Oh, honey, this is so nice.
The last time we were in a hospital together,
I was screaming and you were naked.
I mean, isn't this fun?
Now you get to keep me up to date
on how work is going,
who your friends are,
who you're dating.
And let's never forget that boundaries
are also healthy and good.
Okay.
Morning, Dennis. It's your favorite pharma rep
with your favorite drug, caffeine.
Thanks.
Really keeps my morning pep going.
Hot tip: Get in good with Nurse Dennis.
He can make things here a lot easier for you.
Or much, much harder.
Hey, Dennis. I paid for that coffee.
Mm-hmm.
I am so proud of you.
I mean, when I tell people my mom became
a doctor in her old...
Late middle.
... late middle age,
they think it's amazing.
Oh, thank you, Jenny.
I got to say, after getting through med school,
it does feel pretty good to finally hear
- people calling me... - Dr. Kenney!
Okay. Got to go.
Have a great day, sweetie. Sell lots of drugs.
Thank you for joining us. Let's get to assignments.
There's only so many hours in a day
and I'm guessing you're going to eat into a lot of them.
- Well, if I may... - Case in point.
Dr. Gilani.
- Dr. Jacobs. - Dr. Frost.
Oh, so many doctors.
We're all doctors.
Dr. Jacobs, I'm wondering if I might borrow
one of your young chicks.
- Personally, I would love... - Dr. Kutcher.
I never get tired of hearing my own name.
Very good. Come with me, Dr. Kutcher.
Bye, all. Cream rises to the top.
Cream may rise to the top,
but almond milk stays good for way longer.
So you're almond milk?
Yeah, that's right. Back of the fridge.
Not flashy like that oat milk.
I'm gonna survive this year by keeping a low profile.
I'd like to keep a low profile,
but I'm the only queer, diverse person in the program.
There are already six pictures of me
- on the hospital website. - Oh.
Dr. Gilani, you'll be treating a patient
in a medically induced coma.
Okay. You all heard it.
She was in a coma when I got her.
- Dr. Kenney. - Let me guess,
more stool samples.
Unfortunately, all the stools
have been sampled.
So you and Dr. Sommers will be treating a patient.
A patient?
A real, live patient?
Yes. Your patients will always start out alive.
Wait, wait, wait. Wait.
I would just like to savor this moment.
Of course.
It feels like it was just yesterday
I was teaching a classroom full of horny ninth-graders
that amino acids are the building blocks of life.
And little did I know that I would use the amino acids
of my divorce to become a doctor
about to see her first patient.
She left after the first amino acids.
Honestly,
I didn't get horny until the tenth grade.
- Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.addic7ed.com -
Ms. Zahn, I'm Dr. Kenney.
This is Dr. Sommers,
and we are thrilled to be taking care of you.
And I'm thrilled to see you.
Usually, when they see an old lady
come through the door they just stick me right with a newbie.
Um, actually, you're my very first patient.
Took you a while to get through it, huh?
Yeah. I kept mixing up the liver and the lungs.
- Wait... - No, I...
I'm-I'm joking, of course.
Anyway, let's get down to business.
You were admitted for a fever. Is that right?
Got up to 102.
That could be serious.
Well, the meds are bringing her fever down,
but she's still flushed.
Ms. Z, you wear it well. You have beautiful skin.
Tell me if anything hurts, okay, Ms. Zahn?
At my age, everything hurts.
But you touch away.
You know, Ms. Zahn,
we don't have much medical history for you.
Who's your primary care physician?
It used to be Dr. Bonner, but he died.
- Oh. - Or he moved to Death Valley.
Or he moved to Death Valley
and he died.
Now I just see whoever's at the clinic.
And it says here that you're on propranolol and trazodone.
Is there anything else?
Well, sometimes I have a drink of sherry in the evening.
We'll, uh, we'll start with some blood work
and a chest X-ray.
For now, you just try to rest. Okay?
- Yeah. - And if you want to watch TV,
we have over three channels.
