So, to prevent further mishaps,
the children will no longer be learning acupuncture.
Who cares?
Aaaand this parent-teacher meeting is done.
Is what I will say as soon as we're done.
Oh, come on.
Oh, man.
I should not've drunk three Powerades.
Shh! Just cross your legs. It's almost over.
And there is one last thing before I let you go,
something very exciting. Ooo.
- Oh! Something exciting? - What could it be?!
Maybe this wasn't a waste of time.
An opportunity.
If you're up to it.
- Wait. What's he doing? - What's he got?!
- Is that a 4x8? - Oh, my God.
We need a volunteer to be room parent!
Hunh! Ugh!
Aaah!
You guys, you guys, the drama... do we need it?
You just have to send a bunch of e-mails
and raise money for new playground equipment.
Josh, whatever you do, don't raise your...
hand?
Whoa, what'd I miss?
We doing a purge?
Joshua, would you like to volunteer to be room parent?
That sounds pretty cool.
Josh?! Dooooon't!
I'llll dooooo iiii...
Yes!
We have our room parent for the year!
- Whoo! - He didn't mean it!
It was a spasm!
Ooh, I'm so sorry, accidental hand raises
are legally binding.
Josh, do you realize what you've signed up for?
Your life as you know it is over.
It's an opportunity to help the school
and do something for Candice.
And it seems fun. Check out this swag.
That is a novelty thermometer for the fundraiser.
More like fun-raiser.
I'm gonna go get Candice.
Huh?
Let me help you with that,
you absolute hero.
Oh, thanks, uh...
Nikki. I'm Billy's mom.
I just wanted to say how impressive you are.
It takes a real man to volunteer
to be room parent and put on a fundraiser.
I think of it as more of a fun-raiser.
Oh, my God!
You're so funny!
Thanks. I think so, too.
Look, I don't want to overstep, but...
What if we were co-room parents?
Really? Yeah!
I did it for my older kids, so I know how hard it can be.
But I bet if we put our faces,
I mean heads together,
we might even have a little sex.
I mean fun. Wow!
That sounds great. Thanks, Nikki.
Let's do coffee tomorrow.
Talk about the fundraiser,
explore our feelings.
Oh, wow.
Do you work out?
Actually, don't answer.
I want to find out organically.
Who was that?
She just offered to be my co-room parent.
Really? Why?
Maybe she just likes fundraising.
Nobody likes fundraising, Josh.
Yeah! What's fun about raisins, Josh?
What's so funny?
Ah, room parent stuff.
You wouldn't understand.
This is her now!
I'd better take it.
Nikki, hey!
What am I wearing?
She's got it bad.
Oh, she's just aching for that J-dog D.
Pfft! What are you talking about?
Josh is a type.
That hummingbird nose...
His fragile hips.
The way his eyes tear up when he tastes mustard.
Dude's got a body like the jack of clubs...
better than a 10 and paper thin.
No, they're just joking around.
Going out to meet Nikki!
She told me to wash my balls.
Pfft! So random.
I've seen that look before. Let me guess...
taking revenge on the cartel that killed your partner?
I think Josh is being seduced.
He doesn't realize it yet, but once he does,
I'm worried it'll be too late.
We'll take my spy van.
♪ But I tell myself that I was doin' alright ♪
♪ There's nothin' left to do at night ♪
♪ But go crazy on you ♪
♪ Crazy on you ♪
♪ Let me go crazy, crazy on you, ohh ♪
♪ My love is the evenin' breeze touchin' your skin ♪
♪ The gentle, sweet singin' of leaves in the wind ♪
♪ The whisper that calls after you in the night ♪
♪ And kisses your ear in the early moonlight ♪
♪ Bow, bow, bow-now-now-now-now-now ♪
Aaaaah!
I followed you today.
I saw you gallivanting around town with your girlfriend!
Nikki? We're just buds! We like to horse around
and give each other nicknames, like Nik-Nak
and Delicious Little Sex Boy.
I saw you being romantic all over town.
We were just exploring potential places to hold the fundraiser.
So you aren't cheating on me?
Of course not!
I love you! And don't worry...
If someone were coming on to me,
I would definitely know.
Just in case, would you mind
not co-room-parenting with Nikki anymore?
Oh. Totally.
Thank you.
Maybe we can stop by her place
before the fundraiser tomorrow and break the news.
Sure! She invited me over
for a tour of her bathtub anyway, so...
Ohh! I see it now.
Josh! Josh's wife!
What a pleasant surprise. Come on in.
Uh, sorry to drop in on you like this.
I just needed to let you know,
I don't think we should be co-room parents anymore.
You're so funny!
I know I'm usually so funny, but this time,
I'm actually serious.
But what about the fundraiser?
Josh can take care of it.
He really appreciates all your help.
Awwww!
Thank you, Josh!
Hey, I've been making a killer apple tart.
How about a slice to show there's no hard feelings?
That would be...
...lovely.
Hey, that worked out great!
Thanks for doing this.
No problem.
Billy, my man, what's up?
Josh...
Don't like responding to questions when you watch TV?
My daughter's the same... waaait a minute,
why does your arm feel like it's filled with straw?
Oh, my God! Billy's dead!
No! Billy's not real!
We have to get out of here!
I'm afraid I can't let you do that.
Not to be rude, but...
...I don't think we want that tart anymore.
Don't worry.
The only thing on the menu...
...is gun.
Wait, why did you bake it into the tart?
So you're not even a parent at the school?
Ugh! God no.
Kids are like, echhh!
With their sticky little blechhhh.
Yeah, no.
I've pulled this grift in every town
from Santa Maria to Santa Clarita.
Every school has at least one dad up to his neck
in room parent duties, desperate for help.
In my line of work we call them a "Josh."
But why?
You can't be making more than like 250 bucks.
It's a volume business.
I'm running a Josh in Van Nuys, too.
Well, this has been fun, but I have children to rob.
If she takes that money,
we won't be able to afford a new playground!
And everyone'll think I'm just some dumb Josh!
- What are you doing? - I'm getting us out of here.
Why, yes, my son is here.
And he's totally a human boy.
Where the hell are those two?
Postpal.
They were all out of knife.
Ugh, you guys are the worst.
Nikki! Stop!
See you on the other side, losers!
Shit.
Hey! You can't be up here!
Oh, my God! You're so funny.
Hyah! Aaaaaah!
Mom!
Dad's girlfriend is getting away!
Don't call her that. Give it up, Nikki.
- You're trapped. - Please!
Like I could ever be outsmarted by a Josh.
Okay, I want to get off now.
Emily!
Josh!
I've got to stop her!
I'm a room parent.
Ohh!
Aah!
Sorry, Billy!
Aah!
Give me the cash, Nikki!
How about I make out a check?
To your nuts!
Gah!
Eh... gah!
Ugh!
So long, Josh!
And by the way...
you're actually not funny.
Yeah, it's pretty hard to be funny...
when the joke's on you!
Billy?!
How could you?!
Noooooooo!
Hi! Thank you, yeah. Mr. Campbell.
I spoke with the rest of the faculty at Chamomile,
and we all agreed to make Josh...
room parent for life!
Uh... but that can't be legally...
It's legally binding!
Yay!