1
00:00:02,800 --> 00:00:05,000
??? of the cab ride
2
00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:06,800
that changed my life.
3
00:00:07,100 --> 00:00:09,500
I know it sounds crazy,
but for all I know
4
00:00:09,500 --> 00:00:12,900
my life would be very different
if I had taken, say...
5
00:00:12,900 --> 00:00:14,400
that cab.
6
00:00:15,700 --> 00:00:17,000
Or that cab.
7
00:00:17,900 --> 00:00:18,900
God knows
what would have happened
8
00:00:18,900 --> 00:00:21,000
if I had gotten into that cab.
9
00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,000
I took this cab.
10
00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:29,700
And it changed my whole life.
11
00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:39,700
But first, we need
to back up a little.
12
00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:41,800
Hey.
13
00:00:42,100 --> 00:00:43,300
Is there any beer in the fridge?
14
00:00:43,300 --> 00:00:44,800
It's 10:00 in
the morning.
15
00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:46,200
Grab me one.
16
00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:48,400
So,
17
00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:50,800
something bad
just happened.
18
00:00:51,500 --> 00:00:53,900
Stella and I were out
having breakfast.
19
00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:56,700
So, my sister broke up
with her boyfriend.
20
00:00:56,700 --> 00:00:57,900
Well, I can finally say it.
21
00:00:57,900 --> 00:00:58,900
I hated that guy!
22
00:00:58,900 --> 00:01:00,500
Everything out
of his mouth is,
23
00:01:00,500 --> 00:01:02,000
"I'm a vegan.
24
00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:03,600
"Fish feel pain.
25
00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:05,700
I'm never constipated. "
26
00:01:05,700 --> 00:01:07,100
The guy's an idiot.
27
00:01:07,100 --> 00:01:08,100
Actually, she's
marrying him.
28
00:01:08,100 --> 00:01:10,400
I just wanted
your honest opinion.
29
00:01:10,900 --> 00:01:12,500
He's actually a really nice guy.
30
00:01:12,500 --> 00:01:15,500
I think there's a wisdom to...
31
00:01:17,100 --> 00:01:18,900
Anyway, they picked
a date, so, uh,
32
00:01:19,100 --> 00:01:19,900
you want to come with me,
33
00:01:19,900 --> 00:01:21,200
so that we can laugh
our asses off
34
00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:23,800
as we watch him walk
barefoot down the aisle in a hemp tuxedo?
35
00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:25,100
Yeah, sure. When is it?
36
00:01:25,100 --> 00:01:26,800
Uh, first weekend
in November.
37
00:01:27,400 --> 00:01:27,800
Is that
38
00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:28,700
the something bad?
39
00:01:28,700 --> 00:01:30,800
That she invited you
to a wedding?
40
00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:32,000
Six months from now.
41
00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:35,200
As in we'll be together
six months from now.
42
00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:35,800
Do you guys
remember
43
00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:37,200
Barney's whole thing
about making plans
44
00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:38,300
in a relationship?
45
00:01:38,900 --> 00:01:40,200
Fourth row.
46
00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:41,200
Ted, no.
47
00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:44,100
You're violating
the date-time continuum.
48
00:01:44,100 --> 00:01:44,800
You never make
49
00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:46,400
plans with a girl further
in the future
50
00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:48,400
than the amount of time
you've been going out.
51
00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:50,200
You've been dating this girl
for, what, two weeks?
52
00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:53,400
No, you're not taking her to a
Springsteen concert in January.
53
00:01:54,700 --> 00:01:57,800
By that time you won't even
remember this Robin girl's name.
54
00:01:59,300 --> 00:02:02,000
Ugh, man, I love Springsteen!
55
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:04,800
He's like the American
Bryan Adams.
56
00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:06,000
Well...
57
00:02:06,900 --> 00:02:08,200
But Barney had a point.
58
00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:10,000
As soon as she started talking
about the wedding,
59
00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:11,200
it freaked me out.
60
00:02:11,700 --> 00:02:13,100
Oh, that sounds
like so much fun.
61
00:02:13,100 --> 00:02:15,000
Mmm. So I get to look forward to it
62
00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:16,600
for six months.
63
00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:19,200
Which is twice as long
as we've been dating.
64
00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:20,200
Uh-oh.
