End of the year class trip!
Van-cou-ver! Van-cou-ver!
- Van-cou-ver! - Denise, chant it!
- Vancouver. - Yeah!
Denise getting litty. What's next, mama?
You gonna hop outta that thing and give us a hug?
Crack that smile, Denise.
Denise, crack that smile.
Ha ha, yeah! Denise letting loose!
Oh, my gosh. I'm so excited for this five-hour bus ride.
Just enough time to watch one and a half "John Wicks."
- Nice. - You think we'll each get
individual little cup holders and foot rests?
It seems like a pretty up-to-standard bus.
- I'm sure they will. - Yeah. It's North whatever.
How can you get much better than that?
You know, I've always wanted to go to the Vancouver Aquarium.
There's a seal I follow on social media named Hashbrown.
Uh, this has been Peter coming at us with straight facts.
You guys, check this out.
- It's real. - Aw, that's great, Chad.
- You got your passport. - Yeah, so exciting.
I'm finally a USA citizen.
Hey, do you mind tossing this in your man-pouch for me
- and protecting it with your life? - Oh, absolutely. That's what it's for.
Okay. So, seating arrangement.
What are we thinking? Me, Peter, and then
Denise across the aisle, or me, Peter,
and Denise in, like, more of a women's section
that's not really near us?
I am honestly open to either.
Well, you and I are sharing a hotel room.
Let me have the bus ride with Denise.
Okay, and off that thought, there's also this idea...
I'll Rochambeau you for Peter.
- Fine. - Thank you.
Two out of three.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
I won! I won the game!
Okay, that was fun, but I'm still sitting next to Peter.
Wait, what? No, that's not fair.
Peter, say something... she's not respecting Rochambeau!
Come on, Chad. What did we say about
you sometimes being the bigger person?
That I struggle with it.
Why don't you just sit next to the girl
you've had a crush on all year?
She's right there.
Mona.
Sorry.
Oh, I'm actually trying to get over there.
Sorry, guys.
It's hard to tell who's sitting where.
Yeah.
Sorry. Sorry.
Ugh! Sorry. Ugh.
Oh, shoot.
Took me a sec to get here.
Very smooth.
- Synced and corrected by naFraC - - www.addic7ed.com -
Okay, this line says that you will live a long life.
And this line says
you will have lots of money... good for you!
Oh, sweet!
Does it ballpark my net worth?
Or, I mean, are, like, we talking millions or billions?
It does not get that detailed.
Oh, my God, look.
Oh, my gosh.
Who sleeps like that? What a dumbass.
You want to go first?
Oh, my God. You criminal.
Oh! I was so close.
Your turn.
I don't know if I can do this.
- Nice shot. - Okay. One more time.
- Get it in this time. - Okay.
Wait, what if I do get it in
and he violently chokes to death?
Then I guess you and I will share a dark secret for life
and be tied together forever.
Not mad at that.
- Oh! - Negah Nakon.
- Negah nemikonam. - Alon beedar misheh!
- Oh, my God. - Oh, God.
Holy shit.
Oh, my God!
Peter!
- Two beds! - Wow.
Do you want to switch in the middle of the night,
or should we just pick one and stick with it?
- Um, I... I mean... - We can decide that later.
- Yeah. - Do you like the decor?
Oh, my gosh, I love the decor.
A hybrid leather and wood headboard?!
How cool is Vancouver?
- Oh, my God. - The coolest!
Peter, look... a chaise lounge.
Is that a chaise lounge or a regular chair?
It looks like a chaise lounge.
I'm gonna sit in here and think about ideas.
I love it!
This is so awesome! Oh, my God!
- Peter... art! - That... That's... By definition, that's art.
God damn it, I really feel like they upgraded us.
I mean, you're really charming, so there's a strong possibility.
I actually think we have the best floor.
A lot of kids from the trip are on this floor.
And we also have an ice machine,
- and also Mona's on this floor. - Yeah, I saw you two.
You guys looked like you were having a lot of fun on the bus.
Yep, that girl really cracks my ass up.
I-I never knew girls could be funny.
No one told me.
- Not one person. - Well, that's great for you.
I'm glad... I'm glad to see that you're growing.
I know. I... I really like her.
Mm. I hope it works out for you.
That's what's so exciting about this trip.
No parents, just two teenagers flourishing.
Oh, my God! Peter, look at this.
$48 quesadilla?
Must be a really good quesadilla.
And turn down service?
- Turn down for what! - Oh.
- Oh, yeah, let's jump on the bed. - Oh, my gosh.
Yeah. I already am.
We! Run! Vancouver!
- Whoo! - I'm not allowed to do this at home.
- Hey, Peter. - Yeah?
