(sunny rock music)
(audience cheers)
Hello, welcome to Top Gear.
Tonight, we're discussing a very contentious issue.
Something that's really split the nation.
This is big.
This is bigger than putting pineapple on a pizza,
- which I'm okay with. - (audience laughs)
- Nowt wrong with that, Pad. - Correct.
'Cause tonight, ladies and gentlemen, we're going there.
We're tackling the big one.
We're talking about caravans.
(audience oohs) (audience laughs)
Now as you're probably aware, over the years,
Top Gear has had a bit
of a bumpy relationship with caravans.
It has, but things are different now.
Us, we're all about caravanning.
We grew up in 'em.
Well, we did.
He's more of a villa man. (audience laughs)
Can't put the staff in a caravan, can you?
- (audience laughs) - Anyhow, point is,
caravans, we love 'em.
And we're here to tell you that things are changing
in the world of caravanning.
Take a look at this.
(film projector whirs)
(bright bouncy music)
(car horn beeps)
The humble caravan.
For decades, this darling of the nation
has provided millions of us with fun, affordable freedom.
The only thing is, there's a chance the world of caravanning
is just starting to look a bit old fashioned.
After all, this is the 21st century.
We want to go further, be better.
And we reckon there's a revolution coming.
That's right, ladies and gentlemen.
And the future of caravanning starts
with something called the Mink.
(tense electronic music)
Just look at it.
It's sleek, it's minimal, it's all terrain.
It's exactly what caravanning should be.
This is what's called a micro caravan
and it's being towed by 56 grand's worth
of all new, all electric Polestar 2.
(engine growls)
And it looks like the future because it is the future.
It's relaxing, refined, it's silent.
You really do feel like you're getting away
from the hustle and bustle.
Now Polestar says you can get nearly 300 miles
on a full charge.
With 400 horsepower four-wheel drive,
it'll get your caravan anywhere it needs to go.
But there's more than one way
to start a caravan revolution.
So, to see what the other two were running,
the first place we needed to go was a sea-view caravan site
in Berwick-upon-Tweed.
Oh, it's getting some looks, this fella.
Morning, morning, you all right?
I don't know if he likes it or not.
And as you'd expect,
McGuinness had already made himself right at home.
Ah, this is the life Jeff, innit, eh?
Just the job.
Is that an Occasion 640 you've got there?
Fine caravan.
Oh, here he is.
Here he is, look at him.
(car horn beeps)
Ah, just in time for breakfast.
Oh, Paddy McGuinness in his natural habitat.
Hey, Polestar 2, very, very nice.
Little bit of Scandinavian chic in Northumberland.
Yeah, but what's that?
[Freddie] That, Paddy, is the Mink.
Look at it.
- Actually it's very stylish. - It is.
[Paddy] A nice looking thing.
I wanna know about this one here.
Come on, what've you got?
The Go-Pod Platinum.
Platinum, of course.
Top of the range.
This has got everything that's in a bigger caravan,
it's just shrunk down.
It's perfect.
It's light, it's nimble.
- Don't wanna nit-pick, Paddy, - It's fantastic.
But it's meant to be a caravan of the future.
Yeah.
That's like caravan of the present,
but shrunk in the wash.
No, it's got everything.
Flat-screen TV, USB points,
cookers, fridge, bedroom.
It's got the lot.
- Come in, have a look round. - Yeah?
- So, what we've got here. - (both laugh)
Go on, what've we got? (laughs)
What we've got here,
this is like the living room.
This is nice here.
And you've got everything you need there.
Everything you need. (laughs)
If you just turn round this way.
He says it's got everything you need. (laughs)
You've got a bed.
I mean, it's like home from home, this.
Home from home if you live in a small home.
Hey, toilet, you say?
Here we are.
This is what you want.
[Freddie] What's that?
Bang.
Have a sit on that.
I did say sit.
Come to-no, not now, just test it out.
Just have a, eh?
How's that?
I'd fill this. (laughs)
I were gonna say, you're a big lad.
Not much room in there, is there?
- I like it, Pad. - That's all you need.
That's what life on the road's all about.
[Freddie] I like it.
I'm not sure about the boring electric car
on the front though, the Merc.
- Come on, please. - It's boring, innit?
- Come on. - Please.
Have a look round.
We're in the world of caravanning.
People love an SUV.
So, Mercedes have gone well, there you are.
There's an electric one.
Look at the inside of it, look.
It's a fantastic motor.
- It is all right, actually. - Yeah.
Now, I want to know about this Mink.
- I'll show you around it. - I've never seen one.
- Never seen one. - Won't take long.
(both laugh)
- Look at it, here we go. - Look at that.
You've got your panoramic roof.
You've got mood lighting.
You've got all your Scandinavian sheets.
Wool.
You keep going you've got this, you've got that,
but essentially, you're saying that just about a bed.
- You got this, you got a bed. - No, it's not just a bed.
No, but- And then you've got a pillow
and you've got like a headboard.
Yeah.
Aside from a bed, what else have we got going on?
Take you round the back.
- Got a kitchen. Come on. - Yeah.
Look at that, oh, see.
That's nice.
All the appliances.
- Under here, prep kitchen. - Lovely.
Chopping board, sink.
Look at it, got a stove.
Do you know what?
It is very Scandinavian, it's cool.
Yeah.
(cheerful music)
[Paddy] Honestly, the good people of Sea View
didn't know what had hit 'em.
(car horn beeps)
And for anyone wondering
how Harris was gonna top these two game changers,
- Morning, Chris. - The answer was
Morning all, how are we?
He wasn't.
Audi e-tron Sportback 55 Quatro, S-line.
I'm not bothered. What about that?
That's the Opus.
Are you doing a tip run?
(Freddie laughs)
The world's first self-inflating...
You can't throw fridges away.
World's first self-inflating caravan.
- Sleeps 10. - Sleeps 10?
Let me show you.
This is the matter of a minute.
- Watch this. - Oh, here we go.
- (motor whirs) - Nut gun.
(rock music)
[Paddy] So it turns out the Opus is
from that special corner of the caravan world,
labelled some assembly required.
(Chris grunts)
- Bloomin' heck. - Good lads.