65
00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:22,100
I'm sure
your daughter Lucy'll come
66
00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:25,100
so it'll be like a...
a family trip.
67
00:02:25,700 --> 00:02:28,100
Our first trip
as our funny little family.
68
00:02:28,100 --> 00:02:30,400
So that... that'll
be super-exciting.
69
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,100
Oh, boy.
70
00:02:32,700 --> 00:02:35,000
Man, they crank up the heat
in these places.
71
00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:37,900
What's going on, Ted?
72
00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:40,100
We need to talk.
73
00:02:40,100 --> 00:02:41,300
Oh. Oh. Oh.
74
00:02:41,300 --> 00:02:42,900
"We need to talk"?
75
00:02:42,900 --> 00:02:46,000
There's only two situations
where you say that to someone
76
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:47,500
and unless you're pregnant,
77
00:02:47,500 --> 00:02:49,700
it sounds like you
broke up with her.
78
00:02:50,300 --> 00:02:51,400
Yeah, I did.
79
00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:54,200
So how did she take it?
80
00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:55,000
Um...
81
00:02:55,500 --> 00:02:57,600
I'm only trying
to be honest with you.
82
00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:00,200
You know, Ted.
I have to go to work.
83
00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:01,200
Stella, can we just...
84
00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:03,200
I d't want to leave it
like this.
85
00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:04,600
No, Ted, it's okay.
86
00:03:04,900 --> 00:03:06,200
We're good.
87
00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:09,700
Ow!
88
00:03:09,700 --> 00:03:11,400
Look, I know it sounds rough,
89
00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:12,400
but Stella's a mom.
90
00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:14,100
I have to be responsible.
91
00:03:14,100 --> 00:03:15,700
If I'm having these feelings now,
92
00:03:15,700 --> 00:03:17,200
what if they don't go away?
93
00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:18,700
What if they just get worse
and worse
94
00:03:18,700 --> 00:03:20,900
d six months from now,
I break up with her
95
00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:23,400
over tofu salmon
at her sister's wedding?
96
00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:24,400
I can't do that to her.
97
00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:25,800
And I definitely can't do that
98
00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:27,200
to her daughter.
99
00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:30,000
It sucks, but I'm being
the good guy here.
100
00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:33,400
This is the right decision.
101
00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:35,900
Which brings me back
to the cab ride.
102
00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:42,700
Hello, may I speak
with Marshall Eriksen?
103
00:04:42,700 --> 00:04:43,800
Hey, guys.
104
00:04:44,300 --> 00:04:45,500
Jell-O?
105
00:04:47,500 --> 00:04:49,500
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106
00:04:49,500 --> 00:04:54,500
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How I Met Your Mother µÚ3¼¾µÚ20¼¯
107
00:04:54,500 --> 00:04:58,500
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ʱ¼äÖ᣺Jimmy
108
00:05:03,100 --> 00:05:05,100
???t believe this.
So you're totally fine.
109
00:05:05,100 --> 00:05:06,300
No, I'm not fine.
110
00:05:06,300 --> 00:05:08,600
I made the biggest mistake
of my life.
111
00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:09,600
I want Stella back.
112
00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:12,400
I've left her like ten messages,
but her phone's off.
113
00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:12,900
She's at that
114
00:05:12,900 --> 00:05:15,200
arcade Kiddie Funland
with her daughter.
115
00:05:16,300 --> 00:05:17,000
Please.
116
00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:18,800
Let me go to Kiddie Funland.
117
00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:20,700
You can say that
all you want, buddy,
118
00:05:20,700 --> 00:05:22,600
but you're not getting
any morphine.
119
00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:24,700
No, I'm serious.
I got to get out of here.
120
00:05:24,900 --> 00:05:27,000
You're not going anywhere
until we get the tests back.
121
00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:28,300
You could have
internal bleeding.
122
00:05:28,300 --> 00:05:30,400
Your brain could be all full
of blood.
123
00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:31,900
Think that's good for it?
124
00:05:31,900 --> 00:05:33,100
ain't.
125
00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:35,200
This sucks.
126
00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:36,200
This sucks. This sucks.
Are you...
127
00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:37,800
are you kidding me?
128
00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:38,900
You walked away
129
00:05:38,900 --> 00:05:41,500
from a car accident
without a scratch.
