What about the money? The boys and I need to know that it's safe.
Oh, safe as houses. It's in a rollover fund.
Regarding certain black packages
that you're all aware of...
You mean the cash?
If the owner fails to come forward
then the packages will be returned to you, the community,
in 30 days time.
Striplands suspended me while they look into my misconduct.
Judgement was clouded.
- By what? - You.
I'm sorry.
'And it's Radio Riley, people,
all the way around the Bay as the Pearl Bay annual fishing comp
kicks off with adult, junior and cadet trophies for the longest catch
and a $20,000 cash prize for the first person
to catch that rare stargazer cod.
It's ugly but it's mighty.
So let's get on down to the jetty, folks,
and let's see how long we keep up this happy, chilled out vibe.
I hate this time of year.
It's me against the town.
I'm the party pooper whilst everybody else has a lovely time
shooting the breeze and destroying our marine ecosystem.
I take it you're not entering the fishing comp, then.
I totally would -- except our oceans are on the verge of collapse
and we're all gonna die.
Besides, I'm going to have my hands full
making sure that 200 anglers don't catch anything they shouldn't.
You could, though --
now that you're temporarily unemployed.
No, I'm a scientist. Not really a fisherman.
Although I did do a paper once
on the burrowing habits of the stargazer cod.
Of course you did.
So what exactly is your stance on fishing?
Well, I don't do it.
Ethically, though, if you want to be safe
the best way to kill a fish
is just to plonk it straight into a bucket of ice water.
That slows down the metabolism
and then the fish just gradually suffocates.
I hope your mother never ends up on life support.
< This is complete and utter bullshit!
< Trying to tell me...
- And we're off. - Ooh.
Oh, where'd you get it?
I caught this fish fair and square this morning, Shorty,
and you know it!
Think you can pull the wool over my eyes?
I'm the treasurer of this fishing club!
Okeydokey, alright.
If anyone's breaching fishing regulations, talk to me.
Stay out of this. This is nothing to do with your rules.
I need to release my catch!
Not before I look at it.
As regional head of Parks and Fauna
I am respectfully asking you to step away from the esky.
Oi, you two.
You heard her -- step away.
Don't you dare! Don't you dare!
Get off me, you prick!
That's enough!
Or I'll charge you with assault.
And we have a community message, folks,
that's just come in from Senior Sergeant Anna Kazan.
If anyone has seen our fishing club president, Phillip Tran,
since his morning paddle, could they please contact the Pearl Bay police.
Hey.
Any more news on Phil?
Marine Rescue just found his board round at Crib Point.
We should probably go pick it up, eh?
Yes, Sarge.
It's not looking good for my holiday to Queensland.
- Well, you can't cancel. - I know.
Mum's already planned the entire trip.
Exactly.
I can handle whatever happens here, and Marine Rescue are on the job.
Mm-hm.
Maybe Phil just got washed around the bay.
Oh, god, what about the fishing competition?
I'll deal with it.
And maybe it'll be different this year.
Maybe we'll have a happy little fishing comp
where nobody uses dynamite
or gets caught in their own fishing tackle
or speared by a leaping marlin.
- Oh, that'd be nice, wouldn't it? - Yeah.
- Open up! - What's going on in there?
I think we have a situation, Sarge.
It's all yours, Lil.
Hello. Sergeant Anna Kazan speaking.
We share your concerns
but we're doing everything we can to find Phil,
and the fishing competition is still going ahead as planned.
- Where's our money? - Yeah, where's our money?
- It's been 30 days. Finders keepers. - What 30 days?
30 days since the black packages full of cash washed up.
Anna said we could keep the money if no-one showed up for it.
Sergeant Kazan said that the money would be returned to the community.
Exactly how has yet to be decided.
Well, has anyone owned up?
30 days does not include the fishing comp.
The money is safe in our possession.
Now move along. I've got a fishing comp to get to.
Rocco, my friend.
Good news, very good news.
Jelly Enterprises is now the sole owner
of the Come On Inn caravan park property.
Well done, Bobby, well done.
Yeah, yeah, it was a tricky negotiation.
Kevin had to leave town but we got there in the end.
So where are we at with construction?
Construction, yes.
Um... just a small hiccup with releasing the finance.
You've got to move on it fast!
