We're gonna die! I know it!
CQ. CQ.
My God, man, this is an emergency.
She can't have a party during a hurricane.
(Screams)
- You got to come. She's having the baby. - What baby?
I think I can expIain.
I was afraid she was gonna give birth on this.
Are you the prince?
What did you have in mind?
(Radio) Although the brunt of Hurricane Kukana
is expected to be borne by the islands of Kauai and Niihau,
Oahu is also gearing up to receive considerable damage.
High winds have knocked out phone lines in many areas, including the North Shore,
and phone company officials inform us that resumption of service is not possible
until well after that storm's over.
Meanwhile power is also out in many areas and rolling blackouts are now the rule.
Please be sure that you have a plentiful supply of candles and matches
as the darkness will continue on throughout...
(Magnum) Higgins, I can't find the matches.
- (Crashing) - (Higgins) Oh, my God.
- Whoops. - Whoops? AII you can say is whoops?
Come on, Higgins, what's a IittIe wine gIass at a time Iike this?
I was Iooking for the matches.
Do you expect me to feeI my way over to the auxiIiary generator paneI?
- (Higgins) That did not sound Iike a gIass. - Aha!
Magnum, that was a Ming Dynasty vase given to me by GeneraI Chiang Kai-shek.
It was the spring of '48. I was attached to his fifth division as a miIitary adviser.
The generaI in command of the unit refused to foIIow my advice.
He is now a dishwasher in a mediocre Mandarin restaurant in Stockton, CaIifornia.
- NeedIess to say... - Ow!
Give me the matches, Magnum.
- Where are you? - I'm over...
(Crunching)
..here.
That wasn't me.
NevertheIess, I'm hoIding you personaIIy responsibIe
- for aII damages accrued... - HoId it!
Just hoId it, Higgins. I did not start this hurri...hurricane.
- You can't bIame me for that. - No, you didn't and I can't.
But the damage from your spastic fumbIing
far overrides any fury nature has wrought or wiII wrought.
My spastic fumbIing?
Higgins, you knocked over the Bridge on the River Kwai.
Oh, my God.
Sorry.
Now, I'm going back to the guesthouse to cIose my shutters and open the refrigerator.
- Good night, Higgins. - One moment, Magnum.
I'm going to need you for the party.
You're not going through with this?
Magnum, Mr. Masters' Spring Equinox Weekend Party
is one of the premier sociaI events of the season.
To miss it wouId be unthinkabIe.
This hurricane that's brewing is aIso one of the premier events of the season.
To miss it wouId be impossibIe.
Don't you think it might be a good idea to caII this off?
It's out of the question.
The guests are aIready en route, as is Mr. Masters.
How do you propose canceIIation, by carrier pigeon?
The phones, in case you forgot, are down.
- CaII them on your shortwave radio. - The guests don't have shortwave.
Oh.
Higgins, it doesn't make any sense. You can't have a party during a hurricane.
Magnum, your propensity for overstatement and panic never ceases to amaze me.
I checked with the NationaI Weather Service 45 minutes ago via my shortwave
and we have nothing to worry about.
The estate wiII be on the far periphery of the storm.
A few gusts of wind, a spot or two of rain, nothing more.
(Creaking)
(Crashing)
(Door buzzer)
I beIieve the party is about to begin. Try not to be too destructive.
- Yes? - Archie MacPherson.
One moment, Mr. MacPherson. I'II open the gate.
l'd be grateful, laddie.
Mr. Masters' accountant.
He's aIso using the trip to undertake a compIete audit of the estate's expenses
incIuding automobiIes, wines, eIectronic equipment
and the feasibiIity of keeping a fuII-time security expert.
(Knock on door)
Jonathan Higgins. Archie MacPherson.
- Good meeting you, finaIIy. - How do you do?
I stiII haven't received the statements from Iast month.
WeII, they're in the maiI.
AIIow me to take your things whiIe Magnum gets you a drink.
- ExceIIent. - Scotch. Neat.
Now, Mr. Magnum, that's very good detective work.
- Thank you. - Mr. Masters speaks very highIy of you.
- He does? - Aye.
Mr. MacPherson, I thought Mr. Masters wouId be arriving with you.
Sorry, Higgins, he's deIayed in Paris.
A daIIiance with one of the dancers in the FoIies Bergère.
He wiII not arrive tiII tomorrow morning.
Oh.
- Then he'II miss dinner. - Aye, but not dessert. (Laughs)
He said to start without him. Where are the others?
(Door buzzer)
- Yes? - Roland and Wanda Martine.
Right away, Your Majesties. I'II reIease the gate.
Thank you, Higgins.
The prince and princess of Tervia. Fixtures at Mr. Masters' parties.
He is one of the most cuItured men on the continent.
ReaIIy? What do they do?
(Both) Do? They're royaIty. They go to and give parties.
(Magnum) That's what they do.
- Have you ever been to Tervia? - No.
A deIightfuI principaIity, actuaIIy.
NestIed high in the Pyrenees. Very picturesque.
I was there for six months in '42, recuperating from a severe Ieg wound.
I was hidden in a monastery where aII the monks had taken vows of siIence.
As you can weII imagine, communication was somewhat difficuIt.
- In fact, aII they couId do was Iisten to me. - Thank you.
One day this particuIar chap couId no Ionger controI himseIf.
NeedIess to say, I was shocked at the words emanating from...
(Knock on door)
I hope Magnum dispIays proper respect for royaIty.
- Hi, guys. - Hi.
Good evening. Higgins?
No, I'm Magnum but peopIe get us mixed up aII the time.
May I get you...Your Highness...
- Highnesses. - Highnesses...a drink?
- WonderfuI. Courvoisier. - Yes, Your Highnesses.
And a Mai Tai with a pineappIe in the top. OK?
Of course, Your Highnesses.
Why don't you go in the dining room? I wiII bring them in.
- SpIendid. You'II see to our bag? - Of course, Your Highnesses.
(ChuckIes)
Yes, right. Straight up the graveI drive. Thank you.
Good evening, Your Majesties.
- Higgins? - Yes. So good of you to come.
LoveIy to be here.
This is ArchibaId MacPherson. If you'II excuse me for a moment.
- Good evening. - Your Highness.
- Mr. MacPherson. - Oh, Your Highness.
- Who's this one, the Duke of EarI? - Duke Davis. WouId you Iet him in?
- Duke Davis? - (CIattering)
I beIieve I just said that.
My God, Magnum.
The expression on your face is reminiscent of an adoIescent
who's just received his first kiss.
The Duke Davis? From Detroit?
Yes, the Panthers.
Tigers. Detroit Tigers.
Don't you know that Iast season he hit 326?
He sIugged 34 home runs.
Drove in 1 16, scored 105.
Hit 39 doubIes, nine tripIes, stoIe 47 bases,
committed onIy six errors,
won the GoIden GIove, the team MVP and in the aII-star game...
(Knock on door)
- Woo! Boy, the hawk is out tonight, son. - Yeah.
- Tossing coconuts around Iike fast baIIs. - Yeah.
- You Higgins? - Yeah.
- Where's Robbie? - Huh?
Robin Masters?
I promised I'd work with him on his stroke. He tends to inside-out on his swing.
I guess you don't know what I'm taIking about.
Where is everybody?
(Buzzer)
Yeah?
(Man) You gotta help me, man. Let us in.
Who are you?
lt's nobody you know. Our van just broke down on the highway.
l'm with my brother and his wife. She's about to have a kid.
You gotta let us in, man. Please.
HoId on a minute. I'II come out and Iet you in.
Thanks, but hurry.
The FIorida Keys, '53 or '54, it was.
I was deep-sea fishing with Papa in his ketch
when we got word of the hurricane over the shortwave.
In that part of the worId hurricanes are reaIIy hurricanes,
not this overbIown squaII that the media's so excited about.
- Papa decided... - Excuse me, Higgins.
Was he working on The OId Man And The Sea then?
The manuscript was onIy in the outIine stage at that point
and it had a quite different titIe, something Iike Grandfather's Fish.
But after many hours of discussion and carefuI perusing of the character and pIot,
we were abIe to effect some changes that no doubt...
Higgins, a Iot of peopIe Iook at that book
as a metaphor for the indomitabiIity of the human spirit,
but I prefer to take it on its own terms.
A story of stirring high adventure.
Quite. ActuaIIy...
A tribute to man's persistence and heroism.
ReaIIy, RoIIie, you do know how boring you get sometimes.
- Can't we taIk about something eIse? - Wanda, pIease.
Higgins, more Mai Tais, pIease.
- And don't forget the pineappIe. - Of course, Your Majesty.
CaII me Wanda.
Yes.
So, Mr. MacPherson, what's Robbie think about deferred payment contracts?
Tax-wise, of course, they're great, but they inhibit your present investment power.
TeII me, what's it Iike to be pIaying in the same infieId with Lou Whittaker?
- Higgins, these peopIe are... - Most assuredIy not on the guest Iist.
ExpIain yourseIf.
That's what I was trying to do.
- Look, we don't mean to cause any troubIe. - I am sure not. However...
Their van broke down and it's pouring rain outside.
Fine. CaII a tow truck and have them wait in the guesthouse.
CaII a tow truck? Higgins, the phones are out.
- I'm aware of that. You can use... - We're taking one of your cars.
I beg your pardon?
And whiIe you're at it, why don't you fiII it up with aII your money and stuff?
We'II take the purpIe RoIIs.
(Radio) Bad news from the National Weather Service.
Hurricane Kukana has abruptly changed direction
and is headed on a collision course with Oahu's North Shore.
You have three hours to batten down everything you don't want sent to Australia.
Following is a list of evacuation centers...
I must warn you, this criminaI endeavor wiII uItimateIy put you behind bars.
- Your onIy rationaI aIternative... - This is our onIy rationaI aIternative, mister.
We just came from behind bars. Move it before this storm gets any worse.
Miss...
Miss.
Just a second, you creep.
I'm very sorry.
- How many more guests? - One, pIus Mr. Masters.
- What do you pIan to do? - Nothing.
Come on, get his stuff.
You sure about this, Randy? Why don't we get the car and get outta here? That way...
It's stiII armed robbery. We might as weII take everything.
- Your brother is making very good sense. - Does he Iook Iike my brother?
If you don't get back to where you were I wiII bIow your brains out the back of your head.
I see.
I need your waIIet.
- How about that ring there too? - That's my WorId Series ring.
Hey. Win another one, Duke.
That's a sport. OK, Iet's hit it. Come on.
- Come on. Let's go to the car. - I wish you hadn't... (Cries out)
- GaiI? - I'm OK.
- It's not time yet. - Sure?
Yeah, she's sure. Come on, Iet's just go.
(Buzzer)
Go ahead.
HeIIo, Iady.
Answer it.
(Thunder crashes)
- Yes? - Candace Wingate.
Candace Wingate. ExpIosions In Poetry magazine.
Right away, Miss Wingate.
Thank you, darling. You're so kind.
lnasmuch as l'm out here standing in the rain. That's standing, darling, not singing.
Sorry. Just drive right through.
- I'II open the door. - Wait a minute. I gotta think.
- Don't unduIy strain yourseIf. - Shut up.
- AII right. Go ahead. No... - Funny business.
It's aII right. We Iet the broad in, we take her stuff, we spIit.
- I gotta Iay back down first. - Oh, I knew it.
Dammit, Randy. If it wasn't for GaiI we'd stiII be in the work camp.
If my sister had a moustache she'd be my brother.
- Now, you can take a nap in the car. - (Knocking)
The butIer guy, he didn't get the door.
AII right, you cover them.
Easy. ReaI easy now.
Don't worry, guy. This gonna be your first kid?
(Higgins) CQ. CQ. WP6 RNA.
CQ. CQ. WP6 RNA.
- My God, isn't anyone there? - (Static)
Yeah, bro. Howzit? This is Dr. Pipeline. Over.
I beg your pardon?
You still on C.B. band, bro. Dr. Pipeline, that's my handle. What you like? Over.
Yes, this is Jonathan QuayIe Higgins out at Robin's Nest. Do you copy?
Birds? What you bother me with birds for, bro?
There's a big wind brewing, yeah? Over.
I know that, my good man. This is an emergency.
- Your car? - No, the autos are quite secure.
We're being heId by armed robbers.
Then why you hassle me? l got a tow truck out on the Kalanianaole Highway.
lt's a big mess out here, bro. Over.
Don't you understand? We're being heId prisoners.
l know, brother. By this storm.
Look, you stay inside and keep this channel clear.
lt's only for emergencies. Understand? Over and out.
My God, man, this is an emergency.
- Crazy haole. - CQ. CQ.
(Dogs barking)
Don't do it.
PIease.
Get up there, mister, or the second barreI is for your doggies.
Stay, Iads.
I appreciate it, mister. I got a goIden retriever myseIf.
I see you've found the gun coIIection.
Yeah, and some that was out of the coIIection.
You are one paranoid dude, man, aren't you? (Laughs)
Lads!
See? You are paranoid.
I don't bIame him.
Don't you reaIize that it's dangerous to shoot off guns inside a house
and criminaI to destroy such fine wine?
HeIIo, Jonathan.
I swear Robin throws a party just Iike he writes.
- Tacky, tacky, tacky. - Thank you, darIing.
This is the onIy party I've been to where the guests are the door prizes.
I hope you're comfortabIe, dear.
Higgins, you've been shot!
HardIy, Magnum. This is a quite immature Chateau MarceI '77.
Your concern is touching but I at Ieast made an effort to get rid of these hooIigans.
- And you aImost got kiIIed. - It wouId have been with honor and dignity.
Fine. Long Iive the empire.
Go on, I'II cover.
Bye-bye, foIks.
- Come on! - Randy, you didn't, did you?
A Iamp, you jeIIy wink. I shot out the damn Iamp.
That shouId do it. A wee bit of excitement but it appears no one's the worse for wear.
Speak for yourseIf, darIing.
I was afraid she was gonna give birth on this.
- (Sobs) - DarIing, pIease don't cry.
Why not? They took everything.
We stiII have each other.
- We gotta go after 'em. - Chase them into a hurricane?
You can't just Iet 'em get away. They got my ring.
Even if we're stupid enough to go out there, they got more than your ring, they got guns.
There's absoIuteIy nothing we can do.
Let me teII you something, paI.
If we're down 1 1 to 1 in the eighth inning, we stiII run out the grounders.
We stiII pIay aggressive baII.
You were dogging it.
- He's right. And put it in your own parIance. - Come on.
- I'm going to have to teII Mr. Masters. - Higgins.
(Crash)
(Buzzing)
There goes the auxiIiary generator. We need the kerosene Iamps.
- You know where they are. - Come with me.
How droII. Just Iike Key Largo.
Yeah, except that was in bIack and white. (GiggIes)
Higgins?
You know those spooky movies where the mansion's aII dark
and the peopIe run around and they're scared stiff and Iike that
and they carry a candeIabra?
WeII, these things are heavy.
Magnum, your behavior has been inexpIicabIe.
InexpIicabIe? WeII, then, perhaps I'd better expIain.
- PIease. - HoId this on the bottom.
- Your acquiescence to those hooIigans... - Was for a damn good reason.
- Why? Where did you Ieave the matches? - On the bar.
- We haven't got any. - Here are some.
Then give them to me.
- Look, I just wanted 'em out of the house. - As did we aII, but...
But nothing! Robbery is one thing, murder's another.
Murder? He didn't shoot me, he shot the radio and an...
Immature Chateau MarceI 1977.
I know that. I'm not taIking about that, I'm taIking about Robin Masters.
One of the guests is trying to kiII him.
How do you know that?
Because he toId me, that's why.
My job is to catch the kiIIer.
Kids steaIing waIIets and jeweIry is a compIication we couId do without.
Now at Ieast we've got a chance.
- Get in here. - You're...
Yeah, we're back.
- Why? I thought... - Yeah, so did we.
But there ain't any more purpIe RoIIs or any cars.
They're waist deep in mud.
We're booked...for the duration.
High winds and rough surf continue to pound the North Shore
in anticipation of the Big Blow,
as the locals are beginning to nickname it.
The National Weather Service, however, calls it Kukana
and predicts the full force of the hurricane will hit Oahu at about 1.:30 this morning,
so wherever you are, do you and your loved ones a big favor - stay put.
And I mean put.
Got me? Mmm?
Impressive but fooIish.
After aII, if you think...
Not onIy do I think I can keep you jerks here, I know it.
You got no pIace to go, no means to get there
and a reaI mean headwind.
Look at you. I know what you're thinking. Big pIots, huh?
Before you get two feet out of that door or any door,
this pretty young Iady is gonna get her head bIown right off.
Stay put.
That goes for everybody.
Nobody Ieaves this house... except me and Candy here.
Look, don't make matters worse by taking hostages.
AII I want is six hours. Just me and Candy.
(Shouts)
She's in a good deaI of pain. With your permission I'II move her to the den.
Go ahead. Move her.
Just you and me. How deIightfuI.
You remind me of my third husband. He was the strong and stupid type too.
- I can see why he divorced you. - He's dead.
(GiggIes)
Now, now. Everything's aII right, dear.
Nothing to be aIarmed about.
ActuaIIy this reminds me of a time in Persia
when I found myseIf acting as midwife to a Kurdistani peasant girI.
There were no modern faciIities or even rudimentary medicaI impIements.
What's that got to do...
The girI couIdn't speak EngIish. AII she couId do was gibber in Kurdish.
My instructions went totaIIy unheeded and it necessitated rendering her unconscious...
(Magnum) Higgins!
- How are you doing? - AII right.
For a woman about to give birth, she's doing remarkabIy weII.
- It sounds Iike... - She's fine. Beginning to diIate, actuaIIy.
The other guests, how are they doing?
Fine, considering your buddy has a 12-gauge pointed at a woman's head.
- He's not my buddy. - He was Lou's ceIImate.
I couIdn't take one without the other.
Look, mister. Both of you.
I'm reaI sorry about this.
AII me and Lou ever wanted was a chance to be together when the kid was born.
- What's that got to do with robbing peopIe? - Listen, it was Randy's idea.
Maybe so, but you were hoIding a gun on us too.
- I think it's time to boiI some water up. - Higgins...
For tea, Magnum. I think a spot of tea wouId go down niceIy now.
If her breathing changes we'II be in the kitchen.
Sure. Sure.
Her breathing. I got you.
- WiII you stop that? - What? I thought you wanted some tea.
What I want is to know why Mr. Masters didn't inform me of this pIot.
These guests are his cIosest friends. I know them as weII as he does.
That is preciseIy why he didn't teII you.
You wouIdn't have my objectivity about them.
I see.
Come on, Higgins. I'm sure it was nothing personaI.
Robin caIIed me a coupIe of days ago.
For the Iast six months he's been receiving death threats.
PossibIy a prankster.
That's what he thought untiI his secretary got one that was reaI specific.
- What do you mean? This party? - ExactIy.
I want you to know, Higgins, I have got everything under controI.
No one has been in any danger...
- Her breathing's changed. - Changed? How?
WeII, you know, first it's reaI fast, Iike she's panting,
and then it stops and starts again.
- That's Iabor. - Labor.
It's perfectIy normaI. Go back to her. This couId take hours.
OK. Thanks, Doc.
- Doc? - Cambridge, '47. Doctor of mathematics.
Higgins, is there anything you haven't done, anywhere you haven't been...?
We don't have time now for your rhetoricaI irreIevancies.
- Who is your prime suspect? - I don't have one.
BriIIiant. You've faiIed to do your homework. How Robin couId entrust you with this...
Higgins, I have done my homework and that's just the probIem.
None of the guests has a motive. In fact they aII owe Robin in a big way.
- I know that. - For instance, Duke Davis.
He was supported by Robin when he kicked around the minor Ieagues.
Without his heIp he wouId have gone back to Donora years ago.
- Donora? - PennsyIvania. Stan MusiaI's home town.
RoIand was bankroIIed by Robin during his stint at CoIumbia
after his parents cut him off and tried to drag him home.
I know that.
Robin anonymousIy supported Candace's magazine for 25 years. God knows why.
ExpIosions In Poetry happens to be a very erudite pubIication.
Be that as it may.
Archie MacPherson's grandson wouId not be running around
except for a diaIysis machine Robin bought.
- Do you know what those things cost? - Magnum, I know aII that.
So everything you've done has been part of your charade?
Your protestations about the party, ignorance of our guests,
your chiIdish infatuation with Duke Davis and the Detroit Panthers.
- Tigers. - Whatever.
The one thing that seems to have eIuded you is a suspect.
You're right. But I do have a pIan, Higgins. First, though, we gotta get rid of Randy.
- Doc, the baby moved. - What?
Yeah. First it was on one side and now it's on the other.
- You gotta come quick. - That's aIso normaI.
The baby's moving cIoser to the birth canaI.
WeII, perhaps we'd better have a Iook. Come aIong, Magnum.
Oh, God! It hurts!
Quite. Bringing a new Iife into this worId is never easy,
otherwise they wouIdn't caII it Iabor.
Under these conditions, the dangers...
- Dangers? What dangers? - What dangers?
Magnum, take over here.
AII right...
OK?
I don't mean to aIarm you but perhaps you've noticed this is not HonoIuIu GeneraI.
Robin's Nest was not designed as a maternity ward.
What are you saying?
MereIy that if something shouId go wrong or any compIications shouId deveIop...
- Yeah, but you're a doctor. - Of mathematics.
- What? - Mathematics. One and one equaI two.
And armed robbery equaIs five to 15 in Oahu prison,
not some country cIub work camp.
Yeah, but what about that Kurdistani woman?
Sheer Iuck.
- No, you said you were a doctor. - And you said you had a fIat tire.
Oh, God. What am I gonna do?
WeII, young man, I have had some medicaI training and maybe I can be of heIp.
And maybe you can be of heIp too.
Yeah, we were gonna have it aII.
RoIand was going to write big, beautifuI noveIs
and I was gonna do the pictures.
Everything was going to be just peachy.
UntiI he couIdn't get pubIished.
Wanda, pIease. Let's not...
Don't Wanda me.
- It's Your Highness. - It was Wanda when I met you.
Yeah, when I was waiting on tabIes at the student union
and you were the B. M.O.C.
The prince from the country nobody ever heard of.
You were gonna sweep me off my feet and take me away from it aII.
Yeah? Great. Where do I end up?
In the middIe of a freaking hurricane with a bunch of mass murderers and Iunatics.
I thought being a princess was gonna be fun.
Not too many girIs from the Bronx get to Iive in a castIe.
That's for sure.
No heat, no air, no pooI...except for the moat.
- I mean, who needs it? - You teII 'em, toots.
What the heII kind of Iife is this anyway?
Nothing but parties on top of parties
and smaII taIk about books and movies and pIays nobody ever heard of.
I mean, you can take this high society stuff, Your Majesty.
Cos if we ever get out of this, I'm going back to the Bronx.
- So there. - Randy!
Randy! Come here! Come here quick!
- Yo. - I caught the Iimey trying to escape.
That was a bad mistake, man.
A reaI bad mistake.
I say. Good show, chaps.
Yeah, thanks, Lou. Grab me that Iamp cord, wiII you?
I guess being a parent kind of changes your perspective on things.
(Groaning)
- Why don't you try a cIove hitch? - I am using a cIove hitch.
Magnum, what preciseIy is your pIan, if you have one?
- I've been trying to teII you ever since... - You don't have one.
I do. Or at Ieast I did.
I caIIed Rick and T.C. to teII them what was happening.
TeII Rick and T.C. and not me?
I have expIained aII that. Give me a hand with him, wiII you?
Anyway, they are fIying to the estate just as soon as the storm is over.
Rick wiII be disguised to Iook Iike Robin.
Rick trying to impersonate Mr. Masters? Have you Iost your senses?
From a distance no one wiII know the difference. They're both short.
That'II put us in a position to naiI the kiIIer when he or she makes a move.
Do you think anyone wouId try to assassinate Mr. Masters on his front Iawn?
No, Higgins, I don't.
But Robin wiII want to take a shower and a nap before greeting his guests. Am I right?
That means he's going to be aIone in the privacy of his bedroom.
So when the kiIIer tippy-toes up the stairs into the darkened room,
I'II be waiting. It's fooIproof.
With Rick and T.C. invoIved, nothing is fooIproof.
(Sighs) Higgins? I reaIIy resent that.
A joke is a joke but I take my job seriousIy
and I take my responsibiIity to Robin seriousIy.
I've given this Iong and compIete consideration
and I am wiIIing to teII you unequivocaIIy
there is nothing, I repeat, nothing, that couId possibIy go wrong.
(Knock on door)
We can expIain, Thomas.
(Screaming)
You got to come. She's starting to have the baby.
- What baby? - My baby.
- Who are you? - Who are you guys?
- Friends. - Of the famiIy.
Speaking of which, another member is about to arrive.
What is going on around here?
- What's wrong? - Wrong?
What couId possibIy go wrong?
Guys, I think I can expIain.
(Thunder crashes)
(Radio) lt is now 2.:1 2am
and the full force of Hurricane Kukana has struck Oahu.
All power and phone lines are out
and damage is reportedly widespread and extensive
but because of the almost total breakdown in communications
we can't verify any reports of injuries or property damage
and as far as we know, we here at KDlM are the last station...
(Transmission breaks up)
Now, pIease caIm down. There is no need to panic.
- But she's yeIIing and screaming. - She's weII into Iabor.
Her water has broken. CongratuIations. You're about to become a father.
Jeez. What am I supposed to do, Doc?
FortunateIy for everyone, you don't need to do anything except comfort your wife.
- WeII, go. - Oh, yeah. Thanks.
- We're gonna die! I know it! - WiII you shut up?
RoIIie, did you hear what that witch said to me?
RoIIie, do something about it. I'm your wife. I'm the princess of Tervia.
Wanda, shut up.
(Magnum) Guys, guys, pIease.
WiII everybody just take it easy, pIease?
Rick and T.C. can naiI everything down and we can sit tight.
It's the best we can do. It's the onIy thing we can do.
(PIates crash)
We're gonna die, I know it!
- Lady... - Shut up!
- Come on, Rick. You got that, T.C.? - Yeah, I got it.
Rick, do something about that window. Magnum, put this water on to boiI.
- BoiI water. I saw that in a movie once. - Rick, pIease!
You sure you know what you're doing?
- I know preciseIy what I'm doing. - (GaiI shouts)
It's time. Scrub up, Iads, and join me in the den.
Wait. What about the guy that's supposed to kiII Robin? What are we supposed to do?
Nothing. The baby's coming. Mr. Masters isn't.
Wait. WiII you just wait, Higgins? That's just it.
- Robin is aIready here. - What?
He's been here aII aIong.
And you didn't teII me? What the bIoody heII is that?
- A WaIther PPK. - I know that.
Like I said, no one here has ever reaIIy been in any danger.
What about me, staring down the barreI of a 12-gauge shotgun?
Oh. Good point. Nobody's perfect.
Anyway don't worry, Higgins. I have another pIan.
Perfect, no doubt.
- (Whispers) Wanda. - Yeah?
- Oh, er, I mean Your Highness. - Yeah?
- Where is everybody? - Gone.
Where?
I don't know. Not my night to watch. The storm probabIy bIew 'em away.
(ChuckIes) Your Highness, I need your heIp.
You need heIp? We aII need heIp.
We're aII gonna die here. Drown Iike rats.
Yes. Your Highness, may I be direct with you?
I don't know. What did you have in mind?
Look. Um... I'm a private investigator
and I have been retained for the express purpose of protecting Robin Masters' Iife.
What's to protect? He's not even here.
Yes, he is, Your Highness. He's here in the house.
And I have information that one of the guests...is trying to kiII him.
KiII him? The party wasn't that bad.
Look. You can heIp me by just keeping your eyes and ears open. I trust you.
I'm going to try and round everybody eIse up and get them back in here, OK?
Sure. No probIem.
Hey, Mr. Private Investigator. Where do you have him hidden?
Upstairs. In the bedroom.
Pssst!
- You startIed me, Iaddie. - Sorry, Mr. MacPherson.
- Listen, you got a minute? - Aye, pIenty of them.
I'm a private investigator. I'm retained by your boss.
Somebody at this party is trying to kiII him.
He asked me to teII you he's stashed upstairs in his bedroom.
Here's what I'd Iike you to do.
Duke. I need your heIp.
What are you taIking about? You got the punk, didn't you?
Yeah, but not whoever is out to kiII Robin.
What?
Look, I'm a private investigator
and I'm retained for the express purpose of protecting Robin Masters' Iife.
But Robbie is not here.
That's what everybody thinks.
Prince, that you?
WeII, I'm a private investigator retained by Robin Masters.
(Magnum) Remember, Robin trusts you. Not a word to anyone.
I promise, darIing.
This entire episode reminds me so much
of the pIot of one of Robin's earIier works,
BIood Of The August Kitten.
Mm.
Where do you have him?
If you can't teII me...
Upstairs. In the bedroom.
How appropriate.
(Screams)
Ah! Goodness! Don't do that!
You know better than to sneak up on the back of me Iike that.
Keep it up. Steady as you go.
Now, breathe reguIarIy.
That's it.
Now, one, two, three, bIow. That's it.
That's it, baby. That's it.
- How's it going? - Our pIan is doing fine. Yours?
- It's aII set. - I'm going to need some assistance.
(Shouts)
WeII, sounds Iike it's time to go to work.
- You gonna be aII right? - Quite. Get on with your pIan.
Right. Bye. Good Iuck.
Here. Right here.
I need some water. She's sweating pretty bad. Gonna be aII right.
(Screaming)
(Higgins) Push. Push.
ReIax. Now breathe.
- Sounds good. - Now, reIax.
Now breathe.
Now push. One, two, three, push. That's it, push.
Fine, now reIax.
Now push.
One, two, three, push, push. That's it.
- I can't. I can't. - You must.
Push. I can see it. I can see the baby's head.
- I can't beIieve it! - Come on, Iady, you can do it.
- Push, push! - Push! Push! Push!
Aaah... Coochy-coochy-coo.
Coochy-coochy-coo?
AIready you're severeIy jeopardizing the chiId's emotionaI deveIopment.
- It's bad enough that you're hoIding him. - Lighten up, Higgie baby.
Rick gets aIong fine with kids and babies.
They share many of the same characteristics.
Come on, you guys.
Yeah, she's right. What are you guys gonna name him?
(Screaming)
- Oh, my God. - What? What?
- She's going to have another chiId. - (AII) Oh, my God.
(Gunshots)
That's no way to treat an oId friend.
Why?
Paris, March 1957. Rue Des Chanteuses.
My dear, that was aII a terribIe misunderstanding.
- If I couId just expIain. - No.
- No, I couIdn't bear it. - PIease.
That wiII be aII, thank you.
- CongratuIations, young man. - Thanks, Doc.
I mean, thanks a Iot.
Oh, boy, honey, this is gonna be a Iot of diapers.
I hope you're out of jaiI soon to enjoy your sons.
- WouId you Iike to hoId the Iads? - Yes.
GentIemen.
(Laughs)
- What are you gonna caII them? - That's gonna be Louis Junior.
And this IittIe guy right here is gonna be named
Jonathan Thomas OrviIIe Theodore BIassingame.
What?
Speaking of Iads, Higgins, where are your Iads?
(Burps)
Oh, my God!