Hi, everyone, it's me, Fran Drescher.
Oh, isn't it great to see the whole cast back together again?
I'm just so thrilled that we're doing this.
I would like to introduce to you
my favorite living man in the world.
Please say hi to Mr. Sheffield himself,
- Charles Shaughnessy. - Hi, everyone.
Thank you so much Franny darling, I love you.
And without further ado, it is my great pleasure
to throw it over to Mr. Daniel Davis as Niles the butler.
Hey, everyone.
And let me introduce my partner in crime,
Miss C.C. Babcock, as played by Lauren Lane.
Hey, it's so good to be here and I can't wait
to get destroyed by Danny in this episode,
and it's my pleasure to introduce
the incomparable Renee Taylor.
So great to be here. It's like 2016, it's like yesterday.
And the wonderful thing is that
I look much younger today.
Magically talented, beautiful, Nicole Tom.
Thank you, Renee, and I would like to introduce you
to my favorite little brother, Benjamin Salsbury.
Hi, everyone. Hope you're staying happy and healthy out there
from my big sister to my little sister, here's Madeline Zima.
Thank you, Ben. And thanks, everyone for doing this.
It's my great pleasure to introduce the wonderful, lovely
Rachel Chagall as Val Toriello.
Hey, everybody, I'm so glad we're all together.
I would like to introduce to you,
Jonathan Penner playing Danny Imperialli.
Hey, everybody.
What an incredible pleasure to be back with the cast of The Nanny.
And it's my great pleasure to introduce to you
- Dee Dee Rescher, playing Dotty. - I'm so excited to be here
and I have the pleasure of introducing Alex Sternin as Eddie.
Hey, guys, it's great to be part of this
and now back to the one and only Fran Drescher as Fran Fine.
And now I want to introduce you to the gal that wrote
the most iconic television theme song of the nineties,
the one and only, Ann Hampton Callaway.
♪ She was working in a bridal shop in Flushing, Queens ♪
♪ Til her boyfriend kicked her out in one of those crushing scenes ♪
♪ What was she to do, where was she to go ♪
♪ She was out on her fanny ♪
♪ So over the bridge from Flushing to the Sheffield's door, ♪
♪ She was there to sell make up but the father saw more, ♪
♪ She had style, she had flair, she was there, ♪
♪ That's how she became the Nanny ♪
♪ Who would have guessed that the girl we described ♪
♪ Was just exactly what the doctor prescribed? ♪
♪ And now the father finds her beguiling, watch out C.C,
♪ And the kids are actually smiling, such joie de vivre ♪
♪ She's the lady in red when everybody else is wearing tan ♪
♪ The flashy girl from Flushing, the Nanny named Fran ♪
And now I'd like to hand it off to a fabulous producer,
writer and co-creator, Peter Mark Jacobson.
Well, thank you. And thank you very much, I so appreciate it.
And thank you all for watching. We're so happy to have you here.
And we're gonna start
by reading the title page of the show.
The Nanny, written by Peter Mark Jacobson and Robert Sternin
and Prudence Frasier, story by Fran Drescher
and Peter Mark Jacobson and Robert Sternin and Prudence Frasier.
Act One, Scene One.
A bridal shop in Flushing, Queens.
Val is waiting on Dotty, a customer in bridal gown.
Fran enters from the back room.
Oh honey. Are you gorgeous?
You look like you're a virgin.
Here, I brought you some crackers for your morning sickness.
So, when are you and Danny gonna set a date already?
Oh, you know me.
Always a bridal consultant, never a bride.
Right, Danny?
Hey, what can I say?
Well, how 'bout, "Here's a ring. Pick a pattern."
I'm serious. We've been pre-engaged for three years already.
I'm sorry. I... I... I should have said this sooner.
You know, I wanted to do it some place nice.
Oh, wow!
Fran extends her left hand and wiggles her ring finger.
All right, here goes.
I think we should start seeing other people.
What?
Since when did you start thinking that?
Since I saw Heather Biblow.
I can't believe you're telling me this.
What, were you stringing me along all these years
just 'cause I'm your best saleslady?
That's another thing: Heather needs a job.
Are you firing me?
I can't believe I just wasted three years
of an ever dwindling youth on you and this dump.