My thoughts exactly.
So I'll need someone to assist me, pronto.
Someone who has complementary skills like...
.. break-and-enter.
Look, if you want the job done well, mate, you do it yourself.
Hey? I wouldn't know where to begin.
No, no, no, that's the wrong attitude, mate, OK?
It's all about retraining and upskilling.
It's all online -- everything you need for the perfect crime.
Look, I'll point you in the right direction.
Time's up, Rocco.
Says who, King Kong?
Rocco? Rocco?
I haven't got a computer.
Rocco!
Oh, morning.
How is my timing?
It is improving, as is your coffee.
Hey, I didn't know you were this year's sponsor.
Neither did I.
I've got zero interest in fishing
or anything else that gets me up before the sun does.
Yeah, but there's a big prize for the lucky fish.
Look, $20,000 for the first person to land a stargazer cod.
Look, I am slightly interested in that.
- I thought you couldn't fish. - I didn't say I couldn't.
My dad used to force us to go fishing with him
every weekend of my childhood.
Oh, you poor thing.
Well, I never caught a fish in my life,
which is probably a good thing
because it would only be one more thing
for Miranda to hold against me.
Excuse me. Sorry, I'm vibrating.
Hello, Phil.
You cheeky bastard, where are you?
Oh. Hello, Sergeant.
No, last time I saw him --
Friday night at the pub.
Thanks.
Um... that was the cops.
They found Phil Tran's phone down at the beach.
I hope he hasn't done anything stupid.
Oh, dear. Why would he?
Well, any man that sits in my bar most nights
doing the crossword and eating peanuts has got some issues.
Including yourself.
So how is Mr Shortland justifying this assault?
The defendant claims he was trying to prevent a case
of blatant fish fraud, Your Honour.
All I wanted was the esky.
- And he got in my way. - Alright, Mr Shortland.
Continue, please.
He reckons he got that sweetlip this morning with live bait.
You're far more likely to hook a sweetlip with a lure, Your Honour.
Thank you, Constable.
Even I can tell that fish wasn't caught this morning.
Ugh, that smells disgusting!
Yeah. Eyes are cloudy.
Yes.
Is that a piece of newspaper in its mouth?
You're right, Your Honour -- the 'Bay Times'.
And the only place in town that still wraps fish in newspaper
is the Pearl Bay fish shop.
See! He's a cheat!
He's the criminal here, and he tried to hide the evidence!
Mr Shortland, I realise your fishing competition
has its own peculiar rules and regulations
but it is not against the law to dump a dead fish into the ocean.
I think the violence you inflicted was intentional,
and this matter of fish fraud has convinced me of that.
This is a load of crap!
I find you guilty of the charge of common assault.
You're fined $1,000.
It's ridiculous! You'll regret this.
And I'm recommending attendance at an anger management clinic.
Thank you.
Oh, all stand.
Here, Judge.
Shorty asked me to pass this on.
Oh, case is over. No correspondence.
I don't think it's for you.
It's addressed to Miranda. See ya.
It's a letter of demand.
The fishing club wants back rent for this building.
- That's $18,000 for the past year! - How much?
I thought that they were letting us off.
Exactly.
The president, Phil Tran, said that we could have a little bit more time.
Phil as in the one who's missing?
Leaving the charming Mr Shortland in charge.
This is payback.
Awww, now, don't forget Monday is bin night.
Mm-hm.
And Thursday afternoon is lawn mowing.
- Mm-hm. - And don't forget to set the alarms.
- Of course not. - And Phil...
Marine Rescue are doing everything they can.
- I'll keep you posted. - Oh, my god.
What about the fishing competition?
It got off to a rocky start but I'm sure it will settle.
- You... - Yes, just go.
OK. Oh, I'm proud of you.
Bye.
I'd like a word with Mr Shortland, please.
You will not harass my daughter like this.
It's simple -- she's behind in her rent.
So the court case this morning
had nothing to do with your letter of demand, is that right?
Could we put this on hold, Judge?
Mr Shortland's late for his anger management class
and I have to get to the jetty.
The only reason your kid got away with it
was because Phil ran the club finances
as badly as he ran his leisure cruises.
This is intimidation.
You're punishing my daughter for the sentence I gave you.
Don't worry, this isn't over
until your daughter coughs up 18,000 bucks.
