00:17:12,164 --> 00:17:13,498
Oh.
407
00:17:13,532 --> 00:17:14,765
Well, anyway, I was just wondering...
408
00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:16,367
ALPUCCINO MAKER: Hoo-ah!
409
00:17:16,401 --> 00:17:18,035
Sorry, my mom wanted one, too.
410
00:17:18,070 --> 00:17:19,403
Oh, that's-that's fine.
411
00:17:19,438 --> 00:17:21,038
- So is Brian...
- Can I get you one?
412
00:17:21,073 --> 00:17:22,139
Uh, sure.
413
00:17:22,174 --> 00:17:23,374
Is Brian going to, uh...
414
00:17:23,408 --> 00:17:24,909
ALPUCCINO MAKER: Hoo-ah!
415
00:17:24,943 --> 00:17:26,244
When is Brian coming back?
416
00:17:26,278 --> 00:17:27,378
Oh, never.
417
00:17:27,412 --> 00:17:28,713
I'm having him euthanized.
418
00:17:28,747 --> 00:17:30,081
Euthanized?
419
00:17:30,115 --> 00:17:31,449
Oh, my God!
420
00:17:31,483 --> 00:17:34,418
♪
421
00:17:34,453 --> 00:17:35,953
(TIRES SQUEALING)
422
00:17:38,323 --> 00:17:39,690
Come on, come on.
423
00:17:42,828 --> 00:17:45,296
(TIRES SQUEALING)
424
00:17:51,103 --> 00:17:53,971
Euthanize, euthanize, euthanize...
425
00:17:57,276 --> 00:17:58,476
Oh, my God!
426
00:17:58,510 --> 00:18:00,011
I got to do something!
427
00:18:05,584 --> 00:18:08,553
Damn it. Now I have to do that
with every dictionary here.
428
00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:10,788
Hold on, Brian, hold on.
429
00:18:10,822 --> 00:18:12,323
(DOGS WHINING)
430
00:18:15,193 --> 00:18:16,427
(CAR HORN HONKING)
431
00:18:16,461 --> 00:18:18,396
Don't worry, buddy. I'm on my way.
432
00:18:20,132 --> 00:18:22,266
(DOGS BARKING)
433
00:18:26,538 --> 00:18:30,408
I'm warning you, if you kill me,
the Internet's gonna freak out.
434
00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:31,876
(TIRES SQUEAL)
435
00:18:35,647 --> 00:18:37,448
Please, it can't end like this.
436
00:18:37,482 --> 00:18:39,116
There has to be something I can do.
437
00:18:39,151 --> 00:18:41,018
Well, for 200 bucks, I'll strangle you
438
00:18:41,053 --> 00:18:44,255
with my bare hands and stare
into your eyes as you die.
439
00:18:44,289 --> 00:18:46,157
What? I'm not paying for that.
440
00:18:46,191 --> 00:18:47,758
I meant I'll pay you.
441
00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:49,794
Stop! That's my dog!
442
00:18:49,828 --> 00:18:51,162
Oh, Peter, thank God.
443
00:18:51,196 --> 00:18:52,730
You got here just in time.
444
00:18:52,764 --> 00:18:54,865
You want to make $200?
445
00:18:54,900 --> 00:18:56,133
I do.
446
00:18:56,168 --> 00:19:00,538
(CHOKING): It's... beautiful.
447
00:19:03,208 --> 00:19:04,609
What the hell are you doing here?
448
00:19:04,643 --> 00:19:06,043
Brian, I can explain.
449
00:19:06,078 --> 00:19:08,512
Explain what? How you brought me
here to have me killed?
450
00:19:08,547 --> 00:19:09,847
Well, you're no better.
451
00:19:09,881 --> 00:19:11,515
You could have saved my life
in the restaurant,
452
00:19:11,550 --> 00:19:13,417
but you let me choke to death.
453
00:19:13,452 --> 00:19:15,853
Okay, fine.
I probably could have done more
454
00:19:15,887 --> 00:19:17,188
to save your life.
455
00:19:17,222 --> 00:19:19,357
I was just so unhappy
being married, I...
456
00:19:19,391 --> 00:19:23,027
I guess I felt letting you
choke was my only way out.