130
00:05:41,700 --> 00:05:43,600
A miracle took place
today.
131
00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:45,400
Oh, here we go.
132
00:05:45,700 --> 00:05:47,300
You don't think
this was a miracle?
133
00:05:47,300 --> 00:05:49,700
There's no such thing
as miracles.
134
00:05:49,700 --> 00:05:52,800
March 2006,
MacLaren's Bar.
135
00:05:53,700 --> 00:05:54,200
Oh.
136
00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:55,000
That's terrible.
Gentle.
137
00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:56,600
That's in!
Gentle.
138
00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:58,000
Ow.
Here we go.
139
00:05:59,900 --> 00:06:01,700
Hey!
140
00:06:01,900 --> 00:06:02,500
Bravo.
141
00:06:02,500 --> 00:06:03,900
Cheers...
142
00:06:03,900 --> 00:06:05,200
Mm-hmm.
143
00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:13,000
No... way.
144
00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:15,400
That did not just happen.
145
00:06:15,700 --> 00:06:18,700
Am I dead?
146
00:06:19,100 --> 00:06:20,600
Miracle!
147
00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:23,100
A pencil went up Barney's nose,
148
00:06:23,100 --> 00:06:25,100
and you call it a miracle.
149
00:06:25,100 --> 00:06:27,400
Well, do you have a better
explanation for it?
150
00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:29,900
A drunk jackass
with a box of pencils?
151
00:06:29,900 --> 00:06:32,200
A drunk jackass
called "God!"
152
00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:35,000
And a box of pencils
called "destiny!"
153
00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:38,800
Speaking of Barney,
I should give him a call.
154
00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:40,400
Why? We're not friends anymore.
155
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,600
You'd want to know if
thisappened to him.
156
00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:45,500
Go for Barney.
157
00:06:45,500 --> 00:06:46,800
Hey, Barney.
158
00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:48,700
Listen, I have something
to tell you.
159
00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:51,200
Oh, boy, here we go.
160
00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:52,400
I've been waiting for this one.
161
00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:53,600
You talked to Robin.
162
00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:55,100
She told you
what's under the hood
163
00:06:55,100 --> 00:06:57,300
and you want to take it
for a spin yourself.
164
00:06:57,300 --> 00:07:00,400
Not even if you boiled it
in detergent.
165
00:07:00,900 --> 00:07:02,300
It's about Ted.
166
00:07:02,300 --> 00:07:03,400
Ted?
167
00:07:04,300 --> 00:07:06,100
My former best friend Ted
168
00:07:06,100 --> 00:07:07,900
who I asked you never
to mention to me again?
169
00:07:07,900 --> 00:07:08,900
Yeah.
170
00:07:08,900 --> 00:07:10,600
He's been in a car accident.
171
00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:12,200
He's at Saint Anthony's
hospital.
172
00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:13,300
Everything's...
173
00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:16,600
No, I understand.
174
00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:19,800
You've got that important thing.
175
00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:20,600
Okay.
176
00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:22,000
Oh, of course
177
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:23,500
I'll tell him you love him.
178
00:07:23,500 --> 00:07:24,600
Okay.
179
00:07:24,900 --> 00:07:26,100
Suit up!
180
00:07:26,500 --> 00:07:28,800
He is always saying stuff
like that!
181
00:07:29,300 --> 00:07:31,100
He hung up, didn't he?
Yeah.
182
00:07:31,300 --> 00:07:33,000
See, I told you.
We're not friends anymore.
183
00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:36,700
♪♪♪♪♪♪
184
00:07:40,100 --> 00:07:41,700
What did he say?
185
00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:44,600
Ah, a hundred and thir... What?
186
00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:45,300
You...
187
00:07:46,900 --> 00:07:48,400
I'm coming, Ted.
188
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:52,600
So, what made you change
your mind about Stella?
189
00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:56,000
Well, I was in the cab,
and the car was coming at me,
190
00:07:56,300 --> 00:07:58,400
and you know how they say
that your whole life flashes
191
00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:00,700
before your eyes
in a near-death experience?
192
00:08:00,700 --> 00:08:01,900
It doesn't.
193
00:08:02,100 --> 00:08:03,500
You don't see everything.
194
00:08:03,700 --> 00:08:05,600
Just the things you love.
