1
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# You must remember this
2
00:00:13,047 --> 00:00:15,515
#A kiss is still a kiss
3
00:00:15,607 --> 00:00:18,485
#A sigh is just a sigh
4
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# The fundamental things apply
5
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#As time goes by #
6
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(DOORBELL RINGING)
7
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- Good morning
- Morning, John
8
00:00:39,247 --> 00:00:40,282
I don't see
9
00:00:40,367 --> 00:00:42,835
- Well, you did say you'd look after them
- Did I?
10
00:00:42,927 --> 00:00:45,521
Oh, yes Would you mind?
11
00:00:45,607 --> 00:00:47,518
- We don't want them catching cold
- Of course not
12
00:00:47,607 --> 00:00:49,165
Come in, come in
13
00:00:50,367 --> 00:00:52,358
- Oh, dear
- Where to?
14
00:00:53,167 --> 00:00:57,206
Well Well, in here, I suppose
15
00:01:00,327 --> 00:01:02,716
Where shall we put them? On the floor?
16
00:01:03,927 --> 00:01:07,124
No, have a bit of respect
Let's put them on the sofa
17
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- John, are you positive I said I'd look after them?
- That's what they said down at the charity shop
18
00:01:15,247 --> 00:01:18,319
- "Good old Jean" That's what they said
- Yes, I bet they did
19
00:01:18,407 --> 00:01:21,558
- It won't be for long, will it?
- Just till the refurbishing's finished
20
00:01:21,647 --> 00:01:24,559
You know how strapped for space
we are at the best of times
21
00:01:24,647 --> 00:01:27,764
Had I had a glass of wine
when I made this promise?
22
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- Three
- Oh
23
00:01:31,607 --> 00:01:32,926
Serves me right, then
24
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Look on the bright side,
they don't eat much, do they?
25
00:01:35,287 --> 00:01:36,640
- Ta-ra!
- Bye
26
00:01:39,007 --> 00:01:40,599
You can laugh
27
00:01:41,807 --> 00:01:45,436
I don't have to wear the top hat, do I?
I look particularly silly in a top hat
28
00:01:45,527 --> 00:01:49,839
I find that hard to believe, Li,
but just carry it if you want to
29
00:01:50,407 --> 00:01:52,523
They're not collapsible, are they?
30
00:01:52,687 --> 00:01:56,521
I have this fear of squashing it flat
and then not being able to get it back into shape
31
00:01:56,607 --> 00:01:58,598
- I wouldn't want to let Judy down
- You won't
32
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All you have to do is walk her up the aisle
33
00:02:00,967 --> 00:02:03,242
- Yeah, without tripping up
- Hopefully, yes
34
00:02:03,327 --> 00:02:05,966
Slow and calm, that's the key
35
00:02:06,327 --> 00:02:11,037
Then the vicar says, "Who gives this woman
to be married to this man?"
36
00:02:11,127 --> 00:02:13,766
Or, "Who giveth this woman
to be married to this man?"
37
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Depending on how formal he feels
38
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I take Judy's hand in mine
39
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- Slow and calm
- Slow and calm
40
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We turn to face each other We
41
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We look into each other's eyes and
42
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(THUDDING)
43
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- Alistair!
- All right, stand back Give him some air
44
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(CROWD CHATTERING)
45
00:02:44,127 --> 00:02:45,480
He's alive
46
00:02:45,607 --> 00:02:47,484
- I can see that
- Li!
47
00:02:47,567 --> 00:02:48,886
Yeah, I'm here, Alistair
48
00:02:48,967 --> 00:02:52,562
No! Don't move him till the paramedics get here
49
00:02:52,647 --> 00:02:56,162
- Anybody sent for the paramedics?
- He doesn't need paramedics He just fainted
50
00:02:56,247 --> 00:02:58,124
I'm fine, really, I'm fine
51
00:02:58,207 --> 00:03:03,235
Well, on your head be it
But you'll look silly if it's viral
52
00:03:03,327 --> 00:03:05,602
- Viral?
- Well, it could be
53
00:03:05,687 --> 00:03:08,485
- You're not a doctor
- No, I'm a bus driver
54
00:03:08,567 --> 00:03:10,398
Well, you like to do your bit, don't you?
55
00:03:10,487 --> 00:03:13,126
Well, it's kind of you to try and help,
but I'm quite sure he's okay now
56
00:03:13,207 --> 00:03:14,720
I am, really, I am
57
00:03:14,807 --> 00:03:17,924
Well, I'm not happy about it, but if you say so
58
00:03:18,287 --> 00:03:21,324
Cancel the paramedics Cancel the paramedics!
59
00:03:21,407 --> 00:03:24,444
- Are you sure you're all right, Alistair?
- Honestly, Li, they
60
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They only last for a few seconds
61
00:03:25,887 --> 00:03:28,924
Of course, we can always "They"?
You mean this has happened before?
62
00:03:29,007 --> 00:03:30,360
Only a couple of times
63
00:03:30,447 --> 00:03:32,756
- Well, you should see somebody
- I have Top man
64
00:03:32,847 --> 00:03:34,644
200 guineas just to say hello
65
00:03:34,727 --> 00:03:37,480
- What did he say?
- I hate to admit this
66
00:03:37,567 --> 00:03:39,523
- Panic attacks
- Panic attacks?
67
00:03:39,607 --> 00:03:41,120
Yeah, don't tell Judy, will you?
68
00:03:41,207 --> 00:03:43,323
I'd hate her to think that I was panicking
about the wedding
69
00:03:43,407 --> 00:03:45,967
Of course What are you panicking about?