457
00:19:23,061 --> 00:19:24,328
God, that sounds awful.
458
00:19:24,363 --> 00:19:25,763
Maybe I did deserve to die.
459
00:19:25,797 --> 00:19:28,399
W-Well, and I should've kept
taking care of you,
460
00:19:28,433 --> 00:19:30,868
instead of bringing you here
to have you killed.
461
00:19:30,902 --> 00:19:34,772
Maybe I deserve to be
with someone who let me die.
462
00:19:34,806 --> 00:19:38,009
Maybe we deserve each other.
463
00:19:38,043 --> 00:19:40,544
It does seem like we're meant
for each other.
464
00:19:40,579 --> 00:19:44,048
I mean, gosh, maybe that's what
true marriage is...
465
00:19:44,082 --> 00:19:46,150
two people who want each other to die.
466
00:19:46,184 --> 00:19:47,818
PETER (CHOKING): Now you're getting it.
467
00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:50,454
So much beauty.
468
00:19:55,434 --> 00:19:57,633
Oh, Brian, I'm sorry that Jess died
469
00:19:57,635 --> 00:19:58,935
during the commercial break,
470
00:19:58,970 --> 00:20:01,338
but it was a very nice funeral service.
471
00:20:01,372 --> 00:20:03,306
Yeah, it's sad.
472
00:20:03,341 --> 00:20:06,509
She was the love of my life,
my heart, my...
473
00:20:06,544 --> 00:20:07,577
ALPUCCINO MAKER: Hoo-ah!
474
00:20:07,612 --> 00:20:10,680
I took that from her apartment.
475
00:20:10,715 --> 00:20:13,183
So, Chris, I hear
you been doing some vaping.
476
00:20:13,217 --> 00:20:14,651
So douchey.
477
00:20:14,685 --> 00:20:16,386
Mom, you told him?
478
00:20:16,420 --> 00:20:18,588
- We had a deal.
- Thanks a lot, Peter.
479
00:20:18,623 --> 00:20:20,357
You promised you wouldn't say anything.
480
00:20:20,391 --> 00:20:21,992
Oh, I'm supposed to keep your secret
481
00:20:22,026 --> 00:20:23,994
after you lied to me
about sneaking cigarettes?
482
00:20:24,028 --> 00:20:26,496
What the hell, Chris? You told him, too?
483
00:20:26,530 --> 00:20:28,632
- No, I didn't.
- Brian told me.
484
00:20:28,666 --> 00:20:31,134
Are you serious, Peter? You said
you wouldn't say anything.
485
00:20:31,168 --> 00:20:32,702
I promised Meg I wouldn't tell anyone.
486
00:20:32,737 --> 00:20:34,871
Oh, good job with that, dick.
487
00:20:34,905 --> 00:20:36,706
Chris, the only reason I told him
488
00:20:36,741 --> 00:20:38,475
was he promised he'd keep
his mouth shut.
489
00:20:38,509 --> 00:20:40,010
Oh, nice job, Chris.
490
00:20:40,044 --> 00:20:41,411
I should've known not to trust someone
491
00:20:41,445 --> 00:20:42,879
who kisses his own brother.
492
00:20:42,913 --> 00:20:44,814
What? Wh-Who told you that?
493
00:20:44,849 --> 00:20:46,783
- Don't look at me.
- Meg told me.
494
00:20:46,817 --> 00:20:49,819
How does it feel, Meg,
you frigging town crier?
495
00:20:49,854 --> 00:20:51,921
- MEG: You're such a bitch.
- PETER: She's a bitch?
496
00:20:51,956 --> 00:20:54,090
Meg, you said you
wouldn't tell Stewie's secret.
497
00:20:54,125 --> 00:20:55,558
CHRIS: Stewie, you told Dad?
498
00:20:55,593 --> 00:20:57,060
STEWIE: I had to get it off my chest.
499
00:20:57,094 --> 00:20:58,395
I didn't think he'd understand me.
500
00:20:58,429 --> 00:21:00,930
PETER: I understand pieces now and then.
501
00:21:00,931 --> 00:21:03,937
- Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT -
- www.addic7ed.com -