(YELLS)
(GUN FIRES)
They know about Bobby!
They're sending an undercover unit to raid the farm.
(CELL PHONE RINGS 'NOKIA TUNE')
- Hello? - MAN: Rise, friend.
175.27.
Stay safe.
- Ah... - (PHONE HANGS UP)
Was that a man's voice? There are no other men.
There are now.
And we're gonna find them.
(ACTION MUSIC BUILDS)
(HORN BLARES)
A... tten... tion.
- Se-cret. Man. Place. - (BLARES HORN IN TIME WITH WORDS)
- You know Morse code? - No. (CONTINUES BLARING HORN)
- Oh my God! - (SIGHS) It's been 10 hours already.
Are you 100% sure about the coordinates?
For the millionth time, yes.
OK, it's just that sometimes a four can look like a nine and...
- Rise ― what does that even mean? - (SIGHS)
I don't like it.
Any of it.
What is it?
What's wrong?
The bonfires were here ― the man bonfires.
My brother died here, in quarantine.
Yeah, pretty messed-up place for a secret man hideout.
I need to go for a piss.
(CAR DOOR OPENS)
- Me too. - (GRUNTS)
(URINE TINKLES)
Shit, sorry.
Can I help you?
Y... You don't...
What, have a penis? No need, with a pelvic floor like mine.
(ELECTRONIC HUM)
We've moved on from talking about my Kegels, haven't we?
(OMINOUS MUSIC BUILDS)
Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air.
www.able.co.nz Copyright Able 2021
Wonder how the girls are.
Udders must be leaking by now.
Maybe we should just go back.
Let's just go.
We can't, Pip.
- Drive! - Drive!
Go!
Drive!
- Drive! Drive! - Go! Start the fucking truck!
Drive, Pip!
- Who is that? - Pip, drive!
Drive!
Oh my God. She has a gun! Go, go, go, Pip!
- What the hell are you doing? - I'm following the arrows.
Forget the arrows! Get us out of here!
You can't get out unless you follow the arrows.
That's the reason they have the arrows!
Where is the exit sign? This should be way more intuitive.
- Oh my God, we're gonna die! - (ALL YELL)
Get down! She's pointing at us!
Let the abundance flow and the exit will present itself.
- There, Pip! There! - Where?
ALL: There!
That's the entrance!
Goddammit, Pip, just get us out of here!
(ALL SCREAM)
- Where is she? What is she doing? - She's just... standing there.
- Where am I going? - Just drive! Away from her!
You know her.
Don't you?
How?
She killed my friend Thomas.
She shot him.
When?
- About 14 days ago. - 14 days ago?
You were being tracked by Ms Boba Fett Terminator back there 14 days ago,
and you didn't think to tell us?! What the actual fudge?
Pip, just calm down.
Me calm down? He's the one who's endangered us all.
He wormed his way into our life with his...
worm! We were doing just fine before he camealong.
Were we? Just fine?
Look me in the eye and tell me you'd rather be here in this mess
than three days ago before he came to our lives.
Shit. Motherfucker!
(ENGINE REVS IN DISTANCE)
- Shit. It's her. - Drive. Faster!
I always drive with confidence.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Pip, look out!
(TYRES SCREECH, ALL YELL)
- No, no, no! - Oh, God. No, no, no!
- BOTH: SyncFest. - What's SyncFest?
It's an annual celebration of menstruation.
Not exactly your scene.
Just turn around!
- I can't. It's one lane. - Shit! Cover me!
- Well, reverse! Go, go, go, go! - OK!
- Oh my God, no! - (HORN BLARES)
(HORN CONTINUES BLARING)
Hey, girls! You forgotten where the Fest is?
No.
Well, keep going, you dopeys. You're going the right way.
(AWKWARD MUSIC)
Just go, just go, just go.
Pip. Welcome to SyncFest.
- Lynley, may your menses align. - Aw, and your abundance flow deep.
Thought you'd be here already.
You don't usually miss a moment of anything.
That's true. I'm not usually a... misser.
We're offering carwashes and valet for charity. Can I sign you up?