70
00:03:46,047 --> 00:03:47,321
The wedding
71
00:03:49,687 --> 00:03:53,839
Now if you go like that, you'll just stand like that
72
00:03:54,567 --> 00:03:56,637
That's about it Not bad
73
00:03:59,127 --> 00:04:02,642
- Oh, hello
- Sorry, I didn't realise you had company
74
00:04:03,647 --> 00:04:05,842
I'm looking after them for the charity shop
75
00:04:05,927 --> 00:04:08,805
- To chat to?
- No, of course not!
76
00:04:08,887 --> 00:04:11,799
Trying to work out how many people
we can get in here for the reception
77
00:04:11,887 --> 00:04:13,206
You know, floor area
78
00:04:13,287 --> 00:04:16,882
- You did that for our wedding I helped
- You did not, you messed about
79
00:04:16,967 --> 00:04:18,844
You and Judy and Sandy
80
00:04:18,927 --> 00:04:21,521
You kept moving about all the time,
so I estimated wrongly
81
00:04:21,607 --> 00:04:23,757
Got too many people
That won't do for Judy and Alistair
82
00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:25,200
It's got to be perfect
83
00:04:25,287 --> 00:04:28,518
Well, if everybody is coming naked,
that should get things going
84
00:04:30,807 --> 00:04:34,083
You know, for a grown man,
you can be very silly sometimes
85
00:04:34,167 --> 00:04:38,763
- Whereas you as a grown woman
- It's perfectly normal Just looks odd, that's all
86
00:04:38,847 --> 00:04:42,806
- Could you draw a circle round us, please?
- Right
87
00:04:45,527 --> 00:04:47,245
Excuse me
88
00:04:47,967 --> 00:04:50,925
- You had to say that, didn't you?
- Absolutely
89
00:04:51,927 --> 00:04:53,838
Should I ask what happens next?
90
00:04:53,927 --> 00:04:57,476
Well, yes, I cut out the circle,
and then I cut a lot more circles the same size
91
00:04:57,567 --> 00:05:00,764
and I lay them out all over the floor
and see how many guests we can fit in
92
00:05:00,847 --> 00:05:04,601
- Oh, I see
- Now, could you help me lift them, please?
93
00:05:04,687 --> 00:05:07,155
- Lift what?
- Them, them
94
00:05:07,687 --> 00:05:09,962
- Don't say, "Excuse me"
- No
95
00:05:11,367 --> 00:05:13,437
How did you get here, car or train?
96
00:05:20,887 --> 00:05:25,165
I fancy a custard tart Anyone?
Girls, you like custard tarts?
97
00:05:25,247 --> 00:05:28,762
You gnaw on a joke until there's no meat
left on the bone, don't you?
98
00:05:28,847 --> 00:05:32,556
I don't often get a chance like this
I really do fancy a custard tart now
99
00:05:32,647 --> 00:05:35,320
Now just a minute Just a minute
Show me your suit
100
00:05:35,407 --> 00:05:37,967
Oh All right
101
00:05:38,847 --> 00:05:41,725
- Suit
- Oh, very nice
102
00:05:42,047 --> 00:05:45,357
Oh, you'll look very elegant in that And the hat
103
00:05:45,447 --> 00:05:49,156
- Yes, I've got the hat
- Yes, well, show me how it looks on
104
00:05:56,887 --> 00:06:00,675
- Is this something I should be privy to?
- No, I'm just measuring and they're helping
105
00:06:00,767 --> 00:06:03,520
- Oh, I see
- Lionel was about to try his topper on
106
00:06:03,607 --> 00:06:07,122
No, he isn't No, it's bad luck to try it on
before the wedding Everybody knows that
107
00:06:07,207 --> 00:06:08,356
I didn't
108
00:06:08,447 --> 00:06:11,359
He's just being a misery I bet Alistair tried his on
109
00:06:11,447 --> 00:06:15,076
Oh, yes, he couldn't wait
And I have to admit, he looked rather jaunty
110
00:06:15,167 --> 00:06:17,920
Yes, well, he would, wouldn't he?
111
00:06:18,007 --> 00:06:21,158
How is he, by the way?
I mean, "the big M" as he calls it
112
00:06:21,247 --> 00:06:23,522
- How's he bearing up?
- Alistair?
113
00:06:23,647 --> 00:06:28,038
Oh, very well Very calm, very composed
I'll have that custard tart now
114
00:06:29,327 --> 00:06:30,919
Mum, can I?
115
00:06:31,727 --> 00:06:36,676
- Hasn't anyone ever seen one of these before?
- Not around the house, no
116
00:06:37,007 --> 00:06:39,475
- I didn't like to ask
- Honestly, all this fuss
117
00:06:39,567 --> 00:06:42,923
We're decorating the charity shop
and we don't have room to store them
118
00:06:43,007 --> 00:06:45,316
Now stop chattering
I've got a million things to do
119
00:06:45,407 --> 00:06:48,797
Yes, well, before you do, I need to talk to you
120
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- Oh, right
- I'll see you later then
121
00:06:54,967 --> 00:06:57,162
- She went rather quickly
- Did she?
122
00:06:57,927 --> 00:07:00,441
I need to talk to you about the wedding
123
00:07:00,607 --> 00:07:02,563
- Nothing wrong, is there?
- No
124
00:07:02,727 --> 00:07:05,195
Would you mind if we had it at Rocky's?
125
00:07:06,967 --> 00:07:09,162
- Rocky's?
- Yes
126
00:07:09,247 --> 00:07:12,205
I really fancy a country wedding, that's all
127
00:07:12,487 --> 00:07:15,479
And then we could have the reception
at the house afterwards
128
00:07:15,567 --> 00:07:18,764
- That would be perfect, wouldn't it?
- Yes
129
00:07:19,127 --> 00:07:21,118
Of course, we'll have to ask him first
130
00:07:21,207 --> 00:07:23,038
- Yes
- You don't mind, do you, Mum?
131
00:07:23,127 --> 00:07:25,357
Mind? Why should I mind?
It's your wedding, isn't it?