[Freddie] Are you doing owt?
Jesus.
And while Harris got busy ruining everyone's holidays.
- (nut gun clacking) - What is he doing?
Sorry.
We tried to at least keep Jeff on side
with a spot of caravanning's number one sport.
Go on, Jeff.
Ooh, that's a good shot, Jeff.
Go on, Jeff, hit it.
- (nut gun clacking) - La la, la la la, la.
Nothing to see here.
Ooh, hit it, Jeff.
Joan, get Jeff's angina tablets ready just in case.
Anything can happen here.
Safety first.
(motor purrs)
I think me first holiday was in Morecambe in a caravan
and I think it never leaves you.
We used to go to a static
just over the border in Scotland.
Lovely.
- That me Auntie Josie had. - Yeah.
- Never met me Auntie Josie. - No.
I don't know if me dad just broke into one.
I never met her. (laughs)
We went every year for ten year.
- It's your Auntie Josie's. - (Freddie laughs)
Why've you got a crowbar, dad?
[Paddy] Get in. (laughs)
Lads, she's ready.
(bright jaunty music)
And she was magnificent.
[Paddy] Ooh.
[Chris] Two and a half metres of headroom.
Here we go.
Do you know what?
I like this.
Got a few things to finish off here.
Put this extra seat in here for you.
In she goes, bit of Velcro.
[Freddie] It's like a seat on a yacht, that, innit?
[Paddy] It is, innit?
And table.
That's for your dinner, okay?
And fridge,
Double gas hob, - Right.
You're sitting on the sink.
Want a bit of TV?
Portable projector and...
- Oh. - Ooh.
- Oh. - (Freddie claps)
Outstanding, sir.
Look at that.
[Freddie] Well done, Chris.
I'm actually impressed Chris.
That's 'cause it is impressive.
- Right, well, what's next? - Very nice.
Right, now's we've had the show and tell,
let's get on the road.
What do you mean get on the road?
I've just unpacked it.
Hook her up.
Hey, as we say in the world of caravanning, let's tour.
- Is that what they say? - Yep.
(upbeat rock music)
You know what, Paddy?
This Polestar really picks up when you put your foot down.
Staying at 50 is gonna be a bit of a challenge.
That's the thing with these caravans.
They're so light and nimble,
you don't even know you're towing 'em.
If you've got a Bailey Unicorn 4-Berther on the back,
you're all over the show,
but these, it's a dream.
To see if our caravans of the future really were
as go-anywhere as we reckoned,
we'd been told to head to a remote overnight camping spot,
high on the Northumberland moors.
That meant we had plenty of miles
to get to grips with our trusty electric steeds.
(intense dramatic music)
And one of the things that drives me mad about electric cars
is this incessant need to shake things up.
Let's do something different.
Why?
Why reinvent the wheel
when the wheel works perfectly fine on its own?
And that's why I like the EQC.
It doesn't have to scream and shout, this thing.
It's nice and simple
and it's all the better for it.
All right, the price isn't simple,
but 65 grand does buy you 400 horsepower,
you'll get to 60 in about five seconds
and with more torque than Fred's Polestar,
if you want, you can tow a bigger caravan.
And unlike the Polestar, you won't have to spend 20 minutes
explaining to people what it is.
Fair point.
But if you're after a badge that needs no introduction,
let's face it, other options are available.
(cool rock music)
Audi released its e-tron SUV a couple of years ago,
but this is the sport-back version.
A bit lower, a bit funkier looking,
and of course, a bit more expensive.
And as tested, this is a sniff under 90 grand.
That's a huge amount of money,
but then again, it's a lovely object.
The interior is gorgeous.
I love the screens, I love the layout, it looks great.
Your kids are gonna think
you're the coolest mum or dad out there.
Although not, perhaps, the quickest.
Like the other two, the e-tron has 400 horsepower,
but only when you put it in boost mode
which lasts for eight seconds.
The rest of the time you get about 350,
so, it's a bit down on punch.
Do you know what, lads?
Innit just nice to be out driving our electric cars
with our little, tiny, eco-friendly caravans
with the big wind turbines in the distance.
It doesn't get greener than this, boys.
(gentle sombre music)
[Freddie] It doesn't.
But if we're honest, it could get a bit cheaper.
I've gotta tell you, lads, this Mink is beautiful
But this one starts at 15 grand.
That is an expensive bed.
My Go-Pod's 15 grand and there's a bit more to it.
You can stand up in mine.
How much is that blow-up tent, Chris?
(Freddie laughs)
It's 20,000 pounds.
Sorry?
I thought you said the blow-up tent was 20,000 pounds.
But it's complicated and it's massive.
It does mean that I've got quite an expensive rig, though.
The truth is, we all had.
There's simply no denying that all electric,
go-anywhere caravanning is an expensive business.
So are these pricey pioneers really up to the job?
To start finding out, we were told
to make a quick detour off the beaten track for a test.
I'm gonna go have a look.
[Freddie] You getting it, Chris?
- Yeah. - Ah.
As designated reader, - (they laugh)
the one that can read, I'll read.
Time to see which of your caravans is best suited
- to the adventure lifestyle. - Yes.
With a hill climb.
- Hill. - Cars start at the bottom
- of the hill. - Yep.
You start at the top.
Cars start at the bottom, we start at the top.
How does that work?
How are we gonna get down?
(dramatic music)
[Chris] In a giant inflatable ball, obviously.
Oh, hey!
Hoopla!
Oh, god, let's get him in.
Get him in.
I'm stuck. (laughs)
(Freddie yells) (Chris laughs)
[Paddy] Shot in.
[Chris] It got him in.
(all laugh)
- I can see the head. - (all laugh)
- You're crowning. - It's a boy.
He's crowning, he's crowning.
[Chris] Yes,
because apparently adventurous lifestyle types go in
for this sort of thing,
with our cars waiting at the bottom
we'd now each take turns rolling down to meet them.
[Paddy] Best of luck to you.
Oh yeah, you mean that.
Three, two, one, go.
- (hard rock music) - Oh.
Bloomin' hell, what's going on here?
[Paddy] (laughs) Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, this is awful.