You can't fire me, Danny Imperiali,
- I quit! - Fran storms out,
slams the door behind her.
- Moments later she comes back. - No, you fired me...
that way I can collect unemployment.
Act One, Scene Two.
It's a few days later. Fran walks up to the front door
of a beautiful Manhattan townhouse and rings the bell.
She's carrying a large cosmetics sales case
and practicing her sales pitch.
Hello, I'm Fran Fine,
your Shades of the Orient Cosmetics representative.
Oy, what a loser!
Niles, Maxwell's butler opens the door.
Hello, I'm Fran Fine.
Yes, come in. We've been expecting you.
Oh, you have?
Fran enters and gawks at the grandeur.
You are here for the nanny position?
Well, I could be.
You know what?
This place is nicer than my Uncle Jack's condo in Boca.
And, you know, he bought the model.
Hmm.
May I present your résumé to Mister Sheffield?
Résumé? Hum...
You know what? Why don't you go get this Mister Sheffield
and I'll do the résumé presenting myself.
As you wish.
This oughta be good.
Niles heads towards the library
where Maxwell Sheffield, the dashingly handsome Broadway producer
stares at a résumé.
C.C. Babcock is perched on the edge of his desk.
She's a smart, elegant divorcée,
who took her rather large settlement to dabble in the theater.
And it's with Maxwell Sheffield she hopes to do her dabbling.
We are never gonna find an actress for this part.
Ann Miller passed, Gwen Verdon passed,
Ruby Keeler passed... away I think.
What is she doing on this list?
Relax, darling. You need a shiatsu...
- Hmm. - C.C. hops off the desk
and begins to massage Maxwell.
Niles enters.
Oh, sorry to interrupt, sir.
I see you're working hard as always, Miss Babcock.
Theater has always been a passion of mine.
Hmm, I can't wait to see what you'll be mounting next.
Yes, Niles, what is it?
Sir, there is a new nanny waiting to be interviewed.
What happened to the old one?
Brighton staged another fake suicide.
Yes, the best one yet.
Spread eagle on the marble
with a bit of ketchup trickling from both ears.
We've got half the money people in New York
coming to our backer's party,
and I will not have those children running loose.
Not that I don't love them as if they were my very own.
Mm-hmm.
- I do. - Back in the foyer,
Fran sits writing a résumé with lipstick.
Brighton, Maxwell's 10 year-old son
enters dramatically, a fake knife plunged into his chest.
He falls to the ground, right at Fran's feet.
She looks up at him.
Do you have a pen?
Brighton lays motionless.
Oh, forget it.
- Maxwell and Niles enter. - Brighton.
You're losing your touch.
Max turns his attention to Fran.
I'm Maxwell Sheffield and this is my son,
the late Brighton Sheffield.
Wait, I know you.
Esquire Magazine, New York's ten most eligible widowers?
My condolences, by the way.
You read Esquire?
When they list the ten most eligible widowers I do.
Hi, I'm Fran Fine.
Oh, well, do come in.
Fran and Maxwell walk into the living room.
Boy, do you have gorgeous chatchkas.
I beg your pardon?
Oh, you know, bric-à-brac, the dust collectors.
Oh, the Rodin. Yes,
well, he was, he was well known for his bronze chachkas.
Uh, may I see your résumé, please?
Oh yeah, sure.
- Crayon? - Lipstick.
Ah, of course. And what a lovely shade.
I hate her!
Oh, now, Brighton, let's not be hasty.
Yeah, I haven't even sung "Climb Every Mountain" yet.
Miss Fine, you seem to have listed
the Queen Mother as a reference?
What? Let me see that.
Oh, that's not the Queen Mother.
That's my mother from Queens.
The front door opens and Maxwell's daughters enter.
Grace is an adorable but very serious six year old.
Maggie is a shy and insecure 14 year old.
Her natural beauty hidden inside a frumpy school uniform.
Hi, Daddy.
Hello, sweetheart.
- Maggie. - Hello, Father.
Oh boy, are you gorgeous.
And look at that hair.
You see, now you cannot get color like that
from out of a bottle. No way.
I'll... I'll be in my room doing my homework.
Really lights up a room, doesn't she?
Hey, you don't need personality when you're an heiress.
Maxwell crosses over to stand with Grace.