132
00:07:25,447 --> 00:07:29,520
Yes, but you hadn't actually started
planning anything for here, had you?
133
00:07:29,607 --> 00:07:31,598
No, no, no, no
134
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What is all this?
135
00:07:33,567 --> 00:07:36,877
Oh, this? That's just something
Lionel's been doing
136
00:07:39,447 --> 00:07:40,675
Ballroom dancing?
137
00:07:40,767 --> 00:07:43,645
Yes You know, you have pieces of paper
and put them on the floor
138
00:07:43,727 --> 00:07:45,399
in the pattern of the dance steps
139
00:07:45,487 --> 00:07:48,320
They're shaped like feet, not big circles
140
00:07:48,567 --> 00:07:51,320
Well, it was the best I could come up with
on the spur of the moment
141
00:07:51,407 --> 00:07:54,365
- Do you think she believed you?
- Not really, no
142
00:07:54,447 --> 00:07:58,838
- lf you'd just told the truth in the first place
- I didn't want to disappoint her
143
00:07:58,927 --> 00:08:02,044
- Well, you're disappointed
- A little
144
00:08:02,127 --> 00:08:06,086
Well, never mind
I'm sure it'll go with a bang at Rocky's
145
00:08:06,167 --> 00:08:08,078
Provided he says yes
146
00:08:08,167 --> 00:08:11,603
Can you honestly see the ageing king
of the swingers turning down a bash?
147
00:08:11,687 --> 00:08:13,006
No
148
00:08:13,327 --> 00:08:17,843
And look at the plus side
You don't have to get involved in anything
149
00:08:18,207 --> 00:08:19,401
No
150
00:08:19,487 --> 00:08:22,877
All you have to do is turn up in your new hat
151
00:08:22,967 --> 00:08:25,435
New hat? What new hat?
152
00:08:25,527 --> 00:08:29,281
Well, you're bound to want a new hat
for the wedding, aren't you?
153
00:08:37,167 --> 00:08:42,287
- Rock on, I think it's a great idea
- Oh, you're an old sweetie, Rocky
154
00:08:42,367 --> 00:08:46,246
We'll make this the biggest rave-up
since Keith Moon was in his heyday
155
00:08:46,327 --> 00:08:48,238
- A rave-up?
- Rave-up?
156
00:08:48,327 --> 00:08:50,557
Just a figure of speech Now what about fireworks?
157
00:08:50,647 --> 00:08:53,684
- Why don't you sit down, Alistair?
- Top class Lots of rockets
158
00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:55,200
- Fireworks?
- Fireworks?
159
00:08:55,287 --> 00:08:58,245
We want this wedding to be remembered
We want this wedding
160
00:08:58,327 --> 00:09:01,399
- Why don't you sit down?
- Yes
161
00:09:03,127 --> 00:09:04,560
Thank you, Li
162
00:09:05,007 --> 00:09:08,886
Why should you thank Lionel like that
just for suggesting you sit down?
163
00:09:08,967 --> 00:09:11,925
Oh, just natural manners
It comes with the package
164
00:09:12,007 --> 00:09:14,123
Going out of fashion, you know, good manners
165
00:09:14,207 --> 00:09:17,597
Where's that barmy old bat? Mrs Bale!
166
00:09:17,687 --> 00:09:20,076
Look, I'm sorry to be a wet blanket,
167
00:09:20,167 --> 00:09:22,397
but the wedding may have to be
in London after all
168
00:09:22,487 --> 00:09:24,796
- Oh, why?
- Well, you don't live here
169
00:09:24,887 --> 00:09:28,436
- Alistair doesn't live here The church might
- No probs
170
00:09:28,527 --> 00:09:30,836
I've squared it with the local vicar
171
00:09:30,927 --> 00:09:33,839
- How do you square it with a vicar?
- Hey, hey!
172
00:09:34,807 --> 00:09:37,958
The Irish Channel is gusting to force 5
173
00:09:38,047 --> 00:09:40,880
And I resent being called a barmy old bat
174
00:09:41,727 --> 00:09:45,276
- Were you listening at the keyhole?
- Certainly not
175
00:09:45,487 --> 00:09:50,402
I assume you wanted something
Or were you just exercising your vocal cords?
176
00:09:50,487 --> 00:09:53,160
I wanted to tell you
out of the goodness of my heart
177
00:09:53,247 --> 00:09:54,999
that we shall be five for lunch
178
00:09:55,087 --> 00:09:59,638
I know And it will be ready
in six and a half minutes
179
00:10:00,207 --> 00:10:03,643
- Lol would like a word
- JUDITH: Oh, Mrs Bale
180
00:10:04,007 --> 00:10:07,522
- About the catering for the reception
- Yes?
181
00:10:08,207 --> 00:10:10,960
If you should need any professional help
182
00:10:11,047 --> 00:10:13,242
Yeah Like, I know this outfit
called Nuptial Nymphs
183
00:10:13,327 --> 00:10:15,363
They're an all-girl catering crew
184
00:10:15,447 --> 00:10:19,235
I may require some assistance
in the serving of the food,
185
00:10:19,647 --> 00:10:22,081
albeit from an all-girl crew,
186
00:10:22,167 --> 00:10:26,479
but the preparation of the food is mine
and mine alone!
187
00:10:26,887 --> 00:10:28,798
With your permission, of course
188
00:10:28,887 --> 00:10:33,244
- Taken as read, Mrs Bale
- Good I'll send in Lol
189
00:10:33,407 --> 00:10:35,125
Look, what I'd do
190
00:10:38,127 --> 00:10:40,846
- is probably nothing
- Oh, don't worry
191
00:10:40,927 --> 00:10:43,043
If that woman had been in North Africa,
192
00:10:43,127 --> 00:10:46,119
she would have fed
the whole of the Eighth Army single-handed
193
00:10:46,207 --> 00:10:47,242
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
194
00:10:47,327 --> 00:10:48,442
Good morning, everyone
195
00:10:48,527 --> 00:10:49,721
- Hello, Lol
- Come in, Lol
196
00:10:49,807 --> 00:10:53,277
I won't stop, I just want to offer my condolences
197
00:10:54,567 --> 00:10:56,398
Condolences?