Oooh.
Kiddo, kiddo, kiddo, psst!
Any luck with that little favour?
Oh, yeah.
Um, Nan said you can have it for as long as you want.
- Oh. - She's upgraded.
Gee!
- Any technical support? - You'll have to text me.
'This isn't theft, this is a redistribution of wealth.
To prepare for the perfect crime
you'll need to assemble a few simple household items --
an empty drink can,
a good pair of scissors,
a few paperclips
and a credit card.
Now you're ready for your journey
through step one, choosing your disguise,
through to the final step, stashing the loot
as we teach you to break into almost anywhere.
Come on, come on.
Come on.
Jeez!
Ow!
What now?
OK, disable the alarm.
Disable the alarm.
Disabled it.
Step three, step three.
Easy.
You ripper!
Joe has finally gone down.
Did you find Phil's letter about the rent?
Eventually.
You know, there is supposed to be a system to filing --
category, alphabet, date.
- The letter? - It's too vague.
Just says "You can have longer".
Sweetheart...
.. you've spent a lot of money on sausage sizzles.
That's campaigning!
Who else is gonna fight to keep this place free from sand mining?
But you have to pay rent!
Yeah, I know, but my Parks and Fauna budget is a joke.
I...
I just don't have the money at the moment.
Well, maybe I could help you out.
How? You already put in here.
You only work part-time.
I know that you lost money on the London joint,
and Stella has fleeced you for the rest.
I'm sure I'm good for credit.
No, no, no, no, I don't want you going into debt for me.
I'm a big girl and I will...
.. I will work it out.
But thank you.
Here we are, folks, on day two of the fishing comp,
where we all start to circle each other as well as those fish.
And still no sign of Phil Tran.
Where are you, Phillip? Where are you?
You've reached Kelly's Dog Grooming, please leave a message.
Beep!
Hello?
Reverse charges?
Yes.
Phil!
Where are you, mate?
Yes, of course I know it.
See you soon, buddy.
Oh.
- Hi. - Oh, um, you're early.
The coffee's not ready.
Oh, no, forget about the coffee.
I need you to take me fishing before I start work.
I have to win that prize.
I really need that money for Miranda.
Lovely vest. It's terrifying.
Yeah, it's good, isn't it? Borrowed it from Stone.
Plus I have found the most boring podcast on earth
plus I bought a three-day fishing licence online.
Three days?
- Now that's commitment. - Mm-hm.
Ah, look, you should have warned me.
I've actually got my own fishing date just this morning.
What? Where?
Well, it's a secret location,
guaranteed haunt of the rare stargazer cod.
Oh, but...
I'd ask you along but I said I'd go alone with especially no talkers.
- Talkers? - Mmm.
- You mean me? - Well...
I don't think I talk any more than anybody else.
At least I talk about something meaningful.
It's not like I rabbit on about fashion trends
or celebrities cheating on one another
or Barry's gambling problem
or the bad head on your shandy
or next-door neighbour's mother's cousins or...
I'll just go and get some pants on -- some fishing pants.
I'll make it up to you, I promise.
I'll call you. We'll fish.
We'll fish.
'And that prize money's still up for grabs, people.
Tell me everything you know about the stargazer cod.
Morning. How are you? Yeah, I'm good.
Where it's found, biology, feeding habits.
Uh, OK.
It's an ambush predator,
so it buries itself down to its little eyes in the sea floor.
Interesting. What else?
It lures its prey in really, really close
and can gobble it down in 30 milliseconds.
So it's a very fast fish, yeah?
Very fast fish, yeah.
And it's bioelectrogenic.
- What does that do? - Oh, that's very cool.
It can produce 50 volts of electricity to fight off predators.
Do you think that you'd be able to detect that charge?
I mean, if we dropped electrodes down to the ocean floor
would you be able to pick it up?
Well...
No idea. I mean, I've done it in the lab.
I think it's time you branched out.
'Hello, listeners.
Welcome back to The Big Fish, the great Australian fishing podcast,
and to lesson four of your lifetime of angling pleasure --
how to tie on your fly.
How hard could this be?
After tying your granny knot
pass the tag end of the line
through the loop of the lure, just like so.
Mm-hm.
Now pass the tag end through the loop of the loop knot.