So, sweetheart, how was therapy today?
Any breakthroughs?
Doctor Voort and I did some regression.
She took me back to my childhood.
Well, must have been a quick trip.
Oh, you have no idea how complicated I am.
Therapy, huh?
Well, it was a lot easier than talking to us directly.
All right, that's it, Brighton. Go to your room.
All right. Come on, Gracie,
let's leave Father alone to hire someone else
to take care of his problem children.
You're a bitter little person, aren't you?
Oh, we're gonna get along fine.
I'm... sorry you had to see that. I'll show you out.
What did I do? One smart ass remark from the kid,
and I don't get the job? That's not fair.
As you can see, I need help here.
More help than can be provided by a door-to-door cosmetics girl.
Maxwell hands Fran her cosmetics case.
The phone rings.
Niles?
Niles?!
Maxwell starts up the stairs to look for Niles.
Oh, for God sakes, I'll get it.
Fran answers the phone.
Sheffield Residence.
- Just give me... - No, honey, it's Fran.
Give me that.
Maxwell takes the phone from Fran.
It's the nanny agency.
Maxwell Sheffield here.
Thank you.
Disappointed, Fran starts to leave.
No, Monday is not acceptable.
Listen, I need a nanny by the weekend...
Maxwell hangs up the phone size
and looks at Fran who lingers in the doorway.
Do you have any experience with children?
Are you kidding me?
I practically raised my sister's two kids
when she was suing her chiropodist.
There has to be another agency.
Oh, please, I'm from Flushing.
There's nothing these kids can throw at me
that I haven't seen before,
except maybe their trust funds.
All right, you're hired.
But on a trial basis.
Fran runs over and hugs him. Maxwell stiffens.
Not like that.
Oh, thank you, Mister Sheffield.
Thank you so much. You won't regret it.
Somehow, I'm rather sure I will.
Niles will show you to your room.
The nanny gets to live here?
Is that a problem?
Oh yeah, I'm sure I'm gonna miss being twenty-nine
and still living at home with my parents.
But if it's best for the kids...
Twenty-nine.
Don't start with me, Niles.
Maxwell watches Fran sashay up the stairs,
wondering what on earth he's gotten himself into.
Scene Three. The following morning in the Sheffield dining room.
Maxwell and the children are seated at the table eating breakfast.
Fully dressed in *.
Fran sweeps in wearing a bathrobe and slippers.
Good morning, everyone.
Boy, that Jacuzzi tub really knows
how to perk a girl up in the morning.
Do you people sleep like that?
No. In a rather astounding coincidence,
I sleep in a pair of pink fuzzy slippers, just like yours.
A simple "we dress for breakfast" would suffice.
You have to tell me these things, Niles.
I simply assumed.
Don't assume anything with me.
I'm from Flushing, for God sakes.
Fran piles food on her plate at the buffet.
Oh, I just love a good buffet.
It's free, Miss Fine.
You're allowed to go back.
So, where do I sit?
The previous nanny sat in the kitchen.
Oh, how anti-social.
Fran pulls up a chair and sits.
So, kids, what are we gonna do today?
Shall we take a walk in the park
or maybe just kick back and hang around the mansion?
We have to go somewhere. Father has kicked us out again.
Now, Brighton, I didn't kick you out.
I merely asked that you not torment the caterers
while they're preparing for this evening's soirée.
Oh, a soirée, huh?
Well, I got a sister who's a caterer.
She does a porco de pruno,
that's French for pork and prune,
oh, not only delicious, but a natural digestive too.
Oh. Thank you for sharing that, Miss Fine.
I could get you a deal.
No, that's all right. C.C.'s made all the arrangements.
C.C.? What's a C.C.?
Father's lady friend.
Maggie dear, she's a business associate.
Hm-hmm.
Well, I just hope there's enough food.
You know, shikzas are notorious for not ordering enough food.
Booze, yes, but food they don't know from.
Shikza... is that like a chatchka?
Yes, but they cost a lot more.
The phone rings. Niles answers it and hands it to Maxwell.
It's Miss Babcock for you, sir.
Oh, thank you, Niles. I'll take her in the library.
Miss Babcock loves to be taken in the library.
I'll bet.