195
00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:10,100
I realized in that moment
196
00:08:10,100 --> 00:08:12,400
that Stella is the most
important thing in my life
197
00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:13,700
and-and I have to get her back.
198
00:08:13,700 --> 00:08:14,700
Aw!
199
00:08:14,700 --> 00:08:15,800
Miracle!
200
00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:17,100
Very sweet.
201
00:08:17,100 --> 00:08:19,000
Very romantic.
202
00:08:19,300 --> 00:08:20,600
Not a miracle.
203
00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:23,900
July 1999.
204
00:08:23,900 --> 00:08:25,200
Kennedy Airport.
205
00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:28,000
So, did you enjoy...
206
00:08:29,100 --> 00:08:30,700
Amsterdam?
207
00:08:30,700 --> 00:08:31,700
No.
208
00:08:31,700 --> 00:08:33,000
Nothing illegal.
209
00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:34,200
Paintings.
210
00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:37,000
All right,
Bob Marley.
211
00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:39,000
Let's have a
conversation.
212
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,700
Shift change.
213
00:08:49,300 --> 00:08:51,100
Oh, Amsterdam.
214
00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:53,300
All right.
215
00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:56,100
Float on through, brother.
216
00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:02,200
Miracle!
217
00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:05,100
Don't you go
into the light!
218
00:09:05,100 --> 00:09:06,400
Don't you do it!
219
00:09:07,100 --> 00:09:08,100
Hey, Mosby,
220
00:09:08,100 --> 00:09:09,700
you got a visitor.
221
00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:19,600
Hey, guys.
222
00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:21,000
Hey. Hey. Hey.
223
00:09:21,500 --> 00:09:23,400
Can you guys, uh,
give us a minute?
224
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:29,500
Stella, before you
say anytng...
225
00:09:30,100 --> 00:09:31,300
I love you.
226
00:09:31,300 --> 00:09:32,900
I love you, too.
227
00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:33,900
Can we just forget about...
228
00:09:33,900 --> 00:09:35,600
It's forgotten.
229
00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:38,100
Is this your chart?
230
00:09:40,300 --> 00:09:41,400
Okay.
231
00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:42,900
Uh-huh.
232
00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:44,800
Everything looks good.
233
00:09:45,900 --> 00:09:47,500
I think you can handle it.
234
00:09:47,500 --> 00:09:48,800
Handle what?
235
00:09:52,100 --> 00:09:54,400
Aww! Aww! Aww!
236
00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:55,300
This morning
237
00:09:55,300 --> 00:09:56,500
he dumped her and now
238
00:09:56,500 --> 00:09:59,000
she's dry-humping him
on a hospital bed.
239
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:01,000
Miracle!
Yeah,
240
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,600
you know, I bet
if you call up the Vatican,
241
00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:04,800
they will tell you that most
of their certified miracles
242
00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:06,900
involve dry-humping, so.
243
00:10:08,100 --> 00:10:10,100
April 2008.
244
00:10:10,100 --> 00:10:12,200
Lily's kindergarten classroom.
245
00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:13,600
You're gonna go in there
246
00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:15,100
and beg
for your old job back?
247
00:10:15,100 --> 00:10:16,300
That's crazy.
248
00:10:16,300 --> 00:10:18,200
You hated it there.
249
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:21,300
I- I know, the job market is
just really bad right now.
250
00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:23,700
Hey, kids,
251
00:10:23,700 --> 00:10:26,600
who wants Uncle Marshall
to get his old job back?
252
00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:28,900
y
253
00:10:28,900 --> 00:10:29,600
They'll cheer
254
00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:32,100
for anything
if you say it like that.
255
00:10:32,100 --> 00:10:34,000
Kids, a super tanker
256
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,300
spilled five million
gallons of oil
257
00:10:36,300 --> 00:10:38,700
off the coast of Alaska
this morning!
258
00:10:38,700 --> 00:10:41,100
y
259
00:10:43,300 --> 00:10:44,500
Hello, Marshall.
260
00:10:44,500 --> 00:10:45,200
Mr. Hewitt,
261
00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:47,000
I came here to apologize.
262
00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:48,700
I'm going to go
grab some more glue.
263
00:10:48,700 --> 00:10:50,400
Will you watch them for a sec?
264
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:51,500
Of course.