You wanna walk down the hall with me and look at Mona's door?
- Um... - Let's go!
I'm pretty nervous, but I think I'm gonna just
ride our bus momentum right into the aquarium.
Who knows. This could be my last night as a single man.
Just don't get in your head, buddy.
Talk about common interests and listen.
Remember, with girls, sometimes you ask them a question.
- Are you sure? - Yeah.
It's respectful, and that's how you get to know someone.
Girls love that.
Alright.
Well, I'll strongly consider it.
There it is.
My God, she's fully living in there the next two days.
Hmm. She told you this was her room?
Yup. 221.
So insane.
Hmm.
Do you think she's looked at our door?
Probably.
She probably already has, huh?
Okay, guys, we're gonna split into two groups...
ones and twos.
If you're a one, you're tide pools.
If you're two, penguins. Starting here.
One, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two...
Switch with me!
- One, two. - Wait, no, switch back, switch back!
- One. - Two.
- One. - So I'm two.
You're a one, Chad.
Chad's a one, everyone!
Great. Two.
One.
- Two. - Peter, what number are you?
- I'm a one. - Denise, what about you?
- I'm also a one. - Damn it!
I'm... I'm gonna have to switch with someone, you guys.
Mona's a two. I won't get to see her the rest of the day.
You know what? Eff it.
Don't tell anyone, but I'm gonna go with the twos.
Whoa, what? O-Okay.
I-I didn't hear anything.
I mean, like, holy shit, Chad.
This is... You're taking a huge risk with this.
Yeah, I'm just gonna go ahead and blend with the twos.
Twos in the house!
Two crew!
Two-ty two, two!
So, tell me more, hmm.
The less obvious stuff.
Who is Chad?
Well... love that question.
Been waiting 15 years for someone to ask me that.
Uh, I love memes.
I'm into deepfakes.
- I love chocolate milk. - Me too.
- You do? - Yes.
It's delicious, right?
It is a classic.
That's right.
Uh, what else? Let's see.
Oh, I consider myself to be pre-famous,
if that makes sense to you.
So, congratulations on knowing me when.
- Okay. - Mm-hmm.
And what is your favorite food?
Oh, easy. Preservatives.
- Stop. - Did you just push me?
- I did. - Is that all you got?
- It is not. - Whoa!
Wow. You're strong.
Chad, remember, with girls,
sometimes you ask them a question.
And what about you?
What is some thoughts that are on your mind,
as a girl who has thoughts?
Well, for instance, right now...
Mm-hmm.
... I was just thinking about how you look like
that brown little puffer fish with the cute eyes.
That one?
The one that's like...
I think he's cute.
You're cute, you little dummy.
Chad.
Yes?
What are you doing?
Just hanging out.
Looking at fish.
Can I... Can I BRB right back real quick?
- What? - Okay, don't move.
And please don't talk to anyone. I'll be right back.
Peter! Peter!
Peter! I did it! I did...
Aah!
Oh, my God, I did the questions thing and it worked.
I think Mona wants to kiss me.
What do I do? Tell me everything, go.
Chad, go be with her. What are you doing here?
I just...
Do you think I'll be a good kisser?
Yeah, I do.
Denise, you're obviously a girl, by all accounts.
What do you think... me, as a kisser?
Be honest. Be brutally honest.
- Probably fine. - Thank you.
This is the day we've been waiting for, buddy.
I'm proud of you.
I-I'm proud of all of us!
I'm proud of you, too. Screw it.
Frickin' proud of you, too, little D.
- I love you. - Okay.
Oh, my gosh. Thank you, guys. Thank you so much!
Thank you, Denise, for saying I'll probably be a good kisser!
What's that doing in there?
I like holding your hand.
I like you.
I like you, too.
Oh, why exactly, in words?
See, that.
Every time I think I have you figured out,
you surprise me with some new, funny weirdness.
You are the least boring person I have ever known.
I am?
I don't know what to tell you.
I just like you.
And your little fish face.
Okay.
I have an idea.
Do you wanna share the ride home together
and maybe briefly unpack
and then maybe spend the entire rest of the summer hanging out?
I'm going back to Paris.
Wait...
What? When?
Um, straight from here.
I'm leaving tomorrow.
I'm spending the summer with my cousins in Montmarte.
Wait, sorry, you're going to Paris tomorrow?
Hey! We've been looking for you.
Come on. Vamoose.
Wait.
Are you...
Are you saying I'm not gonna see you the whole summer?
Come on.
We still have tonight, no?
Let's make the most of it.
Yeah, for sure.
Wait, Chad, you're a one. Did you make yourself a two?
This... Okay, this is what I'm ta...