198
00:10:56,487 --> 00:10:59,604
Oh, dear, I've got the wrong word, haven't I?
199
00:10:59,687 --> 00:11:03,680
- (STUTTERING) Felicitations That's what I meant
- Thank you
200
00:11:03,767 --> 00:11:06,964
- Mother will be knitting you a pair of gloves
- Will she?
201
00:11:07,047 --> 00:11:09,322
Oh, bound to
She always knits gloves for the bride
202
00:11:09,407 --> 00:11:13,036
- It's a custom of hers
- Oh How very kind of her
203
00:11:13,127 --> 00:11:15,687
Of course, the whole village is
agog with excitement
204
00:11:15,767 --> 00:11:18,725
They reckon this will be the biggest thing
since the coronation
205
00:11:18,807 --> 00:11:21,162
Well, I wouldn't put it on a par
with the coronation
206
00:11:21,247 --> 00:11:24,284
Well, they do And they won't be told otherwise
207
00:11:24,367 --> 00:11:27,677
Why should they?
This is going to be big with a capital huge!
208
00:11:27,767 --> 00:11:31,840
Now, what else do we need? Music!
We need music
209
00:11:31,927 --> 00:11:34,725
What about the Manic Street Preachers?
210
00:11:35,727 --> 00:11:38,560
- The who?
- No, they've disbanded
211
00:11:39,207 --> 00:11:41,516
- No, not a rock group
- No!
212
00:11:41,767 --> 00:11:45,555
(CHUCKLING) I was always partial
to the Dagenham Girl Pipers
213
00:11:46,527 --> 00:11:49,360
Strong brawny girls, they were
214
00:11:49,447 --> 00:11:51,358
- Alistair
- Yeah Right, right, right
215
00:11:51,447 --> 00:11:55,998
I see where you are coming from on this one
We're into mellow music land
216
00:11:56,087 --> 00:11:59,477
What about the London Symphony Orchestra?
217
00:12:00,327 --> 00:12:04,764
- But would they all fit in the church?
- Are there more than six of them?
218
00:12:05,087 --> 00:12:09,160
An extension! Yes! Oh, no, bad idea
219
00:12:09,607 --> 00:12:12,280
Oh, no, there just isn't time Think, Deacon! Think!
220
00:12:12,367 --> 00:12:16,121
- Will you sit down?
- Yes, yes, sorry
221
00:12:16,887 --> 00:12:22,484
Now, what we really need is a few bottles
of something and a proper planning meeting
222
00:12:22,567 --> 00:12:25,843
Lunch will be served in three minutes
223
00:12:25,927 --> 00:12:28,236
- Right Thank you
- Thank you, Mrs Bale
224
00:12:31,487 --> 00:12:33,796
It's a shame
Madge won't be here for the wedding
225
00:12:33,887 --> 00:12:37,960
Yes Mind you,
she'd have insisted on playing the drums
226
00:12:39,327 --> 00:12:42,364
- Where did Rocky say this dig was, again?
- Egypt
227
00:12:42,967 --> 00:12:46,164
JEAN: Shibin El something
LIONEL: Why didn't he go?
228
00:12:46,887 --> 00:12:50,562
JEAN: Well, he didn't see any point in old fossils
digging up old fossils
229
00:12:51,887 --> 00:12:54,447
- I suppose that's what we're becoming
- Nonsense
230
00:12:56,527 --> 00:12:58,643
Shall we go for a really long walk?
231
00:12:59,687 --> 00:13:00,881
Or not
232
00:13:02,127 --> 00:13:04,880
Why did you keep telling Alistair to sit down?
233
00:13:04,967 --> 00:13:09,165
Well, he makes me feel dizzy when he flits about
all the time It's like strobe lighting
234
00:13:09,247 --> 00:13:11,920
- He's all right?
- Yes
235
00:13:12,007 --> 00:13:15,363
- Hello, love
- Hello Can I join you?
236
00:13:15,447 --> 00:13:16,721
Of course
237
00:13:18,687 --> 00:13:20,040
(JUDITH SIGHING)
238
00:13:20,687 --> 00:13:23,679
Alistair's turning this into a three-ring circus,
isn't he?
239
00:13:23,767 --> 00:13:27,077
Now, don't worry
Lionel's going to have a word with him
240
00:13:27,887 --> 00:13:29,878
Oh, would you, Lionel?
241
00:13:30,527 --> 00:13:33,758
- Well
- You see, when he proposed,
242
00:13:33,847 --> 00:13:37,442
I really did think he'd finally got his feet
back on the ground
243
00:13:37,887 --> 00:13:39,764
Well, one foot, anyway
244
00:13:40,527 --> 00:13:42,677
- Now
- And Rocky's no help
245
00:13:43,207 --> 00:13:46,199
They're a combustible mixture those two,
like salt and petre
246
00:13:46,287 --> 00:13:49,245
Judy, wouldn't this be better coming from you?
247
00:13:49,527 --> 00:13:53,406
It's just that I've expended
so much time and energy trying to get Alistair
248
00:13:53,487 --> 00:13:56,047
to behave roughly like a human being
249
00:13:56,207 --> 00:13:59,722
that now we've got this far,
I don't want to come across as a shrew
250
00:14:00,127 --> 00:14:04,040
- In any case, Lionel has natural authority
- When?
251
00:14:04,327 --> 00:14:07,797
- All sorts of times
- Oh, thanks, Lionel
252
00:14:13,487 --> 00:14:17,446
Thanks, Colin, I owe you one What? A heliport?