265
00:10:52,500 --> 00:10:56,000
Leaving Nicholson, Hewitt,
and West was a huge mistake,
266
00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:57,900
and I can see that now.
267
00:10:57,900 --> 00:10:58,500
So...
268
00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:00,200
who wants to see the big guy
269
00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:02,100
put on these tiny hats?
270
00:11:02,100 --> 00:11:04,400
y
271
00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:07,000
My behavior was disrespectful.
272
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:08,900
It was unprofessional.
273
00:11:09,100 --> 00:11:10,900
I'm a pilgrim.
274
00:11:10,900 --> 00:11:13,400
I know it looks like
I have a tiny hat,
275
00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:17,700
but in reality, I have
an abnormally large head!
276
00:11:19,500 --> 00:11:22,000
I was going through
a stressful time.
277
00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:24,400
I wasn't getting enough sleep.
278
00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:28,400
Fourscore and seven years ago,
279
00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:32,100
I had a great, big giant head!
280
00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:34,800
I had just bought an apartment,
281
00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:36,500
and there were some problems.
282
00:11:36,500 --> 00:11:39,300
I- I don't want to bore you
with the details.
283
00:11:39,300 --> 00:11:43,600
I only regret that I have
but one giant head
284
00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:45,800
to give for my country.
285
00:11:48,100 --> 00:11:50,100
Sir, if you could just see
your way into giving me
286
00:11:50,100 --> 00:11:52,600
one more chance, I promise... Marshall.
287
00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:54,800
I'm willing to give this
a second chance.
288
00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:55,800
I remember my
289
00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:58,000
first years as an attorney.
290
00:11:58,500 --> 00:12:00,500
Why, I don't know how
many hours I spent.
291
00:12:00,500 --> 00:12:02,000
I don't think
I ever left...
292
00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:03,300
Oh, my God!
293
00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:05,300
I have lice.
294
00:12:05,300 --> 00:12:07,500
Those little bastards
gave me lice.
295
00:12:07,500 --> 00:12:08,800
God, it itches.
296
00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:09,800
Don't scratch it.
297
00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:10,800
You'll look like a fool.
298
00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:12,200
You'll never get your job back.
299
00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:15,600
Okay, you can scratch,
but just make it subtle.
300
00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:18,000
Okay, that's not working.
301
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:20,300
, sweet, sharp corner
of the desk,
302
00:12:20,300 --> 00:12:23,400
how I long to rub
my infested scalp against you.
303
00:12:24,500 --> 00:12:28,400
I was, um... just, uh...
304
00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:30,800
You okay, Eriksen?
305
00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:32,700
Oh! Oh, yes, I'm good.
306
00:12:32,700 --> 00:12:35,100
I am good.
307
00:12:35,100 --> 00:12:36,300
Continue.
308
00:12:36,700 --> 00:12:38,000
Mind over matter.
309
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:40,600
There are no lice in my hair...
310
00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:41,800
laying eggs,
311
00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:43,700
burrowing into my scalp,
312
00:12:43,700 --> 00:12:46,100
eating their way all the way
down to my brain!
313
00:12:46,100 --> 00:12:47,600
I have lice!
314
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,700
"Lice"?! Lice! Get out!
315
00:12:49,700 --> 00:12:51,300
Get out of my office!
316
00:12:52,700 --> 00:12:53,600
We've got lice!
317
00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:55,200
Everybody out of the building.
318
00:12:56,500 --> 00:12:57,400
If it weren't for the lice,
319
00:12:57,400 --> 00:12:58,700
I would have gotten my job back,
320
00:12:58,700 --> 00:13:00,900
and I would have been
working there when,
321
00:13:00,900 --> 00:13:03,400
two weeks later, the Securities
and Exchange Commission
322
00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:04,700
came a-knocking.
323
00:13:04,900 --> 00:13:06,700
God sent those lice to my head
324
00:13:06,700 --> 00:13:09,300
like he sent
the locusts to Egypt:
325
00:13:09,300 --> 00:13:12,000
to liberate me
from corporate bondage.
326
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:13,400
Miracle.
327
00:13:14,900 --> 00:13:15,400
Hey, guys.
328
00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:17,100
Oh, I'm just so glad
329
00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:19,500
you and Ted are back together. Yeah.
330
00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:22,600
Wait, um, what do you mean
"back together"?