Thank you. It's nice to rest.
I'm just sick of these fevers.
Fevers... plural?
I had a few this month.
Early in the month or late?
Ms. Zahn? Linda?
Oh, my God.
Did she just...
Oh...
Oh! Dr. Jacobs specifically told us to keep her alive.
Way to keep us on task, Caleb.
I'm so glad you got to hear
that patient's polyphonic wheeze.
Sounded like a mournful whale song.
Hauntingly beautiful.
- Perfect description, sir. - Mm.
Couldn't have said it better myself.
The English language is lucky to live in your mouth.
Ah.
So, what kind of complex, highly technical procedure
can I assist you with?
Well, I'd just like you to do some blood work.
Did I hear lung biopsy?
No, just the blood draw.
Thank you.
A blood draw? Is he kidding?
Oh, are you worried you won't be able to do that
and kiss Dr. Frost's butt at the same time?
Blood draws are boring.
It's nurse work.
Dude, you offended Nurse Dennis.
That's bad.
The hierarchy in this hospital goes: Nurse Dennis, Frost,
other nurses, Dr. Jacobs, patients, taco lady,
guy who lives in the ER, us.
You're overreacting.
Nurse Dennis didn't even hear me.
Did you see the face he made?
That's the face he always makes.
No.
This is the "I just heard what you said" face.
Dr. Jacobs.
Um, Ms. Zahn's blood work and X-rays came back clean,
and her temperature's back to normal.
Excellent. You and Dr. Sommers can discharge your patient.
But-but she happened to mention that
she had a few fevers this month,
so I would like to keep her for an abdominal CT.
Does she have other symptoms?
She has a dry patch
on her left arm and achy joints.
Oh, no. Does she have loose skin and cloudy eyes?
Yes, both of those things.
I'm sorry to say, it sounds like she has
an irreversible case of old.
Wow, you made a joke.
But I think there is something more we could do.
Dr. Kenney,
I admire your commitment to your patient,
but we don't have unlimited beds.
Hospital policy requires that we discharge her.
But I know there's something more going on.
Look,
I did not become a doctor
to have my very first patient, who's an elderly woman with...
Oh, again.
Oh, hey, Dennis.
Mm-hmm.
So, the-the patient in 18
is still waiting on that blood draw.
Oh, is he, now?
So if you could just... get that sample soon,
- that would be great. - You got it.
As soon as I'm done with my very...
important paperwork.
Is another nurse available?
Everyone's got paperwork.
Dennis, you got a second
to help me prep for a hemodialysis catheter?
Hey, I got nothing but time.
You know, in fact,
let me get two other nurses to make sure we got it covered.
Okay.
Oh, hi, Mom! What brings you over here?
- Oh, chips. - Tough day?
No, no. It's great.
I got my first patient.
Oh. I understand.
It's crazy how quickly a life can just slip away, isn't it?
What are you talking about?
She's not dead.
Oh.
Well, then, why are you hoovering my chips?
They're making me discharge
an elderly woman with no diagnosis
out into the street like some really old orphan.
Let's take this to my office.
Why do you have an office?
I technically don't,
but these bags are a pain to lug around all day,
so I made an arrangement with a dermatologist.
Oh, Jenny.
For an office?
Mom. No! Ugh.
I give him free hair loss meds, and he lets me
- use his office when he's not here. - Oh.
But isn't that against the rules?
Mom, in a hospital, there are the rules,
and then there's the way things actually work.
You just need to know how to game the system.
Huh. Good point.
Thank you, Jenny.
This has been a very informative and helpful chat.
Mom, are you trying to steal my chips?
Bye-bye.
Carol, this isn't a good idea.
Caleb, we are not breaking any rules.
We are making the system work for us.
Hello, Dennis.
This patient needs to be discharged.
Uh, I know you're new here, but usually we keep the beds.
Well, I was actually reading up
on Loyola's official discharge protocol...
Nerd alert.