253
00:14:17,527 --> 00:14:22,362
Well, no, we don't, but anything's possible
Let me run it through the old brainbox
254
00:14:22,447 --> 00:14:24,642
Yeah, ciao, Colin, bye
255
00:14:25,127 --> 00:14:28,642
Li, what would you say to a marching band?
256
00:14:29,167 --> 00:14:31,476
Shut up and stop marching, probably
257
00:14:31,807 --> 00:14:32,876
Oh?
258
00:14:33,447 --> 00:14:35,915
Look, here, Alistair, this has to be said
259
00:14:37,127 --> 00:14:40,244
You're going completely over the top with all this
260
00:14:40,447 --> 00:14:42,165
- Me?
- Yes
261
00:14:42,807 --> 00:14:46,482
I know it's well-intended,
but have you actually stopped to ask yourself,
262
00:14:46,567 --> 00:14:48,319
"Is this really what Judy wants?"
263
00:14:48,407 --> 00:14:52,116
- Yeah, but I'm doing it for Judy
- But is it what she really wants?
264
00:14:52,207 --> 00:14:55,597
You mean, she doesn't? You do mean she doesn't
265
00:14:55,967 --> 00:14:58,561
A quiet country wedding, that's what she wants
266
00:14:58,647 --> 00:15:02,083
- Not even the string section of the LSO?
- Not even the triangle player
267
00:15:03,607 --> 00:15:05,643
Well, then that's what she gets
268
00:15:06,127 --> 00:15:09,324
All I want is for her to want for nothing
that she really wants
269
00:15:10,927 --> 00:15:14,476
- I get a bit carried away, don't I?
- Just by a mile or two
270
00:15:15,327 --> 00:15:16,760
Thanks, mate
271
00:15:16,927 --> 00:15:19,487
Could be a plus side to this, you know
Your panic attacks
272
00:15:19,567 --> 00:15:20,761
(SHUSHING)
273
00:15:20,847 --> 00:15:24,317
- (WHISPERING) What about them?
- (WHISPERING) Well, you get them
274
00:15:25,967 --> 00:15:28,162
You get them when you think of the wedding,
don't you?
275
00:15:28,247 --> 00:15:31,000
- Yeah, I mean, me
- And the more excited you get,
276
00:15:31,087 --> 00:15:32,236
the more likely they become
277
00:15:32,327 --> 00:15:34,716
- Yeah, I mean, me
- So, the simpler the whole thing is,
278
00:15:34,807 --> 00:15:36,240
- the less anxious you become
- Me
279
00:15:36,327 --> 00:15:38,318
- I mean, me
- Look, will you stop saying that?
280
00:15:38,407 --> 00:15:42,241
- Sorry, sorry
- So, a little country church,
281
00:15:42,327 --> 00:15:46,957
local flowers, no LSO
and a congregation of less than 5,000
282
00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:49,483
What could be less stressful than that?
283
00:15:51,247 --> 00:15:54,876
You're right I feel calm just talking about it
284
00:15:55,447 --> 00:15:58,996
Tranquil, that's the word Beautiful
285
00:15:59,927 --> 00:16:02,236
You walk Judy up the aisle
286
00:16:03,407 --> 00:16:07,036
I turn and there she is, looking like a dream
287
00:16:07,607 --> 00:16:10,883
I take her hand in mine and
288
00:16:12,687 --> 00:16:14,962
Oh, God!
289
00:16:18,167 --> 00:16:20,283
Well, I think they'll be back soon,
but I'm not sure
290
00:16:20,367 --> 00:16:23,757
- You should have phoned
- You've heard of phone tapping?
291
00:16:24,047 --> 00:16:26,880
- Of course I've heard of it
- There you are, then
292
00:16:28,727 --> 00:16:30,206
- Stephen?
- Yes?
293
00:16:30,287 --> 00:16:32,721
- What are you doing?
- Just sitting here
294
00:16:35,327 --> 00:16:37,761
- With your arms?
- Oh, that?
295
00:16:38,327 --> 00:16:41,160
Reliving those halcyon days at university
296
00:16:41,807 --> 00:16:47,245
- Arms round a couple of pretty girls
- I always suspected a darker side to your nature
297
00:16:47,527 --> 00:16:49,757
Were there many pretty girls
at university, Stephen?
298
00:16:49,847 --> 00:16:51,838
Oh, tons Not as pretty as you, my dear
299
00:16:51,927 --> 00:16:53,997
(EXCLAIMING) Stephen!
300
00:16:54,607 --> 00:16:59,158
- I daresay you were a bit of a rascal at university
- I had my moments
301
00:16:59,247 --> 00:17:02,000
Mind you, in those days,
if you got as far as putting your hand on a girl's
302
00:17:02,087 --> 00:17:03,520
Stephen!
303
00:17:04,447 --> 00:17:07,519
Look, do those things have to be
in the room with us?
304
00:17:07,607 --> 00:17:09,723
Well, they're either in here or in the kitchen, so
305
00:17:09,807 --> 00:17:13,880
- I'll carry them through for you if you like
- Just leave them alone
306
00:17:14,727 --> 00:17:18,242
- And what about you?
- I don't want to be carried into the kitchen
307
00:17:18,327 --> 00:17:19,680
If you ever did
308
00:17:21,567 --> 00:17:23,797
I meant marriage
309
00:17:24,127 --> 00:17:27,324
- Any distant peals?
- Not really, no
310
00:17:27,447 --> 00:17:30,883
No, what about
that traffic warden you were seeing?
311
00:17:31,327 --> 00:17:34,399
- Larry?
- Harry, and he's a policeman
312
00:17:34,527 --> 00:17:37,599
- Well, what about him?