Of course. Why not? (CHUCKLES)
- HUSHED: Why yes, dick? - Uh, no thanks, Lynley.
Oh, Pip. As a respected community mentor,
I thought I could count on you for this.
No thanks, Lynley. We're good.
Oh.
(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC)
Keys.
- What? - I need your keys for the car valet.
Um, I'm not touching that smelly blanket.
It's not a smelly blanket, that's my...
- my grandma, who's napping. - We really don't care.
Are you going to go?
- Uh, yeah. - Sure.
Gran, wake up. Gotta go.
Your grandma's got veiny-arse hands.
Yeah, well, your grandma has a veiny-arse arse.
Pigs.
(SWEET MUSIC)
MUFFLED: Fuck. We are so fucked. The hunter is gonna hunt us down.
(ALL SHUSH)
Shut up. Keep walking.
Act normal, OK?
There, there, Granny.
OK, I think we should go back and cancel the carwash.
No. I'm a respected community mentor.
Yeah, OK, as soon as they see us in there, they're going to arrest us.
Why are we walking ourselves out of the fire
and into the fucking furnace of hell?
Exactly!
Because the best hiding is hiding in plain sight.
(ENCHANTING MUSIC)
- Suck in. - I am sucking in.
Is everything sorted?
Yeah. I told them there was a roster change.
She bought that?
- Yes, I'm a community mentor. - Come on.
Don't screw this up. Moony is a hero.
We should split up.
- Attract less attention. - Tuck in my bum!
No way, we are not splitting up, OK?
It never goes well when people split up.
They always get picked off one by one.
Yeah, she's right. The one with the best hair always dies first.
- What? - God, I hope so.
Tuck in my bum!
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
Hello. Yoo-hoo. (CHUCKLES)
(GASPS) Love your outfit. Very edgy. (CHUCKLES)
Toffee apple? They're delicious.
Made them myself.
You're not a real SyncFester without one. Enjoy.
(FLUTE PLAYS)
- Can you walk properly? - You bloody try it.
Shush.
- Make way! - (CROWD CHATTERS)
Make way!
- Pip! - Jamie!
Celebrate the lucky girls!
Pip!
Be released from the constraints of negative thinking.
Open minds, open hearts, enduring happiness, forever free.
Celebrate the lucky girls.
Free forever, the lucky girls!
Pip. Pip. Pip!
Oh, sorry.
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
HUSHED: Jamie.
Pip! You've got some nerve, showing up here.
Michelle, I can explain.
(LAUGHS)
Oh, I'm just kidding.
If you run, you can probably still make it on time.
You signed up for the first shift at the Menarche tent.
I did, and I'm running.
- Oh, the Menarche tent's this way. - Yeah. The Menarche tent's this way.
Gosh, there is not a lot going on upstairs.
Happy moon-time. Congratulations on your first bleed.
Don't forget your starter pack and a complimentary hot water bottle.
Happy Menarche.
- It's 'Menarchy'. - What do you know? Get your bag.
Your bleeding is a blessing. Next.
There's an 'us' in every uterus. Go.
Just help yourself to the gift packs. Just one each, though.
Pip.
What a fortuitous surprise.
They were kind enough to close this attraction for me,
so I could digest it fully.
Why don't you join me?
I'd love to.
Come.
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
DISTANTLY: Get on board the menstrual cycle,
where everyone has a great time on their... menstrual cycle.
Sisters, get on board the menstrual cycle.
Fun never ends, until it's... ah...
Jackson? Jackson.
Jackson. Jackson.
Everyone loves... the menstruation cycle.
Jackson.
Jackson? Jackson?
Hello.
Are you having a SyncFestical day?
Uh, yeah, the best.
It's not nice to lie.
SyncFest is a day of joy. Where's yours?
- Um, I must have left it at home. - You can't leave it at home.
Joy comes from wellness, and wellness is inside you.
(GAGS)
(VOMITS)
Oh.
You're pregnant.
Oh, I could have, uh, eaten some bad eggs.
You haven't.
Well, uh...
I'm not preggo. No way.
You're lucky. I can't wait to be an abundant mother.
Isn't that a little bit early to be thinking about that?