Jeez, oh.
- Where's the... - Oh my God, no.
(laughs) Look at the speed it's going.
No, thank you.
(Freddie babbling)
Whoa, whoa.
Is this meant to be fun?
(Paddy and Chris laugh)
- That's horrible. - Oh.
[Freddie] Who does this for fun? (speaking faintly)
This is the thing, getting out.
[Chris] Did I start the stopwatch?
- 52 seconds. - Did you start the stopwatch?
(Freddie groans) Is it still running?
Oh, I'm in mud.
[Chris] Ooh, he's out, he's out.
- Oh, he's out. - That's awful.
- He's gone. - He's a fair distance away.
He's going through the swamp.
- It's a fair distance, innit? - Look at him go.
Look at him go.
This is where he'll make his time up.
(thumping electronic music)
Here we go.
Here we go, we're off.
Bloomin' heck, let's get moving.
(intense synth music)
Oh, I've got a caravan on back, I forgot.
He's already going faster than he wants it to.
Yeah.
(Freddie breathes heavily)
Get up here.
Come on.
Come on, put your foot down.
- Here he comes. - Here he comes.
Come on.
Go, go, go.
I'm out of breath.
Come on, Fred.
Oh, thank God for that.
- 2:51.63. - Right.
- Oh, he's back. - Oh.
Minging.
[Chris] First of all, how do you feel?
Oh, tell you what,
it was awful.
- Is it? - Yeah.
Do you care what your time is?
- No. - No, I didn't think you did.
2:51.63, I think it's a strong time, actually.
Based on what?
On the fact that neither of us are gonna do it.
It looks like it's a winning time.
- Shut up, shut up. - (Paddy and Chris laugh)
I'm having a bad day, here, all right?
(they laugh) I'm having a bad day, right?
(Chris laughs)
But not quite as bad as McGuinness.
- Ooh. (laughs) - (Freddie claps)
- Oh, he's in. - Oh, yes.
Very slick.
I'd just like to commend you on your entry technique.
Tell you, he's not gonna like this
- at all. - No he's not.
- What you looking at? - What you doing?
- Why're you there? - Get back in.
That was enough for me.
Shush.
No, I already started feeling...
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Already started feeling a bit nauseous, lads.
- What? - No, I can't.
Anything, lads, but that.
What, genuinely you're not?
That's me Achilles heel.
Is there a punchline coming here?
No.
(gentle rock music)
[Chris] So it turns out tumbling downhill
with no control whatsoever is McGuinness' kryptonite.
But still keen to lay down a time with a flag in the ground
where Flintoff ended up to aim for,
we agreed he could start his run on foot.
[Freddie] Send him off.
On your marks, get set, go.
Chris, get out the way, get out the way, Chris.
I'm gonna take him.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no.
No.
[Freddie] Go on.
[Chris] Paddy, watch out!
[Freddie] Go on, go on, go on!
[Chris] Paddy!
[Freddie] Go on!
(dramatic music)
(Paddy screams)
(rubber squeaks)
- Oh my God. - (Freddie and Chris laugh)
You just ran him over with an orb.
- (Chris wheezes) - Look at him.
Well, he's down there in 33 seconds.
Well, he don't have to wear an harness or anything.
[Chris] I think this next stint
could be a bit longer though, watch this.
Oh, absolutely (beep).
- It's a bit boggy down there. - But it's 52 seconds.
- It took you ages to get out. - Oh, he's gone.
(upbeat jazz music)
(Paddy spits)
(laughs) He's absolutely done, he's done.
(Paddy panting)
Oh, God.
(energetic rock music)
(Paddy groaning)
Me lungs are on fire.
[Freddie] Here we go, now I'm worried about this caravan.
[Chris] Come on.
(china smashing) (metal clanging)
Oh, that was literally the worst thing ever.
Oh my God.
- Here we go. - He smashed this.
- He has smashed this. - He gonna.
(Paddy groaning)
Oh, thank God that's done.
He's beaten you by 40 seconds.
2 minutes 11.
(Paddy panting)
Oh, now we'll get the full,
- "I'm so tired." - He's gonna be hamming it up, here.
(Paddy panting)
- (Freddie clapping) - Brilliant, really good.
(Paddy panting)
That were like the most low rent version
of "Raiders of the Lost Ark" ever.
(Chris and Freddie laugh)
Let me tell ya.
I didn't appreciate that, lads.
So that is a result.
Sadly, you did it in 2 minutes, 11 seconds.
- 40 seconds quicker. - Quicker.
Great, I'm pleased about that.
- Yeah. - Any Daz?
(Freddie laughs)
If you put mine on a cold wash as well.
Literally, I couldn't speak all the way up in that car.
Well, that saves the viewers some pain, doesn't it?
Should get him running more then.
Yeah.
(dramatic rock music)
[Paddy] After my lightning run,
it was time for Harris in his Audi to give it a whirl.
- [Both] Ooh, hey! - (they laugh)
[Paddy] And having been so generous with my go.
Anyone got any Vaseline?
The least I could do for him There you go.
Was return the favour.
Now, Chris, because we want you to win,
we're gonna try and get you going a bit quicker.
So me and Fred'll probably stop pushing
(laughs) halfway down the hill.
You're such-why is he loving it so much?
I might even push you up the hill.
(Paddy and Freddie laugh) That might not work.
Do I have to do it?
Three, two, one, go.
(rock drums riff)
(Freddie laughs)
(angry rock music) (Freddie and Paddy laugh)
[Paddy] Oh, that's going at some, that.
(Chris groans)
Oh, no, he's not even stopping.
(Chris groans)
[Paddy] Oh, it's bouncing and everything.
[Freddie] Go on, keep going. (laughs)
(Paddy laughs)
Oh, please stop.
Please just stop, you horrible bastard.
(Chris groans)
[Freddie] This is the bit, now, where it took ages.
I tell you what, the speed we pushed him then,
he were down in about 20 seconds.
[Freddie] I know.
[Paddy] Oh, I saw an hand.
Oh, there he is, he's born again.
- Go on, Chrissy! - Go, Chrissy!
Oh, he's taking the easy route.
[Paddy] He's not going through the bog.