Now, kids,
we're having a party. What are we gonna wear?
We're not invited.
And neither are you.
Oh come on, your father's paying for it,
of course we're invited.
We'll eat, we'll drink, Maggie'll bring a date.
Maggie doesn't date.
Never?
The boys haven't noticed me yet.
Oh, they've noticed Maggie, and,
that's why you don't date.
What is wrong with you, Brighton?
Middle child syndrome.
Thank you, Sybil!
Knock it off, all of you.
We're a family here.
Now we're gonna have a party tonight, there's a lot we have to do.
We'll go shopping, get our hair done, get a manicure.
Maggie, you'll get a French tip. It's a very clean look.
So I'll go get changed, and then we'll go, we'll do.
Let me just take my plate. I hate to waste.
She exits, taking her plate of food with her.
Dad's gonna hate this.
C.C.'s totally gonna freak.
Sounds like a party to me.
Act One, Scene Four.
The bridal shop later that day.
Fran and Maggie are looking at dresses.
Grace is trying on a bridal veil
and Val is busy at the register.
So, what's your favorite color?
Ah, I don't know, beige?
Oy. So, Gracie, how are you doing, honey?
I'm feeling empty and alone.
You want a Tic-Tac?
OK.
So tell me about your new job already.
How's the boss? How's the house? What?
I brought pictures. Wait.
Here's my boss. Cute, huh?
A little repressed though.
But what a head of hair.
And it's all his.
- Oh, that's the butler, Niles. - A butler?
That's very classy.
Val, it's like living at Caesar's Palace. And the kids.
Well, they're gonna need a lot of work.
I mean, that one's got no personality.
That one's got multiple personalities.
And Brighton...
Brighton? Where's Brighton?
Brighton appears from underneath a wedding gown.
Are these dummies anatomically correct?
What do you care? You're ten years old,
would you be normal?
Oh, cool, a cockroach!
Hey, you got any rats?
Wait till Danny gets back. Where is he, anyway?
Getting his back waxed.
Oh good, so we got all day.
OK, well, we gotta make Maggie beautiful.
Yeah, like that's gonna happen.
Shut up, Brighton.
Hey, be nicer to your sister.
Why? Because we're a family?
That's right. And someday,
your father's gonna be old and sick.
You're gonna want him to live with her.
Fran hands Maggie a dress.
Oh, it's so fancy. Everyone'll look at me.
So? They'll think you're a beautiful girl.
I don't know.
I'm not good at this like you are.
Honey, that's what I'm here for.
What? You think you turn fourteen and boom,
you've got the savoir-faire and sophistication
of a woman of my years and experience?
Look, when I was fourteen...
Uh, go try it on.
Oy. Who knew this job would be so demanding?
Please, I'm exhausted.
Scene Five. The Sheffield townhouse that night.
The soirée has started and the room is filled with party goers,
New York society in formal attire.
A pianist plays in the background.
Maxwell approaches C.C.
Has anyone told you how handsome you look this evening?
Maxwell, you're such a flirt.
It's going rather well, don't you think?
It's perfect. The food is exquisite.
The music divine. And the guests obscenely wealthy.
Doesn't Ivana look marvelous?
My surgeon, of course.
Miss Fine would like a word with you, sir.
Oh, really? Where... where is she?
I'm up here.
Fran enters at the top of the stairs in a stunning red sequined dress.
- All eyes are on her. - What's that?
That's the nanny.
The piano player sings Lady in Red as Fran descends the stairs.
Look at that dress.
Maxwell!
Oh, you look nice, too.
I said that.
Handsome. You said handsome.
You like?
I borrowed it from my cousin,
Miss Long Island 1989.
A very good year.
I just wanted to tell you that the children are ready.
For what?
To come to the party.
Miss Fine, the children are not invited to the party.
They're not?
Oh, is my face red?
Well, now it matches the rest of you.
There's that rapier wit we've come to count on.
Well, now that we've all met each other,
why don't you just go back upstairs
and inform the children that they can't come.
Maxwell leads Fran back to the staircase,
Brighton and Grace descend the stairs all dressed up.
Hi, Daddy.
Miss Fine, you play dirty.
Hello, sweetheart.
Do you like my party dress? Loehmann's,
seventy percent off.
She'll never shop retail again.