- He's going to Canada
313
00:17:37,687 --> 00:17:40,485
- What on earth for?
- His job
314
00:17:40,807 --> 00:17:43,685
He's going on attachment
to the Royal Canadian Mounted Police
315
00:17:43,767 --> 00:17:46,406
- Hmm But you're not going with him?
- No
316
00:17:47,007 --> 00:17:49,237
- Did he ask?
- No
317
00:17:49,927 --> 00:17:51,645
Poor little Sandy
318
00:17:51,927 --> 00:17:55,044
- Not that I'd go with him if he did
- No, no, no, of course not
319
00:17:55,127 --> 00:17:57,880
Nelson Eddy and Jeanette McDonald
320
00:17:58,247 --> 00:18:01,444
- What about them?
- They were in a film about the Mounties
321
00:18:01,527 --> 00:18:03,165
Desert Song.
322
00:18:04,367 --> 00:18:05,846
No, that can't be right
323
00:18:06,127 --> 00:18:09,722
Look, can't you stick to the subject
for more than 10 seconds?
324
00:18:09,807 --> 00:18:14,517
- Rose-Marie.
- One of your floozies from university, I suppose
325
00:18:14,607 --> 00:18:16,962
The name of the film about the Mounties
326
00:18:17,287 --> 00:18:21,280
Well, if you want my opinion, this Harry,
he wants his brains tested
327
00:18:21,367 --> 00:18:24,518
- Thank you, Stephen
- Poor little Sandy
328
00:18:24,607 --> 00:18:25,676
Now, look, Penny
329
00:18:25,767 --> 00:18:26,802
(DOOR OPENING)
330
00:18:26,887 --> 00:18:28,036
They're back
331
00:18:30,087 --> 00:18:33,124
- Oh, what a lovely surprise
- Why, what's happened?
332
00:18:34,847 --> 00:18:37,680
- Well, you turning up, I mean
- Oh Right
333
00:18:37,767 --> 00:18:41,123
- Hello, Lionel
- Hello, Stephen Hello, Penny
334
00:18:41,487 --> 00:18:45,036
Poor Jean, I only wish we had happier tidings
335
00:18:45,167 --> 00:18:47,158
- Oh?
- Well, you see,
336
00:18:47,247 --> 00:18:50,557
Stephen and I might not be able to come
to the wedding
337
00:18:50,847 --> 00:18:52,599
Oh, that is sad
338
00:18:53,407 --> 00:18:54,965
I had to tell you personally
339
00:18:55,047 --> 00:18:58,722
It's our social calendar, you see
It has to be very flexible at the moment
340
00:18:58,807 --> 00:19:02,117
- Well, one never knows, does one?
- Doesn't one?
341
00:19:02,207 --> 00:19:03,560
I certainly don't
342
00:19:04,727 --> 00:19:09,357
- The fact is, I've been put up for an OBE
- Oh, you fool
343
00:19:09,447 --> 00:19:12,678
- It's supposed to be kept a secret
- Well, we are family
344
00:19:12,767 --> 00:19:16,157
- Yes, but the fact remains that if this leaks out
- Oh, just a minute, just a minute
345
00:19:16,247 --> 00:19:18,556
- Stephen, did you say the OBE?
- Yes
346
00:19:18,767 --> 00:19:21,645
- Why?
- Services to dentistry, apparently
347
00:19:22,527 --> 00:19:25,439
All thoseteeth
348
00:19:25,807 --> 00:19:28,605
- Well, that's wonderful
- Yes, congratulations, Stephen
349
00:19:29,167 --> 00:19:30,964
You clever old dentist
350
00:19:31,607 --> 00:19:36,840
- Why all the secrecy, anyway?
- Because Downing Street Forget I said that
351
00:19:37,287 --> 00:19:41,075
Because a certain source insisted
on the strictest confidence
352
00:19:41,447 --> 00:19:44,644
- Well, we shan't say a word Girl Guide's honour
- Scout's honour
353
00:19:44,727 --> 00:19:47,446
- Brownie's honour
- Oh, that'll have to do then
354
00:19:47,527 --> 00:19:49,836
- I was in the Boys' Brigade
- Oh
355
00:19:50,127 --> 00:19:53,437
- Really? Were you in the band?
- Yeah Well, sort of
356
00:19:53,527 --> 00:19:58,396
I never could get a note out of my bugle,
so I used to trail along at the back and mime
357
00:19:59,087 --> 00:20:00,725
You've done it again
358
00:20:01,247 --> 00:20:05,320
- We've lost the thrust of the conversation
- Well, what thrust?
359
00:20:05,447 --> 00:20:08,837
The reason why Stephen and I may not be able
to come to the wedding
360
00:20:08,927 --> 00:20:13,955
- Oh, his prize-giving is the same day?
- No, the week before
361
00:20:14,247 --> 00:20:16,442
- Oh, you've lost me
- Well, isn't it obvious?
362
00:20:16,527 --> 00:20:20,486
Following the investiture, as we call it,
how can we be sure
363
00:20:20,567 --> 00:20:25,277
that certain invitations to certain functions
might not be forthcoming?
364
00:20:25,367 --> 00:20:29,519
Old Pen's got it firmly in her head that
we're going to become regulars at Buck House
365
00:20:29,607 --> 00:20:31,563
Will you need a tiara?
366
00:20:32,047 --> 00:20:34,163
It's typical male foolishness
367
00:20:34,247 --> 00:20:37,796
Now, could we now possibly
sit down to tea comfortably
368
00:20:37,887 --> 00:20:40,082
and get those horrid things out of the way?
369
00:20:40,167 --> 00:20:42,965
- Oh, sorry, yes, of course Lionel, do you mind?
- Yes, of course
370
00:20:43,047 --> 00:20:45,038
- Give us a hand, Stephen
- All right
371
00:20:51,407 --> 00:20:53,875
I haven't swept a girl off her feet in years
372
00:20:54,847 --> 00:21:00,319
That's something else about men
Is there one of them that isn't a latent pervert?