331
00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:25,800
Well, you know,
since you guys broke up.
332
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:27,700
What? Oh, no.
333
00:13:27,700 --> 00:13:28,800
It was just a small fight.
334
00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:30,300
That wasn't a breakup.
335
00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:34,800
Was that a breakup?
Did he think that was a breakup?
336
00:13:35,500 --> 00:13:36,500
What?
337
00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:39,500
Son of a bitch!
338
00:13:44,100 --> 00:13:45,700
That was a breakup. Wasn't it?
339
00:13:45,700 --> 00:13:47,100
You broke up with me.
340
00:13:47,500 --> 00:13:48,400
Yeah.
341
00:13:48,900 --> 00:13:51,000
I didn't know that
that was a breakup.
342
00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:52,200
Are you kidding?
343
00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:53,700
I- I said, "I feel awful. "
344
00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:55,300
You said, "We're good. "
345
00:13:55,300 --> 00:13:56,800
Then you got up and left.
346
00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:58,700
Yeah, I said, "We're good,"
347
00:13:58,700 --> 00:14:00,300
as in "We're good. "
348
00:14:00,300 --> 00:14:01,700
Like when the waiter
comes around and asks
349
00:14:01,700 --> 00:14:04,100
if you want any more muffins,
and you say, "We're good. "
350
00:14:04,100 --> 00:14:07,700
Exactly, and I took
that "We're good" to mean
351
00:14:07,700 --> 00:14:08,800
you didn't want any more
352
00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:11,100
metaphorical
relationship muffins.
353
00:14:11,900 --> 00:14:13,000
This is crazy.
354
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:13,800
Forget about all that.
355
00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:17,500
That was a whole
life-changing car accident ago.
356
00:14:17,500 --> 00:14:18,100
I love you.
357
00:14:18,100 --> 00:14:19,900
I don't want to break up.
358
00:14:20,300 --> 00:14:21,000
But you did.
359
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:21,900
You did want to.
360
00:14:21,900 --> 00:14:23,600
And if you had
those feelings once,
361
00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:24,800
then you're going
to have those feelings again,
362
00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:26,300
and you're going
to keep on having them.
363
00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:28,100
And I can't count
on that car to hit you
364
00:14:28,100 --> 00:14:29,400
every time you do.
365
00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:31,200
What are you saying?
366
00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:33,000
I'm saying...
367
00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:34,800
you wanted your breakup,
368
00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:35,700
you got it.
369
00:14:35,700 --> 00:14:36,900
What?! Stella, wait!
370
00:14:36,900 --> 00:14:39,500
No, you know what, Ted?
???
371
00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:51,200
So you broke up with her
and she didn't know it?
372
00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:52,200
Apparently.
373
00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:54,900
And you actually said,
"I want to break up"?
374
00:14:54,900 --> 00:14:55,900
No, of course not.
375
00:14:55,900 --> 00:14:57,100
Who says "I want to break up"?
376
00:14:57,100 --> 00:14:58,700
That's a horrible thing to say.
377
00:14:58,700 --> 00:15:00,000
Well, that's true.
378
00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:05,200
Hello?
379
00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:06,800
Hi, Ted Mosby?
We have you
380
00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:10,600
listed as the emergency contact
for Barney Stinson.
381
00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:12,500
What is it?
382
00:15:12,500 --> 00:15:14,400
What it was was this.
383
00:15:21,900 --> 00:15:24,600
I made it.
I made it!
384
00:15:32,700 --> 00:15:33,900
Dude, I...
385
00:15:33,900 --> 00:15:37,000
I can't believe you ran
all the way up here.
386
00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:40,000
Jeez. Flatter yourself much?
387
00:15:40,300 --> 00:15:41,000
What an ego
388
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:42,400
on this guy.
389
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:44,600
Um, I was up
in this part of town
390
00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:46,300
because I had to attend
391
00:15:46,300 --> 00:15:49,700
a very important
international business meeting.
392
00:15:50,100 --> 00:15:50,700
If you're here
393
00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:54,300
to come crawling back,
just save it.
394
00:15:54,300 --> 00:15:56,600
I'm doing awesome without you.
395
00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:58,500
Even br now,
'cause I can play
396
00:15:58,500 --> 00:16:00,600
the sympathy card
with the females.