Hi, Dad. Surprised?
No tricks, Brighton.
Best behavior.
Maxwell pats him down.
All right.
Come on, Maggie. Don't be shy, honey.
Maggie appears at the top of the stairs. She is stunning.
Oh my God.
I had no idea how much you looked like your mother.
You like it?
Oh, you look...
you look so grown-up.
So, Daddy, can we come to the party?
Maxwell looks from C.C. to Fran
to the faces of his children.
Of course you can.
Miss Fine, we'll discuss this later.
Maxwell turns to face the room of potential investors.
Friends, can I have your attention, please?
Before I tell you a little about my latest production,
I'd like to introduce to you the three greatest
productions of my life:
my three children.
Everyone applauds as the children join their father.
Fran turns to C.C.
Oh, isn't that sweet?
Couldn't you just drop dead?
I don't know. Could you?
Let me take a picture.
Miss Fine, I think you've done enough.
Lovely family, Sheffield.
The party goer slips him a check.
Smile everyone.
Nanny Fine, you might want to keep a low profile. You're a little
out of your element here.
Oh, don't worry about me.
I've been to my share of affairs.
My Uncle Jack threw a weekend bar mitzvah
with a Star Trek theme that they're still talking about.
We time dissolve to the end of the evening.
Fran and Maxwell stand at the door. Fran holds a check
as she yells goodbye to the final party goers.
Goodnight, Ivana.
Don't worry, honey, you'll find someone else, too.
Fran and Maxwell close the door
and head back into the living room.
C.C. sits on the couch.
Seething, holding an empty scotch glass.
Niles, more.
Do I count four zeros on this check, Mister Sheffield?
All right, I'll admit it.
Having the children here this evening
wasn't the complete disaster it might have been.
Oh, Mister Sheffield, you gush.
All right, all right, it went splendidly.
Let me put that, thank you, with the others.
Maxwell takes the check from Fran
and exits to the library.
Well, congratulations, Nanny Fine. It seems you've pulled it off.
Well, what could possibly go wrong when you
put together a father with his children?
I think I'm gonna be ill.
Now in the library, Maxwell closes a desk drawer
locks it and smiles.
He hasn't yet noticed Maggie and the waiter Eddie
kissing on the balcony.
Oh, wait. He just did.
Maggie!
Daddy!
- Mister Sheffield, I was just... - You were just leaving.
- Right. - Eddie exits. OK, he tears out of there.
- Eddie, wait! - Maggie!
Maggie chases after Eddie,
out of the library, down the hall and across the living room.
- Maggie, come back here! - Eddie!
- Ooh, Eddie! - Maggie!
Eddie runs out the front door and is gone.
Maggie turns angrily towards her father.
How could you embarrass me like that?
Well, what's going on?
That boy was mauling her on the balcony.
It was just a kiss.
He kissed you?
Yeah.
Oh, your first kiss, that's so exciting.
Let me get the camera.
Miss Fine, this is not exciting. It's appalling.
She... she's just a child.
- I am not. - She's not, you know.
I think I'm starting to feel better.
Dad, I'm fourteen years old.
You know, when I was fourteen...
Oh, maybe this isn't the right time.
Maggie, go to bed and take that makeup off.
Maggie exits upset.
Fran starts to follow her upstairs.
You!
- Me? - Yes, you.
This wouldn't have happened without you.
- Yes, definitely feeling better. - What the hell did I do?
What did you do?
You took an innocent school girl,
- you dolled her up and turned her into a... - A young woman.
She's just a little girl.
Get out of here. She's a woman, I'm telling you.
And unless you wanna dip her in bronze
and stick her on the shelf with the rest of your collectibles,
she is going to grow up
and somebody's gotta help her.
You are way out of line. She's not your child.
That's right, she's not. If she was,
she wouldn't be upstairs crying right now
on what should be a very memorable and exciting evening.
Thank you for your candor and concern.
You're welcome.
You're fired.
Fired?
After all that I've done for you,
this is the thanks that I get?
You can't fire me, Maxwell Sheffield, because I quit!
Fran exits slamming the door behind her.
She re-enters moments later.
No, you fired me.
That way I can collect unemployment.
End of Act One. Anyone need a snack or something? Bathroom break?