373
00:21:03,447 --> 00:21:08,441
- Pity Stephen and Penny couldn't stay for supper
- Yes, I was very let down about that as well
374
00:21:10,047 --> 00:21:13,323
- I wanted to ask you about Alistair
- Oh?
375
00:21:13,607 --> 00:21:17,680
Well, when we were at Rocky's,
you seemed very solicitous about him
376
00:21:17,807 --> 00:21:21,959
- There's nothing wrong, is there?
- Well, perhaps just a touch of pre-wedding jitters
377
00:21:22,207 --> 00:21:24,163
Alistair?
378
00:21:24,287 --> 00:21:28,166
Well, it's taken him so long to make
the commitment, it must be a bit awe-inspiring
379
00:21:28,247 --> 00:21:29,885
Yes, I suppose so
380
00:21:30,127 --> 00:21:33,164
- We don't want him passing out at the altar
- No
381
00:21:33,247 --> 00:21:34,566
(LAUGHING NERVOUSLY)
382
00:21:34,647 --> 00:21:38,196
- Mum, could I talk to you?
- Yes, of course
383
00:21:38,647 --> 00:21:43,084
- I think I fancy a Scotch
- Could you sit down a minute?
384
00:21:44,007 --> 00:21:45,360
Oh, right
385
00:21:48,327 --> 00:21:50,682
- It's about the wedding
- What about the wedding?
386
00:21:50,767 --> 00:21:52,883
- What about the wedding?
- No, everything's fine
387
00:21:52,967 --> 00:21:54,002
- Yes
- Except
388
00:21:54,087 --> 00:21:59,241
- Yes, I knew there'd be an except
- Except, I still want it to be in the country,
389
00:21:59,847 --> 00:22:02,315
but will you help me organise it?
390
00:22:03,327 --> 00:22:04,806
- Me?
- Yeah
391
00:22:04,887 --> 00:22:08,926
I mean, I know that Lionel has talked Alistair
out of his wilder flights of fancy,
392
00:22:09,007 --> 00:22:13,478
but there's still Rocky I really don't want it
turned into some sort of jamboree
393
00:22:13,567 --> 00:22:20,040
No, of course not Well, yes, I'll help,
but I haven't really thought very much about it
394
00:22:23,047 --> 00:22:26,084
- You two look very gooey
- Yes, well, you better get used to it
395
00:22:26,167 --> 00:22:28,078
- You ready?
- Yep
396
00:22:28,207 --> 00:22:29,765
Why isn't Alistair going with you?
397
00:22:29,847 --> 00:22:32,884
Oh, he's got an appointment
with some consultant in Harley Street
398
00:22:32,967 --> 00:22:35,765
Consultant? I said there was something wrong
and you denied it
399
00:22:35,847 --> 00:22:39,806
No, there's nothing to worry about
He said it's just something wrong with his toe
400
00:22:39,967 --> 00:22:42,083
Ah Well, there you are, then
401
00:22:42,407 --> 00:22:43,999
- Come on
- See you later
402
00:22:44,087 --> 00:22:47,523
Yeah, Sandy, before you go
Were there any phone calls while we were out?
403
00:22:47,607 --> 00:22:50,246
- Harry, you mean?
- No, not specifically
404
00:22:50,327 --> 00:22:51,806
No No phone calls
405
00:22:52,247 --> 00:22:53,726
- Bye
- Bye
406
00:22:55,927 --> 00:22:59,078
- "Not specifically"
- Look, if this is gonna be a lecture
407
00:22:59,167 --> 00:23:02,637
about minding my own business and not wanting
everything to turn out right for everybody,
408
00:23:02,727 --> 00:23:03,921
you can forget it
409
00:23:04,007 --> 00:23:07,283
I don't mind my own business and I do want
everything to turn out right for everybody
410
00:23:07,367 --> 00:23:09,881
And that's honest,
which is more than you were about Alistair
411
00:23:09,967 --> 00:23:12,640
- What do you mean?
- Well, you did know something was wrong
412
00:23:12,727 --> 00:23:15,036
You knew about his toe all the time
413
00:23:18,367 --> 00:23:20,927
(PLAYING MELANCHOLY MUSIC)
414
00:24:03,927 --> 00:24:07,966
- You know it's rude to write at the table?
- Look, I'm just making a guest list
415
00:24:08,807 --> 00:24:12,959
- You will be consulting Judy and Alistair?
- A provisional list
416
00:24:14,927 --> 00:24:16,599
Who's that one?
417
00:24:17,287 --> 00:24:19,323
Well, if you must know, it's Harry
418
00:24:19,407 --> 00:24:21,602
- Now, there's a coincidence
- What is?
419
00:24:21,687 --> 00:24:23,962
Well, Sandy will be at the wedding, too
420
00:24:24,047 --> 00:24:27,084
Your sarcasm has all the subtlety
of a sledgehammer
421
00:24:27,167 --> 00:24:28,520
(DOORBELL RINGING)
422
00:24:28,607 --> 00:24:30,882
- Would you mind getting that?
- Yes
423
00:24:31,007 --> 00:24:35,637
Why people assume that other people
never sit down to a meal, I'll never know
424
00:24:36,807 --> 00:24:39,605
I'm not interrupting anything, am I?
A meal or something?
425
00:24:39,687 --> 00:24:42,121
No, who eats at this time, anyway?
426
00:24:43,007 --> 00:24:45,567
I just wanted to bring you up to speed on things
427
00:24:45,647 --> 00:24:49,401
You see, you're not just
a future pop-in-law to me, you're
428
00:24:49,887 --> 00:24:53,038
- You're more like a real pop
- Thank you
429
00:24:54,127 --> 00:24:56,482
So, what did your man in Harley Street say?