And now pass the tag end through the loop of the loop knot, just like so.
Wrap the tag end once, twice, three times around.
Oh, wait! Dammit!
Now pass the tag end through the loop of the loop.
Hang on, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Now pass the tag end through the loop of the loop.
- Three times around, just like so. - I give up. I give up.
- Let's go through all that again now. - I give up!
So you've ditched your board
and convinced everyone you've had a terrible accident.
Why, Phil?
I got myself in a bit of strife.
The bank wants to repossess my cruise boat.
Then they'll want the house next, and then...
Come on, I can't do that to my ex and the kids.
How does faking your own drowning help them?
Well, there's my life insurance, mortgage insurance,
plus there's a bit of super.
But you could never see them again.
I'll help you face the music, mate.
Come on.
How? The cops'll arrest me.
How far do you live?
Down south. It's about a 10-hour drive.
Alright, there's method to my madness here.
So the theory is we drop the wand in,
we drag it across the sea bed floor,
we annoy any lurking stargazer cod.
When they let out an electric charge we pick it up on our screens.
Well, I've gone back through the fisheries data over the last 10 years
and this is the only spot that's come up twice for the stargazer.
You don't think we've got a bit of an unfair advantage here?
There's nothing in the fishing comp guidelines
against scientific know-how.
OK.
I mean, this only helps locate the lucky fish.
There's still the small issue of diving down and catching it.
Well, isn't it very good that I know Aquaman?
- Yeah. - Isn't it lucky he's unemployed?
Now, listen, ethically it would be very good
if it was Aquaman who actually caught the fish,
because I don't kill fish.
You know, so we'll do the whole thing with the ice and all
but I have a reputation to maintain, so...
You do?
Yeah.
Alright, I've got to go. I've gotta go pick up Joe.
There are sandwiches and water. Is there anything else that you need?
- No, I'm all... set. - OK, all good.
Give me a call if you find anything.
Bye!
OK, final step -- stash the loot.
Final step.
Come on, final step.
Ow, jeez!
Stupid bloody engine.
Robert!
Hi, darl.
Engine trouble.
You're fishing?
Oh, the money.
Um, what money would that be, darl?
Well, the prize money.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Oh, Robert, I know how much you've been struggling
but I am so proud of the way you're handling your... failure.
My failure?
You've finally let go of your impossible dreams
and deceptions
and fishing like an honest man!
Um...
.. if you get lucky...
.. maybe I could cook it for you.
Really?
At the house?
Yeah, well, I know how much
you've always loved my beer-battered snapper.
Well, um... good luck out there.
Ohhh, "honest man".
Mate, second on the left upstairs.
Help yourself to anything you need.
Thanks, mate.
Hey...
.. your life crashed and burned.
How come you didn't run away?
You know what?
I've embraced the humiliation.
Mainly, though, I really started to like it here.
- You locked the door! - You again! Come in.
How was fishing -- without me?
Quiet, but no fish.
I'm sorry I was so rude earlier
about you talking too much,
but it's absolutely true.
I know.
I even talk to myself too much.
But I am prepared to shut up temporarily
because I really want to win that prize.
That Shorty Shortland idiot fishing club man
wants to charge Miranda rent for her Parks and Fauna office.
Rent? That is outrageous!
You know what?
I would be prepared to take a motormouth fishing
if it meant sticking it up Shorty McShortypants.
Good.
Just answer me one question.
Where have you hidden Phil?
'Let's face it, people -- fishing's like love.
You put out your bait, you wait for a nibble
and most days there's nothing.
But we keep on hoping for the perfect catch.
Lillian gave you an ultimatum?
Yeah --
get over it and get in her tinny.
Get over what?
My irrational and...
.. unfounded fear of open water.
Well, not water per se,
just what's in it, under it... lurking in it.
Come in.
Sorry, I need to leave this evidence here while I go get Phil.
And the shark bite was faked, Your Honour.
Mr Tran,
staging your own death is not a crime in itself,
but it is a crime if you gained financially from your deception.
Your wife wasn't aware of your deceptions.
Not that she would have stopped me.
So there was no conspiracy to defraud.
I just wanted to get away.
I find you not guilty of the charge of fraud
and conspiracy to defraud.
Use this second chance wisely.
I believe you've suffered enough for your actions.