Come on, we've got this.
We've got this.
Look at him go.
- Like a little angry gazelle. - Doing really well, inne? - Yeah.
Seatbelt on, drive, come on Audi.
(intense music)
Vorsprung Durch flipping Technik.
This is going well, trailer's just about there.
So weird with the silence.
Come on, Audi.
I wonder if he's talking about the capabilities
- of the SUV. - Oh, he'll be saying nothing.
He might've done a review of the ball
when he were going down.
(Freddie chuckles) Lovely traction.
There's no way I'm losing to Flintoff.
I don't care about McGuinness, he's not even in the game.
[Freddie] Oh.
There we go. Good run.
Oh, here he is.
Here he is, well done, Chris.
[Paddy] He looks a little bit peaky.
You all right?
No, horrible.
Absolutely horrible.
You got some nice speed up down here.
Well, it was airborne,
largely 'cause you were still pushing it
- halfway down the slope. - I was doing you a favour,
I wanted you to get a good time.
You got two minutes, - Yeah.
43.44 - (Chris groans)
It's an annihilation.
But it's between you and me.
- You don't matter. - I think the victory is mine.
[Chris] Are you really claiming that?
I've had to run down the hill
and had a bloody ball roll over me, yeah I am claiming it.
Can we sort this out over a cup of tea?
Yeah.
Come on, let's go to the Go-Pod.
[Freddie] You gonna put the kettle on, Pad?
[Paddy] Yes I am.
(cheerful music)
(audience cheers)
Andrew Flintoff, that was some of your strongest work.
I could watch a replay of you wanging a large inflatable orb
at that over and over again.
Forget 2005 Ashes, one of your finest deliveries ever.
Never lose it, Chris.
But fair dues, Pad, you played the bouncer well.
- Thank you. - Got right underneath it,
hands out the way.
Textbook.
I had no choice really, did I?
But to be honest, I'd sooner be under it than in it.
Sounds wrong.
But enough about me being steamrollered by a giant ball,
let's get back to basics.
Chris Harris skidding around in a supercar.
- Yes. - (audience laughs)
(electricity hums) (electricity buzzes)
Say hello (lights click)
to the STO.
The 260,000 pound last hurrah
for Lamborghini's very successful Huracán supercar.
(mysterious synth music)
Now, as last hurrahs go,
it certainly looks like it's dressed for the occasion.
(electricity hisses)
But mingle around the room a bit,
(engine growls)
and you'll soon discover there are a couple of things
spoiling the leaving do.
(engine roars)
For starters, it appears to be completely stupid.
Not good stupid, stupid stupid.
(engine roars)
260,000 pounds is 50,000 more
than a standard four-wheel drive Huracán,
for which you get precisely no more power.
What you get instead is body work
that appears to have been scribbled on by a six-year-old.
You also get a jiggly ride, you can't see out the back
and there's nowhere to put your coffee.
And if you're thinking none of that matters
because this rear-wheel drive,
monstrously bewinged Lamborghini
is so clearly all about the track,
well, frankly, that is also a bit of a concern.
The truth is, this type of Lamborghini has been pretty ropey
around a circuit for quite some time now.
Yeah, there was plenty of noise and bluster,
but if you wanted a satisfying, precise, technical drive,
they weren't very good at all.
So, let's see if this STO really can
give the long serving Huracán a decent send-off.
(engine roars)
Woo hoo hoo!
(tyres screech)
(engine growls)
Takes about two minutes to realise
this is not the normal Lamborghini recipe.
They've done something quite different.
Normally they make them two-wheel drive,
whip the front drive shafts out and away you go
but for some reason, the steering never connects.
The car feels too spikey.
But this one just feels bang on.
(tyres screech) (engine roars)
What a machine.
(intense thumping music)
It just feels instinctive, intuitive.
I can just throw it around
and I know it isn't gonna just bite me
and cause me loads of grief.
Oh, I really like this car.
But it doesn't stop there
because when you're done throwing it around,
you realise that all that stuff
they've stuck to the back of the car
isn't just Lamborghini's usual,
overexcited approach to styling.
It is real aero.
That fin directs air more cleanly onto the rear wing.
So, we've got nearly half a tonne of downforce
at 175 miles an hour
through this fast section of Silverstone.
For a street car, you can really feel it.
It's impressive.
But not nearly as impressive as the free-breathing,
high revving, 5.2 litre V10 masterpiece
sat just over your shoulder.
(engine roars)
It is one of the stand-out engines.
It's as much a musical instrument as a form of propulsion.
(engine roars)
Wow.
In a world of turbochargers and hybrids
and electricity, I know it's a dinosaur, but
(engine roars)
what an engine.
An engine that now has less to haul than ever before
thanks to the STO's periodic table
of weight-saving upgrades.
(dark synth music)
There's a titanium roll cage, magnesium wheels,
the entire front end is a single piece of carbon fibre.
In fact, the STO is now 43 kilos lighter
than the previous stripped-out, circuit-ready Huracán,
(tyres screech) the Performante.
Put all of that together though,
and this next bit might come as a surprise.
Actually, even though it's got 640 horsepower,
weighs under 1400 kilograms,
in its category, the STO isn't that quick.
It gets monstered by a McLaren 765LT
and the GT3 Porsche, which is a lot less money,
is just as fast.
The truth is, among its faster or better value rivals,
the STO doesn't quite add up.
(light ethereal music)
But it doesn't matter
because driving's about more than numbers.
It's about sensations.
It's about the connection between this machine
and the fleshy lump in the middle of it.
And the STO is pure connection.
Everything about it is glorious,
from the way that it goes, the way that it stops,
all underscored by that glorious V10 behind me.
(engine hums)
As a way to bid farewell to the Huracán then,
the STO is the ultimate swansong.
This isn't just the best Huracán they've made,
it's the best Lamborghini in 15 years.
In fact, for me, to drive,
it's probably the best Lamborghini ever.
(tyres skid)
Woo hoo hoo!
(engine roars)
(Chris laughs)
Oh, this thing makes me feel properly alive.
(electricity chirps)
(audience cheers)
[Paddy] Proper.
Proper.