430
00:24:57,527 --> 00:25:00,246
- They were panic attacks, all right
- We knew that
431
00:25:00,687 --> 00:25:04,316
Anyway, he gave me a jab
and some follow-up pills to calm me down
432
00:25:04,407 --> 00:25:06,796
- Good
- But there might be side effects
433
00:25:06,887 --> 00:25:08,957
Ah, they always say that to cover themselves
434
00:25:09,047 --> 00:25:11,561
I had some sea-sickness pills once
435
00:25:11,647 --> 00:25:14,844
and one of the side effects on the list was nausea
436
00:25:19,367 --> 00:25:24,077
- But I am getting side effects
- It isn't fainting, is it?
437
00:25:24,167 --> 00:25:27,318
No, it's more of an emotional thing, it's weird
438
00:25:27,607 --> 00:25:33,523
I mean, I heard this busker guy playing a tune,
I didn't even know the tune,
439
00:25:33,607 --> 00:25:39,204
but it was sad and before I knew where I was,
Li, I was blubbing
440
00:25:39,967 --> 00:25:41,798
- Coincidence
- Is it?
441
00:25:41,887 --> 00:25:44,082
- Well, tell me Tell me!
- Well, I don't know
442
00:25:44,367 --> 00:25:46,722
Perhaps it was a tune
you remembered from childhood
443
00:25:46,807 --> 00:25:50,038
A tune that you'd consciously forgotten
but subconsciously remembered
444
00:25:50,127 --> 00:25:53,119
- Have you ever considered counselling?
- Only having it
445
00:25:54,487 --> 00:25:56,603
Because that's brilliant
That's what it must have been
446
00:25:56,687 --> 00:25:58,006
- Yes
- Yes
447
00:25:58,807 --> 00:26:00,638
- No
- No?
448
00:26:00,727 --> 00:26:01,716
No
449
00:26:02,367 --> 00:26:06,440
- Because then, I saw a puppy
- Oh, dear
450
00:26:08,047 --> 00:26:12,962
It was just a little puppy
walking along on its little lead
451
00:26:14,447 --> 00:26:17,280
But then, it looked up at me and
452
00:26:20,207 --> 00:26:23,040
Life's never a straightforward thing, is it?
453
00:26:24,567 --> 00:26:26,080
Hey, just a minute
454
00:26:26,167 --> 00:26:29,921
- People cry at weddings anyway
- But not usually the bridegroom
455
00:26:31,247 --> 00:26:33,238
No Oh
456
00:26:34,167 --> 00:26:36,397
Perhaps I should come off the stuff
457
00:26:36,487 --> 00:26:40,400
- And settle for the fainting
- It's a close call, isn't it?
458
00:26:41,527 --> 00:26:43,279
- Oh, Alistair
- Oh
459
00:26:43,367 --> 00:26:45,562
Sorry, I was finishing supper
460
00:26:45,647 --> 00:26:50,004
- And you lied to me just to make me feel better
- No, I'd practically finished, anyway
461
00:26:50,087 --> 00:26:52,237
Just to make me feel better
462
00:26:53,407 --> 00:26:57,082
Alistair, it's not bad news about your toe, is it?
463
00:27:00,407 --> 00:27:01,601
Toe?
464
00:27:01,687 --> 00:27:04,360
Yes, you were going to see somebody
about your toe
465
00:27:05,967 --> 00:27:07,400
Oh, that!
466
00:27:08,087 --> 00:27:11,716
- No, no, that's fine No probs there at all
- Oh, good
467
00:27:12,247 --> 00:27:15,956
- What was wrong then?
- Oh, it was just a toe thing
468
00:27:16,607 --> 00:27:20,077
- The sort of thing that can happen to a toe
- Quite common, apparently
469
00:27:20,167 --> 00:27:21,998
- Very common
- Well, don't blind me with science,
470
00:27:22,087 --> 00:27:24,157
I was just concerned, that's all
471
00:27:25,127 --> 00:27:27,516
You people really care, don't you?
472
00:27:29,047 --> 00:27:30,321
You really care!
473
00:27:30,407 --> 00:27:31,920
- No!
- Lionel!
474
00:27:32,007 --> 00:27:35,761
Well, I mean, we do But it's just a toe thing
475
00:27:35,847 --> 00:27:39,442
I mean, it doesn't rate highly
on the caring side of things, does it?
476
00:27:39,527 --> 00:27:42,724
No You're quite right, Li, it doesn't
477
00:27:43,327 --> 00:27:46,160
- I've just been making a guest list for you
- For me?
478
00:27:47,527 --> 00:27:51,566
- Yes, all right, Alistair
- My special lady
479
00:27:51,967 --> 00:27:55,801
- You're making a guest list
- It's only a provisional one
480
00:27:55,887 --> 00:27:58,606
- Yes, but you're making it
- Yes, but
481
00:27:58,687 --> 00:28:00,439
I mean, do I deserve it?
482
00:28:01,607 --> 00:28:04,804
Do I deserve to be so happy?
483
00:28:17,807 --> 00:28:20,446
# You must remember this
484
00:28:20,527 --> 00:28:22,916
#A kiss is still a kiss
485
00:28:23,007 --> 00:28:26,682
#A sigh is just a sigh
486
00:28:28,687 --> 00:28:32,077
# The fundamental things apply
487
00:28:32,367 --> 00:28:36,485
#As time goes by
488
00:28:39,367 --> 00:28:42,086
#And when two lovers woo
489
00:28:42,167 --> 00:28:44,886
# They still say, "I love you"
490
00:28:44,967 --> 00:28:47,925
# On that you can rely
491
00:28:50,527 --> 00:28:54,805
# The world will always welcome lovers
492
00:28:56,287 --> 00:29:03,284
#As time goes by #