Thank you, Your Honour.
All stand.
Very nice work, Your Honour.
And thank you.
Would you like to come fishing with me this afternoon?
Phil's loaned me his boat while he still has one.
Mmm. I don't know.
You stood me up once already.
There's a bar onboard.
Do you like margaritas?
Mmm, can't resist margaritas.
Made by your own personal barman.
OK.
See you down at the jetty in half an hour, Your Honour.
So, Zac...
That was a relief, huh?
What, the sentence?
Just that nothing happened to Phil.
He didn't drown, he wasn't attacked -- it was all fake.
He was never in danger.
Apart from a cold night on the beach.
Yeah, yeah-yeah. So, um, hey...
How about we take that tinny for a spin?
You sure?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I'm feeling good.
I'm feeling bloody good.
Ben?!
'Hello, listeners.
Welcome back to The Big Fish, the great Australian fishing podcast,
and to lesson 10 of your lifetime of angling pleasure.
Time to review those little extras
that every good fisherman needs,
starting with a nice sharp line...
Knock, knock.
Phil said he left the keys to the 'Stargazer' here.
Oh, yeah, they'll be here somewhere.
Oh, it's your boyfriend! He's found something!
Quit it with the 'boyfriend' stuff. You've got no phone etiquette!
- Gotta go. - Enjoy.
Say hello to your boyfriend from me.
All this bloody failure...
Just gonna grab some gear from my car, but I'll be back.
Yeah, easy. I'll just leave Phil's boat keys here for 'Stargazer'.
Thanks, mate.
.. because you never know what the next day's fishing will bring.
- Get the ice. - Oh, yeah, OK!
Yep, yep.
Oh, my god, we did it!
You little ripper!
- Good one! - Good work.
You are about to become local legend.
Alright, little guy, there you go.
- There you go. - Thank you.
Oh, it's blowing up already -- look.
Even Shorty loves me.
It looks like we have incredibly rare fish for dinner, then.
Yeah.
Yeah, we're gonna have to eat him. It's only right.
- My place? - Only because we can't waste a life.
No, no, it's like an ethical dinner date, isn't it?
I'm thinking little bit of lemon, garlic, on the barbec...
Oh, can you not?
Or we could just eat him.
Wrap the tag end once, twice, three times around.
No, no, no. Go, you stupid boat, go!
Ben?!
Go, go, go.
Come on!
Go! Go, go!
- Bob Jelly?! - Laura Gibson?!
What are you doing here?!
I'm supposed to be meeting Ben.
I'm supposed to be going fishing.
- Well, he couldn't make it. - What, so he sent you, did he?
No, I'm not going fishing. I'm going on a holiday.
A little shack I know up the river.
You've hijacked Phil's boat.
- How else was I going to get there? - Great!
No signal. This is a complete disaster.
- Where are we? - How would I know?
I'm a real estate agent, not a sailor.
All I know is I wanted this barge to go right,
it went left, and now we're marooned.
We're out of petrol, Bob.
Oh. Well, we've got to get off this mud.
I was promised margaritas! And I'm stuck here with you.
You're not exactly my first choice either.
There's got to be some more petrol here somewhere.
I need to get to my shack!
Mayday, mayday, mayday.
Mayday, this is 'Stargazer'.
- Shh, shh, shhh! - 'Stargazer'. Mayday!
Who did you call?
I don't know!
The Coast Guard, the police -- anyone.
Oh, god.
My life is over.
It's over.
I'll give you a hint --
it's not socks and undies.
I think it's best for both of us
if you tell me as little as possible, Bob.
I do not want to know what's in that bag,
and I don't even want to know if it's yours.
I just wanted to do what was best for this town.
The Pearl --
your little slice of paradise, folks.
Prestigious lifestyle living
overlooking the turquoise waters of Pearl Bay.
You never give up, do you?
I was going to do a runner.
Bad wig, new name, fly Heather over to a Greek island.
Heather's never gonna leave Pearl Bay.
Not even for you.
When they find me with this bag
they'll chuck me in the slammer and I'll lose her for good.
Might as well jump in the drink right now.
Well, if you did that
they wouldn't find you with the bag, would they?
Uh, let's just say I had never seen this bag before in my life --
what would be my options?
I'm in no position to advise you.