(audience drowns Paddy out)
- It's a good looking wheel. - Proper. Proper.
Chris, I've got to say you're waxing lyrical
about a car that says STD on the side.
- (audience laughs) - I hadn't spotted that.
That is unfortunate.
- That's what everyone says. - (audience laughs)
Look, I'm sure it's great to drive, but look at it.
Would you wanna be seen driving it?
It's just not you, this, is it?
Well, maybe it is, I don't know.
But I suppose the thing is,
it's so great to drive
you forget how much of a pillock you look driving it.
High praise indeed.
(audience laughs) And now it's time to return
to our electric cars in Northumberland,
where we were about to venture
where caravans have never ventured before.
(wistful music)
(uplifting rock music)
[Chris] It'd been a busy morning for our EVs
and after stopping to brim their hard working batteries,
we were all set for a busy afternoon as well
because having proven their adventure lifestyle credentials,
it was finally time for our pioneers
to head off the beaten track
towards our wilderness campsite.
[Freddie] We're getting away from it now, lads, aren't we?
Beautiful.
Or as they say where you live,
lovely stuff. (Paddy chuckles)
Lovely stuff.
You know what?
My kids have started saying it
and driving the missus mad.
(Paddy laughs)
[Chris] It's a Northern phrase
that can be deployed anywhere.
- Lovely stuff. - (Freddie chuckles)
(mid tempo funky music)
Gotta say, the old EQC and the Go-Pod,
they're handling these roads no problem.
Oh, so easy.
The only trouble with this car is the range.
It just drops like a stone.
I'll have to keep me eye on that.
(rock music)
Look at this boys, this is all-terrain caravanning.
See, and these roads as well.
If you tried them in a Compass Casita 868,
oh, you'd be laughed out of the caravan club.
Jeff's never seen this, has he?
Tell you what, it's a bit nerve wracking
when it's just fog and you can't see over the edges.
Mind the cows.
- (cow moos) - Oh my God, what the hell?
(Paddy chuckles)
Before long though, our road to nowhere brought us
to the perfect spot to set up shop.
What do you reckon, just here, Pad?
Flat as a pancake, get on that.
That should do us grand, Fred.
Welcome to our new home, hey?
- We need to unhitch. - Yep.
Put the horses over there and get the waggons down here.
(Freddie laughs) All right, lads.
Oh yes, the title of Britain's most remote caravan site.
Gonna be grand, this.
Was surely ours.
Straight into your horse's parking spot.
Lovely stuff.
But before we could bask in the tranquillity
of wild caravanning,
(nut gun clacking) (slow jaunty music)
there was of course the small matter.
Oh, God.
Of erecting the Opus.
Oh, dearie me, all of my stuff's covered in sheep poo.
- Here we go. - Hey.
There's the living room.
Come on, here's the cinema.
(they laugh)
- Whoa. - (tent thuds)
- Whoa. - (laughs) Oh.
[Chris] Dickhead.
- Oh dear. - How's that my fault?
Oh dear.
Oh dear, oh dear.
Ah, now, you've put your door facing the wind.
(Freddie laughs)
You should have had your door facing this way
into camp, where the fire is.
[Chris] Shut up, McGuinness.
Suddenly changes up here, doesn't it?
- Yeah. - Very chilly.
But with Harris's inflatable slowly taking shape.
- Oh, here he goes. - Oh.
- He's blowing her up. - Whey.
With the waggons fully circled at last.
- Are you done? - Just about, lads.
Final clip in.
The producers decided it was time for another test.
We've got a challenge, oh, thanks.
Which electric car has the spiciest performance?
To find out, time for some hot laps.
Really hot laps.
So it's just the cars, init?
Just the cars.
This is good, this,
'cause we can actually see what the cars will do
without their sport caravans on the back.
[Chris] Not entirely.
Because in danger of seeing us actually enjoy ourselves,
the producers had given this time trial
an eye-watering difference.
(dramatic music)
On a makeshift circuit around our foggy hilltop,
We'd now each take turns
driving five laps against the clock.
But for each lap completed,
we'd have to eat a chilli.
Starting at the shallow end with the humble jalapeño,
we'd climb the Scoville heat scale of chilli intensity
through bird's eye, Scotch bonnet and Red Savina habanero,
before finally reaching the world's hottest chilli,
the mighty Carolina Reaper.
The winner would be the one
to finish their five hot laps in the fastest time.
Or, more likely, whoever could go furthest
without calling for the cool bag,
a generous helping of milk
and yoghurt waiting in the footwell to ease the burn.
And before any of us could figure out
what any of that had to do with the future of caravanning,
I found myself at the wheel going first.
You two lads love a bit of spice, don't you?
Is it a jalopeno or a halapeno?
- 'Halapeno.' - It's halapeño, for you,
- Just an appetiser innit? - Child's play, child's play.
No it's not.
- Child's play. - I don't eat raw chillies.
Right - We ready, Chris?
[Freddie And Paddy] Three, two, one, go.
(mid tempo funk music)
[Paddy] He's not even put it in yet.
- He's savouring it, come on. - Get it in.
Oh, he's making light work of that.
It's a bit of a slow burner, that.
Oh, look at that.
Oh.
Well, that's done.
- (car thuds) - Oh, it didn't like that.
We can go straight through the chequered flags, Paddy,
and pass him the second one.
It's a bird's eye,
but it's not a captain's one, let me tell you.
Get it in you, son.
There's no breadcrumbs on that one.
No breadcrumbs on that.
- Oh, he's bit half of it off. - Oh, he's gone straight in.
How's it, Chris, how is it?
That's lively, Andrew.
Is it?
(Paddy wheezes)
That's lively. (Freddie laughs)
Get it down to nubbin.
[Freddie] Oh, look at that.
(Paddy groaning)
Have you seen the driving's changed slightly?
Bit more urgency.
[Freddie] Here we go, what we got, Pad?
- Oh, oh. - Scotch bonnet.
Now we're in uncharted waters now, Fred.
Get me glove on.
[Freddie] I'd put your specs on as well, Pad.
- That'll burn your eyes. - I will do, good shout, that.
Oh, as long as you're all right.