Apparently, if a doctor deems it necessary,
she can request a social worker to discharge an elderly patient.
And I am her doctor, and I deem it necessary.
Are you sure?
Usually it takes at least a few hours
for a social worker to get here.
Oh, does it? Who'd have guessed?
Sounds like you did.
Looks like we got a couple hours to kill.
Let's get you an abdominal CT.
Uh, I don't know about this.
Hey, can you keep a secret?
Not really.
- Yep, I'm out. - No, Caleb.
Caleb, we'll get the CT.
It'll show Dr. Jacobs that we're right.
And then we will have been the change we wish to see.
Isn't that what the button on your backpack says?
All right, fine.
Okay, Ms. Z, let's do this.
Dennis, we were never here.
Oh, how I wish that were true.
Sorry. These beds do not corner well.
I had an Oldsmobile like this once.
Took out a mailbox and a small family.
Of gnomes. Garden gnomes. I should lead with that.
Anyway, it's a funny story.
Unfortunately, it'll have to wait.
Ms. Zahn, would you excuse us, please?
Ooh, you're in a pickle.
I ordered you to discharge your patient.
I hope you have a very good explanation.
I do. Dr. Sommers.
- Oh, hey. - Hey.
I believe Dr. Sommers has the results of Ms. Zahn's CT,
which will prove that there's more going on with my patient.
Dr. Sommers, the floor is yours.
She's fine.
What?
But surely the results show evidence of inflammation.
Nope.
Then they must have revealed an abscess,
- indicating a bacterial infection. - They did not.
- It's a tumor. - The radiologist said
she has the healthiest intestine he's ever seen.
In conclusion,
I believe that this patient should be discharged.
That did not go as planned.
Oh, hey, I was looking for you.
Want to do a blood draw?
Dude, why don't you just do it yourself?
It'll be more fun if we do it together.
Quickly, before Dr. Frost comes back.
- Come on. - Okay,
either you're in love with me,
or you don't know how to do a blood draw.
I... am in love with you.
I knew it! You don't know how to do a blood draw.
Shh!
You can't do a blood draw,
Caleb got in off the wait list,
Carol's an old lady. I should be on that website.
Be on the website.
The poster, the side of the bus, whatever, just help me.
How did you not learn to do a blood draw?
I-I didn't learn it when we started rotations
in med school.
And the later it got in the program,
the more humiliating it was to ask.
So you just never did?
People do things for me.
Because of my face and body.
I was so close to wanting to help you.
Will you please just do it?
Just tell Frost the truth. He likes you.
That's the point.
He likes me because he thinks I'm perfect.
People don't like people with flaws.
No offense, Lexie.
Okay, you're on your own.
Plus, your butt has no shape.
Here's your discharge instructions. Oh...
and I also wrote down the name
of that applesauce flavor you like.
It's called "original".
Um, I can see her out.
You can, but will you?
Okay, Ms. Zahn, before you go
I just want to make sure everything is taken care of.
So, you took your propranolol before you came in this morning?
Yeah. While I was watching Judge Judy.
Well, that means it's past time for your next dose.
Can we help you with that?
Sure. They're in my handbag.
Okay.
Ms. Zahn, what is this?
A pillbox.
You are new.
No, but I mean, what's in it?
Your paperwork only listed two medications.
There's at least ten in here.
You know, Dr. Jacobs, this could be related to the fevers.
It's worth looking into.
Ms. Zahn, can you tell us what these are?
Pills.
Thanks for helping us, Jenny.
Beautiful office.
You're so young to have two teenage, Asian children.
Yup.
They're a handful.
Isn't this Dr. Morikawa's office?
Oh, he and I have an arrangement.
Oh, Jenny, for an office?
Do I have a reputation?
Anyway, this one's heparin.
This is Trazodone.
This is a jelly bean, probably watermelon.
Possibly green apple?
- This is Caratriptan. This... - Wait.
She's on a triptan?
That could explain the fevers.
Thank you, Jenny.
You really know your stuff.