397
00:16:00,900 --> 00:16:02,700
And BTW,
398
00:16:02,700 --> 00:16:05,900
there's one bone downstairs
that ain't broken.
399
00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:07,400
Marshall,
400
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,700
you know what I'm talking about.
401
00:16:10,300 --> 00:16:11,700
Up top!
402
00:16:11,900 --> 00:16:12,900
Hup!
403
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:14,800
Are you sure?
404
00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:17,600
Yeah, dude. Why do y think
I had them set it this way?
405
00:16:18,700 --> 00:16:19,600
Okay.
406
00:16:19,900 --> 00:16:22,600
Ow!
407
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,000
Worth it.
408
00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:30,400
Barney, you, uh...
409
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:33,500
Yocould've died.
410
00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:37,600
Ted, I'm sorry
I broke the bro code.
411
00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:39,600
No, I'm-I'm sorry.
412
00:16:41,900 --> 00:16:43,900
Ted, can we be friends again?
413
00:16:43,900 --> 00:16:47,100
Barney, come on, we're...
we're more than friends.
414
00:16:47,500 --> 00:16:48,900
We're brothers.
415
00:16:50,500 --> 00:16:51,800
You're my brother, Ted.
You're my
416
00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:53,300
brother, Barney.
417
00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:56,200
Did you hear that, Marshall?
418
00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:57,700
We're brothers now.
419
00:16:57,700 --> 00:16:59,200
Marshall's
my brother, too.
420
00:16:59,700 --> 00:17:01,300
We're all brothers.
421
00:17:01,900 --> 00:17:04,200
Yeah, but I'm your
best brother, right?
422
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:06,200
And that's how
your Uncle Barney
423
00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:07,500
and I buried the hatchet.
424
00:17:07,500 --> 00:17:10,100
It got pretty mushy
and embarrassing after that.
425
00:17:10,100 --> 00:17:11,400
Let's skip ahead.
426
00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:13,500
I had to look away
because if I watched
427
00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:15,300
what the paramedics
were about to do,
428
00:17:15,300 --> 00:17:16,700
I would have passed out.
429
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:17,800
Then they took out this
430
00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:21,600
electric blade thing
and I kept thinking,
431
00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:24,100
"This isn't happening.
This isn't happening. "
432
00:17:24,100 --> 00:17:26,400
Oh, my God.
What did they cut?
433
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:28,400
My suit.
434
00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:30,500
My beautiful suit.
435
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:34,800
But you're alive,
and, and Ted's alive.
436
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:36,500
This is amazing!
437
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:39,300
Two miracles in one day.
438
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:43,500
What is the matter with you?
439
00:17:43,500 --> 00:17:45,700
How can you possibly
be this cynical?!
440
00:17:45,700 --> 00:17:46,800
You want to know?
Yeah.
441
00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:48,200
You really want to know?
Yeah!
442
00:17:48,900 --> 00:17:50,300
Fine.
443
00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:52,200
When I was a kid,
444
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:54,700
I had this dog,
Sir Scratchawan.
445
00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:59,000
Anyway, Sir Scratchawan
got really old,
446
00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:00,700
so my parents decided
to put him down.
447
00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:04,400
It was the toughest day
of my young life.
448
00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:08,400
Good-byI love you.
449
00:18:10,100 --> 00:18:11,900
And when they took
him to the vet,
450
00:18:11,900 --> 00:18:14,500
he told them that
earlier that very day,
451
00:18:14,500 --> 00:18:16,400
he had learned about
an experimental procedure
452
00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:19,700
called a canine/testudine
cerebro-xenograft.
453
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:21,000
Ever heard of it?
454
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:21,700
No.
455
00:18:21,700 --> 00:18:24,700
Well, it saved
Sir Scratchawan's life.
456
00:18:24,700 --> 00:18:26,100
He lived another
seven years.
457
00:18:26,100 --> 00:18:28,400
Miracle.
Except for one...
458
00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:30,700
kind of big side effect
from the surgery.
459
00:18:31,300 --> 00:18:32,900
SiScratchawan!
460
00:18:32,900 --> 00:18:34,800
Welcome home!
461
00:18:37,100 --> 00:18:38,900
He turned into a turtle.
462
00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:42,100
I know. It's weird, right?