- Oh, look at that. - Oh, no, that's trouble.
That is trouble.
- Get it in. - That is trouble, Chris.
This is gonna hurt him.
- This is gonna hurt. - Oh, he's enjoying that.
No, he's not. (Freddie laughs)
[Paddy] Get that in you.
You've done that, Chris.
- Come on, son. - Come on, Chris.
Come on, Chris.
- Oh, Harris. - Oh he's down to nub.
Get back, come on, let's go.
Go on, son.
Oh, it's when you burp it back up.
- (Chris shouts) - Go on, Harris.
- Drive, Chris, drive. - (Freddie shouts indistinctly)
(Freddie laughs)
Are you ready?
Oh, it's red, Fred.
- What in the name - Keep going, Chris.
Of Satan's testicles is that?
That is Red Savina habanero.
[Freddie] That sounds hot.
- Oh, you (beep). - (Freddie laughs)
- Go on, Chris, get it in you. - What the hell is that?
- Get it in, yes, Chris. - He's only done it.
Keep driving, son.
This is impressive, let me tell you.
Hey, Fred, he's done it.
Got one left, Chris.
- I need that milk. - No, no, we don't need, no.
We're not at the finishing line.
(Chris coughing)
Get to the finish line. (laughs)
(Paddy cackles)
- Go on, Chris. - I can't talk.
(Paddy and Freddie laugh)
- Are you going again, Chris? - No, I need the milk.
I need the milk.
- Are you going again? - I need milk.
Give me that milk. (Paddy laughs)
Oh, he's off, he's off.
- (Paddy laughs) - Oh, Chris.
Very impressive. (laughs)
Oh, fantastic work, sir.
Oh, hey.
I can't get it, I can't get the burning away.
(wheezes) Do you want some yoghurt?
It feels like someone's lit a match in my mouth.
It's terrible.
"Milk!
Milk!"
I might give him this one.
(Freddie and Paddy laugh)
(Chris grunts)
Shall we go and start the fire?
Why don't we go and get the steaks on?
[Chris] I can't.
Do you want Tabasco on your steak?
Why are we doing this?
- [Freddie] Caravanning. - (Paddy wheezes)
What's it got to do with...
I'll tell you what though.
(Chris groans) Oh no.
You've set a good precedent though.
What's his time?
I've reset it but it was 5:25.
Good work, Chris.
Fair play to him.
With four hot laps done in under five and a half minutes,
once Harris had cooled off,
McGuinness had his work cut out.
[Freddie] Look at the face on him.
- Oh God. - Do you like your spice?
No I do-I am chicken korma man in curry house.
[Freddie] You're in trouble.
Savour it, it could be a flavour experience that you love.
I won't love it.
Are we ready?
- I'm stressed. - Three, two, one, go.
(thumping synth music)
Oh, he's in it.
Oh, keep your eyes on the road, Pad.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa whoa.
Whoa, whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa. (Paddy chokes)
Oh, he's gone.
He's hurting, look, Pad.
(Paddy grunts)
Keep going.
You have to stop on the line, Pad.
Oh, I'm gonna have to slow it down a bit here now.
Oh, oh, oh, he's going.
Oh, come on.
Bite it, just the stem, just the stem.
What's he-you can't spit it out.
- No, whoa. - No, no.
- I'm eating it. - Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Eat it! - It was a seed!
- Eat it! - Whoa, whoa.
It was a-you don't eat watermelon seeds, do you?
Why should I start eating these seeds?
- Get it down. - Eat the chilli, man.
Eat-oh.
I have eaten the chilli!
[Chris] You're not eating- the seeds are the hot bit!
[Freddie] Come on, go.
(Chris and Freddie shout)
- Come on. - That all right?
I'll give you that, I'll give you that.
There we go, one down.
Second chilli, Paddy, it's a bird's eye.
Where am I going?
I don't even know where I'm going.
Has it got to your eyes?
Eat, eat, just get it in now while you're burning.
It won't get any worse, just get it in.
Go on.
- To the right, to the right. - Hold on.
Come on.
(Paddy burps) Oh, oh, oh.
Oh.
[Freddie] What's up?
(Paddy shouts) (Freddie laughs)
- (Paddy exclaims) - Steer, steer.
Ah!
[Freddie] Eat it.
- Where am I? - Eat it.
Left, left, left.
(Paddy groaning) Left.
- Lads. - Eat the chilli.
That can't go in.
(Chris laughs)
That is like the sun in me mouth.
(Chris wheezes)
Give us the things, quick.
Here you are, Pad, open up. (laughs)
(Paddy spits) (Freddie laughs)
- You stupid bastard. - What've you done? (laughs)
You're milking it now, Pad.
- You're milking it. - You prick.
(Freddie laughs)
I really wasn't.
But I will admit this time,
I was definitely out.
(milk gargling)
and that meant once I'd recovered,
the pressure was all on the world's most competitive man.
Now, listen, what's that top one called, Harris?
That's called the Carolina Reaper.
If you don't suck that
down your lovely neck, - Shut up.
There's something wrong with you.
With the day you've had, pipe down.
Walk the walk, talk the talk.
Three, two, one, go.
(powerful rock music)
- There's the jalapeño. - Get that in.
- There's the nub. - He's done that.
Fred, Fred, Fred, just don't crash.
It'd be a shame if you ate your chillies and then killed us.
Give him the bird's eye, Christopher.
Pass it over.
- Is he in? - Yep, one mouthful.
Oh, he's nailed that.
He's smashed that.
I'm with big lads now, I'm with heavyweights here.
Now we're moving on, Andrew, to the Scotch bonnet.
Oh, get it in you.
Here he goes.
He's just smashed it.
Get it down to nub, Flintoff.
Here you go.
Oh, blooming heck.
- Blooming heck. - Here we go now.
[Freddie] Blooming heck.
- Here we go. - Blooming heck.
Oh, my stomach hurts.
You're nearly up to Harris level now, Fred.
Blooming heck.
I should've just put it straight in me undies
and cut the middle man out.
(all giggle)
[Chris] Gonna go for a habanero?
Am I?
- Get it in there. - Oh, oh.
[Chris] I think we might be seeing a Reaper
- at the end of this. - Whoa.
I think you might be seeing a lot at the end of this.
Get it in you, Flintoff.
Is he down to nub?
- Whoa. - Oh my word.
This man's made of asbestos!
(they all laugh)
I've never seen anything like it.
(Freddie coughs)
Right, come on.
Last lap, Fred.
Get the Reaper out, Christopher.
Are you gonna go for it?
- I'm in trouble. - Get it in.
- Are you gonna go for it? - Get it in.
- He's gonna do it. - Come on, Flintoff.
- He's gonna do it. - Lap five, let's do it, Fred.
Get the Reaper in.
I'm in trouble.
Get it in. (Chris and Paddy laugh)
[Chris] Oh, no.
Get it in.
[Chris] Fred, I defer to you.
[Paddy] Come on, get that rest of it in.
- He has eaten it. - Take that off me.
- He's eaten that. - Munch it in.
Good time, Fred.
- I'm in trouble. - (laughs) He's in trouble.
Has he swallowed it, Chris?
Check his mouth.
- Check his mouth. - No, he's eaten that.
- He's eaten that. - I'm in trouble, lads.
I don't even drink milk.
- Oh. - Where's he gone?
(dramatic music)
(Paddy laughs)
- Oh, good time. - Do you want milk?
- Get some water.
Do you want milk?
Do you want yoghurt? (laughs)
- Pour it in. - (Chris strains)
Where are me glasses?
(Paddy laughs)
(Chris laughs)
(Freddie gurgles)
Fred, the yogurt's the best.
The yogurt's better. (Paddy laughs)
[Paddy] Now that, ladies and gentlemen,
is what a winner looks like.
(Paddy laughs) (Chris laughs)
(fire crackles)
Oh, eh?
This is nice, innit?
We've earned this.
- We have earned this. - Well, two of us have.
But, do you know?
Yeah, come on, come on.
I've done a bird's eye chilli for you
and whatever the other one, jalapeño.
He was sneaky, the captain
Oh, the captain sneaks up on you.
(Freddie laughs)
I didn't think he was gonna go for the last one.
I am staggered he did the Reaper.
[Freddie] That was horrendous.
It looked like you had a seizure at the end.
(Freddie chuckles)
[Paddy] I was like, what is going on?
Would you rather eat a California Reaper
or go on a two-week camping holiday in the Mink
with just Paddy McGuinness?
[Paddy] See, you've put him in a dilemma there.
I am, aren't I?
- Two tricky ones. - Is Paddy staying with me?
Yeah, he's in there with you.
I'll top and tail.
I won't sleep directly at the side of you.
Paddy, I wanna say you
but there's not enough of them chillies in the world
to put me off. (Chris laughs)
Imagine staying in there with him.
I've gotta be honest,
after he's eaten that Reaper,
I wouldn't wanna do one night in there with him.
(Chris and Freddie laugh)
Go on, get a steak on.
Get it on, Chris.
Ooh, lovely.
Stuff. (Chris and Paddy laugh)
(birds chirp)
[Paddy] The next morning, we awoke
to find the fog had lifted
and we could bathe in the beauty
of the Northumberland moors.
- Right, you do him, I'll do me. - Go on, go on.
- Oh, it's cold. - Get in.
Come back, you're the loofah.
- It's cold. - Get the loofah in here.
We need a sponge.
And once we'd updated the guide to caravan etiquette
with a new entry under ablutions.
No.
No, that's Fairy Liquid. (Paddy laughs)
It's getting in my eyes.
All squeaky clean again,
we were just starting to break camp.
That's better now, minty fresh, lads.
When Flintoff discovered we'd been left a little present.
[Fred] There's a card here, Pad, do you wanna get it?
Challenge.
- Congratulations. - Thank you.
You have proven that your electric cars
and caravans can get off the beaten track.
But can they get back on it?
With whatever charge you have left,
you will now drive a hundred miles
over England's highest road, Harthope Moss,
with the winner the first to arrive
at one of the country's top motoring destinations.
What racetrack's round there?
Barnard Castle.
Let's pack up.
- Come on then. - Get the horses on the road.
(dark rock music)
[Chris] Right, because any self-respecting tow car
really should get you both to and from your destination,
our final test would be range.
We'd all fully charged our batteries the day before,
and would now use whatever we had left
to drive a hundred miles up
and over the country's highest road.
[Paddy] Barnard Castle, here we come.
[Chris] This would be the future
of caravanning's biggest test yet.
And unfortunately for McGuinness,
it looked like it had already claimed its first scalp.
Maths wasn't me strong point at school
but even I can figure out that 49 miles range
and trying to do a hundred miles distance isn't gonna work.
I really like this EQC but there's no way,
no way am I gonna get to Barnard Castle,
glasses on or glasses off.
I'll be lucky if I get to the end of this road.
[Chris] What's your range, Pad?
48 miles.
73, here.
Fred?
[Freddie] 120.
He's still on the hundreds, this lad.
That's one of the things about the Polestar 2.
The range seems to be good.
I've got the regen on,
so every time I take me foot off the accelerator,
it puts a bit of charge back into the battery.
But the big question is the Mink on the back.
Harris, he'll be pulling all the tricks of the trade,
he'll be regenning down the hill.
He'll have a strategy,
I'm just gonna drive.
[Sat Nav] Where would you like to go?
Barnard Castle.
[Sat Nav] Starting route guidance.
Ooh, there you go.
Saying it's 98 miles and I've got a line
that tells me whether I'm gonna get close.
I'm gonna let the computer help me out here.
Lovely downhill sections,
the big green charge indicator is on.
I'm adding miles now.
[Paddy] Hot off the press, boys.
I'm now on 39 miles.
What is wrong with that car?
[Paddy] This has been happening since I first got in it.
Probably getting you back for spraying it in milk.
- That were you. - It came out your mouth.
It had nowhere else go, Fred,
with the level of force you pushed into it.
This is not a conversation to join late.
(Freddie laughs)
(hard rock music)
Paddy's vengeful EQC aside,
we'd had a decent run down off the hill
and were soon back onto the main road.
But while Flintoff was sitting pretty in his Polestar,
it was quickly becoming clear that I wasn't.
So it says I've got 75 miles to go,
I've got 66 miles of range.
Hmm.
Why is it not giving me any regen there?
Coasting, I'd have thought
it would've given me some regeneration there.
What's going on here?
Regenerative braking is very clever
but there was just no way
my heavily laden e-tron would claw back enough miles
to reach the finish line.
I'm going in here.
I needed a solution.
I'm dumping the trailer.
This is the way forward.
Right, let's do this quick.
(thrilling music) (lever squeaks)
Woo woo!
Oh, this is a joy,
it feels like I've got another hundred horsepower.
Let's see what happens now, boys.
I'm now on 26 miles and I'm not even at the halfway point.
Is it just me now?
Paddy's gone.
I can't see Harris's horrible red Audi in me rear-view.
He's up to something.
Oh, 62 miles.
This is joyous.
Read the small print.
So if you read the small print,
it said nothing about having to turn up
to Barnard Castle with my trailer.
So what I can do, hopefully, is just stay behind Fred
until the very last minute
and then just overtake him before I get to Barnard Castle.
Yes.
And soon, catching up to the back of the Mink,
it was time to give Flintoff the good news.
Hello, Andrew.
Ugh, here we go.
Chris, have you taken your trailer off?
I thought you were better than that.
What part of the rules said you had
to arrive at Barnard castle with a caravan?
Chris, it's a caravanning week.
Everything we've done has been to do with caravanning
and now you've gone and done this.
What I like is the grim inevitability of this for you now,
'cause I'm just gonna follow you
and at some point you know I'm gonna pop out
and just execute the overtake.
I'd sooner eat another one of them chillies
than listen to this.
(mid tempo jazz music)
[Chris] Where's Paddy?
[Freddie] Took a left hand turn about three miles back.
Down to seven miles range now
and a tortoise has appeared on my speedometer.
I'm now officially in limp mode.
You know things are bad when you're getting taken over
by an old Toyota Yaris.
Wow.
Actually, let's just see what happens
when we run the clock down to zero.
See where we get to.
It'd be nice to see Barnard Castle, though,
but anyhow, there we go.
Back in the actual race,
with miles clocking up
and the cheating git waiting to pounce,
my unshakable Polestar was beginning to feel the pressure.
This caravan's making all the difference.
38 miles to go, 40 miles of range.
This is gonna be tight.
Oh, it's just slowing down now,
the car's juttering away.
It's a very similar feeling to when you run out of petrol
or diesel in your regular kind of car.
Foot's pinned and nothing's happening.
Oh well, there we go.
That's that.
(suspenseful music)
[Chris] Up ahead though, with 22 miles to go,
our little tortoise and hare race
had reached the foot of Harthope Moss.
Climbing a thousand feet in just two and a half miles,
the highest road in England is an electric car killer.
Ugh, 20.
20 mile range.
And how steep this is, I do not need this.
Oh blimey, look all the way up there, Fred.
Oh, it's now saying reduced power
due to low battery charge.
Three's a tortoise popped up on me screen.
(Chris laughs)
All me and the Polestar could do was keep limping forward
and hope we get over the top.
Oh my word.
It does come to something
when you're in a car that costs 90,000 pounds
and you see a hill and it strikes the fear of God into you.
It does slightly defeat the object.
This has gotta be the top, hasn't it?
It's gotta be the top.
(Chris laughs)
I never knew range anxiety could be so funny.
The big hill had been a hammer blow
for the Polestar's battery.
Oh my word, I've got five left.
Regen, regen.
And of course the Audi
and I had been effortlessly cruising along in its wake.
It's saying I've got 19 miles to go and 37 miles of range.
Oh.
I'm pleased for you.
And that meant that all that remained now was
to plot out the last stage of the road to victory.
The nature of the overtake is everything.
Needs to be quick, dignified, no gloating.
It's just a pop out, in, done.
The way Lewis does it.
Lewis is superb at it.
He just lines them up and then just delivers.
That's what I'm aiming to do.
And sure enough, a few more miles down the road,
the time came to strike.
Chris, I've got no range.
Zero range.
You on zero?
I'm on 0%, zero range
and it's flashed up on me screen saying empty battery,
plug it-oh, you absolute nob.
Oh well done, Chris.
(Chris laughs) That's a good friend, that.
If I break down, you just disappear, thanks mate.
And with that, ladies and gentlemen, we had our result.
Right, Barnard Castle, win,
tea, cakes, medals, gloating.
(exciting music)
Although it must be said,
claiming victory in the trailerless Audi did reveal a bit
of a flaw in our grand vision for the future of caravanning.
Barnard Castle.
There we go, boys.
Because it turns out an electric car
can certainly get you and your van
wherever you might want to go,
it just might not quite
[Freddie] Come on.
[Chris] get you back again.
Come on.
(car horns beep)
Well come past then, what do you want me to do?
I'm doing four mile an hour.
(audience cheers)
What you doing?
[Paddy] Oh, dear, dear me.
Okay, victory to Harris, the Audi and of course the Opus.
Chris, there was no Opus.
You went on a caravanning trip
and you didn't finish with your caravan.
That's an immediate disqualification.
RTQ Fred, read the question.
Didn't say anything about finishing with your caravan.
Chris, the entire film is about towing a caravan.
You, young man, are a bad sport and a cheat.
Paddy, I never thought I'd say this.
You are a gentleman of honour.
Steady on, steady on, mate.
Compared to you, he is.
- Back me up Pad, back me up. - Thank you, thank you.
Chris, as us caravanners say,
you never ditch your hitch, son.
I'm giving the victory to Flintoff.
- Thank you. - Get in, get in.
(audience cheer) Get in.
- You cheated. - Robbed.
You drove behind me, you ditched me.
- Robbed. - You cheated.
- Robbed. - Thank you.
Oh dear.
Okay, and on that shock result,
little electric joke there,
we must end the show.
We'll be back next week with a big adventure in Iceland
and Fred's embracing his American side.
You're not giving us a yee-ha there?
Yee-ha.
Thank you.
(audience laughs) (Chris laughs)
See you then, goodnight.
(sunny rock music)