It's never too early to acknowledge the power of your vulva.
Do you have daughters?
No, I, uh... I had a little boy.
A boy? You can't have boys.
They get unwell and die before they can be born.
Well, I had him, and he had me.
And his name was Oscar, and he was perfect, OK? So...
I had a kitty once. He got squished to death.
Mummy got me a replacement kitty and thought I didn't know.
It's OK, though, cos your replacement baby
will be a daughter of Wellness.
Oh, God. You know nothing about anything.
I know Wellness is our way of life.
I know Wellness is our family. Wellness is our friends.
Wellness is our bright, abundant future.
When we become well through Wellness, we become free.
(VOMITS)
(GAGS)
Shut up.
Don't you just love SyncFest?
- More than life itself. - (CHUCKLES)
I envy you, Pip.
Envy?
I envy your potential.
Sometimes I wish I could go back to being a nobody,
just so I could enjoy realising my potential again.
The path to your best free self...
...is littered with landmines.
I know you're wrestling with one of the biggest landmines anyone
could ever imagine right now.
You have a house guest.
Is that right?
Where do you see yourself a year from now, Pip?
I can't divine the future.
I can. And the Pip I see is thriving.
You have more responsibility at work,
perhaps even a seat on the committee.
Your success flows to your home and your friends.
Because of you, they are happy.
They are safe.
Jamie?
With child.
Ripe.
Flourishing.
And Alex, oh, she admires you.
You want what's best for them, don't you?
All you have to do is make the right choices.
Make the right choices,
everything goes back to the way it was, only better.
Make different choices?
Well...
you'll all be released from the constraints of negative thinking.
Forever free.
You do want things to be better, don't you, Pip? Hm?
Your guest with me by sundown.
Good girl.
Ma.
Fuck them for doing this to you.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Fuck!
Bobby, run.
No, don't do that. Don't. Mum! Stop it! No, don't!
What the...?
No!
Ma, let me go!
Jamie... I need to tell you something...
No, no! Jamie!
- That way! - What, you're not with Moony?
- No, the hunter! - Jamie, I need to tell you something.
Pip, stop flapping your lips and get Moony. Now!
Ma, stop. I'm OK.
I'm fine.
Come on, Moony. Show us your dance.
Come on!
ALL CHANT: Moony, Moony, Moony!
ALL: Aw!
- Come back! - Come back, Moony!
- Excuse me, excuse me. - Get out of my way, kids!
Rude!
(ALL PANT)
What?
- What is this new level of hell? - It's a reflection labyrinth.
- (YELLS) What? - Shh!
OK. We're sticking together this time, all right?
No splitting up, no matter what.
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
Ugh! Unbelievable.
(OMINOUS TONE)
Moony.
- Moony! - (YELLS)
Goddam mirrors!
Moony!
- (GRUNTS) - (YELLS)
Stupid bloody mirrors.
I am a respected mentor.
I'm someone people look to for leadership.
I can manifest an abundant future.
Whatever choice I make...
will be the right one.
- Moony! - (YELLS)
Moony?
- (BONK!) - Ah, dang it!
Pip!
- Jamie? - Pip!
- Jamie? - Follow my voice!
I am!
- Pip! - Jamie.
- Pip? - Jamie.
Oh!
Moony. There's lots of him. I've seen him. He's here.
- No shit. - There! (YELLS)
(BONK!)
- Moony! - Alex!
Moony!
- Alex! - We're here!
Moony!
- Watch out! - (THUMP!)
No!
No! Fuck!
Ow!
Stupid bloody mirrors!
- That's it! Bloody mirrors! - What?
Through here, through here.
This way!
Excuse me, excuse me!
- Where's Moony? - There!
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
Stop the carwash!
I said, stop!
Gimme the keys!
(ENGINE STARTS)
Jamie, what are you doing?
Does she...
Does she smell like puke to you?
Where are we going?
(SCREAMS)
These tights are so tight!
(SCREAMS)
I know you.
I go in alone, then you three, you join me later.
(GASPS)
Pip, you look stunning.
I've always thought this about you, but you are my idol.
(OMINOUS MUSIC)