The whole system's off,
and I've been working on this for months.
Months?
She's going to freaking France for the whole summer.
Straight from Vancouver,
like some kind of jet-setting European widow.
Wow. She's so international.
I have one last night with her to make a lasting impression.
I really gotta lock things down before she goes.
What are you gonna do?
Well, she's totally convinced
I look like this dumbass fish from the aquarium.
She's wrong, and I do not look like the fish.
I'm literally so much hotter than him.
But I found a little stuffed fish that looks like it
at the gift shop, so I think I'm gonna give her
a framed picture of my face with that.
Do you think that's maybe
the best idea in the world, do you think?
I love it. It's like a nice little inside joke you guys have together.
Exactly.
- You think you'll finally kiss her? - Yep.
I'm gonna grab her little head and I'm gonna kiss it
and I'm gonna keep kissing it, no matter what.
Well, no, she needs to be okay with it.
- There has to be consent. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Consent. Of course. No, I'm definitely gonna do consent.
Chad, what is going on with this ice?
It's free.
_
Holy shit.
Gotcha.
Help!
Help! A child is dying!
Aah!
Hello?!
Open! The! Door!
I'm stuck!
What day is it?
Hmm?
No!
Come on!
Ma'am, where's the girl who lives here?
Uh, g-girl in this room. French. You know...
Check out. Nobody's here.
What? Are you sure?
Did... Did you check under the bed?
- She's very small. - No girl.
No.
Shit! Shit! Shit!
Oh, honey, you...
you can't spend the whole summer in your room.
Why not? I've been dick deep in mistakes,
and I deserve to suffer.
Why don't you check in with Mona?
Maybe write her a letter?
Write her a letter?
W-What am I, some kind of medieval sex pervert?
Okay, you could send her a little Facebook message?
My God, no one uses that anymore!
You don't know what you're talking about!
Okay. Just call her.
- Tell her how you feel. - Mom, it's over.
My heart died that night in a hotel business center.
Chad...
I understand what you're going through
because I was standing in the doorway listening carefully
to the private conversation you just had,
and you are dead-ass wrong.
It's not over with you and Mona.
W-Why not?
How do you know it's not?
He needs hope. Tell him.
- Tell him what? - Yeah, tell him what?
Boise, Idaho. Summer of '05.
Oh. Uh, wow. Alright.
- In the summer... - In the summer of '05,
your parents made love in Boise, Idaho...
- Hamid. - ... because... sorry.
Your dad and I broke up, full stop.
We were dating, and it wasn't really working out.
- So I broke up with him. - Oh, God.
Were you just hormonal
or just fully lost your mind or something?
N-No.
Why would you do such a thing?
We were having problems, Chad.
He was in Iran, I was living in the States.
He wasn't prioritizing our relationship.
He was pretty absent.
Gosh, poor guy.
- Well, then what? - Then I ended it.
But the next day, he was standing outside my door.
He came from Tehran to Boise, Idaho,
where I was working on my thesis.
Dad just showed up, like, out of nowhere
'cause he loved you?
Yeah. It was so sweet.
But the point is, Chad,
you never know when the story's gonna end.
Sometimes you think it's over,
and honey, it hasn't even begun.
Now tell him the fun part.
I don't think that's really necessary, Hamid.
Tell him. I'm dying. I'm dying, too.
- Tell him. - Okay.
Uh, well...
that was the trip where you were conceived.
They made you.
God damn it. Ew.
But also, whoa.
Pretty sick origin story for me.
Mm-hmm.
Just be patient, Chad.
Summer's only three months long.
You'll see Mona again.
Alright, here's what's gonna happen.
Hamid's gonna cry and miss me and Mom's gonna lose her shit.
Especially when she finds out I used
all of her airline miles and credit card points.
I need you to be their rock and remind them
I'm not dead, I'm just in Paris.
Do you think I'm doing the right thing?
Honestly, no.
But it is pretty badass.
It's pretty badass, huh?
Very badass.
Thanks for the ride, Mohsen.
Please don't tell anyone about this.
Thank you so much.
It's for your own safety.
- I love you! - God damn it, I love you, man.
I'll buy you some time with Mom.
Thanks, Niki.
I really appreciate it.
We... We should really have each other's backs more often.
It just never even dawned on me that's an option.
Yeah. It's nice.
Have fun.
Good luck.
Oh, N-Niki, what is a layover?
- I have five of them. - What?
Suivant!
Shit!
My God.
Passport?
Passport.
It's in here somewhere.
Oh, here it is.
What is your nationality?
Thanks for asking.
I'm American.
Oh!
Oh. Sorry.
Sorry.
Does anybody know where is a car?
Sorry.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
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