Anybody got toilet paper?
OK, then.
Act Two, Scene One.
Interior the Sheffield library later that night.
Maxwell sits at his desk quietly staring at a framed picture.
Niles enters with a sandwich on a plate.
I drove Miss Babcock home, sir, and called Betty Ford.
They'll pick her up in the morning.
- Thank you, Niles. - Niles hands him the sandwich.
I noticed you didn't get a chance to eat, sir.
I thought you might be a bit peckish.
I over-reacted, didn't I?
Like Reagan in Grenada.
It's just that Maggie looked so like her mother.
I've already lost Sarah, I...
I didn't want to lose my little girl.
I quite understand, sir...
Maxwell takes a bite of the sandwich.
What is this?
I believe Miss Fine calls it a light nosh.
It's delicious.
Miss Fine, eh?
Yes, sir.
Just what you needed.
You're not talking about the sandwich, are you, Niles?
No, sir.
Not the sandwich.
Scene Two.
Interior Silvia and Morty's apartment the next afternoon.
Fran is watching TV on a plastic covered couch.
Seriously depressed.
Silvia, Fran's mother enters wearing a house dress and slippers.
She's a zaftig woman in her fifties.
That's large, shapely, for you Yiddish impaired.
Fran, you need a Mallowmar?
Oh no, Ma. Food's not the answer to everything.
Meanwhile, your father and I have based
our entire relationship around food.
Passion goes, sex goes.
Communication, we never had.
But food is forever.
OK.
Fran takes a Mallowmar from Sylvia.
Morty... you want another Mallowmar?
Morty?
Ma, Daddy can't hear you.
He's watching the game.
Why can't I find a guy like that?
Deaf and on a pension.
You will.
The doorbell rings. Fran opens it to find Maxwell standing there.
Mister Sheffield?
I'm sorry to disturb you, Miss Fine.
I just wanted to drop off the rest of your things.
You could never disturb anyone, darling.
I'm Fran's mother, Sylvia.
Ah, Maxwell Sheffield.
Come on in. I'll make you some Ovaltine.
Silvia heads to the kitchen as Maxwell steps into the apartment.
Well, I'm sure I'd love some, but I really can't stay.
There's a mob surrounding the limousine.
Oh, I'll take care of that. Wait a minute here.
Fran walks to the window and yells out.
Get away from that limo! Nobody died! There's no vacancies!
Oh, it's, it's dog eat dog
when you've got a two bedroom that's rent controlled.
- Have a seat. - Put on some blush.
Ma, can we have a little privacy?
All right, I can take a hint.
- Mister Sheffield, enchantée. - Sylvia exits.
You have plastic on your furniture.
Yeah, they're preserving it for the afterlife.
How's Maggie?
Well, she isn't speaking to me,
but Brighton tells me she's fine.
Brighton?
Yes. He's been surprisingly attentive to her.
He wouldn't tell me why.
Kept saying something about me getting old and where I'd live.
Kids.
I'm... I'm sorry things didn't work out.
Oh, look, you and I, I mean,
we come from very different worlds. I mean if...
if I were you and I hired me...
Well, I'd be thrilled. Who's kidding who?
Yes, but you're not me.
As a matter of fact, you're not like anyone else I've ever met.
Which is not altogether a bad thing.
Necessarily.
Perhaps if we tried to respect each other's differences, we...
we could give it another go?
Are you asking me to come back?
So it seems.
So what you're really saying is
you feel terrible about this whole damn thing,
and if you could get down on your hands and knees, you'd apologize.
Miss Fine!
Apology accepted.
Ma, pack my things! He wants me back!
Smile.
Fran pulls Maxwell in for a hug
and she snaps a photo and we fade out.
Whoo!
Thank you so much for watching,
and we want you to stay healthy,
to be healthy, to live healthy.
So please go to CancerSchmancer.org and learn how.
There's a lot of information for you
and wonderful videos that you can share with your family.
So be well.
- Bye everybody. - Thank you.
- Bye! - Be well.
Be well everybody.
- Thank you. - Love you.
Love you guys.
You won't believe this, Fran,
I got this dress last year in Boca...
- See how you never know. - This could be the tagline
of the whole thing, guys, when it goes black.
- Synced and transcribed by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -