A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES
DECEMBER 2ND
You know you have 14 missed calls?
And all of them from Henrik.
Did she actually dance in a yarn bikini?
♪ …who there! Who is it stopping for a visit? ♪
That must chafe.
And it happened, like, 38 seconds after we had our big blowout,
so I really don't get the timeline here.
Did he, like, bring her straight back to his place
for some hot cocoa, knitting, and fucking? I mean…
So absurd.
I hope he gets chlamydia.
Hey, maybe that's the chick's name. The yarn lady.
Chlamydia.
I swear I would have laughed if I wasn't so upset.
But all this simply means Henrik isn't your prairie mouse.
My what mouse?
Prairie mouse. They're, like, the kings of monogamy.
They find one partner, and then they stay together forever.
Yeah, Henrik's the opposite. He's a fuckweasel or something.
I'm going to the store.
Want anything? Those chocolate trolls?
Yeah, no thanks. I've had more than my share of trolls lately. I'm good.
Also, Mom left Dad.
- What? - Hmm.
But they were prairie mice with each other. They have to be.
I mean, they were so prairie mice, right?
I hope so.
Ugh, just no.
Morten.
Oh, Morten.
Hi, Morten.
What do you mean, "not answering"?
So what's up?
The generator. It's not working anymore.
It's given up.
I thought I could manage to daisy-chain
all the different lights on the reindeer to make them blink together, you know?
Maybe get them to flash in time to the beat of the music.
- The music? - Hmm.
Yeah. It got too cold for it to play anything.
Have you talked to Mom since?
I have to finish this.
- Dad, stop. We can fix this. - No, I have to...
- Let's go in and get you a warm drink. - No.
Hey, Pop, uh, the national ski-jump championship's on.
The big hill?
Yeah, I think so.
I ski jumped in Odensbacken, you know.
Didn't you jump in Zakopane, too?
Yes. If only I hadn't taken that fall during the Junior European Cup in '77.
Fucking Parmaharju.
Parma-what?
Parmaharju in Finland. That there is a beast of a hill.
Yeah, when I think about it, I think I heard this before.
Around 200 times, maybe.
- You want something to eat, Pop? - Yes. I guess I'm a bit hungry.
- Wasn't there ski jumping on? - No batteries in the remote.
There you go. That's it.
You're in the…
- You're blocking my view. - Yeah.
That was how I met your mom.
That's how you met her? Wasn't it at the welfare office?
True.
When I was applying for welfare after the back injury from the fall in…
- Parm… - Parmaharju.
- Yeah.
Yeah, she was a caseworker there. A youngin straight out of school.
That was her very first case. My case.
Me.
Hey.
We should just skip Christmas this year.
I mean, now that Mom isn't here.
No. I promised you I'd do all that this year.
It'll be a Christmas celebration with pork and...
I appreciate it, but don't make all that fuss, honey.
It's good that you have Henrik, Johanne.
- Spend Christmas with him. - Hmm.
You have to take care of each other.
Dad, you have no food here. The fridge is empty.
I know, I know. I just haven't had time to go to the store.
- That's okay. We'll go for you. - Yeah.
Stay there and relax with ski jumping.
Okay.
- Anything special you want? - No, no, you decide.
Ooh, dates! Get some dates, please.
Dates, dates, dates. Dating, daters, dates. Dates…
Where are the dates? Do they have dates?
Are those dates?
Those are prunes.
Figs.
- Dates. - Dates.
But what even is the point of dates?
They're Christmas snacks.
'Cause we don't eat them the rest of the year?
Jesus ate dates, you know.
Oh, yeah. So it's kind of a Biblical fruit?
Technically, it's a berry.
What? Why?
For one, they have seeds in them.
- Do you think Mom will come back? - Absolutely.
But, uh, where's Henrik?
We're on a break.
A break?
- It's over. - A break or breakup?
It's over. But can we keep the hell away from this subject right now?
- Later, then? - Later.
Can't push everything till later.
- Shut your face. - Yep.
I just can't get over the fact that she went to motherfucking Paris
with fucking Bengt-Erik… whatever, Løvskog.
It's unfair to run off like that, but…
but then again, in a way, it's not.
Forty years she's done everything for Dad. And us, too.
He wasn't the one who folded our clothes, made lunches and Christmas dinners,
or just dinner in general, you know?
Dad made dinner, too, sometimes.
Like what? Sausage stew?
Those fried sausages he cut up with scissors and heated in tomato paste?
- It's the only dish he knows how to make. - Yeah.
And he'll make it Christmas Eve if we do nothing.
I'm doing something, remember?
We're all having Christmas at my place.
- Oh, so you actually meant that? - Yeah, of course.
Yeah, you know how to get the pork flank all crispy?
Duh. Yeah, of course I know.
Uh-huh, are you sure?
- I could Google it. - Yes, you can.
YARN
Are you buying yarn?
Johanne. What's up?
Are you buying yarn?
- Johanne? - Hmm?
No, I'm not getting yarn.
I'm getting… Later.
Hi, Mom, could you call me? I'm trying to get a hold of you.
Things are happening here, and Dad's upset, and I…
Anyway, um… Call me.
WANT TO EXPLAIN. CALL ME. HENRIK
- Hi, there. - Hi.
- Hey. - Hi.
- Everything good? - Yeah, no, ugh…
- You can't open it? - Come on, Dad.
- I can't see what I'm doing, I just… - Hmm?
It's running down my face so I can't see what's in front of me!
Yeah, okay, sorry.
No, I'm the one who's sorry.
Sorry. I'm sorry.
I really am.
I'm just… uh… emotional lately.
No worries, really.
- And there's this thing with my parents… - Yeah, I get it.
- I just don't understand men. - No?
- You're a man, right? - Yep.
Yeah, so then you're an expert in this.
Well…
So what's the deal with guys having sex with a new girl,
like, 15 seconds after you guys break up?
And not even a breakup. You're just on a break.
So basically cheating, then?
Yeah, but that's before you even break up.
Having sex with someone immediately after it's over is actually crappier.
Uh, what? How so?
Well, it's a matter of respect. But also because you're supposed to be sad.
Yeah.
Yeah, uh… I mean, weren't you devastated when things ended between you and your...
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely, sure.
Right, and… did you have sex right afterwards?
No, uh…
Yeah, but who ended things?
Neither of us did.
No one?
No, she died in childbirth.
Oh, uh…
My condolences.
Or… I don't know why we say that. Uh, it's a stupid word.
No, no, it's all good.
Listen, "condolences" actually means "I feel your pain."
So when you think of it, it's a beautiful word.
So that's completely fine.
Plus, it's been 15 years.
But I gotta say, after 15 years without a girlfriend, you kinda…
You haven't had a girlfriend in 15 years?
- No. - Are you kidding?
I'm not kidding. Cross my heart and, uh, hope to die, and all that stuff.
So… But, uh…
Thing is, I'm not really good at, you know…
flirting and… women, and, um…
Um, yeah, picking them up, and… the whole sex thing.
Plus, I really don't think Noëlle, my daughter…
would appreciate it if I got a girlfriend and she, um…
I don't think she'd like it if someone came between us, I mean…
- I don't know. You sure about that? - Pretty sure.
But hey, I wanna apologize again for being completely deranged.
It wasn't you. That was all me.
That's totally fine.
- Okay. - Yeah.
Hey. You're welcome to come hang with us anytime, okay?
- Okay. - Okay.
- Awesome. Okay. Thanks so much. - Take care.
- See you. - See you.
DECEMBER 3RD
Ugh.
- Henrik? - Yeah.
- And you still haven't talked to him? - No way.
But I know he's been here.
I found a note on the door last night, but I really don't wanna talk to him.
No, I totally understand.
I've been having these revenge fantasies.
What kind of revenge?
Well, I mean, they haven't crystallized just yet,
but, um, I'm having, like, revenge grumbling in my stomach.
- Hmm, I get it. - Hmm.
- But, you know… - Yeah?
There's something I need to say that I absolutely shouldn't say right now
because my timing is abysmal,
but it's happening soon so I can't wait any longer,
plus the longer I wait, the more it just…
Okay…
Since me and Raul are getting married, of course we want to be together.
Mm.
And he's gotten work, well, at this circus in Madrid.
But I mean, that's… that's fantastic!
I mean… Yeah, that's, uh, all right
that you're, uh… It's only natural, yeah.
Uh…
I'm really happy… happy for you guys.
"Really happy." Clearly.
But, um, wait. Do you have to move, then?
Yeah. I'm moving.
Okay.
Sorry, um…
I'm sure you'll have a great time together.
You're both prairie mice.
But I'll help you find a replacement roomie, okay?
Someone way better than me.
You know, Raul has this friend. He's a trapeze artist, actually.
- And he's very pretty. - Yeah.
Wonderful. Can't wait to live it up with Mr. Cirque du Soleil.
Shit. It's Henrik.
Should I open it?
No, uh…
I'll deal with this myself. I have to "clean this mess up," as they say.
Okay, just don't resort to violence. You swear?
I can't swear to anything.
Henrik called me.
What? You, too?
Are you crying?
I'm not. It's not because of…
Not 'cause of that fucking asshole.
Listen.
We're young and beautiful, and apparently, we're both single.
Let's go out.
- Hi! - Hey.
Want to go out with us?
I'm meeting Raul, but I'll definitely take a rain check.
Mmm-hmm. Yeah. Shall we go?
- Now? - Mmm-hmm.
Hairdresser first. Then we'll drink.
Hairdresser? I just got a haircut last week.
Not that kind of hairdresser.
- Ouch! - Atta girl. Cheers.
Ow! Right, cheers. Shit, man!
Can you try to scooch your little kitty-cat up just a smidge?
- Kitty-cat? - Yes.
That's her name now.
- Okay… - Mmm-hmm.
I'm giving everyone a name to make them easier to keep them straight.
Plus, they each have such different and distinct personalities.
- Oh, seriously? - Mmm-hmm.
Always respect everyone's private parts.
And naming it… makes the whole affair a bit more ceremonial.
Hmm. Does yours have a name?
Ronny Johansen.
- Ronny Johansen? Why? - Yeah.
That's a long story. When you're baptized, you're baptized.
Ouch! Mother father!
Ouch, ouch, ouch.
Why the hell did I ever say "yes" to this?
Hey, you're making a power statement. You're taking your body back.
Plus, let me tell you, sex is even better after a wax.
No way, I'm not having any sex now.
No, but I'm serious.
You gotta find yourself some revenge guy that makes Henrik look like a total loser.
- Hmm. - A fireman or something.
- Yeah, but Henrik's a doctor, though. - Yeah, exactly.
- So a fireman's better than a doctor? - Hundred percent, yeah.
Freaking dumb, dumb beaver!
Sorry. But beauty is pain, my dear, as they say.
Yeah.
You're starting to gray down here.
- Gray? Like gray hairs? - Mmm-hmm.
- What? - Right there.
- Where? - Right over there.
- No way. - Hi, my darlings.
- Oh, there! - Hi!
- Happens to everyone. - Are you all headed to bed?
Okay, but what does that mean? It'll be gray all over?
Want me to sing you a lullaby?
It happens to the best of us.
Oh, my God.
Ouch! My Hufflepuff! Ouch!
I can't get over the fact my kitty-cat's going gray.
No.
"No" what? Do you have gray hairs down there?
No. Ronny Johansen is a totally gray-free zone.
- Hmm. - Yeah.
But seriously, Johanne, it's important for you to find someone.
- Before your eggs rot. - "Rot"? What do you mean?
- You don't want rotten eggs. - Oh, shit.
I'm not ready for rotten eggs.
- Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm.
Okay. Strut, strut. And sexy, sexy, sexy.
Girl, tonight, you're just gonna fucking chill.
Just go where the evening takes you.
You know what they say, "Live now, you can…" You… Yeah.
- Huh? - You know what I mean. Grab life by…
- Okay, okay! - By the balls!
Live today!
Two gin and tonics.