As your local magistrate
and a qualified lawyer
I cannot be seen to pervert the course of justice.
No, no, no, course not, course not.
But I do have one rather important question for you.
How well can you swim?
'Stargazer', calling 'Stargazer'.
Coast Guard, Bill Wyatt.
'Stargazer', come in, 'Stargazer'.
Coast Guard, Bill Wyatt.
Constable Liano.
Hey, Bill.
Do you know where?
Sure.
That was Marine Rescue. Change of plan.
- Take this. - I think I'm...
No, sit down. I need you.
There is a boat in trouble up the river.
I thought we were just fishing.
Ahoy, there, 'Stargazer'!
Anyone onboard?
Hello!
Judge?
What happened?
Well, it's really strange.
I fell asleep on the deck waiting for Ben to show up
and the next thing I knew I woke up in the middle of nowhere.
Must've slipped her mooring.
Yeah.
That's odd. Phil's usually so careful.
Well, I suppose he's been under a lot of pressure lately, so...
Mmm.
Zac, you'll have to take the tinny back.
Hey, this is freshwater, right?
It's like a river, so it's not like the ocean...
Zac, I've never lied to you.
This river is full of bull sharks and brown snakes
and God knows what else, but I need you to do this --
for me.
Yeah, yeah, sure.
This was hidden behind the bar.
Wow.
What is going on in this town?
This is just like those packages from the station.
No.
These are the packages from the station!
Do you think this was Phil?
No, he wouldn't try this.
What about Bob?
No, he could never pull this off.
Maybe it was some blow-in from the fishing comp.
But how?
Oh, sugar.
When I went back to the station this morning
the alarm wasn't armed.
I must have forgotten to set it.
It is this stupid fishing competition!
This is all my fault! I'm going to have to call Anna!
She's gonna kill me!
Do you really want to spoil her entire holiday?
No.
I mean, by the time she gets home this will be back where she left it.
The good thing is you found it.
That's true.
Like it never happened.
Yeah.
Ohhh.
Let's face it, Phil, neither of us
have been that impressive on the business front.
Got a solution?
You're looking at him.
He's a qualified accountant
and he's agreed to do our books.
We've got a lot to learn from that man.
Oh, Robert's been so busy reinventing himself.
He's even learned how to use a computer.
So sweet.
There is some method in my madness, darl.
Just as long as there's no madness in your method, Bob --
for all our sakes.
To Bob reinventing himself.
Robert.
Hey, Zac.
Here is to walking into the jaws of death and surviving.
You ran the tinny back to the jetty, Zac.
Yeah. It was epic, eh?
Whew! Cheers.
And the Pearl Bay Fishing Club
grand prize-winner for this year's lucky fish,
the stargazer cod,
goes to our newest resident, Mr Findlay Knox.
- Congratulations. - Thank you, thank you.
I would love nothing more than to accept
this comically oversized cheque for myself,
but alas I've already been coerced into donating it
to the local branch of Parks and Fauna.
Who are very appreciative.
And this should just about cover my rent.
Yeah!
I'm still anti-fishing.
Yeah.
And that...
.. is your classic loop knot.
That took you five seconds!
I spent five hours trying to master that knot,
and I'm a reasonably intelligent woman.
Reasonably intelligent but very noisy.
You've got to stop talking.
I just don't understand the point of this.
- The point of what? - Fishing!
I mean, the prize is gone.
All we can possibly hope to achieve is a fish.
That very well may not happen
because my luck's dismal and you won't stop talking.
But you knew that before we started, so why are we fishing?
Because fishing is never really about the fish.
Well, what is it about?
It's about spending time.
Doing nothing?
No -- spending time.
I feel like I'm in a Beckett play.
There's no need to overthink it.
It's just fishing.
Well, I'm not sure I can do it.
You are doing it.
- Doing what? - Exactly.
You are right here.
Right now.
♪ My sweet apple pie
♪ Then maybe, just maybe
♪ You'll be mine. ♪
♪ Don't wanna live in the city
♪ My friends tell me I'm changing
♪ The smell of salty air
♪ Is what I'm chasing
♪ Chasing, chasing
♪ You probably think I'm mad
♪ But it feels good to me
♪ 'Cause from now on
♪ I'll live as close as I can to the sea. ♪