Yeah. I made her.
Don't make this about you, Dr. Kenney.
Boom! Guess what's more helpful than you, Lexie?
The Internet. Look what I found on YouTube.
"How to draw blood".
Oh, great. Then, let's learn
how to do a tracheotomy from Pinterest.
Okay, who wants to learn?
Wait, did you set this up?
No. I did.
Look at my face and body.
No need to panic, Dr. Kutcher.
Every year there's a smart dummy like you who didn't learn
a basic technique in school and is afraid to admit it.
Wait, so you knew?
I know everything.
Also, I saw it on your face when you mentioned the draw.
Then I told Nurse Dennis, and we had a good laugh.
And then I told the other nurses,
and then we had a good laugh.
Good news is,
this is a teaching hospital, so after this,
you'll practice on a couple of patients.
And then on me.
I'll warn you now, I have shy veins.
Left arm out, Doctor.
Wait, you're... wait, you're teaching me on me?
Well, I'm not gonna let you learn on me.
Now, the only part that hurts is when you can't find the vein.
Let's start by pretending I'm not good at this.
Okay. Hold on, I want to record this.
Uh, Dr. Gilani.
You'll get a much better angle over here.
- The Caratriptan... your headache pill... - Mm-hmm?
... was interacting with your other pills,
increasing the serotonin levels in your body
which caused the fevers.
Wow.
You must think I'm a real pill popper.
Oh, not at all.
You just had too many different drugs being prescribed
by too many different doctors.
And none of them handsome.
Well, since you've been readmitted,
I am going to represcribe all your medications
and get you a primary care physician.
- Oh... - I'll try to find a handsome one.
Thank you so much.
You know, I'm glad I got the newbie.
You're a great doctor,
even if it did take you 30 years to get through med school.
You know, I did my best.
Mm-hmm.
Well, I did it. Cured my very first patient.
And what's even better,
we resolved our conflict. It's done.
So, good night?
Dr. Kenney, you disregarded my orders.
Hospital protocols exist for a reason.
Okay, but let's talk.
What is someone like Ms. Zahn supposed to do?
She had nobody looking out for her.
Old people are constantly being dismissed
and treated like they're invisible. Believe me, I know.
I mean, can you even imagine what it feels like
to be marginalized?
- I knew it the minute I said it. - Yeah.
But I mean, we helped her.
Isn't that what we're supposed to be doing?
Yes, and I'm glad.
But what will you do next week when you have seven patients?
Or ten? Neglect them all to help one?
Okay, I understand.
And I will work overtime
to get all the work done that I missed.
Oh, you'll do more than that. Since I spent
all my time chasing you today,
my patient notes didn't get done.
So now you...
get to do them.
Did Dr. Jacobs leave?
Yeah. She's gone.
What did she say?
Unfortunately, she was upset,
and she wants you to do all of this tonight.
But don't worry, I will help you.
- This is the hardest one. - Aww.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Loyola Memorial's
debut film festival screening of Daniel Can't Do Things.
- Okay, just get on with it, please. - Shh.
Daniel, I like to hear the artist speak.
I agree. What inspired you to make this film?
- Well... - I hope we're not late.
- I brought popcorn. - Mmm.
Please silence your cell phones,
and Carol, please unwrap your hard candies.
Okay, you think I have hard candy just because I'm over 50?
That's ageist.
You want the candy or no?
Fine.
Now let's get ready
to watch a grown man cry.
Okay, that's not how...
Eh, be brave. Come on.
Come on. Here we go.
Little bit of rubbing alcohol... ooh.
Huh?
I was pretending to drink the alcohol.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Camera's a little shaky. Was that an artistic choice?
- No, I couldn't stop laughing. - Oh.
Oh, man, I'm surprised you didn't pass out
from all the blood loss.
Oh, he was a real little trooper.
It was okay.
Excuse me. Why don't you show them the part
where I actually do a blood draw?
Nobody wants to see that. Let's watch it again.