463
00:18:42,100 --> 00:18:44,000
Apparently, a very common
complication
464
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:47,400
from canine/testudine
cerebro-xenografts.
465
00:18:47,700 --> 00:18:50,700
And he didn't seem to remember
any of his old tricks.
466
00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:53,700
Go get it, Scratchy.
467
00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:55,200
Go get it!
468
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:57,100
Go get it! Get it!
469
00:18:57,100 --> 00:18:58,200
Go get it, Scratchy.
470
00:18:58,200 --> 00:18:59,400
Go get it.
471
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:03,500
How long was it before...?
472
00:19:03,500 --> 00:19:05,600
Longer than
I'm proud of, Lily.
473
00:19:06,100 --> 00:19:07,800
Longer than I'm proud of.
474
00:19:09,300 --> 00:19:10,600
And that's when I realized
475
00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:12,500
miracles ain't real.
476
00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:14,600
Excuse me.
477
00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:18,300
Mosby, you're still here?
478
00:19:18,300 --> 00:19:20,900
Your tests came back,
like, an hour ago. You're fine.
479
00:19:20,900 --> 00:19:22,800
Are you kidding me?
Why didn't you tell me?!
480
00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:23,900
I'm sorry.
481
00:19:23,900 --> 00:19:26,200
I guess it was rude of me
to keep resuscitating that guy
482
00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:28,500
with a rake sticking out
of his chest.
483
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:31,400
Um, I have to go right now.
Barney, I...
484
00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:32,800
Go.
485
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:36,300
Run, Ted. Run.
486
00:19:36,700 --> 00:19:38,700
If there's anything I've taught
you over the years, it's...
487
00:19:38,700 --> 00:19:40,900
Barney, he left.
Oh.
488
00:19:42,100 --> 00:19:44,000
Hey, Ted said that right
before the accident,
489
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:45,500
his life flashed
before his eyes.
490
00:19:45,500 --> 00:19:47,200
You know,
all the stuff he loves.
491
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:49,100
Did that happen to you?
Oh, yeah.
492
00:19:49,100 --> 00:19:51,900
I know what he saw: boobs.
Scotch.
493
00:19:52,100 --> 00:19:52,900
And money.
494
00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:54,500
Suits.
A suit of money.
495
00:19:54,500 --> 00:19:55,900
A suit of boobs.
496
00:19:56,100 --> 00:19:58,900
A giant boob wearing
a suit of money.
497
00:19:58,900 --> 00:20:01,900
And the boob is
lactating scotch.
498
00:20:02,900 --> 00:20:05,500
I guess that's pretty much
everything you love, right?
499
00:20:07,700 --> 00:20:09,300
Yeah, pretty much.
500
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:13,200
Kids, a lot
of weird, random things
501
00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:14,900
have happened in my life,
502
00:20:14,900 --> 00:20:16,500
but that car accident
is one of the few
503
00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:20,100
I'd call a miracle,
not because of what happened,
504
00:20:20,100 --> 00:20:22,500
but because
of what happened next.
505
00:20:24,900 --> 00:20:26,000
Hi.
506
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:27,900
Hi.
507
00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:29,600
Can I talk to you?
508
00:20:30,100 --> 00:20:31,600
Okay.
509
00:20:35,300 --> 00:20:37,800
I got you this
orange kangaroo.
510
00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:41,500
Uh... thanks.
511
00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:44,700
So I've been thinking
about what changed
512
00:20:44,700 --> 00:20:46,800
from the moment
I broke up with you
513
00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:49,000
to the moment I knew
I wanted you back.
514
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:53,300
And, um, I think I finally
figured out what happened.
515
00:20:53,500 --> 00:20:56,200
Your cab got T-boned
by a jackass on a cell phone?
516
00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:59,000
No. I changed.
517
00:20:59,900 --> 00:21:02,100
I'm ready to give you
what you need.
518
00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:02,900
That's why I spent
519
00:21:02,900 --> 00:21:05,400
ten minutes on the
damn claw machine
520
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:08,100
trying to get the big,
fake diamond ring.
521
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:11,500
But all I could get
was this orange kangaroo.
522
00:21:11,500 --> 00:21:12,900
Diamond ring?
523
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:17,500
Will you marry me?
524
00:21:17,500 --> 00:21:21,500
United We're Strong!
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