Hey, no. Just a beer for me.
Nah. Today is, uh, International Booze Day.
There's no such thing. You made that up.
- Now there is. - Okay!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Cheers! - Cheers!
♪ We live in the mezzanine ♪
♪ And still you're looking down on me ♪
♪ We're coming up ♪
♪ Make way for us ♪
♪ On top of everything, And you're beneath my energy ♪
♪ We're coming up ♪
Hey!
So, do you have any moves?
- Moves? - Yep.
- Like dancing? - Yeah.
- Uh, I'm not a fan of dancing. - Ah.
How about you?
Oh, I can lay down some moves, yeah.
There's this guy. How's that for you?
- Good! - Thanks.
And this. Ah!
Uh…
Uh, yeah, okay.
- See you. - Yeah, will do. That's great.
Excuse me. Can I have a Fernet?
Yeah.
Hi.
A beer.
May I have another one? Thanks.
Fun night?
Yeah, it's okay. And your night?
Can't complain. It's, uh, not too bad.
I tried something today I've never done before.
That's great. I think that's healthy. Good for you.
Yeah.
What did you try today?
Mmm, uh, I tried one of those Brazilians.
- Hmm? - You know, like, um…
When you groom your, uh, your lady bits.
You don't say.
- Yeah. - Right.
So when you say "right," like… What are you trying to say?
I'm just not that crazy about all the fuss around grooming your privates and stuff.
It's just an old-fashioned stigma about the female body
perpetuated by chauvinists who hate women.
It's kind of a fucked up patriarchal tyranny over the female body
I just can't get behind.
Okay. Yeah, but actually, I chose it for myself, so…
- Mmm… - Yeah.
But did you really?
Or have women just internalized the experience of the male gaze?
I just think it's unfair
that women are pushed into a gender stereotypical pattern.
The point is…
that you are you, and you are good enough.
Remember that.
- And good luck. Hmm. - Yeah.
I'm gonna need one more.
Yeah! Oh, this is my song!
This is my jam!
Hi.
You! Hey, I need to ask you a question.
I was just given a feminist lecture
by some mansplaining, PC, old cactus of a personality.
And I wonder…
Do I seem more preoccupied with external stuff,
versus internal qualities and all that crap?
- Um… - Don't hold back on me now!
Give me a second! I was just a little surprised.
I don't have enough info
to give you an opinion on your external and internal life,
based solely on this three-second conversation.
Yeah, well, I'm an independent feminist.
And a pretty strong one, if I say so myself. And I do say so myself.
Sure. I don't doubt that for a second.
Let's introduce ourselves. I'm Dagfinn.
Johanne. Nice to meet you.
I think you're pretty great, internally speaking, of course.
Finally, someone who likes and accepts me for who I am.
My pleasure. I'm gonna go buy another beer. You want one?
What did you say to me?
I just asked if I could buy you a beer or not.
- Oh, so you went there, then. - "There"?
Yeah, there. All of that.
Like I can't possibly afford to buy my own drinks 'cause I'm just a dumb girl.
Okay. All right.
I think you misunderstood me. I was just being nice, but…
Huh? What?
No. No, dude!
Dude!
Hey, there. How's your weekend looking?
Well, it's looking… pretty nice. How about yours?
Oh, man, it's going mother-flippin' awesome.
Yeah, yeah, I can see that.
Can I just say, you seem like one hell of a nice guy. Like, oh, my God.
Sorry, I didn't catch that.
I said, you seem like a really great fucking dude.
A dude who's really real and stuff.
Okay. Bye, bye.
Oh, my God.
Yes.
Johanne?
Are you seriously sitting here pissing in my booth?
Sorry, I…
♪ I really wanna make good choices ♪
♪ But I keep messing up over and over ♪
♪ And some days I swear ♪
♪ It's like trouble Keeps calling my name ♪
♪ Sayin' ♪
♪ Maybe I should stay out late ♪
♪ When I know I'm up at eight ♪
♪ Order things that I can't pay for ♪
♪ Oh, I wish I'd walk away more ♪
♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh Wake up and try to be someone… ♪